almost home

which do you prefer?

2009-07-13T13:11:00.002-05:00

phew.

2009-07-09T20:27:00.003-05:00

what a week.

and i am ready for/needing this:

home

2009-07-08T21:14:00.006-05:00

click below for

homeward bound

by simon and garfunkel

growing up i called home texas.

slowly jersey crept into my heart and became home.

so now i've found that i am "home," so to speak, and yet my heart is somewhere else.

i feel nourished by the sea and the sun and the sand. the smell of this concoction sends peace to my soul and replenishes a part of me that has been dormant for a while. my senses seem alive and alert to the sensations of the sea. it's almost a romantic experience for me. even the sea gulls seem less annoying. the ocean soothes my legs and heart, and the sun kisses my cheeks. i feel like the grinch who's just felt his heart grow three sizes as i sit and listen to the sea melt into the sand. it's a sensation that cannot be recreated by some relaxation cd or imitation candle. home. (as as side note, the weather is phenomenal, perfect, ideal. i can breath again and feel moisture.)

but why does "home" seem not home-ish?

over the course of the year we've been in oklahoma, i've been asked if i believe hubby and i have grown closer being away from my family.

i've tossed this question over and over in my mind, and can honestly answer with a emphatic, "no." this is not to say that we are not closer, because we definitely are, but the reason isn't proximity (or lack thereof) to my/his family, rather one resounding fact... he is home.

all during our dating, newlywed, and married phases, we've been accustomed to separation. really, he would be gone for approximately five months out of the year, if you were to combine the time, and that is/was ok. truly. it was his job, and i am strong. i've been able to wrestle those difficult first six weeks after childbirth by myself. i've mowed the lawn, shoveled the driveway, and even packed and sold a house (even though it backfired, but we are still very blessed to have good renters!) i've had to make executive decisions that i preferred not to make. (and will be the first to admit, they aren't always the best decisions!) but, with many prayers i have been able to lean on my savior to pull strength and courage from places i didn't know existed. it was what i had to do, for my children, our house, our marriage. somehow i could square my shoulders, as my mama taught me, and do what had to be done. i have the honor and responsibility of a military wife and a woman. i write these things not to glorify in myself, but to give you insight to our marriage and to me and to show you how having him home has changed the whole dynamics of our relationship, of home.

i no longer have to be the fighter pilot.

we're a team.

he's home every day.

trust me, it took some getting used to. we both had to make compromises about raising our boys, household affairs and communication. he's around for the boys. they no longer wonder when he will return, or if he's on a long trip or short trip or will be gone for a really long time. what's more important, he's there for me. i've learned to depend on him and ask him for help when needed (which is not easy for me to do). he's a part of me, and who i am. never did this appear stronger to me then on the trek as i watched him walk from me to the handcart and never once showing irritation in the task. he's truly been my saving grace this pregnancy and has taken care of our children and home as i struggled with nausea and school and guilt at being so helpless.

he is my love,

and wherever he is, there is home.

even if he's not the shore.

under the boardwalk

2009-07-08T16:30:00.003-05:00

click here to listen to the song.

long ride home

2009-07-07T17:05:00.004-05:00

how do you entertain yourself and/or children while taking a long car ride?

i played the license plate game. yes, i was the only one who could read and drive, but it takes a person with my great ability to read license plates, watch the road, and mark each state at the same time.

thank goodness for cruise control!

jdub watched a plethora of movies in between harassing his brother...

and chum colored his crocs, arms, legs...

whatever works!

has it been 10 days?

2009-07-06T20:28:00.005-05:00

oops...

well, to catch you up, my very, very good friend came to visit for a couple days. i don't think i've laughed so much and so hard in a while!

i'm now in jersey after a 3 day drive with the boys.

i mean after a 15 mile walk, it should've been cake, right?

yeah, not so much!

but all in all, we survived.

they're good boys.

and...

tomorrow we should be going down the shore.

go ahead, be jealous!

in a galaxy far, far away...

2009-06-25T12:48:00.007-05:00

we surprised daddy for his birthday weekend and took him to oklahoma city. the boys gave him a wallet (jdub's idea) and inside the wallet were gift cards to all the various places we were to go to. (tgi fridays, bass pro shop, cash for the indian festival, best buy, amc movie theater and a hotel key)

the best part was his parents were able to make it down and stay the weekend with us. the boys were in 7th heaven, especially since the hotel a pool!

trekking thoughts

2009-06-24T12:47:00.010-05:00

my hero.

(picture me saying this as a giant sigh with hands clasped by my cheek and a romantic starry-eyed look across my face...)

i'm so torn as to clarifying my thoughts on the trek. it was amazing and hard, but by writing these things, i don't expect or even want praise. in fact, it's kind of embarrassing to hear other's go on about the trek. at the same time, i don't want to diminish the magnitude of the whole experience. i realize it is a impressive to walk 15 miles in the heat while 6 mos pregnant. but i went so that i could experience a portion of what my ancestors did. i went to push myself and see if i could complete the mission, to prove something to myself.

i confess, my intentions were mildly selfish.

it's extremely humbling to participate in this activity, and however physically tolling it was, the truth of the matter is that i had good sneakers, pure water, gatorade, plenty to eat (an added bonus was the food did not have to be killed!), and numerous qualified people to help if needed.

the first night was the hardest for me. i cried because of the heat and truly felt i could not go on. i'm sure i wasn't the only one who felt the inability to cool off. it was amazing to me at how weak i physically and emotionally felt. every bone and fiber felt utterly exhausted.

i prayed for strength.

it came, but not until i started to walk.

i think that is what i learned while trekking. strength doesn't always come at the moment we think we need it, but after we have gone ahead and done what is right or what we are supposed to do. it would have been so easy for heavenly father to cause a wind to come to cool me or to make my feet feel free of pain, but in his infinite wisdom he waited. the wind came, but not until 5 am, several hours after i had fallen to sleep. my feet stopped hurting, but not until after i decided to not push myself to keep up with the handcart, and just walk at my own pace. it was almost as if i had to let go of my pride and succumb to physical weakness before i could receive the strength i needed to continue. there, in the silence of solitude, i pictured barefoot pioneers stumbling over rocks and wading through tick infested prairie plains, and, as i thought of the reasons for their commitment and endurance, i was given strength; i found strength.

there is power in ancestry.

and just so you don't think it was all blood, sweat and tears...

horrible picture, i know! but it is me!

ps, my intentions are not to make anyone feel guilty. someone called me the trek mascot, and it embarrassed me, a lot. this person never reads this blog and probably doesn't even remember my name, so there is no harm in stating this fact as it is the basis for this post. also, this person meant to harm or embarrassment in stating what he/she said, and i harbor no ill feelings.

question

2009-06-23T14:17:00.003-05:00

i was doing some much needed practice on the piano while the children were preoccupied with the wii. (it's 101 degrees outside; we don't venture out between the hours of 1 and 6 unless it's absolutely necessary.)

there is nothing more wonderful, calming and peaceful than listening to my child hum

"teach me to walk in the light."

what are your simple pleasures?

mission complete

2009-06-18T19:59:00.006-05:00

hot.

hot food.

hot days.

hot nights.

hot, hot, hot.

we walked 15 miles on a pioneer trek reenactment. hubby and i were "ma" and "pa" to 7 youth ages 15-17. let me tell you, our "children" were amazing. they needed very little help pushing the handcart and rarely complained from the less-than-stellar conditions. the first day, i kept pace with our handcart. it was also the most physically tolling. on the second and third day, i walked at the back of the wagon train. my poor, sweet husband walked from our handcart to the back to make sure i was ok. he must have walked twice as far as everyone else just checking on his little fatty.

how i love that man!

despite everything, it was worth it.

there were times that i felt my pioneer ancestors walking beside me. times when my feet no longer ached and my burden felt light. there were other times when i felt i couldn't go on. in those quiet moments of pain, i remembered that they suffered much worse.

and so i walked.

we all walked.

necessity

2009-06-11T20:16:00.009-05:00

our one and only niece on hubby's side...

(although i think there will be 2 more girls by the end of the year... but that's all speculation... wait, one confirmed girl, one speculated...)

there's something that i have to say. i guess it's one of the reasons why i didn't want to find out the sex of our baby. i'm not sure if it's difficult for others to understand, but we didn't get pregnant to have a girl. we wanted another baby. (in fact, we'd like to have four.) we didn't hope for a girl. truly, we would have been happy with a boy. we weren't any more delighted to discover the lack of the male genitalia than if it had been there.

there's something else,

i've always known we'd have a girl. there was no hoping, for me. i just knew. the same way i knew i'd marry hubby the moment my mom called me to tell me about this new airman that moved into her ward.

i just knew.

but we are so happy to have this little addition! (but i think jdub might be more excited it's a girl!)

could've danced all night

2009-06-10T18:43:00.005-05:00

jdub's self portrait

click here to hear ms julie andrews sing.

about 3 weeks ago i finally took my ob doc's advice and started taking unisom and b6 on a regular basis. wow! what a difference. i feel myself, alive, and there is rarely any nausea! i've also found that if i miss a couple days, the dizziness et al returns. this makes me wish i had remembered her advice earlier in the pregnancy! darn pregnancy brain!

today i made asparagus quiche for dinner and actually found myself singing and white-girl dancing in the kitchen. it was wonderful! (maybe not from an outside point of view!) i'm me again! the only down-side is i no longer have an excuse for not doing my "wifely and mommy duties."

*smile*

asparagus quiche

1 c shredded swiss cheese

1 can asparagus, cut into 1 in pieces

(or 1 bunch fresh, i used what i had! i also would have cooked my asparagus prior to using in the quiche, mostly because i prefer less crunchy in quiche.)

place the above ingredients in well greased pie pan.

in a separate bowl whisk together:

2 c milk

1 c biscuit mix (i used the reduced fat bisquick)

1 c egg beaters

1 tbsp minced onion

3/4 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp dried parsley

pour over cheese and asparagus.

bake for 375 for about an hour.

*i found the recipe here, but made modifications...

quickies

2009-06-09T11:16:00.004-05:00

so i know i have so many interesting things *sarcasm* to blog about.

like...

*we're going on the youth trek next mon., tues., and wed. i'll be walking 22 miles in the hot oklahoma heat, reenacting the pioneer trek across the plains. am i crazy? i'll be 6 mos pregnant. but if my ancestors can do it so can i.

*we had an amazing time this past weekend for hubby's birthday, but i'm feeling much too lazy to upload pictures. (or is that productive... the kitchen and dining area are clean, floors and all!)

*our garden is progressing nicely. we're going to try out the straw bale gardening... i'll let you know how it turns out.

*i've registered for only 2 classes this next semester. i figure the following year, when both boys are in school, i'll go full time again. we'll see though. my "job" first and foremost is a mom.

anyway... hopefully tomorrow i'll post bday pics!

do you remember?

2009-06-08T10:52:00.006-05:00

does anyone else remember...

this song?

this one?

and, hey, how about this one?

was i the only loser???

be honest with me now.

after re listening to the last song... wow, let me tell you, intelligent words there!

tap dance delight

2009-06-05T09:43:00.009-05:00

one of the joys of pregnancy, for me, is the movement of the baby, as previously stated in this post. our little baby is quite the mover and shaker just as i'm about to fall asleep or wake up. (i believe the latter is because she wants some food. a girl after my own heart!) sometimes this movement causes minor irritation, especially if i'm not quite ready to get out of bed or seriously exhausted.

so my nightly ritual is to lie down and give the baby "movement time" while i read my scriptures.

last night was no different.

well, until she didn't move.

at all.

it was the worst night sleep that i've had in a long time.

she didn't move at all as i emerged from my restless slumber, either.

trying to maintain my cool, i immediately consumed the sugariest breakfast possible then waited...

i am happy to report, she has not stopped moving for the last 30 minutes.

love movement.

it's amazing how her moving has become a part of my nightly routine and how, without it, i just can't sleep. i wonder how i'll sleep when i'm no longer a duplex.

another saturday...

2009-06-03T17:24:00.007-05:00

we took the boat out on the lake last saturday and had an exceptional time. the boys had the time of their life galavanting through the water. as you can see, it was a beautiful day! (and we have the sun burns to prove it!)

needless to say we all slept like babies!

sweet sweat

2009-06-02T20:05:00.005-05:00

just got back from the gym.

let me just say that after taking an extended leave of absence (mostly because i had little interest in exposing others to the contents of my stomach), i am hurting. i am proud to report that i do not feel winded at all, just sore. my ligaments are screaming for relief.

and, now, so are my children.

must go.

to kill a mockingbird

2009-06-01T19:16:00.008-05:00

i love to listen to the birds.

there's just something pleasant about their song.

but not at 3 o'clock in the morning.

especially when it is a mockingbird sounding off every thought he had, repeatedly. every 5 minutes.

i found myself wanting to run outside waving my hands wildly at the songster.

alas, that would require me having to put on shoes.

so, i opted for a pillow over my head, then earplugs, and finally succumbed to exhaustion several hours later.

needless to say i felt slightly vindicated later that morning when i discovered a mockingbird wing behind my car.

what i really want to know is who do i send the thank you card to?

our cats

or the resident kite.

please don't think i'm mean spirited or advocate animal cruelty. i love animals, just not at 3 o'clock in the morning.

uncharted modesty

2009-05-31T17:30:00.007-05:00

i had the opportunity to go to "the big 'l'" by myself (it's a town that actually has 2 walmarts! woo hoo! yeah, picture me not going there when given any other options!)

flying solo.

girls only!

while i perused the mall, i wandered into the baby girl section (something i've only previously done for friends and family!). i was slightly mortified at the selection of halter tops, spaghetti straps and short shorts...

and that was just for infants and toddlers. i about had a nervous breakdown at the teenage clothing selection.

i walked out, went to motherhood to go bathing suit shopping, got depressed, left motherhood, grabbed myself a cookie... or two (because, clearly, i deserved it after the spike in blood pressure i suffered), and bought myself a shirt at old navy (for $5!!).

while driving home listening to the sound of bug splatter on my windshield, i contemplated becoming a professional seamstress or sending our pending daughter to a nunnery.

do you think the art of modesty has been lost in our world?

am i so "out of touch" and "prude" that i don't want my little girl to wear apparel that might illicit improper thoughts in others? that i'd like her arms to be covered (even if it's a ruffle or two, because can you ever really have too many ruffles on baby girls?)? shouldn't they (boys included here) be taught at an early age how to dress, just as you would teach not to talk back or hit?

what are your thoughts?

this is uncharted territory for me.

dear novelty notes...

2009-05-29T16:55:00.005-05:00

cucumber salad

1/2 yellow onion (i'm avoiding this, at the moment!)

slice 2 cucumbers

salt and let them sit

sauce:

2-3 tbsp white vinegar

1 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp salt

2-3 tbsp sour cream

i usually can only wait an hour before chowing down, but it's best to let them sit for a couple hours!

bean and tuna salad

sauce:

1 tsp garlic

1 tsp dijon mustard (i've used brown in the past, tastes as good)

1 tsp sugar

2 tbsp red wine vinegar

4 tbsp olive oil

salt and pepper

whisk together the first 4 ingredients. slowly add olive oil, whisking constantly until blended.

salad:

1 can chick peas, rinsed and dried

1 can black beans, rinsed and dried

1/2 c. black olives

1/4 c. parsely

12 oz tuna, drained

combine ingredients first 4 ingredients. slowly fold in tuna. drizzle on dressing.

i included the second one because it's another recipe i enjoy!

random nothings

2009-05-27T18:23:00.004-05:00

i'm currently loving on some cucumber salad and watching roxanne.

life is good!

3 hours later...

i'm still contemplating what to write,

licked the cucumber salad bowl clean (literally),

and planning something oh-so-fishy!

maybe tomorrow will offer more for my creative juices.

extra, extra

2009-05-26T20:18:00.005-05:00

we had out ultrasound today.

let me just say, it's a good thing we have boy clothes,

blue bedding,

a stroller made more for a boy,

male gendered car seat,

boy toys coming out the wazoo.

did i mention boy clothes?

so yeah, we're prepared for a boy.

turns out

we're having a girl.

ha! ha!

someone has a sense of humor!

(ps our internet was out; we're back, for now!)

my babies.

2009-05-21T10:26:00.001-05:00

horny toad

2009-05-20T14:18:00.002-05:00

while mowing the lawn yesterday, hubby found a baby horny toad.

the boys were so happy, until it came time to release the creature. chum had a slight meltdown, as you can see.

i've got problems.

2009-05-19T11:15:00.004-05:00

me and the great nilla when she came through elk city

i took jdub to school this morning. nothing out of the ordinary; however, while exiting the facilities i noticed this on a young girls shirt:

i stared and stared trying to make sense of the letters.

for a while i thought it said, "see you te." but who is te? some new artist? the new zac efron? maybe it stood for "to eat" (because my brain immediately reverts to food when trying to make sense of nonsense). then i thought some company was secretly trying to promote tea. (you know, like disney supposedly sticks phallic symbols/words in it's movies.) this was my conspiracy theory approach.

finally it dawns on me (seriously, this is at least 5 minutes later as i'm driving away in my hooptie.)

C-U-T-E.

yeah, i'm a bright one! leave it to my brain to complicate something so simple.