My Secret Spiritual Dance

"A Call To Conscious Evolution"

2009-03-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

I've tried about five times to get the color and size of font to conform to this blog's other posts, but it is being persistent in standing out. Must be important ;)

More politics...but good, juicy, important stuff. I truly believe we can shape our world through conscious action/letting our voices be heard. Love that someone's listening :) If, after reading this, you want to sign the petition, you can do so here.

Obama Administration Requests Info on Planetary Challenges

Sat Feb 7, 2009 1:04 pm (PST)

The Obama Administration has asked the "Evolutionary Leaders" to
communicate about what is transpiring on the planet, and how we can
change the course of the unprecedented events that are challenging
this planet. This is a window of opportunity that must be taken! A
deadline was given for this information to be conveyed to the Obama
Administration..

The Evolutionary Leaders like Deepak Chopra, Gregg Braden, Michael
Beckwith and many, many others, gathered together to write up the
information to present to the Obama Administration. They are also
asking us to sign a petition to show the Administration how many
people are in favor for these changes to occur. Their goal is 100,000
signatures. We request your assistance to reach that number and beyond!

Below is the information presented to the New Administration.. The
petition link is found above.

By the Evolutionary Leaders

The human family is in the midst of the most significant
transformation of consciousness since its emergence over one
hundred thousand years ago. Consciousness has been evolving for
billions of years from the first cell to us. We are becoming aware
that through our own consciousness the universe can know itself. This
awareness reveals incredible new potential for our individual and
collective humanity.

Simultaneously, we are the first species on this Earth aware that we
can destroy ourselves by our own action. This may be the greatest
wake-up call to the evolution of consciousness since the origin of
Homo sapiens.

We now realize that we are affecting our own evolution by everything
we do. This knowledge awakens in us the aspiration to become more
conscious through subjective practices including meditation,
reflection, prayer, intuition, creativity, and conscious choice making
that accelerate our evolution in the direction of unity consciousness
and inspire us to deeply align our collective vision.

THE CHALLENGE

At this juncture in human history, urgent global crises challenge us
to learn to live sustainably, in harmony and gratitude with one
another and with the living universe. The changes required of humanity
are broad, deep, and far reaching. Only by acting swiftly and
creatively can we birth a planetary culture that will bring well-being
to every form of life in the Earth community.

The good news is that a compelling new story of our potential as a
whole human species is emerging - a story of collaboration, citizen
action, dialogue and new understandings propelled by unprecedented
levels of democratic freedom, multicultural exchange, and access to
communication technologies. It is nothing less than the story of our
collective evolution.

OPPORTUNITIES FOR ACTION

We recognize that the inner and outer aspects of life evolve together.
A dramatic awakening in consciousness will involve an equally dramatic
shift in outward aspects of our lives. In particular, we see the
following as vital opportunities for our conscious evolution, both
personally and collectively:

Cultivating a Paradigm of Aliveness: We regard the universe as deeply
alive and conscious by nature. In a living universe, our sense of
subtle connection and participation with life around us is the basis
for a compassionate and cooperative approach to living.

Educating for an Evolving Consciousness: Awakening consciousness is
the foundation for all the change we seek to see in the world. We can
work to elevate our capacity for conscious reflection and creative
action in our personal lives as well as our collective lives as
communities. We must support research and educational strategies that
optimize human capacities and explore the nature of consciousness.

Restoring Ecological Balance: The balance of planetary ecosystems is
fundamental to our survival. We must reverse the pollution of our
global commons - the water, air and soil that nourish all life. We must
encourage the proliferation of clean, renewable energy sources and
expend all necessary resources toward mitigating the effects of
climate change..

Encouraging Conscious Media: We must find innovative ways to use the
new electronic media as the mirror of our positive evolutionary story,
investing in their capacity to reach across differences of generation,
culture, religion, wealth, and gender to build a working consensus
about our colle ctive future.

Engaging in Social and Political Transformation: More sustainable ways
of living will require the support of a more conscious democracy and
vibrant civil society from which more enlightened leaders will emerge.
All individuals should be encouraged to use their gifts to create
participatory, responsible and compassionate models of governance.

Working for Integrity in Commerce: Conscious businesses that are aware
of the scope, depth, and long-range impacts of their actions are key
to achieving sustainability. Business must become an ethical steward
of the Earth's ecology and consciously establish an economic basis for
a future of equitably shared abundance.

Promoting Health and Healing: The science of mind-body-spirit health
has demonstr ated the profound connection between the health of a whole
person and the health of the system in which he or she lives. Whole
systems healing, respecting both traditional knowledge and modern
sciences, must be supported in physical, social, and spiritual domains.

Building Global Community: The new story is about all of us who share
this planet. Together, we can create a culture of peace that
eliminates the need for armed conflict, respecting and appreciating
the glorious diversity of our human family.

YOUR PARTICIPATION IS VITAL

Our group has done its best to articulate possibilities for the
evolution of consciousness at this crucial moment in time. Please
reflect on this document, feel what resonates in your being and calls
forth a response on your part. We invite you to discuss it with
others, continuing this global conversation by adding to it the wisdom
that is uniquely your own.

Together, let us co-create a new narrative of conscious evolution that
is a call to individual and collective action, birthing the most
significant transformation of consciousness in history. Join in the
Call to Conscious Evolution by signing the pledge now.

FOUNDING SIGNATORIES

Chopra Center , Carlsbad , California , July 26, 2008 Michael Beckwith, Joan Borysenko, Gregg Braden, Rinaldo Brutoco, Thomas Callanan, Deepak Chopra, Mallika Chopra, Dale Colton, Gordon Dveirin, Duane Elgin , Leslie Elkus, Barbara Fields, Debbie Ford, Ashok Gangadean, Kathleen Gardarian, Tom Gegax, Charles Gibbs, Kathy Hearn, Jean Houston, Barbara Marx Hubbard, Bruce Lipton, Judy Martin, Rod McGrew, Steve McIntosh, Lynne McTaggart, DeborahMoldo, James O'Dea, Carter Phipps, Wendy Craig-Purcell, Carolyn Rangel, Rustum Roy, PeterMoldoJames O'Dea, Carter Phipps, Wendy Craig-Purcell, Carolyn Rangel, Rustum Roy, Peter Russell, Gerard Senehi, Emily Squires, Brian Swimme, Diane Williams, Marianne Williamson, Tom Zender

Trust. Again.

2009-02-23T12:32:00.000-08:00

Today I ponder trust.

Who do I trust?

What do I trust?

At core, is there truly any other trust than in Self and Universe?

Image from here

Walking With My Inner Critic

2009-02-17T13:03:00.000-08:00

About a month ago, I realized that for the past while, My Inner Critic has been running my show. I was not allowing it voice, pushing it down in my quest to focus only on being happy. There is a difference between allowing happiness and pushing down alarm signals. I hadn't noticed how much I had demonized My Inner Critic until a number of mirrors graced me with having to look/feel more deeply.

In my journey to re-befriend her (and mine's a "her), I remembered a book I had read years ago by Hal and Sidra Stone. It's called "Embracing The Inner Critic." They came up with this form of finding integration and wholeness through a process called Voice Dialogue. I've written about it briefly before here and other places, but I'm too lazy to find the other links.

I loved the work and it's been a mainstay. It was the first work I did to truly integrate my shadows and I continue to use it, always going back to it as one of my primary tools.

As all my books are in storage, I went to the library (Barnes and Noble) awhile back to brush up on their work.

This rang so true for me:

"Whenever someone is not in touch with his or her vulnerability in relationship to another person, one may expect a judgment, silent or spoken, as a way of dealing with the situation. Unconscious vulnerability is a very dangerous commodity for this reason."

and

"An attack of the Inner Critic is a cry for help."

Damn, ain't it the truth? How often do we need to fall into judgment (of ourselves or others) when we feel whole and happy? It doesn't even enter our minds. It's only when we feel vulnerable that we put up walls. It's much easier to then point outward and find reasons to separate ourselves rather than feel the pain of being vulnerable.

I've been trying to just be with the terror of my vulnerability these past few weeks. A few weeks ago, I was down. I've noticed that this week, I'm feeling it especially more so than usual, but I believe I must be burying it, pushing it away. At least that what I think is up as I've been craving wine every night. I've written about addiction here, here and here. I'm trying my best to hear what this craving is trying to tell me and to listen to The Critic so I can hear what she has to teach me. I do want to hear it. I'm trying.

Image from here

From Rob Brezny's email...

2009-02-13T06:08:00.000-08:00

...for the week of 2/11/09

"GUIDING QUESTION for cultivating PRONOIA: 'The secret of life," saidsculptor Henry Moore to poet Donald Hall, "is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing is—it must be something you cannot possibly do.'

What is that task for you?"

For those who don't know Rob's work, pronoia is the belief that the universe is conspiring to bring us good.

Image from here

Thoughts On Depression

2009-01-23T13:16:00.000-08:00

Through a blogger friend, I learned that another blogger I wasn't familiar with had committed suicide on Christmas Eve. Other bloggers I sometimes read have been talking about suicidal thoughts or tendencies. Or if not that extreme, they talk about depression. I think one even mentioned that about 50% of the bloggers she reads are on some type of anti-depressant medication.

Emotions are always moving, cycling through me. They flutter and can run the gamut in the course of a day. Sometimes I get on a jag that lasts awhile. Today, I'm coming off a few days of tension. A few weeks ago I was really sad. I could even say I was possibly depressed. When things on the outside don't look good, I can lose myself if I'm "off."

When I tuned into my "Observer" Voice, I realized that on some levels it feels kinda oddly good to feel so emotionally devastated and just be with it. To lie in bed all day long with the covers pulled up over my head, crying, staring at the wall. To kinda just allow all of it instead of pretending things were anything other than what they were in that moment.

I'm pondering depression and suicide. I'm fascinated.

What happens? How do people go from being sad to deciding to kill themselves?

I have an opinion/theory that we simply get caught in a loop. That we have a thought that triggers emotions which then trigger thoughts about the emotions which trigger more emotions about the thoughts which then lead on and on and on...stories upon stories and our reactions to them...ultimately to chemical imbalances, organs stressed and then the cycles and loops get even stronger, longer and ingrained.

But I don't know.

I do know that when I get in my funks it takes work to get out of them. I have to be really focused, aware and conscious to catch myself and start to remember that Blessings are the way of the universe. It takes time (sometimes days) to have those those thoughts become the primary vision I have of the world.

And I know about this stuff and have practiced it for years, don't have too many funks (although these days there are more than there have been in other cycles of my life..I'm being given opportunity to learn more in that arena :) ). I imagine/have a theory that those who don't have tools or practice would have a very difficult time coming out of the cycling loops of pain.

But I can't know.

I wish them well, I wish them peace, whatever that means to them.

image from here Wow...powerful one, yes?

Happy, Joyous 2009!!!

2009-01-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

I wish us abundance in all things important to us: Love, Health, Feeling safe and secure.

I wish us pleasures of every kind: sensual, sexual, laughter, excitement, appreciation, cuddles, contentment, harmony, excitement, and happies.

I wish us creative expansion of that which has not yet been a part of our experience or that which we wish to increase.

I wish for us all a joyous, opening, expanding year...one filled with acceptance and allowing of what Life brings us...not resisting but rather trusting that all is well at every turn, no matter what it appears to be from our smaller perspectives...which sometimes can only see fear. May we all remember that every challenge is actually a Grand Opportunity and Gift.

Finally, I wish you Peace in the remembering of that which you know in your heart of hearts to be true:

We are well.

All is well.

Image taken from here.

Working Things Through With The Victim

2008-12-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

In this post, I mentioned that I had a couple of people in my life that I was getting opportunity to interact with The Victim Voice. I spoke of a man in that post. That continues...indirectly, of course because The Victim chooses drama, self-pity and clubs to support its position over direct healing.

The other person I referred to was my youngest daughter. I experience them in many of the same ways. Why? The things they say both directly and indirectly give me the strong intuitive hit that they are ruled by their Judge Voice (a companion to the Victim)...mostly because that's all they seem to hear. But whatever...just my projection. (I so wish them happy inside and out)

I have a complex relationship with my daughter. She is now 21. I adore her and she is the most challenging relationship I've ever experienced. No one pushes my buttons like she does. Nowhere do I feel as unhealed in my woundings. Nowhere do I lose my balance as I do with her.

As of about a month ago, we are on a good cycle, a clear cycle, a cycle that feels healthy and unencumbered by unsaid, dysfunctional, simmering anger/victimhood.

How do I know about the Victim choosing drama, self pity and clubs over direct healing? I've been there, probably will again (the Victim being the tricksy thing it is). My daughter and I (as said gent and I) are perfectly matched to trigger each others Victims Voices. Before this cleared cycle, we were in a variation on one of our themes: me doing stuff for her; her rolling her eyes or making some rude comment at most everything I said, leaving others around us uncomfortable at her treatment of me (clubs are so yummy to The Victim...oooh...ahh...you poor thing, you).

One night, after spending time with her being sniggly to me (once gain) I drove her home. On the way, she decided it was time for her to "hold me accountable" for my current "career" choices. Or, more accurately, the fact that I'm still in transition around that area of my life.
This "issue" has been a'brewin for many a year now. I've been patient with her, being the brunt of her frustration and fear. I am tired of it.

She wouldn't get out of the car. The bitch wouldn't get out of the car.

I was DONE being patient. I decided to let Lioness rip out in full force. Yes...initially things got veeeeeerrrrrry ugly. I was sooooo bloody pissed...angrier than I've been in years. I can't even remember the last time I yelled like I did that night. Swore up a blue streak, I did, as I do when my buttons are beyond pushed.

After we both had opportunity to blow off steam, we started to tentatively "talk." We began the journey to try and get beyond the buttons and really hear each other instead of our projections (or at least I did and it felt like she did). I find that a tenuous, tender stage. Buttons are still slightly depressed and get triggered easily. It's a time of dipping the toe of trust in just a l'il...then pulling it back quickly and re-erecting walls if feeling threatened.

It took awhile, but I found my balance.

I decided to treat her as I would any adult, no longer taking care of her as a parent (wanting to be aware and not abuse the power of position, which is not a consideration with the gent as I'm not his mother) but as an equal. I told her, again-but this time in my power instead of screaming- that this is not her business. It isn't about her. She is now an adult. I am not financially responsible for her any more. I see her as amazing and talented... beyond competent to provide for herself. That most of the things she was getting angry about would never happen so why get angry about them? I'm fine with my life and choices, so she needs to deal with her own stuff around this as it's hers...not mine.

At one point in the conversation, trying to bridge and show my open heart, I told her something I had said to others who were frustrated with her treatment of me regarding this topic (it's been ongoing, subversive, passive/agressive stuff from her directed at me for years).

What I've said to them is that while she pisses me off when she treats me like that...and I get tired of it...and I want to avoid her....behind all that, my primary feeling is compassion for her. Why? Because when she was young, she always had a great fear of being on her own. It came out in many different ways, sometimes directly, others in-.

And I felt for her because just at the time she was getting ready to step out and start her life, all she sees about her primary female role model is "a failure."

I have great compassion for her. In fact, my heart breaks for her. But It Is What It Is...it's her Path, this mother she chose. Her judgments of me are her Gifts and her Learning.

What got me, though...when I said this to her, touching her arm, looking into her eyes with love and understanding...her response?

Her (said with great agitation and tears) : "EVERYONE is afraid to make it on their own!!!! What gives you the right to criticize me like that? Everyone feels that way...how could you say that to me?"

Me (totally flubbergusted): What? Did you hear what I said?

Her: Yes...and you don't get to criticize me like that!!!

Me: But, I wasn't being critical. I was being understanding of how difficult it must be for you with your vision of me at the point when you are starting something you've been afraid to do for your whole life. I was being compassionate.

Her: You weren't..you are judging me...everyone is afraid.

OK, then. Wow...I was so amazed she could not hear me. She was so caught in her Blamee/Judge, Victim/Perpetrator voice that judgment was all she heard. Victims can only hear their own Voice reflected back as the world judging them.

I understand. It takes lots and lots to be able to step outside ourselves and get beyond our vision when those voices are in control. I certainly wasn't there at the beginning of our fight.

We eventually found our way back. I think lots got healed, although I can't put a finger on exactly how or what or why. Truth, when sifted and sorted, heard and said, is magic. We yelled, cried, blamed, and got to directly say rage-filled things that had been held on to for years. Stuff that was kept quiet about from fear (me) and judgments about the "rightness" of expressing anger (her). It was good.

However, I certainly wouldn't call it fun in the moment. Man, I was beyond furious. It wasn't easy. We both said unpretty, untidy things. We let the energy flow fully no matter where it went, flowing through the layers of stuckness that wanted expression to heal. We got angry, we got sad, we told the truth even when it was difficult to hear. It takes time and patience moving from "I'm a victim of you" statements to "I feel" energy. But sometimes all those things have to be said and witnessed. It was real. It was direct. It's a process. It's Life.

And we stayed with it until we heard each other (even though I kicked and screamed a decent portion of the way, I finally did get un-attituded when things got away from of her deciding she had a right to tell me how to live my life).

And we're clear. I feel we are "more," both individually and between us. Since then, I feel a definite shift in our relationship. I have neither felt nor heard one sniggly remark or energy. It's nice. I'm so happy we worked this through, I got beyond my Victim Voice and I get to enjoy the delightful person she is without dysfunctional entanglements.

I'm glad she wouldn't get out of the car.

Art from here

The Mirrors Of The Divine Matrix

2008-12-01T18:42:00.000-08:00

I've been savoring "The Divine Matix" by Gregg Braden, letting all the connections between current science and spirit sink in. I finally finished it. Great book.

The book began with a set up of a number of different physics experiments which, when taken all together, paint a an emerging explanation of how we create our worlds. At the end of the book he talked aboutt how we attract our mirrors and beliefs to us through The Divine Matrix which connects The All.

On page 162, Braden lists Key 19 of his list of The 20 Keys of Conscious Creation.

"Our true beliefs are mirrored in our most intimate relationships."

He then lists Five Ancient Mirrors of Relationship:

Reflections of the Moment...where our outer reality reflects our beliefs in the moment.

Reflections of What We Judge Most...where we get to experience that which we judge.

Reflections of What We've Lost, Given Away, or Had Taken From Us...where those we are attracted to mirror parts of ourselves we want to reclaim and tell us about ourselves

Reflections of Our Dark Night of the Soul...where we are gifted with experiencing our greatest fears so we can move beyond them

Reflections of Our Greatest Act of Compassion...where we finally embrace perfection in imperfection

Good Stuff.

Art: Mind Mirror by Catherine Akastar

The Victim Voice's Addiction To Pain

2008-11-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

About thirteen years ago, I was in a transition period. As I had time on my hands, I decided I would do what I had wanted to do for years: volunteer to work with the dying.

I went to my local hospice organization and was ready to be of service in any way I could. They really needed people to drive AIDS patients to their doctor's appointments to the larger cities that had the hospitals that could handle their disease. I signed up.

It was heartbreaking. One man was a particularly intense experience for me. He was Mexican, gay and had the idea that the women at hospice were somehow out to get him and rip him off. (???)

I listened to his conspiracy theories during the three hour drive we had. When I dropped him off, I watched as the hospice women tried over and over to communicate with him and help him with his housing issues, lack of food, money. Between the language barrier and the stuff he believed, he was unable to hear them.

He yelled at them, fought them every step of the way, while they kept trying over and over to be of assistance to him. They persisted, he fought their help, ultimately isolating himself in his rejection of their support and care. It was awful watching his blindness and how he clung to his pain and beliefs of Victimhood.

I've been thinking about this man lots lately as I have some people in my life right now who remind me of this energetic. It's so sad watching twist words of support into attack. It's so painful to watch them choose isolation, shoving away that which they say they want most--family, friendship, love, relationship, connection. So. Sad.

Yes, right now I'm sad. I'm sad because one person in particular who I consider a friend, is very angry at me. I'm not sad that he's angry with me. In fact, I applaud it because he's a depressive (his words) and anger is one step up on the emotional scale. Why? Depression is rage turned inward and/or not telling the truth about something to oneself. As a step in the healing process, it's way better to feel this anger turned outward than inward.

The trick is to let this anger flow through and not get stuck in it, taking it to the next level of healing which is to take responsibility for the creation, blaming no one. The tricksy part is that one has to experience the anger to allow the next step. If we aren't vigilant and see our projections, we stay in anger, not seeing the Gifts. And if we don't learn the lessons of universal love behind the journey (which have nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us), what could have been a heart opening Dance becomes even more destructive to the soul.

I'm sad he won't work it out with me. I'm sad about that for myself as I like him and I miss the fun conversations we used to have. But I'm sadder for him because he's choosing, once again, isolation and pain. He is alone. Totally alone. I've repeatedly invited him to work things out, but he won't.

I have some things to say to him, some of which are difficult for a Victim Voice that's taken over to hear. My hit is that I doubt he hears my compassion, caring and love as his inner judge and Victim Voice are are so in charge right now that he can't. I understand. I doubt he hears any of the caring I have for him when I say what I see so clearly. Things which need to be said. For him. With compassion, not judgment.

This man says he wants is to be in love...to experience a Grand Passion and have a life partner to walk this last leg of his life with.

When I first met him, I asked him if he had any relationship patterns. He said he didn't. Yet the story he continues to recreate (and attract) is a pattern of women leaving him or being angry with him. As a friend, I have done neither. But from everything I can gather, he can't/won't see that.

For his own sake, I wish he would stop and consider himself as the common denominator in his stories of women. I wish for his opportunity to heal that wound by looking in the mirror and seeing his part in his story. Unfortunately, no one else can do that for him. My sadness comes from the possibility that he will never do that, forever projecting his Victim Voice out into the world. I fear he will continue to blame the women who have cared for him, loved him and felt little of that returned in the ways that speak to them, finally tiring and needing to protect themselves so they move on. Which then continues his story of further "betrayal," attracting more of the same. My prayer for him is that he opens his eyes and heals this wounding within himself. He's a marvelous person with so much potential. He's just stuck on the groove of pain.

People can be addicted to pain.

Just as a heroin addict, these addicts have to want to heal, be willing to fight for it. The desire to heal has be be so strong that they are willing to do anything and everything for it. They have to be ready let go of all they know and allow their disconnected ego to crack open their souls. They have to be willing to get the help they need in the way that will truly empower them to heal and reclaim the love, rather than wallow in and allow the Victim Voice to rule.

I made the decision awhile back to take a stand and only allow contact under conditions that are productive. I have continued to extend the offer of healing for over four months. I'm not sure, but it appears his Victim sees this as rejection rather than his choosing to not communicate and work things through. His rage tells me he's made up all sorts of stories about my intent and thoughts...stories that have nothing to do with me, but are rather repeats of his projections and patterns. His patterns which hold the key to his healing and ultimate joy.

I care about him. Lots. In situations when people are in pain, it's my initial inclination to mother, soothe, "be there for someone." This type of addict is so seductive, especially for me as I (as many women) are nurturers. There's no bottle of whiskey or bag of cocaine to point to, but this is no different than any outward substance abuse. The pain repeats itself, we get hooked in deeper. Very seductive.

And that would be the Victim's MO. I've learned over time that the Victim will rule if coddled. It's tricksy, oh so tricksy. We do this sort of addict no good by getting hooked into its patterns and voice.

I care too much for him to support his Victim any more; to be a part of its pathological, dysfunctional MO. I'm afeared if not dealt with, this part that's got ahold of him will kill him...if not literally then it will, at minimum, eek away even more of his soul.

Which would truly be a tragedy. Why? One reason is that I care about him. Even though he regrets the day he encountered me, I care about him. But there is nothing I can do for him while he continues to create, recreate and cling to his addiction, refusing to take responsibility for his part in his creation and learning to love and forgive himself for it.

I believe he has lots to offer the world. I like him because I've felt a connection to him. He is a poet. He is intelligent, funny, fun and talented in many areas. He has a big heart and wants to love. I feel this in him. I feel this. I know this to be true....much truer than his current situation and choices.

My prayer for him is that he finds himself again...that he opens to the good in his life rather than focusing on/clinging to his self created pain. That he stands up and learns to love and forgive himself.

The way out is so simple and clear. Not easy. But simple.

I will continue to remain open to him. My offer of opportunity to work things through will remain whether tomorrow, next month or ten years. I will wait. I will continue to care and be willing to do the work should he ever choose to. I will hold a vision of healing for him. I will continue to work within myself to refuse to see this Victim that has hold of him now, focusing, instead on seeing him as whole, happy and at peace.

Art: Love Is Blind by Darkrose42

Obama And The Mayan Calendar

2008-11-21T12:12:00.000-08:00

I haven't talked about the election of a few weeks ago.

I was overjoyed. When Obama got elected, for some reason I flashed on things I've read about the Mayan Calendar and how we were supposed to really start feeling the effects of the 2012 shift during 2008. I thought it so interesting that Obama will be our president during this transition.

I still have no opinions about what the shift means in terms of where we'll end up. I keep getting this hit that it doesn't mean the Earth will be annihilated or that we are doomed as a species. I believe it's a New Age.

The sense I get is that Obama is a reflection and a manifestation of hope. I don't see him as having all the answers, nor do I pretend to think that I will be happy with many or most of his choices as President.

However...

The energy his campaign inspired- hope, action, community, participation, a vision of engagement;

The use of the internet and the example of its potential power to unite us in a common goal spoke to me of a shift in powerbase. A shift in the fundamental way we operate as a country and a world;

The dreams and desires of the masses to remember and live the ideals this country was built on;

All these speak to me. They speak strongly.

Then, while walking the other day...I pondered.

If it's true that this last cycle of the Mayan calendar means that the world as we know it will change....isn't it interesting that this election comes on the heels of one of the darkest political regimes this country has known?

It's like the last administration is a metaphor and the reality of where arrogance and disconncection from Spirit can take us when played out to the extreme. We, as a country, are pretty ruined on just about every level. Our people are troubled, questioning, searching. We're lost, clinging to an old idea of ourselves that needs ReVisioning in a new world.

But just like every spiritual quest, things often have to get beyond horrid before they get better. It's like Bush was our collective darkest night and Obama is the symbol of the dawn.

In Abraham terms, we went through this huge contrast to figure out what we don't want. Bush provided us with our asking. The election of Obama and all he symbolizes...not the man himself, but what was triggered is those of us who voted for him...is our opportunity to allow. Allow ourselves, our country, our world to receive and change in the ways we truly want to be as people of conscience and spirit.

We truly live in exciting times!

Art: It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn by Judy Chicago taken from here

Perspectives

2008-11-14T13:19:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing how nothing means anything outside the meaning we give it?

I love finding pennies when I walk.

Years ago, I walked regularly along a route that, for whatever reason, had tons of pennies. I would play manifestation games, seeing them as a gift of abundance. Sometimes, I imagined that they were signs I was on a "right path" of thinking if I was pondering. Sometimes they were a reminder that all was well. Every so often, I would come upon a pile of coins in the street, couple of dollars worth. These were big signs to me and would make my day. I'd feel all glowy inside.

One day, I as I walked up to my driveway, I noticed what looked like about a hundred pennies strewn all over. I got really excited, tears came to my eyes at this huge gift from the universe...and right at my front door!!! I imagined them as a gift from a friend who knew about my delight and how I saw them as treasures. I skittered here and there, picking them up, giggling a thank you every time I put one in my pocket. I felt so Blessed!!!

A short while ago, I was watching "Weeds" ( a show on cable TV..now in DVD...very entertaining and recommended).

One day, the main character, played by Mary Louise Parker, walked up to her car. Around it were hundreds of pennies.

The guy she was with called it "getting pennied." It was an active, violent warning to her and she was furious about this act of "vandalism."

I laughed. It NEVER occurred to me in all these years that my pennies had ever been anything but an act of love and signs of blessings. I would think of it from time to time and it always made me smile.

Could it be that someone was so angry with me that I was being intentionally singled out for an act of hate?

Were all those pennies in my driveway a random act of violence?

Or where they Pennies From Heavean...a synchronistic reminder of the Abundance Of The Universe and how connected to it I was?

I'm stickin' with the last one.

Art: For Love Or Money by Ginny Guara

Aha Moment #428.7

2008-11-12T10:32:00.000-08:00

I'm reading "The Diving Matrix" by Gregg Braden. I read "The Isaiah Effect" yearsyears ago. Man, his stuff excites me!! It's all about the interface of Spirituality and Physics.

As I was reading, I flashed on how science continues to "prove" the Ancient Teachings of every branch of mysticism.

I flashed on how mainstream religion pits itself against science, like they are at war. I then thought of who were the loudest voices of that, and I flashed on how it's the far right that does so.

And then I got that the energy of it comes from fear...just as mainstam religion rejects mysticism and all traditions/spiritual paths it labels as "other" from fear.

And since mysticism is what physics is slowly proving, no bloody wonder the right rejects science.

It isn't that science is anti-spirituality...no way...it's that science puts into question their flavor of seperatist exclusionist religion.

I understand the fear of being confronted with a paradigm shift. What will happen to their worldview if they are "wrong?"...what will the world look like if there is no god "in charge" with a preordained plan?

No wonder they're afraid and want to silence.

Art from here

Question Of The Week

2008-10-18T22:53:00.001-07:00

How do I reconcile

1) Abraham's teachings that struggle can only lead to more struggle...no joy...and if things don't flow, they aren't "meant to be"

with

2)The concept of the hero's journey of being tested and struggling through the challenges to an ultimate joy/victory...Staying The Course, believing and keeping on no matter what it looks like on the oustide....

???????

Pondering....

Image taken from here.

Security

2008-09-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

For many years people told me that while they longed to work for themselves, they couldn't because they needed the security of a job.

For many years, the people surrounding me saved, saved, saved to ensure security in their older years.

I wondered how the employed-by-others felt secure when their jobs were at the whim of another. I pondered how it is that the saver can feel secure when markets can disintegrate and values are not absolute. I wondered if perhaps it was because they had never lost it all so couldn't believe it could happen to them. I kept wondering about myself because I saw it as ephemeral, transitory, unstable, unsure...not secure in any way. Rather all this was only an illusion to feel safe.

I do understand the need to feel safe.

The more I know about the world economy I see, first hand (in my astonishment at what few know about it), that it's all a house of cards built upon a pile of ashes and dust, looping back upon itself, built only upon thought. But I think that very cool, cuz thought can change.

In these days of economic upheaval, I keep wondering if we are co-creating to learn (at a very acute and personal level) that our security does not lie where we think it does.

A few years ago, when I had lots more financial security, I went into a panic for a short period. I let go of the panic when I had a deep knowing/flash of trust and realization that all would be well and not to worry. I knew that either I would be dead, the economy as we knew it would be no more or I would be taken care of (in whatever form or job opportunity that meant).

I now have less than I've had in years. Haha...just about nothing...certainly from the perspective of my American culture. I am basically "homeless" (not really...but I live between two daughters' houses). At this point, I have no income that I can know of for another couple of weeks. I pretty much live out of two suitcases and a couple of boxes.

And yet for some reason, all I can think about is how abundantly Blessed I am.

Wonder what that's all about

Art: Abund-Dance from here

ALICE And The Rabbit Hole

2008-09-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow ALICE is being tested! I'm so excited...heard about it some time back when I read articles about concern that it will open worm holes. I'm thinking rabbit holes sound more warm and fuzzy, if not nearly as interesting.

What is ALICE? A Large Ion Collider Experiment.

I was led to this:

What's a Hadron? Find out here.
A little more about it in article format is here.
What Steven Hawking has to say about it.

And on another note...on my Yahoo homepage is an article on scientists creating a new form of life.

I've always been puzzled when people say that science is the antithesis of spirituality. I think it the same thing, just another Path. Both explain the universe. It's just that science is taking longer to do so :) and needs empirical evidence so the Logical Mind will accept what the Mystic Mind has always known. But don't get me wrong- I love science. I love that it is supporting, rather than negating, what Mystics have said for centuries.

Spirituality says "In the Beginning was the Word" .....and the Word was the Big Bang...I mean...isn't a Bang a sound?

Spirituality says our Spirits live on after we die.....and didn't Einstein or someone prove something about how energy is never lost, it just changes form?

Spirituality says there is the Dark and the Light. Science says matter and antimatter, or dark holes and our known universe.

I mean...am I the only person who sees this stuff?

Note to Self...get subscription to Scientific American. Seems to be lots going on....there's change in the air. Cool. Wonder what's up.

My Mom

2008-09-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

Mom has been popping in lots lately.

No...not over for a chat and tea. In my brain.

Next year it will be 20 years since she died.

She was 55.

I am 52.

At age 52, she was just coming out of a dismal period with my father who had been having multiple heart attacks over a period of ten years. He was unhappy, obese, smoked like a fiend, never exercised, drank way too much, sat his butt in front of a TV when not working at at highly stressful job.

Because he was not taking care of himself, my Mom was pissed that whole time. I can't remember a conversation where she didn't complain about him.

But at age 52, they had turned a corner. They were starting to play again...taking trips together. It almost sounded like they were falling in love again, rather than merely staying married out of a sense of duty and familiarity even though they were miserable.

In February the year she was 53, my dad had his last heart attack and died on the kitchen floor.

She died from cancer two and a half years later.

I pierced my ears. I pierced my nose. I left a marriage that had died for me.

I thought, wow...if there's anything to this genetics thingie, between the two of my parents, I have a little over 20 years to go. I vowed to fully live. I think I've accomplished that.

And now it's been 20 years.

And how does that make me feel?

Blessed.

Appreciative.

At peace.

The flowers on my morning walk make me happy.

Today while I held my grandson, bouncing him on the rebounder, the world stopped. He shimmered. I gasped in awe at the wonder of his pudgy fingers and Life.

I want to dance. And so I do.

I want to sing. Yup, that, too.

I want to look into people's eyes and feel their presence. And it's lovely.

I want to play and smile and laugh and embrace All of It.

I'm simply happy.

Art: Sacred Place by Ed P. Nice stuff.

More On Tantra And The Extreme Dark

2008-08-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering controversial topics lately and I've been having a difficult time figuring out how to write about them.

One pondering got triggered during a visit to an old Tantra friend a few months ago.

First- some background on Esoteric Tantra:

Dissolution of the disconnected ego to unite with The All is one of the main goals of Tantra. The Tantrikas of old participated in ceremonies that contained forbidden elements in them: eating meat, drinking alcohol, sex, etc...some of them were necrophiliacs. Many of the greatest Teachers lived in cremation grounds. They abandoned families, and all "good" society to let go of the ego's attachment to attachment.

Tantrikas past and present challenge themselves to conquer their fears. What greater fear do we have than being an outcast, one of "the damned?" We are constantly molded and shaped to conform, some societies more than others. Tantrikas engage in taboo behavior to challenge our vision of the sacred and our place in it.

I believe Tantra to be the first Spiritual Path on this Earth. I say "believe" because I don't know it as a fact (and I have not, to date, read any book that would pass academic muster to prove my belief). I believe that those first humans were closer to Spirit than we, by virtue of the lack of technology and their dependence on the Earth and their intuition. I believe these people took this first Path and traveled around the world, resulting in this basic Path's variations. It became Wicca in Europe, Bonn in China and Tibet, Native American paths have the same symbols- spirals, hand prints, eye, bird, egg, etc.

Most of the Earth based traditions do not have a concept of the universe as "good" and "evil." Many of the traditions carry that into their code- that there really is no good and bad, just intent and isness. I know of Buddhists who were the most deadly assasins because they believed that when they killed without emotion, they incurred no karmic debt.

_______________________________

I don't think I've met anyone who is as intent on her Spirit Path as my friend...not even me. Her whole life is devoted to spiritual travel to India's ashrams, meditation, self awareness...it's how she makes her living. She writes, talks, breathes Tantra constantly.

I hadn't seen her in a few years. One of the first things out of her mouth was telling me that what she thinks most about as the next step upon her path is to kill someone with her bare hands. Someone has given her permission to do it. She said she had been getting in touch with this primal thing about killing and being the agent for another's transition into spirit. She talked about what an incredibly sexy thing it was.

Do I need to say that this woman is the ultimate button pusher...unflinchingly honest about all of her deepest darkest places as well as her light? (Which, I might add, shines very brightly. All who come in contact with her are mezmerized by her giggly, sparkly, loving life force).

I admit to thinking she was kidding around at first. I admit to feeling a bit discombobulated when I figured out she was serious. All sorts of feelings came up....man that woman is a force!

I told her I would come visit her in jail.

She told me she appreciated that I still liked her even after she had told me she wanted to kill someone.

The weird thing is, after my surprise, I understood her when she got all excited and kind of pantomimed choking someone to death, talking about it being the ultimate act of love. It is...think about it...if we think that being spirit is so wonderful, what a gift it is to assist someone in that journey!

Then I flashed on the dangers of this line of thought because of its capacity for being misinterpreted and used as a tool for unconscious behavior. That in the hands of the unconscious, it could justify lots that would certainly upset me to hear about.

What an odd line. What an odd topic to consider.

But it stays with me.

Why?

Well...when I think of killing someone I go numb. I don't think I could do it, even in self defense. I don't know if I could do it even to protect my children, but if I was to do it, that's the only scenario I can envision. I have this past life memory and it freaked me completely until I integrated it.

Then a weird thing flashed in the other day. It had been nice out so we had the doors open. We weren't paying attention and a species of small flies (bigger than fruit flies, smaller than the usual kind) took over our kitchen. There were tons of the little suckers flying all over the place. I started a campaign to get rid

I was smooshing and thwacking them, spilling their little guts all over the place. It felt really good killing them. Truth is, the act of taking their little annoying lives was exhilarating when I allowed myself to feel it. I flashed on my friend and I wondered...is this the same thing?

Life is life. We humans have conveniently appointed ourselves to be the arbiters of the hierarchy of the value of life here on the planet. While I'm not ready to kill a human walking around (although I have had an abortion so have killed a human), I am more than comfortable continuing my fly genocide (flyocide?).

At the same time, intellectually I don't buy that one form of life is any more important than the other and see my hypocrisy.

Then I flashed on actors, specifically Angelina Jolie. I thought about acting and how to be a truly great actor, you embody what it is what you are doing. You live/be/do this act or archetype. And I thought...wow...she plays all these assasins. Does she (and other great actors like her) get to feel that feeling of exhilaration of killing in a "safe" way? Does this ability to acceptably embody that taboo enhance their psychic integration?

My knowing is that it's all sacred. All of it means all of it- the light, the dark...all of it. Mystic logic does not allow for arbitrary exclusions of "all" just because we humans feel discomfort and judgment around a particular topic. Doesn't it then follow that even killing is sacred and "not evil" if it's all simply a part of the Dance of Life? And that when we acknowledge those feeling impulses instead of demonizing them we become more whole? I wonder how many would be willing to allow themselves to feel this ultimate taboo as spiritual practice?

Yup...I wasn't lying when I said I've been pondering controversial topics.

Art:

Kali by Mary MacGregor-Reid

Gaia Sacrifice from here

Wheel of Life from here

Pronoiac Sucking

2008-08-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

Have to have this on the blog...another gift from Rob Brezny and his book PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"If you choose to become a practitioner of pronoia, your life will suck. It has to suck.

Let me explain. As you cultivate the arts of gathering and bestowing the blessings that the universe is always conspiring to send your way, your life will suck in the best senses of the word.

First, your life will suck in the same way that you use a straw to compel a thick milk shake to disobey gravity and squirt into your mouth. Metaphorical translation: You'll work hard to pull toward you the resources you need, perhaps even exerting yourself with a force that goes against the natural flow.

Your pronoiac life will suck in a second way: like a powerful vacuum cleaner that inhales dirt from the floor and makes it disappear. You will have a sixth sense about getting rid of messes that are contaminating your clarity.

Here's a third interpretation: Once you commit yourself to the art of pronoia, you will most likely develop an unusually dynamic form of receptivity. Whether you're a man or woman, you'll be like a macho male with a willful intention to be like a welcoming female. As a result, you'll be regularly sucked into succulent opportunities you would never have come upon if you had let your pop nihilistic conditioning continue to dominate you. Your openness to uplifting adventures will make it easier for serendipitous miracles to find you and draw you in.

Let's take one more poetic leap of faith as we meditate on the metaphor. As you devote yourself to the art of making yourself available, your life will suck in the way that movements of the mouth and lips and tongue during close encounters with intimate partners stimulate pleasurable feelings."

Order Pronoia... by Rob Brezny from here

Vortex image from here.

Today's Question...

2008-08-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Shall I focus on:

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it?"

or...

Magic and Miracles happen every day.

The latter.

I do believe we are not bound by our past, that we can create anew.

I do believe that even when something has looked the same for years, it can change.

I keep thinking about Tessla, Edison, scientists all over the world who have a vision and keep at it until they get it right. I think of Nelson Mandela, who spent 27ish years in prison, then ended up president of his country. I think of Frodo and every hero.

This is my science and quest, this life of mine.

I believe.

Photo from here.

New Project?

2008-07-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start a new movement...may even try and get it started as a nonprofit organization (seriously).

I thought of it on my walk this morning after reading about a program begun in Gambia and Sierra Leone for teen peer education around health (and AIDS...but they don't separate the two issues over there). I found a paper on the complete organization and training online. Man, I love the internet!

They suggested that although this program was primarily targeted at the schools for now, that they were aniticipating taking out into the general public to teach all ages.

And I thought...what a great program!!! I want there to be programs like this all over the world. I envisioned the kids who had great interest in continuing to get further education or get involved in further areas of health, being recognized and receiving scholarships to become doctors and nurses (or whatever their interest), then go back to their communities.

The more I thought about it, the idea grew and I thought....heck...it's kinda like an army that brings life instead of destruction!!!

Then the name "Happy And Healthy Army" popped in...and I said to myself....Perfect!!!: They'll be the HAHA's!!!!

I've been smiling ever since.

Then...

A few minutes ago, my weekly Brezny email came with this quote from Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins (one of my favorite authors):

"The unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up, because that means he has to stop dwelling on himself and start paying attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence. When you're unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. You get to take yourself oh so very seriously."

Lovin' the synchronicity happening these days....

God's Smile uploaded by Worldpassenger from here

The Dark, The Light, Jesus, Osho And Me

2008-07-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

I'm always a tad taken aback when people are surprised/shocked or judge that spiritual people get angry, have doubts, worry, whine or aren't always little positive, peaceful, balls of unconditional love and light.

I've met lots of Teachers and a smattering of gurus, read tons about more. I have yet to fully believe that anyone is only light and peace, that they never lose themselves if only for a short while.

Now, I won't totally discount it. I definitely don't know much of anything. I do know I'm a total full on skeptic of the highest order while remaining more than willing to be wrong. Maybe the Dalai Lama is. Eckhart Tolle says he never gets angry or loses his inner sense of peace. I can't know their experience and I suppose anything is possible.

But let us not forget that even Jesus got a bit attituded from time to time. He also got really scared and whiney the night before his ordeal (and I don't blame him one bit....sheesh). We have only a smidge of recountings of his days and nights, but my guess is that he probably raised a bit of hell from time to time. He surely hung out with a rowdy group, yes?

I've always wondered what it would look like if Jesus had the same media that Osho or some of the other controversial gurus have had.

It was easy to just pick out a few strategic stories that feed the Jesus mystique and focus on those. No print, no video, no tape recorders to contradict The Truth of the 99.99% of the remaining hours and days we know nothing about. Wait almost a hundred years and you've got the story intact. Have a synod or four, a council or two at Nicaa and poof, total shoring up of The Truth.

Osho, on the other hand, has everything fully documented. No possibility of hiding from any controversy with him, no opportunity for BC/BCE unrecorded spin and soundbites to become fact.

It took Christianity centuries to stabilize and survive. It went through many permutations until it did. I wonder what the Osho movement will look like in a few hundred years. Will the controversy override the gifts? Does it matter so much the behavior of the founder of the movement if the participants get so much out of it? Will Osho end up being deified in some way? (Jesus did not start out that way, but was later voted divine at Nicea). Will Osho's strong followers keep this tradition alive and will it become codified, with a hierarchy and over 1700 different denominations as Christianity did?

And does much of what we attribute to Jesus have to do with "Truth" or more with the fact that we don't have access to the what really happened so are able to create him in the image we need?

Was he really all light and love? I don't think so.

...just as I don't think any spiritual teacher is totally light and love (possible above disclaimers aside).

I feel in my soul that the most profound teachers are the ones who embrace all of Life. They shock us into looking at our disconnected ego judging them for not being perfect. They give us opportunity to remember our own divinity when we are forced to see that we are all humans here and that they are no "better" than we.

I saw an old acquaintance awhile back. He had taken one of my workshops about 15 years ago. He said that after that workshop he had been talking to someone (couldn't remember who) who said to him that of all the people they had ever come in contact with, I was the one who was most dedicated to doing inner work.

What I flashed was "Um...well...ahem...there was a reason for that...." :)

I have done lots of inner work. Even during this last ripping apart cycle, it wasn't like it used to be before. I'm way happier and at peace on all sorts of levels than I was 20, 30 years ago....wayverymuch. It could simply be age. It could be that I would have arrived here without all the inner work. I haven't a clue and I don't care.

I was messed up, but in hindsight I don't think I was any more or less messed up than anyone else. I've discovered that maybe it isn't so much about hating those parts of ourselves that we find imperfect as finding acceptance of them and allowing them to flow through to the next piece of who we are that is just behind it. Because who we are, what we feel and how respond are fluid, open and ever changing.

Maybe like everything else, inner peace isn't about being all light and love but our response to ourselves when we aren't light and love for whatever reason. Maybe the anxiety, depression or stuckness isn't about itself or what's in front of us but rather our response to it and the story we tell that makes us miserable.

Maybe it's that the enlightened ones get angry, but they fully allow it and go postal in temples. The full on embracing of the essential feeling allows it to flow through so return to peace much more quickly than others who will analyse the politically correct way to respond when they're pissed and keep holding it in their bodies, afraid to let their authentic selves expression.

And maybe it's the ones who are OK with all of that, not judging themselves for their responses that are anything other than light and love that get to be at peace more.

Sure has been a big piece for me.

So, sometimes I'm in ecstatic union. Often these days I'm at peace and I don't know why. Sometimes I wake up in the night anxious and can't get back to sleep. Sometimes I love holding my grandson...sometimes it bores me. Usually I am fully accepting of my arteest daughter's moods...and once I got tired of it. Often you'll find me tremendously patient and compassionate. And sometimes my buttons are pushed and I get snarky.

I want and expect my Spiritual Teachers to have problems, to be assholes from time to time, to smile and laugh lots, to admit their shadows and their doubts. Many of the ones I know smoke (and I loved hearing all the judgmental gasps at workshops around that one!!). Some do drugs. Many have strong libidos and sexual kinks. Some get really pissy at times. Others refuse to talk to their disciples and students. I want all of that.

Why? Why don't I want perfection? Because it doesn't feel real to me. Why? Because I, too, used to think there was some end state of perfection that I could attain...that I wanted to attain and that I fell far short of. Because of who I was, I thought it was defined by some outside set of rules of "the way we should be." Because I wasn't all that, and I was a Type A, I used to feel competitive, "less than," imperfect, unlovable just as I was, in a fight with myself to be everything I clearly wasn't. I lived in a constant state of self judgment.

I don't always respond happily when I fuck up, but in the end I like that I'm a messed up ball of imperfection. I like that I fall off the path....and since I'm OK with all that, I tend to get back on it pretty darn quickly. I like remembering and living the knowing that the lighter the light, the darker the shadow, that it's all connected everywhere and that I'm a reflection of that, too.

And the best part of all this? Because I'm OK with all this inside me, I'm also mostlyusuallypretty OK with the imperfections inside you...and the world...and all of it....

And the best part of all that? I get to be pretty darn happy and in integrity in relation to the world.

Art

Photo of Jesus by Kevissimo from his series "TRIBUTES FOR KINGS, THE STATIONS OF THE CROSS" This guy has some amazing photographs and does shows. Yum.

Nature And Nurture

2008-07-23T08:48:00.001-07:00

I was watching a baby the other day. His thighs were the fattest I'd ever seen, truly one of the stars of what I call "Deprived Child Syndrome" or "Michelin Man Syndrome" that healthy breastfed babies get. He was happy, bubbling bubbles, totally fascinated by his toes.

And I thought how cool it is that we come into life expecting to be taken care of, expecting to be loved and for the world to revolve around us.

Every mother I've ever talked to confirms that each child is born with an established personality. I have yet to hear a parent say "oh my....this baby is exactly like my first one." Usually it's the complete opposite- we think we have it down but the new one comes to confound us, reminding us,once again, that we have absolutely nothing to hold onto in terms of ego in parenting.

And every time I remember new second time parents marveling, I wonder how it is that we can think we are simply some Skinnerean experiment. How is it that we think that we are solely a result of our conditioning and environment? No way.

With the gabillions of chemical responses, hormonal influences, thousands of neurons firing, personalities that are clear before labor, individual responses of newborns to the exact same environment...how could we possibly think that we are born blank slates with nothing inherent about who we are?

I'm not saying who or what it is that we are when born or what we bring in. I'm not vying for some specific story of the model of the universe or creation. You won't hear me saying that some god on high has given us a task here to complete, our fates set in place the moment we are conceived. I don't care how anyone else explains all this to themselves. I simply notice what mothers have known for centuries.

I'm not arguing that nurture plays no role in our development. I am suggesting that we come in with our own unique makeup to respond to what's in our environment. One person might shrivel and die in an abuse situation. The other in the same family, may end up using that experience as a tool to create amazing, positive things in their lives. How each responds has nothing to do with the outer world. It's their inner world that creates a particular outcome.

I love the mystery of this. It makes for total lack of control and, for me, wondrous opportunity for creation because of the wild cards of our own unique nature's response to our nurture.

Art from here

A Note To The Artists Whose Work I Share Here

2008-07-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

I love art!

I would love to be an actual patron of the arts, buying pieces to enjoy and support you. It's one of my intentions and I envision being in that position some day.

In the meantime, I share the art I find that I like and would buy (hope to buy in the future.)

I am someone who feels art should be shared. I know many artists and they struggle financially. I'm also a networker, and like to share stuff I'm excited about. My word of mouth adverstising has brought business to many in many fields- restaurants, products, foods, bodyworkers, artists, doctors, therapists, workshops, etc. I find it the best way for us to share what we have and be able so support ourselves doing what we love. I find it a win/win situation.

I also see the internet as an amazing vehicle to have our energy out there as little beacons of light, providing us with incredible opportunity to spread the word about what we want to offer the world and get ourselves out there. I assume that is why you are on the internet to begin with.

I am aware that there are copywright laws. It is not my intent to violate them. I do my very best to give credit to the artists out there and provide a way to spread the word about your talent so that it can come back to you and bring you increased income. I don't contact you beforehand because this is a blog, I put these posts up quickly, I find the art as quickly as I can and I don't have the time to write you and ask for your approval.

If you want me to take your art, down, I will remove it within ten minutes of opening your email. I hope you understand the intent with which I used it, which was not to rip you off, but rather to celebrate you, your vision and talent and to advertise for you, too. If you do not want these gifts, then just tell me and I will find other art and artists who do.

Many Blessings and thanks to you!!

Father Issues

2008-07-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not one to try and dig up all sorts of history to focus on in my healing. Being an actional person, I tend to think that rehashing old stories is counter-productive in the long run, serving only to keep me stuck in Victim Mode.

I do, however, think it useful in the short term to identify areas in which I may be unconsciously operating from.

Over the years I've tended to identify my main issues/woundings as stemming from my relationship with my mother. Occasionally my intuition might flit on the concept of "hm...gee...this is interesting that I don't feel anything around my father." But he remained a blank.

Years ago, in one journey/meditation I did around healing with my parents, I felt/saw/experienced us on a beach. We held hands, dancing in a circle. We started to fly. My dad kind of faded out of the picture behind my mother and I "got" (in that way that we get things while in trance: fwoomfwoomfwoom) that most of the issues were with my father and that we had all agreed on a soul level that she would put herself between the two of us. It was a true ah-ha moment.

However this vision was not enough for me to focus there or do any of the real work that I devoted to my mother (and other) issues. I find that quite cute...running from the what, Pamm?

He calls me now. I'm not sure what that looks like just yet, but I feel the call of healing my personal relationship with male energy. I have chosen, these last fourteen years, to learn what it means to be devoted to being with and serving male energy as it redefines and re-creates itself. But the years have come full circle (or what looks like full circle to me right now, anyway) and I'm learning the things I "need" that I've put on the back burner in my crusade of being "of service."

Years ago I did a stint around healing The Father when I did an adventure with Christianity and disconnected angry Radical Feminism. I'm not there any more and I don't know what any of this looks like today.

I do know it's deeper. And I do know that when I put the intention out there, things appear. It's already begun as I kindasorta began this a few weeks ago. It's scary, but completely freeing. This time of year is historically one where I experience stagnated, stifling, stuck energy. My birthday is soon and I've had intuitive flashes that it's about pre-birth body memories of waiting...sitting...or that since mother was a smoker I'm reliving feeling terrified and paralyzed with no oxygen, not being able to get the "life force" I needed. Stay small...stay quiet...maybe I'll survive. Whatever....

But this year I feel more energized than I have in years. It grows daily. I've been taking concrete steps toward doing life differently, learning trust in Life and Love...learning to listen as best I can then act according only to my heart...no shoulds...following the illogical...not doing what I think others need, not taking on projections. I'm both excited and scared shitless. Yum.

Time for a Quest.

Art: The Love Between A Father and a Daughter by Keith Burns from here

Pronoia

2008-07-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT from Rob Brezny:

"Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright. Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed. Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it."

* The preceding oracle comes from his book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. It's available at Amazon or Powells.

Here's a review of the book.

Art: Waterfall from here

Lava from here

Icebergs from here