Emotional Eating - Overeating Help - Compulsive Eating Disorders

Practicing a Miracle with your Body:Shifting your Perception

2008-05-05T14:57:00.001-07:00

In my last columns, I wrote about practicing relationship skills with our bodies, allowing us to heal not only that relationship, but our relationships with others as well. Today, I focus on the first relationship skill, Active Attention.

One of the reasons so many of us struggle with our Bodies is because we don’t really see them for what they are. We only see the surface, the outside, and miss out on the depth and wonder of the inside. Just like when we make conclusions about someone from his/her external appearance, our society has taught us to make conclusions about our bodies from the way they look: is your body thin enough? Does it have cellulite? Are your breasts perky or droopy? Is your stomach flat? The answers to these questions determine what we think and feel about our bodies: if it’s thin enough, we like our body. If it’s not, it’s unworthy and shameful. This is a form of prejudice that creates tremendous hatred and violence.

Practicing Active Attention provides an antidote to our distorted seeing. We expand our focus beyond surface appearance to the whole Body, inside and out. We shift our perception from seeing our body as a lifeless object to a life-filled entity which performs miracles for us 24/7. Do you know that your heart beats 100,000 times a day? Or that there are 3 million cells in one square inch of skin whose sole purpose is to protect you from environmental stressors? Can you imagine that your blood goes on a 60,000 mile journey and circulates in your body in 23 seconds?

Today, make a commitment to really getting to know your Body, the way we get to know a Beloved when we first fall in love. Who is your Body? What do you know about your cells, your intestines, your heart, your blood? Have you ever thought about the wonders of your bones or your muscles? I promise you this: the more energy you spend practicing Active Attention with your Body, the more peace, love, and well-being you will reap. It’s a win/win situation!

Interview with Isabelle in the Daily Camera of Boulder

2008-04-30T06:26:00.000-07:00

Daily Camera Article, 4/29/08 in the Fit Section

Brief bio: (include what you do for a living here):
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in body image, eating disorders, and relationship problems. I am also an energy healer, graduate of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. I am passionate about eating disorders education and prevention, co-founding the Boulder County Eating Disorders Coalition and doing trainings throughout the State. I am writing a book, the Body Beloved: the Inside-out Way to Loving your Body, that introduces the radical proposition that your relationship with your body offers a rich spiritual path designed to help you uncover your Highest Self.
Philosophy when working with clients:
I believe in working from love and acceptance. To heal means to make whole, not rejecting any parts of ourselves but rather embracing them with compassion. I believe that our bodies are magnificent creations who deserve kindness and care and that healing our relationship with them can benefit that relationship and our relationship with others, both past and present.
How did you get involved with health care?
I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my young adult life. In my healing journey, I learned that eating disorders are not merely an obstacle we need to get rid of but are integral in helping us become more loving human beings. I became a therapist to help others heal with that understanding.
What are your favorite healthy foods? Your favorite workouts?
I practice living in relationship with my body, listening to its needs, taking into account my own, and finding ways to meet both. If I really want French fries, I will have them but will make sure to meet my body’s needs later through some protein or vegetables. Or if my Body tells me it needs to move while I’d rather stay on the couch, I will go to the gym but will make sure to take a nice hot bath for my own pleasure later. This is a relationship that requires me to be present to what is happening in the moment rather than living from a fixed set of rules that have nothing to do with me or my Body.
What is the best health advice you ever received?
Eat when hungry. Stop before you’re full. It is so simple and yet so difficult to practice. It’s the only true way to feed our bodies, as it takes our bodies’ needs into account. Who else BUT your body knows what it needs?!
What is your personal health care routine?
I only eat complex carbohydrates for lunch and breakfast, as my body has repeatedly shown me that it does not digest them well at night. I work out 5 to 6 days a week, because it gives me time to be with my body, to give it strength, and to increase its energy to support me in my busy life. I practice listening to my body and making decisions that create the most love. Am I perfect yet? No, and I will probably never be. But like with any relationship, I keep trying my best and let it teach me what I still have to learn.
How can people contact you?
You can call me at 303-817-6912, email me at isabelle@bodybeloved.com, or visit my web sites, www.bodybeloved.com, and www.thehabitexperts.com.

Just Relax: How to release stress in minutes

2007-04-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

From Parade Magazine, September 24th, 2006 (The bolded statements are mine)
Stress is your body's normal response to a threat of any kind and the "danger" does not have to be huge. It can be running late for a meeting or having an argument with a friend or colleague.
Even if the danger is small, our bodies release chemicals that have a galvanizing effect on every cell. Many Americans today -facing long hours at work, financial pressure, and problems with spouses and children-constantly are under stress. Even childhood is not as simple as it once was, and adolescents have a full vocabulary of stress.
But it doesn't have to be this way. You can learn simple techniques to keep a clear head, reduce your stress, and put less strain on your body.
1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH OR TWO (AND USE THE MANDALA CARDS!)
The most direct way to de-stress is to take two or three slow, deep breaths whenever you notice that you are anxious or under strain. This is not as easy as it sounds, because when you experience a threat, the center of your breathing moves from your belly to your chest, and your breathing becomes quicker and shallower. Your body then sets in motion the sympathetic branch of your nervous system, which releases the stress hormones and suppresses the parasympathetic branch, which triggers the flow of chemicals that have a calming effect.
The good news is that, by paying attention to your breathing (and using the Stop and Breathe mandala card), you can switch off the stressed parts of your nervous system and return to a state of calm. As you inhale, imagine that your belly is a balloon and you are slowly filling it with air. As you exhale, make sure your belly stays relaxed as it lets the air out.
2. THINK THE GOOD STUFF (AND USE THE MANDALA CARDS)
Since stress is the body's way of dealing with threats, a simple way to de-stress is to use your body's response to good things to your advantage. A few moments spent thinking how lucky you are to be alive or how in awe you are of nature's beauty all send a chemical that life is good throughout your body. Though we react to threat in a 10th of a second, it takes longer for the "all clear" to sound. We have to spend 6 to 10 seconds appreciating our good fortune (or meditating on the mandalas picture in the cards) for our body to relax. But if you can produce a genuine smile, then your body cannot feel stressed at all.
3. SLOW DOWN
When you multi-task, -by talking on the phone while driving, for example-, your body and mind require more energy. When you slow down, you relax your body and reduce the demands on your mind. So when feeling stressed, do a common activity slowly, carefully, and with focused attention. Even getting up from your desk slowly gives your nervous system a break. (Use either "Consider the consequences" or "What is the kindest choice?" cards to remind you how stress affects your body and how you could slow down.)
4. CHANGE THE TAPE
Sometimes, all we need to do to de-stress is to change the tape that runs in our heads. Most of us have a habit of making problems worse by saying things to ourselves like, "This is terrible", or "I have really screwed up". Instead, say supportive and positive things to yourself, such as "I can deal with this", or "I deserve success and good fortune."
5. LET IT GO
There are occasions in life when you need to recognize that you cannot change the situation. In those cases, you can make a conscious decision not to stress yourself out over something that you can't make different or better. (Use "It's just a passing thought" card to remind you that thoughts come and go if you just give them time and don't hold on to them.)
As I say over and over again, the more you use the mandala cards, the more you and your body heals. So go ahead and place them everywhere around your home. You WILL change your life!

Do NOT Diet: It's Bad for your Health!

2007-04-12T09:37:00.000-07:00

This is the message a group of researchers is sending, saying that not only does dieting not work in the long term, but it is also potentially dangerous for your health. The study is published in the April edition of American Psychologist, the journal of the American Psychological Association and details the work of researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles, who reviewed 31 long-term studies lasting between 2 to 5 years. UCLA associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study, Traci Mann said: “You can initially lose 5 to 10 percent of your weight on any number of diets, but then the weight comes back. We found that the majority of people regained all the weight, plus more,” she added. “Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people,” said Dr Mann, shattering an age-long belief that restraining from food for a period of time will help a person lose weight – and keep it that way. The study suggests that whatever benefits there are to be obtained through dieting, in the long run, negative side effects outweigh advantages. Dr Mann and her team analyzed every study they could find that followed people on diets for 2 to 5 years. Studies that take less than 2 years are “too short to show whether dieters have regained the weight they lost,” they said. They found that it would have been better for most of them if they had not gone on a diet at all. “Their weight would be pretty much the same, and their bodies would not suffer the wear and tear from losing weight and gaining it all back,” explained Dr Mann. Repeatedly losing and gaining weight has been linked, in previous studies, to cardiovascular disease, stroke, diabetes and altered immune function. While people on diets lose an average of 5 to 10 per cent of their weight in the first 6 months, 33 to 66 per cent of these persons regain more than what they lose within 4 to 5 years. And this is not a complete picture either. The figures do not reflect reality because participants phone or mail their results in themselves, without an impartial assessor. Also, many studies have a below 50 per cent follow up rate; and the people who put on a lot of weight are less likely to stay in touch. UCLA graduate student of psychology and co-author of the study, Janet Tomiyama said that “Several studies indicate that dieting is actually a consistent predictor of future weight gain.” She referred to a study that studied links between lifestyle and weight in 19,000 healthy older men over four years. This study found that, “One of the best predictors of weight gain over the four years was having lost weight on a diet at some point during the years before the study started,” she said. Dr Mann said: “Exercise may well be the key factor leading to sustained weight loss. Studies consistently find that people who reported the most exercise also had the most weight loss.” The study did not name any diets in particular, but looked at a broad spectrum of approaches. Professor Mann said in her opinion eating in moderation was a good idea for everybody as was regular exercise.

Article in the Daily Camera by Isabelle on Body Image

2007-02-02T14:51:00.000-08:00

In the mirror: Teens struggle with body image(Daily Camera, 1/29/07)

The 13-year-old girl refused to untie her sweater from around her waist.
She was ashamed of her stomach. She thought everyone was looking at how fat it was, like it was a deformity. She began dieting and weighing herself about 20 times a day.
She was at the edge of developing an eating disorder, but her mother caught her just in time. She brought her daughter to a therapist, and within two months, the girl began loosening up the sweater until she felt confident enough to lose it completely.
The girl's therapist described her as "teeny tiny" — no stomach bulge at all. But the girl saw her body differently.
Like many other American teenagers — mostly girls — she had a warped body image. A person's body image is not necessarily connected to reality, local therapists say.
Think: If you're having a good day and you feel upbeat, you are more likely to think you look good. If you're stressed and depressed, you are likely to feel unattractive, even if you look the same as you usually do.
Developing a healthy body image is crucial for adolescents; a negative image can lead to a lifetime of eating disorders and low self-esteem.
And these perceptions begin at the beginning. Even toddlers pick up messages from society, their parents, daycare and friends about how they should view their bodies. If parents don't clear up mixed messages and let their children know they are more than their body shape, children can start to act out dangerous eating habits.
Local therapists tell stories about increasingly more preteens popping diet pills, skipping lunch or heading to the bathrooms at school to purge what they do eat at lunch.
One 4-year-old girl refused to eat the snacks at her preschool because she was afraid of getting fat.
Two-thirds of all American girls have been on a diet before the age 10. Nearly half of 9- to 11-year-olds are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets, according to a study by Colgate University. Forty-two percent of first- to third-grade girls said they want to be thinner, another national study showed.
Eighty percent of 10-year-olds said in another national survey they were afraid of being fat.
Superior-based therapist Dorie McCubbrey knows that fear firsthand. She developed an eating disorder in elementary school, after seeing most of the women in her family diet regularly. Parents have a tremendous impact as role models for their children, be it good or bad, McCubbrey says.
"This is the season right now to be losing weight," says McCubbrey, who now counsels people on healthy weight maintenance and body acceptance. "There are healthy ways to lose weight, and if you are trying to lose weight, be very careful about what you say in front of your kids, because they will pick it up."
When a person's body image is inaccurate, it often means they're using their body as something they can change when they feel like their life is out of control, according to McCubbrey. She saw one 6-year-old girl who refused to eat after her parents got a divorce.
"Any kind of trauma, whether mild or severe, can trigger someone to use their body as a means of control," McCubbrey says. "And that needs to be taken very seriously."
'Your body's a wonderland'
Isabelle Tierney, a therapist in Boulder, says 80 percent of her clients struggle with their body image. She speaks to local students and trains school counselors about positive body image.
Few people admire their bodies for the "marvels" that they are, Tierney says. She often guides her clients through meditation where they think about their skin, muscles, blood, the cells and the complex organs inside.
"Nobody teaches kids and adolescents how incredible the body is, the way the muscles work," she says. "It allows me to jump, run, wrestle. When you start seeing your body, as opposed to an object that is supposed to look a certain way to be liked, but as a magnificent system — and if you take care of it, it'll work for you — it shifts you into an incredible place where you think, 'Wow, my body is amazing.'"
Tierney runs the Web site, www.bodybeloved.com, which teaches and "inside-out" view on body image. That means letting your inside define your outside, rather than letting your feelings depend on what's going on outside: How others view you, whether you're in a good mood, if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Tierney recommends teaching this as young as possible.
"I have three kids myself, and I always say, 'What does your body need? Take care of this machine working for you,'" she says.
Celebrating real beauty
As a teenager, Audrey Brashich got caught up in society's definition of beauty. She was a teen model, landing gigs with magazines such as YM, Seventeen, Elle Girl, Cosmo Girl, Lucky and Self.
Brashich also was elected to her New York high school's student government, one of the first girls chosen since the school's founding in 1709, she says.
No one seemed to care about that.
"I was in a bunch of magazines, and a lot of people were asking me about that," she says. "Why is that so much more important than something else that took a lot of intelligence to achieve?"
Brashich, who now lives in Canada, says society's messages to girls perplexed her. So she decided to do some research.
Brashich published a book in May, "A Girl's Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty," a body image and media literacy guide for teens. She says some girls don't realize there is more to life than feeling "pretty."
"The girls I've spoken to are torn. They want to fit in to what is beautiful, but be valued for other things they know are important and are told are important," she says.
She urges parents and teachers to talk to their children about what they see in the media — "raise questions and get kids thinking about what they see," she says.
"If you ask kids what's important in a role model, they'll make a mini list, or if you ask them what professions are the most important in the world, they'll probably say doctors and teachers," Brashich says. "Then ask them to name famous doctors and teachers, and they'll have a harder time. It shows them that we know these things are important, yet we don't see them in the media. Let's find them."
Contact Camera Staff Writer Aimee Heckel at (303) 473-1359 or heckela@dailycamera.com.

To exercise or not to exercise? That is the question.

2006-06-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

Last night, I ate too much. I had a fitful sleep, as my body was busy trying to digest more food than it needed. When I woke up this morning, the first thing my mind told me was that I should exercise. Exercising would make me get rid of the extra calories, it said. It would allow me to have another big dinner tonight, as we are going out again. And, most importantly, exercise would keep me looking good enough for my upcoming trip to my old home town. Being thin always calms my fears about going back.

Hour after hour, I sat in my sun room, trying to find the motivation to go for my run. I felt sadness and anxiety instead. As I focused on these feelings, I connected to a part of me that is so very tired of working out SO THAT I can be thin. When I work out to get "thin enough", I am without connection to what my body actually needs. I don't care if my body is tired: I'm going to go for a long run. I don't care that I have a cold: I'm going to lift weights. From this place, my body is a hated instrument that I need to keep under control.

As I continued to sit, I began imagining actually working out to celebrate our bodies, their strength, flexibility, and endurance. I imagined how we could learn to love how our leg muscles feel when we lift heavy weights rather than worrying if our legs look thinner. I imagined going for a run because we want our beloved heart to be stronger not because we can burn more calories. I imagined completing a set of sit-ups because our spine needs more support not because we are hoping to get a 15 year-old's six-pack.

Putting our focus INSIDE our bodies require practice. We are so accustomed to looking to its exterior, obsessing about the size of our stomach or our breasts, or our thights. It is so easy to find ways to focus on our exterior: mirrors, scales, the size and fit of our clothes. These are constant reminders about whether we measure up or not (literally!). Looking inside requires a deeper, subtler level of awareness and presence. How does your right foot FEEL right now as it touches the ground? Can you feel your arm muscles if you stretch them slowly? Is your body feeling energized or lethargic? Does it want to move or is it looking for gentler care?

When I focus inside, I feel deep joy and gratitude for what my body can do for me. When I focus outside, I feel anxiety, self-hate, and shame.

To love ourselves and our bodies enough to be willing to listen to what we truly need is a challenge. No doubt about it. To focus on our bodies' internal brilliance rather than external looks stretches us beyond a beloved comfort zone. We have to be willing to let go of the simplicity of our society's black and white rules for being loved and open up to the uncertainty that being authentic might bring.

For today, I invite you to go inward and listen. You may not understand what you hear at first. But as you become acquainted with your body's language, you will become clear about what you need and how to get those needs met. You will finally be willing to be yourself.

Loving My Toes

2006-06-21T19:27:00.000-07:00

As I was sitting watching TV a few minutes ago, my eyes caught sight of my toes. Now, if I'm really honest, I gotta tell you that I have FUNKY toes. Not the toes that you see in magazines or that some dainty girl is supposed to have. No, my toes are crooked, big, all-around weird.

I've always had a hate/hate relationship with my toes: I hate them because they are so ugly and they hate me because I put them in too-tight shoes in an attempt to hide them from the world. So far, that's worked.

Tonight, something changed. As I looked down at my feet, a smile slowly crept on my face. For the first time in my life, I actually liked my toes. They have PERSONALITY. They are MY toes. Crooked, big, all-around weird. I suddenly realized they are just like the me that I have spent 43 years trying to accept. Crooked, big, all-around weird. That's me and I will not try to fit myself into any straight, small, "normal" box any more. I am finally home!

2006-06-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

This morning, my friend Liz told me about this archery class she went to last night. When I asked her what benefits I could get from it, she told me that this class was about learning to live from the heart. I became filled with longing and excitement, seeing myself with a bow, an open heart, and a beatific look on my face. I imagined finally being free from suffering and from lowly human problems. Unfortunately, I found out the class cost money so I quickly dropped the subject.
But the subject wasn't going to drop me quite as quickly. My 14 year-old daughter came home from camp today. I was so happy because I had missed her, so I cooked her home-made gnocchis, got two movies, and envisioned a girls' evening filled with love, sharing, and laughter.
It didn't quite happen that way. She did not like the gnocchis that I had spent two hours making (nor did I, if I am really honest). She did not like the movies I got. And she spent the better part of the evening in her room, catching up with her friends and singing.
Unwilling to give up my dream, I eventually went up to her room and plopped into her big comfy chair, absolutely convinced that we would now have an intimate moment. She stopped what she was doing (looking at herself in the mirror I think), looked at me, and told me to please leave her room as she didn't like it when people came and used her furniture. With my head down, I silently walked out of her room, hoping that she would realize she had hurt my feelings and tell me to come back. Didn't happen.
For the first few minutes, I sat in my room absolutely convinced that I had been wronged and that my daughter was to blame. Didn't she realize I had spent two hours cooking for her ( I NEVER cook; my husband does)? Didn't she understand that I had hand-picked the two movies just for her viewing pleasure (okay, Patrick Swayze in tights could possibly be my own viewing pleasure)? What about the girls' time in her room? Hadn't I bought all the furniture anyway? Did she really have the right to throw me out?
I thank God that I've done enough personal work to stop when I create such misery for myself. When I checked with reality, I realized that the only thing that had happened is that I had had a beautiful impulse for contact; that she didn't experience that same impulse; and that those two truths were perfectly okay.
So I challenged myself to see if I could go back to her room and NOT act all victimy, which I did. She apologized and told me that she gets into these moods she doesn't always understand (you are FOURTEEN, my poor one) and that she loved me. And I told her from the bottom of my open heart that it was okay. And I fully meant it.
The moral of the story? We don't need no archery classes to teach us to open our hearts. If we are willing to take on the challenge, life will bring it right to us.

Control versus structure: is there a difference?

2005-11-23T15:28:00.000-08:00

Many people who struggle with eating issues have a love-hate relationship with control. On the one hand, they know that controlling their food intake and their exercise regimen makes them feel better. On the other hand, the control often feels tight and rigid, bringing back memories of childhood authorities against whom you were powerless.
The pattern usually goes like this: you control obsessively for a day, a week, a month. You count every calorie, exercise every day, and spend much time obsessively thinking about food and the denial of food. After some time, you give up and explode, bingeing on everything that comes your way. You can't even consider going back to the rigid control, yet feel the devastating cost of "losing it" in every part of your psyche. The more you act out this cycle, the shorter the "control" periods last, and the longer the "let-it-all-hang-out" periods take their toll. Most of the clients I see begin their day by going to go on a diet but are bingeing by early evening!
Sound familiar? Here is an answer, which lies in the difference between control and structure.
Look at the dictionary definition of those two words.
CONTROL:
To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over.
STRUCTURE:
Something made up of a number of parts that are held or put together in a particular way.
The way in which parts are arranged or put together to form a whole.

How does this apply to eating and exercise? When you control your food intake and exercise, you are "exercising authoritative or dominating influence over" yourself. Control is rigid. It does not allow for change, error, or compassion. When you control, you are not paying attention to what your body needs. Rather, you are "dominating" your body, paying attention only to external rules rather than internal clues.

Structure is different. You decide what structure to create for yourself, a structure that can encompass what your body needs, what your personality desires, and the variables life brings you on a daily basis. Structure keeps you safe. I use Quicken, a financial program, because it gives me structure for how to spend -or not spend- my money. Without Quicken, I control too tightly or spend compulsively. With structure, I am BASED IN REALITY about what I need and can play within the structure depending on the day. I can choose to forego my weekly dining allowance for a sweater I love. Or give up my organic groceries for a few weeks knowing Thanksgiving will cost me a bundle.

I have encouraged many of my clients to create a structure by signing onto www.myfooddiary.com. THEY can decide the structure they want to create. They can decide how many calories they want to eat a day, depending on whether they want to lose weight or not. They can decide how much exercise they are willing to do, knowing that when they do it, they get to eat more. With structure, people get to be grown-ups, choosing consciously what they really want, and living with the consequences of those choices.

The way I see it is this: on one hand is control. On the other side is chaos and a free-for-all. And in the middle lies structure. Try it. You may just have found an important key

A Date with Your Body

2005-11-14T07:29:00.000-08:00

Many people who struggle with overeating have no clue what their bodies really want. They look to the Atkins Diet, or the South Beach diet, or even the grapefruit diet to find out what they really need and have little trust that the answer lies inside themselves. Unfortunately, like meddling aunts who think they know what's best for you, diets do not take YOUR body into account. They invite you to forego a relationship with your body and self by abdicating responsibility to them. Isn't it time to stop letting others tell you what's good for you and find out who your body really is?
A client named Stephanie represents what millions of Americans go through every day. She is a strong and financially successful woman who is fiercely independent. She would be irate if anyone tried to tell her what to do, whether in her personal or professional life. And yet, like many others, she relies on the latest diet to decide what to put into her body. If you ask her what her body needs, she spews the latest research on the evil nature of fat and carbohydrates, forgetting that she only allowed carbohydrates to enter her mouth a few years before. She used to be a frantic jogger 10 years ago but now takes a Yogalates class along her other fashionable friends.
Stephanie has no clue what her body really needs. She is willing to make life-changing decisions based on what the "experts" say, rather than her own body. In fact, Stephanie does not know her body. This ally that she lives with, that she could not live her life without, is a stranger to her. Can you imagine having a partner that you never took the time for? Can you imagine asking outsiders for help in how to be in relationship with this partner without listening to input from him or her?
This is what most of you act out onto your body. Your body is your life long partner. Without your body, you do not have a life. Your body works hard for you every day, performing millions of miracles every second you are alive. Do you know this body of yours? Do you know the way it speaks to you? Do you know when it is hungry, tired, or needing to move? Do you take it into consideration before making decisions that considerably impact it? Or do you listen to what outsiders tell you, trusting them rather than yourself?
It is time to make a date with your body. Commit to spending 15 minutes a day listening, really listening. Whether you take a yoga class, meditate, or just get quiet, your body will happily communicate with you. Know that your body may not speak to you the way you expect it. And that each body communicates differently. So be open to its language, and soon, you will be awed by its wisdom. Trust me. Your life will be so much better for it.

Seeing your body as beautiful is YOUR choice. And you'll feel much better for it.

2005-11-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

So many of the people I work with hate their bodies. They hate their thighs, their stomachs, their noses, or their love handles. They hate themselves for overeating and for not exercising. They berate themselves when they can't stay on a diet and criticize themselves when their bodies don't feel good.

What do you think this self-rejection does to your life? Have you ever considered doing something new? Opening to a different perception? What might that do to your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual self...

Many of my clients are tortured souls when they start with me. When I teach them to use love rather than self-hate, they are convinced I must be insane. How could I possibly think they are going to stop overeating if they are loving with themselves? How will they ever get off the couch by being kind? They swear that self-rejection is the only thing keeping them from fully self-destroying.

So I make them do an experiment. For a week, only a week, try eating, exercising, making mistakes, looking at your body, trying on clothes, with love. For a week, change your perception and open up to a different world. You have nothing to lose if I am wrong. I mean, I can clearly see that your harsh criticism has really helped you heal...

Here are the rules:

When you eat, imagine your digestive system is the site of the best party you've ever been to. When food comes in, welcome in, invite it to the fiesta, make it feel welcome, loved. As it gets digested, allow your system to be the most loving environment you've ever been in. A place where you would just love to hang out in. Let food bathe in the love.
When you look at yourself in the mirror, do not let your "outside" eyes look. Use your "inside" eyes. The ones that know that every second of every day, your body is performing thousands of miraculous functions for you. The ones that know that your heart beats 100,000 a day, that your blood goes on a 60,000 mile journey, and that your body will defend you against most attackers. Look inside your moving bones and muscles and be awed by what they can do. Feel your spine move and feel gratitude for its flexibility. Feel the warmth of the floor, touch a piece of clothing and be stunned by how your senses work.
When you exercise, don't do it to "lose" anything. Do it as a present to your body, as a gift to your heart, muscles, blood, bones, skin, and so on. With every move you make, you allow your body to be energized, to let go of old toxins, to work better for you. Exercise to give your body the care it needs.
When you overeat, instead of berating yourself, ask your body to forgive your mistake and TRUST it that it will take care of it. Give it all the love you can, because our bodies work best with our love. Let your stomach relax, your intestines open, the food flow.
When you sleep, dedicate your sleep to your body. Thank it for the work it did for you today and tell it lovingly that you are now giving it the rest you need.

When we change our perceptions from looking at everything we are doing wrong to everything that is loving and right with our world, everything changes. Let me know what happened to you!

I swore I would never be like my mother...and yet I am.

2005-11-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

I swore I would never be like my mother. Actually, I have hardly spoken to her the last few days so furious am I that she does not listen to me, constantly invades me, and only thinks of herself. I try to be so clear about my needs to her, about my desire to be heard, to be given space. I feel sad and frustrated, not wanting a relationship with someone who is so unable to take anyone else into account.
Tonight, I learned a tough lesson. I do the exact same thing onto my body that my mother does to me. Boy do I ever not want to see this!...

My body tells me what it needs and I don't listen
My body tells me when it's had enough and I just keep putting more and more in, invading it violently
My body uses all kind of language, subtle and not so subtle, to express its displeasure to me and I just ignore it
My body is my object, to be used for my purposes only. I do what I do when I want to do it, regardless of the consequences onto my body.

When I look around, to my family, friends, or clients, I often find that this is not so unsual. People often act onto their bodies the very things they judge as outrageous in others. I know of one client who is desperate because her mother abandoned her, but yet keeps abandoning her body when her body tells her it needs rest, or food, or exercise. I know of another client who suffers daily from having being rejected by her father, yet cannot see how her every day criticism and rejection of her body compares quite nicely.

Many of us are quite proud that we have managed to be different from our caretakers. Better. We may not spank our kids, make every effort to listen to our mates, and make sure to manage our control issues. We have unfortunately forgotten one place where a part of us IS carrying on our childhood legacy: in our relationship with our bodies. Unfortunately, because our bodies don't show their pain as our crying children do, or their anger like an irate husband, we can easily overlook our destructive behavior. It often takes until we get sick for us to see how badly we have mistreated our bodies.

Today, when I realized that I treat my body just the way my mother treats me, I felt humbled and scared. I truly believe that my mother could do much better than she does, that if she made just the slightest effort, truly wanted to love me, she could change easily. But when I realize that I need to spend more time truly listening to my body, focus less on the short-term pleasure of doing exactly what I want, give my body more space to be in relationship with me, I'm not sure if I can do it. I am just like my mother.

Will I call my mother tomorrow and cry with compassion and humility? I'll let you know. Tonight, I would still so much rather stay on my pedestal of the victim child. But my full belly keeps reminding me that it spoke to me tonight and I didn't listen. That it told me to stop invading and I refused to see. No one knows better than me what that feels like. My heart breaks. I am sorry. It is time to walk the talk.