Challenging Parents

2008-05-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

Aqsa Parvez, 16, who died Monday December 10, 2007
a night after being attacked in her home by her father

Aqsa was killed by her father for refusing to wear hijab

Mistakes Most Parents Do

I have two beautiful daughters 20 & 23 years old. Raising them was a big challenge for me as a single mother. I learned so much and still learning. I always try to explore and read a lot about raising kids and adolescents. Each child is different and you should deal with them accordingly. What I learned the most I put it together in this blog. Read a long and please feel free to post your comment.

If your child started to hang around with bad friends, the last thing you want to do is to create an enemy by attacking your kid's friend. You surely do not want to create your own monster who would snap off your child from you. This monster will become your enemy who probable have more influence on your child than you do. Every word comes out of your mouth trashing your child’s friend goes directly to this person even if you ask your child not to tell? This person will get a very bad idea about you and thinks that you are weird parent. He would do anything to turn your child against you. When you do that, you get yourself involved in a big battle with your child and your child's friend. and you would definitely lose the battle. If your child is angry at you, who would he complaint to? Of course his friend. DO NOT DO THAT TO YOURSELF, ACT WISELY!.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

Get closer to your child’s friend

Instead of placing yourself in a battle with your child and your child’s friend, try to get closer. Invite him over or out for dinner. Make your child feel proud and not embarrassed of his mother. This will give you an opportunity know him. You can discuss issues in a friendly manner. You can raise a topic and listen to their thoughts. Keep listening until everyone finish talking. Teens like to talk about themselves and wanted someone to listed to them, not listen to all the time. Wisely, you can start to add your thoughts and opinion. Talk with respect. Children in this age are in between young adults and big kids. They need you but trying to break away from you. They want to be treated as adults. Remember positive manner develops positive results.

Hire a mentor

Find an adult or a responsible young adult whom you trust and your child like and respect. Ask this person to keep in touch with your child and be his/her mentor. Be careful not to pressure your child’s mentor to reveal the secrets, instead just ask if you should be worried or any serious action need to be taken. If yes, get together to discuss the options.

Challenge your teen

There are huge number of activities and programs for teenagers to join. Some are free offered by the government and some are private if you can afford it. My favourite program is student summer exchange. It is designed for age 16 & 17. I personally tired it with my child when she was 16. She went to stay with a family in New Brunswick for 40 days. It was a great experience for her to meet and see other side of life. Here are some of the programs I found:

International travel for teachers and students
Ontario Teen Summer Camp
Summer Work Student Exchange (Very Good for 16 & 17 years old)

Never Give up on your teen

It is important to keep connection with your child. Never give up on your teen child no matter how hard it gets. If you raised your child with morals and solid roots he will eventually come back to you and go back to his basics, you have to have faith in your child to make it work. Keep trying, no matter what. Sometimes, it is very difficult challenge for parents and children, but with your patience, persistence, faith and wisdom it will work.