Necessary Changes

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16565481.post-1134286173848131302005-12-10T23:29:00.000-08:002005-12-10T23:29:34.140-08:00Necessary ChangesARGGGGHHHH! I’ve been so busy trying to keep our life on track; I haven’t had a chance to blog lately. Our life has been a bit hectic and difficult, as only the life of a family with a bipolar child can be! We had a very serious, scary incident a couple of weeks ago involving physical violence by my daughter towards me. I think it scared us all enough to create some changes. What could we change? Well, a lot it seems: <ul> <li>My husband and I have had some very serious conversations about how to handle the violence as my daughter gets older, bigger and stronger….she is more than I can handle safely. We’ve shed lots of tears and done lots of soul searching.</li> <li>We contacted Dr. Kiki Chang at Stanford (who we had seen once before) and were able to get in to see him for further evaluation. He suggested staying the course on her meds and increasing Tegretol which was just added. I have to say I was a bit disappointed that he didn’t have a magic bullet for me!</li> <li>As my husband and I became a bit dysfunctional and things went downhill, I realized one day that I had to take the bull by the horns and make my own changes. I KNOW what needs to be done to help my daughter change her behavior, but it’s been difficult for me to be consistent in these changes. But here’s what I have managed to do so far (and it seems to be working):</li> <li>I am doing my best to get up in the morning in a good mood and be cheerful with everyone. If I can’t pull it off one day, I make it known that I’m not having a good day so far and hope for some empathy from those around me.</li> <li>I am focusing on getting breakfast before my kids first thing.</li> <li>I’m not stressing over chores that cause arguments in the morning (keeping the morning happy). I’m making beds, straightening up and asking the kids to do what they seem to be capable of that day. So, if my daughter is whiny and complaining I’m not going to insist that she unload the dishwasher for me.</li> <li>I’m trying to get school started by 9:30-10:00am and keep it moving along giving attention to each child as much as I can. </li> <li>When difficulties, frustrations arise for either child I am trying to give them some extra help and understanding. Talking them through these difficulties and helping them to understand they can’t be perfect.</li> <li>When my daughter gets too frustrated and starts to fall apart, I allow her to go to her room and do beading work which seems to calm her down.</li> <li>I’m doing my best to see the day through. Try to complete the plans I have made for the day and get in the fun stuff as well as the academics.</li></ul> I haven’t been at it long to say I’m a success, but I will say that the arguments have decreased significantly. There hasn’t been any physical violence. We are making progress with school work! I think that starting the morning off on a positive attitude is the most important thing I have done! None of us are morning people around here; we would all sleep in till 9 or 10 if we could! So getting up seems to be the worst part of our day. But that’s just got to change and I’m working on it. I find that snuggles together, hugs, touching, morning kisses do the trick. And expecting less of the kids helps them and me. I can be a chore Nazi and it makes all of us cranky. Don’t worry, be happy, seems to be my new goal! KarenKaren Petznoreply@blogger.com