Don't Phear the Beaver

Why must we ruin everything?!

2009-10-17T11:48:00.001+01:00

I just watched the new FFXIII English trailer. I really wish I hadn't. I'm trying to figure out what sort of dialogue at Squenix resulted in such a travesty. I think we can all agree, it would have been something like this:

"Okay, we need a new trailer for Final Fantasy 13."

"Agreed."

"I think we can also agree that the game's looking great, and our previous trailers have been pretty badass."

"So what's our target audience?”

“Well, I think that 15 year old emo kids are the way to go. They clearly have the most invested in our 22 year old franchise.”

“Huh.”

“So you see our problem here.”

“Yeah. Badass-ness is very threatening to our target audience.”

“We are really going to have to put out heads together people. There’s been a lot of talk about innovative game play, high production values, and deep stories that just aren’t going to jive with our target group. This trailer has to dispel all of those myths. Now I’m open to suggestions here.”

“We… um… could maybe hire some really terrible voice actors?”

“That’s a good start, but they are going have to be pretty awful.”

“Ooo! The characters can spend most of the time talking about their feelings and how hard done by they are!”

“This is good, keep these ideas coming people!”

“Get them to overact everything!”

“Make one of them an African American stereotype!”

“A surprise Villain with an Australian accent! I’m sure that’s never been done!”

“YES! YES people!”

“OOoo I’ve got it! What do emo kids love the most?!”

“Themselves?”

“Wasting their talents?”

“Nothing?”

“Razor Blades?”

“NO! It’s suffering!”

“Oh yeah, the suffering, they love that.”

“So why don’t we set the trailer to some horrible pop music that’s completely inappropriate to the setting?!”

“Genius.”

*relaxed sighs*

“I knew I count on you guys.”

“I’m starting to feel successful already!”

Clear! Clear! I've got a pulse!

2009-04-19T11:12:00.003+01:00

It's been a while. I could talk about why I've been AWOL for so long, but that's a rather dull story, and I doubt the two of you who read my blog want to hear about yet another dirigible escape.

I should probably tell you a little about myself since it's been so long since my last post. Kirsten and I are still in Cambridge. I still work for the University, and the Cambridge University Development Office. I'm still on the Database Team. So really, not much has changed.

I turned 30 not to long ago. People will tell you that 30's just a number. They'll also say that clowns aren't scary, and that they don't watch porn cause it's "silly". In other words, they're full of shit. 30 hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel different. Parts of me are starting to creak. Pwning bitches is a lot harder now. I'm starting to think how the kids today are out of control.

And your loved ones... well that's all changed too:

Typical phone call as a 20 something from loved ones: "Hi Kevin! I'm calling to tell you that you are super duper and not at all disappointing to me in the slightest!"

Typical phone call when you are 30 more like: "BABIES! Where are the FUCKING BABIES? This shit's not even funny anymore! What are you?!? Sterile!?!? IMPOTENT!!?! RAHHAGGHAHAG!"

Sadly, the only advice I can give you is something my father in law told me. "Kevin" he said, "Don't get old". And of course, I was too young and foolish to follow his advice.

PSA, anime style.

2007-08-30T19:58:00.000+01:00

Okie.

I'm back in Cambridge, and I have the interweb again. All is well.

Now, my boy Cibunanoniny has kindly posted a Public Service Announcement (or PSA), about how to fight off zombies. Useful stuff. And not one of you fuckers had the kindness to thank him. But so it goes. Heroes are rarely recognised in their time.

So even though Cibunoanoa has mightily presented his digital nipple of knowledge, and you have collectively sucked it dry, I still feel the need to step forward. Yes, I am here to add to your survivalist knowledge - on how to survive, in an anime. (Not in a amine. If you are stuck in an amine, you are royally fucked.)

The wife and I have seen a lot of anime. Kirsten has seen a large number of series, and I've seen a few too. Some of the ones I've watched have had like no pr0n what-so-ever. Really. But I digress. Here is your 10 point plan to surviving in the anime world.

1. Don't fuck with orphans. They be nasty. On a side note, if your parents die while in an anime, it'll be sad. But you'll get some really cool powers in the end.

2. Giant robots. Nasty as hell, but for some reason they can only be piloted by angst riddled teenagers.

3. The really hot but emotionally distant person who is "showing you the ropes" will hit on you. You have been forewarned. Intercourse may be your only option.

4. The big movers and shakers of the world will be teenagers. 15 is the key age. 18 if they are a veteran of several wars. Bring in the orphan factor and they are scary.

5. If you go to school, it will be attacked. Constantly. One of your teachers is probably helping out. Fuckers.

6. Bringing large over sized weaponry to school is accepted, and even encouraged. Kissing a classmate of the opposite sex will cause a great scandal, however.

7. Talking cats. Cats talk. And they know fucking everything.

8. Women with large breasts are important characters. Pay attention.

9. Scream. A lot. When fighting, running, talking or doing your homework. It's important that you fit in.

10. No matter how Japanese people are, there's always a blonde girl. And a redhead. They will be important. Doubly so if #8 applies. Or if they they are orphans. Intercourse may be your only option.

Now listen. I don't expect much praise for this. It comforts me to know that when the time comes, you'll all be thanking my ass off. It's enough to call me Heroic right now. Or Hero Beav. or Beavero. Go with what comes naturally to you.

Thank you, and be safe.

It's been crazy..

2007-07-22T12:43:00.000+01:00

But I think the wife and I have everything sorted. Moving out. Moving in. Jobs. Money. Causing woe to our enemies.

That's neither here nor there. This is just a quick post to let the blogosphere, nay, the world know that we will be back in Canada for 3 weeks staring Tuesday July 24. It has something with Visas, and not getting deported from England. Or being jailed and beaten.

PS sorry about using the word blogosphere.

On getting old...er

2007-05-01T18:52:00.000+01:00

As time seems ever so quickly fly by, I'm starting to notice my own age. Yes I know. I'm only 28 years old. I don't know old. Heck, if you are middle aged and reading this, you are probably thinking that this whipper-snapper doesn't know the first thing about old.

And yet, even I notice a grey hair or three, a dodgy knee, and less and less energy. I see all the new students around college; they look like babies to me. And I still likely have a good half century to go before I'm destined for my good long dirt nap.

So why am I complaining? Fuck, who’s complaining?

I can't wait to get old. I'm seeing a lot of upsides, and not a lot of downsides.

Kevin's not exhaustive list of future old man powers:

1: The ability to sleep anywhere.

Man, I'm waiting for this one. I have trouble getting to sleep sometimes as is, but the ability to just sit down and fall asleep? Fantastic. I'm going to try to hone this skill so that when the time comes, I can fall asleep mid-conversation or mid bad-movie. The best part is no one will be able to get pissy with me about it. I'll be old!

2: Forgetting shit.

Hell, I don't know why this is the exclusive domain of the elderly. I forget shit all the time. Keys, Wallets, what country I'm in, what side of the road cars come from, etc. If I'm wearing pants, it's a good day, people. But once I'm in old man mode, watch out. I'll still forget shit, but there won't be anything people will be able to do about it. I'll just say "Oops, senior moment", and with a casual wave of my hand, absolve myself of any responsibility, and you'll still have an image of my withered old junk burned into your mind.

3: Wisdom.

I don't have it now, and I don't think I'll have it then. But everyone will think I do. Yup, I'll sit around, tell some story about me that likely never happened, and say "Think about it". And you'll nod your head, and think I said something profound. But in reality I won't know what I said, who you are, or what the hell I'm doing there.

4: Old man emails.
Like 32 point bold ARIAL with hot pink?
Well, you'd better learn to love it. I can't read anything else, and everything I'm sending out has it. Yup, I'll use emails too. Not that mind-mail crap or whatever you future lamerz will use. I'll alternate between crazy far-right and far-left political views and contradict myself constantly. And I'll fire off those sappy emails about "what you can learn from your dog" and the like. And you get lots and lots of em’ because...

5: Retirement.

Do I really need to say anymore? I won’t be working! Of course, my work will have been better than anything these young punks can do nowadays. Back in my day, we had to do shit with a stupid computer I tells ya! We worked for a living! Not like nowadays, where the cyborg aliens and the hover-bots do everything for us.

Well, I think it’s safe to say the future looks bright. Unless of course, there’s some kind of apocalypse, which would be kind of lame.

Of course, given that Kirsten and I both have jobs in Cambridge lined up and are both likely to be here for a while, “Bright” maybe slightly off. “Cloudy” is perhaps more like it.

I shall leave you to your knitting then.

PS: Ahh, Grampa Simpson. I couldn't have said it better. My favorite:

Brockman: "Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf."

Grampa: "My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!"

Lame shit I've been up to

2007-04-12T20:10:00.000+01:00

I'm been watching a lot of anime lately. This is not the same as watching amines. They are totally different.

My new favorite has to be Full Metal Alchemist.

It's a rather popular anime series, and with good reason. It's 51 episodes long, and they are fucking awesome.

The two main characters are the Elric brothers, Edward and Alphonse, who both practice something called "Alchemy". It's basically the ability to transmute matter into other things, and is seen as the "science" of this world.

The story beings with Edward and Alphonse (or Al, for short), basically messing around with Alchemy in a way they really really shouldn't have. It costs Ed his leg and arm, and Al his entire body; he is forced to exist henceforth as an empty suit of armor.

Anyway, I could talk about the many themes (It's a Square-Enix production, so don't expect war and religion to get off lightly), the cool characters, the battle scenes and the humorous elements, but you should just go see it for yourself.

*cough* *cough* Dailymotion *cough*

Oh, and watch the Subbed version. Voice acting in this case is best left to the Japanese. Actually, a lot of things are best left to the Japanese. But that's a discussion for another day.

You find a place to feed your greed, and I'll find a place to rest.

Things to do when you are flat on your back. The PG version

2007-03-27T22:10:00.000+01:00

I thought I was going to dodge this flu that everyone else had. I really really did. Everyone else got it, and yet I somehow seemed immune. This surprised me, for Constitution has always been my dump stat. I figured that since I manage to catch every cold and flu their is, was or ever will be, perhaps my immune system finally figured it out. No matter how nice the disease is dressed, or how much it sweet talks you, or how many flowers it has, you shouldn't let it in. Alas no. Stupid body.

The funny thing was, I knew right when I got this flu what the symptoms would be. I'd seen everyone else get it, so I knew I was fucked from the get go. So I did what everyone does when they know they are going to be sick for a while. I ordered a DS game. No sense being immobile and bored.

I've had an eye on Puzzle Quest for a while now. It seemed like a bit of an odd duck. I mean, sure, you have the character generation, the item generation, turn based combat, and the generic story. Pretty standard RPG stuff, right? But Puzzle Quest breaks the standard RPG mould in an interesting way. Everything you do: combat, item creation, training mounts, capturing monsters and such is done with a Bejeweled grid.

Wait a minute, you haven't heard of Bejeweled?

Go get the wooden object you no doubt used for my last post. Smack yourself again.

For the record. I don't enjoy doing this to you.

Anyway, this game could have gone wrong in so many ways. But it works. It's fun. The presentation for the DS isn't great, and the story's a bit meh, and it's fucking hard sometimes, but it's still a lot of fun. So if you looking for an RPG that's a bit different, give it a shot. It's out for DS, PSP and soon for the PC. And there's even a demo.

And if you are having trouble getting it, just order online. No need to kill anyone.

Loathing

2007-03-16T17:54:00.000Z

Yes, I know I have posted about it before, but everyone needs to play Kingdom of Loathing. It's a silly, fun, online RPG that's surprisingly challenging. It's also more than a bit Canadian. Which doesn't hurt. Just stay away from the goofballs.

I've also been playing a little game called: UFO Afterlight. It's a spiritual sequel to the much beloved and fucking awesome X:Com. Now, if you don't know what X:Com is, or was, stop reading right now. Go get something big and wooden, and smack yourself with it. Hurts, doesn't it? Well, that's what you get. Geez. Double whammy for not stopping when I told you.

For the rest of us, I assume that we are all looking for something to fill that void. Messed up aliens. Disposable soldiers. Base building. Dark corners. Hover tanks.

Thus, you should ask: is Afterlight it?

Well, almost.

It's torturous, because while Afterlight is a good game, and gets close to scratching the X:Com itch, it just isn't there. It's painful at times, because you know that with a bit more love, you'd be playing it for hours on end in your underoos. But as it is, Afterlight is simply good.

So maybe give the demo a try, and let me know what you think. But man, isn't it about fucking time that someone steps up and make the X:Com game that we all want to play? Isn't it!?

Other than that, I've been very lame. Thank you and good night.

Some good advice

2007-02-24T10:32:00.000Z

Don't fuck giant scorpions!

Play good free gamez! (try chicken vs road)

It's been while since my last post. Jobs tend to consume a lot of your life. But they also tend to give you money, which is a medium of exchange for goods and services. Since I'm a big fan of both goods and services, I must continue to work. I'll try not to let the blog suffer in the meantime.

So I rencently went up to Leeds to see Carl and Allision, who like me and the wife, were forced to flee Canada for our radical political beliefs. It was a damn good time. Leeds is a cool place for numerous reasons: I've always liked the blend of a old-school city with a touch of modern flavour. The best of both worlds.

And they have cheap clothes.

Sadly, this is all that's fit to blog about. Unless you really really want to hear about my level 10 Warmage. And I'm sure you don't.

I'm employed

2007-02-01T20:42:00.000Z

Just wanted to let the wonderful world out there know that I now have a job, and am rather content. The people seem nice, the pay is good, and the job is pretty sweet. So I'm happy. End of story. For now.

Cibby's not the only one who can get down

2007-01-29T18:09:00.000Z

As per Cibbuano's suggestion.

Now click on it and let's get freaky.

Fantastic.

2007-01-20T17:53:00.000Z

Well, it had to happen.

Our mighty group of 6 investigators fell to Yog-Sothoth. Bitch.

For those of you who have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, my Cambridge friends and I were playing a board game: Arkham Horror. And we all lost. That's right. No-one won. Or perhaps you could say that the game won. The little bits of cardboard that reside in a box beat the living shit out of 6 healthy, competent individuals.

I've never felt so violated.

But, all in all, AH is a cool board game. Blight has a nice overview of it as well, from when we played back in Canada. We fared much better then.

Here's another gem I found on the interweb, that is also, fantastic.

I really don't know where to begin. This is (allegedly) from a NRA graphic novel that was leaked.

I'm just trying to figure out what my favourite thing about this image is.

It's really a toss-up between the bomb carrying barn owl and the cooked, somehow still alive, angry lobster. This, my friends, is priceless.

In the NRA's defence though, if upset, unshaved hippies were able to summon the forces of nature to stir up shit, you'd need some pretty big guns.

Maybe they will teach me their ways. I have tried a number of times to harness the raw power of my mother in law's papillons. You know, commanding them to be my tiny minions of vengeful justice. But yeah, nothin'. Harumph.

Well, if we truly live in an age of fear, there's anyways this guy.

Now I could object to the laser pointer on the head being a great target, or the ineffectualness of articulated body armour (I did marry a materials scientist, folks). My objection lies with the style. We just aren't there. Now I know nothing says subjugation like having a bunch of storm troopers on the ground. But we don't have the hover cars, the jet packs, let alone the 50 foot kill-bots (someday, I hope. Someday). Thus, we can't go wearing 22th century gear when we are clearly stuck in the 21st.

There, I'm glad we got that settled. And now, some pie.

I'd better post before someone gets hurt.

2007-01-12T11:20:00.000Z

So I’m back in Cambridge again. And I got some phat lewt back in ol' Canada. After living in England for 3 years, things in Canada seem damn cheap. So I consumed. And then consumed some more. I devoured everything and anything I could find: movies, video games, booze, steak, MP3 players, hockey games, pets. I bombarded my senses, until they could take no more.

I learned quite a few things on my journey.

1. Hamilton is actually a nice town. It’s not the horrible cesspool of crime, corruption and wanton sex that I thought it might be. The people there were friendly, the housing prices are reasonable, and I found 3 geek stores nestled away on a quiet street (a comic/collectables store, a boardgame/RPG store and a used video game store), which really clinched it for me.

2. My parents will always own a better game system than I will. They do it just to spite me. They are getting a Wii to keep their Xbox 360 company. And while I was there, they bought a DS Lite. 2 of em’. Then they mocked my clunky, old DS and threw turnips at me.

3. The Wife will never understand my family. We were all sitting around, playing a game of hearts on our collective DS’s, and The Wife pipes up:

“Can’t you guys just play that with a deck of cards?”

My parents and I gave her a collective, confused, blank stare. I then drew a crude, mocking picture of The Wife on my DS with my stylus, and sent it to my parents wirelessly. We all had a good laugh, and then my mom dropped the queen on me.

4. Streaking on New Years is a great way to meet the neighbours. If you were there, you know what I’m taking about. If you weren’t, I’m not going to talk about it.

5. Drinking a Guinness as your last beer really helps with the hangover the next day. Case in point: New Years Day. Me = fine. Everyone Else = Norwalk Virus.

6. Arkham Horror is a really cool board game. If you know the rules, that is.

Anyway, I had a really nice time back in Canada. It won’t be long until I’m back for good (I think).

Until then, my fellow Canadians.

Silly Hats Only

2006-12-07T22:49:00.000Z

I have recently discovered Don Hertzfeldt's Rejected.

It is a rather good animated short. And yes, I know it's been around for a while, and yes, I should have heard about it by now, and yes, I do enjoy going through life with my head trapped in my anus.

I think the best part of anything that has the absurd humor of Rejected is it's divisiveness. You either love it, or you hate it. Of course, people who hate it probably drive a nice comfortable 10 km below the speed limit, don't like tomato sauce cause it's too spicy, and they really, really don't like the looks of those teenagers.

But I digress.

I shall be returning to Canada on the 13th of December, and shall be in Edmonton (or near it) from the 19th until the 6th of January. This is a good thing, as my lack of a job, and my (occasional) solitude have driven me a bit nutty. My fellow Canadians will no doubt deal with this in the best way possible.

Did I mention that I'm the Queen of France? Cool, eh?

Things that are pretty good, even if they are bad

2006-12-02T23:35:00.000Z

You know, like pizza, or intercourse.

I had hoped to add anime to that list, but I recently consumed a particularly bad series. Get Backers is not what I would call "good". The "Get Backers" do not get back at people, as their name might suggest, but rather they get things back, which is hardly the stuff of epic anime action.

I only managed 2 episodes before I had to send it back, and there were some laughably bad scenes. How many times can you hear about someone's "200 kg force grip" and not burst out in hysterics? There may have been something there if the series was trying to be funny.

Alas, the creative genius who came up with this "vision" no doubt did so during a 2 second interlude while sitting on the toilet and sucking on a horseshoe. Not good.

The Wife and I were left hungry. Our anime needs had not been fulfilled.

The Wife then remembered the anime series "Noir". Blight suggested it. I was a bit skeptical at first, as this new series would have to deal with some tough competition, namely Cowboy Bebop and Witch Hunter Robin. Oh an RahXephon too, if I ever finish it and/or figure out what the hell is going on.

In spite of all that, I think Noir could become my favorite anime series. It truly is awesome. It stars two female assassins, one of whom has lost her memory. She holds a pocket watch, which seems to hold the key to both of their pasts.

I like this series because the two women are killers, plain and simple. They aren't killers with a "heart of gold", or misunderstood women who need to "get a man". They kill people. They do so in a very cool manner. And they don't shed a lot of tears doing it.

I absolutely love the music in this series as well.

Anyway, If you want to check this series out, you can do so on YouTube.

And kiss the sky, you magnificent unworthy bastard.

The little things that kill (me)

2006-11-27T21:12:00.000Z

Wrongness.

I don't know who's heard about this, but the idea that fast-food companies, or indeed ANY company that develops a game solely to advertise their product is just plain evil.

And I'm not talking about the sort of evil that's kinda evil, but still fairly cool. You know, like selling your soul to the devil for cool powers. Or selling your soul for some hot demoness lovin'. Or Nale hitting on Haley in the OOTS comic. All good stuff, if a bit evil.

No, advergames are a type of evil that's more in tune with like say, building a wall out of people. Or cooking kittens. Or watching Desperate Housewives. You know, the irredeemable kind. (Ok, I might be able to forgive the first two.)

I might ask who in their right minds would buy such a game, but we all know the answer to that one. And, let's face it. They are only $4.00 US a pop. Will this be a trend for the future?

Sometimes, I wake up screaming.

As if that wasn't enough, another thing has been bugging me lately. Last Friday, there was an event that I may have objected to. Every once in a while, our college undergrads (and some graduates) sell their "services" for charity. On the surface, it seems like a good idea. Some people in college are undeniably talented, and their services would be in great demand. Who wouldn't want the services of a talented pastry chef for a day? A artist to paint one's portrait? A computer technician to reverse the damage done to one's computer after downloading bales and bales of pornography? Indeed, such a thing would have been laudable.

The "slaves" however (their words, not mine), would be performing more mundane tasks, such as washing dishes, doing laundry etc.

Their "skills" were advertised in a different way.

To this date, I have no idea what dancing around in one's ginch has to do with one's dish doing ability.

I did point out that I though such a thing might be inappropriate, since it is in a college common area and very sexuallized. I also couldn't help pointing out that if there had been any women 'sold' in this event (instead of just men), we might have been able to build some new student accommodations with the number of bricks that would have been shitted. I therefore questioned the wisdom of having such an event in its current location.

A few things were said in response.

"You're such a prude!"
"It's all for charity!"
"There just going to wash dishes and stuff."
"Where's your college spirit?"
"Throwing around that dry-ice filled pop-bottle might not be such a good idea." *Explosion* "Oh shit! Campus Security! Run fucker! RUN!"

Ok, That last one might have been from something else. But I hope my point has been made.

So, I must ask you, the reader. Do I have a point here? Or am I simply nuts, and will have to accept the presence of Sergeant Skidmark on the way to my beloved MCR watering hole?

The Beav knows too much...

2006-11-22T15:15:00.000Z

Well, the beards coming along. It'll probably need a few more weeks before it starts feeling like a part of me.

Haven't been up to too much lately. I was kinda hoping to be working right now, but that hasn't been in the cards. Thus my list of accomplishments is somewhat small:

1. Grew a beard
2. Became a Pastafarian
3. Maybe played one or two video games
4. Eluded the Man

Just watched Grizzly Man, which is a interesting documentary on a documentary. It couldn't just be a plain old documentary, cause the guy who made it was eaten by a bear. Of course, Treadwell spent every summer for 13 years with grizzly bears, and for 12 of those he didn't get eaten. Which is pretty good in my book. In any event, it's an amazing movie, and really does show why someone would consider rejecting civilization for the "bear" world.

It reminds me of a time when I was perhaps too curious for my own good.

It happened not too long ago, in an English Pub not far from here. Granted, if you are Canadian, you might say that all English Pubs are not far from Cambridge, given that England is a relatively small country. Fine, smart ass.

Anyway, it was a rowing event, and I was talking to boaties (rowers), both past and present. So I taking to (not chatting up) a female ex-rower.

"So what do you do in Cambridge?" I ask.

"Well, I work as an analyst." She replied.

"An analyst? What do you analyze?"

"Nothing. It's sorta boring."

"Well, I was in computing for a while, it's gotta be more interesting than that."

"Well, I analyze information for MI5. So what do you do again?"

"Wait, MI5, Like the intelligence agency? That's not boring! That's freaking cool!"

"Nah, it's really boring. What do you do again? Something with computers?" She was really trying to change the topic, and looking uncomfortable.

"I do things to books. It's lame. Tell me about your job again!" I had a couple pints of enthusiasm in me at this point, and was choosing to ignore the clear signals.

"Look, I can't talk about it." As this point, I get a look. It's a proper "Fuck off. I already told you it's boring work. Leave it alone, or I'll hurt you" look.

At this point I'm a bit scared, and I'm looking around for the ninja/sniper who's going to take me out. "Ok." I meekly slink off to get another pint, and to talk to people who might not hurt me.

In any event, I heard later on that if one expresses too much interest in the work of an intelligence agent, they may have to write up a contact report. I'd like to think there's a report about me that's sitting in a filing cabinet in MI5 headquarters. And I think it might go something like this:

Subject Name: Kevin Sporns

Nationality: Dutch?

Reason for report: Being a dick in a pub. And now I have to write this stupid report.

Threat Level: Banana

The most important decision a man ever makes...

2006-11-08T16:50:00.000Z

Of course, if I could grow something like this, my decision would have been easy.

I think the decision to have a beard or not is a damn important one. More important than voting, religion, and the decision to go to war combined. But alas, there is no forum for the important decision, and no easy answer.

Mine is a true dilemma, as I have both a baby face (i'm 28, and still get ID'd) and my beard comes in patchy. The lesser of 2 evils was always a goatee, confining my facial hair growth to the strongest region of my face. Of course, this was unacceptable to the Wife, and since the Wife and I have a number of mutual defense pacts and very strong trade relations, the Wife has quite a bit of influence with the council of elders that govern the sovereign nation of the Beav. Thus, until recently, I have been a clean-shaven sissy boy.

However, of late there has been another proposal that the Wife has been pushing. A full beard. Yup, it's either a full on, patchy beard, or nothing at all.

So here I am. About day 6, and the beards a bit - well, not that great. I was hoping the Wife would cave in, and ask me to shave it off, but she loves it. She has continued to produce apple turnovers, as per our trade agreement, so diplomatic options that will remove the beard are limited.

I think the beard's here to stay. I'm hoping that with time, the length of the beard will compensate for the lack of follicle activity in the border regions, which is the same vain hope that leads to terrible comb-overs.

Alternatively, a strong resolution from the international community may sway opinions of either the Wife or myself.

I'll try to get a picture, if anyone has strong opinions.

Slumberland

2006-11-03T18:19:00.000Z

Well, still in limbo right now, but I'm taking the net's wisdom, and planning on working on an artsy project. I can't tell you what it is (its still in the concept stage). What I can tell you is that I will be hunting down others to assist me in various ways. Sorry to be nebulous, but, hey, that's me.

I'm also still on the job search, but not progressing the way I want it to. Damn you Wind Waker with your varied and addictive gameplay!

On a side note, I've been sleeping a lot. First: some background. I have l337 sleeping skillz. Therefore, my dreams are pretty in depth.

I dream in colour.
People sing songs in my dreams. I can sing them later, when I wake up.
There are plots, and sub-plots.
I feel pain in my dreams.
I sometimes dream lucidly, but not all the time.
I have a re-occuring dream about high school. I'd really, really like to stop having that one.

Oh, and by the way: The whole "If you die in your dream, you die in real life" is BS. I die all the time in my dreams. Sometimes, my dream starts out that way.

When I was sick, my dreams were pretty awful. One dream had me buried alive under a pile of writhing worms. In another dream, I was Sparticus, and was being tortured to death. Not fun.

Lately, my dreams have been better. One of my latest had me as a jet-pack racing champion. Score!

On a side note, some dreams have been um, how do I say, more "interesting" in nature. I must admit, I'm a bit surprised at some of the women my subconcious trucks out for my dreamscape adventures. Let's just say the ol' brain can surprise me from time to time. Ok, maybe I'm being a bit vague. Sometimes it's the wife, sometimes it's someone else. Women. Not relatives.

Thank you for paying attention for this long. As a reward, please enjoy this clip of Borat teaching Texans how to sing a Anti-Semitic country song. What a guy.

Choose yer own Beavah.

2006-10-14T14:34:00.000+01:00

Well, 3 weeks of feeling rotten, but I'm all better now. Tests came back negative.

No mono/glandular fever.

No Hep A, B, C, D or E.

And in spite of my best efforts, my liver is working fine.

So, what was wrong with me? Who knows. I think most people have agreed that I'm just a big, sissy baby.

But now I am at a crossroads.

Because of my illness, I am no longer working at the place I was temping. They left me with a great reference, but I'm technically unemployed again.

So I've decided to rip off Derelict (name TBC) and Lobo, and harvest the vast bounty of the Interweb's wisdom. That's right. A poll to decide what the hell I should do with my life.

1. Stay temping. The temping agency will find me another job. Soon. They are that good. The job will no doubt be decent, and fairly well paying, and good experience. Staying with them is a decent "safe" option.

2. Go back to the University Library. I miss the UL. The people I worked with are great. I saw a whole group of em yesterday, and man, I miss em. I miss giving people blank stares. Anyway, another viable option.

3. Try and find a real IT job. Tried this before, and it wasn't easy. It might be easier now that I have done some work on databases, but I still predict this would be frustrating as hell. Of course, if it did work out, I'd actually be doing something I was trained to do. Huh.

4. Be a Spornstar. Yeah. Make pr0n. The wife wanted me to put this option up. I don't know why. Frankly, I'm a little worried. Maybe taking care of me these past few weeks has make her snap.

5. Go back to school. Sometimes I feel as if I have already exhausted this option, but being a student was awesome. Love everything about it. Except the poverty, of course.

6. To the artsy thing. You know, write. Or draw comics. Finish that board game I made. Write game reviews. I have determined that choosing this option would require me to work with someone else, as I simply am not a self starter. Past attempts have resulted in "endeavors" that are really just me playing Resident Evil 4, trying to save that stupid, useless presidents daughter with monkey ears, and getting very little work done.

There. That's pretty much it. Make your choice, and I'll let you know how it works out.

Unwell

2006-10-10T13:28:00.000+01:00

Well, I'm in for it now.

I haven't posted anything for the past while, cause I've been unwell. Been feeling like this on and off for almost 3 weeks now, so this tells me its not going away anytime soon.

We'll see what's up after the blood test.

You know that there are people in the world who almost never get sick? Huh.

A damn fine read.

2006-09-17T14:44:00.000+01:00

I just finished reading "The Curious Incident with the Dog in the Night-time".

A damn fine read, if I do say so myself. And I do.

The protagonist (Christopher) in the book has Asperger's Syndrome, a type of high-functioning autism. It basically means that while his cognitive abilities are largely intact (and superior in some cases, such as observation, memory and calculation), social cues and situations remain elusive. This character seeks to discover why a dog was killed in his neighborhood: namely who killed the dog and why.

I think the reason the book is so remarkable is that the motivations and reasoning behind the main character's behaviors are made perfectly clear, and behaviors that might seem strange are largely demistified. In fact, as I reached the end of the book, I found the main character to be oddly lucid, while the remaining "normal" characters seem unpredictable, strange and even menacing.

It's an amazing insight into high-functioning autsim, which is a disorder that is often misunderstood by many; myself included. Indeed, people with this disorder seem to be truly differently-abled, and should be met with respect and admiration rather than pity.

I can't decide if this is really lame... or really cool

2006-09-04T20:16:00.000+01:00

Nah, it's really, really cool.

Yes, as you should be aware, I do engage in an activity that involves both pen and paper, and dice that may have more (or less) than six sides. I have a regular group now, yet sometimes, I'm hesitant to mention anything about our exploits. Yet, after all is said and done, I've never considered wearing homemade armour, and brandishing foam weapons.

Perhaps I'll reconsider.

Update: Ahh Family guy shows us what role-playing is all about.

Abstinence is funny

2006-08-24T22:50:00.000+01:00

Got this gem off of Feministing.com, a good blog, by my measure.

Just a few comments.

The girl on the left... doesn't seem to keen on the whole "abstaining" thing.

The 11 year old boy on the right - probably shouldn't be discussing his sex life with his little sister.

The rest of the site is here.

Fun Fact: Abstinence has a 26% failure rate!

I love teh interweb

2006-08-15T19:58:00.000+01:00

Ok, I was going to show you talking kittes on You tube, but it's down right now. Lame.

I've also been tricked into joining Facebook, which I was promised wasn't anything like mySpace. Yeah. I got duped. And how.

The point of places like Facebook, other than to get single people some lovin', seems to be to accumulate a larger number of friends than anyone else. You do that, and you win. And if your single and you do that, you get some lovin', and you probably get to hang out with K-Fed. Or something.

Yeah, I'm not doing so well then.

Speaking of K-Fed, ever want to kick his ass? I know I do!

Tasteless fun.

Update! Talking cats! OMG!