Sara McGinley

Closed For the Season

2008-09-27T14:26:00.001-05:00

Blogging just isn't happening in my life right now. Luckily lots of things are....like laughing on a regular basis....and sleep....and feeling positive about the world....and hopeful.

So I'm officially taking the blog off my to-do/want to-do list until further notice.

Please Sponsor Me

2008-06-02T20:17:00.002-05:00

I went insane again and signed up to run another marathon. Last year I signed up to race the Twin Cities Marathon with Team in Training. I raised money to help the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and trained for a month. Then I got a high risk stress fracture and walked around in a 'boot' for 3 months.

I'm giving it another try this year. They let me transfer the money I raised last year so I'm hoping to raise a bunch again this time around.

I signed up for....drum roll please...the Dublin Marathon. Yes. It's in Dublin, Ireland.

I'm a littler nervous about the whole thing. The training. The risk of another injury. The fund raising. The long trip away from the kids.

I'd really appreciate your support in my fund raising. Even if I don't go as far as Dublin (I also have the option of running the Twin Cities Marathon or the San Francisco Marathon) The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society will benefit from your generosity.

They've been helpful to our family and I'd really like to give back.

$.75 of every dollar you give goes toward research and education and 100% of every dollar you give is tax deductible.

You can donate here.

More Adulthood Dreams

2008-05-14T20:01:00.002-05:00

Tonight while out on a lovely walk (finally winter is over and we can all be outside without 20 pounds of clothing on) I remembered another adulthood dream I have.

For a brief time about 10 years ago I made a ton of money and thought I'd make even more (and then the stock market crashed and by by money --- but I digress...)

During those rich days I had plans to start a scholarship fund for graduates from my hometown.

I realized tonight I'd still like to realize that dream.

I'd like to start a scholarship fund to pay for travel expenses for students who choose to continue their education outside of Wisconsin.

Why Did You Call Me Buddah Mama?

2008-05-12T16:22:00.003-05:00

Rob's radio story on Weekend America (called 'Shaking Motherhood To the Core) aired on Saturday around 1:30 in the afternoon. You can hear it and read it here.

I posted the following post in my private blog and decided today (after some friendly prodding from a few folks) to share it here on my public blog.

Since posting this blog 2 people have said really interesting things to me and I put them at the very bottom of this post.

+++

We didn't know exactly when it would air and we haven't had Internet at the house for the past few days and I didn't want to miss the show so I chose to let the kids stay awake at nap time so I could listen to the show. We were driving home from a fun morning at Nan and Rob's house and I just kept driving around.

Naomi was sleeping. Eliot was sitting in the back seat of the car singing the alphabet and other random songs. When the story started he got quiet.

Then he said, "why do you call me a Buddah Mama?"

"What's a Buddah."

I was desperate to listen to the show.

And really wanted to respond to him.

And then got nervous that there might be something in the show I didn't want his young ears to hear.

So I said, "The Buddah is very calm Eliot and you used to be really calm like the Buddah."

"Why was I calm Mama? Why were you calling me the Buddah Mama?"

From there I can't remember exactly what I said or what he said.

I know I told him that I wanted to tell him all about the Buddah after the radio show was done.

We both listened in silence.

At the point when we talk about him being 'put to sleep' at the hospital I looked back at him. He smiled, sheepishly. Proudly. He seemed to be enjoying hearing the story.

When it was over I said (and I'm really proud of this question) "Eliot you wanted to know about why I called you the Buddah, are there other things you want to ask me too?"

He said there weren't.

I told him that we talk about Jesus and God at our church and some people in other churches talk about Buddah.

We have a book that asks the question 'where is God' and at the end of the book when it says, "God is everywhere." I always say, "I see God in you Naomi and Eliot." And they always say they don't want me to.

So today I said to Eliot that just like I see God in him I also saw the Buddah in him.

Eliot told me that he didn't want me to see God in him. I asked him what he wanted me to see in him.

He said trains.

"I want you to see trains in me Mama."

And so on the day when he heard his mother and his uncle talk about him on the radio he took it all in. He smiled. I don't know what he thought or felt.

Except that I know he wants me to see trains in him.

+++

Since posting this blog Eliot's Auntie pointed out that Buddah would want us to see trains in him too.

See trains in me mama. See the things I love the most.

Monica posted a comment wondering why I think the kids don't want me to see God in them.

Often when I ask them about that they say they want me to see them in them.

See Eliot it me Mama.

See Naomi in me Mama.

They want to be seen. They want to be seen as them. No fancy God stuff.

Fizzy Soap

2008-05-10T21:25:00.002-05:00

I feel so famous.

Today my very own voice was on the radio. It was surreal and spooky and made me tear up a little.

Right now I'm sitting here with the yummiest smelling, sweetest soap ever sitting next to me. It was sent to me by the wife of a man who reads my blogs.

Isn't that crazy.

There is a man who reads my blogs. He came to a conference last year and was excited to meet ME!

When he read my blog a few weeks ago and found out Eliot was in the hospital he asked his wonderful wife (who I now now) to send me some soap she hand made.

It arrived in the mail with a wonderful note the other day.

Aron and the kids took a bath with it the other night. It fizzes like alka-seltzer when you put it in the water and it smells amazing. The kids loved the fizziness and the slippery tub and the yummy adult, lavendar smell of the whole experience.

I loved the super long bath they all took while I got a ton of stuff done.

I'm going to scrape the grime off our basement bath tub tomorrow and dunk myself in its amazingness.

Check our her soap and candle store. She uses earth friendly stuff. She does it by hand. She is the real deal.

The Radio Show is there!

2008-05-10T21:24:00.000-05:00

Check it out at this link.

Childhood Dreams

2008-05-07T20:29:00.002-05:00

I listened to this awesome YouTube video over the past two days. It is over an hour long and it is worth it. This man is smart and funny. He is giving one of those 'last lectures' at Carnegie Mellon and the crazy thing is this time its for real. He has 2-4 months of good health left (or rather, had at the time this was taped).

He talks about a ton of stuff and one over arching thing he talks about is accomplishing your childhood dreams.

I started remembering mine and although I imagine there were more dreams than this - this is what I've remembered about what I used to dream about:

be a checker in a grocery story
be interviewed on television either on one of those evening news shows or The Today Show (I used to practice being interviewed as a kid - it was sooooo fun)
I asked Jesus for 1 of the following 3 things - wings, a baby or blindness - I have a whole psychological theory about that wacky dream
take photographs for National Geographic
train dolphins
receive a total surprise all-expense-paid shopping spree

It's kind of funny that I was sent the link to this video because recently I realized that I'd lost track of my adulthood dreams a bit and I've been starting to make a list of things I'd like to accomplish in my life.

Here is what I have so far:

be invited to speak (and speak) at a TED conference
create a show for or be interviewed on This American Life (I'm sort of accomplishing this one this weekend - my brother in law Rob interviewed me for a story that is going to air on Sunday on Weekend America)
live in a house I love, in a neighborhood I love next door to people I love all at the same time
have a regular house cleaner
see a fortune cookie I once received come true 'you will create a unique and respected lifestyle'

When I was 19 or 20 years old a speaker at a training I attended suggested that we should all make 10 big goals and work on them. She said we should put them in the front of our planners with the full intention of accomplishing them.

She suggested 10 goals.

I'm going to work on this. First making my goals. Then accomplishing them.

Bed Time Noise

2008-04-30T20:22:00.002-05:00

Bed time has been hard around our house when I'm the only parent home now for several months.

I hit rock bottom with that last week and since then I have a new strength and clarity with the kids about the importance of them going to sleep. Things have been going better.

Tonight Eliot insisted on sleeping in the big bed. I let him and told him very clearly that I wouldn't be returning to the room and he needed to lay down and sleep.

I went downstairs and started paying weeks of bills.

I've had anxiety issues about money for years. They're much better than the used to be. Much better. I used to get a stomach ache when I paid bills. I don't anymore.

Like many families right now we're feeling the stretch with higher gas and food prices.

I also paid bills tonight for a recent emergency room visit.

As I finished paying the bills and adding up how much I spent I realized that we also have incoming bills for a recent broken car and now another emergency room visit and a hospital stay.

Ug.

Just as I was realizing all of that I realized Naomi was still awake upstairs.

I went to check on her.

Then I heard Eliot rustling around and against my own promise went to check on him.

I realized that I'd probably been keeping him awake.

I think all of my envelope opening and filing was too loud.

I think my anxiety was too loud too.

Help me remember God that I'm not perfect and wasn't made to be perfect.
Help me remember that our financial situation could be worse.
Help me be mindful of all the people who have less than us.
Help me to be calm in the face of this challenge and know that I will be okay.

2 tablespoons

2008-04-29T19:15:00.003-05:00

I consented to a study today that it is a step in the direction toward figuring out how leukemia happens.

I've wanted to offer up whatever I could to help understand leukemia and hopefully find a way to prevent it.

I've said I'd be willing to be interviewed and give my medical records. I'd be willing to be inconvenienced to help.

Today I consented to what I hope isn't the last way I might help.

All I need to do is give 4 vials of blood. 2 tablespoons.

1 poke. 2 tablespoons.

Just a beginning toward understanding this disease.

I'm really excited about the whole thing.

Hmmmmmm

2008-04-27T13:35:00.002-05:00

A week ago today I went to church at our National Cathedral.

I loved it.

What has happened to me? I'm a mere shadow of my former church hating self.

The acolytes were incredible (who am I to even know what an acolyte is much less have an educated opinion about them), the service music was beautiful, the service booklet was impeccable, the crowd was huge.

They celebrated Earth Day and the state of Maryland (once a month they celebrate a state).

I sat in church feeling really proud of The Episcopal Church. I felt excited to raise my kids in this church. I felt excited to be part of the governing body. It was surprising and wonderful.

And all week two things have really been nagging at me.

The sermon at the 11:15 service was given by the Dean of the Cathedral. He gave a strong sermon about caring for our earth. He actually talked about how SUVs are a BAD idea (something I rarely hear people willing to say and one of my current pet peeves).

He addressed Earth Day with some honesty about how responsible we are for our current dire environmental situation and he was hopeful. You can hear it here.

He also called all of us to action using the term 'as Christians'.

Hmmmm......

Hmmmmm.....

As Christians?

One of the reason's I love that Cathedral is that its there for ALL Americans and ALL American's aren't Christians.

The mission of the Cathedral is obvious in their gift shop. There are religious items from the Roman Catholic Tradition and Episcopalian and Buddhist and beyond.

That 'as Christians' thing bothered me. It's still bothering me.

They also said they're starting a congregation at the cathedral.

I'm not terribly opinionated about whether that is a good or bad idea. I do wonder tho if there is a congregation there if all of the preachers will (or maybe they already do) start preaching to Christians.

I don't like that.

I'm proud that there is one place that can be unapologetically Episcopalian and inter-faith at the same time. I love that concept. That possibility. I'm too jaded and cynical to think they'd do it perfectly and I think saying 'as Christians' from the pulpit is pretty far from close to the ideal.

Hmmmm....

Another day as an Episcopalian. Both proud and bothered. Both hopeful and wondering if that is crazy. Both wanting to shout how cool we are from the roof tops and wanting to hide and not admit that I'm part of the whole big mess.

Prioritizer

2008-04-23T20:34:00.001-05:00

Check out this awesome on-line prioritizing tool. And then check out the rest of the web page. It is full of awesome good things.

A blog to read

2008-04-13T19:18:00.002-05:00

Go the archives from March and read this blog. It's about a dad and his daughter and was supposed to be about the dad, the mom and the baby.

The baby was born prematurely. 27 hours later the mom died prematurely. She stood up, felt light headed and died.

He is parenting a premature baby who at the weight of a butterfly is now 'big' and mourning his wife who he appears to have loved very much.

Its Official

2008-03-20T19:32:00.002-05:00

I started my job 2 months ago tomorrow. Many, many things around here have changed since then.

And now after all of those things changed I am a decidedly better mom.

I'm patient. I'm silly. I'm calm. I'm independent. I'm present. I'm clear. I'm funny. I'm loving. I'm consistent-er.

I'm a better mom.

I enjoy being a mom.

I still don't enjoy some parts. Like the house cleaning, the laundry, the cooking. Frankly I don't know if I ever will. Those jobs stink.

The mom part is better. Its better. Its good. And getting even better each day.

Finally.

Can You Get the Flu if you Have a Cold?

2008-03-16T19:35:00.000-05:00

Inquiring minds want to know....

Like me.

What If

2008-03-16T19:29:00.002-05:00

I've been reading and hearing all of this anxiety provoking economic news and also reading and hearing about how its causing people to make a lot of basically great decisions. Some people are selling their cars and choosing bikes or public transportation instead. Some people are spending less and avoiding credit more. Some people are selling houses out in the suburbs and moving close to the center.

I've been wondering what would happen if the middle class as a whole started being responsible with money. What if everyone spent within their means. What if everyone conserved gasoline (or didn't use it at all). What if everyone paid all of their bills, always, on time? What would happen?

What would happen? Entire sectors of our economy would die out. The lending sector. Well. No it wouldn't die. It would just be smaller. People would still take out loans for businesses and college and homes.

The retail sector would die. Well. No. People would still buy things.

I would really like to learn what it would mean if all of the middle class started to live responsibly with money and with the earth's resources.

Is there anyone out there hypothesizing about this? Have economists looked at this question. Or business leaders.

Can anyone point me anywhere on this one?

My Unfounded Fears

2008-03-10T22:05:00.002-05:00

I was really nervous about a few things before I started my new job. I didn't know how I'd look, thought I might swear too much and feared the dreaded 'so what does your husband do' question.

It turns out that thanks to a life-altering (in a good way) visit to an Ann Taylor store my new co-workers think of me as a person who is well dressed. None of my co-workers have EVER thought of me as well dressed at any other job I've had. Goodness. I'm not sure anyone has ever thought that of me in any arena of my life. Ever. In my whole life.

So this is awesome and weird. Its like living your life as a short person and suddenly being tall.

As it turns out I've heard plenty of swearing. Not a lot. And certainly not everyday. Some tho. Just regular adult swears from time to time. A friendly and well put shit or crap or damn. So as long as I can keep my f-bombs in line (which I've done so far) my truck driver ways aren't totally terrible.

And joy of joys I've told several people what Aron's job is and not one person has seemed freaked out. Not at all. One person has even asked me lots of questions. One person has made jokes with me about how so many church words (organ, rectory, rector) sound naughty. One person was even raised by a former minister.

Hello!

I feel like I fit in, I feel like I have things to offer, I'm not totally bizarre to people.

Wiggle your but, pump your arms, wag your head - this is a bloggy happy-dance.

I'm a Cryer

2008-02-09T13:52:00.000-06:00

Having kids turned me into a cryer. Wahhh Wahhh Wahhh. When I was pregnant the slightest unexpected thing made me cry. Now my crying usually makes sense contextually. Except for the fact that I've always considered myself more of a bad ass and less of a cryer. I'm not a bad ass anymore. I'm a cryer. And that is fine with me.

I just cried some genuine tears listening to Weekend American on the radio. My brother in law had a story on there today and I sat here and listened to 45 minutes of the 2nd hour of the show to hear it. You can hear it too here. Its a story about a love letter he wrote to my sister a long time ago and I think its really sweet. You can also see pictures of their hot young selves there too. My sister is a BABE!

U B Resrispektin' Me?

2008-01-15T19:50:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking about the kids running around in the church the other day.

Were they being disrespectful considering the fact that they didn't know they're 'supposed' to be quiet as a feather and stiff as a board through the whole service (as if any of us are really capable of that).

Naomi was actually yelling, "Jesus time" and "Jesus bread".

They were excited.

They know what happens right before communion, they could feel it coming and they were excited.

They were also running full tilt all over the place which was loud and very distracting.

I've gotten supportive emails and supportive comments on my blog. I'm guessing anyone who was really angry doesn't know me well enough to tell me what they think, or doesn't feel they can say anything or just hasn't gotten around to it.

I really love that at Christmas I said to Eliot that I don't go up by the alter with him because that is a special place for the clergy, the choir and the kids. Not only does it sound cool when you say it - its true. I love that that special place is for them too.

I'm rambling. Yes. I'm rambling.

I've, strangely enough, been wondering a lot what Dumbledore from Harry Potter would do about this. After reading the Harry Potter books I really had a new sense of the mystery of church. My guess is Dumbledore would love it. He'd smile, with a twinkle in his eyes and give the kids some candy.

I've also been thinking about the most profoundly churchy experience I ever had - when I took Naomi to the installation of the new Presiding Bishop. What if the kids ran as fast as they could around The National Cathedral yelling "Jesus Bread".

What would I think then.

When I think of all of the pomp and circumstance of that day, the ribbons, the loud music, the million bishops in a row I think that kind of craziness would have worked. On that scale a few kids running wild would have blended in. Or not. Maybe it would have been a sin along the lines of using the wrong fork at dinner.

We Episcopalians do have our standards.

I do know these things.

1) Getting 2 toddlers to church by 10am by myself is no small task and I'd love any excuse not to do it.

2) I have zero interest in the kids hating church - they're going to spend way too much time in their lives being there.

3) I have no interest in the kids hating church - its about God and I doubt God is really all that impressed by perfectly silent children.

4) I'm deeply committed to our church being open to ALL people and I know some people can't stand kids running around and some others simply can't hear when the kids are running around.

5) If I could act however I want during church I'd probably lie in a pew and relax.

6) I know its none of my business what other people think of me and boy do I like to pretend that it is.

7) On the day I live up to all of the expectations (said and unsaid) of a priest's wife I'll know something has gone terribly weird.

8) I have zero interest in putting that weight of expectation on the kids.

9) I have zero interest in going the opposite direction and encouraging obviously excessive behavior.

10) This is all confusing and I doubt I'll ever feel I've found the answer.

What I'm Nervous About

2008-01-13T13:09:00.000-06:00

I got a job. I finally. FINALLY got a job. And its a great job. And I get to start a week from tomorrow.

And I'm nervous and anxious and excited.

And I'm most nervous about the following 3 things.

a) The dreaded, "So, what does your husband do?" question. I haven't had to answer that question many times in the past few years. My guard is down on this one. I'm not sure I'm prepared for the inevitable awkward silence.

b) That I'll swear. I haven't had a job at which I need to watch my mouth since 1998 (and even then it wasn't THAT big of a deal). I've gotten better since the kids came along and I've always been mostly good at censoring myself. How long tho until I drop an f-bomb? And then, oh the awkward silence.

c) Fashion. I'm so dreadfully clueless in this area. I have never had a job at which my lack of fashion knowledge, fashion sense and general willingness to invest in fashion has really mattered. It feels like it does at this job. Oh goodness - will I be a fool?

I guess its a good thing that I'm not nervous about my ability to do the job, or my ability to come home and still be a mom or that the kids will be okay. I feel pretty confident all of those things will be just fine.

Instead, embarrassingly, I'm hung-up on these shallow things. What people will think, what the hell I'll wear and what I'll say while wearing those things. Goodness. Perhaps I should start reading Teen magazine again.

A New High A New Low

2008-01-13T12:36:00.001-06:00

For the first time since Naomi was born I went to church with the kids and actually participated in some of the service. Both kids have become really comfortable in church and I was even without them for a while before church started because they wanted to be with Aron. It was heaven. I felt a little bit of space for me in that sacred place and my heart and soul felt a little lighter.

I felt( for something like 3 minutes this morning) like I was worshiping. It was a little bit of a 'Hello God, Its Me Sara' moment. Wow. I was back.

Then I picked my head up and came back to reality and the kids were running at full tilt and laughing and having an amazingly good time during the communion prayer or the Eucharist (I still don't know what that part is called right before we all have communion).

They were running and laughing and obviously feeling totally comfortable in the church and making a huge amount of noise and being wayyy to disrespectful of the whole thing even for my low standards.

I was so embarrassed.

I struggle all of the time with feeling that I'm the priest's wife and we're the priests' family and we're supposed to live up to some sort of perfect standards. For the most part I try to be my own person and let our family be our own family. And I'm aware that our standards aren't up to par with sainthood.

And this morning when we were all sleep deprived because poor Eliot can't sleep on steroids it just went way too far. I wanted to grab each kid under an arm and run out of there, no coats, no hats, no mittens, just two laughing kids straight to the car and home.

Sigh.

The Lorax is an Ass - with apologies to my Uncle Terry and so many Others

2008-01-12T20:56:00.000-06:00

The kids checked The Lorax by Dr. Seuss out of the library the week before last and I was so excited to read it to them. I'm a fan of Dr. Seuss and I remember The Lorax being a great book and I know (or at least think I know) that my Uncle Terry (who I look up to - and not just because his is 6 foot four) really likes it.

After reading it and reading it and reading it until I thought the pages would turn to dust I realized that (in my now very pubic opinion) the Lorax is an ass.

All he does is stand around shaming the hell out of an admittedly short-sighted and selfish person. He points his finger and talks in a bossy manner. Then when everything goes to shit he picks himself up by the butt (literally) and flies away leaving the jerky, polluting businessman to years of isolation.

The isolation only ends when someone finds a great, great grand daddy snail and 15 cents (and I think a rusty nail) and begs the man to give him his tale.

By that time there is but 1 seed left that if cultivated might, after a long time grow to a Truffula tree and hopefully another and maybe after a great deal of time bring back the swamy-swans and the other fun creatures.

What good is that Lorax. Snobby. Finger-pointy Lorax that he is. Why is he not planting Truffula seeds? Why is he not rallying others to his cause. Why is he not telling others the price of their silly turtle neck, bike seat cover things?

Mostly. When his shaming ways bear no fruit why does he keep employing them and then act as if he has no part in the destruction.

I'd like to re-name the story - The Lorax - how to be on the right side of an issue without getting dirt under your nails and other great tools of the limousine liberal. Sadly that title is wayyy too long for the children's book section, has no iambic pentameter and would probably piss off a fair amount of Dr. Seuss' fans.

Just for the record - I'm a liberal and although I've spent only about 10 months of my life being occasionally chauffeured around in a limousine I'm pretty much a jerk when it comes to issues too. I guess its the things you see in other people that bug you about yourself that really drive you nuts.

Amazing Photos

2008-01-02T10:27:00.001-06:00

So I admit this new blog is done by my sister. I'd like it even if it wasn't.

Check it out here. Lots of cool pictures. And more to come.

I'm so proud of her.

Me. Prom. 1991.

2007-12-31T12:58:00.001-06:00

Yes that is a cross I'm wearing around my neck. Why. I have no idea.

No I don't remember ever wearing that dress.

Yes I miss those arms terribly.

Hibernation

2007-12-15T14:57:00.001-06:00

Well my bloggy self appears to be fattened up and hidden away in a cave deep below the snow. Perhaps some time this winter she'll give birth to a cub - in her sleep of all wonderful inventions.

Perhaps before spring she'll pop her head out and appear. Perhaps it will take until the earth warms up and her stomach growls for more.

Until then. She's busy sleeping and dreaming.

I Think This is Hilarious

2007-11-28T13:24:00.000-06:00