Captain Beadlock

Saved by a Turkey Baster

2007-02-06T08:44:00.000-08:00

As a self confessed professional frozen pizza chef I’ve never looked at kitchen utensils and appliances as merely food preparation items, in fact their dual-purpose utility continues to amaze me.

Take for example the warming up of 90-weight gear oil in the oven. I’ve found that this method increases the flow-a-bility of the oil tenfold, and of course that gets me right back in my bark-o-lounger where I wanted to be in the first place a whole lot faster. Just a little tip - Always remember to turn on the exhaust fan and make sure that your wife won’t be back for a couple of hours, cuz the aroma of hot 90-weight isn‘t listed as a fragrance in her Partylite Candle catalog for a reason.

Then there’s always shaping gaskets with the pizza cutter, mixing toluene and solvent-based concrete and masonry sealer in the measuring cup, and of course borrowing a toothbrush to clean small parts…oops, wrong room!

This morning I was checking vitals under the hood of the Super Duty and noticed that one of the cells in the passenger side Interstate battery was a bit dry. So I headed for the kitchen to borrow my wife’s turkey baster and grabbed a jug of distilled water from the laundry room.

Back at the truck everything was going as planned and I was feeling pretty good about myself for performing a little preventative maintenance before the actual side-of-the-road, parking lot, trailhead breakdown which seems to be the norm for me. Okay, let me clarify…I was feeling pretty good until the 2-ton hood of the Super Duty came crashing down, hitting me in the top of the head and smashing my hand! Almost immediately, between the stars spinning ‘round my head and the instantaneous vocabulary review, I also realized that the hood’s safety latch was working perfectly and my right hand was trapped between the hood and the top of the fender.

Funny how your body and mind can muster defined clarity and an instant means of escape when pain hits. Somehow, with my svelte 50-year old body exhibiting the flexibility of a teen gymnast I swung around with my back to the fender and unlatched the hood with my left hand, freeing my right hand from a very painful predicament.

As luck, fate or Devine intervention would have it the turkey baster didn’t break and seems to have actually lessened the blow to my hand since it was also wedged between the hood and the fender. Actually, as I sit here typing this with my left hand and a headache, I’m not sure if the turkey baster saved me or me it. Either way we’ll both be okay.

Unfortunately this is yet another one of those many, many, many stories that I’d love to tell my wife, but since it is her turkey baster and I like peace and quiet in our home it shall remain a secret between you and me. It’s not like she reads my blogs anyway!

The Captain <><

A mind is a simple thing to waste...

2007-01-26T10:24:00.000-08:00

...and I almost lost mine!

A few months ago I began to slip into depression, something that I'd experienced many times before but never to this degree, especially with the high level of anxiety involved. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but believe me when I say that giving it a name didn't help a bit. I knew that I was really sick and getting sicker, and I wasn't sure that I was going to recover from it.

To explain depression to you normal folks (whatever that means) out there is pretty hard, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Imagine yourself stuck in a black hole with only a glimpse of the world above. You can see it, but you have no interest in it and can't participate in it even if you wanted to because...well...because you just can't. You don't care about anything that you have always been passionate about and see no hope in the future, even when you know that you should. In my case I was also experiencing unexplainable intense body aches, headaches and pain like I'd never felt before, so throw that into your scenario too. Yep, you guessed it, depression sucks!

I actually had to focus all of my attention on accomplishing one simple daily task like doing a load of laundry, taking the kids to school, or talking to Grannygear on the phone. Working was out of the question, and checking emails, following up on phone calls and writing became impossible. Pretty pathetic to say the least.

They say that 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger', but I'm not quite feeling superhuman yet so we'll just wait and see. Since I'm able to write today for the first time in months I'd have to say that I'm on the road to recovery but I have been warned that it won't be a fast one. I feel like I've missed a few months and have a lot to make up for, but I've got to be careful to not take on too much too fast and trigger it all over again. That said, I covet your prayers for the future.

Lastly, I can't imagine going through this without my faith in God and the support of my wife Leslie, and good old Granny. I'm extremely thankful to have them all on my side.

Back from the (almost) dead,

The Captain <><

Gray Hairs and Wood Chippers

2006-09-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

My 6-year old daughter is a constant crack-up to dear old dad. While the rest of my family was busy picking out thoughtful cards and clip-on bow ties this past Father’s Day, Kaylee thought long and hard about it and got Pops something he could really use…a Sharper Image Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer. Yeah, she’s something alright.

Well, after she noticed that dad hadn’t been trimming said errant hairs, she suggested that she be the first to give ‘em a whack. After all, she had purchased it with her own hard earned cash. And who was I to argue with that kind of logic?

First she gently inserted the trimmer in one furry ear, and then the next. I noticed right off that when the trimmer grabs hold of an especially thick gray one, the ensuing sound is remarkably similar to that of a wet tree limb being fed into a wood chipper. Throughout the ordeal the little gem strained a bit and lost more than a few rpm’s, but over all it seemed to survive the adventure relatively unscathed.

Moving on to the rainforest that is my nostrils, my curly little bundle of joy (my daughter, not the trimmer) squealed with glee at every follicle ripping change of pitch emitted by the little whirring wonder. Yep, she’s a chip off the old block, that’s for sure.

So here I sit at the keyboard, freshly trimmed, hearing clear as a bell, and breathing through fully manicured, unrestricted pipes. My thoughtful little daughter is happy, I'm happy because she's happy, and all is good with the world. I can hardly wait to see what she comes up with next.

Captain Hairless <><

Blog-ed

2006-07-26T11:57:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Grannygear Troy the other day about something that we’ve both been noticing lately. The monthly editorials written by some of the BIG 4wd magazine editors have started to look a whole lot more like blogs than editorials.

This phenomenon seems a little weird at best, and of course, JP Magazine’s John Cappa has taken it to the extreme, as seems to be the norm. Sorry folks, but an editor’s frat-house chug-a-lug habits are not only a subject that I don’t care about when I’m looking for a bit of Jeep info, but (as a matter of personal observation) they’re pretty pathetic too. Very disappointing.

My take on it is to have fun, but stay professional in the context of the magazine (to whatever degree you can). Then, if you must, choose a more suitable venue to let your personal stupidity hang out for everyone to see. That’s what I use this blog for, and yes, I’ve been know to make some pretty stupid personal comments here too.

You might even think that this is one of them.

JB <><

Will Work 4 Trails

2006-06-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

For the vast majority of us, getting interested and involved in land access issues is nowhere near the top of the list of fun things to do, and this is especially true for those fortunate enough to have hoards of trails at their disposal.

Well Bucko, if that sounds like you then it's high time that you take off the blinders and take a little advice from someone who has NO TRAILS!

You see, I've been living without reasonable trail access here in North Texas for long enough to know that IT SUCKS! The closest legal trail is over an hour away on private land and it costs a family of four over forty bucks a day to use. Oh yeah, I'll also mention that it's open only on weekends and/or sometimes at the whim of the owners. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that it's there and I applaud the owners of the land for taking the time to make it so, but it's a real shame that someone way-back-when didn't get involved and set aside a bit more public land for public use. I truly don't know how anyone with dirt in their blood can live here all of their lives without going into de-fib every time that a new four wheel rag hits the stands or the net. I know that I've had several such episodes myself, and I've only been here a little over two-years.

Okay, I'll admit that I was a bit spoiled living in SoCal. Choose pretty much any canyon road anywhere in the state and there will be at least access to somekind of dirt, whether it's a trail, fire road, double track, or single track. Admittedly I may be exagerating a bit, but that's sure how my memory serves it.

So from one who now knows just how bad it can be take a little advice. Click your way back to the C4x4 home page and take a look at the Land Access links. Find a cause in your area and get involved. You may not have the Rubicon, Holy Cross, or Predator in your backyard, but trust me, anything is better than nothing and nothing sucks more than...well...nothing.

Speaking of backyards, I'm ready to relocate mine right now. Yep, I wasn't kidding at all about the 'Work' thing in the title. So, do you know of a good paying job for a stunningly svelte, middle aged contractor / editor / booger welder anywhere in the U.S (preferably Arizona or Colorado)? If you do, drop me a line before the next round of dirt rags hits the mailbox...I don't know if my heart can take another round with the paddles.

JB <><

What Was I Thinking?

2006-05-31T23:56:00.000-07:00

Before leaving our home in SoCal and moving to Texas I had accumulated a ton of stuff with lots of plans for another cool project. The project that I had stuck like crazy glue in my mind was a Willys Wagon, built specifically to haul the family and dogs, along with all of the must-haves that a home full of females…well… must have.

As luck would have it I had a friend with a Willys Wagon for sale in just about the condition that I wanted, but for some unexplainable reason the it had been partially disassembled for a detailed rebuild. Okay, I’ll admit that a purdy rig is all fine and dandy…but it’s just not for me. I like a rig with a little patina, kinda like a well-worn set of work boots, and before the owner ruined it by shooting spot primer over the tongue-dragging paint this Willys screamed PATINA.

Now, the first time a saw the Wagon it was a wonderful shade or possibly shades of green with just enough oh-so-sweet surface rust thrown in just to cause me to experience heart palpitations. It had a 289 Ford under the hood connected to a Dana 20 and NP435 with a Dana 30 up front and a 9-inch in the rear. A pretty good foundation for a sweet rig if I ever did see one. So what if you could see a little trail through the floorboards, the little Ford V8 ran like a single cylinder John Deere and the steering linkage had more oddball joints in it than a circus freak. Is that any reason to tear the old girl apart? Hardly. I mean shoot it didn’t need much. In fact after I laid down way too much cash for it I drove it on the trailer under it’s own power (or lack thereof.) Okay, truthfully it was in grannygear with the throttle flat on the floor. But it had so much potential that I could almost taste it.

As luck would have it about the same time I practically stole a Blazer with a warmed over 454 and Turbo 350 auto. It didn’t have any interior to speak of and the top had been cut off, but it ran really good. Good enough in fact to almost kill me when my 5-gallon bucket seat fell over while I was given it a little too much throttle. Hey, how was I to know that it would be so torquey?

Soon after I found a deal on a Dana 60 front end and an Eaton rear, a free full-width Dana 44, and then a couple of Dana 300 t/c’s fell into my lap too. Man, I was on a roll!

But…

Now I had all of this stuff and couldn’t decide whether to just get the Willys working, or the Blazer, or combine the two. Or maybe go full-width on the Cruiser? Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the Crew Cab 4x2 that was just begging me to throw a front axle and transfer case under it.

So I did what any red-blooded idiot would do…I did nothing. In fact, I did nothing for such a long time that I almost forgot about my original plan. And then we decided to move to another state. And then…I did the unthinkable.

I sold it all. I did mention the word ‘idiot’, right?

There’s an old saying that goes something like, “Of all the things I miss, I miss my mind most of all.” Well I miss the Willys Wagon the most, and I must have been out of my mind to sell it.

In other words, WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Captain Beadlock <><

Pinching Pennies

2006-05-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

Does the price of gas have you feeling a bit down? Are you beginning to wonder if you can afford to go 4-wheeling at all?

Well fret not my fellow web-wheelers. As I write this blog, our crack staff is working on a solution to soothe your off-road addiction...on the xtreme end of cheap.

In the next issue of C4x4, we will introduce Project 'Penny Pincher', a super-flexy rock crawling buggy that everyone can afford to build and wheel!

See you June 1st!

The Captain <><

A Perfect Plan

2006-04-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

There’s nothing in this world that makes me happier than when one of my perfect plans works out perfectly. Ok, maybe that’s going a bit overboard. It’d be stupid to rank a perfect plan above say – watching my children being born or getting married to my wonderful wife Leslie (points scored and noted). But you get the picture right? A perfectly executed perfect plan is truly an awesome sight to behold.

Case in point.

We have a little 5-acre pasture here on the Rusty Rail Ranch that shoulda-woulda-coulda been a great turnout area for my wife’s horses and mini-donkeys. One problem though – the guy that owned this place before us committed the cardinal sin of Texas land management – he stripped it of all native grasses and wildflowers, and never quite got around to planting anything. That created a BIG problem.

You see God designed this here little planet earth with a perfect soil and water conservation plan. When given nothing to nourish and grow, nature covers the bare soil with a lush carpet of weeds. It’s not a pretty plan, but it does work.

All of us know what happens if we don’t kill, pull or otherwise dispose of weeds– they spread like lice in a kindergarten class. Here on the ranch the last thing that we wanted was for our beautiful 9-acre native pasture (just across the driveway from the ugly one) to be infested with the dreaded weed bug. But beautifying a pasture is not cheap, and of course I am the cheapest, which left us in a major predicament.

Luckily for us, we found a solution hanging right up there on the feed store bulletin board…a government soil and water conservation plan workshop. At the workshop we learned that as agricultural landowners we had the opportunity to participate in an Environmental Quality Program (EQIP) offered by the Natural Resources Conservation Service branch of the USDA. Since it is a federally funded program you just gotta know that it’s gonna get pretty complicated – and it does.

In a nutshell, the government said that they would pay for a portion of the funds needed to establish a forage crop (hay) on our land, and manage the crop’s nutrients and pest population for two years. They would also share the cost of putting up fences for grazing rotation and running waterlines for the animals.

Hmmm…free money to improve our property and I get to run my tractor?…Yep, we’re all over it!

Here in Texas, bermudagrass (yeah that’s one word) hay is the main staple of all things cow, equine, goat and such, so as with anything else that I look into, I hit the Internet to learn everything possible about establishing a good pasture brimming with high-quality hay so that I could make millions in future hay revenue. Ok, maybe we could just save a few bucks by growing hay to feed our own animals. But that would still be a good thing, right?

So after much too much information overloading of my already overburdened brain I decided to plant Sungrazer blended bermudagrass seed. Planting bermudagrass seed as opposed to sprigging (planting live plant parts) requires a bit of planning, but for us it was the only option since I could do the entire job without outside help. Unlike sprigging which is more forgiving, seeding requires that you have all of your ducks in a row so that you’re ready for the perfect combination of season, temperature and rainfall that can often be a very small window of opportunity. For us, that meant starting the pre-planting process in early February to prepare a good seedbed for planting in mid-April.

First we took soil samples around the pasture and sent them off to the Texas A&M Soil, Water, and Forage Testing Laboratory so that they could give us the specs on the best nutrients to apply. Then we chisel-plowed the pasture a few times in several different directions to loosen up the soil, taking advantage of every little bit of moisture available (including fog). The plowing continued through the Texas March ‘green-up’, when spring begins to show her face and things start to sprout (weeds in our case).

Of course, I had to have all of the assorted stuff that is required to do it by the book, so as with everything else that I do – I purchased the very best implements available. Nah…you know me better than that, now don’tcha?

Truth is, is that in addition to what I already had, I would need a broadcast seeder-spreader to distribute the seed evenly, something to lightly cover the seeds about ¼” deep, and a cultipacker (heavy roller) to firm-up the seed bed. My local feed-n-seed store agreed to provide the seeder for free along with the seed purchase, but what about a cultipacker and a thingy to cover the seed? Ah, let’s go check it out on the Internet!

I found used chain-harrows (thingy’s) to cover the seed and cultipackers galore, problem was that they were all in other states. I found chain-harrows for less than $300, but cultipacker prices ranged from $650 - $6,500 ! Hmm…there’s got to be a better (cheaper) way… Ah what’s this? A drawing on how to construct a cultipacker? Well thank you LSU ag department! Nice design and all, but I’d still have to purchase about $300+ in tubing, pipe and concrete to fill it. Still too rich for my blood, and after all, I’m McGyver right?

The old saying ‘Good things come to those who wait’ must have been written for me, because I procrastinate on everything, and sometimes ‘good things’ just kinda pop-up out of nowhere when I’m down to the wire and just gotta have ‘em. Like the cultipacker – or should I say – gonna be a cultipacker.

I found an old cattle-rub contraption, used in the old days to coat the backs of cattle with a mixture of diesel fuel and hydraulic oil to keep the bugs at bay. Kinda makes me hungry for steak just thinking about it, how about you? The cattle-rub consisted of a 7½-foot long steel tube covered with expanded metal, held at a 45-degree angle by a bolted-together assortment of 2½-inch tubing. All this and still full of the diesel / hydraulic mix for only $150 ? Wow, what a deal!

I bought it (of course), took it out behind the barn with LSU’s drawing in hand – starred at it awhile…and low-and-behold - a cheap and effective plan started to come together in the back of my head. A cut here…a weld or two on the Texas-tea-saturated tubing there…bolt this on…and waa-laa (that’s Texas lingo)…a cultipacker is born!

Yep, my only additional purchase was for $13 worth of heavy tubing for a drawbar and a piece of plate steel strong enough to use as a hitch plate. I filled her full of a concoction of rocks and concrete from broken open, chunky bags that I didn’t know what to do with anyway - shoved in some rusty rebar that I kept on tripping over in the grass behind the barn - and then bolted on some old chain onto the front of it for a makeshift chain harrow thingy. I bolted the chain on instead of welding it just in case I need it to pull some unlucky Jeeper out of our pond someday.

So for a total of $163 – not including the moisture contaminated welding rod that I was going to throw away anyway (someday never), I am now the proud owner of a cultipacker, chain harrow thingy. Plus, I now have an extra ten-or-so gallons of diesel / hydraulic fluid mixture on hand for whatever…Pretty sweet deal right?

So you might think that that is my perfect plan coming together story, huh? Nope…it gets better.

Remember that window of opportunity? Well, I kept checking the long-term weather forecast for a chance of rain sometime after April 15th, which is the date that my feed-n-seed guy told me would be the safest bet for the required 60 degree minimum soil temperature. On the 17th, the forecast called for a 60% chance of rain or thunderstorms for the 20th followed by a few more days of possible rain. So on April 18th I rolled the pasture with my beautiful (and functional) cultipacker chain harrow thingy, and then spread 1000 lbs. of 20-20-0 fertilizer and 50 lbs. of Sungrazer Bermudagrass seed on the pasture.

Since I just spent $600 on fertilizer and seed, and was now totally dependent on the fickleness of the weather, I did the only thing I could think of…I prayed.

I prayed, my wife prayed, my kids prayed, we all prayed for rain. We had our neighbors pray for rain, my thirteen-year old had her friends at school pray for rain, my 6-year old had her teacher pray for rain (yeah you read it right…a teacher…at a public school). So guess what happened?

It rained…glorious, wonderful rain – bursting forth from the heavens like life-giving milk to a baby. And cry like a baby I did (Ok, not really, but it could happen).

So my perfect plan came together…well…perfectly. We got our pasture planted just in time for rain. Perfect timing, a perfect plan, and it’s made me pretty happy too. Doesn’t take much, does it? Anyway, so now I have to try to remain patient for a couple of weeks to see my little green niblets spring forth from the ground, which will in turn help feed my wife’s horses and mini-donkeys. We have to wait about a year to let the animals graze on it, but we should be able to bale our bermudagrass hay this summer, and if the weather provides, bale more than once.

Hmm…I could do that. All I would need would be some kind of thingy to gather the hay into rows and then of course, a hay bailer.

Maybe I could build one, or even better...both of 'em. Oh well...I’d better start gathering some stuff and come up with a plan…I sure hope it’s a perfect one!

The Captain <><

By golly...I think I've got the Glick!

2006-03-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure whether it’s cool or a curse, but I just inherited a ton of boxes loaded with over and under workbench paraphernalia that once belonged to my dad. And it’s got me about as giddy as a cheerleader at a pep rally.

My dad (actually my step-dad) never met a tool, or anything else for that matter, that he didn’t like. In his defense, he was a product of the Great Depression; a time when having anything was considered a blessing.

But you oughta see these boxes! There's just no way one photo can capture it all. Hey, I really like old tools and stuff, but just how many screwdrivers does one man need? I am now the proud owner of no less than 40 screwdrivers of various style, size, and worth, along with over 20 pairs of pliers, uncountable assorted tools, and associated goodies. Twine, drill bits, connectors, clips…Folgers cans, two gallons of STP(?)…and cool stuff that may be tools or something else altogether…I really can’t say.

I don’t know why I inherited the love of ‘stuff’ from my father. He had two natural sons that never did give a rat’s whisker about anything mechanical, let alone old and rusty. So why me? It’s not like I spent my young, impressionable years with him. He and my mom got married when I was in 10th grade, and I suffered a memory lapse for a good 10-years after that. Could it possibly be that when he and I resided under the same roof I was somehow injected with this infectious disease through osmosis?

Maybe this is what he was talking about when he’d ask me, “What’s wrong with ya, ya got the glick or something?”

I never was quite sure what the ‘glick’ was anyway…even though I ask my kids the same question all the time. In fact my 13-year old daughter doesn't pass a junkyard without saying, "I bet there's something in there we need dad." Maybe she's got the glick too.

Anyway, I do know one thing for sure. I won’t ever throw any of my newly acquired goodies away, even if I never know what some of it is.

God speed Pappy, and thanks for the glick.

JB

Puppy-jacked Blog

2006-02-21T11:28:00.000-08:00

Hi! My name's Chuey...uh...I guess because I like to chu stuff. I'm the latest edition to the Buell family ranch digs. They have like thirty or forty animals as near as I can figure, and they're kinda nuts, but they give me three squares a day and a warm barn to sleep in, so I think I'll stay.

The Captain picked me up the other day while I was cowering...er...I mean standing bravely by the side of the highway. I don't know how many days I was out there by myself in the wilds of Texas, but it sure is nice to finally have a home and get some puppy-lovin'.

Just about the time I was gettin' real comfy, Momma Captain took me to a lady with warm hands and a very cold metal table. The lady said that I'm like 3-months old, gave me a pet, and then poked me right in the bum-cheek with a sharp shiny thing. OUCH!

So anyway, here I sit. This blue thing sure it ugly, but it is a great place to watch Momma Captain's new baby chicks over there under the heat lamp. My, they do look tasty...er...friendly don't they? I just may have to mosey over there and introduce myself...but first I think I'll take a little bite out of this here soft thingy I'm layin' on.

...mmm...sure is chuey!

Captain's Edit - Three Squares = one in the bowl, one in the litter box, and one in the pasture. Now there's a visual for ya.

Real Good

2006-02-20T15:29:00.000-08:00

Back in junior high I drooled over muscle cars. They were fast, they looked cool, and they sounded real good. In the late 60's and early 70's I could identify pretty much any car at night just by the sound of the engine, or the configuration of the headlamps; then give a full run-down on all the factory specs and every aftermarket part available for every one of them. Man, I couldn't wait to be sixteen. In the meantime I kept the dream alive by filling literally dozens of spiral notebooks with detailed modifications of my favorite cars, every one of them made to go fast.

Unfortunately, by the time I reached driving age in 1973, I realized that my paltry box-boy income wouldn't pay for the car I wanted, but it would pay for the car that I needed, a 1965 Ford Custom 4-door (Think Galaxie with round tail lamps). Oh well, it had a big trunk for taking friends along to the drive-in, and came with a 352 cubic inch V8 under the hood. That V8, when combined with my size-twelve right foot could fry the right rear tire with the best of 'em and blow up rearends too. And, it sounded real good doing it...after the mufflers blew out.

The closest I ever got to owning a muscle car was a 1970 Camaro with a small block loaded with go-fast bolt-on parts, headers and a 4-speed. I still remember searching the junkyards for weeks for just the right wheels to run...Yeah baby, 7" Rally's for the front and 8" Corvette Rally's for the rear. It had the look, it was a blast to drive on the winding canyon roads of SoCal, and best of all, it sounded real good. Unfortunately it was pronounced dead in 1976 after being t-boned and shoved into a telephone pole by a speeding Lincoln. Even today, when the light is just right, I swear I can still make out the Hurst logo from the Camaro's shifter on the outside of my right thigh.

Somewhere around 1979, 4x4's became my preferred method of transportation, mainly for getting to the out of the way surf spots in Baja Mexico that I loved so much. My first two rigs were powered by anemic 4-cylinders and my next two by 6's, one straight and the other a 'V'. For some reason that shall remain a mystery (even to me), I went back to a 4 cyl. again...not once, but twice, and then a couple more straight 6's. Power was not the main feature of any of these rigs, but they were all economical, and gearing and reasonable tire choice made everything I tried doable. I got my money's worth out of 'em too. All but two of these rigs were basket cases from off-road abuse by the time I sold them, or had them towed to the junkyard. But not one of them sounded real good...ever.

It wasn't until 1990 that I bought my first V8 powered 4x4, and man was I hooked. It had the seat of the pants feel that I'd been missing for years, and it sounded real good. I've owned a bunch of 4x4's since then - the majority of them barely achieving 'basket case' status. Of the ones that actually rolled and ran, my all-time fave's have been an '81 Chevy that I absolutely loved (and never should have sold), my present daily driver diesel powered Superduty and...the Rockn'FJ.

I found old Rockn' by accident back in 1994 while I was looking for a Jeep Scrambler or a CJ6 to build. As luck would have it, the beefy but slow Toyota 6-cylinder was running and fully intact. Since I'd previously owned a V8 powered Cruiser I really wanted the engine to die so I could swap in some real power, but for some unexplainable reason it just kept on running, even with my almost complete lack of maintenance. Fortunately in 1996 the factory-packaged smoke released itself from the side of the engine block, and soon after, another V8 powered rig was mine!

So I guess you could say that I did finally get my muscle car, or at least the off-road version of a muscle car that works for me. It has that certain look that still makes me drool like a junior high schoolboy, and yep, you guessed it...it sounds real good.

Captain Beadlock <><

Dream...On!

2006-02-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had the flu? No, no, not the measly little stomach flu that's over in a few days. I'm talking about the 'real' flu, the one that attacks every joint in your body like a pup-on-a-raw-steak, and makes you see things that aren't real. You know, the one that makes you fall asleep in weird places in weird positions and then wakes you up from you semi-coma to try and find another more comfortable spot just to do it all over again.

I just got over the 'real' flu, and yes, I saw some very strange things while hanging out in the two week long, fever-induced cranium fog. In one particular dream I was hanging with the dudes from Orange County Choppers. I was astonished when they knew my name, and loved it when Paul senior laughed at my jokes and punched me in the arm just like one of the shop guys. Even cooler was that Paul senior, Pauly and Mikey were driving a '63 Ford van just like mine; wooden dashboard and roof, fire engine red paint with gold leaf paisley stripes and all. Vinny was sitting in the back on a purple shag carpet, petting a green cat.

Hey...it could happen.

I had another dream while on fever-vacation that has been a recurring one over the years. Going one-ton on the Land Cruiser. But this time the dream actually started to make sense, and one week after the fog lifted the thought of running larger tires without skeerdness is getting more and more appealing.

The Achilles heel (or heels if you will) of the FJ40 are the dreaded Birfield joints in the front axle and the tire-size limiting 30 spline axles even in the Rockn'FJ's FJ60 full floater rear. Yeah, I know that Longfield makes some pretty hefty upgrades that rival anything that the aftermarket produces for the Dana 44, but the D44 still is marginal for any tire size over 36" in extreme conditions IMHO. I have grown tired of driving on the ridge of mediocrity and constantly convincing myself that I can get by with what I have. I want heft and confidence, and I probably won't get either one unless I get 1.5" 35 spline axles.

So now that I've given in to the reality of what I want, I have to decide just what pieces will turn this dream into what I need. I want to run a 42" tire for Oklahoma and such, but I want to leave the option of running a 38.5"-40" tire open for the future. Yep, even running one-ton gear will be a compromise.

Front Axle - I'll be looking for Dana (D)60 from a GM 1-ton. I could run it full-width, but at 69.5" WMS (wheel mounting surface) to WMS it seems a bit too wide. Even with 5.5" backspacing on the rims the overall width from outside of the tire to outside of the tire would be around 82.5 inches when using a 14x40" tire. That's 6" wider than I am right now with 36" Swamper SX's and 3.5" backspacing. It also would require that the spring hangers be moved outboard of the frame to match the Chevy's spring pad width.

To run the D60 using the stock FJ40 spring hangers would require narrowing the long-side axle tube by 4.5". The upside would be the 65" width WMS to WMS that more closely matches the axle that I'm looking at for the rear. The downside is obviously the cash outlay for two custom long-side axles - one to run and one for a spare.

Rear Axle - Most folks think that the GM 14-bolt is the obvious choice for a rear axle to match a front GM D60, and in a lot of cases it probably is. Even though the shafts are only 31-spline, they're plenty stout and rarely broken. But in my opinion the 14-bolt requires too much grinding on the housing to make it smooth enough to cruise over the rocks with style, especially with 38.5" tires. Too much grinding for me anyway.

So why not a Dana 60? They're a dime a dozen which makes them desirable, but the majority of D60 rears came with 30 spline and I already have that. Since I'm not interested in a high dollar custom built axle, this one's out.

I've been looking at the D70 for the rear, most importantly the D70u. Smooth housing, 35-spline 1.5" axles and available in a 65" width. Mmmm...maybe this is the one; I'll have to give this one some thought.

Transfer Case - Swapping in a centered rear axle will also require a t-case swap. I'll retain the SM420 granny trans with it's oh-I-love-it 7.05-1 first gear. Right now with the Toyota case and 5.29-1 ring and pinions in the axles, the rig's lowest overall gearing is at 86-to-1 which has been adequate but lacking in certain crawl conditions. To end up with even lower overall gearing with a 15% increase in tire size and 5.13-1 ring and pinions, I would want somewhere between a 3.8-1 and 4.3-1 low gear in the transfer case. The Advance Adapters Atlas case looks to be the most promising.

Stay tuned to C4x4.com for the latest confessions of a dreamer.

Captain Beadlock <><

Jeep Compass – Duh…which way did day go?

2006-01-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Along with the release this past Monday of the new improved (?) Wrangler, the folks at Diamler Chrysler introduced the new Jeep Compass to the masses. I personally think that it’s the perfect name for a vehicle produced by a company that is changing direction.

First, DC gave us the Liberty, and oh what a gem it is…for the “Oh, that’s so cute” set that is. The Liberty screams ‘cute’, and that’s not exactly what Jeep was ever supposed to stand for.

Then they dropped the Cherokee XJ from their line. The last affordable 4-door sport-ute with off-road capability, gone. So what if it didn’t have a frame? Man-o-war are bad to the bone without a spine, and so was the Cherokee.

Next DC thought is necessary to honor us with the Commander. You would think that with such an honorable name that the Commander would stomp all over H2’s, H3’s and the like, but that’s not going to happen with this overgrown wad of a car. The Commander commands nothing but possibly a parking space at the mall, if you can find one big enough.

So now we have the Compass, or Patriot if it’s 4WD, or what ever you want to call it. I’m confused, but not half as confused as the whiz kids over at DC.

Anyone with more than half a brain knows that slapping a couple of off-road lights on a cutesy- car doesn’t make it ‘ trail rated’, and having seven vertical slats in the grill doesn’t necessarily shout “Jeep” either. Hey, come to think of it, maybe it’s the less than half-brainers that DC is trying to market to.

I for one am not ready for the legendary Jeep name to be attached to low slung tuner imposters and off-road posers. DC says that they want to draw buyers who might not have previously considered the Jeep brand before. Obviously they’re willing to do it while spitting on the very reputation that made Jeep a legend, and that is the wrong direction.

Captain Beadlock <><

Jeep Gets Wrangled

2006-01-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

The DCX Media folks (Daimler-Chrysler) have got to be ticked about this one.

Seems that somebody leaked scanned photos of the new 2007 Jeep Wrangler from a yet to be released article in the February issue of MPH before the official release date of January 9th at 12:01 AM. The leaked photos were then released through a forum post on jeepsunlimited.com.

The whole thing has got to irritate the online mags that rely on Jeep for advertising bucks more than anyone, since they were all no doubt chomping at the bit to release the news. A cover photo or press release just doesn’t have the same impact when half of the people who care say, “Oh yeah, I saw that about a week ago.”

So a paper magazine beat the web magazines to the punch by using the web’s ‘real-time’ to do it. That’s kinda weird in a full-circle kind of way when you stop to think about it.

Captain Beadlock <><

Tour De' Solo

2006-01-05T07:42:00.000-08:00

On December 31st, when the rest of the gang was out enjoying fellowship at the California and Oklahoma Tour De' Sobers, I was feeling pretty left-out. With a back out of wack, and 5 psi of oil pressure (in the Cruiser that is) I made the decision that traveling to wheel was pretty much out of the question.

In an attempt to reverse my downer mood, I started out the day by airing up the one leaking beadlocked Swamper on the Cruiser and then proceeded to dust her off for good measure. She looked better, and I started to feel better too. Hmm...wonder if the low oil pressure fixed itself. Let's start it up and see.

Nope, still almost no oil pressure registering at idle. But that rumpety little V-8 sure sounded good...so...I overfilled her with oil and took off down the road with 20 psi on the gauge at throttle. That's when I saw it again, the little creek bottom at the end of the road that I'd noticed a month or so earlier. It sure looked inviting, and pretty close to the ranch digs too if something went wrong (like throwing a rod). I wonder if the kids and wife want to do a little solo-wheelin...?

They did, and the first Tour De' Solo was born. The trail was short, but it was sweet, and the entire family had a blast. Best of all, the engine in the Cruiser survived, and getting out again has given me the little kick in the tail that I've been needing to start getting the rig fixed.

It's going to be a very good year.

Captain Beadlock <><

It's Got To Be Flat

2005-12-03T21:23:00.000-08:00

I have a severe case of I-wanta-itis, as in I want a flat fender and it's become a sort of disease.
I'm specifically talking about Willys flat fenders - you know - the original jeep, the one that won the war. I love A1's, CJ-5's, CJ-6's, FSJ's and Willys Wagons too, but that's another story or three.

So for me, flat is where its at. But I'm 6' and my 13 year old daughter's legs are about 5 feet long, and she doesn't fit comfortably as it is in our FJ40, so an 80" wheelbase just isn't going to hack it. Speaking of hacking it, since I'm not a purist by any standard I don't have a problem cutting up a flatty to fill my wants and needs.

So let's get started.

First of all, I am especially fond of the MB grille. You know, the one with the inset headlamps and 9 slats instead of the modern day 7. It was good enough for Patton and it's good enough for me. Since I recently discovered that the grille can be used on every flatty except the CJ-3B, my chances of finding a halfway decent tub has increased by leaps and bounds. I say "halfway decent tub", because even though a stretch is in the plans, unlike Granny Troy, I won't be making any attempts to align body panels, remove beauty marks, or surface rust. In fact I'm quite certain that God intended rust to be a color all along, and you'll never talk me out of it.

As I said before, I need more wheelbase, and just so happens that my dream rig (or most of my dream rig) already exists, so I have some dimensions already at my disposal. Yep, Craig Donaldson of the Victor Valley 4Wheelers has owned a stretched Willys for quite some time now, and every time I've seen it it's made me drool. It was for sale a few years ago and I still can't believe to this day that I didn't buy it.

Craig's "Mojave Limo" measures out something like this:
Wheelbase 104" using a CJ-6 frame
Tub stretch 24" but retains the original (beautiful) door openings

I'd use an aftermarket CJ-6 boxed frame set up for Wrangler length springs, or possibly offset pins and longer springs, but either way I'd ultimately like to use custom leaf packs and run them SOA. In complete rebellion to current trends I'd leave the shackles in the front because they work better and because I like them that way.

Axles are always a point of debate, but I like tires in the 36" diameter range, so I'd run Wagoneer Dana 44 axle housings with 4.88's, alloy axles, and beef up the spline count too. There is no locker other than Detroit (right?) so that's a no-brainer.

In the go department, I'd drop in a reliable as rain Chevy 350 with a Holley avenger carb and HEI ignition, and connect it to a tough as nails SM420. To juice up the beast I'd bolt in one of Premier's beefy alternators, and throw in a Power Welder too. Of course no rig worth it's muster hits the trails without an air source, so I'd convert the A/C pump to handle the chores. To split power to the pumpkins I'd run a beefed up Dana 300, or make a call to Advance Adapters for an Atlas 3.0 low transfer case.

A trip to the Four X Doctor for one of Mike Duncan's awesome cages (make mine family style) drop in some seats and this baby's about ready for prime time!

Well, that's my dream rig in a nutshell, so what's your's?

Drop me a line at Editor@C4x4.com

Captain Beadlock <><

An Old Dog Learns Some New Tricks

2005-12-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

Since the day I decided to get re-involved with the day-2-day happenings at C4x4, I've learned a lot about the internet and ways to use it to our benefit. From building traffic, to checking the html code, I've found exceptional websites that will help you increase revenue, give sound professional advice, and run diagnostics on your site. And amazingly enough, they'll do it for free!

One of my pet projects right now is working on ways to increase traffic to the magazine. Even though C4x4 is #1 on both Google and Yahoo when searching for "Christian" and "4x4" together or in combination, we still need to reach more folks for God, and have the funds to accomplish the task.

Another ongoing project is to increase revenue. One of the best revenue generators for our type of site (and a lot of others) seems to be Google's Adsense program. Those are the little text ads that you see either in banners or boxes literally everywhere you go on the web. I won't go into the details here, but basically, advertisers pay per click-through to their site.

Another revenue builder is to run affiliate ads. Each time a viewer clicks through your site to the affiliate's site and makes a purchase, they share the profit with you. Pretty cool.

We'll be adding more of the Adsense and affiliate ads to the C4x4 site as soon as webmonkey Jon has a little more time. But for the time being I've been experimenting with them here on this blog.

I'll share more as I learn more, so all of you clubs and forum leaders out there stay tuned.

So even if I've just learned enough to make me even more dangerous, I'm living proof that you can teach an old dog new tricks!

Captain Beadlock <><

Ultimate Cover-Up?

2005-11-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

We all love 4Wheel & Off-Road’s Ultimate Adventure, but I noticed a few odd cases of possible sponsor-induced bias in both the first and second ’05 UA article installments. No, I’m not trying to play publication police or anything of that sort, but some of this stuff jumped off the page at me like a cat off a hot barbecue. To be fair, let’s investigate them together, and you can draw your own conclusion.

The following drivers were participants in the 2005 Ultimate Adventure. The information has been gathered from both articles and Scott Frary’s Damage Report from the second article.

Paul Chowanec
They specifically name the failed remote box as being a T-Max product, and called it a “no-name winch solenoid” in the previous issue. What a coincidence, Warn, the world’s best known maker of winches is a sponsor. The T-Max winch may be a new player on the scene, but calling this new winch “no-name” is a foul on any field.

Nate Marsh
No mention of the brand of bent rear leaf springs on his Wagoneer although they are listed as being Superlift springs in the description of the truck’s modifications in the previous issue. Funny…Trent McGee, former 4Wheel & Off-Road employee and a “usual suspect” on this year’s UA works for Superlift.
No mention of the brand of the front hub that Nate destroyed, which leaves one to wonder, was it the Warn hub, or the Teraflex hub that he was running at the time? Gosh, I guess we’ll never know…hey wait…Teraflex makes hubs?

Keith Bailey
No mention of the brand of the front hub that blew on this CJ-7 either - although Keith is running Warn hubs in the pictures.
No mention of the brand of the blown front locker either, which is listed in the rig modifications in the previous issue as being a Detroit. What a ka-wink-e-dink, Detroit was a sponsor in 2004.

Aaron James
Torn tire on the ’01 Dodge Ram. Hmm, the tire brand is not mentioned here. That would be a BF Goodrich Krawler I believe. Oh, by the way, isn't BFGoodrich the UA’s Title Sponsor?

Sam Patton
Torn sidewall specifically mentioned as being on a Bogger. Interco Tire, which manufacturers the Bogger is not a sponsor of the Ultimate Adventure. I’m just surprised that anything on the Heepee survives Sam’s Get-R-Done driving style.

Scott Sweeny
Not just a blown fuse under the hood of the Toyota Truggy but specifically mentioned as a blown fuse on the ARB. Strange, ARB’s not a sponsor either.

Pat Meiwes
Two rear springs had to be replaced on the spring-under YJ during the UA. No name mentioned, but yeah, they’re Superlift springs.

Rick Péwé
No mention of the brand of tire torn on the Ultimate K10. Yep, it’s a BFGoodrich Krawler.
Non-operational ARB named here again folks.

Fred Williams
This is the single exception to the rule. Fred’s blown hub was a Selectro, a competitor of Warn’s. The name was not specifically mentioned here, although the failure was discussed in the Clampy Makeover article in the same issue.
Once again on this rig multiple rear spring failures are noted with no manufacturer being named. Whoops, that would be Superlift once again. (See Nate Marsh above.)

Tom Boyd
The EB’s three blown locking hubs were Warn products, but no mention of the sponsors’ name here either.

Trent McGee
Two blown front hubs on the ’92 YJ. Hmm…Warn hubs here again folks.

Pretty interesting, don’t you think? And no – don’t even think for a second that I’m intentionally bagging on the UA’s sponsors here. I use or have used most of the products that were conveniently not mentioned as having failed in the article. They’re all good products, but then the products that were conveniently mentioned as having failed are pretty good too.

Let’s face it, most of us do terrible things to our rigs, and stuff is going to break. In fact if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my twenty-six years or so of wheeling it’s that parts failure is kinda like cracks in concrete or your kid asking you for money, it’s not a matter of if it happens, but when.

Just to make sure that I wasn’t seeing things I re-read the ’04 UA articles and I noticed no discernable pattern regarding the mention of broken parts and their respective brand names whether the part was manufactured by a sponsor or not. Maybe this new method of reporting UA is just a fluke. Let’s hope so.

Most of us (me included) that have had the pleasure of generous sponsors helping out with projects and events have been known to over-promote our sponsor’s products from time to time. But in our defense, the sponsors have stepped up to the plate and delivered when we needed them most, and we should support them in return. In fact, the readers should support these sponsors too because without them there just may not be a magazine to read or events to attend.

So while it may not be the Ultimate Cover-Up, blatantly displaying the names of a non-sponsoring company’s products when they fail and then omitting or burying your sponsor’s shortcomings is just poor form whether intentional or not. 4WOR is one of my favorite reads, and to be honest, I’m more than a little disappointed.

The Great Tire Scam

2005-11-12T12:42:00.000-08:00

While reading a review on the new Limited Edition BF Goodrich Mud-Terrain designed around a 22” rim diameter, I had a revelation. And I can’t believe that it took me this long to realize the method behind this madness. Yes folks, I now understand why the tire industry is pushing larger and larger rim diameters on off-road enthusiasts.

More profit.

All this time I just couldn’t figure out why anyone would want less rubber between their rims and the rocks. I mean, here we spent all of these years trying to get more traction, better flotation, and more cushioning for our rigs, and the tire industry is heading back in the direction of steel wagon wheels with rubber strips attached to them. That’s yard art to me folks, not something that I want to hang off of the end of my axles. Heck, I’ve always wanted more rubber between my tail and the trail, not less.

So let’s see…hmm…larger hole in the middle of the rubber thingy…less rubber…more profit. Pretty simple. Kinda like the inflated price of a teeny weenie bikini verses a one-piece. Less = More…profit that is.

I just did a simple cost comparison between same size tires built for different rim diameters using random vendors from several different magazines, so let’s check them out. I left out 16’s, because those euro-metric numbers that they use are just made to confuse us all anyway.

Pro Comp Xterrain
33/12.50R15 $207.99 33/13.50R18 $377.99 + $170 !!!
35/12.50R15 $232.99 35/12.50R17 $301.99 + $ 69
37/13.50R15 $390.99 37/13.50R18 $465.99 + $ 75

BF Goodrich Mud-Terrain KM
35/12.50R15 $156.99 35/12.50R18 $269.99 + $113

BF Goodrich All-Terrain KO
35/12.50R15 $147.99 35/12.50R20 $384.99 + $237 !!!!

Goodyear MT/R
37/12.50R15 $205.99 37/12.50R17 $239.99 + $ 34

OK, I'll admit that 17" rims do allow for better brake clearance on 8-lug axles, and thus aren't that far out of the realm of reality, but still, charging one penny more for less is silly-ridiculous.

So, don’t fall victim to the hype my friends. Hopefully this fad will fade into history just like chrome shocks and smoked headlight covers. At the very least we can hope that the manufacturers will get a grip on pricing. Until then, for those of you that still insist on spending more for less just to follow a fad, I’ve come up with a plan to strip you of a couple of bucks too.

Yep…I’m going to open a string of donut shops nationwide, and I’m going to make the hole in the middle just a little bit bigger. Think I'll call it "Dub's Donuts For Dips".

Cha-ching!

C4x4.com's New Staff Blog Department

2005-09-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Captain's Blog!

The Staff Blogsites are the best places to stay up-to-date on the latest happenings at C4x4.com. Here you'll be able to get trail ride info, preview up-and-coming features on C4x4, or just read about stuff rattling 'round in our heads.

Right now we're hip deep in plans for the West Coast Tour De' Sober to be held in SoCal, and the Oklahoma Tour De' Sober. Both will take place on Saturday December 31st instead of the usual and advertised Jan.1st so that folks can attend their regular church services.. Please make plans to join us if you can. It's way more fun than nursing a hangover.

There are tons of changes coming to C4x4 in the near future, and all of them mean more for you, the viewer! More features, more tech, new forums and club links...

We're talkin MORE! So stay tuned to http://www.C4x4.com !

Captain Beadlock <><