Matumza Online

2009-05-28T03:23:00.000-07:00

published 08 June 2009

What's in a name?!

Behind ITUMELENG lies a lot.

So, my phone rings and in the chirpiest voice I answer, "Tumi, Hellu."

"Good day, is this Miss...*hesitation*...Ithu.....Ithulemeng Sedumi?"

At that very moment two things popped into my head and I didn't know if I should say them out loud:-
1. No 'mofo' this is Itumeleng Sedumedi
2. Are you South African?

With a strong sense of hesitation I open my mouth "How long have you been staying in South Africa?"

"Excuse me?", the gentleman asks.

"How long have you been staying in South Africa?", I repeated.

"All my life", he says and he rightfully sounds confused.

"What's your name?", I asked.

"Johan", my 'dear friend' responded.

"You are South African but can not pronounce and spell one of the most common setswana names - and you want to sell something to me?!".

*Beep, Beep, Beep* - he was gone.

It wasn't the first time someone was pronouncing my name like they have something stuck between their throat and tongue.

Here's a note to all my english speaking friends - it's offensive and it ain't right.

It's offensive because I get your name right and if I don't get it right the first time I'll try until I get it right. Do bear in mind that as much as my name is not in your first language - yours is not in my first language either - so maybe we need to apply the tit-for-tat rule.

Johann is no different from any white, indian and coloured South African who don't give a 'rat's arse' about black South African names, what they mean and how they are actually pronounced.

Anchors, Newsreaders, journalists, presenters and most english speaking radio and TV personalities seem to be under the impression that it's okay to mispronounce African names - like I said - It is not right, it's not fine and it's not acceptable.

I'm of the view that anyone who has the priviledge of imparting info, news, entertaimement and education on a medium that is as influential as radio or TV is obliged to know how to pronounce every name they have to read-out or speak about - PERIOD.

I was appauled recently, while watching the news on an indipendant 24 hour news channel, I heard an anchor linking to one of their journalists who was on stand-by - "Now we cross to e-news journalist Tumaole Moshlaodi standing outside......".
I mean 'COME-ON', the guys name is actually Tumaole Mohlaoli pronounced (Mohlaodi) and he is your coleague for heaven's sake.

Here is what is more upsetting about our brothers and sisters who do not pronounce African names right, it is not a matter of can not, it's a simple 'I don't care'.

French and Italian names are no less difficult than our own names. I mean cuppacino, pizza, magnifique, merci, champagne, menage trois and so many more names that come from countries beyond our borders are pronounced here with so much ease and confidence.

I am certain if I introduced myself to any english speaking individual as "Itumeleng, it's Italian for rose" they would so-know how to pronounce my name.

Half the time, the same people who "struggle" to pronouce names like Mbeki spend half their time trying to figure out how to correctly pronouce a name like Agliotti - while relevant figures like good old Thibos remain boMubeki.

Why on earth should anyone - black or white be reading any news bulletin on any media plarform if they don't know how to pronounce some of the most mentioned names on a daily basis. I mean I'd understand if you made the mistake of pronouncing Tlali Tlali - Tlali Tlali if we didn't know who that is - but anyone who is in the business of news should damn-well know that the NPA's spokesperson's name is pronounced Tladi Tladi. You should know by now that Mahlangu is Mahlangu and stop it with the Mashlangu nonsense. It's the reason why you have been entrusted with that duty (we hope), not because you look the part and not to patronise anyone.

It seems to me that while the South African English speaking community is less interested in pronouncing our names right - people who come from other countries are making more than an effort to get it right.
Take for example two of my friends from the US, Henry and Adam. I'm talking here about two white males who have only spent over 5 years in this country.
Adam for one knows HHP's songs - lyric for lyric - no pause. (HHP would be that famous motswana rapper/hip-hop artist whose work is primarily in setswana.)
Henry on the other hand speaks isizulu - properly. Not this "khunjani" nonsense.
I mean the one time we were in the hood he says to me "I don't get it, What does 'Siyabangena' mean because from where I'm sitting 'we are entering them' does not make any sense at all'. I can't even begin to explain just how impressed I was.

And then you find South Africans who've been singing the same tune since 'God knows when'. "Mina i...i...igama lami". Puleez - get over it already.

I was born in a setswana household, I went to a setswana school and I dream in setswana but my respect for other languages and names has never been determined by my home language.
So just in case you think it takes no effort for me to pronounce any english word or name - think again.

An even problem though - has got to be our black/african brothers and sisters who do not want to pronounce African names right more than our English speaking 'siblings'. I mean who said it's cool to sound so lost. What on earth is "Phelisa" when you know damn well that your mama named you Palesa and you know how to pronounce it but refuse to.
What is that? And what's the deal with everyone teaching kids how to speak English and English only when we should be taking it upon ourselves to teach our own to respect our tongues.
Every single person from my generation who has an African name is doing everything they can to give their names a cooler/american/english twist. boKatlego ke bo "Katz" boOfentse ke bo "Fancy", boSipho ke bo "Psyfo" and everyone whose name begins with a Mo is now a "Mo", I mean forget that your parents thought of a name as profound as Montshiwa or Modise or Motshedise - MO sounds cooler - does it? What's so nice about saying your own name wrong?

Poor next generation - I feel so sorry for them - who is going to teach them to uphold their roots? To take pride in these beautiful names? To know what thinking goes behind each and every African words.

Recently in New York, legendary author Ngugi wa Thiongo delivered a speech at the launch of his book 'Wizard of the Crow'. He had a lot to say about literature and African languages but the basis of this wordsmith's speech was - Africans not taking pride in their own languages. For the better part of his address - he looked and sounded angry.
He argued that black parents do any and everything to ensure that their children speak English at home, at school, at church and they don't care if they know a word of their mother-tongues.
He was right - and it's upsetting.
I mean how many people do you know in Jo'burg who have young ones who speak English 24/7 with a twang - nogal and can't utter a word of setswana or isizulu and happen to be black South Africans?

And to all those who think you are excused for pronouncing Vhenda, Xitsonga and Ndebele names incorrectly - think again - it ain't right. Just like seSotho le isiZulu those language groups are as South African as you and I.
And our brothers and sisters from other parts of the continent deserve as much respect as they give us and our names.
They are human, african and have blood flowing through their veins just like you and I.
Before you break your neck just to pronounce an american popstar's name right, why not start here at home and get the Ndivhuhos and Okwonkwos right.

It's upsetting when white people do it because they don't care about doing the right thing.
But it's annoying when black people do it just to fit in.
I mean look at it this way - where have you ever heard a white person at all trying to sound black/ghetto or african just to fit in? Where have you seen and Indian naming their children boSipho or Refilwe? We are the only people who do all we can to sound, look and act like others.

For heaven's sake, take a step back, take a good look at your surroundings and ask yourself if fitting-in is worth giving-up your identity?
Ask yourself - what's in your name?

Nna ke Itumeleng Sedumedi, gofejane ga Patjane le Manthana. Ke ngwana wa kwa bo Lerato, Kagiso le Nina, Ke kgabo-mokgatlha, Ke mmanago Mpho, Tsholanang, Kabo, Omphile le Oratile. Ke matlho masweu - ke nko sephara - ke mmala legala - ke montle e bile le bo eseng mang ba ipala mabalankwe, fa o ka mpona o ka nna mabele wa gasagana.

To cut a long story short - My name is Itumeleng Sedumedi, some call me TUMI not THUMI, not DUMI.
Behind that name lies reason, pride, meaning, identity and me.
So Please think about how you say my name - don't get it twisted. It's ITUMELENG.

2009-03-20T03:51:00.000-07:00

To Bantu with Love

The most meaningful relationship happened when I least wanted it and least expected it.

Dear Bantu

You make me happy. - No, scratch that.

Dear Bantu

You are the definition of a trully fun, positive-spirited, meaningful half. I mean what more - No, scratch that.

Dear Bantu

Very seldom - No, scratch that.

Dear Bantu

When I first spoke to you and I don't mean back in the day, I mean the 2nd time around, you were possibly a good conversation - nothing more. The thought of chatting to you online or seeing you again did excite me but I did everything I can to dismiss it, afterall, I was not looking to be in a relationship at all.

I was done, single, pregnant, scared but certainly not going to hook-up with a man. To be honest with you I'd given up on finding someone to share my life with.

When I saw you again (for the first time - this time around), I was....nervous, not in a bad way but certainly a stupid way(smile). 'Easy does it', I said to myself, 'You know there's no place for a man in this life of yours'.

I'd been on a cleaning spree. Had been cleaning-up my life, my emotions, throwing out the anger I had towards innocent people, owning up to my fuck-ups, getting to know me better, learning to be happy by myself and more than anything learning to accept that I'm going to be a mother.

but...

I knew I wanted to see you again.

Seeing you again was...I don't know if SWEET explains anything but it felt good. To cut a long story short, the more I saw you the better I felt about a lot of things.

At last someone was making sense without even trying to.

At last I was really liking someone without any....(pause to think) pre-conceived notions about what should be going on between us.

At last I was in the presence of an equal, an equal in every sense of the word.

At last here was someone I didn't wish I could change a single thing about.

At last here was I in a man's presence and I was MYSELF, no compromise, no pretending and absolutely no need to act like I'm supergirl - if you know what I mean. (laugh)

At last here was a handsome, intelligent, sexy piece-of-ass who made me laugh.

At last here is a weirdo who pinched me everytime I said something funny or stupid.

At last here was an atmosphere that had fun, great conversation, attraction and respect - all at once.

At last here was a guy with soft big hair and a scent I wanna take with me everytime.

All that said, in my mind - all this was so going to be short-lived.

'I have a bun in the oven', I thought.

It's been months since the day I thought like that.

You are amazing and every moment spent with you has been beyond a breath of fresh air.

I'm happy, I laugh out loud, I'm ME. No, I'm ME AT MY BEST.

There's never been a need to compare you to anyone, there's never been a need to mention you in the same breath as any other man, and there's absolutely no need to load what we have with preassure, expectations, promises, lies, copy-pastes-and deletes.

In the very same breath I feel as respected as I respect you.

I realise that without you in my life - my trip into Motherhood wouldn't be as positive and exciting as it is.

Thank you. You make me happy. You are the definition of a trully fun, positive-spirited, meaningful half. What I am in your presence is what makes me value you so much, I am a happy me. U rock.

I know you are a good listener so do me a favour and listen to:

Estelle and John Legend's - YOU ARE

Daniel Bedingfield's - If you are not.....

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time. - Edith Wharton.

I think Edith Wharton was onto something.

Here is what I know for sure - I'll never forget you.

With Love

From Sunshine.

2009-02-24T02:28:00.000-08:00

Props, Well-done, Thank you.

Celebrating young South Africans who are just worth a mention.
(at least in MY opinion.)

Brickz - Kwaaito artist, composer.

Yes 'Mabrigado' the Kwaaito star. You are a writer. You take your craft so serious you took the face of kwaaito and turned it around. Before we even knew who you are, your work touched us through Mapaputsi, that guy was on top only because of your composing skills. When we met you - One-liner kwaito songs were most definitely HISTORY. Now these boys know not to feed us twak coz we know better. I'm not saying anyone who did kwaaito before Brickz was bad; I'm just saying he took it to a whole new level.

Keabetswe (Mmoki) Modimoeng - Wordsmith.

Let me break him down first. He is a poet. He has featured on HHP's 'YBA 2 NW', on Mr Mo' Molemi's - Amantsi and Douglas Mosadi's 'Modumo', and DJ Le Monka's 'Motswako Tape'. A collection of his poems titled 'Maduo' was publishes more than a year ago. I know you probably thinking so what? Here is what I digg about this 22 year old. At a time in SA where any and every young black person sounds, acts and believes in everything American, this man spits and writes in Setswana. Not styling setswana, Not slanging setswana and absolutely not ghetto-lingo setswana. I'm talking here SETSWANA in its purest form. He don't patela but duelas, and please don't make the mistake of thinking he don't speak much English. He speaks the kind of english that would have 'boChief' le 'maBEE' rather baffled. Serious english, he just prefers setswana more. Brother man - you are beyond an example of appreciation of one's own roots. BIG-UP.

Dada Masilo - Dancer, choreographer.

Honestly comes across as fussy. Not the easiest person to click with, very few journalists will give her the time of day but damn-it this girl is something else on the dance floor. A legend in the making. From the very first time I saw her MOVE I was moved. She understands the human body really well, she is damn creative, she has presence and her choreography is nothing short of talent. Her piece Romeo & Juliet will leave you.... shaken if not transformed. She was named Standard Bank Young Artist of the Year Award winner: DANCE at the age of 23. Now that's what I call - FOCUS.

Reagan Thaw(702) - reporter.

You are an outstanding journalists. Your work speaks for you. I don't know if your stories are your ideas or orders from the top but damn they always look and sound like yours. You make me sit-up and want more. I have respect for y'all. I know a lot of it has to do with your newsrooms and how they wont settle for less but you still stand-out. Props.

Kopano Matlwa - Author.

This young woman penned her story and got it published too. and that ladies and gentlemen she did while in her school uniform, yep, she was still in high school when her best-seller titled COCONUT was published. It goes without saying - you are determined and that is BIG.

Thula Sindi - Fashion Designer.

There's hype and there's hard work, you are the latter and your work is outstanding. Not because of detail, colour, fabric choice or who it's on. Your clothes are well finished, beautifully designed and very simple but striking.

Siyabonga Ngwekazi - TV Presenter and entrepreneur.

You make television exciting. You are the bomb and on top of your game. You are creative, clearly in charge and anyone who knows television would know that no-one scripts whatever comes out of your mouth but you. And on Amakip-kip, don't think I'd be caught dead in one of your t-shirts but damn you and your partner effortlessly went for the kill. People love your brand. As simple as it is. Way to go.

Bongani Fassie - Musician, Producer.

Out of the box. That's the simplest ways to describe your music. I mean what you did with Vusi Ximba's song was good, but what you did with Da Les's FIRE is out of this world. Ke ya tlala. I've seen a lot of young people try to 'ride' more on who their parents are than their abilities. You, just rock. Fassie or not.

Beverly Maphangwa - Radio Producer.

Robert Marawa's the Discovery Sports Centre on Metro FM is an exceptional show. Often enough in this industry 'the voice' or 'the face' gets more credit than 'the brain'. There's never a glitch, silent moment or boredom on that show. I'm not a sports fanatic but I'm a journo. So from one Journo to another. Keep up the good work.

Mncedisi Shabangu - Theatre Practitioner.

When you were simply 'an actor' there was an intensity about your performances and your presence is just undeniable. The way you speak makes one want to listen-up. When you became a writer and director you proved beyond reasonable doubt that you are a theatre genius. Your production 'Ten Bush' blew me the fuck away. It was brilliant. The lighting was out of this world, the story-line was incredible, the cast - captivating, the props! I mean you took six benches and made a world out of them. That play was Priceless. I don't think I'll forget it anytime soon.

Mpumi Dlhamini - Musician.

People always mention this young man in the same breaths and sentences they mention Moses Molelekwa and Moses Khumalo. These two not only played instruments but they were both part of a genre that rides on reality, talent and excellence. A genre not so many people dare attempt to penetrate, Jazz. Just like these two great late musicians, Mpumi is young and plays 2 instruments (Piano and Saxophone) like his life depends on or like he's was born to do just that. At 23 he's performed with musicians he's always looked up to and released an album that is doing beyond well. A nominee in all the prime music awards in the country. You blow me away - pun intended.

Happy Dlhame - Visual artist.

Innovative (creative and original), patient, intelligent, young and simply a breath of fresh-air. You have to see his work for yourself and hear him speak about his ideas to understand just where I'm coming from.

Teko Modise - Soccer player.

In one simple sentence - You play real good soccer. Wakgothatsa. In my eyes, you have no competition mo kasi.

2008-09-20T02:14:00.000-07:00

A mess, A lesson.

It might be hard to separate the destructive and the constructive but, SUCH IS LIFE.

Every single day a lesson finds it's way into our lives. Whether we are ready to acknowledge it, accept it, challenge it, take it or simply use it to the best of our abilities is another story.

I go back to some of the most painful lessons I have learned in my very short life and feel greatful. Lessons of growing-up, learning to live with others (socially and professionally), lessons of change and in the same breath lessons of re-adjusting to new arrangements, set-ups and truths, lessons of loss, lessons of love and day-to-day lessons of survival.

At the worst of moments we are way too hard on ourselves. We forget that just like the next person, we are human and mistakes only complete life.

We stumble, we fall, we betray, we break promises, we loose, we envy, we hate, we love even when we are not loved in return, we make rules only to break them, we hurt, we please, we cry, we laugh, we regret, we want things that are way out of reach, we misuse opportunities, we loathe the very things that make us unique, we forget, we win, we loose, we sink, we fly, we contemplate, we take for granted, we under and overrate, we live and then we die.

I would like to acknowledge the biggest lesson life has brought to my doorstep. I AM HUMAN.
Whether I get it right or wrong can only be determined by me and what I want. So, I just want to live life. If I take wrong turns along the way - I will have to make the best of my newly found routes and lifeways. I love myself enough to know that conforming to someone else's idea of what life should be about is so not for me.

Let me get back to LIFE.

2008-07-30T03:31:00.000-07:00

Self Love...
...you either have it or you don't. PERIOD.

You can look at the person in the mirror and say 'I love you' as many time as you can.
You can have the fattest bank account or know how to make a million in a day.
You can have a million people call you BOSS and place yourself on a pedestal.
You can be famous and adored by many.
You can have the perfect partner or the perfect relationship.
You can be the most intelligent person in your circles.
You can turn heads every minute of every day.

But...

When you are not willing to accept and acknowledge your background, accept your skincolour and who you are. You will not have the ultimate luxury or basic need (really depends on how you look at it) I just call it self-love and from what I know and understand, genuine happiness is crazy about it.

Success is different things to different people.
It is not the hardest thing to achieve if you do not let the world determine how you should live your life. Do what pleases the person you have to spend every moment of you life with. YOU.
I think the stupidest thing one can do is go out of their way to impress another individual. All efforts go to waste when they are not impressed or miss the whole point.

As I listened to my sister struggling to find a word to describe a friend of hers who is rather shortsighted (for the lack of a better word), I realised what an important thing self-love is, actually it is the most important thing.
The friend in question needs it, could use it, has to have some of it and until she finds it I feel sorry for her.
Let us just call her 'Tracy' for now.
'Tracy' is the kind of girl that thinks buying yourself a bunch of roses is a good way of keeping a man on his toes, please do help me out if you understand. She is the kind of girl who doesn't mind to be second best, literally.
It's not that I think buying yourself roses is a sin. It's when you buy yourself roses just to get to someone else - that bothers me.
I have over the years learned from a lot of case studies that no woman can make a man's focus change.
You can't make a man spend more time with you.
You can't make a man love you.
You can't make a man see things the way you see them.
You can't make a man commit, or better yet, You can't make a man change his way.
Especially if he does not want to.
Every self loving woman should know that by now.

Not so long ago, I was sitting with friends. There were four of us and only one man among us. He asked a question. A question you've most probably heard enough times.

What do women really want?

I answered the same way I've been responding to that question for the past 4 years. All a woman want is to be showered with lots of attention. Of course I was talking about women way out of Khanyi Mbau's league. I though I was right, until Violet said or should I say asked.

Why don't you shower yourself with all the attention you want?

That made me stop and think. It brought me back to the two magic words - SELF LOVE.
It made me think! If women had enough of it (self love), we would spend a lot of time happy. If we really loved who we are, men would not be heart-breakers, ass-holes, or what-ever we call them when they are not on the same page with our sorry selves.
Just imagine what a beautiful place this world would be if there were no 'side-dishes' (those would be our sister who so guiltlessly sleep with 'taken' men).
Imagine if there were no gold-diggers and no one depended on men to survive or show-off.
Just imagine how absolutely beautiful things would be if each woman loved herself enough, just enough to allow her to love the next woman.
Why do we always have to hate on each other without even giving one another a chance. Imagine if, everytime a sister walked into a room full of women looking stunning she gets the compliments she deserves and no-one hates. Imagine if we just had enough SELF LOVE.
Maybe I'm too ambitious but at least then 'Tracy' wouldn't have to buy herself a bunch of roses.

Before I start sounding like a feminist, how about this.
Imagine if we loved ourselves so much we didn't see the need to walk, talk, live, act like others. Yes, I'm talking about black people and our associating of wealth and success to everything white. Why can't we just be ourselves. Why can't we just stop loading fake accents, twangs, hair and loads of make-up.
Why do black women (and men) in the spotlight, those who've supposedly reached their financial mark and measure of success all look like they just popped out of a fashion magazine or a clothing store window display? Why?
Does it all boil down to the two favourite words of the moment. SELF LOVE?
Why do we always sorround ourselves with ideologies and myths that just take us further and further away from what and who we really are?
If we all loved ourselves enough, not even haters or frenemies would exist.

Haters:- are the people in your life that just don’t know how to complement you without finding a fault to mention in that very sentence. They are those people who constantly put others around them down just so they can feel on top. Sadly none of these methods ever work. They always remain sour, bitter, competetive, unhappy, alone or better yet, ENVIOUS.

Frenemies:- A frenemy is your enermy posed as a friend. She'll give you a hard time about everything you do. She doesn't even know it but she is using you to make herself feel better about herself. She'll make you feel like kak until she feels good. You can't shake her off, or you see no reason to but you need to.

I'm not fighting anyone. You do what you have to, all I'm saying is, we could learn to love ourselves, Our true selves, a lot better.
It would save us from doing a million and one things that are just too unnecessary.
In closing, I'd like to pay tribute in this piece to all individuals who don't conform to anyones idea of what life should be.
People who stand for what they believe in.
People who do everything for themselves and not the lights, camera and action.
People who put themselves and loved ones first and leave the rest to follow.
To women who are comfortable in their own skins. Whether you are blinging, a hippie or walking barefoot.
To people who have so much self-respect they refuse to be second best or substitutes.
I'd like to pay tribute to every individual who has a thing, a thing called respect for SELF LOVE.

'Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.' - Janis Joplin.

'Nobody can hurt me without my permission.' - Mahatma Ghandi.

2008-03-17T01:59:00.000-07:00

SOWETO

Let me tell you about my hood....

...and how it has made me who I am.

It has a million and one nicks. The ones that come to mind include M'sawawa, Kasi, Sotra, M'sauden.

South African HIP-HOP artist Linda Mkhize known to his fans as 'PRO-Kid', coins it in one of his ever popular tracks 'SOWETO'.

Anyone who's spent half their life inside of it either loves it or hates it.

Author Mokone Molete speaks of it exactly as I know it in his book, POSTCARDS FROM SOWETO.

A lot of successful people who have moved on and out really treat it like a relationship gone wrong. They see all its faults only after they've left it.

If you know it well enough, you should know that it has absolutely any and everything, there's nothing you can not find inside of it. A true defenition of the phrase 'Melting Pot'.

If you haven't experience it, you probably still think 'gangsters walk its streets looking for their next victim'. And, you are WRONG.

It is SOWETO, my hood, the place I call home, the place that has everything to do with the way I walk, talk and live.

Last week a friend of mine asked me, "Why do you love the hood so much"?.

I half asked, half answered, "How do you know that, I love the hood"?.

She replied, "A lot of people who've experienced half the things you've gotted to experience, move out of the hood, shake it off and write it off as a closed chapter of their lives".

When I heard all this, I though about Sunnyside - Pretoria, Sandton and Weltevreden Park,
between all three places I'd explored and tried to call home, something was always missing.

I was never able to put my finger on it and to this day, I still don't know why I'm so hooked on the hood.

If there's one thing I can tell you about SOWETO, it has to be the fact that, it is the ONE place I know where you are almost obliged to be yourself. Nothing more, nothing less and absolutely nothing fake.

In SOWETO, you get more beef and preassure for discarding your identity and blackness than you ever will for stealing something.

See, the hood is like one big yard. If you don't know enough people - you are totally lost and there's no other way to put it.

In my hood, every parent is my parent. They can tell me crap, chase me to Timbuktu and back and demand respect from me. We all believe that it takes a community/village to raise a child.

Everyone who is about 7 years or more my junior calls me Aus' Tumi. An unspoken or unsigned agreement.

In the hood, everyone is up in your business and no one ever misses a thing, so people always end up doing pretty fucked up things out in the open.

Not many people understand why SOWETANS never agree to the suggestion that SOWETO is a dangerous place, but, it really isn't. Infact, I feel much safer in SOWETO than I do in any CBD or residential surburbia.

Of course SOWETO is home to some of the most notorious criminals, it is most probably home to more criminals than any prison in the country. In the same breath, you too deserve to know that they are less likely to steal from you, harm you or violate you in SOWETO. To them, anyone in SOWETO is one of us - PERIOD.

Lack of Ambition - that's another one. One of my biggest worries about the place I love so much is how my people are so relaxed about everything. Nothing bothers the average township dweller. The thought of success, to my people is simple. Making it through the day. Abolova (uneployed young adults) wake-up just to chit-chat, share a joint (marijuana) and gossip about others.

In my hood, black diamonds, business moguls and CEOs are unheard of. Not that we've never had any, actually - we've had lots.

Irvin Khoza still stays in SOWETO, Sipho 'Hostix' Mabuse is still in SOWETO, Richard Maponya is a SOWETAN, Aggrey Klaaste was a SOWETAN, Lucas Radebe, Kaizer Motaung, Dr Nthato Motlana and lots of other prominent and successful people were raised in SOWETO.

It's just that, this kind of success is not a norm in the hood. The above mentioned people are the kind we refer to as diOne-in-a-million.
I guess all this is part and parcel of what people normally base their thoughts, definitions and ideas of SOWETO on. The dirt, the loudness, the chikitas walking the streets wearing nightgowns, PJs and nighties (they piss me off too), the high levels of alchohol consumption.

But think about it this way - SOWETO is home to a lot of hard working people. People who get-up daily to go make a difference. People who make the biggest difference to our economy, people who make the much heavier contribution to how this country looks, feels and functions and yet they sit at the bottom of the food chain.

My hood is home to people that have suffered so much, the only thing that matters to them is just making it through each day.

My kasi is made up of people who still believe they are no better than anyone whose skin is lighter than theirs.

In the SOuth WEstern TOwnships, all income groups are one. We share the hood, interests and hopes.

SOWETO, just like any township here in S.A, is home to people who've had to fight for everything they have including the right to express themselves in a language of their choice.

M'sauden is home to people who've raised and nurtured people who now take them for granted.

Msawawa is where talent exists in ocean loads but the know how or confidence to take it further exists in cup loads, hence the Maponyas and Khozas stands out.

My hood, is the one place I know, where you are allowed to be yourself. NOTHING more, NOTHING less and absolutely NOTHING fake....

I haven't said all there is to say, for now I'll leave it here. Leave a comment, let me know if all this is making any sense to you. Till then ....

2007-07-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

Miss ME??
Between being a patient, a bridesmaid, mourning, and growing-up I just had to be on the down-low.

No need to answer, I know you did.

It's been a few good months since I last updated the blog and I must say I'm glad I've finally found the time, strength and topic to post a brand new entry again.
A lot has happened since my disapperance from the face of the blogging world.

First, I spent a whole week in hospital. Something about cysts on my ovary.
That s*** scares me to death. There's nothing I want more than kidz in this lifetime.
See, I am a happy average, I don't want to be the richest person alive.
I don't want fast cars, champagne and caviar.
I also don't want to be remember for anything beyond my personality.
I know I am a proffesional and I know if I were to die tomorrow, some people would remember me for loving my job and hopefully some of you will remember me for giving it my all too.
That's okay.

What would bother me is if I left this earth tomorrow and no one had anything to say or remember about Itumeleng, me, the woman, the person, the friend, sister, aunt, daughter, niece, cousin, better half.

A want to live a fulfilled life and nothing would fulfill my existence like having a family of my own, I'd even kill to be a mother.

Nuf said about my ovaries - I have a doctor's appointment soon and depending on the outcome they might have to chop and change stuff. You do get what I'm saying right?????

Second - My brother got married and his wife asked me to be one of her 8 bridesmaids.

The wedding was off-the-hook.

It was fun but please understand when I say I never want to do this again. Never.

Here is what I looked like on that day.

Third - The country also went into a state of emergency when all civil servant took to the streets and demanded a wage/salary increase.
That took long enough to solve. It put a lot of things, lives and pride on the edge.
Didn't think it affected me much until it really affected me.

Fourth- My father got sick, really sick, I mean really, really sick.

"Papa wa kula jou"("Dad is sick man") My brother says to me one evening.
"When did you see him" I ask
"Day before yesterday" Kagiso replies.
I knew what was wrong, and damn it felt like deja vu.

The exact thing had happened round about the same time last year - TB.
And because my father never took care of himself, he never actually recovered.
One year later, the desease had become deadly and the lecacy of smoking and drinking - painful.
My sister and I then agreed that we'd go see him as soon as the weekend.
Let's just say- the weekend was not good enough.
By the time we got to him, he was looking at death right in the eye, so he was rushed to hospital.
He was not himself. Different in every sense of the word. I was shocked, I'd never seen anyone that sick. He couldn't even speak.

Unfortunately he landed in hospital during the strike - no nurses, few doctors and damn it hurt.
We kept on visiting him and he was getting better.
I remember on Monday 11/06/07 when my sister Nina and I went to see him. He was smiling and responding to our questions the best way he could then.
That same night, I get a callback from my sister - I ignore it.
Another one - I ignore it. From my brother, and then I call Nina.

She gave it to me straight - 'Papa o tlhokofetse'. Suddenly, everything was beyond me.
I couldn't keep it together.

Round II of my beef with the strike came when we realised that home affairs was closed, which means we couldn't get a death certificate = we couldn't claim from insurance policies.
The support we got from friend during that time will never ever be forgotten.
It's at times like these we realise just how blessed we are.

Jimi and family, Refilwe, Smanga, Mokgadi, Lerato, Katli, Pontsho and family, the Malokas, Adam and Ntsako, good friends of Weekend Live, Thando, Promise, Nino, Sindy, Nkhensani, Boo and all your friends and family and everyone else who stood by me and my family- I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.

My best friend Henry was all the way ko States when I lost Bra Percy...
I could have used a hug from him, actually - I needed him (lump.....).

While shooting at the WindyBrow Theatre recently, I came across 2 pieces by my dad, this is one of them.
This is how he saw himself back in the 1980's.

He was a character in his own comic strip - The Free Spirit.

Another frame from The Free Spirit.
Free Spirit again.

Anyways. When I was asked to speak about my dad at his memorial service and funeral, I decided to tell nothing but the truth about him. I was out of sugar so I didn't coat anything.

I spoke about Percy Sedumedi as I knew him. The creative, the teacher, the free spirit, the artist, the alchoholic, the pot-head, the good friend but crap father. Don't get me wrong, my father was a very intelligent individual, he was the most creative person I know and nothing and no-one could take away the FREE SPIRIT in him. He taught me how to be bold, inquisitive, unafraid and to question things. For that and his friendship, I will never forget him.

I learned a lot about being a grown-woman during the week I lost and buried my dad.

That's me and one of the most significant incidents in my life. I'm sure there'll be more, I just hope I'll have the strength to deal with what lies ahead - LIFE.

I came across this article http://narratingchange.blogspot.com/2007/06/great-artist-who-drew-in-blood-tribute_28.html a few weeks after my father's passing. It almost brought me to tears, I guess that's the kind of power the truth can have on us.

2006-10-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

Entitlement…a South African Story
I keep hearing-"The government this, the government that”.
STOP IT ALREADY.

Listening to one of Gauteng’s youth (radio) stations after the minister of finance’s budget speech this year, I got sick to my stomach. Sickened by a young lady who phoned-in, particularly to complain about the child support grant.
The complaint! - Mr Manuel (the minister), is too inconsiderate.
Why? - Because he only increased the CSG by a mere R20
The young lady went on and on about how young/single mothers deserve more.

I acknowledge that poverty is still part of the South African picture. I also acknowledge that young mothers have the raw end of the deal and that their partners (baby daddies) should do a whole lot more in helping them raise the products of their actions.

But....

...I think by now every girl who is capable of getting ‘knocked-up’ should know that it takes a male to make a baby and a man to raise one.
I also think it takes two to tango but a lot of it is up to the lady. If women can use sex as a weapon, why the hell can’t they use it to their advantage?

This country might not have the best goverment system, a liked-by-many president or the prettiest history but it is certainly alive with good possibilities.

Black people are on a goldplated pedestal now more than ever. Black women are powerful and at the forefront of very serious movements and projects.

I honestly don't think our Deputy President-Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, Wendy Luhabe or Oprah Winfrey got to the top by blaming everything on the government. It takes responsible thinking, bravery, sacrifice and hard work to get to a place of comfort unless if you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth. That's how we should start thinking SISTERS.

That brother you are trying to settle down with, who doesn't give you enough attention, he's not going to love you any better when there's a baby in the picture.

That grant the goverment gives out to young struggling mothers is not even enough to buy baby formula or nappies.

Two months ago an investigative-journalism-current-affairs programme did a whole hour on how CSG are being misused by young, single and black mothers. A lot of the young women interviewed admitted to using a large portion of the R180 to settle their personal needs (airtime, visiting the hair salon or even buying clothes).

They also admitted to knowing that falling pregnant was no option for them due to their economic status and the fact that most of them were still in high school and living with their unemployed parents. But guess what?! Not even that was enough to stop them from conceiving.

I stand to be corrected but I don't think it takes a few years in a tertiary institution or coming from a wealthy family or a rocket scientist to know that jumping in to the sack with someone without protection can result into one thing or another. No prizes for guessing what I'm on about!!!!

Being young and black has never been better, I just think people need to get out out of their comfort zones and start making a difference. To all the young women in the ghettoes- Pop a contraceptive pill, get an affirmative-action job, go to school, stay away from boys, use a condom or simply use your brain first and then your libido.

I am always sad to see toddlers (babies too) being neglected or treated like obstacles. Before falling pregnant- one needs to review their maturity, pocket, their partners bahavior and the state of HIV/Aids in Africa. For heavin's sake wouldn't you rather enjoy your life and make the best of it before you bring a whole human being into this world.

I have absolutely no beef with child support grants, I have no problems with young mothers and I also don't have a problem with people who make and stick to their choices.

It's a damn bitch when your mother has to give-up few of her comforts to accomodate your unplanned baby or a baby ends up neglected just bacause a young mother is not ready to give-up partying.

There's a lot be considered before getting preggers. Life-adjustments and being the best that you can be as a parent at the top of the list- Thank you.

Choose to have that baby, afford to raise that child, give your parents a piece of mind- they are still trying to get 'raising-you' right. To all the sisters who were misled, raped, not mentally fit, drugged or clueless when they conceived- Wish you all the best in making a good human being out of someone.

To everyone else who receives the CSG, it's there to help, I mean help you raise the baby.

One Love

Matumza

2006-09-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

Allow me to take you back...
...to that special post

One entry I'll never forget is an entry I posted on this blog. It was my 3rd or 4th post. Through that entry I let my readers into my world, my past. I wrote about some of the things that have always made me angry. I confronted men about the way they treat women and in the same breath celebrated women.

The aim was not to speak negatively of brothers or disrespect the efforts they put into making us sisters happy. It was just to let them know how I feel the relationship between men and women can be improved.

Moseki (one of my very loyal readers) gave me an opportunity to confront women about how they wrong brothers and celebrate men through the comments panel on the same blog entry.

I titled the entry WOMAN...The hard of hardcore.

Please take some time to read this one, check out the comments and leave one yourself.

This is not only for my new readers, it is for everyone who liked this one too.

Enjoy
One Love
Matumza

Click on the link below
http://matumzaonline.blogspot.com/2005/09/woman-hard-of-hardcore.html

2006-03-17T01:51:00.000-08:00

DECENCY
and the entertainment industry

There is a fine line between being free and lacking decency and people in the entertainment are (in my opinion) are flirting with this thin line.
The most disturbing one, Arthur Mafokate's music video. The song is titled "Sika le khekhe", this literally means "cut the cake", the catch- where Arthur and I both come from "Khekhe" has two meanings. One is sweet(literally) and the other derogatory(to women).
If you (by any chance) think I'm launching an undeserved attack on Arthur, wait until you see the video.
4 girls aged between 13 and 16 years dancing on top of a bed with very mini, mini skirts, nothing but your normal butt showing underwear beneath the skirts, camera conviniently focuses on their minor asses. And the show stopper, there's absolutely no cake in the music video.

This fueled a lot of debates in M'zantsi (that's South Africa to you Miss Fab). The SABC(National Broadcaster) banned the music video, funny how I still see it on one of their channels though.
Some people were arguing that if we can watch and enjoy american music videos that show nothing less than nudity why should we complain about Mr Mafokate's video. Some people had an issue with how young the girls in the video are, while other people were stressing the fact that no-one forced them to appear in that music video. Someone actually tried to use culture to justify the video. See back in the day when culture still was- women walked around half naked and this was not only acceptable but common practice. That was when women were still object who had no rights, feelings or opinions according to men.

I hate it when we resort to culture to suit ourselves or to justify our wrongdoings.
While we are on 'culture' I think the only thing that has remained of our culture (but is slowly fading away) is UBUNTU. One of the few things that make me proudly (South) African. We are nothing like the americans, our values will never be the same, our laws differ, our morals are not on the same wavelength and we definately think differently from them. We might love and follow some of the things they do but I think compromising UBUNTU because of what americans think is hott or not is a sign of a very weak Nation.

Look at women like Mirriam Makeba, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Zamajobe, Judith Sephuma, Whitney Houston, Yvonne Chaka Chaka the list is endless. They are not my personal favourites but they are women who have my respect. Their talent sell them- not what they are willing to take off in front of an audience or cameras.

I have been disappointed by a number of young female artist- particularly because what they do not only affects their albumn sales but leaves a mesage (not a pretty one) in men's mind and influences little girls who look up to them.

See for yourself

Lebo Mathosa- A.K.A Drama Queen

Kelly Khumalo- Qinisela

Lil' Kim A.K.A Queen B

Let's talk. Let's exchange words, thoughts, ideas and opinions.

2006-02-15T22:48:00.000-08:00

"Closet Smoking"

What a bitch

I can hardly remember the first time I held a cigarette between my two fingers

When I was in Matric, I would take a drag from a friend or two while we were at a party or some gathering that featured a bit of alchohol. At the time it was purely messing around in our parents' absence. My gap-year came, I had nothing to do but read thick novels and find out more about the course (Journalism) I was about to grab by the horns. I was a Drama Sub-facilitator and in the absence of the head facilitator I would teach and ‘baby-sit’ young people who were between the ages of 12 years and 18 years. They would smoke- thinking “Tumi-two-shoes” is not aware of our dirty habit. (Mind you- I was just 19-years-old).
I would watch-silently thinking- ‘What the hell do these Urban brats think they are doing?’.

Yeah, I do smoke. My family would disown me if they knew I’m doing it. And just in case you think this is enough to stop anyone from doing the puff- puff on a daily basis- Think again.

I've been at it for the past three years (on and off). When I moved to another city, Pretoria to be pricise-I started smoking seriously, If you are wondering what serious means- think about 5-6 ciggies a day. I stopped for a while and then started taking drags from Big-Mike, at the time I was involved with a guy who did everything he could to make sure I don't smoke (that was of course in his knowledge). I smoked and it got stronger by the day. When we broke-up, I felt free, free to smoke and do everything I would like to do.

They say Shame doesn't bring change, the only time a smoker kicks the habit is if and when it is within them to do so.

This day and age I kill about 7 a day and if I am by any chance working in another city (away from home) I kill about 13-15 a day. All I do is smoke, smoke, smoke. I smoke more than my boyfriend smokes and when I'm not smoking I'm thinking about smoking.

Sounds unhealthy I know, I plan to quit when I fall pregnant (that's if GOD blesses me with kids).

Keep in mind that the only person in my family who knows about my habit is my older sister Nina who by the way had a reaction and a-half when I told her all about it. No one else knows but I think my niece has an idea.

Last night as we sat with my mother in her bedroom watching TV, my niece walks in and says "Tsitsi wa bhema"- 'Tsitsi' is what she calls me and 'wa bhema' means- YOU SMOKE.

My neck stiffened, I heard my mom ask: What'd you say? "Wa Bhema, yaka bashimane". She smokes like boys is what the four year old meant. She also went on to explain to my dear Mother how she'd found 'those two things' (signaling with her two fingers on her mouth) in my bag. I ignored their little conversation, after all Fiona Coyne and the weakest links were far too interesting and please don't be fooled- My heart was beating very fast.

"Itumeleng what is she on about?". "OH- My lighter" I said "everytime she sees it she accuses me of being a smoker".

Connie Sedumedi then asked: "What are you doing with a lighter?". "I always keep one" I said "Now I have two". And that Ladies and gentlemen was the biggest lie I have ever told my mother. I feel bad about it but I feel better about protecting our relationship. See, I know my mother knows that I smoke, I also know that she doesn't know that I know that she knows that I smoke.

If she ever had to hear me say or admit that I'm a smoke, our relationship would go sour. She is an open minded individual but she is a cigarette hating mother too. I'm her youngest child and the fact that not even my brother smokes would even make it harder for her to accept my habit.

They say there's no smoke without fire? It is so true. It's just a bitch having to always pretend that you are not responsible for the smoke. Everyone but my family knows about my smoking.

What's your take on my situation? Thato thinks I should just come out and let my know know about it. YOU?

2006-01-20T00:41:00.000-08:00

My Black Sister

WHY?

This morning I got into a taxi (minibus) it was not yet full. So while we (me and the other commuters) waited for the taxi to fill-up, along came a very beautiful sister. From where I was sitting, it was very evident that she is on her way to work.

She had on an outfit that screams :"I know nothing about colour co-ordination", could hardly walk in her high-heels and she had on what I will (lack of a better word) call a 'shit' wig. It was terrible. Too shiny, too long and most definately not meant for her. To top it off- It seemed to me like she was feeling herself(thought she was all that). I know her hair has nothing to do with me but I couldn't and still can't get over it.

She is not the only sister I saw with a wig on this morning,

INFACT: these days I see more wigs than I see natural afros, chiskops (bold), corn-rowns, braids, dreadlocks and even just relaxed hair.

I think (we) the black (african) race are the luckiest when it comes to the number of things we can do with our hair. My head has been around.

CHISKOP, CORN-ROWS, BRAIDS, AFRO, DREADLOCK (lasted for about 2 days), DRY PERM and right now my hair is relaxed.

I'm still looking for more things to do with my hair without looking stupid or going fake.

I have nothing against sisters who prefer and use weaves and wigs. I also have nothing against those who produce them, my only problem is the fact that we are becoming way too fake.

It looks to me like most black women think having a wig or weave makes them look more glamourous/educated/loaded when it just in fact does the total opposite.

WHO ARE WE TRYING TO FOOL?

If you want longer hair- grow your own. If you want shinier hair- Process it. If you want to look very fake (and to a certain degree dumb)- rock a wig. FYI- Guys do not like it at all y'all.

Look at women like:-

Mmabatho Montsho (Lumka- Generations)
Lebo Mashile (Poet- L'attidute)
Nkhensani Nkosi (MOJO- S Cherrie)
Twasa (Jam Alley)
India Arie (Brownskin Fame)

They are very beautiful and natural at the same time, they need absolutely no attachment to their hair to feel beautiful or elegant. No fake eyelashes, no heavy make-up, no plastic hair and absolutely no pain.

Whoever said glam and elegance have anything to do with length and shine to my black sisters is/was/will be wrong.

With all due respect, What the hell is a 20-year-old girl doing with a wig?

Think about this. What's wrong with these hair-dos?

Drag queens, cancer patients, senior citizens and those who need disguises need wigs. My point is- there are a lot of people out there who could use wigs and can not or will not use them.

Why hide your beauty? Nothing wrong with being a fashion victim, something wrong with purchasing hair when you have you own (beautiful and free of charge).

Nothing personal.

I mean I really miss a time when wigs were useful to stage and TV productions.

2006-01-11T04:31:00.000-08:00

Silence not so GOLDEN afterall

I believe each and every one of us (Bloggers) have all- at some stage or another experienced a "No story- No wise words to impart- no news- no jokes and absolutely no interesting topic" period.

Henry had one of those for about 2 months, I could be wrong, maybe he just didn't have the time to update his blog. To be frank with you I wrote him off as lazy and only now do I understand what he must have been going through.

I'm going through one of those. I don't have anything to write about. I have about a million and one topics in my head, problem is: I really need to think before I start typing. I miss y'all and would like to exchange news, words and ideas but I'm stuck. This is the difinition of a mental block

Here is something I'm excited about though-

I'm getting a tatoo soon, My mother's name on my abdominal area (beneath the belly button/navel) in a really beautiful font.

I'm shit scared and very excited about it. I'll take a picture and let y'all know how it went.

I cried for 45 minutes when I got my first and only tatoo, the artist who did it says he'd never seen anything like it (an adult in tears due to pain- that would of course include everytime he'd seen someone give birth).

What are your feelings on tatoos?

Would you get one?

If you are parent- Would you let your Child get one?

Does pain freak you out?

Do you think they are meant for freaks?

Let me know and while you are at it here is what I have to share about tatoos.

If you choose the right one, you are bound to love it forever.

I love mine to bits, it also helps that I do not see it too often. I also like the fact that: Not everyone who knows me knows it or about it.

Here is what it looks like- Sowhat if you have to strain your neck to check it out?!

2005-12-14T02:09:00.000-08:00

Growing up
I still find it scary

Not too long ago I realised that my bank card is old, it's in a state- swiping has become a 'bitch', if you know what I mean. Now I have to go to a bank, stand in a cue, fill in a form and only then will I get fresh plastic.

About four years ago I was in my mother's care, I was her responsibility. The closest I ever was to indipendence was by doing everything (from university applications to sorting out my bank account) myself.
Even so, I still kept a certified ID copy (hers and mine) in my bag 24/7. Wherever I went and whatever I did, I knew the one document that will get me anything I want was my mothers ID/ID copy.
I had no payslip, no income, no financial history and absolutely not the maturity or experience that comes with being an adult.

I've always said to my friends:"I don't wanna grow up y'all". That was always said in fear of big responsibilities. The thought of having a mortgage, life policies, a house, a car that will need to be maintained, kids, a husband and in-laws to me seems like a life sentence. I mean there just comes a point in life where there is absolutely no turning back, once you reach a certain level you have to stay there or move up (whether mommy has your back or not).

The fun things that come with indipendence are so easy to accept. I go out all night, sleep over at friends' places, consume alchohol and introduce all my friends, male and female to my family without even thinking like I used to back in the day. Maybe it's because I waited for the right time to do all of these things and maybe it's great to be finally able to call my own shots and make my own decisions.

Getting into a steady relationship
Seing most of my friends become parents
Not having to move around with Connie Sedumedi's certified ID copy
Finally having it within me to stop felling resentment towards my father
Eating vegetables without going 'nyaaaa'
Knowing how to step up to someone and introduce myself
Making a few life changing decisions
Contraceptives
Being able to cut frenemies out of my life
Standing up for myself (personal, professional or gangster)
Having to submit my CV to a possible employer
Having someone very cute and innocent ask you if you bought them sweets
Thinking about marriage and kids
Having a career

Those are just some of the things that just keep on reminding me of how young I'm not getting.I don't know about you but It scares me that I can't play with absolutely no worry in the world, sit back and let my mother do all the thinking for me. I can't chill with a guy and not think : He's got a motive.

Life gets harder and harder with age. I choose to make the best of it but insist on acknowledging how difficult it can be.

Have a blast before you are a parent, enjoy all those little things before you have someone looking up to you and remember that someday, it might not be as easy as it is now or once was.
Let me know how growing up has affected you.

2005-12-01T02:50:00.000-08:00

How to leave a comment on this blog

For all those who'd like to share their thoughts.

First go through the blog entry that interests you the most.

Right at the bottom of the entry, on the right hand corner you'll find a link that reads 2 comments/11 comments (however many comments)

Click on it.

Wait for a second and by some miracle the page will change

There'll be comments from others on the left and guess what?! space for you to start typing on the right.

It reads- LEAVE YOUR COMMENT.

Type the message in the space provided and then click on SIGN UP HERE.

You will then get the opportunity to fill in all your details, an ID and a unique password.

From then on all you just do is type in the message and then click on login and publish.

It is that simple. Now you don't have an excuse for not leaving a comment.

Matumza.

Slut or Mover

Does knowing how to move on the dance floor work against me?!!

About a month ago Henry and I went to a party, PRO KID's video shoot and the launch of the new spirit cooler from Smirnoff (Storm) to be exact, Henry was getting ready to go to Hungary that night, he hadn't planned on staying. The atmosphere changed all of that in a second, 'Brother-Man' got jiggy with me.

It was a great night, good music (DJ WAXXY off the hook), good company (Henry for sure) and good booze (the hangover was the pitts). It was everyone else around us who was so not doing it for Xolani and I. People trying to be seen by others, celebrity wannabes and arrogant people who happen to be in the business of entertaining (they always seem to forget who they entertain though).

After two hours of serious ass shaking, Henry and I suddenly took notice of how we were the only ones sweating, everyone else was doing the 'I'm too cool to sweat' thing or fixing their eyes on us.

I decided- F*#@ Them, I'm gonna make every single one of them dance. Of course I know my story- I had guys showing off their skills.

Then something got a serious hold of my mind, all these guys were actually thinking that they'd scored as they smiled and danced with me. Licking and biting their lips, coming closer and whispering sour nothings into my christian ear.

Someone started brushing their ashy hands against my exclusive booty while in the corner stood a guy I've seen in a coupla adverts winking the night away, now that got me worried.

This kind of behavior from guys never bothers me. I know myself well enough, I know my alchohol limit and I'm way too intelligent to be faceless ass for these arrogant guys. It is only when they start thinking a sexual relationship is signed and sealed only because I danced with them that I get bothered.

M'rapper kept on saying: Wena, if I didn't have a girlfriend I'd be taking you home with me. Here am I looking at this dude thinking: What a compliment bra, at my age- I look like a young thing that can be taken home by you. My response to him?! If I didn't have a man, I would so go home with you, you fuck(silent).

It happens to me all the time, everywhere. I sit down and shut up, no one is bold enough to make some conversation with a sister, I stand up and dance- everyone sees nothing but booty. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing or who I'm with.

To all the brothers who love to have a good time on the dance floor(no bullshit)- Much respect. To all those who think a woman who is free to express herself and have fun while displaying her dance moves is a gashu- Get lost. You belong in the next generation.

I am a woman, a decent one. Self respect tops all my lists. I'm a free spirit, I love to move my ass on the dance floor and I know how to do it- If that to you means 'sex with no strings attached' you are clearly not on my level.

Dancing is just that, dancing- no matter what the motives of the dancer are. Look, appreciate, join-in and loose your mind if you have to, just don't make an ernegetic and fun-loving sister feel cheap for dancing. Sisters, please don't give the wrong impressions to the brothers on these dance floors, if you have to seduce anyone, be bold enough and do just that. Do not twist the rules of honest dancing. I know it can look or feel sexy but it was meant for pure fun.

No beef, just serious concern y'all.

2005-11-09T14:14:00.000-08:00

HENRY

Simply the meaning of 'True Friend'.

In my 22 years of living I have had a million-and-one friends, maybe a billion or maybe I'm just exaggerating. The point here is I've had enough friends to know what a good friend is and what a 'for a lack of a better word' destructive friend is.

Maybe I'm just naive but I've had almost all kinds of friends.

Ones who just want to use you
Ones who just want to abuse you
Ones who just want to screw you
Ones who just want to diss you
Ones who just want to show how good they are at something
Ones who are clever, intelligent and informed
Ones who are not so clever (only gray matter between the ears)
Ones who are two faced
Ones who are nothing less than interesting individuals
Slow and Boring ones
Cheering and lively ones
Sweet ones
Rude and bitter ones
Congenial ones
Jealouse ones
Ones who had my back
Ones who hide so much behind a smile
Kind ones
Cruel ones

The list is endless, My friendships never workout. Fights, we are never on the same page, I give too much while people just take, take and take. Another endless list.

My name- Itumeleng, means Rejoice (to more than one person), not too long ago I realised through a conversation with an aquantance (Abueng) that Leina ke seromo (You are your name). I mean half the time I'm trying to make sure that those around me are rejoicing, even if it means I can not be welll. Maybe a good thing, maybe a very bad one- Who cares.

Right now I have about 4-5 people I can call friends. They are friends because they are good to me, know my family, know me well enough, I can depend on them and vice versa, We call each other, I smile everytime I think about them, I can honestly tell them the honest truth (good or bad) and know that I wont loose them, We depend on each other for emotional support and they know how to cheer me up. Keneilwe, Lavinia, Thato(Dibono), Nicci and Lungile.

I also have friends who aprreciate my sense of humour, love my company, keep in touch, tell me about their love and sex lives and would protect me without even thinking twice about it- Motshidisi, Mandisa, Thuli, Clayson, Niko, Andie (yeah, the dude who presents ONE), and Cornel. Some of them I became friends with because they were close to someone close to me.

Then I have friends who I can safely say are a "out of sight out of mind" kind of thing, the kind of friendships I have with this group of friends is contact driven, when we are on a call and e-mail spree we are really good friends. When there is no contact -there's no friendship. If I spend a month without seeing them or hearing from them I know that they are certainly not thinking about me. Emelda, Noleen, Mahlodi, Mokgadi, Sikie, Sibahle, S'mangele and many others.

Another group of friends I have in my life are those who I can't be too sure about. Still new, could last, very special but I could be excited about nothing. I like the pace and the atmosphere but until I'm sure who they really are I'll leave it at this, Monx, Tiro, Abueng and others.

Tsala ya me ya botlhokwa- My very important friend

His name is Henry 'Xolani' Harya. He is 34 years old. He is fun, FREE, has a sense of humour, very honest, well travelled, informed, intelligent, very social, 'stupid', open minded, trustworthy, sensitive (good sensitive), loyal, genuine, unique (hayo ya tshwanang le yena), friendly and curious.

He is a movie fanatic, loves reading and is fascinated by the world. I miss him, terribly, as I sit here typing the morning away he is in Hungary- to support one of his friends who's recently lost his father. See how nice he is, people don't even go to the next city to give their support to friends and yet Xolani travels half way through the world to do that.

He is an American (Half white, half chinese) who came to South Africa to share his time, knowledge, experience and being with others. A Peace Corp Initiative landed him in the country and everything else kept him here (including the women). He has been here for years and like he says, has no plans of going back to Texas.

He fits in perfectly, actually he belongs here. He speaks Zulu (better than my mom and every white, indian and coloured person in the country), mumbles a few setswana words and wa jaiva (dances well). He loves South African women- don't even get me started, I could write two, thick books about that.

The reasons why Henry is number one on my list:

He tells it like it is
He has my back (morning, day or night)
I can go anywhere with him, I know I'm fine
I trust him
We are always in touch
We talk about any and every thing
I learn a lot from him
He is loyal
Never keeps me in the dark about a thing
Keeps me updated on what's happening in his life
He never, (I mean never) looks down on others
He's helpful
I miss him when he's not around
Out of sight = on my mind
We like the same movies
He's not scared to ask for help
If he can't, he says exactly that
Even though he is friends with my ex-boyfriend- he can separate the two when he has to
Never takes sides
Anyone would have to be insane to have beef with this guy (excluding Lavinia)
He is a brother to me.

I met Henry in October of 2004, at our (2nd year journalism) end year dinner. He was Lavinia's date. Then he was just a guy who's gray, with my friend and very american. Never thought I'd see him again, Now- we practically stay together.

Here are some articles/entries he's written on his blog.

http://x0lani.blogspot.com/2005/10/this-post-is-gonna-suck.html

http://x0lani.blogspot.com/2005/10/love-in-time-of-meningitis.html

I'll leave it at that. I wish you all a Henry in your lives.

2005-10-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

Mobile Sermons

I am what I like to call a ‘free spirit’. I do believe in God and even though I do not really know what the inside of a church looks like, I believe he is my creator. I come from a family that is made up of artists, (visual and theatrical arts, nothing to do with music). Religion is not on our list of priorities and gospel music is something we are not crazy about.

Being the free spirit that I am, I do use the F- word, I would say often enough. I also hang-out with anyone and everyone- no specifics, no fusses. I live by my own rules and expect no-one else to follow them. I am the way I am largely because I choose to.

I am an intern for the national broadcaster’s TV news division and I go out on stories with journalists and camera operators on a daily basis. The nice thing about it is, I can be myself and I need not compromise a thing, although about a month ago I realised that, every now and then I might have to step out of my comfort zone, forget about being myself a little and go through the pain of not only compromising my behaviour but also listen to a sermon every once a week.
What only started out as a conversation about explicit language between a cameraman and I turned out to be a torturing sermon and believe it or not it was followed by many others. If that does not sound bad to you, imagine someone trying to educate you about, entertain you through and socialise about something you know you want nothing to do with.

Every time I see Nkosi Forise* I know it is ‘Church Time’ and I have no way out. The thing about staunched Christians is, they want everyone to see the ‘light’ and ‘accept’ JESUS into

lives. I do not have a problem with any religion or its followers, what I have a problem with is people trying to recruit or ‘save’ others. Christians also have a way of making you feel obliged to listen to them. They make you feel guilty before they start preaching. I am convinced that somewhere in the bible Propaganda/ ‘How to master guilt trips’ is a lesson they love better than the rest.

Every person I know who is according to my knowledge a born again Christian has lived his/her life to the fullest. They have sinned, partied and made their ungodly mistakes. They were brought to Christianity by regret and in some cases, shame.

I love my life just the way it is, the only thing I hate about myself right now is the fact that I don’t have the guts to tell Nkosi Forise* exactly how I feel about his weekly sermons. I would love to be able to tell him that I don’t see myself being born again now or ever, the courage to say all this and not feel guilty about a damn thing. I respect the man a lot; I think I respect him more ever since he told me of how he used to be an adulterer and an alcoholic. I believe motivation is a different thing to all of us, some people find it in religion and some find it in self help (written) material, I find it in learning from mistakes and knowing that any problem I encounter could be a lot worse.

I have learned to block his words out of my mind. While I put on a big smile and let the man think he is succeeding in saving my soul, I start thinking about the next gathering I with my friends, a possible story or sex for that matter. Christianity is the last thing on my mind, I am truly happy that it serves a very good purpose to some lives and that some people find it a lot more useful than I ever will, I just don’t think they should be telling me what I’ve heard from a lot of people who wasted their time on me.

Maybe we should all be allowed to make our mistakes and sin until there is no more sinning for us to do, maybe then we will be able to see the light. People should just stop taking sermons to people who are trying to avoid them.

2005-09-30T06:48:00.000-07:00

CHANGE

The one thing that is told best by pictures

Most of the people in my life are not so scared of change, and that, I think- puts me in an arguably safe place.

When you are in a world that is not so scared of change, you are either very open to change or not so scared of making differences in your life.

To all my friend and my family- Thank you for not fearing the unknown, thorough your courage I've grown a bit of my own. Thank you for opening up to me, it was the only way I would know how refreshing change can be.

People meet, they fall in-love, hook-up and then break up only to continue as if they've never met. For me, this year was full of nothing more than Break-ups. Different people, different reasons. It is scary when you have at some stage in your life, looked at a pair of friends (dating) and you know deep down in your heart that they will one day get married to each other. And then, He- Banna, they are not even friends anymore.

Here are some of the people who heve ditched long term relationships and their reasons.

Lavinia and Henry- Just when we all thought, these two are meant to be. There is this on Lavinia's blog.

"The Lavinia and Henry show has been cancelled

It just had to happen didn't it? And its all good.Henry and I are broken up. He says he needs time to think about things, which is fair because a lot of things between us were hurtling too far and too fast. Issues of marriage, kids, our future and trust were all coming up very often and we could not find really much common ground. Where we did it was tenuous.

The 13 year age difference, work stress on his part, my focus on my own job and career, the way he ended things with his ex and a whole lot of other issues have contributed to this. I guess in a way I was in denial, but I wrote him a tear-stained letter on Friday explaining my insecurities about our relationship, how I'd felt hurt by some of the things we had done to each other and I told him it might be better if we ended up with other people....................................."

Followed by this on Henry's blog

"Factum est

It's done... I'm not sure what's been done. But I did it.I broke up with Lavinia last night.I'm not even sure entirely why, because I think I love her. This will take some explanation.

First, I really don't even have anything bad to say about her. Lavinia is intelligent, pretty, and destined for success. The perfect girl, right? After meeting her, one of Shoni's friends told me "If you ever lose her, I will kill you. I will find you and kill you!" Hopefully, he doesn't read my blog.

I spoke to my friend Rich after breaking up with her last night. His first comment was "You're kidding, right? Oh shit. Man, why didn't you call me before you did it!?" He said this like I was an idiot and he could have talked some sense into me if I'd just given him a chance. Though after explaining myself, he seemed to agree that I did the right thing considering how confused I was......................................................."

Keneilwe and Reggie- Everyone saw this one coming. Keneilwe used to spend so much time with Kaix or talking about Kaix. I always knew that she was happier having a conversation for 5 hours with Kaix in his car, than she was visiting Reggie for a weekend. The break-up was not based on Keneilwe's dealing with Kaix, Reggie was too far, too distant, maybe too underving of her, too --------. Don't get me wrong here, they had a banging relationship, which is why it lasted for so many years and their break-up came as a shock. Keneilwe is with Kaix and to be frank with you, I couldn't be happier for her. They are so inlove.

Nicci and Cornel - One of those cases where one just needs to say, "Only GOD knows".

They were together for six years. No problems, no fights according to what I know. All of a sudden, my coloured friends are apart.

To be continued...............................

2005-09-20T04:47:00.000-07:00

WOMAN
The 'hard' of Hardcore.

They say her place is in the kitchen, some believe she should be seen and not heard.

For many years the woman has been playing “the fool”, a special role in the movie called LIFE. She is not bad at it. Actually she has been too good at it. The man (leading characters) loves working with her. She is simple, gives in easily, does whatever he says and follows his lead- no matter what.

I look back at how things used to work in my family when I was still very young, my father would disappear for days, get my mother into trouble (don’t ask) and give us nothing but false hope. He promised me the world, literally and never delivered. I know of no other person who can wait as patiently as my father’s children can. My mother would run, with four kids and absolutely nowhere to go, she would be on her way. The point- to get away from trouble maker she had for a husband. She would all by herself work something out and just when everyone got a hold of ‘a piece of mind’, she would invite my father back into our lives.

Because my mother never put her feelings before my father, (I know it sound ambiguous and I mean it in both ways), things turned out the way they did, every time I see a bit of my father in a man- I run. My sisters and I find it hard to believe a man who makes a promise and every time a promise is kept we find it hard to believe. All because we were exposed to a promise breaking, lying and selfish party animal for a father.

About two weeks ago I took a life changing decision, I decided to stop being so bitter towards my jobless, down and out father. I realised what a burden anger and bitterness can be. I used to blame him for the way my life turned out (every aspect) and wanted nothing to do with him. I realise what the saying ‘What goes around comes around’ really means. My father would do anything to do right by his family, too late. His family is doing fine without him.

I know a lot of women who are waiting for their boyfriends/husbands/partners/lovers to change their ways habits and in some situations the number of women they date. I am convinced that patience was designed for women. Women will be patient with a man that assaults them, they will be patient with a man who drinks his brains out while his children are at home with empty stomachs, women have the patience for polygamists, women will wait patiently for a man to commit when commitment features nowhere near his intentions or vocabulary for that matter. Women are too kind with their hearts- they give them to heartbreakers without even thinking about what it takes to mend them.

Men and women are from two different worlds, that does not mean you should settle for less and let a man walk all over you. There are good men out there, they are not perfect but they are worth a real woman’s time.

I will give you a few hints of my own on how to know whether it’s time to run or stay.

Are you comfortable around him?
Can you be your self around him?
STAY

Does he pay attention to you and what is happening in your life?
STAY

Does he put his friend, partying, alcohol or fun before you?
RUN

Does he get vulgar or violent with you?
RUN

Does he have respect for your family and friends?
STAY

Can you have him and your loved ones in the same room without anything breaking?
STAY

Are there other women in his life (besides his family) that make you uncomfortable and he claims he can not do anything to help the situation?
RUN

Has he been in and out of prison a number of times?
RUN (even if he claims he did not do it)

Does he speak to his mother like he is addressing a kid or maybe one of his dumb friends or cheap girlfriends?
RUN

Do people speak badly about him?
INVESTIGATE.

Does he give you compliments and notice changes when you have made some?
STAY

If the right man does not come along, spend your life nurturing the one person you will have to spend forever with- YOU. Do not let one guy make all men look the same. Men only do what you let them get away with, let them get away with making you feel like a queen, it is all up to you.

“No man is worth your tears, the one who is – will never make you cry”
- Anonymous.

There’s more where that came from but I will leave it here. All you need to remember is-

Love yourself.
Put yourself first.
Don’t stay if you are not happy.
Love does not hurt.
You should raise your children in an environment you would want them to portray.
Self confidence is not for the elite- you build it by yourself.
You choose your own love-life.

Brothers- Nothing Personal. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment. IS.

2005-09-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

2005-09-09T00:54:00.000-07:00

Hip-Hop

The first time I paid attention to it, I didn't even understand it much. The art and depth that this music genre posseses was not visible (nevermind audible) to me. It was more about WHO is spitting the Rhymes and the beat than it was about the rhymes.

2PAC, Biggy Smallz and Busta Rhymes used to get my attention only because they were all over the show. They were on TV half the time, everyone I know bumped their tracks on a daily basis and they swore like there's no tommorow. As soon as Bitch, Ho's, gangster, dick and etc became normal (second nature) words to me I was able to pay attention to the flow. The first hip-hop track that had meaning for me is: Keep on keeping on- MC Lyte feat. Escape (whatever happened to them?!).

A friend of mine who was born a hip-hip fanatic wrote out the lyrics to that track for me, she also taught me a few hip-hop/american slang (words) and introduced me to 'weed', yeah I said 'weed'. Ever since those days hip-hop has been more or less part of my life.

I became hip-hop and hip-hop became me when I discovered South African hip-hop through Skwatta Kamp. I thought: "these boys are ill" from the very first time I heard them (rau rau), I fell inlove with how realistic they are and I could relate to almost everything they were rapping about- Poverty, the hood, teenage pregnancy, sex, drugs and alchohol South African style.

Hip Hop Pantsula is one of my favourites, I like the fact that he is got no time for disses or beef and yet he still manages to get us hooked to his flow. Last festive season I was a joke to my older sister Nina because I was so obsessed with 'Tswaka' (the word means MIX) one of HHP's singles on his latest albumn 'Omang Reloaded'. I would literally turn into a groupie everytime I heard that track, I would smile until all my facial muscles started aching.

Hip-Hop became an obsessiong for me when PROkid graced the Local Hip-Hop scene, this 24 year old, SOWETO hip-hop veteran as he calls himself changed South African Hip-Hop for the Best if not greatest. He is the definition of Ill, I can not get over his skillz and I suspect a lot of hip-hop heads are suffering from the same fever I've had since the release of 'Heads and tales'.

PRO is on point, he tells it like it is and unlike Skwatta Kamp's Flabba he is not too vulgar. He raps about reality- PERIOD. No beating about the bush, no sugar coating and interestingly- no fairy tales.

He is the realest MC and believe me when I say, you don't want to make a fool of yourself by attempting to take on this CAT on the battle floor.

He's put every South African MC in their place including his rival M'rapper ProVerb. The beef between the two came about when one of them (I don't know which one) decided he is not down with sharing 'PRO'. It turned into an unnecesarry constant battle, leaving Hip-Hop headz getting a dose of unbelievable punchlines.

The score was settled at the Rand Easter Show. An unexpected battle between the two materialised. I was not there (unfortunately) but those who witnessed it put it this way: 'ProVerb' lost his dignity, punchlines and shine that day to PROkid.

I work for a TV current affairs show called Weekend Live, I put together inserts. It is an Arts and Culture show and my dream come true. A new week means a new story and sometimes maybe two. I learn something new everyday and get to meet very interesting people. I will never forget the day I was assigned to do a story on South African Hip-Hop. It is by far the story I enjoyed doing more than all the others. I got to interview Lee Kasumba- (Yfm- Harambe), she holds very interesting views about HipHop and she is one of the most intelligent/articulate women I've met in my time. I also got to meet PROkid (the lyrical genious) and I have never trembled more. He is streetwise, charming and real. It was such a wonderful expirence to get to share my thoughts with someone so thrilling. I have respect for him and hope he'll hold it down until 2PAC makes it back from ' you know where' because for me- that's as real as it gets.

"Eintlek Fuck backstabbing, mina ngizo ku gwaza nine, nine"

- PROkid (Ungapheli Umoya)

My TOP 10 South African Hip-Hop tracks (at the moment)

PROkid- Wozobona
HHP- Harambe
Hidden force- Tsokotsa
Skwatta Kamp- The Clap song
Morafe- The whole thang
H2O- It's Wonderful
PROkid- SOWETO
SK- Uhamba no bani?
Zulu Mobb- Comfort me
Twistyle- Lovey Dovey

right now me is listeng to MORAFE.

2005-09-08T02:46:00.000-07:00

Tumi becomes a BLOGGER

When I first heard about blogs, bloggers and blogging I was in P. Diddy's class. P. Diddy (real name Pedro Diederichs) is our Basic Editing lecturer, the H.O.D of TUT's journalism department. The topic was about news on the net and I'm not going to get into all that because the point I'm trying to make is: When I first heard the word(s) I found it very funny and I told my best friend/classmate and 'sister' Lavinia this. What was making me laugh even more was what was going through my mind, I was thinking about what the word was about to become (Lavinia and I are too good at twisting words).

From that day on, everytime we found something funny, confusing of just plain tripping in P. Diddy's class we would call it a 'blogger'- little did I know that a year later I would become exactly that, A Blogger. Funny hey?!

Lavinia has been doing this for over a year and I've always checked out her blogs. Don't tell her but, I've always thought : "This girl has way too much time, I'd have to get paid to dedicate my time to something this demanding". Guess what?! All it took for me to get started was one of her entries, it was about our friendship and how much she and I know about each other. That was three days ago, today I'm spending time trying to put this blog together and am not even getting paid for it- I guees- things do change.

I'm hoping my life is/ will be interesting enough for you to visit my blog as often as possible.
I have a lot of crazy people in my life, I'll tell you about some of the things they get up to and more importantly I'll let you know everything there is to know about moi.

My name is Itumeleng Sedumedi, someone calls me Moontz, someone else calls me Gamine and a lot of people call me Matumza- You can call me anything as long as it ain't a four letter word or anything that implies that I'm stupid.

Leave a WELCOME entry and help a sister believe she is worth your time and words.

Later.

MatumzaOnline

2005-09-06T06:45:00.000-07:00

WUZP, Welcome to the realest blogspot.

Don't say I didn't warn you: You are about to get addicted.

My name is Matumza, your dose of happiness or entertainment