There is Always a Way

Its a job...

2009-12-11T12:10:00.002-05:00

My days always seem to border between frustration...and elation. I am always so happy to be around my family all day. I can't imagine any different life, but they can be frustrating at times.
I have had thoughts of looking for a job outside of the home and truly it scares me. I think I would be sick to my stomach each morning if I had to leave my kids every day. I know that it is something that people do all the time, but it would really take some getting used to, for me.

Anyway, that is not where I am driving at. I get frustrated....I think mainly because I wanted to be a lazy bones and my life and kids don't really allow me that luxury. It is like fighting a wave in the water and you just keep getting pushed back to shore.
I have found that if I treat my daily life as a job, I handle things much better. I am constantly trying to make my life constant. It is hard...and nearly impossible. I mean, everyone has ups and downs each day. Some days you are tired, some days energetic, some days depressed, some days empowered, and other days just down right determined no matter what. You really don't know what you will wake up to.
I have a day job - I work on the computer as everyone knows. But, if I treat my kids and housework as a "job", it seems to go smoother...I actually have a better attitude about it all. I don't mean to imply that my kids are a job in the sense that I "have to do it" type of deal. But, more along the lines of that dream job that you have always wanted and wake up each day to do.

Life is all about perception and lately it seems that my perceptions have been leaning toward the dark side. I have found that I really need to laugh more. I need to stay optimistic and not only that...find the humor in all things. Spilled milk? Not only should you not cry over it...its hilarious. I mean really...when Charly spilled her cheese balls all over the floor for the second time in a row yesterday...the look on her face was priceless and quite humorous. Was I frustrated about the bits of "cheese" on the floor...well yes, but that is where the perception comes in. Do I get mad and huff and puff? Ok, well I did for a minute...but then I realized my mistake. How I perceived the situation was all wrong. I can easily get the vacuum out and clean up the little tiny, almost invisible bits of orange...ya know...when I get to it. And to be honest...the carpet, it is getting replaced as soon as the kids are a tad older. Keeping it spotless is impossible. I come no where near that anyway.
So, instead of getting angry and frustrated, which probably just builds my little girls anxiety...I can brush it off to "oops! be careful" in a slightly cheerful tone. After all, when she is older I can come to her house and spill cheese balls all over her carpet.

Embrace imperfections. Laugh about them often. And even enjoy your life more because of them. And even more importantly...embrace the imperfections in people around you as well, including your kids. After all...if you can't laugh at their imperfections...how will they?

On a side note...spell checker said I had no misspelled words in this post...I find that hard to believe. I am sure one of you will let me know though..:)

Really Random Thoughts

2009-12-01T07:34:00.003-05:00

Well, no laundry today. I am really happy that I got all of it done yesterday.
Aydan has learned to get on the top bunk of the bed that I don't have a guard on yet. This should be fun trying to keep him down from it all day.
Powdered donuts are oddly addictive.
I'm listening to Erykah Badu in the background. I am hoping she has a calming effect on my day.
I start work in 20 minutes. Today should be fairly smooth.
My stomach hurts now from the donuts:(
My mind is still reeling from two crazy shows last night - Intervention and Hoarders. Amazing how people can get.
I need to get back to running. I had gotten on a pretty good schedule, but had gotten thrown off track and now I need to push through and get to it again.
I am really hoping Mark feels better today. He has had trouble getting over this cold/migraine/sinus infection deal that he has had. No fun:(
The kids are running back and forth from the living room and their room. They really do play well together most of the time.
I should open the shades, but it looks like it is going to be a gloomy day anyway...so it can wait.
It is the 1st of December, I guess that means that it is time to pay some bills. I hope my check comes in the mail today...sometimes it is late.
I cut Aydan's hair for the first time the other day. He looks like a little tough guy now;)
I just cut my fingernails. I feel much better now.
I just changed Peyten's diaper. She feels much better now.
I can't believe I haven't published this post yet. I started it 2 hours ago. I have paid my bills in the meantime and got some work stuff done...I guess that is good.
This is one of those days that I didn't eat a good enough breakfast, so I was starving at 9:30, so I went ahead and made one piece of toast with an over easy egg over the top. It hit the spot.
I really could use a shower right now, but really...I should try and run first and then shower...but, I have to let my food settle...oh, the excuses!!
I cleaned out my purse before I paid my bills. That felt good.
Charly just came crying to me and said that brother hurt her nose and she needed a hug. I gave her a hug and she said "mom, you give the BEST hugs in the whole world!". Awe:)
I suppose this is enough random thoughts for the day...I will shut my brain off now.

Tired or Depressed?

2009-11-18T07:22:00.004-05:00

I can't tell the difference between tired and depressed anymore, but I really don't think it matters to be honest with you. I have been feeling emotionally drained. And not really for any particular reason. Actually, this is the best life has been going in a while. Well, it always goes good, but I have the least amount of reasons to stress right now. With the holidays coming up ...and figuring out money issues is always a stresser, but nothing too new. I have three wonderful kids that make me laugh on a daily basis...and make me want to scream on a daily basis. I have a wonderful husband that always goes the extra mile to make sure that I am ok and that he is there for me no matter what.
I think the main trigger for my sluggish behavior is hormones. I hate to blame everything on hormones, but even 3 month post delivery...I think my body is still trying to get back on track. Plus, little Peyten has been a bit more hungry lately, so my body is also adjusting to that. I have been sooo hungry lately. Just wanting to eat everything site. And since I still have ten more pounds to lose, I try and find a balance between eating enough to help my milk supply, but not too much to gain more weight. It is kind of tiring having to worry about it. Long gone are the days when I can just forget to eat and then later on say "why did I get drunk so fast?...aah, I haven't eaten anything since that bagel for breakfast!". No, now I must be a responsible adult. Pop is my vice. Mark has been bringing it in to the house and I "splurge" with a glass here and there. And yes, I love to eat, but the last couple of years have been a job to eat - to either keep baby healthy in the womb or while breastfeeding. What a great way to stay healthy - stop smoking, drinking, eating too much crap - then to have babies for the last 4 years.
I guess I see the end of the road ahead. Like my life has been put on hold for 4 years. Now, that was a horrible transition...in no ways do I intend to going back to smoking, drinking, and eating crap. I intend to keep my habits the same, but other aspects of my life I feel I can concentrate on now. Maybe even figure out my long term future. Whether it be to stay in this work-at-home environment or if it is to open my own restaurant. Who knows...but now that the babies are all popped out, I can start to plan for what is to come.
So maybe really the reason for my malaise is really just a big mental exhale. "One chapter done...let's gear up for the next chapter." Maybe this next chapter will be easier. Who knows. It really doesn't matter if it is easy or hard. It is my life, and I truly love my life. Everything it entails has made me who I am and I am quite pleased with myself so far. I can always improve, but that is a constant. I am growing and learning always, I think I just need a little break from all that. A little breather.
The last couple nights I have fallen asleep in front of the tv at about 9 or so. Well, shortly after Peyten goes to sleep, I turn on the tv to "relax" and the next thing I know, its morning. Mark comes in and turns the tv off at some point I guess. Usually I stay up until 11 or so. I guess my body has just been needing the extra sleep. I will take it. I really could use a vacation, but I don't think that is in the cards for a bit.
Well, the sun is up now and I should get started on work. I already finished cleaning up the kitchen, moved some laundry and picked up the living room. Hopefully today is kind of quiet. I could use a little "me time". As much as I try and deny this fact - I have to schedule "me time" - I still can't get used to that for some reason. When you are a wife and a mother, you can't just take time for yourself whenever you want, and that is ok. It just takes some getting used to. Mark is home with the kids most days, but sometimes he has interviews, errands, or is working a security job - so, I have to plan when I can get that time for myself in. And fitting that in with work makes it hard too. Work time, family time, one on one time, me time - it is hard to always find a balance.
Ok, time to make another cup of tea and get started on that work I talked about...

2 month pictures;)

2009-10-28T07:50:00.004-04:00

I can't help but compare, it is too fun!
I wish I had one of Aydan smiling from that time, but I guess he was going through a "serious" phase:) And I remember just "barely" catching the smiling picture of Charly.

Charly MarieAydan Michael Peyten Michelle

Bucket List

2009-10-25T15:45:00.002-04:00

I guess you can call this my bucket list. I think I wrote the list shortly after Mark and I were married. I have a long way to go in completing it!! I came across the list not too long ago and had completely forgotten that I wrote it. But, I would say it is a pretty good list of my "to do's" that I would like to accomplish:)

Have 3 kids
Travel cross country on a motorcycle - someday! when we can afford a bike and Mark's back is better.
Grow a garden
Maintain a garden
Get good at remembering birthdays - getting there!
Catch a fish - I keep trying;)
Sky dive
Have monthly dinner parties - I could probably start doing this even a budget and a small house?
Have a large dining room table 8, 10, or 12 chairs - have to wait for a bigger house;)
Have a six pack - ok, this is a pipe dream! but, i will settle to know that somewhere under the flab is a six pack;)
Fill a wine rack - kind of hard to fill a rack, when you want to drink and enjoy the wine!
Run or walk a marathon - this would probably be pretty attainable
Find a hobby - any suggestions! baby making was a "hobby" for a while...but done with that one!;)
Take a train to NY and eat
Renew my wedding vows somewhere tropical
Go on a guilt free honeymoon
Fix up a classic car - preferably a Nova
Have a wardrobe that I like everything in it - lose weight, THAN buy wardrobe. lol
Design my own kitchen - I've got the ideas, just need the space and money;)
Have a house in the country
Learn to ski or snowboard - seriously, I haven't done this yet???
Make something to be passed down to generations - I am sure this will end up being a recipe or something;)
Go white water rafting - I can picture taking the kids when they are older, wouldn't that be fun!?
Have a 50th wedding anniversary. - Well, this is a sure thing..just have to wait 45 years!:)

Control has many definitions

2009-10-25T10:28:00.004-04:00

Most of my days are challenging. Big surprise. We have three kids under the age of three. But, I must say, we have been getting better at all of this.
I was reading back on some of my older blogs and it isn't hard for me to remember how many days I had that were filled with anxiety and stress. Those days are fewer and farther between. Now, I have more "moments" within a day that are stressful, rather than whole days. Some times the kids will be pushing my every button over and over again, and I have to remind myself that I am in control.
See, it took a certain little girl to show Mark and I just how much color we actually have;) Yes, it can be quite humbling when you see traits of yourself in your daughter that you chose to ignore about yourself up until that point. Anger. Frustration. Screaming. Yeah...not so pretty coming from a 3 year old. Well, not so pretty at all. When the kids were so young, it is so easy to let out frustration "loudly". Kids don't know any better, right? Yeah....
Well, we have really been trying to curb our anger and frustration. It so easily comes out, it is crazy. It still amazes me that I haven't learned to do this before. But, I guess when you don't have someone or something pushing your buttons every minute of every day, well...you just don't have to deal with the anger and frustration so much.
One thing that I have realized is that my frustration comes from my need to control. There is no way that I can "control" my children. Well, not on the scale that most people would love to be able to do. What I mean, is that I can control my children by working with them. But, when I try and control them just by demanding things is when the frustration kicks in. No child wants to be barked at all day long...just as I wouldn't want to be barked at all day long.
Taking a step back and prioritizing my day differently, has helped me not be so frustrated. Letting go of some of that control over my own life, helps me deal with "controlling" the kids better.
Sometimes I want to get work done first then read a story - for instance. But, really when the kids want some attention, sometimes it is best to tend to them and then it is easier to get the work done after.
Sometimes they play great all by themselves in their bedroom...sometimes they do not. Sometimes it is a lot of me running back and forth from the computer to the bedroom to see what might have gotten broken, what mess was made, or who got hurt. This can be frustrating - starting a project on the computer and having to stop every minute to see what is going on.
BUT, if I take just 5 minutes out and play with them in their room to get them going on some different tasks, than going back to my computer after that is much easier. Most things that happen with work aren't so "urgent" that I can't take 5 minutes out.
Also, I have really gotten scheduling down better. It is a rough schedule, because kids can be unpredictable, but breakfast is anywhere from 7-8 in the morning. Toons for a couple hours in the morning - depending. Aydan usually naps at 9am. Lunch is anywhere from 11-12. Movie time is after lunch. And at 2pm, both kids go down for a nap together. Dinner is between 5 and 6. And we start getting ready for bed at 7:30 and they are both in bed at 8pm. They seem to both really like having a schedule and I have been trying to stick with it. I think it keeps them a tad more even keeled. Although, Aydan is still Mr. Fussybutt sometimes. But, we cut him a little slack because he can't talk yet;)
So, it has been a slow process and I am still working on curbing my temper. I have to remember that I am a "teacher" first and a "disciplinarian" second. And for both my kids, a kind sweet voice seems to get better results than a loud angry voice. Go figure.
After all, we ALL are learning how to build this family together.
At the end of the day, I just try and remind myself that each day is a blessing and if every minute of the day doesn't go the way I want it to, that is ok. And I should actually just enjoy being able to set back and watch my kids scream and bounce off walls and truly enjoy their lives.

Burst

2009-10-16T09:46:00.002-04:00

Some days I just love my family so much, I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. It is a tad painful, but that really good pain;)
Some people worry about how to "divide" their love between their growing family, but I just worry about how my heart can handle "doubling" so many times;) I find it so amazing how differently I love each member of my family. All in good ways. They are all so different that I love them for different reasons. I love watching my kids grow and develop these little personalities that can only be their own.

Mark - is starting a job today. He is working security. He is also waiting to hear back about a part time sales job. So, we will see what pans out and where God wants him.
His back is still hurting him a lot. He had gotten some shots, which may have helped a little. But, I think he has come to terms with the fact that he is going to be in pain for a long time. He was also diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. This is a bit scary because you really don't know how bad it will get. Right now his leg hurts pretty bad and we think that it is from the arthritis.
He is getting around ok and working through it as he usually does. The doctor wanted Mark on his back for a long time, but really that just wasn't possible for Mark - he was going nuts. He couldn't help but get up and help with the kids and household stuff.
We talked about getting him on disability, but we just didn't want to go that route as of yet. We will see how the next couple of years go. He really does need back surgery, but our insurance doesn't cover it for some strange odd reason that I will never understand. But, right now, we just put our lives and health in the hands of God. We know he is watching over us and has a plan.

Kari - I can't say a whole lot about me. I am in good health. And with so many people around me having problems, I say that is a huge blessing. I still have both of my jobs. Although I am still not raking in the hours as much with my second job. Less money, but more time with family which has been very helpful. I think we needed it......more than the money.
I am not pregnant, and I don't plan to be. I got the IUD, which should last me for 10 years for birth control. And score, it was covered by my insurance (there was a mishap and I thought it might not have been), so all in all, it cost me 25 dollars. Not bad for ten years of not getting prego;)
I am trying to change my eating habits...a little. I just try and eat smaller meals throughout the day. I probably end up eating 5 or 6 meals, but it isn't as much food at each one. I think my body likes that regimen better. I am also trying to run. I will run a mile around my neighborhood. I try and go every day, but it doesn't always work out. Running with three kids is nearly impossible, so I have to run while Mark is home. And that has to coincide with work not being busy, Peyten not needing to be fed, etc etc. Too many variables, but I have been doing good. Every little bit counts. And at least a quick run is well...quick. I wouldn't be able to spend an hour at the gym. It would be nice, but just not practical right now in my life. I have 17 pounds to shed. I know it will eventually come off, I just have to be patient.

Charly - Oh, my Charly. She is a riot. Her imagination just goes wild most days. I don't even know where she comes up with the stories she does. She is strong and independent. She doesn't like to take no for an answer and she isn't afraid to give me her opinion. All qualities that will one day yes, be great for her. Just not so good for mom and dad while she is 3;) But, we work together and seem to do ok.
We had trouble with bed time for a while. That girl would get out of bed at least 3-5 times each night. Sometimes in a 2 hour span of time. It was very frustrating. Especially when she would wake up her brother. But, with a helpful hint from my mom, we implemented a chart system. She gets a sticker for each bed time task and then she gets a sticker in the morning if she stays in bed all night, plus a piece of candy. We will fade out the candy eventually, but right now it all is going smooth...so we will stick with that for now;) It has been about a week and a half with her not getting out of bed at all.
She still loves all things girly. She loves to pick out her outfit (she usually chooses a skirt or dress) and then she likes to put on a headband and "fancy" shoes. And she will walk around with her purse. Sometimes she puts on a necklace, bracelet, or watch. She loves anything pink and if it has a flower or two on it, even better. And she always is asking me if she can put on "lips".
Yeah, for the last four or five days, she has been wearing the same pink socks. She loves those socks. Don't worry, I did get them washed at least once in that time;)

Aydan - Oh, that boys personality is coming out all BOY! He is so rough with Daddy, but then he is so gentle with Peyten. And he can cuddle with the best of them. He likes to hold on to a blanket while cuddling. With Charly, they seem to have their own language. Most of the time they play really well together, but they have had their punching matches. And tug of wars... You get the picture.
He still isn't talking a whole lot, but he is getting better at communicating. As more words come in, I think we will see less temper tantrums on the floor. He is really good at saying "no", "mom", "dad", "help", "uh uh", and "car". And he has probably 20 other words that he can say, but are harder to understand. "hot", "please", "thank you", "your welcome", "sister", "milk"...I can't think of anything else right now. It is pretty random when he busts out a word. He also says complete phrases and waits for a response, but we have no idea what he is saying;)
He has quite a sense of humor. He is very tricky and knows exactly what he is doing. He will give you this sly smile when he is doing something he knows he shouldn't. Or will wait until your back is turned and smile.
He loves to help in the kitchen. If you are in the kitchen for more than 30 seconds, he is right there pushing his little chair up to the counter to get a look. And if you move to the other counter, he will get down and push his chair over there. He likes to open the drawer I have all the spices in and take them out and stack them up. Charly likes helping in the kitchen too, so we usually have both of them in there, but he is definitely the most eager;)

Peyten - Oh, this girl is so easy. And I say that knowing it might jinx us. But, she sleeps so good! She goes to bed around 10pm or so and wakes up around 8am. Sometimes it varies of course, but that is about the average. This is the most sleep I have gotten in 3 years! Since Charly and Aydan both would wake up during the night for the first year...or 2. But, Peyten takes nice long naps during the day too. We aren't quite on a "schedule" yet, but getting there. She hardly cries. And when she does it is for a reason. You pick her up, she stops. Or she is hungry or needs to be changed. She doesn't use a pacifier at all.
And this girl smiles so much! It doesn't take much to get her smiling and she smiles so much I swear a laugh is going to come out. It truly will melt your heart.
She is strictly breastfeeding right now. We have to get her used to a bottle soon, but will do in time. She is gaining weight, but I am not sure how much she weighs right now. I do know that she is growing out of her newborn/0-3 month clothes and I think the next batch of diapers we buy will be size 2 or 3.
She loves to be rocked and we spend a lot of time in the glider with her, but she also likes to chill in her bouncy and watch what is going on.

Gentleman

2009-09-28T15:49:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was rocking Peyten to sleep in the living room. Aydan was standing next to the rocker drinking some water. He was patiently waiting while watching tv.
I got up and took Peyten down to our bedroom, which I have to step over a gate because we leave it blocked off for Aydan.
Aydan followed me down the hall. I put Peyten in her bassinet and went to leave the room.
Aydan reached his hand toward me and said "help". I took his hand, and he helped me step over the gate.
Then he ran down the hall to the living room and pointed to the chair and said "sit".
I sat down and he crawled up on my lap.
It was too cute;)
He's starting to get some words down...well, words that we can understand!

Great day

2009-09-26T16:04:00.003-04:00

It is always a good day, when I get to hang out with my family. Today I just hung out with my two daughters. I forgot to bring my camera which was disappointing. I did take some pictures on my phone, but I figured out that I can't download those to my computers, so such is life.
First stop: Bank
I had to get a little cash out and of course Charly asked for a sucker;) She knows as soon as we pull in to ask for one. The lady didn't have any suckers, but she did have some tootsie rolls, so Charly got one of those and was quite happy.
Second stop: Target
I had a gift card to use and I thought we would browse around a little. First we sat in the van though, and I fed Peyten. Charly sat in the drivers seat and pretended to drive. She had to put her tootsie roll down a couple times to handle the wheel:)
In target, I found a keyboard/mouse combo for 15 bucks. My mouse died the other day and I always wanted a keyboard for my laptop, so I thought the deal was pretty good.
We found Charly a book of stickers for a dollar and a little bird house/paint set for a dollar. We gandered at a few other things and made our way out of the store.
Third stop: Oil Change
The van was seriously overdue for an oil change, so I took the plunge and stopped at a place in Benton Harbor. I had been to this one before, but not with the van. Charly and Peyten stayed in their seats and since the guy offered to vacuumed out the van, I went ahead and did some clean up too. Wipes come in handy at this point, because I wiped down the dash and everything with them. Even did the doors. And I put all the extra stuff that was in the van, either in the stow away bins or in the trunk. The other guy working even offered Charly a sucker. They were very nice. We got everything handled and then went over and got our free car wash as well. So, as of right now, the van is lookin pretty decent. No french fries on the floor as of right now;)
Although, as I drove down the road, I starte to do the math and realized the guy had given me the wrong change. He gave me 15 back, instead of 5. Urgh. Me being the honest person that I am ....I had to go back. But, I decided to go back after our stop #4
Fourth stop: Beach
I had told Charly that we were going to have a picnic down by the water. So, as we drove in, she saw the water and said "mom, we're here! Thank you god for this food". I guess she wanted to get the praying business done before we even stopped the van;)
We had a small cooler with some sandwiches and grapes, etc. Charly wasn't too hungry and eventually just wanted to go and play on the big jungle gym. So, we did that for a while too;)
We also got started on painting her little bird house.
It was a bit chilly at first, but turned out to be a rather nice day.
Fifth stop: Oil change place
I went and returned the ten dollars. The two guys that were there before weren't there anymore, but the guy that was thanked me and I was on my way.
Sixth stop: Movie theatre
This was fun, because Charly has never been before. We saw the movie, "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs". It was pretty good. I enjoyed it and Charly got in to it. She stayed awake through the whole movie and only had to have one bathroom break. At this theatre, we get free pop and popcorn. Charly chose some Hi-C fruit punch and opted to have some Mike Ike's in her bucket. Or is it Ike Mike's...I don't know. Anyway, I got my caffeine free diet coke and bucket of popcorn. One trip to the bathroom and we were ready to grab our seats. The theatre was full, but not packed. We were able to grab an isle seat. I had gotten Charly a booster to make sure she could see. She settled in just fine with her bucket on her lap and her drink in the holder. Of course, when she was done with her candy, she had to have some of my popcorn in her bucket;) It was fun watching a movie with Charly. Looking over at her laughing during the funny parts. And Peyten just stayed in my peanut shell and slept the whole time. She didn't fuss at all.
I definitely took a lot of "heart pictures" today.
After the movie we went home and she tried to finish painting her bird house. - which is the picture above.
It was a very good day. I love getting that special time in.

Peyten Michelle

2009-09-18T11:51:00.003-04:00

I guess it is time for an update. I mean, she is almost 6 weeks old!!

Peyten's personality has yet to even begun to come out...but she is getting there. So far, she is MUCH more laid back than Charly and Aydan ever were. I know it is still early, and she may turn in to one of those fussy babies any day, but I can at least enjoy my denial in the mean time. Peyten sleeps great. She takes good long naps during the day and at night she will sleep for 6 hour stretches. Which is awesome. And even after that 6 hour stretch, she will eat and go back to sleep.

The other night she slept even longer, from 9 to 5am and then went back to sleep after eating and slept until 8am. She has yet to really latch down on a distinct schedule, but that will come with time.

She has started to smile. Every once in a while we can catch a little smirk from her. They are pretty random right now:)

She doesn't really use a pacifier at all. I think she has used one about 15 times total since she was born. And even then, she will suck on it for a couple minutes and spit it out...usually because she has fallen asleep:) But, she just doesn't really take to the thing and honestly, she doesn't give me much reason to go grabbing for it. When she fusses, she usually just wants to be held, fed, or changed. Pretty simple fixes. And she settles right down.

Charly and Aydan adore Peyten. I am amazed at how gentle Aydan is with her. He will head butt us. Hit Charly. But, when he gets around Peyten his whole demeanor slows down and he will rub her head real gently. And then he will reach down and give her little kisses on the cheek. It is cute. And right now, he is calling her "tay". He is still working on a lot of words, so saying "tay" is a good step in the right direction.

Charly is very gentle with her as well. She is a bit more used to having a baby around of course. She likes to hold her. Every once in a while, she will sit down with a pillow and ask to hold her. And she will go up to her and hold her hand and talk to her.

Peyten, when she isn't sleeping, will just check everything out. She sometimes relaxes in her bouncy, or she likes the "peanut shell" that I wear to hold her.

She makes the craziest faces sometimes. Her eyes used to go cross eyed a lot, but that seems to be going away lately.

She is great to cuddle with. I am always just amazed at little babies. Especially our little babies:) I just think they are so amazing and I feel so blessed.

So, that is the update for now. Peyten is doing good. Growing. I don't know how much she weighs right now, but I can tell she is filling out some. At any rate, she seems pretty happy and healthy.

Blog time!

2009-09-08T15:22:00.004-04:00

Yes, it is about that time to write a post about how exciting my life is. Yes...they really do need a font for sarcasm. It would be helpful.

My life is not boring in the least, but I wouldn't call it exciting and that is more than fine by me. I am quite content with what I have.

Work has lessened. This is good and bad. Good because I can focus a bit more on my family and I don't feel quite so stretched thin. But, bad because well...I don't bring in as much cash. We had been making some headway on bills and now it has gone back to paycheck to paycheck. But hey, we have been there before and I am not afraid of anything. Money is just that, and if we governed our lives by how much we had of it...well I guess we wouldn't be very happy would we? I have come to realize that I am never truly satisfied with anything that I have, so I have to remember to just enjoy what I do and soak in each and every day to the fullest. Because the people I have around me are the best damn part of the day and if I let anything cloud me from that happiness, well...I didn't do very good that day.

I get to have my husband and three kids around me all day every day. How lucky am I?

I got a new phone today. On Saturday my phone died on me. Just wouldn't turn on. I can't say too much, I have had that phone since I signed up with Centennial about five years ago. So, the phone is a bit dated I suppose. Usually I have extra phones laying around the house that I can switch to. But, as of now, all my "back up" phones are not functioning and only serve as toys for the kids. So, I got a new phone. It is shiny and green. It is kind of nice to have something new. I got my ring tone picked out and sadly enough...that is probably all I will do with the phone. I did try out the camera, but that is about it. I am just not one of those people that does a lot of messing around on my phone. It serves about two purposes...to make calls and receive them. I don't need a whole lot of other jazz. But, it will be nice to have hands free capabilities again. That comes in handy.

Monday was Labor Day and we went up to my Dad's house. That is where all the pictures of the kids are from. Well, except for the first one of Peyten and Charly. That was last week. I just thought it was too cute not to put in a blog post.

We gathered at my Dad's house and relaxed. It wasn't hot or cold outside, which made it nice. My Dad grilled burgers for lunch and Claudia gave out haircuts to the needy...that being me, Mindy and Josh. The kids ran around and played on the swing set. It was nice just to hang out and see what everyone was up to. Zion is getting big. I think he is built like a football player;) Luke is talking so much more. Every time I see him he has learned a few more words. Mindy is getting bigger with baby duece...or baby google:)lol. At any rate, my first niece! All my siblings have had boys, so I finally get to welcome a little girl this time. I am excited.

Well, I must end this post and move on. Peyten is stirring and may need to be rocked again. Charly has gotten out of bed about five times. Hopefully no more. Aydan is asleep and should stay that way.

How we're doing.

2009-08-16T15:11:00.003-04:00

Well, it has been a week since I expelled a baby from my body. I am doing pretty good. The overall affect on my body was minimal. My main complaint has been that I feel like someone took a baseball bat to my entire body. I can't describe it any better way. I have had some motrin, to help keep the pain at bay. I really only took one pill every 12 hours or so for the first few days. And the last couple days, I have only took one. I feel pretty achy right now, but nothing that I need to medicate.
I have had a lot of back pain lately. Right in my lower back. I must have wrenched it in the birthing tub or something. Or maybe I am just having sympathy pain for Mark now. Either way, it is a bit annoying, but can't imagine it would last too much longer.
Nursing has been going well. A bit painful to start, but that is to be expected. After a while, it will be a pain free process. Peyten had no trouble latching on, and has been eating like a champ.
I was 158 when I came home from the hospital on Monday and today I am 150. So, the pounds are slowly shedding. Only 20 more to go!:) I really can't wait until I have my body back completely! I feel like I have been "on loan" for the last few years.

I really have just been trying to take it easy. I start work back up tomorrow morning, so my days will be a bit more hectic. So, this week I have just been laying low and focusing on bonding time with the family. Mark has been trying to slow down too with his back. He has a lot of things in his life that pull him in many different directions, and that makes it very hard for him to stay off his feet ...and off his back. He isn't supposed to pick up the kids, but when you have a 3, 1, and 1 week old...well, it is very difficult not to do. The doc ordered him on a cane as well, but that is a hard adjustment for Mark as well. He is trying to get used to it at least just around the house.
We did find out that Mark will probably be able to get in to surgery a bit sooner. Originally, the estimated time frame was December...but now they think they can get him in for surgery some time in October. He goes for a consultation with the surgeon the 26th of this month, and then we will know more. For now, he is on some pretty strong pain meds and he is just trying to work through each day. He is a bit worried about the surgery...and anything that might hurt after. You just don't know what else is broke...until you fix the first thing. The two shattered discs are top priority of course. #'s 3 and 4 on his left side. From the numbness in his hands and feet, we know that he has a lot of nerve damage. I don't think there is any way to turn back the clock on that...but any more lasting affects? Hard to tell. There isn't anything they can do about the arthritis in his back. I have just been trying to remind him to drink more water and don't strain himself, etc. And probably last on the list...is the fact that his two legs are different lengths. I really don't know what they do about that, and it hasn't been determined how bad that is yet. He also worries about any hip damage, considering two people we know have had hip problems after back surgery. Mark has been overcompensating for quite some time...years...for a bad back. Who knows what that has done to the rest of his body.
All things, we will just have to wait and see on. But, one thing we know. His body and pain is in God's hands and I think this is a very good road to recovery. He has dealt with this pain for far too long, and at this point, just keeps getting worse and worse. We do hope that after the surgery, his sleep and headaches get better. We aren't sure if all that is related or not...but would make sense.

Who knows...maybe in 6 months time, you will see a completely different Mark and Kari:)

Well, it is 4pm and I have some beef stroganoff warming up in the oven. I am in my jammies, and plan to stay that way. Peyten is sleeping in her bassinet. Charly and Aydan have been playing well in their bedroom. Mark is running an errand. Later, we will watch The Soloist. It has been a relaxing Sunday.

...after the water broke

2009-08-14T10:37:00.002-04:00

My computer is in the shop, so I have been a bit out of sorts without it. I haven't uploaded more pictures, I haven't blogged, I haven't checked work emails. I think the Lord wanted to make sure that I would actually take the whole week off of work. I am using Cindy's computer...so, I have my yahoo email and facebook, but all my personal stuff isn't loaded on her computer or anything. So, I really have been staying off the computer all together.
But, I thought I would get a blog in while I could before I forgot everything.

Saturday morning the midwife came in about 9am and checked to see what I was dilated. Drum roll please.....a big 4! Yeah, I had not progressed at all since Thursday night. So, she proceeded to break my water, as that was the plan. There was still talk about putting me on petocin and I was prepared to not let that happen at all stops. But, the water broke and my body started getting to work. I could tell the contractions were getting stronger and closer together. By 10:30 I was in full fledged "hard labor". Mindy and Mark were helping me keep my focus and I always had at least one hand to squeeze during the contractions.

We had talked about doing a water birth, but hadn't talked about it with the midwife that was on that day. Her name was Mary Alice. When we asked her about it, she mentioned something about a consent form that needed to be signed beforehand. No one else had told us that. But, after she talked to someone else about it, we found out it was more a formality and nothing that would prevent us from doing the water birth. So, we are all on board with it.
About 11:30, I took a shower. My water had been breaking slowly for a while, so I was ready to clean up a little. I guess it just made me feel better.
The nurse had threatened petocin, but by this point, I knew I didn't need it. They weren't checking on me too often...and I think she just didn't realize how painful and strong the contractions were getting. At one point...during a rather painful one, she asked me, "Kari, what are you feeling? Pain? Pressure?". All I could do was nod my head....because it seemed obvious to me that I couldn't talk during the contraction. But, I guess I wasn't good at getting my "pain level" across to her prior to that. I was definitely feeling pain and pressure...all of the above!
Contractions continued. They were still about 2-3 minutes apart and each one was getting stronger, longer, and more painful.
At about 1:00, I had gotten in the tub that was in our room, just to soothe me through the contractions. A nice warm bath has always helped lesson the pain of contractions a little bit.
I stayed in there a while and started to inquire to Mary Alice about the game plan. Will she check me again to see what I am dilated? When should we move to the birthing tub?
She was pretty laid back and wasn't too worried about checking me...but said "we would know when I was ready". I had already begun to push...a little. I was feeling pressure with each contraction, so I pushed a little with each one. At about 2pm, I got out of the tub and moved to the bed. Mary Alice checked, and drum roll please...I was an 8! I was so glad to hear that. I had a feeling I had progressed pretty far, but I feared her saying 6 or something.
We got our stuff around and moved to the birthing room. They wheeled me in a chair, and I don't think she could have rolled me slower...but I seemed to feel every single bump possible. Even though...it was a pretty smooth floor.
Mark and I got in the tub. They had already filled it up with warm water. It was so nice to have Mark behind me, so I could lean on him and get comfort from him. Originally, we didn't plan on Mindy being in the room with us during the birth, but it just seemed fitting at the time. We knew she would love to experience the birth of her niece, and she was able to take pictures, since Mark would be in the water and it would be too hard for him....especially to get those "right after" pictures.
I had still been pushing a little through each contraction...which were one right after each other by this point. But, at 2:38 I really started strong pushing. At this point, I could feel that she was already mostly down the birth canal, and I knew it wouldn't be too long. Mary Alice checked and could feel the head. And I remember her saying "she is right there Kari, you can push her out any time". My thought at the time was ..."yeah...I'll get right on that"..ok, a little sarcasm.
Being in that birthing tub was the longest half hour of my life. A lot of it was a blur. I just remember so much pain. I think every woman gets to the point, where you think to yourself "ok, how do I get out of this?", "can they do a c-section now?", "is it too late for pain meds?". I was definitely to that point.
But, in reality...there is no turning back and I just had to find a way to move forward.
I remember feeling a whole flood of emotions. I was scared, excited, and oh so tired. That is about the point where I went in to second gear and got mad. I had to grunt and scream my way through the contractions. I had to keep telling myself "one more really good one". And I tried to envision the baby getting pushed out. See, there is a point, where the baby is crowning. This pain is different from the painful contractions. I am not sure how to explain it. It is the most painful thing you can imagine, and your mind goes "oh my god, something is not right". The most natural thing in the world...doesn't feel so natural. I had about 4 of these "pushes", and finally I got some "release". I realized Peyten had joined us in this world. It was 2:43pm and I no longer needed to feel this pain any longer, and all I had to do is hold our baby and everything else is so minimal compared to the previous hours.
We stayed in the tub and gandered at our little wonder while they cut the cord, etc. She was so purple and took a good 30 seconds to cry, but I wasn't worried at all. She looked perfect to me. Her hair was so dark and matted down, it was so curly looking. And she snuggled right in to me. I couldn't see Mark's expression because he was behind me. But, I could tell he was smiling and so proud of his girls.
We handed the baby over to Aunt Mindy and the nurses and got out of the tub. They sprayed us down with the hose a bit and wrapped blankets around Mark and I. They put me in the wheelchair and handed Peyten to me. We all went down to our room. The ride was a bit more comfortable this time;)
When we got back to the room, I was really wanting to nurse Peyten because I know that initial bonding time is important. Well, she was on my lap and I was waiting for the nurses to do their thing, so I tried, but the way we were sitting, it was too uncomfortable and I had a lot of pain in my abdomen. So, I decided to wait until I was in the bed and comfortable. Mark had been getting out of his wet clothes and cleaning up. I handed the baby over to one of the nurses and our nurse, Michelle, gave me four cytotec pills to help my blood clot. Pretty standard after delivering. At this point, I started to feel a bit light headed. I had just enough time, to say "I'm going to black out", and that is just what I did. The nurse and Mark caught me, so I didn't fall out of the wheelchair. I wasn't out too long, but apparently there was a lot of people rushing around and the nurse told Mark to push the call light, etc.
I started coming too, and I told the nurse "I think I'm alright". And she replied with "I don't believe you". Well, I still felt very "weird", but I was among the conscious again. They helped me in to the bed and started taking my blood pressure. Another nurse was giving me an IV, and the other nurse was pushing on my belly to check my uterus.
I started to black out again. My whole body felt weak and I could barely move my arms. I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. I did not black out again...just came close. The midwife came in and felt my uterus. She pushed on it more because there was more blood and clots in there. Oh my dear lord...was that painful. I was grabbing her arm...partly to try to get her to stop and the other reason, to have something to squeeze. Luckily she was a strong lady, and could still do her job, despite my efforts.
After she did all that, I started to feel a lot better. And I guess I started to get a little color back in my face. The IV they put in...the bag had been refrigerated...they weren't sure why. So, all the fluid they were pumping in to me was sooo cold. My arm hurt so bad and then when it kept going through my body, I would just shake and shiver. They loaded me up with warm blankets, etc. But, it took a while for my body to adjust. I think I was trembling for at least the next hour.
They took my blood, so they could check my hemoglobin. I had lost 3 liters of blood during delivery, and they were worried they would need to do a blood transfusion. My tests came back at a 10, I think. Which isn't too bad, but they would check it the next day to see what happens. It turned out the next day, it as 8.7, which is low...but not too low that I would need blood. They just made sure I would take some iron when I got home.
I really did feel much better after all that. I was able to hold Peyten and by 4pm, I was able to nurse her. She latched right on with no problems. Mark and I were so proud of our little girl. We were finally able to put a face with the name and hold her all we wanted.

Oh Peyten Michelle....

2009-08-08T06:33:00.002-04:00

Well, this labor process has been sloooowww...to say the least.
I started having consistent - 5 minute contractions on Thursday at 4:15pm. We waited an hour, called the midwife and headed in to the hospital about 6:30pm. I had been having random, inconsistent contractions for the 4-5 days prior to that. All in all, I was getting pretty anxious.
We had been getting dinner around - Rosemary thyme chicken, mashed potatoes and fresh green beans. Grammie and Papa were on their way from work. So, when they got there, we ate a quick bite and left the kids with them.
Oma and Opa were on their way down to stay with the kids overnight, etc.
Once we got to the hospital, they put us in triage. We did the usual...get gown on, give urine sample, check blood pressure. And they checked to see that I was dilated. I was dilated to 3. They monitored the baby for a bit and then they wanted me to walk around for a while. They checked me again, and I was dilated to a 4. So, they decided to admit us and see how it goes.
Mindy had gotten to the hospital, so it was me, her and Mark. Joani was the midwife on call, and was pretty laid back about everything.
We got settled in to the room and were curious to see how everything would progress.

We relaxed and played cards, watched tv. I did a little walking around. My contractions were every 3 minutes apart for a while, but after a bit, my contractions slowed down. I decided to get some rest for the night. I really thought I would wake up in the middle of the night in more active labor, but I didn't. Sleep was restless...but I did get quite a bit still.

In the morning, when the new midwife came on - Ruth - she checked my cervix and I was still at a 4. Granted it was a "good" 4, but still a 4...:( My options were to stay and get petocin. Or leave and walk around town for a while. I really didn't want to take the petocin, so we loaded up and left the hospital.

We went to a few stores, we met up with Oma, Opa, Nate, Charly, and Aydan at Sam's club and had some pizza. We then all went to Milham park and walked around and let the kids play. Then we went to the Air Zoo. It is free right now, so we walked around there and the kids had a play room they could run around in.

At this point, I was getting a bit tired, and we still weren't sure if we should head home, or stay close to the hospital. My contractions were still going...but they were still inconsistent. We decided to part ways with Oma, Opa and the kids and we went over to Brett's house. We hung out, played Sudoku and watched a movie - The Station Agent. After a while, we got some dinner - Pizza Hut cheese sticks, cajun chicken wings, a couple burritos from Q-doba. I was hoping the spicy wings would kick start something...but they didn't;)

Around 7-7:30 I think, we needed to figure out our plan for the night. I called the midwife to get her opinion. My contractions in the last hour or so had been getting a bit more intense, and I had gotten some bloody show throughout the day. We decided that I would come in and get checked and go from there.

Mark, Mindy and I rolled in to the triage and they hooked me up once again. They checked my cervix...drum roll please...a 4! Yes, I had not done anything in the last 24 hours. I was a bit disappointed to say the least! Contractions were still going...but they still hadn't really increased in intensity and they were still pretty inconsistent.

My options - 1. go home and see how it goes 2. have them go ahead and induce with petocin, or break my water 3. stay overnight and see how it goes....but by morning they would want to either induce or break my water.

We went with option 3.

I really had no idea what to do. This is the first labor where it just doesn't seem to want to "stay started". I don't have a clue as to what my body is going to do. The midwife, Ruth was helpful...but she was careful as to not push us in any direction. She said all this is pretty normal and sometimes it takes days to progress...sometimes it jumps right up to 10 cm quickly. You just never know.

She did say that she had thought that she would have seen me in earlier....she thought after a couple hours of walking around town, that she would see me back. That kind of made me feel better to hear her say that. And after we had made our decision to stay over night..she whispered to Mark in the hall - "you made the right choice". So, that made me feel a bit better too. In the moment...it is just too hard to decide what to do. Any of the options would have been fine...but I guess I just wished the baby had made up my mind for me!:)

We settled in to a room yet again and Mark jumped on the computer to listen to the music and Mindy and me played some spite and malis. Pretty soon, we were all ready to relax for the night. We turned the lights off about midnight to get some rest the best we could.

It is now 7 am and I got some good sleep last night. I had some good contractions wake me up this morning around 5:30, and then I had a good couple more about 2-3 minutes apart. Mindy and I did some walking around and then they hooked me up to the monitors to see. Well, they slowed to 8 minutes apart...and by now, I am not really feeling much at all. They were longer contractions though..which is good. They were about 1-11/2, instead of 45-60 seconds.

The engines revving...its just not starting.

When the midwife comes in, in a while, we will probably go ahead and break my water. I would imagine I haven't dilated more...but who knows..maybe I am a 5!;) A girl can hope.

Peyten's taking her time and making sure her debut is just right;)

"Peyten pending"

2009-08-02T08:10:00.004-04:00

It seems everything these days is "Peyten pending" ...as it should be, of course.

But, as it goes...I made it to breakfast yesterday, Mark went fishing with Nate. The laundry got finished and the zucchini bread did get made.

I will continue to make plans and get things done as I should, and can only hope that one of these days, this baby will interrupt my plans like I want her to.;)

On Saturday my brother, sister, and I had our tri-annual birthday meal. Generally it is a birthday dinner...or late lunch, but this time we did breakfast. We met at the Pancake House in Battle Creek. I wasn't in the mood for Cracker Barrell...and through internet searches, I couldn't' find much else other than this Pancake House...so we decided to go for it.

The parking lot was so packed that Mindy and I had to park across the street. Brett got there first and made sure that we could get a table. They were busy inside...but not extremely, so service was still great. I think they just need a bigger parking lot;)

It was nice, once again, to be able to sit down with Brett and Mindy and just chat and not worry about much else.

For food, Brett got the Eggs Benedict, classic style. Mindy got the Veggie Benedict, which came with avocado...and I think tomato instead of the usual canadian bacon. I got the chicken fried steak. I had a choice of chicken or beef, and I went with chicken. It came with two eggs, hash browns, and toast. If, the chicken wasn't fresh and breaded and fried there....then they got a really good frozen chicken fried steak from somewhere. The chicken actually had substance to it, and overall everything was very tasty. Eggs were cooked perfect and hash browns had a nice ratio of crisp to soft. Coffee was pretty good too.

We all agreed we would do another birthday meal at this place. The service was friendly, but not overwhelming. And the menu was great...I could easily find something to please me. Other than what we had, you could get crepes, pancakes, waffles, french toast, or omelette's. And a few other items too. Not a lot of places have a bit of everything on their menu, and this place seems to make it work.

After a bit of chatting over coffee, with our stuffed bellies, we made our way out. The drive home for me was relaxing. All full of food, and the weather was just nice enough that I could drive with the windows down and listen to my music. By the time I got home, I was so ready for a nap. I didn't take one...but I probably could have;)

Just as I got home, Mark, Garry, and Nate were leaving for their fishing day. Well, it was an event sponsored by Y-Country, a radio station. It was at a campground and everyone just fishes off the lake.

The boys had a good time, but I guess there was NO fish biting, so they didn't stay too long. The event had free lunch, burgers and hot dogs, so they did get lunch. I guess at the end, they give away prizes for biggest catch, etc., but the boys didn't stick around for that. But, it sounds like the event had a good turn out and Garry and Mark got to check out the campground a little.

While the boys were fishing, I had some time around the house with the kids. First, I painted more of the bunk bed we have for later. I am spray painting it black. I have to get more paint, but I was able to finish off another can yesterday. It is slowly getting there....I think we have three pieces painted so far. Aydan was sleeping while I did that, and Charly was running around outside. She would come up to where I was painting and pretend that I was a troll, and she had to sing a song in order to cross my bridge. That kept her busy for a while, and she got quite a kick out of it.

Charly went down for a nap after that, and I got started on some Bob work. The boys came home after a bit. They didn't stay too long. Mark and Nate had plans with Mike and Calvin, so they headed out to Mike's house. Calvin is Mike's son and Mark and Mike have been friends ever since they were little. And Calvin and Nate are about the same age, and have been friends since they were little. They always pick up right where they left off, even though they haven't seen each other in probably about a year or so.

For the rest of the evening, I just kept busy. I kind of wanted to sit and relax, but ya know when you have two kids running around...you don't ever actually get to sit for long...it is a lot of getting up and down. So, I just opted to keep busy and worry about the sitting later, when the kids went to bed. I wanted to go pick some blueberries, but when the kids got up, it had started raining, so that put the kibosh on that.

I cleaned the kids room. This was a much needed project. The toys had been covering the floor for a week or more. And I had some other little organizing to do as well. Like, the top of the dresser had a bunch of stuff that had just gotten thrown there "for now". I left half of one closet pretty much empty. I am not sure what I will do with it yet, but for now the space isn't needed. When it is time to move the bunk bed in, I will probably need to make use of that space. The kids room looked great, and I am hoping it will stay that way...at least for a little bit...like half a day or something!:)

I cleaned up the living room and vacuumed. I opted to not worry about dusting. Maybe today..we will see. I cleaned the kitchen and did all the dishes. I did my laundry and I did the kids laundry. I had cleaned the bathroom the day before, so glad that was done for now.

For dinner, we had leftovers and I used up some other stuff in the fridge.

Then I made some zucchini bread, because I had a bunch of zucchini to use up. I ended up making four loaves. I used Bernice's recipes. Mark had raved about it for years, and so I got it from her...but this is the first time I have actually made the recipe. It turned out really good.

By the time Aydan went to bed, Charly and I relaxed. I did a bit more Bob work to finish up and she colored. Then it was time for Charly to go to bed. She was giving me a hard time, so we compromised and I let her sleep in her "dancing shoes"...which she had found because I cleaned her room:)

I grabbed a spot on the couch and watched a good lifetime movie. Mark and Nate had went to see the new Transformers movie with Mike and Calvin and Mark got home later that night. Nate stayed over with Calvin. It didn't take long after sitting for the heartburn to settle in. Oye...some of the worst heartburn I have had. It was like a fireball going through my chest every other minute or so. That began my restless night sleep...but I don't need to go in to all that. Need to get ready for church!

39 weeks

2009-07-29T06:56:00.002-04:00

I really wasn't sure if I would make it to 39 weeks to do another blog post. But, here I am. Big and pregnant!:)
My doctor's appointment was last Friday. I was all about the 7's
I weighed 170
My blood pressure was 117/77
Baby's heart rate was 138...no 7's, but that is ok.
I am not going to give you a list of symptoms...because I think I have been quite repetitive with all that. I am definitely still experiencing all of the symptoms under the sun. This baby is giving me every sign that she wants to come out. We are just waiting on contractions to start. She is in position and I am dilated to 1 as of Friday. Which...well, could mean nothing. Being dilated to 1 is kind of like nothing...you could be there for a while!
One good thing about not going in to labor yet, is that Nate arrived on Monday! And since he will be here until August 14th, he will be around for the birth and be able to meet Peyten when she is first born. He met Charly and Aydan shortly after they were born...but it isn't the same as "just born";) Or, so I think.
I am still a bit scared and not "completely" ready. But, there is no way around that. There is never a time when you are completely ready for a new life to rock your world. You just have to jump in head first and enjoy as much as you can, while you can.
I pray that this birth goes just as well as the first two. There are no warning signs that say differently, but I always go in knowing that anything can happen and that I am in God's hands. Peyten will join us in this world...just as God has intended. I have little control over anything when it comes to all this. And that is just fine by me.

Mark's predictation day

2009-07-21T07:36:00.002-04:00

Well, today is the day that Mark predicted that I would have the baby. It is still early...so you never know, but it doesn't look to promising at this point.
I am a bit tired. Just tired. I can't even find a better way to describe how I feel. I am tired of being pregnant. I am tired of work. I am tired of going going going all day long each day.
Mark has been laid up for a while with his back, which he is finally getting to the point where he can do more again. But, he still has to watch when he picks up the kids, etc.
But, really, I haven't had a break from both of the kids in a long time. I don't really see it happening before Peyten is born either. But, such is life. I may try and finagle a couple hours to myself...we will see. But, with work, it is hard too. I feel like I am glued to this computer all waking hours of the day.
I am not trying to write a "poor me" post. Just venting a bit I suppose. This is the life I chose. I am working hard now, so I can reap the benefits later in life. That is how it is supposed to work, right?
It doesn't help that this is the most uncomfortable 9th month I have experienced. I remember being bloated and had heartburn with Charly...and just generally uncomfortable from being big. With Aydan, I think I was just anxious more than anything. And I kept having various contractions for a week before...which made me think the baby was on his way.
This time...I just can't even describe all the pains and discomforts I feel. I feel like I wouldn't even recognize a contraction if I had one because there is always so much going on with my tummy between...pains, aches, pulls, cramps, tugs, and shooting pains. I took a walk yesterday with Mark and the kids, and I guess I shouldn't have. On the way back, my whole left side of my belly was in some bad pain and it went in to my back on that side too. It was kind of like a sharp contraction that wouldn't go away. I sat down once we got home and the pain subsided after a bit.
I am so nauseous throughout the day. It drives me nuts. It reminds me of the 1st trimester...which I did not enjoy of course. I have the heartburn...mainly at night when I lay down to go to bed. I have a lot of pain at night. Just hard to move and roll over and if I have to get up...I do it VERY slowly. Kind of feel like I have to wait for the baby's head to move out of the way before I can sit up. And then pain in other areas too.
There is quite a bit more "personal" issues going on as well...but I don't feel the need to detail those items out here. I am not certain if I am dilating at all, but I sure feel like I have. I think I will have the midwife check at my next appointment on Friday.
With all this discomfort, I feel like I SHOULD be in labor. Kind of like...having all the symptoms of labor, without the contractions I guess. I get about an hour in the morning when I feel ok. And then the rest of the day goes downhill from there. Feeling worse and worse throughout the day.
Peyten, where are you!?!!
I guess with all this....I can't wait to meet Peyten and have all these symptoms be over with. But, also too...I know that having a crying baby will be another added stresser. But, I think being able to hold her and watch her sleep will help to outweigh all that. It always does.
So, with all these overwhelming pregnancy hormones, I just want to cry, throw up, and/or crawl in a hole into fetal position. But, on the flip side, I have had some really good hair days.
I think I will go have another freezer pop now....

Another doc appt

2009-07-17T21:18:00.002-04:00

I had another appt today. Pretty uneventful. I met yet another midwife. I am not sure if I have met them all yet, or not.
I weighed in at 169.
Peyten's heart rate was 144
My blood pressure was something like 122/60
The baby has dropped down some. Not sure if she is quite "in position" yet though.

I seriously feel like I could go in to labor at any moment. And that is because of all the pain my body goes through each day. At night especially I have so much pain, it is hard to move.
But, at the same time....mentally I feel like I am still a little ways away.
Ya really just don't know.
I did have a couple new symptoms pop up recently. Sore boobs. And sore, bleeding gums. With the nausea that I have had...I feel like I am in the first trimester all over again!

A post not about pregnancy or kids??

2009-07-16T09:12:00.002-04:00

Boy...this might be hard. My life is so consumed with babies!

My other all consuming...work. Work is going well. I have been with the same company for quite some time now and I enjoy my work. I still have the two jobs and seem to be able to handle balancing them both ok.

Enough about that...

Food - ah, I love food. The fact that I am hungry all day doesn't help matters. But, I still enjoy cooking. I have been trying to just go with the flow...and make food that I crave. I have had a few successful dinners that Mark really liked. The other day I made Chicken Alfredo, but I used the fat rotini pasta instead of fettucini.
I was at the store looking for dinner and saw one of those roaster chickens at the deli. Well, I didn't like the 6.99 price tag on it of course, so I mosied along. When I got to the meat counter, I realized I could just buy a fresh chicken and do what I like with it. Mark had mentioned alfredo a couple times recently...one of his favorites. I didn't have a lot of time to cook, so I took some shortcuts.
I picked up the whole raw chicken $3 something. I bought a jar of alfredo(cheated). And I grabbed the pasta and I remembered I had some broccoli to use up at home.
When I got home, I broke the chicken down and deboned it. I had the breasts and deboned thighs and legs. I left the wings as is. I seasoned it up and cooked it up in my cast iron skillet. In the meantime, I cooked my pasta and steamed my broccoli, and heated up my alfredo. Once the chicken was done, I chopped it up quick and tossed everything together. Needless to say, the dinner hit the spot for both Mark and me.

Two nights ago, I had a hankering for some enchiladas. I had some chicken tenders and a breast to use up. And I have been craving some espangole sauce. Why? I don't know. I hadn't made it since culinary school. It is one of the five "mother" sauces and is pretty easy to make.
I started my sauce first. I sauteed some onions, carrots and celery in butter until they started to brown. I added some flour to make a roux. I cooked the roux until it was brown and nice and "nutty". I added some tomato paste and cooked that until the tomato wasn't quite as sweet. I added some beef stock and some fresh herbs I had on hand. I let this simmer for as long as I could. When it was done, I strained the veggies and herbs out.
The chicken, I just seasoned up with some salt, pepper, garlic, paprika, and chili powder. I seared it and finished it in the oven. When it was done, I chopped it up. In the meantime, I sauteed up some mushrooms that I had gotten on sale. I chopped those up and added them to the chicken. I mixed in some sour cream and added some more of the same chicken seasonings I used.
I rolled up the chicken mixture in flour tortillas that I had to use up and put them in a baking dish. I poured the espangole sauce over everything and topped it all with some cheese. A mix of cheddar and mozzarella...again, just what I had on hand. I baked it all for a little while until the cheese was nice and melted.
It turned out really good. I think it might have hit the spot more for me than Mark...but he didn't say that out loud;)

And last week, I had a hankering for tacos ...La Pasadita style. I had some beef in the freezer. I think it was a type of sirloin...and then a lonely little ranch steak. I seasoned them up and seared them in the cast iron skillet. I cooked them medium rare and then let them rest.
Before all this, I made a trip to the carnaceria. I got corn tortillas for me, flour for Mark, and I got some cilantro as well. Oh, and Dr. Pepper...because it just sounded good.
I chopped up the cilantro and I chopped up some onions and I mixed them together. I cut up the rested meat and made sure it was seasoned pretty good. I just did basics....salt, pepper, garlic, and a little paprika. I heated up the tortillas on the skillet and added meat, cilantro and onions. That is it. So basic. But, oh so tasty. I ate probably too many of those. And was happy to have leftovers for the next two days;)

37 weeks

2009-07-14T19:32:00.003-04:00

Alright folks! We are getting closer and closer. We are in the home stretch. And stretch is a good word to use...because my belly feels soooo stretched out. As, I am sure, it looks.
I am very uncomfortable most days. The pain/pressure in my pelvic area wakes me up at night sometimes. I can't roll over easily at all.
On Sunday, I had a really rough day. I almost didn't make it to church. I had so much pain in my lower back, legs and lower abdomen. I had some pains in my belly that I couldn't quite place as to where they were coming from or why. During church the pain continued...but not as bad. And I had a couple contractions, but that was it.
The babies kicks are getting different. They just feel...different. Hard to explain really. I am not sure if she is in position or not. But, I definitely don't feel the pressure up against my rib cage anymore. I haven't had breathing problems in a while.
I did get my freezer meals all ready. So, that is a load off.
I managed to make:
Sloppy joes
Cheesy chicken and rice casserole
Meatballs and marinara
Chicken enchiladas
Turkey pot pie
Beef stroganoff
Hot dogs and buns - frozen to just have on hand
Red beans and rice
Macaroni and cheese
Lasagna

I think that is it. I have a couple of bananas that I am going to make some more muffins, and will freeze those. I also have pie crust ready-made for the pies I intend to make for the fair next week.
So, I think I have all my ducks in a row as far as that stuff. I know Mark is able to cook...but, to have it all ready means that he can concentrate on me, the baby, and Charly and Aydan. Plus we don't have to worry about grocery shopping and all that. Money will be tight...so having a week or two of food all there...well, that saves a lot. Plus, whoever is watching Charly and Aydan while we are at the hospital, won't have to worry about cooking either.

The only thing left to do is to pack a bag. ...oh, and go in to labor!!:)

"How your baby's growing: Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz."

Labor and delivery

2009-07-07T14:08:00.002-04:00

I am a bit nervous about having this baby. I am not sure why. I have had two other babies...no problems. But, I guess the anticipation is getting to me. I am so excited to meet Peyton, but I am not quite ready at the same time. I have just a couple weeks left. I think I can get ready by then;) Plans are made...sitters are lined up...bassinet is up...I am pre-registered at the hospital. I still have to wash some baby clothes, pack a bag, and get a car seat. And I want to try and make some food to put in the freezer. It is nice to not have to worry about meals with all the baby business going on. And whoever is watching Aydan and Charly while we are at the hospital...would probably appreciate some easy meals too.
My "birth plan" will be as it always is. Go with the flow...and follow the baby's lead. I always try and go with no drugs and hope for the best. I am really not looking forward to the pain. But, one day of pain is worth a lifetime of joy.
I think what happens is this...if I can try and relay a random thought. When I am pain free, I can't fathom the pain of childbirth. I can't even empathize with myself or anyone else. I can't imagine how badly it will hurt. Or to what extent my body could "scream".
But, as I get closer to actual childbirth...my body isn't pain free anymore. Each day I have aches and pains. I get joints feeling like they are going to pop out. I have pain in my pelvic bone that just feels unnatural. I can't move too swiftly...because some part of my body will "yell" at me. If I sit too long, my joints need time to be accustomed to moving again. Not to mention, the pain that little Peyton delivers to me from inside. Usually from kicking my bladder in just the right way. Or she seems to have found a nerve of some sort...that hurts and leaves me breathless at the same time.
So, as I start to feel these pains all over and really just get tired each day from soreness...I can start to imagine how badly labor will hurt. How much pain my body will surly endure. I can start to empathize with myself...and what I will have to go through. I am for certain that the words will come out of my mouth again "I can't take it, I can't do this anymore!". When we all really know...that isn't an option. I am so uncomfortable most days...and it is just a waiting period for when I have the ultimate day of "discomfort" a girl can imagine.
I guess I am just tired and feel in no way up for labor and pain. But, with all that said....when the day arrives, I will step up to the plate. I will have some help of endorphins and excitement to get me through. I will have my husband and sister there to root me on and keep me going.
And even though I am not looking forward the pain of childbirth...the thought of having an epidural scares me even more. I am not really sure why. I guess even though i am in a tremendous amount of pain, I am still aware of everything. I can still be in control. I can walk around. I am not numb. And after the baby is born...the pain goes away and I am not lethargic. There is no...letting the drugs wear off. If I don't have an epidural, I am experiencing the birth of my child in its entirety. I am not taking any shortcuts, and I am making sure I am there for my little one all the way.
This is my own personal opinion and I, in no way put anyone down for their choices in labor. I think everyone is different, pain tolerance is different, each labor is different. Some people would rather have the pain meds, and I would not. I certainly don't rule it out as an option. I can hope that for my third child I won't need one...but you just never know. I will go with the flow....

Surreal

2009-07-06T14:33:00.002-04:00

I finally got to go to my own church yesterday. With summer....comes a lot of travel and different activities, which makes it hard to make it to church every Sunday. Well, Garry and Cindy were in Indiana and Mark was resting his back. So, it was just the kids and me. Aydan screamed as soon as I brought them in the the nursery, but Charly did just fine. I left right away and Aydan didn't cry too long after that.
I sat by myself at church and I actually quite enjoy that. It is sort of my "solitude" time. Just God and me. And I don't get enough of that. Well, this particular Sunday, the pastor told us how his father in law had passed away the day before. His wife, was with family and he read and excerpt from something she had wrote to say good bye to her dad.
It really made me well up with tears. I never knew the man, but I think it just brought me back to my grandpa dying. Not to mention the fact that I can't imagine losing any of my parents, and I completely empathize with anyone losing theirs.
Well, I never really got to say good bye to my grandpa. Well, and more to the fact that I haven't let myself grieve at all. Life has kept me swimming lately...and at the funeral when I normally would have been focusing on grandpa's life and letting myself grieve over his death....I was chasing two kids around and wasn't able to pay attention at all.
I did walk up to the casket and say my good bye and I began to cry at that point, but I just sucked it back up because I had the two kids to tend to.
I just never let myself grieve. It really does have to be a conscious decision....which is odd.
I was going through my phone looking for a number today and found grandpa's number. I didn't delete it yet...but I know that I need to.
A person that has been a part of my life since the beginning, has died. Hopefully he is with my grandma and they are enjoying themselves.

35 Weeks

2009-07-04T08:44:00.002-04:00

Well, I had an appointment on Tuesday of this week. Everything is going along well. My weight is a grand ole 168 and the baby's heart beat was in the 140's. The midwife said that she thinks Peyton is around 5 lbs right now. So, coming along just fine.
I start going to the doctor once a week now since I am in my last month. It is all just a waiting game from here on out. I feel like throwing a prediction out...of when I think I will deliver, but I just don't know. Maybe July 28th? Sure, let's go with that;)

Symptoms have actually gotten a bit better. I hardly ever have the PVC's now. And even my shortness of breathe has reduced. And dizzy spells...I don't have them as often, and when I do, they are much less severe. So, mostly what I deal with is pain in my legs, pelvic and those painful kicks that Peyton likes to give my bladder. I have a few braxton hicks contractions, but nothing crazy or consistent.

I have been eating kind of crappy lately. I need to get better about that. It is hard when you are near the end of the pregnancy and all you crave is pop and sweets. I have been still trying to suck down the water as well. I average about 32-48 oz a day. Not too bad.

That is about it for the exciting week 35 update...moving in to my 9th month now! Peyton, we will meet you soon!

Grandpa Ken

2009-06-25T09:17:00.002-04:00

Our grandpa passed away this morning. We knew his health was deteriorating, but it always seems sudden.
Ken was my grandpa for all of the life that I remember. He married my grandma when my mom was in her early 20's...or somewhere around there. Even though, he was officially "step" grandpa...he is the grandpa that I remember with my grandma while she was alive. He was the grandpa that sent birthday cards every year. The grandpa that we saw every year at Christmas. He was always a positive person and was always happy to see us.
I know my grandpa is much more comfortable now. He doesn't have to suffer any longer as his body shut down on him, but he will be so missed. It hasn't settled in on me yet. When you don't see someone often...the feeling of them actually being gone usually comes later.
The funeral will be on Monday and I am glad I will have a chance to see his side of the family and mine.
Family functions will be quite different as Grandpa Ken will be dearly missed.

Dad's, War, Church, and Strawberries

2009-06-22T06:57:00.008-04:00

We had a very nice weekend. It was full of lots of family time, which we always enjoy.

Saturday we went, to the Lest We Forget WWII memorial/reenactment. This is the second year that they have put this event on in St. Joseph, and we have gone both years. It is very good way to learn more about what happened during the war...and gain a little perspective from the vets and the reenactors. This year, Oma and Opa were able to come down and enjoy the day with us.

First, we went to the Normandy D-Day Landing reenactment. They did it right on the St. Joe beach. There isn't a whole lot of "good" spots to watch from...but we were still able to see the ships roll in, and the soldiers on the beach and hill.

Charly was tired...so she got some snuggle time in with Daddy.

And Aydan stayed in one spot, on Opa's shoulder...for all of 30 seconds I think. He is always go go go.

Zion sat in his stroller and relaxed. He wasn't a big fan of the sun...but of course didn't care to leave the sunglasses on.;)

After the reenactment at the beach, we had a picnic in the parking lot of the airport...well, in the grass. We had turkey pastrami sandwiches, chips and fruit. I think it hit the spot for everyone.

After that, we loaded up and went to check out everything set up at the airport. The reenactors had their camps set up and were ready and willing to talk to people about what they do.Charly having fun with her cousin. She kept giving both the boys the chocolate graham crackers...she made sure they were happy;) Aydan was just happy to be out of the stroller and running around.Zion and Aydan enjoying munching, while Opa and Daddy were looking at all the planes.
Charly with her Oma
Mark and Aydan were checking out the flags. Each flag was "in memory of" a soldier

After the airport we made our way back home. Of course...we first stopped for some ice cream at dairy queen...but, then when we got home, we just tried to relax and cool off the best we could. Brett came down and had dinner with us. We had leftover grilled chicken and baked potatoes from a church function at my dad's church. And we got some strawberries and made some non-alcoholic strawberry margaritas. We relaxed and visited and the kids ran around as they usually do. I was glad Zion came with...it is always fun to see how he has grown and progressed. He is a very cute kid.

On Sunday, we had plans to go down to the Behler's and join them for their church. For Father's Day Sunday, they were combining their usual three services, into one and having it at the High School football field.

Garry and Cindy met us at our house, we had some french toast for breakfast and loaded the van, and we were on our way. It was nice being able to take only one vehicle. We haven't really been able to take advantage of that since we bought our minivan.

We met the Behler's at their house and then we all went over to the high school, which was right down the road. They had a very nice turn out. I am not sure how many people showed up...but it was enough to fill the one half of the stadium.

They had a stage set up for the band and the pastor.

They had all the dad's do a "parade" down the front of the bleachers while everyone cheered;)

Can you see Garry and Mark??

Charly got to sit with her friend Ember, who lives across the street from Dana and Dan.

It was quite hot. We were all pretty much baking...and sweating. When the pastor started talking, he said that it would be a "shorter than normal service" because of the heat, and Charly said "Amen!". It was funny.

Aydan was hot ...we poured water over his head because he wouldn't drink it;)

Aunt Dana and Charly singing and swaying to a song.

Aydan finally tuckered out and fell asleep on Papa through the sermon.

After service, we went to the parking lot for "tailgating". Dan brought his grill and we cooked hot dogs. We brought a cooler with pasta salad, potato salad, and some fruit.

Mark and Dana. I guess Mark needed some sunglasses...;)

Aydan was really digging on the oranges!

Charly enjoying her Dr. Pepper and hot dog. She got the pop because a guy carrying a bunch of pop up near the concession stand, ran in to her on accident...so he felt bad and gave her a pop;)

Grammie and Charly just relaxing....

After tailgating, we went back over to Dana and Dan's house and just relaxed. We had plans to have strawberry shortcake...but we ended up just taking the fixings home with us a little later.

It was a lovely day despite the heat. We were glad Dana and Dan invited us down for their church. And it is always fun to see how much Dana and Dan have done to their house and garden. Dan made a fence to go around the garden out of pallets...it turned out really nice. And they had quite a bit of produce sprouting up already in their boxes. Hopefully they have a good turn out of "crop" this year;)