margaretjames

My Mother is Running Wild All Over Facebook

2009-01-14T21:27:00.003-05:00

Or, isn't it weird when your mother "friends" your friends?

2009-01-07T12:31:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was K.'s 2nd birthday. A shocking thing, really. I can't believe we've managed to raise a reasonably well-adjusted 2yr old.

I am such an emotional wreck with these hormones. K. is doing so well at his new daycare, and the fact that it allows us to have some low-key time together in the morning is so worth making the change. Even just doing mundane things, getting dressed, brushing teeth, but in an unhurried way, feels precious and enjoyable to me. And then I dropped him off at daycare - mind you - most of the work that I'm doing today is from home, somehow that makes it harder to drop him off since I don't have somewhere to BE. And he went straight to the sandbox and happily began to play, hardly looking up when I kissed the top of his head. I just felt so emotional. I can see how important this social experience is for him, yet there is a part of me that just wants to keep him at home and not work. I suppose when business picks up I will feel more gratified by working.

I'm freaking out a bit that when the new baby comes I will be faced with the stark choice to work full-time or stay at home full-time. I don't think that part-time work will cover even the cost of p/t daycare for two. This is worrisome to me. I have lots of time to figure it out. I just feel so torn between wanting to spend all the moments together while he is still so little and needs and loves me so much, but also wanting to keep something for myself, so that when he/they don't need me anymore, I will still have, well, an identity apart from that of "Mom".

resurrection

2009-01-02T13:54:00.002-05:00

I've decided to try to resurrect this blog because, well, I'm pregnant again and it's good to have a place to blab on about things in that condition.

Seven weeks and a hormonal mess of nausea and exhaustion AND weaning the almost-two-year-old just to throw in another body chemistry disaster. Oh, yes, and the week long visit from the estranged (from each other) parental units. I talked to an old friend today who suggested that I go see a reiki practitioner to get all the negative energy cleansed out of my system. It might not be a bad idea.

Little K. is doing great, notwithstanding the weaning. He's obsessed with music and listens to the classical radio station with me demanding: "Mommy, what that instrument is???" He carries a ladle around the house, blows on it and insists that it's a trumpet. This obsession is more entertaining to me than the previous motor vehicle obsession. He is also in the habit of waking up and announcing, "Daddy, I love you too much." He's gotten "too much" confused with "so much" but it sounds too cute to discourage it.

The cats both had fleas and we had to de-flea the entire house. That was disgusting. We didn't even know they were infested because I guess you just don't catch fleas in the city but apparently when you move out to the country you do.

I'm totally freaked out that after I have baby number two I will not be able to travel for a long time because of money and the difficulty that I imagine traveling solo with an infant and a toddler would bring. My frugal husbad also insists that we only have enough money to make TWO trips before the baby is born. This sucks. I have a fantasy that if I go on a financial diet and spend NO ABSOLUTELY NO extraneous money that I can increase this, but we are already so frugal that I'm not sure how much more frugal things can get around here. Also, what do I cut out? Don't buy maternity clothes? Don't ever go out to dinner or to a movie with my husband? Don't get netflix? Don't ever go to a yoga class? Don't buy new shoes even when the old ones are embarrassing? These are not lavish expenditures, I think.

And there you have it.

Addicted to Nursing

2008-09-23T19:42:00.004-04:00

If anyone who has breast-fed their baby long-term (into the toddler phase) happens to stumble by this post, please feel free to comment/give input based on your experience!

As K. nears the ripe old age of two, I am thinking of weaning him. Eventually. I always said I would wean him somewhere around age two. But in my fantasies, his interest in nursing just naturally dropped off, in a painless, child-led way. In reality, this is just not the way things are going. He is still nursing and going strong. And I can't really articulate a reason why two seems the right age to wean, except for my fears of nursing a 7 year old. Truth be told, I feel squeamish even about nursing a three or four year old, and I KNOW that's all about cultural messages. I grew up hearing my mother say, "If he's old enough to ask for it, he's too old!" (She's become more enlightened since then, and has NEVER criticized my nursing K., but I can still hear it in my head.) And of course K. has graduated, just this week, from saying: "sss, sssss" when he wants to nurse, to saying: "Nurse, please. Nurse Mommy. Suck br*ast, milk in breast, hi breast." Yes.

Derek keeps saying that it's not just K. who wants to keep nursing, and he's RIGHT, damnit. It's also me. I am also addicted to nursing. I tried for a month or two, on the days that I am home with him (3 days a week he drinks from a sippy cup all day at daycare, no problem) to do a little gradual weaning, as in, I would distract him from nursing until after lunch. I was trying to cut out the morning nursing. Well, I've completely gone back on that. The only times I try to distract him from nursing are when he's just very recently nursed and I think he's actually hungry and confusing his hunger signals with a desire to nurse. I really don't think I have enough milk left to satisfy a 20 -mo-old. In that situation, I offer him food and that's usually what he wants. In all other situations, the truth is that he doesn't just want to nurse, I want to nurse him too.

Nursing is wonderful. It is cuddly and cozy. It gives me a hormonal rush that feels much like having a cigarette after a stressful day. (No I do NOT currently smoke.) It feels like I feel after taking a perfect and vigorous yoga class, or after having a good run. Why would I want to give that up? And when else do I get to cuddle my very busy toddler? So yes, I am in it for myself too.

How does one give it up? And how do you know when is the right time? Even at 20 months, I know fewer and fewer moms that are nursing their toddlers. So here I am, the lone breast-feeder.

Reptile Feeding

2008-09-07T20:38:00.002-04:00

K. continues to be interested in trucks and heavy machinery ever since they started doing road work on our block a few weeks ago. However, he seems to be branching out a bit. I was relieved tonight when he requested a book about a puppy and a book about a duck for his bedtime stories. He has also become interested in Cookie Monster. We are beginning to think that Cookie Monster is the new truck. He must have been introduced to Cookie Monster at school since we don't watch TV at home, but it brings him so much joy that we've been watching the "C is for Cookie" video on youtube a few times a day.

Yesterday we took K. for a hike and stopped at the trailside museum to watch a "reptile feeding". It was only after I'd gotten K. all excited about "the lizard" that I realized this would probably involve animals eating other animals. K. wasn't too freaked out and innocently waved as the last of the mouse's tail disappeared between the snakes jaws, saying: "Bye bye, mouse."

Then they fed the turtle. Being a more civilized animal, the turtle ate a mixture of dog food and vegetables. When I asked K. what the turtle ate, he said, "Pasta." Then, he looked over at the four-year-old next to him and, wanting to make some impressive small talk, said very solemnly: "Cookie monster." To which the four-year-old looked askance and said, "Dude, Cookie Monster isn't even here." (Well, he didn't really say dude, but he might as well.)

cars and trucks

2008-08-15T20:49:00.003-04:00

It's been so long since I've written here that blogger has changed up on me. Guilt. The truth is, with the potential career change in the works, blogging has really fallen into the place of lowest priority. Plus, F*cebook just seems so much more fun right now. It's all shiny and new, and there is less work involved.

Little K. is growing (cognitively) in leaps and bounds. There has been road work on our block this week and so there is constant excited talk about that. "A truck! A truck! Digging! Digging the dirt! Orange!" Yes, he just likes to throw orange in there. Just for kicks. Obsessed with the color orange.

He's also (knock on wood) been going to sleep on his own! We just put him in his bed, leave the room, go about our business, and when we check on him he is lying in his crib fast asleep. No crying. And we didn't really DO anything. Just seems like he was ready for it. 18 months later. Hopefully I'm not jinxing it by writing it down.

fuel price freak-out

2008-07-24T13:36:00.002-04:00

No, this is not about the price of gasoline at the pump. I wish cars and gas pumps would disappear and we would all have access to safe bikeways and manageable public transportation.

This is my mourning for the days of the cheap airplane ticket. Remember when we were in college and you could literally fly to Europe for a couple hundred dollars?

But this is not about Europe even. When we moved here, part of the deal was budgeting in a few trips a year to NY or elsewhere to be with friends and family. And at that point, plane tickets were half the price they are now. So do that math. (Because you know I can't, haha.)

Of course, things couldn't have been sustained the way they were going. And in an ideal world we would all live closer so that we wouldn't have to do something as wasteful as to hop into an airplane to see one another. But it makes returning to the East coast, eventually, seem like more and more of a necessity. And I'm feeling a little sad about it today. The expense makes everyone seem that much farther away. It was much easier to deal with psychologically when tickets really were so cheap that I felt like I could buy one on a whim. A little freak-out trip. Not so much anymore.

My, things are hectic around here....

2008-07-09T20:16:00.002-04:00

We just had 3 weekends in a row with wonderful visitors. Then a family reunion/trip to the Cape that got extended due to a flight cancellation (not that we minded!). And now I've returned and thrust myself in to the midst of a potential big, risky career change.

Woo hoo!

All of this makes me not feel like blogging. I am only blogging right not to avoid doing the dishes. I HATE doing the dishes, yet somehow it usually winds up being my chore. Puke.

So, instead of writing, I give you a picture of Baby K., the first, but surely not the last, time he got all muddy!

Attachment

2008-06-02T13:57:00.003-04:00

Wanted to share a picture of K. looking like a little wood-imp. Look at those chubby little fingers!

I've been thinking a lot about attachment. It seems impossible to me, the way it must change over the years. When my mother was visiting a few weeks ago, I looked over at her and thought, well, I know she loves me, but surely she doesn't want to just grab me and cuddle me all the time. Surely her favorite scent is not my sweaty scalp. Because that pretty much is my favorite scent. The sweat on K's scalp. I kid you not, I can smell it from the front seat of the car when I'm driving and he's in his carseat. It's particularly pungent when he's just breaking into sleep. Tell me I'm not the only one with a weird thing like this.

Anyway, I asked my Mom, how does it change? How do you go from wanting to bury your face in your baby's hair to, you know, having a normal adult relationship with your adult child?

She had one word: Adolescence. Then they reject you and you have to get over it.

Hard to imagine. I hope I'm able to separate in a sane way, and that I'm not some psycho clingy Mom.

N*scar Sheets and gender stuff

2008-05-20T21:28:00.005-04:00

The great question, do we unavoidably socialize our children towards gendered cliches? Or can this be avoided? The question itself is a cliche.

I was horrified when I opened a package of hand-me-downs and found a set of N*scar sheets. Then I found out that Derek had approved the sending of the sheets. He had been asked explicitly if he wanted them, and he said yes.

No, Derek is not N*scar fan. He is not even a car freak. But he is frugal to the verge of miserly. (OK, fine, I just like to say the word "miser". Derek is not really a miser.) He is extremely frugal. So he would rather use the N*scar sheets than go out and buy a new pair of sheets.

I hated the sheets on two levels. One, the gender presumption that boys love cars so much that they want to roll around on their image in their sleep. Second, there is the branding. I would have been happier with no-brand cars. The truth is, I have dressed K. in many, many hand-me-downs, some of them have images of cars, trucks, and various other gendered things on them. Not my favorite clothes, but when the favorites are dirty, I've been known to send the boy out in such things. (Note: I actually don't have a problem with dressing him in certain sports clothes, because Derek actually is an Or*oles fan, for example. So Derek can put him in black and orange and then if I want to stick him in a onesie that says "I love yoga" that's fine too.) But I have rejected branding. I've put anything with the image of elmo or m*ckey straight into the goodwill bag.

So, the N*scar sheets. I wanted to get rid of them. Derek was being frugal. They are not crib sheets, so he wouldn't be using them for quite some time anyway. Finally, I agreed that we could keep them around ONLY if we didn't tell K. about them (so as not to socialize him into liking cars, you know) and we would ONLY bring them out and let K. use them if he turned out to be a car-obsessed little boy who was just dying for car sheets, and that this would have to be a decision he came to spontaneously.

K. is learning a lot of language right now and he tends to latch onto one word and say it sort of obsessively. Until recently, his favorite word was "tree" (pronounced tree-ya). I loved it. Go nature boy! Yeah! Then, I bought him some blocks, and in the bag of blocks there was a block with wheels. And this block was somehow very appealing. And the next thing I know, his favorite word is "a cah." Hopefully this is just a passing phase. Otherwise I may have to learn to live with those sheets.

Five Things MeMe

2008-05-18T13:13:00.003-04:00

For lack of imagination, I submit a meme from Bri's blog.

What were you doing five years ago?
Living with Derek in Brooklyn, applying for new jobs since I was getting sick of my current job. Working in ENY. Ironically, that was the first time I visited D*yton, and the town where I currently live, while visiting Derek during his one-month residency at the foundation.

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?

Go for a hike with Mom
Buy groceries
Clean the kitchen
Finish book so I can return it to Mom before she leaves
Cook pasta with summer squash, walnuts, and asparagus to dinner

What are five snacks you enjoy?

raisins and almonds
cheese and crackers
grapefruit
yogurt, esp. Greek yogurt
toast with almond butter and jelly

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

open an agency in my current city similar to the one I lived worked at in Brooklyn
set my Mom up for a comfortable retirement
travel the world
buy a brownstone somewhere in Brooklyn and live there, Derek could just do his research since we would be independently wealthy (I suppose this contradicts number one. I could then fund my old agency to start another outpost in a neighborhood that needed the services.)
Pay for someone else to clean my house. Also, have massages, facials, get my nails done all the time, lounge around in spas. But I would still like to do most of my own gardening. Ooops, that was more than five.

What are five of your bad habits?

Procrastination on housework. (ie. what I am doing right now)
Eating too many raisins.
Wanting to eat sweets all the time. Ice-cream, chocolate, brownies and cookies.
Talking on the phone while driving.
Not blogging enough.

What are five places where you have lived?

Brooklyn
SF
Oxford, England
Bronxville, NY
Sasebo, Japan

What are five jobs you’ve had?

assistant pre-school teacher
paralegal at the federal public defender
temp receptionist
babysitter
employment counselor

Now what?

2008-05-02T16:44:00.002-04:00

I said I would post every Friday, so I'm giving it a try.
However, I seem to have serious problems knowing what to write about. So, I will just put random thoughts out there.

Random paragraph one:
Today was my day off with K. We had a "play date" in the morning which actually meant that I got to take a walk on the bike path with one of my favorite friends here and have adult conversation. Then we took the babies to get pizza and they were both very well-behaved in their high chairs. In the afternoon, K. and I went to a yoga class together. Now he is in his crib, passed out from exhaustion. It was a good day.

Random paragraph two:
Now that we have bought a house and settled down for awhile, the next project is to come up with a long-term plan for my career. I like my current job fine, but do not love it. I would like to find a way to work more in-depth. (I don't want to really get into the job on the blog, so I'm being vague.) I'm going to a workshop in a few weeks to explore a training program. I hope I figure out what to do soon. One of the things I neglected to really mourn when we left Brooklyn was the job that I had. It was at a place that could have been my "career home" - a place that I would have been quite happy to work the bulk of my working life. At the time, I mistakenly thought it wouldn't be too hard to find a place that I liked just as well. I was really in denial.

Random paragraph three:
Is anyone else getting sick of the election? I was so excited about just a few short weeks ago. Now I wish they'd just figure it out already, the dems. And at this point, I care very little which candidate wins.

Poor Drooling Mess

2008-04-28T20:55:00.003-04:00

Poor K.! When he teethes, he gets it bad. Four at the same time, running a low-grade fever, soaking his shirt AND jacket with drool, and just a general miserable mess. At least we aren't traveling this time.

A picture of K. having a better day:

Return of the bad blogger

2008-04-25T12:11:00.002-04:00

If I try to write here at least once a week, maybe on Friday's while K. is napping and we are home together, do we think I will stick to it?
I love the idea of this blog as a way to keep in touch with everyone. But I've become shamefully bad at it.
So here I dive in with today's guilt-fest dilemma.
K. is currently in F/T daycare, although I work P/T. I mean, we are paying for F/T until he turns 18 mos., but only drop him there the three days a week that I work. Yesterday, I didn't have to work until the afternoon, but Derek dropped him off in the morning (daycare is half an hour drive away, across the street from Derek's office) because I wasn't going into D*yton at all for work, only had home visits close to my house. So I spent the morning getting gardening done, then worked in the afternoon and evening. Didn't see K. until bedtime. And I feel horribly guilty about it, although I admit a part of me enjoyed having the morning to myself.
This situation arises at least every other week. So I feel a dilemma. Do I keep him in the morning, drive an extra hour just to drop him off? Or have Derek take him in the morning. The environmentalist in me hates the idea of driving that hour (r/t) when Derek is already going there for work. The mama in me feels guilty about K. being in daycare when I'm at home. The selfish part of me does enjoy the time to myself once a week. What do you think???
It's lovely here in spring and K. and I spent the morning hiking in the woods past a creek and a small waterfall. This was in the nature preserve that we can walk to from our house. This is what I love about living here.

haircut

2008-03-28T22:19:00.003-04:00

Can I have a writing assignment, please?
Seriously.

We haven't been taking enough pictures, at all, lately, but K. is turning into such a child. But such a sweet child with a round little face and a smile that kills me. Suddenly, he is running. Running and giggling and waiting for me to catch him like the little bunny in all the books.
I gave him a haircut yesterday. It was really hard to cut the hair of a squirmy toddler so he ended up with a horrendous crooked bowl cut. Derek was horrified when he came home. He was traumatized as a child because his mother gave him bowlcuts until he was twelve or something. So I read K. a book and Derek held him between his knees and snipped away like a barber and now K. has a little Derek haircut. I know it's very gendered, blah blah blah, but the hair was getting in his face, and it was either that or barrettes as far as I was concerned. I think he looks cute.

Another thing. I love the town where we live now. I love walking to a yoga class especially for moms (with childcare). I love walking by myself at the end of the day along the bike path next to the woods and there is no one else around, except finally a little old lady saying hi to me. And then walking home through the houses, every fifth one with something quirky or strange about it. Not your cookie-cutter suburban town by any means. I love that we can do whatever the hell we want with our lawn or even the outside of our house and no one is going to care. So we are planting veggies and wildflowers and wild grasses and getting rid of the lawn grass. It will be wild and interesting, I hope.

Snow Days

2008-03-10T08:28:00.002-04:00

We just got through a little "blizzard" here and it was lovely to have all three of us home for three days in a row. In our new house, in our new town.
We painted a room, took family walks in the snow, baked and ate cookies and lasagna. K. played in the snow for the first time. He threw one of his lovely new toddler temper tantrums when it was time to come inside, that's how much he loved it.
Derek and I are amused by the drama in the temper tantrums. At first I felt a bit shell-shocked by K's new toddler ways, but now I feel I am getting a grip on it. Learning how to prevent and manage conflict. Enjoying the mini-language explosion. Enjoying our cuddly, affectionate little boy.
It was a great weekend.
The previous weekend was hell. All of us, including my visiting mother, came down with the stomach flu. K. and I both ended up in the pediatric emergency room, vomiting. K. in a tiny yellow hospital gown and a diaper. After refusing to eat or drink or pee all day, K. deigned to nurse from his mother, who had a reprieve from vomiting long enough to nurse him. Then he peed, a tiny bit. Thus we avoided the IV fluids and were sent home.

New House, Yes!

2008-02-22T11:39:00.003-05:00

How long do I get before the nap is over?
It's snowing and K. is fighting a bug and I was worried I would go stir crazy, but so far am enjoying our day together. We made playdough for the first time. It was quite messy but I was prepared for that. I had no food coloring so we dumped in turmeric and came out with orange and Indian-food-smelling playdough. Yum.
We are in our new house and maybe 60% of the way there in terms of unpacking and setting up. And I am absolutely loving it. Living in a small town is more like living in a city than living in the burbs is. That makes no sense. But I mean in terms of what I value. This town has at least one of most of the amenities that are important to me (yoga, bookstores, good restaurants, cafe) and they are all around the corner from my house. Literally. The suburbs can bite me. I have never been so virulently glad to be rid of something as I am about this move. I could rant and rave about it, I really could. But things are looking up.
The only "problem" I'm having with this house is that it is so big. Well, after living in apartments. It overwhelms me, all the space. It is a lovely old house and I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't wait until the weather thaws and we can take walks in the woods. If I can't live in the city, it doesn't get much better than this.
Excuse me for sounding pleased, lightning may strike me, but after the last year and a half I WILL be pleased, damnit.

One week...

2008-02-09T20:32:00.000-05:00

until our big moving day. Until then, every spare minute has been spent packing boxes and painting. K. continues to toddle around, muttering "up" when it makes sense and when it doesn't and demanding to nurse (ssss, ssss) every few hours.
He woke me up at 4:30 this morning, with no intention of going back to sleep.
This is my life.
I'm really excited that it's about to change. I took K. out in the stroller today and thought, this is my last walk in this god-awful, strip mall, vinyl siding, auto body parts neighborhood. I feel mean saying it, but true. I hope I don't get struck by lightning for being so mean. This hasn't been a bad little chapter in my life, K.'s first year has been an amazing year. But still, I say good riddance to this little chunk of sprawl.
Yay!

New House Glee

2008-01-27T21:44:00.000-05:00

We are closing tomorrow!

Oh how I cannot wait to get my hands on some paint! Until now, I have lived in the following type housing situations (in reverse order):

1. rental apartments
2. dorm rooms
3. military housing

You know what that means people. White walls, white walls, white walls.
Not any more though! A new era has come into my life. Let's get crazy with PAINT!!! woo hoo.

K's first meme

2008-01-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

Tagged by Bri and Beck at Unwellness (www.unwellness.com)

The Rules
1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share 6 non-important things/quirks about your kid
4. Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs
5. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog
6. Let the fun begin!

1. K's favorite word is UP. He says UP all the time. He has developed many nuances for the word, UP.

2. When K. first started army crawling across the floor, he propelled himself on one big toe, so much so that he developed a callous on this big toe.

3. K. took his first consecutive steps on Christmas day.

4. K.'s name, when you put his first and middle names together, means "ancient wisdom."

5. K. loves Mexican and Indian food.

6. K.'s favorite author is Dr. Seuss.

Snow Baby

2008-01-02T22:14:00.001-05:00

(the snowsuit belonged to Derek as a baby)

Happy New Year 2008

2008-01-01T22:14:00.000-05:00

I had a whole post in my head for the new year, it was all deep and brilliant, of course, but then my afternoon and evening got eaten up by playing with K., nursing, making New Year's Day dinner (hoppin' john and turnip greens with cornbread, duh), scrubbing scrubbing scrubbing the bathroom, and folding a mountain of laundry. But who wants to bring the new year in wallowing in your own muck?

So, it's goodbye to what I'm sure has been the most life-changing year of my life, so far. I used to do a big 10 for the year list, but this year I pretty much have one thing to say. K---. That's about it. Yes, I have a new job and some new friends and Derek wrote a book, that's all nice, but really people, it's all about little K. (Ok, it's pretty impressive that Derek wrote a book, too.)

And here are my hopes for the new year, pretty modest.
1. I hope that I can build a home for myself here. (emotionally)
2. I hope that I can figure out (or at least get on the road to figuring out) what the hell I am doing in my career, in a long term way.
3. I hope that I can take a little more time for my personal development - mostly that I can get back into yoga more frequently - one class a week would be pretty amazing.

Wishing everyone no regrets and a fresh start.

so tired.

2007-12-20T11:15:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired I could pull my eyeballs out. And a bit nauseous, which may be related to being tired. Yesterday baby was up at 5am (and on) with diarrhea that necessitated a complete strip and bath and scouring of a large portion of his room as well as a full change of clothes for both of us. At 5am. Yes. Last night baby apparently had insomnia. I finally got him to nap. But instead of napping myself I am faithfully pumping. I cannot wait until he turns a year and I stop pumping. I am thinking of starting the cows milk a few weeks earlier to be done with pumping. That wouldn't be such a horrible thing, would it? My milk supply has gone down to the point that I question whether I'm really sending him to daycare with enough milk.
drip, drip, drip goes the milk. I used to be so lucky - 8 oz in ten minutes, it could really spew. Now, 2 - 4 oz and I'm lucky to call it a day. On the bright side, I'm no longer leaking from just thinking the word "baby".

ADDED:

NOOOOOO! after 20 minutes of faithfully pumping, I just spilled half the milk down my shirt. I repeat. NOOOOOOO!

Bullet Points

2007-12-16T15:56:00.001-05:00

We are putting a bid on a house (or attempting to) so this should be a week of excitement, right before the holidays too. Overall, I'm feeling pretty good about committing to this area for a few more years. I love the town we are planning to live in, and it was so beautiful yesterday all muffled and blanketed on the snow.
But to get back to the highway, you have to drive down an (unplowed) country road, and our car skidded in the ice leaving Derek, me, and a screaming Kian in a ditch. Fortunately two men and a pregnant woman came by, hitched us to their jeep, and pulled us out. We were just loving the good-hearted midwestern-ness of it all. No sarcasm there.
Kian is beginning to take a few clumsy, zombie like steps. He has not yet learned to bend his knees. But it's absolutely adorable.
The only issue I'm having about staying here is a mini career crisis. I like my job enough for right now (though it is probably one of the hardest jobs I've had), but am really struggling to come up with a long-term plan, and sometimes I feel resentful that we had to leave NY where my trajectory was very clear, and my career quite rewarding. Ugh.

2007-11-30T09:59:00.001-05:00

I let nablogpomo go to shit since it was impossible to write over TG. Now 'M
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+++++++++++\TRYING TO WRITE while pumping with a cat licking my fingers and arms incessantly. This is the result of that effort. grrrrrrr.
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