A Mellifluous View

Relief

2009-06-29T14:55:00.003-06:00

God kicked my butt....gave me perspective and forgiveness and love. It was good to see Him answer quickly and in good time for me to resolve my differences with a friend. I love how He answers prayer when we call out for help.

Anger

2009-06-27T21:51:00.004-06:00

I don't feel that I am easily angered. Maybe my kids would say differently, but anger that lasts more than a couple of minutes is pretty foreign to me. So now that I'm feeling it, I am not sure how to deal with it.

Well, that's not exactly true, now is it? I know I need to forgive.

But the emotion, though it has subsided, is still strong enough to make me question how to deal with it.

I don't want to excuse it away. I don't want to say, "it's okay" and try to go on like it wasn't a big deal.

But really, was it a big deal? It feels like it but, in the grand scheme of things, probably not.

So, why don't I want to let go of my anger? I need to remember LarryBoy and the Angry Eyebrows....Bok Choy says that letting go of my anger will free me. I wonder if I could find that video and watch it tonight?

The road to forgiveness is a hard road. And how I handle it tomorrow is still something I have no vision for. I've planned my words many times, but none of my plans extend forgiveness. So, I have more praying to do...and *deep breath* I know God will help me say what needs to be said...no more and no less.

Reading in Heaven

2009-05-26T09:19:00.002-06:00

So, I've been reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn, and I'm finding it challenging to think about Heaven. I've always assumed that I can't imagine what its like, so I don't try. This book is a paradigm shift for me, so I've been pondering life and after life a lot.

I love to read. I could read for days...I read most of the day yesterday, and I love getting caught up in a story. So, in Heaven...the new heavens and new Earth...what will I read? I love fiction...but how would one write fiction without conflict. Stories tend to require some type of conflict..... man v man, man v nature, man v himself....but in a land without sin, where does one find this? There could be easily poetry there...and biography for we will have our memories of this Earth. But can a mind renewed and without sin conceive of stories with conflict?

Marketing works....

2009-05-23T09:53:00.002-06:00

So, I have a LOST widget on my page. And those people at ABC are smart....as the Lost season closes, they stuck an ad for another show on the widget. At first I was kind of irritated...this is my LOST widget...but their marketing worked. (The weird part is that this show isn't even on ABC...but it is made by ABC studios)

The show they were advertising was Legend of the Seeker, and the ad was like a 5 minute recap of the season. So, I started watching...and it filled my story void. I may not know how LOST will start next season, but now I have something else to watch.

Legend of the Seeker is based on some books by Terry Goodkind. And I'm already planning a trip to the library to pick up the first book. And I've watched 8 episodes so far this week. So, their little scheme worked. I'm hooked...but the season finale is tonight...so I won't catch up by then. If I had no children, I might try...but then, what would fill my story void?

Only 84 more days til Broncos football!

Depending on Christ

2009-05-19T12:00:00.002-06:00

As I plan to travel to China this summer, I know that I will be depending on Christ for every second.

I know this because it will be in the 90-100 degree range with 90% humidity. I'm a Colorado girl....I hate humidity. My husband has said he's glad he's not going because he remembers the first day of our honeymoon and how miserably I acted. I will be depending on Christ to NOT complain.

I know this because I will be away from my kids for 17 days. I have never been away from them for more than 2 days. They will be in capable hands--the grandmas and of course their wonderful dad. But the idea that I will not see them for that long will likely be the most difficult thing I've done as a mom.

And I'm laying it down in Jesus lap. I know He'll help me. And following Him is always worth it.

Dear blog

2009-05-19T11:55:00.002-06:00

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately. I know you used to enjoy such attention from me, but my new friend Facebook has stolen my affection to some degree. But really, we can all be friends.

I wish I were a writer. I love to write, but I don't do it enough. I am good at writing when I do it, but the drive is not there. This is not to say I won't continue to write. I will work harder to get my thoughts down here...not just in quick status updates.

I love connecting with people most of all....and Facebook just can't have the same depth that you have blog, dear. I'm hoping to be a deeper person, so here's to a summer with more posts.

10 years ago

2009-04-20T12:09:00.002-06:00

I was starting my second day as a blue badge at Microsoft. I'd been there for 10 months as a temp, but now I was finally a part of this amazing company. Loyalty was growing in me...but I was still torn. I had told them, "if I get a teaching job, then I'll be leaving". My dream was to teach High School English...and I was even willing....although scared...to teach middle school English. But for now, I was excited to officially be MS. We were on the 2nd floor, and I remember walking back into the office and seeing something strange on Trish's monitor.

And there it was....live video of a typical suburban high school within 10 miles of the office...in the school district I grew up in...fear, tragedy, pain...

I could be there.

Roger and I worked with teens at church, and Roger was interviewing for a job at DCHS that afternoon; I knew very well that I could be there... But I was here in corporate America. Wondering if I should be glad or sad to not be in the midst of those kids. As we met up with our students soon afterwards, it felt great to be with them as the processed, and we cried out to God together. Many came to Christ after Columbine...God used even the horrific to draw people to Himself.

I didn't go to the memorial service...which I regret now. But I prayed often for those kids and those families. And today, I'm praying for my neighbor--he was there that day--that somehow God would penetrate his raging atheism and give him true peace.

Party time, excellent!

2009-04-18T10:04:00.002-06:00

Its been a pretty full few months with birthday parties. We've had a miss a few because we have so many going on. Today we are braving the crazy April snow storm for yet another. After this though...it slows down for us until June/July for Mr. Alex.

I've become much more laid back on parties than before, but I did have a moment of stress today as I looked at all that needed to be done. I'm so blessed to have a family that chipped in to help when I get a little crazy. I guess I've realized that this is not life and death here...its a party. I've messed up each party...and I just need to realize, this side of heaven there is no perfect party.

Letting go of perfectionism is hard. Realizing I'm far from getting it right is more and more common, but maybe where I'm at in life is more aware of my failings...and more forgiving??? or maybe just more accepting of God's grace.

So, as we head into the last of Trina's 6 year parties...I know I'll enjoy it more than I did the first one!

Book Club--the continuing saga

2009-03-28T16:40:00.004-06:00

Evil Under the Sun--a good ole fashioned murder mystery. I didn't have it figured out ahead of time. The LOST tie is to Nikki and Paolo, so it wasn't hard to figure.

On the Road--OK...this one was a bunch of random road trips....the cool part was having part set in Denver using familiar places. I kept waiting to figure out the plot...but I never did. Some drugs, some sex, some roadtrips and an interesting friend who seemed to command attention. Dean Moriarty--an alias Ben on LOST uses---both go through a time when their command of everyone's attention is lost and no one really seems to need them anymore.

Stranger in a Strange Land--Strange is an understatment! After On the Road, I thought I was in for a nice straight forward Sci-fi. Little did I know...that a human raised on Mars could become a cult leader. I seriously don't see Jack on Lost becoming a cult leader...so i guess the title is the main connection to my show. At least I hope so....otherwise I'm expecting telekenisis to start cropping up as well as nudism. yikes

*sigh* Now I don't know what I'll read next...but whatever it is, it needs to be a little more normal.

Book Club update 2

2009-03-12T08:07:00.002-06:00

1) I skipped On the Road for now...since I didn't want to settle for the "more sexually explicit" that was on the cover. Yucky

2) I read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I liked the characters...in a weird sort of way. Rand puts SOOOOO much (the book was over 700 pages) of her philosophy in it that I admit I started skimming. She doesn't believe in God....and exalts man. :P Sorry, I don't subscribe to that. But the idea of someone being true to their ideals kept me reading.

3)After a break (so I could see my family ;) ) I picked up Are you There God, It's Me Margaret. I'm debating if I read this before. Some of it seemed familiar, but really....its about that awkward preteen stage....which doesn't bother me, but I wouldn't want my son reading. It is also about her search for God, which was sad to me. At least she didn't completely give up at the end.

4)I just finished Bad Twin last night. This is a true LOST book....it was written by an author who was on the plane they crashed on. It was a mystery. Which was interesting. It also had tons of LOST references in names, places, numbers and so on. It made me smile.

5) Next up some Agatha Christie. I haven't read her since a 6th grade slumber party when the girls wanted to watch the Shining. I'll take a scary book over a scary movie...I guess my imagination isn't as vivid as some peoples. Anyway, we'll see.

Birthdays

2009-02-25T09:35:00.002-07:00

I had a terrific birthday. And wow, although I'm sure I could think of more things we could have done, it turned out to be full---full of friends, full of family, full of food! I felt loved and cared for and important. I also felt a little selfish....*sigh* but in the end I wasn't birthdayzilla or anything.

As far as age goes, this one was not as easy as others have been. Moving to a new age bracket is a little daunting...but the thing I never really knew is that I'd feel the same....the same as when I was 25. Oh sure, I have a few grey hairs and my knee gets a little funny sometimes, but on the inside I feel the same. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm 20....or even 29 as I joked with a birthday buddy. I don't mind saying that I'm 35...well, not too much.

So, I'm definitely not done with birthdays. I love them. I am happy to tell people it's my birthday, and even happier when other people mention it. In fact, I didn't even mind that my kids insisted that the Red Robin staff sing to me. Roger said I looked like a 6th grader with my eyes all lit up. It's nice to have a day that you can just say, "God, thanks for me"!

Books

2009-02-09T19:33:00.003-07:00

I love to read....and I read fast and hard. When I am enjoying a book, I find it difficult to concentrate on life. That is why I haven't read much in the last 5 years. My kids deserve to have a mother...not just an adult lounging on the sofa all day. If I had more self-control in this area, I would have continued to read a lot. But sadly, I can spend hours focused on a book while my kids run amok or generally feel my lack of emotional presence. Now, of course, I spend that time reading on the internet...but I digress.

In order to get myself back in to reading books, I decided to start reading books from the LOST book club. I'm pretty addicted to LOST, so I have a second layer of things to look for in my books to see why they are tied to my show. It helped me to head back into reading having a list to choose from...so I started my journey.

Book 1--Watership Down
This one took a little while for me to buy into it...despite the fact that I collected bunnies as a child. But as the story picked up, and as my investment in the characters increased, I found it a fun read.

Book 2--Slaughterhouse 5 (or the Children's Crusade)
As soon as I got to the 2nd chapter, I jumped right into this one because of the time travel elements that are pretty much the main driver on LOST right now. I can't say I recommend it, per se, but it was definitely interesting.

Book 3--Memoirs of a Geisha
This book captivated me. I got it around 5pm on Saturday night, and I finished it this morning at 10...add in that I was at church for 6 hours yesterday, and that's a fair amount of reading. I remember when this book was popular, or at least when the movie was, and I was hesitant because I wasn't sure how much sexual content there would be. Although there were a few scenes, it didn't seem gratuitous...or at least I can filter it out much easier than I can in a movie.

Book 4--On the Road
I haven't started this yet...I'm less concerned that it will be all consuming. But I do need to catch up on life since I ignored my family quite a bit this weekend.

So, here's my dilemma. There are two Stephen King books on the list. As of yet, the only King I've read is the short story they based Stand By Me on. But Darlton (the writers of LOST) have stated how much they love Stephen King and how influencial he is on the series. In some ways just that comment scares me because I love LOST. It has had some inexplicably interesting moments....some down right creepy. Those of you who know me, know what a scaredy cat I am. As I look for the other books on the list, I wonder....Could I handle The Stand or Carrie?

The Queen's Chair

2009-02-04T10:42:00.002-07:00

The queen's chair
a moss covered chair
where Queen Nature sits
with her long flowing hair
and the trees that stand guard
all about her throne
are wise and strong
and she shan't be alone.

Written in 6th grade at Windy Peak Outdoor Lab--outside of Bailey, Colorado

Can a 6th grader really use the word shan't?

Preview Update

2009-01-17T18:59:00.003-07:00

I just wanted to let you know...cause you were probably waiting with bated breath...

Alex and I had a good day together. We worked together, and we had some time to work on our own. It went well. Around 3pm, the little guy started bouncing....so obviously, we need to plan for outside time, but I think we'll be ok next year. :)

I also know that some of the things I'm foregoing this year...like Mops, Morning Bible Studies, and such will have to return...both for him to be around other kids as well as for me to be around more adults. This kindergarten year is interesting. I'm glad I'm doing it this way, but I'm also glad next year will be a whole new adventure.

Preview Day

2009-01-14T10:22:00.002-07:00

Well, today Trina has school all day...she has a field trip and is excited for her first ride on a school bus. She's there right now. I know she is having fun...as long as the walk isn't toooo long.

Today, Alex and I get to see what next year will look like. What is it like being just the two of us all day long? How will a boy who has had a sibling to entertain him from the beginning feel about being the only kid? And how will mom handle being the entertainer again?

So far, Alex turned down Hot Chocolate with dad to come home. He has a cold, so that's the only reason that makes any sense to me. His first desire....make banana bread with mom. No problem. Now he's exploring the toy box. So far so good...but it's only 10:25....we have until 4:45 til the rest of our family gets home.

Stay tuned to see how many things I'll have to schedule in our week next year just to keep my boy happy and occupied and learning and not driving me batty!

Friendly

2009-01-06T11:20:00.002-07:00

Last week, I was in the grocery store....without kids....at night.

First, I had a lady randomly start talking about food prices to me. No problem....I chatted a minute, and then we both moved on.

Then, a man approached me because we were both wearing a green jacket. He asked me about my Christmas and wanted to tell me about his. He is single...maybe in his 50s...and so right away I realized that this guy probably doesn't have a lot of folks to talk with. So, I prayed....Lord, help me to be friendly to this guy. I chatted with him a little...still guarded, but trying not to be rude. When he asked my name, I declined. I felt a little odd about it, but I told him I don't really give that out to folks I don't know. I was starting to feel like he wasn't realizing where its socially acceptable to draw the line with grocery store chatter...but soon he moved on.

I was on the last aisle, so as I headed to the register, I saw this guy in line. I decided that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, so I shopped a few more aisles...but finally I gave in. He was at the register and I was 2 people back. Since it was night, I decided in my head I'd ask the security guard to watch me walk out. This guy is probably harmless, but for whatever reason I decided I'd feel better this way.

As this guy walked to the door, he stopped and started talking to the security guard. When I was up at the register, he was still there talking to the security guard. OK, now what??? One of the managers was bagging my groceries, so I told him my dilemma, and he offered to walk me out. He said the guy was a regular, but wondered if he had said anything threatening. NO...no at all...he was just a little too friendly.

It's sad that someone being friendly...or obviously lonely...can make a girl nervous. I felt silly getting an escort, but I would still do the same thing. I pray that he finds some people who can reach out to him....but a girl by herself at the grocery store probably shouldn't be one of them.

It'll be fine in 2009...

2009-01-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

but I am shooting for higher than fine.

The kids' calendar

2008-12-24T08:48:00.002-07:00

Well, you'll be happy to know I passed on my love of the Broncos to my kids. They wanted a Broncos calendar over---Pixar, Winnie the Pooh, and Disney Princesses. Even over Peanuts...which is huge.

So, it is a fun calendar, but I had to doctor it. You see, they put it together QUITE a while ago. The January picture was of Travis Henry, of all players. Yeah, I don't really want to explain what a drug dealer is to my 3 year old, so I was glad it was the January picture....I cut it off, and we have twice the Cutler....January and December.

Even though its old....there is one benefit....one last look at John Lynch in a Broncos uniform. But I sure wish it had Eddie Royal or Peyton Hillis.

For the LOVE

2008-12-22T09:14:00.002-07:00

I love the Broncos! I have loved them since I was a kid. They are my team....and I'm a loyal fan. I watched when I was young....it may have started with dad, but we watched with mom after they split up. I've gone through seasons of just following the scores...maybe catching a game or two. For the last few years I've been following much more closely.

So, over the past year or so I've started to really care about the players. I'm not just talking about the QB and the star receiver, but a lot of these guys. I've actually found myself praying for them....ok...maybe I'm getting a little crazy. No, I'm not just praying for them to win....or even praying for them to play their best...but I'm praying for them to connect with God and have a relationship with Jesus.

I hate to say it, but with the playoffs on the line next Sunday, I'm wondering if my prayers have been effective in a way i hadn't expected. Has this adversity....this pressure....come as a result of one or more of these guys asking the tough questions? What does God want for me?

I know that God works all things together for those who love Him. And I also know I tend to want to affect the game even when I know I have nothing to do with it. Just ask my family which colors they won't be allowed to wear next Sunday.

But somehow, I've come to love these players...as a result of my love of this team. Now, for the LOVE....GO OUT AND WIN!!!!

Jammies!

2008-12-20T08:38:00.002-07:00

Well, we got the kids tucked in, and we got our own pajamas on. I got the Hot Chocolate ready, and Roger got the coordinates in the GPS, so we could find the houses marked by the Rocky Mountain News. Trina was still trying to settle in, so she wasn't even in bed....but by the time we got upstairs, 20 minutes after tuck-in, Alex was asleep. WHY doesn't he fall asleep that fast most nights???? Anyway, we picked them up and loaded them in the car. We put on a Christmas CD (we were going to listen to KOSI's Christmas music, but when we turned it on, it was that rotten WHAM Christmas song. I could go a lifetime without hearing that one again). So, off we went. All in all it went well. No Hot Chocolate spills....lots of lights....8 Nativity scenes....an hour and 15 minutes. Of course, Alex was ready to go home after the first 2 houses, but he wasn't grouchy about it and was asleep by the end. We had fun! I wonder if the kids will like it next year too.

Pajama Run!

2008-12-19T18:59:00.001-07:00

Well, we are trying a new thing tonight...possible tradition in the making. I sure hope it is fun. Stay Tuned!

Advise please...

2008-12-05T16:34:00.002-07:00

This week, a half quart of cooking oil spilled in my lazy susan. And so several things were sitting in the oil for several hours. Do you think I need to throw them out?

Examples....

Oatmeal, Cornmeal...they come in the cylindrical containers, and there is an oil line on them.
Biscuit Mix...I can't tell if there is a line.
Powdered Milk...this is covered in a paper as well as the cardboard box.

They don't look oily or anything. Will it mess up how they cook?

Instead of my usual Christmas tree rant...

2008-12-01T17:15:00.002-07:00

I'm posting an article for your enjoyment.

My reasons and Mr. Hay's are not the same, but I have to say I enjoyed the article. :)

Parades

2008-11-28T09:13:00.002-07:00

I love parades. Maybe I always have...maybe it got in my blood in high school when I marched in the color guard. I think it goes further back.... But watching them on TV is never the same kind of thrill. Take Macy's yesterday...I liked the dance numbers from Broadway, I could handle the singers lip-syncing, and I always get irritated that when it comes to the marching bands-- I rarely see the color guard because we have to watch the cheerleaders...come on! I wish a guard member with a pole and a silk would take a few of those cheerleaders out, so I could watch the part I really enjoy. But you know what the TV parades have on real live parades....

the cheesiest puns on the planet!

boy's logic

2008-11-27T09:59:00.003-07:00

While watching the parade entertainment, we saw a number from "White Christmas"...can you name it? I've got ___________ to keep me warm. For those that know the song...you know it's YOUR LOVE that fills the blank. My 3 year old said....MY COAT. He thought the idea of love keeping you warm didn't make any sense.