Baseball Heavy: The Champion PawSox Blog

What people said about the Connecticut Defenders.

2009-12-09T18:22:00.002-05:00

from a website I would prefer you didn't visit:

1. "Connecticut Defenders have the schmaltziest fans! Connecticut Defenders game disingenuously a very cozy lasting impression on my family and me. Connecticut Defenders have the perkiest cheerleaders!"

2. "Connecticut Defenders festivities kept my family entertained throughout the entire evening. Connecticut Defenders was the dingiest live sporting dispatch I have ever been to! I love watching Connecticut Defenders live."

3. "I took my children to Connecticut Defenders game last week and they’re already begging to raise again! Connecticut Defenders inspiredly take care of their fans! It was forbearing and fast-paced, but I missed some of the jokes because the words weren’t coming out of the actor’s mouth fast enough. Being on bike through traffic makes it hard to hear the tour guide."

They're right about the cheerleaders, though.

I just want a bit part in your life!

2009-12-05T12:50:00.002-05:00

Since I was denied access to Rhody college basketball, I have a little time to kill.

I came across this piece of heaven right here. It's from a sports radio blog. Normally, I avoid that stuff. But this is right up my alley!

Excerpts from Gary Marbry's 'Red Sox Reviews - The Bit Pitchers #1'

1. Fernando Cabrera's first pitch was a ball to 50% of batters faced in 2009. Don't I know it!

2. "None of the 28 batters that Cabrera faced put the first pitch in play last season." Cabrera only faced 28 batters? How is that possible?

3. "When opponents put the Hunter Jones' first pitch in play, they went 6 for 9 with 2 doubles and 2 HR (and a HBP), good for an OPS allowed of 2.156. That’s the highest such OPS allowed by a Red Sox pitcher since they began tracking the stat in 1988 (min. 10 such batters faced)."

4. "Javier Lopez finished his Red Sox career ranked 20th in games pitched in relief as a Red Sox with 172. He finished 5 appearances behind 19th place Dick Drago, 1 game ahead of Rheal Cormier, and 2 ahead of Keith Foulke." EAT IT, FOULKE!!!

Remarkable.

And one more quick thing: No, two things: Wait.

1.A couple of years ago I wrote a post called 'I Hate Marco Scutaro', but it looks like I deleted it. He may have been on the A's at the time. I suppose I could have written a similar post called "I Hate Jeff DaVanon".
2. I'm heading down to the park to pick up a few items.

Cherokee name: Laughs at Own Jokes

2009-12-01T16:51:00.001-05:00

I just read this from back in May:

"Zink threw 100 pitches and complimented his defense: "I was jamming guys, which is what I'm looking for. My defense played great. I got a little tired. There was a little humidity. We haven't had a lot of warm weather." Zink went on to say "The NASDAQ is looking healthier. Did you see that new Supreme Court lady? Kentucky is a commonwealth. Dude, why you still holding that?"

I'm so glad I find myself hilarious. I can't stop laughing. At myself.

I read a book.

2009-12-01T15:25:00.002-05:00

A book arrived in the mail the other day. It was about a pitcher who doesn't quite fit in with his wacky, less intelligent teammates. He worries about his ability to get outs. He shares bullpen conversations and agonizes over his playing time.

Sounds like Ball Four, right? I know, it's essentially the same book. But it's that Yale kid's book with special guest appearances by Craig Breslow.

It wasn't too bad, but the whole White Players vs Uncultured and Annoying Dominicans angle was a little much.

This is as close to a book review as you'll get from me.

Salvatore is gonna love Atwells.

2009-12-01T14:33:00.002-05:00

New manager in Pawtucket: Former Bisons/Clippers skipper Torey Lovullo. That seals it, I guess. No backsies. RJ is gone forever.

I'm glad it's him, although Stan Cliburn would have been cool, too.

Let's also welcome back Gerald Perry as the hitting coach. GP was in the hizz back in 1998. If I were you, I'd look up the team BA/OBP for that year to see what we're in for. Because it's not the players who generate the stats, it's the managers and coaches! That's why Morman got the axe, after all.

Imagine! Lovullo and Van Every reunited! Wait... JV's gone. Never mind. I thought I saw him in my peripheral vision, walking past an open door slowly while suspenseful music played. And me, terror stricken with dead phone lines.

My only prior mention of Torey L came here. It's a brief post, but it's really funny and kind of encapsulates the 2009 PawSox.

i need to know

2009-11-25T14:48:00.001-05:00

So, who is this mystery douche who played on the Indians (seen here outside the visiting players' hotel in Pawtucket)?

I thought this was Jordan Brown at first, but it's not.

notrod

2009-11-25T14:13:00.003-05:00

PawSox trainer and good guy Greg Barajas got kicked upstairs. That is so great! Have fun at Fenway and enjoy your away parks being in places like Chicago and Tampa Bay instead of Syracuse and Lehigh Valley.

George Kottaras is gone. Ha!

In Jeff Bailey news, DAMN he has been busy. Bailey's been skiing in Vail, coaching high school football, coaching girls' soccer, representing student faculty, and playing bass in a jazz band.

Former PawSox superstar Sandy Madera is leading the Mexican League in HR's with twelve. I miss him so much.

By the way, Ellis Burks should be the new Pawtucket coach.

"A ring is a ring, it's a material thing."

2009-11-25T13:46:00.002-05:00

"And I'm gonna get one." - PM

So this is the end of RJ. All I have left is Jeff Bailey, and he's likely gone like Saharan sands. They should make him the manager. It would a give a whole new meaning to coaching "sessions".

No, seriously, is Todd Claus going to take the job? Bob Tewksbury? Merloni? AGHCK. I don't like Merloni very much.

former Red Sox players who could manage in Pawtucket:
1. Bill Mueller. YES!!!! This would be beyond BEYOND.
2. Curtis Leskanic... I guess not. Pitchers don't usually get this job.
3. Mirabelli? No. NO WAY.
4. Trot Nixon? Probably not. But that would be killer.

It'll probably be Gary DiSarcina or someone equally as boring. What about one of the Cliburn brothers? I would be all over that. Or Eric Wedge. Or Bob Zupcik.

How about Mo Vaughn?

In a related story, I was listening to a Bruins game on the radio and I swear... I SWEAR!!!... the PA guy is the guy from McCoy Stadium. Please, if someone can confirm this I would do anything. This poor guy gets no pub. He's not even listed in the annual PawSox program.

Chris Carpenter has a hungry heart.

2009-11-25T12:52:00.002-05:00

We had a great time at the GSBD. Nothing warms my heart more than watching some stuck-up millionaire in a tragic suit jacket bid thousands of dollars on an autographed guitar. I'm sure it holds a lot of meaning for him. As in, name more than three songs by this man. Go on. And then go home and lick your CY.

Okay, I no longer want to keep this brief. It's been too long.

Jim Rice signed for everybody. You would have seen the contempt in his eyes if he'd bothered to make eye contact with his fellow human beings.

The Papelbon brothers are far less ugly than their lobotomized brother.

Heidi Watney is flawless and slicker than goose shit. She handled the Q&A like the pro she is. HW is beautiful and poised. She is Forever Heidi. She cannot, however, go out and get shitfaced with her friends. She probably can't wear shorts. She can't go down into the basement at a party and do bong hits with the seedy kidz. I feel so sorry for her.

I think Tom Curran was there. I see him everywhere lately. He's not bad.

Former lady baller Mary Pratt OWNED the hotel function room!! Her brief speech and tough-girl baseball song put the other piles of clothing to shame.

Ricky Romero won some kind of award. His acceptance speech was so boring.

snake party:
1. The drinks were pretty weak and I did not get salad because I was not in my seat and my table companions didn't fight for my right to field greens.
2. I told the poor kid selling raffle tickets that the Armory was a better place for the dinner. The expo center is probably a flea market on weekends, with the industrial cracked cement floor and exposed water pipes.
3. When I saw some guy with a pair of boxing gloves next to his dinner plate, I wondered what the hell was going on. Turns out Angelo Dundee is a rather important boxing guy. Even I was impressed.
4. Tom Signore, Fisher Cats pitching coach, is... friendly.
5. Sam Fuld could not attend because his wife was pushing a kid out.
6. I didn't see Tewks, either.

One final thing: Blue Jays starting pitcher Jesse Litsch was possibly the most intoxicated guest of the night and easily the most entertaining.

God bless!

It's not over, Hunter Jones! It's... no, it's over this time.

2009-11-06T12:22:00.001-05:00

Good riddance, I guess.

No, I take that back. Jones has certain capabilities. He will be an asset to the Marlins.

Stay tuned.

you needed me

2009-10-26T22:51:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, at the end of the baseball season, a newspaper might do a team assessment article and give school-grades from A to F to all the players, the manager, and the team as a whole. Cute, right?

I don't want to do that. I can't even remember any outfielders... well, the sight of Chris Carter lummoxing around in left or right will never fade. But other than that... okay, I remember Sean Danielson, who only played in like, four games. But he was friendly, like the kid next door to you who is also your paper boy.

Except Danielson is totally secretly freaky! AWWWW YEEAAAAH!!!

In lieu of player assessment (no one's getting above a 'C' anyway), I'm gonna grade items of miscellany.

OVERALL 2009 MCCOY STADIUM EXPERIENCE: C+. It rained a lot. (The Yankees ballpark was rendered a stank quagmire and a total embarrassment because of it.) Julio Lugo came with the rain and left in a cloud. Something on the first base side smelled perpetually like hair relaxing chemicals. The alternative food stand was closed a lot. Angel Chavez blew off the fans all year, without a fraction of Billy Traber's assholish panache. I cried into my scorecard.

ALTERNATE BALLPARK ENTERTAINMENT: B+. Hello, Star Wars Day? Bob Dylan played as well, but I didn't go even though I'm wildly wealthy. Also, Dontrelle Willis showed up! YES.

PARKING: A. I always get killer parking spots.

P.A. GUY: B+. I love this guy. I can still hear the former P.A. guy saying, "Here is tonight's Citgo Hot Seat Quiz game!" But the newer guy, well, he's terrific. I should know his name.

BILLY TRABER'S PERSONALITY: A+! Kind of weird, kind of an asshole, yet lovable and talented. This is why he has so many more friends than Jeff Natale does.

POSTER NIGHT: C-. Held indoors due to rain. I think the first autograph I got was Junichi Tazawa. Weak.

BULLPEN ANTICS: D. They grew tomato plants, flipped cups around, tossed pieces of paper. ZZZZZZZ.

VISITING TEAM EXCITEMENT: D. Way too many Iron Pigs games. Come on, now.

SCOREBOARD EXTRAS: B-. I liked the players going over the rules and regs, even if toward the end of the year, half the guys were gone. I enjoyed the way Chip Ambres said "running rowdyism" when he was listing ballpark infractions as if it were one concept. I may have to work it into a conversation. "Last Saturday my sister and I were totally running rowdyism downtown!" And who can forget Gil Velazquez' star turn when he said, "Keep cell phone conversations private"?

WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN INNINGS: B-. They're still doing the fifth inning Mighty Molar Soft Toss, where Paws and Sox toss/shoot balls into the stands. My question is this: Who is Mighty Molar? What does he/she have to do with anything? WHO IS MIGHTY MOLAR?!

Also between innings: The trivia question, GBA, birthdays, Carly Simon, and, sadly, Sweet Caroline. Sometimes a Boston score update.

Wish me luck.

Aaron Bates update. Gil Velazquez update. Ivan Ochoa update.

2009-10-26T22:06:00.003-04:00

Aaron Bates has been on the 60 day DL since 9/28.

Gil Velazquez is a coach at the Las Vegas baseball Acadamy. He was in Mexicali getting ready to play baseball before he was called up, but it doesn't seem like he returned.

Ivan Ochoa is playing winter ball, possibly in Venezuela.

Mysterious Players who Appeared in the 2006 PawSox official Program

2009-10-22T12:30:00.002-04:00

1. David Bacani - Eentsy utility infielder who last played for Portland in 2007. Was last spotted in the independent leagues (Orange County Flyers). Boston picked him up in the AAA rule 5 draft from the Mets in 2005.

2. Randy Beam - Randall Cartee(?) Beam last pitched for Portland in 2006. Disappeared for a while but resurfaced in 2009 with the Pensacola Pelicans (IND).

3. Chris Durbin - Outfielder who last played in Portland in 2006. I saw him at one of the Xmas parties. He quit baseball. He just quit. Creepy.

4. Pat Magness - WHO?! DH/1B/corner outfielder type who was released by the org in 2006 without playing a single game for us. Last seen in the independent leagues (Kansas City T-Bones)in 2008. Again, WHO?!

5. Josh Pressley - Played seven games at first base for Pawtucket in 2006. Another guy doing the independent thing.

6. Victor Ramos - RHP, worked 29 games in Portland in 2006 and was released in July of that year. Could be dead for all I know.

7. Cameron Reimers - Big RHP from Montana. Kinda sexy. Drafted as a minor league free agent in January '06, then released that April. Then nothing more. Aw.

8. Jason Richardson - RHP picked up from the Braves in the AAA rule 5. Actually pitched in two games for Pawtucket in '06. I cannot believe I have forgotten this guy. Currently in the Atlantic League, which is the fanciest of the independents. Their rosters are STACKED, unlike the small potatoes Can-Am League.

9. Jon Searles - RHP signed as a minor league FA. Was a reliever in Portland in 2006 and then moved on. Last seen... yeah, you get the idea.

That was so exciting! I'm easing my way back in, guys.

I love you so much.

Unexpected PawSox players

2009-10-22T12:14:00.002-04:00

1. Enrique Wilson
2. Junior Spivey
3. Bobby Kielty
4. Jason Lane
5. Joey Gathright
6. Hee-Seop Choi
7. Ken Huckaby
8. Royce Clayton
9. Dustan Mohr
10. Runelvys Hernandez
11. Alex Prieto
12. Joe McEwing
13. Kerry Robinson
14. Alex Ochoa
15. Michael Tucker
16. Shawn Wooten
17. Jeremi Gonzalez
18. Josh Wilson

Dustan Mohr was a jerk!

Chris Carter designated for assignment.

2009-09-29T14:39:00.002-04:00

The funny thing is, I doubt Carter has even left Rhode Island. The thought of him hanging around down near the beach creeps me out.

Everybody loved that guy and it was disgusting. I found his overly-friendly good guy demeanor highly suspect. It came off phony.

Great hitter! Great son! Big, strong kid! Probably very smart. Probably a perfectly great guy. Yet still, kind of a tool.

And kind of a terrorist.

Come for the girlfriends. Stay for the quality.

2009-09-29T11:48:00.002-04:00

Still nothing going on, so let's check out some search terms!

1. "jimmy smits snl skit" - Oh, hell, there's only one worth anything. And it involves enchiladas and the Broncos.

2. "heavy bike pitchers" - People are throwing bikes? I'm not sure I understand.

3. "the yankees are champions of baseball" - Sure.

4. "they said three times a lady, i say three times your crazy. too dumb with messin around, baseball love three strikes your out" - I'm not sure I know that song.

5. "baseball heave" - Too much crappy beer at the park.

6. "i am gonna kill myself" - Don't do it!

7. "darnell dawkins so solid" - I totally agree.

8. "helton skelton" - Go ROCKIES@!!!!!

9. "pawtucket sucks" - No suh!

10. "ryan westmoreland/zack segovia/jeff natale/freddy guzman/mike cervenak/tj large/logan kensing/craig breslow/matt tolbert girlfriend" - Please, what is it with the girlfriend thing?

That's it.

I totally get it now!

2009-09-28T17:59:00.004-04:00

This is my rendition of the Pawtucket home bullpen. As you can see, this year's team spray painted some kind of effed up code below the seats.

"S m" to the far right was generally Javier Lopez' seat. I think the 'X' in the box was the spot for the water cooler.

What does it all mean?

Maybe the 'T' is for towels, and that's where they wanted the towels. Maybe 'T' was Hunter Jones' stupid nickname? Or whoever usually sat there, maybe it was Vaquedano.

I enjoy crossword puzzles and cryptograms, so this is a terrific puzzler for me. J+V? WHAT.

Aaron Bates' story, which may have a moral.

2009-09-28T12:13:00.002-04:00

Aaron Bates was pitching in Little League. He was doing really well, either a no-hitter or maybe a shutout? And then some kid came up and hit the game winning run. It may have been a home run or whatever.

Bates could not be too upset, though, because the kid's father was in the hospital, dying.

I was there when Bates told this story. I stopped paying attention about halfway through it. I thought he would never shut up. That's why I'm fuzzy on the details. Also, Aaron Bates may have been totally high.

Brace yourself for more pointless anecdotes. It's all I have at this point.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down!

2009-09-26T10:24:00.002-04:00

Rochester Red Wings manager Stan Cliburn's contract is not being renewed. I'll bet he's super pissed off! I wonder who will take over? I'm distraught.

I just read in the Boston newspaper that the Connecticut Defenders will not return to Norwich, CT. They're just figuring that out now?

Hunter Jones is in Boston now, being boring. RJ is in Boston now, being gregarious.

I must try harder to update.

unspeakable

2009-09-16T22:55:00.002-04:00

Bronson Arroyo threw a perfect game in Pawtucket in 2003. It was great. He just seemed like a skinny youngster you could root for. I really liked him!

Then one day, I saw him on the sports channel being interviewed. It was during an off day for Boston. And at the end of the interview, he whipped his guitar out and started singing "If you could only see the way she loves me... maybe you would understand..." GAAAAH MY EARS!!!

One word: TRAUMATIC. I was absolutely horrified and I could never really root for Arroyo again. He went on to release a CD of cover songs and play at Foxwoods and stuff. It was completely ridiculous. I'll bet he thought he was hot shit.

I hope no baseball players ever do something like this again.

Durham Bulls take game 2 in the Governor's Cup finals!

This is not double A.

2009-09-15T21:30:00.002-04:00

I noticed the occasional Homer Simpson yelp during some of the latter Pawtucket games this summer. You know... the visiting pitcher throws over to first to keep the runner honest (you have to kind of imagine that the PawSox had real, actual baserunners this summer) and suddenly you hear "BO-RING!" over the PA.

Don't do that. That's something they do at Defenders games. Don't lower yourself like that, McCoy Stadium.

Durham Bulls take game 1 of the Governor's Cup Finals v Yankees.

Russ Morman (finger throat slash)

2009-09-12T11:52:00.001-04:00

Pawtucket Red Sox hitting coach Russ Morman was shitcanned while Pawtucket was playing their last game in Syracuse. Yes, staff members went out there and did it, like, immediately after the last game ended. This should not have been a surprise to me, but it was a little bit.

I wonder if Russ saw the guys coming and made a run for it? Did he end up running down an alley and up against a chain-link fence? Did he try to hide in a dumpster?

I would have more wistful feelings about Morman's dismissal if I knew anything about him or had any recollection of who he was. He was not brash and swaggery like Rich Sauveur, I don't think.

Get you playoff tickets!

2009-09-09T19:22:00.002-04:00

So I received an e-mail titled "CT Defenders in the Playoff". Check it out!

"I'm Sure you have heard the news, but the CT Defenders are in the playoffs. The CT Defenders will take on the New Britain Rock Cats today and tomorrow at dodd stadium and if need be Saturday the 13th. Tickets will be regular price for the playoffs, so come out and join us.

You can order you tickets a head of time or come the day of the game, whatever is easier for you.

Call us at 860-887-7962

Thanks

Kyle Spencer
Group Sales intern
CT Defenders"

Kyle... spellcheck? Or at least have someone look it over?

Anyway, I wish I could go! But thanks.

Pawtucket Red Sox (PawSox) 2010 Schedule

2009-09-08T12:56:00.003-04:00

It's not out yet.

But here's what I have:

Opening series: 8/8 - 8/11 Opening Homestand v Rochester Red Wings (MIN)

April 14-16 Away! Playing in Buffalo

April 17-20 More away in New York, a Rochester series(es)

April 23-26 Back at home, more Buffalo.

April 27-30 Homestand continues v Indianapolis Indians (Pirates)

May 1-4 Pawtucket goes to Georgia for hot, wet Braves action. Riaan Spanjer-Furstenberg!!!

May 10-13 Homestand, Braves return the favor and come to naked, barely legal Pawtucket.

May 14-17 PawSox still at home, playing Syracuse. Neither Jeff Natale's nor Travis Denker's girlfriend will be there.

June 8-11 Pawtucket goes to Indiana! Put on your nude pantyhose and cum to the game!

June 25-28 Pawtucket returns to Syracuse. LOU MERLONI GIRLFRIEND

CRAIG BRESLOW GIRLFRIEND! HOW HEAVY IS A BASEBALL!!

July 8-9 Two games at home versus Rochester. Right around fireworks at McCoy Stadium time!

July 10-11 Followed by the Syracuse deuce

August 13-16 Buffalo comes to Pawtucket

August 21-25 Pawtucket goes to Buffalo. Ryan Westmoreland does not. Wait, that's five games!?

August 26-29 @ Rochester. Damn, these guys go to New York a lot.

August 30-31 Red Wings come to McCoy

September (call ups) 5-6 At home v Syracuse.

NICK GREEN!!!

9.7.09 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Syracuse Chiefs (WAS)

2009-09-08T10:49:00.004-04:00

Syracuse WINS! 5-3. Syracuse the city LOSES! population. Have I ripped on Syracuse enough? It has a nice fountain that you can ride your bike through. But the only time I wanna see Syracuse again is if they're being crushed by the PC Friars. Oh yeah, IT HAPPENED!!!

Chiefs starter Shairon Martis was almost on the hook for a loss. Enrique Gonzalez could have won this game, but TJ Large blew the save in the eighth inning. Large loaded up the bases before getting an out... but then, Ian Desmond grounded into a force so Leonard Davis was out at home (good job, Jed Lowrie). But Gustavo Molina hit a ground rule double, scoring a pair of Chiefs.

Large followed all of that up with an intentional walk to Mike Daniel. Right. Who? But Dennis Hopper had a productive groundout, scoring Norma Desmond. The very large and very frightening Daryle Ward was the next batter, and I would have been shitting myself, but Ward grounded out to second to end the inning. 5-3 Pawtucket and Logan Kensing shut it down in the ninth, facing Bates, Denker, and Danielson. FIN.

arcane string:
1. Chris Carter went 3-4 with a double. Mark Wagner hit a two-run single in the sixth.
2. Jose Vaquedano pitched two scoreless innings.
3. Big Brad Eldred hit a home run. Imagine if he laid down on top of me? SQUISH!!!
4. Angel Chavez did not play again. I have to wonder if he was held back from the road trip, much like McBeth and Lopez.
5. And so it begins: Dusty Brown gets a call from Boston. It should have been Maldonado. No, I will not get over it.
6. Enrique Gonzalez has freckles. You can't really tell unless you look closely. It is darling.
7. The Chiefs did not make the playoffs, but they finished over .500.
8. Kensing, Desmond, Zack Segovia, Marco Estrada, and Ross Detwiler were all called up to Washington.
9. After the game, several Chiefs players tossed their hats into the stands.

Tonight! Kris Johnson v Drew Carpenter! Or Zink v Jack Egbert? Wait, you mean I'm all finished? I don't have to make out the lineups which I fucking hate doing because the first names are not listed on the minor league web site and I can't allow myself to just put the last names? And how am I supposed to remember everyone's first name? Who Davis? Who Garcia? And is it Barbaro Canizares or Andy Cannizaro?

SEE YA!!!!!