Blog Ness Monster

We made it!

2010-01-01T11:30:00.005+01:00

Every year on New Years Eve the Germans (at least in our neighborhood) go completely crazy with fireworks. They spend hundreds of Euros on spectacular displays that are thrilling for children but a nightmare for parents.

I spend the entire evening pulling my kids back to a "safer distance" and shudder when one overly-zealous neighbor chuckles about his yearly "incidents": some firework that tips over in its bottle and zooms off into the crowd of onlookers. Last year it was in our direction, this year it narrowly missed some friends and blew up in their garage! Let the good times roll!

Luckily we were able to close out 2009 without any trips to the hospital and we toasted with champagne and rang in the New Year with David Hasselhoff singing "I've been looking for Freedom" on tv! You can't get much more German than that!!!

Marlboro boy?

2009-12-31T20:48:00.001+01:00

Oma just asked S and B if they'd made any resolutions for the new year. S's answer: Yes! I'm going to quit smoking! (???)

Happy New Years' Eve, everyone!

Generation gap

2009-12-25T14:14:00.004+01:00

Last night we watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with the kids. And it gets to the part where the Abominable Snow monster is about to devour Rudolph and his family-- I almost wet my pants with fear at that part when I was little!

So the Abominable Snow monster goes: "RAAAAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" and B starts to giggle and says:
"Actually the special effects in this film are pretty poor quality..."

Your brain is full of spiders...

2009-12-24T19:59:00.002+01:00

You've got garlic in your soul...

Is there a 10 step program for people like me?

2009-12-19T11:26:00.009+01:00

It's happening again. Every year it's the same thing-- December rolls around and I lose control of all the balls I'm juggling and everything crashes down around me. I don't know if it's due to the weather or the darkness or all the pressures of the holiday season, but I'm starting to forget things-- enough so that it's becoming embarrassing!

Last week I stood up a friend who waited for me in the cold for 20 minutes before she finally gave up. I forgot to send B to his after school reading group on Monday. Invited someone over to my house, but didn't give her my telephone number OR address! I've got overdue library books waiting to be returned, and yesterday I raced to the nursing home only to realize that I'd come on the wrong day!

I started to blog about this whole phenomenon, but then forgot to finish the post!

And the topper: this morning I went to the grocery store at the crack of dawn (because I forgot to do it yesterday) got to the end of the checkout line and realized that I'd left my wallet at home!

Luckily the cashier was really nice about it: she sent me home with my frozen stuff and I came back and paid and got the rest of my groceries later. How embarrassing!

(My kids are getting sick of me asking them the same questions over and over, but then again, paybacks are hell, guys, because your socks are STILL on the floor despite my repeated reminders.)

Normally such a bout of extreme mental-fog might be worrying, but it's a small comfort that this happens to me at about the same time every year. (Perhaps THAT should be cause for concern?!)

With so much fumbling around lately I end up scrambling to compensate for all the things I've forgotten and hoping nobody notices. It seems I'm living the life of an alcoholic, but then without the alcohol, the wild parties or the made-for-tv movie to document the drama!

Flummoxed

2009-12-18T06:40:00.002+01:00

Our livingroom is set up so that you enter from behind and only see the backs of the people in the room. This morning I walked in and was just about to scold S for standing on the couch when I realized...

he wasn't. His feet were firmly planted on the ground and he was towering over the seat back.

When did he get so big?!!!

Now THAT'S an accomplishment!

2009-12-12T14:19:00.003+01:00

Christmas market season has begun here in Germany, and last weekend we headed "downtown" to check out the festivities in our little village. I gave the kids a couple of Euros for s'mores and they raced off to hang out with friends in front of a bonfire.

Yesterday S started animatedly recalling B's sticky adventures and that it was amazing that he didn't throw up after eating so much junkfood.

"Wait-- how many marshmallows did he eat?!"

S started counting thoughtfully and ticking off his fingers: "... four, five, six"

"Six marshmallows?! Yuck-- that would probably have been enough to make me throw up!"

"What?! NO! He ate six portions! That's 18 marshmallows and 42 cookies!"

It's not the mountain that defeats you...

2009-12-10T09:21:00.005+01:00

...but the pebble in your shoe.

Had a bit of a sad day at the nursing home yesterday. After helping out with lunch I sat for a while with a woman who's 94-- she started crying and saying how unhappy she is-- that she doesn't LIKE noodles, but they keep giving her noodles. And that she used to be strong and busy and she could HELP people, just like I do, and now she can't even regulate the thermostat on her radiator.

She was just so distressed, and I let her rant, because that was about the only thing I could do. Held her hand and stroked her hair, and I ended up crying myself, because I can imagine exactly how she feels-- when you're feeling crummy and all you want are potatoes and you keep getting served noodles instead...

Drink coffee = Live longer

2009-12-09T18:51:00.008+01:00

This? Is my friend's parents' front yard. Her mom was just about to go out and weed the garden, but was dragging and stopped for a cup of coffee. She was sitting in front of that window when she saw the driver lose control of his truck and plow right up into the yard! Thank God for caffeine addiction, because otherwise she might have been flattened right along with the begonias!

Culture shock to the nth degree...

2009-12-08T12:56:00.012+01:00

The weather has been gray and crappy lately, so the women in my Aikido group decided we should all go to the sauna together.

"You know everyone's going to be naked there, right?" asked B, horrified, when I got home.

It's true, ze Germans have a much lower threshold for getting naked than we Americans. I've been to the sauna on several occasions with other friends, but it was always during Frauentag, when only women are allowed in, which doesn't bother me at all.

This time, however, we went to the Mineraltherme in Böblingen, and it was gemischtes Sauna-- open to both men and women.

I'd heard stories from friends before, but still wasn't quite emotionally prepared to parade around in my birthday suit with a couple hundred strangers. And it would have been fine if they were all minding their own business, but I saw several men who were quite obviously there as spectators.

At one point we entered a sauna and were faced with 30 naked people squeezed elbow to elbow on benches arranged in stadium seating. I sat at the only free space at the bottom next to the stairs, and every couple of moments someone passed by and I was eye to eye with an unknown manly appendage as it passed by me on the way up to the upper rows.

It was very, very weird.

After visiting several different saunas the Aikido ladies and I sat in front of a fireplace and had a coffee. I was finally getting used to the general atmosphere and was feeling relatively relaxed.

We finished our coffee and went to go take a shower and get dressed and go home. I followed G into the locker room, relieved to have finished the ordeal without bursting out in inappropriate laughter, and smiling about the blow-by-blow description I was going to give M as soon as I got home.

We took off our bathrobes and entered the shower area, and were suddenly confronted by the sight of 4 burly, naked men who looked up and smiled in greeting as we came in...

Talk about a tricky pregnancy and difficult birth!!!

2009-12-07T12:23:00.005+01:00

S and M were hanging out this weekend chatting when suddenly S piped up:

You know what?! If you and Mom had met 6 or 7 years later you would now have known me longer than you have Mom!

He's got a point!

2009-11-26T21:10:00.005+01:00

Today was a regular school / workday here in Germany so we had an abbreviated version of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

Thursday is kids' cooking day lately, so B and I spent the afternoon preparing spicy sweet potatoes, turkey breasts with sage dressing, salad, and mini pecan-pies. The latter was a real treat-- pecans are scarce here, and once I'd finally scored a couple of bags I realized I had no way to shell them.

We actually had a lot of fun massacring them with a pair of M's pliers-- sometimes they exploded and spread shell and pecan shrapnel across the livingroom floor. Which is no problem when one owns a Labrador.

(Yet another thing for which I am thankful...)

Once we'd eaten I retold the story of Thanksgiving and M asked the kids what they are thankful for.

S nodded sagely and said: "you, Mama, D, our health, our family and our friends."

Then we turned to B, who was wiggling on his chair: "I'm thankful that my bed isn't made of nails..."

The rest is just sand...

2009-11-23T07:08:00.006+01:00

I just read this over at My Thailand Diary and really enjoyed it. Thanks, Lillian!

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle; when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

The Mayonnaise Jar
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, without a word, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – family, children, health, friends, and hobbies.

Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else –The small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are really important to you.

So…

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness:
Play With your children.
Make time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Visit your parents.

There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawns.

‘Take care of the golf balls first — The things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled…… ‘I’m glad you asked’.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

Good lord!

2009-11-20T19:11:00.006+01:00

Throughout the course of today I have:

hauled myself to the bakery at the crack of dawn to pick up supplies that were ordered for a class field trip (*M was reading this over my shoulder and reminded me that I actually got there 1 1/2 hours BEFORE the crack of dawn. ;-) )
hiked 5k
somehow survived a grueling 1 1/2 hour yoga class
comforted a 1,000 year old woman at the nursing home and let her cry into my sweater
grabbed a shovel and plastic bag and followed the boys down the street to pick up someone's pet cat who'd been killed by a car
practiced handstands with S
learned how radio frequencies are transmitted at the Kinder Uni in Stuttgart
raced to school to bring books to a certain child who forgot them thereby heading off unmitigated disaster
taken that VERY SAME CHILD after school to a friend's house to pick up a copy of the weekend homework, thereby heading off unmitigated disaster
done laundry, cooked meals and oohed and aahed over a new rocket car design that this same sweet child thought up all by himself. (it had very nice mirrors!)

And now I am pooped and am ready to fall comatose on the couch.

Happy weekend, everybody!

This bag is not a toy!

2009-11-16T10:09:00.009+01:00

The other day I turned around and found this lurking behind me.

I love how it says: "Danger of suffocation! Keep away from children!" across his right ear. I'm nothing if not vigilant...

Lemon Olive Oil Cake

2009-11-08T13:38:00.002+01:00

Made this on Friday and we LOVED it! I'm not a big cake-eater, but this is the perfect combination of sweet and sour and bitter. It's dead easy and is absolutely delicious!

Lemon Olive Oil Cake from Dr. Weil

Description:
While you might be hesitant to use olive oil in a dessert recipe, such fears are groundless. Olive oil gives this cake a unique flavor and richness that is balanced out by a little sweetness and the light freshness of lemons. Hesitate no more!

Ingredients:
4 (organic) lemons, zested and juiced
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
6 eggs
1 teaspoon sea salt
2 cups evaporated cane sugar
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder

Instructions:
1. Combine zest, juice and olive oil in a small bowl.

2. In the mixer combine eggs & salt. Mix on medium for 2 minutes. Slowly add the sugar and continue to mix until pale and thickened.

3. Turn mixer to low and slowly sift in the flour and baking powder, followed by the olive oil mixture. Do not over mix at this point; just incorporate the ingredients.

4. Pour this mixture into a cake pan or muffin tin. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes for cupcakes and 35 minutes for large cakes. Poke with a toothpick to check for doneness.

5. Serve with Greek yogurt and fresh strawberries. Enjoy!

Life with boyz

2009-11-06T15:57:00.004+01:00

My mom and dad asked for a recent picture to take with them when they visit my grandparents later on this month. Somehow I don't think these shots were what they had in mind, but this pretty much captures the essence of life with two lively (lovely!) boys!

Just don't bury them in the sand!

2009-11-05T21:03:00.003+01:00

Poor B has a cold. Today he sneezed several times in a row, rubbed his poor chapped nose and said wearily:

"Ow! My nostriches hurt!"

Oh shit!: the sequel

2009-11-03T07:00:00.015+01:00

(Note: This is a follow-up to yesterday's post. If you haven't seen that one yet you might want to read it first.)

"Hey S, do you know what happened to those condoms and the wrappers?"

It's the crack of dawn and S is wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa waiting for breakfast. He nods sleepily, crawls under the sofa and drags out a box of condoms and two wrappers and I feel relief flood through my body.

And then the humor of the situation hits me and I start giggling like a maniac.

Yesterday could have been so much worse. The poop? On the landlord's shoe? That was only the tip of our slumdog iceberg here! At least when he walked in the door S had the good sense to hide the goods and throw out the unrolled, slightly rumpled condoms that were lying on the dining room table amidst the Halloween candy wrappers and school books!

OK, I guess I should backtrack here:

S came home from school yesterday wanting to know what a condom is. Someone had made a joke about one and he had only a vague idea that it was something bad or dirty. So I gave S and B an in-depth explanation about birth control and disease prevention and I even brought out a box of condoms and gave them a couple so that they could unwrap them and see what they really look like.

There were a couple of remarks that had me stifling a nervous laugh: "Wait?! This is supposed to fit around my penis?! It's HUGE!??"

Afterwards of course they blew them up like balloons and let them fly around the room. I asked them to clean it all up and get back to their homework. When I left the room they were laughing about a greasy smudge the lubricant had left on the dining room window.

Shortly after that the landlord arrived....

Move over, Clark Griswold, you've met your match!

Oh shit! (literally...)

2009-11-02T21:17:00.007+01:00

We have a tiny yard. I mean miniscule. It's only big enough to house a few good sized dandelions and an unidentifiable conifer. Consequently, the only one who uses the yard is the dog, if you get my drift. Which is fine by me-- it's an easy way to let her out at night before going to bed and every few days I get out there with a bucket and a shovel and clean it all up.

Have I mentioned all of the houseguests we've had lately? Two weeks worth of revolving door guests here at Chez V, which means I've been distracted from less visible tasks like scooping poop. That's what? 14+ piles of fragrant goodness clustered in a 2 x 5 meter space.

Today the landlord dropped by unannounced to read a meter. I hate it when he does this, because it's just embarrassing to have him sniffing around our place while we're in the middle of lunch / homework / sportsbag hell. I clean up in the mornings and in the late afternoon, but frankly at 3 pm this place looks like the projects!

So he read his meter and we discussed a neighbor's tree that's becoming overgrown and is blocking the view. He promised to check on it, said goodbye, and left.

I made a comment to S about the state of the house and was just saying "...but at least he didn't go out into the yard" when S spotted him walk past the back door! I got outside just in time to see him in the neighbor's yard scraping poop off of his expensive leather loafers...

Somehow I'm thinking we can kiss our deposit goodbye...

quick rundown

2009-10-31T10:59:00.018+01:00

Was just realizing how little I've blogged lately! We've been busy and I've written so many posts in my head but somehow they just never make it Online. Here are a few brief notes to bring you up to date:

An American friend took us onto the military base last Wednesday to see "Where the Wild Things Are" at the theater there. It was a real American movie experience including salty buttered popcorn (rather than the nasty sweet stuff they serve in Europe) Twizzlers and Whoppers. Oh, yeah, and the film, which was also really enjoyable.

S and B went off to sit up front with the other kids and when they met up with us afterwards they handed us their boxes of half-eaten candy-- it had been too much, even for them!

M popped a handful of S's leftover Whoppers into his mouth and was chewing happily when S piped up:

"You know what?! When I opened those the bag ripped and they spilled all over the floor. So I picked them all up and put them back into the bag. But I must have picked up lost candy from other people as well, because some of them tasted a bit rotten!"

If only I'd had a camera to take a picture of M's face at that moment!

***

I went to the doctor on Thursday and got myself vaccinated for the seasonal flu and the swine flu. When I asked if that wasn't a lot for my body to handle at once I just got a sneer from the perpetually crabby nurse who then barked at me to roll up my sleeve.

My suspicions were confirmed: For two days now I've had fever, chills and muscle ache-- I feel like I've been through a couple of rounds with Kimbo Slice! If only I could still move my poor shot-weakened arm I would head down and shake that sadistic nurse until her teeth rattled!

***

Speaking of roughing up evil Germans, we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark today with the kids. I originally saw that movie as a 11-year-old Florida girl who had never been further than North Carolina. S and B, on the other hand, could actually follow the German dialogue between the Nazis. That, and thanks to their trip to Cairo last year they were able to pick out discrepancies in the Egyptian scenes. Like the fact that Indiana Jones didn't become incapacitated by diarrhea after eating those dates which you saw get rinsed off with tap water...

Man there's a lot of violence in that movie! And the drinking!!! Do you remember Marion doing shots and drinking that Nepalese guy under the table? Well, I didn't either, but it was in there and was completely inappropriate for a movie supposedly targeted at children. Made for a very interesting debriefing session at the lunch table afterwards!

***

Thursday the kids attended a workshop at the National Art Gallery (Staatsgalerie) in Stuttgart, where they were able to visit a temporary exhibition of Edward Burne Jones' works. There was an entire section devoted to Sleeping Beauty with the treacherous briar wood where brave young soldiers and tender damsels fell into an enchanted sleep.

After the tour the kids were taken back to a studio where they painted their own masterpieces depicting how they would have broken out of the briar bushes in the enchanted forest. S came back with a lovely painting of a suit of armor and a sharp sword. B's solution? A formula 1 Ferrari with a protective mesh around the cockpit...

***

S and B are also attending the Kinder Uni, a special set of lectures for kids in which different professors from the University of Stuttgart give talks about 4 different timely topics.

A couple of weeks ago they got to learn how emails travel from one computer to the other. In November they will see how sounds are transmitted to your radio. The kids all get to sit together in a real lecture hall at the university and the parents aren't even allowed inside-- we watched the proceedings on a video screen in another room! I don't know who enjoyed the whole experience more, me or the kids!

***

Tonight is Halloween and the kids both have plans to stay over at friends' houses! Oma and Opa are here and M and I are going to take them out to dinner.

Happy Halloween, everybody!

Before and After

2009-10-28T07:48:00.001+01:00

Yeah. This was the picture I probably should have posted yesterday: S channeling his inner Calvin. (of Hobbes, not of the Protestant Reformation...)

He's 10!!!

2009-10-27T21:23:00.001+01:00

S hit the double digits today! Funny, because in my mind I'm still about 35-- so somehow he's getting older but I'm not! Not a bad set-up if you ask me!

Entropy

2009-10-15T19:49:00.007+02:00

Ugh. B came home from school with some kind of stomach virus today. He was genuinely sick when I picked him up, but since then he's regained some color in his cheeks, is talking nonstop and ate a whole bag of cookies while I was out running an errand. Somehow I think he's out of the woods. ;-)

The problem is that I'm starting to feel really crappy myself. We have houseguests coming in tomorrow and I'm completely overwhelmed by the preparation. After a full day of puttering around the house still looks like a bomb went off in it. This thanks mostly to one little "sick" person who is following me around scattering the products of his birthday origami set. Every time I get a surface cleared it magically fills back up again with gum wrappers and other flotsam. His teacher is (understandably) gun-shy with viruses and has expressly asked me to keep him home tomorrow...

Maybe I could send him over to your place tomorrow? He's very cute, can tell you a lot about aerodynamics and would be happy to cook you lunch! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU....

He's just as shocked as I am!

2009-10-14T07:33:00.001+02:00

My baby turns 8 today! How is this possible?!