Because it's better

Please mark your calendars

2009-08-30T06:51:00.002-05:00

Please mark your calendars. I have just had five (5) hours of uninterrupted sleep for the FIRST time since March 10, 2009.

Glorious sleep

2009-08-09T11:36:00.002-05:00

Glorious sleep, originally uploaded by singaporegrrl.

Can you hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing when this child sleeps?

I CAN.

It's been a while since I blackberry blogged.

2009-08-08T10:31:00.002-05:00

Ya, it's been a while since I blackberry blogged.

Or blogged period or full stop (haha).

Yup.

Since we last chatted, been sick two more times - stomach sick (lordjesustakemenow) and then another damn cold. You know I think I've had a fucking lifetime worth of sickness in the last two and half months. It's been ridiculous. I'm convinced it's due to lack of proper sleep. Still haven't had not one stretch of five hours of nonstop sleep since March 9, 2009.

Someday.

I never got sick not one time when I was on maternity leave with Kiran and we would go to the Womans Hospital of Texas every week twice a week and hang out with other moms and babies. I was possibly sleeping the same amount then but also not working full time. Love my work, but it's difficult when you have such a young baby that's not developmentally ready to sleep through the night.

Sometimes I wish I was in Denmark where I'd get one year paid maternity leave or the UK. Hell, even Canada or Singapore (four months paid). Just think of all the sleep I could get. I know I'm tired cos when I sleep and actually dream of myself sleeping.

How crazy is that?

Soon, soon.

So. How are you doing? I heard you...

2009-07-12T10:23:00.001-05:00

A lot of people have been coming up to me lately asking me some variation of "how are you doing? I heard you had a rough time" or "I heard you went through some things".

I don't know if they're referring to me being physically sick or mentally ill. I always automatically think that the must be referring to my mental state and mumble something like, "yeah I really lost it and I'm still looking for it."

Nervous giggle.

Um. Yeah

So if you see me and you want to ask me how I'm doing, be sure you *really* want to know and please let me know what part of me you're referring to.

Just pumpin' and reading dooce.com

2009-07-06T13:55:00.002-05:00

Yup.

Cos that's what I do. I recently discovered dooce.com (yeah, I know, right?) Well, I'm an absolute fangrrl now, cos I saw her on Oprah and I read her book and I'm a reading her blog all the time now.

It makes me feel like I'm not the only one.

And I need that.

Pretty sure that I'm certifiable

2009-06-28T15:28:00.007-05:00

OK.

So I went back to work and lasted the week (yippee!). And then went back the following week and am sick again.

FARK.

And so is Kiran. Little sniffle here, little sniffle there.

I have a sore throat and a scratchy dry cough.

I'm not really impressed with this turn of events. Trying to stay strong but it's getting harder.

Good day today. I baked the cookies for Ray that I was gonna do on Father's day but didn't get a chance to. They are YUMMY!!!

I declare Sundays to be No-Limit-Cookie-Days. That's right, no limit!

Munchin is almost four months old. Can you believe it? Compare this photo of Kiran at 3 months

Now

Then (almost 3 months)

Then-then (a week old)

The one where you go back to work and everything is fine and then you get sick and then have to miss about as much work as you had worked.

2009-06-11T13:14:00.005-05:00

I started back work on May 18. First day was AWFUL. I'm not going to lie. Work was easy. Dropping Kiran off at the daycare was AWFUL and not at all like leaving the cats at the kennel. That's all I have to go by and let me tell you; it's just not the same thing! Shocking.

First week goes by, I'm feeling good. I'm pumping at work, keeping up production, though slowly becoming convinced that the ladies at the daycare are just stuffing the baby with food everytime she squeaks. I'm pumping more and more and they keep asking for more. The child DOES NOT consume these quantities at the frequency with which they're feeding her when she's at home. Slowly beginning to despise these ladies.

May 24, Kiran and I both have a cold - daycare cooties! Kirandoc says she has an ear infection and prescribes antibiotics. I'm working it with extra liquids and huffing vicks vaporub.

May 29 and I'm still coughing and then it starts to get ouchie in the bastard boob (BB), you know, the boob that always give you trouble. With everything. Doesn't sit right, too big or too small or just plain trouble. I have a plugged duct and it hurts. A lot. Whole weekend, no relief from the BB, baby can't relieve it, pump doesn't relieve it. BB is now bringing down the other boob; The Champion Boob. Production is going down in both boobs and I'm not happy. I call La Leche League on June 1 and talk to the lovely LLL leader who tells me everything I already read on the internet and also some very kind and encouraging words that I really did need to hear. BB is feeling a little better.

June 2 - the fever starts. Oh my god in heaven. I don't know what happened but the fever swooped down and snatched my out of my life and my sanity. It brought with it chills and aches and a bone rattling cough and misery. Misery so thick and heavy that wraps its arms around you and won't let go and you are praying for The End to come.

Call my doc on June 3 and tell her I think I have mastitis. She calls in a prescription for antibiotics and I start taking them.

June 4, the fever is still there. I go to see my GP, except, she is in Hong Kong, so I have to see the doc next door. He tells me I'm very congested and gives me a breathing treatment in the office (which does nothing) and prescribes a z-pack for me.

Taking both antibiotics faithfully and go back to work on June 8. I don't even make it to lunch. Go see my gyn who checks out the parts and gives them all clear. If I'm still feeling bad she says, get back in touch with them or go see the GP. Advises me to go home and rest.

That night, as I'm sleeping soundly, I'm awakened by the most excruciating pain in my upper back that I have ever experienced in my life. And remember, I just had a baby. This fucking pain was unbelievable. Right below my right shoulder blade. Most intense pain.

By now, z-pack is finished, other antibiotics are finishing, I still have a fever and this pain is making me want to kill myself, I go back to the GP who is back from HK (yay!). She does a blood test and a chest xray and tells me I have a "cloudy patch" where I'm feeling the pain. I have some sort of infection. She gives me an antibiotic shot in the office. We have to wait 20 minutes before she'll let us leave in case I have a reaction to the shot (I didn't) and a prescription to another antibiotic. She wanted to put me on a different antibiotic that would prevent me from breastfeeding but I refused. She gave me an alternative.

This pain is KILLING me.

So I start taking this new antibiotic. And the prescription for 800 mg ibuprofen they gave me when I left the hospital after delivery for this unholy pain.

I just remembered that I never filled that script for the vicodin.

Man.

I should have filled that prescription. I'm sure I could find it if I looked hard enough.

June 11, no more fever. Pain is still there, though is giving me a reprieve for right now.

I'm so sick of being sick.

I'm really mad at the GP that saw me when my regular doc was out of town. I really feel that he wasted five days of my live. If my regular doc was there, she would have put on the right path sooner.

Poor Raymond. He's had to ferry Kiran to daycare at crack o' dawn o'clock and then go to his work and then pick her up and then come home and look after me.

Yesterday, my work sent me food from Jason's Deli. The delivery guy rang the door bell and I'm all like "why are you here?" and "is this for the upstairs neighbour?" as well as "who is it from??!" not to mention, "please hold, my cat is about to run out".

Because I TRUST NO ONE, especially when it comes to food delivery.

Thank you Schipul for the food. I really really really appreciate it. I'm sorry I've missed so many days of work, especially since I just started back. ~sigh~.

8 and a half weeks of motherhood

2009-05-10T08:59:00.005-05:00

OMG and WTFrenchToast.

It's been eight and a half weeks since the munchkin arrived on the scene and turned everything all inside out and outside in.

Today is Mother's Day in the US. I'm not that excited though I am waiting for @rgayle to return with beignets, so I guess there are some perks to it. Even though I've been mothering 1 dog (dearly departed) and two DEMON cats for the past five years, it's not until the human baby arrived on the scene that it warranted making a beignet run for. Heh, not that I'm complaining!

Also for the first time, I have photographic evidence that Kiran and I togetha. For the first time evah!

**Update**
Beignets have been consumed and they were delish! Ray gave me a card from him and a card from Kiran that was addressed to "Mommie". OMG that made me cry.

ME.

CRY.

Black Stone Kerry.

What the hell is happening to me?

Then I opened the card from Ray. I turned the envelope over and he had written on the envelope, "My pen is hot ass."

I kid you not. I will post proof as soon as possible.

Apparently something about the pen smudging or blah blah blah.

Thank you Raymond. I love you.

If the child gets eaten, it's not by dingoes

2009-05-03T16:01:00.003-05:00

Kiran bits - foots, originally uploaded by singaporegrrl.

I'm just saying. If the child gets eaten, it's not the dingoes that ate her.

It's me that ate her.

Look at that foot! I just want to slather some Nutella on it and eat it.

Omnomnom.

Six week post partum follow-up visit and how they don't want any unplanned pregnancies and my epiphany

2009-04-29T14:11:00.006-05:00

The wolfette is 6 and a half weeks old today and is absolutely REFUSING to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a stretch today.

This makes me very tired.

Yawn.

I had my 6 week post partum follow-up visit today. I foolishly scheduled the appointment for 9 AM. That would have been fine in my pre-wolfette life, but now, it's hard to get anywhere before 10 o'clock with a wolfette in tow. (Case in point, it took me three days to write and publish this post)

We finally got there a few minutes after 9. We settle into the waiting room and I whip out the boob to silence, I mean feed her. Because this is America, or maybe a public doctor's office, no, mainly because this is America, I drape a covering over the babe/boob, lest any one in the gynaecologists office waiting room be offended by me breastfeeding my baby. Hey, you never know. Just cos you're at the gynae's doesn't mean you're down with a boob in your line of sight. Unless, of course, it's your mid-morning snack.

They call me in and I continue feeding her. The nurselady says, "Let us know when you're done and we'll take your blood pressure and weight".

"OK."

Wolfette finishes and I put her back in the carseat and sprint out to pee. Time is of the essence here (and everywhere else for that matter), gotta take care of business while she sleeps.

Nurse come in to take my BP (good) weight (Woot! WAY less than @eloy will EVAH be)

Then she asks me what form of birth control I'll be using.

"Uh, wha? I don't plan on ever having sex again."

"Does your husband know about this?"

"Not yet, but he will."

"Uh huh."

Waiting, waiting for the NP to come see me. She finally arrives and that's when Ms. Fusspot starts to stir. I'm going through my list of questions when NP asks me what form of birth control I'll be using.

"Um, ya, I don't plan on ever having sex again."

"Does your husband know about this?"

"Not yet, but he will."

"Well then."

They are really serious about planned parenthood here.

The wolfette begins to awaken. End up having to cuddle the squeaking grrl while the NP is inspecting the "parts".

I believe this is my new life. Breastfeeding in the dentist chair, holding her while I'm in the stirrups. It all takes a bit of getting used to.

Which brings me to my epiphany (thank gawd, you're thinking, cos this is one helluva long post, cheese and rice), where I realised that

1. My whole life has changed - ya, I knew that it would change but I couldn't quite imagine how it would change and how it would affect me.

2. It's hard saying goodbye to the old me. For reals. I never thought that it would be as tough as it has been, afterall, I'm me and I can do ANYTHING. Let me tell you, having a baby really turned that on its ear.

Some days are better than others.

I've never been able to ever allow any vulnerability or weakness to show cos, you know, I'm a "real tough chick".

Ya, well, I have to let it show through cos it's the smart thing to do. I'm a make it but I do have to keep reminding myself that I will and that I'm making it everyday.

OK.

That's the end of the long ass post. Please discuss amongst yourselves.

Represent!

2009-04-21T20:34:00.002-05:00

Kiran lounges on the Boppy pillow.

How could you not love that face?

LOVE IT.

So not crazy

2009-04-20T01:03:00.002-05:00

OK. I've decided that I'm not crazy, well, at least not that crazy.

I just read "It sucked and then I cried: How I had a baby, a breakdown and a much needed margarita" (cover to cover in three days) by Heather Armstrong. Now *that* woman was crazy (certifiable) but oh so brave in her insanity. (Thank you Heather)

It's been five weeks since Kiran was born and I can honestly say that I was completely not prepared for the absolute horror of postpartum. ABSOLUTE HORROR.

If you ask me now about having a baby, I will say DON'T DO IT people! RUN! Run away!

No one can really prepare you for what it is really like. I can't even describe it. I don't think I have a bad baby or a colicky baby. I think I have a normal baby. Normal newborn babies scream. All. The. Time.

Yeah, you're thinking you know that babies scream, but unless you've actually had a child, there's just no way to express how the screaming, the what seems like non-stop screaming makes you feel.

Well, let me tell you, it makes you feel like you want to punch babies (no babies have EVER been punched by me) and that makes you ca-ray-zee. That makes you scream and slam doors and cry. And then feel guilty for slamming doors and crying and feeling crazy. As well as for wanting to return the baby, except that there's no one to return her to because she is yours. Which of course just leaves you feeling like a horrible shell of a woman masquerading as a mother.

Well now.

On the bright side, my horrid rash has left me. The doctors didn't know what caused it but I do. Obviously, I'm allergic to screaming newborn babies.

The screaming has gotten less and now there new more gentle sounds and sometimes, sometimes, there's a beautiful, pure smile that makes you forget about the screaming for a little while.

The other thing that could help you forget is a drink. Or well maybe a while lotta drinks. But I can't have a drink because I have elevated liver enzymes which are supposedly unrelated to the rash but I really think it is. I hope these enzymes go down so I can have a glass of wine or at least a Tylenol for fuck's sake.

You know that's not too much to ask., now is it?

So there you have it, people. I'm just a little bit crazy.

Right?

Chocolate through the mail

2009-04-16T17:21:00.001-05:00

Who sends chocolates through the mail? Um, well, Suzanne does!

Woot!

Why does she send chocolates through the mail to me? Cos I asked peeps to and she ACTUALLY did!

Woot woot!

The chocolate was from Starbucks and it has some coffee in it and its dark chocolate so it has some extra caffeine in it with coffee and yes I have just had some of this chocolate.

Thank you Suzanne!!

Hungry like the wolf

2009-04-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

Cheese and rice, I'm hungry. I saw on the Today show that when you don't get enough sleep, you eat more than you would if you got enogh sleep. I think it was Jillian Trainer Chick from the Biggest Loser who was talking about it, though it may not have been, cos let's face it, I'm not even sure what day it is right now.

If it's true, then it doesn't bode well for me. I'm hungry all the time and EATING or thinking about eating. Right now, I'm thinking about eating a nutella sandwich. It's been days since I had one and days since I was having two a day.

I assure you, I will have one as soon as I'm done writing this.

Which is right now.

Oh yeah, bebe is fine and also hungry like a wolfette.

Gotta go eat something now.

I will not feed my baby to dingos

2009-04-11T07:20:00.000-05:00

OK. So it seems that my last post made some people in my real life a little nervous. Don't worry IRL peeps, I will not feed my baby to a dingo. I will continue to say how I feel, though, cos if I stop doing that, then, I really might start looking for a dingo...

In other news, Ray and I watched the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and are now practising the five "S"s to calm a crying baby.

1. Swaddle
2. Side or stomach position
3. Shushing
4. Swing
5. Sucking

I have to say, the shit actually works.

We need to get a good sized blankie for swaddling cos apparently the 17 blankies that we have are all the wrong size. We have a new fangled swaddle contraption, but it doesn't work that well on Kiran. I think mainly cos she's so lean and long.

She is starting to discover her world around her. Looking at stuff and following you with her eyes. She also has beautiful periods of quiet alertness.

The cats are not at all interested in Kiran, though Tigey did let me know how he feels about formula feeding by peeing on the Similac bag that they gave us at the hopital.

Tigey says Breast is best!

No return address

2009-04-07T10:21:00.003-05:00

Kiran is four weeks old and what a flipping four weeks its been. This motherhood shit is flipping hard AND it hurts.

Shoulders hurt. Fingers hurt. Thumbs hurt. Wrists hurt. And of course boobs hurt, specifically, the pointy tip of the boob, and the one boob hurts more than the other. WTF is up with that?

That's just the physical pain. The emotional anguish is much more painful. What with daily feelings up misery coupled with despair and a sprinkling of joy with maybe two drops of happy. I spent much of the first few days turning the little one over and around trying to find the Return To Sender address but there was no address to be found.

Dammit.

In the meantime, I've taken advantage of the excellent and FREE post-partum services offered by the Woman's Hospital of Texas. The have a weekly New Mom Lactation group, Pregnancy and Post-Partum Depression Group, and a New Parents Group. I've been going to all three (you don't want me to go all Andrea Yates on your ass, now do you?) and yes that means that I've been packing up Kiran and driving to the Hospital twice a week to see the outside and talk to other adults or at least, you know, look at other adults talk to each other.

Trust me, all my single ladies, this is no small feat considering the child has a pathalogical HATE of the car seat. If you were standing by a window outside our house when we are putting Kiran into the car seat, you would no doubt call 911, Texas Department of Child Protective Services, the FBI, and maybe Animal Control (she sounds like a cat sometimes).

While I'm not torturing Kiran by putting her in the carseat, I am feeding her (every two hours, 24 hours a day) and waiting and praying for her to go to sleep. The kind of deep sleep where I can lay her in the crib and she doesn't wake up five minutes later screaming.

Which is what I'm doing right now. She's on the boob and I'm cradling her and typing this on my Blackberry. What? You did'nt expect me to be at a computer do you?

Hopefully she be asleep soon so I can get out of bed, wash my face, brush my teeth and have some breaky cos I'm starving. And, oh yeah, pee.

OK. I think she's ready. I'm going to attempt to swaddle her.

Pray for me.

OMG her thing thing fell off

2009-03-22T20:59:00.000-05:00

OMG.

Her thing thing fell off.

I mean her umbilical stump thing thing (so gross) fell off.

Thank the Lawd it was her father that discovered it and not me.

Sweet

mother

of

pearl.

I'm still recovering from the horrifying ordeal.

Please send chocolates.

Photos of Ms. Kiran

2009-03-18T11:46:00.001-05:00

Our baby girl is one week old today. I can hardly believe it. ONE WEEK already! Holy cow! We are getting into a routine here and getting to know one another.

Everyday I learn something new about her. I hope she is learning the same.

Baby Gayle is here

2009-03-12T17:15:00.000-05:00

Hello!

Kiran Eliza arrived last night (March 11) at 11:54 PM. She is gorgeous, 6 lbs 13 oz, 21 inches long with a head full of curls.

Photos will be uploaded soon! I am over the moon and Ray is so proud.

Words really can't describe the joy.

38 weeks pregnant

2009-03-04T20:45:00.001-06:00

Thirty eight weeks and still preggo! Baby is supposed to be the length of a leek now. At the 37 week doctor appt, my weight was three pounds less than the week before. I'm certain that the nurse was reading the scale wrong. This week's weigh in still has me less than three weeks ago. It's a conspiracy.

This week I am also "a good 3+ cm" dilated and

and

and

90% effaced.

Wowzah!

Doc said that if I haven't gone into labour by next visit that she will "massage the membranes" to get things going. All of which sounds gross and painful.

I mean, I know the pain is coming. I don't really want to have to experience any unnecessary pain, you know?

So now we wait for baby to decide on when to appear.

Watch for tweets!

36 weeks and then some

2009-02-17T18:56:00.004-06:00

Wow!

Had a doc appointment today. I'm now to visit with the doc every week until the big day. The doc said that I'm already at one to two centimeters!!!

Holy french toast!!!

She also said that I could be walking around at one to two for a while. The bub-bub is in position and hanging out. She doesn't think I'm going to make it to my due date on March 18. (poor @rsabrsula) @longstation said that I wouldn't make it either and I think he knows a thing or two or three.

Ray and I are really excited about this.

I will be packing my bag to have on standby and keep it in my boot.

AND

the doc said that I should get a footstool for work. Too bad she didn't say I should get a personal masseuse and a chef and a chocolatier.

Right now I'm using my subwoofer or my UPS as a footstool, but I'm sure I can find something a lil' more comfy.

Oh yeah, gained another five lbs, but still not heavier than @eloy! and that's all that matters.

35 weeks down, 5 weeks to go.

2009-02-11T20:33:00.000-06:00

Whoa.

A lot has happened since my last post. I've been going for my pre-natal checkups every two weeks. All has been going well. I had a visit on Tuesday last week and they said I gained four pounds in since the last visit two weeks prior.

I was appalled.

I have to confess that there were many cupcakes/muffins consumed in those two weeks. I'm not going to be able to keep the pace of that kind of weight gain. I've only gained 20 lbs the whole pregnancy and four lbs in two weeks is just fidiculous.

Ray and I went to a birthing class (on superbowl sunday, no less). The class was a good class but it did freak me out. You know, just a lil' bit. There's just some things that you never think about when you think of birth. Part two of the class was this past Sunday. Not so much of a freakout. I enjoyed the relaxtion portion of it the most.

This past Saturday, we went to a breastfeeding class. I enjoyed the class, Ray said that he'd never thought he could get tired of looking at boobs.

True story.

The nursery is almost done! And by done, I mean we have all the furniture assembled and ready. We just need to decide on where everything will go. Not too fussed about decorating. There will be no painting and such. There might be some wall hangings and things.

I'm super excited. We still have some last things to do. Ray keeps on about having the hospital bag packed cos you never know.

Hello! FIVE weeks left till the due date!! Will I make it or will the baby come early?

I'll be OK with being on time thankyouverymuch.

29 weeks

2009-01-02T22:28:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year folks! I just had a chance to read the lastest post at Princess Melissa and she talked about having 82 days to go.

I'm like 82 days to go? I wonder how many days I have till my due date.

Well guess what, people? It's 75 days.

S e v e n t y

f i v e

d a y s.

Holy French Toast!!

I need more days! I've been pretty chill but this 75 days business is freaking me out. A lil'.

Worse still, tomorrow.

Oh tomorrow, it'll be 74 days. And the day after that?

Eek!

Happy Birthday Jesus

2008-12-25T10:08:00.004-06:00

Happy Birthday Jesus, originally uploaded by singaporegrrl.

Merry Christmas y'all!

Photo of Stahlman Lumber in Houston, TX.

Christmas universe

2008-12-24T11:42:00.000-06:00

Christmas universe, originally uploaded by Kelvin_Leong.