The dk Report

Amazon.com One-Star Customer Reviews: The Beatles Remastered

2009-09-18T10:19:00.001-07:00

Below are excerpts from dozens of actual Amazon Customer Reviews of the recently remastered Beatles CD's.

In each, dissatisfied customers ascribe a lowly One Star to music widely regarded as deserving Five-Star status. They also back up their rating with very specific reasons for their dissatisfaction.

In almost all cases, the syntax and spelling of the original review has been carefully preserved throughout.

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 1: Books
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 2: Music
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 3: Movies

The Beatles Remastered

Sounds like polished turds.

Sadly exposes just how far the Beatles were behind the times.

This is not music.

Minus fifty stars.

Ever heard of a word called "Porduction", lads?

Each and every song put me to sleep in about 55 seconds.

There's a reason you never hear of these guys any more. They're probably all living in a shack trying to live on their little checks for "Norwegian" Wood.

The masterful Michele is impossible to listen to, it is missing that incredible Parisian atmosphere that is in the original.

You only have to listen to almost any track made in stereo across the past forty years to know it just sounds nicer when the singer's voice is coming from the center.

In Mono the Beatles guitar is magic, now it sounds like an afterthought.

I doubt if it will receive much play in my home system, because it is just too obnoxious for higher-end gear.

I'm not buying another copy of the White Album, no matter how good it sounds.

On Abbey Road, I don't know when one song ends and the other stops. They have different lead singers for every song!

I Want You(Shes So Heavy) is Lennon singing the title over and over again for about an hour.

I saw Paul Mcartney live last year and he was better than Abbey Road, and the other Beatles weren't even there.

The Technicians that created the CD version of Abbey Road should have been fired & sent back to working as shelf stackers at the local supermarket.

All I want is the Beatles, not the middlemen.

Marketing hype probably not seen since Geraldo's upcoming look into Al Capone's vault.

Remember that wonderful Paul vocal flourish at the end of the Sgt. Pepper reprise? It's back in all it's glory--but you have to shell out $230 to $300 for it.

I just plunked down $200 for some nifty packaging.

What is this? The Thatcher/Reagan/Bush approach to music?

Can't afford it. I will continue to get my Beatles out of the public library and dub them on cassette.

The Beatles rip offs never end. What about another boxset in 3 years time, maybe a fabulous release of the butcher album cover?

When will we be expected to buy the "re-mixed" re-released collection of the Beatles catalog? In 2017 when more than half of the original Beatles fan base have already died?

Sgt. Pepper's is an inferior piece of music representing an inferior generation.

I don't think normal folks are really gonna care.

Beneath the attention of an adult intellect.

I am glad the Stones are not sell outs like the Beatles.

The Beatles are NOT the best band ever. Cry baby cry.

Rich guys puttering! Who needs it?

Who would buy this when you have Pink? Get her new album instead.

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 1: Books
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 2: Music
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 3: Movies

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 3: Movies

2009-08-26T10:10:00.001-07:00

This is the third installment in a three-part series on One-Star Customer Reviews at Amazon.com (hat tip Johnny Dee).

Below are excerpts from dozens of Amazon.com Customer Reviews of noteworthy films. In each critique, the author ascribes a lowly One Star to a movie that normally maintains Five-Star status in the artistic canon. It's worth noting that most of these critical non-professionals would have eagerly awarded zero stars if given the opportunity.

Without question, each of these critics has their reasons, and objectivity is trumped by taste at every turn.

In almost all cases, the syntax and spelling of the original review has been carefully preserved throughout.

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 1: Books
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 2: Music
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews: The Beatles Remastered

Movies

Casablanca
Now I know it's old but it's not based on the Civil War. It's during World War II. A lot of people, including blacks, got killed so the studios could make this awfulness.

This movie steals tons of catch phrases: "Play it again", "This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship," etc. It even has a whole speech of nothing but catch phrases. Hire a screenwriter next time.

Ingrid Bergman is no Maryland Monroe.

I'm pretty sure I will enjoy it a lot more when Warner Bros finally gets around to releasing the colorized version.

Gone With The Wind
We don't need reviews on how good or bad the movie was. It's been around since 1939. People have made up their minds about it.

The movie is basically about two alcoholic, money filled, greedy, rascist brats falling in love during a war which they totally portrayed wrong.

I'm more sorry that it doesn't come with a warning label reading "Racist fantasy enclosed".

Olivia de Havilland's exceptionally bland performance of a 'saint' makes her character appear mentally retarded.

If this is what The Old South was really like, then thank God those damn Yankees won.

At no point in this movie does anyone's head explode in flames. This movie clearly fails to understand the emotional resonance a burning head can create.

This film is comparable to any "Ernest" movie, that is, without the laughs.

Lawrence of Arabia
Easily the most boring movie of all time.

"I shall be in Aqaba. That IS written". There you've just had all that's worth watching in this most protracted piece of utterly useless celluloid.

HOW ON EARTH THIS WON BEST PICTURE IS BEYOND ME. WHAT WAS RUNNER-UP "WATCHING PAINT DRY"?

To my horror, I saw that film came complete with those horrific black bars at the top and bottom of my screen, which obscured about half of the picture. I've seen those bars on the "artsy" videos, but this is a classic work of art! You don't try to make it "hip" and "relevant" with modern touches. It's like adding a moustache to the Mona Lisa.

The Godfather
When's an editor when you need one? This movie is so long that I played it on my TV, drove across the state, and when I came back, it was still playing.

This movie is as boring as a trip to the doctor's. No good violence, no hot sex scenes, and furthermore, it stereotypes Italians.

Finally saw this movie with my family and after an half hour I was thinking of running out in the middle of rush hour traffic. That would have been more exciting than watching this all the way through.

I did indeed sit through all 57 hours of the Godfather and not only is it one of the most boring movies ever made it's completely pointless garbage.

"The Godfather" has an ugly consciousness and a mean spirit. I see no justification for it, thoroughly disliked it, and have tried to forget it.

Annie Hall
I've always resisted watching this movie because it was awarded the Oscar for Best Picture over "Star Wars."

Let me acknowledge Woody's intelligence, but I always felt like slapping the guy.

Diane Keaton won an undeserved oscar for this role. Why? I dont know. It isn't that great.

We eventually decided that BOTH characters tie Jar-Jar Binks for "Most Annoying Screen Persona in History"!

Annie Hall is Allen's attempt to be Groucho Marx.

Star Wars
Star Wars is the biggest fluke in movie history. This movie was never meant to succede, and I don't understand how it got so big.

Star Wars, to quote the neo-marxists, is one truly OFFENSIVE movie against someone's intellect.

Darth Rader (or something) is a born again Adolph Hitler with much wider goals: conquer the UNIVERSE (rather than our forgettable planet) at all costs.

He ripped off Dune.

Let the farce be with you.

E.T. The Extraterrestrial
The movie is very representative of the eighties, that is to say with an American family of the middle class, with a good dog and a great barbecue.

I don't believe in any kind of extra terrestrials. The few that I do believe in don't look like E.T. at all.

There must have some kind of trick photography when they made this because I can't really believe in this at all.

If you found an alien in your backyard, would you secretly keep him and not tell your parents?

This film is clearly made for mass market moronic consumption. Thank-you Mr Spielberg-McDonalds-Global-Industrial-Complex!

The alien looks like my old carpet.

The music is often tearful with a lot of tremolos.

Pulp Fiction
I know there are a lot of technical terms associated with a movie production like screenplay, direction, plot, acting, etc. Unfortunately I don't know the definitions of most of them.

I didn't like how it tried to be too original. I want a movie I can read from cover to cover.

Pulp Garbage would have been a better title.

It's a movie for STRAIGHT WHITE MALE GEEKS.

The tremendously under-talented Bruce Willis made this film difficult for me to watch.

John Travolta is awful. I nicknamed him John Revolta after seeing this.

As for the use of the "N" word, I wonder what Tarantino would do if Spike Lee made a movie where Italians were called nasty names?

This was like Elmore Leonard on an off day.

In closing, Uma Thurman just can't dance...

Fargo
This movie is quite possibly the worst movie that's ever been made outside of Ed Wood.

My review of this film comes from the heart of my middle finger.

It is not funny, and does not make an effort to be funny beyond presenting a handful of talented actors filling two hours with empty ridicule of the prairie accent.

I'm from North Dakota and we don't talk like that. I have NEVER heard anyone under age 70 say "Darn tootin'."

OK, so you're making a movie ... and you stick your wife in the leading role ... But, there's a problem: She's a dreadful actress ... Solution? Convince the starved American audience the entire thing is "quirky".

I ordered a book off of a Christian category and this movie popped up as being recommended. My husband and I watched it one night while our children were gone. Thank goodness.

What a shame that a Midwesterner (Thomas Edison) invented motion pictures, when this is how Hollywood's spoiled children use his invention to portray his people.

I would rather watch a Jerry Lewis telethon straight through than ever watch this movie again.

LOTR: The Return of the King
This Movie Is horable!!!!!!!

How the hell does a 4 hour movie win best editing?

These clowns have dismantled the Colosseum to build a Wal-Mart.

The filmakers substitue endless, incoherent battle scenes in place of story-telling.

The fab three cant be killed after 5 endings and 10 battles where they are outnumbered 1000-1?

The entire mess is shoulder-deep in god-awful special effects. They are about the furthest thing imaginable from the masterly use of visuals in the Empire Strikes Back.

Could the last part of the movie be longer? The ring is destroyed, the movie fades out, and I'm like oh thank god, it's over. But no, it goes on for another hour.

Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated Bloated OVERACTED

I give it one star because I have to and because by some accident they got Gollum right.

By the way LOTR freaks, there is no Middle Earth!

Lost in Translation
If you have seen the movie and were not impressed by it, do not feel bad. There's nothing wrong with you.

I am convinced the movie was filmed in one day and the rest of the money that was supposed to go toward making it was stolen.

I think the popularity among critics is that it shows an 18 year old who actually has an attraction to a geezer.

I fogot to say that the first thing you see in this movie is the buttocks of Johanson in her panties. What for? When a movie starts like that, can you expect anything good?

Lost in Translation is a new code word amongst friends meaning GET ME OUT OF HERE!

This movie did more to undermine the credibility of the Academy than "The Crying Game".

I would rather have my teeth cleaned then watch this again.

This is worse than an imitation crab-stick.

I've tried to figure out how Bill Murray could have gotten himself involved in a project like this. My conclusion: he lost a bet!

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 1: Books
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 2: Music
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews: The Beatles Remastered

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 2: Music

2009-08-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

This is the second installment in a three-part series on One-Star Customer Reviews at Amazon.com (hat tip Johnny Dee).

Below are excerpts from dozens of Amazon.com Customer Reviews of noteworthy rock albums. In each critique, the author ascribes a lowly One Star to an album that normally maintains Five-Star status in the artistic canon. It's worth noting that most of these critical non-professionals would have eagerly awarded zero stars if given the opportunity.

Without question, each of these critics has their reasons, and objectivity is trumped by taste at every turn.

In almost all cases, the syntax and spelling of the original review has been carefully preserved throughout.

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 1: Books
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 3: Movies
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews: The Beatles Remastered

Music

Rubber Soul
These songs are all available without buying this CD. You can hear these at your dentist's office or in most elevators over the muzak system.

"Drive My Car" is a totally dumb song, Beep, Beep a-beep beep yeah! Sorry. Doesn't work for me.

Think For Yourself: A Goerge Harrison Song. That means it's Rubbish and Horrid.

I prefer Jim Nabors...his voice and styling is superior to the Beatles...and a much better actor.

Revolver
Revolver is the Beatles' weakest album, worse than Yellow Submarine.

I Want To Tell You - truly horrific peice of mid-sixties nonsense.

Tommorow Never Knows - Space Music. This song might sound good in a telescope.

I hate Revolver with the same passion that I hate Nsync, the Backstreet Boys, and Britney Spears.

The best thing I can think about The Beatles is that they came from Liverpool. But given that none of them even cared about football, never mind Everton, I won't even say that's a good thing.

A candidate for the worst album of all time by any artist.

This really is elevator music. My ears basically started bleeding.

Revolver does the Beatles' reputation irreparable damage, and it was also their least influential work.

Blonde on Blonde
Dylan's so twisted it's very difficult to tell what he's really saying/meaning.

What kind of music do you make with hair like that?

Vocals that make Keith Richard sound like a opera singer.

This was a 5 star harmonica record. Subtract 1 star for Bob Dylan's drunken-old-man singing (he sounds homeless). Subtract one for this being made so long ago. And subtract one more for the title, which doesn't make any sense.

Anyone want to buy a barely used copy of Blonde on Blonde?

Are You Experienced?
Words cannot describe my intense dislike for Jimi's guitar "skills". This guy is a HACK.

I was surprised that MTV didnt play any videos from this album, I wonder why? Probebly cause the MTV crowd know this music is tired and boring.

How could anyone in their right mind say that this Hendrix guy is good?

His solos are just a bunch of noise and his sound is dated, unlike good bands like Great White and Skid Row.

There's no good music here. He's boring, talentless and he whines.

I would have to go against the grain and proclaim him as the perhaps the worst guitarist that ever lived.

The Doors
The 60's were a whacked-out era, and this piece of solid gold crap is a time-machine to the scene of the crime.

One of the most hilariously overblown, psuedo, pieces of nonsense to come out of a 60's recording studio, and oh boy did it have some competition.

There is no rock here. They're boring. They whine.

The highlight is the howlingly funny The End, it needs a Mike Myers to really do it justice.

"The End" is a mindless rant that wouldn't make the cut on "The Wiggles".

A collectors item for those who have a taste for kitsch.

Velvet Underground and Nico
What's not to love? Well, everything.

Pretentious lyrics, painful melodies, mediocre musicianship, and an album cover that Andy Warhol spent five minutes designing.

This is one of the worst albums I have ever heard in my life. More to the point, it was and is unmusical.

The album starts off with a little toy xylophone. A TOY XYLOPHONE! Come on! How the hell can your name sound like "Velvet Revolver" and you put little tinkly xylophones in there?

The guitars and Nico's and Lou Reed's singing are very, very much out of tune, and no one here knows how to play his instrument.

OK, so they hung out with Andy Warhol who survived getting shot, but he got shot by some lady, it's not the same as when a Gangsta shoots you.

John Cale's violin screeches offer the final proof that this is one album you cannot listen to for pleasure.

If you like this album, you deserve it.

Led Zeppelin IV
I tried eating a grass stalk when I was a kid. It was horrible. I tried getting into this album as well. It was horrible too.

Stairway to Heaven was never that great but it was at least listenable the first oh 700 times.

Anyone who can sit through a whole Led Zeppelin song should pack up and move into the woods and live alone with their dog, using wood for heat and moss and bark for food.

Thank you Led Zep! You, this album, and the bloated "Stairway to Heaven" created the pompous arrogance that gave punk something to rebel against.

Dark Side of the Moon
If you were born after 1965, don't even think of wasting money on this. It's music for old people.

Easily the worst CD in the whole wide world! I'll take Prince's Around the World in a Day or Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits Volume 2 any day!

My first listen was like being splashed with cold lamb fat. My second was like being doused with cold lamb fat. My third was like being drowned in cold lamb fat.

The electric pianos sound like the ones anybody's grandma plays for hootenanny festivities. Sha-la-la, take your partners, that kind of thing.

The Great Gig in the Sky tries to compete with great bands like Tavares and Village People but fails miserably.

This cacophony of commie buzz words and simplistic, condescending communist ideals both offends me as an American, and as a music listener. Should've been called Red Side Of the Moon.

They have their spot reserved in hell for making this music.

I have my dady who is a lowyer sue this peoble whoo havesays this Cd is good. I never have herd sutch bobbycock. -- J.L., Wichita Falls age 6

I don't understand what the big deal is. Kevin Federline owns these guys.

Exile On Main Street
I really wish the Rolling Stones would have polished this album up before releasing it.

This sounds like the type of crap that any garage band can throw together in a few weeks.

I'm putting this one at the bottom of my CD collection and poppin in the latest Mariah Carey album. That's good music.

Listen to some REAL music that actually requires talent - like Nickelback!

Rumours
Fleetwood Mac were so good in the late '60s, why did Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham have to ruin it??

Stevie Nicks' vocals are so high, he sounds like a girl.

Lindsay Buckingham should find a way to sing with his mouth tightly shut.

Mick Fleetwod looks like he should be panhandling on a street corner somewhere.

Oh, and another thing wrong with this album is that there is no 'U' in 'Rumors.'

Thriller
The music video of this traumatized me as a child, as well as the movie Annie.

Michael Jackson sound like he mad in most songs. And sometime he sound out of breath. He grunt on songs too.

Songs not making sense. "Baby Be Mine" not about a baby, it about something else.

I couldn't help but laugh at the song "Human Nature". It almost sounded like a song from the 2000s, trying to make fun of the 80s.

Asinine and vapid are the nicest words I can use.

Born in the USA
As soon as I saw the cover of this record, I knew it was going to be bad.

I recently heard the song "I'm Goin' Down" on the radio and I counted the number of times Bruce Springsteen sings the word "down". Quite honestly, I lost count at 70.

"Born in the U.S.A". has to be one of worst songs ever written. It ranks up there with "Feelings".

Without the powerhouse band and ocean of reverberation, perhaps you can now hear what this song should really be called, "Bored in the USA!"

As for the subject matter bein' about somebody dying in a war?... well it don't sound like no sad song to me.

Bruce Springsteen is living proof of P.T. Barnum's quote, "Nobody ever went broke underestemating the intelligence of the American public".

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 1: Books
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 3: Movies
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews: The Beatles Remastered

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 1: Books

2009-08-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

This is the first installment in a three-part series on One-Star Customer Reviews at Amazon.com.

On Aug 15, 2009, culture writer Johnny Dee at The Guardian wrote a funny and provocative piece on withering Customer Reviews at Amazon.com of critically-acclaimed artworks.

~~Stealing~~ Taking Mr. Dee's idea a step further, this series extends these blue-collar critiques. Below are excerpts from Amazon Customer Reviews of Books, Music and Movies. In each, the author ascribes a lowly One Star to works that normally maintain Five-Star status in the artistic canon. It's worth noting that most of these critical non-professionals would have awarded zero stars if given the opportunity.

Taste trumps Objectivity soundly at every turn, a practice that would have made even Kant blush. Welcome to the democratization of aesthetic criticism.

Note that, in almost all cases, the syntax and spelling of the original review has been carefully preserved throughout.

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 2: Music
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 3: Movies
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews: The Beatles Remastered

Books

Beowolf
Fortunately, this is a very short book because if it had even been one page longer I would have had to resort to a slow, painful suicide (which would have been more interesting than "Beowulf").

Everyone's grandmother would be ashamed to know the language they use.

The only part of the story I enjoyed was at the very end when Beowulf gets killed by a fire breathing dragon.

We freed ourselves from the British government through war and struggle. What do we have to do to free ourselves from their literature?

The Odyssey
The Odyssey is a pathetic, lost little child of a poem, obviously written by some eager but mediocre student of Homer's after the poet's death.

Homer remains a mystery to me. What person alive says, "that nonsense coming past your teeth"?

I dont care if Homer was blind or not this book is like 900 pages too long.

Many times I could turn three more pages and still be in the same spot.

I thought this story was very gross and I almost threw up.

Apparantly, it IS possible to go wrong with The Odyssey. Fitzgerald is 100x better.

Othello
I don't get where people get the notion from that Othello is realistic. Maybe if you lived inside a box your whole life.

I actually laughed numerous times when the play was supposed to be serious - the book is filled with bathos.

Othello is not unlike Calvin's character in "The Titanic". And the truth is I have more sympathy for Calvin.

The most annoying thing about this play is that except for Iago, all of the characters are major simpletons.

Pride and Prejudice
Pride and Prejudice is simply a 19th century British version of the Jerry Springer show.

It is a book where they compliment women as being handsome and men as being well...also handsome.

I tried and tried to read it, but it was all nonsensical jibber-jabber.

The book is quite contagious because I find myself helplessly imatitating the language that it was written in.

If you like torture, read book. If you smart, spend money on Beacon Soda.

After finishing the book I ran to a bookstore and traded it for a second-hand copy of 'A House for Mr. Biswas'.

Anna Karenina
This 80000000000000000000 page "book" isn't just boring and depressing, he was trying to convince us that life is boring and dull.

Primarily consists of a guide on how to cut grass, how to hunt bear, and how to abandon your own kid for a gigolo. If I wanted all that stuff I would have read Farmers Almanac.

Make sure you don't let the novel slip from your hands as it would probably break your foot.

I'm glad Tolstoy isn't my next door neighbor.

A pulseless corpse of a book.

Great Expectations
After reading this book, I think Dickens would benifit from very low expectations: a lot of people will be returning this book and giving bad reviews.

I do understand that each chapter was published separately over many months, and therefore Dickens had to make them a good length, but COME ON!

You will like this book if you enjoy a story that never ends and gets old at about page 10.

This book reminds me of algebra, its boring, time-consuming, worthless, and you will never have to use this in your whole life.

I give this book a minus 200 on a scale from 1-5.

For a more thrilling read, try a dictionary or a phone book.

Frankenstein
Mary Shelley wrote this book when she was 18 and it really shows.

Mary Shelley is in need of a good editor almost as much as friggin' Frank Norris with his stupid novel McTeague.

It would be a great read on the crapper, but since it is longer than 50 pages, just read the cliffs notes. Otherwise youre wasting your time.

Its amazing that in less than a year, a monster, made from dead criminals can learn to speak better than i have been able to in my entire life.

I know that Mary Shelley had many miscarriages and children's deaths and this book is about that and blah blah blah

This book is totally sketch.

READ DRACULA ITS WAY BETTER!

Moby Dick
Moby Dick is, after all, essentially the plot to "Jaws".

It leaves you with that, "I hate myself" feeling you get after accidentally destroying a major city with a hydrogen bomb.

"Call me Ishmael"? Call ME bored.

We must face it 100 years or so ago American literature was reall weak and lagging from the rest of the world. Perhaps now they're starting to catch up with writers like Ann Rice.

Had Melville cut this book down to about 25 pages, it would be bearable. Unfortunatly, he never stopped writing. If he were alive today, he would probably still be adding onto Moby Dick.

Compared to "Moby Dick", "War and Peace" is a light, fun read where your eyes just fly across the page.

Doubt he could get it published today.

Ulysses
Few unread novels have enjoyed as much success.

Ulysses has two great strengths. First, it steals the plot of the Odyssey in its entirety. Second, it is equally incomprehensible to both English and non-English speakers alike.

There is a famous sex scene in this book where the mental thoughts of the individual coming to climax fills many pages. No one I know thinks about anything while climaxing. Totally unrealistic.

I believe he has turned many children away from reading. I think this helps to account for, say, J.K. Rowling's success.

Its only function is to keep blinkered academics busy.

In the words of a *real* writer (H. L. Mencken): it is rumble and dumble, it is flap and doodle, it is balder and dash.

It was later said when Joyce was dead and buried that he had confessed to a close friend that "Uylsses" was a completely fabricated joke that he used to get revenge at the world with.

The Great Gatsby
Gatsby is the 2nd greatest novel of the 20th century? Are you serious? Above Lolita?

It is like a great suspension bridge for which the pillars have been laid but no attention given to putting down the road itself.

"Gatsby" is the work of a bad juggler--it would have been so much better if he'd tried fewer balls.

I would recommend this book only to the person who likes to read about stupid people sleeping with each other just to seem important.

If I wanted to read about lame, rich, full of themself people going to parties, I'd pick up People magazine.
I would rather be reading something written by Issac Asimov.

Oops, sorry about that! I seem to have fallen asleep again.

The Sun Also Rises
Ernest Hemingway has made alcoholism into a fine art, because that is basically what all his novels are about.

Here's the first half of the book: "We had dinner and a few drinks. We went to a cafe and talked and had some drinks. We ate dinner and had a few drinks. Dinner. Drinks. More dinner. More drinks. We took a cab and had some drinks, and maybe we danced and flirted and talked sh*t about somebody. More dinner. More drinks. Maybe you should come up to my room, no you can't".

Every page I turn has "drink", "wine", "bottle", "bar", "cafe", "coffee", "breakfast", "lunch", "dinner" or any word related to dipsomania, gastromania (or bulimia perhaps?) written all over it.

If Hemmingway took out every reference to drinking the book would be about 10 pages long.

I kept hoping that the story would end with the ugly Americans and arrogant Brits entering a detox center and becoming the initial success stories of AA.

The sooner Papa Hemingway is forgotten the better American literature will be for it.

The Sound and the Fury
Incontestable Fact: Any book that can't be understood without the aid of the author explaining it is a failure.

I suppose if you want to really study Faulkner so that you can get in on all of his inside jokes and hidden symbolism, then this book is for you. The rest of us have jobs.

Faulkner writes using "Stream of Consciousness". One problem: the first part of the book is about someone who is mentally retarded.

If you buy the book, you will get the joy of reading page after page of text with NO PUNCTUATION WHATSOEVER. No capitalization, no commas, no periods. NOTHING.

I hate it when characters are given the same name, especially when one is male and the other is female.

Do not get on a plane to L.A. with only this book to read.

Of Mice and Men
It would have been a better book if Steinbeck had put more effort into it.

When you read his books you get the feeling that he started out with this great idea, and then got bored and finished the book real quick.

They should re-name this book Retard on a Ranch.

The reason I gave the book one star is because that is as low as I could give it. This book was awful.

The only reason I read it in the first place was because my teacher said read it or fail. Looking back I wish I would have just taken the zero.

Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 2: Music
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews - Part 3: Movies
Amazon.com One-Star Reviews: The Beatles Remastered

Sell in May? A Follow-up

2009-05-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of May, I wrote a post questioning the validity of the old trader's axiom of Sell in May. Although it's a widely-held truism, the previous 29 years of market action in May reveal the exact opposite to be true.

With May 2009 in the books, the contradiction has extended itself.

The NASDAQ has now closed higher in May a remarkable 20 out of the past 30 years -- a 66% occurrence rate since 1980. The SPX has done even better, with a positive close in 21 of the past 30 May cycles (70%).

The streak has strengthened in recent years. Since the 2002 bottom, the NASDAQ has climbed in May six of the past seven years. The gains are statistically significant as well. Since 1980, the average May for the NASDAQ is +1.87%; for the SPX it's +1.51%.

However, despite this track record, predictions of May weakness are trotted out each year as part of the established canon of trader wisdom.

Why the discrepancy?

Perhaps the biggest reason is that Sell in May is the opening gambit in a longer seasonal trading strategy known as the Halloween Indicator. Part of trader lore for generations, in July 2001, Sven Bouman and Ben Jacobsen examined the financial markets of 37 countries, some as far back as 1694. They established that, across three centuries and multiple economies, winter has produced better market results than summer. So, for 300 years, selling in May and buying back in after Halloween has produced better returns.

The point here is that for 30 years dumping stocks in May has reduced these seasonal returns, and it's a fact inexplicably unnoticed by trading mavens, the mainstream press and the blogosphere alike. For example, in Oct 2007 Mark Hulbert -- normally excellent with these types of observations -- considered ways of improving the Halloween Indicator. However, Hulbert focused on MACD confirmations and never mentioned May performance. This year, Hulbert insisted that the Halloween Indicator remains strong, while again neglecting the May anomaly. It will be interesting to see when the investing community finally recognizes that Sell in June is the better rule of thumb.

It's important to understand that, by their own admission, Bouman and Jacobsen could never establish why financial markets outperform in winter. Looking ahead, it's possible that globalization and the 24/7 interconnection of world economies could impact this centuries-old market pattern to an even greater degree.

As I write, the profitable winter season is just three weeks away -- in Brazil, Australia, Indonesia, South Africa and every other market south of the equator.

Time to sell?

Sell in May?

2009-05-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Is May really a good time to sell?

I looked at the past twenty-nine May trading periods on the NASDAQ -- from May 1980 to May 2008. Surprisingly, the NASDAQ closed higher during the month of May a very respectable 19 out 29 times -- a 66% occurrence rate.

Even more interesting, since the Dotcom bottom, the occurrence rate of a positive May close accelerated to 83%. The NASDAQ has posted gains in five of the past six May trading periods.

The result is that in the 29-year sample, the average NASDAQ performance in May was actually a gain of 1.82%.

So much for old wives' tales.

It's worth noting that, up or down, the average moves were statistically significant as well. During the years that the index moved up in May, the average gain was 4.99%. During the years the NASDAQ fell, the average May loss was -4.21%.

The SPX produced similar results. Since 1980, the SPX closed higher in May 20 out of 29 times -- one year better than the NASDAQ! The average SPX performance in May for the past 29 years has been a respectable gain of 1.38%.

The bottom line is that, on average, the market moves higher during most May trading periods. When it does, the moves tend to be a big ones as well. When the market moves lower in May, it's usually a hefty tumble.

Will the stock market close higher in May 2009? It's impossible to know, but a seasonal wives' tale isn't the place to look for answers.

Investing is so complex that there is a natural tendency to try and simplify the process. The problem with simplification is that, by its very nature, it distorts the data. In the case of salty trading yarns, this distortion can produce completely erroneous interpretations.

So maybe it's Sell in June?

The most reliable advice is probably the most useful epithet of them all:

Trade what you see, not what you think.

Good luck trading.

best

dk

NASDAQ Historical Performance in May
May 1980 -- 7.47%
May 1981 -- 3.11%
May 1982 -- (3.34%)
May 1983 -- 5.35
May 1984 -- (5.91%)
May 1985 -- 3.65%
May 1986 -- 4.41%
May 1987 -- (0.30%)
May 1988 -- (2.34%)
May 1989 -- 4.36%
May 1990 -- 9.26%
May 1991 -- 4.41%
May 1992 -- 1.15%
May 1993 -- 5.91%
May 1994 -- 0.18%
May 1995 -- 2.44%
May 1996 -- 4.44%
May 1997 -- 11.07%
May 1998 -- (4.80%)
May 1999 -- (2.84%)
May 2000 -- (11.91%)
May 2001 -- (0.27%)
May 2002 -- (4.30%)
May 2003 -- 8.99%
May 2004 -- 3.46%
May 2005 -- 7.63%
May 2006 -- (6.19%)
May 2007 -- 3.15%
May 2008 -- 4.55%

29-year avg = +1.82%

Long-term Potential

2009-04-08T16:27:00.001-07:00

Because of an epic workload, this is my first post since August 5, 2008.

Watching eight months of historic market action often from a hotel room 16 time zones away has been an unforgettable experience. Water was boiling in pots I could not always see, and in hindsight this produced a more balanced market perspective than I would have gained otherwise.

Thanks to everyone for the e-mails and PMs along the way. All were much appreciated. Even though my schedule is actually more complicated now than it was last summer, recent market developments are worth a few comments.

-----------------------------------

Regardless of what the financial news, economic data, political headlines, monetary policy, pundits, bloggers, message boards, co-workers or even your own common sense is telling you, the market itself is saying that an important, long-term bottom is in.

Of course, the spectacular, short-term shenanigans in the market will continue. The global economy has serious problems, and these are complicated by a lack of consensus surrounding both patient and cure. Investors shouldn't expect a smooth ride anytime soon.

Despite the bumpiness, an increasing number of technical indicators suggest that the March 2009 bottom is an event with lasting value. These data imply that the rally – with all its imperfections – will ultimately have legs. A good way to monitor this idea is during periods of market indecisiveness. If the bias of the market has truly changed, low-volume, enigmatic market pauses will resolve upward, instead of lower as they have for the past 18 months.

However, this post concerns more long-term signals, and below are observations on eight of the more noteworthy. When considered together, these indicators provide perspective on a beleaguered market and its longer-term potential. What these indicators say is that for investors with extended time horizons, the conditions are ripe to start applying capital.

1. The Cyclical Bear Market Continues…
It’s wise to start with a word of caution. Historically, until the blue line on the chart below crosses back above the red line, stock ownership is marked by heartbreak and remorse. That said, the black line below is also printing massive positive divergence. When the stock market finally catches up with this divergence, the momentum is likely to be significant.

2. VIX
One of the great side stories of this recession is how Robert Whaley’s obscure volatility indicator was catapulted into investing superstardom. Fueled by a populist obsession with “fear”, the VIX’s ascent was matched only by the chronic misunderstandings surrounding its meaning. As always, for maximum clarity, read Bill Luby's Vix and More and Adam Warner's Daily Options Report. Both offer hyper-informed takes on market volatility and all its implications.

The weekly chart below shows that the VIX is printing signs of a pending decline. Rather than “causing the market to go up”, a bearish VIX simply indicates that options strategies are shifting as institutional investors warm to the idea of increased long exposure.

3. Bonds
After a 9-week climax run from Oct-Dec 2008, it appears that the historic bull market in long-dated Treasuries may finally be over. Bill Gross has been anticipating this topping event since June 2007, and laid odds it would happen before 2010. It appears he nailed it.

The weekly chart below is bearish for bonds, as institutional investors have begun the long fade out of government debt and into other investments offering better returns. Historically, this redeployment is into equities and corporate debt.

4. NASDAQ High-Low Indicator
While not great at picking tops, the NASDAQ High-Low chart is remarkably effective at picking major bottoms. After big, sub-20 dips, crossovers by the 10-week EMA back above 35 marked key bottoms in both 1998 and 2002. After spending 18 months below, the High-Low is finally ready to cross back above 35. This 18-month submersion marks the longest the High-Low indicator has been under 35 in its 20-year history. It’s one of several market signs that sellers have grown exhausted.

5. Tech Ratio
Another indicator pointing to seller exhaustion is the Tech Ratio. This metric compares an index of 220 pure technology stocks with the overall NASDAQ. The chart below shows that even though the NASDAQ bottomed in 2002, investors continued to loathe tech stocks long afterwards. In the summer of 2006 -- ironically as the Dow was printing new all-time highs -- the scorned Tech Ratio finally hit bottom (red circle).

But fortunes have changed. As the market imploded in late 2008, many tech stocks avoided the intense declines. As a result, over the past seven months tech has actually outperformed the indexes, and in April 2009 the Tech Ratio broke to a new 6-year high. Technology in a sustained leadership role hasn't happened in 10 years, and this is a welcome positive for the market.

6. NDX/SPX Ratio
Another important metric of market-health-through-tech-leadership is the performance of the Nasdaq-100 vs. the S&P500. Historically, the market has always done better when the NDX outpaces the SPX. Like the Tech Ratio, in April 2009 the NDX/SPX Ratio broke to an 8-year high.

7. Emerging Market Ratio
Like the rest of the world, emerging markets suffered withering declines in 2008. However, the slumdogs have since mounted an impressive comeback. The Emerging Market Ratio compares emerging markets with all overseas markets (Europe, Australia and Asia). Like the Tech and NDX/SPX Ratios, in April 2009 Emerging Market Ratio ratio also broke to a new all-time high. Investor appetite for the riskiest global assets is yet another encouraging sign.

8. Contrarian Indicators
Finally, there are the current extremes in negative investor sentiment. The Investors Intelligence Bull/Bear Ratio is near a 5-year low. However, the most interesting feature of this chart is how unfazed it was by the recent 26% rally. The bulls simply don’t believe it, which is exactly what you want investors to feel after a 26% run-up, especially 18 months into a bear market.

Below is a 30-year view of the Michigan Consumer Sentiment Survey. It’s been 29 years since this survey has recorded sentiment so negative. While the reality of this is unfortunate, it is from such despair that the most durable bottoms are born.

These observations provide little insight into short-term market direction. For that, I encourage you to bookmark The dk Report Charts. I keep this chart library current with short-term annotations, even when I'm 16 time zones away.

Soon enough, the current rally will end in an ugly 10-15% correction, probably at the moment of maximum inconvenience. Based on broader plate tectonics, this should be a constructive event, and the odds favor the March lows holding.

Thanks for reading, and best of luck with your trades. I look forward to posting again when I can.

Until then,

best

dk

Green Light

2008-08-05T16:58:00.001-07:00

For the first time since early June, the market is giving an Intermediate Buy signal.

Not only did the NASDAQ poke above its 50-day EMA on decent volume, three of four timing indicators are flashing Buy signals. The 5-10-20, the TOF Ratio and NASI are all on a Buy (see The dk Report charts). Only the BPI Ratio -- typically a lagging indicator -- isn't a Buy yet. It's been a long time since this diverse set of timing indicators have pointed upwards in coordinated fashion.

The chart below shows the NASDAQ is trying to make the best of a bottom retest. It's too early to predict an outcome, but in the past 16 sessions since the low, the Composite has printed just two distribution days.

Even though stocks are gaining their footing, it's important to realize that the buy signal is still a little hazy. Stocks have endured a serious beating over the past ten months, and the NASDAQ has shed 25%. Viewed from a broader perspective, stocks remain squarely in a bear market. Making matters worse, this bear market is still young. It would be unusual for it to be over so soon.

As the IT buy signal sets up, the chart below shows early areas of strength. Relative to their 50-day EMA's, small caps and tech stocks are off to the strongest start. The notable laggard is the MID. Its heavier weighting in commodity-related stocks now works against it.

Good luck trading, and please continue to check in at The dk Report charts. In lieu of regular posting, this list is kept up-to-date.

best

dk

Swamped

2008-06-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'm a little busy right now or I'd write more, but the The dk Report Charts have been updated.

Good luck trading.

best

dk

Darkening Skies

2008-06-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

The dk Report Charts have been updated, and near-term market conditions have worsened. Keep an eye on The 5-10-20 Timer and the TOF Ratio (charts 4 and 5) for a change in the intermediate signal.

Good luck trading.

dk

Time Machine

2008-06-09T15:40:00.001-07:00

Stocks printed a forest of needle bottoms on Monday, as news spread that the new 3G iPhone is so awesome that it allows users to travel back in time and buy gas at cheap prices.

Even if Jobs is a liar, buyers refused to give up on stocks for at least one more day. Not only did stocks reverse course, NASDAQ volume declined for the second straight session. The Composite has notched just three distribution days during this 3 1/2-week correction, and Friday wasn't even one of them.

For all the oil-soaked drama last week, selling pressure -- especially for tech stocks -- has lacked the panicked intensity of a market rolling over. Selloffs often start slowly and build downside momentum, but so far, the bulls aren't making it easy on the bears.

The NDX below shows Monday's needle reversal off the 50-day EMA on lower trade. This is the hallmark of a bid pull -- not of crowded exits. The correction may continue, but Monday's action isn't the stuff of a market poised to retest the March lows.

The blue chips are notoriously saturated with the laggard sectors, and so have deeper problems than the NASDAQ. The SPX has spent two-thirds of 2008 trading in a 60-point range. The bears need to seize this opportunity and push the SPX down out of the purple box below.

Finally, there's a heavy dose of economic data this week, suggesting very intense trading ahead. In addition to the obligatory crude inventories, there is also the Biege Book, Initial Jobless Claims, Retail Sales, CPI and Michigan Sentiment. In light of the current climate, potent pin action is possible off of any of these data.

I'll check in when I can, and until then, good luck trading.

best

dk

The dk Report Charts

Correction Looks to Extend

2008-06-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

The current correction has tightened its grip on equities once more, and further near-term downside appears likely. Season risk to taste.

It's worth noting that -- for all the gloomy commentary -- various intermediate indicators still remain positive, and the NASDAQ is outperforming the more financial- and manufacturing-rich NYSE indexes. How long this lasts is another thing altogether, as the market has resumed its hyper-sensitivity towards negative news.

In lieu of a more detailed post, The dk Report Charts have been updated. I'll write again when I can, and until then the charts will stay current.

Good luck trading.

dk

As as odd as it may seem, some are surprised at $4 gasoline.

New Lease on Life

2008-06-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

There's nothing quite as bullish as a market that keeps going up -- except for one that keeps going up against an onslaught of terrible economic news.

Just 14 sessions after starting a correction, the NASDAQ printed a new, six-month closing high. In fact, the NASDAQ hasn't closed this high since the second trading day of 2008. Thursday's close extends the March rally to a 12th week, and gives it a fresh set of downs. While it doesn't make much sense now, for some reason investors are looking across the valley to the other side.

The chart below shows that the NASDAQ remains in the uptrend channel begun in March. Even though a gap remains below, the index has room to run, and New Highs are accelerating.

One of the most encouraging signs for the market is its renewed appetite for small-cap stocks. Markets do best when riskier asset classes lead, and leadership in young, small companies is generally a sign of market health. The declining green line in the ratio chart below shows that, for the past 2 years, large cap stocks have predominated.

However, in May the small-cap ratio broke above its 26-month downtrend line, indicating a shift in trend to smaller stocks. This is an encouraging development, and an early sign that a new market cycle is trying to take shape.

The chart below illustrates small-cap strength even further. The MID tagged a new YTD high in May, and the SML did so on Thursday. Large cap stocks lag far behind.

Stocks are under accumulation by institutional investors, and gains can be made by following their footsteps. Watch for stocks that surge on heavy volume, especially those hitting new highs. Breakouts are growing more abundant, another good sign for the market.

Maybe not on Friday, but stocks look ready to eventually move higher. I'll continue to post when I can, but The dk Report Charts have been kept current. Check there for interim commentary.

best

dk

Sellers Arrive

2008-05-21T22:21:00.003-07:00

On Wednesday, the bears filled up the tank with $123 oil and took a long-awaited joyride.

After a slow start, the budding correction has finally tightened its grip. While the NASDAQ printed only its second distribution day in the past four weeks, the NYSE indexes logged their 6th. Wednesday was a bad day for the bulls, as 92 of 100 stocks on the NDX closed lower, and all 30 Dow stocks ended down.

Despite the NASDAQ's relative outperformance of late, the expanding cluster of NYSE distribution days is a threat to the current rally. Since this particular rally sprung up during terrible economic times, the risks are even greater. Season your exposure to taste: if you can't take your eyes off the screen, you may be carrying too much risk.

The chart below shows a couple of possible downside targets for the NASDAQ. Filling the gap around 2350 would be a garden-variety correction and about a 10% pullback. If the NASDAQ spends more than a few days trading below 2260, it's probably setting up for a fresh leg down and a lengthy extension of the current bear market.

Corrections often start slowly and accelerate quickly, so caution is important. However, it's worth noting that for all the headline-induced drama on Wednesday, the selling wasn't as intense as the price drop suggested.

Even though the NDX fell a hefty 2.2%, a rather unremarkable 41 of 100 stocks printed distribution days. The OEX fell 1.6% and even closed below its 50-day EMA, but only 34 of 100 stocks saw heavy selling. The IBD100 saw the lightest selling of all, slipping just 1.2% with only 31 stocks seeing distribution.

By contrast, in several sessions during the January collapse, 90+ stocks on these indexes saw heavy selling. If this correction doesn't deteriorate to these levels and take out the March lows, it can recover and continue higher. Reduce risk to your comfort level, and then follow the proceedings with a clear head. Up or down, you'll reap greater rewards following the market than by trying to anticipate it.

As a parting shot, Thursday's edition of Investor's Business Daily offers a few tips for riding out a correction, and they're worth mentioning here:

-- Raise cash. It's the simplest way to reduce risk and ride out the storm.

-- Sell your losers. If a stock is down 7% from your buy point, it's an automatic sell. A stock down less than 7% can be asking for trouble too.

-- Sell stocks with small gains. If a stock has just a small gain, it can turn into a big loss quickly.

-- Consider holding onto your leaders. The best stocks often weather turbulent conditions in tact, and then recover first.

-- Avoid new buys. The odds are against you until the market sorts itself out.

---------------------------

I'm traveling until next Tuesday, and will try and check in over the long weekend. Until then, good luck trading.

best

dk

The Herd

2008-05-20T18:01:00.001-07:00

Since the entire herd was expecting this pullback, it should come as no surprise that the downside move has been so stingy.

As The Worst-Is-Over Rally gives way to the Told-You-So Correction, it's noteworthy that NASDAQ volume has declined for two sessions. Considering that the market was actually mixed on Monday and the NASDAQ has eased just 1.6%, it's clear that institutional investors are reluctant to unravel their nine-week buying spree. Throw in economic gangrene and oil approaching something like $1 million/barrel, and the bulls look remarkably tough.

After three days of selling, little technical damage has been inflicted on the NASDAQ, while the various secondary indicators have all had a chance to cool off a bit. After a weak start to 2008, the NASDAQ is now the market's leader. It's logged just 3 distribution days in the past 8 weeks, while tacking on over 300 points. As energy stole headlines on Tuesday and NYSE bellwethers sank, AAPL, RIMM, GOOG and BIDU all quietly closed higher.

On the other hand, the Dow is absorbing some heat, and has seen 6 distribution days in the past 5 weeks. Two bear raids in 11 days left a nasty double top, and it looks like the Dow has more work to do before it's ready to move above resistance. The $OEX is printing a similar formation.

It's hard to make the stock market stay down without heavy selling, and there's been little of that so far. On Tuesday, just 19 stocks on the NDX printed distribution days. Even more boggling, a mere 5 stocks(!) saw heavy selling on the IBD100.

Tomorrow offers another day for the sellers to step in, but the current action is telegraphing a market in profit-taking mode. Given there's every imaginable flavor of weak economic news at the bear's disposal, it will be interesting to watch investors sort this one out.

Until then, have a great evening.

best

dk

Time for a Pullback?

2008-05-18T15:16:00.001-07:00

There's almost uniform agreement among technicians this weekend that, even though the market has grown more bullish, stocks are due for a correction.

Many investors looked to OEX this past week for the selling to pick up. However, the week after options expiration is actually far more famous for market tumbles. As a result, it's possible that the sellers finally show up this week, with downside acceleration into the long weekend. However, the market has made so many technical improvements over the past nine weeks that remorseful non-participants could be eager to buy any weakness.

Long-term indicators still say we're in a bear market, and broad economic conditions range from mediocre to awful. However, nothing is more bullish than a market that keeps going up. Most investors have been surprised by the tenacity of the current, nine-week rally, and a wide array of indicators show an ever-strengthening market pulse.

One of the more popular Bull Market/Bear Market Indicators involves the 65-week EMA. It's a reliable long-term indicator, and there's even a public chart list at Stockcharts called Above the Green Line which is based on the 65-week EMA.

The chart below shows that the SPX has now climbed back above its 65-week EMA, after spending the past six months below. Also, RSI is back above 50. However, it's worth noting that Above the Green Line isn't impressed, and views this as the last chance to sell before the market turns really bad.

The reason for the skepticism is evident in the chart below. The 13/34 weekly EMA is one of the most commonly followed long-term bull/bear indicators. Until the blue line crosses back above the red, the trend is still down.

However, things can change. In the world of Dow Theory, all three components bullishly broke above key resistance in mid-April, and have held above ever since. It's old school, but Dow Theory has a long history of reliability and has some high-profile practitioners.

Another chart with longer-term bullish implications is the Cyclical Ratio. It's currently near an all-time high, even as the SPX lags far behind. Relative strength in the Cyclicals is positive for the market outlook.

Market tops are difficult to call, and the reminder du jour is the energy market. Even though USO was throwing off important divergences two weeks ago, it moved even higher this past week -- on even more astonishing volume! It's a great lesson in market mechanics, and a cautionary tale about jumping in front of a moving train.

The significance of what the market does from here depends on your time frame. While a short-term correction in the next few weeks is a decent bet, there are few indications that stocks are ready to collapse to their March lows.

One of the most compelling reasons for this is that stocks with the very best fundamentals have been breaking out to new highs en masse for weeks. The IBD100 has had a thundering performance since mid-March, and has seen an ever-widening group of stocks participating in new highs. This is rare behavior for a rally doomed to failure.

Eventually, the market will sell off, probably to a chorus of "told you so's" and epic QID trade. However, unless investors produce a crop of 4-5 distribution days in a two week span -- and the IBD100 falls apart -- participants will likely step in and buy the dip.

Good luck trading, and I'll write when I can.

best

dk

The dk Report Charts

Calm

2008-05-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

After climbing for 6 of the past 7 weeks, the NASDAQ took a breather this week, printing an inside candle on flat trade.

Given record oil prices and broad economic weakness, this is surprisingly sanguine behavior. On a day that investors were forced to wash down AIG detritus with $126 crude, the market logged its 4th lowest trading volume in 2008. Institutional investors continue to be reluctant to unwind their positions, even in the face of withering economic circumstances.

Friday's quiet action was even more remarkable when you consider that earlier in the week, a big distribution day rattled investors. Wednesday's tumble created angst over whether the 7-week countertrend rally is over, or is just taking a break. While it's too early to know for sure, the lack of downside follow-through under stormy conditions is an encouraging sign for the bulls. Adding to the mix, the MID actually closed higher on the week.

The odds favor the NASDAQ eventually testing support -- perhaps down to the blue 10-week EMA on the chart below -- before revealing a clearer near-term path. More than a few days of trading below 2350 would be the kiss of death for this rally.

In a healthy market, growth outperforms value. The ratio chart below measures Wilshire 5000 growth stocks vs. value stocks, and a climbing line is good for the market. This line has actually tumbled off the 2000 top for the past seven years, before finally bottoming in May 2007. This week, as the broader market wobbled, the Growth/Value ratio broke to a new 3-year high. This is a significant development on a flat week, and a sign that new forces are rumbling from within this market.

Energy has become an increasingly crowded trade, and the USO is showing signs of technical wear. As crude vaulted 15% in the past seven sessions, Money Flow revealed the footprints of heavy selling. Trading at a capillary-bursting 59% above its 200-day EMA, even oil can become temporarily mispriced. Got DUG?

One of the most reliable indicators of market strength is the performance of stocks with the very best fundamentals. A handy proxy for this group is the IBD100, and that index added 2.2% this week. Unless a steady stream of distribution days arrives soon, stocks are likely to shake off this correction and continue moving higher.

Until then, have a great weekend.

best

dk

  For additional charts and commentary, see The dk Report Charts

Oops

2008-05-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

After a steady string of gains, stocks took a plop on Wednesday.

In mid-January, 5-year trend lines were broken signaling the start of a new bear market. Until this long-term damage is repaired, rallies such as the current one are countertrend. This makes them subject to harsh interruptions -- and even quick endings.

It's too early to tell which is now in play. The bears have every imaginable fundamental advantage, but they haven't been able to capitalize on it for weeks. They'll definitely have another shot at it tomorrow.

The 13/34 EMA chart below is one of the classic Bull Market/Bear Market indicators, and it shows the cycle change in January. Until the blue line is back above the red, the market can be a fair-weather friend.

Big volume selloffs like Wednesday's happen in all market climates. Whether the rally is over -- or just taking a break -- is often answered at tests of key support. A trip down to the blue 50-day EMA would be a garden-variety 5% pullback. If that fails, key support is 2250 (a 10% slide). Below that...

Days like Wednesday can be the start of volatility that takes weeks to sort out. Despite its questionable statistical underpinnings, the sell-in-May adage comes to mind as well. How you play a situation like this is determined by your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Regardless of your approach, expect choppy market action.

FYI - no notes on Thursday.

best

dk

The Highs & Lows of Cinco de Mayo

2008-05-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it was the tequila, but on Monday, May 5 -- Cinco de Mayo -- there was an interesting series of three posts on the use of the SPX High-Low Index to help time the market. I use this indicator as well, and three posts in one day caught my eye. What struck me is that I apply the SPX High-Low across a slightly different timeframe, and so am adding a fourth post to the discussion.

-- Bill Luby at VIX and More smoothes the High-Low Index with a 20-day EMA to identify intermediate oversold levels and changes in trend. It's a solid approach, a good article, and is one that makes similar observations to my own.

-- Babak at Trader's Narrative uses an intermediate time frame as well, but smoothes with a 10-day MA. Babak posted on the SPX High-Low Index because for him the indicator is currently suggesting caution. While it's not flashing an extreme, Babak senses that the index is nearing an overbought condition. "The easy money has been made in [the SPX] trade."

-- At Investor Village, in a response to Bill Luby, pcyhuang offers an alternative interpretation. It takes the daily readings of the SPX High-Low and applies Parabolic SAR. Since the daily High-Low data are extremely volatile, pcyhuang's version is very jumpy. With unsmoothed, daily SAR settings, this version of the indicator favors short, 3-14 day time frames.

---------

I found these posts interesting because I discovered the accuracy of High-Low as a Buy/Sell indicator resides more in longer time-frames. In other words, I'd been burned over the years by applying short and intermediate time frames, and found accuracy only after tweaking the time frame longer.

The chart below reveals how a 10-week EMA of the SPX High-Low Index is useful in identifying key, cyclical changes in market trend. The biggest caveat is that High-Low is at its best in picking bottoms, and is dicey at picking tops. At indicator tops, stocks can rally on for months, even as the indicator throws off multiple sell signals. However, extremely low readings provide decent bottom calls.

Over the 6-year period below, the 10-week EMA oscillates in a channel between 50 and 90. You can see that extremely high readings generated numerous false sell signals ( a cross below 90). However, extreme low readings marked both the 2002 and (potentially) 2008 bottom. Crossovers above 50 trigger a cyclical buy.

The takeaway is that the SPX High-Low Index below is currently triggering an important cyclical buy signal for the market, but it remains unconfirmed.

OK now pass the guacamole.

best

dk

Yin and Yang

2008-05-05T16:09:00.001-07:00

On a day that Yang and Ballmer (not pictured) are unlikely to forget anytime soon, stocks pulled back on quiet trade yet again.

Except for YHOO, institutional investors showed little interest in unravelling positions built up over the past seven weeks. Monday's action was another example of the stock market's improving behavior, and careful observers of market internals saw these improvements begin weeks ago.

The chart below shows that important positive divergences began developing during the series of lower lows between Jan-Mar. As the NASDAQ continued falling, the number of stocks actually hitting New Lows decreased. At the same time, the number of stocks printing bullish P&F formations steadily increased.

This divergence means that the index declines were being caused by a smaller and smaller number of stocks (mostly financial and consumer). However, this small group of stocks was falling so hard that it was masking improvements in other sectors. Once the toxic selling was exhausted, the majority of stocks assumed control and drove the indexes higher. The climbing New Highs and Bullish Percentage Index are two things giving the rally legs.

Adding to the mix, the indexes now remain parked above important resistance. Despite the well-known fundamental headwinds, the odds favor stocks eventually continuing their climb. It will likely include at least one 3-5%+ pullback, but a variety of internal indicators suggest that this rally could continue for a while.

Until tomorrow, have a great evening.

best

dk

Rotation Ahead

2008-05-03T16:16:00.000-07:00

On the heels of a strong up week for stocks, the market cooled its jets on lower trade Friday. This is ideal market action after a surge, and suggests that soon enough, more gains lay ahead.

Adding to the bullishness, all of the indexes except for the RUT are now confirmed above their 200-day EMA for the first time in six months. This is an important development, and is the product of institutional buying, Many mistakes are made on Wall Street, but there are few accidents.

So, after such a run-up, what can possibly push this market higher? Economic data is lighter next week, earnings wildcards continue and risk of credit nightmares persist. Even if the market pulls back next week, the real source of further gains is likely to be something more simple and powerful: good old-fashioned rotation. Investors are selling bonds and commodities and buying equities, and this rotation will likely push stocks higher.

The chart below shows that the 10-year Treasury is a smoking gun behind the recent surge in equities. This was the 7th straight week that the 10-year tumbled, and it hasn't even broken critical support yet. If the Fed is almost done, expect more bond selling, with those proceeds moving into equities.

Commodities are showing increasing signs of wear, and the CRB has formed an unconfirmed double-top. This is accompanied by an expanding bouquet of negative divergences. It's worth noting that the CRB is overweight energy, and this fact distorts the breadth of commodity weakness. You can see this in the CCI chart below. The CCI is equal-weight commodities, and has already made a bearish lower high.

Because the market violated a 5-year uptrend in January, a bear market remains in play. In such an environment, stocks generally rise in jagged rhythms and rallies often end abruptly. The irony is that bear markets also produce the biggest market gains, especially as they come to an end. Unfortunately, few investors are ready when the worm turns, and so the market rises with the fewest number of investors participating.

The best tell for the market's next leg will be bonds and commodities. If selling persists in these asset classes, stocks will continue to rise.

best

dk

The dk Report Charts

Top Ten Myths About The dk Report Hiatus

2008-05-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

Over the past eight months, I received a lot of comments, messages and e-mails about taking a break from blogging The dk Report. Most were kind and thoughtful, and thanks to each of you for taking the time to write.

But several were pretty weird. The most unusual of these involved bizarre rumors hatched from the fertile womb of the internet. Below are ten of the best myths I heard about The dk Report hiatus, and all came from actual communiqués sent or forwarded to me.

1. I was not immobilized by clinical depression over the death of Luciano Pavarotti (I received more notes of concern about this than on any other topic. Note to self: never leave an admiring obituary posted on your blog for 8 months).

2. dk was not a pseudonym of Luciano Pavarotti, and the posts did not end because he died.

3. I was not hospitalized for any reason whatsoever, including a heart condition or a grief-stricken overdose of anti-depressants (see #1 above).

4. I didn't stop because Bill Luby and I are actually the same person, and he decided to quit posting under multiple aliases (Bill...you came out on the short end of this stick, and I offer you my sincere apologies).

5. I didn't stop blogging because I lost all of my money a) on a Nigerian 419 scam, or b) refusing to abandon a losing short position on BIDU.

6. I didn't quit because of I took a new job in hotel management.

7. I did not receive a cease-and-desist letter from Becky Quick (you know this is true, because if I had, I would have posted it immediately).

8. scduo4fun and I are not the same person either, although coincidentally he does live just a few miles from me.

9. The decision to quit posting had nothing to do with the Oscars®.

10. My hiatus had nothing to do with Texas barbeque and beer, although I could be persuaded to stop blogging again for enough New Braunfels sausage, Pedro's tamales and Shiner bock (shipping address available upon request).

best

dk

Resistance

2008-05-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

The market made it back to critical resistance on Thursday. Both the Dow and NASDAQ have punched through their downtrend lines, but the SPX is parked right on the line.

Friday's jobs number is the likely catalyst for short-term action -- up or down. The market looks prepped to handle a shaky number, but we'll see.

The dk Report charts have been updated, and will continue to stay current.

Good luck trading.

best

dk

Farewell, Luciano

2008-04-29T21:38:00.010-07:00

It's been over 8 months since I've written a financial post, and I've missed it more than you can imagine. Rest assured, I've stayed fully involved in the market during the entire period, but an epic work schedule has simply prevented me from writing about it. It's one of the only regrets I have about how time-consuming my day job is.

A special thanks for the many colorful comments and e-mails you sent. Unfortunately, many of the ~~weirdest~~ best of these aren't printable.

Judging from your remarks, it appears that the biggest accomplishment of my hiatus was to single-handedly disgrace the memory and career of Luciano Pavarotti. Readers grew to loathe that post, and in many cases, the very man himself. I regret this most of all, and am sorry for any discomfort that a frozen, 8-month old post caused for so many. I promise I'll never leave another post up for longer than four months -- max.

Since my work load continues ad infinitum, I've decided to try something different for The dk Report. I've annotated a set of charts in my Stockcharts public list. These are live charts, current with ongoing commentary. It's a simpler, more efficient format to present technical data, and one that is definitely easier to maintain. There is less prose, but the list contains most of the charts I included in my posts here - all live, and all in one place. Regardless of what happens here, the charts will always stay current.

So, bookmark this link and stay current with The dk Report. Feel free to check back here as well, especially when you feel the urge for some opera.

Enjoy the charts, and thanks again for all of your support.

best

dk

Luciano Pavarotti (1935-2007)

2007-09-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

As the financial markets swirl on -- all journey and no destination -- the loss of Luciano Pavarotti is an event of generational significance.

100 years ago, the world was taken by storm by Enrico Caruso. It's important to grasp that Caruso created the modern recording industry. The most popular singer in any genre for over 20 years, Caruso made nearly 300 recordings by 1920, and drove the adoption and early success of 78 rpm technology. If you owned a Victrola, you owned a Caruso 78. Caruso was deservingly awarded a posthumous Grammy in 1987.

But then came Pavarotti.

As I entered college in 1977 to study music, Pavarotti was at his peak. I knew little opera at the time, and got my primer sitting in my dorm room with friends listening to him famously nail the 9 high C's in Ah! mes amis, quel jour de fête! from Donizetti's "The Daughter of the Regiment". Pavarotti had a titanium voice -- paradoxically both light and strong. Ah! mes amis was an "a-ha" moment for me, one that sparked a life-long love of opera. I would go on to compose an opera for my dissertation, and have started a second opera this past summer.

By the time of Pavarotti's reign in the 1970's, music had become so stylistically fragmented that it's difficult for many to understand his significance. Not only did he have a twice-in-a-century voice, one of Pavarotti's greatest contributions was that he eagerly embraced popular music. This was very controversial in the stodgy music world, but Pavarotti knew that opera originally WAS popular music. He saw this connection, and reminded us that music is as much a social experience as it is a musical one.

The 20th century saw two of the greatest operatic tenors in history, and it is a cherished thought to know that I was there for one of them.

Mi mancherai.

best

dk

Pavarotti Nessun Dorma

Pavarotti with Queen

Pavarotti with James Brown

Pavarotti with Barry White