Contemplations

The best love in the world

2008-10-09T17:36:00.000-07:00

I was compelled to write a new blog because of my rediculously long absence from Blogger.com since, well, July i think. I've since been married, honeymooned, and away from my wife for the first time since 1 1/2 solid months together. Times are changing, bodies are learning new sensations, and understanding and insight is expanding like never before.

An entirely new relationship is mine to 'have and hold' now for the rest of my life, and i am also an addressee of the Bible which i have not been before. All this is incidental to me now as a husband.

I have made one choice that leads to hundreds more life-changing choices. I never saw this coming, for i only saw the one door that led to all the other doors. They said i would be ready when i got here. I guess the best i can say for myself that i am ready to be ready.

God has been convicting me to the uttermost what all it means now to be a husband. No more interests in girls, that's for sure, and every interest in me whittled down to one - my wife. I have to grow in love for people (toward this one first); i have to love others as i am loved (starting with this one); i have to be true in my relationships (starting with this one); i have to be virtuous and not vicious in all my dealings (starting with her) i want God to hear and care for my prayers (a reward for my listening and caring for my wife first).

The marital relationship is a conduit of one's true self. The good, bad and ugly show up in marriage life and become evident to the conscience, and hopefully the negatives are corrected because of the influence of conscience before they fester and boil over into the other partner's life and heart.

An axiom carried along in some mechanics' minds is that 'everything affects everything.' Everything has a result somewhere. From the pace you walked this morning to work to the food you ate or didn't eat tonight, elements of your life have been affected.

The words written in my journal, the thought i had just now, the places my eyes looked yesterday in Toronto... those affect me even now in some fashion. The marriage part of 'everthing' is being affected too.

My past presuppositions, expectations and dreams, and my present contemplations and actions are not without impact to this propeller of marriage. The premise of marriage is easy; each person's job is to be as a propeller turning to keep the relationship, which is like an aircraft, going straight forward in flight. So long as both propellers are turning with the same power, the machine is smooth and happy. But like an engine, everything affects everything, and the result shows up on the propeller. Bump the power lever; change the fuel; drain the oil; ice over the intakes; extend the inertial separators; disconnect a wire; lenthen an adjusting screw... the variables are endless. Each of those changes initiates a chain reaction which ends at the propeller turning faster or slower than normal.

All our human frailities with which we were born manifest themselves in the failures, poor habits, personality weaknesses and flaws, spiritual undisciplines and compulsions and make up the total package of 'you' and 'me.' When we marry, all those things are coming into the union and affect the marriage itself. Don't tell me that there is a perfect marriage or perfect couple because no one is perfect, no not one. All have missed the mark which our Creator desires for us to reach. Only through Him can a marriage endure through the turbulence of outside tribulations and the inside, hostile environment of human hearts.

When it comes to loving my neighbor as i am loved... i can never match God's standards. This is deeply convicting because my love, i know, is certainly often corrupted by my human frailties and vices, even without my knowing it. Judgment passed on me due to my love would be dire indeed; but sometimes, knowing this is okay, though, because by my failures and depravity i see a more wonderful contrast that is the glorious love of God.

I sat down today and meditated for awhile on Romans 4:25. It says, simply, "Who was delivered up because of our offenses, and was raised because of our justification."

This is a portrait of complete, intentional love. For a world that wants to sin...a world that wants to oust the rules, judgement and love of God... unto this world Christ came for to save. Our offenses sent Him to the cross; God was compelled of Himself to lay down His own life for our iniquities.

Then look what He did next... He raised up from the dead so He could prove that He has power to remove our sins from us and if we allow Him, what he will do next is proclaim our innocence. He not only died to take away our sins, but He also came back to life so He could victoriously display you and me as innocent creatures. That is love, my friend.

Unlikely passage about marriage

2008-07-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

Since marriage has become all the rage this summer with my sister getting married, and me getting married, my mind has been in a very sensitive, highly associative marriage-mode. Just about everything i look at reminds me of marriage somehow. Yeah, even food reminds me of marriage; how else can a guy get good food everyday unless he's married (especially to a chef like Charisma)?
I was contemplating again about marriage just now, and a reminder came (i believe placed the Holy Spirit) of what i read yesterday from Matthew 18:

v18 - Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven:
and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

At the altar in front of God and man, and on the marriage bed in front of God and each other, there is a binding covenant made which speaks of everlasting care and closeness between a married couple. A marriage license is written on earth; the same is written in Heaven. All of heaven and earth permits and demands that a married couple protect, provide for and pleasure each other in the same manner that God through Christ relates to us.

This is not the end of the lessons we can draw from this passage in Matthew 18:

v19 - Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask,
it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

Consider, then, the power of praying and soul-knit couples. Married people should aspire to grow together and humbler spiritually because God calls upon two people to ask (call for, beg, crave, desire) conjunctively before he will make a move for them. In marriage, we have perpetual, interested attention from God whilst we are in agreement together.

The remainder of the chapter also summoned me to consider what else comes with marriage: compassion and forgiveness. All the books say, and i've learned by experience, that marriage is the proving and growing grounds of one's compassion and forgiveness toward another human being. God is very attune to spouses' sensitivity towards each other, and especially a husband's sensitivity towards his wife (see 1 Peter 3:7). This is a very serious point. Our salvation is based on God's forgiveness through the sacrifice of His own innocent Son, Jesus. So if we fail and refuse to blanket this forgiveness to others, we are mocking the sacrifice of Christ, saying that more compassion and forgiveness is required of us than what was required for ourselves. We're playing the part of the holier-than-thou hypocrite, and nobody --nobody -- is holier or more innocent than anyone else. What differentiates us is our attitude towards God of "Thy will be done" or "My will be done."
The Matthew 18:21-35 passage is the whole parable, but here is the crux:

v. 22 - Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant,
even as I had pity on thee?

That's not what i want to hear when I see my Father in Heaven! Yet I confess that, more every day, I merit a herem over my head rather than a halo on this point alone.
Marriage is a grand opportunity to realize who we are in God's perspective: we are the pure, lovely bride of Christ untainted by our sin because those are all washed away. He has infinite compassion on us because He is the infinite and eternal YHWH. He bathes us in His righteousness, and marriage is a chance to show another human being what it looks and feels like to be bathed in righteousness. It also tests our humility and servitude (Philippians 2:4-8) because by no other means can we have compassion on others as God has had compassion on us.
Thank God for marriage, which calls for us to live victoriously, or to fail miserably, in our appreciation of God's love, care, compassion and forgiveness toward us.

post-script:
My prayer is that Philippians 2:4 and Matthew 18:22 will be real for me in my future days.

A thought about Charisma.

2008-07-01T16:51:00.001-07:00

Every now and then i have an especially good thought about Charisma that i want to keep locked up somewhere before the 'little love-distracting foxes' come and invade.
This thought came while reading a book:
"I should take each day as a chance to win Charisma's heart again."
This is what women want... Women want to be wanted, cherished and understood. They also want to wrap up their beloved in their love to warm, nurture and care for him.
Sometimes cherishing a woman and trying to understand her is a forced exercise, but God tells us to do it (probably because that is not in a guy's nature; we are not told to sin and that's what we do best). For the man who is willing and disciplined are earned many rewards. Seeing Charisma happy delights my heart, and I feel her happiness and interesting-ness. I need to selflessly give of myself to her - which is what she wants, and what God tells me to do - and through that giving comes a happy long-term relationship (i suppose so; i'm not there yet!).
I have only one life to live, and this life i now live I do live by the grace of God because that life could have ended several times over by now! What a noble honor to live so someone else can have a better journey through life...

Moving along

2008-06-30T19:30:00.001-07:00

I've been stuck in Peachtree City, Georgia for the last week and a half. just sitting here. yeah. doing everything other than flying... wedding planning, extra sleep, more writing, studying to renew my CFI license, and working out more.
i visited a good friend in Greenville, SC over the weekend-- Robbie Heindl and his sweet wife Megan. I slept over at their place Saturday and followed them to church, then to Robbie's parents' house for lunch, then took a nice afternoon nap, then played Wii Mario Cart and ended the night with pizza.
The drive back to Peachtree City was interesting. I got lost (didn't have a map) and met a homeless guy to whom i gave granola bars, leftover pizza, beef jerky, 4 pair of socks and a single quarter. it was neat because i had brought my laundry over to Robbie's to get washed, and there i was with an opportunity to give that clean laundry away to someone who needs it more than i.
i'm gettin up tomorrow morning to fly to Groton, Connecticut (KGON) in hopes of actually putting in some aerial surveillance time. so i gotta go to bed now and get my beauty sleep.

Five-minute update

2008-06-26T14:55:00.001-07:00

So i got this idea today.
why not take just 5 minute bites of time to spend on things that i really want to get done during the day? so often i get busy on some task and let go of my wish-list of things i want to accomplish during the day. but that very task i concentrate on is subject to lots of distractions, so many sometimes that i don't find myself even finishing it after a huge investment of time! so what about taking smaller, more focused bits of time to do more things? how much time? maybe 5 minutes. sounds good.
so i want to blog more. how much can i write in 5 minutes? enough to summarize the day and pick out an interesting thought in my head.
so i want to study KingAir procedures and systems more. over a week's time, i can study and keep a lot in my teeny brain if i only study consistently.
pushups?
writing to Charisma?
praying?

consistency is really the key.
ok, 5 minutes is up! bye!

Mumbling on matrimony

2008-06-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

Five weeks.
Five days.

On the scale of a lifetime, that length of time is only a blink of an eye away.
It seemed to happen all in an instant - meeting, proposal, planning. The next blink of an eye will be her fingertips grasping a golden ring and slipping it onto my finger in the presence of our friends, family and our Lord.

Married.

The idea is hard to process when i'm so close up to it. It's like looking at a planet from a telescope and analyzing it and thinking I know it, then I fly up to it til it's so close and large that it fills my whole view. Then I feel overwhelmed and mesmerized in that I really didn't see it for what it is until I got so close. I'm attached to my old perspective and almost want the old perspective back because back then i could get filled with romantic feelings then leave my telescope and do something else.
Just as we can make celestial bodies something they are not because we are so far away, so can we bachelors/ettes make marriage something they are not because we just are not there yet.
One must obtain a rite of passage, and a fuel for the fire, and a last-chance-to-abort countdown and a blast-off.
I'm discovering at this moment that marriage is very much like space travel, can you tell?

As one breaks through the 'atmosphere' of bachelorhood -earth - the rules fall away and one is free to roam and explore all these new unrestrained dimensions.
Likewise, once the momentum builds up you keep going...and going. This journey cannot be retried.
Situations have to be dealt with and resolved.
The only way off the ship is death.

I think that guys and girls differ so much on their expectations of marriage. Girls know from the start that 'this lifestyle and this guy is all i ever wanted!' guys, on the other hand, we're kinda narrow-minded. we short-change ourselves by looking forward to that short space of time that may or may not happen overnight, and and wrestle with our selfish desires to keep stuff to ourselves like money, space and time. but the more virtuous side of a guy will be a reminder of the really, really great things to look forward to in marriage...

>he only has to go out and do what he does every day at work. then come home to a sweet lady who's been cleaning his house, cooking his dinner, striving to keep herself cheery all day so he can feel that his world is really alright.
>he gets to go to sleep and is entrusted this precious human body to hold onto and keep safe
>of all the dumb things a guy can do, there will be somebody to always respect him...his wife
>even when his care for life and himself fails, she will keep caring.
>she creates a home to surround him, and she makes a home for him inside her heart too.

marriage will unveil the weaknesses and weirdness of each individual, but one can find great contentment in realizing that through marriage we can sample a bit of heaven, as well as increase our longing for God and ultimately to make our eternal home with Him.

back to writing..maybe

2008-06-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

this is the place where i've dumped the weights of my conscience, processed problems and made sense of my world. but this place i've quite let alone for awhile, and there is a big, unfillable void between that time and now. there is no use catching up. catching up on six months is hard to do.
Paul recommended a very noble practice to keep one's sanity: "forgetting what is past and reaching forward to those things which are ahead..." writing contributes to that too because, with the art of the written word, my mind relaxes and enjoys refreshment from thoughts that have just lay here for awhile. Issues need to be processed and resolved and then really forgotten and moved beyond.
In our minds we take the tangible 'matter' of life and make an 'issue' out of it in such a way that is silly and unnecessary. If only matter stayed as matter in the ways we regard it, we could move past it, like walking from one street to the next.
a blog is for rambling.
i'm wanting to go to bed soon. because i can. I'm on a project! yay! i get to take some much-needed alone time to unwind and rest and, perhaps most importantly, make some extra money and get flight time along the way. Now, if my fiancee is reading this she's probably thinking 'much needed alone time?!' , as if being alone suddenly became something i need since being with her. Well, i'm fortunate that she also understands that an introvert needs to sit alone after awhile and listen to concertos and write and not hear any other human voice. Perhaps one of marriage's greatest challenges will be adjusting to being a round the clock people-person. More specifically, a her-person. But i've become keenly aware of my occasional need for quietness, motionlessness, stillness, serenity. Simply sitting here staring at letters lining up in file across the screen is therapeutic. And by virtue of the fact that i have not done this for awhile.

California days

2008-01-24T15:17:00.000-08:00

When Charisma and I talk about my job, we agree that sometimes it's not as tough as many other jobs even though they pay less than my own. She likes to poke fun at me a little that she feels "so bad!" for me because i'm spending a weekday alone in a comfortable hotel room reading a book or pecking blogs and letters on the keyboard...and getting payed for it. For example: presently, i am writing a blog at 3 in the afternoon on Thursday when i ought to be out flying and helping transform millions of dollars of client resources into a marketable product in the form of aerial photos. However, a low pressure system is sitting next to the Pacific coast and transferring moisture to the sky above us on a day-by-day basis. The weather is... bleak. So what's a captain, his first officer (yours truly) and three clients to do? Sleep in, go to breakfast together, have a late lunch at In-N-Out Burger, and take a nap in the afternoon as we await our next endeavor out to eat. No flying means hangout time for the guys, wedding planning with Charisma, and free time for me to sit and type away at my computer in peace and quiet, and to enjoy the nourishment of my delicious and frothy In-N-Out chocolate milkshake.
Did i mention i'm getting paid for this too? 8 hours a day plus the best per diem of any project yet: $61
I do feel guilty now because I know that my beloved is working for $6.50 an hour for 6-8 hours a day, and i'm here making free money, and lots of it for doing what's only fun and enjoyable. Charisma acknowledges that I worked hard in school for this, so that redeems my conscience ;-)
---
The proejct The project i'm working on this week involves flying our camera-equipment-outfitted KingAir 80R over a certain military base in California. (A lot of what we do at Dynamic is confidential until the customer authorizes us to publicly announce where we are and what we're here for, so i can't say anything besides generalizations.) The mission should take only about 11 hours to complete once we get there, but right now the weather isn't permitting us to even get out there and do anything profitable. So we've been stuck here in Salinas doing some calibration and experimental flights and hanging out with each other. Now, we have profited from the time to some extent. Tom Anderson (Captain) and i programmed our GPS with 96 GPS points between which we'll fly for our photo shoots. We've also familiarized ourselves with the customer's pilot display which tells us where we are and the area that the cameras have captured along the sortie (mission). Hopefully i'll get an update on here or on Facebook when we finally have gone on a sortie.
---
I'm simply relishing my time in California! Despite the overcast and rainy weather, the mountainous terrain and fertile land gives me the impression of an Edenic environment, while the proximity to the coast makes me feel in some exotic little place on the country. From the air, this area is particularly gorgeous. The sun glistens off the rippling sheet of the Pacific ocean water, and the craggy coast accents the lovely teal waters hugging broad, white beaches. I hope to drive out to the beach for an afternoon getaway (and make sure to get my seashell this time), but for now i'm appreciating my privileged position from 3,000 feet up.
The acclaimed California restaurant In-N-Out Burger is a mile from our hotel, and it's just as good as advertised! It's a unique burger joint in that everything is fresh and never frozen before it's cooked and served. They slice up raw potatoes into fry-sizes with a special hand-operated machine and cook them in trans-fat- and cholesterol-free oil and sell the product for $1.20, so i felt good about eating restaurant fries for once. Even their sandwich bread is preservative-free. and the chocolate shake i'm still sipping on is SO good!

more later on my little vacation in California!

What three years can bring...

2008-01-24T13:19:00.000-08:00

This entry (probably published two years ago), reflects where i was in 2005, as I, a young college graduate, attempted to get my feet on the ground and find where God was leading me.
It's hard to beleive that all this happened so recently, yet i do feel eons away from it all. Life is so different now. It's a great reminder of the transformational power of God's grace.

January, 2006:
As the earth previously passed this point in orbit, I had this to look forward to:

Early January 2005: I believe i've spent my last days living in Bloomington

January 17: Glad to escape Longview for 28 hours, visited Brandon and Heather in Plano; watched a movie, slept over at Brandon's aunt's house, ate half a quiche

January 19 and later: One word--- Kelli. Still dealing with the "desert" of our friendship. She double-minded-- sometimes charmed, sometimes complacent when it comes to me--me, confused and unwilling to give up on the relationship. Brandon's opinion of her: "Daughter of a syphelitic camel." That relationship still traumatizes me today, as i fear i am probably repeating my mistake of forcing a relationship to any ends. if it doesn't come naturally and "without hassle (as Usen wisely declares)", is it really worth having?

January 28: "You're in." To Alaska, that is. Dwayne King met us guys interested in going to Alaska for what sounded like a career but ended up being just a summer. We had ice cream at LeTourneau University's President's home, looked at pictures and discussed our little mission up there. The details of the plan were not carried out in reality, but as I discovered in my time up there, plans were indeed made for the purpose of getting broken.

February: big month spiritually. Journal on the topics of security, personal worth, failure, discouragement, kindness, thanksgiving, God's beauty, will and Word.
February 17: Provide piano music for our school's Etiquette Banquet at Pinecrest Country Club. Receive many compliments and praises from among the 150 who attended the banquet.

March 5: Day of The Ride. Pedal my bike from school to the Texas/Louisiana border. By the day's end, got a picture of my bike and I by Louisiana's state sign and had 100 miles on my trip meter.

March 8: recruited as Mr. Foulk's carbs lab grader and lab assistant

March 10-20: visit Egypt, Sanai, Israel and Jordan and everywhere in between. Wrote 23 typewritten, 11-font, single-spaced pages of journals from that trip.

March 29: "No more arduous hours in the simulator! No more cramming! No more restless nights! No more burden!" I am donned Flight Instructor at 2:30 in the afternoon

April: journal on themes of loving others, living such that beautifies the gospel, death, time with God, truth and...girls.

April 3: write year's first letter to my future, unknown wife

April 6: mom accidentally overdosed our cat Peanut on tranquilizer, and he died.

April 8: Nancy Ortiz, a bright young student loved by all who knew her, died of a fatal disease. See my last Hootenanny as a student at LU.

April 13: Greg Buchanan, our favorite harpist in the world, visits again and inspires 2 1/2 pages of journal reflections.

April 15-16: take my aviation mechanic's practical test and pass. the test was overrated.

April 23: see Ginny Owens in concert

May 2: begin last Finals Week-so i pray!- at LeTu.

May 4: memorize 1,000 multiple-choice questions in prep for my written aviation mechanic's test.

May 5: take threee written tests for my aviation mechanic's license. Become a licensed A&P mechanic.

May 7: "The miracle came; Grace met me; You, God, got me through!" Graduated from LeTourneau University as a Bachelor of Science, flight instructor and aviation mechanic.

May 15-17: put together a neat scrapbook of keepsakes and memorables from the last four years

May 25 - September 29: Alaska!!
-build a handsome professional resume with my experiences in Alaska
-train three private pilots
-make some of the best friends ever
-first lessons on the violin
-fall in love for Daisy Delay and learn to cry again
-see the most beautiful places my eyes will see on this side of eternity
-learn a ton about relationships, flying and God
-and about 3/4 of my Mead notebook of journals

Post-Alaska weeks: reflect on the tangles of materialism rampant in these Lower 48

October: themes of sufficiency, risk, relationships, eternity, grace

October 9: interview for coveted flight instructor job in Peoria; lose it to another guy

October 16: called with another job offer as an aerial pipeline surveillance pilot

November: themes of Abby, love, answered prayer, covetousness, nearness to God

November ?: Best friend Jonathan Dassow gets engaged to Jennifer Kerr

November 18: talk to Abby for the first time, who has, thanks to Rachel, gotten to know me a little already

November 20: pray specifically for financial stability by this time in 2006

November 26: "Little threads in my life - Abby, Bible study, Tim, are stitching a message for me, I'm seeing. All this tells me that I'm sought after - pulled alogside a holy Pursuer whose ambition is for me to like Him and be like Him. He wants my life to stream from our relationship. He wants me to be a beneficiary of His love and to stand openly and honestly in His presence. He wants me to heal, to change my ways, to mirror Truth and to relax in His care"..."When was the last time I counted as loss what I gained because it took the place of the excellency of the knowledge of Christ?"

December: themes of relationship with God, Abby, money, ambitions, variety, inter-personal failures, flying, fatigue, faith, marriage, death

December 2: turn 23 years old, Abby is the only one in the world to call and wish me a happy birthday.

December 9: Dr. Bowers informs that no surgery needed to correct my bite, shovel snow for 17 hours.

December 10: for the first time, ask a girl's father for blessing to date his daughter

December 11: for the first time, ''ask a girl out''

December 23: fall into despondency that i'm so far from the person i wanted to be at this point

December 24: family leaves for Arizona until New Year's. enjoy an evening with a best friend Jesse Rimshas

December 25: Best friends Jesse Rimshas and Robbie Heindl both get engaged to their respective lucky women.

On turning 25

2007-12-02T17:24:00.000-08:00

Todays' my birthday. 25 years old. seems strange, being so 'mature' and all. To think that 25 years is behind me, and to think that all that has been to prepare me for the next 25 -plus years, summons one to define it somehow. It's good to set landmarks in life which publish where we've been. Without knowing where we've been, it's improbable that we will ever get to where we're going by the means we anticipated.
I want to continue in life as a joyful, grateful and successful human being. For all practical purposes, my life is successful . But i often have such a narrow view on things that i forget what good surrounds me. I must never neglect the big picture, either. God has been working on this thing called "Jonathan's Life Story" for the last 25 earth-years. In fact, He is writing a book about me...see Malachi 3:16. Often i lack being marvelled by what God has done because i'm so stinkin' selfish in my fixating on what I have done and/ or messed up.
I've been thru a couple schools of 'hard knocks' during my 25 years here. Often it's the trials and sorrows that teach me so much. Every once in awhile i have a flood of inspiration, and it seems that just today is that day to get it in writing. I bless God for giving a great beam of Sonlight on this birthday! I am lonely of human presence, but I am not alone, because my Adonai is with me.

Some pearls of insight 25 years in the making:

-Treat the woman in your life like the treasure she is. She is God's gift to you! Live for her enjoyment, edification and enjoyment. Have it in mind to bring these to her every day through God's strength. You have what it takes to love her; God wouldn't have chosen you for her if you did not!

-Get enough sleep every night. No matter the extenuating circumstances, make sure decent sleep happens!

-Accept that you will have one of two pains in this life: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline can prevent regret; regret is much weightier than discipline.

-Don't allow for negativity to rule your mind. "Let the peace of God, which passes understanding, rule your mind through Christ Jesus"

-Let the past be past, and let what's done be done

-Think only that which is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virtuous, praiseworthy

-Beleive that God is intersted in your very best! He is not out to trick you, surprise you or punish you. You're His beloved, His creation, and whatever you do is going to turn out for the good.

-Whatever you do, do for the Glory of God. Work, play, talking, writing... "we are His workmanship, created through Christ Jesus unto good works, which He has before prepared that we should walk in them." It may be that what you're doing right now, this second, was prepared for you from the foundation of the world by your loving Father! Do it with all your strength, therefore, and show yourself a worthyand thankful servant and steward of that opportunity!

-Be thankful in all things

-Assume the best of people and uphold them in your thoughts with dignity and respect and admiration. We are each a reflection of God's image

-Constantly remind yourself of the beauty and love around you

-Define priorities and choose your actions based on those priorities.

-Don't wait or hesitate. there's nothing more useless than the time behind you.

-don't worry. it accomplishes nothing

-don't complain. same story

-time is for productivity and for carrying out constructive means to constructive ends

-when interacting with others, listen, learn, and try to understand where they are at that moment.

-know what you're good at and continually improve on that.

-Fear God - not man, or time or circumstance. Wisdom starts there.

-Keep your head above your heart, and God above it all.

I'm engaged!!

2007-11-22T20:00:00.000-08:00

I am so proud to be the fiance of the finest woman on God's earth for me. She is adventurous, independent, smart, tactful and altogether lovely. I praise God's work in her in her past, her present and her future. She was the woman of my dreams, so that's why on November 22 - Thanksgiving Day - at 8:08 AM, I asked Charisma Andrews to marry me.
My proposal is a story many months in the making, when on August 10, I visited a place I go to every time i come home to Bloomington. It's a little gazebo and deck next to a water fountain and pond, secluded within Hawthorne Park. Just as i had done for several years, I sat next to the water fountain and bowed my head and prayed for my future wife: that God is preparing her, protecting her and providing for her. In this case, I had someone specific to pray for! So I asked the Lord that, if we were to be married, that I might bring her to that spot and ask her to marry me right there.
Our relationship developed, I had a ring custom-made for her by my friend Dan Howerton, and a plan in place, and three months and twelve days later, I brought Charisma to that very place where i had said that prayer. It was a sunny, chilly and brisk morning, and i wrapped her in a blanket while we sat together next to the fountain, which was still running despite the cold. I explained to her how that very place where she sits was where i prayed for my future wife for the last several years. I held her close to me as i savored the moment of having her here with me now. I told her next that this Thanksgiving day was also a very significant time to have her with me because she is the blessing in my life that I am most thankful for, and I want to be thankful for her throughout the rest of my life - "I want to be Always Thankful for you."
Again, i let the moment sink in as i held her tenderly.
Then i said, "Charisma, there's something on my heart that I want to share with you..." I reached inside my inside coat pocket and captured a small wooden box with my fingers, and brought it out for her to see. I opened it to unveil its precious contents: a small metal key, two pennies, and one beautiful ring. I took the ring out, set the box aside, looked her inthe eyes and spoke softly and surely, "Charisma, you are beautiful, and i Cherish you, Honor you, Adore you, and I love you very much. Will you marry me?" She smiled back and leaned forward for a hug as she replied, "I've wanted to tell you for so long; I love you too! Yes, i'll marry you!" That was the very first time we said "i love you" to each other, and the words came out of my mouth carefully and articulately pronounced. Soulful words. Intentional words. I felt them flow out of my soul like water from a well.
I showed Charisma the ring up close, and pointed out the inscription inside the band that said, "Always Thankful." I asked if i could put the ring on her, and Charisma took her Purity ring from her wedding finger, and i slid on her new engagement ring. A feeling unlike any other came over me, the concept that now I am committed in my heart to this beautiful young woman for life. I reminisced how this is my final decision on the woman i want to marry, and there's no turning back now. That is, in God's eyes, turning back is acceptable, but i would sure be a fool for doing so!!! I have a thousand reasons to ask Charisma to marry me. One of those reasons is that I will have a thousand more reasons to be thankful for her when she is my wife.
To follow the first question of "will you marry me?", i asked her my second question: "Will you dance with me?" I took her hand and led her away a few steps under the gazebo roof, got out my MP3 player with headphones attached to it, and gave her one earbud for her ear while i put the other in mine. I switched on a song that has deep-seated significance to us both, Jessica Andrews' "I will be there for you." As we danced to this melody that we had last danced to together in DFW airport the day I last left her, I sensed God was affirming to me in words, "You have my favor now; I will bless you and be with you. Some hardships you faced before are now over. I will favor you and bless you." The song ended, and we looked at each other with sparkling eyes and beaming complexions. I then asked her my third and final question: "Will you kiss me?" She nodded 'yes', as i had hoped for, and i reached up and cupped her face with my hands, pulled our lips together and kissed her for the very first time. This was a different kiss than i had experienced before. This was a tangible language from me exclusively to the woman i had determined to marry. When we kiss, that is another conduit of the invisible, indescribable substance of committed love.
Will you marry me? Will you dance with me? Will you kiss me? -- These are three questions to be affirmed in different forms every day in my relationship with her. Every day i ought to be telling her in other words, "You are the right one for me, and i'm not going anywhere. Will you be with me too?" "I adore the way you are and admire you in every way. Will you live in front of me and allow me to enjoy you for who you are?" "You are desirable to me. Will you want me and desire me too?" Three affirmations to a woman: You're beautiful, I believe in you for who you are, and I desire you. I wanted for our engagement to set the pattern to my life with her.

Our engagement event continued on when i brought her back to sit down again where we were before. I gave her back the Thankfulness Journal in which she had catalogued what she is thankful for about me. I took it, and starting on September 23 - her birthday - I wrote several things i was thankful for her each day up until November 22. For that day, I wrote "Thank you for saying YES!! I love you, Charisma!" The journal had a small padlock to close it up, and it was the key in the ring case to which that lock belonged.

Next, i pulled out from underneath the deck a bowl with a cup of white grape juice and a couple crackers, the elements for the Lord's Supper. I read 1 Corinthans 11:23-26 from my small Gideon New Testament, broke one of the crackers for us, and held the cup of grape juice. I told her how that i wanted to have communion with her then, for the first time as a couple in a committed relationship, to serve as a reminder, from that day forward of how, just as Christ committed his life to his church that night, to die for her, so i will serve Charisma even unto the point of dying for her. So when we take communion together in the future, i will be remembering Christ's vows to His church and my vows to Charisma.

Finally, i opened the ring case for the third time and took out the two pennies there, giving one to Charisma and keeping one for myself. We continued on our tradition of throwing a 'hope' into a wishing well or water fountain. So my 'hope' was, " I hope that i will love you for the rest of my life as Christ so loves the church." And her hope was, "I hope that I am as thankful for you the rest of my life i am thankful for you now." Both of our pennies dropped into the water at the same spot, and we both agreed that we were cold enough to need to get indoors, so we scurried back to the car and returned to my parents' home where I made breakfast for us two and presented the new future member of our family.

I like my life more than this... really!!!!

2007-10-24T19:16:00.001-07:00

My life really IS more interesting than an blog update every month and a half would suffice. Following my time in Canada, I flew from montreal straight to Dallas for a whole week with Charisma!!! I arrived on her birthday, September 23, where she met me at DFW airport complete with her hair braided just for me! Since her birthday was a Sunday, we went to Home Group and Daniel and Holly's, versus taking a date that night. But come Monday we had our date at Julian's in Tyler, and had one of the best evenings with my girl ever! She bought her dress just for that evening, and just for me!! isn't she the best girlfriend ever! The other events of that week were so special. She surprised me with a romantic dinner on Megan/Caleb/Allen/Casey's back porch on Wednesday, we went lotion-shopping at Bath & Body Works, watched 3:10 to Yuma, attended our 5th wedding together, went to Six Flags, homegroup twice, and to church together too!
While on my bus trip back to Harrisonburg, i was called by T.K. at Dynamic informing me of a new job to go to! For the next week following, i was in Albertsville, AL then in Greeneville, TN. I didnt' get to do any flying, but helped clean, reload and marshall four of our KingAirs that the USDA had leased to drop rabies bait.
When i returned to Harrisonburg, i finally got to stay at my own apartment for more than a single night! That provided opportunity to settle in a bit to my own room, buy food and cook for myself and my roommate, Ethan.

On Sunday the 14th, i took another trip, except this one was personal! I drove out to Williamsburg, VA and met Emily, a best friend of Charisma's and a young lady whose heart abounds with encouraging and affirming words. We hung out in a Starbuck's in Williamsburg then visited Jamestown and Williamsburg, but at a mad pace! It's impossible to see everything there in one afternoon. We finished the evening over dinner at The Trellis restaurant, and the conversation we shared just solidified in my heart how special a woman Charisma is and how seriously i need to hold on to her! Charisma is without a doubt the most important person in my life, and just pray for a lifetime with her

I've spent a full 2 1/2 weeks at work in the shop at Dynamic, and i am learning a lot about the airplane i fly. I've had some challenging projects mostly involving redoing plumbing in very tiny places in the plane.
I'm looking forward to embarking on another trip on Tuesday the 30th, to last for 3 weeks, after which is my guaranteed-off time to see Charisma for Thanksgiving week!

Four months of joy

2007-09-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

Today marks the completion of four whole months of my and Charisma's dating relationship! We have come through and accomplished so much the last month, and i am even more proud of her and surer of her than ever! God has been so good to me to bring me someone who's all i hoped for and will ever hope for. She's still the best thing to happen to me! This time with her by my side has been irreplaceable. I hope that the days i spend away from her will get added to the end of our lives to make up for lost time. I never tire of her, and i can't get enough of her! If you ask me, this is how romance should be, even if it must span a distance of 3,000 miles.
Thank you, Charisma, for taking the leap with me into this great adventure. I hope it lasts a lifetime!

So, two days ago, i received news that i'm being rotated out of Canada! my month term is over, and now i get to have a break off work until going on my next project. Life is good, and Dynamic is very good to me too. Our travel agent Liz kindly booked me a ticket from Toronto to arrive Sunday in Dallas. Meaning i get to see Charisma that day, and what perfect timing it is!!! Because Sunday is my lovely Charisma's 25th birthday!!! Thank you, Lord!!!

Another praise of today: a card that Charisma had sent on August 28 (before her care package) finally arrived...today! Obviously i'm very happy for that, and i am very proud of the card too! sorry, you can't read the inside also; that's a mystery that stays between us :-)

Thankfulness

2007-09-18T06:22:00.000-07:00

Credit goes to Charisma (thank you, dear) for posting this article by Jay Leno on her Blog site (charismaka.blogspot.com) and it struck a chord with me. Being in Canada has ramped up my thankful attitude for the very things that we take for granted in the States. Read it, then i'll explain further:

Jay Leno wrote this:

"The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3s of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What we are so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning
in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we
move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a
bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of
bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?
Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. yet has a
great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?

The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your
freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......INSANE!!!!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative."

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to
another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Jay Leno

This article resonates powerfully with me while i'm in a place with not so much blessedness, leadership, resourcefulness, or beauty. i want to come back to the states a much more grateful person; i want for praise to be at the forefront of my mind, because i could have been born into so many other places. i could have looked at this article as an Inuit here in Nunavut and i'd comment to myself.."if i were an American, i'd be the most thankful one there ever were!'
We really have so much to be thankful for. Here's a sample for me:

I'm thankful for real trees to admire, climb, shade me, and block the wind!

I'm thankful for fields of green grass, corn and lush forests

I'm thankful for regular food that i can buy for cheap, unlike this $10 box of cereal

I'm thankful for getting to warm my food the REAL way

I'm thankful for paved roads everywhere in sight.
again, i'm thankful for a place to prepare food the appropriate way.
I'm thankful that i am usually only a day-not a dream- away from seeing my favorite person in the world.
I'm thankful for underground sewage and water supply.
I'm thankful that i can get a package anywhere in the US in a matter of days and not have to pay a lot for it.

--I'm thankful for cell phone service everywhere
--I'm thankful for internet anywhere
--I'm thankful for being able to walk into a grocery store or restaurant that is completely stocked
--I"m thankful for bike paths, people who care about their health, gymnasiums, basketball arenas, my own clean home to go to.
--I'm thankful that i can walk almost anywhere and see a friend.
--I'm thankful for unlimited possibilities for fun and adventure!!!
--I am really thankful for God's blessings to us. we really don't know what we have until it's been removed from us.

Flight school in Canadia

2007-09-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

Daniel Grollimund (the Wise) once said that "we can relate so much of life to piloting an airplane because a pilot has to have a very firm grasp on reality."

My work up here in Canada involves flying straight and narrow lines along the ground for miles and miles while flying 100-200' above the ground. it's a challenge keeping the plane in that position and within a 60' wide corridor in winds, up and down big hills, and for extended amounts of time. I've taken in a lot of basic skills and techniques that are required in order to do my job well, and i cannot but see also how these simple principles can apply to my life too.

So here's some flight lessons i've learned throughout my flying experiences up here in Nunavut. I am particularly interested in how these observations of flying an airplane relate so closely to life as I see it.

Lessons on living and flying the line

-To stay on takes constant, but not undivided attention

-Getting started is stressful, and full of slip-ups.

-Only after a lot of practice does staying on course become second-nature

-Even after it becomes second-nature, you slip up every now and then without the intention to, either because a moment of negligence or because you misinterpret what side of 'perfect' you are.

-It's important to jump right back on without dwelling on the slip-up and to reassure and re-grace yourself afterward

-Learn how going over mountains is going to affect your course.

-Learn to look ahead to remind yourself of where you're going after passing over the mountains.

-Learn that the flats are just as easy to fall off-course on because it's the place of boredom and layed-back attitude.

-Going a long time without making big mistakes just takes a lot of patient endurance

-When you slip off-line, gracefully and patiently and forgivingly get back on - then forget about it, lest it is a snare to your concentration for the course ahead.

-Give your efforts to God, draw your strength from Him, and let Him be the judge of your efforts and results, not man.

-After cresting a mountain, relax and give yourself lots of 'nose-down' time to recover energy.

-When fog and rain cover you and you can't see and get disoriented, fly up to the safe arms of higher skies.

-Repetition and patient endurance with doing it right are disciplines, but they yield encouraging, constant improvement.

-Once achieving a new point of fluency, that is an accomplishment to be proud of!

A Psalm

2007-09-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

Great is the Lord, and all praise be given to Him.
Holy and awesome is he within the tabernacle of my heart!
He divides me from my sorrows.
He deflects from me perils and strifes.

All the day I praise Him for his marvelous works!
Through praise come the best of my creature comforts
Trouble and anguish lurk in wait for my praises to end.
But when my mind breathes praise, there is clarity and beauty.

He solaces me when I sacrifice my worries in exchange for praise.
When i am overwhelmed, His deliverance is a thankful word away.
I expect for myself to feel only a grateful and content heart.
Incomparable is He: praise His name!

His name means peace: I praise Him for comfort
His name means Provider: I praise Him for blessings
His name means Savior: I praise him for redemption
His name means Healer: I praise Him for wholeness and protection
His name means King: I praise Him for His sovereignty

To none else I give such high praise - I am wired bless His name!
There is no fear to those who praise Him.
Surely the dross of life and heart will fall away when i praise.
Great nearness I feel to Him when i praise Him.

Known and beloved am I among others who praise the Name of the Lord
The weak shall be strengthened, the crooked made straight, in praise.
Sure and fulfilling rest He gives to those who praise Him.
Right thoughts have I when I rejoice in the works of the Lord

I am near unto them whose hearts are grateful unto God.
Steady and strong are they who praise the Lord.
Praise Him for all things!

But it's so hard...

2007-09-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

I long to be released from the restraints--
I'm held back, distanced from a home for my heart.
Sometimes i feel certain
Sometimes i feel so lonely
Sometimes i fear that how i'm changing is gonna reshape my heart, desensitize my heart
And i'll get back and not recognize her, not recognize our relationship
Distance and time make a point: where will my affections drift in the end?
Will i be closer to her, more one with her,
or will we have to get to know a different person than the one that left?
I'm somewhat hoping the statement is true, for then i would be bolder, stronger, the leader she needs
and she will be more beautiful, more radiant, and more virtuous.

I hate this distance, this time apart.
it's so hard being away from her this long.
but i know God has a bigger plan in mind,
Even when i feel the winds of change within

Bless us, Lord, Thou who created romance,
Thou our great playwright, compose eloquent passages for us to share,
design scenes beautiful and intense,
build the plot to a dramatic climax,
and jot on the tablet of our hearts only the best affections for each other.

I know that all good things are from You;
I depend on You,
on You these tears fall.
and i grieve when i feel you're not helping me.
Come through for me, Lord, and come through for us.
I know You don't have to be so good to me,
I know You never had to give her into my life,
but she's the best thing to happen to me
and this is the hardest adventure we've been on yet.

Just understand now my aching, and bring resolution to me in the end
It's so hard being away from her,
It's so hard to feel to miss someone this badly
In all the world there's no one i want to be with more.

I'm sorry if i've been frustrated
or let the circumstances dictate my responses.

I know i need to let You stay in charge
I know i need to trust Your ways
I am a sojourner adjusting to a new environment.

Help me to be content
Help me to be faithful
Help me to hold on to hope
Help me to wait here in expectation for the best.
Your words are true and faithful
You imagine big plans for me
You bring me to places that lift me up closer to You
You bring me people who show me more of You

It's so hard...
But it's going to be ok in the end!

Whiteouts and burnouts

2007-09-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight is one of those nights where i just feel like tilting my head back, laying my hands on the keyboard, and typing with eyes closed. And then let all my thoughts just...dump. Today i had sudden clashes with many facets of reality, many good and some just invasive to my sometimes cozy and safe world.

It's another Sunday of no church, nobody and no place familiar, and no rest. I finally got up after a couple promptings from my phone alarm, moped over to the other bed in my room where my Bible is, and started reading where i left off in Job and 1 Corinthians. In the back of my mind, i'm thinking about when i should put in my contacts, because at any minute our customer is going to call in and say when we are or are not flying today. Regardless, i pushed that away for enough time to examine Job 31 and 1 Corinthians 12, and the correlations between the two couldn't be more appropriate or timely.
In this time where finding intimacy with my girlfriend Charisma is happening through sometimes less than satisfactory means, I am challenged to both develop a deeper fondness of her and a deeper understanding of where God is wanting to lead me, to lead us, in this relationship. I am sold on her, from her head to her toes, from her mind to her heart, from her past to her future, from her strengths to her weaknesses.
...
Even throughout this relationship, it's been apparent that there is a battle over God's sacred establishment of the family, and satan wants to cut the roots from underneath any relationship that is showing promise of being a force for building God's kingdom. Divorce- the cancer of our society, an abomination to Heaven - starts here and now. And longevity, commitment and... marriage - is a sweet savor in God's sight, it ameliorates the alone-ness and physical and emotional needs designed in us to be met by our mate - starts now too.
Since doubt takes a person nowhere, and faith is the driving force of a successful life, i'm going to stick with Job's plan and retain my faith in that what God has given, he will surely keep with me.

Then i moved to 1 Corinthians 12, and my eyes caught a glimpse of the commentary on verse 4:
"In this verse, the Greek word fro "gifts" is Charisma, meaning "grace-gifts" or "free gifts." The Spirit,by sovereign grace, gives one or more such "grace-gifts" to "every man" (2 Cor12:7), as He wills (1 Cor 12:11). The same word is used in verses 9, 28, 30 and 31. It is also used in Romans 12:6, which similarly lists a number of gifts of the Spirit...The gift is a "free gift" of the Holy Spirit (like the free gift of eternal life in Romans 6:23, where the same word is used) neither earned nor forced. Furthermore, it is God-given, therefore not man-generated.

As i was reading this, i was thinking, "wow, that's SO what my girlfriend Charisma is to me! A 'free gift, neither earned nor forced...God-given and not man-generated.' "

It's amazing and wonderful to me today, that the very NAME of my girlfriend tells me she's "Given by God! Free! Unearned! "

Who am i to now, or ever, yield to any suggestion that divorce is an option at any stage in our relationship? My Charisma is an extra portion of Life from God, and an inheritance for being a child of God.

----

So, the topics i advertised...
I flew today in SNOW, wouldn't you believe? And i had one of the scariest moments in my life!! We fly very low - 100 to 200' AGL at sometimes 200 MPH, and today on the flight we flew through snow clouds and snow showers. At one point over the most rolling terrain, we flew right into a whiteout, and everything disappeared. We tried to push ourselves to fly as normal, staying in our 60-foot wide corridor and watching the above-ground-level altimeter like normal, but at one point I realized that 'hey, if i make one wrong move here, i'm going to fly us right into the side of a mountain!' but i flew on, making sure that the AGL altimeter never read lower than 100', but i noticed that my course monitor was reading over 180' off course, and i tried to correct to the right just as i saw the leftwards-sloping edge of a hill ahead. Immediately my brain thought "wings are banked right; turn left to level the wings!" but my eyes looked at the attitude indicator, which said i was flying wings level. there's one word for this: disorientation! It takes conscious effort to rely on the attitude indicator, which is the only reliable sign of where i really am and where i should be going. So i trusted that instrument and avoided flying us into a mountain. And i'm really thankful for that!

And concerning burnout...
So, i worked 80 hours last week and moved my life to one city and back during that time. I flew 10 hours on one day, and have worked 15 straight days. I'm meeting several new people every day whose lives i subconsciously comiserate for (i met a Brian, Nelson, Mel, and William in town today), and i have more paperwork to do, plus an airplane that needs constant attention be given it in freezing weather. Mentally i'm getting to a point of fatigue that i would really appreciate a day to recover from.

To Yellowknife and back

2007-09-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

As Dwight knocks on my door at 9AM, i lunge myself out of bed, walk to the door, and slowly my vision tunnels and dims as my tired body tries pumping blood into my eyes for another day. I have one of those 'is this it, the day my fears meet me and i go blind for some terrible reason?' moments before the world comes alive again in vivid color and clarity.
Thus is a sign to me that my body is getting weaker and weaker by the day and needs some semblance of a day off. But not today -- i don't want to take today off because we have goals to reach today. Mind you, we've already went above and beyond the goals of a typical work week. But i don't feel in the 'toil to earn the beans' mode anymore. What we have here is a mission on our hands, and we're out to complete it, no matter how much sleep we must sacrifice or personal life we surrender. The weekend began with a 7:00 AM flight out to Yellowknife, N.W.T. in KingAir 41J, where we hangared the plane and began its required Phase 2 inspection. We spent from Saturday morning til Thursday morning completing the inspection.
In a nutshell, i've had a KingAir maintenance crash-course the last six days, spending at least 10 hours on and around the plane, opening up cowls and panels and removing filters and filing propellers, taking apart components for the first time, and asking "what's this?" more times than i can count. Fortunately another experienced mechanic, Jason, was flown up from Virginia to help us, and he was more than kind to do all he could for us and help us understand what we're supposed to do.
I know i became 'at home' with our KingAir during this time when i started to have the familiar Love-Hate feelings toward the machine. When i start talking to the airplane, scolding it for being so difficult to fix, and thanking the airplane for 'allowing' me to fix it without hassle, is when i know the intimidation has fallen loose and a real relationship is forming. The final major day of the inspection, Wednesday, was really stressful at the end because there became lots of loose ends made apparent that i didn't feel i had time or understanding to deal with. Fortunately i was allowed to defer these issues for another time because of their minor priority.

I wish we could have spent more time in Yellowknife. If you ever want to go to north Canada for vacation, Yellowknife is the place to go. It's beautiful, affordable, up-t0-date, the people are lovely, and the town altogether is a good thing that comes in a small package. There's a all-city hiking/biking trail, restaurants to suit anyone's fancy, a small mall, movie stores and a theater, American franchises, and lots of places to get away or have an adventure. I wish i could have had an entire day or two just to roam and enjoy. But alas, about all I got to enjoy was a superb breakfast restaurant called Tim Horton's, a trip to Wal-Mart, one night out for dinner at Boston Pizza, and a surprise time away with God on some lovely rock formations facing the Sunday sunset.

We flew away on Thursday morning back to Baker Lake, grieved that we had to say goodbye to one of the world's finer places. It was an entirely healthy time physically, emotionally and spiritually,and Charisma and I took some more steps of growth in our relationship there too.

I left with a sense of 'owning' the airplane after having spent so much time on it. I like being able to gaze on and operate an airplane that i know the inner workings of; it gives me greater confidence and control in my relationship with it.

This is the last workday of this week, and so far my work hours total to 71.25. This could turn into a 80- hour week!

I flew 10 hours yesterday, too. Talk about being busy!

pictures later.. prayers appreciated!

Charisma, Canada, and anywhere but home...

2007-08-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

I'm confessing to having writer's block right now. How this is possible, i don't know because i have so much i need to get down in my web-journal that i ought to be able to write a small booklet by noon. I suppose that rather than trying to recap what's been happening the last week and a half, i'll just give the basics and let the rest fall into place.

My very second week of work at Dynamic i got to come up here. It was so early in my employment that i had just spent one night in my new apartment! We're here to conduct confidential surveys with confidential equipment for a confidential purpose. I'm sorry i have to be so vague, but that's how i have to be right now for the customer's safety. I am a first officer on a Beechcraft KingAir 90, which is a twin-turboprop plane. it's between a prop plane and a jet plane, in effect. The type of flying we do requires coasting at low-level between 100-200' above the ground. for the surveying, we also have to fly the plane in a straight corridor 60' wide while keeping speed of about 160 MPH. This is very challenging and mentally fatiguing flying and requires absolute attention to what one is doing. All of one's senses are functioning at peak capability, and any distraction of thoughts or any crossfiring of the brain to tell the hand what to do results in slipping out of the corridor quite expeditiously. It requires absolute focus on the part of both pilots, and it is so far the best skills-honing flying i've had to do. As a pilot, i feel much more refined, as i feel i'm doing the most demanding kind of flying i've ever had to do. Forget flying IFR for hours. I'd find that easy relative to this. Nowdays, after enduring these extremely demanding exercises, i can cruise back to the airport and maintain 2 deg of heading and 20' with just half a brain cell of thought. We've flown for four straight days on this project so far, and i've logged 22.7 hours in that time. One of my goals is to attain captain status by Christmas, and to do that I need 100 hours of Kingair time. In just four days, i'm 1/5 the way there. Praise God!

So many parallels between life and flying are especially apparent now days. I wish i could just have the chance to pause a flight every now and then to write down in the moment how "wow, that's a lot like life..." For instance, flying an airplane at 150' off the ground at 160 MPH in a 60' wide imaginary corridor certainly resembles the 'straight and narrow' path that we are walking as Christ-followers in this world. There is only one Way to heaven and a good fellowship with Him, and He gives us the way that we should go. Only when we let our mind and heart wander, or let the world distract us for even a second, the great ship of our lives gets off-course. Living well requires great discipline and focus, forward thinking and quick corrections to little upsets. There are times when i need to correct the plane from going the wrong direction, yes, but there are also times when i have to correct my own thoughts from going in the wrong direction because then they aren't helping but rather take away from my goal.
The same applies for my relationship with Charisma. Just recently we've written up a 'covenant' between us to define our strengths, personal goals, and how we intend to keep ourselves physically pure, spiritually committed, and emotionally secure in our relationship. It's been written with the blood and tears of experience, so we're definitely not shooting in the dark with this one: If we stay on this course that we have covenanted to keep, our relationship will doubtless proceed happily and blessed.

Charisma and i are doing great, despite the long distance. Our time apart has confirmed the feelings we have for each other, and i think that we have actually grown in maturity as a couple since we've been apart. It's definitely affirmed in my heart who she is to me: the only girl in the world i want to consider being with for the rest of my life. I miss her so much, and the more I do, the more beautiful she becomes to me! Somehow, even when i was with her, she got more beautiful every week, so i can't wait to see her again! I may have the opportunity to in a month, so please pray that God will bring me there!

As far as the flying project goes, the next step is to fly the plane to Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, for an inspection that will last for a few days. Then once we finish flying the rest of the survey zones here in Nunavut, we're to head somewhere in Quebec for some more.
Prayer requests of mine are that the package my parents sent gets here in time, for Charisma's letter to get here in time, for our safety, for the flawless operation of the plane, and for my spiritual maturity to grow as i spend time away from 'home.'

Radar

Three months of joy

2007-08-20T18:29:00.001-07:00

Three months ago yesterday the 19th, Charisma and I held each other tight under the starry night sky in Nacogdoches, Texas, and i remember her asking, i my ear, "Are we girlfriend and boyfriend?"
me: "I guess we are...friends don't hold each other close like this. Well... here we go! May God bless us!"

Three months later, my life has changed because of her.

Charisma, my mood lacks the eloquence it afforded me yesterday. But i hope it suffices to say...
I am more sold out on you than ever before...
I believe in you more than ever before...
You are the world's most beautiful woman in my eyes and getting more beautiful every week...
I believe God is in our midst and turning everything into good for us...
I believe God is FOR us being together...
I have not cared for anyone else more than i have for you...
When i am close to you I feel I am near God...
I have learned more about relationships, our God's grace, and the wonder of His works more than ever since our relationship began...
I am more at peace about you now than ever...
I'm just crazy about you more than ever!!!

Another lunch break, another fast day, and another full mind…

2007-08-20T17:21:00.000-07:00

…is how I’m coming again to this blog entry this Monday. I had a sweet weekend at Doug’s wedding in Wilmington, NC, and a fantastic Sunday yesterday. I talked to Charisma during my last three hours of the drive home, going on a walk down memory lane together of our first week of knowing each other face-to-face. It was a great conversation of a wonderful an blessed time. We have a start to our relationship that is something to be proud of an thankful to God for.

Yesterday marked the third month since the beginning of my relationship with Charisma Andrews. I miss her fanatically, am learning about her enthusiastically, and am feeling confirmed deeply of God's blessing us together.

This morning, following a good 3 ½ hours of sleep, I went to work to begin my second week at Dynamic, and I was making a little smalltalk with one of the guys I worked with when I was here as an intern 3 years ago. We reminisced about projects we worked on and he updated me on some details I wasn’t aware of, details that showed how good of a CEO that Karl Stolzfus is and how well off the company is doing. Then he surprised me when he said, “we’re blessed, and you know, that’s what happens when God runs the company.” He went on to say how he was prayed into his job there, and how a Christian company like this is setting God above itself and is being blessed through it, and that he’s glad to be working here and that most everyone who comes brings more blessing to the company. He pointed out me in particular to be one who is brining blessing to the company, and encouraged me in that if I prove myself to be a hard worker and diligent on the shop floor, then Karl will see that and reward me with favor with flying because I ‘earned to fly his planes.’
Encouraged is a nice way to start the day!

The next couple hours were droll and spent in the boredom of cleaning and polishing metal pieces, meanwhile my brain, in its unmotivation to process much of anything, wandered onto some negative, lustful thoughts that I tried to immediately bring into captivity to Christ, an reminded myself to think that which is in Philippians 4:8. And I prayed, “God, help me to use this time in thoughts that I won’t regret later when I regain my motivation.” Then God started giving me tasks to process concerning my relationship with Charisma: proposal, gifts, what our relationship is becoming… and I was given insight into why there are some parts of our past experiences together that we both regret. It’s that during those times, we didn’t have in mind to be working to improve and move forward our relationship but to just go with the moment and let what happens happen. So I quickly made a mental note that “constant improvement” needs to be added among our present four ‘covenants’ in our relationship. Then after that, I added another: to think, say and act out Philippians 4:8. So if we have one more later on, that will make a complete seven.
This led to my visualizing a wonderful project that I would love to put together soon, serving as a tangible reminder of the “meat” of our relationship both now and on and on and on…so we pray!

Then I was struck by the fact that I was feeling at a total, restful peace about our relationship and that I was also feeling simply elated that Charisma is my girlfriend, and that the voice in my head that repeats to me a detestable phrase every morning was…gone. ‘What did I do?’ I wondered.

Well, I think that this weekend really changed me and gave my mind a new perspective on a lot related to God, our relationship, myself, and the invisible battle that is waged every day for our souls.
I wrote last week about the ways of the devil and how to discern God’s will by knowing His Own ways. That was a stepping = stone onto what i was to encounter this weekend. I met a man and another couple with whom I just got into a conversation about relationhips an how to manage long-distance and be the man I need to be now and in marriage. And one of the guys told me that he had doubts come to him and second-guesses and messages in his min that made him feel insecure during his engagement to his wife, and he really got my attention there because that’s sorta what I’ve been going thru myself. He held onto truth, just like I am, but he identifies that there is a battle over marriages in this generation; satan wants to crush solid, biblically-founded marriages because they are the greatest testimonies of Christ’s beautiful love for His church in this generation, and we believe he isn’t interested in dividing marriages where they are but where they begin – in the intentionally God-honoring, intentionally commitment-ready dating relationships.
There is a battle waged against us – even Charisma and me. And we need to give attention to it and be knowledgeable of satan’s devices against us because they are strong and effective. We are truly in this battle, and we have a charge to withstand it and fight it ourselves, and going into this battle uninformed of satan’s devices is like entering a war with all the knowledge of and preparation for a enemy’s ground forces but no intelligence as to the enemy’s air forces.

God has a way of giving me his words in my spirit at the most opportunte times - you know, 2:15 in the morning. But the insight he gave me was so profound and important that I just had to spend time with Him processing and writing down what he was giving to me. I felt like he was showing me the enemy’s battle tactics in a way I never saw before. And once He did, I knew that , yeah, that’s what I’ve been facing.

Here’s what I wrote down – as satan battled, God said, ‘’here’s what I see. Once you figure that out, then you can see what you should about Me.’’

Satan’s devices are:
-Distractions!
-Exaggerations!
-Lies!
-Perversions!
-Destructions!
-Discouragements!

As I look at this list, I can’t help but identify several places in our past where we succumbed to one or many of these. Through that, we gave satan a foothold to steal from us and let us know that he was bringing the news as a point of accusation against us before God. So came guilt and remorse that still plagues me today. But because God is cool and works everything together for the good, we learned so much about each other, and I have grown to care for Charisma so much more.
One big, big lesson i'm realizing just now is that the adventure together has to keep going every day we're together. when the adventure stops, then satan can walk in and tempt. Charisma, can you think of times when we were not on an adventure together? and what became of that time? adventure means that the relationship is constantly moving forward too. I know now to rather seek to keep us on the adventure every day we're together!

I have also grown in my spiritual walk personally, and consequently all that has helped Charisma’s and my relationship abound even more. Christ is surely at the center.
I am not ignorant of the weapons against us, and I know even better that they shall not prosper. When I know that something in my mind is not of God but is an attack against something God is ordaining, I can speak rebuke against it in Jesus’ name and proclaim God’s Word to deflect the attack.

Yes, I do believe that families are under siege even before they are started. I feel it as a thorn in my flesh, but it has been a faithful thorn by God’s grace…He has taught me so much. I know that a relationship that is seeking God is one to hold onto, and so long as it does, only God should be the one to split the couple.

As for me, I feel I am seeing like God does about Charisma and our relationship as well as so much more in the world.
I can go about my day in restful peace that God is for me, for Charisma, and be elated in the fact that she is my girlfriend!

I believe in our relationship. I believe in Charisma. I believe that we are God's choice for each other.
I'm brave to say that, but really it just simplifies things because it makes our "yea, yea" for we believe that God's opinion is "yea."

Forward with faith!!

Discerning God's will

2007-08-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm on lunch break on my fourth day of work at my new job at Dynamic Aviation. I hope my fingers will fly as fast as my thoughts are so i can get everything down on time...
Today i felt led to fast from all foods, as has been on my mind for the last few weeks. Something has been weighing in my spirit that i really need to hear from God about once and for all, so here i am fasting my way into God's presence to ask His will because i beleive that when I fast, i talk to God and hear from Him too in a special way.
I felt that the issue, which will go unmentioned, was serious enough to seek some real help from God, as people in general just have their own opinions and we all know that God has the final word anyway.
What has been weighing on my soul is God's will concerning issue X, we'll call it. I'm getting contradicting convictions about issue X, and the more i try to arrive at a resolution, the more i get frustrated, and the more i try to fight the conviction i DO NOT want to be there, the harder i have to try, either because i'm facing it with the wrong heart and weaponry, or it's staying there and prevailing because God wants it to be. So i'm searching out the will of God concerning this.
i spent my first five hours of work today just sitting by myself cleaning aircraft parts. lots of personal space, lots of think-time, going back and forth 'God is this your will or is That Your will, and why, Why, WHY would it be one or the other?' i don't like at all when i have some tugging towards an action, and no Why explanation comes tied to it; many times i find i just have to do it, then i'll know Why. however, from this same heart has come tuggings to do harm and to do good. So maybe issue X is just some great exaggeration of the 'doing harm' tug. then again, it could be a 'do this thing' and i'll know why it was good Afterwards.
So, God, what is Your will?? I don't know why, i don't know what will come of my decision of Issue X, and i don't know if Your punishment and discipline is again on its way if i do not comply with this unrelenting (but albeit, to me, resented) nudge.

In a sharp moment of epiphany, it occured to me that the word 'Will' implies a future-tense. We fear God's will because we haven't seen what it brings; God has a will for a certain situation, and if we follow it, result A occurs, and if we don't then result B occurs.
However--- and this is important --- however, nothing happens that is NOT God's will, right ? So we have a choice to do what is in our minds as being God's Will, but coming from thought processes fallible and hearts often misdirected by temptation and Satan's snares along our way...doing God's will in a situation where the right deicision is unclear becomes something of an enigma.
So...what else do we know about God's will? I think this is the kicker: God works in accordance with what He wills, but He has protocol for how He works, and these protocols are His Ways. And i think we can know His ways because they're printed all over the Bible.
I'm almost out of time here.....
The difference between God's nudging and satan's temptations and lies are the same as the difference between God's ways and satan's ways.

Let's look at God's ways....
Phil. 4:8 "whatsoever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virtuous or praiseworthy, think on these things"
Psalm ? - All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth
John - For God so LOVED the world that He Gave is One and only Son...
Romans 8 - There is therefore NO condemnation
Romans 8 - The Spirit intercedes..Christ sits at God's right hand interceding for us...it is God who justifies

God is the builder, restorer, forgiver, caretaker, lover, healer, hope-giver, life-maker, joy-filler.

So what WILL God do? Look above...

Let's look at satan's ways...
"the tempter comes to KILL, STEAL and DESTROY.
"he wanders around like a ROARING lion, seeking whom he may DEVOUR"

The sum of the matter, then, is to abide in God's ways, and to generate a thought environment that refuses to process any whims of destruction of ANYTHING. If it's killing, stealing or destroying - and these come in oh SO many flavors - then it ought not be in your mind. And you ought not DO it. And that is what is NOT God's will.

new job, day two

2007-08-14T20:31:00.001-07:00

quick update here...

on the maintenance floor today, hung out with Philip Wright and talked about marriage/life/Charisma

dumped solvent in a tank where it wasn't supposed to go, got cussed at (jokingly i think) by Dave Pettit. thought about how Charisma might have reacted.

Got to know Dave Pettit, quite A character. his antics distract me from missing Charisma.

helped inside the Christophel's garage which is being built. thought about how i'm developing skills and work ethic God wants in me to be a better person for ... Charisma

shoot, ill just say it..
I MISS CHARISMA!!!

three months

2007-08-13T21:41:00.000-07:00

The first day of my ew work set behind a very colorful and joyous and dramatic past and brough tme into a solemn reality that life isnt' all a bed of roses when it exlude someone very important to my sould. I am at the place I've dreamt fo for the last ten years, and it is just like I imagined. Thi is where I belong, yes, and this is the place I would crave, and if I were to leave it, I would mis it as if it were meant for me. I woul be satisfied here.
But then omeoe steppedd onto the story of my life three months ago, and my worl was changed. W spent most of the time during those three months together, except fo a whole three weeks lacking ehr presence. Viriia was a dream I knew possible ut Charisma was a relationship impossible to dream. God has brough such wonderful things to me through Charisma, and has spoke to my heart ruths that coul be understood only through Hs design of our relationship. He is workign in me in ways I feel too littl eand too weak to cooperate with, but without His challenges, a vital season of my life woul not come to pass.
I realize that the enemy is in the usiness of destroying marriages and the family, adn that there is a spiritual warfare happening right now as Charisma's and my relationship lay down roots. From mmy standpoint, thsi is not an easy batle. I fel the discouragemet and the conflict an the lie swarming and dive-bombing every piece of open flesh not guarded by the shield of faith. Also, whe I have let down my sword of the Wod of God from workign on the offensive, I feel the warm closing in for the strike.
Having a relationship where Gods will and pleasure is the goal certainly diesn't sign one up or a life of uninterrupted bliss. Keeping up my role as a godly boyfriend isnt easy. Leading our relationship by the pure motives, thoughts and attitudes...isn't easy. Bt what a privilege it is for God to give m this woman in my life and appoint me, a fallible, selfish at heart man, to be the oe to encourage her sanctifiation, understand her heart, and to team with her to be the model of the realtionship of the Godhead! I need prayer daily for wisom and viion and faith that this relatinhip is growing and establihed by God' design. Yet it is not I that can accomplish this but God's favor and blessing.
So here' the point I intende thi entry to convey when i started. I am very glad fro all that is in my life now. I'm in Virginia, I mean, life is perfect, right Yet, loneliness is the song of my heart. I beg to be transported into the future so I can be with Charisma agai. Virginia doesn't seem complete without her, either. Yet, I understand that this is only the beginning.
We hope for a day when seeing each other is as easy as going home.
But for now, dear, I miss you.
Lord, haste the day when I can see my sight for sore eyes again.

---August 13, 2007---
---three months since seeing into the eyes of she who has moved my soul---

Radar