Leaving Texas and Heading Back to Kentucky

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15391273.post-1123966282361077322005-08-13T15:51:00.000-07:002005-08-14T09:06:20.850-07:00Leaving Texas and Heading Back to KentuckyEven with the trials in Texas we had felt freedom, and it felt good. We were never harrassed by social workers and if the kids tried to keep from going to school the police would actually come into your home and make them get up and get dressed and take them to school. And they didn't prosecute the parents. They made the kids toe the line and if there was a dispute it was discussed in a kind way and no one was pushed or shoved into a police car. We didn't have it easy, but at least where we lived was nice and we had furniture and we even had a cat the kids got attached to, but when we left, we had to leave it all behind. We just couldn't afford the $450 a month rent and paying for a washer and dryer and trying to find a car when they charged every two weeks on payments instead of once a month. Mandy had an apartment now where we had lived when she was born, and we thought we would just stay with her for a couple of weeks and find a place of our own, but it didn't turn out that way. David made friends with this guy who was a really bad alcaholic and we stayed with him and we did find a trailer but it was far from what we needed, it was really bad to tell the truth. But we planned to move there and just make the best of it. It was in the country and close to a good school and we knew Pam didn't work there. And they promised to help us. So we painted and cleaned and got furniture and prepared to move in. My self esteem was really low and David hardly ever complimented my cooking or told me I was pretty, and I had pretty much gotten used to it, but I was thrown for a loop when this man we were staying with told me that he had prayed all his life for a good woman like me and that he would do anything if I wasn't married and would stay with him. I was an idiot. I fell for it hook line and sinker and even had the nerve to tell David that I had changed my mind and wouldn't be going with them. The kids had gotten to the point of talking to me like a dog and when I would cook something David would eat and not say, this is good or anything... and if I asked, he would say...well I'm eating it aren't I? I just needed some encouragement. I didn't need to leave my family and move in with a stranger. But that's what I did. I felt like I was doing the right thing at the time. This man needed someone to take care of him. He was lonely, and I was a fool. One of the last memories I have of my son is sitting across from me eating pizza with tears in his eyes and me telling him that I had to do this for me. FOR ME? WHAT RIGHT DID i have to do it for ME! David got another girlfriend and they took off with the kids. I didn' t know where they were until the day that we went to court, and I guess I was frantic with worry and felt guilty for not being able to give them the kind of life they deserved, so when the judge asked me if I wanted the court to protect my kids I said yes...what was I supposed to say? What mother would say No I don't want my kids to be protected. They had headed to California and on the way there in Flagstaff Arizona his girlfriend ditched them. She had her own car. So she took the money and took off. They had to wing it back by picking up hitchhikers and all I could think of was what if my kids get killed by some crazy serial killer. They made it back ok, and I got to see them for a while. Me and my "boyfriend" moved into a trailer then a house out of town and we hoped they would come and stay with us, but they never did. Then Mandy told me they'd left and wouldn't tell me where they went. I knew they were ok, because I figured that they'd gone to Alabama. And I would hear from Mandy if anything was wrong. She came and stayed with us and brought Tony a few times, but Dwight was a real asshole and possessive and I felt like I had jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. Just one word from David and I would have headed to where they were and not gone to Arkansas with Dwight, but I felt like I had made my bed hard and would have to lie in it. I had been in Arkansas for about three months when I got the certified letter from the social worker. The kids were safe. They'd been picked up and David was in jail. That's all she told me when I called. They would see that they were sent to me as soon as the paperwork was done and they could be sure that everything was ok where I was. Dwight wouldn't stop drinking and had gotten more abusive, so I kicked him out and made him stay with his brothers. I started counceling and got back in church. David came to live with me. We renewed our vows and we've been together ever since, but the kids are still in foster care and the system has made it impossible for us to get them back. They took our rights away last year after the attorney that was appointed for us was paid by the state to lose our case. We haven't seen or heard our son's voice in almost three years, and it's been 4 years since this all happened. Our daughter has called once, and we've spoken to her a few times online, long enough to fill in some of the details of what's been going on since they were taken. She's 18 now and he'll be 16 on September 18th. They plan to keep them past their 21st birthdays and there's no telling what they've been told or what they remember about the parents who love them more than they'll even know. But what happens now is anyone's guess. We just want to put our family back together. We want to mend the broken pieces and have a chance to start over again. How many times do we have to start over again? David has had 3 heart attacks, he has two stints in his heart and we just found out he has multiple schlerosis, and I have emphasema and am on oxygen. All we ever wanted was a normal life with the children we love and to be happy, whatever that means. If someone could help us have a little bit of happiness before we leave this world we would be going to our graves in peace. Shanna and Clay, we love and miss you so much. Please come home. MomRebecca Beasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01418931001286237141noreply@blogger.com