My Aspergers Child

CAST: The Childhood Asperger Syndrome Test

2010-03-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

Question

What is the best way to have a child tested for asperger's?

Answer

The best approach to testing is to have your child examined by a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist [ask for a Comprehensive Psychiatric Evaluation].

For your own personal information, you can use the CAST test below. An Asperger test known as CAST is a valuable tool for evaluating children who might have the disorder. CAST stands for Childhood Asperger Syndrome Test. It's easy to administer and well organized. Exams like this have been developed to help families with high-functioning children receive the necessary screening. The Childhood Asperger Syndrome Test is also used for epidemiological research. The Aspergers CAST Test for children is a test that will enable parents to have a better sense of what the criteria for Asperger's looks like. For some of you, it will settle your nerves, for others, you will now have a better sense of what's going on with your child, enabling you to make appropriate choices with a better idea of where your child's challenges lay.

Aspergers CAST Test For Children

Child's name_______________________________
Age______ Sex: M / F
Birth Order: Twin or single birth______________
Parent / Guardian______________________________
Parent(s) occupation___________________________
Address______________________________________
_______________________________________
Phone#______________________________________
School_______________________________________

Please read the following questions carefully, and circle the appropriate answer:

1. Does s/he join in playing games with others easily?
Yes
No

2. Does s/he come up to you spontaneously for a chat?
Yes
No

3. Was s/he speaking by 2 years old?
Yes
No

4. Does s/he enjoy sports?
Yes
No

5. Is it important for him/her to fit in with a peer group?
Yes
No

6. Does s/he appear to notice unusual details that others miss?
Yes
No

7. Does s/he tend to take things literally?
Yes
No

8. When s/he was 3 years old, did s/he spend a lot of time pretending (e.g., play-acting being a super-hero, or holding teddy's tea parties?
Yes
No

9. Does s/he like to do the same things over and over again, in the same way all the time?
Yes
No

10. Does s/he find it easy to interact with other children?
Yes
No

11. Can s/he keep a two-way conversation going?
Yes
No

12. Can s/he read appropriately for his/her age?
Yes
No

13. Does s/he mostly have the same interests as his/her peers?
Yes
No

14. Does s/he have an interest that which takes up so much time that s/he does little else?
Yes
No

15. Does s/he have friends, rather than just acquaintances?
Yes
No

16. Does s/he often bring things to show you that interest s/he?
Yes
No

17. Does s/he enjoy joking around?
Yes
No

18. Does s/he have difficulty understanding the rules for polite behavior?
Yes
No

19. Does s/he have an unusual memory for details?
Yes
No

20. Is his/her voice unusual (e.g., overly adult, flat, or very monotonous?
Yes
No

21. Are people important to him/her?
Yes
No

22. Can s/he dress him/herself?
Yes
No

23. Is s/he good at turn-taking in conversation?
Yes
No

24. Does s/he play imaginatively with other children, and engage in role-play?
Yes
No

25. Does s/he do or say things that are tactless or socially inappropriate?
Yes
No

26. Can s/he count to 50 without leaving out any numbers?
Yes
No

27. Does s/he make normal eye-contact?
Yes
No

28. Does s/he have any unusual and repetitive movements?
Yes
No

29. Is his/her social behavior very one-sided and always on his or her terms?
Yes
No

30. Does your child sometimes say "you" or "s/he" when s/he means to say "I"?
Yes
No

31. Does s/he prefer imaginative activities such as play-acting or story-telling, rather than numbers or a list of facts?
Yes
No

32. Does s/he sometimes lose the listener because of not explaining what s/he is talking about?
Yes
No

33. Can s/he ride a bicycle (even if with stabilizers)?
Yes
No

34. Does s/he try to impose routines on him/herself, or on others, in such a way that it causes problems?
Yes
No

35. Does s/he care about how s/he is perceived by the rest of the group?
Yes
No

36. Does s/he often turn conversations to his/her favorite subject rather than following what the other person wants to talk about?
Yes
No

37. Does s/he have odd or unusual phrases?
Yes
No

SPECIAL NEEDS SECTION

• Have teachers/health visitors ever expressed any concerns about his/her development?
Yes
No
If yes, please specify___________________________________

• Has s/he ever been diagnosed with the following:

Language delay
Yes
No

Hyperactivity/Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD)
Yes
No

Hearing or visual difficulties?
Yes
No

Autism Spectrum Condition, including Asperger syndrome?
Yes
No

A physical disability?
Yes
No

Other? (please specify
Yes
No
If yes, please specify___________________________________

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Aspergers Children & Behavioral Problems at School

2010-03-11T17:09:00.000-08:00

Question

I have a 7 year old son who has yet to be diagnosed but, it is looking as if he has aspergers. He is having major behavioural problems at school which include hitting other children, staff etc. He is an only child and although there are some behaviour issues at home, the main problem is when he is in a group situation like school. Has anyone else had this experience and if so what did you do?

Answer

First of all, you should have him tested by a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists (ask for a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation) to determine if he, in fact, has Aspergers.

There are all sorts of reasons why Aspergers kids misbehave in school. By the time an Aspergers student is reacting with violence, it's too late to institute a quick fix. Here are five ways to start dealing with problems or potential problems early, when there is still time to work with teachers and administrators to make school a tolerable place for your youngster.

1. Be realistic about your Aspergers youngster's abilities—Pushing and motivating and holding high expectations can drive some kids to be all they can be, but it can drive others straight into anxiety and depression. Would you want to work at a job, day in and day out, where you always had to be at the top of your abilities, handling things you weren't quite on top of and hoping things turn out alright? Kids can't quit, and they have very little recourse in terms of demanding better working conditions, but they can find all sorts of ways to act out their anger and despair. Be honest and compassionate when considering what sort of classroom your youngster will learn best in and what sorts of supports he or she will require. Academics are important, and it's not wrong to make them your biggest concern, but emotional support and feelings of mastery are important, too.

2. Be respectful of authority yourself—We all know how important it is to fight for our kids and be strong, effective advocates. That struggle may lead us to conclude that some teachers and some administrators are not worthy of our respect, and their judgment is subject to doubt. But be very, very careful how you communicate that to your youngster. You may think the message you're giving is that grown-ups can be wrong, and you will always stick up for him, and she should value herself even when others criticize. The message your youngster receives, though, may be that it's okay to be disrespectful to teachers, the rules don't apply to her, and you will clean up every mess he makes. That's an attitude that's sure to cause major problems at school, and beyond -- if you teach a kid to question authority, sooner or later he's going to question yours.

3. Listen when your Aspergers youngster talks—I suggest that kids don't answer the question "How was school?" because they know moms and dads only want to hear good news. Moms and dads should reconnect with what it really feels like to be in school -- the uncomfortable desks, the stuffy classrooms, the disengaged teachers, the work that is either too easy or too hard. Think about what it really feels like to be your youngster at school. Ask questions about feelings, and really listen to what he or she says. Don't be quick with a pep talk and a pat on the back. Having someone to listen, without judging, can help defuse some of the frustration that might later erupt in dangerous behavior. And if you listen closely, you may be able to figure out other ways to lessen your youngster's emotional burden.

4. Request an FBA—If the school is sending home complaints about your youngster's behavior -- and expecting you to do something about it -- put the ball back in their court by requesting a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA). This will force school personnel to really think about your youngster's behavior, not just react to it. An FBA examines what comes before bad behavior and what the consequences are for it; what possible function the behavior could serve for the youngster; and what sorts of things could be setting him or her off. If a youngster finds classwork too hard or a classroom too oppressive, for example, getting sent to the hallway or the principal or home could become a reward, not a punishment. Conducting an FBA and writing a behavior plan based on it is probably the best way to head off discipline problems. If teachers and administrators refuse to go along with it, you might need to do a little behavior analysis on them.

5. Volunteer at your Aspergers youngster's school—Being a presence at your youngster's school -- whether you volunteer at the library or help in the lunchroom, serve as class parent or staff special events -- pays numerous dividends. It gets you known by the administration in a non-adversarial context. It lets your youngster know that school is important to you and a place you want to be. It gives you an opportunity to observe what goes on in that building, from the conduct of the students to the morale of the teachers. If you can't spare the time to volunteer during the school day, attend every Home and School Association meeting you can, and be sure to show up for Back to School nights and teacher conferences. When school personnel get to know you as an involved and interested parent, they're more likely to be your ally when problems come up.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns at Home and School

Aspergers Children & School Refusal

2010-03-11T10:32:00.000-08:00

Question

What do you do if your 9 year old with Asperger's is refusing to go to school ever again? Do take him kicking and screaming?

Answer

Some Aspergers kids experience fear or panic when they think about going to school in the morning. These kids may tell their moms and dads that they feel nauseous or have a headache, or may exaggerate minor physical complaints as an excuse not to go to school. When the Aspergers youngster or teen exhibits a developmentally inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation from their home or from those to whom they are attached, they may be experiencing a Separation Anxiety Disorder. Separation Anxiety Disorder is characterized by the youngster exhibiting three or more of the following for a period of more than four weeks:

1. persistent and excessive worry about losing, or about possible harm befalling, major attachment figures
2. persistent and excessive worry that an untoward event will lead to separation from a major attachment figure (e.g., getting lost or being kidnapped)
3. persistent reluctance or refusal to go to school or elsewhere because of fear of separation
4. persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure or to sleep away from home
5. persistently and excessively fearful or reluctant to be alone or without major attachment figures at home or without significant adults in other settings
6. recurrent excessive distress when separation from home or major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated
7. repeated complaints of physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or vomiting) when separation from major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated
8. repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation

In addition to the symptoms described above, Aspergers kids with an unreasonable fear of school may also:

• display clinging behavior
• fear being alone in the dark
• feel unsafe staying in a room by themselves and frequently go check to find their parent or have a need to be able to see their parent (e.g., a teenager in a shopping mall who feels a lot of distress if they can't always see their parent may be exhibiting a symptom of separation anxiety)
• have difficulty going to sleep
• have exaggerated, unrealistic fears of animals, monster, burglars
• have nightmares about being separated from their parent(s)
• have severe tantrums when forced to go to school

School Refusal Warning Signs—

While one student may complain of headaches or stomachaches, another may refuse to get out of bed, while a third repeatedly gets "sick" and calls home during the school day. Symptoms can run the gamut and may even include combinations of behaviors. Here are some typical warning signs that an Aspergers youngster is suffering from school refusal disorder:

• Anxiety or panic attacks
• Depression
• Drug/alcohol use
• Failing grades
• Fatigue
• Frequent physical complaints such as headaches, stomachaches
• Physical aggression or threats
• Risk-taking behavior
• Social problems

Many symptoms, particularly physical complaints, can mimic other disorders. When these occur in combination with a pattern of not attending school, a complete evaluation should be made by qualified professionals to determine whether a student has school refusal disorder or another psychological or possibly even a physical disorder.

Separation Anxiety Disorder can be exhausting and frustrating for the moms and dads to deal with, but it is worse for the Aspergers youngster who feels such intense fear and discomfort about going to school. If moms and dads are unable to get the youngster to school, the youngster may develop serious educational, emotional, and social problems.

Because the anxiety is about separating from the parent (or attachment object), once the youngster or teen gets to school, they usually calm down and are OK. It's getting them there that is the real challenge.

School avoidance or school refusal may serve different functions in different kids or teenagers. For some Aspergers kids or teens, it may be the avoidance of specific fears or phobias triggered in the school setting (e.g., fear of school bathrooms due to contamination fears associated with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, fear of test-taking). For other kids or teenagers, it may serve to help them avoid or escape negative social situations (e.g., being bullied by peers, being teased , or having a very critical teacher).

When school refusal is anxiety-related, allowing the Aspergers youngster to stay home only worsens the symptoms over time, and getting the youngster back into school as quickly as possible is one of the factors that is associated with more positive outcomes. To do that, however, requires a multimodal approach that involves the student's physician, a mental health professional, the moms and dads, the student, and the school team. The same therapeutic modalities that are effective with Panic Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder are also effective for school refusal, namely, exposure-response prevention (a form of cognitive-behavior therapy that may include relaxation training, cognitive alterations, and a graded hierarchy of steps towards the goal).

There is some research that suggests that education support therapy may be as effective as exposure therapy for treating school refusal. Working with the school psychologist, the student talks about their fears and is educated in the differences between fear, anxiety, and phobias. They learn to recognize the physical symptoms that are associated with each of these states and are given information to help them overcome their fears about attending school. The student is usually asked to keep a daily diary where they record their fears, thoughts (cognitions), strategies, and feelings about going to school. The time of day that they arrived at school is also recorded, and the record is reviewed each morning with the school psychologist. Although it might seem like a good idea to incorporate positive reinforcement for school attendance, that may backfire and merely increase the student's stress levels and anxiety.

Parent training in strategies to work with the Aspergers youngster in the home is also an important piece of any school-based plan to deal with the student with school refusal.

When it comes to school refusal, accommodating the Aspergers youngster by letting them stay home is generally contraindicated, unless there are other issues. So what can moms and dads do? Here are some tips:

• A youngster's reluctance to go to school can be irritating to moms and dads. Expressing resentment and anger is counterproductive. And you won't feel the urge to do so if you adopt specific strategies to assist your Aspergers youngster.

• Be open to hearing about how your youngster feels. However, lengthy discussions about the youngster's problems are not always helpful and can be experienced as a burden by the youngster. The focus must always be that you want to help your youngster be free of worries and fears.

• Do not deny the youngster's anxiety or worries, but acknowledge them and reassure him/her. For example: "I know you're worried I won't be there to pick you up, but there's no reason to worry. I'll be there."

• Do not quiz the Aspergers youngster about why s/he feels scared. The youngster often does not know why. By not being able to provide an explanation, in addition to being anxious, the youngster feels guilty about not making sense of what is happening. Better to acknowledge that the fears make no sense and that the Aspergers youngster has to fight them.

• It is most important to tell the Aspergers youngster exactly what s/he is to expect. There should be no "tricks" or surprises. For example, a youngster may be told that he should try to stay in school for only one hour, but after the hour he is encouraged or asked to stay longer either by the school or parent. This will backfire. The youngster will eventually refuse future arrangements for fear that they will be modified arbitrarily. Part of being anxious is anxiety about the unknown and the “what if?”.

• Punishment does not work, but kind, consistent, rational pressure and encouragement do.

• Try to find ways to enable the Aspergers youngster to go to school. For example, a youngster is likely to feel reassured if times are set for him or her to call the mother from school. In extreme cases, mothers may stay with the youngster in school, but for a specified length of time which is gradually reduced.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

ASPERGER'S SYNDROME: CLINICAL FEATURES

2010-03-09T06:27:00.000-08:00

Question

Do you have rating scale or checklist about interpersonal behavior for Aspergers children? Thank you so much for your attention.

Answer

We have included several “checklists” on a variety of parameters below:

ASPERGERS: CLINICAL FEATURES

One of the primary features of Aspergers is their passion for favorite topics or special interests. Some of these areas include:

• astronomy
• dinosaurs
• extraterrestrials
• geography
• history
• machines or machinery
• maps
• math
• metereology
• music
• reading
• science
• social studies
• space travel
• trains
• weather

Socialization deficits—

• Are inflexible and incapable of coping with change
• By school age express desire to fit in socially
• Described as being "in OUR world, but, ON THEIR OWN terms"
• Different from "typical" Autism
• Difficulties making social connections
• Easily stressed and emotionally vulnerable
• Frequently described as “odd” or selfish
• Highly frustrated by their social awkwardness/alienation
• Lack effective interaction skills — not desire
• Lack understanding of human relations and rules of social convention
• Naïve and lack common sense
• Preoccupied with own agenda
• Seldom interested in other's interests/concerns
• Unable to “read” others' needs and perspectives
• Unable to appropriately respond to social cues

Social Problems—

Many Aspergers kid’s social problems are not recognized until they enter preschool. The first things noticed may be a tendency to avoid spontaneous social interactions, to have problems maintaining a conversation and to have a tendency to repeat phrases and make odd statements. They may not make many friends and often have difficulty keeping them. Emotional responses such anger, aggression, or anxiety may be excessive or inappropriate to the situation. ASPERGERS kids also prefer a set routine to frequent changes in the environment.

Social rejection of Aspergers kids—

Because of their social ineptness ASPERGERS kids are often the focus of bullying, scape-goating, hazing and teasing. This often leads to anxiety, feelings of rejection, depression and withdrawal.

Adolescence may bring on crises for ASPERGERS kids because the very social skills they lack are central to adolescent social developmental. Successful adolescents have sensitivities to social nuances and variations in language that nerds lack.

For some teenagers, computers are an alternative from stressful social situations. Computers also provide a more linear, modulated form of socialization that ASPERGERS kids are more skilled and comfortable at handling. Since many ASPERGERS kids become very computer proficient, they become valuable resources to their peers. It also provides a media for social interaction in which they can feel competent and valued.

ASPERGERS adults can lead a normal life. They tend to pursue vocations that relate to their special interests, sometimes with great success, as with Einstein and Newton. Some are able to complete college and even graduate school. However, most will continue to show subtle differences in social style. The social and emotional demands of marriage can be demanding for them.

Use of Language—

• Concrete language rather than abstract
• Difficulty understanding humor
• Early years: repetitive phrases or language or stock phrases from memorized material
• Excessively formal or pedantic language
• Hyper-verbal (highly developed vocabularies)
• Laugh at “wrong time” with jokes or interactions
• Many have good sense of humor
• Misused or not used cultural slang or social idioms
• Problems with taking turns in conversations
• Prosody-speech volume, intonation, inflection, rate is frequently deficient or unusual
• Rote skills are strong
• Some have normal or early language development
others have speech delays, then rapidly catch up, making diagnosis between AS, autism, and speech disorders difficult
• Typically revert to favorite topic area
• Usually like word games and puns
• Weak pragmatic-conversational-skills

TEACHING STRESS REDUCTION SKILLS—

AS kids are:

• are often anxious and worrisome
• easily overwhelmed
• highly sensitive
• often engage in rituals

Practical Suggestions:

• consistent routines
• let them know what to expect
• minimize fears of unknown
• minimize transitions
• prepare them for altered plans, schedules or changes
• provide predictable, safe environments

Examples:

• Introduce to teacher, therapist or para-professional before work begins.
• Learn about youngster's favorite topics or special interests
• Take tour of building youngster will be working or learning in.

AS kids typically display impaired Social Interaction—

Practical Suggestions:

• Create cooperative learning situations
• Educate peers
• Praise classmates when supportive
• Promote empathy and tolerance
• Shield them from bullying and teasing

Examples: Use AS youngster's strengths in exchange for liabilities to foster acceptance:

• Encourage participation in conversations
• Insensitive or inappropriate comments from AS are usually innocent
• Model two-way interactions
• Rehearse proper response repertoires
• Teach and support proper reaction to social cues
• Teach WHAT to say, WHEN, and HOW to say it
• Teach/model correct emotional responding
• Teaching WHY & WHAT response is appropriate is necessary

COMMUNICATION AND GESTURES—

Six steps for understanding challenging communications:

(1) Try to figure out what your youngster is communicating with the challenging behavior.

• “I can't remember what I'm supposed to do”
• “I'm mad…scared…confused”
• “This is too difficult for me”

(2) Consider how you can adapt the situation.

• Youngster expressing confusion? -> consider how to make the situation easier to understand. Make it more concrete, routine, or predictable
• Youngster overwhelmed or overstimulated? Try reducing amount of time in situation, or avoiding it in future.

(3) If the message must be communicated, come up with alternate way in which your youngster can communicate his or her needs or wishes more appropriately.

• Help your youngster develop appropriate ways of conveying requests/needs. If screaming when confused by a task, teach youngster to raise hand, ring a bell, or say: “I need help with this…this is too hard”

(4) Practice the “new way” of communicating.

• model more appropriate phrase or nonverbal signals
• have youngster practice the “new phrase” or behavior
• during the situation, remind (prompt) youngster to use new phrase or behavior

(5) Reward your youngster for using the strategy by showing that it gets his or her needs met.

• if asks to leave situation, provide her with immediate break
• if needs attention, stop what you're doing and provide some time/interest
• if your youngster requests help assist her immediately

(6) Be sure that the challenging behavior is no longer effective in getting your youngster's needs met.

• ignore problem behaviors
• provide prompt for the “new, appropriate one
• if youngster screams to avoid situation, prompt her to use an appropriate phrase. Do NOT allow her to leave the situation while she is screaming.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

Balancing Time Between the Aspergers Child and His Siblings

2010-03-09T05:40:00.000-08:00

Question

How can I balance things so that I spend enough time with my son with Aspergers and his siblings?

Answer

Every mother struggles to create balance in her life. Work, household chores, spouse, and kids all compete for a woman’s attention. A youngster with Aspergers will demand attention. Other people and areas of life will fall to the wayside as the mother struggles to meet the needs of that youngster.

It is possible to accomplish the goal of a balanced home life. It will take planning and dedication, skills you already exercise every day as a mother. Here are some areas that you can work on.

Be an involved parent. Support all of your kids at school and at home. Get in the floor with them to play, watch movies, or just hang out. Talk about everything. Know what’s going on in their lives, show interest in their friends, and recognize their hobbies and special interests. Make every minute count for all of your kids.

Do your homework. Find books that will help you deal with tough issues and give you guidance on how to improve the relationships within your home.

Make therapy a family project. It can actually be fun. Spreading the work among several people will make it easier to stick to a therapy plan. It will teach your kids about teamwork, social skills, and what it means to be part of a family.

Make time for work and for play. Household chores should be shared by all. It is important for all of your kids that you keep your youngster with Aspergers involved. He needs to learn these important life skills and his siblings need to experience a home of fairness. On the other hand, make sure you schedule plenty of structured and free playtime. Your kids need to play together. Your typical kids will learn the value of tolerance while your youngster with Aspergers will learn those important social skills.

Schedule time with each youngster. One-on-one time is invaluable for building your kid’s self-confidence. Plan regular alone time with each of your kids. Encourage each youngster to talk about things that happen with their siblings. Be open and honest about Aspergers. These outings are the perfect time to answer questions the siblings may have about your youngster with Aspergers.

My Aspergers Child

Parents’ Management of Tantrums in Aspergers Children

2010-03-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Kids with Aspergers have been known to have a tantrum or two. Think about why a youngster may have a tantrum. That's right, they work! Tantrums can get kids what they want, or they would not have them. What do kids want? Candy, attention, favorite toys, not to go to bed, to continue self-stimulating, not to take medicine, more cookies, no more broccoli, and on and on.

Kids want what they want, when they want it. There are some things you can do to prevent tantrum behavior (e.g., teach kids to wait) but that cannot help you when you are at the shops with a screaming youngster! The best solution for a tantrum is a commitment from all people who have regular contact with your youngster to ignore the tantrum and never give the youngster what he is fussing for as long as he is still having a tantrum. Here's how to do it and stay sane.

What Is A Tantrum?

A tantrum is a form of communication. It's a way for the youngster to say: "Look, moms and dads and the whole world, you'd better give me what I want!" A tantrum is a normal reaction to frustration (not getting what you want) that has grown into a behavior problem. It is normal for a youngster to express anger when disappointed. Anger is a healthy response as long as it is expressed in a socially acceptable way.

When a youngster expresses anger, our first reaction may be amusement. It's cute when a toddler gets mad. Their face frowns up, they say cute things, and they seem so pitiful. Our second reaction, unfortunately, may be to give in to them. This is when a normal anger reaction may turn into a tantrum. The youngster learns quickly that this tool they have just discovered is like magic. It gets the youngster what he wants.

As time goes on, moms and dads get angry too and begin to punish, ignore, yell, and, eventually, to give in again. This is why many moms and dads say, "I tried ignoring, but it did not work." You cannot ignore for a while. You must always ignore, in all situations, or it will not work. The youngster must learn that you will never give in to him when he is fussing. What happens when we ignore, yell, or punish for a while and then give in? The youngster has learned that for a tantrum to work, it must be loud and must last for a long time! To stop a tantrum, you and all who have regular contact with your youngster will have to agree to never give in to a tantrum. This is very hard to do! If you cannot commit to this, then stop reading now and find a way to enjoy the tantrums.

Counting Procedure—

One strategy is to let the youngster know that reinforcement is currently not available. It can be used when a youngster wants something that he can have, but not by throwing a tantrum.

Mother/father: “No crying.” (Start counting as soon as the youngster takes a breath but stops as soon as the crying begins again.)
Mother/father: Repeat “No crying” (Resume counting each time the youngster stops crying.)
Eventually stops crying for a full count of 10.
Mother/father: "What do you want?"

Where a youngster has echolalia, he may begin using the number sequence as a request for the desired object. The numbers should then be counted non-verbally using your fingers instead. In some cases the counting procedure may actually escalate the tantrum because the presence of the mother/father still suggests that he can get what he wants. This can be especially true if the tantrums have worked in the past to get the youngster what he wants. Planned ignoring should then be used.

Planned Ignoring—

Planned ignoring, or tactical ignoring, is a strategy to deal with behaviors that thrive on attention. It is not to be used when the tantrum causes harm to the youngster, others, or property. To ignore the youngster harming self, others, or property would be teaching a behavior that is much worse than a tantrum. If your youngster is harming self, others, or property, ask the professionals working with you for another strategy. Here's how to implement planned ignoring for tantrums:

Consistent response from everyone—

Everyone who has regular contact with your youngster must agree to use this approach for each and every tantrum. If your youngster can understand you, when he is calm, tell your youngster that you will not pay attention to any tantrums (use words he understands) and that you will not give him what he wants as long as he is having a tantrum.

Complete ignoring of the tantrum—

Whenever and wherever a tantrum occurs, it must be completely ignored. This means no positive or negative attention. The tantrum should be treated as if it did not exist and that it will change nothing for the good or bad in your youngster's life. Do not look at your youngster (except out of the corner of your eye to assure your youngster's safety). Do not talk to your youngster, correct your youngster, yell at your youngster, reason with your youngster, comment on the tantrum, or explain your actions to your youngster. Do not touch your youngster (except to protect him from harming himself, others, or property). Step over your youngster if you have to. No hugs, spankings, pats, squeezes, etc. Do not give your youngster anything to distract him, especially the item he is fussing for.

Lavish praise to other kids for their appropriate behavior—

Do not talk to others in the room about the youngster's tantrum. Talk to other adults about the news, sports, or weather. Focus on the other kids or people in the room and what they are doing right. Also, do not ignore good behavior when it occurs at other times. When you see your youngster behaving well, sitting quietly, tell him so: "I like how you are sitting so quietly!" This will let the youngster know that you pay attention to good behavior, not bad.

If you are alone, occupy your attention with other activities—

Read a book, call a friend (this may be a good idea as long as the friend will support you in your new, tough-love stance with your youngster - but do not call anyone who will convince you to give in), listen to music, watch television, sweep the floor, anything to distract you from paying attention to your youngster's tantrum.

Positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior—

When the tantrum stops (in the beginning, this may take a long time), wait a few moments, and then praise your youngster for the next appropriate behavior. Do not discuss the tantrum and do not give your youngster the item or privilege he was fussing for until 30 minutes have passed. At that time it is appropriate to say: "Now ask me again for a cookie (or the item that set the tantrum off - if it is appropriate to have at that time)." Praise the youngster for appropriate asking and give the item, if appropriate. This positive reinforcement will encourage appropriate behavior.

When to Intervene in a tantrum—

If your youngster begins to hurt himself, others, or property during a tantrum, you must intervene. If your youngster is trying to hurt others, remove the others from his reach and give the others your full attention. Do not talk to your youngster while intervening. Continue to ignore the tantrum. If your youngster is hurting himself, remove any items that may harm your youngster or move your youngster to a safer place. Do not talk to your youngster and use only the amount of physical contact necessary to assure your youngster's safety. Make all your actions appear to be matter-of-fact. Treat the tantrum with as little attention as possible. Not unlike the way you deal with an unpleasant noise from outside over which you have no control.

If your youngster was in the middle of completing a task for you when the tantrum began, ignore the tantrum but make sure the youngster completes the task, even if it means hand-over-hand help. For example, if you asked your youngster to pick up the toys and then the tantrum began, do not allow the tantrum to get the youngster out of the chore. Without talking to the youngster, help him pick up the toys and put them away. When the task is finished, walk away without praising your youngster, unless the tantrum stopped. You may also wait for the tantrum to stop and then have your youngster complete the task.

Getting help in dealing with tantrums—

Talk with supportive people who understand what you are doing with your youngster. Hopefully, you have a spouse, minister, friend, family member, and/or professional to share your progress with. This will help keep you on track and will help you deal with the strange looks you will get from people in the community who do not understand what you are doing to your youngster.

Have someone else observe your ignoring to make sure you are not providing any inadvertent attention to your youngster. Stick to the planned ignoring for at least one month before thinking about changing tactics. Behaviors that have been around for a long time will take longer to extinguish. If the tantrum behavior occurs again after it has stopped, apply the planned ignoring all over again. Your youngster must get the idea that tantrums do not help them or hurt them, they just get ignored!

Tantrums as a request for attention—

Kids with Aspergers often communicate through their behavior. That may well be what is going on in a tantrum. You may acknowledge that you understand that the youngster is trying to tell you something but "you must use your words" or communicate in some other way.

As long as the youngster is not fussing, give praise when the youngster uses his words. Also, make sure you listen, don't ignore good communication (get up and meet the need or request if it is appropriate - or explain why it is not appropriate). Often we moms and dads get busy and put the youngster off for too long once he has asked appropriately for something. Show your youngster that appropriate communication is rewarded and honored.

A tantrum can be a request for attention. Moms and dads have a natural tendency to run to their kids when they are in distress. Unfortunately, kids can learn to get attention just by screaming. It is important that you stop reinforcing the behavior by giving attention to your youngster. Instead, give lots of positive attention during appropriate behaviors. For example, approach him when he is playing quietly and offer lots of hugs and kind words (or whatever works as positive reinforcement for the youngster).

Never give attention to the problem behavior again. Time out or ignoring will work if the problem behavior is an attempt to gain attention. If the youngster is using self-injurious or destructive behavior to gain attention, don't leave the youngster alone. Block the behavior and protect the youngster but do not say anything and do not provide any “soothing” touches.

Be aware of sensory issues that can cause tantrums—

Some tantrums are related to sensory issues. A tantrum may occur due to your youngster's hearing a noise, seeing something that they dislike or are afraid of, smelling something, etc. If you suspect this, look into the sensory issues and consult your youngster's occupational therapist for sensory integration ideas. Some kids enjoy tantrums because they lead to the mother/father holding the youngster. I know some therapists recommend holding a youngster to relieve the tantrum. Just my opinion: I think this gives too much attention and may actually reinforce the tantrum.

Some kids do things in a tantrum that cause them self-harm (e.g., banging head, hitting self, etc.) and can lead to self-injurious behavior - sometimes this is a sensory issue also. Researchers believe some kids hurt themselves to release endorphins in the body that then provides them with a sensation they enjoy. If your youngster is hurting himself, please contact a psychologist or psychiatrist or other medical professional for evaluation.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums in Aspergers Children

Intervention Programs for Aspergers Children

2010-03-07T12:49:00.000-08:00

Question

We found out 4 weeks ago that my son has aspergers and possible ADHD plus sensory issues. I do not know where to begin. I feel as though I am getting nowhere …some intervention programs we have contacted don’t give much information …I am starting to work out what aspergers is and what it means … I went to a work shop and I did not find that helpful at all …they were meant to narrow down the best intervention programs out there but they never did. The team that told us our son has aspergers sort of said “here you go, this is what he has off you go find an intervention program.”

We have looked at a few but they don’t seem right for our son, no one can help me and advise me what intervention program is best for my son … we sort of want a program that is related to aspergers. No one can help us find a course or workshops to teach our son at home the skills the therapist will teach him.

If anyone can help me narrow down good intervention programs for aspergers or if there is any workshops, or books, or DVD’s that can give us advise tips how to teach our son on communication, social, meltdowns we would be so grateful to anyone.

Answer

Here's a great resource:
The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome.

My 5 year old was just diagnosed with aspergers...

2010-03-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

Question

My 5 year old was just diagnosed with aspergers. Where do I start to help him and where do I start to educate myself? I feel alone and scared. I live in a small area and I don't even know if we have anyone here that is well educated to guide us. How do I find that out?

Answer

A great place to start is with The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook: Help for Parents with Aspergers Children.

Raising Aspergers Children: Symptoms and Parenting Strategies

2010-03-05T07:25:00.000-08:00

Aspergers is a developmental disorder falling within the autistic spectrum affecting two-way social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and a reluctance to accept change, inflexibility of thought and to have all absorbing narrow areas of interest. Individuals are usually extremely good on rote memory skills (facts, figures, dates, times etc.) many excel in math and science. There is a range of severity of symptoms within the syndrome, the very mildly affected youngster often goes undiagnosed and may just appear odd or eccentric.

While Aspergers is much more common than Autism it is still a rare condition and few people, including professionals, will know about it much less have experience of it. It seems to affect more boys than girls. In general terms they find making friends difficult, not understanding the subtle clues needed to do so. They often use language in a slightly odd way and take literal meanings from what is read or heard. They are happiest with routines and a structured environment, finding it difficult to decide what to do they fall back on to their preferred activities. They love praise, winning and being first, but find loosing, imperfection and criticism very difficult to take. Bad behavior often stems from an inability to communicate their frustrations and anxieties. They need love, tenderness, care, patience and understanding. Within this framework they seem to flourish.

Kids with Aspergers are for the most part bright, happy and loving kids. If we can help break through to their 'own little world' we can help them to cope a little better in society. They have a need to finish tasks they have started. Strategies can be developed to reduce the stress they experience at such times. Warnings that an activity is to finish in x minutes can help with older kids. With younger kids attempts to 'save' the task help - videoing a program, mark in a book etc.

As the kids mature some problems will get easier, but like all other kids new problems will emerge. Some teenagers can feel the lack of friendships difficult to cope with as they try hard to make friends in their own way but find it hard to keep them. This is not always the case, many have friends who act as 'buddies' for long periods of time. Social skills will have to be taught in an effort for them to find a place in the world ... so take all opportunities to explain situations time and time again ..... and one day.......it may work!

Please bear in mind that booklets such as this do tend to detail all the problems which can be found within a syndrome but that does not mean every youngster will have all of them. Each youngster will also have different levels of achievements and difficulties. They are after all just as the others ... individuals!

Is Aspergers The Same As Autism?

The debate on this question still continues, some experts say that Aspergers should be classified separately, others argue that the core difficulties are the same, only the degree to which they are seen in the kids actually makes the difference. One expert - Uta Frith - has referred to Aspergers kids as 'Having a dash of Autism'.

Autism is often interpreted as a withdrawal from normal life - to live in the persons own fantasy world. This is no longer the real meaning of Autism. The severity of the impairments is much greater than in Aspergers, and often the youngster will have little or no language. Learning problems are more common in classic Autism. In Aspergers speech is usual and intelligence (cognitive ability) is usually average or even above average.

For the moment it is taken that the similarities are enough for both Autism and Aspergers to be considered within the same 'spectrum' of developmental disorders. Whilst a clear diagnosis is essential, it can change through life. The autistic traits seen in young kids can often seem less severe as the youngster matures and learns strategies to cope with his/her difficulties.

Key Features—

The main areas affected by Aspergers are:

• Communication
• Narrow Interests / Preoccupation's
• Repetitive routines / rituals, inflexibility
• Social interaction

Social Interaction—

Kids with Aspergers have poor social skills. They cannot read the social cues and, therefore, they don't give the right social and emotional responses. They can lack the desire to share information and experiences with others. These problems are less noticeable with moms and dads and adults, but it leads to an inability to make age appropriate friends. This in turn can lead to frustration and subsequent behavior problems. They find the world a confusing place. They are often alone, some are happy like this, others are not. They are more noticeably different among peer groups in unstructured settings i.e. playgrounds. Their naiveté can cause them to be bullied and teased unless care is taken by assistants or buddies to integrate and help protect them. They can often focus on small details and fail to see the overall picture of what is happening in any situation.

Communication—

Both verbal and nonverbal communications pose problems. Spoken language is often not entirely understood, so it should be kept simple, to a level they can understand. Take care to be precise. Metaphor s (non-literal expressions - 'food for thought') and similes (figures of speech - 'as fit as a fiddle') have to be explained as kids with Aspergers tend to make literal and concrete interpretations. Language acquisition - learning to speak - in some cases can be delayed. They make much use of phrases they have memorized, although they may not be used in the right context. A certain amount of translation may be needed in order to understand what they are trying to say.

Spoken language can sometimes be odd, perhaps they don't have the local accent or they are too loud for a situation or overly formal or speak in a monotonous tone. If the youngster with Aspergers has a good level of spoken language you must not assume their understanding is at the same level. Some talk incessantly (hyper verbal) often on a topic of interest only to themselves without knowing the boredom of the listener.

Difficulties in using the right words or forming conversations are part of semantic-pragmatic difficulties. They appear often to talk 'at' rather than 'to' you, giving information rather that holding proper conversations. Body language and facial expressions of a youngster with Aspergers can appear odd (stiff eye gaze rather than eye contact) and find 'reading' these things in others gives rise to further difficulties. Early age is known as Hyperlexia. Some kids have remarkable reading abilities although you should check if they also understand the text. The ability to read fluently without understanding the meaning is known as Hyperlexia.

Narrow Interests / Pre-occupations—

One of the hallmarks of Aspergers is the youngster's preoccupation (or obsession) with certain topics, often on themes of transport - trains in particular-or computers, dinosaurs, maps etc. These pre-occupations, usually in intellectual areas change over time but not in intensity, and maybe pursued to the exclusion of other activities.

Repetitive Routines / Inflexibility—

Kids often impose rigid routine on themselves and those around them, from how they want things done, to what they will eat etc. It can be very frustrating for all concerned. Routines will change from time to time, as they mature they are perhaps a little easier to reason with. This inflexibility shows itself in other ways too, giving rise to difficulties with imaginative and creative thinking. The youngster tends to like the same old thing done in the same old way over and over again!. They often can't see the point of a story or the connection between starting a task and what will be the result. They usually excel at rote memory - learning information without understanding, but it can still be an asset. Attempts should always be made to explain everything in a way they can understand. Don't assume because they parrot information back that they know what they are talking about.

Education—

If the youngster with Aspergers is to be educated in a mainstream school it is important that the correct amount of support is made available. In order to get the correct support a Statement of Special Educational Needs should be drawn up from the various advice supplied by you and the specialists. This procedure, when it begins, can take 6 months and be a very stressful and confusing time - don't be afraid to contact people who can help, this need not be a professional it may just be someone who has done it all before.

It is beneficial if the school of your choice is willing to learn about the difficulties that they and the youngster will face, some schools are better than other on this score. Looking at several schools will give a better picture of exactly what is available. The support currently offered in mainstream school is by Special Support Assistants (SSA) for a certain number of hours each week based on the youngster's needs in order to help the youngster access the curriculum and develop in a social setting. A support teacher with specialist knowledge of Autism should support the youngster, SSA, teacher and school in understanding and teaching the youngster. Other professional input may also be required such as speech and language therapy to help develop skills.

The home/school link is vital, a diary can prove invaluable giving two way communication on achievements and problems on a regular basis.

Parenting Strategies—

Parenting your youngster with symptoms of Aspergers can be a daunting task. You may have just discovered that your youngster has a diagnosis of AS and you are thinking “What now?” Or you may have a youngster who you know is different and/or a health professional has said that he or she has some attributes of Aspergers or Mild Aspergers but is still considered in the normal range. You are probably feeling a little overwhelmed and it might seem like you are the only person or family going through these issues. We know because that’s exactly how we felt.

Like you, we are moms and dads who would like nothing more than for all of our kids to reach their maximum potential. Because they only match some of the assessment criteria needed for an Aspergers diagnosis, we have had to find help for our kids ourselves. And we have found this help in some of the most unexpected places. This makes us uniquely positioned to show you how to get help from a variety of sources for your “normal” youngster or kids.

I wonder, do your youngster’s specific behavioral problems seem worse after lunch or a party? He or she may be intolerant to certain types of food. We can give you information about food intolerances and share with you our expertise of what we have learned. While there is not much scientific evidence that foods affect AS, we can show you information that you may want to look into.

Have you noticed that your youngster doesn’t like loud noises, bright lights, tight or loose fitting clothes and reacts inappropriately to any of these particular things? Does your youngster crave fast movement or are they almost impossible to get moving in the morning? The good news is there is an answer. They may have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). There is growing evidence that links SID and Aspergers. Sensory Integration Disorder is easily manageable with techniques you can learn and do at home.

Do you find routines hard to establish and maintain? Using Visual Aids for your Aspergers youngster might just benefit you and your youngster as it has benefited us.

Moving Forward—

All this might seem a little daunting at the moment. However, with experience and help, including ours, you can teach your youngster to rule their Aspergers rather than have their Aspergers rule them.

On the pages of this site, you will find reference to many useful books and resources that help us and our kids cope with life. The books include those on AS as well as Sensory Integration and Food intolerances. You will also find information and links to other sites that provide information on other disorders related to Aspergers.

There are many things you can do to help your youngster better understand the world and in doing so make everyone's lives a little easier. The ideas below are only suggestions which you may or may not find helpful:

• Begin early to teach the difference between private and public places and actions, so that they can develop ways of coping with more complex social rules later in life.
• Don't always expect them to 'act their age' they are usually immature and you should make some allowances for this.
• Explain why they should look at you when you speak to them.... encourage them, give lots of praise for any achievement - especially when they use a social skill without prompting.
• Find a way of coping with behavior problems - perhaps trying to ignore it if it's not too bad or hugging sometimes can help.
• In some young kids who appear not to listen - the act of 'singing' your words can have a beneficial effect.
• Keep all your speech simple - to a level they understand.
• Keep instructions simple ... for complicated jobs use lists or pictures.
• Let them know that you love them - wart's an' all' - and that you are proud of them. It can be very easy with a youngster who rarely speaks not to tell them all the things you feel inside.
• Limit any choices to two or three items.
• Limit their 'special interest' time to set amounts of time each day if you can.
• Pre-warn them of any changes, and give warning prompts if you want them to finish a task... 'when you have colored that in we are going shopping'.
• Promises and threats you make will have to be kept - so try not to make them too lightly.
• Teach them some strategies for coping - telling people who are teasing perhaps to 'go away' or to breathe deeply and count to 20 if they feel the urge to cry in public.
• Try to build in some flexibility in their routine, if they learn early that things do change and often without warning - it can help.
• Try to get confirmation that they understand what you are talking about/or asking - don't rely on a stock yes or no - that they like to answer with.
• Try to identify stress triggers - avoid them if possible -be ready to distract with some alternative 'come and see this...' etc.
• Use turn taking activities as much as possible, not only in games but at home too.

Remember, they are kids just like the rest, they have their own personalities, abilities, likes and dislikes - they just need extra support, patience and understanding from everyone around them.

Children with Aspergers: Tips for Teachers and Parents

Children with Aspergers are unique, and they can affect the learning environment in both positive and negative ways. In the classroom, the Aspergers child can present a challenge for the most experienced teacher. These children can also contribute a lot to the classroom because they can be extremely creative and see things and execute various tasks in different ways. Teachers can learn a lot when they have a child with Aspergers in their class, but the teacher may experience some very challenging days too.

Here are some tips for teachers and parents to consider:

Aspergers children and showing work: Many teachers require children to "show their work"; in other words, illustrate how they got the answer to a problem."Showing work" is a demand that usually accompanies math homework. This may not be the best strategy with the Aspergers child, and may in fact lead to a big disagreement with the child. Since many Aspergers children are visual learners, they picture how to solve the problem in their heads. To make them write out how they got they answer seems quite illogical to them. Why would you waste your time writing out something you can see in your head? The requirement of "showing work" simply does not make any sense to them, and it may not be worth the time it would take to convince them to do the requirement anyway.

Aspergers children frequently are visual learners. Despite difficulties with eye contact, many Aspergers children are visual learners. Much of the information presented in classrooms is oral, and often children with Aspergers may have difficulty with processing language. Often they cannot take in oral language quickly, and presenting information visually may be more helpful. Many Aspergers children are "hands-on" learners.

Avoid demanding the child with Aspergers maintain eye contact with you. Eye contact is a form of communication in American culture; we assume a person is giving us their attention if they look at us. The Aspergers child experiences difficulty with eye contact; it is extremely hard for them to focus their eyes on a person for any extended period of time. Limited eye contact is a part of the disability. Don't demand an Aspergers child look you in the eye as you are talking to them--this is extremely difficult for them to do.

Don't assume the child with Aspergers is disrupting class or misbehaving to get attention. More often than not, children with Aspergers react to their environment, and sometimes the reaction can be negative. Sometimes the child may be reacting to a sensory issue, and other times the child may be reacting to a feeling of fear. The Aspergers child feels fear because of a lack of control over his/her response to the environment or because of a lack of predictability. The child with Aspergers does best with clear structure and routine. A visual schedule can be helpful for the child.

Every youngster with Aspergers is different. As a teacher you want to take the information you have acquired and apply it, but every Aspergers child is different, so it's difficult to take knowledge you have gained from one experience, and apply it to a situation with another child with Aspergers. Remember that each youngster with Aspergers is unique, and strategies that have worked with other children in the past may not work effectively with the Aspergers child because they perceive the world in a unique way, and they sometimes react to their environment in unpredictable ways.

If the child with Aspergers is staring off into space or doodling, don't assume they're not listening. Remember the Aspergers child may experience difficulty with communication, especially nonverbal communication. What appears to the teacher to be behavior illustrating a lack of attention on the part of the child may not be that at all. In fact, the Aspergers child who is doodling or staring off may actually be trying to focus him or herself through the act of doodling or staring. The child is unaware that nonverbally s/he is communicating to the teacher that "I'm not listening, or I'm bored." Doodling or staring may actually help the child with Aspergers focus more on what the teacher is presenting. You might simply ask the child a question to check if he or she is listening.

Sensory issues affect learning for the child with Aspergers. Often Aspergers children are distracted by something in the environment that they simply cannot control. To them, the ticking of the clock can seem like the beating of a drum, the breeze from an open window can feel like a tremendous gust, the smell of food from the cafeteria can overpower them and make them feel sick, the bright sunshine pouring through the windows may be almost blinding to them. This sensory overload the Aspergers child experiences may overwhelm them, so focusing can be difficult and frustration occurs. Frustration can then lead to disruptions from the child. To cope with frustration the child might choose to repeatedly tap a pencil on a desk (or another disruptive behavior) to focus themselves because s/he is experiencing sensory overload. What appears disruptive to the teacher and the rest of the class may actually be a way for the Aspergers child to cope with the sensory overload. Obviously, a teacher does not want disruptions in the classroom. Take time to evaluate the classroom in terms of sensory stimulation, and how the environment affects the child with Aspergers. Perhaps some modifications can be made, or the child can be taught some coping skills that are not disruptive to classmates, like squeezing a squishy ball in their hand or some similar activity.

Children with Aspergers experience difficulty with transitions. Often a child with Aspergers gets "stuck" and has difficulty moving from one activity to another. They may need to be coached through the transition, and if a typical school day is loaded with lots of transitions, the child faces increased anxiety. Moving from one activity to another is not a challenge for most children, but for the child with Aspergers transitions can be monumental tasks. Some possible strategies a teacher, paraprofessional, or parent can use: visual schedules, role-playing or preparing the child by discussing upcoming activities. Appropriate strategies are dependent on the age of the child and his/her abilities.

Children with Aspergers may experience difficulties with focusing as well as lack of focus. Focus involves attention. Sometimes Aspergers children focus all their attention on a particular object or subject; therefore, they fail to focus on what information the instructor is presenting. All their energy is directed toward a particular subject or object. Why? Because that object or subject is not overwhelming to them and they understand it. To overcome this problem, the teacher can try to establish some connection between the object or subject of interest and the area of study. For example, if a child is fascinated with skateboarding, the child could learn reading and writing skills through researching a famous skateboarder and writing a report. Math skills could be taught by looking at the statistics involving competitive skateboarders. The possibilities for instruction are endless, but it will take some time and creative planning on the part of the teacher.

As a teacher, paraprofessional or parent of a youngster with Aspergers, it's important to recognize the youngster's gifts as well as limitations. Children with Aspergers present a challenge for the people who work with them, but these kids also enrich our lives. So when you're feeling frazzled, take a deep breath and remember that tomorrow is another day. This youngster will grow up and make a contribution to our world in some way we can only imagine, and you can help this youngster.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums at Home and School

ASD and School Behavior Problems

2010-03-04T09:04:00.000-08:00

Question

Mark, I have a daughter age 6 who was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (unspecified) at age two. She received intensive therapy, 40 hours plus, per week utilizing various techniques. She is now 6. She is extremely friendly to even strangers, her IQ is 133… she is great with the exception of some behavioral problems. She is in first grade and is getting in trouble and being punished regularly for things such a marking on things she should not mark on, refusing to write. I need help.

Answer

You need to have a functional behavior assessment performed (go to www.MyAspergersChild.com and type “functional behavior assessment” in the search box for more on this).

Consider the following scenarios: A child with an ASD has a behavior meltdown, in the school hall way. He begins to scream and hit other child. A grown-up is able to redirect the child and thus eliminate the behavior. Afterward, the team meets to discuss behavioral approaches for the future and to try to find out what led to this behavioral incident. As the team discusses potential reasons for the behavior, they discover that the child has been the victim of intense bullying and teasing. In response, the team questions what they can do in the future to eliminate behavioral difficulties. The issue of dealing with the bullies is never discussed.

Another child has a history of behavioral challenges that were minimal during elementary school, but have intensified in middle school. The team realizes that middle school presents special challenges because of changing classes and working with multiple staff.

Accommodations are discussed that may assist the child in making numerous transitions throughout the school day. Despite these efforts, behavior incidents continue to occur. The behaviors are most likely to occur in the cafeteria or in hallways, which are incredibly noisy. It is suggested that in the future, in-school suspension be considered when there is a behavioral challenge. This is the approach used with other child, and the school has a strong zero-tolerance policy. The child is warned repeatedly. Despite these warnings, behaviors continue and actually escalate, resulting in removal from the educational setting.

Responding to Problematic Behavior—

When a youngster with ASD engages in problematic behavior, a typical response includes trying to identify what is going on within the youngster that leads to this behavior crisis. Questions are asked, such as, “Why is he exhibiting this behavior?” “Why is she hitting others?” or “What will stop this behavior?” All too often, this last question keeps us focused on consequence procedures that are child specific. However, simply focusing on the child as the sole source of the behavior provides limited insight into potential solutions and problems. In these situations, there are multiple issues to consider.

First, the federal law guiding special education services, the 2004 Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEIA), requires special procedures and safeguards to be used when considering discipline for child with disabilities. These IDEIA provisions regarding discipline were designed to ensure that kids with disabilities maintain their ability to receive an appropriate education, even though the symptoms of their disability may include behaviors that require interventions. These provisions consider the amount of time a child may be removed from class or school due to behavior, and require the school team to analyze whether the behavior is related to the child’s disability. This process is called manifestation determination. If the behavior is determined to be due to the disability, the law requires that a functional behavior assessment be conducted that results in an individually designed behavior support plan. This plan should use positive behavioral interventions, strategies and supports to address the behavior and teach alternative ways of responding.

When conducting a functional behavior assessment, professionals and family members examine setting events or triggers that may increase the probability of these behaviors. These setting events may not be readily apparent. For example, a child with ASD is ill, has had a difficult morning ride on the bus or has not slept. These conditions will increase the likelihood that a behavior incident will occur. For most of us, stresses in life, changes in morning routines or skipping our morning coffee may set us up to be moody and agitated. These are setting events. Setting events that we often do not consider are related to the culture of the school. Schools that struggle with bullying, high rates of suspension or expulsion, or even high staff turnover may be settings that promote problematic behaviors. If this is the case, then schools should take a systematic approach in creating a school culture that is responsive to child and staff.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns at Home and School

Aspergers Teens and Employment

2010-03-03T17:04:00.000-08:00

Question

I want to help my child with Aspergers to get employment in the field that he does well at, but there is no one out there who will give him a chance-Help!

Answer

The job market can seem like a cold, cruel place. So many individuals are competing for a hand full of jobs, hoping to break into their field of interest. It truly is a rat race. There are things you can do to help your child find his place in the battlefield of employment.

You’ve already given him a good start by encouraging him to find a career that is focused on one of his interests. Individuals with Aspergers can have very strong obsessions. The amount of attention your child places on his obsessions guarantee that he will be extremely knowledgeable in that area. Not only that, the personal involvement makes him intensely happy.

“Developing Talents: Careers for Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism-Updated and Expanded Edition” by Temple Grandin and Kate Duffy is an excellent resource to use while planning to help your child find the perfect opportunity. This is a thorough account on employment prospects and opportunities available for individuals with Aspergers.

An internship is a good way to get a foot in the door of a possible employer. Many companies that are under hiring freeze still have work that another person could be doing. By offering time as an intern, your child could receive valuable on-the-job training in his field of interest. It’s true that he wouldn’t be a paid employee, but once that hiring freeze is lifted, he’ll be first in line for the job.

Volunteering is another option. Although not as structured, volunteering is similar to an internship, meaning no pay. Volunteer opportunities can be found in every community. They may not be directly related to his field of interest, but he could learn how to be a good employee in many different situations. Not to mention, the volunteer hours will look really good on his resume.

Do not discredit the idea of your child accepting a job unrelated to his area of interest. Sometimes you have to work up a little bit to that preferred position. A company that does business in his area of interest may have openings in another department. Lateral moves happen all the time. And if it doesn’t, he will have solid work experience to add to his resume when he’s ready to make the jump into his desired field.

Finding employment based on your child’s interest will assure a successful and enjoyable career. These tips and suggestions should get you started building your child’s resume and enabling him to secure the job of his dreams.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Transitioning Aspergers Teens to Adulthood

2010-03-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

Question

My son is an adolescent with Aspergers. How do I transition him into adulthood?

Answer

No doubt that this is an exciting time in your home. Your youngster with Aspergers has reached the age of college and career. Your hard work has paid off after years of special education, therapy and family support. Congratulations on a job well done!

Now you get to move on to the next phase in life. You’ve given your youngster a good strong foundation and you want to continue to help. If you haven’t yet, researching adult Aspergers is a good place to begin this transition.

As more kids are growing up under the Aspergers diagnosis than ever before, the need for family and community resources are increasing. If you search the Internet, you will find articles, books, videos, and support groups all geared directly to the Aspergers adult.

The video “Asperger: Transition to College and Work” by Coulter Video is a good starting point. This video delivers just what the title suggests practical help for the transition into adulthood.

Once you’ve researched and read up on the basics, find local resources for support and information applicable to your community. Job skills classes, adolescent and/or adult Aspergers support meetings, career counseling, and independent living options can all be found on the local level. Tap into these sources to receive much needed planning assistance and support for both of you.

Encourage your youngster to pursue his dreams. If college seems too overwhelming, suggest a local community college. Your adolescent can live at home, fully supported by family, while obtaining a college degree. Plus, the community college will have disability support services that can be used for additional assistance.

A vocational training school is another option to think about. Close to home, these programs are geared towards adults looking for a career certificate. Computer technology classes, welding, auto repair, and air-conditioning technology are common vocational school possibilities. In less than two years, your adolescent could be certified in an area of interest that also pays well.

The opportunity to live at home and continue the education process will give your adolescent time to make choices and decisions regarding life skills. All the research you do now can be utilized over the years while your adolescent achieves his post-high school goals, giving you both a better transition into the adult years.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

He was diagnosed at 6 years old with a non verbal learning disorder...

2010-03-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this site. I hope that it is an active site - please, oh please, oh please! I have a 9 year old son with Asperger's. He was diagnosed at 6 years old with a non verbal learning disorder, and attends a school for children with ADHD and/or Aspergers. As his parent, I feel overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, and completely alone. I am hoping to find other parents who understand the issues we face daily, and who can share thoughts and ideas. I'm really hoping this site might be the life ring that keeps me from drowning!

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Youngsters with NLD are very verbal, and may not have academic problems until they get into the upper grades in school. Often their biggest problem is with social skills.

NLD is very like Asperger Syndrome. It may be that the diagnoses of Asperger syndrome (AS) and NLD simply “provide different perspectives on a heterogeneous, yet overlapping, group of individuals sharing at least some common aspects [1].” AS and NLD are generally thought to describe pretty much the same kind of disorder, but to differ in severity—with AS describing more severe symptoms.

Signs of NLD—

• Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem
• Attention to detail, but misses the big picture
• Concrete thinking; taking things very literally
• Difficulty with math, especially word problems
• Excellent memory skills
• Fear of new situations
• Great vocabulary and verbal expression
• May be very naïve and lack common sense
• May withdraw, becoming agoraphobic (abnormal fear of open spaces)
• Messy and laborious handwriting
• Physically awkward; poor coordination
• Poor abstract reasoning
• Poor social skills; difficulty making and keeping friends
• Trouble adjusting to changes
• Trouble understanding reading
• Trouble with nonverbal communication, like body language, facial expression and tone of voice

Parenting tips for youngsters with NLD—

• Be logical, organized, clear, concise and concrete. Avoid jargon, double meanings, sarcasm, nicknames, and teasing.
• Be very specific about cause and effect relationships.
• Get your son/daughter into the therapies they need, such as: occupational and physical therapy, psychological, or speech and language (to address social issues).
• Have your son/daughter use the computer at school and at home for schoolwork.
• Help your son/daughter learn coping skills for dealing with anxiety and sensory difficulties.
• Help your son/daughter learn organizational and time management skills.
• Help your son/daughter out in group activities.
• Keep the environment predictable and familiar.
• Learn about social competence and how to teach it.
• Make use of your son/daughter’s verbal skills to help with social interactions and non-verbal experiences. For example, giving a verbal explanation of visual material.
• Pay attention to sensory input from the environment, like noise, temperature, smells, many people around, etc.
• Prepare your son/daughter for changes, giving logical explanations.
• Provide structure and routine.
• State your expectations clearly.
• Teach your son/daughter about non-verbal communication (facial expressions, gestures, etc.). Help them learn how to tell from others’ reactions whether they are communicating well.
• Work with your son/daughter’s school to modify homework assignments, testing (time and content), grading, art and physical education.

Here are some ways parents can help their youngsters:

• Bullying is unacceptable. Your son/daughter's school must make every effort to prevent it. If talking to your son/daughter's teachers and principal does not put an end to the victimization, ask your son/daughter's doctor to write a letter to the school, and pursue the issue up to higher channels in the school district if necessary.
• Encourage your son/daughter to develop interests that will build their self-esteem and help them relate to other youngsters. For example, if your son/daughter is interested in Pokémon, pursuing this interest may open social doors for them with schoolmates.
• Reassure your son/daughter that you value them for who they are. It's a little tricky to help your son/daughter improve social skills, and at the same time nurture their confidence to hold on to their unique individuality.
• See if you can find a small-group social skills training program in your school system, medical system, or community. This kind of program will probably not be available in smaller communities.
• Steer your son/daughter toward a playmate they have something in common with and set up a play date. This is a way to get some social skills experience in a small, controlled, less-threatening way.
• Talk to your son/daughter in private after you have gone with them to a group activity. You can discuss with them how they could improve the way they interact with other youngsters. For example, you might point out that other youngsters don't feel comfortable when your son/daughter stands so close to them. Help them practice the social skills you explain to them through role-playing.
• These youngsters need as few handicaps as possible, so make sure your son/daughter is getting the counseling, therapies, and/or medication they need to treat any other problems or medical conditions they might have.
• UMHS offers a Social Skills Group for Kids with High-Functioning Autism, Aspergers and Related Disorders. It is a thorough and comprehensive social skills group directed towards overcoming the challenges of social success for kids living with autism spectrum disorders. The group is based upon the Super Skills curriculum written by Judith Coucouvanis and published by Autism Asperger Publishing Company. Kids are matched with peers of similar age and functioning ability. Call 1-800-475-MICH (6424) or 734-936-4400 for more information.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums

How can I teach empathy to my child with Aspergers?

2010-02-26T05:39:00.001-08:00

One of the most common areas of weakness mentioned to me by moms and dads is empathy. Aspergers causes an individual to lack empathy. Showing emotions and acknowledging another person's feelings are very important skills. Without empathy, a person is seen as cold and unfeeling, therefore making it difficult to develop personal relationships with others.

If you were to complete an Internet search on empathy and Aspergers, you would find a topic that is very well covered. This weakness is quite well-known. The problem lies within the inability to determine another individual's feelings, more so than an actual inability to feel. Once your child becomes aware of another person's feelings, he is likely quite capable in showing empathy of a variety of emotions. The key to teaching empathy is helping him learn to understand and recognize other people's true feelings and emotions.

As a parent, you should definitely teach empathy. Aspergers doesn't eliminate the desire to learn, even though it can make it a bit difficult. Here are some ideas you can use to help your child develop a healthier emotional outlook.

• Social stories can be used to teach a variety of skills. You can purchase books of social stories or create your own personal versions. Feel free to make some of them silly and fun, while others are more sad and serious.

• Occupational and Speech/language therapy practice at home is important to your child's development. Make sure you are meeting with his therapists regularly and working on the goals that help with empathy: sensory issues, social cues and language, and pretend-play, to name a few.

• Social skills groups/classes can be found through your child's school, doctor's office, or your local Autism support group. Good social skills will automatically enhance your child's empathy. If you cannot find a social skills group for your child, speak with the special education department at his school for tips you can use at home. Better yet, convince them of the need to start a social skills group at school, complete with peer buddies. (Peer buddies are neuro-typical classmates who have a desire to help with the challenges some of the special needs students face at school.)

• Video, peer, and self-modeling are all good ways to teach empathy. Using videos, your child can learn to connect feelings by watching facial expressions while listening to the conversations that take place. Once a video has been implemented, bringing in a peer to help re-create the video will bring about a new dimension. Likewise, have your child use a mirror to see different facial expressions while talking about their meanings. Seeing, hearing, and doing will help your child make important connections that will stick with him.

While planning to assist a youngster by teaching empathy, Aspergers specialists and moms and dads must also balance the need for good communication skills. Social cues and gestures are an important part of emotional connection. A good speech/language therapist can help your child learn better social skills and empathy by improving his verbal and nonverbal language skills.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Aspergers Children: Emotions and Being Silly

2010-02-25T10:47:00.001-08:00

It can be very difficult for a youngster with Aspergers to control his impulses and regulate his emotions. Hyperactivity, dulled responses, anxiety, and sensory meltdowns are all common occurrences and can seriously interfere with the ability to stay on task.

The symptoms and characteristics of Aspergers vary widely from person to person. Self-regulation may always be an issue with which your child struggles. However, as he continues to grow and learn, his responses may improve dramatically. Here are some things you can do now to help him find a balance and that will allow him to better self-regulate his emotions.

The first step to learning self regulation is to know what triggers certain negative responses. For instance, if play time with loud music and bright lights brings on unmanageable hyperactivity, this could mean that there is a sensory overload happening. By simply changing play time to a calmer, quieter atmosphere, you can change the behavior, which will improve attitudes for the activities that come after play time. This is not to say that loud music and bright lights should always be eliminated. It just means that the situation that follows the loud music and bright lights needs to be assessed to avoid these emotional difficulties. Dealing with sensory overload while taking a test, for example, is very unpleasant.

Here are some additional ideas that can help your child learn to self regulate:

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy
• Medications may be needed in some cases. Anti-anxiety drugs, mood stabilizers, and ADHD drugs are commonly used in various combinations to help kids with Aspergers find balance and calmness.
• Occupational therapy can help your child (and you) learn tips and techniques that will help relieve sensory overload. Something as simple as joint compressions and get your child back on task quickly and quietly.

If your child has great difficulty regulating his emotions and actions, it is a good idea to begin with medical and psychological examinations. Your child's medical team can then come up with a medical plan and therapies suited specifically for his needs.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Can my son with Aspergers truly understand love?

2010-02-23T17:35:00.000-08:00

Many emotional concepts are difficult for kids with Aspergers. Love is probably one of the most complicated emotions of all. The lack of empathy and inflexibility that many kids with Aspergers live with will definitely make understanding the concept of love difficult – difficult, but not impossible.

It is sometimes hard to separate the idea of a person with Aspergers loving someone from the true source of difficulty, which is the concept of theory of mind. People with Aspergers feel a full range of emotions: anger, sadness, joy, and yes, love. However, the problem lies in connecting these feelings to the feelings of others. Theory of mind is understanding that another person's thoughts and feelings are their own and how they can coincide with ours, even though they are not reliant on what we are feeling.

The possibilities are there for your son with Aspergers. Love is an emotion that he can come to understand. Here are some things you can do to make sure that happens.

If your son is still young, behavioral therapists can use play therapy to enhance your son's theory of mind. Pretend play can be difficult for kids with Aspergers due to the close connection with understanding another's feelings. Play skills are important for developing relationships on many levels.

• If your son is older, social skills therapy can help him work on social cues, facial expressions, and basic communication, which in turn, will enhance his theory of mind abilities.

• Practice facial expression and recognition with pictures in books or family photographs. Explain the emotion and the cause. Using the ‘say, see, hear' approach to enhance his understanding.

• Social stories and comic strips can also be used to show situations that cause different emotional responses. Use these to explain why other people may react in various situations.

The process of developing theory of mind is ongoing in kids with Aspergers. Love is only a small part of this very complex equation. While love may be a tricky emotional concept for kids with Aspergers, the basic idea of love is very real. Balancing the feelings of love within a relationship is what will bring on a variety of experiences, both positive and negative. With straight forward discussion about feelings and emotions, your son should be able to understand love, and be successful at it.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Meltdowns and Punishment

2010-02-23T06:34:00.001-08:00

One of the most important things to realize is that meltdowns are part of the Aspergers condition. They can't avoid them. Merely try to reduce the damage.

Punishing an Aspergers child for a meltdown is like punishing someone for swearing when they hit their thumb with a hammer. It won't do any good whatsoever and can only serve to increase the distance between you and your child.

In addition, meltdowns aren't wholly caused by the current scenario, but are usually the result of an overwhelming number of other issues. The one which "causes" the meltdown is the "straw that breaks the camel’s back". Unless you're a mind reader, you won't necessarily know what the other factors are and your Aspergers child may not be able to fully communicate the problem.

What is a Meltdown?

A meltdown is a condition where the Aspergers child temporarily loses control due to emotional responses to environmental factors. It generally appears that the Aspergers child has lost control over a single and specific issue; however, this is very rarely the case. Usually, the problem is an accumulation of a number of irritations which could span a fairly long period of time, particularly given the strong long-term memory facilities of the Aspergers child.

Why the Problems Seem Hidden?

1. Aspergers kids don't tend to give a lot of clues that they are very irritated.
2. Often times, Aspergers child grievances are aired as part of their normal conversation and may even be interpreted by parents as part of their standard whining.
3. Some things which annoy Aspergers children would not be considered annoying to others. This makes parents less likely to pick up on a potential problem.
4. Their facial expressions very often will not convey the irritation.
5. Their vocal tones will often remain flat even when they are fairly annoyed.

What happens during a Meltdown?

The meltdown appears to most kids as a temper tantrum. There are marked differences between adults and children.

Children tend to flop onto the ground and shout, scream or cry. Quite often, they will display violent behavior such as hitting or kicking.

In adults, due to social pressures, violent behavior in public is less common. Shouting outbursts or emotional displays can occur, however. More often though, it leads to depression and the Aspergers child simply retreats into himself and abandons social contact.

Some Aspergers children describe the meltdown as a red or grey band across the eyes. There is a loss of control and a feeling of being a powerless observer outside the body. This can be dangerous as the Aspergers child may strike out, particularly if the instigator is nearby or if they are taunted during a meltdown.

Depression—

Sometimes, depression is the only outward visible sign of a meltdown. At other times, depression results when the Aspergers child leaves their meltdown state and confronts the results of the meltdown. The depression is a result of guilt over abusive, shouting or violent behavior.

Dealing with Meltdowns in Children—

There's not a great deal of that you can do when a meltdown occurs in a very young child. Probably the very best thing that you can do at their youngest ages is to train yourself to recognize a meltdown before it happens and take steps to avoid it.

Once the child reaches an age where they can understand, probably around seven years give or take a few. You can work on explaining the situation. One way you could do this would be to discreetly videotape a meltdown and allow them to watch it at a later date. You could then discuss the incident, explain why it isn't socially acceptable and give them some alternatives.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Shutdowns: A Specific Type of Meltdown

2010-02-23T06:15:00.000-08:00

Technically, there aren't too many differences between meltdowns and shutdowns. Both are extreme reactions to everyday stimuli. Both tend to be the result of long term unresolved issues rather than the more obvious triggers and both are almost completely out of the control of the Aspergers youngster rather than being used by kids and adults as a means to an end - that would be either a tantrum or emotional blackmail.

Some Aspergers kids are more prone to meltdowns while others lean more towards the shutdown model. It's possible to do both but this depends greatly on the root cause of the problem.

I think that there's a bit of a personality component to the reaction with Aspergers kids who are more sure of themselves or more fiercely independent leaning towards meltdowns rather than shutdowns but again there's a wide variance depending upon the feelings brought on by the trigger. Some events can make even the most confident of Aspergers kids doubt themselves.

What exactly is a Shutdown?

While a meltdown could be described as rage against a situation, a meltdown tends to be more of a retreat.

Behaviors which manifest during a shutdown include rolling oneself into a ball or fetal position, crawling under objects or lying face down or completely under the covers on a bed. Gaze avoidance tends to increase significantly during a shutdown and conversation is non-existent.

As with meltdowns, in a shutdown situation, the Aspergers youngster may act irrationally or dangerously. Unlike a meltdown however, the harmful activities are almost always directed at oneself.

The Aspergers youngster may attempt self harm and may even be suicidal. They may be more likely to take reckless risks such as walking along a busy road on a dark/rainy night.

Causes—

As with meltdowns, the cause of a shutdown tends to be cumulative and the trigger may bear little resemblance to the actual problem.

The real problems associated with shutdowns tend to lean towards depression, loneliness poor self image and poor self worth.

In a small youngster, a shutdown may be triggered because of a simple breakfast issue (perhaps they were given something they don't like). In this case, the cause may actually have nothing to do with breakfast at all but rather it may be symptomatic of the youngster's frustration at not being able to make herself understood.

In an adult, shutdowns can result from extreme events such as losing a job or a marriage break-up but they can also have very small triggers which simply "remind" an Aspergers youngster of a larger pain. Perhaps a small incident at work could provoke some long term insecurities and cause a retreat.

What Do Shutdowns Feel Like?

Since these are extremely rare for me, I'm probably not the best person to answer the question but I'll try.

For me, a shutdown will move my pain to the center of my focus and I'll start thinking "what if" and "if only" scenarios. These are always counter-productive because you can't change the past and they usually only make me feel entrapped by events.

I'm not so much of a fetal position person - I tend to collapse into a heap instead. During a shutdown, I'll generally not have any contact with anyone but I do still hear voices.

As a youngster I'd often try pathetic ways of self termination, like holding my breath or strangling myself. Note that I didn't do this as attention-seeking behavior but instead would attempt it unannounced and in solitude. I'd also attempt self harm but usually only by banging my head or pummeling myself with my fists. I know quite a few Aspergers kids who have, and in many cases continue to, self harm using sharp instruments. As a parent or friend, you need to keep a close eye on these situations.

I think I've only had two shutdowns in my adult life and in both cases there was no danger during the actual shutdown period but afterward, when I was moving around, my behavior was reckless and could have been self-destructive (depending on chance factors).

The "Cure"—

Like all Aspergers things, there's not really a cure however self-respect goes a long way towards prevention. If you have kids, it's very important to counter any negative messages they're receiving from others. If those negative messages are coming from teachers or family, then you may need to get involved yourself.

Unlike meltdowns, where it's best to leave the Aspergers youngster alone but in a safe place, it's generally ok to talk in a soothing voice during a shutdown. Just make sure that you're careful what you say and keep things positive. The only thing to remember when soothing during a shutdown is that you're still dealing with a person on the spectrum. Don't try to force eye contact and don't touch without either being invited or being cautious to see the reaction first.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

How do I bond with my 8yr old son that has Aspergers?

2010-02-22T06:46:00.000-08:00

Question

How do I bond with my 8yr old son that has Aspergers? It's very hard for me …I need help.

Answer

Just like with any relationship, building a positive relationship between the parent and the Aspergers child is one that requires work and effort to make it strong and successful. Parenting an Aspergers child is a tough job, and maintaining close relationships and open communications helps to ensure parents and their children stay connected through all ages of their upbringing.

Here are 10 simple tips for enhancing the bond between parent and the Aspergers youngster:

1. Develop and Maintain a Special Bedtime Ritual—For younger kids, reading a favorite bedtime book or telling stories is a ritual that will be remembered most likely throughout their life. Older kids should not be neglected either. Once kids start reading, have them read a page, chapter, or short book to you. Even most teenagers still enjoy the ritual of being told goodnight in a special way by a parent--even if they don't act like it!

2. Eat Meals as a Family—You've heard this before, and it really is important! Eating together sets the stage for conversation and sharing. Turn the TV off, and don't rush through a meal. When schedules permit, really talk and enjoy one another. It can become a quality time most remembered by young and old alike.

3. Establish a Special Name or Code Word—Create a special name for your Aspergers youngster that is positive and special or a secret code word that you can use between each other. Use the name as a simple reinforcement of your love. The code word can be established to have special meaning between your Aspergers youngster and you that only you two understand. This code word can even be used to extract a child from an uncomfortable situation (such as a sleepover that is not going well) without causing undue embarrassment to the child.

4. Let Your Kids Help You—Moms and dads sometimes inadvertently miss out on opportunities to forge closer relationships by not allowing their Aspergers youngster to help them with various tasks and chores. Unloading groceries after going to the store is a good example of something that kids of most ages can and should assist with. Choosing which shoes look better with your dress lets a child know you value her opinion. Of course, if you ask, be prepared to accept and live with the choice made!

5. Make Them a Priority in Your Life—Your kids need to know that you believe they are a priority in your life. Kids can observe excessive stress and notice when they feel you are not paying them attention. Sometimes, part of being a parent is not worrying about the small stuff and enjoying your kids. They grow up so fast, and every day is special. Take advantage of your precious time together while you have it!

6. Play With Your Kids—The key is to really play with your kids. Play with dolls, ball, make believe, checkers, sing songs, or whatever is fun and interesting. It doesn't matter what you play, just enjoy each other! Let kids see your silly side. Older kids enjoy cards, chess, computer games, while younger ones will have fun playing about anything...as long as it involves you!

7. Respect Their Choices—You don't have to like their mismatched shirt and shorts or love how a child has placed pictures in his room. However, it is important to respect those choices. Kids reach out for independence at a young age, and moms and dads can help to foster those decision-making skills by being supportive and even looking the other way on occasion. After all, it really is okay if a child goes to daycare with a striped green shirt and pink shorts.

8. Say I Love You—Tell your Aspergers youngster you love him every day -- no matter his age. Even on trying days or after a parent-child disagreement, when you don't exactly "like your child" at that moment, it is more important than ever to express your love. A simple "I love you" goes a long way toward developing and then strengthening a relationship.

9. Seek Out One-On-One Opportunities Often—Some moms and dads have special nights or "standing dates" with their kids to create that one-on-one opportunity. Whether it is a walk around the neighborhood, a special trip to a playground, or just a movie night with just the two of you, it is important to celebrate each Aspergers youngster individually. Although it is more of a challenge the more kids in a family, it is really achievable! Think creatively and the opportunities created will be ones that you remember in the future.

10. Teach Your Faith—Teach your Aspergers youngster about your faith and beliefs. Tell him what you believe and why. Allow time for your child to ask questions and answer them honestly. Reinforce those teachings often.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

"He has had numerous meltdowns..."

2010-02-21T05:49:00.000-08:00

Parent's Name = Ramona
Aspergers-related Comments/Questions/Story =

I really like the section on meltdowns and temper tantrums. We are going through the process of getting our son in inclusion classes at school.It has been a long, hard struggle because he makes good grades and we were told he didn't qualify for assistance. He has had numerous meltdowns and the teacher and principal told us that this was all our son's fault. They have put him in ISS and even laughed at him and told him that he acts like a 2 year old. Hopefully, we are going to have some success at getting help because we went to the Board of Education and one of the psychologist's told the assistant director of special ed that he does qualify under the ASD group. I am going to tell them about this website and hope that they will look at it so no other child has to go through the stress and anxiety that my son has the last two and a half years.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Is it true that you shouldn't push someone who has Aspergers to be more independent?

2010-02-19T04:25:00.000-08:00

Question

My brother has Aspergers and dyspraxia. I can’t help but feeling that my Dad is halting his independence. My brother has traveled to London with my dad on average every month to spend the weekend with our mum since he was 6 my mum met them in London as the half way point and took him to her home on the Isle of Wight. Since my brother was fifteen he has traveled to the Isle of Wight from London alone (thanks to my mum encouraging his independence) this involves a coach and then getting onto a cat across to the island. He is now 20 and my dad still say's that he is not ready to travel to London alone (1 train, no changes, no underground) "London is a scary place" he said. I think my brother is capable of doing this alone easily. I asked my dad when was the last time he asked my brother if he thought he could do it alone and he replied the last time they went my brother said he preferred to have dad with him. My dad said he doesn't want to push him to do something that he's not comfortable with. I replied that sometimes everyone needs to be pushed a little, he replied "EVERYONE DOESN'T HAVE ASPERGERS". My brother was pushed slightly to do the second part of the journey alone and is fine with it. Is it true that you shouldn't push someone who has Aspergers to be more independent?

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Answer

We responded to a similar question not long ago, which should address your question as well:

“When Should Parents Give Their Older Teenager With Aspergers More Independence?”

The balance between holding on and letting go is one of the most difficult ones that we moms and dads have to face. You have obviously done an amazing job in helping your Aspergers teen achieve things he may otherwise not have had the opportunity to do.

At this time in your youngster’s life, it may be appropriate to take more of a back seat in many instances. Perhaps interpreting the message as ‘go away’ is a bit harsh. It may be helpful to back away a bit and see how things go. While others may want you to back away, you can still keep the lines of communication open with your Aspergers teen and help him do what it is he is trying to do.

For all adolescents, we are expected to be in their lives and out of their faces at the same time. Your Aspergers teen seems to have many good opportunities to reach out to peers if he is interested. If he doesn’t know how to, while it is now inappropriate for you to set up ‘play dates’ or constantly organize his social groups, you can offer occasional suggestions to the teacher or group leader and you can coach your Aspergers teen from the sidelines.

Another important idea to keep in mind is that some adolescents do not want more interaction even though their moms and dads may feel it is important for them to have it. It is important to be sure that the social goals you set up for your Aspergers teen include what he wants now and not just what you think he should have or be doing. He may never be the life of the party and may always be a little on the periphery, but for him this could be a comfortable place and one that he is used to. It could provide social interaction and friendships and yet offer a comfortable distance and not a lot of pressure. If he wants more, you can help him learn to move in and reach out for more at his own pace.

When to hold on, when to let go, when to push, and when to pull; these are some of the themes that every parent struggles with—with “normal” as well as “special” kids. From your question, I surmise that you have a good grasp of the disorder that your Aspergers teen struggles with and that you have done a lot to meet his special needs. You deserve a lot of credit. Not every parent can do what you describe. Now, there seems to be a difference of opinion about his needs at this point in his education and development. I sense some anxiety on your part, and that is not unusual or inappropriate. Consider that perhaps both viewpoints have some validity.

The outcomes for kids and adolescents are best when moms and dads and professionals work as partners with mutual respect and shared decision-making power. Moms and dads, by virtue of their bond with their youngster, are true authorities in their own right, with information to contribute that no one else has access to. Professionals, on the other hand, through training and experience, can offer expertise and a broad perspective that moms and dads alone don’t have. Each has only partial knowledge, with complete expertise possible through team work—often trial and error is involved. Given your Aspergers teen’s age, if at all possible, he should be involved with the professionals and you in making the plan. What he thinks he needs is also important in arriving at a good plan with a chance of success.

Letting go may sound too drastic, and perhaps so. Maybe a more realistic way to look at this dilemma is to just loosen your grip and see what happens. If your Aspergers teen seems to slip backwards, this may convince others that he needs more support than they thought. If he is somehow able to meet that challenge, you may be pleasantly surprised. There are inevitable and unavoidable road bumps and potholes in this process. We cannot control that, but we can control how we respond to them.

As for how you describe your Aspergers teen’s relationships to his peers, this, too, is not unusual. The differences between him and others his age can be even more awkward during adolescence. Some of his best friends going forward may be other adolescents growing up with a diagnosis on the autism spectrum. Some people overlook this because they are eager, understandably, to have their kids accepted socially. I do not doubt that your Aspergers teen will need continuing support and guidance, some of it from experienced professionals, to continue his social development. While this may pose a financial strain, the long term benefits usually outweigh the cost of not getting him this support.

You yourself sound a bit tired and worried. Your feelings need also to be validated. It’s a long and winding road to raise a youngster like yours. It’s hard to know at any given moment what to accept and what to work on. A parent’s job never ends—it just changes. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back for getting this far. Take good care of yourself as well.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

I want to help my son with Aspergers to get employment...

2010-02-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

Question

I want to help my son with Aspergers to get employment in the field that he does well at, but there is no one out there who will give him a chance-Help!

Answer

The job market can seem like a cold, cruel place. So many people are competing for a hand full of jobs, hoping to break into their field of interest. It truly is a rat race. There are things you can do to help your son find his place in the battlefield of employment.

You’ve already given him a good start by encouraging him to find a career that is focused on one of his interests. People with Asperger’s Syndrome can have very strong obsessions. The amount of attention your son places on his obsessions guarantee that he will be extremely knowledgeable in that area. Not only that, the personal involvement makes him intensely happy.

An internship is a good way to get a foot in the door of a possible employer. Many companies that are under hiring freeze still have work that another person could be doing. By offering time as an intern, your son could receive valuable on-the-job training in his field of interest. It’s true that he wouldn’t be a paid employee, but once that hiring freeze is lifted, he’ll be first in line for the job.

Volunteering is another option. Although not as structured, volunteering is similar to an internship, meaning no pay. Volunteer opportunities can be found in every community. They may not be directly related to his field of interest, but he could learn how to be a good employee in many different situations. Not to mention, the volunteer hours will look really good on his resume.

Do not discredit the idea of your son accepting a job unrelated to his area of interest. Sometimes you have to work up a little bit to that preferred position. A company that does business in his area of interest may have openings in another department. Lateral moves happen all the time. And if it doesn’t, he will have solid work experience to add to his resume when he’s ready to make the jump into his desired field.

Finding employment based on your son’s interest will assure a successful and enjoyable career. These tips and suggestions should get you started building your son’s resume and enabling him to secure the job of his dreams.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Motivating Teens with Asperger's Syndrome

2010-02-12T08:56:00.001-08:00

Question

I need to put drive in my 15 yr old son with Aspergers. When I discipline him with taking things away ... nothing seems to work unless I TOTALLY get frustrated ... then he reacts. I would like him to CARE.

Answer

Most teens with Aspergers struggle with social skills, communication, and a limited diet. The causes of these struggles: social, communication, and behavioral problems, along with sensory issues, can create the desire for isolation and a lack of motivation. Teens with Aspergers easily drop into a lonely state of depression, making the original problems that much worse.

Behavior modification is the most popular area of concentration when treating teens with Aspergers. Social skills therapy and living skills therapy are widely available and do bring about effective progress in most cases. However, you are looking for something new to try.

Motivation is the key to improving your teenager’s circumstances. Actually, motivation is a factor anytime you are seeking to modify any teenager’s unwanted behaviors. Now motivation in itself is definitely an old concept, but using motivation in a new way will create the wanted result for your teenager.

Old Motivation—

As moms and dads, we often use set motivators to achieve the behavior we feel is appropriate. The concentration has been placed on the behavior, which sets a negative tone to the process of change. You can’t blame a teenager for reacting negatively to a negative tone.

• Rewards or bribery- “If you do ______ today, I’ll buy you a ______.” We’re guilty of this one, too. This probably creates more confusion and greed than motivation over time.

• Punishment-“If you don’t do ______, then you will get ______!” We all use this at one time or another and over the course of time, it has proven to be an ineffective motivator.

New Motivation—

Motivators should be positive. It feels good to see your teenager happily learning or cooperating in desired behaviors. Motivators that appeal to the individual teenager should be used for maximum results. Motivation is definitely personal. What motivates one teenager will not work for every teenager.

• Routines-Keeping your teenager’s routines constant will improve his outlook. He’ll know what to expect at any given time, lessening the stress he feels.

• Special Interests-Using your teenager’s special interests both at home and at school can generate positive responses in all situations. For example, your teenager’s love of trains can be used to encourage eating at home. Train themed dinnerware or even themed foods may be used to entice the reluctant eater.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Keeping in touch with my grown child with Aspergers now that he has left...

2010-02-12T08:40:00.000-08:00

Question

I am worried about the future and keeping in touch with my grown child with Aspergers now that he has left. Any advice?

Answer

Individuals with Aspergers usually have problems building and maintaining solid, long-lasting relationships. However, they can and do form bonds with a select few. Their moms and dads are likely to make the list of permanent contacts. Your child may be grown and out of the house, but you weigh heavily on his mind. You were there for every special occasion, creating memories that burn brightly in his highly intelligent mind.

The point that bothers you is probably his inconsistent contact. Isolation is a common issue in people with Aspergers. Your child’s core nature is to be alone. He is more comfortable living among his things and obsessions than he is with people, even his own moms and dads. It’s not intentional. This is one of those areas in which you will have to take control.

Be honest with your child. Tell him that, unlike him, you do not have Aspergers. You need the conversation and company that he is so willing to avoid. As his parent you have to maintain contact. It’s your job to think about him and worry about him, no matter how old he is.

Perhaps you could make a calendar schedule for him. On the calendar, you could fill in the dates that you’d like to hear from him by telephone and dates for actual face-to-face visits. With the calendar, your child will have a visual timetable in which to refer. Make sure you give him a little space; he is an adult. As his parent, a daily visit or phone call would be perfect. As the adult child, he’s probably thinking a couple of calls a week and maybe a visit.

Make plans to visit his home regularly. Not daily, maybe bi-weekly, but definite monthly visits should be tolerable. You’ll need to assure yourself that he is taking care of his household chores, his body, his health and wellness, his bills, and any other areas of his life.

Letting go of control is difficult for most moms and dads. Your child’s needs make it that much harder for you. You can take comfort in the fact that you have raised your child to be the best he can be. Try not to worry; concentrate on his happiness and success. He may not say it, but he’ll be thankful for your involvement in his own way.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

The schools do not understand the characteristics of Asperger's...

2010-02-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

Question

My 8-year-old grandson has Asperger's and ADHD. The schools do not understand the characteristics of Asperger's let alone recognize it. What do parents do to get the schools to help these kids; they do have rights!

Answer

You, the parent, need to educate your child's teacher. Use the following information as a start:

Tips for teachers re: "understanding Aspergers characteristics":

Teaching a youngster with Aspergers can seem daunting, especially if you are unfamiliar with the disorder. But it doesn’t have to be. If you are about to teach a student with Aspergers, understanding the syndrome is your best preparation.

Kids with Aspergers tend to have normal or above-normal intelligence and high verbal skills, though they may have a hard time expressing their thoughts. As younger kids, they may show the ability to focus on one task for a long period of time, but they typically do not understand sarcasm, innuendo, or double meaning and have a hard time reading body language and social clues. Teachers are more likely to see boys rather than girls with Aspergers.

Kids with Aspergers may have a very specific and even obsessive interest, such as baseball statistics, trains, or dinosaurs. If a youngster in your class is interested in a particular subject, incorporating it into your teaching, when appropriate, can help keep him focused on the lesson.

Following the "Rules"—

Because many kids with Aspergers have difficulty with social interaction, they sometimes appear to be misbehaving when they don’t mean to be. Some kids do not realize that classroom rules apply to them. They may develop their own ‘rules’ and have a high demand to be perfect.

While some students with Aspergers can focus on one subject, you might find they have trouble concentrating in other areas. A visual cue, such as a yellow warning card placed on the desk for distracting behavior or personalized instructions for what to do during downtime can help keep a youngster focused.

As students grow older and school routines change, different tactics might help. One school used a peer educator to help the student with Aspergers. The peer educator would meet him at his locker in the morning, because he wouldn’t remember which book to bring. It helped cue him about what he needed to get together. Sitting the student next to compassionate students or kids with similar interests, such as baseball, improved the atmosphere.

Enlisting Peers—

Teaching your students about Aspergers can help them handle with maturity and compassion the challenges classmates with Aspergers can present. While many students may not grasp the concept of the autistic spectrum, they can understand that certain kids are more sensitive and need a bit of extra help. Some parents may choose to come have a discussion about Aspergers, while others may leave talking about people’s individual differences to the teachers. One class had a discussion about differences and bullying, led by student council leaders, that helped include his student with Aspergers.

Kids at that age don’t understand disabilities unless they’re explained. It isn’t that he’s trying to be this way, it’s just the way he was born. They can relate in that way. I’m not even sure I used the word Aspergers.

Helping your students understand Aspergers, or at least recognize some of its traits, will help them cope when they experience a meltdown. One teacher would often ask her student’s peer educator to help him calm down by walking with him. He just needed time to have a quieter environment where he could settle down and talk about what he’s upset about. It wasn’t easy for him to brush things off, but he could get control, come back, and be part of the group again.

Giving a youngster time to recompose—by sitting in a special “study desk” or talking to a counselor or teacher in the hall—can help get things back to normal. Ask what caused the meltdown: for a younger kid, it might be the texture of a pencil; an older kid may have felt flustered when the room got too chaotic. But be warned: Sometimes they may not be able to express what happened without a little digging on your part.

A tiny shift in environment can make a huge difference for kids with Aspergers. If you’re not sure just what tiny shift your environment needs, experts recommend talking to the parents, who will most likely know their youngster better than anyone else.

Keeping Good Communication—

Meeting with parents and kids separately before school starts, if possible, is one good way to transition into a new year. One teacher also shows the kids their desks, lockers, and the restroom. Expect that things might be a bit rough for a few weeks. Just like you’re getting to know your new students, they are trying to figure you out, too—while adjusting to a new schedule and new surroundings as well. Woods says that a positive change in the demeanor of a youngster with Aspergers typically happens after a few weeks, once they feel more comfortable in their setting.

Keeping the line of communication with parents open, be it through e-mail or notes sent home, can help them work together to provide a positive learning environment. The goal is to help kids with Aspergers learn and be able to adapt socially, and teachers need to consider every way of reaching them.

Think outside the box and try different things. Find out what makes them tick.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns