TheRealKram420's Blog

Oct. 09. Worken Hard!

2009-10-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

I've been blog slacking. I figure a pic says 1,000 words so...focused on 4,000 hands a day in Oct. Nov. goals include HANDS not results and just CRUNCHING it out. At least 4k hands a day, 24k hands a week and 96,000 hands a month!

Lee Watkinsons Cash Out While You Can!

2009-10-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

This post was so good I had to save it in my blog and hopefully bring more eyes to it.

Cashout while you can! by Lee Watkinson \| Published: Oct 08, '09

Cashout while you can!

by Lee Watkinson | Published: Oct 08, '09

We are all playing in home game where the host is a super live one! He splashes the pots and we all love it almost everyone has been winning and everyone has been having a great time. The problem is he is also the banker and thinks nothing of going and getting another rack of chips even though he dosent put up any cash.
The US government is the host of our game, our dollars are the chips.
The government prints money whenever it needs to pay for something, like a war or a bailout. There is nothing behind the US dollar(or any other fiat currency). Politicians throughout history have used currency debasement as a hidden tax and every fiat currency has gone out worthless. So will the dollar.
This week there have been rumors that oil producers are going to stop accepting dollars for settlement, which has sent gold to all time record highs.
If you are a winning player don’t get stuck holding the bad chips, cashout early!
No other currency is safe either though, not british sterling to be sure. Buy real things with your money. Gold is one good option. You can buy gold and silver etf’s on the stock exchange, but there is some question as to how safe they will be if the dollar totally collapses, which it will eventually.
This game might keep going a little while. The big winners have figured out whats going on(China for one), and are trying to figure out how to quietly cash in as many of there bad chips as possible before the game ends and noone gets paid. The host isn’t going to redeem all there chips and he’s a big powerfull mafia type guy who isn’t about to sell his house to pay off the chips.
Who knows China might move the game to his house next.
Seriously though don’t keep your assets in dollars, T-bills, ect…guaranteed big time inflation on the way, soon. The Federal Reserve isn’t even part of the government, did you know that, it’s a bank.

Florida Focus

2009-10-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

I'm in Florida. I love it:) FSU / Bucs on weekends -- 4,000 hands a day min. or 28,000 a week. I'm a fucking online grinder! Half the time I don't know what day it is.... I try my best to make it up early on Saturdays to Garage sale and get together with whomever is hosting on game days. Took my sister+kids n family to Arabian nights dinner show other day; haven't had one alcholic beverage since March/April in LV. No pot. Clean life, clean mind. Changed my name on the restaurant from Partner to Investor and all that has been sorted out. No more money dumping out of my pockets for that endevear. Focus is POKER POKER -- INCREASE GAME MAKE MONEY LEARN LEARN LEARN. Currently running 5bb/100 over 50,000 hands. Smashing. Will be in FL till Thanksgiving; then Cali for Dec. and have a homestead lined up for LV Jan 1st. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS excited to be free again on the grind.

Sorry for in activity on blog -- I move from my Computer chair to the X box chair and back again. ;)

Strange Situations in Biloxi

2009-09-13T06:50:00.000-07:00

While playing in Biloxi this last week I witnessed a couple things that I had never seen before.

** During a $1/$2 NLHE hand the betting went; raise to $15 and called in 6 spots. On a Qs/10s/4 board it was bet $20 and called in three spots. The turn was a brick -- checked to the button raiser who again fired $30 and was looked up by three players. The final board on the river read Qs/10s/4/8h/X missing the flush draws etc. It was checked to the button who had been controlling the action the entire hand who then checked. First player very un-confidently showed the A of club ... dangled his hand and mucked it.... in simultaneous order it very slowly mucked to the button who slowly rolled over 6/9o for a nine high winning around 200 bb's.

**During this $1/$2 NLHE hand I held A/Qo on the button + straddled. 4 limp in front of me for a $28 pot ($5 straddle in Biloxi @ Beau) and I go ahead and squeeze to $30 straight. Called in 3 spots for a $120 pot. Comes down K/J/4 dry and the SB who has a $250ish stack leads for $40 -- call, call, and I come along also... pot grows to $240 and the turn is an offsuite 7. SB leads for $60 -- called in one spot and with the pot now growing to $360 I get extremely stubborn and decide to peal off another card @ 6-1 with an over; call. Rivers a complete airball -- an offsuite deuce for a final board of K/J/4/7/2 and it's checked to me. The SB who had been leading the entire hand only had another $100ish in chips and I didn't feel as though I could bluff him off the hand... so I checked. He flips over A/8o for Ace high -- in between mucks and I flip up A/Qo for a good A high win for a $400ish pot.

**During Event 9 $340 the dealer flipped over my first card; K hearts. As it was exposed.... it had to return to the deck and I was given a new card. I peaked down to see that I held the K of diamonds and my replacement card was a lousy 4. No big deal, right? Well... the flop then came down A/K/2 dry;)

**During Event 8 $340 the lights at the Beau Rivage went out with no Power Generator kicking in. With hundreds of people in the tournament and cash game area it was PITCH BLACK for a good 2 to 3 minutes. Unbelievable! Once the lights finally turned back on we broke for dinner. Upon returning to the poker room we were asked to leave casino! After the blackout the Beau Rivage casino and resort that is MGM operated and owned -- kicked out all of its paying customers! There were old angry slot machine players who couldn't get their money, countless yelling poker players everywhere, mobs of people trying to get buffet comps as NO gaming was being held! Fizzling black and white tv's in every corner of the casino.... ALL computer systems down.... We joked that it was a real life Oceans 11 and we better get out of the place! What a time to rob a casino... eh?:) The tournament didn't resume play until the next day @ 12.

** While returning home to Orlando from Biloxi I received a $257 ticket for going 88mph in a 70mph zone. It was raining on and off pretty good and I broke the myth that Cops don't like to pull people over in the rain. Oops!

PA to GA now FL

2009-09-05T02:48:00.000-07:00

I tidied up the last of my 'chores' at the restaurant and then my girl and I packed up the car and were so thrilled to get out of there! We zipped from PA to Savannah in good time. Hit the road at 10:40 pm and I was pulling into my Aunt Karens @ around 9:00am ish. I killed the map quest time, as after you get through Charlotte it's pretty smooth sailing... it's the West Virginia/Virginia fog and swervy roads that make it extremely hard to cruise @ 90mph. We hung out and ate early in Savannah, and then enjoyed a day downtown. Saw the boats, trolleys, stores/bars etc. It's a little more quaint then New Orleans -- cleaner, less crowded, no sewage smells... but it's not nearly as busy or known for a party city. Was nice to break the trip up and see some family I haven't seen in awhile; and after we checked out the town we caught a nap and were back on the road @ 5amish. Arrived back in FL today and dropped right into my Sisters where I hung out with the fam and ate Florida CheeseSteaks as my Brother in Law Bill is on a PhillyCheesesteak kick with some book he just got. Plan is to catch up with all family I can -- grind online Sunday Tournies; and maybe hit road Sunday Night/Early Monday Morning to catch some of the Beau Rivage events in Biloxi. Been stashing away some money here and there while basement trolling it out in PA -- and I've managed myself a live roll! Wow! On top of that; my debt is.... nearly gone -- and the restaurant continues on(bleeding... but continuing). Yipeeeee! Setting my mind on carefree, and really trying to just apprectiate each and every moment with family and not worry to much about anything. Life's good and I'm free as a bird. :)

Cheers to a wonderful Poker September!

Happiness

2009-08-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

A friend Sleepy commented, "Above all, do things that make you happy, be happy - there is nothing in life without happiness."

So true. I've been so caught up in the day to day restaurant / online poker grind... that I've lost all passion for where I was trying to get. I've set my financial par and definition of success higher then most and that's hindering my overall happiness. Bad. I have to re-look @ where I'm at, where I'm going and see that I truly am successful in comparison to not only the rest of the poker community -- but the overall average American. I'm not saying I'm fucking Bill Gates, Daniel N or a Saint by any means; but I'm producing, building, benefiting the local community and attempting to set up some 'outs' outside 52 cards. All in due time.

What makes me happy?

Freedom.

Taking care of the last of what needs to be done, setting up all the pieces inside this restaurant with key employees and my partner -- and all the while finishing up CC debt and packing my pockets with Benjamins is what will make me happy when blogging in the coming weeks.

The thought of packing up my luxurious Cadillac Deville, with no obligations, a pocket full of cash, and nothing but the road ahead of me sparks up feelings of excitement that were once lost. How were they lost? I was in such a deep fucking hole that even when I looked up... I couldn't see the light. Day after day, week after week... month after month and now two years later I'm finally seeing some light. I've been scraping and digging and fighting my way out of this trench of a hole I dug myself in with this business and now.... I'm setting it up to where it's not going to be a huge hinderence over my shoulder anymore. Is this particular business my passion? NO -- but either is poker without something acquired from it. I can see a tangible, working, shining hope of light with this place and my personal future potential. The restaurant can work, without me here... producing cash flow and continuing growing while I go back about to being who I want to be. Doing what I want to do. A free man that can degen it up wherever the fuck he wants in this world drinking and boozing and laughing with the best of them around the green felt.

I've been watching two movies while grinding the last few weeks over and over: Robin Hood and Braveheart. Why? Because I'm grinding and grinding and grinding for one thing....

FINANCIAL... FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

and it doesn't take much for me to be happy. Not in the big scheme of things.

I'm getting closer and closer -- and while a certain denomination amount does not 'buy my happiness' and I am definatly not in a state of , "I will be happy when I have ____ or XXX amount of dollars"

I'm feeling the burden lessen off my shoulders, success or failure, win or lose... as long as I am free and happy -- doing what I love; I'll be happy each and every day.

Cheers!

20 some days later

2009-08-17T14:59:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since I last posted; and my days still consist of the same things from my last blog post. I work in online poker sessions when I can throughout the day -- and then grind till the wee hours of the morning after my girl and I shut the restaurant down.

We're slowly trucking along, and the shop is just about break even outside of rent and sales tax. It's still a slight financial burden -- but at least it strokes my ego knowing that my names on the front door. That's cool.

The truth is, a lot of things in life; I believe... will cost more and take longer than expected. Maybe? I'm still young and have a head full of ideas that I want to put into motion.

Since my last post my girl and I have made it out to the Mountaineer Casino in West Virginia (2x) where we degened it out on slot machines (she loves the damn bonus's) and I got a little poker playing in. Not any games higher then $2/$5 (not that I can really afford it atm) but I still managed to play some $2/$5. Nothing to exciting -- I played one big pot with KK where EP breaks for $20, called in between I re-raise to $80 from the BB with KK. We take a flop HU of 2/3/5 I lead out $140 and he shoves for $250ish. I call and it comes off J J. Guy flips over AJ! LOL!

Mountaineer runs a cool 'Splash the Pot' promotion where every other hour they put in three tickets into the pot, and in the corresponding hour they draw a ticket out of the raffle. You first have to win the tickets -- then win the raffle. You also have to be present to win the prize of spinning a huge wheel in the back of the room with varying denominations from $25-$100. Well, it was the wee hours of the morning and they plopped down three tickets into the pot. I very kindly asked the table if we could all limp; and let the cards speak. Some doushbag at my table said, "No fuck that!" and I very politely raised to $42 out of the SB in a $1/$2 NLHE game after looking down at an A/8o. I won the pot, and the next hour with only 4 tables running... I felt like I had about a 25% shot at it! To my delight, they drew my ticket... and I got to spin that beautiful wheel! You get three shots at it, but once you quit -- or are down to your third spin you gotta take the cash. I spun $40, $40, and then $50:) I was amped up, yelling and screaming like I was one of the crazies from the WSOP. The cute cashier said she enjoyed my show, and mentioned that the rooom needed more excitement;)

After re-reading my last post which I barely recall, it's funny to me how such a detrimental day just under a month ago is completely forgotten today. Since then I've put in an un countable amount of hours working the restaurant and grinding online. I dumped my fulltilt roll due to outside circumstances that I cannot post here in this blog -- but for memories sake... I lost my rakeback provider and had to register for a new one. The good side of this is that in the process of picking up a new rakeback provider -- I cashed in 270,000ish FTP points for the dual core mac book they have on there without a rake reduction! VERY NICE!!!

I decided to take part in the 100% up to $1,000 deposit bonus @ http://www.playersonly.com/ if you make your way over there -- make sure you first sign up for rake @ http://www.raketherace.com/ and use BuckyLastard420 as your referrer!

Between the deposit bonus, 33% rake, the raketherace promotion (if I produce $2,500 in rake I get $450) gold cards, gold chips -- I have so many damn bonus's on the site I love it! The downfall of this is that I'm constantly seeing 5-7 regs at most of my tables and there's not a huge selection of games.

I re-built my dead bankroll of $1,000 into $5,000ish since last post -- so that's inspiring. I'm also in the home stretch of paying down the last of my CC bill to NEVER worry about that again. For future reference personal CC's should not be used for business. Just grind the cash out first; then invest. Lesson learned.

Due to the short tables on Players, a friend sent a gift of $100 on FTP and said -- gamble it up:) I'm pulling a Chris Jesus Ferguson and gonna work that up to a sufficient bankroll. My friends joke and tell me it's like 're-rolling a character' like we used to do in Ultima Online. It really is; and I'm really damn good at it. I'm currently @ $370ish and FTP graced me with a wonderful blessing of a $500 bonus to help my efforts! Hooowah!!!

I'm overall a little bit more optimistic now then I was last month. CC bills getting paid, I have different options that I'm taking with the restaurant and I seem to be on the same page with Mr. I-Ching, and Mr. Glowember as far as where I'm taking this business and different continuing / exit strategies. Just as Poker -- restauranteuring is also a gamble. So here I am; gambling it up.

In the last 30 days I've also been practicing my new hobby of numismatics (sp?) which is the collecting of coins. I've been going at this for the past year or so -- at first just buying up all sorts of nonsense; commeratives, silver, gold, roman, greek... whatever I found that 'looked cool'. It transisted from vegas chips, to Vegas Silver strikes... and now to SilverStrikes/Coins. this past month I've picked up dozens of standing Liberty quarters, two cent pieces (yes there's a two cent piece! American!) three cent pieces! (they're so neat too!) and bags full of wheat pennies.

My coin collecting goals consist of:

One of each wheat by date and mint. Condition does not matter.

One of each two cent piece by date and mint.

One of each three cent piece by date and mint.

A collection that exceeds $10,000 that would easily sell @ a coin show for liquid cash.

Hanging out at my local coin shop and bartering / building my collection has been my only get a way from this restaurant the past 3 months. That and the Mountaineer. It could be worse:)

My girl and I have an exit strategy to be getting out of the NorthWest here within the next few weeks. In that time I have to finish up some advertising plans, fix up the Cadillac, and blah blah who cares. I'll get it done!

I *hope* to make it out to Biloxi in early sept. to enjoy the peace and quiet of the Gulf Ocean and get in some poker. I consider Biloxi to be my 'Casino HomeTown' as I used to make the drive under age with a fake ID while living in Tallahassee FL years ago. Best $15/$30/Rock game in the country -- and to this day still the first 'rock' game that I've witnessed in a casino. Good times.

I'm going to scrap together $5,000 -- and then $10,000 liquid here shortly; and be a true road gambler again soon. San Diego Oceans 11, the DeadRanch in South Dakota, the Mexican Riveria CardPlayer Cruise out of LA, Costa Rica Casinos /wpt (when is this?) and a few other Casino Destination spots cross my mind when wanting to get away.

Everythings falling into place and before long I'll not only be debt free, but will be sitting on an online bankroll, live roll, a producing restaurant... and hopefully some shots @ some tournaments.

these days....

2009-07-19T22:12:00.001-07:00

These days consist of restauranteuring. I cook, clean, wait tables, balance check books, interview employees, fire employees, train new employees, market, go to chamber meetings, yell at customer service reps, cost out menus, dry wall, demolition, research, delivery drive....

I'm hopeful for the future. But I would most def. say that I worry about the future of the business, economy, and the nation as a whole more then I really should. Worrying is accomplishing nothing -- but I don't want to be oblivious to what could be. Even though I'm putting forth so much effort/time/mental energy; there are so many outside forces that I just can't control.

My blogging has been half ass, and flipping back to 2006... damn! I was so pie in the sky, care free... and really putting down some real good shit! Thing is, I'm different now. Im a lot more concrete, I rely on my own wits/knowledge/judgement rather then... the unseen or unknown, emotions, God or metaphysics.

I'm not sure which one is working better... I was pretty broke back then -- having $10,000 in my pocket was a big deal. It'd be a big deal now but I'm FINALLY crossing that last border in paying off the final $6,000 of $20,000 CC bill *wipes brow*

Nights like tonight remind me why I began this restaurant... I played my ass off to find myself stuck 7 buy ins. My girl was sweating me -- and I was playing solid for the most part. KK to AA twice, set to set... yada yada. Not much I can do; it's just that I have so much RISK OF RUIN that the -33% bankroll hits are extremely gut wrenching.

The double stress of working/worrying/financing of the restaurant combined with poker at times can be .... so sickening that I honestly believe I could just about vomit. I do believe that I'm un-happy more days than happy and that's bad.

The thought of closing this down and playing strictly professional poker again doesn't spark thoughts of excitement like it used to. I just know I can do it; make by... and have shots here and there and some real 'fuck you' money. I just want so much more -- and I do NOT want to rely solely on 52 cards to take care of myself, girlfriend, and any family that I would ever dream of bringing into this world.

Fact is the restaurant is continuing to make by on its own outside of rent. If I withdrew myself and my girlfriend from the restaurant would it continue on like it is? That's the thing -- I think we're eating up enough payroll to say... it'd be teetering.

*sigh*

This post from 2006 made me happy,

"There is no inexorable fate, nothing foreordained or predestined. Your thoughts and feelings control your destiny." "Every condition, experience, and event in my life is picturing.... in the outer world, patterns of thoughts in my conscience mind, followed with a firm belief system within my subconscious mind"
I love it when my life feels as though it's working in perfect synchronicity. I fall on and off this path on a daily basis. A strong belief system in myself, and in God - followed with pure positive thoughts/feelings is what creates this synergy. The right people and circumstances just begin falling properly into place. Whatever I have planned out for my future self seems to pan right out:)" (Re-reading... I want that synergy again.... where did it go????)

Erasing the sickness from the pit of my stomach due to this business and poker would be great. the sick feeling that follows -7 bi days isn't due to money lost. It's because I have this overwhelming feeling that I HAVE TO PRODUCE to pay bills, make CC payments etc. etc.

These same feelings will NEVER ERASE themselves if I want to live a semi 'normal' life (without making that huge score.) if it's not restaurant it'd be mortgage, insurance, groceries etc. etc.

The plan was this restaurant would give me enough residual income that my poker could be brought down to a semi normal pace -- and build upon itself rather than constantly get chipped away at. Soon, hopefully. Give it 6 months.

Money right now is the tightest it's been since I opened this place. Posting with absolutely no Ego I'm down to my last 10 bi's and it's FUCKING GO TIME. In fact tonights hit of -7 bi's was almost about 50% of my BR! How many times have I done this? Do all gamblers go through this? I'm building bankroll after bankroll from scratch. Am I not taking enough shots at bigger games? Am I playing to tight? Am I to worried about going broke? Do other people put in the resilience that I have? Does it matter?

I posted goals, what's more important are dreams.

**I dream of my restaurant, Marco's -- taking care of itself finacially so I do not have to re-invest another dime.

**I dream of my restaurant, Marco's -- taking care of itself fundamentally so I can stop investing 8-12 hour days.

** I dream that I can get out of CC debt within a reasonable amount of time; say by Nov. 16th 2009. (random -- but it'll be fun to see on that day where I'm at;))

** I dream that I can build my live roll to $5,000 liquid to get back to traveling the circuit a bit; playing some cash, lower limit tournaments, and satelliting into some bigger events. On top of this I'd love to re-join a handful of my buddies on the road.

** I dream of building and maintaining my online bankroll of $10,000.

** I dream of putting away the proper funding to buy a house sometime in the first half of 2010. To make this dream a reality I will have to save $15,000 (or around $1,000 a month starting now)

** I dream that God will insert the proper circumstances, people, tools, to re invigorate my mind and emotions to feel .... well... to feel like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJ1Wfa-3FOI&feature=related

Nothing is stopping me from reaching my dreams and goals except myself. Be thankful for what is, right now. Enjoy the ride -- focus on your goals and realize that nothing happens over night. I'm doing the best I can with the tools in front of me right now.

DEEEEEEEP BREATHHHHHHH

APPRECTIATION

Know deep down that everything is going to be ok..... broke or rich... young or old everything is going to be ok. It's going to be ok. Do not let finances control your well being or overall happiness. Remember your spirtual roots. Remember, most importantly -- that I'm living within the Grace of God.

HUNGRY

2009-07-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

Argh!!!!! Just busted nightly $109 over on Players. 180ish players -- first was $3,880 and I had chip lead with 11 left. I fucked that off and busted.... 9th for ($300ish?)

ASLDKFJLASKDFJLASFJALSFASLDFJ

1k/2k/200

My stack is @ 130,000 and opponent has 60kish.

A/10o UTG and image was Tight/Aggro. I open for my standard of 6,700ish and opp. flats button; HU.

Flop is J/10/4 two tone. Pots @ 17,400 and I fire 15,000 with the thought of "If he has the balls to raise this he has gotta have a hand"

Well, he does. He slams AI.

Ok, after my flop bet and his call/ there's = 34,800 in the pot and 40k ish to call. Pretty marginal. I was pretty un-sure of what he held and thought he could hold a hand like A/2 for a flush draw. K/Qo for a straight draw over even K/10o? 8/9? My numbers may be SLIGHTLY off as I do recall having a little closer than 1.5-1. (Retrospect I had 1-1) I called, throwing my stack down to 50,000ish if I lost.

He flipped over a set of J's and I was crippled:(

Final table; two mis plays.

Blinds are large; 1.5k/3k/ante

KK in SB, folded to VERY AGGRO CHIP LEADER and he open min. raises from button to 6,000. I re popped to 12,000 straight barely min raising him putting in just about 1/3rd my stack. I set off red flares here and he insta mucked. Stupid! I should FLAT and gamble or shove AIPF!

I ran QQ into KK against the only guy who I had covered and then shortly after... same level;

J/5s on button -- open limped 2 off button, chip leader limps button. I slam 22,500 into a 10k plus pot and *I'M FUCKING RETARDED... FOLDED TO CHIP LEADER AND HE'S PRICED ATC* He had K/Jo and I'm out.

I should have picked a better spot with my extremely short stack.

I also should have played those Kings better.

Now and Then

2009-07-13T22:56:00.000-07:00

My business partner insisted I dig deep into the archives of my blog and 'figure out' what I was doing poker wise when we started this restaurant. What did I learn?

Well, that I used to be one hell of a fucking blogger! I sure had some good fucking stories and some really really deep insight. Why has this changed? I've lacked motivation -- and the restaurant has been a lot tougher then I thought it would be.

Here's some things I read that really touched home:

"**Luck and the connecting with faith goes hand in hand. A clear mind, and strong belief system not only keeps me fulfilled but voids out feelings of anger and hate.

**Luck/faith are very important -- but remember that you have been given freewill! I AM in control of my own circumstances, and don't give up a bad streak of cards to 'luck'. Ultimately I am in control of my destiny, life just throws in wonderous 'coincidences' at times."

_____________________________________________________________

Why am I so ungrateful for my current circumstances? I have more going for me then I ever did in Las Vegas -- and I'm that much more disciplined compared to two years ago. I've acquired one hell of a partner and I also now own the BEST restaurant in this little county i've found myself in.

Despite the restaurant still being in the red -- it's balancing out now and hasn't required any outside cash flow since March/April (outside of lease money and VERY small online CC kitchen gadgets)

Here are the two seperate issues that I've currently been dealing with. First the logical stuff:

** I haven't been playing 'Who gives a fuck, lets fucking gamble/outplay everyone poker since opening the restaurant. Why? Because I've had responsibilities and I've been trying to, 'lower variance' this hasn't caused me to lose -- but it's brought my bb of 4.5/100 to around 2bb/100

** Alongside not earning as much -- what I do earn is being recycled into restaurant(should be just about done now) and CC debt (will be out of debt here completely soon!)

** And then the topping to those two circumstances is that I've been pretty short rolled since opening restaurant; constantly borrowing/playing on borrow or playing WAY underrolled.

Now to the 2nd set of problems.

I've forgot where I'm going -- what I'm trying to build, and why. What's the dream? What do I want?

I've also been very angry, spiteful, and resentful of my current life circumstances. Why? Because I've been working like a dog -- but this is a good thing. Re-reading my old blog posts brought me back to a time where I was even MORE worried about the stability of everything. I DO NOT want to be JUST a poker player; I want to do it all. Restaurants, real estate, movies, coin collecting, ebay, NUI etc. etc.

Most importantly I've fallen away from the core root of my spirtuality beliefs. I MUST APPRECTIATE NOT SUPPLICATE -- BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT IS RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT!!!!

I need to re-focus my brain. Be satisfied with what is now -- and work extremely hard to make what I've started not only WORK but PROSPER.

My last two sessions I've really been THINKING about my actions / players rather than just going through the motions. I forgot that I can read .... whether it's minds or emotions I'm not sure but my 'inklings' are pretty un believable.

I have to re-unite with my zen like attitude and that feeling of exuberance I always carried with me before. I KNOW everything is going to be OK. I AM excited for the future. I AM doing amazing things and really making things happen out of thin air.

One last thing that has been missing is MY GOAL LIST

Goals:

1) Build current roll of 23 bi's to 30.
2) Chop down the last of my CC debt of $6,000 to $0.
3) Really really work hard on my restaurant, COOK EVERYTHING. Learn the business. Price my menu, advertise, enjoy the hype, bickering, long days and it'll pay dues in the end.
4) Most importantly DO NOT FORGET that YOU'RE UNDER THE GRACE OF GOD! This is all a blessing!

Focus on ++ Progression

2009-07-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

I fear that my game has become stagnant and I'm simply going through the motions day in and day out and SETTLING with my current earn. I must admit that my earn is down and it's from a combination of things:

1) I'm not motivated due to:
a) Money made isn't 'mine' and it's going to either restaurant rent or CC bills
b) I'm living in Beaver County and there's not a game in sight.

2) My notes are poor. I cannot recall the last time I jotted down start time, hands played, amount $ won or lost. It's been over 6 months. YOU NEED TO TAKE GOOD, PROPER, NOTES! Notes being poor include LACK OF POKER BLOG! Remember why you started this damn thing in the first place! FOR POKER LIFE!

3) Need to study game more and focus more on LEARNING rather then EARNING! Improve game = results will show. READ ALL THE MATERIAL YOU HAVE AROUND YOU!

Going to solve these problems by getting myself out of debt and re-building my live roll/travel fund. FOCUS ON GETTING YOURSELF OUT TO SOME TOURNAMENT SPOTS! THEN pay down some debt after you've taken your shot. Come back home, re - build and try again.

#2 is easy -- fucking take notes, and BLOG GOALS/POKER HANDS/TOURNAMENTS ETC.

#3 = JUST READ MORE

Pretty fucking simple. Apply.

Change of Tune

2009-07-05T11:21:00.001-07:00

Life's a freeroll. Anything that I've had, experienced, seen, touched or felt has been quite the trip. My life, as a whole... is so damn blessed. I'm just so fucking spoiled that when I'm not feeling this direct ... 'impact' from God it feels mundane. My current endeveaors are a 'success'. Success being defined as:

- We're feeding families/employing people
- We have the best restaurant in town
-We're making people happy
- We're growing despite this disgusting economy
- We've built a 'family' with the current crew I got now.... it just took awhile for us to sort through the bad apples.

The bad is:

- It's taking longer then expected financially for this place to care for itself.
- My girl and I work like Dogs. and it's effecting my Poker earn
- I can see my partner either being semi lazy, or getting sick again.
- My location is sub par; when coming into it I thought it was stellar.
- My main cook is in ICU, in an indused coma ... with breathing tubes all through him and the place ain't the same w/o him around.

Overall at this point I look back and can say that without knowing what the future held, for the most part I'm always overly optimistic when it comes to business. It's just that, like stated before.... I've lived such a blessed life that I honestly believe that anything I touch will turn to Gold.

I've always had the ability to earn. The abilities I lacked in Sin City were saving, focusing, and using my money to work exponentially. I've solved all those things now. Re-winding myself.... I could have done stocks, I could have done real estate. Both those things would 99% have been a HUGE red mark with no return. The restaurant has potential, and hope.... we've also built a nice customer base and we continue to stay pat + grow during the worst economic time I've seen in my lifetime.

Baring that Obama doesn't turn us into a socialist nation (aren't we half way there already?) and that WWIII or riots don't break out all over the country -- this restaurant WILL build create positive cash flow and take care of all it's (Extremely small in the big scheme of things) debts that it's incurred. The ONLY expense that I've been taking care of is the Lease, and little things here or there on the ol' CC. (Kitchen Gadget, Telephone, Ink online where I save 50% etc.)

*sigh of relief*

It's not that bad and if I would have never attempted something outside of 52 cards again.... I'd of always regretted it. Having multiple streams of income is the goal and I'M NOT THAT FAR FROM OBTAINING THAT AND TAKING MYSELF OUT OF THE PICTURE!!!!

All I have to do is keep going. Stay focused. Continue taking part in the community and while helping them, help the restaurant.

________________________________________________________________

My thoughts and actions are very spewy. My mind is always thinking about 25 different topics and it's hard for me to write, think or even hold a conversation on one thing for very long. I'm constantly blabbering about poker this, restaurant that, all the while working God into the mix. God should be my main focus -- and if I'm on the correct path with the creator... all else will fall into place. It's true.

Weeks ago I bought some books @ a garage sale. Mostly I pick them up and they collect dust for awhile -- and I only read the first few chapters. After working a 15 hour day yesterday on the 4th before bed, I picked up one of my books and flipped through it to a completely random page. I've been looking for glimpses of hope, a 'sign' so to speak or someone to come into my life and really lead me into the right direction with my faith, and business wrapped into one. There's been a handful of boosts since my last rant post(Felice who owns multiple business's down the street coming in and him looking for inputs on his business/ideas/backing, a party of 30 setting up a party on a Weds after I was down and out w/ the restaurant) This short reading though, I felt was a real beam of light.

the book read, "I don't know where to go to church and I'm so confused as to what ministries I should be supporting" a man confided to the author after one of his services in Pennsylvania. With new congregations springing up like daisies and Christian television programs asking for money about every twenty-two seconds, I'd be baffled, too.

BRB

?!!? Life Rant (poor me)

2009-06-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

I loaded up my blog today and began skimming my last few posts and it's like... WTF? How the fuck did I end up in Beaver County running a fucking restaurant? Assistant Pro made his way from DC area to visit me in Western PA the other day and it struck home when he said, "Owning a restaurant is cool... but running one is uncool"

Damn! Wise words!

Here I am, running a restaurant.....un cool.

My partner works, and cooks from time to time -- but my girl and I live in the basement, next to a sewer drain and after logging 5-7 hours of sleep I'm awoke by employees tumbling in @ 7am.

So my "Poker Dream" has lead me to this moment... where I'm again a slave to the restaurant business and stressed, aggravated, anxious, and pissed off most of the time.

I'm living in Beaver County, PA... and to make matters worse I'm in a drug infested, low income living, crazy person town known as Rochester, PA. (So much for for the blog being semi anonymous...) How the FUCK did I end up out here? And how did I manage to invest a year and halfs worth of low limit grind ($100,000) to this place? What in the hell am I doing? How did I choose this? Why wasn't I more specific and strategic when opening this restaurant? Why do I always jump into business ventures without plotting things out in black and white more?

Looking at the positive -- I did begin my 'grind to open the restaurant' with a $1,000 borrowed from Mr. KC the I-Ching of Poker. I did have many leaks two years ago from hedonistic values, blackjack and beyond -- and no self control on my nights out on the town.

What has changed? Is it a sense of responsibility? Is it that I had overhead and obligations? Or did I just grow up?

What has changed financially? Well -- I'm still fucking change jar broke. I have $400 in my pocket right now; but unfortunately that money needs to make it to the bank TOMORROW for me to avoid checks written out to U.S. Foods and the Electric company from BOUNCING. I also have obligations to KC Chan for rent payments, loads of CC debt (at highest point $19,000ish) which I've worked down to : $3,500 on sisters cards, $2,500 personal, $1,000 on American Express. $7,000 left and then my money can at least begin to compound exponentially again.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

The positive? I have a restaurant grossing $175,000-$240,000 annually this 2009. (We'll see how 'season' goes during this horrible horrible economy. (in this horrible horrible fucking town)

*sigh*

I chose this. Right? Reading http://www.lukekim.blogspot.com/ motivates and de-motivates me all at once. That guy is living the LV poker dream -- he never posts negatives. Amazing! He never complains about bad beats, or life, or his bitch cheating on him or NOTHING!!!! I envy that. Motivating... what's de-motivating is that.... I somehow thought that this restaurant would benefit me in the short come a lot more than it has. Unfortunately it's done the exact opposite. To top that off; online games are getting tougher. When I do receive a check from online -- it's bouncing due to the online gambling bill (I don't even know why... I honestly have been tuning it out). I worry about the future of my profession not only inside this restaurant, but with poker as a whole. Will there always be a live game out there, somewhere, all the time? I think so; Yes. Will I be able to make money? Yes. Do I want to sit around a poker table grinding out a living forever? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

So to answer my question of 'Why did I open this restaurant' the answer is:

To set up residual income streams for my future.

The problem is that..........................................

It's been 16 months and we're still not over the hump.

We're producing a little extra cash flow, but we're still picking up old bills. We're also not paying rent (I am with poker) and my business partner does not see it as being a big deal. I'm constantly keeping this thing afloat to 'protect my investment' but at times I just want to fold the hand and start anew. I'm still young -- and Poker will Provide.

How much further do I want to go with this thing? What's my best option? My credit history and the last 2 years of my life will be shot if I gave up now.

...........................*sigh*

To top it all off and then top it off again (can you even do that?) I feel horrible for my beautiful girlfriend as she gives so much -- and I just can't pay her. She works on love, great Italian food.... and the bare min. necessities. Wutta Sweetie!

Within the past week I've punched more holes in the wall then I have since highschool. I've used the Lords name in vein on constant occasions. I've smashed four restaurant dishes into pieces.... I'm so overwhelmed with 'hoping' that the restaurant brings in XXX amount of people to pay for my utilities/gas/back bills/creditors that I have knots in my stomach constantly.

To top off the financial stress I have the micromanagement of employees who find the smallest of things to bicker and whine over. "we're out of paper towels Marco!!!!" .... THE SKY IS FALLING THE SKY IS FALLING all the time over mediocre matters like this on a daily basis. ..... If we're out of fucking paper towels go re-fill them. If we don't have anymore walk across the street and get them from fucking dairy queen. FIGURE IT OUT PEOPLE -- LIKE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SHIT TO WORRY ABOUT.

When the noise stops, and I've run my end of day sales, batched my credit card receipts.... I finally get a glimpse of what I used to love.... Poker. Ahhh yes.... Poker....

I grind for hours upon hours -- days upon days -- weeks on top of weeks -- months on top of months... and now... years on top of years.... to pay bills and make ends meet. To employee these people.... to hope for a better financial future.... though I'm having trouble seeing it. Thinking of 5 months from now... when the cold weather starts showing itself and the Snow begins to fall...... where will my restaurant sit then? Will it be like last winter where I had to dump in loads of money to keep us going? I don't have that in me again -- no way. My money is giong to be re-invested into ME. POKER BUSINESS -- and then maybe recycled. But I will not continue to build rolls and dump them into this business again... and again.... 20 bi online rolls while 12 tabling is way to tight -- and another stressload all together.

I live by this line, "The Lord will provide"

I do my best, and he'll do His.

What I'm struggling with now is.............. Did I choose this or was it chosen for me? Was I 'meant to be here' or is this just where I ended up? If I'm not happy in my current life situation shouldn't I just quit?

The thing is, I've come this far... and I'm no quitter.

________________________________________________________________

WARNING!!! More bad stuff.

**It sucks that my blog is filled with negativity as I'm a pretty glass half glass full kinda guy. this is just simply my psychiatric hospital... right here for anyones eyes.

I'm so upset. I'm so upset because I can re-wind this moment and remember telling my mom 2-3 years ago when she said that she was going to give my brother a large chunk of her savings to invest with.

I love my brother to death -- and he's .... smart and half way business minded.... but... fuck.

He can get his own fucking money to invest. Why do you have to use moms? Why don't you fucking build it on your own with your own sweat/blood/tears.

I told my mom, "You and brother make me really nervous playing the stock market online from the comfort of your own home." ..................... "I understand that I play online poker for a living.... but I've always been the one 'outside the box' you're not... you work 9-5 and save what you make. Why risk it? You're retirng soon.... just PLAY IT SAFE...."

They didn't listen.

My brother lost my mom $76,000 ..... and the figure makes me so sick.

Liquid. Cash. That's my moms life fucking savings and it puts me into tears. What hurts me most is that there's just nothing I can do. I'm doing everything I can with my time.... working on this restaurant, saving money, paying down debt, grinding every day, playing within my bankroll, not leaking any money in or outside the game..........

I'm still not coming up with that kind of money all at once in a pile after expenses.

This month I haven't eaten out. I haven't gone out on a date. I haven't had a liquor drink. I have not done any drugs (going on one year now....) I haven't spent a dollar outside of what this restaurant has required.

I've tried my best to be as positive and helpful to the people around me. Though at times I feel as if I'm being taken advantage of and that maybe I'm wasting my life away. I pray and hope that things will work out -- and my faith is strong.... but I realize that there's many a smart people who I've met who think that I'm praying to an imaginary being. I know it's real. They say they know it's NOT real. We're both human so it's a mute point. That scares me. Why should I be a moral, trusting, helpful human being if there's no end game? How is it that I can have these beliefs and still look back at my life and see where I've been so .... immoral and sinful?

All I want....... ALL I WANT is to be able to give to the people whom I care about most...... that's it. It breaks me inside that I can't do this -- and I feel as though it's going to drive me over the top. I'm so fed up and angry these past few days and it's gotten to the point where I'm losing it. I've dealt with this issue since I was a kid -- and over the years I really worked on it.... but with my stress being at an all time high I feel myself getting to that point again. Fits of rage where I almost lose where I am..... (re-reading; life's tough, you rarely get 'what you want')

bottom line is this:

I'm working very hard on my faith. I'm reaching out and hoping that God reaches out and places the right circumstances, people, and situations to help me get to the next level of my being. I want to help -- and I want to be able to tell everyone around me, "Everything is going to be Ok..." and really .... REALLY mean it.

God is good and God is the creator of all life. So life should be good, too.... right? Why is it not feeling that way?

Why am I again feeling off the path?

What do I need to do to feel invigorated again? Are the people whom I've chosen to surround me bringing me up or down? Is the cause that I've dedicated myself to these past two years the correct one?

What would I do if I weren't doing this? Where would I go? Back to Las Vegas and fulltime poker? Or would that lead to self destruction and a constant sinful lifestyle......

I just need to take this moment -- apprectiate what is now. Know that I'm doing the best I can with the tools in front of me, tomorrow, the next day and in the days to come.

Close

2009-06-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

The World Series is going on right now... where am I? Back in PA running a restaurant; trying to set up my future and get some residual income going all the while playing poker at night. A true 2009 online grinder! So close tonight... 323 players -- top two get a seat into the WSOP, I picked up 4th. Heart breaking... honestly.....Damn heart sunk to the floor when I busted -- and I had a real good shot at her.

Simultaneously while playing the satellite I picked up 18th in the $50 10k guarantee.

"It's not a matter of 'if' it's just a matter of 'when"

Be content with what is now.

Good Sunday

2009-05-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

Woo! This last week I attended both game 4 and 6 of the Orlando Magic / Cleveland Cavs series. WOW! Overtime in game 4 and Magic making it to the NBA finals for the 2nd time in THIRTEEN YEARS after game 6! What's so crazy is that Orlando faces the LA Lakers and my girl is a die hard lakers fan:) We also both predicted this series pre-season but unfortunately I didn't make it to the sports book to wager. Despite that -- the Magic paid for both my tickets as I got 5-1 for them to win the Cavs series and bet the +9 lines on games 1-5. So sick.

Pokers been solid and I'm continuing cash game grind. Also freerolled myself into some satellites and I've turned them into $268, $455, and $162 tournament seats today.... so hopefully I can run tournament good and see myself in the main event in Las Vegas this year:)

___________________________________________________________________

** I'm focused on turning my online tournament roll into $15,000 today.

____________________________________________________________________

Eh!

$455 satellite I mis-played K/10o where I limped from the SB with 2 limpers in front of me @ 150/300ish stacks and I had 8k or so. Flop came down KJX two tone and I decided to check -- to last to act he fires -- I flat. HU on a bricked turn. I ... what I did was play this hand horrible but for some reason I felt like my opponent was bluffing and I would get more chips by check calling. I checked, he fired -- (I should have raised but I flat?) rivers a great card; an offsuite deuce. I check, he goes all in for 5,500 or so and I call. He shows 2/2 for bottom set! My read was right he just hit a miracle card:( I think he plays hand same way whether he hits deuce or not....

$268 tournament I got into a silly race situation with 200 or so left (out of 1,000) FIRST WAS $50,000! Where I insta called with AJ where I felt my opponent was stealing. He had 4/4 and held... ugh! Coulda waited for a better spot and thought it out for a moment longer.

$109 I got 7th out of 225 for $800ish or so. DAMN! Here's the hand -- it may look ridiculous to an outsiders perspective but Villian in this hand was HELLA aggro; I had re-stole from him once or twice already and he had been folding to other 3 bets from ALL players short and big. Blinds hit my stack next orbit I'm no longer gonna have a re-steal stack and we were 7 handed... I went for it right here and got caught:O Flopped a gutter but couldn't hold.

My name is "~I'mBlessed~"

http://cakepoker.com/en/HandHistory/Default.aspx?Hand=xczMx8HFt8TBxsTExczExYjAwcfBzME%3d

What's Important now...

2009-05-17T20:25:00.001-07:00

What's most important now is that I'm focused on doing the best I can with my time / energy. I'm consciously aware of making good decisions both in life and poker. In poker; I will not tilt, I will not play while tired or hungry nor will I allow my emotion to control thought. I will think through big decisions and ensure that I am making correct decisions. I will not be afraid of playing big pots to 'lower variance'.

In life I'm focused on being as considerate as possible. I will keep my opinions to myself when they are affecting other peoples emotions / irritating them. I will go out of my way to withdraw stress from my girlfriend, business partner, family, and friends. I will always be thinking of OTHERS and not myself. What can I provide to them? How can I help? What do I need to say or do to bring forth happiness and a more enjoyable life to whom ever crosses my path? Bringing forth heaven on Earth is my purpose. Heaven on Earth in an non hedonistic way. The thought process of, "I can help more when I'm financially stable" is in-valid. My time/energy can be of more worth than any $$$ amount when it comes to servicing Gods Will. I will not be lead astray nor use the Lords name in vein. I will also be aware and trying my best to eliminate my sailors mouth. Live as pure as possible. Pray. Think good thoughts about others. Don't be as judgemental as you are and have been in the past.

What's most important now is that I'm trying my best to live my life in line with God.

New Orleans

2009-05-17T20:20:00.001-07:00

Cruised out to New Orleans again this year to attempt a repeat. Didn't make it in time for Event #4 but got some cash game grind in. Will post detailed hands later -- don't forget Bradley story.

No time to blog but will hopefully get to it later.

Most importantly to the people who stop in here... God Bless!:)

Florida Life

2009-05-17T20:17:00.001-07:00

Back from PA since May 1st -- enjoying life, friends, and family. Hanging out with my Nephew E a lot, Mothers day @ parents, chillen at the Springs, X boxing it up, haven't missed a minute of Orlando Magic basketball, went to the Demi's wedding, and have really been re vitalizing my roots:) Great being back home in the Florida heat, but I really need to crunch out the hands in these next two weeks. 6-8 hour days + each and every day. Get it done.

Life's good.

Cadillac Dreaming

2009-05-17T20:16:00.001-07:00

Crazy things happening -- will blog this later. Just wanted them in chronological order.

Focus / Motivation

2009-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

While playing I will stay put in the moment. I will focus on what hand is currently in front of me and not waste mental energy on believing I'm running bad. I will not be overwhelmed with my current financial situation. I'm focused on building a live roll to get myself out to New Orleans May 10th. I will build a roll to get myself out to New Orleans May 10th. I will be in New Orleans May 10th with Matty of the T. Nothing is stopping me from reaching my goals except myself. Focus on one day at a time. Keep working hard and before long there will be a pile of gold. Enjoy each and every day -- I don't need a dollar amount to be fulfilled or to be happy. I am satisfied with my current circumstances though I am dedicated to further benefiting and improving myself and my financial situation. My business is doing far better than the current average American business. I am also a winning poker player. I am traveling the country and before long will be traveling the world. I love what I do. I'm doing what I do on my own terms. I am my own boss. I can quit whenever I like. I have the freedom and choice to do whatever I choose -- and this is what I have chose and continue to choose. I am not a slave to my business or poker. If it was easy everyone would be doing it. It's easy for me and I've been gifted with the ability to bring forth amazing circumstances and create something from nothing. Don't take those things for granted. Go back to looking at things from a perfect perspective. This is all a gift... all of it... each breath... with that God is bringing forth perfect situations. Yes, God. None of this is possible without God! My pride, greed, lust, ego ... and I'm sure a handful of other things have been getting in my way.

Remember that you haven't been granted certain tangible things/$$/relationships because 'it wasn't time' or 'I wasn't ready'. When I open up and connect to the source of all Good, and I'm not swayed by Ego/Self interests... things will line up.

I'm not living this life for myself and have to remember that at the source -- truly everything is to give back. To what cause or whom? I haven't gotten that far yet.

I wouldn't be so stressed if I wasn't constantly focusing on what I deserve/what I'm trying to obtain for ME. In this physical realm of life, I only have so much time -- I just hope my soul and body are in line to get what needs to get done done. (I say this because I feel as though I've wasted the past 6 months 'off the path...of righteousness')

Re-reading that line -- I'm trippen. Just a never ending battle in my mind over good/evil or self absortion / purpose. Amazing how I flip back and forth on a daily basis.

I'm tired.. 12-15 hour day today and pokers been rough. Dug deep this post but my emotion/gut just isn't as deep as it once was. I hope real life isn't eating me up like everyone always told me it would.....

Overall:

Work Hard.

Apprectiate the current Moment and make the best decision possible.

Believe and re-capture your un touchable faith. Faith that you're in Gods hands and under the Grace of God.

Do the best you can with what's dealt to you on and off the tables.

Let the Race begin!

2009-04-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

Ugh! Re-focused and re-vitalized! Flew back to the Northeast last night and put in a loooong restaurant day today. Lots accomplished. Sales up 100% from last year this same week just a year ago;) still lots of work to be done but at least we're heading in the right direction! Last few days in LV I gamed my face off to get it out of my system with Mr. JoeB.

Starting the online grind today and gonna 6 table cake / 6 table FTP. Starting @ $2k each see which one hits $5k first -- then $10k.

Summing up March Las Vegas + Future

2009-04-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

Since my last post I continued playing with Ijosh's help. Ended up running up 11kish and he gave me a pretty sweet deal -- I ended up with $3,500 online ($600 was rake and hit April 2nd) and $4,200 cash.

So I made myself $7,700 and IJosh around $3,300ish. My notes continue to be poor but my take is 100% concrete as I remember exactly what Ijosh handed me and what my acct. began at when I started playing on my own.

Since then things have been pretty damn rough. I had to send $1,100 to restaurant right off the top to pay for sales tax -- $200 to abco supression (we've been sent to collections and I've been sending them money monthly). I also had to pay my CC bills etc. and that ran me a couple hundred. During this time I also managed to pay Mr. Chan $1,200 for rent on FTP.

My starting roll of $4,100 dwindled down to $1,600 also so all in all I am on a little cold streak of around : -$2,500 online (6 and a half bi's @ $2/$4 pretty standard. Bad part is some of it came from poor $1/$2) and about $3,000 live starting roll (after above bills paid) down to $1,900 (plus I lost Ijosh like $2k) so all in all like -$4,400 of my own cash since playing independant again.

Oops.

Live losses may not be as high as they are as I've paid on avg. $10 a day in cabs since late Feb. for $400, and random drinks @ bars etc. etc. Plus slot degening w/ the old lady (I did acquire $210 in silver strike coins though! Yipeeee!) and other minor leaks that have been severely plugged in the last few years.

Also since my last post the Old Lady T has arrived in town and we had dinner at La Scalas Italian restaurant right next to the little apt. we're residing at for the time being. Expensive. Food was good and the ambience was nice, outside of staring at East D. road. My days spent in March were extremely enjoyable while winning and extremely taxing and miserable when losing. I've continued to ask myself the question, "Do the highs outweigh the lows?" Ugh. It's pretty damn borderline. Again, the only reason I feel so much pressure is because money is so tight. On top of money being tight it's all not being recycled into poker and I'm still being charged by my restaurant. It's a circle that continues on -- while winning I spite the restaurant, while losing I'm grateful that I've dumped money into something that's producing and growing. If I could possess the emotional control and logic of the many great asian players I've met... (Mr. Chan, Mr. Duong, Mr. LKim) things would be wonderful. Unfortunately I wear them on my sleeve.

Summing up the trip as a whole it's been nice re-mending some bridges with the old 'crew' and knowing that... "We're all fuck ups". I like to think that I'm aspiring to something in my life and would love to see them win... big... again. I'm also extremely grateful to Mrs. Kamaka and Mr. Bean for taking the homeless into their abode. I thought my past mistakes would haunt me more then they have and I dream of making Las Vegas my home again. Unfortunately I'm just not in a situation to do that and Ijosh urges me to get back East, handle business -- then set up shop in LV properly. Being a needy friend fucking sucks and hitching rides to tournaments, clubs, and the grocery store is painful. Not being fully independant blows. IJosh coming through and being my Mike Mcdermmick outta Rounders was awesome. Every lost poker player needs a Mikey.

All in all I can most def. call this trip a success. I didn't pit spew outside of a few hundred in slot play and random bathroom/roullette poker walks. I sent the restaurant $3,000($1,200 rent, $200 abco, $500 for bounced savings acct., $1,100 sales tax) I also built up a new little online roll that I'm gonna grind up and protect.

I shot myself into two $545 Wynn Classic events, the Venetian Deep stack Event #1 $330, and played a Wynn Freeroll. No cashes but at least I bought my lottery ticket and gave myself a shot.

Most importantly I had a lot of fun, tables at all the Wynn Clubs, Tao Beach, drinking @ Hardrock Wasted space a few nights. Stoneys for my 26th Bday w/ some cool people.

__________________________________________________________________

My future consists of flying out of Las Vegas April 14th back to Pennsyltucky and HOPING that the snow is gone and I see 60-70 degree days this beautiful Spring. Restaurant sales are up again 25-35% and I look forward to running the show and giving my partner some time off.
On top of doing the restaurant thing I am gonna race my FTP acct vs my Cake acct to $10,000 from about $2,000 each. See which one gets home first!

My summer WSOP plans are shaky as currently I have $1,800 cash with $500 going to living, $250 to bank, with $1,000 cash to build a little home in my restaurant basement. I will be Change Jar Broke again depending completely online to keep me afloat and get me back out West.

My largest year goal is sending Mommy $1,200 a month to store away so sometime late this year or early 2010 I can purchase a home in Las Vegas. I got April shipped as I just took $1,200 out of my Charles Schwab.

Bottom line = I made money, had some laughs, and continued building for the future. I can't let the day to day grind eat away at my soul. Just enjoy the ride. Most importantly... fucking play well and there's no such thing as running bad -- just whatever hand situation that is currently in front of you.

Stack up good decisions.

Distractions + Update

2009-03-18T11:59:00.001-07:00

Oops, been a week since posting and... so much for that 8 day goal! Pretty much threw that out the window and I've just been playing strictly online. I've made it out to play live a handful of times -- and when I do it's been Gin / Tonics, straddles, squeezes, and I'm really playing way to LagTard lately. I don't think I'm nec. playing bad... but my crazy image really opens up a lot of doors. People three betting me light, 8 way action to the flop, huge pots out of position with marginal holdings, etc. etc.

I need to remember the Wise Wisdom that I received years ago from the I Ching of Poker Mr. K Chan, "Play how you do online live, and how you do live online."

Very wise. Though investing in image live can be very profitable -- last night I got 3rd nut to nuts and 2nd nuts to nuts:( I'll save the bad beat stories. Who really cares, waste of blog space. I'm playing well... simply opening up my game -- and that opening may create higher variance. What's most important is that I'm recooping after big losses and still coming back the next day fresh, motivated, happy, and not still dreary of yesterday. Fast recovery to ensure time is not wasted is very important.

Online has been going smooth -- been playing a week or so now and I've recycled a 9k BR into a 13k one. So +10 bi's playing at a higher limit in 7 days or so worth of time for +$4,000 (@ 50%). Not to bad, plus I've made IJosh $100 a day or so in rake. Looking forward to doing it on my own. I also continue my streak of being a pretty strong horse. It was pointed out to me that, "Maybe I play better on other peoples money" I do. Why? I lose the self destructiveness. When I'm on my own the only person I can hurt is me. With other peoples money I don't want to just piss it off. I also notice that after big wins -- I always follow it up with a huge donk off. The chips lose value, I'm way more spewy, I have sooooo much gamble in me it's disgusting. After big wins, don't celebrate with poker... celebrate @ the Rhino! Shit get your priorities straight!:)

Poker bottom line= continue doing what you're doing online. Grind grind grind. Live poker = APPRECTIATE THE VALUE OF A FUCKING DOLLAR. Play SOLID. Also, play higher limit tight/aggressive out of bankroll before you open up your game at a lower limit. I focus better when the loss can really hurt me. Fuck it. Gamble, run it up or go home. It sounds so silly, but I am just not focusing or playing my top game at lower limits -- I need to move up and get the blood going to play my best.

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Last week Stavros's boy Tom arrived in town and we made our way to Tryst, Blush, saw a comedy show at Harrahs Improv and had some drinks. Another night -- IJosh, TJ, myself and a handful of IJosh's people got a table on the house over at Blush. We then made our way over to Bank at the Bellagio....free table service all night weeee! Lots of drinking, lots of good memories. I miss and love Las Vegas. I hope to continue my stay out here for as long as possible... but if I continue to play the way I do live;) LOL! Just a bump in the road. Gonna grind my way to a homefront on the West Coast here in due time.

Days 3, 4 + Excalibur

2009-03-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

So much for that little schedule I put together! Got a little side tracked as IJosh offered to hand me one of his accounts with $7k and let me 4 table $2/$4 NLHE. Deals 50/50, he gets rake/points etc. but if I lose it's on him. Cool. Couldn't pass it up so I've been spending the last few days just playing online.

I turned $7,000 into $9,500 in two days. Then last night after meeting up with the pokerworks.com crew I came back to the apt and got slaughtered. The basic AA vs QQ aipf he hits quads, boat to boat... blah blah. Ended up dropping back to down like $7,400 -- but the # value shouldn't really matter. I was up 6 bi's and now I'm up 1. So a 5 bi swing while playing HU, 3-6 handed and maybe only 1 or 2 full tables is pretty normal.

What's most important is this:

**Focus more on defending my button rather than defending my blind

**The only reason I'm so stressed is because money is short, it's a temporary condition and I need to believe in my own ability to earn.

**As long as a loss doesn't effect my ability to make more money, I shouldn't worry/feel sick about it.

I've managed to work rent down to $600 but my live roll is struggling due to not playing. I'm also up 1 bi($400 @ 50/50) playing for Ijosh.

Just keep working and money will pour in, focused, steady, UN EMOTIONAL POKER

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Two nights ago a bunch of poker friends went down to Excalibur to play a $100 tournament on the electronic tables. Pokerpro tables, same one that was on my Carnival Cruise ship (I wrote a post about the tables but never published... still in draft). Was a huge crapshoot but I figured I'd give it a shot. AJo vs 7/7 against a crazy -- I went busto and mozzied my way down into the arcade downstairs. There was a carnival ring toss game where you have to throw the little red rings onto the wine bottles. I bought a bucket of rings and asked the girl working the counter if anyone ever wins. She said, "Nah... not usually... it's all luck and very hard to do." I took this as a challenge of sorts and really sunk in and focused on winning one of those HUGE fucking stuffed animals. 5 shots later and I nailed it! I asked her, "If I hit again... can I win another prize?" She said(lol) "Yeah, but you're not gonna." This chick was so fucking rude... she's working a carnival game and can't even smile.... after a couple more throws.... I NAILED IT AGAIN! UGHHHH! While she was back geting my prizes another employee informed me that I wasn't gonna receive two prizes as it's one per customer per day. I told him I'd throw a fit if that was the case as I had specifically asked her if I could win two prizes. A manager came out, and... low and behold told me I could only win one big prize per day. I threw a fit! I told her that if I didn't receive two prizes that this RUDE employee should be fired for informing me differently. The manager tried to give me another bucket of rings.. but... WTF?! Why would I want more rings if I can't win again? Isn't the point of buying the rings to win the prizes? .... After much of my craziness the manager gave in and I got a HUGE turtle stuffed animal that I'm gonna give to Mrs. Kanani and a guitar 3 package... guitar, xbox game and all:)

I walked back into the poker room with my new found prizes and everybody went NUTSSSSS! It was hilarious.... I guess I should be a carny and give poker up? Maybe one day... I'm real good at the basketball shooting, the 4 ball pool game, and the baseball throw! I've won so many of those huge stuffed animals it's crazy:)

Day 1/2

2009-03-07T16:59:00.000-08:00

Day one starting on Friday, March 6th and Day 8 will be Sat. March 14th.

Goal= $5,100 Live
Online= $100 a day for $800 rent paid. (I'm sure I'll exceed this but protecting my current roll and getting rent paid is top priority)

**I'm actually one day behind online as day 8 is only 7 days away.

Yesterday I got $100 sent and cruised along nicely. Live, I made a real nice call in a $1$3 game with A/2 on a 10/6/2 two tone board where I lead the flop, turn, and on a bricked 4th and 5th street I check called a $50 river bet with bottom pair and my opponent showed Ace high. Got some ooos and awees there:)

I was up like $150 in that game -- then this kid from Wisconsin sits down and fucking just lays the hammer down beating me every pot for 3 dealers. Stuck $150 5 hours in and decide to jump up to $2/$5. Double through early with KK, min raise up front I make it $40 called to the right of me HU and on a Q high board I fire $60 he calls. I check raise AI on turn.... when I checked he goes... "Ak? That's what I thought..." bets I shove called and I show him two Kings;/ Weee!!! Made like $350 in that game so up $200 on day -- switched tables to go south -- made $100 was at goal... saw a good game next to me, moved over and was CARD DEAD. Blinded off $100 pretty much and decided to call it quits @ +$200

So Day 1: Online = CHECK
Live = +$200

Day 2 (posting in between online and live)

Was cruising early in cash games online and saw the $216 PLO weekly tourney going on FTP. IMed my buddy and bought up half his action. $11,000 first and he took 6th for $2,200. +$1,100 for me... WEEE! He got it in with AA/4/2 vs AK410 and the guy hit two pair:( So close to chopping up that 11k. Oh well.

Got a check mark for day 2 online.... and hope to keep it going live.

Uh... well... posting now beginning day 3. Last night Day 2 cash game session = BUNK... thank Gooodness for Matty T's PLO 50% horse score!

Sat 1/3 ... guy to my right was pretty aggro -- squeezing from his straddle and really pressing his position. Kid up front makes it $12 -- called -- aggro guy pushes to $60 with only like $120 behind. I find A/Qo and decide to put him to the test for all his chips and make it $200. Folded to him and he tanks and says "Well, Kiddo.. you look like you need my money" and calls with 10/10. I lose that flip and I'm stuck $200. No biggy, re buy to $500.

A/Q again from the BB, call a $12 raise from a guy I played with the night before. An older gentlemen that's pretty tight to the chest; Comes down Q/6/7 two tone -- I check call $75. Turns an offsuite Ace and I check. He bets $120 with $100ish or so behind and I tank for a long time. I continually said, "Fuck me... that card gave you top set" I had betting pattern reads and p hysical tell reads and still shoved. He insta calls and Slams two aces. .... Fuck! Stuck $500 or so and move tables.

Kinda feeling anxious etc. I call a raise from this Texas guy who I swear coulda been a cartoon character from King of the Hill. He'd ramble on and on and you couldn't understand a fucking thing he was saying.... *sigh* soooooooooooooooooo he lost the hand JUST BEFORE this one where he paid off the nut flush with top two and tanked it for quite awhile. I thought he was on tilt? He makes it $20 from his button on my blind and I call with A/10o. J/10/4 board and I check call his $50 bet. Turns a brick -- I check he fires $60 and I shove for $250 or so and he calls with KK. Grrrrrrrrr normally don't play the hand like this but 5% of me felt he was on semi tilt? But I knew he had a monster...... HOW DUMB CAN I BE

Few hands later I pick up AKo from the button, guy breaks for $25? I just shove $200 or whatever I have remaining and it's back to him. He has $125ish or so in chips and tanks forever... asking me blah blah blah what should he do etc. etc.... what do I hae BLAH BLAH... I'm so fucking fed up by this point I tell him to show me what he has. He makes it a big fucking deal and I just very crazy eyed say... FLIP UP YOUR CARDS. He shows me two Jacks and I just table my AK and go, "Do you want to fucking gamble or not? I don't really give a shit" He calls, I lose. GG me with my last $100 or so I turn a straight into the nut flush and go broke... thank God...

So +$1,100 online and - $1,000 live. Could be worse right? A pretty much break even day....

My buddy saw that I was pretty fucking upset last night and out of it and he told me this, "It's because money is short, it's just a temporary condition... believe in your own ability"

Great advice. Money is short -- a -33% live bankroll hit is depressing. Hours upon hours of grind just to flush it in a night sucks. Yes I got semi cold decked, but I made some bad decisions where I knew I should lay down. When feeling anxious and as though I have a mountain to climb to get even -- it's usually best to go home. Just take a small loss of $400-$500 rather then double that red mark. The A/10 hand was mostly due to that feeling and could have most definately been avoided. Playing big pots with the worst of it is not how I make a living. *deep breath*

Today is a new day -- there's people out there that can see my poker talent and want to help me and themselves by utilizing it. On the list for today is 4 tabling $2/$4 NLHE online to see what kinda damage I can do. Playing $1$3 could be a very big waste of time (not a complete waste just not living to my full potential) so we'll see. Would be nice to finally get an opportunity to get a shot at the bigger cash games both live and online.

It's a new, bright, shiny, money making filled day. Don't let one bad day effect the next, and being able to re coop after a big loss and come back 100% is extremely important.