wending

more than a hike

2009-11-10T19:19:00.005-06:00

I've climbed a few figurative mountains in my lifetime, but last month, I climbed one for real. I traveled to Seattle to visit my brother and sister, who live in the metro area. They like to hike mountains in their spare time, and I've been enamoured with photos of their various altitudinal conquests over the years.

I requested we hike up something easy that sunny Saturday morning, since I had zero physical training of the vertical variety. While I had logged hundreds of miles in preparation for my upward challenge, Minnesota and North Dakota are notoriously flat. They chose Rattlesnake Ledge, a leisurely 1,061-foot stroll up well-trodden paths through a mossy Twilightesque forest.

Reaching the top was such a feeling of accomplishment. We could see gorgeous views for miles and miles. As the name indicates, the top of the mountain offers a sheer cliff drop off one side, down down down to a dried-up lake bed below.

I am haunted by that cliff drop. You can see in the picture how some of my climbing partners scrambled down near the ledge, laughing and chatting like it was nothing. Me, I crept down, slowly and deliberately, hyper aware of every step, ever foot placement, every slight gust of wind. I couldn't go to the edge. Someone had fallen over the edge earlier this year. I have an irresistible daughter and a happy life - I ran all the risk algorythms in my head and there is no way I could get close to the edge.

Haunted. Even now, a month later, my stomach still clenches up into knots when I think about standing near the ledge and how easy it would have been for a gust of wind to blow me over the side. Yet, I'm also haunted by the magical beauty of the forests, the incredible beauty of the natural world - the clouds swirling in the sky, the centuries of age wrinkled into the face of the mountainside.

More valuable than the intense workout or the spiritual cleansing was the unexpected and instant reminder of the beauty and fragility of life, not only my own, but that of my family and others. The experience was profound.

I'm hooked and already looking forward to tackling another mountain. I hope the next one is just as moving, but without the whole terrifying cliff thing.

home is where the bacon is

2009-09-14T21:19:00.002-05:00

I started a new job last month in which I now work from home as a senior consultant for a management, research and consulting firm in Washington, D.C.

It has been an interesting adjustment, learning to work from home. I share an office with two dogs who snore the day away in the sun. I'm left to my own devices to start and stop my workday. Sometimes I don't reach 5th gear until mid-morning and unmentionable Diet Cokes. It actually takes quite a bit of work to stay away from all of the distractions - laundry, TV, naps, chores, homework. You'd think it would be easier than working in a bustling medical school with people all over the place. I think it's more challenging.

Then there's the whole "getting to know my colleagues" via e-mail and phone. I know three of them "in person" already; it will be interesting to finally put faces and voices together at some point in the near future.

One of the most perplexing comments that I have received multiple times since taking the new job is, "So...is your daughter going to stay at home with you now instead of going to daycare?"

Um, NO. She's one. I can barely take a shower by myself when she's home, let alone put in a full eight plus hours at the office. She is absolutely going to daycare.

I am intrigued by the underlying reasoning to that statement. I haven't quite been able to put my finger on it, but it's almost as if some people perceive my new job to be a step down the professional ladder, as if I'm throttling back and working parttime making soaps to sell on Etsy or somthing. By the way, I have nothing agains working parttime making soaps to sell on Etsy, it sounds downright fantastic at times, but it's not my chosen trajectory, ya know? The new job is, in fact, a massively fat promotion with much more supervisory responsibility, higher profile clients and a well-known academic affiliation.

I feel a little bit insulted, but I realize it's because they don't know about my chosen trajectory. They might not know about the four years spent grinding away at a PhD, or my packed away hopes and dreams of working in Washington, DC, or the countless hours networking at conferences and events. All some might see is that girl who goes out to get the mail in her pajama pants, or is jogging along the river in the afternoons. That is not the image of a Beltway executive. I can see where one might get confused.

I'm not confused, I'm crystal clear. This job equals dream job. I get to work for a company in my favorite city, yet live in the Midwest near family and friends. I get to be a part of growing and shaping a successful new firm. And I get to go home (or at least down the hallway) at the end of the day feeling gratified, knowing the work we are doing is contributing to the greater good.

toddler gourmet

2009-08-19T13:11:00.004-05:00

The little monster, all of 21 months old, has an affinity for cooking and baking.

It all started with her grandma; they started baking together a few months ago. Grandma sewed her two pint-sized aprons (one for home, one for grandma's house). First it was chocolate chip cookies, then it was brownies. It seems I've got a budding souz chef on my hands.

This week, when I asked her if she'd like to help mommy make dinner, she went to the cupboard and grabbed her apron. Then she pushed a chair up to the counter. Together, we made taco pizza, followed by a batch of blueberry muffins. She likes to help add ingredients, watch the mixer swirl around, and feel the textures of different things. Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals do not exist in my kitchen; I conjur up enormous amounts of patience while Annika adds chocolate chips one by one, or spreads out pizza sauce for ten agonozing minutes.

While I have no recollection, my mother must have done the same with me. I probably enjoyed it, too. However, my hankering for cooking didn't emerge again until my late 20s, when we were thinking about starting a family and making healthier choices beyond the boxed, processed, bad-for-you food scene. Where there once lived wonderbread now exists multigrain. Turkey substitutes for hamburger everywhere except hamburger. Veggies and fruits accompany every meal and sometimes get snuck in for an extra boost of vitamins, ala Sneaky Chef. We eat nearly every meal at home.

So I don't mind taking the extra time and mess to let little Annika help in the kitchen. It is a fun way to introduce her to new foods, an interactive learning activity and a channel to pass down Norwegian recipes that have been in the family for four generations.

Bon appetit!

bad, bad blogger

2009-08-13T22:20:00.002-05:00

I am a bad blogger. There, I said it.

Honestly though - I think of blogs in my head all the time. They never quite migrate to the computer. Take, for example:

The time I was driving home from work and saw a woman driving a car with two toddlers bouncing freely in the back seat. No carseats, no safety belts. I was FURIOUS. Around that same time, I happened to pass another car where the driver was smoking, with the windows up, with a child in the back seat. Again, it made me FURIOUS. I composed and recomposed a seething blog post in my head, questioning the audacity of "some people".

Then there was the time I decided to accept a new job offer, which is such a sweet, sweet deal that I feel like the rug is going to be pulled out from me at any second. Seriously. Living. The. Dream.

And......we're still working on the house. There's always a story or two tucked in there--the projects are neverending. Today for example, I spent seven hours prepping, staining and topcoating our staircase. Then, I painted our front door charcoal while pondering landscape schemes, wishing our landscape architect would hurry up and show us the designs already.

Then there was the time Northwest Airlines lost my luggage. Two months of inconvenience later, a measly reimbursement check arrived, short of what I had originally claimed. How nice, NWA. Thankssomuch.

Finally, our little Annika is full of potential blog stories. Last night in the bathtub, for example, she discovered if she puts a cup under water, it makes bubbles and noises. "Toot," she announces to me, before proceeding to do the same maneuver at least 50 more times, giggling away while "tooting". I don't know where she learns these things.

So I'll try to be a little better about downloading my brain blogs. Gotta free up space on the hard drive; doctoral exams are coming up in January :)

pet project

2009-05-16T08:06:00.006-05:00

One of my fun non-healthcare-related public relations gigs is doing PR for the If Kings Can Dream project:

When Norwegian toddler Neill C. Olson emigrated with his family to tiny Aneta, N.D. in 1922, no one ever could have dreamed up the events that transpired over his life. Now, 87 years later, his fascinating story of family hardships, the strength of small town support, and a remarkable musical legacy is being captured for a book, CD and musical, to be formally kicked off at Aneta’s Turkey Barbeque, to be held June 20, 2009.

Produced by North Dakota-based Out of Nowhere Productions, the “If Kings Can Dream" project tells Olson’s story and highlights the great contributions made by Norwegian Americans to keep Norse culture alive in the American Midwest. Spearheaded by Olson’s daughter, Pam Morben of Woodbury, Minn., the plans includea future documentary and grand performance for the King of Norway.

“The name of the book, If Kings Can Dream, comes from the theme song of Olson’s 1968 musical of the same name. “It's a song about a king that dreams of a better life for his people, a concept that we all can relate to,” said Morben.

Olson's high school music teacher and mentor in Aneta was Merton Utgaard, who went on to create the International Music Camp. Olson attended Mayville State College and taught music in Litchville, N.D., where he wrote 18 musicals for Litchville High School.

The historic biography, to be produced in both English and Norwegian, will include a narrated CD with Olson’s original songs, performed by his former student, widely-accomplished National Philharmonic Artistic Choral Director Stan Engebretson.

Proceeds from the project are slated in part to support educational opportunities and artistic endeavors.

The fun part, at least for me, is that Neill Olson was my great-uncle. I remember seeing one of his musicals as a very young kid. It's been a pretty incredible family project from the starting block.

is social networking putting the squeeze on professional orgs?

2009-05-03T21:37:00.005-05:00

The question which lodged itself in my brain yesterday morning and has been stuck on repeat ever since is this: will social media render traditional professional organizations, ala the Public Relations Society of America, or the American Hospital Association, useless?

I had been thinking about renewing my membership to PRSA, along with the North Dakota Professional Communicators, and decided against both. I get most of my professional development from following a handful of expert bloggers and tweeters via Twitter and my blogger blogfeed. I've found it to be very useful, very "now", and best of all, very free. What's not to love?

So....are professional organizations hopping on the digimedia bandwagon to stay current, or are they going to become fossils of a time gone by? Both, most likely. North Dakota Professional Communiators? Already a fossil. PRSA? There's still hope.

I'm curious to see who will win the "pull". Will professional orgs migrate over to live online in social media containers, or will they incorporate social media within their pre-existing frameworks?

Time will tell. Interesting to think about.

just getting caught up

2009-03-10T17:46:00.003-05:00

All this social media business can get rather exhausting. We've got a "snow day", which, for my southern friends, means we're in the midst of a nasty blizzard, so I am playing catch-up on my blog, facebook, linkedin and twitter accounts.

I don't think I like this layout quite as much. Your thoughts?

deep thoughts

2009-02-11T20:05:00.003-06:00

“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy." -Jerry Seinfeld

I'm teaching a class this semester. As if life wasn't busy enough, right? I thought it would be beneficial--I could brush up on my instructing skills, which have been rusting away for the past seven years. Second, I could experience life inside a private, Catholic university; as a doctoral scholar examining higher education administration, this was a great opportunity. Finally, I would have the experience of instructing non-traditional students in a non-traditional way. The program is accelerated, meaning I'd only have to teach six Monday nights in a row. No prob.

What did I teach, you might be asking? The dreaded "introduction to public speaking". Most people would rather stick a hot fork in their eye than speak in public, so it's especially challenging to get them engaged, excited and confident enough to come back to class week after week.

My class of eight students was older than average; all were married and most had children, ranging from toddlers to teens. These folks were pursuing their bachelor's degrees in things like management or business, while working jobs I think they all wanted to be promoted out of.

It surprised me to learn just how scared most of them were about public speaking. Some experienced physical symptoms like shaky hands, breathlessness, gripping the podium and sweating, while others found the challenges to be more mental, such as overcoming self-defeating thoughts, or clearing through the clutter to make a point. From an outside perspective, they seemed like your average group of adults, hardly daunted by a thing such as talking to a mass of humans.

Together we worked through the ums and the uhs, talked about how to construct a persuasive argument, why it's important to put clear transitions (aka roadsigns) in a presentation, and what makes audiences like and dislike speakers. After six weeks, most people's skills have improved minutely but their confidence has soared dramatically. These things take time and practice; I'm not a miracle worker after all. I'm hoping they'll go out with a good set of fundamentals to build upon in coming years.

Will I do it again? Probably. I already have my lesson plans, power point slides and class activities in the hopper, so it would be even easier next time. There's something satisfying about helping people address and overcome their fears.

And for the record, I dislike public speaking too.

an embarrassing admission, and my most recent item of obsession

2009-01-15T13:57:00.007-06:00

Any Gossip Girl fans out there? I'm a closet fan.
Way too old to be watching that monkeybusiness,yet there I am, parked in front of the tube, week after week. After this week's episode, I decided I need this handbag. Nevermind that it's a $1500 Dior. I NEED it. Perhaps in red, like the one Blair carried on the first day of school?
Sigh. Someday.

blogging is dead?

2008-10-28T12:54:00.002-05:00

Or so claims Paul Boutin in this month's issue of Wired magazine.

Boutin, incidentally a blogger himself, claims:

Writing a weblog today isn't the bright idea it was four years ago. The
blogosphere, once a freshwater oasis of folksy self-expression and clever
thought, has been flooded by a tsunami of paid bilge. Cut-rate journalists and
underground marketing campaigns now drown out the authentic voices of amateur
wordsmiths. It's almost impossible to get noticed, except by hecklers. And why
bother? The time it takes to craft sharp, witty blog prose is better spent
expressing yourself on Flickr, Facebook, or Twitter.

So I don't feel that bad about all but abandoning my blog, as it seems to be a trend. I am pretty in tune with FB and write up a storm at work (see previous three entries for some of my latest stories). Guess I'll just continue my haphazard attempt :)

FWIW, Wired is pretty much my favorite magazine to read--total geekfest for geeks. You should check it out.

Improving the Quality of Hospital Care in North Dakota

2008-10-28T12:52:00.001-05:00

Over the past few years, a couple of major studies have shown, and the Institute of Medicine has emphasized, that the quality of health care in America is not even close to the level that we should expect from the world's most expensive health care system. Problems with quality are pervasive throughout both outpatient and inpatient settings and may be responsible for thousands of deaths each year.

Small rural hospitals are no exception in the continual reach toward a better, safer system, but they are at times forgotten both in terms of their contribution to health care and funding needed in order to maintain access to care for the country’s 59 million rural residents. Small rural facilities are faced with many significant challenges, the most pressing today related to finance and workforce issues. Despite these challenges, North Dakota’s small rural hospitals are committed to providing quality care and have worked together to develop something innovative, not to mention smart. Seeing strength in numbers, they banded together to form a single network committed to sharing the effort to improve quality throughout the state.

The new Critical Access Hospital (CAH) Quality Improvement Network (QIN) is a long and official way of saying the hospitals partnered together for a stronger voice. Supported by the North Dakota Medicare Rural Hospital Flexibility (Flex) Program and the North Dakota Small Hospital Improvement Program (SHIP), the Network is administered through the Center for Rural Health at the University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences.

North Dakota’s 34 small rural hospitals have been working toward the network’s development over the past year, under direction from an executive committee. A full-time coordinator, Jody Ward, Minot, N.D., acts as a clearinghouse for information, regulations and requirements for these hospitals, effectively saving the individual facilities a notable amount of time. She provides technical assistance throughout the state and serves as a liaison to stakeholders.

“The network is a valuable platform to make new connections with each other and maintain continuity among rural hospitals in North Dakota,” said Ward.

Representatives on the network are usually risk managers, quality experts and nurses. The goal of the group is not to discuss specific cases but larger themes and issues. “We want to use best practices around the country to compare to internal data gathered by our facilities, and then exceed national standards,” Ward said.

The hospitals are using the new network to ensure they are providing the highest quality of care for rural residents while leveraging limited resources across communities. Hospitals have access to a variety of state and federal experts in a number of fields, as well as education and training for staff. New employees will be paired with mentors to help with the acclimation process. The network acts as a collective voice for small hospitals throughout the state.

What’s driving the quality movement?
According to David Pate, M.D., CEO of St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital in Houston, Texas, the Institute of Medicine (IOM) and Institute for Healthcare Improvement have increased both patient and hospital awareness of the importance of ensuring quality. St. Luke’s is considered a leader in promoting clinical excellence.

“When IOM tried to quantify the number of patients that die each year in hospitals due to the consequences of their care, I think that really hit home,” said Pate. “The field had to face up to the fact that care is not as safe as it could be and that our outcomes are not as good as they could be. The public and policymakers want to know why we spend so much money on health care and don’t have the quality outcomes that other countries have. What we pay and what we receive in return are driving forces.”

Closer to home, an advisory committee drives the quality movement for the network. The committee includes representatives from the Center for Rural Health, North Dakota Healthcare Review, Inc., North Dakota Hospital Association, and North Dakota Department of Health, along with larger hospitals who work collaboratively with small hospitals in their region.

“The new network will bridge knowledge and expertise across health systems,” said Marlene Miller, director of the Flex and SHIP programs at the Center for Rural Health at the UND School of Medicine and Health Sciences. “We are leveraging each other as resources to strengthen health care in North Dakota.”

Im*pact:(NOUN): the force of impression of one thing on another, a significant or major effect

2008-10-28T12:50:00.001-05:00

It’s sometimes difficult to quantify the impact and importance of health in rural America. Sure, one could use traditional percentages, calculations, and data, but the true measure of impact often lies in people’s stories. It is the elderly woman who is able to have dialysis treatments in her rural hometown, avoiding costly and difficult travel to the city. It is the reflective fifth-grader who wants to be a doctor when he grows up because he was inspired by a science event sponsored by medical students.

Driven by the stories of the people it serves, a small North Dakota organization on the fourth floor of a nondescript university building ended up becoming a major piston in the engine which impacts 25 percent of people in the United States: rural health care.

The Center for Rural Health, at the University of North Dakota (UND) School of Medicine and Health Sciences, with its straightforward focus on improving health for people in rural communities, “has challenged the country to pay attention,” said H. David Wilson, M.D., dean of the UND medical school.

“Their efforts to ensure that people in rural areas have access to quality and affordable health care are shining a spotlight on the state in a major way.”

For most of its 28 years, the Center has worked quietly on addressing a variety of rural health issues, both in North Dakota and across the United States. Now, armed with an arsenal of major new projects on national, state and local levels, the Center is not only making strides at home, but all across the country, and with the nation’s spotlight tracking their every move.

The Center for Rural Health probably isn’t a household name to most folks in North Dakota outside of the health care field. Yet nationwide, the Center constitutes a rural health all-star team. “The depth and breadth of the Center’s rural health impact is unique in the country,” said Senator Kent Conrad (D-N.D.). “UND’s Center for Rural Health is truly a model for rural health in the nation.”

In 2008, while the rest of the country was experiencing an economic meltdown, the Center brought in an unprecedented $5.9 million in new grants and projects, adding nine people to the staff for a total of 51 employees.

“The growth is important, and while Center faculty and staff work hard to successfully compete in a national arena, we also know that what we’re doing still isn’t enough,” said Mary Wakefield, PhD, RN, FAAN, the Center’s director and associate dean for rural health at the UND medical school. “The challenges to ensuring accessible, high quality, efficient care for rural North Dakota and rural America are substantial. However, the commitment and energy to do our part runs high at the Center.”

That energy is palpable as you walk through the hallways of the Center, located within the UND medical school. There is just something about working at an academic institution, with its continuous flow of students and eye toward educating the next generation, that creates a contagious enthusiasm to be stewards of health care in rural areas.

“It’s the one virus we hope to pass along,” jokes Wakefield.

There are more than 40 rural health programs and research projects currently underway at the Center. “We have an extremely collaborative atmosphere here,” said Brad Gibbens, associate director for community development and policy. “We collaborate with over 2,000 entities across the state and nation. That’s what rural health is all about. You can’t do it alone; you have to work together to fashion change in a way that is inclusive of a variety of thoughts and ideas to help rural communities to be stronger. “

Wakefield agrees. “Frankly, we think rural health care systems and providers lead in innovation and efficiency. If you couple that with new opportunities in technology and build networks across facilities and communities, working to strengthen rural health care becomes a very exciting focus. To do that, we work as many angles as we can—from helping a small hospital recruit a new health care provider to education federal policymakers with new research findings.”

That’s impact.

When I Grow Up, I Want to be a Doctor

2008-10-28T12:45:00.003-05:00

Some children know from an early age exactly what they want to do when they grow up. Rylan Setness, a sixth-grader at Park River Elementary School in Park River, ND, is certain he wants to be a doctor.

“I want to go into general medicine,” he said in a recent interview, with a reflective seriousnesswell beyond his 11 years of age. “I also want to do missionary medicine, and even work with kids—it would be fun to travel to Australia.”

While Rylan has been tinkering with his career choice for a couple of years, a few events earlier this year cemented his decision to venture into the field of medicine. He attended a program at school called Inspector Wellness and the Case of the Many Medical Careers. The five-week program was a partnership effort between Park River’s Elementary School and First Care Health Center to educate the community’s fifth-graders about health careers. He also attended Science Day at the University of North Dakota (UND) School of Medicine and Health Sciences, a free event for fifth- and sixth-graders designed to get kids fired up for science by featuring a hands-on approach to learning things like “grossology” from UND’s medical students.

Programs that enhance North Dakota’s health care workforce pipeline, like Inspector Wellness, Science Day, and others, are central to a new joint venture between UND’s Center for Rural Health and College of Nursing. With $1.28 million in funding from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, they will develop and implement an Area Health Education Center (AHEC) Program in North Dakota.

Until now, North Dakota was one of only a few U.S. states without a federally funded AHEC, the goal of which is to help clinics and hospitals recruit and retain health care workers in underserved areas, address workforce shortages, and educate students about career options in health care.

Since it will be roughly 17 years before Rylan can actually become a licensed, practicing physician, the new North Dakota AHEC focuses on community-based health care training through all levels of the workforce pipeline. Health career awareness programs will be developed for students in grade school and high school while new clinical opportunities will be developed for health professional students at the college and graduate level.

“Models for elementary students, such as Dickinson’s Medical Explorers and Park River’s Inspector Wellness Program, are examples of efforts through the AHEC that can be spread across North Dakota communities to encourage our youth to consider health care fields,” said Mary Amundson, assistant professor at the UND Center for Rural Health, and director for the North Dakota AHEC project. A unique aspect of the North Dakota AHEC is advancing interdisciplinary training in North Dakota.

Three regional Area Health Education Centers will be developed across the East, Central and Western regions of the state to provide a variety of training experiences, and the program itself is based at the UND Center for Rural Health in Grand Forks. These Centers will link UND with local communities, hospitals and clinics to augment health-related training activities in each region.

“The North Dakota AHEC Program is a wonderful partnering opportunity for the UND College of Nursing and the School of Medicine and Health Sciences. We will build relationships with institutions throughout North Dakota to support collaboration between academic partners and community-based programs,” said Loretta Heuer, PhD, professor at the UND College of Nursing and co-program director of the North Dakota AHEC.

“We’ll be able to address the primary health care workforce needs along with increasing access to health care and disease prevention to medically underserved communities in North Dakota.”

Programs will be established and extended for college students to provide awareness of health care career options as well as rural practice opportunities.

“Our goal is to improve access to the health care workforce,” said Patricia Moulton, PhD, assistant professor at the Center for Rural Health- Minot and co-director of the North Dakota AHEC. “This will ultimately increase access to health care in underserved areas of North Dakota.”

Additional support for this initiative is being provided by the University of North Dakota and the Dakota Medical Foundation to equal a total of $1.6 million.

In the meantime, Rylan Setness will continue to expand his knowledge of livers and eyeballs and explore the wonders of the human body in pursuit of a very rewarding, and very necessary, career in medicine.

last place

2008-08-25T20:02:00.004-05:00

I'm so busy writing for work and writing for class that my watertower of words seems to run dry by the end of the day.

So, since I've got nothing new to add, let's enjoy the fantastic writings of another, shall we?

This is a beautiful, poignant story about a female runner at the Olympics. You probably never saw her; I sure didn't. However, I think she embodies the true spirit of an Olympian. The story has been haunting me all day so I just had to share it with you.

2.0

2008-08-01T08:46:00.003-05:00

I've been having a ton of fun at work lately tinkering with bringing some of our applications and tools not only into the present, but the future. One particularly forward-thinking colleague of mine and I are into "Web 2.0", which essentially means a new way of using the Internet for social networking, blogging, and a whole slew of other tools besides googling the name of the rocker who sings "Sweet Caroline". (Let me save you a step; it's Neil Diamond)

Anyway, I'm all thumbs when it comes to writing code and actually creating some of these new applications, but I can see how they can improve communications and information dissemination efforts (aka, the entire reason for my existence at work), so we're adding RSS and wikis and updating our e-newsletter, and adding dynamic story uploads and rotating picture/story features on our homepage, and links for people to Digg and De.lic.ious and Google our stories. We even have our own Facebook page.

Crazy, huh? Imagine trying to read that sentence five years ago. The whole concept of online social networking and Web 2.0 was likely pretty hard to comprehend, yet here we are today, Twittering our activities and refreshing Facebook every 30 minutes to see what our friends are up to.

I wonder what we'll think about all of this stuff when we look back in 20 years.

finally...pancakes and potholders

2008-07-03T11:32:00.003-05:00

As my friend and I were sitting down to a lovely breakfast last month, her nearly-two-year-old was providing some fabulous entertainment. He busied through her dining room, curiously experimenting with everything in his path. For her, it was just another Saturday morning. For me, it was like a glimpse into the future.

It was absolutely fascinating to watch little Colin exist. What makes sense to a two-year-old does not, in fact, make sense to adults. Why, for example, would we ever want to stuff a pancake under a potholder or pour tea back into the pot via the tiny spout? It makes no sense at all. To us, it equals wasted food, a big mess, and more laundry to do.

To little Colin, it means something entirely different. Perhaps it's a game of hide and seek. Will the pancake pop out and say "peek!" ? Who knows. Let's give it a try. Perhaps he may need sustinence later and was squirreling away a little snack where mom and dad wouldn't find it. Perhaps....and the list goes on and on. A pancake under a potholder equals endless speculation and possibility. Endless innovation and opportunity. That simple act really got me thinking.

We should all put a pancake under a potholder every now and then.

pix update

2008-07-03T11:29:00.005-05:00

It's been awhile since I've done a pix update, so here you go. Miss Annika in all her 7-month glory :)

staycation

2008-06-30T15:07:00.003-05:00

I can't remember where I first ran across the concept of a "staycation" but it really resonated. It's essentially what it sounds like, vacationing by staying at home.

My summer might be the most nuts summer of my life. I have major cross country work trips in May, June, August and September. Then I travel across the state once a month for work. And then we travel at least one weekend per month 3.5 hours into Minnesota lakes country for busy time with relatives. With whatever weekend is left, we usually host guests of some sort.

We're also in the midst of selling our house, and I'm still part-time student, fulltime employee and maxxed out supermama to a energetic 7-month old.

So, you can see why the idea of a staycation sounds so fabulous to this introvert, who recharges her batteries with peace and quiet. This past Saturday was a staycation for me, and it was just a slice of heaven. My husband, on the other hand, thinks a staycation is the curse of death. He'd rather be out doing something. He is what Myers-Briggs would call an extrovert.

What do you think of staycations?

coming soon

2008-06-08T16:15:00.000-05:00

pancakes and potholders........ and my reignited love affair

adventures in breastfeeding

2008-05-30T09:26:00.002-05:00

Every day I drag my nondescript black bag to work. Every day around noon, I close and lock my office door and hook myself up to the milk pump like a dang cow. I do that seven times a day, every day, and have done it for the past half year.

This is my reality.

I've been pumping breastmilk exclusively since Annika was about 2 weeks old. The whole breastfeeding thing didn't work for us, but pumping has been going just fine. It takes about ten minutes each time, and is easy and painless.

I've had some interesting adventures over the past six months. Some have been hilarious, others have been disappointing. Once was even scary.

When Annika was just a month old, we made a 5-hour car trip for the holidays.
The milk factory was still trying to figure out a rhythm, so things weren't as routine as they are nowadays. I didn't pump while on the trip (big mistake) and sprung a leak about ten minutes before we arrived. A soaked shirt is not the type of grand entrance I had envisioned.

Around that same time, I got really sick one night. I ran a very high fever, but wore layers and layers of clothes to stay warm. I could barely move. Matt took me to Urgent Care, where they discovered I had mastitis, a scary infection in the breast that can happen if a milk duct gets plugged. Some antibiotics, warm baths and a couple of naps later, I was better, but it was scary.

Earlier this month I traveled out of state for a 5-day work trip. Annika stayed at Camp Grandma & Grandpa and I had stored up a big enough stash of milk in the freezer to provide her with 5 days worth of sustinence. She drinks 7 bottles a day, so picture the look on Grandpa's face when I opened up a heavy cooler stuffed with 35 milk packs and ask him if I could take over his freezer for the week :)

Being a breastfeeding air traveler just plain SUCKS. The pump inevitably puzzles security people, so I end up being "that guy holding up the line" as they examine it with the x-ray machine. Then they decide it needs further inspection, so some poor schmuck has to open it up, ask what it is, and test it for bombs.

I actually had one idiotic security woman open my cooler of ice and milk bags and ask "What is THIS???"

"It's breastmilk," I whispered, not wanting to announce it to the crowd of people around us.

"WHAT?" she asks.

"Breastmilk," I reply, now practically in tears. Seriously, it would have been more comfortable to be standing there in my underwear at that point.

I've sat on the floor of an airport bathroom to pump. I've asked a hotel kitchen staffer to freeze my cooler of milk. I've sent milk home via FedEx overnight. I've ducked out of meetings or classes, gotten into my car and driven to an empty parking lot to pump.

This is my reality.

It's almost comical, isn't it?

I'm not doing all these things because I'm ultra-dedicated to the concept of breastmilk, but once you're doing it, you're doing it. You can't just ignore it or stop, or your boobs will get overfull and start leaking, or worse, you'll get an infection like mastitis and end up in the hospital. So, I do it because I have to.

The one thing that I don't like about breastfeeding is that I have to eat a lot to do it. Like, 1,000 extra calories a day. I am constantly eating. My weightloss has totally stalled because if I restrict calories, then my milk supply dries up. It's a frustrating place to be stuck in. On one hand, I'd really really like to lose the rest of my baby belly, but I'd have to do it at the expense of Annika's meals.

My goal at this point it to stick with it until she is 1 and can drink cow's milk. Then I will have achieved my goal, can wean her, and can get back to the weightloss thing.

In Europe, breastfeeding is no big deal. You could be on a bus and see a woman tandem nursing twins, or be lunching at a cafe and notice a woman nursing a newborn. The United States isn't nearly as family-friendly. There's still a dirty stigma about it, like it's "bad" to "expose yourself" in public. That makes me mad. I mean, first of all, women wear less and show more on TV/movies/internet, so why are boobs such a big deal, anyway? FURTHER, why should I feel ashamed and secretive about running off and hiding somewhere to pump milk for my baby? Why don't airports/stores/public facilities provide "mother's rooms" to breastfeed or pump?

In an ideal world, they would. Maybe we're moving in that direction, but we're not there yet.

Off my soapbox.

rations

2008-05-14T08:35:00.003-05:00

So the two people who actually read this blog harassed me into doing more of it, so here I am. On the list of everything that needs to be done every day, somehow blogging never makes the cut. I'm sure that comes as a total surprise to all of you parents out there.

Juggling work, baby, school, home, hubby, dogs, chores, traveling, obligations...I find myself rationing minutes these days. I knew adding a baby to the mix would make things ultrabusy, but wasn't quite prepared to master the art of minute organizational detail.

For example, yesterday Matt wanted to go wander around Target before dinner. We didn't need to buy anything, he just wanted to go "look around". All I could think about was how, if we spent 30 minutes there, that would be 30 less minutes of sleep, or no time for a bubble bath (which doubles as reading time), or 30 minutes less of exercise, and I wouldn't have enough time to get some chores done. He had a hard time seeing why I didn't want to go. Then again, he's not the one up at 11 p.m. washing the floors and doing laundry (because it's the only time to get it done).

To make time for everything, I've chopped alot of fringe out of my life. I'm glad to see some of it go, like TV and movies, and sad to see other things get left behind, like spur-of-the-moment outings with friends and preparing elaborate meals. It's hard to justify some of that anymore. Why would I spend 30 minutes watching a TV show with no residual value, when I could be reading or playing with my daughter and helping her develop life skills?

Things like painting my nails, taking naps, browsing a magazine or surfing for recipes, well, they don't exist anymore.

The whole idea of rationalizing is pretty interesting. I'm interested in how others make their decisions. What have you given up in order to serve your child or family, and why? Conversely, what are your priorities outside of your family, and how do you make time for them?

just because...

2008-02-20T12:17:00.001-06:00

Here's my favorite little peanut, just because.

the trumper

2008-02-17T22:01:00.003-06:00

So....with a new pinnacle in my life, many other things got cut down, shaved back, downsized or otherwise eliminated in order to refocus my efforts on the most important things in my life right now. No more master chorale. No more board member duties. Fewer social obligations. Much less TV. No movies. And unfortunately, blogging on a microscopic level.

The truth is, I think about it much more than I actually do it. When it comes to spending 20 minutes writing or 20 minutes watching my daughter ooooh and aaaaaahhhh at the vacuum cleaner, well, sorry y'all, but she trumps.

Her sickness a few weeks ago turned out to be RSV and bronchiolitis. We had to make a very un-fun trip to the emergency room. Grandma stayed with us for three days to help take care of little Annika, who required nebulizer treatments to ease her breathing :(

Alas, the little sparkplug is back in business and as busy as ever. She chatters away and is quite observant. She is just learning how to reach for things, and her giggle turns me into a puddle of mush. Not a day goes by where I don't thank my lucky stars for such a wonderful miracle and happy baby.

The transition back to work/daycare gets easier with time. We have established our routines and it helps that I really really really enjoy my new job. I love going to work and I love going home. I've become a hermit and I like it that way. I'm sorry I don't see my friends more, but right now, Annika trumps all.

bronchiolitis, the guilt trip, and life under a microscope

2008-01-30T07:22:00.000-06:00

Annika's condition progressively worsened, so we took her to the pediatrician yesterday where she was diagnosed with bronchiolitis, a form of bronchitis that affects infants. She has fluid in her airway that makes it difficult to breath and gives her a cough. So....we've got to give her nebulizer treatments three times per day :( She doesn't feel well and it makes me angry with myself. What could I have done differently to make her not get this? Why didn't I eat more vegetables to build up her immune system? Why didn't I wash my hands more? Why didn't I protect my little girl? But the worst is, why did I leave her at daycare, the likely virus culprit? As I'm still seesawing about the whole "having to leave her at daycare" sitch, this really doesn't weigh in daycare's favor. I sort of know it's not my fault she got sick, but as her lifeline, I can't help but feel responsible.

I'm staying home with her today and her grandma is going to nannie on Thursday and Friday while I'm at work so she doesn't have to be around more germs and risk further infection, pneumonia, etc.

Remember this post? My life under the microscope continues. This time, it's all about Annika. Proud papa likes to talk about her on air, and in the past week, three people have asked me, "is your husband on the radio?" One of the food cart ladies at work wakes up to his morning show every day. She caught on when they made the announcement that Annika was born and she knew I was off having a baby too. The daycare girls made the connection when he announced "Annika was sick" and I was dropping off a sick Annika. The nurses at the pediatrician's office caught on to that as well. Oy. I appreciate that she's got a fan club of concerned people, but am really not happy about the lack of privacy.

Stay tuned for further updates, and cross your digits that she has a speedy recovery.

achoo!

2008-01-28T09:22:00.001-06:00

Having a cold is never fun, but having a cold when you're two months old is downright miserable. Annika's got her first cold, and she can barely muster the strength to cough or clear her throat. We're doing what we can to make her comfortable (humidifier, suctioning mucus, lots of love and cuddles, etc.) but unfortunately the cold must run its course. Last night she woke up at least once an hour in a coughing fit (which meant that mommy woke up at least once every hour...) Here's hoping she gets better soon!