Miss Stephanie's Miscellaneous Musings

UPDATE

2009-03-07T21:20:00.003-06:00

I know that few pass by here these days (including me), but I just had to stop in and update everyone on the exciting new events taking place in my life...

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!

Yes, that's right! About ten days after I posted my last entry, I bumped into the man who would soon become my future Mr.!

To sum it all up, God has truly blessed me more than words could ever say; and despite the fact that I was apprehensive and VERY scared in the beginning, God knew what He was doing. It's been amazing to watch His perfect design for my life unfold before my very eyes, and before me now, stands quite possibly the most wonderful, patient, kind, gentle, supportive, humble, giving, selfless man there ever was. And I get to keep him!! Everyday, I fall a little deeper in love with him than the day before, and in roughly a month - I'M GOING TO BE HIS WIFE!!!

I hope you are all doing well, and have wonderful stories to tell of God's blessings on your lives as well!

Lovingly in Him,

~Stephanie

Update

2008-06-10T09:35:00.004-05:00

God is good, friends. He truly is. This time off of ministry has been a tough road for me to walk: it really feels like a swift kick in the gut when you have to take a step down from the very thing you are called to do. Kind of seems like an oxymoron when you think about it: but the difference is, that it's only for a time - it's not forever. But yet, in the midst of the tears, the broken heart, the grief over said temporary loss: it feels like forever. It really does!

But God is so amazing, that he takes that grief, and He turns our mourning into dancing. He sets our feet on a solid rock, and He bestows upon us a "garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair". So: ironically enough - even as I grieve over having to give up my position of "public praise" for a time, He promises that in that grief He is going to replace that dispair with a spirit of praise - the very thing I felt like I lost. But the difference is: He wants that praise for Himself.

What a concept!

I guess looking back, I grew up as a Christian in the worship ministry: I never put much thought into the fact that perhaps I wasn't praising Him enough when it was just He and I. I had become so used to being a worship leader: leading others into the presence of The Almighty and pouring my praises out to him in front of hundreds of people every week, that I missed a very crucial part of the equation. Before I can fully operate in that annointing and move into the plan that He has for me in full-time ministry, I have to make it solely about Him.

I know many of you are probably wondering how this has just become an epiphany to me now after four years of being in the ministry. Well, let me just say, that some people are just slow learners. Okay well, maybe that's just a little harsh: but I've always been one to have to learn the "hard way" so to speak. Not that I even do it on purpose because I just like getting my face rubbed in the gravel! No no! But it just seems to work out that way. However, as I get older, and the lessons get tougher, I find that it is wisdom to listen to those around you who know a thing or two about a thing or two: and that includes, if not exclusively personifies God in His entirety in terms of what His role should be in my life. But you know, sometimes we don't realize that we need to give Him that place in our lives until all we have is Him.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. No sir! But I am looking forward to exploring a life of trying everyday to please Him and Him alone. So in addition to my quiet time and digging into the Word, it also means taking time each day to worship him: to offer up my heart, my voice, and even my mediocre guitar and piano playing abilities to Him. I know that He's desiring that I use this time to the absolute full by pursuing Him and His call on my life with everything I have in me. Truthfully though, He wants that of all of us at all times: however, sometimes He has to bring us to the very end of ourselves before we realize how badly we actually need Him.

And boy, do I need Him.

Oh, Blessed Answered Prayer

2008-05-19T16:21:00.006-05:00

So in the midst of all my turmoil and pain, I find comfort - not only from God Himself reaching down to touch my heart and my life through His Word, His comfort, and His peace: but through a very specific answered prayer. Allow me to explain.

A couple of weeks ago, I had had about all I could take in terms of everything I was going through. I was a flat-out mess, and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel - this misery was far too much for me to take: and suddenly, the fight or flight response kicked into HIGH gear. Suffice it to say, I was struck down with a terrible case of the "get-up-and-go's", and I was determined to go anywhere but here.

So I began the tedious (yet slightly exhilarating process for those of us bit by the travel bug) of looking up airfare to literally - anywhere but here. I wanted to take a last minute trip to Jamaica to see the friends I've neglected for a year and a half - only to realize that my passport would be expiring in a week. Next, I moved onto the Dallas Fort Worth area, hoping to reach a couple of the people I knew down there. No dice. Then I moved on to Arizona, where I have some family whom I haven't seen in EONS. I settled on that destination, only to realize that airfare was skyrocketing every day the closer I got to my desired departure date. So what do I do? The same thing any rational adult would do: I stomped my feet! And I got frustrated. and I said to God, "Okay. I guess I have to leave even this in Your hands. So if it's Your will for me to get out of here (please! please! let it be Your will!), then You will make it happen..."

And that was it. I took my hands off.

The very next day, I get a phone call from my aunt: "I just came into quite a large sum of money - and I really miss you! Can I fly you down here in a couple of weeks?"

Uh, YEAH!

I would get into all the details - the ridiculous deals we found, the ridiculously nice resort I'm staying at, all the little ins and outs of this trip that make it so apparent that God wanted to bless me (for some reason I'm still not understanding - my obedience in the fire? Eh. Maybe I'll never know) but I won't bore you with all that. I'm just thankful that the Good Lord is giving me time to do just what He called me to do in all of this - REST. So I'll be enjoying some much needed R&R in the valley of sun, poolside, under a palm tree (or ten), Bible in one hand, and a virgin pina colada in the other.

Now that's what I call rest!

God is Good!

Ready... Set... Rest!

2008-05-05T14:40:00.010-05:00

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).

I know I ended my last post with this verse, but I think it bears repeating.

I've always had a hard time resting. No, I take that back. When I was younger, all I did was rest. I would be categorized as what some would affectionately call, a "lazy sluggard". I don't know where it came from, or why it was so ingrained deep down inside me, but I was the biggest procrastinator on the face of the planet: and I guess in some respects, I still am - a procrastinator, I mean. Not lazy. I'm anything BUT lazy these days. In fact, as an adult, I can barely sit still. I already feel sorry for the man who lands me, because I can't even sit still through one two hour movie without finding a reason to have to pause it, and get up to a.) make popcorn, b.) check my email c.) run to the bathroom and then check my email or d.), or e.)... etc. You get the point. I'm as "restless" as they come - which is why I almost laughed right out loud a number of different times over the last week or so: when God gave me the aforementioned scripture along with an entire sermon last week Sunday about "rest", and began speaking to me over and over and over about... you guessed it! Rest.

In the midst of my struggle, in the midst of my pain, in the midst of this "thing" that's still an enigma to me: this thing that has literally rocked my world and turned it upside down - God is speaking rest. Rest. It is here that I began to fear the worst. "He's going to make me rest, isn't He?" I've seen SO many people called right out of the very thing they've been undoubtedly called to, so that God can spend some time working on thier hearts: refining and even refueling them so as to make them rock-solid, stead-fast, and fully equipped for the ministry - for the very work that lies ahead of them.

I always prayed that it would never happen to me.

I love what I do so much, that I would sacrifice life and limb to keep doing it. (Figuratively speaking, of course: can't very much have a half-dead, limbless creature up on the platform attempting to lead worship every week - well, I suppose you could, but... well... okay... shut up Stephanie.) Anyway, my point is this: I. am. called. This much I know. My involvement in the fine arts ministry has been a time of pruning, shaping, restructuring, learning, training, etc... I could go on and on. God has shaped me and molded me into a new creature inside and out while I've been up there, so much so, you wouldn't recognize me now if you hadn't seen me in four years. Not even a little: and I'm not talking just the physical, but my very countenance has changed, the way I present myself, the way I speak... everything. It's all different. And I know that part of that just comes from growing up - but I give all the glory to God here: because I would have "grown up" to be a MUCH different woman if it weren't for Him.

But quite obviously, He has more work to do.

So, that being said, I'm beginning to realize (not only due to my own circumstances, but also by sheer observation of those around me who are also called) that while God will and does "grow us up" in the ministry, He will also likely call us out for a time. I have seen it over and over again: He wants to use you, and He has! But now's the time for "spiritual boot camp". God means business, and if He's going to use you mightily to advance His Kingdom, and powerfully impact countless lives through you wherever He takes you, He's going to make for darn sure that you're ready: that you're spiritually, mentally, and emotionally ready and girded up to take on the call that He's placed on your life. Sounds like a pretty big deal when we put it that way, doesn't it? That's because it is a big deal!!! Think about it: you're in the ministry, you're rearin' to go, you're on FIRE, and then it happens: the enemy attacks in full force, and suddenly, you're face first in the concrete - road rash and all - picking gravel out of your teeth, wondering what the heck just happened. (And trust me: it really is just like that too.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it really should have come as no surprise to me then, that God recently called me right out of the only thing apart from Him that gives me abundant joy. You guessed it: no singing for me - for at least six months. OUCH. For those of you who know me even a little bit, you know the gravity of this call. I'm still trying to process this: it's just kind of not computing. But that's okay. I'm sure God doesn't expect me to understand it all right away. Just like everything else in life, this too will take time for me to adjust and adapt to. But I've seen with my own eyes God's swift and abundant blessings take place when a person is obedient to Him - God honors obedience (I'll be sharing with you a very cool story in my next posting about blessings in obedience): so I can either go out kicking and screaming, or I can step down gracefully in humility, and let God get busy with my heart.

I choose Him.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..." (Psalm 37:7).

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

Oh The Irony of it All

2008-04-30T15:02:00.007-05:00

I've been parousing around blogland momentarily for the first time in awhile, and I have to marvel at the sheer genius of it all: God is up to something. I've felt it for awhile, deep down inside me somewhere... this still, small voice that seemed to be saying, "choose ME or choose death...". I would look around myself and see fellow believers being brought to these defining crossroads in thier lives where they would be forced to choose to lay down thier lives and follow God with everything they had in them, or walk away from Him: enduring the struggle, and potentially losing it all. It's as if God is calling out His faithful ones to an even higher place of committment and righteousness: all to prepare us - to ready us for the battle ahead.

So I would look at these people, in the midst of thier dark struggles and wonder how they could ever choose the struggle over the peace of God - how they even saw that they had a choice: "don't you know how good you had it with Him?! What in the world would posess you to walk in uncertainty, doubt, shame, worry, unecessary pain, regret, etc... over what you had right in front of you?" I would stand on my little "God pedastal" that I had put myself on, looking down on all those in the valley, just knowing that I would never be in that place: I would just never allow it!

What I didn't realize, is that sometimes, we don't willingly choose sin - sin chooses us. The enemy is a cunning, crafty, horrible beast that knows our every weakness: studying us from birth, and laying out his well-laid plans to trip us up at just the right time to take us out (or attempt to take us out anyway) - in hopes to flat-line us and make us completely unuseable for the Kingdom. Read on (an excerpt from a Joyce Meyers Battlefield of the Mind devotional):

"Satan has well-laid out plans to hinder/stop us from having the life that God has promised us. Unlike some of us, the devil is "well" organized. He operates with a strategy in mind. Don't think that this strategy is something new. As long as we have been on this earth the devil has been planning how he will get us to abort the things that God has ordained for us. The devil knows that he alone can not abort the plans for our lives. He realizes that we must be a partaker. This is where the plot thickens; he has to have our cooperation. The devil is patient. He has studied us and it's sad to say, but some times it appears that he knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we like, what we don't like, and what makes the hair stand up on the back of our necks. He is just waiting for the right time and it's on!"

So suffice it to say, I just couldn't believe it when I found myself standing at ground zero surveying the damage (yet again), wondering how in the world I got there. Suddenly, the black veil was lifted from my eyes, and I was standing on a pile of rubble. "What in the world?! But I love Jesus!! What happened here?!?!"

The enemy happened. I realized once God got a hold of me and shook the sin right out me, that while I was confident in my love for Him and my devotion to Him, that I hadn't quite "girded myself up" for the red-hot arrows of the enemy. I hadn't fully put on the armor of God yet: and that while I've been "cleaned up" so to speak, that I hadn't learned how to take cover when the enemy attacks. Read on:

The Armour of God

"10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled round your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Ephesians 6:10-18).

During this time, I have found that the only peace, the only rest, the only comfort, and the only real joy I have is in the Word of God. Ironically, nothing is out of line as it stands: in fact, everything is as it should be - in obedience, God is restoring all. But spiritually, my only sustenance has been in the Word: and I'm realizing just now, as a 4 year-old committed Christian, called to full-time ministry, that the Word is the only answer. I used to question how God could speak to all of our situations through His Word: our questions, hurts, bondages, pains, even our joys and victories - but He can, and he does!! What an awesome God we have, that He would give us such a tangible gift - a manual for life right at our fingertips: and yet, how terribly sad that so many of us take advantage of it - that we let those answers sit on the shelf and choose the 10 year plan instead of the two year plan, when all we had to do is ask Him and seek His Truth right in His Word.

I'm thankful for the lessons I'm learning in this, and the strength and wisdom I'm gainging through this time. My prayer is that God would begin to "gird me up": that He would strengthen me from the inside out so that the next time the enemy attacks, that I would be ready; that I would be fearless, that I would be ready and willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to stay on the path He has me on, to do the right thing, and most of all, to please the Father.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).

"Let the redeemed of the LORD say this - those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men..." (Psalm 107:2-8).

"I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you" (Isaiah 44:22).

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one" (2 Thessalonians 3:3).

Hello All!

2008-01-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

It would seem that I have become THAT blogger. You know the one: they tempt you with empty promises of new and exciting posts once every 3 months or so, but never ACTUALLY deliver. I'm really not a fan of being THAT blogger: because quite honestly, I miss you all! I really do! And you were all SO supportive during my time in Jamaica - especially the time leading up to it, that I would never want you to think I have forgotten you: because you didn't forget me! I hope and pray that you all are well, and would be ecstatic if you drop me a line (as you trickle in over the next month lol) and let me know how you are. I'd LOVE to hear from you!

God Bless You All!!

~Stephanie

Oh, The Days When I "Mused"...

2007-09-09T20:58:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, you all had a friend. Her name was Stephanie. Stephanie was a spontaneous, adventurous, soul-seeking type: a singer with an unquenchable desire for God and the limitless worship of said God, having launched herself on the never-ending quest for life, love, and the pursuit of the Almighty.

"WHERE DID SHE GO," you may have asked yourselves, once, twice, or maybe never.

I'd be willing to bet that at one time or another you all thought that you would never see anything come out of this blog again.

Well, dust the cobwebs off of your seats, ladies and gentlemen, because you're in for the ride of your lives!!!

Okay... well... not really. But I do have quite a few stories to share. Life has in fact been somewhat of a ride for me lately. I know, I know, how can it possibly be any more crazy than the last ride I just went on? (For you more loyal readers, you know what I'm talking about.) But trust me: something that I've learned over the past few months is this: just when we think we've arrived - spiritually - just when we think we've hit the highest high, and that it can't possibly get any better than this... God proves us wrong.

Now, I'm certainly not saying that every moment of my life in the last nine-or-so months have been a fairy-tale. And no, I'm not married... there's not even a man in the picture, friends - STAY FOCUSED!! What I'm talking about is the constant journey, the constant learning process that God has us in. He wants relationship with us, and in order for Him to do that - in order for Him to use us - He must teach us first. We need to learn, to a.) know Him and love Him more, and more, and more: always striving for higher heights with Him. And b.) to become equipped to do His work. Whatever work it is He'll have us accomplish for Him while we're here on this earth.

I truly love the idea of helping to advance the Kingdom of God. I can't say that I'm always very good at it. Many times, we have our own agendas, and they can tend to get in the way in a very messy fashion. But again, in order to do that, in order see His desires for this life - for our lives - above and beyond our own agendas is nothing short of... heh... well, let's face it... a miracle from above. But that's what I'm saying. It's a learning curve. It's a process.

I don't know how many of you out there believe in prophecy or gifts of the spirit... well... I do. Most days. Call me a fundamentalist, call me what you will, but some of my story includes use of, impartation of, the aforementioned gifts, which actually prove rather critical to certain aspects and outcomes of my journey. Now. I know I may have just lost some of my readership. That's okay. My blog. My story. But perhaps, (if I didn't just scare you off two-fold with my abruptness), maybe just maybe you might find it in your hearts to see me through to the present-day "Anie", to see what all the fuss is about. It's all intertwined! Really! There's so much that has gone on... but truly... it's all been a part of God's agenda: a means by which to teach me, disciple me, and ready me for something... greater.

However, just to make it fair, considering I just realized that I haven't really given you all a choice as to whether or not you get to experience the "Jamaica 2006" saga from start to finish, I'll give you all a choice. I can start at day 3, and just plow through (including weekends), until I finish, OR, we can put it off, I can share more current, up-to-date life stories, and get back to Jamaica whenever we get around to it. So... knowing that I have about 3 regulars who check back like, once a month to see if I'm still breathing, I'll leave it up to you guys to decide what the topic of discussion will be for the time being.

So! With all that being said... I have missed you all dearly, and can't wait to start browsing your blogs and catching up on your lives!

Much Love,

Stephanie/Phoebe/Anie

Day 2 of the Jamaica 2006 Review!

2007-01-16T15:58:00.000-06:00

Day Two:

What adjustments I've had to make! Life is SO different down here: we Americans take MANY things for granted in our lives - only day two and I'm saying that - YIKES!

But really: when I said yesterday that we had to "cozy up" our little abode, what I should have said was, "we had to rid cabinets of lizard poop, wipe EVERYTHING down, and settle in around our lovely walls adorned with dried up, mashed roach guts. Ahhh, Jamaica. :)

Don't get me wrong though, the place IS gorgeous, and the people are amazing: but when you have to chase three-inch grasshoppers and lizards around your house, well, let's just say one learns to quickly appreciate what they have back home.

Today was great, but exhausting. It was the first day of school for the semester for the kids, and our first day as teacher's aids (Cheryl and me). The kids of course, had to test thier boundaries with us as the new people, so that became a little exhausting having to discipline and chase children around all day long. (I said "exhausting" twice in two sentences - I AM tired!) But we really only had a half day today, as Cheryl and I spent the early afternoon with Mrs. Missionary to have an orientation time of sorts on the veranda at her house. The view from her house: simply BREATHTAKING!! You can see most of the mountain range, the city, AND the ocean from thier house - gorgeous! As we sat there, a storm system moved through, and it absolutely POURED! Tropical rains are heavy and fast - and beautiful too!

We took an hour break to get some R&R, and then headed down to help the kids with homework and hang out with them for awhile. We met with the missionaries briefly, and later went to the older girls' house for devotions.

My favorite thing above all else so far, is how God is just infused in EVERYTHING here! Prayers before school, prayers before breaks, prayers at EVERY meal: prayers at bedtime, along with devotions, services at LEAST twice a week, and prayer meetings. LOVE IT!! The cool thing is, that the kids love it too: they especially love worship - God really IS everywhere here!

Speaking of which, it's time for me to read my Bible before I get too tired to even keep my eyes open: it's only 8:30pm, and I'm already in bed - face washed, teeth brushed. Didn't I say I was EXHAUSTED?!

"Jamaica Review 2006": Day 1

2007-01-12T02:21:00.000-06:00

Well folks, as promised, the first edition of MANY of the already-popular and sought-after "Jamaican Review 2006 Chronicals".

Okay, okay... so it's not all that popular, nor is it so much sought-after at this point, but it IS somewhat exciting, and will only increase in excitement as time goes by. So, for those of you who were wondering what the heck I was doing in the tropics for all that time: well, strap on your seatbelts, baby, cause you're in for a wild ride! And for those of you who weren't wondering: well... too bad. Read it anyway. ;)

So, without further adeiu:

************************************

Chapter 1

Day 1:

After a hard goodbye with mom, I headed out from Chicago to Miami, to be connected from there to Kingston, Jamaica. There was a bit of a mix-up, however, at the ticket counter in Chicago, because they apparently tried to send me to San Salvador, Honduras! (Don't ask me how it took me almost an hour of sitting in a terminal, surrounded by a bunch of Latino-looking folks to figure that one out...) But I was too smart for them! (Riiiight...) So, I eventually found my correct gate, and shortly thereafter, I landed in Kingston - the epitome of all that is hot and humid in the world.

The missionaries' son, John (name changed to protect the innocent), met me at the Kingston airport, where we proceeded to wait for a couple of HOURS for Cheryl (my soon-to-be-roommate) - (name changed to protect the innocent) to fly in. In the meantime, I was able to people watch (WHOA!!!), listen to them talk (I just LOVE the accent!), and I read the Jamaican "STAR" - VERY interesting take on world news!!

Once Cheryl arrived (very nice girl - she's a missionary kid who was raised in Africa), we then headed out to meet the missionaries for dinner at a mall in Kingston.

My favorite N., was there with them (one of the kids I had met from my previous trip to the home - she is SO sweet!), and I was just so happy to see her! After dinner, she came shopping with us while the missionaries went to a meeting in town.

We eventually made our way up the mountain, and I just drank in the scenery around me - God's creation is just BREATHTAKING!!!

Once we reached the home, we unloaded, took a quick tour of the facility, and said hi to the kids, and then the rest of the evening was our to use to settle in, unpack, and make our humble little abode cozy for ourselves for the next three months.

Sleep....

My Recent Absence...

2007-01-11T08:49:00.000-06:00

I appologize to all my dedicated readers (all three of you haha!), for my recent extended absence. I guess I have no real good reason to excuse my recent blogging behavior, however, I am committed to making it up to you!

So, starting THIS evening, Thursday, January 11th, 2007, I will begin what I would like to call, "The Jamaica 2006 Review", in which I will go back in time to my very first journal entry, beginning September 4, 2006, and document daily (from Monday to Friday) each individual entry up until December 2nd, 2006, when I returned home. This will give you, my readers, an opportunity to get right in there with me, and almost experience, firsthand, what it would have been like to be in my shoes.

Now granted, be not disappointed if here and there, my entries are simply not fantastic or overly detailed: some days were just not that exciting! But I can guarantee you that you will see triumph, failure, personal victory and growth, all tossed together with a little humor to boot!

So keep your eyes peeled for my first edition of "The Jamaica 2006 Review": you WON'T be disappointed!

P.S.: I miss you all!!

I'm Back!!!

2006-12-08T10:25:00.000-06:00

Well, it's official: your friend who you all thought had fallen off the face of the planet is officially back home, armed with many pictures and tales to share about her stay in the Caribbean. I would like to first and foremost, thank you all for the prayers, emails, and words of encouragement while I was away. There's something very calming about knowing that many people, many who you know, and many who you don't, who are covering you in prayer while you're serving in a foreign country.

Many of you asked for details, a couple of you asked for specifics: what were my best and worst experiences while I was gone? Eventually I will share everything I can, but first I would like to give you yet another visual with pictures. Trust me... the stories will come. But as it was before, I need to process things a little bit and settle in here first before I can really get into detail with you about what I experienced.

There is just something breathtaking about this country. Through all the wickedness and poverty, God still shows His face: especially at dusk.

My old roommate and I with our kindergarten class. Aren't they precious?

If I had one wish in the world, it would have been to take these three boys home with me. I'm sponsoring two of them: the oldest and the youngest. The little one, M., was my baby while I was there: and still is. He was attatched to my hip from beginning to end, and I was just as equally attatched to him. I taught him eskimo and butterfly kisses, and he taught me what the love of a mother for her child must truly feel like. I miss my baby.

This girl, H., is one of my two adopted little sisters. At 13, she is warm, sweet, compassionate, BEAUTIFUL, funny, and so very special to my heart. God really blessed me by putting her in my life, and I hope to continue to be a blessing to her as time goes by.

As the days pass, and my time in Jamaica seems farther and farther away from me, one word describes what I'm feeling about being away from my second home: numb. I feel like I've been walking around like a zombie for the past five days: robotically doing what I have to do - finding a job, going to Christmas musical practice, etc... but not REALLY comprehending that I'm not "home" with my kids and my new friends. I made bonds and friendships down in Jamaica that can never be replaced or forgotten, and it's almost surreal having to come to grips with the fact that none of those people are right here with me anymore. All of it is just really hard to swallow. On top of which, it's just difficult having to readjust to this culture. Truthfully, I've felt guitly for driving my nice car, sleeping in my squishy bed, and just generally living in my nice apartment - all things that most, if not ALL of my friends back in Jamaica have no clue about. I often wonder: who am I, that I get to have all of these nice things, when some people back home have to WALK part ways up the mountain, just to get to work everyday?

An experience like this truly changes one's perspective, that's for sure. And until I really settle in here and figure out exactly how this experience has affected me, I suppose I'll continue to feel this way. Call it culture shock, re-entry shock... call it what you will. But I say that it's God working in me to change my perspective: to give me a greater appreciation for what I have here at home, and most importantly: to give me a greater compassion than I already had, for those who aren't as priveledged as we are here in the States. Maybe I am called to missions. Only God knows that answer, and in due time, He will tell. But in the meantime, I will continue to long for my second home, and pray for those who have impacted my life in such a tremendous way.

I miss Jamaica and all the people I have grown to love there with all my heart and soul: but I know I have obligations and things to take care of back here for now. I am glad to be home in a sense... but my soul will always weep for my mountain... and for my kids.

More of Jamaica Pt. 2

2006-10-18T18:25:00.000-05:00

A continuation from my last post. These next two pics are still from our National Heritage Week Celebration...

This is the grades 1-3 teacher. She's new this semester, and she's amazing with the kids. She's only 22 years old, and she's already been teaching for four years, can you believe it? But she's wonderful with the kids, and they absolutely love her - the home has been really blessed by her this term!

Some of the farm (coffee workers) got together and did a couple of songs for us. The one at the mic, K., is the grounds maintainence guy: BIG trouble, but he's good for a laugh and definitely keeps me entertained!

My sweet little boy - this guy is TOO cute for words. This picture doesn't even come close to doing him justice - every time that boy smiles, he just lights up a room! He was VERY proud of his craft on this particular day!!

This is one of the three brothers that I want to take home (I WISH!!!). I LOVE this boy - he is SO smart, and kind - spirited: I don't know if I've EVER met another child like him in my whole life.

This is the youngest of the three brothers, who will stop at nothing to be in my arms at every possible second of the day. I love this little boy so much that it almost takes my breath away: can you see why? Isn't he PRECIOUS?!!!

As always: thank you for your prayers, they're really really working! And I promise to post more for your viewing pleasure as soon as they become available!

More of Jamaica

2006-10-13T14:32:00.000-05:00

The sky looked like it was on fire!

This is an actual water tank for a local community here in the mountains. We all just couldn't believe it. So we took pictures. Would YOU want your drinking water from that source? Eeew!

This one's permanantly attatched to my hip. Isn't she the sweetest thing?!

House mom for the older girls, and a couple of her "ladies", having fun, dancing to some Jamaican worship.

The Beach at St. Thomas.

The boys performing for National Heritage week: "Daaaa - O! Me seh Daaaaa-eee-O! Day da' light an' me' wan' go oooome!"

Greetings From Jamaica! Pt. 2

2006-09-25T19:48:00.000-05:00

So I know I haven't written in what possibly could be AGES, but I'm sure (at least I'm hoping) that you all have forgiven me, considering what I've been up to lately. And for those of you who are on my mailing list, you have recieved your weekly updates, and have been kept abreast of my adventures since I arrived here - so you shouldn't be TOO mad at me!

For those of you who aren't on my mailing list, please feel free to email me your address, and I'll add you, OR, you can wait for the day to day journal entries that will begin once I return home.

For now, I thought I'd give you a bit of a visual in terms of what I've been experiencing here in Jamaica:

The view from my front porch.

My roommate. She's sweet.

A cool cloud formation after a storm: also a view from my front porch.

Port Royal: home of "Pirates of the Caribbean" - the real thing. These are the original cannons from the 1700's, still pointing out to sea, when the pirates were basically running the Caribbean Sea.

The girls had a little Christian/Reggae dance party at the missionaries house (which is only a flight of stairs down the complex from where they live.)

One of our boys was in the hospital last week: a few of us went to go see him. As you can see, his pneumonia was subsiding by this point. :)

Doesn't he just have the cutest smile in the world?

...Or maybe this one does. This little guy just asked me yesterday to "be his mommy for forever". Can you even stand it?! He is SO sweet...

A sunset from the property. Overlooking the not-so-glamorous Kingston.

So there you have it! So much has been going on lately, but it's waaaay too much to tell all in one post. But please remember that I greatly appreciate your prayers, and I hope to hear from you in comments and emails! I miss you all!!

In Him,

~Stephanie

Hello From The Caribbean!!!

2006-09-06T18:04:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone!

Thank you, first and foremost to all of you for your prayers and support!
It's wonderful knowing that all the hard work, prayers, encouragement, and
support (on everyone's behalf) finally paid off!

Things here are wonderful - it's almost surreal, in a way... I just can't believe I'm finally here!! It's been a fairly easy transition thus far,although our first workday (yesterday) with the kids in school was simply
EXHAUSTING!! I was actually in bed - IN BED - by 8:45pm! The kids are
wonderful though, full of joy, excitement for a new school year (and new
teachers :), and are a joy to be around and work with! What I've really
enjoyed is seeing how God is infused in EVERYTHING they do here: from
prayers before every meal, to prayers and devotions before class, and before
bed - God is everywhere here, and it's SO amazing!

The weather has been quite soggy - it's still beautiful and sunny part of
the day, but we've had storms roll through both days now (pretty typical of
the Caribbean this time of year from what I hear). The creeping critters
has been my biggest adjustment: we've already had a couple of visitors in
our little apartment - a three in long grasshopper, and a lizard which found
his way into my bedroom. (Eeek!)

But overall, I'm loving getting to know the people and the kids, and the
missionaries as well (who are both just wonderful!). Once I'm a bit more
settled in, I'll write more. But for now, I have to head down to help the
kids with homework.

I hope all is well!!

in Him,

~Stephanie

Only FOUR Days Left!!!

2006-08-30T15:19:00.000-05:00

Gah! I don't feel like I can finish it all before I leave!!

Wasn't it just yesterday that I was only TALKING about going back for three months?!

Four days until I leave for Jamaica.

I'm about ready to melt into a pile of goo on the floor.

Help me Jesus...

When The Enemy Strikes

2006-08-28T01:25:00.000-05:00

Just when you think you're in the clear: just when you think you've got it right and no one can bring you down... Satan hits with a brute force that you seemed to almost forget existed, due to the wonders from above that you have seen up to this point. Isn't that how it always seems to go? Some call it Murphy's Law, I prefer to call it, "the enemy's not getting his way". So he fights back: and fight he does.

Just yesterday, (10 days away from my departure date to Jamaica), I'm on my way home from work, heading to the bank in the middle of a downpour (it had been storming all day), when, out of the CLEAR BLUE SKY.... WHAAACK!!!! My little Pontiac Grand Am (little in comparison) plows into the back of a Jeep Wrangler. PLOWS. You see, what had happened was, as I was driving down this hill in the rain, following behind three other vehicles on a one lane street, when out of NOWHERE, this woman in the front of us decides to SLAM on her breaks, and without a SIGNAL, attempts to make a lefthand turn.

SMART.

So, as you can imagine, the guy behind her slams on his breaks, the girl behind him (the Wrangler), slams on HER breaks, and I slam on mine, when, consequently, my breaks lock up, and suddenly I go skidding, nay, SKIING into her back end. Yes, I strategically placed my Grand Am in the back of, and underneath a Jeep Wrangler. You figure out what my car looked like. I'd draw you a picture, but I'm not very skilled in Microsoft Paint, so I'll spare you.

So anyway, yes, I'm fine, and yes, my car DID recieve the most damage, YES, I was the last to collide, so YES, my insurance company will be paying the most out of anyone in the collision. Boo, boo, and triple boo. The poopiest part about all of this is that the lady who caused the accident got off scott free. Go figure. Well anyway, the short and skinny of it all, is, while I was waiting for the tow truck to come get my mangled piece of wreckage, I began thinking about spiritual warfare, and how this can only be one of Satan's last ditch efforts at keeping me away from the mission field. It was at about this time when this verse came to mind...

"10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints" (Eph 6:10-18).

It's such a blessing to know that God's on my side no matter what! Doesn't that just bless your heart beyond measure? To know that no matter what the circumstances, He's "got your back"? I LOVE it!!

In meditating on my trip and what I might face, and the war I will likely wage as I go, I wrote a poem awhile back as I was flying to a fro from Chicago to Seattle and back to Chicago again: it is the cry of my heart - one of timidity, humility, thankfulness, and hope:

Who am I
That I might conquer the winds and the rains?
Who am I
That I might pull out my sword and put up my shield
to defeat the enemy?
Who am I
That I might answer this call
Going boldy forward on faith alone?

I am a child of He who is sending me
He who is greater than all things
He who is stronger
Who is mightier
Than anything I could imagine to face

I am a child of the Great "I AM"
The Creator of the Heavens and the Earth
He is our Father

I am...

A Child Of God.

And in talking about battles and waging war against the enemy, let me just leave you with one more thing: the lyrics (yet another Bethany Dillon song) of the song I sang tonight in church: a cry of my heart of sorts as I get ready to head out into the mission field...

A Voice Calling Out
Bethany Dillon

I hear a voice calling out
I hear a voice in this wilderness
Where darkness has reigned for so long
Ground is being taken

The trumpet sounds
And Your glory touches the ground
And we all stand in awe
Who it this?
This glory far beyond us
I hear a voice

I hear a drum beating
Heaven's drawing near
The sky will open up
Your people are being healed
I hear a voice

Heaven's battle cry
Rise
See the sun light what was hidden
Heaven's heart beat
See it moving
What was a whisper is now
A voice calling out

I see a generation rising up
No longer accepting lies
Running to the battlefield
And losing their lives
I see a generation rising up
No longer accepting lies
As a band of worshipers run to the battlefield
They're finding their lives
I hear a voice

Heaven's battle cry
Rise
See the sun light what was hidden
Heaven's heart beat
See it moving
What was a whisper is now
A voice calling out

Only 13 More Days!!

2006-08-22T12:03:00.000-05:00

Until I'm on a plane...

... heading to the next phase of my life. Gulp!

So many things have been happening lately, and it seems that this summer has just flown by. I have been ironing out my life in many different areas, taking a lot of time to reflect, reorganize, and in some cases, even toss out some unnecessary baggage that I've been carrying: besides, I only get to take two check-in suitcases, my guitar, and a backpack with me to Jamaica - I don't have any room for the rest! I've really done some growing this past five months, and I expect that God will still shuffle some things around, give me some new things to use (ie: wisdom, new knowledge, etc...), and I'm very excited to see what He's going do in me and how He will use me.

I also want to share with you all that the Lord has been very good to me in terms of my fundraising. I was able to get up and speak about my trip at church this last Sunday, and I shared about God's calling on my life in this area. We took a love offering in each service for my trip, and I found out yesterday in a meeting that my total came to almost double what is usually collected for a special offering like this. Many, MANY prayers were answered that morning, and because of that offering, I am SO close to my goal, and I still have 13 more days to fundraise!

You know, many people have asked me, "Well, what if you don't raise all of your funds? Then what? My reply has remained the same: "Well, I guess I'll have to come home early then. But seeing that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that God has called me to this mission for a time, I just have to trust Him and BELIEVE that He will provide for me. The funds will come in." Praise God that He's yet again proving Himself faithful and working through the hearts and lives of many to make this mission of mine happen. I'm not there quite yet, I do have a ways to go before my fundraising is completed, but I'm confident God that He will make a way.

A big thank you to those of you have already donated, as well as those of you who are still planning to. A HUGE-MONGOUS thank you to all who have prayed for me throughout this whole last year. A LOT has happened (and will likely continue to happen) as the year progresses and as I serve in Jamaica. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for ALL of your support: prayers, donations, and words of encouragement. You all are in my prayers as well!

I'll be sure to post a couple of more times before I leave, and from that point on, please be sure to check in with me often, as I'll be planning (trying) to post updates weekly from the mission field.

13 days!! WOW!!

I Know I've Been M.I.A. Lately...

2006-08-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

Can you guess where I was?

The world-famous Pike Place Market. There's nothing quite like it: SO much fun!

The fish-throwers. (Isn't the one in the middle just the handsom-est thing you've ever seen?)

Downtown.

Mt. Rainier. Simply breathtaking.

The Space Needle. (GREAT seafood here, by the way.)

A view from the top.

The EMP (Experience Music Project) from afar.

Overall, it was a GREAT visit: great city, great seafood, all around great atmosphere. WONDERFUL people, amazing sights, and most importantly, a great visit with my dad.

It's That Time Again!

2006-07-25T11:17:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have remained faithful and have not given up on me in my absence: I thank you from the bottom of my heart! (By the way Steve, the aliens say hi!) You can't imagine the amount of time, energy, heart, soul, spiritual preparation, and so on... that goes into planning and preparing for a trip like this. I'll only be gone for three months, but you would think I was planning on never coming back with the way I've been working toward this mission of mine. (I can already hear comments in regards to that last statement. It's okay. Go ahead. I'm ready for anything!)

With that said, I would like to redirect your attention (assuming that I still have it) to this upcoming missions trip of mine that I have been going on and on and ON about since I returned home from there the first time.

As you all know, while I was still there, I began to feel a stirring in my heart: a connection to this place that I couldn't quite put my finger on. But I knew for certain in my heart of hearts that the Lord was speaking to me in some very big ways: I just couldn't quite decipher what He was saying to me at the time. I recieved prayer in Jamaica from my team and the orphanage staff for my "direction-less life", almost BEGGING God to tell me something... ANYTHING!! He seemed to be silent. Or so I thought.

I also developed an overwhelming sense of peace that week, just one of the very many "clues" from above that would begin to literally flood my life, that I was to return for a time. To see the full story, click here.

Since having recieved "the call" to this mission, I have been approved for a three month stay in Kingston, Jamaica, beginning this fall. I will be working at the orphanage, more than likely working with the children as a house mother for the duration of the time that I'm there. I am extremely excited about this opportunity, but very humbled at the same time, knowing that God could have easily chosen someone else for the job and I would have been none the wiser: but He chose me. And while this is only a three month stay, and not a three YEAR mission, I am still greatly moved that God would allow me to take part in such a delicate mission as working with the homeless, abandoned, and neglected children of Jamaica - children who now, by the grace of God, have been given a second chance at life, love, and a relationship with thier Creator.

I also very much look forward to the lessons that I will learn, the experience that I will gain in working with children, the spiritual growth that I will undoubtedly experience, and the relationships that I will make that will surely last a lifetime.

I am responsible for raising my own funds, the total cost of which adds up to $6,120.00. This includes travel to and from Jamaica, room and board, personal care items, food, travel while on the island, and personal expenses.

I am believing that God will move the hearts of many so that I may meet my goal even before I leave. Would you consider sponsoring me with a financial donation, or even a committment to prayer for me for the duration of time that I'm serving there? Any and all contributions, both donations and/or prayers would be GREATLY appreciated! This is a HUGE step of faith I'm taking in my life, and I'm resting solely in the promises of God at this point:

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11).

I am also trusting in the call that I recieved from Him in scripture awhile back when I first submitted my application to the world missions department (please note my additions in italics):

"'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as prophet to the nations.'
'Ah, Sovereign LORD,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak(I am fearful); I am only a child(brand new child in my faith).'
But the LORD said to me, 'Do not say, "I am only a child." You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them(do not be fearful of the unknown), for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the LORD.
Then the LORD reached out His hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 'Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant'" (Jeremiah 1:4-10).

If you are indeed interested in contributing to my mission to Jamaica, or are just interested in more information, please email me at:

anie4him28@yahoo.com

and I'll send you all the necessary information to get you through the donation process. Also, I will be sending out weekly updates from the mission field, so if you would like to recieve those emails, please shoot me your email address to the address above, and I'll make sure to add you.

Thank you in advance for prayerfully considering sponsoring me: it means more to me that you can possibly know! And again, thank you to each and every one of you who has taken part in praying me into this mission - your prayers and support have helped bring me to a place that I never imagined I would ever be, short of the hand of God. And amazingly enough, here I am: and I still can't believe that I'm actually here. Ready to serve. Any way I can.

Thank You All.

WHAT?!

2006-07-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

So I'm checking my "stats" on my "top secret spy-on-all-my-friends-who-visit-my-site" program, when I come across a search done for ...

"most hideous pictures ever".

Yahoo! apparently thought it appropriate to guide this person here.

I'm officially traumatized.

If You're Wondering Where I Went...

2006-07-11T08:38:00.000-05:00

....Well it appears that I have fallen off the face of the planet.

Don't worry though.

I'll be back before you know it.

Dear Jadon...

2006-06-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

Mr. Lavik, I must confess. I didn't know you were seriously dating anyone. I didn't know you were on the concorde express to marriage-dom when I wrote this. I really didn't! It was actually just an attempt to entertain my readers, and (especially) myself.

Recently I saw on your blog (yes, I found your blog, and yes, you can now call me a stalker) this picture of you and your beautiful new bride... Stephanie.

But NOT before some sneaky-peak person visited my site from San Clemente, CA WHICH I found out happens to be your hometown (yes, I'm a private investigator too, didn't you know?), and left me THIS comment:

"Anonymous said...
Jadon's engaged. So I think your outta luck!"

I must admit, that, while I'm thrilled for you, I was a bit sad for myself that my grande attempts at stalkerdom failed me miserably. Ah well... such is life I guess. However, since then, I have seen that same person return to my site a few times, and I have now come up with the following conclusions.

It is either:

A. You (Jadon) visiting me for a good hearty laugh. (Which, yes, you were supposed to Google yourself and find me... but you were supposed to fall in love. Not laugh.)

B. You (Jadon) and your wife visiting me for a good hearty laugh together.

C. You (yes, you Jadon) and your friends... visiting me for a good hearty laugh. Together.

But I am here today, my friend, to tell you that your time under the sun has passed. That's right! I have moved on. And while I will always cherish your vocal stylings (cause let's face it - ANY man who can sing well is good in my book - not enough of you (men who can sing) out there by the way), I have set my sights on an even more unrealistic target. A more highly visible man who shares an even more similar taste in music as me. Someone who, for a lack of a better way to describe it, should have been born black too- just like me. The fact is - this man has SOUL. And I can't think of a better, more unrealistic fantasy man to pine after than America's very own musical idol...

Taylor Hicks.

I tried to get a picture of him, but blogger would not let me, so allow me to give you a visual with words:

With his silver hair, tall physique, classic taste in dress, and his captivating green eyes that almost say to me... "Stephanie... you're the one..."... Do you even wonder then, why he is my new crush?

I read an article in People Magazine that told me in many more words, that he's the man of my dreams. How do I figure, you ask?

He's a lover of jazz (check!), the man has SOUL (check!), he's tall (check! check!), his ideal of a relaxing Sunday afternoon: putting on a potroast, listening to jazz, all while enjoying the view from his balcony (oh check!check!check!). He doesn't play games, he is kind, considerate, sweet, and yet charming - full of passion for all the same things as me.

Well...

...except for the whole loving God thing.

But we can pray him into a relationship with Christ, can't we? That's... um... easy enough! Suuuure. Not a problem. Future relationship with Christ? (check!!!!!!!!) See? So once that happens, then we can start our music ministry together!

Don't you just love how my mind works?

So, sorry Jadon. The laughs must cease, because you are no longer the man of my dreams: mainly because you failed to meet one of my requirements. (See letter F on my post of how to woo me.) So, after this post has been up for a day or two, I'll be RE-posting "How to Woo Me..." replacing you (Jadon) with my future husband-man (Taylor Hicks).

**********************

**Disclaimer - I am really not this crazy: this is simply yet again an attempt to entertain myself. Jadon, your music is excellent, and I really do enjoy it. Blessings to you and your wife in your new lives together.

Taylor, I really do think we'd be perfect for one another - being that we're both soulful singers and all (see above for more details) - but I'm sure you have a million women telling you the same thing. I really enjoy your voice and your music, and can't wait to see what the future holds for your career. God bless.**

***To my readers: if you think that people who you talk about on your blogs don't find you - think again. Katie - I'll bet you Shane has taken a peek at your blog once or twice too. Do you think we might be on to something here?!**

Thank God For Great Girlfriends!

2006-06-26T00:53:00.000-05:00

What would I do without my girlfriends?

I'd have no one to talk to about whatever we want

No one's shoulder to cry on when things get tough

I'd have no one to listen, no one to vent to,

No one laugh with when the latest date falls apart.

I'd have no one to occupy a table for hours with

Talking about life, love, and the pursuit of husbands,

While the restaurant staff sweeps up around us

Cause the place closed up - an hour ago!

I'd have no one to drink a pot of coffee with

over a good chat, just she and I

while the kids run circles around us screaming

and somehow we still manage to get a word in edgewise

I'd have no one to call when I'm feeling a bit lonely

No one to make me laugh right out loud

No one to agree that "that guy was a JERK!"

No one to carry those burdens along with me.

Thank God for my girlfriends!

Without them, I don't know what I'd do!

My life would be rather empty

Void of so many joys...

Guys don't know what they're missing out on...

Cause there's nothing in the world like great girlfriends.

Prayer Request!

2006-06-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

"...and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much" (James 5:16).

Dear Friends:

You may remember that back when I was in Jamaica, I insisted on being one of the boys. I sweat, I toiled, I lugged concrete buckets down and up the side of a mountain in the sweltering heat, helping the guys create a set of stairs for the orphanage.

It was difficult, but gratifying work, resulting in, not only a new set of concrete stairs, but a little mini-victory within myself: I did it!! (Or helped do it anyway...)

Well, the part of the story I didn't tell you, was, ever since that day, I have been experiencing rather intrusive heart palpitations. Some days it's mild: I'll only have a couple small, momentary flutters - no big deal. Other days, I'll have upwards of twenty to thirty palpitations, ranging from mild to knock-the-wind-out-of-me startling. At first I thought it might be anxiety. Shortly thereafter, I realized I was very wrong.

On a day like that, when I felt as if my heart would stop if I had one more stinkin' skipped beat, I called my doctor's office after hours and explained my problem - they sent me to the E.R.

Two thousand dollars and no diagnosis later, I was sent home with a simple, "it's nothing. It will just be an annoyance to you. Follow up with your doctor when you can if it continues."

Seeing that I don't have health insurance, I really didn't want to go to the doctor for this now that I've already wasted all this money on nothing. Besides, in my mind, I hadn't keeled over yet: I could wait another month or two.

Well, one day last week, I took an antihistamine for my allergies, and it suddenly seemed that my blood pressure dropped. It was exhausting to even just sit on the couch. I was having palpitations like there was no tomorrow, and I thought my heart was going to leap right out of my chest - NO GOOD.

So I finally gave in, called my doctor, made an appointment, and saw him two days later. He listened intently to my heart and told me two things:

1. You have a murmur. (Okay doc, plenty of people have murmurs. What else?)

2. You have a condition called Mitral Valve Prolapse. We can put you on heart meds so you experience less of the symptoms, but they'll make you real tired.

Okaaaaaay.... I choose to stay awake, thank you!

So from what I understand, it's really not life-threatening. All it is, is a faulty valve that in turn, can cause some really WIERD side-effects (ie: the palpitations I've been having, fatigue, anxiety, among many other things.) It is fairly common (as far as heart conditions are concerned), however, upon reading more about it on my own, I found that it can also cause more serious complications if it gets worse, that of which I'm not going to get into because they're no fun, really scary, and more importantly....

I'm believing for healing. So I'm not going to worry about them.

So this whole big long story, is all in an attempt to ask you for your prayers. God has me headed on a mission in two and a half months, doing something I've never done before - doing nothing but HIS work for three straight months! I want to be in tip-top shape!! I don't need some "heart thing" slowing me down!

So please keep me in your prayers that God will heal me of this. The funny thing is, something like this would have normally sent me in a tailspin, absolutely freaking out with a ton of "what if's" about what this will do to me. But you know what I've learned more recently that has kept me at total peace about this whole thing?

My God is bigger. He's BIGGER than this heart problem, He's bigger than anything that I could ever imagine or conjure up that might slow me down or get in my way, or any sort of curve ball that the enemy might try to hit me with. Jesus is bigger, He's better, and He's my protector: and please just pray that His healing touch would come down upon me before I leave for this trip. I'm already thanking Him for it, so let's make it happen!

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up" (James 5:15).

Thank you friends, for all your support and prayers in other areas in my life- and thank you in advance for your prayers in this as well.

Have a blessed week everyone!

Miss Stephanie's Miscellaneous Musings

***UPDATE***

Update

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UPDATE