< Vital couples - News >

We won't spend much time together

2009-05-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

I am starting work tonight for the first time. I am going to be working Sundays too. Me and my bf live about an hour apart and try to see each other as much as we can. we have been seeing each other every weekend and Tuesday nights.

On Sunday I will be working 1-5. which means we loose 4 hours of spending time together. My bf is going to stay at my house whilst I work and then we shall spend time together after I finish work. But he is only going to try it out and see if he likes it or not. Or the other idea is for him to come over Monday night and Wednesday night instead of Tuesdays.

I don't mind that idea but I like the thought of seeing my bf after work and spending time together. I will be finishing at 5 which gives us even more time 2geva than when he comes over on Tuesdays. He normally gets to mine at about 7 on Tuesdays.

I don't think 4 hours is long to wait. I have been to his house and waited for him to come home from work and that was waiting from 9 until about 6!!

What do you reckon?

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Time is too precious to spend it simply waiting for someone to come home.

If he wants to do it, that's fine, but if he says he prefers going for something else, I would not blame him for that.

If he does not go with it, don't take it as a sign that he does not care or love you, he probably simply values his time.

His time is "his" time. If you love him give him the freedom to use it the way he wants. Don't put him under pressure. This could mean trouble. Let him free.

She listens too much to her parents advice! - How to make her be independent and free?

2009-05-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

It is very tricky to change someone else's behavior or attitude. Why? simply because another person has its own self will. Anyone has the power and right to decide for themselves, so when you want to change someone else, what you are doing is overriding that person's will.

This is why it is much better to change your own behavior and perception rather than change the other person. You'll get much faster simply because you have a greater power over yourself than over someone else.

If the person wants to change and asks you for help, that's another story, but I understand this is not the case. You can help someone by waking up her desire and natural life power. Anything which would look like control or forcing from you would definitely be counter productive and end working against you.

Design your dream relationship - ARTICLE

2009-05-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

From within, a couple can often feel like it has to “perform”.

If a couple is splits, it is not just their relationship which is being dissolved.

All the activities, people, material base which evolve around this relationship collapse as well.

The enlarged family structure dissolves. Friends as well struggle through what is happening. What has been a stream of happiness might suddenly be turning into what looks like a difficult time for everyone.

When the couple manages to face harmoniously their inner tensions, they still end being confronted with the judgment from friends and family. Lots of talk and gossip might be going on.

For a couple all this might look like a failure. Feelings of guilt are appearing, guilt of not having been able to make it work.

Succeeding as a couple can be seen as a victory. Still, is splitting the same as loosing?

Performance stress results from all this subtle dynamism. Couples often hang in there wanting to maintain the perfect image, until the inner tensions become too strong and start bursting to the surface.

Performance stress precisely means: “aiming too high”. This stress comes from beliefs that don’t match with reality. On one hand, there is the dream of harmony, the dream of perfection. On the other hand you find reality, a reality which does not match.

Reality is more complex. The dream is like a perfect model. This perfect model comes from the couple, from society. It is imprinted in the stages of a traditional marriage ceremony.

The solution? Redesign the dream. If you try to build a temple and the materials do not match the plans, what would you do? You would redraw something more realistic, something that can actually be built.

Dissolving the performance stress is done by realizing this dynamism and redesigning the relationship’s equation.

Is your dream relationship flexible enough? Is it realistically adapted to modern needs and beliefs? Is the target far away on a mountain top or is it growing in your sacred garden.

What’s the key? As a couple, design a dream that you can easily achieve. What are the qualities present in that dream? You design! You guide the direction of that relationship. It is normal for your environment to have expectations. Now, these are only expectations. Who is holding the helm of your relationship? Who is the architect of your dreams?

Bring in new emotions, a new story. Take risks and explore beyond the limits of society’s comfort zone.

Be the masters of your relationship and give yourselves the choice to jump as high as you want or as high as you can afford. If needed, simply redesign your plan.

Offer a refreshed space to your dreams!

Are you killing your relationship? - ARTICLE

2009-05-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

Are you killing your relationship?

A relationship needs to breathe. External friendships, time apart, activities where you are not together with your partner are all super healthy for your couple.
You tend sometimes to block these from happening because you fear being alone or standing as an individual.

Being part of a couple does not mean you loose your individuality. If you can only function as a couple, this tends to create a very high level of insecurity. On the long term, it makes you totally dependent on your partner's presence.

The goal is to maintain or recover your power as an individual. Everyone benefits from it. It gives greater stability to you and all those who are involved in your life.

When you spend time apart, you don't betray the relationship. You give it some space and fresh air. You bring in a new stream of inspiration you might use to empower what you share.

There is a quality every couple needs. It is called renewal power. Renewal power is the ability to keep evolving. When you are single, it's easier. When you are a couple you tend to freeze your partner's moves and block the integration of fresh energies. It is a natural instinctual reaction which works against the long term success of your partnership.

Renewal power is a conscious force you bring in. It means you take risks and challenge each other. You simply don't accept your present limits as your final limits, keep evolving and moving forward.

Renewal power is a natural force of evolution. When you resist change endlessly you block these forces of evolution. You keep them out for a while until they break open in a stream of powerful destruction.

Why do they destroy? because you get too much renewal at once.

If you use renewal power on a daily base, you simply digest it regularly and use it in a positive way.

Imagine the energy of a volcano building up. If you create channels for this stream of power, and let the boiling lava come out, the energy simply flows in a constructive way.

If you try to block it, it will explode.

A relationship needs renewal and fresh inspiration. It needs challenge and some risk.
Don't reject the renewal power, use it!

How? by responding to the opportunities which are in front of you.

Give your partner some space when they need it.
Give yourself a break
Go with the flow
Be opened for new friendships
Take risks
Challenge yourself
Respond to opportunities
etc.

When you keep stepping back and hiding within your comfort zone, you simply block a natural stream of life force. You can't cheat with evolution. It keeps on pushing until it breaks through. You spirit, your life needs to keep evolving.

If you bloc, these forces, you'll slowly asphyxiate your life and your relationship
So, don't be afraid and go for it. Renewal forces are part of your life and spirit. They are here to sustain your evolution.

10 Steps to a dynamic relationship - ARTICLE

2009-05-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

Dialogue.

Create a Forum Space.

Renew, Refresh

Be open for new ideas, change. Think of modern trends, etc.

Spontaneity

Anything to break the habits. Respond to inspiration, to new streams.

Have "Relationship Ambitions"

Material, business, travels, discoveries, projects, etc.

Maintain a dynamic individual integrity

Maintain activities where you are not together with your partner. Keep space for "external friendships"... "Time off"... Allow it to happen and go for it, even if you might miss the other person during that time.

Refreshing Life Style

Take time to be in nature. Go out. Do something physical, sports, outdoors. Eat healthy.

Sex Life

Give attention to your sex life.

Create Romance, Flirt, Play.

There must be a place in the relationship where you can be like kids, young teenagers. Plan a romantic holiday.

Dynamise your social life as a couple

Go beyond family and usual friends. Be an "interesting" couple, a "generous" couple.

Have a harmonious material base

Live in a place you like. Healthy finances. Harmonious work/free time balance.

Marriage recovery

2009-03-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 11 YEARS, WE ARE IN AN INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP.. I HAVE NO IMMEDIATE FAMILY AND HIS FAMILY ARE CLOSET RACISTS. WE FIGHT ABOUT THEM, OUR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS ARE POSSIBLY OUR BIGGEST PROBLEM, MY HUSBAND DOES NOT HAVE ANY IDEA OF HOW TO MANAGE HIS FINANCES, I GOT MAD ONE NIGHT AND TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS A 41 YEAR OLD MAN WITH NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT... AND THAT HE HAS NOT CHANGED IN ALL THESE YEARS

I DID NOT MEAN TO HURT HIM, I WAS JUST BEING HONEST, BUT HE SAID THAT THE STATEMENT HURT HIM SO DEEPLY THAT HE COULD NOT TRUST ME ANY MORE... HE FELT HUMILIATED AND STATED THAT ANYONE WHO COULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE FEELINGS FOR THAT PERSON.. NOW HE WANTS TO END OUR RELATIONSHIP.

I CONVINCED HIM TO GO TO COUNSELING, BUT HE CONTINUES TO TELL THE COUNSELOR THAT HE DOESN'T THINK IT WILL WORK OUT. DUE TO OUR FINANCIAL SITUATION, HE'S STILL LIVING IN THE HOUSE. HE TELLS ME THOUGH THAT WE CAN LIVE THIS WAY, IN A CIVIL MANNER UNTIL OUR FINANCIAL SITUATION CHANGES, THEN HE WILL MOVE.

WE DO NOT TALK UNLESS IT IS ABOUT THE KIDS. WE EVEN SLEEP IN THE SAME BED. HE TELLS ME THAT HE WANTS ME SEXUALLY, AND WE STILL HAVE GREAT SEX, BUT AFTER SEX, IT IS BACK TO THE SAME OLD THING. I FEEL HOPELESS. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, AND HAVE APOLOGIZED SO MANY TIMES, BUT HE SAYS THAT I AM NOT SINCERE.

HOW CAN I WIN HIS TRUST BACK.

SIGNED HOPELESS

-----------------------------------

Hi,

To make this work you need two highly motivated people who are ready to go to battle to protect what is theirs. You need two people fully engaged into preserving their marriage and relationship.

What you need in there is extra protective power. As you can see the marriage contract is not strong enough to keep you together.

If you want to shift the present course of your marriage, you need to wake up extra resources of power. A battle is going on right now.

To make it work, the priority number 1 in your mind and in his mind must be to protect your marriage no matter what.

A few tips won't work. You need something drastic. This requires you to go beyond the limits of what you already know. You need to invest yourself fully into it. Invest time, energy and money.

This is a process of marriage recovery. Can it work if he does not want it?

Will power and determination make a huge difference.

The question is: "Are you ready to do what it takes to make it work?"

If you are, simply reply to this message. I will tell you what is involved in getting your marriage back.

Francisco

Do you have what it takes to have a successful marriage?

2009-03-26T07:47:00.000-07:00

Do you have what it takes to have a successful marriage?
question

Any strategies or tips to keep him more and more interested and lead him to ask for a commitment. any fun dating ideas

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Hi,

I will be very direct with you, okay? Instead of giving you some light advice, I want to give you something substantial that you can truly use.

Men and women nowadays tend to be scared of marriage. Why? because of the long term perspective of possible separation.

In my social circle. 80% of my best friends (under 40) are already divorced and I am not sure if they'll ever will marry again. The spectrum of separation is growing bigger every day in people's subconscious minds. for both men and women.

Anyway. The way you can treat it is seeing marriage as the diploma your receive at the end rather than the initial binding force. 50 years ago, you needed the marriage for security, for your children and simply to give you this feeling of inner stability.

Now, things have changed. Stability and security are not enough. You usually can do very well as an individual. The family "cell" is no longer needed to survive which gives you the opportunity to try it on your own if the relationship fails.

Individual expectations are simply very high. If your partner stops fulfilling your needs, it is now okay to go and look somewhere else.

I am not telling you this to scare you. I am not saying either it can't work. I am telling you this so that you understand the real challenge. The love side of a relationship is one aspect. That's the initial romantic dimension. The other side can be a heavy battle which can sometimes end in court and impact on your well being for the rest of your life.

What you need for a relationship is realism as well as love. The key word is relationship skills. These are not given to you via education and there is hardly any place where you can learn more about it. In fact those who succeed have great qualities of communication and simply know how to create joy and happiness out of a simple seed of love.

For the marriage to be an exciting place, passion has to stay alive. You need to find within the relationship the space to keep evolving and move forward as a couple and as an individual. The moment your life gets "frozen" within the relationship and stops evolving, your spirit literally dies. You start feeling tired, drained and simply miss the excitement.

The key is to make sure that you and the relationship keep evolving and changing. You need to be open for new things, opportunities, new inspiration, etc.

The relationship must give you peace and security but challenge as well.

Another key is that you need to be both "warriors". You need to be able to protect and preserve the relationship space. You need to wake up an intense desire to make it work no matter what. What you need here is extra power. The reason why so many marriages are dissolved is simply because couples don't have the power to protect it. You simply tend to focus on your own life as soon there are some tensions rising. You simply miss the tools to make it truly work on the long term.

Imagine what happens now if you have this extra protective warrior power in you. Both partners need to have it. It's a sacred partnership where you both fully engage your desire and will power to protect the relationship space and make sure that you and your partner get your needs met.

Love is the essential base for your relationship but love is not enough. You need extra power to truly make it work. What do you do when you have a dominant mother in law stepping in your space? What do you do if you feel the sexual passion dying out? What do you do if your partner is a flirt? etc.

There are hundreds of relationship situations which are challenging. When you face situations like these, you can either hope things will naturally change and hope that harmony will prevail. This works sometimes. The power of love simply does its work and things get solved naturally. Very often unfortunately, passivity and extra love is not enough.

Two people are in command of the marriage. You need to be in charge, in power, in control without limiting your partner's space and evolution.

If he limits you in any way, you develop a progressive sense of frustration which on the long term leads to a crisis situation.

Your personal spirit or individuality is a powerful force. Your task as a human being is to fully grow, develop and express your profound potentials. For you, a limiting environment is not acceptable. The marriage needs to be the space where you feel the total support to express your dreams and most intimate desires. You partner is your partner for success!

This type of mutual understanding is the basis for long term harmony.

All that is a fine balance of energies.

A marriage is a complex set of forces. You have instinctual powers and resources which do most of the work. The idea is not to have all the answers before you start. You simply can't. You can establish though some key values, behaviors and ideas in the core of your relationship to make it work.

The most essential part is to have extra power. Love is there already. The contract of marriage isn't anymore a force strong enough to keep two partners together.

Why am I saying all that? You simply asked for a couple of tips and free advice, right? The truth is that my task is to read your dreams and help you get there. Your real desire is not to get a few tips. Your real desire is long term success and satisfaction.

I am aware that what I say is challenging. It is okay. My goal is not to turn you off. On the contrary. It is to help you connect with a deeper set of inner resources which I know can protect and preserve your long term happiness.

As one of the two pillars of the relationship, you have the right to use powers. These powers are natural survival and fighting instincts which simply protect the relationship space.

The risk with a relationship is to get too comfortable and "not see it coming". You can for instance neglect your body, or fail to create renewal in the marriage.

The moment a guy recognizes in you this "warrior" spirit who is ready to do what it takes, then it is much easier for him to go for it. He feels the strength and the power which gives him the assurance that there is enough determination there to make it work.

I don't want to kill your dream. I want you to wake up now to another reality, to the other side of the story. You are in charge and the moment you step into your marriage with this kind of power and determination, I would 100% trust you with it. I would believe that at least you have all the tools ready with you.

On the other hand, if I see you getting married with a dreamlike idea in your mind. I tell you straight away. Your vision does not match reality and it's going to be tough on you.

So, wake up now! Not in ten years when you realize it's not going the way you want. If you set up yourself on a journey, you simply need the right tools. To go to sea, you need a compass, water, a clear direction, strategies to handle the sun and the power to tame the elemental forces of nature.

If you would see a child going to sea on a small boat without resource, you would warn that child. Right? You would tell it: "here is a couple of things you will need to make it work...".

The key I am giving you is power. It does not happen overnight. It is obvious when you are ready and aware. That's what a guy recognizes. The moment he proposes you is the moment he recognizes all the tools are there. You know how to create a relationship. You know how to make it alive.

You might not have all the skills totally developed yet. That's okay. Lack of experience. What matters at this stage is awareness and the willingness and determination to keep growing and do what it takes. The moment a man recognizes this in a woman, it makes it easy for him to propose. He sees this growing power which tells him that this force will protect and preserve the family space. He wants to succeed as much as you do.

The chemistry between two people means they can create harmony and beauty on the dance floor.

Love and power are the two pillars of your marriage. If you expect the written marriage contract to seal the relationship, you are wrong. The "contract" gives you no guarantee. What gives you the guarantee is the instinctual power resources you have inside yourself. This is where the magic is. Once this is awake, you are in for an incredibly thrilling ride.

That's what I wish for the two of you!

Does all this make sense to you?

What do you feel?

What is your opinion?

How to POP the Question

2009-03-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

How to POP the Question

I was just trying to find out different and/or unusual ways to pop the question. I'm having a hard time coming up with any thing that's even a little bit different.

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Sure, here is my advice:

It's the same as pick up lines: The simplest ones are the ones that work the best. What a girl will remember is your trust, confidence when you say it.

Body language and tone of voice count for more than 90% when you deliver the message. So, I am convinced that a simple: "Do you want to marry me?" Will be the best thing she ever heard if it's said with trust confidence and love.

Does that make sense?

Good luck

Francisco

Getting engaged

2009-03-26T05:35:00.000-07:00

I am madly in love with my girlfriend and we have talked about getting engaged for months now and (thankfully) we both want to get married, etc...

I do need some pointers though - how will my girlfriend expect it to happen? I plan a hot air balloon flight in the summer (once I get out of Saudi...) - ask her on the flight or after? What do I say to her folks when I ask permission (they expect me to, as they are somewhat traditional)? I don't know I just feel nervous about the whole damn sha-bang as women expect it to be the best, most romantic day of their lives, right? HELP!!

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Getting engaged is starting for a life together.

You have two main attitudes you can adopt:

The first one is trying to plan everything, timing, preparation, wording.
How do you feel about that? I think the hot air balloon is great. If you want to find what to say, simply take a white paper and answer these questions:

"what are the 3 things you like the most about her?",

"how does her presence make you feel?"

"what do you see when you look in her eyes?"

"why does it make you dream to spend time with her?

Take then the key feelings you wrote down and build your "speech" around these ideas.

Talk to her senses!

As for her parents, I would tell them the same kind of things... in a less colored way though What they want to know is "do you love our daughter?" "will you be respectful?" "will you be there for her?"

Parents are protective.

They just want the best for their daughter so reassure them and show them your confidence.

The second attitude is simply jumping in the water.

Trust your instincts and your intuition and go for it.

Congratulations by the way!

I wish you two long lasting joy and happiness!

Falling in love - Why you won't get hurt - FOR WOMEN - 6 min - VIDEO

2009-03-19T03:07:00.000-07:00

http://vitalcoaching.com/stayfree.htm

http://vitalcoaching.com/datingforwomen.htm

http://vitalcoaching.com/coaching.htm

Giving more than you receive - Committing yourself to someone who is not committed to you - 4 levels of attraction - Abandoning yourself is not a good idea ever - Stay in control of your life - Social life, career, body - stay emotionally and materially free

http://vitalcoaching.com/stayfree.htm

http://vitalcoaching.com/datingforwomen.htm

http://vitalcoaching.com/coaching.htm

Getting over your ex - BREAKING UP - FOR MEN - 6 min - VIDEO

2009-03-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

Getting over your ex - BREAKING UP - FOR MEN - This is a power kick for men - Step out of the victim role! - Broken record - Self pity - Self destructive - Find answers - Integrate a battle plan - Positive action - Take consistent positive action - Your life is under attack - Defend yourself

http://vitalcoaching.com/breakupformen.htm

TANTRIC SEX! - Keys to sexual ecstasy! - 6 min - VIDEO

2009-02-17T07:17:00.000-08:00

http://vitalcoaching.com/tantricsex.htm

sexual energy - Spiritual practice - Sexual energy flow - Intention - Freedom and love - Shiva-shakti - Universal principles - Practices - Sexual stimulation - meditation - energy build up - Daily activities

http://vitalcoaching.com/tantricsex.htm

SEX! What women REALLY want! - FOR MEN ONLY! - 6 min - MP3

2009-02-12T06:02:00.001-08:00

SEX! What women REALLY want! - FOR MEN ONLY! - 6 min - MP3

http://vitalcoaching.com/sexformen.htm

SEX! Why she might not tell you what she REALLY wants - 6 min - MP3

2009-02-12T06:02:00.000-08:00

SEX! Why she might not tell you what she REALLY wants - 6 min

http://vitalcoaching.com/sexformen.htm

SEX! What women REALLY want! - FOR MEN ONLY! - 6 min - VIDEO

2009-02-12T03:39:00.000-08:00

http://vitalcoaching.com/sexformen.htm

SEX! What women REALLY want! - FOR MEN ONLY! - Sexual satisfaction - What women tell me - Sexual chemistry - You really get me! Where did you learn that stuff? - Lack of sexual satisfaction means she keeps on looking until she finds it! - Once she finds it she keeps on coming back from more - It is addictive for her - Break ups - women not returning calls or losing interest - Techniqus confidence - Battle plan

http://vitalcoaching.com/sexformen.htm