One Biscuit Hound

C'mon...you know you wanna

2009-11-25T12:25:00.004-05:00

Hello, my name is MissBiscuit, and I'm addicted. Words With Friends. Do it.

Phallacy

2009-11-16T14:25:00.003-05:00

This is what I saw as I walked past my children's bedroom this morning. Click to see what it *really* was.

Hi :-)

2009-10-23T10:56:00.002-04:00

I know...it's been a while. And I've broken one of the major rules of blog etiquette by not stating that I'm okay, just not around for a while. One reason for that is that I didn't really intend for it to go this long, but the longer it goes, the easier it gets.

I AM okay. In fact, I am happier now than I have been in a very long time. There are many reasons. My son is a completely different child this year. His teacher likes him and has faith in him. The team working with him is awesome. He's HAPPY. He doesn't complain about going to school, we don't have meltdowns after school, and he even offers, and loves, to help his sister with her homework. There is so much less stress in our home.

I've connected with a lot of old friends through Facebook. Say what you will, those of you who might think its silly for adults to use FB, but it has brought me back old friends, fond memories, and, because a lot of these friends are from high school and college, it's a piece of home.

I am comfortable and confident in my skills at work. I no longer fret *as much* about BP launches. I still get a bit ill (those of you who know that I was about to puke an hour before are raising your eyebrows), but it's a long way from fretting for weeks. I was given the honor of having one of my classes be THE launch class at that location, and it went well. This was two days ago, by the way.

I have learned to let it go. Not any *it* in particular, but it in general. I now ask myself "Can I change it? Do I have any control over it?" When the answer is no, I try to let it roll. My new motto is "Don't let it steal your happy." I worked hard to get here. There are days when I chant it over and over in my head...and it works.

Hmm...what have we been up to...

My son's birthday is September 15, and he had a climbing party at a local rock climbing instruction place. It was the perfect kind of party to reel in the boys, and I was so happy they actually came. I think we won the award for coolest party of the year. No one around here has done a climbing party. My biggest fear was that they wouldn't come. H has no real friends, and has never really expressed a desire to have one until recently. He has started asking "Do you think ______ and I would make good pals?" I know it's not really so much about that boy in particular. It's a declaration that he wants a friend. Y'all, this is a big step. It makes me sad (don't let it steal your happy!) that I can't snap my fingers and make it happen, but we'll do our best.

Bean's birthday is the day before Halloween. She decided that she wants a party at home, and she wants a FAIRY PARTY. Y'all know I'm not a frilly girly girl, and she wants a fairy party??? This has required much googling. We have a plan, and I will pull it off, but I will be so happy when it's over.

She also decided she wants to dress as her character that she created on Animal Crossing on the Wii. Obviously, this equals homemade costume. Geez, kid, you're killing me! This all has to happen in the next week.

Nimbus is a kickass cat! He's a sassy little one, too. Often needs to have the last word when you tell him no. He comes when you call him, and when I come home after being gone a while, he runs to me and begs to be picked up. He presses his little head against my forehead like a different version of a nose kiss. His favorite toys are the fish aquarium, the little leather mice my husband made for him, and a purple stick-on bow that he swiped from a birthday package. He like to take the bow into the bathtub and play hockey with it.

I think that's all. Mostly just life as usual, and stability is certainly a good thing!

Meet Nimbus

2009-09-06T16:18:00.013-04:00

I'll get my sickening googly-eyed proclamation of love for my boy out of the way, and try very hard not to mention him anymore!

We adopted this beautiful boy a week ago Saturday. I had fully intended to get an adult, but the ones we looked at were all a bit skittish, and just didn't "fit." Nimbus stole our hearts. My husband actually picked him out and held him a bit while I was visiting with the cat I had intended to adopt, based on the profile given on the humane societies web page. He showed him to me afterwards, and I held him while I talked to the foster "parent." As we chatted, I cradled him upside down like a baby, and he purred up a storm. The foster glanced down while we were talking and realized that Nimbus had fallen asleep in my arms. She smiled and said "I don't normally do this, but...", and we went home with a kitty. I never put him down until I put him in the carrier.

He adjusted to his new home with no effort at all. For a four month old kitten, he is very well behaved. Sure, he gets the screaming mimi's a few times a day, but he's funny as hell when he does it. Otherwise, he's calm and sweet, and very tolerant of being picked up constantly. Sometimes, he pats my face when I talk to him, meets me halfway when I bend down to pick him up, and almost always comes when you call him.

Why "Nimbus?" This entire family is made up of weather freaks, and as has been well documented here, I am a major storm freak. The gray cumulonimbus clouds are the clouds that bring thunderstorms and intense weather, ergo "Nimbus."

One nation, under MY God

2009-08-27T10:01:00.005-04:00

It always amazes me that people who say "What's all the fuss about? I mean, it doesn't matter which god." fail to recognize how very patronizing that statement is. It's easy to say when it's *your* god that is being referred to.

But, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. So, let's attempt to compile an all inclusive list of names for deities...God, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha, Krishna, Goddess, The Force, etc...and rotate or pick randomly when we say the Pledge.

I mean, it doesn't matter, right?

Or, how about we let schools be about learning, and sporting events be about playing, and leave the pledging of an allegiance to anything at all for our personal lives? I'm certainly not unpatriotic, but if we can't make it fit everyone, why do it?

Oh, and one more thing. Those who are offended by the gift of positive thoughts - or, positive vibes, as it is sometimes phrased - I have to ask, REALLY? How can one find discomfort in the fact that an agnostic or atheist expresses a heartfelt wish for their well being?

Okay, it was two more things. This really is the last one, then I'm off my box. As opposed to being off my rocker, which unfortunately will remain a permanent state.

Atheism ≠ Devil worship. It is simply a lack of theism. Get over it.

***Perhaps I should have stated the NOT UNPATRIOTIC part a little more clearly. We are a very patriotic family. I never intended for the interpretation of my statement to be that we shouldn't teach our children to love their country.

My point, which I was apparently too subtle about, is that I am constantly amazed at those who ridicule individuals who dare to be uncomfortable with the idea that God is paired with patriotism.

Surprise! Biscuit has opinions, and sometimes they are unpopular.

You may regret encouraging me

2009-08-20T10:34:00.005-04:00

Because some of you liked, and wondered if I had more...oh boy, do I have more...here's just a few more that I really like to use lately.

When I was younger, my brother used to say "Broaden your bubble, punkin." Sometimes I try to broaden everyone else's bubble, too. Sorry 'bout that. I promise to keep my music to myself for a reallllly long time. :-)

Let Me Think About It, by Ida Corr (Fedde Le Grande remix)

Bruised Water, by Chicane feat. Natasha Bedingfield - This is a mash up of I Bruise Easily and Saltwater.

Wake Up, by Chicane feat. Keane - Are you getting the idea that I loves me some Chicane?

Dancefloor, by Crystal Waters (Speakerbox Original Club Mix) - This one is just plain fun.

Let the Feelings Go, by Anna Grace (Original Radio edit)

Anthem, by Filo & Peri

Many of these songs, in fact a large percentage of electronica/dance songs, change into something different later in the song. Keep listening. That "something different" might be the thing that grabs you.

There's a reason why they call it a climax

2009-08-17T08:26:00.005-04:00

School starts two weeks from today, and (shhh...don't tell anyone)(especially the moms at the bus stop that I make fun of when they pull out their cameras and cry on the first day of school) I think I might actually miss my children. I've always been the one who happily waved goodbye, bid the sobbing mothers a subdued farewell, and then leaped into the air in celebration after I rounded the corner.

I think I might actually be lonely this year. My children have become little people all of a sudden. Plus, there's no other warm body in the house anymore. Unless you count the hermit crab. And I do not.

I've got big plans for what to do with my time. I usually do... It will take pulling out that recipe for *any* goal you want to achieve. Here it comes...Biscuit's words of wisdom. Ready?

A little bit of common sense, and a whole lot of will power. Ta da!

It really *is* that easy, friends. Name a goal, and I'll bet you that it applies somehow. We don't like hearing it, but it's true. We want a magic pill. There's no relief or promise of success when we find out that *we* are the magic pill.

So, two projects. One has been a years long planned project that has never gotten off the ground. Why? Because there is no defined beginning and end, and I do not operate well under those conditions. Add to that a fear of failure, and you've got yourself a big ol' heaping helping of avoidance.

The house. The bain of my existence. My soul sighs and groans at the very thought. It needs to be emptied. It needs to be painted. It needs to be dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the '80's.

The second project is also one that I make no promises about at this time. It's in the investigative stage right now. Kind of like that personal trainer cert I've been "working on" for years, but this one should be a lot easier.

I *think* I'm ready for a new format. I need to add more teaching hours at the gym, but it needs to be something that won't tear up my body. Pilates and yoga fit the bill, and while I LOVE pilates, it's a damned expensive and difficult certification to get. So, yoga it is. Maybe. I gave myself about 18 months to get Spinning under my belt before I took on BodyPump. It's now been roughly a year since then, and I'm starting to feel confident in my abilities, so I think I'm ready to tackle something else. Step 1 is to actually start attending some yoga classes. It's been a long time, and you can't teach something you wouldn't do on your own, so I need to find out if I can develop a love for it. If not, then no loss.

~*~*~

Are you like me in that you get stuck on a song for a while? There are basically three categories to my music loves. New favorites, long term favorites, and lifelong favorites.

While I like just about any type of music, my new favorites these days tend to be more of the electronica/dance variety because that's what I focus on for work, and because they tend to incorporate something that I find irresistible.

The build up. The lonnnng build up that induces goosebumps, makes the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stand up, and gives me chills until BAM! the release. Sound like sex? It is, in a way. Those moments? The anticipation that makes me feel as though I'm going to burst? When I'm alone, without distraction, those moments are as close as I can come to grabbing a little bit of the exhilaration of mania.

So, because it's my blog, and I'll ram my music down your throat if'n I wanna, here are a few songs that do that to me right now. I can only think of one of you who might actually click, and *might* actually enjoy them. Don't worry, I won't out you. ;)

Saltwater, by Chicane

What About Us, by ATB (It doesn't hurt that, to me, this guy is just so hot that it's ouchie. It's not the way he looks so much as it is his personality and his energy.)(And if you do bother to watch, 1:27 to 2:12 on the timeline of the video practically makes me jump out of my skin and I smile so hard my face hurts.)

Going Wrong, by Armin Van Buurin. This one does for me what few songs do when I'm riding. I can be completely whipped. Feel like quitting. Totally bonking. Fried. And I hear this and it's like I'm brand new again. Everything that hurts disappears. If you actually listen, I'm sure you'll be able to pick out the part where that happens. The build up...the BAM! And, BONUS!, my version is twice as long as this YouTube one.

Stoned In Love, by Chicane, featuring Tom Jones. It's not so much the build up as it is the beat. I just love this one *so* much.

~*~*~

I've had this HNT in my head since last spring, and missed my chance to do it before school got out. It requires sunlight. And no children to inquire what the hell it is that I'm doing. As good as it has been for me to back away from that for a while, I'm excited about trying this one. For me, not anyone else. That's the way it has to be now.

Ow! That's Gonna Leave a Mark!

2009-08-12T09:58:00.010-04:00

As noted by my friend Kelly, this was one of the most often heard exclamations over the weekend. It is impossible for us to get together without bruises occurring. I usually get off easy because, in keeping with my reputation as The Instigator, I whisper "Do it!" and then dive for the sidelines when the melee begins. And when I say "melee," I do indeed mean:

me·lee (mā'lā', mā-lā')
n.
1. a. Confused, hand-to-hand fighting in a pitched battle.
b. A violent free-for-all. See Synonyms at brawl.
2. A confused tumultuous mingling, as of a crowd: the rush-hour melee.

(thank you, Dictionary.com)

I did end up with one little bruise, but I'll save that story for later. It's the missing Biscuitude.

I tried to make this shorter (HA!) by making the pictures small. You can click 'em to big 'em if'n you wanna.

My weekend began with a flight to Nashville, where I was picked up by Kelly. We started our drive to Tunica from the airport, planning to stop somewhere for groceries, beer, and ice for the two coolers she brought. After crawling along the interstate for a while in a bad storm, we decided to stop at a Walmart where we could...

...buy said groceries, and...

matching boxer briefs with Ed Hardy-esque tattoo designs on them.

Yum! FUD! I can't decide if that's the brand name, or some creative spelling of "food."

We arrived at the Goldstrike Hotel at around 11:30 p.m. After dumping all of our stuff into the room, Kelly suggested that she give me a tour of the casino, seeing as I'd never been in one. When the tour of our casino was over, we walked to the next, and discovered a band playing at one of the bars. They weren't great, but you're not choosey in the wee hours of the morning. Plus, there was beer. I had two Coronas, which came with the limes on little skewers. Somewhere around 3:30 a.m., after having been awake for 21 hours, I thought it would be a riot to put those skewers up my nose. Kelly thought it would be a riot to take a picture and post it on her Facebook page. I agreed until I realized that it would also show up on *my* Facebook page, where I am friends with not only high school and college friends who would think this was hilarious, but also co-workers, gym members, and the parents of my children's friends.

The other girls arrived the next day, and the goddess fun began.

One night, we went to Hooters, where we had a really fun and cute little waitress.

I think she's a goddess in the making. This was our empty paper towel roll that we handed her.

The picture taken immediately after this one depicts the early stages of a Kelly vs. Sam smackdown, with me diving out of the way. I did *not* whisper "do it" this time.

Living In Harmony, a still life by Lisa. Five girls crammed into one hotel room, having a blast.

Sam, our soldier girl on leave from Germany, made us all matching bracelets. Lisa made us matching hair rubber bands with little rhinestones on them. If you blow this picture up, you can see them on a couple of the arms.

Our hotel had two saltwater hot tubs, and a saltwater pool. Niiiice. The best part was that when we started sweating in the hot tub, this wonderful woman brought us freezing cold little towels, with ice still stuck to them! Heaven.

Okay, time for the last Biscuitude of the weekend (I think). As I said before, it is impossible to go unscathed. While everyone was displaying their battle wounds, I pointed out the "bruise on the back of my shin."

I'll let that sink in for a moment. I'm sure it'll hit you faster than it did me. In fact, you probably needed no help. Help that might come in the form of, say, "Uh, Biscuit...wouldn't that be your *calf*?"

The fitness instructor in me hung her head in shame. The Biscuit in me thought she was clever and retorted "You can kiss the back of my ass."

Uproarious laughter. Pride. Delayed processing.

Fuuuuccckkk meeeeeeee!

Kelly posted a picture of my bruise on her Facebook page (are you getting the idea that FB is a great place to embarrass me?) along with the caption "The bruise on the 'back of Biscuit's shin'." I can't decide if it's funny or sad that the comments made indicated that people got it right away. Friends of hers that don't know me at all understood exactly who they were dealing with.

I've already become an adjective in some situations. It won't be long before I'm a verb.

it's a question of lust, it's a question of trust

2009-08-11T07:59:00.006-04:00

~Depeche Mode

1. How do you differentiate between love and lust?
Love wants everything. Lust wants one thing. Love is emotional. Lust is physical. Love is an enduring attachment. Lust is fickle.

If you're really lucky, you can make them coexist.

2. You are happily married, engaged, or committed in a relationship, yet you have a hot sexy dream about someone you have always wanted to do it with. Have you cheated at least in your mind?
Of course not! One can't control what their brain does when they're asleep. *I* can't even control what my brain does when I'm awake! Thoughts are not actions.

3. Do you trust your significant other?
Absolutely, without a doubt.

4. How important is it to you that your husband or wife wear their wedding band?
I don't see much purpose in exchanging wedding bands if they aren't going to be worn. I would have to question the motivation behind choosing not to wear one. That said, a couple can be just as, or even more, committed without being married, so I'm not suggesting that it's the ring that makes it. Just that if rings are exchanged, they should be worn, unless there's a legitimate reason not to.

5. Do you feel that flirting is OK if you are taken?
It depends on the type of, and motivation behind, the flirting. Some people *ahem* are just natural born flirts, and the behavior is not meant as an invitation. It is meant, I think, as a lure to draw people in, but not in a sexual manner.

Bonus (as in optional):If you were 100% guaranteed not to get caught having a one night stand with someone else, would you?
Just any someone? No. Justin Timberlake? Oh yeh!

~*~*~

I found the Biscuitude that was lost yesterday. I told you it was around here somewhere. I'll save it for tomorrow when I tell you more about Tunica, and show you some pictures. I have to clear the pics with the other Goddesses, first.

Until then, enjoy these...

If you don't have an iPhone, you've at least seen the commercials, so hopefully you can appreciate this.

You know those pretty little icons on the screen? You can move them around to organize them how you want, move them to different pages, or delete them if they have a little red x. The way you do that is to hold your finger down on one of them until they all start to wiggle. You move them, then you hit the home button, and all is well.

The other day, I was holding my phone, and when I looked down at it, all of the icons were wiggling. I had somehow accidentally set it off. After I hit the home button, I realized that there were only 3 icons along the bottom row, instead of the usual 4.

OH CRAP! Did I delete one? What was it?

Email...browser...SMS...

Dammit! What's missing?

I panicked. How would I ever remember? I kept trying to picture the row in my head, but it wasn't working. It finally dawned on me that I should check the other pages and see if I had somehow moved it.

*swipe*

Ahhh, yes. There it is.

Wanna guess which one was missing that I couldn't remember?

The PHONE button. You know, the one I would need to make PHONE CALLS. On my PHONE.

~*~*~

...and speaking of panicking. Have you ever pushed the button on your car remote, only to have it not respond? So, you push it again. And again.

How long did it take you to realize that you could open your car doors with THE KEY?

I'll bet your time beat mine.

Handful of Biscuitudes

2009-08-10T09:55:00.004-04:00

I've been saving up for you. iPhones are handy that way. Who else has a Note devoted to recording stupid things that they do?

Dammit. I just thought of another one a minute ago and thought "No need to write that one down. Can't forget it." Guess what? It'll come back to me. It's around here somewhere.

~*~*~

While waiting for my husband to arrive home from work and drive me to the airport, I was doing my last minute carry-on packing and talking to my friend Mark.

Wallet...yep. Itinerary...yep. Valium...yep. iPod...yep. Phone...where's my phone?

I searched the kitchen, the floor, the living room, my bedroom, my bathroom...I panicked.

Where's my phone? Where's my damn phone?!

Mark says "What are you muttering about?"

"My phone! I can't find my phone!"

"Um...Jen...you're talking on it."

So I am...

~*~*~

While in Tunica, I got in the shower to get ready for our hot night out at...Hooters. Hey, it was my first time, so I was excited. We had a cute little waitress, young enough to be our daughter, who thought we were ALL tons of fun. Until she found out that Kelly is a lesbian. The rest of us were boring after that. After several minutes of Kelly hogging all of the attention, I briefly considered raising my hand and shouting "I take naked pictures and post them on the internet!!!" But, I didn't. Should have.

Anyway, I started shaving my legs, but nothing was happening. WTF? This is a brand new razor?

Another attempt. What the hell is up with this?

I brought it closer to my face, which does no good, because the closer something gets to my eyes, the less I can see it. So I felt it. And then I cracked myself up.

You probably already figured it out. In fact, you would have right away, had it been you.

The cover was still on it. D'oh!

~*~*~

So, I use velcro rollers in my hair when I'm actually going to some trouble to look nice. I have bazillions in all sizes, but I packed only the exact ones that I needed.

I was taking them out of my hair and putting them back in the bag, and one was missing. I knew exactly how many I brought. It wasn't on the counter. Maybe it fell? Not on the floor. Maybe it fell in the trash? No. In another bag? No.

I repeated my search, because, you know, maybe I missed it the first time.

Then I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror. In my hair. And it wasn't in the back of my head where it could be easily missed. It was in my bangs.

My husband texted me very shortly after that to ask if I knew where his iPod was. I said that I hadn't seen it before I left, but that didn't mean much because "I was just trying to find my last velcro roller that I knew was here somewhere. I finally found it. In my hair."

His reply? "Give it a shake and see if my iPod is in there, too."

~*~*~

It didn't come back, yet. It will. Eventually. Or not.

We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

2009-08-08T20:54:00.005-04:00

~Erma Bombeck

View Photo Slideshow

Make a Free Flash Slideshow

I'll have some Tunica pictures for you next :-)

~*~*~

I'm having a hard time with Shelby's death. Although I had been telling the kids for years that she was old and wouldn't live much longer, I guess I wasn't listening to myself. I *knew*, but...I don't know. Hard to explain. I can't get over the last images in the vets office. I won't say more than that because there's no need to put those images in your head, too.

I keep forgetting that she's gone. I expect to see her on her bed. Now there's just a big empty spot on the floor. I drive up and see the gate open and for an instant I worry that she was left in the back yard and got out. I was thinking about how much I want a cat, and that when I'm able to adopt one from the shelter, I should make sure to ask if it gets along with dogs. And then I remembered and had to struggle not to cry.

However, as they did with Baby's death, my children always manage to give me something to laugh at. I mentioned to them the other day that I keep forgetting that Shelby is gone, and that I keep expecting to see her. My son, not gifted with much tact, placed his hand on my shoulder and very matter-of-factly said "Well Mom, you won't. She's dead."

Cracked me up.

Brooklands Shelby Jubilee

2009-07-29T16:34:00.003-04:00

April 16, 1994 - July 28, 2009

This is one of the last pictures I took. It's a crappy cell pic, taken while I was driving (shhhh), but she was smiling the best she could in it, so its the one I picked.

I do have Duck pictures, but may not have time to blog them before I'm off again tomorrow to GoG (Gathering of the Goddesses...what my girlfriends and I call our annual weekend together). This year we are headed to a different kind of location instead of the beach. There's a little gambling town in the south that isn't going to know what hit it this weekend, if we have anything to say about it. :-)

Darn these people and their secured wireless

2009-07-22T11:56:00.002-04:00

I haven't managed to get a connection, ergo no blog post. So, in bullet style, typed on my phone, I'll try to remember what I was saying when I almost spewed on my laptop.

•Summer has been busy. I've tried to keep my kids occupied, which has been made easier by the fact that...

•They learned to ride bikes! Finally!!! Sheesh. At 10 and 8, it was time. We can finally go for family bike rides.

•I also haven't blogged because I have felt kind of boring lately.

•Sad news. My dog is dying. Shelby is 15, which is pretty damn good for a lab. Her arthritis has been bad for a while, but recently she stopped eating much, started drinking like crazy, and became incontenent in her sleep. The test results suggest that she is in the early stages of kidney failure, and her very high calcium levels suggest cancer. It was very hard to leave her with the sitter.

We're halfway through our week in Duck, NC. We're having a great time, and I'll have some great pictures to share. Kind of the blog equivalent of when our parents used to make their friends suffer through vacation slides. Not quite as bad as being made to watch birth videos. :-)

There would be a post here if I hadn't almost barfed

2009-07-19T10:57:00.002-04:00

It'll be here as soon as I can swipe an Internet connection in the house. Blogging on my phone is too hard. I typed up a post in the car on my laptop, but I made myself so car sick that I got the spins. So, it's not finished yet because barf on one's keyboard would be a bad thing.

We're in Duck for the week, which means a bit of free time to catch up. :-)

2009-06-16T17:55:00.002-04:00

Okay, here's how fucking out of it I am with that great big nothing hanging out there. It has eaten my brain. I posted the EXACT SAME THING about Bean's expander two posts in a row. With NO RECOLLECTION of having done it before. The words didn't even sound familiar. And NOT ONE of you pointed it out. Some friends you are! ;-)

Y'all think I'm exaggerating when I talk about losing thoughts and whole days sometimes. I'm totally not. Don't you want to be me?

3 hours

2009-06-16T09:37:00.006-04:00

That's how long I have left. Three hours until summer vacation officially starts. Don't worry, I'll be just as excited as they are when they get off of the bus.

I'm a really good actress.

Geez, where does the time go? Is anyone else feeling the *insert crickets chirping here* ? You know, that great big nothing hanging out there. The blahs. The I'd-better-think-of-something-to-say-or-they'll-think-I-died thing? Except that I know most of what I have to say amounts to "Dear Diary..."

Whatever. Fuck it. It *is* a journal of sorts, for me anyway. (You don't even want to know how long I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to punctuate that sentence correctly, and I'm pretty sure I still got it wrong. *waving* Hi, Master of Speech, Language, & Hearing degree! If you could only see me now!)

*~*~*

Last week, Bean got her palate expander put in. She was soooo good about it. They put it in to make sure it fit before they cemented it to her teeth, and she popped up with a look on her face that told me she was a little surprised by what it felt like. I asked her if she was okay, and she gave me the "give me a minute" finger. It only took her 30 seconds to calm herself down, and then she went back down to have it taken out and then put back in. Permanently. For 6-9 months, anyway.

She had another little moment when she started to choke on her own saliva. Your mouth mistakes the appliance for food at first, and it goes crazy. Given her very strong gag reflex, I'm surprised she dealt with that so well. It calmed down after a few hours.

It's a similar concept to being stretched on a medieval rack. Every day, we put the key in that little hole and crank the thing open a little bit more. There's a bit of a learning curve to that part. It often takes me a couple of tries before I get it done right. Even though it gets tighter and is uncomfortable for a while, Bean lets me know if I didn't get it.

"You didn't get it, Mom."

"That time?"

"No."

"How about this time?"

"Yep!" and a congratulatory thumbs up. Yay, Mom!

The plan is to turn it every day for 10 days (today will be day number 9), then we see him on Monday to determine if we need to do it more. After we are done expanding, the appliance will stay in place for 6-9 months. There's a whole list of things she can't eat, and she hasn't complained yet. It takes some creativity to find variety when she can't have anything sticky, chewy, or *too* crunchy, and lots of things that are technically ok to eat get stuck and scare her. I got her a waterpik, and she shot me in the face SEVERAL times before she figured out how to keep her hand on the switch to turn it off *before* pulling it out of her mouth.

*~*~*

H made Patrol!!! This is a HUGE deal to him and to us. The Patrols help with bus line up, help children get on and off the bus safely, and deal with any minor safety infractions on the bus. H has wanted to do this since first grade. He had to write an essay describing the qualities a Patrol should have, and why he thought he would be good at the job.

We are proud of him for seeking out this responsibility, and happy with the school for giving it to him. Considering his issues, it would have been very easy to say that he couldn't handle it. It was a nice upturn at the end of a craptastic school year.

I'm going to go enjoy my silence while I can.

Note to Self: Never camp with anyone other than my family.

2009-06-09T09:06:00.004-04:00

Bean and I had a Brownie camp out this past weekend. Yay! Camping two weekends in a row!

Except, not. Not yay, because it wasn't nearly as good as camping with family the previous weekend. Not really camping because we were in the troop leaders back yard.

I'll just hit the highlights...

I was the only mom who volunteered to spend the night.
Five logs and ten homemade fire starters do not a fire make. I was a tad dismayed (in other words...WTF?) when I opened the back of the troop leaders truck and that was all I found.
Troop leaders who have never been to the state park should not call the shots regarding which paths to take for the hike.
No, the trail does *not* circle around. No matter how many times you declare that you think it does, it does not.
Why won't anyone listen to me?
If you are not familiar with the flora and fauna, don't improvise! Unless you like having my 8-year-old correct you.
Tree roots along the banks of the creek, still attached to the tree but exposed, ARE NOT BEAVER DAMS.
How do you get to be 40 years old and NOT know how to strike a match???
One must be vigilant about monitoring the look on one's face while watching troop leaders roast hot dogs and marshmallows over burning People magazine pages.
Should I let my daughter eat that? Is it even warm? How about just a bun with some ketchup?
How do you *forget* to bring your daughter's clothes and sleeping bag? How do you not answer your phone or return your daughter's calls asking for her clothes and sleeping bag, well after 9pm? (You'll love this if you've been around here for a while... it was Spam-Me-With-the-Baby-Jesus mom, the one who puts her real estate business card in the Christmas cards she mails to all of her daughter's classmates every year.)
Troop leader's husbands who think it's funny to scare little girls in their tent should not be surprised to get phone calls from the neighbors regarding the screaming.
Little girls will play sleeping spot roulette until half of the girls are crying.
Little girls will miss their mothers and cry.
Little girls who did not let Mrs. Biscuit go to sleep until 12:30 will somehow still wake up at 5am.
Dear Troop Leader...regarding the fauna...it's a Blue HERON. HERON. Not HERRING.

Bean had a blast. All that counts, in the end.

*~*~*

Yesterday, Bean had her palate expander put in. That girl totally rocks! She only had two moments of unhappiness. The first was right after it was cemented to her teeth. She popped up and the look on her face was sad. I asked her if she was okay, and she nodded and gave me the "Give me a minute" finger. I think she spent a whopping 30 seconds calming herself down, and back down she went for them to finish. The second was a few minutes later when she was practically choking on saliva. The mouth confuses the expander with food at first, and goes to town.

She has to learn a different swallowing pattern, and her speech sounds a little mushy, but she's already made significant improvement since last night.

Now if I can just get my part right. I have to turn the key every day, for 2-4 weeks, to crank that sucker open. It's like a car jack, only sideways in the roof of your mouth. Sounds fun, huh?

*~*~*

So, it's the last full week of school, I made the reservations for our Duck house in July, and I've got my plane ticket for GoG in August.

Bring it, Summer.

Camping...Nature's Way of Feeding Mosquitos

2009-06-02T09:40:00.005-04:00

We went camping last weekend with the cub scouts. We had originally planned to leave Friday after school, but the storms kind of changed our mind. We decided that if our yard was a lake, then the camp grounds probably weren't much better.

Saturday, however, was beautiful. We camped at Little Bennett Regional Park, and our spot just happened to be directly across from the showers and bathrooms. SCORE! None of that walking 1/2 a mile in the pitch black with your little flashlight that only gives you a tiny clue where you are going to be 3 feet from now.

On the none-scoring side, we were right next to a family that apparently lives in their own little world. They locked/unlocked their car every *BEEP!* single *BEEP!* time *BEEP!* they went to it to get something. And they got a lot of somethings. Often. Their car was 30 feet from their tent, 20 feet from the table and chairs they set up, and they friggin' locked it, during the day, when they were sitting right next to it. They did it at 6 am, they did it at 11 pm.

Is it just *my* car that locks on the first click, and only beeps if you click it again? That "just checking" click. The one that is TOTALLY UNNECESSARY 99% of the time! Are there actually cars that beep every damn time you touch that button?

Bean had a couple of girlfriends there with their families. At least I'm assuming they were with their families...didn't see much of them. We have somehow become the camp site to hang out at, and I have somehow become the entertainer/feeder of the children who hang at our camp site. The upside is that they are keeping my kids entertained, so what's a little extra food?

The downside is waking up in the middle of the night and realizing that letting 4 rambunctious kids tumble on your air mattress really *isn't* harmless.

Bean came to me crying, saying that some ants were being mean to a caterpillar and she couldn't make them stop. We went off to find it, and she started spinning in circles looking for it and all I could think was "Please please PLEASE I hope I didn't step on it." We found it, and, indeed, the ants were being mean. They were the big ones, too. I dragged them all off of the caterpillar with a tiny stick, and then told Bean to pick it up and carry it away. I'm pretty sure the damage was already done, but she felt better, and that's all that really counts.

There were water gun fights, kickball games. and multiple trips to the playground. Hot dogs and burgers for the kids, and steak, baked potatoes, and a baked onion for us. You can't beat a fine wine in a solo cup. Oh, and Jiffy Pop! I totally *high 5'd* myself for that one.

There was a bonfire and s'mores at 8:00, and an old flag was retired. Some of the kids took off with a lantern and started telling ghost stories out in the field. This eventually led to the "3 girls = hurt feelings" phenomenon. H was completely beside himself that he didn't get to bed until 9:45. He is completely anal about his sleep routine. He MUST go to bed at 8:00, he MUST get up at 6:00, and there is NO napping during the day unless you are sick or on a long car ride.

It started raining at 3 am. Rain is REALLY LOUD on a tent. Rain that was not really predicted seems even louder when you realize all of your stuff is sitting out in it. It was a cold, wet morning, and I had to be out of there by 7:45 to sub a spin class. We packed a lot of wet stuff, which was then hung out to dry all afternoon.

Gosh...seems like I hit a lot of the low points, but it was truly a great trip. We're hoping to do a longer one, possibly just us, and a little more wilderness-y.

After I get a new air mattress.

How did we ever live without Google?

2009-05-28T08:35:00.004-04:00

Just for fun, I thought I would check out some of my recent google searches. In addition to fun, it helps me in my goal to not let an entire week go by without posting.

"auto brightness on iphone" - I discovered that feature while plundering through my settings, and couldn't quite figure out what it meant. Yes, it seems self-explanatory, but after doing my own experiment, it didn't seem to do anything. Ergo, google search.

"biggest smelly flower" - Bean needed this information. I'm not really sure why. She asks, I google. It's a "corpse flower," if you're curious. I *really* don't want to smell one.

"phineas and ferb get busted" <------- I did not do this search. My children have learned how to work the google. They've been given instructions that they are not allowed to google anything, or watch youtube videos (learned how to work that, too) without asking. A couple of children are now busted, as well.

"Marc Roberge" - Lead singer for O.A.R. I had to see if he looked like his voice. Good god, that man's voice sends me over the edge. In a good way. *chills*

"Kay Redfield Jamison quotes" - I can't remember why I was looking this up. Kay Redfield Jamison is the author of "An Unquiet Mind," an excellent book about living, and almost not, with bipolar disorder. If you have bipolar disorder, love someone with bipolar disorder, or just want to understand someone with bipolar disorder, I can't recommend this book highly enough.

"missing desktop icons" - Farking Vista. Half of my desktop icons just stopped working one day. *click click*...nothing. So, I did a restart. Guess what? The ones that didn't work were GONE. Half of my icons just went *poof*. I can't remember what the hell they all were, so now, as I need those programs, I have to go into the Start Menu and recreate a shortcut.

"when I grow up lyrics" - I was quite relieved to find out that the Pussycat Dolls wanted "groupies" and not "boobies" when they grow up. I mean, who *doesn't* want boobies, on themselves or someone else, but I really don't want my 8-year-old singing about it. I don't really want her singing that song at all, but if she's going to, and some things I just have no control over between school and @#$%&! Kidz Bop (Thankyouverymuch McDonald's Happy Meals. Didn't see that one coming. The commercials are bad enough, but I had managed to avoid buying them despite repeated requests.), at least she's not announcing loudly that she can't wait to grow (and here's where you can add "slang words for breasts" to the google searches)(and did you know there's 138?)(Neeners? Really?) breasts.

Funny story... A lovely BFF (I told you, I'm 13! Shut up.) whom I will not name, has a daughter roughly the same age as mine, who announced recently that she can't wait to grow up and have her own boobies so she can touch them all the time. Right in the middle of laughing, I realized that she has a point. Unfortunately, when she grows up, she'll find out that it's much more fun to feel someone *else's* boobies than it is your own. I would imagine. I'm pretty sure. Any volunteers?

Today, "frottage" - This makes three times now that I've learned a new word (Okay, two. I *thought* I knew what one of them was, and I was in the ballpark.) from Figleaf. I can't remember what those other ones were, and the amount of plundering it would take to find them...wait, let me try just for fun...I know they are in a post about pockets (I apparently only remember things I don't need to know.).

Found'em! "tautologically" and "therbligs"

Go ahead...add them to *your* google searches.

TMI

2009-05-26T12:55:00.001-04:00

Wow, this one is all over the place...

1. Before the industrial revolution, most people never traveled more than 30 miles from their home. How far from your birth place do you now live?
I currently live about 800 miles from the small town in southern Illinois where I was born. In between then and now, I have not only lived all over the US, I have gone back there to live a couple of times.

2. What is the farthest distance from home you have ever had sex or an orgasm?
Honeymoon in Jamaica.

What is the farthest distance you have traveled from your home to have a sexual encounter?
Are we talking traveling just to have sex and nothing else? Like, booty call travel? That would be out my back door, across the back yard, across his back yard, and in his back door. (heh...shut up) Not really so far. :-)

3. How many states (or Canadian provences or your country's geopolitical division) and counties have you had sex and/or an orgasms in?
Let's see...Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Virginia, Maryland, DC, and *possibly* Texas and Illinois, although I'm not entirely sure about those. I'm not even going to attempt the counties, but I will say that some of the things I've done were illegal in many of them.

4. Have you ever had sex in a vehicle? While the vehicle was moving?
Yes, and no.

5. Do you have any travel related fantasy? If so, share, please.
Does an elevator count? It *does* travel. Up and down. I say it qualifies. So, yes. I'll keep the details to myself, thank you.

Bonus: On holidays that honor our military do you tend to remember those currently serving or veterans of military service?
My understanding of Memorial Day is that its purpose is to remember those who sacrificed their lives while serving in the military. I am blessed that I have not lost anyone close to me, so my thoughts are geared more toward being grateful for the selflessness of the many men and women who gladly bore the burden of protecting our country.

*~*~*

I had other stuff to say, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. Shocking...

I could give up chocolate, but I'm not a quitter

2009-05-24T16:28:00.004-04:00

~*~*~

My 8-year-old Bean has taken to waking me up on the weekends with coffee and a dark chocolate truffle in bed. She makes the coffee herself, with one Splenda and just the right amount of milk.

No, you can't have her.

~*~*~

A Bought Set

2009-05-21T09:53:00.005-04:00

That's what my friend Abby calls breast implants. Cracks me up.

Yesterday, Vixen's CQW was regarding a growing trend towards women getting plastic surgery to improve the look of their labia and/or vagina. The question at hand was whether or not women (or men, if there were an equivalent surgery...and I'm sure there is) would consider surgery like that. The responses were, for the most part, some form of "no."

The subject of other plastic surgeries came up, with many people weighing in on that subject, as well. To quote *me* (and who better to quote?) :

"While I wouldn’t consider surgery THERE for cosmetic reasons alone, it’s hard for me, having had plastic surgery myself, to knock someone else for doing it.

I was *really* unhappy with the way my breasts looked after two kids, and I didn’t think there was any reason why I should have to be unhappy with them for the rest of my life. So, if one’s girly bits cause them to be self-conscious for some reason, go for it."

Yeh...shocker, I know. C'mon, if you've seen me naked, you know you wondered. I don't advertise, but I've always answered honestly when asked. And let me tell you, if you've wondered about other post-baby boobies, the answer is most likely *yes*. Perky post-baby boobies - particularly post-breastfeeding boobies - are an anomaly. Nature just isn't that kind.

So, why? Why do we do this? One word used was vanity, which to most people, and definitely in the context of the statement, is equivalent to conceit. Yes, there are a lot of women and men out there who are trying to be perfect, but most of us just want a body that we feel comfortable in. That we will be happy to see in the mirror every day for the rest of our (hopefully long) lives.

Here's where the sad part comes in, though. I think most of us *would* be happy if society and the media weren't telling us that we *shouldn't* be. I'm not saying that I regret my surgery, but what made me feel uncomfortable? Part of it was that I didn't look like "me" anymore. That body belonged to someone else. But, a large part of it was also that message we all receive that a real, average body isn't good enough. It almost starts to feel like a character flaw rather than a physical one, and it shouldn't feel like a flaw at all!

I can only speak from a woman's point of view. How can you not feel intimidated when your man (speaking in general terms here) spends time drooling over perfectly made up and airbrushed women in magazines and on tv? How about those tabloids that publish pictures of celebrity women sans makeup and SCREAM on the cover how ugly those women are? While you're standing there in the check-out line sans makeup, in a ponytail, with baby drool on you. And under your baggy t-shirt is a pair of breasts that have seen better days.

If you subscribe to Playboy, or anxiously await the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, or express your desire to bone some pretty young thing on tv, you can't very well knock a woman for trying to achieve the impossible standards that you are encouraging through your actions.

TMI: HNT's 4th Anniversary

2009-05-19T08:30:00.003-04:00

1. Have you ever participated in HNT? If so, when? If not, why not?

I started participating in HNT in September of 2005, so just a few months after it started. That was back in the day when people actually put their picture up, and "upped" themselves on...*gasp*...Thursday. In fact, I usually didn't even take my picture until after I sent the kids to school on Thursday, so it wouldn't be up until mid-morning. Now, of course, it seems that if you don't get it up (heh) Wednesday night, and up yourself at exactly 9:30 pm OsTime (it's mountainsomething), you're late to the party. I, like a lot of HNT'ers, got almost obsessive about having a picture every.single.week. Otherwise, people might go away, right? And I had to stay up until 11:30 pm MYtime to up myself, even if I was exhausted, or I felt all panicky. That, along with a few other things, was a red flag for me. Time to take a break. So I did, and guess what? Lots of people went away. Guess what else? It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

2. Have you ever avoided certain sites because of the HNT pictures that were posted?

I have, and it's not because I am judgmental about the content, it's just that it's not for me. I like to seek out my porn, not be surprised by it. :-) (MY husband is now going to say "What porn? Share!")

3. Have you ever posted a HNT picture that you wish that you hadn't?

*Now*, no. Then, yes. When it was my turn for the OsShirt, I was in a bit of a depressive state. My picture reflected that, really. It just wasn't my style, but it was all I could manage. And, wouldn't you know it, I got my first negative anonymous comment that day. Someone who pointed out a few things that I was/am sensitive about. It got to me so much that I stopped doing HNT for six months. I wouldn't let it get to me like that now.

4. Do you email/text/call anyone regularly with someone you met through HNT?

A few, yes. However, the friendship didn't grow because we liked each other's pictures. It grew because we actually read each other's words. So, yes, we may have stumbled upon each other making the HNT rounds, but the words kept us coming back.

5. What percentage of your online friends are current or former HNTers?

I had to stop and think about it, because I don't think of them in that context, but, as it turns out, many of them are HNT'ers. I'm kind of surprised.

6. Does anyone in your "real" life know that you do HNT (if, of course, you do)?

Yes, but very few, and only those that can be trusted implicitly not to out me to my family (excluding my husband, of course) or community.

7. Other than previously-known friends, have you met any fellow HNTers?

I'd love to meet any of the bloggers I've become friends with. And if they want to flash me their (as yet, unseen) (and I say "as yet" because I do hold out hope) boobies *cough*FADKOG*cough*, I am certainly not going to say no. :-)

8. Have you ever downloaded someone else's HNT pictures?

Yes, I have an entire external hard drive filled with every one of your pictures.

What? You don't believe me?

Actually, it never occurred to me, and why would I when I can just plunder through your blog willy nilly whenever I neeeeeeed to see you. ;-)

BONUS QUESTION: Have you ever submitted a picture for "...the Other HNT"?

Indeed, I have. It wasn't very "Other" worthy. Just some nice marks left from a flogger.

~*~*~

I didn't put the cute little TMI button up there because, for some reason, my formatting is getting all jacked up. This is the first time I've ever blogged through Safari, and it may be the last.

No bloggers were injured in the writing of this post

2009-05-17T15:24:00.004-04:00

I often refrain from commenting on blogs, even when I feel I have something valuable to say, for two reasons.

I am afraid I will hurt the feelings of the blogger, even though what I would say would be said with the best of intentions.

I am afraid of being dismissed as a brainless twit, even if my point is valid and conveyed in a semi-intelligent manner.

And so, 90% of the time, I stick to fluff. Here, there, and everywhere. You don't have to apologize for fluff. You don't have to defend fluff.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

2009-05-15T17:53:00.004-04:00

~George Bernard Shaw

My husband brought home a couple of magazines for me from...the gym?...I don't remember...but it took me a couple of days to get around to looking at them.

As I started flipping through one of them, something began nagging at me that I couldn't quite put my finger on...

The ads and the articles were...odd.

Revitalift Deep-Set Wrinkle Repair.

Aveda Enbrightenment skin care that promises 34% reduction in the appearance of "dark" spots. (We all know what they *really* mean. AGE spots!)

Aveeno Positively Ageless. Cover Girl SimplyAgeless. Garnier Ultra-Lift Pro Deep Wrinkle Cream (They really had to drive it home with the bolding.)

What magazine is this? MORE? MORE what?

And then I found it. "More...Celebrating Women 40+!"

Ohhhhh. *evil Grinch face* That dude is *so* getting a subscription to AARP.

*flipping through more pages*

Tim Gunn's Guide to Dressing Your Age.

An Astroglide ad emphasizing "relief for vaginal dryness" because, you know, after 40, the girly bits go into drought mode.

Another ad discussing "age-appropriate looks." We 40-something girls seem to be incredibly ignorant in this area.

Enablex for "overactive bladders." I feel like I should let this one slide because, while my bladder appears to be quite sedentary, after two big babies, coughing or running when I have to pee is *really* not a good idea. It causes one to stomp their foot and yell "dammit!"

Estroven for menopause relief.

Even the frickin' Eukanuba dog food ad is for OLD DOGS! I'm surprised the Quilted Northern Ultra Plush ad didn't offer to be kinder to my old fossil of an ass.

When I emerged from my perimenopausal hormone-induced psychotic rage, I realized that it was *possible* he had no idea what kind of magazine he was giving his age-sensitive wife.

I'm sure he'll confirm this when he comments. His life depends on it.

One Biscuit Hound

C'mon...you know you wanna

Phallacy

Hi :-)

Meet Nimbus

One nation, under *MY* God

You may regret encouraging me

There's a reason why they call it a climax

Ow! That's Gonna Leave a Mark!

it's a question of lust, it's a question of trust

Handful of Biscuitudes

We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Brooklands Shelby Jubilee

Darn these people and their secured wireless

There would be a post here if I hadn't almost barfed

3 hours

Note to Self: Never camp with anyone other than my family.

Camping...Nature's Way of Feeding Mosquitos

How did we ever live without Google?

TMI

I could give up chocolate, but I'm not a quitter

A Bought Set

TMI: HNT's 4th Anniversary

No bloggers were injured in the writing of this post

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

One nation, under MY God