Waltzing Mathilda

Drag Me To Hell

2009-07-13T19:18:00.002-04:00

So the trip to Ohio has come and gone. Although I would actually admit that overall it went smoother than last year, somehow it still managed to seem more awful. Probably the whole pregnancy aspect of it all.

G was surprised to see us (we hadn't told her we were coming) after the five minutes it took for her to process who we were and why we were in her house. She couldn't seem to tell ANYONE apart from one another-she routinely confused Kelly, Mom and I and the three girls due to her poor eyesight. But somehow she managed to see well enough to punch me in the stomach (thanks, G).

She seemed to be in good spirits. We took her to lunch at the oh-so-elegant-Olive-Garden where Kelly tantalized me with a delicious-looking tropical sangria. (This is after a dinner where Kelly tantalized me with a delicious looking Pineapple Martini (pineapples marinated in vodka, a most excellent idea) and the next day with a swell-looking Bass. ) We tried to converse with her at her house but her without a hearing aid and us without heavy metal concert-quality loudspeakers made it quite difficult. That and the children had decided that they did not like the way she had arranged things in her house and they wanted to do something about it.

Traveling with three small children is just tiring. While they were pretty good overall, late nights, cramped quarters, and just the issue of being children made it an exhausting trip. And convinced me that two kids might just be a horrible, horrible idea.

But hopefully Twoie will actually like me. I had known for some time now that my niece Calliope was not fond of me. She glares at me whenever I am around her. Or she scrunches up her nose and turns away. But this trip I found out that she actually HATES me. For one, she can't quite pronounce my name. This is pretty common for an almost-two-year-old of course. But while my mom gets a nickname like "Baba" and Maddy got "Dida," I ended up with "Wee-wee." Which my mother finds ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. She thought it necessary to link Clio's nickname for me with my current uncontrollable fascination with bathroom stops. For which I am currently looking for a blacklist of those really bad nursing homes where they abuse residents.

But the worst is that Clio will not trust me with her stuff. Mom and Kelly are sitting up front and I'm sitting next to Clio in the middle row. Clio wants a pacifier. I reach down to get it and hand it to her. Clio throws a fit and will not take it. Kelly (who is driving) reaches down and passes it to Clio. Clio takes it happily. Clio wants to hand something to Kelly. I offer to pass it for her. Clio cries and snatches it away. Kelly reaches her hand out. Clio struggles to reach her but passes her the object.

But the worst incident was towards the end, after Kelly had been sitting next to Clio for a while. We traded places and Clio takes one look at me, starts crying and wails "Wee-wee! Sit!" I feel like I have killed her puppy.

On this trip, I also ate way too much junk food. I used this voyage as an opportunity to act on some of the cravings I had been having and consumed fried chicken, a bowl of sausage gravy, muffins, mashed potatoes, bagels, biscuits, a multitude of lollipops, cookie ice cream sandwiches, a Blizzard and, most importantly, five White Castles. I went for days without fruit (unless you count the lollipops and the half-banana in the Blizzard). Needless to say, today I have been restricting myself to foods that can actually be found in nature without the interference of mankind. Chocolate chip cookies can be found in the wild, yes?

This may also explain why this past weekend was probably the last weekend I can get away without maternity clothes. This is possibly what I have been dreading the most (besides the absence of alcohol). I despise clothes shopping, especially when I will have to buy pieces that I can only wear for 7 months. Despite searching for stuff on Freecycle and Craigslist, I have yet to find cheap clothes so it looks like I am going to have to part with money (sigh) and buy myself some clothes.

Unfortunately, I can't really see myself making this trip again next year. This was my third year in a row, so one can't say I haven't tried. Its just that the idea of traveling with FOUR small children fills me with more dread than is humanly possible. Especially if one of those children is MY 6 month old baby (meaning I can't pass it off to someone else to take care of). So I don't know what I am going to do. Mom and Kelly are already guilting me and I am enough of a pushover that I will probably go along with it. Maybe if I get one of those roof storage things...babies like the wind in their hair, right?

The Name Game

2009-07-09T10:35:00.002-04:00

Tilda has already decided on names for Twoie. If its a girl, she wants Olivia. If its a boy, she wants Jack. She has left no room for negotiation. Apparently, we don't get to help in this decision at all.

Lunch (a cheese sub and Sun Chips) was consumed by 1017am this morning. It's gonna be one of THOSE days.

Things I Have Wanted to Eat Today

2009-07-08T11:12:00.005-04:00

chicken noodle soup
bread (warm with butter to go with chicken noodle soup)
beer
chocolate cake
cinnamon rolls
watermelon daiquiri
shrimp scampi (for some reason, my mother will not drop everything she is doing, come to my house and make this for me)
margaritas
pineapple upside down cake
toast
those nasty Keebler cookies with the fudge lines on them
jam. yep. just jam.
chocolate chip cookies
dumplings
pancakes
some sort of baked good with bananas
fried eggs
cupcakes (not chocolate)
diet ginger ale
sun tea (specifically, my G's from back in the day)
blueberry muffins
Thanksgiving dinner
white wine
spaghetti with butternut squash and bacon
cream cheese frosting
strawberry cake
smoothies
doughnut from Dunkin Donuts

yet, at the same time, nothing sounds good for dinner.

Gonna be a long 29 weeks.

Mistakes I have made....

2009-07-07T10:30:00.005-04:00

We have been spending our mornings leisurely lounging around the house. Tilda plays, watches a movie. I do some work, research on the computer. Today, I decided to play a Discovery Channel special called Conception to Birth, thinking it might help me explain to Tilda how and why she will get a baby brother OR a sister. Unfortunately, I think it has done some damage. From this, Tilda has concluded:

-all babies are skeletons (they kept showing 3D renderings of the baby's internal organs)
-Tilda herself will have two babies inside of her tomorrow
-babies come out of butts (I keep trying to correct this one to no avail)

So now I have permanently scarred the child. Oh well.

Oh(ell)i(n)o

2009-07-06T15:28:00.002-04:00

Another summer is upon us and another trip to Ohio to see my G is being discussed. Yes, my mother, my sister and her two children and myself and my kid are thinking about piling back into the Minivan of Doom and driving 20 hours in the space of 3 days. The menfolk are smart enough to stay at home.

What are we thinking? Obviously, we're not. We remember general awfulness about the last trip but our brains have apparently attempted to protect us by forgetting details. Even the little ones have forgotten most of the horror, as evident from this conversation between my 7 year old niece and my mother:

Mom: Rora, would you like to go on a road trip?
Rora: Yeah! (silence) Wait. Is that that very long trip that we took last year? When we were in the car for a long time?
Mom: Yes
Rory: (aghast and speechless)

I would reread my posting from last year's trip, but frankly I'm afraid to. All I know is that THIS time has to be much worse, mainly because of me. My bathroom schedule currently runs in 15 minute increments-Lord knows, it may take us the entire 3 days just to get there unless someone wants to give me a catheter.

Ew.

Husband meanwhile is looking forward to a weekend sans wife and child. Makes me wonder if he's going to "hike the Appalachian," iffen you know what I mean. (wink, wink)

"I'm just a mean, green mother from outer space"

2009-07-02T16:11:00.004-04:00

My garden has been woefully neglected this year. I started my seedlings late. I planted late. I have only half-heartedly attempted to weed it. All of this due to the sheer exhaustion I experienced this past semester at school. All I wanted when I got home was to plop myself in front of the TV with some sort of alcoholic beverage.

The one thing I DID accomplish this year was crop rotation. Now I know that my garden is so wee that it probably won't make much of a difference, but I figured 1) it couldn't hurt and 2) hopefully, the squash bugs that have plagued me for the past two years wouldn't be able to figure out that I moved the squash 5 feet in the opposite direction.

So I planted tomatoes and basil where I normally put squash and squash where I normally put tomatoes. Commence neglect.

I did soon notice a little squash plant popping up out of the tomato bed. I hadn't planted it, didn't know what it was, but decided to let it live and fulfill whatever usefulness it may have.

This squash plant has since grown to 4 feet in diameter. It is crowded out most of the tomatoes and all of the basil plants. I have been waiting and waiting for some sort of fruit from it so I could figure out what the heck it was. Finally, today, I spied something through the Jurassic-like leaves, reached down and picked this:

Um...I have no friggin' clue what this might be. It's greenish like a zucchini but softer like a summer squash. And the ribs...WTF?!? It's like H.R. Giger designed a vegetable.

Will this be the next thing I pluck from my garden?

So if you have a clue what it might be, drop me a line and let me know. I will probably eat it and I promise I'll post an update if I mutate into a horrible vegetable monster.

#304 On My Summer To Do List

2009-07-01T19:52:00.002-04:00

Things to accomplish by August 21, 2009:

-replace floor in computer room
-fix ceiling in computer room ('tis ugly)
-set up a wireless network
-paint computer room purple
-move Tilda into computer room (it's bigger and has more room for her crap)
-paint Tilda's old room (currently a urine-y yellowish color, but it is truly paint)
-bring crib down from attic, find (free) crib mattress
-find maternity clothes (for free)
-have some type of refrigeration
-no longer have hole in roof
-read a book (assigned by school)
-write a poem (also assigned by school. sigh.)
-finish remodeling kitchen
-clean cars
-have yard sale, sell crap
-try to convince Mike to sell more crap
-try to convince Michael to turn into David Tennant by using the powers of my mind
-knit baby blankets (one for Tilda, one for Twoie)
-finish wrist warmers for me (geeking out here)
-take Tilda to pool, ensure she has enjoyable summer
-work ass off to earn extra cash

All of this with only having about 4 hours of energy a day. Hopefully that will get better and I will stop passing out around 3PM every day.

No excuses

2009-06-28T17:05:00.003-04:00

Okay, school is finally over with (yay!) so I really have no excuses to not update my blog any more.

Not that I have anything much to report. It seems like only bad things have happened to us lately. Such as:

-refrigerator is...well, not refrigerating. The fridge is at a balmy 50 degrees and the freezer ranges between 32 and 40 degrees. Thus, our fridge is now a big empty box with nothing but bread, yeast, and condiments I am willing to risk my life and the lives of my family on (as I had to throw out a TON of food). The freezer is now the refrigerator. As you may imagine, sometimes this is hard to remember.
-there is a hole in our roof. Not a big hole, but a hole, nonetheless. Cue The Beatles...
-my ancient (read 5 years old) computer is on the fritz. It sounds like an old man hacking.
-I don't technically have a contract for the next school year (though I am told I will get one). But at this point, I am technically out of a job come August.

And then, of course, there is the incident of the spicy burrito.

One day at school a few weeks ago, I was not feeling well. Not nauseous, not sniffly, just not well. Enough that I didn't feel like eating anything. But for lunch I had a spicy burrito from the night before. I wanted it with the exact same intensity that I didn't want it.

So I ate to see if I would feel better. Didn't. Decided to use one of my sick days and headed home.

One the way home, I stopped by Target. On a whim, I picked up a pregnancy test and, because I was smugly doubtful, a bottle of wine.

Went home. Took test. Read results. Put wine in storage.

sigh.

So in addition to everything else, it looks like we will be having what Michael refers to as "Twoie" sometime around the end of January. We have to figure out how to swing repairs stated above and plan for two (!) daycare bills.

Suddenly my summer full of margaritas and pool time with Tilda has now been replaced with working my ass off to earn extra cash, rearranging the house to accommodate Twoie and, saddest of all, no margaritas. And endless hassling from my sister and brother-in-law. And both Michael's dad and my mom like to call up and whisper the one word that drives us both insane with fear-"twins."

Well I have a dr's appt tomorrow, so hopefully that will solve at least that ONE problem.

It's not that Twoie is a bad thing. It's just...unexpected.

On a lighter note...

2009-04-21T22:33:00.002-04:00

why can't my husband be David Tennant? Surely, there is a drug that can fix this...

No title...

2009-04-21T19:56:00.002-04:00

On a warm, late summer day in September last year I packed up my daughter to head to a small town north of here. I was in the process of gathering props for a zombie movie that some of the locals in the town were making. Being the cheapo I am, I posted many of our wants on our local Freecycle. Happily, one woman had offered to provide us with a good chunk of the shoes that we needed for free and I went to pick them up.

I got quite lost, but eventually found her house. It was an older and cheerful looking yellow house at the end of a street. Looked like a nice place to live and had a long porch, suitable for sitting on to watch children play in the lawn in front. It had a Christian-oriented flag in front and I wondered if I had mentioned in my Freecycle post that this was for a zombie film. Probably not...

I parked on the side of the street and I went to knock on the door. No one answered. I panicked, as I normally do in these situations, thinking I had the wrong house and imagining some horrible person would come outside to yell at me to get off of their property. This did not happen. I hung around for a few minutes more and then turned to leave. Just as I did, a car pulled up and a cheerful-looking woman popped out. I think her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and held with a baseball cap. Although I don't remember what type of car exactly, I want to say it was a mini-van because I remember seeing the silhouette of a small child around Tilda's age sitting in a car seat and two small boys peering out of the back seat through the car's sliding door.

The woman was very apologetic-she had forgotten to put the bag of clothes out for me. She mentioned it was her son's first day of school and that it had been stressful for him. She was on her way to treat them to McDonald's. She ran inside, grabbed the bag and told me to not hesitate to contact her should we need anything else for our movie. She seemed to be a nice lady. I thanked her profusely and left.

We used her shoes and clothes in the film and I actually kept a pair of her flip-flops to garden in for myself (couldn't use them for the movie-hard to run from zombies in flip-flops). They were comfy and good.

Sounds like a pointless story, I am sure. But you may have heard of this kind lady by now. You can actually find a picture of her and her children here.

So...I can't stop thinking about this. I did not "know" her and only met her once. But I've never met someone (at least to my knowledge) who ended up murdered. Murdered? I always hate it when people say this, but things like this do not happen here.

More importantly, I cannot get the image of the kids out of my head. They were too close in age to Maddy. And I can't stop pondering what the vague descriptions released by the police mean.

So...I had to share my thoughts because if I don't, they will sit and fester.

It's been a long time coming...

2009-04-16T22:44:00.002-04:00

I will be posting random updates throughout the weekend. Many Tilda stories, chocolate spa visit, a Florida adventure and random student funnies, I promise. For now though, here is a teaching update.

Teaching has gotten both better and worse. I have gotten a better grasp on where my students are in their abilities, but the range that can exist between students in a single class can be stifling. I can spend up to 3 hours planning a lesson only to watch it fall flat within the first 5 minutes of a class. But I am still enjoying the challenge although I cannot figure out how to get my energy levels back up. I guess there was a huge benefit to working at home in jammies.

Part of the lack of energy is that I sleep poorly at night at least once a week (for someone who typically requires 10 hours of sleep to feel "refreshed" this is very bad. And yes, I know I'm a whiner.) I often fret about my students, my lesson plans and other random things. I think my mind is stressing out over having to constantly be in contact with people (after two years of working at home).

Tonight I will fret about a social issue. Apparently, one of my students was deported recently. I think this story (as I have heard it) really highlights the immigration issues in this country. Being 18 years old, Student X had lived in the U.S. for a few years, brought over by the student's family as a minor from one of the war-torn and gang-ridden Central American countries. Student X was apparently kicked out of the family house due to a new "stepfather" who did not want Student X around. Student X spent some time in and out of a shelter before being kicked out of there at the ripe age of 18.

Being homeless with no papers and not a lot of support, Student X turned to some other family members in the area, who happened to be known gang members. Not the best decision certainly, but when you have intermediate language skills, no prospects and not a lot of context for that type of lifestyle, the idea might not be inexcusable.

Student X did reportedly have run-ins with police but usually worked hard in school. Student X was the best student in the program. Student X had some bad days, but overall had a goal to make a better life. Student X often mentioned wanting to go into a healthcare profession, which was no likely given their status. Despite this, this particular student did not give up.

Student X was, is, essentially still a kid. I think about my sorry self at that age and have nothing but the utmost respect for this individual, who has been through more than I can imagine.

So I guess my question is this-if a minor is brought over by a parent illegally and thrown into the public school system (by law) where they are implanted with dreams, skills and hopes but then wrenched away from their plans, what "crime" is being righted here? It's like saying that a rape victim should be tried for committing a sex act. The minors in these situations had no choice in the matter, had no choice in going to school and have no choice in going home. Yes, this particular student had committed crimes and had gotten involved with some notorious people. No, I do not condone that. But even if you dismiss this story because of that, do you think this affects the emotional development of the non-documented kids who do follow the rules and don't commit crimes? Watching your classmates disappear and not understanding why due to a lack of language skills would be traumatizing to any kid.

Don't get me wrong. I certainly do not think that people should cross the border illegally. I understand why many do, I truly do. But I do think that it is a security risk and it causes a tremendous strain on public services (being one of those who provide a public service, I feel I can safely say this.) That said, I would not be surprised if there is a large population of people in the U.S. who are in situations like the one I have described above. And I wonder if creating a generation of semi-bilingual, semi-educated people who may end up developing a disillusionment and distaste for the American system might not be a greater security risk for the nation in the future. I believe there has to be a better solution.

And just as "right to life" advocates have argued that abortion might eliminate the person that would find a cure for cancer or solve world peace, couldn't one of these kids do the same? What opportunities are we denying ourselves as a nation by rejecting hordes of children, 90% of whom want to simply get an education and do well for themselves and their families?

I am disappointed that I will not see this student in class again. As I mentioned, Student X had the most ambition and I often felt that I designed the class with Student X's goals in mind. Student X was promising. Now I have flashes of detention centers and brightly colored jumpsuits going through my mind. Student X's now-empty chair will make me wonder throughout the end of the school year what more I could have done to prepare them for what I can only assume now was an eventuality.

Inauguration Station

2009-01-21T22:35:00.002-05:00

Prior to the election, my dear husband had mentioned that, should Obama get elected, he would want to go to DC for the inauguration. Why not? It is only about an hour's drive from our house. I briefly considered the idea and then remembered a few things:

1) DC in January is cold
2) I don't like cold
3) There would probably be quite a few people there
4) I don't like a few people, let alone a LOT of people

So I told Mike that if he wanted to be a crazy person, he could do it solo. I would watch the inauguration in the cozy warmth of the inside.

As time went by (and Obama actually got elected), Michael came to his senses and decided he was going to stay home too. I was originally supposed to work on Tuesday, but quit my old job. I was supposed to work on Tuesday for my new job, but my lovely school board granted us the day off. So I found myself with some time to kill Tuesday morning prior to the swearing in and decided to go the gym.

Maybe it was the physical exertion, the extreme difference between the cold outside and the warmth inside or just plain craziness but, it seemed to me, as I was sweating away on the elliptical and lifting weights for an hour and a half, that there was an unusual uncanniness between the music playing on my Shuffle and the inauguration festivities taking place. For example:

Song: "Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson
Image: The Bush "dynasty" entering their cars.
Analysis/Relevant lines"The beautiful people, the beautiful people,
It's all relative to the size of your steeple,
You can't see the forest, for the trees"
Plus, I get so angry when I dwell on the past eight years, I might as well dye my hair black and call myself Marilyn Manson

Song: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day
Image: Bush (and Obama) driving down Penn Ave.
Anaylsis: Need I say more?

Song: "Numb"/"Encore" by Jay-Z/Linkin Park
Image: Obama
Analysis/Relevant lines: "Don't know what you're expecting of me...put under the pressure of walking in your shoes"

Song: "Steady as She Goes" by the Raconteurs
Image: Hillary Clinton
Analysis: 'Nuff said

Song: "Take on Me" by Aha
Image: Jimmy Carter (is he prancing?!?) down the red carpet.
Analysis: Actually, this one's just weird. Sorry. But man, he's spry.

Song: "Getting Away With It (All Messed Up)" by James
Image: Bush family again
Analysis: Pretty self-explanatory I think

Song: "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers
Image: Joe Biden
Analysis: I actually don't know what this song is really about, but it did seem fitting-does that man EVER stop smiling?

Song: "Superman" by Laslo Bane
Image: Michelle Obama and children
Analysis/Relevant lines: "I can't do this all on my own...I'm no Superman." All I can say is damn right. I think my work schedule is tough on my daughter-bless that woman for trying to keep things normal for her children.

Song: "Sunny Side of the Street" by The Pogues
Image: Obama
Analysis: Seriously-it just started playing when they flashed his face on the screen. Not making it up.

Song: "I Can't Get You Out of My Head" by Kylie Minogue
Image: Rick Warren
Analysis: Not sure there is any relevancy? Another perplexing one....

and finally I turned off the Shuffle. For one, the great Aretha Franklin came on and I knew she would be the only commentary/song analysis I would need. Second, I had to finish up on that cursed ellipitical so I could hurry home and watch the swearing in of Barack Obama, our 44th President, with my family.

And finally, there was one last song to cap the day. It consisted of Tilda singing, at the top of her lungs:

We gotta a new President!
His name's Bok Obama (sorry, she can't pronounce it yet-give her time)
We gotta a new President!

Rinse and repeat a coupla hundred times (as usual). But my, on this occasion? What a beautiful chorus it was...

Car Talk with 'Tilda & Jamee

2009-01-15T20:57:00.003-05:00

A change of jobs means I am spending a lot more time with Tilda in the car.

Call me a horrible mom, but this is NOT a good thing.

For one, she asks a question every 20 seconds. Which would be somewhat tolerable if each and every question didn't start out with:

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

If you don't respond within a split second, this refrain repeats itself until you do respond. Which would be slightly tolerable if the questions were not repeats of the questions you had answered just moments before. As in:

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

"Yes, Tilda?"

"Who drew this?" She holds up a printout that she had colored in only hours before.

"Tilda drew that."

"Oh!"

20 seconds later...

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

"Yes, Tilda?"

"Who drew this?" She holds up a printout that she had colored in only hours before.

"Tilda drew that."

"Oh!"

Rinse, wash, repeat.

I have tried to not answer her, but the cries of "Mommy!" only get louder, more obnoxious and increase in frequency. And I do feel a small twinge of guilt. I have also tried to play dumb:

"Mommy? Mommy! MOMMY?!?!"

"Yes, Tilda?"

"Who drew this?" She holds up a printout that she had colored in only hours before.

"Oh, I don't know." (This is, mind you, the 6th installment in the epic masterpiece that is this brilliant conversation.)

"Tilda drew it!"

All three of the above conversations tend to take place in the whole of three minutes. And then it repeats on a loop.

I escape from this 9th dimension of hell only after I drop her off at school. Then I go to my school. Where I hear "Oh, miss!" on an endless loop. Then I go to Tilda's daycare to pick her up and drive her home. By this point, she has a new artistic wonder for me to marvel at and wonder "who drew it?"

Argh.

So 3 months is bad, right?

2009-01-06T19:54:00.003-05:00

I guess it's been over 3 months since I last posted. Strangely enough, both nothing and a ton o' things have happened since my last post.

Tilda is talking up a storm and is at the stage where she repeats everything that she hears. Which means that Mike and I (but mainly me) have had to severely curb our "language" around her. Which means that life, overall, has been less fun.

It also means that Michael, who often latches onto an annoying phrase or saying from whatever form of media has currently captured his attention and repeats it until I develop the desire to clutch his throat until his face turns purple, has been teaching Tilda all sorts of things she should probably not be repeating. Like "Why...So... Serious?" Currently, her catchphrase is "EXTERMINATE!" It makes me less than happy.

T-day was great, as usual. I picked up knitting again and am currently working on armwarmers, a purse and a magnificent creation known as Scarfhat which I am convinced that, once finished, will solve all of my problems and possibly world peace. But mainly it will keep my neck warm since I got my hair cut supashort. (How short, you ask? My brother-in-law called it lesbian-esque. In case you were wondering.)

My birthday was very nice-with one exception. My sister gave me a purplish bowling ball, which I have since named Jesus. Michael gave me a t-shirt which I love. My parents took me out for a nice dinner, drinks and it snowed. The exception? My parents also gave me a gorgeous necklace made out of 2000-year old Roman glass. Which I promptly lost. I tore apart the house looking for it, but have not found it to this day. (I think I may have thrown it away.) Being the history major I am, who loves Ancient Greek & Roman history more than anything era, the idea of throwing away ancient Roman glass is killing me.

Christmas with the in-laws was very pleasant. Tilda got to be a flower girl in a wedding. She thew the petals on the aisle and apparently promptly began to clean them up. Sigh.

But I guess the most riveting development is that I quit my job, which was making me quite unhappy. Now I know that quitting a job in the middle of a bad economy was not the smartest thing I could have done. But 1) I was very unhappy (despite being well-paid and being able to work from home in my jammies 3 days a week). 2) I got another job teaching ESL at a local high school.

This past week was my first week and it was exhausting. I have no idea what my students have been learning since they have had a slew of substitutes and I am coming in mid-year. Most of them speak Spanish and snicker when I try to speak Spanish to them. On the second day, one of them taped my butt. Some of them are big and intimidating and quite a few of them are rumored to be in gangs. A small part of me is kinda dreading returning tomorrow. But I understand this is quite common. In fact, on my second day of school, I collapsed into our teacher workroom to get some planning done and ended up staring at a blank screen for 20 minutes, my brain refusing to function. Another teacher walked in the room, took one look at me and said, "Yeah-I wanted to quit my first year too."

All teachers understand.

But overall...I am happier. My only regret is not being able to work at home in my jammies. But I was SO bored. And now I feel like my brain is working again and I face new "challenges" every day. ("Challenges" translates to "students.") We are all still adjusting to our new schedules and I am sure it will get easier. And eventually, the summer will come and it will be me, Tilda, the pool and a couple of cases of Abita Strawberry Lager. Ah, bliss.

For now, I am trying to improve my Spanish, keep my head above water and am constantly checking weather.com for potential snow days. Now excuse me while I go turn my jammies inside out.

How Children Make You Stupid

2008-10-02T11:42:00.002-04:00

Having a child is the first step in the process of becoming senile.

It starts when they are young-they will say something along the lines of "I want to watch The Li'l Nermaid!"

So you refer to the movie as "The Little Nermaid" to humor the little bugger for days, weeks, months, etc...You feel stupid, but you should cherish these moments, right?

Then one day you offer to put "The Little Nermaid" in the DVD player only to be told-"No, mommy. It's "Little Mer-maid."

Or you feel bad that you have to wake the little bugger up early to get ready for school. So you carry her, sleepy-eyed, downstairs in her favorite blanket (WALL-E). When she wakes up some more, she chews you out because "the WALL-E blanket should be in the WALL-E bed!"

So you begin to feel stupid, useless and empty.

I am assuming it's only downhill from here.

Happy Hallo-meme

2008-10-01T20:53:00.002-04:00

So, around this time of year we start seeing Top Horror Movie Lists i.e. Top 100 Scariest Movies, Top 100 Scariest Movie Moments. You can actually find a stangely enlightened list from Moviefone (of all places) here.

I also have seemingly forever had a goal that I would spend each day of October watching a horror movie. Of course, I never do it. Because I kinda have somewhat of a life. But my major retirement goal is to accomplish this one task.

But what would I watch? I love horror movies of all types-subtle and gory, funny and definitelynotfunny, old and new, so there is no one qualifier.

So I have devised a list of 31 horror films that would comprise my month o' horror and I invite you to do the same on your own blogs. These don't need to be the scariest, goriest, or anythingest films-just the top 31 movies that would get you in the Halloween mood.

These are not listed in any particular order although most appear alphabetically because that's how Michael orders his DVDs-

1-Alien
2-The Mist
3-Nosferatu (org.)
4-An American Werewolf in London
5-Dawn of the Dead (org.)
6-Dawn of the Dead (remake)
7-Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
8-The Descent
9-Dracula (w/ Bela)
10-The Dark Knight
11-Carnival of Souls
12-Army of Darkness
13-The Exorcist
14-The Fly
15-The Last House on the Left
16-Freaks
17-Nightmare on Elm Street
18-A History of Violence
19-The Invisible Man (org.)
20-Mystery of Rampo
21-Night of the Living Dead (org.)
22-The Shining
23-Psycho
24-Evil Dead 2
25-Se7en
26-Shaun of the Dead
27-Terminator
28-The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
29-There Will be Blood
30-The Thing
31-Young Frankenstein

Notable Mentions-These didn't quite make it but deserve a shout out
Jaws
Open Water (notice the shark motif?)
The Omen-not because it is scary, but because it led to our first child. Out of boredom. Scariest thing I can think of.

Ketchup & Musings

2008-09-30T23:50:00.003-04:00

It's been over two weeks since I posted anything. I've been pretty much glued to the radio and Internet regarding the "credit crisis" and the financial bailout, partially because I have an overwhelmingly nerdy interest in the subject and partially because I am trying to explain the enormity of it to my ESL students.

Here's what really bugs me about it and I am hoping someone will eventually explain it to me-since when is it sound policy to operate an entire economy on credit?

Since I truly don't want to sound bias in this analysis, I have to admit that I paid no attention to politics until 2001 when I moved to the Washington D.C. area and had to listen to a 24-hour news station in order to receive constant traffic alerts during my 4o-90 minute commute. So I've really only paid attention since Bush has been in office. But I do not understand why the only economic advice we were given since 9/11 was to go out and spend money-I understand that spending money can help the economy, but it helps no one if you don't actually have the money to spend.

It seems as if this policy filtered up (or down?) throughout the entire government. We have a huge deficit. Whereas we should have invested the surplus left by the Clinton administration into new technologies and innovations which would have kept as a world leader, we blew it, just like a college kid blows their credit as soon as they walk onto campus and get handed a piece of plastic and a lousy cotton t-shirt. Wars, tax rebates, etc...where has it gone?

If you don't have the money to buy something, don't buy it. There. It's pretty simple.

Wanna buy a house? Buy what you can afford. Can't? Then don't buy.

Can't pay off the credit card bill every month? Then don't use a credit card. Why owe interest on pizza you ate 2 weeks ago?

I see this more in my own generation/middle-class group, simply because those people are the ones who surround me. We have a desire to carry on the lives we had while we lived with our parents. We want the house, a nice TV, DVDs, toys etc...We convince ourselves that we need new clothes and a nice car in order to impress and succeed in our jobs. We rationalize (if I buy this treadmill, I will save money on gym membership!) and justify but, in the end, all we do is "owe."

I would never say I am blameless. I jumped on the housebuyin' bandwagon in '05 and am now down $50-70,000 in equity. I love food-I like to cook, buy quality ingredients and drink fine (ahem) beverages. I cave into my husband's and daughter's sad puppy eyes when they want plastic things. I use credit cards to get points and rewards (but I try to never carry a balance).

And then there are the wants-I want to travel the world . I want a bigger house. I want a nicer car. I want my daughter to go to the best schools. I want to go to the best schools.

We can't afford these things right now. So even if we could get credit, which seems doubtful right now, we wouldn't. But what we can do is cut back on our spending and bank the savings.

I think credit has and can be used wisely but I think it will be a long time before the nation has relearned how to use credit. But before we do so, we need to own up to what we owe and pay it off. And save. And then invest-in new technology, innovation, medicine and education.

In the meantime though, as individuals and as a nation I think striving for financial independence will be the most important thing we can do for ourselves, our kids and our country.

But then again, maybe I am just an 87-year old trapped in a 27-year old body. I swear I party! Occassionally! With 3-year olds....

Old fogey, signing off...

Introducing...

2008-09-19T09:07:00.003-04:00

my new name Tank Dent Palin

Find yours here and thanks to Emily for passing this along.

Our Weekend

2008-09-14T10:03:00.007-04:00

The past two weekends have been devoted to making a zombie movie. We have been dealing with several issues, such as having our time at our location cut in half, various changes in actor schedules, equipment problems, even freaks of nature. For example, the first weekend we had to deal with a little storm called Hannah

But at least this weekend, I got to be a zombie-

Tilda was afraid of me at first, but she got over it

Chaos

2008-09-05T12:21:00.002-04:00

Can't believe it is September already. I feel like it should be early June.

With the coming of September, it seems like all Hell has broken loose. We have so much going on. I started teaching again. Initally, I was a little bummed about teaching because I never received my evaluations from last semester and I was wondering if I totally bombed. Fortunately, someone pulled them for me and I received nothing but positive reviews from my students. I was totally stoked. Then Tilda put my copy of the evals on top of some raw chicken, so I had to pitch them. Didn't want to hold onto to evals full of praise and raw chicken juices.

Tilda graduated to "real" preschool. She is pretty much potty-trained but still at the stage where "Mommy, I have to go potty!" causes me fear and a grave sense of urgency. She seems to like her new teachers, who have been teaching the kids Spanish. One day, she walked around reciting "Me llamo Mathilda." I was proud.

Her new obsession is Nightmare Before Christmas. She has watched it almost every day for the past week and a half.

Schools are back in session throughout the region, so our commute as worsened by 50% and we have to get up 1/2 hour earlier. Erg.

The zombie movie starts filming this weekend. Yup, the weekend we are supposed to get Tropical Storm Hanna droppings.

I'm trying to talk Mike into going back to school. Because life for us isn't hectic enough.

And last but not least, the 'rents are in Europe (damn them!) and I am watching their dog Chaos. Chaos is the last dog we had when I was a kid, so he's John McCain-in-dog-years-old. He only has 3 1/2 teeth, all pointing in various directions. He can't pee like a true male dog-when he tries to lift his leg, he loses his balance and topples over (I try not to laugh, but it's kinda funny. Don't worry. Instant karma's gonna get me). It takes him forever to get up from the floor and many times when I tell him to get up he just looks at me with a glance that says, "No. Really. It's not worth it."

He is also having issues with our backyard. For one, it seems as though he has a never ending desire to pee on my tomatoes. This is not really something I want to happen, so he leans towards them and I tug him away. Apparently, I am cramping his style and discouraging his peeing-mojo. The other issue is that there is a dog next door to us that barks at Chaos most of the time we take him out. For some reason, this causes anxiety for Chaos, so he won't go. It's like the space-between-a-urinal-rule, but with entire backyards.

Lastly, we have been rewatching Scrubs reruns. I am surprised how well them hold up on a second viewing.

Not good...

2008-08-31T19:50:00.001-04:00

It's probably not good when your three-year old, upon hearing the oven timer go off, yells out:

"MICHAEL! DINNER'S READY!"

and then:

"MICHAEL! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK?"

and then, before he can answer:

"A BEER? OHKAY!"

and child then pulls out a beer and brings it over to her father.

No, can't imagine that is good at all.

But it sure is damn useful.

I'm Boned

2008-08-19T20:20:00.000-04:00

Knew I shoulda kept the maiden name.

Jamee & Mike's Sick and Twisted Tilda-mation

2008-08-18T20:50:00.004-04:00

So Tilda has been sick now for over a week. It came and went. One day she would just seem sniffly. The next day grumpy and tired.

Today she started tugging at her ear so we called the doc who diagnosed her with earache, impetigo, fever and general ickiness.

Since its only the second time she has had anything more than a mild cold since she was born, I can't really complain.

How do you tell when a kid is truly sick? When they refuse ice cream. I took her out for a treat since she looked so bad-chicken nuggets and french fries. She wouldn't touch them. Mom suggested ice cream since Tilda was burning up, but I had to bribe her with a carousel ride to take just one bite. The carousel ride was the first thing that made her smile all day, but it was brief.

Fortunately, two of Tilda's birthday presents were delayed and she got them today. This was the second thing that cheered her up. Of course, it was a baby doll and accompanying clothes. What did she name it? Well, she's been watching Lilo and Stitch a lot, so what do you think she named it?

That's right-Stitch.

I'm so proud o' her.

We picked up her medicine at the grocery store and I was totally not aware that they were flavoring kids medicines! It was like Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors of Penicillin. Truly, everything from Strawberry to Chocolate Banana Fudge Chip. Remarkable. How come they don't offer this to adults? I would love to have my medicine taste like ice cream. Or mojitos. Then again, if they made mojito-flavored birth control pills, the human population would be very short-lived indeed.

And what would Viagra taste like? Actually, scratch that thought. Don't want to think about it.

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right....

2008-08-11T18:48:00.002-04:00

It's bad enough that I lost a game of Candyland to a 3-year old a few days ago.

It's worse that today she made me play a game of Candyland with her stuffed Batman toy.

But how bad it is that I lost to the stuffed Batman toy?

Does that make me a comic book supervillain? Because I battled Batman at Candyland? I lost, but the Joker loses to Batman a lot, right? A comic book villain-that would be a little cool, wouldn't it?

Or is all hope for me lost with gumdrops and peppermint sticks?

Tildaism #23

2008-08-08T22:18:00.003-04:00

For some reason, our town has a giant tank in the middle of it. From WWI or WWII or something involving Ws and Is. It has a tankish green hue and stars painted on the back. Tilda noticed it for the first time today.

Tilda: "WOW! Mommy look at the stars. Cool!"

To my knowledge, the first time she has used this word in this manner. Impressed, amused and proud, I say: "You know what else is cool, Tilda? You are. You are the coolest kid in the world."

Tilda stares out the window blankly and unashamedly and unamused, say: "Cool."