Nacho Intolerant

Hey, I'm over there!

2009-01-25T13:47:00.004-05:00

So who has time to write blog posts these days...well two blog posts? Not me! So, I've been pretty much just updating the family blog...if just to keep the Grandparents at bay. So, if anyone is interested here's the link...i'll probably be hanging out there for a while.

www.blessourmess.blogspot.

Another day...

2008-12-10T09:11:00.003-05:00

Ok then...

Well, yesterday was not a good day. Sam was extremely high maintenance, and Joe, just by the nature of his age, is always high maintenance...and I was feeling a little exasperated. But seriously, Sam is one high energy and active dude. I feel as though he'd be better off with some insanely chipper daycare worker than home with me. I'm such a drag. Always telling him to stop doing stuff. Anyway, today is already loads better. Sam is only kinda hyper and we've had some fun playing with toys. He's really a great kid. A hoot. It also helps that Joe has slept most of the morning.

In other news the weather has done a complete 180. It was 50 degrees this morning! Last night I actually went out for a walk since it was way up in the 30s! Not to worry, the weatherman has provided the requisite buzz kill...temperatures to fall at a rapid rate in a few hours, causing freezing rain and everything that has melted to become an ice skating rink. We would venture out, but I'm afraid to get caught on the slick roads. I'm a wuss. Perhaps we'll just head to the bakery. Worst case scenario, we could walk home. Or hunker down and live amongst the Raspberry and White chocolate muffins. Yum!

or just stay home and chill...

Note: I usually find white chocolate disgusting, but for some reason it is sublime in muffin form.

2008-12-09T16:54:00.002-05:00

I've started about 10 blog posts since Joe has been born, never getting the chance to finish one. I wish I had some pics to share, but I'm afraid if I put one more photo on my hard drive my computer will explode. Therefore, my camera has become more of a digital storage device than an instrument of documentation. Poor Joe. Considering Sam was photographed every second of his life so far, he'll think we didn't love him as much. Not true little Joe! We only love the dog less....

We have been stuck inside the past two days. It's 7 degrees outside. No one goes anywhere in that sort of weather. At least not anyone with two small children. Unless they want to unwrap their perfect little bundles and remove some toes and perhaps a nose in the process. I'm sure there are weathered Vermont moms who don't bat an ice-encrusted eyelash at venturing out in this...I am not one of them.

As a result, Sam is going a little bonkers. I try and try to find something for the kid to do, but he is completely uninterested in anything but jumping on the couch (forbidden since he launched himself face first onto the floor) and banging random objects against other random objects. Ok for a minute, but after that, ANNOYING...and Joe can't nap in the racket. I've tried drawing, puzzles, playing with trucks. Dance Party worked for a while, but can't he want to do something that lets me sit on the couch? I even tried making cookies...what kid doesn't want to make cookies!? He's nuts. He rather bang the Corningware precariously on the tile floor. I feel like I spend the majority of my day telling him NO and snatching stuff out of his little destructive hands. Seriously, this place is like Fort Knox. But he manages to dent, bang, slash, scratch anything and everything within reach. The bottom 3 feet of our house is void of objects. Too bad we can't just hang everything from the ceiling and have a big open empty floor for him to run around in.

Ok...sam just walked over soaked in pee...

to be continued

What's new with you?

2008-10-20T09:22:00.004-04:00

Well, quite a bit is new around here...

please meet Joseph Edward!

Born October 11th, 8:24 pm, 8 lbs. 4 oz., 19.5 inches long.

I know it's been over a week already, but the recovery has been a slow process. Good news is that I successfully had my VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean)! One of the bonuses about that was supposed to be a quicker recovery...hmmm, not so sure about that. It's all quite a mess down there. I won't horrify you with the details, but believe me, no fun.

I feel so blessed to have given birth while my mother was visiting. She and Sam had alot of fun while I was busy being pregnant, then giving birth, then recovering. Don't know what we would have done without her. Now we're equally blessed to have Jay's folks here to help out. We are so lucky to have these two healthy little boys and such a wonderful and supportive family.

I'll be following up with some tidbits from the trials and tribulations, but for now we are reveling in the bliss of this new little angel.

And he sleeps! Like alot. Thank God.

The cock says it's time to go get some boobie!

2008-09-12T20:52:00.003-04:00

We're back in our house. THANK GOD. Though construction still continues. Hopefully it will all be over in another couple weeks. Well, at least the contractor part. There is still a fair amount of painting, moving furniture up from the basement and the giving birth stuff left to do before we can truly relax.

Things are pretty stressful. In addition to all that is going on with house and new baby, Sam has fully launched himself into the "terrible twos." Of course he's not two yet. And when you talk to other mothers, there is a pretty clear consensus that this tantrum prone, completely irrational, contradictory desire laden (I want OUTof the crib now, but DON'T you DARE pick me up!) behavior starts around 18 months. Oh, silly me. I thought it might start closer to TWO. Thanks for the warning.

Of course with all the drama coming from his direction, there is a lot of fun new stuff too. His vocabulary is growing. He didn't say much for a while, but it seems like the flood gates have opened. Sure, most of his words require translation, but he's giving it the old college try. Or rather, perhaps more the old frat boy try? Allow me to explain.

Like a lot of toddlers, when they start to talk, Sam mixes up his consonants or just plain ignores them all together. It has lead to a few interesting results. Like whenever Sam sees a clock, he shouts "COCK!" Nice. Or in his excitement of seeing a bag of Veggie Booty at the store, he begins a mantra of "BOOBIE. BOOBIE!.BOOBIE." And just the other day, Sam took off his shirt during his nap. When I walked in to get him, I exclaim "Look who took of his shirt! You have no shirt!" and he replies "No, Shit."

But many other words are coming along without the R rating. 'go' is a favorite. He says it when he wants to go outside, or when he is running in circles around a chair. Or just recently, to tell a bunch of bicyclist to get moving...

Please RSVP

2008-08-19T17:56:00.005-04:00

So if you can't tell, pregnancy hormones are really beginning to get the better of me. The other day I watched an episode of Jon and Kate plus 8 and they went to the Outer Banks...it made me cry. Because I want to go to the Outer Banks. And they were in Coralla! I sat there, again with tears in my eyes, and told Sam "that's were Mommy and Daddy got married" sniff, sob, sniff. "One day, we'll take you and your little brother there." sniff sniff.

I actually looked up the house were we got married to see if it was still renting...and also if it had the same name. When those houses get sold, people usually change the name from "Sandy Paws" to "Life's a Beach"...to personalize the cheesiness. Our house was called "A Joy Forever"...appropriate for a wedding, no? Well, it's still there. AND if you can get it for the week of October 18th for $2500!!! The house sleeps 27 people..not a bad deal. Sure, I'll be in labor that week (hopefully) but I couldn't help but think of pushing that reserve button and send out a mass email titled "Meet me in OBX!"....but life is much more complicated than that now, isn't it.

I still pledge to go on our 10th anniversary. So meet me in the Outer Banks...2011!

I hate you cnn

2008-08-15T11:09:00.006-04:00

I just spent the last hour fighting back tears, rocking back and forth while repeating the mantra "don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it"...which of course, just makes me think about it.

Thank you cnn.com (yeah, that's right, NO LINK FOR YOU!...you fear mongers.)

There was a time before Sam was born and then directly after he was born that I shunned cnn.com. Wouldn't go there. If you are a regular you know that there is always at least one "mutilated puppy" or "2 year old killed by escalator" story. No, it's not news of national importance. It's sensational, tug at the heart strings, make you feel crappy kind of news. Its emotional sabotage. On a normal day these images and stories would be upsetting, but add the onslaught of hormones I am currently enjoying, you get a panic attack. But I learned this, so if I do go to cnn.com, I don't click on anything like that. Sure, the headlines are scary, but at least without the details the crippling empathy and horror can be kept at bay.

I won't tell you what the story was about...but the headline did not give enough information for me to know what was waiting for me on the other side of that click. In fact, I completely misinterpreted the headline. I thought I was going to read about a kid playing in a puddle or swimming with ducks or invented some new water toy... Needless to say that was not the case, and in hindsight I should have realized, but I am still trying to recover from the imagery and tragedy that unfolded.

It makes me mad. I'm not talking about censorship, but jesus! give a pregnant mother of a 20 month old a chance to protect what little emotional fortitude she has left. At least use a word like "death" or "tragedy" or for heaven's sake "sad" or something!

Ok, I feel a little better.

So, we'll be without internet for a while during our move back to the construction zone. I'm looking forward to being home, but I'm not exactly sure what it's going to be like with all the activity that is still going on. Just so you know where I am. Not that I'm writing up a storm over here, but it will probably be quiet here for a bit.

Later!

Purge.

2008-08-11T14:28:00.005-04:00

Excuse me while I bat away cobwebs from this blog.

Well, between living in this apartment (blech!) stressing about HVAC contractors and feeling like a whale, blogging has fallen pretty low on my priority list. But things are good. In between things being kinda blah and rainy, that is. Sam and I are having a nice summer together walking around downtown (in between storms..what is up with this weather?!!) But toddlerhood is really starting to kick my ass a bit. Allow me to vent...

Sam has become a very defiant little boy. I am telling myself this is a phase, it's the age, "it's good that he's so independent" ect, ect. But seriously the kid has found my buttons and boy does he like to push em! His new adorable behavior is spitting. He takes a swig of water, walks over under the table, or to the chair...leans over and spits it into a big puddle. He proceeds to smear it everywhere. How precious. Argh. And once I take the drink away, he does the same thing with his actual spit. Gross.

And whenever I try to be stern mommy, he laughs at me. HE LAUGHS AT ME. Which, of course, doesn't make me happy.

And don't even get me started on how he is treating Tubbs. Poor Tubbs.

But in the big scheme of things, he's a pretty great kid. I know every child has his issues...and what seem like flaws or problems can reveal themselves to be assets. And me being gigantic doesn't help. I can't react as quick to misbehavior as I used to, except verbally. And I don't like to yell...oh,I'm not perfect, I yell...but I don't like it. And it doesn't work anyway. Sam ignores most verbal directions...well at least when it's in the order of "Sam, stop doing that." Suddenly, he's deaf.

And the kid bolts. LIke runs. Away. In public. Near traffic. WITH GLEE AND GIGGLES.

So there, end of rant.

One day I will write a blog post counting all the blessings of my adorable, precious little boy. But on those days, I just bask in the perfection and cuteness. I need to express more gratitude for my life. I'll work on that. Because I am grateful. But sometimes you need to purge the ick to appreciate the magic.

Update: After posting this, I was poking around the internet and one of the bloggers I regularly read had posted this. Thanks internet.

Construction Update

2008-07-29T07:35:00.001-04:00

Here are some pics from this past weekend. As you can see, some windows are now in and the porch is starting to take shape.

Here are some pictures of the interior. You kinda need to know the space to appreciate the difference. Basically the stairs are located where there used to be a bedroom.

This is a picture from the top of the stairs looking towards the street. The two kids bedrooms are to the left and straight ahead.

This is master bedroom, which won't be finished for a while. But looks nice, no?

That's all I got. Roofing starts this week, and I think drywall starts next. Then we should really start seeing a change. We are SO READY to move out of this apartment and back into our home. I should use this opportunity to do some bitchin' and complaining, but I'm trying to keep a positive mindset. But we need our space back. Soon, I pray.

A little cute to distract from the smell...

2008-07-09T14:45:00.004-04:00

Doesn't it look much better with the gable...well, hint of the gable?

Today the weatherman calls for some pretty nasty storms as a cold front moves through. Hopefully the guys took some time this morning to close things up a little better. We had a tiny bit of water damage from a shower last week, but it is where the new stairs are going, so that is all coming out anyway. Right now I'm sitting in a freakin hot box of an apartment. I had to turn off the window fan because of the exhaust from the crane that is parked in our driveway. It's been wood chipper and chainsaw all morning. Sam thinks it's pretty cool...at least someone does.

And if it wasn't already uncomfortable, Tubbs is sick. And anyone who has a dog knows what that means. Both ends. And we have no yard. I don't want to get into it, but paper towels are becoming alarmingly scarce around here. And the Febreeze didn't make here in the move.

Now for some happy! I wanted to get some pics up from Amy and Henry's visit. This was the first time the cousins ever really played together. Sam thought Henry was pretty cool, and Henry was awesome with the little man. He was super patient, especially when Sams presence caused the LEGO to be sidelined.

Though the LEGO is still too small for Sam to enjoy, they were able to bond over a mutual appreciation of Super Why!

And Sam was so pleased to have someone join in the craziness with him. It makes me excited for him to have a little bro to go nuts with. I can only hope Sam is as good with the new little guy and Henry was with him.

Now back to the sweating....come on cold front!

Progress...

2008-07-08T13:05:00.004-04:00

We decided to rent this little apartment mostly so Sam and I could have a quiet place to be during the day. Somewhere in which to nap without the ruckus of hammers and table saws. After seeing the shape our house is in, it seems that we made the right decision.

This was our house a couple weeks ago....

Then, this..

Hardly hospitable.

Then yesterday, our landlord informed me that I would have to move my car out of our the drive so that the "tree guys" can come and cut down some trees on Wednesday. Well, they showed up TODAY. So it's going to be two days of chainsaws and woodchippers to contend with. Not as bad as two months, but still irritatingly ironic considering our motivational in being here in the first place.

Another reason I'm glad we're not at the house is that after Jay took a picture yesterday, I'm a little concerned about what the neighbors think. We're following all the codes and zoning stuff, but it's strikingly HUGE looking.

I know it will look better once the the front gable and porch is on, but in the meantime I'm glad I'm not there to feel all the vibes that are probably going around. Our neighborhood can kinda be that way. I'm sure our project is a topic at many an evening dinner table.

New home...

2008-06-27T12:40:00.002-04:00

So the craziness has begun. We are officially out of our house and in a little one bedroom apartment on the other side of town. It's not too bad actually. The location is right near the great food coop that I sadly rarley go to because it's such a pain to park and exit the lot. It's also a stones throw from downtown and it's restaurants and stores...and the college. That's the only sticking point. It's a popular area for students. And we have four of them, boys, living directly above us. They're nice enough guys, but you know, that age, not the most considerate. Nothing major, just alot of loud music and stomping around at 2am. Sam seems no worse for the wear and sleeps right through it. Jay and I are working on it.

The kitchen and bathroom are kinda gross...alot of caulk holding stuff together. The place could use a good steam cleaning. Everyday while Sam naps I try to knock out a corner with my scrub brush. It always looks better when I'm done, but still dirty. The stains on the countertop are not going anywhere and it's driving me nuts. Probably not the best situation while my nesting instinct is gearing up for the new baby, huh.

Well, it's only 2 months. Then were back home. Hopefully construction will be far enough along that it won't be too bad to live there. Who knows, maybe I'll long for our dingy one bedroom rental once I'm thrust into the mess of home renovation.

It's a Girl....Oh, Boy!

2008-06-05T08:12:00.001-04:00

Congratulations to my sister and her husband in welcoming little Kaylee!

Not sure if I'm spelling that right. The only written correspondence I've gotten was before she had a name. But what a cutie. And look at all that hair! Reminds me of a certain little boy I know. Of course, by the time he was 4 months old most of it had fallen out. I hope that doesn't happen to Kaylee. Or at least that it ALL falls out, instead of just the the top so she doesn't end up with a hairline like her Grandpa.

So I'm an Aunt again! Yay! And my first Niece! Oh, all the cute little things to buy and knit for little girls. And I won't have much opportunity otherwise. Because...

Kaylee's little cousin to be? It's a boy! Sam is going to have a little brother!!

I know this is alot of news for one blog post. Maybe I should have broken it up into two?

So I'm going to be completely outnumbered. The only girl. Sure, this creates the whole "Third Child" discussion, but we'll just wait on that. Right now we're just excited to have another little guy to chase around. I'm so excited about the idea of brothers. I can only imagine the trouble they'll get into. Good trouble. I'm talking the silly boy kinda trouble...not the jail kinda trouble.

So much excitement! And in a couple weeks I head to Florida so Sam and I can check this little girl out in person. Oh, I hope she still has that new baby smell. I don't remember how long that lasts. I hope Sam takes at least a little interest in her. There has been a baby explosion in our neighborhood and when presented with a brand new babe, he really couldn't care less. But maybe he'll be different because he's related? hm. We'll see.

I just realized I started every paragraph with the word "so"...

SOOOoooo, heres' a pic from the other day when Sam fell asleep eating his lunch. He's never done that before so of course I took a million pictures. I wonder if the new little guy will be photographed quite as much as his older brother. I would imagine not, but I'll sure try!

Preview

2008-05-27T13:59:00.006-04:00

Not sure if I've mentioned this yet, but we are officially weaned over here. It's been a couple of weeks and though I miss the close and quiet moments with Sam, I must say it's nice to wear a supportive bra for a change. So I'll have my body to myself (well, as much as that's possible with a 18 month old grabbing onto you every 5 seconds...oh, and don't forget that I'm actually incubating a person in my body...so well, not really) for the next 4 months until baby #2 shows up. Then back to the nursing bras, blech! Oh, I enjoy the act of nursing, but really, is it that hard to make a bra that actually holds things up above the equator?

In the next few months, wow, strike that, few weeks we have a lot of stuff going on. This weekend we are headed to a wedding about 6 hours away. A wedding that we just recently found out Sam is not invited to. I must say this put a kink in our plans. Thank God I asked J to call the bride to double check! Soooooo, my poor MIL is now skipping the reception to babysit. I am filled with guilt. I should just stay at the hotel with him and skip it. But a bought a new dress...and I kinda get the impression that she's not too upset about bowing out of the festivities. After all, if Sam isn't welcome, how much fun could it really be right!?

Then J's sis and our nephew are coming to visit! I just pray we have nice weather. It seems whenever we have people come from out of town, it rains. Hopefully not, otherwise we will have some bored kiddos on our hands, and that won't be fun for anyone.

THEN, we start our renovation. Our complete destruction and resurrection. It's going to be a mess. I still haven't really figured out how it's going to work. Worst case scenario, if it turns out to be completely unlivable, then we head south to J's folks condo for a week here and there. But that's 3 hours away. Luckily Sam and I are headed for Florida at the very onset of it, so we'll miss the initial ripping apart phase. But Lord knows what we'll come home to.

So that's my next month in a nutshell...busy, busy! I'm worn out just thinking about it.

(that pic is from a couple weeks ago when Sam had a stomach bug, and then after puking on me approximately a zillion times, I got it. We were pretty miserable...cozy, but miserable. Oh, and do you see his black eye? Dancing to the Pietasters, Sam took a header into the coffee table. Too bad he won't be showing off those moves at the wedding this weekend).

Oh, and we find out if it's baby boy or baby girl this week!! I'll be sure to let you know.

2008-05-09T12:40:00.003-04:00

Lordy, I'm a slacker. How are you!? I'm good. All my vegetables are dead, but other than that, things are grand. I'm not sure I have the patience for vegetable gardening. Flowers and perennials I can do. Veggies are a little more work. I'll let you know how it turns out. I'm sure your on the edge of your seat.

So, what's new?

This week we went to Shelburne Farms, an old estate and model farm built by a branch of the Vanderbilt family. Over the last few decades it has been converted into a non-profit educational center, hotel and working farm. It is breathtaking.

There is so much to see, but we stayed at the barn where the kiddos could run around with animals and check out the tractors.

Things are going well here on the home front. We are still waiting to hear back from the contractor with a final estimate on our renovation project. We're 90% sure we're going to do it, not sure if we really have a choice with little baby on the way. But it would sure be nice to know what it's going to cost us! Not sure how we're going to handle the mess and craziness that comes with ripping your house apart. In Northampton it was just us and the dog...and it was no picnic. This time we have Sam and little baby TBA making mommy uncomfortable and tired. I guess we'll just take it day by day and hope for nice weather so we can escape outside.

So Sam is beginning to talk a little bit. A VERY little bit. So far his word count is about 5...let's see..

Mama
Ball
Dada
Bath
No

and whenever he sees a dog, he says "BOW!" (as in bow-wow, not bowtie). Not really a word, but it's communication nonetheless.

He's begun to show a little imagination and pretends to eat things and makes little vroom noises as he pushes around toys. And as you can see, he has taken after his father with a love of LEGO.

Sam's also one big bruise, it seems. Everyday there's a new one. He enjoys climbing and jumping and pushing over heavy objects. The park is a whole new adventure. It used to be just a swing, really. He was too little to do much else. Now there are steps and slides and platforms in which to dive head first from. I dread his doctor's appointment on Monday. They're gonna think I beat him with a stick.

Oh, and he's also learned how to take off his shirt. So we are now topless approximately 70% of the time.

but we're pretty cute 100% of the time.

Crash

2008-04-07T11:17:00.003-04:00

I have always marveled at the photos and footage of babies crashed out with appendages hanging from the couch or nodding off in a high chair. Sam never seems to be still enough to relax, let alone fall asleep. Even when he's exhausted it takes him a little bit to wind down and get to sleep. Well, there is a change in the air. I don't know if it's his age, or the fact that he is now night weaned (Yay!!) but if the mood so strikes, he will lay his head down and lie there. And sometimes? he will even close his eyes and go to sleep! Ok, well, I can count the number of times that has happened on one hand, or rather, two fingers, but it's happened.

Sorry Leo

2008-04-03T10:49:00.005-04:00

So, last Saturday was my birthday. Nothing major going on, just went out to dinner with the boys, where I ate a huge cheeseburger. Not sure what it is with being pregnant and cheeseburgers, but they go together famously. Part iron deficiency, part permission to eat whatever the hell I feel like. Yay pregnancy!

The next day I woke up and I gained 2 pounds. Yikes. And if I wasn't already feeling guilty, I realized that at 8pm the previous night, while I'm sure all my neighbors where sitting in darkness in observance of Earth Hour, we were lazing on the couch, lights ablaze, watching Big Brother on Tivo. I totally forgot. Now I'm paranoid that the lady across the street has judged me uncaring and apathetic. No, I swear, I care! Blame it on the sleep deprivation or cheeseburger on the brain, but I really was planning on participating in that little act of conscience.

Once again this shows my over concern about what other people think. I'm not worried about the energy I consumed, I'm worried about what people who could see my windows were thinking. Which, I'm sure, no one could really give a rats ass. What's the saying? "You wouldn't care so much about what other people think of you, if you knew how rarely they did." So true. Not that it gets me off the hook for being a slacker.

But yesterday, the Great Global Warming gods let me know they actually ARE thinking of me.

Um, anyone got any plans for Earth Day?

Oh Brother!!

2008-03-24T12:54:00.002-04:00

Man, I feel like crap.

I've been waiting until I feel better to do an update, but that doesn't seem to be happening so I'll muddle through one.

Florida was relaxing...

Sam loved his first trip to the beach, but I was kept busy by his constant desire to run giggling into the ocean to meet his maker...no fear.

We saw horses! (thats that blurry thing in the background)

The time seemed to fly by. Though it's nice to be home, it's always hard to say goodbye. Sam really loves hanging out with the GFolks. And I think we both enjoyed the break from the cold. Sam hadn't been in a stroller in a while. He was enjoying the outdoors...

Not that he doesn't get fresh air here, it's just a different kind of air...

So where back to our normal routine. That is except I am napping more now and feeling queasy constantly. So, if you haven't already guessed it....

That's right! Sam's going to be a big bro! The end of October should mark the arrival of our new family member. Hopefully I will be over this morning sickness by then. I will have much more to say, I'm sure, but until then...hope you are seeing more green than we are.

Good bye snow and ice!

2008-03-06T18:28:00.001-05:00

ah, so much going on. I will update fully after I get back from Florida in a week or so.

Right now I am neck deep in the laundry, organizing and packing nonsense associated with any trip with a 15 month old. This should be a different experience that previous flights. Sam is no longer easy to nurse to sleep in such an environment. He is also, if possible, less apt to sit still or be engaged in any sort of activity for more than 20 seconds. I just pray we continue to have great luck when it comes to airplane neighbors. A practicing doula perhaps? Kindergarten teacher? Grandmother of 15? Yes, please. Um, 57 year old corporate sales dude...ugh, no.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I am a little, (little) worried about nursing. Now that Sam is over a year old, I'm afraid, especially in different parts of the country, that there will be comments or looks. I am fully aware that I should not give a shit, and for the most part I don't, but I would be a liar if I didn't admit to thinking about it. This is a flaw I have. I often worry too much about what other people think. I try not to let it effect my decisions, and I think I do a good job with that, but I wish I didn't even entertain such concerns.

So, if anyone has any magic toddler occupying activity that we can do on and airplane, please share. I toyed with idea of a DVD player, but I think he's still too young. He doesn't even really pay attention to the TV when it's on...even the kiddie shows. And frankly, I'd rather not try to make him into a TV watching kid...I'm sure that will happen soon enough.

So see you in a couple weeks. I will have some things to say then, I'm sure. Very sure.

Exhibitionism at it's best...

2008-02-23T10:27:00.003-05:00

Sam has become obsessed with bellys (bellies?). His, mine, Tubbs's (Tubbs'?)

(Man this post is testing my High School English skills)

A belly on TV is HUGE hit. And if you want to see the baby belly? All you have to do is ask.

He is very proud of it. Can you tell?

The Business of Being Born...my 2 cents

2008-02-22T10:51:00.008-05:00

The buzz surrounding "The Business of Being Born" had been building around the mama circles, so when the University offered a showing and a panel discussion, some fellow mamas and I left the babes with Daddy and headed out.

First, I want to say that I think the movie was very well done. It opened my eyes and gave me some insight into the reasons why women make some of the choices they do. I particularly enjoyed the portions that followed a Certified Nurse Midwife through Manhattan. As the filmmakers interview her clients, discuss their views and decisions, and eventually film the births themselves, it really solidifies home birth as a valid choice. Home birth is a topic that can cause visceral reactions in some people. Most often, those are the people who know next to nothing about it. I think the film could be very useful in educating those groups who are obsessed with the idea of potential tragedy and “unnecessary risk” in association with the term “home birth.”This film does a wonderful job showing why people choose a home birth, what preparations are made and how any complications are addressed.

Being that the vast majority of the movie is filmed in New York City it was kinda hard, as a Vermonter, trying to relate to some of views and culture around birth in New York City. There is some talk of the “Too Posh to Push” phenomenon, which has lead to the increase in elective C-Sections…something we don’t hear much about around here. On the contrary, the area in which I live in is very pro-natural childbirth, pro-breastfeeding (pro-extended breastfeeding for that matter), lots of people co-sleep, cloth diaper, ect. So in our case , the movie was kinda preaching to the choir.

As a result, the issues I had with the movie are primarily the same issues I often have with the birth culture in Vermont, which was evident in the discussion that took place after the film. The panel was comprised of a couple of midwives (including Burlington’s only homebirth midwife), Lactation Consultant from LaLeche, a birth educator and doula, an OB GYN (from the practice that delivered Sam) and someone else I must be forgetting? The discussion that took place was interesting, though there was little diversity in the opinions or reactions to the film. There was a lot of discussion about Vermont culture. The panel often brought up how lucky we are to birth in a culture like Vermont. Though I wholeheartedly agree, there is also the flip side. When women have trouble following the natural path, due to personal choice, medical intervention or complications, or cannot follow post natal recommendations (in particular, breastfeeding), there is judgement. Women often have to justify their actions, or are at least are made to feel as though they have to. There were a few women who expressed this concern, (one of which was one of my Mama friends) and mentioned that this movie may serve to reinforce those feelings of inadequacy or a “less-than-perfect” birth experience. When one way of birthing is held up as an ideal, and you fall short of that, whether by choice or circumstance, it’s difficult not to have a sense of failure. Not that home birth shouldn’t be portrayed as the wonderful experience it is. I must admit, after watching the beautiful, calm (for the most part, these are not superwomen after all), intimate, and private births I wish I was a candidate for a home birth. But since my last birth resulted in an unplanned C-section, it’s best I birth my next one in a hospital.

And I’m ok with that. And I’ve always been Ok with Sam’s birth. Sure, not what I had envisioned, but perfect nonetheless. I had been someone who wanted to try for no drugs. I had the big tub, ready to labor and hopefully give birth in water. Pretty much the opposite happened. I was lucky that I didn’t mourn my ideal birth, like some people do. I was able to own my birth experience and embrace it. While watching this movie I, for the first time, felt bad about Sam’s birth. ‘Felt bad’ isnt’ really a good way to describe the feeling. Sad, maybe? Then angry? Defensive? Let me explain….

The issues that came up for me with the movie revolved around a few things. Minorly, I just felt bad for doctors. They kinda grouped all Obs together. Depicting them all as having the same mindset of trying to keep something bad from happening, as opposed to letting something beautiful take place. And also obsessed with the bottom line. Like people who want to just cut you open, get the baby out so they can hurry up and fill the bed with another laboring mom. Though I have no doubt there aspects of that mindset, especially in metropolitan areas, I wish they had shown some Mds who do things differently. Because I know they exist.

Now, the MAJOR issue I had with the movie was the emphasis they put on attachment following birth. In one portion of the movie they talk about the love cocktail of hormones the mother and baby share after birth. They talk about how this promotes attachment and that C-section mothers are missing out on this. That alone, wasn’t enough to make me feel too bad, after all I knew I missed out on some Oxytocin, but then it went on to say….that when Chimpanzees give birth via C-section they reject the baby and will not nurture or take care of it.

Excuse me? What are you implying? How the hell is that relevant?

They really should be careful. In their effort to empower women to make an informed choice, they are devaluing the experiences of those who, whether by choice or not, have done differently. I believe every woman has the right to give birth how she sees fit, in a way she feels safe, and has the right to feel good about it. It is the moment we meet our children for the first time. The pure love and joy should never be tainted by guilt, shame or regret. In order to insure that, education and knowledge is vital, and I think this movie does a good job at providing important information, shedding light on many misconceptions about midwives and homebirth, and challenging the existing medical establishment. But as a consequence, though most likely unintended, they are diminishing the c-section mothers experience and setting up future mothers for disappointment and feelings of failure. And in particular, to question the capability of a woman to be a good mother, simply due to the manner in which she gives birth. Which I found personally offensive.

In the end, I found The Business of Being Born empowering and I would recommend it to anyone thinking of having a baby. Just take it with a grain of salt. I think they did a really good job shedding light on the expertise of midwives in contrast to Obs. That Certified Nurse Midwives are specialized in the female process of giving birth, while Obs are surgeons. I think many people in this country view midwives as someone who took a correspondence course, or is one step up from a massage therapist. In some states it is even illegal to have a midwife deliver your baby. The movie illuminates midwives as the skillful and knowledgeable professionals they truly are, helping to shatter many myths and misconceptions. Ricky and the other filmmakers hearts are in the right place, they just need to look outside themselves a little. And it’s important to know that more often than not, your birth does not go how you imagined.

And it's still perfect.

hello stranger...

2008-02-21T15:02:00.003-05:00

So, I bought A New Earth. It seems that I don't mind being told what to do by Oprah to the degree as previously stated. I've figure the key is to read the book before there are 3 follow up shows on how it changed the life of throngs of Oprah viewers. Then the book won't be ruined for me by preconceptions and expectations. Or, I suppose I could stop watching Oprah...hmm.

So I'll let you know what I think. If I ever finish it. I'm on page 17, and I've had it for a week. But J left this morning for Montana, so I can read before going to bed. Normally, he moans and whines if I want to do this, because the light bothers him. Maybe I can even finish it before he gets back! And not only will I have finished a non-parenting/pregancy book, I'll be "awakened to my life's purpose"... he'll be so pleased.

I wanted to write about a documentary I just saw, but I'm having trouble collecting my thoughts on it. There was a special screening of "The Business of Being Born" at UVM. There are many, many things to say about it, but it's all swirling around in my head. I will say now, that it was good. I enjoyed it. There is a bias, but that bias does not change the validity of the facts and realities the movie depicts. But some of it offended me. Not deeply, but irked me, you know? I will think on it more and see what I come up with. But if you have a chance, and are interested in such things, definitely see it.

As I sit here, Sam is in his room bouncing and grunting. I'm thinking the afternoon nap is becoming a thing of the past. But he's soooooo grumpy! He's been rolling around in his crib for 15 minutes. He's not crying, but he's clearly not napping. And he seems a little annoyed. I'm not ready for one nap a day. But it's not about me, is it?

Bummer

2008-01-30T13:41:00.000-05:00

When the debates started and the Democratic primary race began, I was a little giddy with excitement. I was excited to hear all the new ideas, the plans, the solutions. Looked forward to learning more about these people hoping to take the Presidency. The first debate I watched (on ABC I think?) was ok. It didn't really get to the heart of many issues, but gave me a small sense of the canidates. Basically I ended up understanding the personal taglines for everyone. Hillary was experienced and can start on "Day One", Barak knows America is ready for "change" (which comes with "hope"), and for John Edwards "it's personal." But basically, they all come down on the same side of most issues. It's in the nuances I hoped to really make my decision, but they didn't get into nuances.

I don't blame this as much on the candidates as the people asking the questions. The second debate (on CNN i think) I watched was so much worse. It was after the crying incident with Hillary. And after the MLK/Johnson comment as well. It was all they wanted to talk about. It was like watching TMZ, but instead of Hollywood, it was Washington. I couldn't watch, it was so silly and pointless. What about health care? What about the grip corporations have on our elected representatives? What about the state of public education?

That's when I really stopped paying attention. There were more debates, but I sat on my jaded butt and watched Project Runway instead. What little political updates I managed to see on TV usually revolved around a snide remark (or rather perceived snide remark) made by one about the other, and their reaction, and blah, blah, blah. The media exaggerates every little possible drama to make it gossip and if they're lucky, scandal. Despite my disgust, I had picked my horse, John Edwards. My frustration only grew as his message continually got lost in all the media induced bickering and sensationalism.

Well, John Edwards just "suspended" his campaign and I'm totally bummed. Not sure what "suspended" means...I guess in case some crazy shit happens with Hillary or Obama. Since he still has delegates going to the convention, technically, he could get a nomination?

So now, I guess I'm an Obama fan. But I'll take Hillary over any of the Republicans. I never thought the GOP would even have a chance. But on the horizon I think I see a McCain/Guilianni ticket...gulp. It's really the onlycombo that might get back some of those jaded Republicans for them. And I thought they couldn't win 4 years ago.

momentary lapse of patience

2008-01-28T11:20:00.000-05:00

Sam and I had a good day yesterday. And it's made me realize that what we really need to do is just get out of the house more. When we hang out here all day, day after day, I get bored. And he gets board. And neither one of us appreciates the things that we do to combat our boredom. For me, that would be reading or tinkering around on the internet, neither which Sam has more than a 30 second tolerance for. And for Sam, playing lets tip over the coffee table over and over and over and over.

Oh, we do plenty of more interactive things. I read to him, we build with blocks, we even tried coloring (FYI, he is not yet ready for that. Unless they have revised the food pyramid to include Crayons). But sitting in the family room putting on the "I'm so excited" face and voice for two or three hours straight, is completely mentally draining. "That's not MY Dinosaur!" I say with saccharine laced enthusiasm. The same demeanor I fine so annoying about children's TV...at the least the shows that include actual adults. It's fake, or at least becomes fake after the first hour or so. I am not that person. At least not indefinitely. I can be that person genuinely for a while, but really, it makes me lose my marbles (and my good humor) eventually.

So I am now resolved to vacate the abode at least once a day.

Wait, I amend that to only the days that the temperature rises above 20 degrees. I'll play tip over the coffee table while declaring that is not my robot, or puppy or whatever gladly over the prospect of the bundling ritual required to go out with an infant in that sort of weather.

So, it's 22 degrees. I guess that means I better get dressed. When Sam wakes up, we're outta here!

Ok toddlerhood, stop it. Now. I mean it...

2008-01-26T19:12:00.001-05:00

So J left this morning for almost a week. It's going to be a rough one. Sure, he's left before, and we've been just fine, but Sam has become a bit of a challenge lately. He is determined to mess with anything I try and keep him from. And he thinks "No" is hilarious. And no matter how many times I physically remove him from whatever it is that I don't want him smashing or dragging or shaking, he goes right back. I try to be stern, you know, with my serious face. Doesn't work. The only thing that works is sitting directly in front of whatever it is, to block his way. Then he crumples into a red faced crying mess. Once we cuddle, or nurse and he's better, he goes right back at it.

Lord help me.

So I turn to Dr. Sears. Basically, what they say is "practice attachment parenting and kid will want to please you." Well, I think what I've been doing can be considered a form of attachment parenting (cosleeping ended pretty early, due to mama constantly being jabbed in the ribs), and my kid seems to think displeasing me is a game. Fun even. I know he's young, so I'm not worried that he's going to be a some delinquent or anything, I am just worried about my sanity.

I am frazzled. And impatient, and I dare say, ANNOYED.

Ok, bad mama, get a grip. See this is why I need this blog. If I posted this on the family blog, Grandma would be flying here tomorrow and I would be bombarded with stories about having 2 toddlers and a husband who was checked out and blah, blah, blah. And everything Sam does is cute and couldn't possibly be annoying and he's precious and special and. OK I already feel guilty and I just imagined my mother lecturing me.

Sam, I love you bud. LOVE YOU. Now, stop dragging furniture across the room. Please. PLEASE. Love you.