All the Birds of This Day

2009-06-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

Dearest Friends,

This Blog is going private for a time,

please do leave your email address if you'd like to still be a part.

with love,

ashmae.

FISH FAMILY REPRODUCES AT RAPID RATE.

2009-06-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

Puffer Fish

Quiet Seahorse
Determined Goldfish
Friendly Fish
Class Clown Fish
I keep making fish. I love making them. I am thinking about a children's book, but don't know where to find out about printing. Any ideas? (about printing, or other ideas for them)

SOME WEE NEWS!

2009-06-23T17:36:00.000-07:00

This is Carl. Carl is a special boy.

This weekend he gave me two things;

a new haircut and a ring for my left finger. We are so happy. We'll be married on September 12th in the Manti Temple.

A NEW MUSIC VIDEO WE SHOT WITH CANOE

2009-06-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

MORE FISH.

2009-06-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

Here is Google Eye Fish, Feeling Bad For Himself Fish, and Pancake Fish.

FISH.

2009-06-19T11:50:00.000-07:00

I've been painting fish. This is proud fish, Carl's pet fish and ugly (but he doesn't know it) fish.

2009-06-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

I got lost today. I had an appointment a couple cities away, and somehow, I got up early, studied and got to the destination without flaw. As I was driving home, I called Carl to tell him how beautifully I'd executed my plan and that I would be home shortly. Then, I promptly missed my exit, (an exit I never saw), and was headed for the hills, literally, of Portland.

For the last two months I've tried to keep a positive outlook on getting lost, as it happens frequently. I think of it as my time to really explore the area, to see places that I never would otherwise, to get a feel for things. I was awesome at this for a while, until about an hour into the abyss of endless, winding road and unfamiliar areas, I began to feel upset. I've made it a point lately to not listen to music in the car, but rather, let it be a time for thinking deliberately for a brief time. I think this is a fantastic, and un-fantastic idea.

Today, whilst I was driving about, I thought myself right into a dither and ended up in a grocery store parking lot in a city I did not know the name of. I sat there, with the phone in my hand, wanting to make a phone call to someone who perhaps did not want to talk to me. I thought about shoulds and shouldn'ts, dids and didn'ts, should haves and could haves. I am frequently thinking of these things. I wanted to yell, "I am lost and I am sorry, please show me the way back home." Just then, Carl called. Turns out, the road home was just two blocks away.

Thinking is a good thing, of course. But sometimes, it is too much to think just with our heads. Sometimes we need to think with our hands, to make something, to reach out and touch someone with our fingers. At other times our hearts and ears and eyes and bodies need to think, need to lead the way, need to teach us.

There will always be a thousand should haves, some deeper and less kind than others, but we cannot stay to only think about them, the road home is so near, and there is oh so much to be done when we get there.

CANOE, THE GOLDMINER

2009-06-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

I read a book called 'The Gift' by Lewis Hyde about two years ago. Hyde talks about the "spirit" of the art objects we produce, he says that there is an inherent difference in an object that we find on a shelf in a place like Wal-mart, and an object that was crafted by hand, with great thought, time, toil, and skill.

The two objects may perform the same function, but one will rise beyond the commodified, fast and easy world of "things" we find around us. The other object, the one crafted out of human need and purpose, will carry with it that same spirit, and when we take part in it, we are reminded that there is beauty and sincerity in life, that there are still things that connect us as human beings.

For me, Canoe's music is a testament to that principle. I suppose you could say I have alternate reasons for promoting the band (I know them), but for me, that fact has only magnified my desire to help people know Canoe's music. It is a rare thing to find a group of musicians who's purpose is to bless community and promote family through doing something they love. I've seen families, professors, young people and indie rockers at Canoe shows. I've seen the band practice in the living room while the lead singers two-year-old daughter runs through throwing cheerios. I've heard the beginnings of some of these songs sung by a husband and wife with a simple guitar, in the hours just after breakfast. I've watched them care deeply about what they do.

The music itself then, especially this new CD, posseses that same spirit of sincerity. The narrative woven through the songs is meaningful, and really, it's just good music. The collective (which includes Adam and Darcie and Johan the Angel) is a grassroots operation to create and promote good music which inspires us to love our own human story.

You can read about, listen to and buy this new CD here: http://www.villageten.com/special/

or you can listen to some more here: http://www.myspace.com/canoecanoe

These would make D.J. Tanner jealous

2009-06-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

Why didn't I understand my natural talent and obligation to fashion circa 1987? Don't be jealous that your bangs don't do this of their own free will and choice.

2009-06-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

You may or may not have noticed that I haven't been terribly efficient at upkeep on my blog as of late. According to my last post, you may be asking yourself why, if I do indeed have so much time on my hands. I have answers, and I also have no answers. Firstly, I'm a little embarrassed/digusted with the design, colors, painting that doesn't fit in the border at the top, and silly posts ornamenting my blog. I suppose that I could just fix it up until I do like it, but I haven't, and so instead, I've just avoided it altogether.

Also, I think sometimes the upkeep of a blog requires you to keep a constant record of your doings and thoughts and accomplishments, it requires you to keep up wit and adventure, and while I've had plenty to record, plenty adventure, and perhaps still a little wit, it was nice just to live it for a couple months, without any record or explanation, just living.

I've had my ample rest from writing though, and am even going a step further and am creating a new blog which will be a little better organized, (blog address to be posted soon).

As far as my life in Portland, I still love Portland. Of course I get nostalgic for a Provo summer every now and then. How could you not, Provo is full of magic in the summer. I still get the occasional (okay often) pang of doubt and sadness that everyone has forgotten about me or has entirely moved on. Not true I am sure, but I've found that affirmations and small words and reminders go a lot further than I had remembered to keep us all close, and I'm so grateful for the many dear friends who have been so good about keeping in touch. I will try to do the same.

Gee and James came for a visit and I think we effectively did every thing there is to do in Portland and it's surrounding cities in a matter of four days. Carl and I considered starting a small tourist company for the rest of the summer. We had such a lovely time, we camped on a beach, hiked a lot of miles, went through the tillamook cheese sampling line at least 4 times, barbequed, went to the Japanese gardens and watched Ninja Turtles II, which was far more awesome than I ever remembered.

Carl and I started making handmade puzzles in his backyard. I will post a photo soon. We are hopefully going to sell them at local toy stores and at the Saturday's market. It feels good to be working with my hands and creating new things.

I spent a week with my family in California, which was so nice. It was good to be with them.

I also got a job. When I worked in the Provo Early Education Program Classroom, there were these amazing learning toys in the classroom. Anyone who was around me then probably heard me talking about Lakeshore toys. They are so well made, and I feel like they really help kids progress, learn and develop. I was hired to work at the actual store here in Portland. Yes, probably way nerdy, and the store managers probably wondered why a girl without any kids or a classroom already knew so much about their product, but I'm really excited. It's still a family owned company and they are really careful about their expansion and the conditions in which their products are made. It's a company I believe in and so am delighted to be there for the summer.

So, I guess this just turned into another update post, it will be the last of this nature for some time, and I will get to more interesting things.

much love to you all!

Portland in a paragraph

2009-05-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

Turns out that Oregon currently has the second highest rate of unemployment in the country. I'd been holding out to write a blog post telling of my great news of a lucrative job, but since, despite great efforts, that doesn't seem to be happening, I will post a picture of this really awesome pig I made out of two knit gloves. He's wearing a turtleneck.

I have decided that while I can't work for money, I can certainly volunteer. I have my first doula job with a woman from Mexico who doesn't speak any english and I am going to work in the migrant camps once a week, doing health care stuff. I am also working on making my own toy business with things to sell at the Saturday's market. If pig starts looking a little better, he will be there too.

Portland is beautiful. I love it here. I miss people all the time of course, but I have a nice sense of peace in knowing that we are all doing good things and will see each other again.

2009-05-09T00:27:00.001-07:00

I realized today that one of my favorite hobbies is stretching. I love stretching, I could do it for hours, and feel productive. Does anyone else feel this way?

2009-05-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

This morning my dad sent me a text that said, "Happy Star Wars Day, May the 4th be with you." Perhaps this is a long standing joke here in America, but it was unprecedented for me, and thus began my morning with a little chuckle. My dad is one of the funniest people I know, hands down. When I was little he and my grandpa used to sing "Starkle, Starkle little twink, what the heck you are I think." and "Head, shoulders, raisin toast, raisin toast." One time I picked up a shell on the beach and showed it to my dad, he said, "Wow, that's a leverite." "What's a leverite?" I asked, "Leave her right there." he said.

I could spend a very long time writing contributary material to my dad, but I must go find a job, and this computer is about to die. So I will simple leave these small treasures of dad wisdom to be used at leisure.

I'll be back in a minute... i'm packing for Portland.

2009-04-19T15:00:00.001-07:00

Though I don't really know what one packs when they haven't a apartment, a job or a car that they are sure will make the journey. I have lots of feelings about moving, I will write them soon. For now, I am grateful for a city full of people who have nutured, loved and taught me, and I am excited for those people I am about to meet. I think it's time for me to go. Though I get the feeling that my parents are a little worried about my well-being, seeing that the realities of life have often evaded me.

“We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them.” -M. Scott Peck

2009-04-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

Which means, you're invited! To a revolution of sorts.

I imagine most of us have had the experience of reading a fashion magazine and feeling a little less confident about ourselves after about 3 minutes. I know that whenever I read, rather look, at those magazines I feel those dumb stereotypes closing in tight around me. The false and impossible notions that I should somehow, in some way, become a size 2, that I should have perfect teeth and somehow be able to afford the latest and most expensive fashions. In this way, it is reinforced to me that this is what womanhood is. It's not though. It makes me so mad that people are telling us this, and that at 25, for all the smarts I may possess, I am still lessened as a woman by perusing through a fashion magazine. I was thinking about this while in line at the grocery store the other day, when an idea came to me. What if I could write notes to all the girls and women reading those magazines, telling them what I appreciate about them, what makes them beautiful and wonderful, and what if that person believed what was written and put down the magazine, or at least felt more empowered. And then I thought, what if all sorts of people were writing little notes for other women.

And so I propose an action, for men and women alike. To join us in the revolution, think of an empowering story about womanhood. It can be a time you felt empowered as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, as a human being. Write a vignette about an empowered or strong woman that you know. Write about why you love being a woman. Write the story (it can be as short or long as you like) as a comment or email (rippinsweet@gmail.com) and we will print them off and put them in fashion magazines as guerilla inserts all across the valley.

Tell your friends, pass it on, use it as a young women's activity, announce it in Relief Society, go out and do it yourself. I get so excited just thinking about all of us not simply accepting what we are told to be, but being who we were meant to be. I think this is a small way of doing that.

For what is done or learned by one class of women, becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women." - Elizabeth Blackwell

I used to live in this room

2009-04-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

I remember the first night I slept in this room. It was a new house, we weren't renting it. We had picked out the paint, and the carpet. We had brought the workers donuts every morning so they would do everything perfect for us. Everything smelled new. My dad helped me push my bed under the window so I could watch the moon. I built a pair of shelves with the extra wood the workers had left behind. I was so careful to only put the necessary holes in the walls. The foundation of the house must have still been settling in, and through the heater vents, the walls would make this clicking noise as I was falling asleep every night. It started deep in the belly of the house and then creaked up to my bedroom and through the vent beneath my bed. I suppose the house never settled, because on occasion, I hear the noise still. I suppose it could be cause for concern, but sometimes there are things that are so comforting, you would never fix them.

2009-04-08T00:03:00.000-07:00

This is me today. Not the greatest photo, but I don't mind. Today I am feeling better than i have in quite some time. Two of my favorite song lines keep running through my head, I think they amply explain.

'Let your unloved parts be loved.'

and

'We've known, we've known,

we had a choice,

we chose rejoice.'

It's time to let our unloved parts be loved, it's time to rejoice. There is too much focus on what we don't have, what we are not, what we did not do, I won't do it anymore. We all have things to give each other, people need what we have to give.

2009-04-06T22:54:00.001-07:00

2009-04-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight Carl took me out with two circles of paper in his hand. They were a star clock, a basic, obvious principle that I had for some reason, never thought of, never even imagined. He held it up to the big dipper, then casiopia, then lined it up with the north star. He said it should be 11:30, it was 11:20, but close enough considering that thousands of years ago when the stars were actually used to tell time, ten minutes wasn't then what it is to us now. It probably didn't matter much. As we were out on the street in front of my house, I looked up at the stars, and realized that I had been driving under them for nights now, without staring up, without even opening my sunroof. I realized that they were actually twinkling.

I thought about how it was 11:30 p.m. and my dad was still at work. That's been normal before. I try to leave a note goodnight on the kitchen counter, but tonight when I really thought about it, the idea seemed so much more than I had remembered. My dad was working that late for nothing more than the fact that he loves us and wants us to have what we need. A simple concept, but all of a sudden, that love seemed tangible. It seemed simple, like the twinkling stars I'd failed to notice, but still perhaps a miracle.

And as I go further back in the day, I think to the hours before that, when Kate and I made a beautiful and natural salad out of wheat berries, spinach, roasted pine nuts and a lemon vinagarette. I realized then as well that I was eating food, I was preparing food that had been grown somewhere out of the earth, it had either grown up through soil, or come down from a tree branch. I had forgotten.

All of this made me remember a moment, just a brief moment that happened to me a few weeks ago. I was having a particularly difficult day of things. I was driving in the car in a busy place screaming of modern metropolis, I believe I was crying at being lost and feeling incapable. I was trying to navigate my way around the busy intersections in a car that is always threatening combustion, nothing seemed pretty outside. A thought came to my head that went something like this, 'It's okay if everything here seems foreign. This is not your home, you have not always been here, and you will not always be here, of course it is hard sometimes.' I've kept that thought tucked away in the folds of my heart in the weeks since, it has somehow calmed me in many ways. It has reminded me that the passage of time is so short, that we will someday see again the friends we've lost, that material things will never create a home, people do. I've been seeing the world again today.

Little things.

2009-04-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

New things on ashmae.etsy.com

It's that time again.

2009-03-31T21:25:00.000-07:00

One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen was a Uruguayan sky in the middle of March. For easter all of the kids make their own kites, there are special patterns and colors for boys and for girls. The month before easter the whole wide sky is filled with kites pulling on strings, eager to touch the clouds. They play a game where they try and knock each other kites out of the sky and when one falls, they all run to the crash sight. One of my favorite memories is walking along the train tracks, behind all the poorest houses, and seeing 100 dirty little kids sitting back on their haunches with a roll of string in their hands, everyone looking up into the colored dots against the blue sky. I remember once my dad and I let a kite go from the edge of our garden. We tied a message to the tail with our address, hoping that someone would write back. A few weeks later, we were riding our bikes down by the river, and we found the tattered old kite beneath some weeds in the mud. The message was gone. Sometimes still I wonder where my letter fell, who read the words. I like to think that still, someday, things like that come back to us.

New and Improved!

2009-03-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

www.simplebirth.wordpress.com

2009-03-24T14:52:00.000-07:00

Last night I was driving to the library when I saw a big sign downtown that said, 'Established 1984, celebrating 25 years." I looked up at it and then immediately placed myself in context. I did not at that moment feel like I was celebrating 25 years. For various reasons, the last few months have been both wonderful and very difficult. I went to a Doula training conference in Salt Lake on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I met 16 other women who were strong, intelligent, determined, many were mothers. We became close over the 24 hours we sat in a small room discussing together. It became quite apparent that these women had celebrated, and these women had mourned, and perhaps at times, those are synonymous. The teacher said many things that made me think a lot, one being a comment about grief. She said that there are six stages to grieving, the last one being the acceptance of a new normal. In which case, I suppose I am grieving in the most human way the loss of some things and people, and celebrating the gaining and blessings of others. Maybe things will never be what we had imagined, maybe some paths do cross again, and maybe we learn better to love who are where we are. I want to be the kind of person who celebrates 25 years, not because it was easy, but because it was difficult, and because we can love the difficult. There is so much to celebrate.

2009-03-18T13:15:00.001-07:00

I was riding my bike home from work today, and as I was going up the hill, I noticed I was about to pass a man from my neighborhood. I know he is blind because he used to come to one of my classes and he always carried a walking stick with him. He was rather apt at making profound comments. After my class with him, I began to notice him walking all over Provo. Today, as I biked up the hill to my house, he looked up and smiled at precisely the moment I passed and looked up at him and smiled. I didn't realize at first who it was because he was sans walking stick, but after I passed, I thought to myself that there are many amazing things that happen in a day.

We saw some felt on sale today...

2009-03-14T15:54:00.000-07:00

and luckily I have a really nice boyfriend who is trained in the art of physics and calculus, and therefore is able to visualize things before their actual creation. I was sad because I didn't have a spring dress, nor any money from a measley paycheck to buy one, so we made one. Mostly Carl made one. At first he thought it would be best just to get two rectangles of fabric and pin them until it seemed to fit right, but we found that just wasn't quite cutting it, so we snipped, we pinned, we sewed, we did a relatively small amount of unpicking, and we rejoiced in the somewhat odd, but presentable dress that we made this afternoon.