{ h i t o m i }

2007-01-15T19:12:00.000+08:00

/.

"Understanding (Wash It All Away)"

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)

The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone

"You're not alone, honey."
"Never... Never."

Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away

"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."

Happy 3 months.
Que sera sera.

what will be will be.
this is our last post here.
Find us here.

I love you. Always.

-anis.

lyrics © Amy Lee, Evanescence, and all respective owners.

2007-01-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Kodoku no Kessho - Danger*Gang
mood: content

stupid
fawking
internet
thingy.

kept me out of the net.

evil evil evil.

nnn.
but oh-

- aren't we just too adorable?

School's the same as usual, and drama is as usual. I keep to myself more and I'm still odd.

...What a great way to start off the New Year.

I have a whole lot of crap to complete ( random art pieces I never finished, commisioned pieces, etc ) and a few books to read ( Macbeth etc).

And I'm happy to report that I'm gaining confidence with my (singing) voice! ♥ I kinda abused my vocal chords yesterday singing Malice Mizer and the like, (mostly Klaha stuff) and even tried Rentrer en Soi. A lil bit off, but hey, I didn't get any vocal training lessons. ppft.

anyhu, a bit more toward our three-month anniversary! Ten more days to be exact. wahahahah.

I want the romanji to this song. bah, why is it so hard to find it?? ><
crrryyyy out shout one selffff~ yuki ga furi.
can't master this song yet. whaahah. I'm beginning to bore myself now. meh.

that's all for now.
oh, I think I want to get another blog thing. This one is geeting old, and screams for retirement.

cheers.
-hitomi.

2006-12-26T08:36:00.001+08:00

I swear.
My lings are the smexiest thangs in the world <3

2006-12-19T01:55:00.000+08:00

/.
gosh.
I take back the bad cosplay comment I made a few posts back. I found more good cosplayers!
but alas...I found a rather...ecke Gazette team.

...even some cosplayers were rather adorable ^_^
hurrah! more motivation to cosplay! I wanna cos Ishizu Ishtar from YGO!, but at one of the smaller events. Next year's EOY, I'm going as Teruki [AnCafe] from the Tekesuta Kousen PV. LALALALA i'll be in a suit. ooo.
and then I'll have to do my Shinya cos. nn. I want to cos him more often. <3
AND OMG DADA COSER!!! <3<3<3
sho purdy

ok now I need sleep. nite nite.

-hitomi

2006-12-18T18:26:00.000+08:00

If you get more than 30 you're paranoid.
If you get 21 to 29 you normal.
If you get 11 to 20 you are pretty normal.
If you get 10 or less you're fearless.
People who don't have any are jerks who want people to think they are tough stuff.

Everyone fears something... you just have to find the right thing.

I Fear...

[] gay people
[] the dark
[] being single forever
[] being a parent
[] being myself in front of others
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[] heights
[] black cats
[] birds
[] fish
[] ants
[] driving
[] flying
[] flowers or other plants
[] being touched
[] fire
[] dark water
[] the ocean
[] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[x] my boy~~/girlfriend~~'s/~~(ex)boy/girlfriends~~ dad
[x] my boy~~/girlfriend~~'s/~~(ex)boy/girlfriends~~ mom
[] mice/rats
[] jumping from high places
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[] cotton balls
[] cemeteries
[] large crowds
[] crossing bridges
[] death
[] Heaven
[] being robbed
[] men
[] women
[x] having great responsibility
[] doctors, including dentists
[]tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[] diseases
[] snakes
[] sharks
[] shots
[] Friday the 13th
[] poverty
[] ghosts
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains or railroads
[] odd numbers.
[] even numbers
[] being alone
[] being blind
[] being deaf
[] growing up
[] monsters under my bed
[] creepy noises in the night
[] bee stings
[] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[]blood
[x] someone you love or care about getting hurt
[x] someone you love or care about hurting you
[] love
[x] losing my loved ones
[] Spiders
[x] God
[] Other

.....7.
SEVEN OUT OF SEVENTY-TWO.
....=.=
nnn. I'm...fearless. I guess. wahahaha.
I realized today that I've never had an argument with Ash. Have never started one either.
IT'S THOSE OTHER PEOPLE WHO MAKE HIM ANGRY >O

stupid idiots. nn.

that's all for today.

-hitomi

2006-12-17T19:17:00.000+08:00

/.

watching : FRIENDS
mood : ....

I still have food poisoning. gah.

...And I didn't go for EOY. I'm glad I didn't.

I realized that a majority of Singaporeans are NOT fit for cosplaying. It's really so...disappointing ._. My motivation to cosplay increased, surprisingly. Like to show em I could do it so much better. wahahahaha.

My sempai did an amazing job cosplaying Kyo sama though. Both Hara and Kai. Mizuki cosplayed as well, but I wasnt sure who she was cosing. I think it was Jui..I forgot >_>
nnn.
I feel like puking at the thought of food now.

-hitomi

2006-12-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : The Domestic Fucker Family - Dir en Grey
Mood : Bitchy.

the following will contain several swear words, thus making my rant ~~seem~~ obscene and uncouth. ~~I DON'T FUCKING CARE.~~

nnn.

[rant]
No one can control who they fall in love with. We can't control that anymore than we can control the weather. SO, EXPLAIN TO ME WTFH ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO CONTROL HIM AND WHO HE LIKES?
Even if the girl of his dreams does so happen to come along after I go away, I doubt she'd be anymore innocent than I would be. Fine, so you think the way I dress is loud? Shameless?
FINE. SEE IF I REALLY FUCKING CARE.
Life's too short, it can't be lived wearing boring clothes in your youth.
Don't give me bullshit reasons. We're not getting married. We're just going out. That's all. So if you fuckers really want to control him, fine, do so, by all means. You are family, and so family knows what's best for an angst-ridden teenager. Suuuuuuure. Okay. I very much want your blessing, but then again, you're not my parents, nor his, so back off will ya?
And btw, don't bug on him just because you're jealous that you don't have a boyfriend. Don't make noise. Just sssshhhh and stfu pls.
Don't try to end our relationship just because yours is going down the drain. Don't tell me that I'm incapable of trying to even sustain anything that resembels a relationship. You can't do any better, really.
And so, if you want me to back off, sure, I'll be respectful and back off. But really, I'd very much like to dare you bitches to find me someone who treats me better than Ash does.
You know you'll fail.
And what are you afraid of? That I'm going to just use him and then throw him away?
Do you really think I'm that sort of person?
Whatever. Don't give me lame excuses and say that I'm too young for a relationship dammit. You won't even let him talk to me. Huh. How wonderful.
I hope you know, if he kills himself it'll be on your conscience. But then again, you wouldn't care would you? You'd be more than happy to dance on his grave and kick the soil loose. You'd never tell me because you're my best friend. But I know.
...Fuck you and your incapability to handle other people being happy.
You just can't accept the fact that he isn't the same person you left behind in Singapore a year ago, can you?
You can't accept the fact that he only seems to be caring, loving and and actual feeling person to me alone, can you? You can't accept the fact that he's a different person from the gritty doom and gloom cousin from a year ago, can you?
You can't even seem to accept the fact that he has a reason to be happy, just for once in his life. What a wonderful cousin you must be.
I'd very much like to taunt you in person. But no, I'm far too immature, I rant about it publicly on my blog.
I really don't have the heart to really and truly hate you.
Because you're all like my own sisters, and I could never hate family. Another great flaw in my grand design.
I want to be selfish, just for this. I'm tired of giving people the things they want, letting them be satisfied with my lies, and deceiving them like I breathe air. I promised my parents long ago that I'd always tell the truth, I guess I broke that promise.
So I'm telling the truth now.
Deal with it girl, and don't give me lame excuses. I don't want to see things from your point of view, I want you to see things from my point of view. Hell, even if you were in love with my worst enemy, I'd try to see things your way.
Oh, but I guess that's the difference between you guys and me. I actually give the bad guys a chance.
hm.
fuck.
you.
all.
[/rant]

-anis.

2006-12-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Cold Sleep - Velvet Eden
Mood : Headache XD LOL that's not a mood XDDD

KAY JIA I R UPDATING NOWWWWW =DD
mostly random updates.
My cosplay still isn't done DX it's at the tailor's for now, and she reassures me that it'll be done by December 16th. God willing.
I've been listening to a whole lot of Velvet Eden. It's calming. And my lack of fangirling surprising everyone. woooaaa. SEE LA ASH WHAT YOU DID TO ME. XDD
no more fangirling. o_o
I made Ash talk to mummy. And now she knowwwssss -le gasp- She was like, "OOOOOoooh so I was right la. Your boyfriend's name IS Ash " and then Uncle Din too LOL.
She was like, OMG YOU'RE 16???? when Ash told her. XDD I was laughing my ass off. But he was mad that I told them. He said it was too early. We got that cleared up though.
MUMMY GAVE ME A DIAMONTE HELLO KITTY NECKLACE. and cute ring and matching earrings. homfg I feel so girly now. I'm getting too used to MSN, look at the amount of emotifaces thingies I use.
GAH. Ash's meeting mum and Uncle Din on Monday =O AND Azri.
OMFG.
OMFG.
OMFG.
Sofi gave me Charmy Kitty mini plushie! It's so cuteeeee.
-slaps self-
..I'm really girly.
The soft spot for decora. And..cute things. Meh.
Mum thought Ash wasn't a Malay. XD he doesn't sound it. Neither do I. LOL.
Anyhu, my head is throbbing, andddd I dunnoe what else to type.
I think I'm losing my touch ><

-hitomi

2006-11-21T18:45:00.000+08:00

What's Your Disorder?

Anorexia
[ ] you have dry skin.
[ ] you're very weak.
[ ] you hate your body.
[x] you starve yourself. sometimes..
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[x] you need to be skinnier.
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
total: 2

ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder)
[x] you are hyper most of the time.
[x] you barely pay attention to anything.
[ ] you cannot cooperate with people well.
[x] you seem to never sit still.
[x] you talk all the time.
[x] you need attention 24/7.
total: 5

Bipolar Disorder
[x] you can act wild at times then the next you are severely depressed.
[x] you are very irritable.
[x] you barely get any or no sleep.
[ ] you are anti-social.
[ ] you have very high self esteem at times.
[ ] you are abusing alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
total: 3

Bulimia Nervosa
[ ] you throw up all of your food.
[ ] you throw it up even when you don't feel sick.
[ ] you have no control over how you eat.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[ ] you eat fast.
[ ] you have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[x] you always say you are fat, ~~when you aren't.~~ I AM DAMMIT.
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
total: 1

Conduct Disorder
[ ] you are a bully.
[ ] you threaten other people.
[ ] you often find yourself in fights.
[ ] you have used a weapon that could cause injury to others. (ex: knife, bat, etc.)
[ ] you are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[x] you have raped/molested someone. XDDDDDDDDD as a joke
[ ] you destroy property on purpose.
[x] you ~~always~~ sometimes lie.
[ ] you stay out all night.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
total: 2

Depression
[x] you are always sad.
[x] you always are crying.
[ ] you find no hope in your future.
[ ] you find no longer excitement over the activities you used to love.
[ ] you always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[ ] you can be/are anti-social.
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[x] everything bad that happens is always your fault.
[ ] you always seem to be weak or have physical features hurt.
[ ] you are failing school.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
[ ] hope is no longer there for you.
total: 3

OCD (obsession compulsive disorder)
[x] you have daily rituals.
[x] you have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[x] you have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[ ] you have to keep things in a certain order.
[x] you have harmed yourself. ....mentally.
[ ] you are afraid you will get an std, aids, or any kind of germs.
[ ] you have to check some stuff over again.
total: 4

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
[x] you repeatedly have flashbacks of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[x] you repeatedly have dreams of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[x] you sometimes think the event will happen again.
[x] you feel highly uncomfortable when remembered/remembering the event.
[x] you can be/are anti-social.
[x] you have lost interest in the things you used to love.
[x] you have not had a lot of sleep lately.
[ ] you worry about dying at a early age or dying at all.
[ ] you can have angry outbursts.
[ ] you act younger than your age.
total: 7

Schizophrenia
[ ] you often have hallucinations (seeing things or hearing things that aren't there).
[x] you have strange, unusual dreams or thoughts.
[x] you can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[x] you think people are always staring or talking about you.
[ ] you have extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[ ] you have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite sex.
[ ] you do not take care of your hygiene like you should.
[ ] you are very shy.
[x] you often talk to yourself.
total: 4

Now, add them up and see which has the most and you'll figure out your disorder.

I have PTSD.

Amazing. Ahahahahahaha.

-hitomi

2006-11-21T02:27:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Planet Hell - Nightwish
Mood : Contemplative

....I'm sorry.

Don't worry about anything.
I know it might be a little early to say this, and all but,

I LOVE YOU.

I don't want to end this. Not yet anyways. I want you for who you are, not for the person you write about. I know you're no Superman, neither am I. I...love you for who you are. Know this.
Don't beat yourself up just because I freaked out just for that one instant. ...No love lost ne?

Don't tempt me into sin.
...But then again, I'd burn in Hell anyways. I don't want you to burn. I love you too much to see that happen.
If I could.

-hitomi

2006-11-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Bel Air - Malice Mizer
Mood : worried.

...

What if you only want me for that?

...I'm not a toy.

forget it. I didn't say anything.
these are the minor insecurities.
-hitomi

2006-11-13T17:07:00.000+08:00

I've been watching you from a distance
The distance sees through your disguise
All I want from you is your hurting
I want to heal you
I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you
Somehow it matters more to me
Than if I were hurting myself
Save you (save you)
I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

+ This is for you.
All I've ever wanted to say and do.
All in Amy Lee's words.
I can't find my own..so..
for now this will have to suffice.

あなたの唇の感じはまだ私の物で長びく..

-hitomi.

2006-11-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Merou ni Shizunde - Alice Nine
Mood : ..sleepy.

AA ARISOU~!!!!
-spazzes-

I really ♥ Saturdays.

There's band meeting tomorow, and I HAVE TO SING =O
omg I R LIEK SO NERVOUSSSS!!11111111111
SRSLY.
OMG I IS SPAZZINGGGGGG OMGG OMGGGG
-slaps self-

Ok, I've abused my vocal cords more than I should. Save some for tomorow. Hmm.
OKAAAYYY. now this is the stuff I gotta do before EOY:
+ MY COSPLAY
+Pay for my boots from HARU
+Finish the shooting for ELDDS
+Go out with baby as much as possible =DDDD

So far today, I've tried stretching myself to Shou's, Asagi's, Jui's,Klaha's, Gackt's AND Amy Lee's vocals.The result (the songs I could do)were um..O_O
Shou : Yami ni Chiru Sakura, Gin no Tsuki kurai hoshi,
Asagi : Kanan~yakusoku no chi~,Angelic Blue, EDEN, Shiroi Yoru
Jui : .....
Klaha : Shiroi hada ni kuruu ai to kanashimi no rondo
Gackt : Le ciel
Amy :...almost everything XDD

But I've found a million problems with my voice/throat. I don't have enough stamina to pull off most of the songs I sing to, because if I'm loud, I can't pull or hold the notes are long as I used to when I'm not as loud. T_T
And sometimes I can't control my voice. It goes like, off pitch when I have to stretch it. O____O
WTF lor.
-spazzes-
...the amount of Singlish plaguing my vocabulary these days is..beyond frightening. It's like having Pua Chu Kang speak in English while eating scones and sipping tea with the Queen. O_o

ah well. Till tomorow then!

-hitomi

2006-11-07T21:23:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Leukocyte
Mood : Cheery but sleepy

AAAARGH. I GOT MY RESULTS TODAY.

AND I GOT ALL THE CLASSES I WANTED!
8D
-dances around-

"Anis has the drive to improve in her academic and excel in non-academic areas. She demonstrates strong self confidence and contributes intelligent and perceptive contributions to a discussion. She is capable of making intelligent and perceptive contributions to a discussion, bringing much life to the classroom. She is also a girl that does not hesitate to seek clarification where necessary and is actively involved in her CCA."

.....Reading between the lines says-

"Anis is an over-ambitious, arrogant little twat. She does not know when to shut her mouth, causing her teachers to scream incessantly during lessons. She asks mundane questions and has nothing better to do than to participate in her CCA."

^____^

I love doing that. ahahahah. And do you know what else? They state somewhere on the same page that my CCA attendance is poor. SO WHY SAY THAT I'M ACTIVELY INVOVLED????
O_________o;;

nnnn..
right.

-hitomi

2006-11-04T18:15:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to :
Mood: like shit.

meh. I know why I love Romeo and Juliet so much.
I'm still struggling with the decora photoshoot. And I'm freaking out about my cosplay. I can't find any good pictures. And my boots are still at HARU.

and fuck.
MY RESULTS ARE COMING OUT ON TUESDAY.
awwww bloody fuck.

whatever.
you fuckers bloody messed everything up.
I'm mad at everyone, especially myself. More so actually.
I'm drained.
Simple.
I have no more words to say to you all.
I'm just sick of this.
I'm sick of this.
I'm sick of this.

I haven't the energy to deal with all your bullshit.
I have my own.
I feel like shit now, all thanks to you.aren't you glad?
You've made me feel as though as I've commited murder, but even then I think you would've dealt out a much less harsh retaliation. Heck, you all clearly know that I'm capable of murder, and that it'll probably happen sooner or later.
but seriously,
WHATEVER.
I'm done with you.

I'm tired already.
-hitomi

2006-11-04T16:18:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : The Domestic Fucker Famliy - Dir en Grey
Mood: Sleepy

messsshhhh job interview! And I made it.

Lyrics are coming to me so easily now, don't know why lol. And they have weird titles ; "Fuckers always die faster","Dinner with rubber",and my personal favourite-
"AWW FUCK YOU."

LOL I'M SERIOUS! But I threw them all away,since vulgar lyrics don't really suit me O_o;;
Am in the process of writing the usual tragic love shit that I usually write. -falls over-

I freaked out today after I left the workplace thing because I realized that EOY was approching, and I STILL HAVEN'T DONE MY COSPLAY. And then I had a mental blank. LOL I tripped over nothing XDDDDDD

I'm still doing my outfit for the decora photoshoot, and I'm freaking out so much because namely, it's my first time doing decora. I'M STILL FREAKING OUT. I got a skirt from urban warehouse (my money... T_T)! It matches the pair of legwarmers I got. YAY. argh. But I'm still freaking out, because I have no idea what the heck I can match that skirt with.
-spazzes-
EEE IT'S CATSCRATCH!!!!!!
-watches-

later my babies
(>^0^)>~*~*

-hitomi

2006-11-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Seaside to pastel chou - AYAbie
Mood : ....=)

I'm in a better mood. Hm.
Maybe it's you.
hm.

This is the tragedy I wished for.
Now let me deal with it.
Because who knows how long it'll last.
-hitomi

2006-11-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

bold the statement that are true to you
italise the statement that you wish to be true
stab 5 person to do the same test (:

-i miss somebody right now
-i do not watch tv these days
-i have tried marijuana
-i have been in threesome
-i believe honesty is the best policy
-i have changed mentally over the last year
-i carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
-i curse
-i'm totally smart
-i've broken someone's bones
-i'm paranoid sometimes
-i would have a plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost scar-free
-i need money right now
-i love sushi
-i have long hair
-i have lost money in las vegas
-i have at least one sibling
-i have worn fake hair / fingernails / eyelashes
-i couldn't survive without caller ID
-i am usually pessimistic
-i have alot of mood swing
-i have a hidden talent
-i'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have
-i have alot of friends
-i am currently single
-i have pecked someone of the same sex
-i enjoy talking on phone
-i would rather shop than eat
-i don't hate anyone
-i have tried alcohol before
-i own the South Park movie
-i would die for my best friend
-i think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
-i have used my sexuality to advance my career
-i watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
-i am happy at this moment
-i am comfortable with who I am right now
-i have more than just my ears pierced
-i walk barefoot wherever I can
-i have jumped off a bridge
-i love sea turtles
-i spend ridiculous money on makeup
-i plan on achieving a major goal/dream
-i'm proficient in a musical instrument
-i worked at McDonald's restaurant
-i hate office jobs
-i love sci-fi movies
-i'm a pretty good dancer
-i'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
-i have a cell phone
-i believed in god
-i watch MTV on a daily basic
-i have passed out drunk on the past six months
-i've rejected someone before
-i want to have children in the future
-i have changed a diaper before
-i've called the cops on a friend before
-i'm not allergic to anything
-i have a lot to learn
-i'm shy around members of the opposite sex
-i have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past
-i think water rules
-i like sausages
-i love kisses
-i fall for the worst people
-i adore bright colours
-i can't live without black eyeliner
-i don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing
-i usually like covers better than originals
-i can pick up things with my toes
-i can't whistle
-i can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither
-i have ridden/owned a horse
-i still have every journal i've written in
-i can't stick to a diet
-i talk in my sleep
-i try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions
-i wear a toe ring
-i will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better
-i'm an artist
-i only clean my room when necessary
-i like a person of the same sex
-i love being happy

stabbing -
-LING
-AAA DEAR you do this kay? when you get your computer back T.T
-SUMIE~
-AZRI
-anyone else who wants to do this

*hitomi

2006-11-03T01:40:00.000+08:00

/.

....

that's it.
I've had enough.
I've had it with your-holier-than-thou attitude.
You think you're so fucking innocent?
FINE.
You think you're so fucking pure and MATURE right?
FINE.
You think I have an attitude problem or something, that I really don't care?
FINE.
I REALLY DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
OH BOO HOO CRY FOR ALL I CARE.
oh wait, I don't.
a haha.
too bad.
right then.
You think I don't know that there are people other than yourself that care for me? AHAHAH idiot.
LOOK AROUND YOU. YOU FREAKING INTROVERT.
even when we kiss and make up I STILL WON'T TAKE BACK MY WORDS.
And if you say 4 years of friendship has gone down the drain,
FINE.
I feel like these best-friend things are getting more and more one-sided these days.
If you were really my best friend, and cared for me so god damned much, think about what I'm going through. You know how fucked up my family life is, and how it's continuing to be so.
You know how I am, you know me inside out.
But you say that I've changed and that you don't know me anymore.
FINE.
If you really are as mature as you think you are, THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
stop being a fucked up know-it-all and preach about moral values to me.
I know what they are dammit.
Stop being so fucking selfish. I'm the one going through all this shit, not you.
And so is Nadi.
She's the one related to him, NOT YOU.
I know by even liking him I've screwed up her family ties forever.
I ask God why, and I still haven't gotten an answer. I know why I like him, and I see no goddammed reason why I should tell you. Even though you are my best friend.
Some things you just have to keep to yourself.
And I'm not asking Nadi to apologize to you for me. Hell, I never even said I wanted to apologize. She was the one who asked you to unblock me on msn, not me. SHE did it on her own account.
BLOCK ME FOR ALL I CARE. -smack self- OH YEAH. I DON'T.
I know I made Nadi angry. I apologized to her already. DEAL WITH IT.
If I lose her, it's 8 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP DOWN THE DRAIN.
you happy?
And oh, I'm not too young, YOU'RE THE FUCKING SAME AGE AS I AM.
And as for my IC, I CAN ALWAYS GO MAKE A FAKE ONE ~~DUMBASS.~~
other thing, you're not the only person who tolerates my bullshit.oh be surprised
There's someone called MUM.
she tolerates even more bullshit than you know.
AHAHAH don't say that you know. Because it's a lie. You only know because I tell you.
And what right are you talking about? My life, my business. We never told anyone because we weren't even sure where we stood. WTF is the point of telling everyone we're attached when nothing has even begun?
Think harder. Until you feel like your head's gunna crack. Because I did. I thought about whether we should tell you guys. One thing, when things go bad,it'll affect everyone. SO WE'D VERY MUCH LIKE TO SPARE YOU GUYS THE PAIN OF THAT.
you stupid,stupid fucker.
yes, I'm pissed.
More than you know.
Think hard.
honestly.
And if you dare, send me and email telling me how much of a dumbfuck you think I am for trying to spare you guys the hurt of seeing friends torn apart. Because if we end this, Nadi can never go out with her cousins and us at the same time. And you know how much she loves all of us.

so you tell me.
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
a ha ha.
You have no idea what big of a bitch I can be.
No one does.
Not even me.
-hitomi

2006-11-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

/.

ok, you know what?
WHATEVER.

I'm not gunna do anything to change your minds.
WHATEVER.
PISS OFF ALREADY.

fuckers.
-hitomi

2006-11-01T12:44:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: SIREN BLUE - Lolita23q
Mood: Jumpy

I've been obsessively playing this song over and over again in my head to try and understan what Sou's been singing. The lyrics don't match up either way. gah. It's annoying when you can't get something like this right =_________=/-

Spent some time looking up on my favourite bands ( Rentrer en Soi, D'espairs Ray..etc ) and heck there are a lot of different kinds of visual kei. I knew that the whole sub-genre thing was insane, but heck, this was a lot. Gah I didn't know ReS was considered White Kei. ( Shiroi Kei?? O_o;;) White Kei are bands which are more towards the 'light' aspects of things, be it outfits, songs, or whatever.

White Kei = Rentrer en Soi...etc ( i forgot..)
Eroguro Kei = Dir en Grey, D'espairs ray.. etc
hnn. i didn't know that.
Anguro Kei = Inugami Circus Dan, Kagrra..etc
Oshare Kei = Lolita23q, An Cafe...etc (no da!)
and there's more, I just...don't bother to remember. poo.

nyan Enough blabber.
I had a good time yesterday. It was a little hard saying things to you, but somehow, I just opened up,and it seemed so easy to talk to you. I wanted to cry, but I don't want you to see that.
Sorry hun.
Why is it always seem as though time speeds up when we're out together? It's just plain mean I tell you.
m(_ _)m

kimi no sugata wa..
..doko ni mo miataranai.

-hitomi

2006-10-31T00:39:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Reveil en sursaut d'un rae - Cinema Strange
Mood: Sleepy

Ecke Blogger crapped on me >.>
So now Im in beta. It's better really. ecke.
Went out for raya just now, got myself some much needed moolah. omg yessssssssss

I want to get baby his gundam. Fuckkkkk my brother wants one too.
I pokai already le >.>

*ahem*
Anyhu..
I've had Tafel on constant replay since um the time I got it?
Until this morning when baby sent me songs 8D They are love yo. I'm suprised I like them even. Maybe it's cause they're his songs. XDDDD Reveille. They are okay...woa. English. Not Engrish le. XDDD

oooh.It's late now. I've got drama tomorow...hell I dont wanna go. Couldn't really arse myself to start caring for anything related to school, apart from maybe my lings.LOL lingssss sometimes you piss me off. So nya, it depends on my mood. LING I NEED MY REPORT BOOK FROM YOU LE. I WANT TO SEE WHAT MS LOW WROTE ABOUT ME XDD

oh dear I ~~can be~~ am soooo self centered. AH AHAHAH.
hnn.

riight then. I forgot the whole point of my post now. OH OH I REMEMBER xD

BABY- joo are so sweet. Kya you make me melt. omg I fangirl over your prose >.>
I wanna write you something too. Be warned though. My stuff sucks shit.
AND HOW'D YOU GET TO BE SO SEXY??????
hitomi wants to know lol
SHE HAS A SEXY SMITH

...and
LING- GIMME MY REPORT BOOOOOOKKKKKKKKK

okay end.

-hitomi

2006-10-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

/.
listening to : Phantom Pain - D
Mood: Feverish - my fever strikes back with vengence ><

TAFELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you for keeping it baby -kisses for joo-

and OMFG does it rock. The photobook is so darn pretty. OMG CAN THEY GET ANY SEXIER!?!
-faints-

-revives-
Anyhu.
I love Saturdays. I really do.
and I might get some decent lyrics written. I might. -smiles-

I just might.

by the morning light
we'll be half way to anywhere
where love is more than just your name.

-hitomi
omg feeling reminscent already? it's Evanescence to the rescue >.>

2006-10-29T18:03:00.002+08:00

/.
Listening to: Glow in the sun
mood: feverish, but happy.

......I'm not letting you go.

hitomi.

I got Tafel. I'm so in love with D now..
^-^

2006-10-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

/.
listening to: Love means Sacrifice - D
Mood: ...elated?

...I've found a new muse.
and I believe that I have a smile on my face.
yes, in fact I do.

=)
It's been some time, ne, smile?

Shiroi Yoru.

{White Night}//translated

faraway, the birds were singing
the sound of footsteps crunching snow
I don't react
because I don't want to react

the wind is passing through
powdery snow wets the eyelashes
I can't see anything
because I don't want to see anything

the snow takes you away at the end of winter
in this white world, I am gently killed

when I meet you once again, let's disappear completely here
like the snow thawing and flowing, I also wish to melt away

frozen in this lightless night at the end of winter
this white world is adorned with the crystals* of my sorrow

but only the number of memories that passed on with you lie thickly in my breast
the seasons repeat, before long, I suppose morning comes however now...
when I meet you once again, let's disappear completely here..

hitomi.