It's a Girl Thing

Today

2009-04-29T09:22:00.004-04:00

Today, my life is sane.Today, I take responsibility for my actions and decisions, and their resulting consequences.Today, I take responsibility for my part in my relationships because friends and loved ones matter and are important to me.Today, I take responsibility for myself, because I am no longer content in the victim role. Today, I take responsibility for my health, including getting

We Will Not Regret The Past . . .

2009-04-02T13:45:00.004-04:00

. . .but, I thank God that waking up with a throbbing head, severe nausea, a raging thirst and absolutely no knowledge of where I was or how I'd gotten there are part of my PAST, and with His grace, not part of my future.I turn 2 on the 10th! Doesn't seem possible, does it? :D

Thank God It's Tuesday!

2009-03-31T11:57:00.004-04:00

It's Tuesday, the first day of my "weekend." I can finally take a deep breath, laze around, and spend some time catching up on my blogroll. Seeing Scott W's gratitude list today reminds me how much I DO have to be grateful for, and also how much listing those things helps to turn my negativity into positivity, which then can lead to purposeful action.It's Tuesday, and I'm Thankful and Grateful .

I Hate My Job...But, It's Still A Job

2009-03-29T20:19:00.002-04:00

I feel so blue right now. Thank goodness tomorrow is my "Friday," my last day of work before my 2 consecutive days off.It must be me. If it's not me, then why do I keep ending up with bosses who seem to excel in the art of beating me down and making me feel stupid and incompetent? Maybe it's just the nature of the southeast Florida real estate broker.Or, maybe it really is me. Maybe I am just

How Time Flies!

2009-03-22T11:08:00.003-04:00

I would say I cannot believe how long it's been since I posted, but I am well aware. I just never seem to have a good chunk of time to devote to blogging any more.Just by way of update, for the faithful few who check back from time to time, I am coming up on my 2 year anniversary next month! Now, THAT seems unbelievable! I continue to do about 3 to 4 meetings a week, including a Celebrate

Open Windows

2008-11-10T08:14:00.003-05:00

Just a super-quick update, because I've got to start getting ready for work.I was only out of work for 2 weeks -- amazing in this economy! What's more amazing to me is that I didn't grow despondent. Of course, I went through some short bouts of depression and the "I suck, nobody will ever hire me" phase, but I was able to keep praying, keep talking, and keep actively seeking and following up on

Life on Life's Terms

2008-09-23T18:35:00.004-04:00

Wow... Talk about getting hit hard from out of the blue. I definitely am not feeling the full impact yet. I feel numb, and that's fine for now.This afternoon, my 2 bosses called me into their office at about ten after 5:00 to tell me they had come to a decision to let me go. "Nothing personal... we're so happy with you and your work... you're a kind, caring person..." and so on. They say they're

Commitment

2008-09-09T06:53:00.003-04:00

Tonight, I'm speaking at a small meeting I attended for the first time last week. I'm really not nerovus... yet!! I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to share my experience, strength and hope, to tell how it was, what happened, and what it's like now. I am very grateful to be almost a year and a half sober and recovering, and I need to tell my story, not only in the hope that it

Still Here . . . And Still Sober!

2008-08-15T23:38:00.004-04:00

OMG, I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted or read any blogs on my blogroll. "So what's up with that?," you might be wondering. I know I'm wondering...I think it basically has a lot to do with my job. My boss is a classic A-type personality. She's got tons of energy, and is constantly thinking up great new ways to increase and improve our marketing. The only problem is that

A Happy Annivesary

2008-04-13T09:17:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my one year anniversary. I meant to blog yesterday, but never thought about it when I wasn't busy doing something else.Yesterday was a "normal" Saturday for me. I got up at 7:30 and had my coffee, cigarette and quiet time. I had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. to get my hair deep conditioned and cut, and when I got home a little after 11:00, I made a smoothie to take with me on my

Just a Receptionist

2008-03-30T14:56:00.002-04:00

(I wrote this on March 9th, but never posted it here. I was going to start another blog about my new job, but don't know if that's something I want to commit to right now. Anyway, this is what I wrote, and I think it's very apropos to this blog!)I’m just a receptionist. At age 51. Making $10 an hour.And I love it! I love my job, I love my boss, and I love my life.I couldn’t say that one year ago.

"The Time Has Come..."

2008-02-16T12:31:00.009-05:00

...the Guru said"To talk of many things:Of hats--and shirts--and spam comments--Of CafePress--and Kings--And why water cost forty bucksJust because it's called "Bling."Seriously, folks; this is not a terribly serious post. I AM frustrated with a certain person posting his unwanted comments, but short of moderating comments, there's little I can do except

We Will Be Amazed . . .

2008-01-30T20:33:00.000-05:00

. . . before we are halfway through.WOW! Are those words ever true.The Promises. Into Action.They are coming true for me, and I'm nowhere NEAR halfway through!Today, I have 9 and a half months sober and recovering, and I'm once again a productive, contributing member of society! Who knew?!Last week, I heard from my sponsor about someone else in our Monday night meeting who needed a part-time

Morning Meditations

2008-01-16T10:10:00.000-05:00

When I first started coming to AA over 3 years ago, I was angry, resentful and bitter toward God (as well as toward a lot of other people, events, and circumstances in my life, past and present). The thing is, I didn't even realize it. I knew I was cut off, disconnected and dead spiritually, but I felt like God had abandoned me, turned his back on me, and I was too angry, depressed and mired in

All By Myself (Don't Wanna Be)

2008-01-07T11:51:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning feeling almost hungover. I had a pounding headache centered behind my eyes, which throbbed even more every time I bent my head forward. In my first attempt to make coffee, I forgot to put the carafe under the filter cone, and coffee poured out all over the kitchen counter (thank God for paper towels!).I haven't felt this way or been this clouded in the morning since I quit

Happy Sober New Year!

2008-01-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

We just got back late last night from holidays spent first with R's and my family in Atlanta (Christmas), and then with my family in Raleigh (New Year's). We drove the entire way, which was 12 hours to Atlanta, 8 hours to Raleigh, and then 14 hours returning from Raleigh to South Florida. And I didn't want to drink or kill anyone!Road trips used to make me REALLY crazy, but I'm finding that I can

Ready or Not?

2007-12-04T08:46:00.000-05:00

People keep asking me if I'm ready to be a sponsor.By people, I mean one or two (I think it just scares me so much, that it seems like more). Not people interested in my sponsoring them, mind you. They think I'm ready to sponsor women with less time than I have.My sponsor says she thinks I'm almost ready, but she agrees with me that I need to have completed the steps, and I'd like to have at

Close Call

2007-11-29T08:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I scared the crap out of myself. I had a few moments in which I seriously thought about drinking, and if there had been anything available, I am really afraid I might have gone ahead and drunk it.It was over something so stupid, such a product of my diseased thinking and wild imagination, my need for attention, approval and validation from others, and my own manipulative behavior and

Not So Random

2007-11-15T12:12:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to post for days now. I keep having those little "aha moments" and think at the time "I have to journal this so I don't forget," but then I get busy or get distracted by something else, and I never get around to it.I'm not recalling any specific moments right now, but just want to get this down on paper, or at least in a format that I can look back upon and remind myself, that

Saturday Serenity

2007-11-03T13:40:00.000-04:00

I have so much to be grateful for today (and every day, really). A lot of the time, I forget to count my blessings, and I let my focus shift to the negative, rather than the positive, and that's when my thinkin' becomes quite stinkin'. I can quickly spiral into an entirely self-induced depression.That's what's been going on with me for the past couple of weeks, off and on, but a lot more on than

Happy Halloween!

2007-11-01T04:19:00.000-04:00

Well, it's actually All Saints Day now, but I hope all you boys and ghouls had a GHASTLY Halloween!xoxo

Cycle of Life

2007-10-27T09:31:00.000-04:00

My mom called me on Tuesday to tell me me a close friend of hers (and of our family) had died of lung cancer. It was quite a shock; I hadn't even known she was ill. This lady was my mother's best friend all through high school, and they kept in touch throughout the years since. They both got married while still in high school, and had their first babies within six weeks of each other. When my

I Hear Voices

2007-10-04T10:12:00.000-04:00

As of right now, it's been 4 days, 13 hours, 9 minutes and 26 seconds since I've smoked a cigarette, which totals 90 cigarettes not smoked, and $22.50 saved (I smoked expensive cigarettes). That's enough for a pedicure! I guess I can afford to treat myself to one! :)It feels so easy right now. It's like, "Oh yeah, this is a piece of cake. I'm a non-smoker now. I can do this for the rest of

Hi, I'm an Alcoholic and Addict and My Name is Pam

2007-09-25T23:17:00.000-04:00

But you can call me PJ (my IRL initials, and a moniker given to me by someone I met while in treatment, so I like it).Designer Girl is still here. She's part of who I am, but she's not all of me. She doesn't define me. I am enough, just as I am. Just plain and simple Pam or PJ.I've been trying some different meetings and found one I LOVE that meets on Sunday evenings. It's a Big Book study,

Cross-Addiction

2007-09-20T09:12:00.000-04:00

While I was in rehab, I picked up smoking. After 25 years. I started out at about 6 cigarettes a day, then quickly (within 3 days) was back up to my old habit of a pack or more a day.After about 6 weeks, the nurse practitioner put me on Chantix (at my request), but it made me so nauseated that I quit taking it the day I went up to a full milligram in the morning (after vomiting twice).So here I