Spirituality of Dying Well

Take a break from the show

2008-01-07T17:41:00.000-08:00

Thank you for following my show on the Spirituality of Dying Well. Now - can I encourage you to go write your own book? I do a little blog about it at North Georgia Community Resources.

I have really enjoyed this past year. I found lots of exciting internet tools and of course one of my favorites is the TalkShoe format.

If I could wish for you something really special for this year it would be to have health, happiness, and the discovery of the book inside you. Our families are losing touch with ancestry and although it may not really be recognizable, we don't notice gorges at first either. The weather, wind, and water tear away the earth leaving deep gulleys. Bit by bit we may be letting current busy-ness degrade the earth of our backgrounds.

I would love to assist folks in getting started. There are several very low cost methods online for printing your own book.

Just get started.

FREE REPORT: How you can write your book faster than you ever thought possible.

Accolades

2007-11-19T20:01:00.000-08:00

In this week's show, we read about Julia.

Julia is the person everyone knows who sacrifices and gives and does not accept thanks.

It took Julia her entire life to accept gratitude from those she served.

It is sad to think that it was the end of life, a hospice doctor and social worker, and past scenes revisited that brought her to the point of acceptance.

She found a way to accept gratitude as she said goodbye.

Finding Dignity - Ch 5 pt 1

2007-11-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

Chapter 5: Fidning Dignity Amid Disease and Disentegration

This chapter introduces us to Wallace Burke. Wallace was dying of ALS and if you remember the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie" you will recognize that dreaded disease.

Of course each disease that removes the quality and dignity of health is terrible. My personal fear of ALS is the decline of the body while the mind remains functional.

I can imagine moments of confusion while maintaining this human body that may continue to walk, move, and reach. If my outer shell chose to become non-functional and my mind continued to reason, continued to feel love and sorrow, continued to move without accommodations from my body, could I stand to live?

I think not holding someone I loved would be a heart ripping experience. To fear taking the next bite of food because I could choke to death.....I can't believe I wouldn't force down some homemade chocolate cake. Yet I know these simple daily tasks elude the ALS patient as they watch from their oriented view a disoriented physical container decline.

If you had ALS and your body stopped working but your mind remained clear what would you do? How would you feel? Have you ever known someone with ALS? What was their view on their disease? Anger? Awakening?

Doctor speaks on end-of-life ethics

2007-10-31T17:49:00.001-07:00

Dr. Bernard Lown, a writer and developer of the defibrillator, once said that Americans are the only people who think death is optional.

read more | digg story

Busy-ness

2007-10-28T07:24:00.001-07:00

I have found the definition of "busy". It is not being organized, not being directional in action, it is handling a crises that turns mundane tasks into other emergency "to do's".

As you or I go through this journey called "life" we expect to not be perfect. I certainly do not expect that of myself. I do expect to find time for me and my family but I let this aspect of living escape me recently.

November is National Hospice Month and in an effort to spread the word of hospice care, I think I put all my energy into this one thought - work.

As I read chapter 4 of the "Dying Well" series, I realized that I could easily become the angry person that Douglas Kearney was. It is not my character to anger easily, however with enough stress it can happen. At the end of this chapter, Douglas confronts his demons that had blocked his sadness and allows more love to flow by facing his fear of death.

I have a healthy fear of dying....I don't want to leave dirty dishes, bills unpaid, dust on the refrigerator. Oh yeah, I don't want to leave here and not tell the people I love how much they mean to me.

The good news is that I tell people in my life how much I love them no matter how busy I am. I know my priorities even when I am engulfed in "busy-ness".

The dust on the refrigerator - maybe I'll get to that tomorrow.

Dying Well, ch3 part 2

2007-09-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

What is the question you will ask if you should find that your life is limited?

For Anne Marie Wilson in this chapter she is examing the things that don't seem quite as important if you are in good health.

Questions of pain, scent, marriage. Answers are coming from her doctor, Dr. Byock and nurse Andi. The most important things in life are what we think as individuals not as a society that judges whole concepts.

For Anne Marie the hope for a pain free ending and not smelling "bad" are goals that take her through her journey.

I have a hard time getting through this chapter without crying like a baby. That is why I ended up dividing it into 3 parts in order to keep my composure and read the entire chapter without having stops in the recording to let you share in the joyous noise of me blowing my nose and sniffling excessively.

I try to read the words of each chapter in a tone that won't put you to sleep but I even get bored hearing my own voice. I can tell at points during this chapter that I am getting absorbed into the story and reading faster as my mind races to become a part of the story.

When I read faster, I think I may miss a few words.

I hope I haven't missed anything.

I hope you won't miss this chapter.

Robin

Assumptions, Awareness, Journey

2007-09-14T19:01:00.000-07:00

In chapter two of our discussion on the Dying Well episodes, Dr. Byock has lived through the questions and answers that drive us to review our personal mission in life. He began noticing that in the health care social circle, a dying person was looked upon as somewhat undignified. Death was a problem reviewed and documented in rounds. Heroic measures for saving life became little more than a script for medical staff to follow with knowingness of exact outcomes and those outcomes did not equal life. This chapter is the introduction period for Dr. Byock to the hospice world. His experiences and new insights on death and dying gave birth to a team that would assume the responsibility for those who left the medical facility on borrowed time. New ideas initiated thoughts of good deaths being fostered and not happenstance. Dr. Byock coined a new term of "Dying Well" since it encompassed more than an ending. This new term would become the whispered mantra of his band of health care workers to celebrate life. In this chapter, Dr. Byock makes the analogy of end of life to a toddler's developmental course of discovery, functional capacity, and adaptation to change. We begin to see here how one may be healed if not cured at the end of this known existence.

The discussion guide asks us to look at the following:

In the second paragraph of this chapter, Dr. Byock states: “the time of my father’s dying, especially the last months and weeks, pervaded my thoughts and permeated my dreams. The memories were full of compelling images and poignant vignettes that connected me with a deep, aching sadness. Something about that time was also undeniably precious.”(p.25)

Have you had an experience similar to his?
What makes them so poignant?
What makes these images and memories precious?

As Dr. Byock recalled his experience with death on a hospital unit, he asked the question, “I wondered what it was permissible to die from.”(p. 27)

What do you think he is asking?

In your experience, are there more acceptable reasons for dying compared to others?

Are there reasons for death that you are more comfortable with than others?

Have you discussed your final wishes to those who are close to you? If not, why?

What does the expression "dying well" mean to you?

What would be a "good death" for you when that time comes?

Join me next Friday at 8:30 a.m. Eastern for Chapter 3 - Learning to Die Well - Ann Marie Wilson.

Health Care Blues: The Need For Palliative End-Of-Life Care

2007-09-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

Health Care Blues: The Need For Palliative End-Of-Life Care

Chapter 1, Part 1 Review of Dying Well

2007-08-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today's show emphasized the importance of offering hope in the form of truth, not as a way of announcing the need to construct an obituary.

In our first chapter, Dr. Byock discusses the life of Sy Byock, his father and later his friend. We see the frustration that evolves as the physician son realizes the limited days, the end of life needs, of his own father. The disguised anger at the medical community is barely noticeable unless you have been in a similar situation as Dr. Byock. I can truly say that I have been there. Your anger is controlled but you know it is justified. Someone you love is dying and deserves to be told the truth about their condition and their prognosis. False hope may lead to some temporary good feelings for the patient and the family, but when the disease returns to produce a decline in the quality of life, the patient and the family lose trust and confidence in the medical advice and the person offering it.

It is ironic that every day is a possibility for end of life for every person on earth. The lesson from this chapter: Wake up grateful (sometimes just for waking up), treat the day and the moments with care that if the day happens to be your last you have told others of your love for them, or maybe asked forgiveness, or given forgiveness. You do not have to display a depressed demeanor because today could be your last day - no one will want to be around you! If you can position these thoughts into the right perspective, you will actually find a happiness and peace in every day that will make people want to know, "What's their secret?"

I would like to hear from others who have lost a loved one and not been told the truth by their doctor. Do you wish you and your family had been told sooner? Do you wish you had not been told at all?

Discussion Guide

2007-08-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

I want to make sure everyone gets their discussion guide for the "Dying Well" group. View and print from the DyingWell.org site.

Each session is designed for 1-1/2 hours of discussion however we will probably never go over 1/2 hour for any session.

I found the Dying Well book on Amazon for well under $10. (Used and new books were less than $10) Please get your copy as soon as possible. If you do not need the book when the course is finished it will be an inexpensive donation to magnificently enrich someone else's life.

As we discuss the first chapter, I would like for anyone in health care who has ever had to discuss health issues with family members to be invited to the group. This is a heartwarming segment that involves Dr. Byock and his father.

It is emotionally charged because the doctor is also the son. He knows too much about illness, he knows too much about symptoms, he knows that his loved one will get the best care because of his contacts. Can life for a doctor ever by the same when faced with decisions involving a loved one?

Dying Well - Book Discussion

2007-08-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Join me and my guests in a discussion of Ira Byock, MD's book, "Dying Well - Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life".

The first show has been recorded with the reading of the introduction to Dying Well - Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life.

"Ira Byock sounds both a note of hope and a call to action as he shows us that there is a better way for the medical profession to care for the dying"

Dr. Balfour Mount, Eric M. Flanders, Professor of Palliatve Medicine, McGill University

"If you or anyone in your family fears dying in pain, considers dying only a series of losses, or thinks a dying person is a burden, read this book! Ira Byock's moving stories illustrate instances of personal development and deepened spiritual peace in people who are dying, of increased closeness in families, and of the healing of troubled realtionships."

Patricia Kelley, coauthor of Final Gifts and author of Companion to Grief

This book changed my view of dying - and living.

Please get your copy of the book prior to the show if possible. Links to purchase may be found at Dr. Byock's site at http://dyingwell.org/

The Discussion guide may be printed from:
http://dyingwell.org/discguide.htm

Friday, Aug 31, 10 am Eastern
Phone Number: (724) 444-7444
Talkcast ID: 48954
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