Miss Lady Tank Top

smart conversations

2008-11-19T08:46:00.000-08:00

2:39 PMme: H4y D00D

2:41 PM Allen: w4@t?

2:42 PM me: ||D || ||\/|| ||D

Allen: DVD?

me: pimp dvd. you read my mind!

2:43 PM Allen: Nice, is this a new form of nerd type?

2:44 PM me: yes.

it's ultra nerd.

dood whatcha doin tonight?

Allen: do you know my friend Beenu? Garrett's girlfriend?

2:45 PM she is moving to Peoria on Sun, and we are having a going away party

me: I sure don't

Allen: at Rio Rita

me: peoria!

Allen: yeah, working for Caterpillar

me: that's so obscure i don't even know where that is

but i'm part idiot

shes moving to an imaginary land working a caterpillar?

2:46 PM geez

i WISH i knew her

2:47 PM Allen: yeah, Peoria is a magical land filled with gummie bears and unicorns, and she is in charge of helpping the caterpillars grow to be beautiful butterflies

2:48 PM me: SO

JEALOUZ

i'm currently eating gummies

maybe they're peoria natives

2:49 PM Allen: you cannibal!

what are you doing tonight? something awesome?

or staying home and trying to graduate?

2:50 PM me: I AM NOT A GUMMI

not tonight man

i need a fucking break

i want to drink my brain away

Allen: but you are so chewy

me: i think dustin and i are gonna be bike warriors

we're gonna hunt virgins on our bikes and turn them into margaritas

Allen: like go beat up walkers

me: perhaps

2:51 PM maybe just stumblers

Allen: nice, if you find extra virgin virgins save one for me

me: ohh

i will try my best...but you know how i get around those virgins

2:52 PM i just want to pillage

Allen: I know, you Gummi's are all alike, you can't keep your soft little hands away from those chaste women

2:53 PM me: hahahaha

haha

2:54 PM i have to pee

look what you did!

Allen: my goal is to make you pee in your pants

I forgot, Gummi's don't wear pants

2:57 PM me: that's what you think

only other gummies can see them

2:58 PM Allen: oooohhhh, glad I'm not a gummi then

me: they're made of icing and unicorn farts

imac v. PC

2008-10-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

I know it may be a ridiculous question, but I'm torn on which kind of desktop to buy with my graduation money. All signs point to imac, except for my stupidity about compatibility of mac/slsk. That's how much I love slsk. but...
There's no tower. This is all of it.

sigh.....

Since 1985

2008-10-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

This list was started by Kimmy Whitmer, Dustin Gaudet and myself during SXSW 2008. It will probably never stop.

Karen Little: _____________ since 1985.
- kicking your enemies asses
- going to your shows
- solving your lost balloon problems
- aiming to please
- creating brain wrinkles
- promoting hair products and friendship
- defending the free world
- spilling your drink
- bro-ing down
- exposing your snob window
- protecting your English Lord
- imitating Chuck Bass
- (and LB Little) installing stereo systems in your Civic
- producing word vomit

What goes through a cat's mind?

2008-10-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

My roommate's cat, Ann, uses our rugs as a toilet. Our apartment has become her disposal. She has shit on the kitchen rugs, my bathroom rugs, my bedroom rug, and about seven times on the hallway rug. It is not that we don't have enough litter boxes for THREE cats in a compact two-bedroom apartment, because we have one IN THE LIVING ROOM (not my idea) as well as the bathroom. They are both cleaned out daily. She still shits on the carpet.

When she isn't shitting on the carpet, she leaves it in the box uncovered and scratches the ceiling of the box.

I don't have to describe to you what kitten shit smells like in a cramped living space.

She has also broken two lamps, eaten a hole in the cat food bag, peed on rug(s), eaten raw meat I was preparing and scratched my poor, calm kitty's nose.

Why does a cat shit on a rug?

Hurricane Ike v. Southeast Texans

2008-09-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

My friends back home have been making hilarious bulletins, emails, texts, etc.

"Check the rubble of my parent's house for my body."
"This hurricane is really cutting into my dance time."
"I'm giving Texas one more hurricane, and then it's over. I will move to Seattle ahead of schedule, I swear to Darwin."

While I do believe they should all GTFO, I find comfort in the fact that we always know what to say about a hurricane. Is it any surprise the first year I lived in Austin I was unknowingly drawn to Golden Trianglians at social gatherings due to their wit, sarcasm and ability to drink?

From Jennifer:
"Courtesy of The Bayou:

While we hurry up and wait for Mr. Ike to make his move, a Bayou reader sent along a few storm-themed cocktails to help take the edge off (muchos gracias, Charles). We're all adults here, so feel free to enjoy a beverage or three -- any amateur mixologist can whip up these tasty creations. Just remember, moderation please -- unless of course, we're caught in the crosshairs.
If so, bottoms up!

MANDATORY EVACUATION
1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
Clamato
Prune juice

Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor whose ficus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof - even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it - if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.

CATEGORY 5
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice

Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.

CONE OF PROBABILITY
1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone

Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, 'Cone of probability,' bite off the end of the cone and down the shot. If you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (They should change this phrase to the 'Cantore Zone', damn him.
Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?)

FEEDER BAND
2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream

After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir. Drink through a straw.

BEACH EROSION
1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1 1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw

Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee butt back to New Jersey where it belongs.

DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola

Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two freakin' weeks without television and AC.

FLOOD ZONE
2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish cream
4 oz. rum

Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the countertop.

COLD SHOWER
2 oz. Blue Aftershock
4 oz. Sprite

Combine in a cocktail glass with the crushed ice you received after waiting in line for three hours at a mall parking lot. Take a deep breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits your tongue. Repeat.

LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sasparilla
Rock salt

Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt. Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and can of sasparilla. Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sasparilla. Watch for looters and when you spot one, blast his butt with rock salt. Drink shot. Repeat.

THE CHAIN SAW
1 oz. Goldschläger
1 oz. Rumplemintz
3 oz. Jim Beam
Splash of vermouth

Combine Goldschläger, Rumplemintz and Jim Beam in an empty soup can. Add splash of vermouth. Drink. Remove chain saw from garage and attempt to cut up fallen tree limbs in yard. Ask neighbor to drive you to hospital when it all goes horribly wrong.

FOUR-WAY STOP
1 1/2 oz. vodka
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Midori
1 1/2 oz. vodka and Galliano
1 1/2 oz. vodka and grenadine

Pour each ingredient into a separate shot glass. Serve one to yourself and three other people. The person with the clear shot of vodka drinks first. The person to his right drinks the Midori shot, and so on. If somebody drinks out of order, develop a quick case of road rage and beat the living daylights out of him.

BLUE TARP
1 1/2 oz. Curacao
2 oz. pineapple juice
Splash of lime

Combine ingredients in a leaky paper cup and serve. Wait six to eight months for someone to repair the cup. If you're impatient, hire an unlicensed, out-of-state contractor to do the job for an exorbitant sum and pray he doesn't hurt himself in the process."

From Brittany:
"8:30 update on Hurricane Ike...
"

From Matt:
"Ike v RITA

Both images are at 4pm on wednesday before the storms hit.

RITA.

IKE.

run away."

So the last one was serious.

writing till my words bleed

2008-09-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

I'm writing, editing and researching so much for work, school, my various inlimbo situations and preparation for online portfolioage that I can't make myself blog the way I want to. I can't even journal!

I will blog soon. believe you me.

Things every writer should know

2008-07-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

whose/who's
when to use a semicolon versus colon
THIS IS A COMMA SPLICE
though/although
a piece/apiece
everyday/every day
don't sprain your diction with word play

i'll be back to finish.

Finally my own.

2008-06-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

After blogging for my classes and my work, I decided it's finally time to have my own.

more to come.