The Perfect Body: Facts, Myths, and a Can of Tuna

2009-07-04T09:49:00.002+03:00

Offline Messages

There seems to be a huge problem with this yahoo crap. I haven't turned on my messenger in a while and i downloaded it and turned it on a couple of days ago while i was logged onto my yahoomail account. the messenger logged in and showed me some offline messages and i skimmed through one which was a question about training or crap... when i read through half of it, the damn thing logged off automatically and said i'm logged in from somewhere else... and shit hit the fan...
anyway... i lost a shit ton of offline messages and i don't know if anyone sent any crap to me or whatever... but please, don't send offline messages on yahoo... just hit me with an email, and if i don't answer within a day or two, leave a comment on my last blog post so i could make sure it's not in my spam.

the interwebz is broken.

2009-06-29T09:43:00.004+03:00

Who the fuck believes this shit???

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/megan_fox_transformers_workout.htm

Really?
So this guy is trying to convince us that he actually knows megan fox's imaginary workout (trust me, she doesn't workout... maybe a jog every other week to try counteract the effects of cocaine on the heart, but that's it), and he knows her diet? (which is basically chicken mcnuggets for lunch, and some kind of other shit for dinner in real life)...

I truly feel sorry for people who will read this and actually believe it. Women tend to believe this shit more than men do. because everytime i talk to a woman who asks about diet/workout/whatever she immediately cuts me off and says "well, i heard angelina jolie did 500 sit ups per night and only ate carrots for a month to get her fabulous bod!"... after seeing her manly back and saggy ass in "wanted", i'd do my best to avoid carrots and sit ups... the problem is they actually believe it's true...

look, here's the fact of the matter... if it's a hollywood celeb or whatever... and she has a nice body... she was born that way... the only ones who looked good and then turned into anorexic bitches that weigh 7 lbs on a good day are those who abused the drugs, badly. other than that, how the hell do you think rock stars of the 70's and 80's were as thin as shit and had six pack abs while eating the worst food ever and not working out a day in their lives? i'm sure green tea and acai berry extract were popular back then.

If it wasn't the drugs... it's the genetics... they were born that way. I would believe someone like Ryan Reynolds works out cuz it fucking shows. i would believe jessica beil worked out for the movie "blade 3" and then stopped because it showed in that movie, and didn't in any other movie. I believe that adam sandler worked out for the movie "don't mess with the zohan" cuz he looked like less of a shit than he did in any other movie, and he only worked out for six months with a trainer who was knowledgeable in nutrition (yeah, that's how shitty results are in real life... adam sandler has average genetics too... that's what you should expect to look like if you look like shit now then workout with the right diet for 6 months). I would believe that christian bale is very serious about his training and nutrition all the time because he always looks in shape in all his movies, and he worked really fucking hard to look like madonna in the movie "the machinist".

I would not believe that megan fox works out at all and eats anything other than cup cakes and ding dongs (with emphasis on the dongs) because she looks that same as she did in any other movie (not saying she's not hot, so don't fucking get on my case). I wouldn't believe that angelina jolie ever trained in her life because she has a normal fucking body and somehow that impresses people (because they can't see beyond those big ass lips), I don't believe that beyonce ever trained in her life, but she starves her self because she looks like she can easily get fat (black genetics...'nough said)... probably the reason why she married a guy who looks like a burnt frog, she knows she'll let herself go one day when she's hungry.

There is a difference between "nice body" and "you look like you workout"... big difference... especially in females...
If you see Jillian Micheals from the biggest loser (please ignore her ugly assed manly horse face) you'd say "damn! she must workout 20 hours per day!"... and if you see any other woman who you'd get out of your way to "tap", you'd say "wow, she has a gorgeous body! 'I'D HIT IT' approved"... see the difference?

So, to conclude this shit... if you see a woman with a "nice" body... she doesn't do anything special for it... she's just born that way and you weren't... so, tough luck...
if you see a woman that looks like she works out (most people can't tell the difference in women since there are only 8 women that workout on this planet... i'm talking real working out, not the "i'll buy a treadmill and use it once a year" kind of shit) she actually put some effort into fixing her ugliness...

that is all... you may continue what you were doing.

2009-06-27T13:30:00.001+03:00

He will be missed...

2009-06-15T08:08:00.003+03:00

Excerpts from the Diary of a Pissed Off Bodybuilder

Things I don't understand...

Here's a list of some of the things i've seen in my life that made me go "huh? what? fucking why?"

* Women who wear an abaya, neqab, and all the crap because they "fear god" and don't want to stand out in a crowd, yet they don't realize that although they might be the ugliest girls on the planet, the huge blue and yellow sparkly bird on the back of their abaya and the 17 gallons of the jack daniels scented calogne they have on would attract a brain dead paraplegic.

* During prayer time, one of the most important things to do is be organized and move in a timely manner during prayer. everyone is in a straight line. if you are out of that line, you will have 29 hands pulling you back in line to be orderly and organized... step outside of the mosque... well, you'll have about 150 cars all parked wrong and are blocking the whole road... it's so chaotic that it takes everyone 30 minutes to think "how the hell am i gonna move my car?"

* This really bugs me... no one believes me when i say this... but i hate gifts on my birthday, and i hate surprises and parties and shit like that... I tell them, but they don't listen... anyway... if it's my birthday... or i just graduated... or i found a job... or anything good happened to me shouldn't i be the one inviting people and buying them gifts to celebrate myself being alive? like "thank god!! (or as we say here... thanks god...) I made it through another year!!!" shouldn't i say "I'm gonna appreciate life more and show people how much i love them... i'm inviting everyone to dinner" instead of "where's everyone? where are all my gifts for living another year?? why doesn't anyone love me?" ... it don't make no sense to me...

* thinking that following the news and knowing who certain people are (that have no influence over you AT ALL) is very important... a friend of mine once asked me (to supposedly embarrass me in front of the guys) "do you know who such and such is?" I answered "isn't he that guy with the white beard?" he laughed and said "no! hahaha.. how could you not know who he is? don't you watch the news?" ... here's a news flash for you... he doesn't know who the fuck you are, and he wouldn't think twice about bombing your ass. If someone isn't leading my country and i have to know who the hell he is and what the hell he's doing to know my own countries laws, i don't give a shit. if he knows who i am, i'll probably know who he is. if not, i really couldn't care less. why do i "have" to know who he is if it won't make a damn difference in my life except for "keeping up in boring conversations about shit that's being repeated at work, restaurants, meetings with people you don't like... etc."?

* seeing someone enjoying a cigarette and saying "don't do that, it's bad for you"... has anyone ever said that, and then the smoker said "OMG!" threw the cigarette away and said "i'm never smoking again!!!!" you know you're fucking bothering people... stop being an attention whore/wanna be saint who will fix shit

* Saving humanity... you are contradicting your own shit... yeah, it's tragic if you get sick, die, or someone close to you suffers... it is... but in the end, you're doing the world a favor... we're over populated, economy sucks, no jobs, universities and schools can't take in most of the population... etc. we want to make humans live to be 500 years old... yet when most of the population is 18-30, broke as shit, acting as if they're parasites, annoying the shit out of you, looking for trouble... etc. and you want to save them? give me a damn break. There is a reason why some parts of the world are starving, and others eat two bites of their 5 lb lunch and throw it away. there is a reason why some people die of the flu because they don't have the facilities or finances to get health care, and other would survive the deadliest kind of cancer cuz they shilled out 2 mil to cure it. I just don't get it. I probably won't change my mind if i get really sick or shit... I say shit you wouldn't expect me to say when i get sick... so i don't think i'm changing the way i look at it any time soon.

* serve and protect with the village idiots... never understood that...

*wiping your ass without splashing the shit out of it with a fire hose is not accepted and is considered VERY bad hygiene... you are a dirty fucker if you don't do that... but it's ok to drench the whole bathroom floor with your ass water and leave your shit there on the floor without cleaning it and let all the germs set in...

anyway...

Going back to photoshopping and air brushing and shit

a lot of guys are gonna get pissed off... and i think many women are gonna be happy and tell men "see, it's all fucking smoke and mirrors"... do you know who this is?

2009-06-01T09:43:00.002+03:00

this is gonna be a short post

but listen up, bitches... seriously... when i tell you that i could put make up on ruffles and make him look hotter than any bitch on tv... i'm serious...

what's my point? I'm just pissed that i see too many stupid people actually believe that people on TV and magazines who pay big bucks for photoshoots and crap actually look like that the minute they wake up in the morning...

why am i pissed? cuz some people actually think rhianna or however you spell her name is actually beautiful...

this picture gives me comfort and helps me sleep at night... LOOOOOOOOOOOL

2009-05-22T17:20:00.003+03:00

As Promised.... dem musicz

here they are :)
first, i would like to apologize for the "cringing" effect you will have when you listen to this crap... all the recording turned out next to perfect, except for the vocals... the vocals basically ruin all the songs... LOL! the first song (hogtied) turned out pretty good cuz i wasn't singing too loud... the rest were really bad because i was recording the vocals in a room with tile floors and not much furniture... so you have a pretty bad reverb effect... kinda like singing in a bathroom... that and i basically can't sing for shitz... LOL... so here you go... i hope you enjoy it

Note: please listen to the music with some good headphones or some good speakers with a sub woofer... if you listen to it in crap speakers, like laptop speakers, it'll sound really really bad.

the drum tracks were done using beatcraft with the yamaha and tama kits
the guitar was recorded with a fender strat, which my baby bought me for my birthday when we first got engaged :D, that was hooked up to a digitech RP500 multi effects pedal that was directly plugged to the laptop.
the bass was recorded with the same guitar and pedal (i have a bass synthesizer in the pedal effects and it's awesome)
the vocals were recorded with a dumb bish who doesn't know how to sing and the mic that comes with guitar hero world tour... LOOOOOOOOOL
it was all recorded and mixed using audacity...

just thought you should know

enjoy

you have to right click and save as!

hogtied.mp3

wilson.mp3

will%20you.mp3

2009-05-19T14:42:00.002+03:00

Stuff

I don't know why, but these past two weeks i have been as tired as fek... i sleep almost 8 hours a night, and i get my 45 minute little nap on my lunch break. I hate naps with all my heart... but when i'm home, which is a 5 minute drive from the office, and finish my lunch... i just look at ruffles laying on the floor showing me his nuts and i envy his comfort... so i fall asleep. I hate them because i wake up tired and as hungry as shit... don't know why... anyway, i just feel fucking tired and overtrained... my poundage has went up in the gym and that's probably why i feel overtrained (i hit muscles twice a week... so, it's just a matter of time)... i didn't go to the gym yesterday, nor am i going today or tomorrow... and thursday i have this contest, and i feel like a cow!!! don't give a shit... gonna compete with the super heavies to place 3rd and get meh moneh.
since i'm starting to get AWFULLY hungreh, i'm gonna add some food to the diet (which i haven't been following very strictly this past week... probably because i'm hungry all the time). i don't know how much i weigh right now cuz the scale we have is broken... THANK GOD!!! finally, something good happened :) ... now i won't need to fight the mental battle of "i didn't gain more than 2 kg this week? i need to up my cals by 5000 per hour!!!" ... meh

About the recording... i know i know... i'm supposed to be done by now, but i ran into some technical difficulties and it turns out that I R not that smart... the SM58 mic i had didn't work cuz it turns out that it needs a pre amp, and i tried recording with... get this... the mic that came with guitarhero world tour! lol! hey, it has a USB jack and it worked fine... but the sound was... i don't know if it was the amp, or the mic, or whatever... but it sounded like shit... so i'll try plugging in the pedal directly to the laptop and see how that works out. i need sometime to figure out the noise removal and compression in audacity and shit like that and see what i can do...
again, not to raise any expectations, it's gonna sound shitty... so be prepared... and when i upload the shit, don't you dare listen to it with computer speakers or any crap like that... the snare on the drums will sound like someone clapping, and the distortion on the guitar would sound like a busted TV, or ruffles after eating a can of beans.

that is all... you may now get back to what you were doing...

thisssss isssss paul harveh... GIDAY!

2009-05-15T11:29:00.004+03:00

I GOT JIPPED!!!

I only competed yesterday because i thought there was money involved...
on the day of the contest, the goddamn team coach told us "nooooooooo.... the first place winners of each category will compete for the overall. the top 3 from the overall will get the money... but next contest, there's gonna be prize money for the top 3 of each weight class"
fucking waste of time piece of shit...
well, i can tell y0u that i looked like absolute dog shit! LOL!!! seriously... jawad did an excellent job in making me look better than I did in the contest...
my friend (a trainer at the gym i go to) told me he will be competing with the 85 kg guys... he decided not to deplete his water and join the 90 kg at the last minute (this guy competes in the arabian championships)... so that's basically "I was fucked" no.1 .... and then there's the "I was fucked" no.2! LOL... zakariya decided to compete with the 90 kg guys... LOL!!!

here i am pretending to be aaahhhnold and psyching him out... LOL ...

i got 3rd place (deservingly)...
that placing, the 90+ kg weight class placing, 65 kg, and 75 kg placing were probably the only fair placings... the rest got screwed over...
in my personal opinion (nothing against my friend), but zakariya got screwed over and took 2nd place...
here are all the weight class winners and some freaks

65 kg
far left

70kg
guy on the far right... should've placed 3rd... the guy in red should've been 1st (took 3rd)

75 kg

80 kg
guy on the far left took first...
for those who believe in "loose skin", remember mohsin? the guy who competed and won the 90 kg in the nationals? remember the "loose skin" he had? he's on the far right... where is it now? LOL

85 kg

fayiz (the guy on the right) got jipped too... the guy who won was the guy with the shredded legs on the left... he was lean, but the total package wasn't there...

"it" with the winner... yes, those are his abs you see popping out of his shirt... he makes us all feel bad... LOL!!

min3im... the guy who won my class... he has very good symmetry and ... how can you say it? very "wide" bone structure???

the real surprise was the guy who eats babies for breakfast... the 90+ kg freak

just something to add for those who don't know... this is the toughest contest regarding the saudi bodybuilding federation... and the 2nd toughest when it comes to known competitions in the kingdom... the toughest is the "taraf" competition in al hassa... Sami al Haddad will be guest posing in that competition next friday...

2009-05-13T13:29:00.002+03:00

Excerpts from the Diary of a Pissed Off Bodybuilder

This crap is getting ridiculous

Seriously, has anyone turned on the radio lately? Manie Ramirez this… A-Rod that… blah blah blah… seriously? OH MY GOD!!! THEY WERE USING STEROIDS!!!! Really? You act surprised? What part of “professional fucking athlete” don’t you understand? I swear, if it were up to me, I’d ban any professional athlete who tested negative for steroids from competing in sports. Ask yourself this, do you want to see a basketball game where the score is 10-4? Do you want to see only one touchdown every 10-20 games in the NFL? Do you want to hear “WOW!!! Unga bunjawa broke the 100m dash world record today! He crossed the finish line in a little less than 8 minutes!!! Wow!”
People pay good money to watch sports on TV, let alone paying for seats to see a game or an event. I want those bastards to take enough steroids to kill a small whale! You think steroids are cheating? Well level the fucking field and make it mandatory for them to use steroids! If you are not a gifted athlete without steroids, you won’t be gifted with the use of steroids.
Do you really think that all the players in the MLB are clean except for the ones who tested positive? I bet you believe that all the bodybuilders in the IFBB worlds were clean too because they all passed the test, right? Do you really think that linebackers, quarterbacks, whatever the fuck, got bigger, stronger and faster over the years because they “train harder”? LOL!!! Gimme a goddamn break! People are seriously retarded when it comes to sports. Why? 99% of sports fans are out of shape men with pot bellies who have never worked out in their lives and really want to believe that it’s possible to be like their “hero” if they tried hard for a day or two.
Talking about kids seeing them as role models, that's why they shouldn’t use steroids… bullshit… your kid is gonna get piss drunk, high out of his mind, fuck a 12 year old and get syphilis by the time he’s 14 before even considering using steroids. And where the fuck are the parents? Seriously, most kids can’t even afford supplements… in the US, steroids are really fucking expensive… I’m talking cocaine expensive… have you ever heard of a 15 year old high school fuck face that was able to afford cocaine? Unless the family throws money on the SOB with no regards to where he’ll spend it, fuck, he’s better off dead… and his parents should be shot.
Steroids = professional sports… live with it people. If they took steroids out of sports, the scores would go down, records would be pathetic, and gymnists would actually look like little kids instead of overgrown muscular midgets.
Let me tell you how ignorant people are about steroids and how they know nothing about them, their effects, and what they do to your potential…
Name 10 different kinds of narcotics without doing an online search
Now… name 3 different kinds of steroids without doing a search…

No… all this talk in the news isn’t a big conspiracy blah blah blah (or as a Chinese guy on a forum once said… brah brah brah)… people don’t know shit about steroids, people fear steroids, people hate steroids… now put steroids in the news, ratings shoot up. No one gave a damn about Michael phelps smoking marijuana because people know it’s bullshit… the media tried and tried to get more coverage, but since steroids weren’t involved, no one gave a damn. Do you know how Ramirez failed the steroid test? They found hCG in him (human Chrionic gonadropin) or however the fuck you spell it… do you know what that is? They still call it a steroid… and people think it was what made him a pro athlete… when the only thing hCG does is give you some tits and make your little boys swim better (well, a little more complicated than that… but it’s not a performance enhancer).

You guys really suck…

Kim Kardashian on the cover of M&F her… muscle and fitness… that’s the name of the magazine… the girl on the cover is basically M&CW (mudshark and cellulitic whore). You caused this. Yes, you. All you stupid people who kept on watching her “reality” show, which is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen, and kept on talking about that whore and buying magazines that tell you how beautiful she is and you should be like her. For the women!!! You want to be like her? Buy a video cam, get a black dude, let him put it in your ass, make some money, shove cottage cheese down your pants, and pay the media to say you are sexy and gorgeous. I swear to you, if I put on a wig, paid thousands on some make up artist to make me perty, and pay the media to say I’m a sexy sexy supastaaah… you’d fucking believe it. Don’t pretend you won’t… you know I’m a sexy whore! … anyway… M&F??? WTF!!!!!????

Saudis are fascinating creatures

Have you heard of this red mercury in the Singer sewing machine crap? If you’re in Saudi, you’ve probably heard about it… and judging from the crap that went on, you were probably dumb enough to believe it. If you don’t know what I’m talking about… the “word around town” was that the old Singer sewing machines contained red mercury… there are 2 versions of what this red mercury does… some say 3 versions… but here’s what I know:
1- The Iranian government will come to those who have red mercury and buy it at a retarded price… millions…because they need it for their nuclear power plant or something… I guess all the cool kids stopped doing uranium these days…
2- Red mercury is the only way to control…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. Ghosts… LOOOOOOOOOOL…. And if you have it, the “ghost king”… HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA… will be your slave and lead you to the “ghost treasure”… LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
If you read the stories about the havoc that has spread loose in this place due to that magical red mercury, you’d really find that we’re really better off being nuked… too much stupidity in one place… people started selling those machines for 10’s of thousands of riyals…I consider those people smart… the dumbasses are the ones buying them. People breaking into houses and ONLY stealing the Singer machines… WTF??? I personally know people who believed it… their excuse? “it’s mentioned in the Quran, how can you not believe it?”… WHAT THE FUCK IS MENTIONED IN THE QURAN???!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????!!!!

The Reader… 7 Pounds

The reader was probably the worst movie I’ve ever seen… It’s up there with “the boy who could fly”… the film is basically orangutan tits, 3 foot long pubes, and a story we got sick of. They wanted to add an OMG effect to it with the “twist” in the movie.. but man, was that lame. Did Hollywood run out of ideas?

Although I hate Will Smith with all my heart (I just felt a pin go through my brain by just writing his name), 7 pounds was a very nice movie. Shit almost made me cry… ALMOST!!! I didn’t cry… cuz crying is for twinks… and I aint no twink… more of a bear… anyway… LOL… seriously, good movie… I’d put it in my top 50

Raha Laban from al rabea…

This product is Buselmo approved. It has acidophilis… although I haven’t tried it, and it doesn’t mention how much acidophilis it has… but, in my opinion, this is the reason why yogurt is “healthy”… good bacteria is hard to come by these days without proper supplementation… so yeah… if it meets label claims and actually contains acidophilis… it’s buselmo approved.

The diet I went on 2 weeks before the national overall, still following, and the changes I’ll make

Well, since I’m not planning on getting fat this year (12% max… probably will stay at 10%), I’m not gonna increase calories above the 3000 mark and I’ll take it up slowly. Only need to gain about 5-7 lbs for next year to be a legit 90 kg competitor. I probably won’t do anymore ketogenic shit or whatever and will try something balanced from now on… here’s the diet:
Meal 1
2 whole eggs, 2 egg whites, 1 slice of fat free cheese with green peppers and onions cooked on 1 tsp olive oil (omelet), 100 grams lean beef with 1 slice fat free cheese, ¾ cup oats with 1 to 2 tbsp honey
Meal 2
150 grams lean beef, 1 slice fat free cheese, 1 medium burger bun (white bread… I make a burger with ketchup and mustard out of this)
Pre workout (sometimes I skip this if I’m not hungry)
An apple and a banana
Meal 3
1.5 scoops casein protein, 1 scoop whey protein in water, ¾ cup oats, honey
Meal 4
200 grams chicken, 1.5 cups white rice

That’s it… not really a lot of food… but it’s keeping my weight constant at around 93 kg… and I don’t have to do cardio :) … it comes out to roughly
205 grams of protein, 275 grams of carbs and 40 grams of fat… which is about 2250 cals (roughly)
In a couple of weeks, I’ll add 400 grams of low fat yogurt, 1 scoop casein protein, mixed fruits and some nuts between meal 1 and 2 when I’m at work, and I’ll add 2 small corn arepas with 100 grams of tuna in them between my pre workout meal and meal 2… brings up my cals to around 3000 with 60 more grams of protein or so… I want my prep to go smoothly next year without having to take out the carbs unless it’s for 2 or 3 weeks…

2009-05-09T07:26:00.002+03:00

Well... that was fun! :)

Last thursday was the National overall open weight competition, and i fucking competed :) ... my whole prep plan for those two weeks were "ok... train... eat whatever... don't do cardio... on wednesday, just eat a little bit of junk, and thursday just stay hungry til the contest is over"...
basically, I wasn't ready and wasn't even about to try...
this contest was an open weight contest... meaning it's like a damn midget show in the circus... only thing missing was goddamn mini fire trucks and trampolines.

this might take a while to load cuz there are a lot of fucking pictures!!!
Jawad did an amazing job taking those pics... thanks buddy!

these 80 something pics were taken from a total of 1500 pics jawad took... he worked harded than i did!!! LOL!!!!

not knowing that this was gonna be the most grueling contest experience ever, I thought i was gonna be done in 5 minutes!!! we were on stage for around 60 minutes!

Game time, bitches!

no matter what you do, you can't look impressive standing next to zakariya! the guy is shredded!!!!

Skin cancer... i haz it

BELLY DANCIN' TIME!!!!!

LAWDZ HELPZ MEH!!! I'Z DRAWNIN'!!!!

they asked us all to step back and called us one by one for mandatories... we were a total of 12, and should've been 19 but 7 of the competitors pulled out...

I was either crosseyed, or I spotted a donut trying to escape

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............. I caught the donut! LOL!

we all know which place this guy got... LOL!

SLICED!!!!

this guy seriously looked like a cartoon character.. weirdest proportions i've ever seen! wide ass shoulders, tiny ass waist, and long ass limbs!!!

Made the first call outs!!!! would've missed it if Jawad wasn't waving like a mad man and pointing for me to come forward (I was too busy chatting with the guys next to me to notice the judges saying "no.4 ..... no.4.... bald guy in a thong.... no.4...."

I deserve the nickname "fridge" for having no V-Taper what so ever... more like an I-Taper... LOL!!!

I think the judges were trying to be funny here.... LOL!!!

After getting off the stage... looking like a hooker from the hotels in bahrain after a long nights work... LOL!!!

Back on stage... after applying "fair & lovely"... LOL!!!

5th place, bitches!!!! Wooohooo!!! and i won an ice cream container too!!!!!! look at it!!! it's all shiny and shit!!! LOL

ketch meh, boss!!! i'z bouts to keeel ovahz

clappiddy clap clap....

This was the official placing and shit...

In my opinion... it's bullshit...
I got 5th as a gift... the way i saw it... zakariya was first (no shit), the guy who got 4th should've been 2nd, the guy who got 6th should've been 3rd, the guy who got 3rd should've been 2nd, and the guy who got 2nd should've been 3rd.

but that's just me :)

i have another contest in 5 days... just gonna go there, wiggle my ass, and make some more money!! LOL!!!!

2009-05-02T10:01:00.002+03:00

Excerpts from the diary of a pissed off bodybuilder

Words I never thought I wanted to hear

I got a call a couple of days ago from the ittifaq team coach... I was playing halo with my friends when the phone rang, and when i saw his name i was like "god, not this prick again... what the hell does he want now?" I wasn't going to answer, but i said what the hell... He started blabbering and shit about how he wants to see me at a lower bodyfat for the rest of the competitions in the season (I wasn't going to compete, but he changed my mind) and he told me that the competition in 2 weeks has prize money of 2000 riyals for first place, 1500 for second, and 1000 for third... So i said why not... there's grocery money involved and all i have to do is shake my money maker and get 3rd place. Then, he said it...

"You know, you really impressed the judges and the representative from re3ayat al shabab in the past couple of contests... the represetative said he wants to see you in the national team... the judges said the same... and the head judge (the guy i posted a picture of) said that if you brought your upper chest up a bit and brought your waist down, you'd be very hard to beat. I want to see you in the national team line up"

Sometimes you don't know what the fuck you're doing, and your whole goal is "get bigger, get better" and not knowing when to stop. those words made it clear that it's time to focus on condition cuz i'm already big enough for competitions and my shape (or whatever's left of it) would be ruined if i chased the whole "eat more, get bigger" mentality... I think it's time to be happy with my size and focus on bringing the best package on stage.

I still haven't made a decision yet if i will compete with the national team or not... but i like the idea... to gain that experience is ... well, it would be awesome... even if i compete at the international level and deservingly get last place, i'd be happy. I don't know... i'm gonna have a talk with the coach and see what's going on...

Hydroxycut being pulled off the shelves

Most of you know hydroxycut... well, at least those of you who look for an answer in a pill do. it's a fat burner chucked full of caffiene, green tea, and other shit. recently, 23 cases of hepatoxicity have been recorded "due" to the hydroxycut... It's just more media bullshit... trust me...
they sell over 40 million bottles per year... 9 million reported users of this crap... and only 23 cases of hepatoxicity? do the math... less than 0.0002%.... so, with your unmatched intellect... do you really think it's the hydroxycut? or is it the 2 bottles of jack daniels they down every night?
I can imagine the doctors doing the examination asking:
"do you smoke?"
yes
"have you ever used any narcotics?"
yes
"do you drink?"
yes
"do you use any supplements of any kind?"
yes
"what is it?"
hydroxycut

"AHAAAA!!! that's your problem right there!"

oh... by the way... in the "research" as to why it caused this problem, they still can't pinpoint the ingredient that causes this... but they're on to one that could cause these problems because there's a recorded history of it causing problems very similar to this (hepatoxicity)... guess what it is? it's one of the green tea extracts! LOL!

TEAM GREEN TEA AND YOGURT FTW!

Teh Music teh music spaghetti spaghetti!!!!!

LOL!!!! anyway... I just bought a laptop (I R smart now) and i got done laying down drum tracks for two of the songs I promised to post... took me two days... so at this rate (and hopefully if things go well with recording the other shit) i'll have 4 complete songs ready for you in a couple of weeks :)

2009-04-29T09:43:00.002+03:00

Excerpts from the diary of a pissed off bodybuilder

Consistency… you’re doing it wrong!

This is why most of you fail… really. I don’t care what kind of retarded diet you are on, what kind of stupid training program you follow… whatever… you fail to produce results cuz your ass aint consistent, bitches!
Look at all the retarded fat people who lost a shit ton of weight and still look like shit-in-a-bag… I don’t care if they look good or not… that’s your goal, isn’t it? To lose as much weight as you can in record time, right? You really don’t care about the way you look, cuz as far as you’re concerned, being muscular at 7% fat for a guy or having a 24 inch waist, big tight thighs and firm tits if you’re a woman is ugly and grotesque…. Right? The epitome of being “sexy” is being able to wear those “skinnies” where your thighs shouldn’t be bigger than your forearms… right? Anyway… regardless of stupid excuses for not working hard… those fat people who lost the weight have one thing in common… THEY ARE ALL CONSISTENT!!! Yes… 3 days where they only drink 2 glasses of orange juice, and nothing else, 2 days where they only drink water, 1 day where they can eat half a slice of toast and an olive… then repeat… do this for 4 months… you’d lose 100 lbs… I assure you… but you have to be consistent.
I always wonder why people do this… you know… complain about being fat and shit and say they are willing to do anything to fix it, except if it involves lifting a finger and not eating what they want whenever they want… they’d swallow the shit out of diet pills from china (that could actually contain rat poison for all you know) I’ll tell ya that! Even though I know why they do it… I still wonder… maybe there’s another explanation… like, they’re afraid of failure, or they’re afraid they’d be laughed at if they told someone about their new diet and that other person says “LOL! You diet that hard and still look like shit??!”, or they’re afraid they’d work out really hard but not find any results… but no.. that’s not the reason… the real reason is this:
MISHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
It’s just so boring and involves work… people don’t want that… they want a pill… even if you can control the future, go through a time machine, take a picture of that person after they work out and diet and show them how they’d look great after a year of training… they’d still say “meh… I’m sure there’s a pill out there that’ll make it easier… I’ll just keep looking for that pill”…
One of my clients told me that his mother in law was on a “diet pill from china” and he wanted me to check it out for him… all he had was the name of the website… the whole damn thing was in Chinese… you can’t even read the ingredients for god’s sake!!! She would rather swallow “tineeeez toggy powdered pee pee” than walk a damn mile a day… sadly, these are the same people who come up to you and say “do you take protein? That shit's bad… it’ll make you sterile and you’ll get brain cancer after your kidneys rot from it… where’s my dried dog pee pill? I need to lose more weight in the next 5 minutes”…. I actually know people who flew to Lebanon to go to a doctor with a “secret” pill that makes you lose weight… he gives these women the pill, they fly back here, take the pill, lose weight for a wedding, then gain it back after the wedding… after further research, I found out that this pill is basically lasix… he tells them to take it every 4 hours for 2 days and not drink or eat anything… btw, lasix is a loop diuretic… one of the strongest… ever wonder how some elite bodybuilders lose 15-20 lbs THE NIGHT OF THE CONTEST?! Imagine if I told you that you could lose 10-15 lbs in 8 hours? That’ll be awesome right? Ofcourse, you wouldn’t give a shit if you died of dehydration or your kidneys failed… you fucking lost weight with a pill!!! Yeah, you’d gain it back in a couple of hours or a day… but who gives a shit! You lost it, didn’t you?
Fucking dumb asses… I swear this woman paid more than 5000 riyals for a trip and pill to lose water… just incase you’re wondering… a box of lasix in any pharmacy costs around 10 riyals or so… LOL!!!!

2009-04-24T11:59:00.003+03:00

ZA KINGDOM COMPETITION!!! part 2...

I don't know on what basis they name these stupid contests on... but the name of this one was "national competition: weight class winners" or something stupid like that... anyway... weighed in the night before at 88.5 kg after dropping my water to make weight (was around 92 kg the day before that), so i got flat, but looked a lot better (leaner)... still, i was fatter than last time...

anyway... I was there early... went to the venue and one of the judges came to me and said "you'd better put paint on this time or i swear you won't win"... i said "don't worry... i'll put paint... is it that important? i'm already dark!" he said "last time, the only reason you lost was because you didn't put any paint on"... WTF? that's why i lost the nationals? because i was dark enough, didn't need paint, but still i had to put that drilling fluid on my body???? ass holes...

anyway... the coach came and put around 7 gallons of dreamtan on my ass...

Went on stage and found abdulmohsin there (the guy who won last time... he's actually a nice guy. we got to know each other the day before)... and it was only the two of us in the 90 kg class...
i was fatter than last time and he was leaner...

saw a cockroach and decided to kill it!!! LOL!! zippy loves this picture :)

we were done after cramping my ass up from all that posing and shit...
when i went back to the little gym they had, i saw the video that jawad took... and to tell you the truth, it could've went either way...
As one of the judges told me later on, i was leaner, had a better flow to the body and better symmetry, but he was generally bigger and had better structure...

after wiping off the damn dreamtan, you can see that the definition is better... here is when we went back onstage to hear the placing

anyway...

GOT FIRST PLACE, BITCHES!!! LOL!!!!
AND I WON SOME GROCERY MONEY!!! HAHAHAH

2009-04-22T09:05:00.000+03:00

Technology… I don’t has it!

I attended a seminar that was supposed to be about a certain subject of interest in the workplace, but during the whole 7 hour seminar, they only talked about what I wanted to hear for less than 5 minute. They were marketing their own “business” instead.

Anyway, that’s not the point. They started talking about social networking and what not that really caught my attention… why? Cuz I hate that facebook and myspace crap and was like “WTF does this have to do with anything??” … then they talked about IBM’s social network and how you can actually find solutions to whatever problem you have at work or whatever. Everyone on that network would write a description about what they’re good at (professionally), and you just find whoever you need and ask them for help… this was the first time someone actually mentioned something useful about social networking (the usual reasons are “to find all friends and keep in touch”… no shit… this actually means “to see if I can meet a myspace hoe”… doesn’t apply to everyone… but you get my point… anyway, I was never into that shit cuz it would get me into some crap if I did…)

Ok… so what stupid metaphor am I gonna come up with this time? it’s like saying “hey… you know that whore house down the street? They have the most awesome chicken wings”… usually, 99% of the people there will go for whores… and you’ll find about 2 or 3 people eating chicken wings… get my drift? Tell your wife you went for the chicken wings… see if she believes you… LOL!!!

Anyway… after the dude actually came up with a legit reason for social networking… he talked about this little USB gadget where if someone else has it, you just touch yours with theirs (damn… sounded perverted) and you’d have them as a friend… and how this will be the new business card in the future…

This just set off a chain reaction in my brain… I’m being left out on a lot of shit!!! Yes, it is my fault… but damn… I’m gonna be like those old timers that you see you searching for some shit on yahoo! And then they say “what the hell is this crap… you and your gadgets and sorcery and shit… what the hell is wrong with the encyclopedia Britannica? What the fuck is Wikipedia?? Nyaah…burp…”

I’M GONNA BE THAT DUDE!!!!!!!!!! :(

Really… I’m starting to become an idiot (starting?? HAHAHAHAHA)… pretty soon I’ll be calling jawad and saying “hey! Where’s my interwebs??? It’s not there!!!”… and he’ll ask about specifics… the problem will be that I still have windows XP running on my Pentium 2 in the year 2038…

Contest tomorrow
Gonna wiggle my fat ass and try to make some money!!! LOL!!! Wish me luck!

2009-04-13T17:52:00.002+03:00

Optimisim: Usually it Rapes You Up The Ass
The Kingdom Championship

In the last contest, someone asked me if i didn't put on fake tan because i knew i was going to win... if you look back, you'd know my answer hasn't changed.
I went to the contest holding a lot of water under my skin, and no water inside my muscles. i don't know if it was the antibiotics or what... i did the same shit i did last time, but this time it got fucked up. I arrived there feeling tired and dehydrated, sipping on my gatoraid, waiting for the shit to start. The guys and i found a mutant and decided to take a picture with it

It's name is Qasim Laith... a very famous bodybuilder in saudi arabia, and as you can see, his baggy shorts are about to burst.

anyway... there were a shit ton of competitors that day... the 65 kg class was PACKED!! lots of potential in those guys. there were about 8 if i remember correctly. It took about 30 minutes for their pre judging... after that, the 70 kg guys... didn't take long... only 3 people there... the 75 kg guys were pretty good... Zakariya, the guy in the 85 kg class last time, went down to the 80 kg class and was SHREDDED!!! but he was no where near as impressive as the new guy in the 85 kg class... pro potential there... don't know his name, but he was AWESOME!!!
anyway... when the 80 kg class were on, i went to pump up...
little by little i started sweating out water from under my skin... it was as hard as hell to get a pump... it felt more like a strain and pain in my muscles rather than a pump

I didn't put any paint on... as usual... cuz i didn't feel like it.
we went on stage and we were a total of 5 contestants...

when we got off stage... i don't want to sound cocky, cuz i'm not... but i owned their asses... i left that stage with a big smile on my face...

anyway... we waited til they were gonna announce our placing... went on stage...

they announced fifth place... he wasn't in the picture... but the dude was at around 20% bodyfat and was holding around 50 lbs of water...
then they announced fourth place... in the picture on top, on the right, in the back... and i was like "huh?? fourth???"

then they announced third place... the guy in the middle wearing the red... I was like "WTF??? are these guys serious???"

then they announced second place... when that happened... my mind went blank... i could hear was the sound of... nothing...

then they announced first place.... guess who got it???

this guy

I don't even remember doing this pose

In this picture... the guy in the jacked and tie... if you see him on the street... please do me a favor and spit in his face...

2009-04-11T07:44:00.003+03:00

I'm glad i'm not the only one...

Some people say "well, you don't have a degree in nutrition... so you're stupid and the nutritionist is right! you don't know shit!"

true... i don't have a degree in nutrition... but this guy does ;)

"Sadly I have gone through 5 years of college for Dietetics and have learned way more through bodybuilding and my own research than I have in any of my classes. One of my teachers used to argue and argue with me on subjects pertaining to athletics and she is a RD LD and Sports dietitian and she is really biased toward certain things. She is one of the head of the depatments we hate each other because I made an obese comment: saying that she shouldnt be giving dieting advice to elite athletes when she is obese. LOL bitch hates me. THEN karma hit. She was hired on as the Sports dietitian for our College football team (OSU), 1 month later FIRED because she didnt know her shit and none of the players would listen to her because she was obese. LOL then the players came to me for advice. funny shit

Practice what you Preach! "

2009-04-09T10:11:00.002+03:00

Today's the contest

weighed in last night... i was 88.5 kg... I didn't see any of the other heavyweights who were competing because we were there on fucking time, and no one else was. so we decided to weigh in and leave. there were a couple of people sitting around who looked like trucks in a t-shirt, but i don't think they'll be competing.
anyway... i don't look half as sharp as i did last time... but who gives a damn. I'm bloated from the antibiotics and my waist is about 0.8 inches bigger than it was last time and for some reason, i'm not losing much water. The weird thing is, i look leaner in some parts and fatter in others... weird.. anyway... hopefully i'll post some pics and the results tonight or tomorrow.

2009-04-07T14:11:00.004+03:00

Hahhahahahahaa…. Pfffff…. Women…. LOL!!!!

Go to your nutritionist!!!! They have a nice plan for you… here, see what the people with PhD’s in nutrition have to say

This is from “First For Women” Magazine:"In order to turbocharge weight loss, you need to consume low-energy density (ED) fruit, which contains the highest possible volume of water, fiber and enzymes," says clinical nutritionist Jay Robb. The best picks fall in the ED range of 0 to .6 (the lower the better), says nutrition scientist Barbara Rolls, Ph.D. Here, the most slimming options:

1.Strawberries
2.Raspberries
3.Watermelon
4.Grapefruit
5.Cantaloupe
6.Honeydew
7.Papaya
8.Peaches
9.Tangerines
10.Apricots
11.Pineapple
12.Oranges
13.Plums
14.Blueberries
15.Apples

Here’s just a little FYI for ya…
Carbs/cals Per average sized piece
Strawberries 0.85g/3.7cals
Raspberries 0.25g/1cal
Watermelon (per average slice) 20.5g/92cals
Grapefruit 19g/75cals
Papaya (per 1 cup cubes) 14g/55cals
Apple 21g/84cals

I can go on and on…
What am I trying to say here?
Basically, eat these fruits!!! But don’t forget the green tea and yogurt!!! You’ll have a figure just like Jessica Beil’s in no time! Don’t forget to wear your tennis shoes when you exercise, because as Mariam’s friend said, you won’t burn any calories if you wear regular shoes while exercising.

oh... btw... if you don't know who this Jay Robb nutritionist is, he's been on oprah and shit... he's got his own line of supplements that oprah once told every fat bitch to buy (overpriced, and shit quality), and he actually has fitness/figure models on his commercial for the "lose 9 lbs in 3 days fruit flush diet"... the guy sounds legit.

Another thing I want to add…

They were talking about some bitch’s body on oprah… I really don’t know who she was and forgot her name… but apparently she got fat and pregnant, and now she’s fit and in a bikini in her shoot “for the first time since her pregnancy!!” OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! … anyway… A LOT of people underestimate the ability of someone who has the cash to just go into a cosmetics clinic and undergo liposuction and ab etching… when you know how real abs look like, real skin looks like, and normal fat depositions look like, you’d know how many fuckers get that shit done.
But most importantly, take their advice when they tell you how to get thin like them! Pay no attention to retards who try to make your life difficult and depressing by telling you to diet like a crazy caveman and tell you to exercise like a maniac… all you need is green tea, yogurt and fruits… even ask oprah! I’m sure that dumb fat bitch knows.

2009-04-06T14:31:00.003+03:00

I'z tired, bossz :(
i'm as flat as fuck right now and i'm waiting til i finish my cardio this evening then i'll start my shitload. weight is 87 kg this morning... this is after pissing 7 gagillion times last night... trying to increase my water intake but my throat is too fucked up to drink a lot of water. yes, i got hit with a throat infection last thursday night, and now it's ok but i still have that "burnt" feeling in my throat...
weigh-in is gonna be wednesday evening, 1 day out... and for those who want to attend, it'll be in the same place (ittifaq club) probably after asr prayer. I don't think there will be a long wait this time since weigh ins are done. but, never underestimate the "punctuality" of these retards... or should i say the lack of.

2009-04-04T10:42:00.002+03:00

Excerpts from the Diary of a Pissed Off Bodybuilder

I’ve had it up to here with this shit!!!

It’s been close to 4 years now since I’ve started this website (actually, aziz did it for me. I’m technologically illiterate to do any of this shit… I’m just glad I can type)… my main goal at the time was to educate people and “send the message”. It’s really funny how sometimes I see people at the gym or whatever and they actually know me from my blog. It puts a smile on my face that I’ve attracted more than 3 people to this place… but, what’s the fucking use if most of the people who come on here would later on ask for my advice then say “you don’t know what you’re talking about”.
In this post, I’m gonna throw modesty out the window… frankly, who gives a flying fuck about modesty. If I kept on saying that I’m the greatest nutritionist in the world for the past four years and fucked modesty up the ass, I would probably be the greatest nutritionist in the world right now just because people kept repeating it. When you talk to me, and want to argue, first thing you should do is look in the mirror. Then you look at me and please keep in mind that I built my ass from ground zero with shit genetics and “no free time”, and no fucking extra income from “baba”.
Now, let me get to what I wanna say here. I have wasted A LOT of my free time training A LOT of people for free in the past… I have also wasted a lot of my time answering any question anyone threw at me with regards to nutrition/training/health, IN DETAIL! I get out of my way to do favors for other people. Writing up programs for people who are actually in very bad health, answering a shit ton of emails when I’m at home when I would rather sit on the couch with my wife and just watch tv, changing my schedule around just to go to the gym with other people to teach them how to do exercises correctly. For fucking what? Why do I devote my time to helping people, when in the end, if I say “an apple isn’t as healthy as they say it is” I will be left with “you are an extremist. You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Common knowledge says you’re wrong and I’ll just throw everything you said to me in the trash”…
You heard it here first… fuck common knowledge and fuck everything you know. Really, all of you people don’t know shit about shit when it comes to this stuff. You are dumber than 3 year olds when it comes to this stuff. And the way you perceive the things I tell you… boy, you guys are fucking dumb asses.
There are people I would like to exclude from this list on a first name basis… Mariam, Jawad, Bandar, Tariq S, Mohammad S, Rashid, Abdullah U, Abdulelah, Aziz S, Aziz N, Hani, Manie. Those are the only people I exclude from what I’m saying. These people have shown nothing but support in the best of ways and are very intelligent when it comes to choosing which source they should believe.
It’s funny how most people (especially people who are close to me) SAY I am wrong, and I don’t know what I’m talking about until they get engaged, they apply for a job they can’t get without losing weight, or they are about to die of heart disease. Then, magically, everything that they said was wrong somehow turns into “I trust you, bro.”
Let me give you some examples of what I’m talking about…
I was sitting with my family last Friday and they started a discussion about health and shit. There was an email sent out from the hospital that my mom works at that read “Nutrition & Cancer prevention lecture”. So, I emailed my mom and told her to ask the lecturer about these specific questions:
1- Can you explain in detail how certain foods can prevent cancer (medically, and not some general chit chat bullshit)
2- Can you please give me references to your explanation and this research you are talking about so I can look it up.
Anyway, so Friday I asked my mom if she asked those questions and she replied “are you crazy? Why are you against health and good nutrition?”… we got into a big discussion and all the family ganged up on me and was trying to tell me that I don’t know what I’m talking about, and that if you eat fruits, vegetables, and honey you will look like a greek god and live to be 1000… Anyway, in the end, I told them that I promote moderation… they immediately jumped on my case and said “no you don’t! you are an extremist! And if it’s not done your way it’s wrong! We are the ones who practice moderation, not you! All you say is to take it to the extreme!”… so, I held up an apple and said “how many grams of carbs does this have?” … they looked at me like I was crazy… held up a banana and said “how many calories does this have?”… again, same retarded look… “how much potassium is in it?”… same retarded look… held up a bunch of almonds and said “how much fat is in this? What kind of fat? What kind of vitamins are in this?” … no one said shit… then I said “well how the hell do you guys think you are being moderate with your food when you don’t know what the fuck is in it????!!” … again… their reaction was “why are you being angry? Why are you raising your voice? This is not a way to discuss any kind of issue… you won’t live long if you stress yourself… I heard that stress isn’t good for you… the doctor said so”… again, they try to change the subject and then go back to calling me an extremist… let’s leave family alone for a while… it’s a lost cause to try and teach someone about health when they are obese, have a fatty liver, extremely bad cholesterol and then say “no I don’t! I’m perfectly healthy!”
A friend of mine was talking about diet and shit… and I was joking around and said “yeah, eat yogurt and shit like they tell you in emails”, and then another friend of mine jumped up and said “what? Now you’re gonna say yogurt isn’t’ healthy?”… so I say “the health benefits they talk about these days are bullshit… the whole health benefits are based on the probiotics in the yogurt itself, but when you pasteurize it, you are killing all the good bacteria… so eating yogurt is just like fucking drinking milk or laban”… so he says “what? Now you’re saying milk and laban aren’t healthy!?” … yeah, I have to deal with retarded shit like this all the time… and then I said “no, they are healthy… but it’s one thing to say it’s healthy, and it’s another to say it fucking cures brain tumors”… and now the kicker! So the other friend looks at me and says “you know, I truly believe that 90% of the things you say regarding this subject are utter bullshit because you are an extremist and you change your mind all the time, but this actually makes sense.”
Why is this funny to me? Because the person who said this crap weighs 370 lbs on a good day, morbidly obese, and couldn’t even follow a diet from the damn diet center that brings his food to his lap every damn day.

The main problem I see with your average retard these days is that HE IS THE EXTREMIST and not me… when I say “an orange doesn’t have that much vitamin C…” it will not be imply that you need other sources for vitamin C, and oranges are a good food source to include in your diet but it isn’t enough… NO!!! it will be heard as “Hamad is stupid… he says that oranges are bad for you and they’ll kill you… he’s stupid… “

Back to the “you change your mind all the time” crap… people say that because they are retarded and I am awesome. When I write down a diet for a client, I don’t have a certain protocol I go by… I just look at him, or talk to him and design a diet I think he would follow and would give him good results at the time. If a guy says “man, I can’t stop eating sweets… that’s my problem” I write up a diet with lots of fruits, honey, cereals… things that could stop his cravings. If someone says “I love salty food” I would design a diet that’s low in carbs and high in fats and proteins… they all fucking work! So this is why if I take the time to help one of my retarded friends or someone I don’t even know and write down a diet for him.. it will be different than the diet that I will write down for him next month… or for another person with the same circumstances. Idiots don’t understand that it’s not the fucking chemical diet!!! I said this in my old book, and I’ll say it again:
Losing or gaining weight is a result of a caloric deficit or surplus. The nature of the weight you will lose or gain will depend on the method of exercise and your macronutrient ratios!!!
If you have higher carbs, I will always include cardio… lower carbs, not so much… it depends… but the rule is the same. But if I tell a retard to eat an apple with meal 1… then a month later I tell him to eat an orange… he’ll say “what? You’re tricking me!!! You always change your mind!”…

Anyway… I know the people who appreciate my knowledge and help and I have mentioned them here… other than those people, I will not help anybody! Period! If you come and ask me for advice, I will give you what you want to hear. Eat fruits, veggies, stay away from “white” stuff, and do lots of situps. That’s all you need to live to be a hundred years old. Doctors are always right… and I’m just a stupid guy who lifts weights. Oh, and I got big because I use protein powder. Once I stop it, all my muscles will turn into fat. Don’t forget your dates, you won’t get into heaven if you don’t eat those.

You could argue that I’m not a poster boy for health… I really don’t give a shit. I could die of a heart attack at the age of 30. Who cares? I’m not into all this health crap, but I fucking do my research and I do it good. I don’t take my info from fucking emails and my goddamn barber. If I wanna look up something I’d go to pubmed or the New England journal of medicine. You’d be surprised of how many doctors actually get their “medical opinion” from google and hippie sites. Just look at Dr.Atkins… we always make fun of him that he died from his own diet… fact is, he didn’t die from the diet. And he was 72 years old for fuck’s sake! When he died, the atkins diet went to the shitter… and then was reborn as the ketogenic diet. Of course, retards didn’t know that it was the same damn thing. And the medical community still believes that his diet isn’t healthy because of his death. No matter what you do with regards to health and trying to educate people, if you die, you will be rendered as an idiot and your ideas were bullshit because you diet at the age of 183, when you should’ve lived to be 500 years old assuming your diet was healthy, right?

So, no more free advice. No more help. No more trying to change the way people think. You want advice? Go to your doctor or nutritionist for help.

2009-03-28T15:27:00.000+03:00

Bad News

Well, the continuation of my prep went down the shitter the first week after my last contest. I got retardedly bloated and constipated the week after the contest, and it took a whole week to get back to normal. Was still holding a lot of water… trained for a week up until last week… last Saturday I felt a strain in my neck after training… went to bed… woke up and I couldn’t move my neck without feeling like someone hit it with a baseball bat… couldn’t even do cardio because walking fast would hurt my neck really bad… so I missed training for a whole week… dieted until Tuesday then said fuck it… what’s the point… it’s Saturday today, and my neck feels a lot better… I think I’m ready to go back and train… I’m back on the diet and holy shit did I gain weight! I was 91 kg this morning… my contest is in 12 days and I don’t think I can lose the fat in 1 week (last week before the contest really doesn’t count)… I’m just gonna try to drop some water to make weight and look sharper and not diet hard enough to look flat and “stringy”…

I really don’t think I’ll be competing in anymore contests this year… it’s really tiring having back to back contests like this… 1-2 contests per year is more than enough I think… and besides, I lost the dumb ass motivation I had… been dieting for too fucking long anyway… 25 weeks now… meh

The next contest is gonna be held in the same venue… weigh in is on Wednesday the 8th of april… I’m gonna head out there this Thursday and ask if they’re doing anything about the lighting… if they aren’t, I’m not gonna apply any paint this time either. It’s enough crap to have to shave off my gorilla suit.

Things I’ve learned this year about fat loss

It’s kinda funny how even if you know what works for you, you still don’t know shit. LOL! Seriously, it’s like every year I learn something new that changes my perspective about bodybuilding and dieting for contests. Here are just some things off the top of my head (I realized that I could be making a big mistake writing this up… so I’ll say it loud and clear… THIS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE COMPETITIVE BODYBUILDERS AND ALREADY HAVE A STRONG BASE OF MUSCLE MASS!!! This is not for any fat fuck who wants to diet down… go train for 5 years INTELLIGENTLY then you can do this)

1- Really… you don’t have to eat clean all day everyday… especially when you first start out your diet. Hell, you can eat a junk food meal everyday of the week when you start as long as you don’t go over a certain caloric limit AFTER YOU HAVE MET YOUR REQUIRMENTS! As in… if you needed to eat 350 gr of protein, 300 gr of carbs, and 60 gr of fat… if you eat 320/250/55 of those, and your next junk food meal will take you a little over your requirements, go ahead.

2- If your body looks tired, it is tired. Give it a rest. You’ll look better in 3 days.

3- If your strength goes down, you are doing something wrong.

4- For the advanced bodybuilders, the dosage on the fat burner label is usually a “wink wink” dose.

5- If you cut out sodium, you will look like shit. Anyone who says “but sodium is bad for you”, I would reply by saying “fuck you, eat shit.”

6- Drinking too much water is counter productive… drinking too little water is even worse. 4-8 liters per day depending on how much sodium you take in. if you drink 4 liters and you are still a bloated mess (as in 10% fat and you have sock marks that look like someone carved it in on top of your ankles), you are taking in too much sodium. Drink more water or decrease your sodium intake (drinking more water would be the better option)

7- Protein isn’t that important by itself, carbs aren’t important by themselves, fats aren’t important by themselves… it’s the whole picture that matters. There were times in my diet where I was maintaining all my muscle mass and strength on 1 gram of protein per lb of bodyweight.

8- Carbs (especially simple carbs) are probably the no.1 reason for smelly farts and bad gas.

9- Throw the scale out the window… it’s good for nothing.

10- You will always look bigger… if you cut your hair shorter.

2009-03-17T15:14:00.002+03:00

Why you shouldn’t even consider dieting and exercising for weight loss or “toning”

Enter any gym these days and you will find it filled with borderline obese and morbidly obese individuals that are either weight training with heavy enough weights (like the 2 lb pink dumbbells to do squats) or doing hours upon hours of cardio. It is rare to find the “toned” individuals at any gym. When you ask these people at the gym “how long have you been exercising?” the common answer would be “a couple of years now.” This could only mean one thing! That exercise is pointless. Millions of people can’t be wrong, right? These people exercise on a daily basis for hours to no avail. If you ask any retarded self proclaimed expert, like competitive bodybuilders for example, they will try and feed you bullshit like “you aren’t training correctly”, “you aren’t training with high enough intensity”, or “your diet is probably awful.” Fact of the matter is, these bodybuilders are lairs. I will get back to this point in a second. Now, if you ask these people about their diets, you find that they make total sense and that they should lose fat at a very fast rate. Usually, they eat 1-2 meals per day that are very low in fat and calories. Most of them even follow diets that are scientifically proven to make you lose weight at an alarming rate (4 or more lbs per week, theoretically, without hitting a plateau). For example, atkins, the chemical diet, the cabbage soup diet, the tomato diet, low fat diets, the protein diet, the fish diet… etc. why aren’t they losing any weight? Well, here is your answer. Dr. Edward Von Ipulledresearchoutofmyassbychosingtestsubjectsthatarebiasedtowardsmakingmyresearchlooklegitandmynamecanbealloverthenews’Ovitch has discovered a new virus that is called obesetosis fatassulitium that causes people to basically store the energy that they should be burning while exercising. To explain further, say you are walking on the treadmill and it says you burned 300 calories. If you did not have this virus, you would’ve burned those calories. But if you are infected, you will actually gain 300 calories. The virus converts the heat your body produces into particles of liquid sugary magma that are calorie dense. As you breathe heavier while exercising, you inhale this liquid sugary magma and it goes into your blood stream via your lungs. It is then directly converted to fat and you can actually get fatter by exercising!! Why you might ask? Because you are prone to inhale other peoples liquid sugary magma. So instead of burning 300 calories, you are actually storing 300 calories or more (depending on how much sugary magma is released around you from other individuals).
According to a recent survey and random blood tests conducted on people, around 97.89% of overweight and obese people have contracted this virus. This is the main reason why they can’t lose weight.
Going back to competitive bodybuilders and their excuses about why people can’t lose weight… our undercover staff have discovered how these self proclaimed experts grow muscle mass and burn fat at a fast rate. We have discovered that they only work out to divert peoples attention from the real cause of their muscle gain. Heavy weight lifting has been proven time and time again by doctors to be useless. The real reason is muscle implants and extreme steroid use. They don’t even have to work out, but they do so that people don’t catch on to their secrets. Our undercover stuff have discovered that they use steroids like whey protein and creatine in very high doses. This is the reason why you see them dropping dead at the age of 26, and none of them ever got past the age of 29. the doses of whey protein they use are lethal, some use up to 50 grams of protein per day, enough to kill a small koala. Also, the secret to their fat loss is basically liposuction. This is why in a “cutting” phase, as they call it, they dress up in baggy clothes to try to hide the surgery scars and the swelling resulting from the surgery, and they are tired and weak all the time. They try to cover it up by saying they look that way due to severe dieting techniques, but it’s all lies.
The latest medical research shows that the safest and ONLY way to lose fat is through a combination of liposuction every 12 weeks, using strong laxatives every 3 days, and drinking 5 gallons of green tea per week. This is the only, and safest way to lose fat. The research showed that there are no negative health effects from doing this, and in fact, it will make you healthier and live longer.
Just say no to dieting and exercise. It was a scam all along. And it is the main reason why obesity has been on the rise for the past 40 years. Please visit a plastic surgeon as soon as you can to get liposuction and muscle implants. Don’t let the media fool you by saying you have to exercise and diet. It won’t work. It’s just a way to sell products.

For the new people reading the blog, this is a goddamn joke… seeing how ignorant, lazy, and retarded people have become this past fucking decade, about 90% of the people who don’t know I’m joking will actually believe this shit. More and more people are tuning into this stupid show called The Doctors, and trust me, it’s full of shit. After I saw yesterday’s episode, I just fucking flipped. They encourage having gastric bypass surgery, liposuction, and this new retarded stomafix surgery over dieting and exercising. They had a fat stupid bitch on the show and she was oh so fucking fat. Had gastric bypass surgery done 5 years ago cuz she was a fat whale, I think she said she hit 270 lbs, after saying… get ready for it… “I tried every diet and training program you could think of. Nothing worked”… now, she went down to, and I quote, “my healthy weight of 170 lbs” after a couple of years of physically not being able to eat (meaning the fat pig was stuffing her face in the first place)… first of all, 170 lbs is not a healthy weight for a woman unless she’s 6’5 or something. Second, anyone can fucking lose weight. It doesn’t even take self control when you’re fucking 250 lbs of fat. Anyway, 5 years later, she went up to 218 lbs because “something was wrong”… ofcourse, they didn’t say what was wrong, but they just wanted to show you how great the new “stomafix” surgery is… any retard with half a brain would know that the “something was wrong” part basically means “I was eating like a pig and stretched out my stomach again”… because in the stomafix crap they were explaining, they said “the stomach seems to be stretched out… this is one of the downfalls of gastric bypass and why it doesn’t work for everyone… so now we will do this stomafix procedure blah blah blah”… and a couple of months after the stomafix, she lost 35 lbs, taking her down to the “healthy” weight of 183 lbs!!! oh boy… even while standing there while sucking in her stomach (and it actually showed on her face that she was uncomfortable), wearing a fucking wonder bra, and a corset, she still couldn’t hide cankles and fat arms. Anyway… the “doctors” were praising this new procedure and were trying to explain how diet and exercise doesn’t work for a lot of people and that they should consult their surgeon about stomafix.
In the same episode, a woman wrote in a question and was asking about how to get rid of cankles… she said that she lost all the fat on her body and she’s only left with cankles… usually, people who are delusional, have 40 inch fat thighs, a 40 inch waist, an ass as big as the day is long, and cheeks that resemble a baboon’s bottom would believe their friends when they act nice and say “you’re just a little chubby… but men like that a lot in a woman”… there is no such thing as “I lost all the fat on my body except for my cankles”… anyway… the old surgeon who is orange from the bad spray tan he has on that is on the show said… “actually, this is very common. A lot of people come to me with this concern and it’s very easy to get rid of it. See, we first make an incision here, then we suck the fat out… blah blah blah”… drove me fucking nuts!!! I was picking up ruffles and throwing him at the tv with rage!!! (it’s ok, he wears a helmet cuz he’s special, so he doesn’t even feel it)…

Anyway… look, if you’re fat, and you “tried everything” but you can’t lose the weight… it’s your own fault. You haven’t tried anything reasonable and you just want the one day diet and shit. It’s all your fault you’re fat. You can be normal, or even athletic looking in a year or two even if you’re obese! But you don’t look like that cuz you have no will power to stop shoving fucking cup cakes down your throat. One of my wife’s friend who is in desperate need of losing weight was at tony roma’s yesterday asking the waiter “what kind of diet food do you have?”… all this while I was eating a brownie with ice cream and hot fudge, right after I ate my cheeseburger pizza with 2 scoops of baskin robbins ice cream with hot fudge and butterscotch, along with some cinnamon sticks… if someone saw this they’d say “poor thing, she’s trying so hard. And you are an ass for having great genetics and eating pizza and brownies gain muscle instead of fat”… who the fuck goes to tony roma's and asks for diet food???? really, people lack any kind of will power or logic when it comes to diet and exercise. Yesterday, a supervisor came to my cubicle and we were talking about exercising and shit. Then he said “look, I jog everyday for atleast an hour, I come from an obese family and I used to be obese, I only eat 2 small meals per day BUT I’M NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT!! WHY?!” the guy is borderline obese… probably at 23-25% fat, 5’9 at around 220 lbs. how come he burns about 1000 cals per day by jogging, and only eats about 800 calories per day, but he doesn’t lose weight? I’m sure it’s not his fault! Oh yes the fuck it is. Cuz when I explained to him how what he’s doing is stupid and pointless, and how he should fix it… this is what he said:
“look, I’m not willing to change the way I exercise, I’m not willing to change my diet, and I’m not willing to change the way I sleep… so what can I do?”
This is the same guy who said he is desperate and is willing to try anything. I just said “look, I don’t mean to offend you, but this is what I usually tell my friends… the definition of the word stupid is if you keep on doing the same thing over and over yet you expect different results”

Take it from me… if you’re fat, it’s because you are weak willed, lazy, lack self control, and don’t want to put any effort into losing the weight and understanding how your body works… and it’s not because god hates you!
If I wake up tomorrow with emphysema, I wouldn’t say it’s because god hates me… I’d fucking deserve it because I chose to smoke (btw, emphysema is what smokers should worry about, not lung cancer). Same thing with fat people… you deserve to be fat. Now get on a treadmill and eat some fucking fresh food with good ratios, will ya?

2009-03-11T14:41:00.002+03:00

The sish...

I don't know what went wrong with my stomach after the contest, but i can tell you that it's not good. two days after the contest, i was so bloated it wasn't even funny... put on about 12 lbs, and now i'm down 8 lbs this morning. i'm at around 88 kg at the moment with a bloated belly. my digestive system is fucked, and i don't know what's inside my intestines, but it smells like a dead kitten that's been rotting for a month.
This week, i started a 40/40/20 diet... and i was reminded by my body how it hates carbs. workouts have been shit, and i look stringy. that's why i'm going back to my old dieting strategy. no carb for a couple of days, then i "carb load"... heheh... yeah right.

the nationals

Bandar told me that it would be interesting if the dude that won the light heavies and i were in the same weight class... so, i told him that i'd try my best to go down to the 85 kg class and see what the judges reward people on... symmetry and level of body fat, or size (not that i'm very aesthetically pleasing, but you know what i mean.)
so, i'm doing my best to get down to the 85 kg without looking like absolute shit... so, i really can't tell if i'll make it or not.

i'm currently mapping out my plan for the offseason at the moment... with all the new info i've discovered about my body the past two years, it'll probably be the same shit i'm doing pre contest but with more calories.

after these contests, i will quit competing for 2 years, try to get up to 105-110 kg, then diet down and see how i look. if i look the same but bigger (no improvement in symmetry) i will not compete again, and just don't this shit for fun... if i improve, it will be time to compete in higher level competitions.

this offseason is going to be messy... whenever i hit 15-18% bodyfat (37-38 inch waist) i will diet down to a 33 inch waist then continue again... i don't want to go above 15%, because it would take me another year of dieting to get down to 6% without losing muscle... and that would suck...

now i'm just blabbering... catch ya later folks!!!

2009-03-06T10:55:00.003+03:00

The contest

As you know in my earlier post, i weighed-in at the venue and i was bumped up to the heavyweight 90 kg category (weighed 86.5 kg... 1.5 kg above the cut off for light heavies). I started sipping more gatoraid cuz i was really fucking thirsty by that time, and i wasn't worried about weight gain.

We waited for the whole damn thing to start, and the fuckers were late, again! anyway, when the 65 kg guys hit the stage, we realized that it was gonna be a shitty contest due to lack of good lighting (everything was dark and you could barely see) and there were hardly any chairs for the audience to sit on.

after the 70 kg weight class were done, i went to eat my french toast and syrup, and starting pumping up. the water depletion and carb loading (shitloading) plan worked much much much better than i expected. i was fully loaded, awesome pump, no dizziness, and I WASN'T SWEATING AT ALL!!!! which basically means that i only had fat left on my body and no water whatsoever... it's funny how when you sit for a couple of minutes and think about crap logically, you can come up with a plan that's so simple, and so easy to follow that it'll probably work on anyone... and not try to make it seem like some secret super duper plan that only one person knows how to do and charges around $400 just to tell you how to do it... yes, this is true. there is a person who sensationalises this whole way and charges that much just to tell you how to do it. and a lot of people pay him... anyway... since the lighting was shitty, i didn't feel like painting myself with that dream tan crap and spending the next 2 years washing it off... so i just applied some "hot stuff" (yeah, that's what it's called... basically it's topical niacin and nicotine). then i went on stage...

as you can see from the stage pics... the lights weren't even over the competitors... we were covered in shadows and you can't tell the fat ones from the lean ones...
just to let you know, i was at around 5% fat, and the closest one to me was at around 12%. don't mean to sound like a proud fuck, but just stating facts...
after the stage, we went down to the little gym they had and took pics... and you can see the real conditioning here...

The placings

first place, bitches! 1 down, 4 to go!!!

just a little story in bodybuilding judging for you

one of the 65 kg guys got screwed over from 2nd place and got 3rd instead because our club team coach knew the judges well and he convinced them to put his guy in 2nd place...
when we were weighing in, the coach wanted me to be in the 85 kg class, and the other guy we had who was supposed to be in the 85 kg class down to the 80 kg class... we both talked to him and told him not to screw around with it and just leave it be. he could've talked to the judges and put me in the 85 kg class if he wanted... that's really fucked up

the 85 kg class...

as i was standing back stage and looking at the contestants on stage, there was this guy who was as big as a house. i could only see his shoulders, traps, and side of his legs from where i was standing... when i got off stage, the guys told me he was huge and ripped and i was lucky not to go into the 85 kg class...
when they were gonna announce the winner, i was standing backstage with the guy and got a good look at him... and after watching the pictures on my camera of this guy... i don't want to sound like an arrogant prick... he was bigger than i was (he's 5'5, i'm 5'7) , but he wasn't as lean... that's one... and if you take a look at this picture... I don't want to take anything away from this guy, but if he was in the states, and the judging was fair, he wouldn't have taked 1st place like he did yesterday... instead he would've had a lot of points taken down for many things that i won't mention... if you are experienced in bodybuilding, you would know...

I'm 5 weeks out now... probably gonna still be in the heavyweights... i don't want to lose any muscle... in fact, i want to gain some... and probably lose some fat... i won't do anything to drop weight this time, just trying to look better for the nationals.

2009-03-05T14:13:00.002+03:00

How can i be bish, when i got no where to... fish?

ok, only Jawad and Mariam will understand that... but take my word for it... it's fucking funny, ok?
i'm leaving for the contest in 30 minutes... it's 2:15 pm right now, and no... i'm not gonna make the light heavies this year, unless the weight scale they have in the venue is really fucking messed up.
i weigh around 87 kg right now, dry as hell but i still have some fat to go. I'm not gonna blame it on water, cuz i know for a fact it's fucking fat. my waist is 31.7 inches still... i'm much bigger and much leaner than last year... so that's good... i guess. still don't know how good the competition is with the heavies... but, i guess i'll know in an hour or so.

i've loaded up on more than 1000 grams of carbs from junk the past couple of days, so i know i'm fully loaded. i'm a bit flat right now, but it's because i'm dehydrated. i'll drink some gatoraid after weigh-in to fill back up a bit.
it sucks to be at the bottom part of a weight class. cuz if anyone is on the top of the weight class and just a bit less conditioned than i am, the judges will prefer it.

anyway... wish me luck.