It's a Dog's Life

Burn the Ships!

2009-05-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

During yesterday’s long run, one of my favorite songs, Burn the Ships, played. As I have been quick to do lately, I compared the song to life especially weight loss and running. In the last year my life has changed drastically. I lost 60 pounds and started running again. The thing is that that isn’t what has really changed. The real me has changed. I no longer berate myself for being “fat and ugly.” I am no longer controlled by food. Now I am grateful for myself and appreciate the things I can do. I know that I can be successful; after all, I completed two very difficult tasks. In the 8 months since I reached my weight, I have maintained that loss and learned more and more about myself and my relationship with food. I recognize that food is fuel for body, not for comfort or when I am bored. Since I started the C25K a year ago, I have run in all conditions and in all moods. I have run in different states and I have raced longer and faster than in my 20s.

Going back to where I was a year ago is not an option. I burned my ships each and every day I learned something new about running or about nutrition. My ships went up in flames every time added a too large item of clothing into a box for Goodwill. I have nothing to go back to if I were to put weight back on. I cannot go back as God has given me the will and desire to change permanently.

Burn the Ships

Songwriters: Chapman, Steven Curtis; Elliott, James Isaac

In the spring of 1519 a Spanish fleet set sail
Cortez told his sailors this mission must not fail
On the eastern shore of Mexico they landed with great dreams
But the hardships of the new world make them restless and weak
Quietly they whispered, "Let's sail back to the life we knew"
But the one who led them there was saying

CHORUS
Burn the ships, we're here to stay
There's no way we could go back
Now that we've come this far by faith
Burn the ships, we've passed the point of no return
Our life is here
So let the ships burn

In the spring of new beginnings a searching heart set sail
Looking for a new life and a love that would not fail
On the shores of grace and mercy we landed with great joy
But an enemy was waiting to steal, kill, and destroy
Quietly he whispers, "Go back to the life you know"
But the one who led us here is saying

(Chorus)

BRIDGE
Nobody said it would be easy
But the one who brought us here
Is never gonna leave us alone

(Chorus)

A Wonderful Afternoon

2008-10-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

Saddle Mountain Hike

2008-10-13T19:16:00.000-07:00

Just a warning: Do NOT believe the weather forecast or satellite images when planning a hike in the Coast Range in October. We did and headed up Saddle Mountain this afternoon. In the 2.5 mile hike to the top there is a 1603' elevation gain. Not an easy hike on a good day. Today was not a good day concerning the weather. It was rainy although not a downpour; just rainy enough to think it would be no problem. However, when you break above the tree line, the wind was biting cold and the rain was almost parallel to the ground. The mountain was socked in and one would wonder why we went the entire way up. It’s just that once I get close, I cannot just turn around. I am a little obsessive and competitive that way. It was an adventure to say the least. Although we could have been more prepared, we were far more prepared than the group of twenty-somethings that were wearing light pants and sweatshirts. At least we had some rain gear, fleece and heavy jeans.

One thing I love about Oregon is the greens. Every nuance is beautiful. And when it is wet and foggy they appear even more intense. It was a beautiful hike. I can say that now that I am warm again…

Transitoning

2008-10-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Transitioning other foods back into my diet isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I am adding in the foods one at a time and so far everything seems to be working. I am increasing calories through more snacks and some fats as well as protein and carbs. Each evening I am planning out what I will eat the next day and putting it into MyPlan. (Food logging program on the Medifast site.) Once everything is in, I fine tune the calories and carbs and protein to get up to calorie. It is interesting how some days my carbs are really low and now I want to pop them up. I need to watch total calories not carbs in particular. I am trying to stay moderate fat and carbs though.

I am amazed how I really don't want to just go back to eating like I was before. I want to eat the veggies not the pasta. (Still haven't broken down and had a potato yet...) I am loving eating apples and I can't wait for the pears on the counter to be ready to eat.

I am researching which dairy I will add on Friday and from there on. The dairy does concern me slightly as before MF I had a lot of sinus congestion. I haven't had any on MF or yet in transition. I wonder if it is dairy products left from my childhood allergy. I'll see and adjust from there.

Practicing the planning aspect during 5/1 has really helped with adding the foods in during transition. I still think before I eat anything and review if it is on my plan and if I am actually physiologcally hungry. If is isn't on my plan but I am hungry, I find something that will fit in with nutrients as I need for the day. I don't give in to cravings like I was before. I can't believe I can actually say, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

Happy Birthday to ME!

2008-10-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday. Today my scale said I weigh 135 pounds for the first time in 21 years! There is no better present to receive than a different life! On my 40th birthday last year, DH surprised me with a luau. When I saw the photos of myself afterwards, I nearly didn't recognize myself. I knew I had gained a lot of weight, but didn't realize how I looked or how bad I really felt. It wasn't until the following May that I tried Medifast. I think God directed me to it, because it has truly changed my outlook on life and gave me hope again. I feel fantastic and I look pretty darn good, too!

The first photo was taken on my 40th birthday last year. The others were taken today. The third is a photo of myself wearing a skirt that I wore shortly before I started Medifast in May 07.

My New Adventure

2008-10-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of a new adventure. On May 14, 2008, I started the adventure of Medifast. It has been an incredibly positive and productive experience. And though I still have 1.1 pounds to goal, I am starting the adventure of transition today. I plan to view it with the same eyes that I started MF with in that it is one step, one packet that will get me where I need to be.

I started at 194 pounds, bloated, uncomfortable and basically not recognizing myself in the mirror. When I looked at the pictures of myself on my 40th birthday, I was appalled and incredibly sad. I knew I needed to change, but it took me several months to choose Medifast. I am so glad I did. I ordered 4 weeks “just to try.” DH was skeptical as I had tried so many other things and he knew people that had done MF and gained it all back and more. However, thirty days later, I was 20 pounds lighter and felt better than I had in a long time. I had HOPE that I would not be forever fat. By then, DH was sold and encouraged me to keep going. Now he is my greatest supporter even when I get discouraged. It is nice that he can’t keep his eyes off of me either! I am back to the same thing though—I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore.

Today I weigh 136.1 pounds, wear a size 4, run 7 miles at a stretch and can comfortably sit cross-legged on the floor again. I like that I am sitting at the computer, cross-legged in the chair without discomfort. I like that I enjoy shopping for clothes again—even though I have to find new places to shop for my new size. I love the changes in my body and I make this vow. I will remember where I came from and where I am now. I will cherish my new self and treat myself and my body with the respect and dignity I deserve as a child of God.

To keep my vow I have made a plan for transition. Like I mentioned, I know people who have lost a lot of weight on MF, but gained it all back and more. I will learn from that. I will do what they did not do. I will follow the Transition Guide as written. Even on those days when “just one bite won’t hurt.” I will monitor my weight very carefully during the first weeks of transition so I can see what effects different foods have on my body. I will make lifelong changes to my diet and activity level so I can maintain my weight long term. I will not be adverse to returning to 5&1 if a few pounds creep on and I will do that as soon as I get past my range and not wait until it becomes 10 or 20 pounds.

And above all, I will keep my support system strong! My friends and family have been amazing! Thank you for all your support!

Self Sabotage

2008-09-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

Once I decided that I was going to start transition on Friday, I began to sabotage myself. A little extra green here, picking at the lean as I put dinner away. Nothing that bad, but things I have not done in the 20 weeks I have been OP. I am afraid of transition--pure and simple. 5&1 is so simple. I choose my five little packets and decide on my L&G (usually grilled chicken and a salad). Then I just go about my day. With transition, I have more choices and more decisions to make. I am afraid I will mess up. I am afraid that my hard work will be for naught. I worry that I have not learned enough or the habits I learned aren't engrained in my being enough. The thing is as much as I doubt myself, my DH believes I can do this. He believes I can transition and maintain my weight. When I started MF, he was very skeptical. Over the weeks he has come to believe in me. I cannot let him down or anyone else that has been there for me. But most importantly, I have to trust that God will guide me through transition and maintainence. I must have faith in Him and in the strength he gives me. I can do this, because He gives me the strength to do all things.

Cherish

2008-09-27T07:32:00.000-07:00

I love the word cherish. It is a soft word that implies more than just a caring to me. There is tenderness even in the saying of the word. Cherish. To cherish someone or something is to do more than love it. It is to honor it and consider it before acting selfishly. I cherish my memories of my loved ones both here and those gone on to be with Christ. I cherish my friends who support me and whom I support. I cherish certain mementos given to me by loved ones or passed to me from generations before. I cherish photographs and their ability to place me back in that happy moment. I have forgotten to cherish the greatest gift ever given me—my life. God has given me my life to live in honor to him. He has given me this body to use to further his glory. For many years, I have taken that gift for granted and dishonored him in the way I treat myself. It is time for me to learn to cherish myself and the life He has given me. I commit to caring for myself tenderly and to nurture myself. I commit to being gentle with myself even as I am gentle with my loved ones. Yesterday, I found a pendant with that one single word etched on it. I wear it today as a reminder to myself to cherish everything in this life that God has given me and to honor Him in how I cherish myself and others.

Cherish
–verb (used with object)
to hold or treat as dear; feel love for: to cherish one's native land.
to care for tenderly; nurture: to cherish a child.
to cling fondly or inveterately to: to cherish a memory.

Origin: 1275–1325; ME cherisshen < MF cheriss- (long s. of cherir), equiv. to cher dear (< L cārus) + -iss -ish2; akin to charity

Beck Book - Day 16

2008-09-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

Prevent Unplanned Eating

I have made a plan and I must stick to it. To prevent unplanned eating, I cannot give myself a choice to deviate from that plan. When I give myself a choice, it increases my struggle with myself. Staying within my plan means that I don’t end up eating spontaneously. Typically when I do that I regret my choice as soon as I take the first bite. Then I think, “Well, I started now, I might as well just finish it.” First I cannot allow myself to get into that situation. Second, I cannot give up just because I strayed with one bite. I must jump right back on my plan.

I need to consider what my rules are going to be to prevent unplanned eating. One is that I cannot drink anything but water and herbal tea until drinking my full 64 ounces of water. After that is done, I can have some diet soda if I choose. Another of my rules is no snaking while preparing meals, including licking beaters, spoons, etc. I lose track of what I am eating when I pick at foods during preparation and every calorie counts. Other rules will develop over time. I need to be prepared for any eventuality and plan for the unplanned. I can do this!

Beck Book - Day 15

2008-09-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

Monitor Your Eating

The first fourteen days set me up for success. The things I have learned during those times of study and reflection will help me succeed this time. Today I make the following commitment. I will follow my plan today. I will eat what is on the plan I made for myself. I will document everything I eat. I will give myself credit for staying on plan. I will give myself credit for denying cravings. I will give myself credit for drinking my water. I will respond positively to sabotaging thoughts. By following this plan, I will increase my confidence that I can lose weight and maintain the loss. This will strengthen my motivation. It will help me recognize potential struggles and find a solution.

I have already succeeded far beyond my wildest expectations. I have less than five pounds until I hit my goal weight. I wanted to get to about a size 8—really hoped for a 6, but I didn’t want to set myself up for failure. But I am wearing a size 2! Some may wonder why I am reading the Beck Diet Solution now when I am almost finished dieting. I am doing this because I never want to diet again. I want to maintain my new weight and be thin and healthy all my life. Changing my relationship with food will increase my success at maintaining my weight.

Beck Book - Day 14

2008-09-24T14:09:00.000-07:00

Plan for Tomorrow

Planning ahead can make al the difference in any diet plan. With Medifast, the more I planned the next days, the better I remain on plan. In the beginning, I put my food into daily packets. I would grab on in the morning and when the bag was empty, I know I was finished eating. I don’t pack for the days I am home anymore as I am doing a little more variety in what I choose for the day. However, I still pick out 5 meals and put them in their own spot in the kitchen each day. I always know how many meals I have left for the day and when I am going to eat. On days off, when I am out and about, I do more planning. I make sure I have muffins or chips made so I have foods that are transportable. I always take everything with me as I never know what we may decide to do next. I fill my bottles with ice water and put them in a little cooler. I am then ready for anything that may come up.

Planning has always been important for me with a diet. I am not one that needs tons of variety in what I eat from day to day. However, having the right foods on hand and planning out for shopping can make or break me. Planning helps me avoid two things. The first, getting so hungry that I eat whatever is the quickest even if it is the worst thing for me. The second thing is helps me avoid is spontaneous eating. When I plan what I am going to eat the next day, I do not stand in front of the fridge and wonder what to have. The decision is made before something triggers my “need” to eat.

In the past, writing down everything I eat has been most helpful. Writing everything down reminds me what I have eaten. Sometimes the days get so busy that I won’t remember to eat or something happens that must be taken care of before I finish eating. If it is written down, I know those calories have entered my body. The important thing is to be honest with myself. That one little chocolate chip that fell on the counter must be listed along with everything else. It has calories and it counts. I also must be honest with myself about the size of the portion. I cannot list that I had ½ cup of ice cream when it was really ½ cup plus 2 tablespoons. Listing what I eat is a habit I have gotten into the last few months and it is something I will carry with me for several more—maybe forever. If writing down everything I eat will make the difference in maintaining my weight, I will do it faithfully!

Missing Part

2008-09-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

I have been dreading going up to see my mom's grave lately. I head out of the house, but just couldn't get myself to go. It is only a few miles, but I haven't been there is a while. I used to drive past the cemetery twice daily the first year after she passed. Now it is so hard to go. I miss her so much. She was one of my very best friends. She would be so proud of me. In the last four years, I was promoted to Administrator of an assisted living, left that position and worked for a hospice company. Then DH & I started our own business and now I have lost more that 50 pounds. She would be so proud because I am happy with where I am and who I am. I just wish I could tell her. Tonight I did tell her. I made myself get in my car and drive up to see her. I am so glad I finally did that. I feel better having done that. I smiled tonight through my tears because I know she isn’t really there. She is in a better place. A place where there is no pain and God wipes away all tears. Sometimes I just wish she were still here where I could see her and talk to her. But I can never ask her to return of the pain of this world. For now, until I can see her again, a visit to the cemetery will have to do. She wouldn’t mind as long as I am happy and doing right.

Beck Book - Day 13

2008-09-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Overcome Cravings

I am going to try to focus on writing, but my current craving for chips may distract me. Ahhh, cravings. I have them often sometimes for salty foods, but usually for sweet. Putting my thoughts in writing helps me clear my mind and become more rational about my options. Then I can make a decision without emotion being a part it. A craving is an emotion. A craving is an intense desire for a specific food. I feel like that food is calling my name form its place in the kitchen. It is so hard to block out the plaintive wail of its cry. “Juanita, Juanita.” It calls to me. The only way I can weaken the craving is not feed it. Each time I deny the craving satisfaction I weaken it. Each time I deny the craving satisfaction I have more confidence that I can do it again. Each time I wait out the craving I decrease its intensity and frequency. As soon as I make a conscious decision not to indulge in the craving it diminishes. It sounds so simple. It will be simple once I learn the skills I need to deny the craving. So, right now I will practice. I will deny the craving I feel. It is a craving, not hunger. I will wait it out. I will succeed.

Beck Book - Day 12

2008-09-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

Practice Hunger Tolerance

Have to take a minute to laugh. As I sat down to read this section, my stomach growled. My watch says I don’t eat again for 30-60 minutes. Hmmm, maybe this is exactly what I needed to read right about now! I have this tendency to say, “I’m so _____________ (insert emotion/feeling/discomfort here), I can hardly stand it.” I have been working on rethinking that self-talk over several months. After all, there isn’t much that I “can hardly stand.”

I appreciate the sentiment that “hunger is never an emergency.” For so long I have treated it as such. When I began to feel even the slightest tinge of hunger, I would jump to the conclusion that my body was telling me something and I needed to eat right NOW. During my time on Medifast, I have come to realize that I can stand to be hungry until it is time for the next meal. I have not fallen over dead in all these weeks even though I felt really hungry sometimes. I don’t know if I was driven by a fear or some other compulsion. Either way I did not realize that just because I wanted to eat didn’t mean that I should eat. I think I am learning that lesson even as I sit here at the computer while my next meal waits in the refrigerator. Each time I delay the gratification of eating I am strengthening my resistance muscle. The stronger that muscle is, the better I will be able to maintain my weight loss.

The exercise in this section was powerful. List situations where I felt discomfort start with a time when I felt no discomfort and set that as zero—relaxing on the sofa. Next set ten as the most discomfort ever felt—a migraine that goes on for days. Then fill in between. Seven is abdominal surgery; four a sprained ankle and so on. When I feel hunger, I relate it to that scale. In that perspective, I decide how uncomfortable I am. Facing that type of discomfort, my hunger seems insignificant and hardly registers on the scale. Now, that I really can handle.

Beck Book - Day 11

2008-09-09T12:28:00.001-07:00

Differentiate Between Hunger, Desire and Cravings

This is very timely for me. For the last dozen years or so, I have had a difficult time in September. Several significant events and losses have happened in September. The easiest way to deny those feelings of grief is to replace them with something that feels good or, as in my case, something that tastes good. For some reason I drown my grief in anything that tastes good and the higher the calories the better.

As in the opening chapters of the book, I was struck by the thought that there is a difference between hunger and a desire to eat. Now to realize that just because I crave something does not mean I have to eat it. It may seem like a simple concept to some—namely my husband who doesn’t struggle with food as I do—but to me it is like a lightening bolt strikes my heart.

I spent the last few days studying my own responses to “hunger” stimuli. Every hour I would listen to my body and see if I was hungry. When I began to think about food, I stopped and thought about if it was true hunger or desire or a craving. The book describes the physical sensations of each. A desire to eat may be simply that there is a cookie sitting on a plate and you reach out to eat one. You may not be physically hungry, but it is there and it is socially acceptable to eat what is offered. The same desire as having a second serving at a meal, before my body can send the brain the signal that I am full. A craving, which is what I deal with most, is a strong physical response in the mouth throat of body, a yearning for a specific food. That specific food, such as ice cream, is what I want and nothing else will fill the need. True hunger happens when I have not eaten in some time and have an empty sensation with a rumbling stomach. When I am truly hungry, I don’t have one single food that will satisfy, it could be a variety of foods.

For so many years I have been confusing a desire to eat or a craving for actual hunger. How sad that it has taken me so long to learn to listen to my body and discover what it is that it is trying to tell me. Today I have a desire to eat. It doesn’t matter what it is, I just want to get rid of the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. It is not hunger, it is grief. I can recognize that today. I can understand it. I can move on to something else to help me deal with that grief, something other than food.

Beck Book - Day 10

2008-09-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Set a Realistic Goal

The goal I set can be motivating or overwhelming. The Beck Diet Solution recommends setting a series of 5 pound mini goals as opposed to one ultimate goal. With each five pounds lost one celebrates and sets a new goal to lose five more pounds. For me that is overwhelming. I tend to look ahead and count how many of those goals I have to go. I chose my goal based on the weight I was when I was married. I also understood that I may change that goal up or down depending on how I felt along the way. I was never overwhelmed by how much I needed to lose, but that is my personality. The bigger the challenge, the more I like it.

I do celebrate the little accomplishments along the way. I do not necessarily relate them to the weight I have lost, but to how I am staying to my plan. I base them on if I ate what I said I was going to eat, if I exercised or took the day off, if I did something to care for myself each day. If I base my rewards only on how much I lose, I am afraid that when I get to goal I will stop taking good care of myself.

That being said, I do plan to reward myself with something I don’t need. Yes, I will get a new wardrobe, but I will need that. I haven’t decided between a tattoo, diamond earrings or something else. I am open to suggestions.

Beck Book - Day 9

2008-09-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

Select an Exercise Plan

This was easy for me. One of the reasons I really wanted to lose weight was to exercise comfortably again. I love to exercise. I love the endorphins that a hard sweat gives you and the feeling that carries throughout the day. Before Medifast, I tried to lose weight by exercising and not changing how I ate. In 6 months, I lost about 5 pounds even with working out 1-2 hours 5-6 days a week. It wasn’t working, so I made the choice to change my eating habits. The first 3 weeks on Medifast, I followed the guidelines and did not exercise other than a couple of short walks with the dogs. In the fourth week, I started walking and adding some workouts at the gym. Before too long I started the C25K program. That was what I wanted most in exercise. I wanted to run again. In the early’90s I ran often and was up to about 25 miles a week. Once I stopped running and didn’t change how I was eating, the weight started coming on and didn’t stop.

Probably the biggest reason I exercise is to relieve stress. Exercise releases chemicals in the brain which give us a feeling of well-being. That eases the way I deal with everyday stresses of life. I feel better both physiologically and psychologically when I exercise. I am more comfortable in my own skin when I exercise. My joints don’t ache as much and there is less stiffness. I am more confident, more cheerful and more patient when I exercise. I can let things go when I am working out. I think about one thing and one thing only. It allows me to really focus.
I am also very competitive. I like seeing if I can win or better my own times. I love putting on a race number and seeing my statistics printed out. It makes me accountable to keep training.
I want to age gracefully. When I am old, I want to be able to enjoy life to its fullest. I don’t want to be one of the seniors that I care for; I want to be out and doing. The best way I know to do that is to start now. One of the best ways to care for my brain is aerobic exercise. Getting the oxygen and blood flowing through the brain encourages it to remain strong and decreases the risk of short term memory loss. That is reason enough for me.
One last reason I exercise is those little indulgences. Not right now as I am staying true to my diet plan, but in the future. I want to have the opportunity to have a dish of ice cream on occasion without worrying that my weight will go back up. For that I choose to exercise.

There are many ways I do bits and pieces of spontaneous exercise during the day. I have never been one to park close to the store; I’d rather park a ways and walk. I love that my house has stairs and I go up and down them often. I don’t try to carry a big load of laundry around I take a few pieces and put them away and then go back for more. The little things do add up, but I really love my planned outings specifically for exercise. There is no better part to my day than to tie my running shoes and head off into the neighborhood for a bit of solitude.

Beck Book - Day 8

2008-09-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

Create Time and Energy

It is time to decide what sacrifices I am willing to make for dieting. It is time to look at the daily activities of my life and prioritize. To succeed I must create time for planning and implementing my diet plan. I need to set an appointment with myself to create a milieu conducive to achieving my goal. If I do not set the time to plan, I will fail and that is not an option. Since failure is not an option, I need to choose which of my activities are put aside so that I can focus on my goal. Since I started Medifast, my pleasure reading has decreased dramatically. I hadn’t even realized how much until I began to think about what sacrifices I have made. Typically, I read 1-2 novels weekly. In the last 16 weeks, I have read one novel. I have spent more time planning my own meals and adding special items to the weekly shopping list. I have spent an amazing amount of time on My Medifast learning and seeking ideas and options. These things have kept me focused and motivated to lose weight. I feel like I have others looking to me as an example and I cannot let them down. Someday, I will get back to reading something other than The Beck Diet Solution and books on running. In the meantime, I am more than willing to sacrifice those hours of relaxation with a good book for hours of exhilaration that comes with running.

The Couch to 5K Works!

2008-09-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

I headed out the door 10 weeks ago with great trepidation. I had stopped running in 1993 following a 15K race with a sore knee. Last fall I had tried getting started again, but the same knee became sore very quickly. Once I had lost 20 pounds with Medifast, I thought, “Okay, I’ll try it again.” The Marvelous Mayflowers talked about the C25K being such a great program and the accompanying podcasts being very helpful. I decided I didn’t have anything to loose. I worked my way through each of the 9 weeks with my confidence and enthusiasm growing. I had to hold myself back so I wouldn’t do too much too fast.

Now I am a runner again. This morning I did my favorite race that I haven’t run since 1992. The Wildwood Trail Trial is a point to point run on a wooded path. Runners start every 2 minutes over the course of 3 hours. I only saw a few runners the whole time. It is a peaceful challenge more with myself than others. My goal was to run half and walk half and finish in less than 90 minutes. I finished in 1:15:25. I only walked about .75 miles of it, most of that on the last hill to the finish and in several rocky areas. I am so proud of myself for sticking to my plan of running easy and not forcing any speed. I am a RUNNER. I am an ATHLETE.

Beck Book - Day 7

2008-08-31T23:25:00.000-07:00

Arrange Your Environment

Out of Sight, Out of Mind. When I set something aside to do later, it tends gets buried under other things. Before long I have forgotten about it. Hopefully, I don’t do that with too many bills. But the fact is that when I don’t see something, I forget I needed to do it or wanted it. The same goes with food. Previously, if I put cookies on the top shelf, I would forget about them--unfortunately, not until I had eaten most of them. After a while, I would ask my DH to hide the candy or cookies from me. Then we would both forget about it. I need to learn a couple of lessons. One: I need to control my response to food. To help myself succeed at that I need to put those foods that are not healthy for me out of sight. Placing healthy foods in plain sight will help me remember to partake of those and in turn succeed getting to my goal.

Beck Book - Day 6

2008-08-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

Find a Diet Coach

Diet Coach = Support. A diet coach will be there for me when I have trouble being there for myself. A diet coach will keep me on target.

I am blessed amazing support. My husband has supported me every step of the way. He isn’t effusive with praise or advice. He will offer advice or direction when asked, but doesn’t offer it. I can talk about an issue or a problem and he doesn’t try to fix it. A lesson learned over the years. When I am told what I should do, I tend to do the opposite. I also have fantastic support from two of my sisters. Although both were skeptical of Medifast, they supported my decision. During my journey, they have cheered for me and with me. I know that I can tell them anything and they will not judge me. If I am headed down the wrong path, they will “speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:13) If they are pleased with an outcome, they will not hesitate to say that.

The last few days, I have wondered if that support is enough. As I get closer to my goal and look toward transitioning my diet, I wondered if I needed more support with the knowledge of Medifast and the nuances of transition and maintenance. I came to the conclusion that having a diet coach could really offer me the support I need with the niggling questions that arise. I decided that having someone other than family could be very helpful in the days ahead. So, now I have an “official” diet coach, in additions to the amazing support I receive from those I love.

Hanging with the Sisters!

2008-08-24T21:46:00.001-07:00

Beck Book - Day 5

2008-08-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

Eat Slowly and Mindfully

I don’t know why it is, but I am really resistant to eating slowly. Every time I hear that my brain shuts down and says, “Yada, yada yada, whatever.” In sitting back and thinking about why that is I have come to a couple of conclusions. The first is growing up in a big family. As the 6th of 7 kids, you ate fast or you didn’t eat. I had two older brothers that loved to eat. If they got the dishes first, you could be in trouble. And they had better not want seconds before you did or you were out of luck. I think I learned to eat fast as self preservation. Changing those learned behaviors is difficult, but not impossible. Secondly, I am always thinking about what I need to do next. It is no different when I eat. I am either doing something or thinking about doing something. So eating quickly gets me on to the next task I want to accomplish.

The third conclusion I came to makes no sense in a logical way. However, it makes great sense to my deluded thinking. Here goes: Eating too much is BAD; therefore, eating is BAD. When I eat really fast I am BAD for a shorter amount of time before I can be good again. Whew! Even writing that down is weird. This kind of thinking is what sent me into clinical depression nearly 15 years ago. These thinking patterns are formed for illogical and emotional purposes and follow us into every aspect of our lives. Hopefully, by recognizing the flaw in the reasoning, I can change my thinking.

I just sit here looking at what I have written and it strikes me how many areas of my life have been affected by past experiences. Even how I eat is affected by a situation that had nothing to do with food, but changed my psyche to believe that I was bad and needed to do everything I could to be good. How sad to live my life like that. How sad to waste years believing that. It is time to change my attitude about eating. Eating is a good and healthy thing. If I eat too much, I am not bad. My next meal is in 30 minutes. I will sit down with no distractions and eat slowly and mindfully. With each bite, I will remind myself that eating is good and healthy. I will give myself credit for each bite I think enjoy. I will do this every meal until it becomes second nature and I do not have to consciously think about it anymore.

Beck Book - Day 4

2008-08-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

Give Yourself Credit

When I was in Junior High, I was very sensitive about being a “good” person. I tried to be the perfect Christian, daughter, friend. Basically, I felt if I wasn’t perfect it wasn’t worth it. To help myself feel better, I would give myself credit for little things that I did do. One morning, I walked into our Sunday school room and on the black board was written, “Juanita is a braggart.” I knew who had written it from the handwriting and I never took much of what she said about me to heart, but this was a crushing blow. I didn’t think I bragged about myself, but apparently she did. From that day forward, anytime I gave myself credit for accomplishing something, I felt guilty. After all, I was a braggart.

Fortunately, over the years, I have passed that strong guilt. However, sometimes it still creeps into my mind and causes me to doubt myself. I always wondered at what point does being proud of myself for accomplishing something and sharing it become bragging. I figure that bragging has an arrogance to it that reveling in one’s accomplishments doesn’t have. Bragging to me is taunting—saying, “Look what I did and you can’t do it!”

So, starting today, I will give myself credit for the things I accomplish without guilt. I will allow myself to feel pride when I finish what I set out to do. Not because I think someone else cannot, but because I did. By giving myself credit, I will build my self confidence and reinforce my self control. Each time I tell myself that I did a good job, I remind myself that I can achieve my goals. This type of positive self talk is not new to me; I have practiced it in the past and have improved. It is easy to get out of the habit though and revert back to chiding myself for not doing something perfect.

I need to remind myself to congratulate myself like I would a friend. When a friend has a rocky spot, I don’t say, “That was stupid. You can’t do anything right.” Yet that is how I treat myself. Instead, I would tell my friend, “Okay, so you stumbled. You can do this. Learn from it, get back up and try again.” I am kind to a friend and I need to be as kind to myself. When a friend does something great, I would give them a hug and tell them how proud I was of the accomplishment. I must realize that it is important to do the same for myself. I need to practice it until it is automatic. I need to keep doing it until it happens without me realizing that I gave myself credit. Doing this will not only make dieting and maintenance easier, it will make everyday life easier. I will be willing to try something new, because I won’t degrade myself if I am not perfect. I can do this and I will do this. Right now, I give myself credit for taking the time to write out my thoughts and share them with others. There—that wasn’t so hard.

Beck Book - Day 3

2008-08-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

Eat Sitting Down

This is a tough one for my life. I am often feeding others while I eat my meals. I walk from one person to another and eat as I am going between. I get interrupted when having snack when someone needs assistance in some way. At first, I thought I can’t do this; I need to find another way. But, as I read further, I realized the difference it could make in the long term. I began to understand why it is so important to make the change to always sitting every time I eat. The reason behind this is to become more aware of everything I put in my mouth.

Think about all the opportunities I have to eat standing up. There are samples in the grocery store, snacking while cooking, parties, etc. That is a lot of opportunity to put calories in my mouth without being mindful of what I am actually eating. BLTs (bites, licks, tastes) happen most when I am standing. What I am learning is that it all matters. Every BLT has calories and the potential to sabotage my success.

Normally when I eat standing up it is impulsive eating. “Just one quick bite and then I will do something else.” It never occurred to me before that this thought process sabotaged my efforts at losing weight. When I eat sitting down, it signifies to me that I am planning to eat and I have a plan about what I am going to eat. Sitting during eating implies that I made a choice to eat. Seeing the food spread in front of me gives a satisfaction of seeing what I am about to eat and in turn I feel more satisfied. If I am standing as I eat, I do not see the amount of food I am eating and do not feel as satisfied as I do not feel I have eaten as much even if I have eaten the same amount or more.

By making this a lifelong habit, I can continue to be aware of what I am eating and not add extra calories in here and there. This is one more step on the journey to mindful eating. I will always need to be aware of how I fuel my body or I will be back where I started.

I will work on making it a habit to sit down every time I eat. When I am walking through Costco and the samples are on every side, I will have to think before I try one. I will need to decide if I really want to have the bite and where am I going to sit to eat it. That may seem far fetched, but the more I consider it, the more I believe that this is an important step in changing my attitude toward food for my lifetime.