Judith's Take

Women, Bullying & Sabotage ... Oh My!

2009-05-12T19:00:00.003-07:00

Twenty-two years ago, I released the first study on do and why women undermine other women. Since then, nine studies have been completed.

Do women undermine and stabotage other women?
Are women bullies?
Do women create and handle conflict differently than men do?
Do women undermine their own gender more than they do men?
Is there a difference in a female dominated workplace than a gender integrated workplace in sabotaging behavior?

The answers are all YES.

When Woman to Woman: From Sabotage to Support was published in 1987, critics (and women's magazines) were outraged that I would dare write, and say, that women weren't too kind to their own gender. And then the stories from viewers, listeners and readers poured in. It was lethal out there. And to think, the book almost didn't happen.

Rejected by dozens of publishers--the common comment was that "this" doesn't happen; some even accused me of making up the stats. Publishing is a female dominated workplace... I was holding a mirror up in front of the editors!

An article in the NY Times on Sunday, May 9, 2009 addressed some of the current chatterings on the topic. As if it was all new, never addressed before. As the pioneer or the work, who has closely followed it for two decades now and regularly publishes on the topic, I found it interesting that the Times writer didn't dig up and cite any of the original work on the topic. As a researcher, it's always smart to have a benchmark.

Fast forward 20 years. No change, more pain, still denial. The latest study that included 3000 plus respondents reports that sabotage and abusive/bullying behavior has increased significantly in the past 5 years. 56% of the repondents said it had; 25% said it hadn't; and 19% weren't sure.

Until women, and men, and the workplace acknowledges the issues that the bad girls (and boys) create in the workplace, undermining, bullying and sabotage will continue to breed. The costs are multiple---stress, lower productivity, people quit. Are there solutions? You bet.

Most recent book released: Stabotage! How to Deal with the Pit Bulls, Skunks, Snakes, Scorpions & Slugs in the Health Care Workplace. Even though the stories are about healthcare, the solutions are between the covers!

They start with commiting to confront the culprit. Use my CarefrontingScript... it works!

Money Smarts for Turbulent Times

2009-04-25T16:37:00.003-07:00

I received a call from the owner of one of my books a few weeks ago. She wanted me to know that she was just fine, thank you. Two years ago, she purchased a copy of Money Smarts and followed it to a tee. Most of her money was in cash and would stay there for awhile. She thanked me for my advice.

There was nothing fancy about the book, just the basics. And that's what we all need with this tornado financial environment that we are all treading water to stay on top.

When 401(k)s have become 101(k)s, if that; when people are see their life savings vaporize; and when the nest egg of the home value has become a rotting mess of twigs it means major regrouping.

I've gone back to the writing desk to do a revision on Money Smarts. The new title is Money Smarts for Turbulent Times and will be available in June. Still the common sense of it's predecesor but brought current with what's unraveled since the fall of 2008.

When finances are shaky, it's not the time to take changes. Cash is king. Even when the stock market gets roots, make sure they are solid before you jump in.

It's About Doing Right vs Doing Political

2008-12-16T07:23:00.005-07:00

I'm amazed with the total lack of Christmas cards being mailed out this year ... to date, I've received less than 10 vs. previously years of 100s. People are cutting back; using email for greetings. Yes, I miss some of the beauties, and funnies, but let's be real ... tis a lot of money that goes down the shoot for a few seconds/minutes of enjoyment... why not make a phone call and really connect?

For the second year now, I've just mailed a few with notes. Otherwise, I've joined the practical crowd.

Which means that we will probably see mail rates go up again next year... more of us are doing Internet mailing and bill paying ... the USPS continues to solicit all the junk mail that most of us don't want, or need. The rationale is that it covers their expenses.

Seems to me that the Post Office should cut back as well ... skip Saturday deliveries--there's no doubt in my mind that there's a lot of fat that could be trimmed ... and hasn't the public been subsidizing this for years?

Bailing out ... all the hearings that the auto industry is going through and that the financial group didn't when they got $700 billion ... and just how has that $700 billion helped Sam and Samantha Public????

Color me simple, but I shake my head when I see/hear the bozos in "leadership" fingerpointing at the auto execs (not that they shouldn't be notched down for lots, including the "vision thing") when they, Congress, rubber-stamped just about everything the current Administration wanted over the past eight years--now what's the National Debt--isn't there a difference between TRILLIONS and BILLIONS?

I think so. Congress is the pot calling the kettle black. Get real, get practical, do the right thing instead of the political thing.

It's About the Trashy Media Ploys

2008-12-11T09:45:00.005-07:00

This week, the media is all abuzz about the "alleged" corrupt Governor of IL and his exploits to "sell" the Senate seat recently vacated by President-Elect Obama. Fair enough.

What is outrageous is all the air time devoted to what did Obama know/do, etc. during the Governor's strategies of replacing him. Obama has basically said that the Govenor should resign, or get the boot. Good idea.

What he also said was that he needs to withhold any further comments because there is an indictment in play against the Governor. The prosecutors publicly state that Obama has zip to do with this ... just that it's his former Senate seat that's in play. Believe them until they say otherwise.

So stop the nonsense. Media needs to get smart and use some common sense. Let the facts come out. There's a legal track in play. Stop using the ridiculous ploy ---when did you stop beating your wife? with Obama.

Obama is dealing with an incredible mess that Bush is leaving... he's more ahead than any President-Elect that I can remember in planning and strategizing... and working on cleaning up. Instead of the outrageous love-fest that ABC's Charles Gibson did with Bush a week ago, why not focus on all the screw-ups of Bush, including the deaths of so many of our men and women in his Iraqi Foley?

The Governor sounds like trash, a modern type of Tony Soprano, maybe without the whack jobs. That makes sense. Get the boot out.

Who You Gonna Vote For?

2008-09-04T09:01:00.003-07:00

I would never vote for anyone who tries to get the local librarian to ban books that she, Sarah Palin, doesn't like passages in and then attempts to get the librarian fired; I would never vote for anyone that says that God tells her what to do a la the idiot Bush; I would never vote for anyone who would not support a woman's choice on what to do with her body; I would never vote for anyone who is openly supported by the Evangelical right with their myopic mission; I would never support anyone who pooh-poohs that value of sex education, etc, etc, etc,

Sarah Palin is a shrewd small town politician with big dreams... she's getting them... and I don't think she much cares about her family if they get beaten down in the pathway to reach for them. This woman isn't squeaky clean and there are lots of questions, valid questions about her.

To me, she's a Trojan Horse, a Pit Bull with Lipstick and a Zealot.... the last thing this country needs is more right wing, religious and self-serving models... hasn't anyone learned their lessons with Cheney and Bush?

Pallin's a Trojan Horse

2008-08-30T11:33:00.001-07:00

I've been off the blog path for several months. A new book to finish (Stabotage! How to Deal with the Pit Bulls, Skunks, Snakes, Scorpions & Slugs in the Health Care Workplace--availabe late September 2008) and glued to the TV watching the November elections unfold.
With the Democratic Party finishing their big party, the GOP is set to go ... with McCain announcing his candidate from far out right field.
Let's talk about the Hillary supporters. She lost. Get over it. She was outcampaigned and outsmarted from the get-go. Text City won. Why any woman would say/broadcast and be stupid enough to be sucked into doing an ad that aired in prime time during the DNC supporting John McCain is truly beyond my comprehension. Her ignorance and stupidity is beyond belief.
Let's look at why 18 million voted for Hillary Clinton. It's about Positions and Politics and Experience and Vision and Leadership--all should be at the top of the list. Having internal plumbing, an off the wall sense of humor and preference for pant suits should have zip to do with it.
Now, if I felt that all things were truly equal and it was a tie, I would go with the woman because I would like to see a woman as President.
Barack Obama has positions, is a political animal, his experience is diffenent than Hillary's, has tons of vision and leadership. With Hillary, people either love her or hate her. With Barack, people either love him or don't know him. I've heard few say they hate him... although I've heard plenty cite the untrue emails that circulate--they are just ignorant for not checking them out. Hillary lost. Get over it.
Obama supports all the key issues that Hillary Clinton did/does. John McCain, and certainly the woman he selected to be the substitute "woman's voice" is the furthest thing from anything that Clinton or Obama envision. Yep, she's got internal plumbing... and understand this: she's a trojan horse.
If any woman or any man who supported Hillary Clinton votes the McCain ticket, they deserve the public stoning they should get. How dare they throw their candidate's belief in the gutter because they didn't get their way? Boo-hoo. Unfortunately, if the McCain ticket prevails with the assist of the misguided, we are in deep, deep trouble.
The Clinton's, however much they coveted the Oval Office again, must do everything in their power to support the Obama team. Their "misguided" need their tushes booted to a wake-up call before 3 AM ever gets the chance.

The Women Take ...

2008-08-30T11:10:00.002-07:00

I've been off the blog path for several months. A new book to finish (Stabotage! How to Deal with the Pit Bulls, Skunks, Snakes, Scorpions & Slugs in the Health Care Workplace--availabe late September 2008) and glued to the TV watching the November elections unfold.

With the Democratic Party finishing their big party, the GOP is set to go ... with McCain announcing his candidate from far out right field.

Let's talk about the Hillary supporters. She lost. Get over it. She was outcampaigned and outsmarted from the get-go. Text City won. Why any woman would say/broadcast and be stupid enough to be sucked into doing an ad that aired in prime time during the DNC supporting John McCain is truly beyond my comprehension. Her ignorance and stupidity is beyond belief.

Let's look at why 18 million voted for Hillary Clinton. It's about Positions and Politics and Experience and Vision and Leadership--all should be at the top of the list. Having internal plumbing, an off the wall sense of humor and preference for pant suits should have zip to do with it.

Now, if I felt that all things were truly equal and it was a tie, I would go with the woman because I would like to see a woman as President.

Barack Obama has positions, is a political animal, his experience is diffenent than Hillary's, has tons of vision and leadership. With Hillary, people either love her or hate her. With Barack, people either love him or don't know him. I've heard few say they hate him... although I've heard plenty cite the untrue emails that circulate--they are just ignorant for not checking them out. Hillary lost. Get over it.

Obama supports all the key issues that Hillary Clinton did/does. John McCain, and certainly the woman he selected to be the substitute "woman's voice" is the furthest thing from anything that Clinton or Obama envision. Yep, she's got internal plumbing... and understand this: she's a trojan horse.

If any woman or any man who supported Hillary Clinton votes the McCain ticket, they deserve the public stoning they should get. How dare they throw their candidate's belief in the gutter because they didn't get their way? Boo-hoo. Unfortunately, if the McCain ticket prevails with the assist of the misguided, we are in deep, deep trouble.

The Clinton's, however much they coveted the Oval Office again, must do everything in their power to support the Obama team. Their "misguided" need their tushes booted to a wake-up call before 3 AM ever gets the chance.

It's About Rules ... the Unwritten Ones

2007-06-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

There’s a classic scene in the movie, A League of Their Own, when manager Tom Hanks sees one of his outfielders approaching the dugout and she’s crying. He says (actually yells), “Crying?! There’s no crying in baseball!”

Hmmm … now where would that be in the player’s policy manual? It’s not. Our outfielder has been hit with one of the deal breakers of the workplace—the unwritten rules. How was she to know that there was no crying … unless someone told her about it?

The unwritten rules reveal the true culture of a workplace. It’s how people treat each other, work with each other, play games—good and not-so-good—with each other.

It's the one hundred plus unwritten rules that can destroy your working relationships and your work environment.

Recently, I was giving a speech for a group within a hospital association at its annual meeting. One of the unwritten rules that surfaced during the exercise I do to reveal them was that if you have to see Sister, don’t wear red! Truth be told, the good Sister has taken quite a disliking to the color red. If you want/need something from her, don’t go bearing red. If she sees it, you are discounted, almost become invisible. It’s that simple.

You may think that it’s no big deal, but for Sister it is. And, if you had any savvy, you would have done your homework and known that it was a button-pusher for her. It’s her unwritten rule. Don’t wear red. Wouldn't it have been nice if someone had told you of her strong dislike?

Unwritten Rules Are Everywhere
What other button pushers do you know about? Have you even been in a situation that you thought or said, “Why didn’t someone tell me about that?”

Every workplace has them. Sometimes there are different rules for different status, length of employment, even who you are aligned with! Some seem silly—avoid red; some seem petty—don’t use Bertha’s pen; some seem like commonsense—if you use the last one, replace it.

Think of your workplace—do you work solo or with others? Do you have a kitchen or a coffee room; is there a break room; what about people—who else do you interact with; how do people communicate with each other—with clients/customers; do meetings start on time; do people routinely come in late or leave early; who reorders stuff and how do they know; are there certain vendors to use (or to avoid); is there someone everyone should avoid; do people dress a certain way; how do you interact with your boss or his superior; is there a type of caste system where you work; what about coworkers who have kids—do they get special time off for events; and do people favor (or avoid) certain colors/themes/topics, etc.?

A common unwritten could be that the first person in makes the first pot and the person who takes the last cup of coffee make a new pot. Another could be if someone switches from regular to legal size paper in the copier, switch back to regular for the next person or if someone uses fuchsia paper for a flyer, switch back to white.

People who smoke get more breaks (and they don’t count the time toward a break until they get outside and light up).

Don’t sit in Bonnie’s chair or use Phil’s parking space. These are what I call pew rules. Think of a place of worship—have you ever notice that the same people sit in the same place week after week? Workplaces are loaded with pew-type rules. Parking places, pens, mugs, chairs at a meeting, space usage.

Coworkers with kids have rules—more personal phone calls are often allowed, time off for events, not working on holidays. And guess what, it bugs those without kids—they may have someone at home who is not a child and they are responsible for that need communicating with.

Finding Your Unwritten Rules
Set aside 15 to 30 minutes over the next few days, and just ponder scenarios in your workplace. Identify the different individuals you work with, those in management or supervisory positions and those in senior management, including your CEO. Next, list the women and men you work with directly.

As you identify coworkers, describe their tasks, their personalities, and the interactions you have with them. Does your manager have any idiosyncrasies, mandates, or dictums? Do you have rules regarding days off, break time, interactions, or housekeeping? Are there dos and don’ts that everyone seems to abide by? No matter how minor anything seems, note it.

Ask yourself, “What things do you know not to do, and to do, just because you know it?” How did you learn it? By observing? By someone cluing you in?

Many unwritten rules seem commonsensical, but when the unwritten rules are not followed, they seed discontent. Some rules are sacred cows. Some rules have everyone scratching their heads on why they are in place. A single incident may not seem important, but over a period of time, many small infractions can make life a monstrous hassle. It’s not the written rules (show up, do your job), it’s the unwritten rules that can make or break you and your workplace.

Finally, as you learn the unwritten rules, share them. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if there was a list of what and what not to do to keep everyone out of the hot water?

You can find more on this in my books Zapping Conflict in the Health Care Workplace and Woman to Woman 2000: Becoming Sabotage Savvy in the New Mellennium.

It's About Play

2006-12-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

Do you go out to play? When was the last time someone knocked on your door and asked you out to play? When you are on vacation, are you able to leave the office, the Blackberry, Palm, or the cell phone behind?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to restore or re-create yourself?

In the movie Mary Poppins, Michael’s banker Dad tells a joke to the elder owner of the bank when he’s called on the carpet for bringing the kids to the bank during the workday. Dad gets fired, then the elder ends up dying laughing when he recalls a joke that young Michael told his Dad who in turn told the bank board when he gets the boot. In the end, Dad is welcomed back, but not without a major lesson … a little fun now and then is good for the soul.

Laughing, as in laughing out of control, is taboo in most workplaces. Too many feel that goofing off is a sign of irresponsibility … it’s frivolous, time-wasting and only slackers would engage in such a thing.

When was the last time you did something for simply the joy of it; playing hooking and watching movies you love; going dancing or taking in a concert and jumping up and down with the crowd; dancing for the sake of just moving the body; or how about skipping rocks across a lake?

Don’t you sometimes just want to play a little hooky once in a while?

Adults need to come out and play.

It’s too easy to lose perspective. We say that we want balance, to be healthy, happy, spend time with our families. So, what does it take to he healthy and happy? Working more hours? Buying more stuff? I bet not.

If you were queried about what it would take to get in balance, many items on this list would likely pop up: take great vacations, get more sleep, eat well, reduce junk food intake, set goals, drink more water, have routine check-ups and the appropriate tests that go with your age, exercise regularly, relax more, be loved, have great relationships with family, friends, spouse, partner, reduce stress, laugh more, learn more, find time for self, and play. Easy list to put together. The problem is, most of us are all talk and little action.

It’s easy to pay lip-service to desiring balance in your work and personal life. Sounds good—one of the media (TV, Radio, Print, Internet) is always profiling some brilliant person who has it all—great family, fantastic job, money beyond needs—it makes such a good story. So glizzy and powerful, yet is it really real? Probably not.

You need a break. What do you need to say to yourself to get it? To allow yourself that break for renewal, for surrounding yourself with things/people that inspire, support and relax you.

If, and it’s a BIG if, you can find those resources, I’ll guarantee you'll come back healthier, stronger, more energetic, an improved perspective of what’s important AND, if your work is the work you should be doing, an invigorative renewal to it.

No where does it say that everyone, everything will stop so that you can recharge. Nope, you’ve got to say, “I need to stop, I need to refill and refuel myself.”

Too often, we think everything we do is important, necessary and critical to success. Some things are, but not all. Many think that they are dispensable. Do you? If you answer “yes”, think again.

Try putting your finger into a glass of water. Take it out. Observe the hole your finger left. Note, there is none. Sure, it could be bumpy a bit if you weren’t around for a few days … but indispensable? … rarely. The world will not stop.

We all know that kids need to get out and play and they are mostly likely to do a variety of things in their play mode as they fill their days. Why do adults think they are that much different? We adults NEED to play. If we don't, we can lose our perspective.

So, how do you play? Who are your playmates? What time do you set aside
just for restorative play? Or, do you have an unwritten contract with yourself, your friends, that you don’t play? Or that you limit your “laughs” to after work over a drink or two? If so, dump it.

The Holidays are here. Relax a bit. Spend fun time with those you really like to be around vs. those you have to be around. Play. Have fun. Laugh. Skip. Read something new that has nothing to do with work. See a play or musical. Check out Mel Brooks’ old movie, The Producers. Let down. Wear your PJs and play cards and games with the kids. Breathe deeply. Be silly. It's good for you. And for your work.

Merry Christmas--

It's About Goals

2006-08-31T05:05:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows someone who starts a sentence with “I wish…” I wish I had a better job … I wish I made more money … I wish I could lose 20 pounds … I wish I could go on vacation … I wish I had a bigger home … I wish I had a new car … I wish …. I wish … I wish …

There’s nothing wrong with wishing. What is wrong is when road blocks are created from all the talk (or thoughts) and no action.

Wishing only leads to frustration, sabotaging your dreams, your goals. It needs more.

To transition from wishing to success, you need some necessary ingredients. Wishing for a better job or more pay can be construed as the first step, but only if you add factors that will get you to the desired goal.

You Can’t Be Vague
Goals aren’t attainable unless they are specific.
Start with how you verbalize, write or phrase your goal. If you say or think, “I want a better job,” it’s not enough. A better job, doing what? Within the same field, industry? In the city you currently work in? What?

It’s easy to grumble about what you do—very few can say they love their job 100 percent of the time. But if you want something better, you success will depend on knowing what is better—be it in the same field/industry or in another. Being specific will move you in that direction.

Move it from your mind to paper… or your computer. Print it out and post it in a place that you routinely see. Writing it out may just be the nudge you need to keep your on track.

Goals Need To Be Measured
When you say you want better pay, how much better? Does that mean a higher hourly or greater salary? Does it mean additional benefits—more vacation, training or education reimbursements? Does it mean a more flexible schedule to work within? More money has variables to it; you need to be specific as to what exactly you want.

Getting more money may not be all it first appears. You may have to work more hours than you originally thought, eliminating the after work baseball team that was one of the highlights of your week; the flexibility you had may be no longer; or the cost of your medical benefits may be doubled. You need to assess what you had before and what you are consider going to.

If your work in marketing or sales, it’s common to say, “I’m going to increase our market share or increase my sales next year.” It’s more effective to say, “I want to increase our market share by 15 percent,” or “I want to up my sales next year by 30 percent.”

Goal setting requires checkpoints, or mini goals. That way, you know that you are making progress. It’s also important to understand that they will be plateaus at some time—you may feel stuck.

In obtaining mastery of any type, there will be times that you skyrocket toward your goal; times you may stagnant and times that you may actually experience a decline before you begin to accelerate again.

You Have To Take Action
Will Rogers said, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there,” and Abraham Lincoln wrote, “People are just about as happy as they want to be.” You can’t move toward any goal without movement on your part. Action speaks; talking about it rarely pushes you forward.

Goals Need To Be Practical, Pertinent and Positive
Let’s say that you dream of winning the Gold medal in the Olympics in swimming and you are close to 40 years old. Today, at best, you are a mediocre swimmer and not in prime physical shape.

You could embark upon a stringent training program encompassing hours daily, become a good swimmer and tone your body up. With all the time spent learning how to swim, your work has taken a far second.

Your goal isn’t practical—Olympian swimmers are not in their 40s and need to be in prime conditioning.

Goals should be a stretch, reachable with work on your part, but not a slam dunk or an impossible dream. Impractical and irrelevant undertakings are self-sabotaging. They act as de-motivating factors creating major distractions to true goals that will move your forward.

Instead of saying my goal is to complete a degree or lose some weight,
try reframing it. Try: my goal is to learn more about the workings of my computer (an outcome of the degree in computer science you are working on) or wearing the new dress by the wedding (that will look smashing with a 10 pound reduction). Being more positive supports your game plan.

Goals Should Have Dates Attached To Them
If you don’t set a timeframe to reach your goal, there is no pressure to complete it. If there isn’t a push, then it probably won’t happen. If goals are big, having mini-goals that enable you to mark them off your list (be it mental or on paper) shows movement toward completion.

If you find that you aren’t hitting your goals, then a reassessment needs to be done. Is the goal practical, attainable, does it need more time, can it be measured, is it too vague? Or is it merely a wish?

It's About Communicating

2006-07-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

Technology is fabulous. Can you imagine not being able to use email, scanning, faxing, pagers, wireless phones, cell phones or a PDA?

Today’s phones have a variety of ring tones—you can select different ones for different people, telling you who is calling before you answer the phone (or choose not to answer it). Some systems even announce the name of the caller; again, allowing you to decide whether you want to answer or not.

Blackberry, Treo, other PDAs, iPODs, cell phones, pagers and computers all have made us accessible within and outside of the workplace. And that may not be such good news.

Picture this: You are in a staff meeting and notice that several co-workers keep looking at their laps throughout the meeting. You are intrigued with a low-level buzzing that goes on and off. And, you wonder, can someone really be participative and productive within a meeting if he is “checking out” frequently to view his email and messages?

Or, you are in a restaurant and notice that an adjacent table is fully occupied. Each person is on a cell phone talking to someone other than a tablemate. You wonder why they go out together if they don’t seem to want to talk with each other, but to someone remotely.

Most communication pros say that the technology usage from cell phones, PDAs, instant messaging, etc., can add to stress. The constant ringing, buzzing and vibrating beckons. Better not ignore it, it could be a crisis. You end up being a slave to your technology devices.

And that’s the rub—rarely are these communications generated because of a crisis. It’s just so easy to contact someone who is connected. These convenience tools end up gobbling up more of your time than you realize.

So, how do you control today’s technology gadgets so that they don’t control you? Start with:

• Realize that every time your computer announces a new email, your PDA buzzes, or your phone vibrates, it’s probably not a crisis. It could be spam or a wrong number. You may be at your desk and able to respond within minutes…but, should you? Enabling your technology tools to interrupt you at will, may not be such a smart thing.

• Make voice mail your friend, not something that you hide behind or a device that sets up a trail that the caller has to message your Treo or call your cell. Instead, why not get in the habit of changing your message daily—letting the caller know a time that you’ll be checking your messages and returning calls.

• When you attend a meeting, attend and participate in it. Don’t take your Blackberry in—it isn’t invited. Ditto for your cell phone. You can return calls and check for messages when the meeting is done.

• Don’t create unrealistic expectations for others in the way you respond to email. Immediately responding can do a couple of things.

It may unintentionally make your co-workers look bad because they don’t respond as quickly as you do. Or, it may say that you don’t have enough work to do. Either way, it’s not a good thing.

Never underestimate the power and value of a non-technical type of
conversation. Sure, communicating remotely may be necessary at times. But, the importance that sitting down with an old-fashioned one-on-one chat, or with the entire team, can’t be overlooked.

If it comes trying to resolve a problem over email versus live conversation, the live conversation will create better results. Communication involves hearing and seeing—hearing voice tones, observing body language…and yes, hearing the words.

Try it the old-fashioned way—don’t let your fingers do all the talking.

It's About Fixing Your Credit

2006-01-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

As January unfolds, spending from all the holidays rears its head. If you used a credit card for your shopping, you most likely spent 30% more than if you had paid cash. The credit card companies are hiking up their minimum payments and you may be worried about your overall credit rating.

If credit is a concern, DO NOT, spend a dime on anything that looks like, sounds like or says it is, a credit repair clinic. No one can fix your credit, no one but you. Here's how:

1. Pay your bills on time...take advantage on online banking and payments.
2. Always pay a few bucks more than the minimum required.
3. Work, on paying down the balance.

That's it. No fancy tricks or gimmicks.

One other tip. Call the 800# on the back of your credit card(s) and tell the customer service rep that you are getting offers in the mail to open an account with another financial company at a lower rate. Ask for your rate to be lowered. If you've been paying on time, 80% will drop it a few percentage points.

It's a smart money move.

Final recommendation--get my latest book, Money Smarts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! It's an excellent way to start the New Year.

It's About Money Common Sense

2005-12-21T14:17:00.000-07:00

Money Smarts is what it's all about...and money common sense. This past week, I've done several radio and TV interviews on my latest book, Money $marts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! A great majority of callers have asked questions about credit and credit card usage.

Monthly Bills will deliver higher Minimums--they will be increasing quite a bit shortly--expect your payments to double if you just do the bare amount each month.

If you are someone who pays on time, but carries a balance, get your credit cards out NOW and call the 800# on the back of the card for customer service. Ask/request that your interest rate be reduced--tell the card representative that you are getting multiple offers every week from other credit card companies to open an account with them and transfer the balance you have with the current company to a new one. What will they reduce your interested rate to, to keep your business? Believe, it's worth pursuing--80% will drop the rate on the phone.

With your new, reduced rate, the increased minimum will still be an increase, but the finance charges will drop--a very good thing.
You can get a copy of Money $marts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! through Amazon.com and BN.com--link below:

Buy Money $marts through Amazon.com

It's About Not Letting Holidays Break Your Bank Account

2005-12-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

Celebrations don’t have to break your bank account. Below is an excerpt from my latest book--Money Smarts: Personal Financial Success in 30 Days! (Mile High Press)

To Think About: If you have kids, you know what the “gimmes” are. If you don’t have kids, and have friends and relatives who do, or you’ve ever been in a store, you have witnessed the gimmes. It’s a childhood disease that becomes epidemic when holidays and birthdays approach. And, no wonder. The media, through advertising, blitzes kids with every kind of conceivable toy and doo-dad. Kids have a hard time deciding what treasure they want. If the truth be told, they want them all. “Gimme this and gimme that!”

How about you? Do you get the adult gimmes? Do you go hog-wild during the holidays with gift buying for one and all? Do you expect gifts from all your friends and relatives?

Comedian George Carlin created a hilarious routine on “stuff.” Most people have plenty of stuff; some have way too much stuff. Before adding to your closets, shelves and garages, do a reality check. Maybe someone else could use some of the stuff you already have.

To Do: Call a family meeting before the pizzazz and excitement of holidays and birthdays hit. Tell them that you want to put together a spending plan for the next holiday season. Your spending plan could actually involve no money—time could be your currency.

• Everyone makes a list of potential gift recipients.

• Each family member decides what his or her money budget is.

• Determine what kind of gifts to be given: ideas include a store-bought present, homemade treats, time, money, even a donation in their name. Be open to possibilities that get generated from the “group think tank.”

• Consider adopting a cause and tell friends and other family members that you don’t want a gift given to you. Instead, tell them what or whom you would like a gift given to.

• Have each family member make a “wish” list. Family and friends can ask if there is anything specific someone wants. If budget and wishes fit, the days of returns will be eliminated.

• Large families routinely draw names and set a monetary limit to how much can be spent on a gift. Why not try it in yours to keep spending down?

Money $mart Tip It’s not unusual to get something you really don’t want. How about starting a tradition with family and friends with whom you exchange gifts and create Wish Lists? Kids that can’t write yet can clip pictures from catalogs. That way, no one gets “junk” and everyone is sure to receive something that they really want.

It's About Money

2005-12-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's that time again...money, money, money goes out the door--so easy and so fast. Everyone and Every Store wants your money. In exchange, you are supposed to get that "special gift" for that "special someone" with a flash of a card.

Instead of waiting until January, maybe you should consider a Money Diet for December. Isn't it suppose to be about spending time with those you care for, good will, peace and all those wonderful things? Spending time could be gas in the car to get you there; good will is reaching out; and peace--resolve, don't create conflict.

I know, I know, tis always easier to say than do. But, heck, why not? I have a thing about giving--oh I give lots, but it's who I give to. One of my favorite's is the Salvation Army--so little of the moneys it brings in goes to administrative overhead--over 90% goes to the cause supported. The game I play every time I see one of the Bell Ringers is simply this: the biggest "bill" I have in my wallet goes into the bucket. Sometimes, it's big--like $50, other times, a $1. But to me, I know that I'm supporting a group who supports so many.

Our family has chosen to trim down this year. One daughter's job is ending in a few weeks. She's just had a new baby. They don't need to be spending money that isn't critical. My other daughter has a new home. Better yet to make her home comfortable than spend money on other family members right now. We all just about have everything we need anyway.

Our best gift is sharing and playing with our grandkids. What's yours?

Confidence is the reputation that you have for you

2005-09-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

Not long ago, I got an email from an executive with a publicly held company. She had followed several of the “Career Moves” columns that I write for the Denver Business Journal. She wrote that her business life was going downhill. In the last few years, she’s found that she no longer speaks up at meetings, that her leadership skills are tarnishing and that she doesn’t have any faith in herself. She seriously wondered how long she would be able to stay employed. After some coaching via email, I encouraged her to get my book, The Confidence Factor—Cosmic Gooses Lay Golden Eggs.

A few weeks later, I got this email. With her permission, I’m sharing it with you— "Well, I got your book as you recommended and I read it. This week, it was the first thing I would do every morning from 6 to 8 before I would start work. I also used the book for journaling thoughts and ideas about what I was going through right now. I really enjoyed reading the stories and the specific points you made really hit home.

Here are the actions I have either already started totake or that I am planning to take:

Surround myself with people I respect and are positive.
Mentally reinforce all my good qualities and make sure I show those qualities to others every day.
Admit it when I have failed and move on. Be smarter the next time.
Do more things to impress myself and don’t worry about the need to impress others so they will like me more.
I don’t need to be in control of everything all the time.
Realized that sometimes when people act like they really don’t get what I just said, it doesn’t make me wrong. It could be because they are not ready to hear what I have to say.
Make a list of my accomplishments and the best experiences I have had in life so far.
Treat others in a way that helps them to feel better about themselves."

In a word, confidence is the reputation that you have for you. It’s not genetic; it rarely comes from having the ideal environment. It comes for the school of hard knocks, Life 101, making mistakes, and failing (and getting back up). It comes from living, not hiding in the shadows when problems and negative events surface and the ability and willingness to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. If your confidence is ebbing and your work or personal life just doesn’t have the zing you would like, get The Confidence Factor—Cosmic Gooses Lay Golden Eggs. In it are the 10 Steps to Rebuilding Your Confidence. Learn from business pros like Jack Welch, golf wonder Tiger Woods, Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor and women and men just like you and me who have had to rebuild, reinvent and recreate themselves when the chips were down.

It's About Helping

2005-09-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

A gazillion words have been written about Hurricane Katrina over the past two weeks. For thousands, their lives will never be the same. The effect on the country, even the world is immense. Good people are reaching out to help in any way; and, there are bad people sabotaging, even swindling those in need and those who are trying to help.

So, before you write a check or give your credit card number, make sure that the group you are working with is legit. Do your homework. I’ve always been a supporter of the Salvation Army—they take the least amount in administrative costs, getting the most to the cause. A winning formula.

It's About Community

2005-08-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

I'm the Past President of the Colorado Independent Publishers Association (CIPA)--a group that consists of over 400 publishers, primarily from Colorado. At a recent meeting, one of the participants summed up an all day event dedicated to the crafts of writing and editing. “CIPA is a community.” Indeed, it is.

Last month I was President; this month, Past President. Doubling in size over the past two years, its growth was created by the drive to create member benefits and involvement. We succeeded with lots of hard work and plenty of fun. We birthed new ideas, nurtured them until they could walk and cheered their success for our members. The publishing community of Colorado.

A popular movie is currently playing, The March of the Penguins. It's about community. An amazing story of connecting—via birth, survival, and death.

Penguin mates are together until death parts them. The whole film (see it on the big screen, you need to immerse yourself in the breadth of the images of the South Pole) reflects the necessity of building a community—be it a pair of occupants or thousands. Trust is critical and that each penguin parent is necessary in the birthing and caring of their offspring.

Isn’t this about human life as well?

It's not about race . . .

2005-07-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

Last week, I received a distressing call from someone who heard me speak at a national conference on toxic people in the workplace.

The story she related involved accountability, competency, abandonment, management, female relationships/expectations, policy, morale, confronting, emotion, death, and probably a lawsuit. And ethics.

In a nutshell, a nurse in a maternal unit was responsible for two patients. After telling a doctor that the unit was swamped and couldn't handle an elective procedure that the doctor wanted to do during a routine delivery, she proceeded to "hand-off" her patients to two other nurses who already had five patients each that they were overseeing and left her workplace for several hours to attend one of her kid's activities.

When she returned several hours later, the unit was in turmoil. One of the "hand-offs" delivered, unattended by nurse or doctor, and the infant died.

The next day, one of the coworkers blew the whistle and all hell broke lose. When the doctor heard what happened and who the nurse was, the doctor's position was, "off with her head"; coworkers backed away and were fearful of working with her but also PO'd at the whistle blower; and the nurse in question was under the protection of the Director of Nursing--the two women had a friendship that had evolved from the days both were staff nurses.

The nurse who had taken the time away from the unit was black, the Director was black and the current staff was quite diverse in culture and age. Rumors flew that the only reason she wasn't suspended or terminated was that she was a friend of the Director and that they were both black. Needless to say, the department was severely fractured.

The question that was posted to me was, "What would I do? . . . What should we do?"

Start with getting the facts; start with asking about policies and procedures in dealing with workplace issues and infractions; and it needs to be dealt with NOW, not over a period of months. This cannot be about friendship and race. It's about competency and accountability. It's about workplace relationships and trust. It's about the morale of all (For starters, Do the doctors want to work with this nurse? Do the other nurses want to work with her? If you were a patient, would you want her to be your nurse if you knew that she had left a patient as she did and the outcome? Was the situation reported and to whom? Was legal involved? HR? Has a complaint been filed with the State licensing board?).

If the situation is not handled timely, everyone loses. This definitely cannot be about friendship and race. It's competency accountability and abandonment.

Good nurses will most likely leave (the workplace isn't safe for patient or employee and management shows blatant favoritism). That means big bucks get spent in replacement costs.

If the nurse is deemed negligent and she remains "protected", doctors may elect to take their patients to a competing hospital (that nurse won't get near one of my patients again). Big bucks are lost via lost revenues.

A lawsuit could be filed and if it lands in front of a jury, the outcome from just the emotional fallout to the mother could be huge. More big bucks.

What will be the final outcome? I don't know. I've made my recommendations, which are quite strong. I do know that the hospital could/should reduce the financial and emotional effect. The question is, will it?