7 years later...

It's been 5 months, old friend...

2009-06-28T15:43:00.011+08:00

Just realised that I have neglected my blog for a full 5 months... that's almost half a year... I blame it on Facebook which I log on religiously on an almost daily basis.

It's not as if I've nothing to blog about. At times when something inspired me to write an entry, I'll try to organise the ideas in my mind but something else always take precedence...

It seems this year, I'm revamping myself.. and keeping myself very occupied to fill the void. I've been running.... figuratively and literally... Running long distance has become an obsession. Just this week, I ran 40km in all. I think my legs will give way very soon... and yoga doesn't seem to help release the tension. But so far, it's keeping me fit and ironically, that pain feels therapeutic and gives me a somewhat sense of pleasure... hmm..

But I think that over the past 8 months... I've taken on a different perspective... I used to be more cautious, practical, and only keen on doing things I'm good at. Maybe it's cos I'm just a few months shy from entering the next decade of my life... I feel that I should experience life more... take more risks... learn more things... make more friends...and most importantly spend more time with loved ones... the ones who were there more or less throughout my life...

As such, when it came to my June Vacation this year, I decided to go to less travelled lands... Bosnia & Herzegovina and Croatia. While parts of the country still have reminders of the 1990s Bosnian War and inherent racial tension still prevails, both are surprising safe (except for the occasion unexplored landmines and the collapsable bullet-ridden buildings) and the people we met have been absolutely generous and warm. Yes, they do not forget... but they forgive.

It's a very different trip for me. Due to work, I had no time to research or plan and just decided to go with an open heart and mind and see what happens when I get there. I was jittery the day before though. I bought a ticket, packed what I needed for abt 14 days and went over without insurance, bookings for accommodation and itinerary, with people I hardly know. But this spontaneity was one of the best things I've done this year. I've never learnt so much about another country (possibly cos I was never familiar with the Eastern Europe's history). I ended up staying at hostels, sleeping in some local's home, cooking meals for 5 people when I hardly cook in Singapore and almost landed in the police station (my travel mates eventually were detained.. details will not be divulged).

It also left me churning as I found out that it was the Orthodox Christians and Catholics that did most of the ethnic cleansing on the Muslims. Essentially, they were the same race.. Europeans.. mostly blue-eyed blond / dark brown hair.. just separated by religion. I couldn't comprehend a war in modern times and in a modern city. The first hand accounts of war were horrific and hard to digest. I kept trying to remind Bata, the most passionate and somewhat aggrieved of the lot, not to associate the deeds by the Orthodox Serbians & Catholics Croatians with Christianity. He replied that he knows.. after all, people do associate terrorism with the Islam faith when it propagates no such acts of evil.

The photography experience was also quite amazing... There were several interesting sights and people to snap and the learning curve was especially steep as my travel mates were very well equipped and know the technicalities of shooting. I've always relied on aesthetic appeal and instinct when it comes to composing pic... no GND, CPL, heavy post processing.. though I still won't be doing such stuff.. at least now, I know how it's used and done.

Overall, I love my 2 weeks there. I will most probably continue to do such trips.. right now, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Bhutan, India and Peru are on my list... Will most probably see Iceland another time. This along with learning fencing, golfing, playing a violin, and sky diving.. all in due time..

At the home front, I've learned to appreciate our multi-racial society and the peace we have here in Singapore. I can't imagine a day when any race in Singapore would attempt to perform ethnic cleansing on another race.. but really, never say never... I'm also worried about my grandma's and dad's health.. both had a scare recently. Grandma landed in hospital again.. though she has recovered I know she's buying time... In 2006, we were told she has 3 more mths to live. I guess women in my family are strong. She's still fighting, though I know she's ready to go.. When she became conscious, she asked us why hasn't she died...

Last night, I was up the whole night.. on standby... Dad had chest pains... and the readings from the digital blood pressure monitor showed that his systolic/diastolic pressures were too high. I tried to stay calm.. he did too.. I could see the fear in his eyes.. and I was afraid.. very afraid.. After medication, he tried to take the measurement again, only to our horror that the batteries went flat.. and we didn't have any AAA batteries left! That alone perhaps stressed my dad even more. It took some time to charge those batteries. He did not want to go to the hospital yet.. so we adhered to his wishes.. that 15 to 20 mins wait at 1.30am was torturous... there was nothing we could do.. but wait and pray..

Thankfully, it wasn't a full blown heart attack like his previous one. I hope there won't be anymore such scare.. but I know the chance of relapse increases with age... I can just pray that God will take care of him..

I do not know when I will blog again... I hope I to write more.. Feeling rusty as it is... the words don't seem to flow as easily as it used to... it's a shame.

Though it's totally irrelevant.. would just end this blog with a famous quote from Ludwig van Beethoven to his immortal beloved cos it's constantly on my mind...

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours...

Inside Steve's Brain

2009-01-27T15:43:00.011+08:00

I was entertaining myself with www.apple.com/getamac/ads/ as I desperately tried to drown out the sounds of my tone-deaf relatives belting out karaoke songs in my house!

Yes… That’s pretty much my 'status' now on the 2nd day of the Chinese New Year.

I initially planned to accomplish several things during this seemingly long holiday. Not surprisingly, nothing is done except that I’m almost done with a book, “Inside Steve’s Brain”.

And so, when the 'music' floated to my ears, I couldn't carry on reading. I had to stop. It so happened that I was reading the section on Apple ads and so I started surfing for past Apple ads. Much to my amusement (and thankfully), the ads managed to drown out the sounds of my tone-deaf relatives. Thank goodness the next generation’s musicality is a drastic change from the previous generation (all of my cousins, my sis & I have musical backgrounds one way or another and I must say are pretty good singers ;p - guess we should be grateful that our parents provided that for us).

Now back to the book that occupied most of my CNY holidays…

There are many books on Apple but this is the first that I’ve read. I started using Apple products in 2006 but never bothered to find out more about the company or its founder. But in 2007 & 8, I started hearing more about him through a Mac believer and started to get a little more intrigued. Still, I never bothered to find out. So when I saw Inside Steve’s Brain at Borders last week, I thought it’s about time I find out more for myself.

It was like revelations. Suddenly, I relate to my Mac stuff and why they are designed in that manner. And previously heard information from SK is also mentioned in the book, creating a sense of much-desired familiarity. I particularly like the human elements in this book and how Steve Jobs’s personalities and idiosyncrasies are revealed through the way he works. It made me constantly reflect on the 16 Habits of Mind (I rather not, but I couldn’t help it) and the way I manage my area of work. It also gave me a better understanding of the Apple company.. not just what happened… but also why it happened and how decisions made in the past impacted Apple today.

It’s a pity that I’m only starting to know a little more about Steve Jobs when he’s not well. I hope he will get better and that the investors just quit harping on his health disclosure (or lack thereof). In worst circumstances, may his legacy still continue with or without him…

Some say Apple is Steve Jobs and without him, Apple is nothing. In a way, he reminds me of a significant founder of Singapore, Uncle Lee - their pursuit for excellence & perfectionism, the no-nonsense, harsh approach, lack of tolerance for stupidity but most importantly their passion to make a difference…

I doubt I'll ever be like them (and I don't want to). But I do hope to learn a little from them and hope that some of their passion and their level-headedness can be rubbed off onto me.

I can't say I'm a Mac but I think I'm slowly but surely becoming one.

And now, I shall end off with Apple's old ads which I like, subtle, intelligent & different... that pretty sums up what I like abt most things as well..

Damn! They are still singing.......
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When the going gets tough, the tough gets going... so do the lamsers

2009-01-19T19:18:00.009+08:00

Spent my Sunday at a JC friend's house warming at Jalan Bahagia.... amazing how after so many yrs, we are still so crappy and close and how the guys don't look much diff but the girls all age one way or another...

Learnt a new thing as well. For the first time in my life, I realised that there are 2-storey terrace houses sold by HDB. The size is pretty decent and the price is much cheaper than most 2-bedder condominums (~ $400k). Such a lovely estate as well. If only...

While the initial conversations were light hearted, the topic of the economic downturn and retrenchment took centrestage. Being in the double pure science, economics n C Maths combi, our class of 23 is split into mainly three types... IT/Engineer, Bankers/Auditors and Educators.

As I hear from my friends who work in Citibank, Barclays and Standard Chartered talk about how the banks move from dept to dept to axe people, I can't help feel worried for my friends especially those with families or huge loans to pay off. And for those in IT, the cuts are worst.... so they tell me. That made me worry even more... The manner they cut staff seems so clinical as well.. Apparently, after being appraised, those axed will be escorted out of the office straightaway and the security guards will pack their belongings at their desk for them. No returning to the desk for fear of fraud or extractions of confidential data. No saying goodbye to colleagues as well.

Expectedly, the non-educators turn to the 4 educators present to ask us what's the expected pay if they join teaching. I can't help but feel uneasy cos I always feel that teaching should never be a backup or something to fall back on in times of economic downturn. But you never know, there may be some converts who eventually become really excellent teachers.

As the gloom hangs over us, a lot of people would perhaps hope for secure jobs, cash, and investments that will not depreciate that much. But I think what's most important is that there are people who will support and love you no matter what the situation is. It is this support without the undue stress and pressure that will get those affected going again... If need be, I will be there for them too.

But a lot of it has to do with the individual who's affected as well. Not everything is about money and with persistence and resourcefulness, the tough will get going when the going gets tough....

And in such times, no matter how hard it seems, we have to try to find humour in life still...

So here's my current fav theatre ad (been a movie junkie lately.. watching movies twice a week to prevent me from thinking too much).

Apparently, the guy in the clip, Matt Harding has been travelling to various countries to do his signature dance before VISA hired him to do the ad. http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/about.shtml

Somehow, the lamsing looks familiar ;p

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T22:01:00.006+08:00

Hmm.. just received an email from a friend who informed me that Disney's going to transform just for me...

Yah sure...

Happy New Year everyone... may 2009 be a gd year for all still...
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I'm back...

2008-12-17T00:41:00.007+08:00

I'd expected the month to pass by very quickly. And there it went, my days in the UK are over. All the wintery feel is gone. I really enjoyed the first half of my trip, the 2nd would have been nicer if and only if... While I did see snow fall for the first time.... it was way too short. A mere 2 minutes was all I experienced. But it brought a smile and a thought that perhaps 2 years was way too short as well. I just have to be patient and wait for my snow fall experience again. I know it will come back to me one day. I just have to keep hoping..

As I was unpacking and planning my insurmountable to-do-list, the TV was switched on to fill in the silence (as advised by someone). In Her Shoes was on TV... didn't really catch the show.. but paused as Cameron Diaz's character read out this poem to her sister on her wedding day.

It's simple in delivery. Nothing too profound which is what things should be in reality. Nothing much to figure out too.. Not everything needs to be analysed too critically. It's just unconditional love. If you can feel something special when you read / hear it, you have been blessed.

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

by E. E. Cummings

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it

(anywhere I go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate

(for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world

(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart

(I carry it in my heart)

Details in the Fabric

2008-10-29T23:15:00.017+08:00

Details In The Fabric

(Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up
.
If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
.
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way
.
And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
.
Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything
.
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
.
And everything, everything will be fine
Everything
.
Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
.
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.
.
Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything
.
Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way
.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)
.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?
.
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing
.
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold
.

This is the current song that befits my mood... Tells me to be strong, hold on and not break myself up.

It's ironic how just this morning, a jedi told me that I'll be getting the "I am Healthy Award" for having zero MC this year, and later in the afternoon, my doc tells me that my condition has deteriorated. She recommended me a series of medication and I asked her how long can I hold it for? Of course, it was the usual reply... You are still young.. the earlier the treatment, the better... I'll hold. It's not a life and death situation as yet.

As I left and drove off, I find myself crying to my destination... vivo... I planned to watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona last night, and strangely, I didn't let the news change my plans. Life has to go on... Perhaps, I've become immuned to such misfortunes or that I have come to realise that there are many more who are suffering worst fates than me.. or that I have faith that everything happens for a reason and that God will make things right for us... It's not blind faith..cos I've actually recovered from my earlier setbacks much faster that I could imagine...

In fact, someone asked me how I hold my shit up... nah.. the exact words were... "Now I really admire u n respect u for the way u coped so well wif ur probs"

And so, after Vicky Cristina Barcelona, a brillant film by Woody Allen ( a pity it is not so popular just because it's not a commercialised movie), I found myself aiming to go Spain in the next two years, a country which I planned to go in 2003 but didn't... I also found myself laughing at the silliness of relationships, obsessions and worries, and I became happier... and also a little more hopeful that it'll be a PASS so that I can go for RP with SK.

I've made a decision not to be obsessed by the details in the fabric... and just calm down, take deep breaths and not break myself up...

If it's a broken part, replace it

If it's a broken arm then brace it

If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold MY own

Know MY name

And go MY own way

Hold MY own

Know MY own name

And go MY own way

And everything will be fine

Everything will be fine

Note: I chanced upon this Youtube which features a dancer doing a comtemporary improvisation... something like the kind of dance that I learnt from Silva... It's very pretty and graceful. How I wish I can dance again... . A pity it stops short at 1 min and 43 secs and then it goes into a black screen of darkness.... a tragedy of my life perhaps.. that good things come to an end (shortly)..

My 7th year producing School Magazines

2008-10-23T20:31:00.003+08:00

Yet another significant 7!
Here it is! My 7th production.... hot and fresh from the printer's factory!

Been doing school publications since 2002.

It's not easy work, that's for sure... but as the years went by, the efficiency improved but it's just because I've been doing it for so long...

Every idea, every concept has a background to it...

It could be something I saw along the road, a little advertisement somewhere or a chance click on someone's photograph in flickr...

Now that I'm in my 7th year of producing such magazines, I decided to pay a tribute to all the magazines that was conceptualised in my head and finally out in print...

2002 School Magazine... my first production

Was only one month in the service as a full fledged teacher and I was tasked to produce the school magazine! This concept was actually taken from the Savannah Condo's advertisement! Can't believe it's 7 years since I did my first school magazine...It's about time I retire...

2003 School Magazine

Did this magazine with Wati... decided to create a design competition for the school magazine cover... the winner went to Zuibadiah..

2004 School Official Opening and 10th Anniversary Commerative Magazine

Took a break from doing school magazine in 2004 as I was tasked to do this...The slogan was:
"I learn with passion, I lead to serve and I create the future" The concept came from the EPMS folder cover!!! Haha...

2005 School Magazine

THEME: Persevere with PRIDE (Core Values: Perseverance, Respect, Integrity, Dedication to Nation, Excellence)
Conceptualise this when I drove past Victoria JC one day and saw a similar picture on their banner with the line, "The grass is always greener on the other side"

This is by far my favourite school magazine as it was a breakthrough for me... really enjoyed working on this one... Told one colleague before that I feared that this magazine will be my personal best... True enough, I haven't liked any of my other works as much as this one.... Could still remember the whole school clapping and some turning towards the back of the school hall in my direction when the students officially received this...

2006 School Magazine

School Metaphor: Garden of Growth
Got the idea from a picture in flickr.. showed it to the publisher who went to source for a similar pic from his stock photos.

2007 School Magazine

THEME: Grow with PRIDE

(Note the "PRIDE" word is actually done using hot stamping.. it needs light to reflect the metallic red which can't be seen when it is scanned.)

Was inspired by a shot of teenagers posing in some cool shot against a dirty wall... Decided to go for the cool, proud, edgy feel for this year's magazine.. a play of word on the acronym of our school values.
Discovered a new venue for photo shoot as well... the rifle range in our school's underground bomb shelter which is seldom used.

2008 School Magazine

THEME: Bridging Gaps

(Note the "Bridging Gaps" wordings are actually done using hot stamping.. it needs light to reflect the metallic blue which can't be seen when it is scanned.)

Got the inspiration from a flame smoke shot in flickr... didn't realise how a simple flame smoke can be so beautiful... perhaps, I'm hoping that the place I once called Simpleville can be as beautiful as it was before....

~ THE END ~

For the rest of the divider's photos, please click here.

Visual, Aural Spectacular...

2008-10-21T00:40:00.005+08:00

My first encounter with Nederlands Dans Theater performance was in 2006. Back then, I was amazed by their performance and how the props further enhanced the visual impact the performance created. It left such a lasting impression on me that it negated all the hurt that I had to bear.

Since then, I've been waiting for a chance to watch them perform again... so much so that when I was in Netherlands last year, I tried looking for tickets to their performance but alas, the timing didn't match.

During these 2 years of waiting, I tried to look for other options and went for other dance concerts... Lala Human Steps, Korean b boyz, jazz ballet, Old Sounds, Ballet under the Stars etc... each time I stepped out of those concert.. I felt disappointed.. I kept thinking about how they were not able to match the NDT's performance I watched back then. I've come to realise that there is only one dance company that I'll forever be loyal to.... no matter how much others may sway me to move on.. to consider other dance companies.. I find it difficult to love another as much as the NDT's performances.

Nothing beats the real thing.. the one that captured my heart and mesmerised me from the start...

The dance concert I watched on Saturday was a double bill:Silent Screen and A Toss of a Dice. Silent Screen was so amazing.. at the beginning, I was already enthralled... the 3 huge panels mimicked a movie screen showing a black and white scene of a man walking into a sea.. while a couple danced in sync in some of the most unique moves.. and all these while, the music being played is the haunting theme song of the movie, The Hours. There was a lot of mood and emotions portrayed.. which stirred up quite a bit of my emotions as well... . and then there was this favourite scene (see above pic).. I guess I don't quite make sense now...You really have to be there to appreciate the whole performance..

At the end of the concert, I stayed back to hear the post talk... I found myself smiling with hair raised at the ends of skin when Paul Lightfoot (the choreographer for the 1st dance) shared about how he and his wife (Sol Leon) work together to choreograph and dance together. I think it's amazing for a couple to be able to love each other and do what they love together as well... And funnily, he revealed that he had been secretly naming his dance pieces with words starting with the letter 'S' after his wife's name Sol. Awww... that's so sweet..

It was a packed theatre on Saturday night.. more so than the one in 2006 and it definitely won the audience over..

Next year would be NDT's 50th anniversary.. I really hope that they will find a way to perform here next year... But with their popularity increasing, this will only mean that it will be harder to get tickets to their next concert. But I will persist...

No matter how long it takes. I'll wait till I see NDT again.. hopefully soon....

Feeling Lucky (?)

2008-10-07T23:18:00.005+08:00

A lot happened and is going to happen this year...

At times, I feel that luck is on my side and despite how bad things seem..I gradually see the reasons behind those trials.

Been feeling lucky again as I just learnt that I'll be going for a fully-paid trip (with allowances included) to Scotland and London for an immersion programme. With an extension from the intended 1.5 week programme, I'll most probably be in UK for a month. Not only that, I'll get to take the new Airbus 380!

But when I went for the 1st meeting this afternoon, I realised (as always) that nothing is free. The amount of things to prepare before and after the trip will most probably wear me out. I guess the most fearful thing is that I'll have to teach the UK students while I'm there.. Seems rather odd to learn English from a Chinese.
Nevertheless, I'm excited about it... I think the learning curve will be extremely steep.

When I made the decision to give up a possible life in the finance sector, I thought I'll never get to travel for work. Glad that need not be the case. I guess it's a dream to marry both work and my interest of travelling together. My first overseas assignment in Hanoi this April was a good experience. Hopefully, this one will too.

Really hope my luck doesn't run out or that my life is cut short suddenly... Cos everytime something good happens to me, I'll be thinking that something has go to balance it.. or perhaps I've gone through enough agony already and that's not necessary.

I also hope that my ex-padawans and current ones will learn that they should go out and seek opportunities themselves to do what they want and never be disheartened when things don't go their way... for someday, luck or some divine intervention will be on their side...

As for the other aspects of my life, they may not be that exciting... but I'm still enjoying them... will keep on waiting until the time is right....It all depends on God ... Everything in His time...

Meanwhile, here's my latest favourite song... it's amazing how apt it can be..

Lucky

by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you

Across the water across the deep blue ocean

Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams

I feel your whisper across the sea

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

Ooooh....

They don't know how long it takes

Waiting for a love like this

Every time we say goodbye

I wish we had one more kiss

I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea

To an island where we'll meet

You'll hear the music, feel the air

I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees

Move so pretty you're all I see

As the world keeps spinning round

You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh....

Procrastination at work...

2008-10-02T22:40:00.010+08:00

I'm filled to the brim with work...

Sch mag vetting (decided to go solo this year) / Exam Markings / Assignments (due in two days' time) and yet all I can think about are the two movies that I want to watch when I am 'free- er'.

This is not good....procrastination at work... very bad role model.

But I'm in 'rebel' mood.... so anyway, here are the two movies that'll I'll be watching .... hopefully soon.
Anyone care to join me?

#1 Burn after reading...

In serious need of laughter.... been deprived of that for a long time..
I think this silly yet witty movie about the "brillant" minds at the CIA, which leads us to ask: just how intelligent is Central Intelligence..... will do the trick.

Love the feel of the movie.. and the one liner that caught my attention... "Intelligence is relative".
And of course the Brad Pitt and George Clooney combi...
It's a pity that this movie has been censored to a NC 16 category.

#2 Nights in Rodanthe

Having watched The Notebook over and over... I think any story/movie related to Nicholas Sparks is something that I'll be keen on... Sadly, I can't find the time to read his books... as it is, I have a whole shelf of unread books in my room... not sure when I'll touch them..other than the one I'm currently reading, 'Love Letters of Great Men'.

Well, as for the line that caught my attention....

"Lives change... paths cross... It's never too late for a second chance of a lifetime."
I think I better get enough tissues for this one.

We'll find a way...

2008-09-27T11:45:00.006+08:00

GOD WILL MAKE A WAY

by Don Moen

God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

By a roadway

In the wilderness

He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But his word will still remain

He will do something new today

.
.

God will make a way where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

.
.

2021

The Days

2008-09-20T23:29:00.034+08:00

Watched The Days last night. Normally, I wouldn't have watched a movie about Ah Bengs but my friend was starring in that movie... and so I went to support her.. and of course local movies too...

I remember three years ago when Adele and I were having a break from our Dance rehearsal for the Qi Concert, we were playing with our iPod minis. I actually remembered her's was green and mine blue.. She let me listen to a song she recorded. I was amazed as it sounded really professional.. Of course I had no clue what the lyrics meant cos it was in Mandarin ;(

We talked a little about whether she's intending to pursue singing... can't remember exactly what we said but I being the practical person did think that it's difficult to pursue music in Singapore... how skeptical.. Look where she is now.. she has a movie and her very own MTV.. I hope it's a stepping stone for her, especially since she is one of the more credible and natural actor on that movie and she looks so pretty...

Perhaps, this is a lesson for us to remind ourselves that we should all learn to follow our dreams and pursue what we want to do no matter what the society pressures are.

As for the movie, it was surprisingly engaging. There was 'heart' and meaning (except for the ending though) but I guess more so because it was set in my time.. my 'era'... The 90's. The days (for a short period of time) when almost every alternate Saturdays, I'll be at a Tea Dance at Shock Odyssey or Fire (embarrass). And the Chantel Thomas bag, Versace hairband and Ferragamo hairclip that were given to me although it was known that I did not like those stuff. I also had a pager back then.. I still have it!!! I thought it'll be something that will be absolete in the future.. better keep it as an antique.. haha..

The movie also brought back memories of my rather forgotten past.... not that I was an Ah Lian .. but like Adele's good girl character in the movie, I dated a somewhat similar character.. Mark Ong.

I must clarify that he's not the Hokkien beng.. strangely, he's from an English speaking family...studied in an all boys' school and doesn't speak much chinese but because of external influence and family background (perhaps), he was involved with other bengs and became like one.

There was such an uncanny resemblance in the movie... two teens - good student /prefect/potential JC kid + quiet but violent beng when provoked, who happens to want to be known as Tian Long...though that wasn't his real name (The ah beng character in the movie is Zi Long)

And there was one scene that really triggered my memory... the scene where Shan Shan (Adele's character) helped Zi Long to study. I recalled the times I was trying to teach Mark E maths... much to both parties' frustration.. (no wonder I ended up being an English teacher instead).

And then there were the down times when I worried for his safety or when he told me he had to "settle something" and the times I feared being spot checked by the police because he carried this ridiculously big swissknife-looking weapon for God knows what reasons, when we were out. In fact, the police did check us on one occasion but luckily he wasn't frisked. There was also a time when he was housing two friends who ran away from Gracehaven (it even came out in the papers). And then there were the tattoos.. chinese character 龙, the thorns around the arm & the dragon & red sun which I totally hated.

Yet, it was the sweetest relationship I ever had...

He was very patient when he's with me. He's muscially & artistically gifted and he would serenade me on his guitar, make me music tapes of the songs he finds meaningful, write me poems and draw sketches of me (during his Literature exam! He gave me his exam question paper with my sketch on it).. very much the SNAGs, a real distinction from the ah bengs. And he always kept his promises and didn't make those he couldn't keep (hmm sounds familiar)...

The relationship lasted almost 2 years and would have gone on longer. There was nothing wrong with us. He initiated the breakup near the end of Sec 4. Reason being that I'll be gg to a JC and he.. most probably nowhere (It turned out, we had a 20 points gap in our O level L1R5). I understood his dilemma and his pain but respected his decision and maturity. He did promise me that he'll be there for me. True enough, he kept me company to church for 6 more months and occasionally went out for movies but he was very careful not to cross the line of friendship.... He slowly distant himself from me... and by the end of 6 months, I had kept myself busy with my JC life and I could let go... That helped eased the pain of breaking up... I think he intended it this way. Considering he was 16 then, he fared so much better than some adult males who just dumps the girl. Sadly, I have never heard from him since...

My friends did though... he asked about me and somehow knew that I am a teacher. I also met his mother too some time when I was in Uni (she really liked me back then). She asked me to visit and gave me their new home address and number. I never called. I read about him in the papers too and cut that article. His band, Straightjacket Experiment, cut an album and was featured in a full page article in Life section. Come to think of it, I still have his first demo tape. I'm not sure what happened to him or where he is now but I last heard that he was working at Zouk briefly and was pursuing music...

I guess it is fate that our paths never crossed since 1996. Perhaps it's better this way. I'll only have sweet memories of him and of THE DAYS when we were together. Wherever you are Mark, I wish you well.

Mad about English...

2008-07-24T22:33:00.004+08:00

I just fixed a date and booked an entire Lido 3 for my students to watch this movie documentary... Mad about English..

Kiasu syndrome at work... cos I hvn't decided which batch to bring.. Last year, I took the Sec 1 & 4 to watch Freedom Writers... I guess it's only fair to bring this year's Sec 1 & 4.. We'll see...

Really excited about it.. only thing is.. not sure if it's a gd idea to spend my birthday in a cinema filled with my padawans..

Been wanting to blog for so long... really hv no time to blog the things that really matters... so in case I forget again.. I shall just blog the titles ... again..

Blog #1 My Cat Hero..

Blog #2 Hypocrisy

Blog #3 Escape into the Realm of Giftedness

Blog #4 Diving Hiatus finally ended...
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La La La Human Steps vs Last for One

2008-06-16T00:52:00.003+08:00

Really glad that I'm going for a dance concert by a renown Canadian Dance group... strangely called La La La Human Steps.

I almost couldn't watch it as it was originally set to perform on the 6 - 7 June which I couldn't have gone as I was in Tokyo then. It was such a pity especially since I haven't really watched a real good contemporary dance performance for some time. The two that really captured my attention were the ones by Montreal Jazz Ballet troupe (2005) and another by Nederlands Dans theatre (2006).

Perhaps it is fated that La La La Human Steps should postpone their concert till a later date such that I can now watch it.There's something about comtemporary ballet that really captivates me... a break in conventions, less rigidity and non-conformity. Though the following videos are not the ones which I'll be watching, their style and skills are enough to entice me to watch their performance here at the Esplanade Theatre...Can’t wait…

Then again, I hope my high expectation for this performance will not lead me to disappointment as with the performance by Last for One, Spin Odyssey. For the first time in my life, I paid to watch people break-dance. It's not exactly my genre but when we talk about young good looking Korean b-boys doing their moves, it seems like a performance not to be missed. Unfortunately, I didn't read the synopsis carefully. Didn’t realise it was some sort of b-boy moves meets Charlie Chaplin-esque slapstick. As such, I didn’t see as much dance as I hope for. For an hour or so, I had to sit through the fantasy plot with minimum break-dance moves. Only the last 30 minutes after the musical was over, did I truly enjoy the show. That’s when the real dance move began… Overall, it's not too bad. It's just that I was expecting much more... But I must say I’m pretty impressed by these fellas…

See them for yourselves…

I'm a convert!

2008-05-28T21:27:00.003+08:00

When I was in Primary 6, I had my first BCG injection. The first injection to test if there's a need to take a jab, was at the inner elbow. I remember it hurting a lot to the point that I teared. Then of course there was the actual jab on the arm. Ouch... I teared again.

That perhaps gave me the fear of injections. My subsequent encounters with injections were the second dosage of BCG at Sec 4, a tetanus jab for the OBS camp in JC1, a blood test for Hep B & C in university and subsequently an immunity jab two years ago. At all times, I feared the needles.. And because of that fear, muscular tension caused it to be more painful. The only comfort I got was that gentle squeeze of a familar hand or a smile or the fact that it was just a minor pain.. But the whole time round, I was embarrassed by the fact that I actually fear such pain at such a age and that there are many more things that are more painful.

But all that changed this year...

For the first time in my life, I told myself that I was acting up my fear and that everything is psychological. It's all in the mind. If I will myself to be free from pain, perhaps, it will just disappear. And so, for this year's medical check up, I told myself that I've gone through enough pain (physical and emotional) that this tiny prick is not going to affect me. I went in with an unnatural calm and ease.

Even one male teacher in front of me said that he's fearful of the needles... whether he was just teasing or not, I wasn't sure.. but somehow, his facial expression while he was having his jab revealed a real sense of fear.. which I found rather amusing.

Mine was after his... and I was so calm that it didn't really hurt at all. Even that initial prick was nothing. My composure and nonchalance were much to the horror of the male teacher who questioned if I was in pain. To spare his ego from being bruised along with his inner elbow, I lied that it was a little painful.

The whole time round, I wondered what happened. Why did it hurt so much before and why did I always needed a hand to hold when I had my previous jabs? Was I over-reacting and being needy and whiny just to have someone reassuring me that everything will be ok?

Perhaps, it's just mind over matter. Or perhaps, it was just a fluke that it didn't hurt.

To confirm that I really overcame my fear for injections, I decided to test it out one more time.

I recalled the time when my good friend in JC tried persuading me to donate blood with her when the drive came to our school. I refused. She was so keen on donating blood that she faked her weight by increasing it up by 1kg just so that she could donate (I guess back then, they weren't really that strict. Now, you have to weigh yourself in front of the staff). I missed my chance back then.

Today, I took that chance.

I went for my very first blood donation at SGH together with some colleagues of mine.

At the blood donation center, I was again trying to be calm but deep down I was rather excited, hoping that it wouldn't hurt and that I won't develop a phobia for needles again. But somehow, when I saw the room I was entering, it felt right...

And so it is, two injections, totally painless. Thickest needle I've seen thus far inserted to me but not as pain as I thought.

I am free!!! Free from fear. Free from having someone to be there for me when I go for my future jabs. Free from embarrassment

Though a rather insignificant thing in my life and to most people, it gave me new found hope together with my overseas trips & adventures, that I'm ready to embrace independence without fear and hate. I am also convinced that I'll most probably make a yearly blood donation from now onwards and convince others to do so.

Give blood, save lives....

P.S: In case anyone is wondering, the first picture was taken when I was in Melbourne.

American Idol Fever...

2008-05-22T00:37:00.006+08:00

First of all, I need to state that I do not normally watch American Idol. In fact, I have never followed closely any season of AI.

It was simply by chance that I caught the AI Season Marathon over the last long weekend. So from Friday to Monday night, I spent most of my waking hours watching AI, a sad indication that I have no life or rather I have no wish to jostle with the crowd during the holidays.

What made me continue watching was the amazing voice of 17 year old David Archuleta. It's so refreshing to watch him perform. He made me smile just hearing him sing. He's simply so pure...

My sis and I did a youtube search for him and found out that at 5 years old after his parents brought him to watch Les Miserables, he was able to sing all the songs in the musical. Age 5!!!!

And later, when he was 10, he won the Junior Singers competition on Star Search with this winning performance, which Kelly Clarkson also sang during her finals in the first AI.... Amazing..

My sis and I, two 20 plus 'women' started searching more and went gaga over these two clips...

This, in particular, is real sweet... awww ...wish I have a son like him...

We also chanced upon this video with poor lighting but hey, it's the voice that matters.... We thoroughly enjoyed his take on "Mary did you know".

I'm so glad that he did not lose his voice when he had his vocal paralysis back then. Thank God that he didn't. If not, the world would not be able to hear him sing.

I hope he wins. This is one talented, sweet-natured boy who plays the piano and sings so well... (I'm a sucker for guys who can play the piano well) And if he does win, I hope he doesn't change much like some of the young artistes of Hollywood. If I can vote, I'll definitely vote for him. He'll be the second person I vote for in such Idols show other than my ex-padawan, JK.

Then again, there's this hunch that the older David Cook will win due to the overall appeal. Whatever the case, the winner will be David.

And so it is, the finals is over. I'll just have to wait for tmw's results show.

Go David Archuleta....

Let it go...

2008-05-14T01:50:00.002+08:00

Let It Go

by Corrinne May

I think we've been here before
I recognize this place
I've seen the marks of confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And I don't want to play anymore
Not when the stakes are so high
So before we circle round once more
I'm gonna lay down,
Lay down my pride

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

I turn on the TV
and it screams out at me
Nothing seems to have changed
since the start of Adam and Eve
So we're waiting for the sky to fall
and we're buying brand new toys
But before we circle round once more
Can we lay down
Just lay down this pride

Let it go, let it be
Don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go, let it be
Let it go
Don't go wasting your emotions
No one wins if we keep score
Let it go, let it be
Let it go

(I think we've been here before...)

My legs are full of scars... they are mainly self-induced.

I have a problem of scratching any mosquito bites or itch or scabs till they bleed.
Also, whenever I have a scratch or scrap in the knee from dance practices, I would open up the scab before the wound could fully heal. That causes more damage to the wound and creates a darker colouration to the scar. This also explains why my BCG scar is bigger than most people's. I was told by the nurse not to touch it but I never listened. I kept 'checking' if it's healed and in so doing, had an infection which caused a bigger than usual BCG scar on my arm.

All along I wasn't really conscious about that problem of mine until I was told recently to stop creating more wounds to myself. Just let go of that urge. Don't think about it. Let it heal. Don't agitate the skin any further cos if I don’t let go of that thought or that urge to scratch, I’ll end up hurting myself.

Let go, huh? How?

I've always had a problem with letting go. In fact, I seldom let go of things / memories / people etc. I let others do the letting go...

Today’s my one month anniversary of having my S.R.H.

She’s been serving me well, bringing me to all sorts of places to relive those moments at LPR, KRP, CV and EC, places I’ve stopped going because I didn’t have a car. And in a short span of 3 weeks, I hit my first 1000km.

As I look back at those times, I realised that while I have now changed, I still can’t let go.
There was a lot of self-doubt, the feeling of incompetence and being ostracised. That gradually changed as I started becoming more independent, not reacting to others' reactions, travelling to places that I’ve wanted to go, and yet, there’s a void. All because I can’t let go.

Was told that if I continue to hold on and dwell on the past, my present and future will be affected. I don’t wish that to happen. I fear I’ll be like Meredith Grey in Grey Anatomy, incapable of trusting anyone or even herself and eventually letting go of McDreamy.

I have to let it go... lay down my pride and not waste any emotion on this tit-for-tat machine. No one wins if we keep score

Let it go...

Let it be...

.
Like I always say, 'it's all in the mind'.

Let it go...

Marié Digby "Live" In Singapore

2008-05-09T22:24:00.001+08:00

Saw her by chance on Youtube last year. Was intrigued by this talented beauty who could sing, play the guitar & piano and compose songs. This gal shot herself to fame twenty minutes after first learning Rhianna's hit single, "Umbrella," last May. She basically propped her MacBook in her living room, filmed herself performing the song and put it on the Web via Youtube. I remember watching all her videos after that and even asking a friend to download her music on iTunes for me.

A year later, she's finally in town -- 9th and 10th May! I did think of going either to Zouk or Wisma to catch a glimpse of her.. Decided not to due to the never ending marking.. what a waste.

It's one of those.. so near, yet so far feeling.

Meanwhile, I can only 'see' her via Youtube.

Here are my favourites from her...

Her take on "Umbrella" by Rihanna

Her take on "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia

Say it Again (Original)

Definitely, Maybe

2008-05-04T14:16:00.005+08:00

I'm alive!!! I'm alive!!! Definitely, Maybe?

Better make it clear before my ex-padawans think I'm dead.. Received a couple of messages from them asking if I'm ok... haha...

Been busy... (ah.. what a typical excuse by Singaporeans)

Again, I've been wanting to blog every time an idea comes to mind due to an event in my life. Sadly, I procrastinated and after awhile, the desire to blog that entry just dwindled off.

Still, there are some that stay in my mind. In view of my tight schedule to mark my padawan's mid-yr exam papers, I'm just going to blog the titles....

If you have a gd imagination, go figure the entries' details... haha..

Blog #1
Sundays with Grandma...

Blog #2
My first red hot love... my S.R.H

Blog #3
Definitely, Maybe, a male version of my life?

Blog #4
To Hanoi with love...

Blog #5
I'm back to rollerblading...

Blog #6
Marié Christina Digby

Blog #7
The departure of my long flowy hair...

So, will I be blogging them when I find the time?

Definitely, maybe...

Silent Vocals VI ~ In Motion

2008-03-21T10:07:00.005+08:00

7 months of training ...
7 minutes of performance...
A lifetime that I’ll cherish those moments...

Almost couldn't make it for this concert as there's no way I could take leave from school to attend the intensive rehearsals in the afternoons a few days before the concert. Also, I was supposed to have flown off to Vietnam for the Regional Teachers' Conference during that period of time. But God seemed to have planned it for me. Growth Camp happened to be during the two days of intensive rehearsals and on the actual day. And some time in January, I was told that the RTC is in April instead of March. And so it is, I was able to perform one last time at Victoria Theatre. Though it will most probably* be my last concert… it was a first for a number of events:

1st time I cried on stage after the concert

This shot was taken after we were both crying / tearing.

At the end of the concert, I thanked my dance instructress, Silvia Yong for all the years of training and encouragement. Though she started teaching me in 2004, she made a great impact in my dance ‘career’. I would have stopped dancing if not for her. Her contemporary style of choreography really spurred me to want to be a better dancer. She fascinates me with her seemingly impossible to do steps and her fast paced choreography that leaves me panting and gasping for air after each rehearsal. Watching her perform at the Esplanade truly inspires me to be like her too. She really showed her passion for dance through the sacrifices she has made and the courage to do something that many would not do. We dancers never fail to admire both Silvia and her husband... Together with her dancer and choreographer husband, Kuik Swee Boon, they look like the perfect couple.

For all that she has done for me, I am truly grateful. I teared when I told her I’ll miss being in her class and that I won’t be dancing for AJ anymore. She tried to persuade me, telling me that age is not a barrier, using herself as an example. It was a difficult decision but I have to move on. She teared as well.. And so, seeing her watery eyes, made me cry even more… so much so that my dance president who was standing beside us teared too.

Thank you Silvia. I'm eternally grateful.

1st time I joined the concert without any other dancers from my batch

These girls ranges fr 20 - 25 yrs old, with the exception of me of course.

One of the dance members from my batch is currently the teacher-in-charge of dance society in AJ. When she first emailed my batch to find out who were still keen on dancing for the concert, 3 dancers responded. And because I thought I won’t be the only one from my batch joining, I committed myself. Unfortunately, the other two really couldn’t find the time because the two are already mothers. And so, I was the only representative from my batch.

1st time I took photos for the concert

In a way, it was a dream come true to merge both my passion in dance and photography in one. It was rather hectic, rushing to put on make up, snapping pictures of the preparations, snapping pictures of the rehearsals, trying to recall the steps before my item is on and then performing. It was a not easy as it was my first dance shoot. It was also technically challenging because the lighting for this concert is rather dark. And it being my first time, I didn't know what settings to fix and what to look out for. For example, I kept running out of CF cards and battery life at the critical moments despite preparing all that in advance. Didn't expect two fully charged batteries to be flat so fast. There were also a lot of blur shots. Out of the 6 dances, I only managed to shoot 4 items. I had to get ready for my finale item. And because I was dancing in one item, I'll most probably not get any pictures of me dancing. That's the problem with taking photos and dancing at the same time. Sigh. Can't get the best of both worlds.

1st time I received so many flowers and gifts

Many thanks to those who came. I was really touched by your sweet gestures and your moral support. I think I’ll never receive so much flowers at one go in my life… Thank you all for everything.

1st time my dear friend attended my dance concert

I feel so elated that my ‘BFF’ could make it for my concert, having missed all my other concerts during previous years. It meant a lot to me for it will be my last concert. Thank you babe for coming.

My 6th dance alumni concert performance, Silent Vocals VI ~ In Motion, ended last night. Not that I’m biased but I feel that the choreography for this concert has reached a new high. The dance items were so technically challenging for amateur dancers like us but the dances did pushed us to level up our techniques. Would like to quote fr my batch’s dance president’s SMS after the concert: “Was very touched by you all as an audience cos only we know the hard work and sacrifices behind every performance. It was a very good show with high standards. Think the alumni was exceptionally impressive ;p” That message really stirred me up. I was very touched.

Some time ago in September 2007 when we first started training, we kept thinking that it was a long while more to this concert but as the months went by, we felt that time was not on our side. Even then, I was looking forward to the concert hoping it’ll come soon. Now that it is over, I wished it didn’t end. It was a truly emotional night for me because at the back of my mind, I knew it would be my last (or rather I’ll try very hard to make it my last). Having been in the dance alumni from 1998 to 2008, I think it is about time I move on. 10 years seem to be an ‘overstay’. As it is, I’m officially the longest serving AJ dance alumni member. It’s kind of odd going back to Anderson JC seeing all the younger college students, feeling somewhat old. Yet, this place was like a home to me. A place I’m familiar with. A place where my passion for dance was ignited. A place where I could be completely at ease with my fellow dancers.

I was flipping through my dance photo albums and looking back at those moments, from training for SYF, performing in Korea, my first alumni concert in the school hall to the various concerts held in Kallang Theatre and Victoria theatre. It’s amazing how the camaraderie is so strong among the dancers who come from different batches… Year after year, I see familiar faces and sometimes new ones but in each of them, I feel their passion for dance, their dedication to the group and their talents and grace during performance.

Now that it has finally ended, I can’t help but feel sad and lost… There was a sense of depression when I woke up this morning… There was a strong inertia to do my work and the rhythm of the music and sequence of the dance steps kept refreshing in my mind… I started to think of what I’ll miss and I’ve come up with these:

Bruises on my arms & legs – The only times when I get severely bruised are when I’m training for dance. It may seem that I’m some sort of sadist but I do like seeing the bruises as it is an indication that I went all out for the dance (though sometimes, it’s just because I was clumsy and failed to protect myself).

Vigorous training – Initially it was once a week. Then twice a week and towards the last two weeks, almost everyday. No matter how tired I get from working the whole day, I will suddenly be energized when I train… It’s odd how something so strenuous can lift my spirits up. It’s odd how my headaches or worries just melt away during trainings. I realised it is the motions and concentration during training that I find comfort & peace.

The smell of the LL (dance studio) and the school hall –The smell isn’t pleasant for sure… but I miss the times we try to avoid the smelly spots on the dance studio floor… and how we complained so many times but still continued to dance despite nothing done to rid the smell. One common habit is that we walk bare feet around AJ; in the studio, in the hall and even to the toilet. Black dusty feet have become a feature of being a dancer... I truly understand what some of my students feel when they have their 'illegal' shoes confiscated.

The messed up costumes – It seems that the tailor will always mess up the dance costumes, distorting the original designs and we have to always alter them last minute. We have no choice though because there are really very few tailors who do dance costumes in Singapore. And so, my fellow dancers and I came to a conclusion that not only must we be able to dance, we must be able to sew… to salvage our badly tailored costumes.

The roller coaster emotions - I'll definitely miss the excitement before performance & the feeling of sheer joy after the dance concert, knowing that everything was done right – This is a given. All dancers will never forget these moments. Neither would I.

Victoria Theatre – There’s something magical about VT. It’s small, old and yet charming. Of course I hope to perform at the Esplanade but VT is a familiar place to us. We know the ins and outs of that place. I’m really going to miss performing there.

Lastly, my fun-loving dancers & my sweet dance instructress – With the lame jokes we crack, there’s never a dull moment… we somehow enjoy being silly and we even laugh at our mistakes in our dance steps. But we have our serious sides especially nearing the concert when emotions flare up in even the most demure dancer. Our dance instructress has been ever so patient with us, sharing our sense of humour and always motivating us. I’m going to miss seeing them on a weekly basis but thankfully, with Facebook, we’ll somehow keep in touch… or rather ‘poke’.

And so, after Silent Vocals 6, I think I have to really retire… Don’t think I’m up for it anymore when 2010 comes. Moreover, my dance friends closer to my batch are also considering ‘retiring’ too. If that is really so, it will be a pity that I won’t be participating in Silent Vocals 7 which would have also been my 7th dance concert as a dance alumni member.

But I really have to move on…

And so, I’m closing this dance chapter with AJ dance as a dancer… but I’ll continue to help out in any way possible…

In March 2006, I blogged that I would take a bow and retire. I mapped out my dance ‘resume’
I think it's time I do a little update!

1996 -- JC 1 Dance Member
1997 -- SYF Dance (Gold) Performed in Dance Presentation Opening Night at Kallang / Represented S'pore to perform in Korea for the 3rd ASIAN Youth Festival
1998 -- Silent Vocals II (School Hall... Hey! That's our debut.. low budget then)
1999 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
2000 -- Silent Vocals III (NYP auditorium) (didn’t dance, just helped out in make up n lighting)
2001 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert / Danced for the Alumni's 1st AGM + dinner + concert
2002 -- Silent Vocals IV (Alphaville auditorium - Brand new and free!! Why not?)
2003 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
2004 -- Colours of Emotion (Self-choreographed - Victoria Theatre) / Juvenescence (AJ's 20th Anniversary Concert - Kallang Theatre)
2005 -- Qi (七，棋，启，气) (Victoria Theatre)
2006 –- Received Appreciation Award during AJ's 22nd College Day / Silent Vocals V ~ The Kaleidoscope (Victoria Theatre) (1st time I was not involved accept to give moral support and watch the concert)
2007 -- Training & rehearsal for the next concert
2008 -- Silent Vocals VI ~ In Motion (Victoria Theatre)

7 months of training...
7 minutes of performance...

Truly amazing...Truly unforgettable... Truly emotional...

My sincere thanks to Silvia and my fellow dancers...
Thank you for making my final concert with AJ Dance alumni a memorable one...
20th March 2008.

* Note: While I’m deeply serious about retiring, I won’t hesitate to join if I know my other friends are dancing again or if the venue is at the Esplanade, but I know the chances are very slim.

What will happen from now till the next leap year?

2008-03-07T22:26:00.006+08:00

Ex padawan: Cher... you know when I saw Wong Li Lin in The Leap Years, she really reminded me of you.....

I watched The Leap Years last week... I really liked the show regardless the negative reviews, the inconsistencies in the movie as well as the disturbing idea that everyone in Singapore seems to be speaking with an American accent! It was a feel good movie... The soundtrack is good.. especially cos of the familiar songs by Corrinne May, and one very haunting piano piece by Ryuichi Sakamoto, Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence which I'm now trying to play on my piano...

I got to admit... I was really flattered when I heard my ex-padawan tell me I reminded her of that main character... haha.. not that I'm anywhere near her beauty, sassiness, and confidence... It's just that the character, Li-ann, played by Wong Li Lin, did remind me a little of myself...

A convent girl... An English teacher who heads the department at 28... A person who is willing to take chances... A person who waits...

Well, if what had happened to her in reel life after the age of 28 is any indication of how my real life will turn out to be, I can foresee this future....

I'll quit teaching at 32 to set up a book store and I'll be driving a cool Blue Mini Cooper... At 36, I'll marry a dashing foreigner with long flowy hair whom I meet once every four years... (haha.. alrighty Lady 28.. you are right... that Ananda guy is cute... I give up.. ) And at 48, this man of my life will recover from a stroke to be with me for the rest of my life... wahh.. how tragic.. yet bittersweet.

Then again.... who knows what will happen in the future... I wonder how my 'blue figure' would look like...

One of the quotes I remember the most from my O level literature Text is this:

The course of true love never did run smooth - a Midsummer's nights dream by William Shakespeare

Yup... how true... It's always hard to work for love...
Hmm... maybe I should just work for a Mini Cooper at 32!!!

Then again... who knows what will happen from now till the next leap year...

It's just 1.5 for now.. and I'm happy... SRH

I'm not Supergirl....

2008-02-26T22:45:00.004+08:00

L I T T L E . S U P E R . H E R O . G I R L

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark, but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself ... I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

Been so busy that I don't even have time to take pics, blog, go out or do yoga...
Things have been pretty routine for me.... I can hardly breathe...

I'm not a supergirl / woman / hag etc...

I need help... I need air .... (Macbook Air also can!!)

I need to fly off somewhere....... and preferably somewhere far and preferably somewhere with snow... I'm trying to fulfill my as many of my resolutions for 2008 as possible... so far so good..

Meanwhile, I'm feeling guilty abt gg online... or even blogging this entry when there are tonnes of work unmarked... but I must at least jot down the topics that I wished to blog but do not have the time to......

And so, here it goes... 'entries-to-be' from an exhausted 'I-not-Supergirl'...

Ex-padawans' visit during CNY Celebrations

Sundays with Grandma...

Disappointment in my padawans who rather go for a longer detention than to attend an enrichment course

Upcoming dance performance... feeling real excited... It's going to be my last!!! Don't want it to end so soon...

First Car purchase story

2nd Car purchase story (yup... technically, I bought two cars in a month!)

Alrighty...

'I-not-Supergirl' signing off...

My Blueberry Nights...

2008-01-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

"The story of a woman who takes the long route instead of the short one to meet up with the man she loves." Wong Kar Wai.

As I looked up at the window, I realised I was on the wrong side......

Maybe one of them ran off with someone else. Maybe the feelings just went away....

The company is great, the movie is great and the cast is even greater....

You have two of the smartest hollywood actresses Rachel Weisz, who graduated from the University of Cambridge and the oh-so-pretty Natalie Portman (my fav Hollywood actress along with Charlize Theron & Ashley Judd) who graduated from Harvard University. And how not to watch the movie when eye-candy Jude Law is in it.. (though I try to ignore the fact that he's not exactly a faithful person in real life). It's always nice to see both Natalie & Jude act in the same movie. First, it was Cold Mountain, then Closer and now My Blueberry Nights.

To my amazement too, the movie features one of my fav singer, Norah Jones. It was her screen debut and I say she did a pretty good job. She sang "The Story" in the movie soundtrack which will be released in Feb. Looking forward to it...

But the thing that really caught my attention was that this movie was directed by Wong Kar Wai, who is directing his first feature length English-language film. This is one director whose movies I'm drawn to... Chungking Express, Days of Being Wild, In the Mood for love & 2046. There's something about his trademark stylistic direction that appeals to me (though it sometimes irks people who view it as draggy). But I see the beauty in slowly revealing the plot and really fleshing out the characters, bringing out the subtleties of their emotions till you connect with them, feel them and experience their 'reel'-ality.

Without reading the synopsis, I knew this is the kind of movie that I will watch.... This is the kind I know YOU will watch too. Perhaps, this is what YOU can do on your free Saturdays...

So what's this movie abt?? (Warning: Spoiler ahead)

It's a story about Elizabeth (Norah Jones) who upon her breakup, met a new friend, a soul-mate, a cafe owner (Jude Law) from a foreign land. Shortly after, without saying goodbye, she just left. She sets out on a journey without a destination, leaving behind a life of memories and her new friend, who relentlessly tried to contact her. Why did she leave then? Perhaps to search for something to mend her broken heart. To escape to the furthest places possible..... to avoid the pain... or to avoid making the same mistakes......

Interestingly, while she was waitressing her way through the various States (to save enough to buy herself a car), Elizabeth befriends others whose yearnings and sorrows are greater than hers. They include a troubled cop (David Strathairn) and his estranged wife (Rachel Weisz), and a down-on-her-luck gambler (Natalie Portman) with a reconciliation issue. Through them, Elizabeth begins to see her reflection in others... recognising the true depths of loneliness and emptiness, and that somehow, she is much luckier than them... And through her soul-searching journey, she begins to understand that she had discovered herself and delights in who she is...

After many many days of wandering, close to a year, she decided to go back...

....back for a blueberry pie ...

....back to the Blueberry Nights...

Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the Blueberry Pie?

Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the Blueberry Pie, just people make other choices. You can't blame the Blueberry Pie, it's just... no one wants it.

Elizabeth: Wait! I want a piece.

As I looked up at the window, I realised I was on the wrong side of the road. I took the longest time to get across that road. But it's not how long it takes to get across that matters, but who's waiting on the other side that really does...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goodbye doesn't always mean the end. Sometimes, it means a new beginning.

~ Elizabeth~

Goodbye 2007... Hello 2008!

2008-01-01T03:12:00.000+08:00

I had an entry entitled 'Goodbye 2005... Hello 2006! ... Don't ever look back...' . But an oldman advised me to "actually do look back as reflecting upon the past gives more meaning to what's happening now and hope for the future". And hence for 2008, I shall do just that. I guess in life's journey, everything happens for a reason. And I'm slowly seeing the reasons...

2007 had been a good year... perhaps I'm biased... after all, it contains my fav number 7.

I managed to visit 3 countries (my most ever) in one year.... Australia, Holland & France...

I also did something that I swore I would stop after 2005. I went back to dancing after a 2-year hiatus and I'm loving it despite all the bruises on my knees (hmm..a sign of sadomasochism..)

My newly accuired hobby which has been taking up much of my time.. (noooo not Facebook!) has shown improvement too. Really enjoyed my photography trips... very addictive... In fact, I'm planning for June 2008's trip. Hmm.. now all I need is an assistant to help carry my gears.. keke!

I'm also enjoying and becoming more confident in what I do. In fact, in Jul 2008, it'll be 7 years since I joined the Jedi Knighthood.. Time seems to pass so fast especially when you are enjoying them...

So what do I hope for in 2008...

Here are my Top 10 resolutions for 2008 which were selected from a few hundred statements in Facebook:

#1 Build a Snowman...
Haha.. the reason is that I failed thrice in my attempts to see snow. Didn't manage to do that when I was in Nepal during winter, in Melbourne during winter, and in France during winter. I always missed them by a week or so. This 2008, I'll make sure I can definitely find enough snow to build myself a real snowman.

#2 Buy a car
Was so close to getting a Yellow Beetle which was sparked by the movie Transformer.. haha.. lame I know. I was so in loved with Bumble Bee (BB) that I told myself I had to get a yellow car. And the best looking yellow car would, without a doubt, be the Yellow Beetle. I was even planning to force change it's species from a Beetle to a Bee. Alas, it was not meant to be mine... I will have to look for another one more suited for me, give up my BB and let others have a chance to own it.

#3 Wake up earlier
I'm an insomniac. I can't sleep earlier than 2am.. and lately 5am. As such, I tend to wake up late. I've been late for so many morning meetings & dance pracs this holidays. With the school term starting in just two days, I've yet to regulate my sleep patterns. And even if I don't, may I still be able to wake up in time for assembly.

#4 Take more pictures
I enjoy capturing the moments and the sights. But I find that I'm stagnating because I don't seem to go beyond what I normally shoot. I'm so hesistant at doing street photography or capturing portaits of strangers. Also, despite getting my macro lens, I haven't been able to do any macro shots at the Botanical Gardens. Hopefully, 2008 will give me more courage to take pics of people when I'm overseas and that I may see my pic's quality move up a notch.

#5 Get in shape
I was once 40kg when I was in Sec 4 and if I were to see my weight as a share price, I would say that it has been 'bullish' ever since. I'm seeing pregnant women looking slimmer than me. So sad.. I must get in shape. I don't want to be the biggest person on stage in March. 3 more months!!! Exercise!!! Exercise!!! Exercise!!!

#6 Dance and never stop flying
When I saw this statement in facebook, I wonder what that resolution really meant. Seems like an odd combination but I clicked it anyway, and decided to interpret it in my own way. As I said before, I've been dancing since 1996. I've always tried to get my close secondary school friends to attend my performance by saying, "It is the LAST time I'm performing. Watch lah!!!" Haha.. but the last was never the last. But I really meant what I said... I always told myself that I'll be too old to dance and hence would most probably stop. Amazingly, I haven't. But I'm pretty sure that this time round, it would be my ABSOLUTE LAST! Can't imagine me dancing at age 30 amongst the nubile 19 - 25 yr olds. As for the never stop flying, I hope it'll be the case every year. That I get to fly to different places and travel at least twice a year whatever the cost. It used to be free.. but.. oh well..

#7 Move on
Aptly, "move on" is randomly placed as the 7th resolution. Indeed, I shall. For the greater good and for my sanity.

#8 Worry less
I tend to worry be it for my family members, for my friends, for my padawans, for my exams, for my future etc... On hindsight, I feel that it stems from a lack of faith in God, that I do not trust that He'll take care of things at the appropriate time. And perhaps the need in me to be in control.... as with most Leos... When one is not in control, one becomes uncertain with what's going to happen next. And with that uncertainty, there tends to be a cause for worrying. "Worry less" is one resolution I find the hardest to accomplish. After so many years of being the 'kan cheong spider' sort, I don't know how to stop worrying. Hey.. but the resolution is "worry less"... haha.. so it can be considered fulfilled even if I worry, so long as it is lesser than 2007's worries!

#9 Be happy
; p ..... No problemo... just don't make me angry.. haha..

#10 Ssssshhhh... it's a secret.
If it's revealed, it may not happen. I'll keep fighting for it and hopefully, it'll finally happen.

Have hope....

旅行的意义

2007-12-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

Very soon I'll be up there for the longest period of time ever. Never flew for such a long duration and so far in my life... There's always a first. Always thought I would have a chance to fly a lot in the past, but it never happened. So perhaps, I'm doing a make-up for it.

So, what's the significance of my travel this time?

这就是我旅行的意义...

旅行的意义

你看过了许多美景
你看过了许多美女
你迷失在地图上
每一道短暂的光阴
你品尝了夜的巴黎
你踏过下雪的北京
你熟记书本里
每一句你最爱的真理
却说不出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合我曾让你动心
说不出离开的原因

你累计了许多飞行
你用心挑选纪念品
你收集了地图上
每一次的风和日丽
你拥抱热情的岛屿
你埋葬记忆的土耳其
你流连电影里美丽的不真实的场景
却说不出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合我曾让你分心
说不出旅行的意义

你勉强说出你爱我的原因
却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情
却说不出在什么场合我曾让你动心
说不出旅行的意义
勉强说出你为我寄出的每一封信
都是你离开的原因
bb你离开我
就是旅行的意义

Original post 3rd October 07