The Neurocentric

Folio Feed

2008-06-12T22:00:00.001Z

Thank You Bint Robert
http://folio.me.uk/?p=582

Folio.me.uk

2008-05-31T21:00:00.002Z

Greetings!

You might like to know that I'm moving my "Neurocentric" website over to my own domain at http://folio.me.uk. I have moved all the decent posts from this site across already and shall probably cease updating this one from now on. Hopefully the new site will be better organised and accessible: I'm trying to make it more like a magazine than a blog and I'm open to guest contributions. The aim? To promote the "good life" I think.

http://folio.me.uk

I hope you like it (it is a work in progress).

And Peace!

May 2008

2008-05-03T20:44:00.003Z

The garden a month on as the flowers begin to come into bloom.

Bluebells emerging at last (I didn't know this is what they were all this time - I have been mowing them for the past two years).

The lovely scented lilac:

Garlic, onion and chives:

Newly planted box hedge in the front garden:

Provision

2008-05-02T22:00:00.002Z

No food in the house this evening—only bread, yogurt and onions—but we won't go to bed hungry.

These are stinging nettles:

No, they're not weeds. We planted them on purpose. There is method in our madness.

This is freshly harvested spinach:

And freshly harvested nettles (you have to wear gloves to collect these):

This is spinach frying up with onions:

This is nettle soup:

A bowl of nettle soup and a piece of bread:

A plate of spinach and a dollop of yogurt:

It fills a hole until we get the shopping in.

The bounties of our Lord.

When news comes to you...

2008-04-13T18:00:00.003Z

It is interesting what you discover while checking sources.

I am sure you will remember that at the height of the furore over the publication of cartoons in Jyllands Posten it was alleged that Danish theologian Professor Tim Jensen had advised its editors that, ‘It will offend Muslims and only cause pointless provocation.’

According to his own narrative, it appears that this warning never actually took place:

http://www.trincoll.edu/depts/csrpl/RINVol9No1/another%20melancholy%20dane.htm

"A transcript (which I later obtain) reveals that, amidst what was in fact a long discussion of pictorial representations in Islam, I was at no point asked to comment on the published cartoons. Indeed, it is evident that I don’t know that the cartoons have been published. On the contrary, I seem to be under the impression that J-P is merely planning to publish some innocent drawings of Muhammad."

Yet again confirmation of what we already know: when news reaches you, verify it!

April 2008

2008-04-13T13:30:00.001Z

Well the sun peeped through the clouds for a few minutes, so I grabbed the camera and took a few shots (and realised I have work to do out there).

Another April

2008-04-13T12:30:00.002Z

We first posted these photos on 16th April last year - that year when summer came early before the summer filled with April showers. Alhamdulilah, we've had plenty of showers this April, not to mention hail and snow. We'll have to wait to see what the next few months have in store for us.

A day for wandering in the garden.

This was taken before we re-erected our fences which were destroyed in the gales while we were on hajj. It looks like we have a massive garden, but in fact we just have very kind and tolerant neighbours. We've fixed the fences now.

Nice place to take a telephone call in the sun.

If it brightens up later on, perhaps we'll venture into the garden to take another set to document this year. Insha Allah.

God’s Generosity

2008-04-11T17:38:00.003Z

This is the view from my front door. I took it this evening with my wife’s camera when I came home from work. I took it because it means something to me; something that I’ve been thinking a great deal about for the past few days.

It represents how much God has given me, how generous He has been to me. When I was younger I used to dream that one day I’d live in a house looking out on a cottage garden. Well, that’s pretty much what I got. This photo doesn’t really do our garden any justice. When you wander up and down those steps each day you’re just taken by the beautiful flowers coming into bloom and the delicious scent of the Daphne. The other day I was standing at my front door, looking out onto the garden and I couldn’t help but say Alhamdulilah over and over. Why? Because there are different coloured primroses, cowslips, tulips and daffodils flowering all over the place, and we didn’t do a thing. I stood there saying Alhamdulilah and then another thought came to my mind: what a disgrace I am.

God has showered the pair of us in great bounties, and yet look how I have behaved over the last few weeks, months and years. When I reflected on this, I felt ashamed.

There are funny things that happen to us in our home which repeatedly remind us of God’s great generosity. Just after we got married, my wife suggested buying something for the kitchen which I refused, saying that it would be extravagant, only for us to receive it as a gift a few weeks later from my grandmother. Indeed, in her boxes of cast-offs that she insisted on sending us away with were half a dozen items that we had thought of over the preceding months. After we moved into our home my wife discovered a Black Sea fruit tree in our back garden which supplies her with an unending stream of berries much loved in her village back home each autumn. Just a few weeks ago, my wife saw something in my mother’s home that she thought would be useful in ours, only for our first set of guests on our return back home to give it to us as a gift – somewhat surprising given that it was somewhat unusual. These things happen to us a lot and each time it is a reminder of God’s generosity.

Lately I’ve been thinking about this a great deal. Over the past two and a half years I had a job which made me extremely depressed. Now I’ve dwelled on the fact before that I should really have been grateful to have had an income and that’s all true and accepted, but if I am honest, I really hated it. On my first day there after resigning from my previous workplace I sat with my manager and listened as he went through my job description, crossing out all of the elements that were no longer required of me. It was pretty much everything that had led me to apply for the post. Over the months that followed I sunk into quite a heavy bout of melancholy. It was only natural then that I should mention my employment when I stood on the Plain of Arafat during my Hajj a year ago. My prayer went something like this, “Oh Allah, You know my heart better than I do. I have no idea what I want to do to earn my living, so grant me a job that will make me happy, in which I will work hard and that will be good for me here and hereafter.”

Well God is most generous. On the day of Arafat a year later I started a new job – I only realised the significance when I put the radio on in my car and there was a report on Britain’s Hajj delegation gathering on the Plain that morning. I didn’t do anything to get this job. The department in which I originally worked was merged into another and my role disappeared as a result. They had to find me something to do, but Alhamdulilah, Alhamdulilah. Each day now I find myself reflecting on this new role of mine, because I really love it. It’s a great job and I’m doing something I really enjoy. I work hard now and I’m happy. That is God’s generosity completely. I did nothing to deserve this. It is His generosity completely. His generosity and His mercy.

And there is something else. Over the last few months I have been really stupid. My stupidity ultimately drove me to heavy tears under the strain of a heavy heart. Maybe it was looking out onto my front garden which brought me to a halt: those Alhamdulilahs followed by that feeling of shame and regret. Those thoughts of God’s incredible generosity followed by the reflection on my ingratitude. I prayed for God’s help, for His forgiveness, for His Guidance, for His aid. I think, just maybe, we have just witnessed His generosity once more. A wise friend has come to visit us and it seems he is setting us straight, helping us start each day in a good way and end each day in a good way too. I consider it God’s immense generosity.

When I think of what He has given me, showered on me, I can only feel ashamed. Has my conduct been any way to say Thank You? No, but perhaps recognising His generosity is the first step towards rectifying our affairs.

Snow time like the present

2008-04-06T16:00:00.005Z

Snowfall after Fajr means there's a snowball fight before Qur'an class.

There's not a lot, but enough to hold us for a few minutes.

Superman harvests snow from Tim's car.

Snow covers our scented daphne,

the tree over the pond

and everything else,

just as the camellia was coming into bud.

But it won't last long.

At last, Tim has emerged with our teacher.

On our return from class all the snow has gone.

Jihad

2008-04-03T19:45:00.002Z

From today's http://lessonsoftheday.blogspot.com/...

1. Jihad is the struggle to remove all those things from one's life that incur Allah's displeasure, and to replace them with those things that will gain His acceptance.

2. Jihad is the struggle against one's inner self and it's bestial inclinations. It is this struggle, in fact, which the Prophet of Islam (Allah's blessings and peace upon him) dubbed "the greater jihad."

3. Jihad is the struggles against the villains in our hearts which include: arrogance, avarice, pettiness, selfishness, jealousy, greed, self-delusions, and vain passions.

4. Jihad is the struggle to replace the villains in our hearts with goodly traits, such as mercy, honor, humbleness, generosity, gentleness, dignity, love, and other qualities that are aptly described as "heavenly."

5. Jihad is the struggle to fulfill the rights and responsibilities of one's family as well as those who are close, such as neighbors and relatives, to make sure that one does not harm them either with his hand or tongue.

6. Jihad is the struggle to forgive the wrongs of others, to overlook their misgivings, and hide their faults.

7. Jihad is the struggle to help the needy, the orphan, the widow, and the homeless by sacrificing our wealth.

8. Jihad is to show love and gentleness to our young ones, and respect and dignity to our elders.

9. Jihad is to protect the honor and property of every single member of society, whether man or woman.

10. Jihad is the struggle to speak out against injustice, to help the victims of oppressions, to ensure that everyone is given just measure, regardless of gender, ethnicity, or religion.

11. Jihad is to submit our will to Our Creator, thereby achieving peace and unity with the rest of the cosmos in celebrating His Majesty and Glory.

12. Jihad is ultimately that struggle in which we are willing to give our lives in the name of Allah so that these ideals will endure and bring peace and justice to countless others, thus truly bringing the harmony of the heavens down the earth.

Not 60 minutes

2008-03-31T21:30:00.000Z

but 5 years

2008-03-21T18:00:00.000Z

"Minimum estimates for Iraqi dead mean that the civilians of Mesopotamia have suffered six or seven Dresdens or – more terrible still – two Hiroshimas." The Independent, 19.03.2008

Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un.

2008-03-19T20:55:00.003Z

We never know, of course, when our chances will cease. I have just seen the CCTV footage showing the moment when a car driven by a drunken driver sped through red lights at a junction and ploughed into the car in which my brother-in-law was travelling the Sunday before last. The speeding car hit the rear passenger door and killed my brother-in-law's best friend, who happened to have swapped sides with him on this one occaison. Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we return.

A Second Chance

2008-03-19T20:20:00.001Z

As the years pass by, there is always a part of us that wants to look backwards, to reminisce about a life we have left behind now. We travelled up to North Yorkshire this weekend to visit my parents and I had in mind to take a detour to Hull on our return: to remember old friends, revisit old streets and see how much has changed. We didn’t get to go there as it happened, but I did realise another desire of mine: to return to York mosque.

We left the Rectory half way through the morning on Monday and made good progress back past York and towards the M1. We had travelled about 30 miles and were about 10 miles short of the motorway when my wife suddenly remembered that we had forgotten our coats. She insisted on going back for them since they are all we have to protect us from the cold through the winter and my asthma medicine was with mine. Grudgingly I took the next slip road off the bypass, crossed the bridge and headed back in the opposite direction. We had travelled for forty minutes already and I was mindful of the 200 miles still to go ahead of us, but it was the only way.

Alhamdulilah for that. Though perhaps I was irritated as I counted an extra sixty miles and another hour added to our journey, I can only say Alhamdulilah. This time, setting off for home once more I gave more thought to the nagging within which asked me to revisit that old mosque of mine. I don’t know how many times over the years I have told myself that I must pop in to whisper salams, but it seems that I was never able to. Alhamdulilah; had we not forgotten our coats we would never have returned perhaps.

I am so glad that we did. We arrived there in time for dhuhr prayer and just before a lovely gentleman arrived to open up the doors and let us in. Last time I visited, the mosque committee was raising funds to build an extension for women and the growing community at large. As I skirted the small building I wondered if they had ever realised that goal, for it was a long time since my last visit. It was only after standing in the prayer hall for a couple of minutes that I realised just how tiny the original mosque had been, recalling the tight dimensions of those Friday prayers I had once sought out so keenly.

I realised that it was eight years since I last visited and yet this kind man somehow remembered me. He greeted my wife with salams, opened the prayer room for her and switched the amplifiers on without any intervention on my part (we have to specifically ask at my local mosque). His warmth and beautiful nature reminded me what I so loved about that modest little mosque as a visiting stranger almost a decade ago. Although I was travelling, I just had to do dhuhr with them and stay for a little time in that now slightly bigger mosque before our long journey onwards.

My brief return made me so happy and it was alhamdulilah-for-forgetting-our-coats all the way home. Alhamdulilah that Allah gave us a second chance. Thinking about it now, it seems a rather fitting parable for our lives.

O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.

Hadith Qudsi reported in the collections of Tirmidhi and Ahmad.

"BBC claims of hadith reworking unfounded"

2008-02-29T21:58:00.002Z

Salam alaikum,

Some of you might have seen an article / heard a report on the BBC which suggested that the Turkish Government is preparing to "revise" Islam. I think this article in today's Zaman (a mainstream Turkish newspaper) sheds some light on the BBC claims:

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=135202

Speaking with Today's Zaman on Wednesday, Dr. Mehmet Görmez, the directorate's deputy director, said: "Our project is not aimed at effecting a radical renewal of the religion, as is claimed by the BBC. Our objective is to help our citizens attain a better understanding of the hadith. Though I underlined several times during our interview with a BBC reporter that our project cannot be considered a reformation of Islam, he distorted the facts, saying Turkey is preparing to publish a document that represents a revolutionary reinterpretation of Islam -- and a controversial and radical modernization of the religion."

The hadith texts are not considered by Muslims to be God's word, as the Quran is. Regardless, they are seen as qualified attempts to collect a body of reliable texts for Muslim scholars to use in adjudication. Scholars such as Bukhari and Muslim traveled throughout the Muslim world gathering and evaluating oral reports that had been passed down through generations from the Prophet Mohammed and his contemporaries. Each of these scholars then evaluated the chain of transmission of each saying, taking into account each individual reporter's reputation, memory, etc.

All of which underscores the pre-eminent wisdom of the Qur'an once more:

"O ye who believe! If an evil liver bring you tidings, verify it, lest ye smite some folk in ignorance and afterward repent of what ye did." Qur'an 49:6

"O man, follow not that whereof thou hast no knowledge. Lo! the hearing and the sight and the heart--of each of these it will be asked." Qur'an 17:36

In other words we ought always to verify our facts when news comes to us, lest it cause others harm. May Allah forgive us all.

Kindest regards, salams and duas,

Zeynep

Gel Tevbe Eyle (Come on Make Repentance)

2008-02-22T20:35:00.007Z

As Selaamu Alaikum,

Everything happens for a reason and nothing occurs without Allah's (SWT) plan. I was feeling a bit down because of some problems at work. I was studying Qur'an with a friend. We had some questions and needed some answers, so looked in to various Islamic sites. While searching, this link popped in first, Allahu Alim. I clicked in as I recognized it's language. While I listened to it something came out of my system and I could not hold my tears. It is so beautifully said if you only understood the language. As with any other language, it is difficult to translate it fully as you can never translate the feelings when you read it in the original language. It loses its taste, elegance and beauty. However I will translate it as best I can inshaAllah. I hesitated to put the link initially because of differences of opinion about "it is haram" or "not haram" argument. I decided to put it up in the end. It is for people who will/may benefit from it and Allah (SWT) knows best.

Fırsat bu fırsattır ömür geçiyor
Günahların senden tevbe istiyor
Farkında değilsin kalbin ağlıyor
Ecelin gelmeden gel tevbe eyle
This is the opportunity, your lifetime is passing
Make repentance as your sins are wanting
You are not aware that your heart is crying
Before your death, come repenting

Nefsin derki daha zamanın çoktur
Kimsenin elinde senedi yoktur
VALLAHİ BİLLAHİ hesabın zordur
Son nefes gelmeden gel tevbe eyle
Your Nafs-ego say you have got time
Nobody has a contract in hand
By Allah your situation is difficult
Before your last breath, come to repent.

Bütün delillerle KURAN dır ayan
Ateşin söndürür kalpteki İMAN
Bu çirkin gafletten gel sende uyan
Kabrin açılmadan gel tevbe eyle
The Qur'an is the whole proof
Your heart's IMAN will put out the flames of the fire
From this heedlessness, come, and you too wake up
Before your grave is opened, come and repent.

Kalibinin kabzını dinle ne söyler
Duy seni rabbine şikayet eder
Bulanıklığını tevbeyle gider
Can tenden cıkmadan gel tevbe eyle
Listen to the voice of your heart
It is complaining to your Lord (RAB)
Take your senility away with repentance
Before your soul leaves your body, come and repent

ALLAH sevgisidir ruhun gıdası
Bunu feryad eder arşın nidası
Savarmı tevbesiz gaflet yarası
Cehennem tutmadan gel tevbe eyle
The nutrition for your spirit is love of Allah
This is what is cried out loud from the Throne
Would the wound of heedlessness be cured without repentance?
Before the Fire takes you, come and repent

Nefsin derki daha zamanın çoktur
Kimsenin elinde senedi yoktur
VALLAHİ BİLLAHİ hesabın zordur
Son nefes gelmeden gel tevbe eyle
Son nefes gelmeden gel tevbe eyle gel tevbe eyle gel gel ne olursan ol yine gel kurtuluşa gel, affet yaa "RAB"
Your Nafs say you have got time
Nobody has a contract in hand
By Allah your situation is difficult
Before your last breath, come to repent.
Before your last breath, come to repent,
whoever you are come to salvation. O Lord, forgive us.

ALLAHUMME Lebbeyk ALLAHUMME innel hamde vel niğmete vel mülk La şerike leke lebbeyk La şerike lek

O my Lord, here I am at Your service, here I am. There is no partner with You, here I am. Truly the praise and the provisions are Yours, and so is the dominion and sovereignty. There is no partner with You.

Mrs Neurocentric, WS.

Hello

2008-02-16T19:44:00.002Z

I am Tim's wife and I might post something from time to time.

Me... Unplugged

2008-02-01T17:30:00.000Z

In just a moment I am going to disconnect my personal computer from the internet; I am going to unplug the network cable from the back. In the Qur'an we read that there is good and bad in alcohol, but the harm outweighs the benefit. Just now, at this moment in time, the internet is my wine. Its harm is outweighing its benefit to me.

Protestant Christians—brought up on Paul's appeal to Grace and his sustained condemnation of legalism in his letter to the Galatians—are sometimes heard lamenting the Muslim's insistence on living by the letter of the Law. Grace sets mankind free from all that, they will argue, but surely the state of the world around us bears witness to the fallacy of that view. Some people are indeed blessed with great self-restraint, but isn't our Sunnah really just being realistic about the strength of individuals and communities?

Yes, some people are just good folk. And yes, some people can become good folk with the promise of reward. But it is true too that some of us must be deterred from deeds which are harmful to us and others. In truth it is few that live by Grace; like donkeys, most of us will only respond to a carrot or a stick, or both depending on our state of mind. I appreciate this. I appreciate possessing a faith which is realistic about human nature. I appreciate possessing a faith that doesn’t simply tell me that mankind is born in sin and can do nothing about it except rejoice that a ransom has been paid on my behalf. I appreciate possessing a framework through which I might overcome what holds me back.

I sometimes feel sad that I do not have the pure, beautiful, sound heart of some of my fortunate brothers and sisters in faith. Sometimes we meet people whose whole being oozes kindness. I envy such people a lot, but I also recognise that all is not lost for me. The Sunnah, the Law, this noble framework for our lives, is a blessing for those of us who need a little more help. In our lives we sometimes deprive ourselves from certain pleasures, for which we are often derided by those around us, but we do so because we know that in the long run it is good for us. At other times we expend our efforts on tasks which we may find a burden, which we may even dislike, but we persevere nevertheless because we know that it is good for us, our family or our community.

I doubt that disconnecting myself from the internet is a prescription of our Sunnah, but depriving ourselves of that which brings harm upon us most certainly is. My first step—of promising myself not to spend too much time on the internet—failed in rather spectacular fashion. I have great self-restraint in many spheres, but this is not one of them. To unplug is my next step. If that doesn’t work, then I may just have to cancel our service altogether, although that would deprive my wife of her online training, Turkish news, video conversations with her family and www.reciter.org (she manages to obtain all the good of it). Perhaps that won’t be necessary if I can get her to hide the network cable from me—I can’t imagine this being a problem because she already does it with the cakes.

In a moment or two I am going to disconnect my personal computer from the internet, not for an hour or two, or a day. For quite some time I hope. At least until I have achieved everything I need to. I can’t say I have high hopes, for I know myself too well and I know I have been somewhere like this so many times before. But I am going to unplug the network cable now, so let’s see how I go. And God help me, and us all.

Falling

2008-01-24T06:49:00.000Z

When I moved down to Cambridge in 1995 to work as a software tester for an IT company, I encountered a programmer who said he was quitting IT, heading off to work for the National Trust instead. The new-fangled email system and nascent internet were loading too many pressures on his shoulders and he could not wait to get out, to drive a tractor or something. The world has completely changed since then—in the course of my career I have only known this always-online world—but I can appreciate his sentiments perfectly. I often wish I could just turn off and disconnect. I sometimes think I might survive those old dreams of mine to disappear into the hills to live a subsistence lifestyle.

I mentioned my current feeling about the internet to my colleagues the other day and they all looked at me somewhat stunned. I have just got myself a job as a web application developer. 'Don't you think you might have chosen the wrong career path then?' they asked me. Quite possibly.. I had just told them that I often think about cancelling my broadband internet connection, except that my wife now benefits from it greatly for staying in touch with family and friends overseas. 'Okay, put it another way,' I said, 'I use the internet all the time, and that's the problem.' It wastes my time and worse.

I remember that feeling of relief we had after we disposed of our television six years ago. I can imagine such relief returning for me personally if I unplugged from this giant network. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with television: there is good in it as well as bad. The same is true of the internet. I am not condemning it as the ultimate source of evil. I am just saying I could live better without it, I think.

Today my heart is weighing heavy in my chest and I feel like I am burning up inside, and a memory keeps on recurring in my mind's eye. A few years ago my wife and I holidayed in south Wales. One morning we were driving down hill along a private road. For a split second we freewheeled and I quickly lost control of the car. We hit a sharp rock and ripped one of the front tyres open. I managed to get the car back into gear, slow it down and regain control. But a minute on down the road, just round the bend, came a walker, rambling up the slope. I realised in that instant that I could have killed that man. The past few weeks I have been free wheeling (or free falling) just like that in my life. And now I see that walker, standing in my path. I think this pain in my chest is going to accompany me for a while now. I want to head for the hills and disappear.

Help Yourself

2008-01-14T17:00:00.000Z

The only good thing about an egotist, say some, is that they don't talk about other people, but this is not entirely true. The devoted egotist will talk about everyone in an effort to blame every ill on someone or something else. The true egotist is an expert in the art of self-pity. They will not necessarily express a high opinion of themselves, but their conduct indicates that self-regard is their dominating underlying characteristic.

Fifteen years ago I had low self-esteem to a horrendous extreme. When I started at college my personal tutor referred me to a mentor who tried her best to lift me out of my negative morass, but there was nothing anybody could do to help me because I was not prepared to help myself. Whenever my mentor suggested a solution to a problem I would dismiss it, for they were not actually obstacles, just excuses. Hearing my lamentations about my solitary existence, my mentor would remind me that I had a bicycle that could carry me far and wide, only for me to respond that I was always getting punctures; I had an answer for everything. My mentor went as far as identifying for me puncture resistant tyres, but she was wasting her time. I was not ready to help myself, preferring to wallow in self-pity, for I found it easier to blame others than to take myself to account.

I was reminded of that period of my life yesterday when I received a phone call from a friend which irritated me immensely. As soon as I had heard what he had to say, I was somehow recalling those tyres of mine and that period in my mid-teens when no solution to a problem would ever satisfy me because I refused to help myself. Thinking back to all those mostly repetitive conversations we had had over at least five years, I was suddenly reminded of a famous Qur’anic verse: "God does not change the condition of a people until..." I think we have reached that stage my mentor once arrived at after working with me for over a year: there is nothing I can do for him except pray. If a person does not want to help him/herself, no external force will have any effect.

A couple of years after I became Muslim a close friend of mine travelled 430 miles north from London to give me advice that I didn't want to hear. Over the preceding months he had witnessed my struggles in my new faith, whether in my emails or telephone calls from Scotland. One afternoon, although he had a phobia for heights, we ascended Myreton Hill rising to 387 metres above sea level in the Ochil Hills of Clackmannanshire and began to discuss what was holding me back. There came his advice for me: God had done his part in guiding me to faith. Now it was my turn to repay Him. It was not advice I wanted to hear, but I have treasured it ever since. I may have wanted sympathy at that moment in time, but what would I gain from that? Sometimes we need to receive uncomfortable advice. Sometimes we need to be pushed out of our comfort zone. Sometimes we need to be told to help ourselves. If you find that something is holding you back, look inward: "Is the obstacle actually me?"

Individual personal accountability is central to our faith. I only started making progress in life when I realised that I had to help myself and thus acted accordingly. There is no aid for one who will not help him/herself, who prefers to wallow in self-pity, blaming others rather than taking him/herself to account. This applies to individuals, communities and nations. If you want to get on in life, help yourself.

NB: This post has been edited.

Lamentations

2008-01-10T18:41:00.000Z

Although my wife often reminds me that believers do not grieve over the past nor worry for the future, I often find myself lamenting the many mistakes I made over the years of my life and the numerous opportunities that passed me by. Sometimes it looks like it might subsume me as I begin to dwell on those experiences that caused me pain or regret. A decade has passed since I set out as a student in London, but sometimes it feels as if it was just yesterday. Sometimes the wounds still feel raw. Those "poems" that some were so keen that I restore arose from a dark period of my life. It is true that light came after darkness, but trouble still followed me.

This May it will be ten years since I embraced Islam, since I embarked upon this journey, and over three thousand days have passed since then--and eighteen thousand prayers. Yet it still hurts that a person I had immense respect for--whose character had been silent dawah for me--came to view my decision to embrace Islam with suspicion and went on to warn my fellow students not to trust me. It still hurts that my landlord accused me of a serious crime after learning that I had become a Muslim. It still bothers me that my closest friends turned their backs on me.

It is seven years since I left my first job after graduation, but it still irritates me that my managers asked me if I mistreated my wife because they learned that she wears hijab. It still annoys me that my colleague sent me the harrowing surviver's account of an escape from the twin towers of the World Trade Centre shortly before they collapsed--telling me that this would help me understand.

And so I sit here often, lamenting that I did not respond, that I was polite and patient, refraining from asserting myself. I lament that my shyness prevented me from confronting them head on. I regret that things worked out the way they did.

Today, however, I am saying "Alhamdulilah"; today, however, I am grateful. On my return from a meeting this morning I tuned into Vanessa Feltz's phone-in programme on BBC Radio London, which I was able to pick up all the way until I reached the outskirts of Aylesbury, where the signal died. Amongst the topics being discussed was whether listeners would be truthful to their partners concerning the number of "lovers" they had had in the past, prompted by the case of an eighteen year old girl who claimed she had had intimate relations with at least 50 men in two years which came to light in a BBC programme entitled "Sex... With Mum and Dad". As people rang in to talk about their sex lives--or rather their past lives--I started to feel incredibly grateful.

Though things have not always gone as I wanted in life, I have to say, "Alhamdulilah". Alhamdulilah that I was this shy character. Alhamdulilah that I feared my parents. Alhamdulilah that whatever errors I made in my life, they really were of little significance. When I married my wife, she was my first, my only. Alhamdulilah. Over the preceding years many laughed at me, mocked and scoffed, but today I can say "Alhamdulilah" for I saved myself for one person absolutely, and I am not of those people who today lament, "I wish I had saved myself for you." Alhamdulilah.

Looking back, should I really lament the path that led me here? Should I be subsumed in sorrow? I know the answer now. It is as my wife frequently reminds me: believers do not grieve over the past nor worry for the future.

Alhamdulilah.

Inverted Commas

2007-11-20T07:17:00.000Z

Who is it that knows what is in the hearts except God?

Will you set yourself up as Judge? Do you claim to know what is in another's heart? Will you place my faith in Inverted Commas too if I say something with which you disagree? I refer of course to an exchange in another thread. If you're oblivious to it, you are blessed and need not trouble yourself with these words of mine. But if you are one who arrogates to him/herself the right to place another's faith in Inverted Commas, I beg second thoughts.

Is any of us perfect? Do none of us make mistakes? When we become Muslim, whether as one who adopts a new faith or one who returns to the faith of his family, we do not suddenly becomes saints. Instead we struggle, slowly slowly to bring Islam to life in our lives, making numerous mistakes along the way. When in the early days of my Islam I demanded answers to uncomfortable questions as I acclimatised to my new faith, did brothers and sisters place my faith in Inverted Commas, or did they accommodate me patiently instead? When in the early days of my Islam I continued to drag my cultural baggage along behind me, did friends abandon me, or did they offer sincere advice?

No one living in these times could deny that there are hypocrites and agent-provocateurs amongst us, but who are you to judge who those people are? Who are you to say that the one who makes mistakes is the outsider? Who are you to say that the one who has opinions different from your own is not really your brother in Islam? And why must every convert to Islam face accusation and innuendo at the hands of her/his brothers and sisters? Can you perhaps appreciate the pain your words caused, as I can for words directed at another? It is not for you to judge what is in your sister's heart. Indeed it is absolutely not for you to judge when all you know of her is tiny green text on a black screen. That is all I know of her and all I know of you.

When I became Muslim nearly a decade ago, there were those that claimed I only became Muslim because I was pressured into converting by 'fundos' (what fundos?). There were others who set out to brief their friends on why they should not trust me, why they should be suspicious of my conversion for reasons x, y and z, that my shahada was just part of a game (as if the son of a priest and nephew of missionaries would play a game of so many sacrifices like that). Yes, I have been in the shoes of our sister whose faith you place in Inverted Commas. Fortunately I had around me others who advised me when I made mistakes, who shared with me alternative points of view when I seemed stuck on my own, who supported me in times of need.

May all of us grow in wisdom. A sinner was once promised paradise simply for showing kindness to a cat. Perchance God will have mercy on us too.

The addictive grip of idleness

2007-10-31T06:58:00.000Z

I have been reflecting quite a lot recently on what Christians refer to as ‘the addictive power of sin’, for I am one of those unfortunate souls that makes mistakes and repents only to repeat them again over and over. Faced with this phenomenon, I believe it is easy to appreciate how many Christians come to conclude that there is no escape from sin except through a dramatic external intervention—even if we believe they are wrong. While we would say that their solution is an illogical extreme, given that we only recognise sin in the light of what God has defined as good and bad, there is no escaping that sense of despair when we constantly replicate the same mistake throughout the years of our lives. Muslims are, of course, reminded of the words of God, that had He created a community that would not sin and err and return in repentance, He would have removed it and replaced it with one that would, for He loves to forgive. Indeed we are reminded of the famous Hadith Qudsi in which we are promised forgiveness, no matter what we have done, so long as we return in repentance:

O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.

We are aware of so many words which give us hope, and yet the sense of despair is real, for recurring repentance for oft-repeated errors begins to feel hollow, shallow and half-hearted. It is true that I am not the worst of people, but my criteria for judging myself is not the standard set by the behaviour of others; my errors may well seem insignificant in a world of widespread bloodshed, but the Middle Way is not defined as the path between the shifting extremes of the day. We judge ourselves against a fixed standard. The earliest Christians would have been aware that all was not lost in the face of sin—even the parables recorded in the contemporary Gospel cannon make this clear—but today's discourse incessantly emphasises the need for a redeeming saviour. When I look at my own response, I see ignorance at its heart. Ignorance feeds despair, for addiction is persuasive. If we convince ourselves that our addiction is incurable—as is the Christian's theological position, even though we find that many Christians are in fact people of high moral calibre who are clearly not subsumed in sin—a sense of hopelessness is really only a natural response. In my case ignorance affects me in many ways, which at first seem quite distinct, but which are in fact all interrelated. An ignorant response to mistakes is tied to the ignorance which leads to them in the first place.

All of this carries me back towards my thoughts during my recent stay in the Black Sea, which I have wanted to write about since my return, but have been unable to articulate (I still can’t as I would like to). People in that forested valley not far from the border with Georgia generally lead happy, contented lives and are self-sufficient in many ways, but I was still struck by the hardship of many of their lives. We met widows on the sides of those valleys, and children who had lost their fathers, mothers who lost their sons. I watched as old men busied themselves chopping logs for the stove and women collected hay for their cows, each preparing for the cold winter that will draw down on them in the next few months. I witnessed much more than this, and I reflected on it in light of my own life and the way I live it. My life has always been characterised by remarkable ease—I have never experienced real hardship—and yet what can be said of the way I live it? I am lazy and often feeble, capable of telling myself that I am doing okay when I achieve nothing in weeks and weeks. What my experience in the Black Sea taught me—and this thought kept recurring in my mind throughout our stay—was that our Lord has far higher expectations of us than I have ever acknowledged, that He requires a higher standard. The great hardship I witnessed convinced me that my laziness and feebleness in the face of so much ease could not possibly be acceptable to our Creator.

So here I stand taking stock of my life, and truthfulness—not humility—confesses that there is not a lot to be proud of. I may well deny that need for a redeeming saviour, but I remain tarnished by the legacy of that tradition, for instead of striving against my laziness, my weakness, my emotional addictions, I have allowed myself to succumb to them. Jesus was sent to sinners not saints, Christians often remind us, but we recognise that this was one of the roles of our noble Prophet too: the point is that they were sent to sinners so that they might reform themselves and become the best of people. I reflected on those matters during my stay in a simpler setting in Ramadan, but what have I achieved since my return? Nothing to be proud of once more. ‘To good and evil equal bent, both a devil and a saint.’

I recognise that laziness is one of my greatest diseases, but as I said to my friend last night, most of the time I’m too lazy to do anything about it. In a world of AA for alcoholics and smoking cessation counselling for Smokers, isn’t ‘the addictive power of sin’ a rather lame excuse for idleness?

To honour a solemn oath

2007-09-07T18:45:00.000Z

You may have forgotten that the day God created our souls He took a solemn oath from us. Have a billion years passed since then? Perhaps; perhaps more. But do we abandon our promises just because time has passed us by? Or because we have forgotten them? I wish I could say I was perfect, that I am a pious believer whose heart is clean and strong. I wish I could. But instead the recurring realisation day and night, even if I do not act upon it, is that I must repent. I have so much for which I must repent, and its time is drawing near.

"Repent and ask your Lord's forgiveness before you leave this world. Before the world occupies all your time, hurry to do deeds to save yourself." {Ibn Maja}

We have been here before, but that's life, isn't it? Those recurring cycles and phases. Now is the time. And yes I will repeat these words in the future, no doubt. But now is the time. And if I return, then now will be the time again. So we repent over and over, renewing our faith week after week, driving onwards towards the inevitable event. That day when our bodies will not breathe another breath and our souls will hang there waiting - still alive, but unable to put forth any more deeds. Perhaps we will hang there in our graves for another billion years as our bodies become dust, but a day will come. How did we honour that solemn oath of ours back millenia ago?

"Repent and ask your Lord's forgiveness before you leave this world. Before the world occupies all your time, hurry to do deeds to save yourself."

Now is the time, and tomorrow will be the time, and a month from now will be the time. Every moment is now.

Divine Comedy

2007-08-13T21:54:00.000Z

If ever we needed evidence that we have no control over our own lives, it is in my garden. Last year my wife and I spent a lot of effort working on our vegetable patch, digging it over and working in the manure, all to little avail. It did not get enough light, we concluded, and so this year with advice from my brother and sister we decided to turn it into lawn, seeding it with grass while dispersing the vegetables amidst the flowers in our sunnier beds. The rather wet conditions this summer have been perfect for establishing that lawn. Zeynep did most of the work preparing the ground and making it level. A few days before she spread the seed I took it upon myself to move the compost heap, emptying its contents onto that flat ground temporarily as I relocated the bin. This may have something to do with what happened next. My wife scattered the seeds during the sunny spell we had a few weeks ago and with daily watering the grass began to sprout. And then came the rain. Over the past week the grass has really started to grow quickly and strongly, and almost the whole patch is now green. But a trip down the garden two days ago revealed a very funny sight. All over that fertile ground, amidst the shoots of grass, are a hundred little tomato plants, lettuces, cucumbers, even melons. Seeds from the rotted fruit and veg in the compost heap? Last year's seeds revived? A scattering blown by the wind? God knows best. But an autonomous vegetable patch in our lawn - yes. However we look at it, our lives remain in our Creator's hands. We may convince ourselves that we have everything under control, but the truth is quite distinct. Oh for the parables of our lives.