skouija

New Toyoda

2008-07-07T12:52:00.003-04:00

Deep Doo-Doo

2008-04-23T08:17:00.001-04:00

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brothe r crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

Overheard...

2008-04-22T19:05:00.001-04:00

So, I was at work yesterday, and I happened to walk by this guy's desk. I noticed on his computer screen that he had his personal E-mails pulled up. I asked him who he thought he was to do this on company time, and then, he told me that his daughter was sick at home, so he was checking up on her. I then punched his computer screen out, and Look him straight in the eye and said, " Who do you think I am? Jerry Lewis? I dont want to hear your sob story, so get back to work before I get you fired." He then said a few cusswords, and then, then He tried to punch me, I blocked it, then , I gave him a swift, round kick to the groin. I asked him if he wanted some more, and he came at me, again, so, I slapped him, then I hip tossed him into the nearest filing cabinent. I looked Over my should at anther worker who was standing near by, and I said...." File him under G..... for garbage." Needless to say, I was quite pleased, because now, that means there one less person in the company for people to look at. All eyes should be on me. I'm a stud.

Holy crap! It's a fight!

2008-04-07T17:14:00.003-04:00

District 7 Addy's

2008-04-04T09:25:00.002-04:00

Just found out 2 of our projects won Gold Addy's in our District. We are in District 7 which encompasses GA, TN, AL, MS and LA. Needless to say, we are pretty jacked up about it. Going to Chattanooga to accept on 4/25.

SAve Money on Your Electric Bills

2008-04-03T05:58:00.002-04:00

If your interested in saving money then please visit http://www.USDiscountEnergy.com where you can learn how to save on your current Electric and Natural Gas bills.

Three Men

2008-04-02T16:06:00.001-04:00

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a KENTUCKY GENTLEMAN are all working together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada ..'

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Kentuckian says, 'I am very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Kentuckian sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lites a cigar, smiles and says,

'Fill it with water.'

Larry LaPrise - RIP

2008-04-02T07:15:00.000-04:00

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Crossroads Cover

2008-04-02T06:44:00.000-04:00

Over a year

2008-03-10T21:43:00.000-04:00

It's been a year since I posted.

resonator

2007-06-11T20:29:00.001-04:00

Sitting Waiting Wishing

2007-01-14T13:19:00.000-05:00

Reverse?

Forward?

Lone Ranger

2006-12-11T09:18:00.000-05:00

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are
small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole tent."

Bathtub Test

2006-11-20T14:05:00.000-05:00

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Water or Beer?

2006-11-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!

However, we do not run that risk when drinking beer because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

WATER = Poop
BEER = HEALTH

Free yourself of Poop, drink BEER. It is better to drink beer and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.

No need to squat.

2006-11-14T09:58:00.000-05:00

When you gotta go, you gotta go!

A Montana Cowboy

2006-11-03T09:38:00.000-05:00

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give my back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.

"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

Mistakes

2006-10-30T17:39:00.000-05:00

"To swear off making mistakes is very easy. All you have to do is swear off having ideas."
— Leo Burnett, American advertising pioneer (1891-1971)

For speed?... Or comfort?

2006-10-14T22:35:00.000-04:00

I got a fever...and there's only one prescription.

2006-10-14T22:30:00.000-04:00

Tampon Shooter Blowgun

2006-07-30T15:42:00.000-04:00

Tampon Shooter Blowgun

Gucci Quote

2006-07-26T16:17:00.000-04:00

"The bitterness of poor quality is remembered long after the sweetness of low price has faded from memory."
Aldo Gucci - 1938

mmm...that IS a tasty burger.

2006-06-25T09:37:00.000-04:00

Beer Battered Deep Fried Bacon Double Quarter Pounder

Police and Lawyers.

2006-06-13T20:28:00.000-04:00

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" Line -- I think he'll win.

It's been a while...

2006-06-13T20:24:00.000-04:00

Business is booming and I have been traveling alot lately. Early May found me in Orlando for the McDonald's WorldWide convention. A week later I went cruising in the Caribbean. Although I had fun, the work really piled up while I was gone. A week after that I had to go to Detroit for 4 days on more McBusiness. Next week I'll have to go to Wisconsin.

I guess it's good I am staying busy. I'm not complaining, but I need a break.