Just a Northern Girl

Contagious

2009-07-13T14:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, as I stared at a pile of paper work that I needed to be done RIGHT NOW or at least before 8 am on Monday, Muffin bounced into the kitchen, hopped up on a stool, opened her “junk cabinet” and announced “Momma! I’m going to clean this out. Right now!”

After I scooped my jaw from the (dirty) floor (that I also needed to get to that day), I watched in total amazement as she took Every Single Thing from the cabinet and placed it on the kitchen counter. She then very methodically sorted through the detritus, tossing junk toys and random scraps of paper into the trash, while carefully arranging pens, pencils, glue (my GOD, we are single-handedly keeping Elmer’s in business, I swear), markers, rulers, phone books, playing cards, tablets and the like into piles. She directed me to put the pens in the re-purposed plastic coffee can, the pencils and markers in the also re-purposed flour canister, while she found places for everything else.

Who is this child? And how do I put her to work in my office without breaking any laws?

Today’s Shuffle:
“Bicycle Race” by Queen
“Underneath It All” by No Doubt
“My Favorite Mistake” by Sheryl Crow
“That’s Me” by George Strait
“Some Kind of Wonderful” by Joss Stone
“Blood” by My Chemical Romance

Put up

2009-07-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

I’ve completely emptied both of the rolling ‘catalog’ cases that I use for laptop/file transport. I’ve gone through my truck. I’ve checked every possible location I can think of – and still a document has gone missing.

Piss me off.
---
So this weekend should be horrendous. The county fair started Wednesday and I conveniently took a “business trip” to the other side of the state that very day and won’t be back until late tonight. The fair ends tomorrow and I have absolutely NO interest in going to it, despite the fact that The Boy is on the Fair Board and both kids get such a kick out of the rides, games, food and social aspects. I’m really not very helpful, supportive or cooperative when it comes to stuff I’ve come to abhor.

But now, right now, I’ll pack up my mobile office, say my goodbyes to the remaining staff, and start the long drive home…

Today’s Shuffle (Paused. Again.)

Just call me Eyeore

2009-07-08T19:21:00.000-05:00

People who know me in real life have chimed in with concern and consternation regarding the previous post, so I believe I must qualify my emotional dumping by completely ignoring it.

I kid.

But really, it has been far too long since I forced myself to write – and let me qualify that, too – forced myself to write for my own blog, which I love and enjoy – or at least I did before going all “radio silence” for so very long. I write all the damn time…email, proposals, email, directions, email, appraisals, email, to-do lists, email…but I don’t find myself enjoying it as much as sitting down, emptying the contents of my head onto the page, spell checking, posting to northerngirl.org and then walking the hell away from it.

I find recreational writing to be a mental and emotional purging for me. Must be what confession is to sinful Catholics? I’m not sure.

I’ve wandered away from that line of thought already…I’m so not going there today.

Something is off balance. Inside. I know what it is but I’m not sure I’m ready to look to better living through modern pharmaceuticals just yet. A trip to the doctor is in order, I’m sure.

Today’s Shuffle (paused, sorry)

Happy birthday, ML (yesterday). I adore you.

Night Blindness

2009-07-06T12:47:00.001-05:00

This is like starting over, except not.

Every time I feel I have hit bottom, the floor drops away and I free fall – which is an exhilarating feeling, really. You know – except for that sudden, painful stop at the end.

Is this what it feels like to be crazy? Is this what it is like to be depressed? Tell me, please, because I am not sure if I have lost my mind or if I’m just not doing something right – and maybe that is the fucking point.

I am tilting at windmills if I can’t grab a physician by the hand and point to a gaping wound on a part of my body – and say “This is broken…please fix it!” I don’t know the language. I don’t know the words to use. I’m laughing at myself because I sound so trite, so pedestrian – even in my own head when I try to describe what is going on – that I start laughing aloud, and then think I must be just going through a rough patch…see? I can still laugh. The world is not ending.

I’m slapping band-aids on emotions and hoping nothing gets infected.

But currently, I’m hiding in my office, hoping no one figures out where I am. I need to release the river of pent up posts bobbing about in the grey matter between my ears. I’m also thinking I should walk away, turn off my phone, fill my truck with gas and see how far I could drive before…what? Before I ran out of gas? Before I had to stop to sleep? But I won’t. I won’t walk away, that is. I’ll think about it, but I won’t do it. Yet.

(The glorious return of… )
Today’s Shuffle:
“Courage (For Hugh Maclennan)” by The Tragically Hip
“Last to Know” by Pink
“Hurts So Good” by John Mellencamp
“Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison
“Tequila Loves Me” by Kenny Chesney
“Haven’t Got the Right to Love You” by Josh Crowe
“Clear the Area” by Imogen Heap

New pictures on Flickr

2009-05-15T00:40:00.002-05:00

Because it has been a while.

Check the sets - especially the prom pictures when I get that far. (I'm too young to have a daughter old enough to go to her Junior Prom. Right?)

Today's Shuffle:
(Still thawing out after a brutal winter.)

Of one’s own

2009-04-01T19:59:00.003-05:00

Would you believe I had to go read my own blog just now? To see for myself how damn long it has really been since I had the courage to click “publish?”

Sad.

And no – I have not jumped jobs. Yet. Though considering how things are going, I may do just that whether I want to or not.

And also no – I have not lashed together a raft and floated to Canada on the Wild, Wild Red River. Yet. Though considering how things are going, I may do just that whether I want to or not.

Ha!

Anyway. The snow has stopped. For now. The river has started to recede. For now.

Though another crest is expected the middle of next week, I think. I feel so damn sorry for those people who live on the river. I shouldn’t – because it is a CHOICE to live there. I don’t care what you say. It is a damn CHOICE to live next to the river. But I still feel sorry for them. I do.

I cannot even imagine how awful it must be to work so hard to save your house and lose it anyway. You sandbag. You patrol levees. You run sump pumps. You pray. You shake your fist at the clouds and scream obscenities at the falling rain and snow. And still…at what point does a person just say, “Enough of this shit. I’m moving to the desert. Or to the mountains. Or to the beach. Or to a place where there is NOT a river.”

I don’t have the answer. Nevertheless, I have considered at what point during a natural disaster I would walk away from a house full of memory and possessions…what would it really take?

Not very fucking much.

I have no delusions of grandeur or hallucinations of superiority when it comes to Mother Nature. I know where I rank. One does not mess with that bitch…not even on a good day.

Let me show you how pissed off she’s been lately:

See what I mean? You just do not fuck around with Mother Nature. Getting home Monday night was tricky. Good thing I left town before it got dark.

And as a status update, I am on the road far, far away from home tonight. Beer is involved. At least tonight. Me and a six-er of Rolling Rock. Not sure how I feel about that, yet. I will be on the road again tomorrow, going even farther away from home. Not sure how I feel about that, yet, either.

But Thursday night…Thursday night’s gonna be all right.

Today’s Shuffle:
“Neon” by John Mayer
“Until We Fall Back in Love Again” by Jeff Carson
“Say, Say, Say” by Paul McCartney
“How You Remind Me” by Nickelback
“Take the Money and Run” by Steve Miller Band
“Sitting, Waiting, Wishing” by Jack Johnson
“She Moved Through the Fair” by Charlotte Church
“These Boots are Made for Walking” by Sam Phillips
“Show Me What I’m Looking For” by Carolina Liar

The urge to cry

2009-03-11T10:35:00.000-05:00

I have been in this hotel since Monday night.

The combination of being trapped here because of the weather and the overwhelming work listed on my to-do list has me fighting the urge to curl into a fetal position under the covers, run up a white flag and cry surrender.

So to fight the urge, I am doing laundry. When I left home, not planning to be gone for quite this long, I packed light and casual. I can recycle jeans and sweatshirts an extra day, but I draw a hard line when it comes to clean socks and underwear.

Also, to fight the urge, I am working my way through a giant box of Kleenex. My nose has gone rogue and taken over my ears, my eyes and the back of my throat. Throw in the lovely aura-like lights and sparkles that precede a migraine and I am a very pretty picture sitting here in my rented room. It is a good thing I am alone; the constant mouth breathing is annoying even me.

And because I just don’t have enough to do, what with work, laundry and trying my best not to get sick(-er than I already am), I’ll spend the better part of an hour procrastinating my real job by surfing around looking for a different one.

I know what you are thinking, so you do not have to tell me.

Today’s Shuffle:
“Faith in Love” by Reba McEntire & Rascal Flatts
“As Long as You’re Looking Back” by Gary Allan
“Gimme Three Steps” by Lynyrd Skynyrd
“Dancing on My Own Ground” by Lawrence Gowan
“The Boys of Summer” by Don Henley
“Tiny Little Fractures” by Snow Patrol

The morning after

2009-03-11T07:57:00.004-05:00

Same view from the hotel window.

Buried pickup. This could be interesting.

Today's Shuffle:
Still paused. Obviously.

Stranded...but not really

2009-03-10T14:43:00.004-05:00

The new truck...in a blizzard.

What I see when I look out my hotel window. Note the snowbank in the foreground. Isn't winter grand?

Today's Shuffle:
Still paused - for now.

Death by acronym

2009-03-10T05:20:00.000-05:00

What the hell? Where have I been?

I honestly can’t say. Not with any certainty. My new truck’s odometer hovers about the 4000 mile number and I wonder how far away I could be had all those miles been in one general direction instead of looping back and back on and on themselves.

(Audible sigh. Loud audible sigh.)

Work has wound itself into a snit and me with it. I can’t even begin to tell you, so I won’t.

Home has also tied me in knots, and not the kind that draw one closer, but the kind that binds. And chafes. And is generally uncomfortable.

And so it goes. Work pulling on home. Home pulling on work. Me in the middle feeling much like salt-water taffy, but not nearly so tasty or pliable. Or colorful. I am looking much like the snow that banks and drifts around corners and swirls about fence posts. Kind of grainy. And cold. And wishing for spring so I can melt, already.

Today’s Shuffle:
Paused.

Wherein I drink too much, eat too late and sleep alone

2009-02-18T00:21:00.002-06:00

I stopped at my off-sale of choice tonight, but wasn’t carded.

Strike one.

I checked into my hotel of choice (well…the best option in the small town where I’ve touched down) tonight, and asked for the desk to make me a pizza, per their advertisement. It took 90 minutes when it should have taken 20. By then, I’d managed to inhale four beers and rule out all hope of getting any work done tonight.

Strike two.

And if you paid any attention to the title of this post, you’ll know where this is going and exactly what “strike three” will be – or is. Instead of drawing you a word picture of just how pathetic the situation has become, I’m going to sit quietly in the dark, quote passages of “Henry V” and “Hamlet” to myself, and mentally splash about in the shallow end of a fragmented education:

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.

And…

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day!

And, of course…

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

And finally…

Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince:
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

Today’s Shuffle:
“Lullaby” by Charlotte Church
“Dance, Dance, Dance” by Steve Miller Band
“I Won’t Back Down” by Johnny Cash
“The Change” by Garth Brooks
“Hello Again” by The Cars
“Baby Blue Eyes” by Josh Crowe
“She Can’t Save Him” by Reba McEntire & Trisha Yearwood
“Dead!” by My Chemical Romance

When reading 'The Left Hand of Darkness' ...

2009-02-16T15:29:00.002-06:00

I drew all kinds of lines between this book and "Heart of Darkness" by Conrad. Extrapolated themes jumped planets and my brain exploded. Didn't hurt (help?) that I was drinking a lot of Southern Comfort during the reading of both works. Heh.

Come up and card me sometime, big boy

2009-02-12T23:24:00.001-06:00

So I’m on the road, working and staying in a distant but familiar town…

I leave the office where I’m visiting for the next two days and realize it is already 8 pm. I simply must procure supper and something to sip on while considering the vast implications of an overstuffed email inbox and listening to the TV in the hotel room next door. An exciting evening awaits.

I’m on autopilot…my new truck navigates to the local off-sale. I’m wearing a black dress coat over black slacks and a black sweater. Were I wearing a cape instead of a wool coat, I’d look like Death herself – insipid, vacant and pale. I wander past the Malibu rum, a light layer of dust on the bottles, my heels clicking hollow through the store; I stare, confused, at a cooler full of Corona and Miller Lite. ZZ Top’s “She’s Got Legs” plays over wall-mounted speakers.

The store is well lit, but terribly organized. Crates of wine bottles and stacked cases of beer stand randomly in the middle of what should be an aisle. Two people cannot walk past each other in the space between racks of alcohol without knocking glass bottles shattering to the institutional tiles on the floor.

I pick up a six-er and a couple of Diet Cokes. I stand in line, uncomfortable under the bright overhead lights, and behind two gentlemen buying cases of beer and bags of ice.

My turn.

“Good evening,” the kid behind the counter greets me. I half expect his voice to crack – having not completed the final test required to pass puberty.

“Hi,” I mumble, digging for my bankcard in the black hole that is my purse.

The kid rings up my purchase and pauses.

“Um. I’m going to have to ask you for an ID.”

Blink. Blink-blink. Blink.

“I think you are my new best friend…” I stammer and hand him my driver’s license.

The kid looks at my license. Then he looks at me. Looks back at the card in his hand – and I can SEE him doing the math in his head. He smiles, and hands it back to me. “That’s $11.47, please.”

After the transaction is complete and he bags my purchase, the kid looks at me and says, “Well, now the next time you come in I won’t have to card you!”

“Oh, sweetie, you can card me anytime you like.”

He grinned awkwardly. I winked at him and as I was picking up my purchase said, “Does wonders for my ego!”

It really did make my fucking day.

Today’s Shuffle:
“Your Stone Walls” by Lawrence Gowan
“Chocolate” by Snow Patrol
“St. Patrick’s Day” by John Mayer
“Shut Up and Dance” by Aerosmith
“I Will Remember You” by Sarah McLachlan
“Her Man” by Gary Allan
“Say It Isn’t So” by The Outfield
“100 Years” by Five for Fighting

The ability to breathe

2009-02-05T23:47:00.002-06:00

You know, I’m a little drunk at the moment.

I spent at least an hour soaking in the lovely, upgraded hotel room’s Jacuzzi tub and drinking Mike’s Lite Hard Lemonade (COLD. HARD. REFRESHING.), because it just tastes so damn good, and I’m thinking of all of these wonderful snips of writing, all these original thoughts I had throughout the day and planned to capture here, because that just makes my world spin these days, and all I can manage at the moment is a Huge Run-On Sentence.

I think my IQ drops about 10 points for every bottle of Mike’s I polish off. Explains a lot, I think. But then, I’m nearly wasted. So. Um. There…?

But I must tell you that after several Very Important and Life-Path Changing Conversations over the past few weeks with various individuals, my ability to breathe in a way that sustains life is slowly returning. That and drugs. Legal ones. But drugs, none-the-less. Better living through modern chemistry. Ahh, yes. How was life lived without little pills to pop, I ask you?

In other news, Banana has been asked to her Junior Prom and MyLordInHeaven the arrangements have already started. She has scheduled a hair appointment, formal pictures and by God if a “car” hasn’t already been arranged. You’d think the kid was getting married.

Think she might need a dress?

Yeah. Me too.

So Saturday, I’ve “blocked the day” for a trip to Big Town for just that very thing. I now know the track my mother’s train of thought traveled when I was asked to my prom(s):

“Jesus-H-Christ, if I shell out this kinda cash for this damn dress that will be worn one fucking time, she had better fucking go to the damn dance. So help me.”

Yeah. That’s where I’m at right now.

Oh. And just for fun, here is a snip of my conversation with Muffin tonight when I called from the road to check in with the family…

Muffin: Hi Momma!

NG: Hi baby! How’s my girly-girl.

Muffin: I’m goooood.

NG: That’s great, baby. Did you have any homework tonight?

Muffin: Yep.

NG: Did you get it done?

Muffin: Yep.

NG: You ROCK, girlfriend!

Muffin: Yeah. I know, Momma.

Today’s Shuffle:
“No Other Way” by Jack Johnson
“It’s Midnight Cinderella” by Garth Brooks
“Today’s Lonely Fool” by Tracy Lawrence
“I Wanna Drive the Zamboni” by The Zambonis
“That Old Wheel” by Johnny Cash & Hank Williams Jr.
“Like It’s a Bad Thing” by Gary Allen
“Ain’t No Woman Like You” by Trace Adkins
“Shut Your Eyes” by Snow Patrol

My fear

2009-02-04T09:31:00.001-06:00

I've always had a fear of suffocating - the feeling of "not being able to get enough air" makes me crazy.Being somehow constricted...and I lose my mind...a little.

Trucks…and what’s for dinner

2009-02-02T21:02:00.000-06:00

I was doing too many things at once.

I was…

…supervising the cooking of dinner (spaghetti and sauce)

…directing as to the location of various, seldom-used cooking apparatus (apparatuses? apparati?)

…helping Muffin with spelling homework

…re-writing legislative language in my head (NOT a good idea…especially if trying to chew gum at the same time)

…calculating monthly bills against current incomes

…fielding random and rapid-fire questions from Banana regarding “Formal Prom” protocols

…ignoring my sore back muscles (I shoveled yesterday and Oh, baby, my muscles doth protest too much methinks)

…wishing I was drunk on a beach somewhere infinitely warmer than here

…cursing my icicle feet

…and I lost my temper by yelling something about stopping all the noise and chaos – most of which was actually in my own head. I frosted that shit cake by retreating to my bathroom, locking the door and concentrating on breathing – slowly, deeply, evenly – for about 20 minutes. When I emerged, having re-established a white-knuckled death grip on my own sanity, the cacophony had quieted to a dull roar, various individuals retreated to neutral corners of the house…and now I am left to my own devices…such as kicking cats away from using my potted houseplants instead of the cat box as their personal lavatory.

And such as … well … work … which I am putting off by writing this post.

Oh. And I bought a new truck. Ford. Razor Red. A lot of bells and whistles, including Sirius Radio and the very cool Sync that lets me call “hands free.” I miss my Chevy – and I really wanted and tried to find an Avalanche – but The Boy struck a deal with the Ford salesman, and when all the dust settled, I had the keys to a Ford in my hand. Actually – The Boy had the keys to my truck in his hand and he drove it for two days while I was away for work.

Anyway…that is a story for another day. If ever.

Today’s Shuffle:
“Hello Again” by The Cars
“I Have Been Lonely” by Blake Shelton
“Who Can It Be Now?” by Men at Work
“House of Wolves” by My Chemical Romance
“Silly Love Songs” by Paul McCartney
“Tears from a Gun” by The Black Ghosts

I recommend checking out stingrays when you're in the Cayman Islands

2009-02-02T11:19:00.001-06:00

Swimming with the stingrays in Grand Cayman was something I'll never forget. What a blast. I must go back and do it again!!

Check my "flickr" page for proof...I do get out occasionally.

Bright Star

2009-01-30T00:49:00.001-06:00

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death.

~~John Keats

So I go off-line for a while, immersed in work and worry and general confusion, only to emerge from the depths of what could be considered a clinical ailment...depression, misery or something equally serious...and find friends in desperate need of consolation and help. But I am too self-absorbed, whirled in a cloud of hubris or its antonym, bewildered and lost and unable to snatch words out of the air that would explain why.

My fatal flaw is obvious to everyone but me. God help me should I admit to a true and honest self such shallowness, such blatant narcissism in my heart. I would disintegrate to dust in front of my mirror or dissolve into a muddy puddle under the pulse of my morning shower.

My heart wants what it wants, and that is all.

Today’s Shuffle:
“Drinkn’ Me Lonely” by Chris Young
“Fallen Embers” by Enya
“Anything Goes” by Randy Houser
“Time on Your Side” by Emily Jane White
“The Other Guy” by Little River Band
“Valentine’s Day” by Linkin Park

If I could tame a wild animal

2009-01-26T08:20:00.001-06:00

I've always had a strange affinity for the Cheetah. I'd rather it kept me as a pet, however, since then I'd get to live someplace warm(er).

In the depth of winter...

2009-01-20T13:16:00.002-06:00

...when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...

Today's Shuffle:
[paused]

For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge*

2009-01-15T23:30:00.001-06:00

I am exhausted.

I’m the kind of tired that aches of stress and work and too much time spent alone. Alone in a hotel room hundreds of miles away from anyone who gives a shit whether I’ve eaten something decent for supper…if my clothes are pressed and ready for a day of work on the road tomorrow…if I have my truck plugged in so it will start in the morning.

I’m the kind of tired that screams a string of obscenities inside my head. The kind of tired that will not let me sleep. This is the kind of tired that requires rum. Rum will slow the reflexes and slow my brain’s twitching. This is the kind of tired and alone with too much time to spend thinking of things that will never be that drives souls to madness. I’ve discovered a new form of mental torture, custom built just for me.

So I’m considering some options and I need to make some decisions. I’ve not thought everything through, however. Not completely. And I need to think clearly and calmly and make the right decisions. I’ve made so many bad ones. So many wrong decisions – stacked up like cords of wood on my heart. Stacked up, up and up until the weight of all my mistakes forces the air from my lungs and the panic of suffocation – real or imagined – flutters at the edge of my conscience.

Making a decision these days is like, I don’t know, how impossible is deciding to change the weather just by thinking about it?

*F.U.C.K. (I know that isn’t the true etymology of the word, but when I first saw it on Van Halen’s 1991 album, I laughed out loud in the store. Want to draw some “she must be crazy” looks from strangers? Sudden, and seemingly unwarranted, outbursts of laughter will do it every time.)

Today’s Shuffle:
“Big Yellow Peaches” by Grey DeLisle
“Jealous Enemies” by Dark Captain Light Captain
“Crackerman” by Stone Temple Pilots
“Make This Go on Forever” by Snow Patrol
“El Paso” by Marty Robbins
“Ella (Amor a Primera Vista” by Monty
“I Don’t Love You” by My Chemical Romance
“Sealegs” by The Shins

Ear worm

2009-01-14T11:03:00.002-06:00

I hate it when I get a song embedded in my head...MAKE IT STOP!

‘Cause I’ll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met to you making me cry
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

Ain't it a shame
A shame that every time you hear my name
Brought up in a casual conversation
You can't think straight
And ain't it sad
You can't forget about what we had
Take a look at her
And do you like what you see
Do you wish it was me

I'll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it's just too bad
You've already had the best days
The best days of your life

And does she know
Know about the times you used to hold me
Wrap me in your arms and how you told me
I'd be the only one
I heard about yes someone told me once when you were out
She went a little crazy ran her mouth about me
Ain't jealousy funny

‘Cause I’ll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life with me
Was a fairy tale love
I was head over heels until you threw away us
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life

I heard you’re gonna get married
Have a nice little family
Live out my dreams with someone new
But I’ve been told that a cheater is always a cheater
So I’ve got my pride and she's got you

‘Cause I’ll be there in the back of your mind
From the day we met to you making me cry
And it's just too bad you've already had the best days
The best days of your life
Of your life
Oh oh yeah
You’re gonna think of me
You’re gonna think of me in your life
Oh oh yeah

It’s a shame
It’s a shame

Today's Shuffle:
"King of the Road" by Roger Miller
"Don't Talk to Strangers" by Rick Springfield
"If" by Janet Jackson
"You Save Me" by Kenny Chesney
"Summertime" by Charlotte Church
"One Night Stand" by Enrique Iglesias
"Can't Be Good" by Blake Shelton

Frozen feet

2009-01-12T15:48:00.000-06:00

My feet are frozen. I’m exaggerating, of course, but really, I feel as if my feet have been frozen for about a month. Nothing I do seems to warm them up for very long. I spent a night away from home last week for work – at a respectable hotel all by my lonesome – and I actually donned a swimming suit and padded my way down to the hotel pool where I tried to cook myself into a tasty porridge while sitting in the whirlpool spa.

Would you like to sample the Northern Girl soup? It is on special this week!

Um – no thanks. Cold soup? In this weather? I don’t think so. Anyway, NG soup is too bitter.

I was warm – in a good way from too much Malibu rum mixed with Diet Coke – so a good soaking really helped thaw me out. It didn’t last though.

The next morning, my feet were cold again and (*sob*) I had to go outside! In the snow! And ice! And wind! To get to meetings and what-not. Brrr!

And then, the drive home. I turned up the heat in my truck and had the settings such that all the hot air would blow to the floorboards – and thus my feet (ensconced in a new pair of Columbia boots – guaranteed to keep feet warm in -30 degree (F) temperatures). FAIL!

The Boy won’t have anything to do with me, preferring instead to snuggle up with his pillow and the remote control. I’m too cold. Cold hands. Cold arms. Cold legs.

And frozen feet.

Today’s Shuffle:
“As Long as You Follow” by Fleetwood Mac
“Millionaires” by Queens of the Stone Age
“Airmail Special” by Josh Crowe
“Trying to Matter” by Gary Allan
“Meaning of Life” by Disturbed
“Set the Fire to the Third Bar” by Snow Patrol – featuring Martha Wainwright

Weather permitting

2009-01-08T18:08:00.000-06:00

When “if’s” and “but’s” are candy and nuts, it will be Christmas every fucking day.

This winter has been a real bitch…and it is gearing up for another blast of cold and snow in my part of the world. I hate winter…and it isn’t even half over yet. I comfort myself with thoughts of summer and often catch myself daydreaming…

…about lazy afternoons spent on the pontoon putting about a local lake…

…about drinking a frosty-cold adult beverage – because it is cold and I am not…

…about watching kids play with dogs on the beach…

…about air conditioners…

…about sunscreen and mosquitoes…

…about the smell of freshly mowed lawns…

…about summer sunsets viewed from the deck of my parents’ lake cottage…

…about short-sleeved shirts and comfortable shorts…

…about flip-flops and painted toenails…

I think about many things that have nothing to do with winter…and wish that right now I lived somewhere, anywhere, else.

Today’s Shuffle:
“I’m Gonna Hurt Her on the Radio” by Keith Whitley
“I’m Headed Your Way, Jose” by Chris Young
“Can’t Take It with You” by Eric Church
“Mudshovel” by Staind
“Forever and Ever, Amen” by Randy Travis
“So Far Away” by Staind
“Just ‘Cause We Can” by Julie Roberts

If-

2009-01-06T21:29:00.002-06:00

One of my very favorites. Snips of it buzzed through my head at different times today, so since that is what this blog is about - snips of the buzzing in my head - I felt compelled to share.

If-
Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

Today's Shuffle:
[paused]