Cruel Virgin

Total Zen--The Example of the Yogic/Daoist Path: Cliff Lee

2009-10-29T12:17:00.000-07:00

What He Is

What He Did

Cliff Lee lived solely in the moment, allowing no sensory or mental disturbances to detract him from his mission--to shut down the high scoring Yankees in their home stadium.

Practice Yoga. Practice Daoism. Watch the Phillies.

Man, I Need to Write Another Blog

2009-10-08T16:36:00.001-07:00

I will.

America Shows Her Ass

2009-09-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

President Obama gave a speech before Congress--no surprise there--that's what presidents do. Since the recent death of Senator Kennedy, I've been reading about the rules of conduct within Congress. Apparently, Kennedy. who was known for his womanizing, overconsumption of alcohol and unapologetic liberal views, understood that nothing gets done in the Senate without great patience and decorum. What would Kennedy have thought of this?

I have not always agreed with President Obama. I wish he would do more for gay rights; I didn't think much of his stimulus package, and there are times he leaves his spine home with Michelle. By the same token, he walked into this job, inheriting the mess of Bush and Clinton, along with elitist cronyism between the banks, the insurance companies and the so-called regulators of public office. We, the American people, have been repeated fucked over--nothing new in that, except that more of us are growing aware of the Dog Day Afternoon dilemma--it stinks to get fucked without getting a kiss first.

The moron who yelled at Obama during his speech didn't shock me. He is a representative of the idiots who follow the quitter, Palin, with her "death camps" soundbite. He symbolizes the lowlifes who compare Obama to Hitler--I would bet my paycheck that these cretins don't even know what Hitler did or what country he came from. He also is indicative of the term no one wants to mention: race. If Obama were white, would he be receiving such massive disrespect? Would controversy originate because a president encourages students to stay in school and work hard? Would endless blather over the internet occur because he allegedly checked out a woman's behind--oh, it turned out he didn't. And what if he did? Men have been checking out my behind since puberty. They do that. I also check out men's butts. Sue me. At least he isn't getting blow jobs from interns (Clinton) or having daily sex with women who were only required to have a pulse? (JFK)

I do not like everything in the health plan Obama proposes, but I like it a whole lot more than the war in Iraq, the laws against bankruptcy, electing Roberts to Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, NAFTA, Don't Ask--Don't Tell, DOMA,the bailout--we've had some barking fools in the White House and they have yet to be heckled publicly by Congress. Sorry for pulling the race card--everyone hates that, but Obama is getting more grief than other presidents because he is Black. Some whites have always feared Black men: in their minds, they commit all urban crime, they are sexually threatening, they end up in prison, they are ignorant and they should stick to playing basketball. Instead, we have a President with Ivy League credentials that he actually earned (Obama's father didn't send any generous endowments to Harvard or Columbia to ensure that all his descendants would make it into the hallowed halls). Lucky Obama: he gets to preside over an America that is showing her stupid, ugly ass for the world to laugh at.

We may have a Black president in office, but the KKK mentality is alive and well. I have heard Obama called names like Anti-Christ, but I've been spared the n word. My husband gets to hear that one in his line of work. Folks, this is getting absurd. I am aware that some people can't get past their prejudices. So if this post describes you, could you do the rest of us a favor and shut the fuck up? I plan on judging President Obama by his work, not his race. I am not afraid of Black men. You keep praying to your white Jesus, while the rest of us try to crawl out of this dying economy that WHITE PEOPLE screwed up for their greed. God, I am tired of this.

I Don't Think So!

2009-08-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

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This just sucks, pardon the pun. I took this quiz and got Boring Ass Bill. Well, I wasn't happy,(if you've read the books, you know that Bill isn't so nice) so I retook it and lied a bit. This is who I got:

Sam is cool, but I still remain dissatisfied. So I took it again and lied a bit more:

WTF? No way, even if Jason has become a lot of fun this season. One more time:

Noooooooo! That's another one I can't stand! Okay, I will be Bill, but only if he acts like the character in the books, where he was slightly badass and kinda sexy.

Why can't I be Eric?

To Team Bill fans: Alan Ball has ruined Bill on the TV show. Bill started out well, but after the seventh episode, I got really bored with his moralism. I began liking Pam a whole lot more. I get the feeling that Stephen Moyer is screaming: "Help! I've been locked up into this prison of good deeds! I'm a vampire, for God's sake! Let me wallop some hurt on those human backsides!"
Save me from this script!

To Team Eric fans: Eric is a blast in the books, and he is mighty menacing on the show. The book Eric is as funny as the Heil Hitler Obama protesters and he knows it. I think Alan Ball gave Lafayette all the good jokes and some of Eric's pizazz. Actually, Eric should make Lafayette a vampire and hire him as a bartender. Those two are the BOMB!
I may work for you, but I take care of myself!

To Sookie fans: She is a interesting person in the books, even though I would prefer the author dumping the first person narration. Is it me or is Anna Paquin just annoying? Golden Globe award or not, she is woefully miscast. Why would Eric even bother with her? Why has Bill become her seeing-eye dog? She should marry Sam and have lots of shapeshifter babies.

Jason does have some redeeming facets.

But there may be hope for Bill. He is about to talk business with the Louisiana Vampire Queen. He's going to do some real bad things down there--something that will piss Sookie off. I predict sex and blood--not necessarily in that order. Eric will save the town. Even Sam, Jason and Andy will be impressed. Hopefully, we'll see some more of Pam. And if I'm wrong, who really gives a shit? It's just a TV show.
Just you wait and I know I'm not the queen. Deal with it.

Now You Know Who You Are Dealing With

2009-08-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm too sexy for my shirt...so sexy it hurrrrts.

My Political Views
I am a far-left moderate social libertarian
Left: 7.78, Libertarian: 1.98

Political Spectrum Quiz

My Foreign Policy Views
Score: -5.17

Political Spectrum Quiz

Foreign Policy:
On the left side are pacifists and anti-war activists. On the right side are those who want a strong military that intervenes around the world. You scored: -5.17

My Culture War Stance
Score: -8.11

Political Spectrum Quiz

Where are you in the culture war-on the liberal side, or the conservative side? You scored: -8.11

Thanks to Nick for this quiz. America! Get the pitchforks and torches! I'm a friggin LIB! Oh my God! I never wanted this for myself! Neo-Cons--save me! Aren't there any of those brainwashing bootcamps for lefties out there? Shit.

Amores Perros--Michael Vick as a Philly Eagle

2009-08-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

I really blew it when I went to university and specialized in literature and languages. Instead, I should have become an American athlete. Good pay, lots of ass kissing, and when you break the law, you serve your time and get your job back. Murder, rape, extortion, drug possession, dogfighting--it's all good as long as you can work the ball and give that 110 percent. Who said America wasn't a great country?

The city of brotherly love opened up her arms to the poor, huddling mass called Michael Vick. The Eagles now have a backup quarterback who might actually be competent, so when McNabb gets injured again, we may actually win a game. But Mr. Vick brings baggage that we don't need. Let me name some possible problems up the road:

1. Mr. Vick did fulfill his jail time and now is on parole. Therefore, he is legally good to go. However, animal rights activists are calling for a total Eagle boycott. I don't think they live in Philly, and if they do, they may not understand that they are asking Eagle fans to do the equivalent of cold turkey from cocaine. This town is football!

2. Mr. Vick insists that he was wrong in his actions. He feels terrible about his cruelty to those dogs. He wishes he had thought about his responsibilities to his team, to his career and to his family. Instead, he got caught up in the adrenaline rush of shooting dogs up with steroids, throwing family pets to fight along these trained animals, killing under performing canines and making money that he really didn't need. Mr. Vick describes scenes from his life that I believe to be true--he said that he would be present at dogfights as a kid; the police would come by and leave. So as a child, he figured there wasn't anything wrong with it. However, the fact that he lied to his head coach betrays the fact that he must have known it was illegal. Has Mr. Vick truly seen the light of God from his prison cell or are we getting conned like his former coach? Is Mr. Vick remorseful from what appears to be a lifetime of dogfighting or is he just upset that he got caught?

3. If the Eagles get to the Superbowl, Mr. Vick will never have to worry about his dogfighting past. If they lose and it happens to be his mistake, he will wish he were one of the dogs he had killed. Philadelphia got a taste of victory when the Phillies won the World Series in 2008. They liked it. They will like to win the Superbowl as well. Acquiring Mr. Vick from a sports perspective is good business. But will it work? Is the newly repentant quarterback able to rise to his former football skills? For his sake, I hope so. You will miss those pit bulls, Mr.Vick, if you upset our Eagles fans!

4. Mr. Vick has promised the Humane Society that he will do outreach in the Philadelphia community to convince young men that dogfighting is not a way to test one's manhood. I do know he attended one event, but had to depart after 12 minutes. Perhaps he has done more--I don't know--I'm too busy reading about how sorry he is and that the only one he blames is himself. Very few people believe him. But if you read the above paragraph, it may not matter if the Eagles kick ass this season.

5. Even if Mr. Vick is sincere, it won't change the allure of dogfighting. The events are now conducted via webcam, special Internet invitation--even in Mack trucks during long distance drives. Imagine--there you are on the interstate, passing a semi. The driver waves hello, smiles at your kids. But in the back of his truck, dogs are ripping each other's throats out for the sake of some person's money.

In conclusion, I do believe that convicted criminals deserve a second chance, providing they have been rehabilitated. I don't know if Michael Vick has changed because of honest regret or if he just wants his career back. Ultimately, what goes around will come around, so if you are lying, Michael Vick, karma's gonna hunt you down like you once pursued those dogs. But Vick isn't the problem anymore. We live in a world where animals are used to gain illicit profit and cheap thrills. If we lose our humanity around animals, will we have any left for the two legged mammals? I wish the Eagles hadn't signed Vick. But I won't boycott the team. Instead, I just hope that we would stop fulfilling Freud's ideas that we humans are nothing more than narcissistic savages.

When The World Keeps Running Down...

2009-07-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sure this has happened to everyone. Last weekend, starting on Friday, I got hit with some unstablizing news. Saturday, I found out things about a friend that triggered some terrible memories--those unsolved stains that live like bones in the ground. Work wasn't terrible, but I'm having a lot of trouble with absent students. Then another drama hit the airwaves concerning my yoga training in which a lot of bubbling anger from our teachers suddenly manifested, leaving the students confused and hurt. All these matters remain unresolved. It has exhausted me emotionally, and I can even feel it in my body. So now you know why I haven't been around.

When life gets so bad this suddenly, I always figure that there is some reason--there is a lesson that I am supposed to learn. I resent the hell out of it as I just get tired of doing battle with life. It's summer; the weather is great--work is actually congenial--some good projects are coming along and I'm a month away from my 500 hour Yoga/Ayurveda certificate. My son is starting this fall at one of the best schools in the country--a public one to boot. There is good in the world. But this funk hasn't left me alone; exercise isn't chasing it away, friends aren't able to break through this wall, even trashy novels aren't helping, and I just don't know what to do except wait it out. Whatever I need to learn will show itself in due time.

I hate it when life pulls this on me. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. But that isn't any escape as I have these horrible nightmares. It's like a dark presence, almost tangible, that surrounds me. After a while I get too tired to fight it. It's like becoming one of the undead. And despite these photos, that has never been one of my ambitions.

Message From the Divine? I Hope So

2009-07-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

Over the past two years, I began to realize (I will lose some of you here) that higher beings can communicate with us. A year ago, I began subscribing to a free newsletter that featured messages from what some call ascended masters, others see as angels and some believe to be spirit guides. I liked reading the newsletter before I had to go off and face this cruel world as it was always loving and positive.

In March, I had a huge falling out with some people, one who I loved like a sibling. It left me lost with so many unanswered questions: Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? Why can't I make them understand...you get the drift. I even wrote to the website of this newsletter(no details, just 3 questions). A man wrote back, saying he would see if the channel would answer. As this was months ago, I forgot about it, but go figure: I got a reply. Maybe it is bogus; maybe the Divine has told me some things I needed to hear, but I wanted to share it with you. I imagine there are a lot of us out there who see sudden breakdowns in our relationships. We want to fix them, but we find out that some things either cannot be repaired or they get renewed in their own time, not in ours. It has been a hard lesson for me.

I wish these folks all the best in life. When I am tempted to feel angry and misunderstood, I just remember that I need to let go--I have no control over others, only my bad self and my big mouth. So to whomever sent these words to me, I am truly grateful.

(The questions I sent)

How does one cope when people who you love cannot understand you? They attribute motives to your behavior that just aren't true and nothing you say or do can change their opinion? Why do people see what they want to see instead of seeing what is true?

Susan (Philadelphia, PA)

(The reply)

Truth is relative. We will tell you that truth is truth and universally so, but when you are referring to those who choose to see one thing and you are, for instance displaying another, there is obviously a communication breakdown. You can only create for you. You are responsible for you and your actions only. When you are acting from your love and your intuition, that is all that is necessary. You could simply expect something different from this other person, or you could just remember that what this other person does has nothing to do with you. Some relationships are simply not in your best interest. Some relationships you still have something to learn from. Choose what you want from this one and move towards resolution for you. Use your love as a barometer. Realize that the attachment to this relationship and what this person thinks could be just that, an attachment. Forgive yourself for that which you have created that does not give you joy and wish this other being well. Use your love; you know what to do. You cannot ever change another, you can only change you. Choose, for you already know what to do. We love you and remember you are love. You just have to be reminded from time to time...

Have a safe holiday, folks! Much love--CV

Early Death in Males: What Michael Jackson Teaches Us

2009-06-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

"Dying is an art. I do it very well" - Sylvia Plath.

Many of us are reeling from the shock of Michael Jackson's death. The word on the street is that drugs had much to do with it; MJ was surrounded by enablers who gave him what he wanted, not what he needed. Michael was preparing to stage a comeback with the hopes of dancing and touring relentlessly as he did in his 20s and early 30s. Facts are not forthcoming, but it doesn't take a genius to figure that he was possibly relying on substances to help him get back into the shape to endure rigorous dance routines, singing and endless press. History will be kinder to Michael Jackson than daily life treated him. Yet his death brings out a critical question: why do so many men die between their mid 40s and early 50s? How many of those deaths are both sudden and seemingly premature? What can be done to keep these men alive?

It appears that the critical range for men lies between the ages of 44 and 52. If men survive those years, they are more apt to make it into their 70s. Women are less apt to die during those years, but that rate is growing as more females remain in the workforce, juggling career and family responsibilities. Yet their fatality rates pale next to those of middle age men: for every 10 women who die in middle age, 16 men die as well. These aren't encouraging odds.

What's going on? In one article on early male death, evolution was seen as the partial culprit. Randolph Nesse, M.D. and Daniel Kruger, Ph.D complied a study of male mortality in 11 developed countries, including the U.K., Sweden and the United States. Here is part of the article: The problem with men is evolution. To prove their virility, men engage in displays of sexual fitness: risk taking and competitive displays such as combat.... The genetic urge toward risk taking drives men to behaviors that increase their risk of death in two ways: First, men are more likely to die as a result of injuries due to risky behavior. Second, men are more likely to die of diseases brought about by risk-taking behavior such as smoking, drinking, and poor diet.And there's a third way men die more often than women: by suicide.

Another factor is marriage. Happily married men can hope to add 5 years to their life span. However, with our current divorce rate, it can be assumed that many men are not enjoying married life. Divorce is a terrible source of stress, and it gets worse when the ex-wife is ... perhaps less charitable toward her former spouse, even if she feels justified. Many states have divorce laws rigged so that the male pays out big dollars in child support and alimony, leaving them on the verge of poverty. I've even seen ex-wives go after husbands for alimony when no children were involved. As men are less apt to express their thoughts, these emotions churn and wreck havoc on their body.

Men also eat way too much meat; they neglect calming exercises like yoga and Tai Chi, and prefer aggressive sports or the famous couch and chips routine. How many of you know men who eat 3 meals a day with red meat? How many prefer to watch the Eagles instead of playing football themselves? How many come home from a job they hate in order to support a family that makes them feel alienated? What do they do--grab a beer or meditate?

Michael Jackson's death has done more than make me sad; it has pissed me off. It is unfair that he is dead. It is more unfair that men are dying when they have barely gotten a chance to enjoy life. I've seen this far too often. Yes, some men are real jerks; women have to protect themselves against these predators, but many men are just trying to get by like anyone else. I'm sick of seeing men like Michael Jackson die prematurely. I think this should be a wake up call to both men and women: Men--quit bottling up that emotional poison and seek out healthy ways to express your torment. Women: stop expecting your man to be Sir Lancelot and accept him for who he is instead of punishing him because he got voted off the Prince Charming show. Let's show support, not grudges and anger.

My Ears Are Burning!

2009-06-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

My apologies for my blogging absense both here and at your blogs. I came down with an ear infection last week that morphed into something quite horrid. I will spare you the gory details, but I'm on two antibiotics and ...well, you don't want to know the rest. I feel pretty sapped when it comes to basic vitality, so bear with me, my buddies. So much is going on in the world--Obama's speech in Cairo, Adam's defeat at American Idol, a new foreclosure every 15 minutes, my cat is turning 1 year old...life just gets so--interesting. I can't wait to participate in it again. Until then, I send all praise to the Bunnylord (sorry, Grant, too tired to link) for blessing me with Fluffykins as I claw my way to health.

Toodles!

Am I Responsible for What They Think?

2009-05-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

Am I responsible for the thoughts of others? I don't know. If I did something to hurt them, I am obliged to make amends as best as I can. After that, I don't think there is much I can do.

Why am I writing this? Well, I got an email this morning that dealt with this very topic; it concluded with " you are not responsible for other people's stuff. It's not about you; it's about them and their inner fears."

I know this was intended to make me feel better. But it didn't: it brought home to me that there are people, too many people, who see me as something I am not. My very existence is a threat. I understand the why of it all, but I don't know how to let go of my own concern: am I to blame for this even though I couldn't control the events? Even if I am a catalyst and not the cause, why can't I just say: fuck them?

So much has happened over the past few years--I don't even know what is truth anymore. My whole concept of reality has changed. I cannot trust people who once saw me as a friend; does that also mean that my enemies are my friends in disguise? Why is everything so mixed up?

I'm learning that I have little control over others, including their perceptions. I can plead my innocence or admit my guilt and it makes no difference: they will think what they choose. So I must choose to let go.

Everyone tells me: be grateful--there is so much good in the world. You have a lot to give. Life is such a great thing, and it all just ends so fast. How can I deny that? This is where feelings are deceptive: when I get emails like these, well-intended or not, I just feel like crap. Yet my life is not determined by what I feel, but by what I know and what I choose to do with this information. Or is it? WTF?

People Can Be Pretty Damn Mean

2009-05-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

Well, we're all human, so we can only strive for perfection. But why are some people deliberately cruel to others? What's the catch?

I could tell you what prompted this, but it really isn't very interesting. But it reminded me that I live in a world where people choose meanness far too often. I'm not talking about a slip of the tongue, a temper tantrum, a flash of selfishness. There are folks who just like to see others suffer; their day is only complete when someone else has been left miserable by their behavior.

Are we born to be evil? I don't think so--I believe we all have a spark--some call it God, some call it Jiva, some call it Spirit, some call it the I AM--heck, call it Pete for all I care--we are meant to do good in this world. We have a path filled with landmines called choices. Should I make the extra effort and call that friend who is having a hard time? Should I ignore their pain because I honestly don't get it and I can't be bothered? Do they remind me of something I need to forget? Well, screw 'em--I only got this life and darn it: I'm going to do what I want with it and to hell with the rest. A lot of us fall into that pattern, but if we have any decency, we apologize or at least feel some regret when we know we've gone too far.

But there are others--they like to hurt people. It's fun. It gives them a sense of power. These folks map out their day looking for ways to cause pain. Are they so weak inside that their strength comes from external degredation? Has one mastered Assertive Training 101 by humiliating another who means no harm? These predators smell innocence a mile away and do whatever they can to ruin any sense of joy or security; we've all seen them, and some of us have experienced their dirty tricks. God, I'm tired of it.

Me, I'm trying to bring myself to a better place in which I can look in the mirror and say: "Look, inner asshole, you will not win today. I will not harm another. I will not give into my rage. I will not blame someone else for my own pain. I will not judge my neighbor because he can't get his shit together. I don't know the burdens others carry. I will not build false scenarios in my head about what they must be thinking. Other people are not my problem. I am my biggest problem."

I'm so tired of this rotten world, but I'm not giving up. All change must begin with me, not President Obama or some tired cliche. If others choose to remain in darkness, I will light a candle and clutch my way out. If I can bring a few with me, then my life isn't a total waste. But God, today I can really feel the presence of evil all around me. Yes, it is so banal, but it is also lethal. Can't we learn to choose good? Please?

Another Mother's Day

2009-05-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

I used to like this holiday. My mother loved all the adoration, but what she really treasured was our appreciation that all 4 of us shared for her. She was a great mom. I admit to conflicts, but she always forgave my insensitivity, and I loved her for her generous heart--not only toward me, but to the world. She volunteered to drive the elderly to various destinations; she worked in homeless kitchens; she gave generously to humanitarian organizations. She was active, extroverted and dramatic, but her greatest gift was her love for people. Anyone who met her felt that they were the most important person in the world to her. She could warm anyone's heart. I never met anyone who disliked my mother.

She's been dead for nine years, and it still feels like it happened last week. She died two days after Mother's Day; I still remember us giving her presents, knowing that we would not have this day with her again. It seemed as though we were at some sacred temple making an offering to the Divine. It is one of my most cherished and heartbreaking memories: I watched my brother hold back his tears as he showed her a fountain he bought her for relaxation--we set it up for her. My sister bought her a CD player along with CDs by a woman named Kate Price--beautiful music that neither of us can bear to hear nowadays. I gave her a music box that played the theme from Romeo and Juliet, etched with drawings of that lovelorn Romeo singing to his beloved Juliet--I still have it in my bedroom, and it will go to my son when I pass on. My other sister just couldn't deal with it and flew home; I've always resented her for that as I found it selfish, but maybe she was just protecting what was left. My mother's death meant that we were no longer whole; we weren't a family. We are now a group of siblings that really don't know what to say to each other anymore.

Today my husband came in to tell me that Mother's Day would be a muted affair, as he has been semi-employed and cannot afford to take me out or buy me gifts. I told him that I didn't care; I didn't expect anything. My greatest gift is watching our son grow into a man, a good man--kind, intelligent, sensitive and tough. I can talk with my son for hours. We read books together. We go to movies. He knows when he has hurt my feelings and he apologizes without any prompting. He is my greatest gift. So who needs presents, and who needs to go into debt with our economy calling all the shots? Hallmark: screw you.

For years after my mother's death, I used Mother's Day as a day to sleep in. I just tuned the whole world out. I didn't want gifts, and I didn't want anyone to remember it. Now I realize that it is important that those who see me as a mother get their chance to show me acceptance. They need those memories. My grief was selfish. I hope I can get through tomorrow, focusing on how much I love to be a mother, instead of remembering the one I lost so suddenly. And I know my mom will be with me, helping me to see grace in the world instead of sadness and decay.

Feeling Lucky, Punk?

2009-04-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I choose to depress myself with the latest crime statistics in the United States. Violent crime has allegedly decreased via the national average, yet it is growing in certain cities. Here is the new and improved list of America's most dangerous cities:

1. Detroit, Michigan ( your thoughts, Walking Man?)

2. Memphis, Tennessee

3. Miami, Florida

4. Las Vegas, Nevada

5. Stockton, California

6. Orlando, Florida (that one surprised me)

7. Little Rock, Arkansas (that one shocked me--whoa, isn't that Hucklebee's turf?)

8. Charleston, South Carolina

9. Nashville, Tennessee

10. Baltimore, Maryland ( People of the Sun--any thoughts?)

11. New Orleans, Louisiana

12. Baton Rouge, Louisiana

13. West Palm Beach, Florida (if I lived in Florida, I would be highly pissed)

14. Charlotte, North Carolina

15. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ( I'm so proud to be in such esteemed company.)

The study examined the frequency of crime per 100,000 inhabitants--for example, Detroit can boast of 1200 violent crimes per 100,000 citizens, even though the overall population is 1, 951, 186. Compare that to Philadelphia, a city flush with 3,880, 695 suckers with a violent crime rate of 709 per 100,000. Then to make it even more interesting, look at Baton Rouge--770,283 inhabitants/728 victims of violent crime. Little Rock is even better--659,776 citizens/831 victims. Wow!

The study defines violent crime as murder, non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery and aggravated assault. The majority of these cities have connections to the Mexican drug trade; some of these cities (Las Vegas, Detroit, Philadelphia, Nashville) have also seen a rise in foreclosures along with increasing unemployment. The gang activity in cities like Detroit, Miami, Memphis, Baltimore and Philadelphia has deep ties to the drug cartel, whereas cities like Charlotte and Little Rock are relatively new to organized crime. The population in Florida is growing, while the other cities decrease; Philadelphia loses one out of every 4 college graduate to another city; many of them go to Boston. Baltimore is home to John Hopkins University, but the majority of students are not native to the city, so they do not build roots in the community.

Since I live in Philly, I can't say I was surprised. Most of my friends are either losing their jobs, having salary freezes, or surviving on two to three part time jobs. The housing market is stagnant; many people are barely hanging on to their one home; a great number are those who took out second and third mortgages to invest in real estate or pay off credit debts. My husband's boss hasn't been able to land a contract in 6 weeks, so my husband is now unemployed, scrambling here and there to find odd jobs to keep us in grocery and gas money. My salary remains frozen, but I am grateful to be working.

These statistics make me furious. I know what is going on. We have a subterranean drug economy, booming from necessity to desire. City budgets are stripped to the bone, putting fewer police on the street.The military is enjoying a resurgence in enlistment; no one wants to die in Afghanistan, but unemployment makes people play the lottery or sign up for dumb wars. Here in Philly, the police have learned when to intervene in a crime and when to stay away--North Philadelphia is crime ridden, but police maintain a much lower presence there than in Center City, where there is major retail and tourism. This is another reason people are stockpiling weapons.

As usual, I am appalled to live in a country that cares more about foreign aid to rogue governments than taking care of the citizens who earn that money. I've been a victim of violent crime, and I bet some of you have dealt with similar experiences. It just makes me crazy to think that more people are going to have to suffer the consequences of bad government and human greed.

Thought I'd Share This

2009-04-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

Even though my external life is more of the same, my inner life just seems to be exploding. I spent the weekend studying color and gem therapy with a renowned expert through my yoga program. I felt like a sponge just absorbing every detail. The teacher even reminded of myself when I am in front of my students: if anyone looked bored, she'd say "Am I ruining your daydream?" or if anyone seemed restless, she'd tell them: " You alright? Do you need to take a pee or just move around?" I loved watching her. And I was filled with questions. Later on, my primary instructor came up to me and said: "my goodness, you were just completing her sentences!" I figured he was coming to tell me to shut up, but he was very happy.

I've been working with different prayers to set myself aright in the recent downturn of events. Some are blessings that I attend--I will write on those sessions eventually as they are very powerful. But there is another that a friend shared with me last year; I forgot about it, then I came across the book on Saturday. It was odd as I was studying colors as a vehicle to spiritual realization. Wouldn't you know that this prayer is called "The Violet Flame"? It has many facets, but I'd like to share this part of it:

I am the Violet Flame,
in action in me now
I am the Violet Flame,
To Light alone I bow,
I am the Violet Flame,
In mighty cosmic power,
I am the Light of God,
Shining every hour,
I am the Violet Flame,
Blazing like a sun,
I am God's sacred power
Freeing everyone.

Try saying this 3 times for a week and see if life gets better. It is non-denominational, so Grant, my Satanist friend, don't worry that the Christians are chasing you down! I just started yesterday, so not much has changed, but it feels good--like an affirmation. Instead of saying, I am a worthless piece of shit, it's nice to think a bit on the positive side.

Anyway, better blogs are coming soon. The semester is upon me: I must grade and soothe my students who still haven't learned that life is bigger than an A-. Gosh, I remember those days; I sure don't miss them.

Religious Holidays

2009-04-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

I always have a hard time with religious holidays. I don't think they are dated correctly, so my finite mind always wonders if Jesus died on April 10th, or did the Israelites blow off Pharaoh on April 8th, or did the Maccabees light the oil whenever the holiday falls in the winter. And heck, we all know that Jesus wasn't born on December 25th--is that why Christmas is all about the Benjamins? So I stick with the equinox, the summer and winter solstice and my son's birthday as I think those are relatively accurate historically.

But to those that are able to suspend disbelief for honest faith, I wish you all a happy holiday season. Me, I will wait for the half-off sale of chocolate bunnies--the solid ones! Now here's the real question: do you bunny eaters start with the ears or the behind? The answer tells us all about your true nature!

New Template in Progress

2009-04-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

I figured it was time I listened to SJ and changed my classic template. So I will slowly be working on it until I am ready to post again. I will make more visits to y'all in blogland. Life is great and so are you. Please be patient while this site and the author undergo construction. Tea party at my house on April 15th--say no to bailout of TOXIC ASSETS! WTF?

You Get Older and Blame Turns to Shame: I'm Sorry

2009-03-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

✿~ Sorry people .., ✿~.

Bless you for your sorrow
For it is a sign of vulnerability.
Share not with your family, direct not to yourself.
Transform the energy to sympathy
And it will bring you love. Koh Chang, Thailand

Guys, I have to stop blogging for a while. Everything I'm doing recently seems to be hurting people I don't want to hurt. I can't seem to make a move without it blowing up into something that is so awful. I have to stay away from cyberspace. I've deleted some accounts and others, like this blog, I will leave dormant. When I can return, I will. But don't hold your breath. To those I hurt, I hope you can one day forgive me as I have done nothing with a malicious heart, only a sad and repentant one. I know I fucked up.

For all the rest, I wish you well and please know I have always loved you all.

Smack My Bitch Up: Keeping Grant Happy

2009-02-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Grant,

I've been deficient in responding to your meme questions. You asked me 5 questions: two I've forgotten, and I'm too lazy to find them. You asked me who is the hottest Asian woman in the world? I did two other questions prior to this post, so I hope this post satisfies our agreement. The title of this post may offend some--I doubt you will be one of them; however, I neatly enclosed a link of what my title means in urban lore. I've been called a bitch more than I would like to admit; maybe someone dared to do the same to you -(in boot camp, perhaps?) So let's smack this bitch up so that I can move onto what I do best--bitching my ass off.

Your question: who is the hottest Asian woman? First, let's discuss the word "hot". I assume you mean Asian women who make me think about sex--what it looks like, doing it, doing it again, getting into the nasty---is that what you mean? Grant, there are many beautiful Asian women out there; men are not beautiful for the most part, but alas, to me, they are hot. I don't think about sex with women. I think it's fine that you do--I understand sexual orientation all too well. I wanted to be a lesbian. Even though men affect my animal instincts, you all aren't always very nice people. I remember my dating days: those guys who said they would call, but they never did. I had a boyfriend who broke up with me simply by cutting me dead--he wouldn't sit next to me in class; he wouldn't talk to me if we were on the same train. The dude was a coward, so I called him and said: "If you want to break up with me, fine, but could you please earn that penis God gave you and tell me, you fucking coward?" He began to explain why we weren't going to make it; he didn't want to hurt me, but....stupid twit, I hung up on his ass in mid-sentence.

Beautiful women don't intimidate me or make me feel bad about myself. Often my husband and I will watch a film and I'll say: "I really think that woman is pretty; what do you think?" He found that difficult to handle initially; he wondered if I was bisexual; he never knew a woman who would point out to him that other women looked good. He questioned my motives.He wondered if I wanted a three-way. Finally it dawned on him that there was no need to worry; I was just observing. I didn't even care if he found them hot and fantasized about them while having sex with his wife. I'm not into mind control. I just say what I think, and if men have a problem with that, we simply will not get along. I know there are women out there who will date any man as long as he has a pulse, but I've learned that being alone is far better than getting involved with a moron.

Some men think we women can be cruel. I'm sorry about that--I apologize for my gender who don't treat decent males with the respect they deserve. However, my inner female often senses that a lot of men dislike me to the point that they want to hurt me--they want to beat me into a pulp and make me pay for every shitty thing that happened to them. Perhaps some women feel the same about men, but you males are far stronger, you can be downright bloodthirsty, and that testosterone business get make you all get so crazy. So I have learned to defend myself. Recently a man appeared in my house; I did not know him so I pulled a knife on him. It turned out he was there to do some work, but I had not been informed, so I jumped to the worst conclusion. Don't worry, Grant--I didn't cut his penis off. In fact, he just walked right by me, oblivious to his possible doom. I don't hate men. I just don't like it when they come into my house unannounced--particularly if they are strangers.

But I haven't really answered your question. So I decided to ask my husband: is there an Asian woman that is really hot? He thought a moment and named a newscaster from Chicago, but then he added: "She isn't really hot. She's just very beautiful." I guess my energy is rubbing off on him.

Anyway, hope we are even now. You know I think you are...a great guy for a Satanist.

Sorry, Sean Penn--You Kick Ass, But Mickey Rourke is God

2009-02-23T07:09:00.000-08:00

I've had a bad case of pneumonia for 10 days--I have been online for extremely limited qualities, and generally to cover my work site. So I have no idea what is going on except that Bibi is the prime minister of Israel, the stimulus package passed (not happy and President Obama has received letters about my displeasure) and it's been very windy outside.

I have already drafted my post for Grant's answer 3; he had better love it. But right now I wish to say the following on what I read this morning:

1. Glad Slumdog Millionare won even though I have seen NONE of the movies nominated for the Oscar. Other than Milk, I don't even remember or care.

2. Glad Kate Winslett won and it's about time.

3. No Leo--always a good thing.

4. I hate watching the Oscars, but if I hadn't been sick, I may have seen it just for Hugh Jackman. Cool, very cool.

5. Of course Heath Ledger won and it isn't because he is dead. He rocked!(So did Robert D. Jr., but the nomination was good enough.) Shame on the Academy for ignoring Dark Knight, which I did see and too bad if it disturbed their delicate sensibilities. Didn't The Silence of the Lambs win once? So Dark Knight is a tad TOO DARK? Not enough mangled bodies eaten by Hannibal? Dark Knight forever!

6. I didn't see the Penelope Cruz movie, but I've seen her in Volver, in which she should have won. Guys, she may be hot, but the woman can act. Good move, Oscar, but give her a few more.

7. Finally: I am a huge Sean Penn fan, and I can list all the movies he should have won the Oscar for and didn't. I heard he was great in Milk. Sean Penn can win every Oscar he wants for the rest of his life, but Mickey Rourke deserved it. Mickey Rourke probably didn't expect it, but I don't care: he is badass, he has gone through so much bullshit and he can act--ignore those cheesy movies he did for drug money--the guy is good. Sin City anyone? He WAS THE MOVIE! Mickey Rourke can walk into some Hollywood dinner, and all the executives will be hiding under their dinner tables, SHAKING IN THE PRESENCE OF HIS ROURKENESS!More soon.

If I'm slow about comments, please forgive me. Next year: pneumonia vaccine. Love you all. And yes, Grant, I have given your question much thought; I'm sorry I'm heterosexual, but I do have positive feedback on female beauty. Men just rock my world!

Cruel Virgin--Where the Hell Are You, Girl?

2009-02-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

Even Sith Lords get the Blues

I do apologize as I know I have been AWOL in a big way. Not only did I cease to blog, but I stopped visiting your sites as well. Please do not think it was a personal statement on my part.

There have been a few things going on, and I just withdrew from almost everything. It may still be ongoing--let me explain a bit:

1. I came down with food poisoning that turned into an intestinal infection. I'm still not over it.

2. My recent illness did something strange to me; it made me incredibly sensitive to psychic energy. I couldn't be around people as I didn't know how to turn off all the vibrations that were coming my way. Either you believe this stuff or you don't, but even my husband, who thinks auras and psychic attunement is bunk, noticed the change. I'm sure there was a physiological component, but the result was that I felt overwhelmed.

3. I began the semester, which is always a busy time, with the additional burden of preparing this Kafkaesque portfolio--a summary of my teaching per year. I had to base all of it on one semester as we recently switched curriculum. I resented it in a big way as my superiors will be judging my work based on my inexperience, not my strength. Layoffs and wage freezes are rampant at work. One of my colleagues called it "that fucking portfolio." I've known him for 5 years and it was the first time I heard him curse. He wondered if anyone would read them. It is an insult to put time into work that may not even be acknowledged, much less recognized--pushing paper and killing trees for the sake of the institution.

4. I cannot stress enough how much the war in Gaza upset me. It has changed me into an activist for peace in the middle east. If I have a free moment, I give it to the Gaza/Israeli conflict. The war opened my eyes in a big way, and it forced me to look at the world anew. I keep it out of the workplace where it doesn't belong. But it has affected my personal life--I've made new friends and lost old ones. I've been called names that range from traitor to Arab lover. Those terms alone say more about those who criticize me--why call me a traitor; I've broken no laws. And if I am a traitor, who am I betraying? Israel? Must my words match my tax dollars? I hated the bailout, yet I still pay taxes so that Wall Street can get their bonuses. Must I support Israel no matter what? Why? Do I betray America if I don't? Do I betray Jews, many who protest this war, both in America, Europe and yes, in Israel?

As for loving Arabs, well, so what if I do? Aren't we called to love everybody, as hard as that may be? If I follow the logic of the so-called insult, loving Arabs means I hate someone else. Perhaps if I love Arabs, I am unnatural. By loving Arabs, I must be doing something really sick--maybe I have sex with sheep and horses. If people want to insult me, can they please come up with something a bit more intelligent so that I might actually take offense instead of laughing--my general reaction to these names.

5. I am seeing friends laid off from work. Some are down to two-day work weeks. My husband has lost so much work that he is willing to do anything, providing it is honest. I don't expect much from Obama because he cannot change the tide, only block a few holes in the dam. I respect that he is trying, but the stimulus plan smells of bailout--I've read it and I don't see how it will do much for us. But why should we expect government to help us, when they helped to create this mess by enabling greed in the private sector, getting us in two fruitless wars, supporting trade agreements that outsource jobs and giving foreign aide to countries of dubious ethics?

So that's where I am at. I will try to be more present in your lives as I value the community this blog has brought to me. Namaste.

OK Computer

2009-01-19T10:26:00.000-08:00

I know. Israel and Hamas have allowed for a cease-fire. So technically I can blog again--of course, I don't believe Israel is content with the minimal damage it did to Gaza--oops Hamas; Israel did its best to keep civilians out of danger, so they minimized causalties to 40 percent civilian deaths--such restraint. I fully expect another invasion once Israel figures out Obama's pulse and gets their elections over with. Hamas is still alive and kicking; I think they will play ball for a while and keep those rockets in whichever building hasn't been bombed into the stone age. I'm betting my cat's new toy that they will do something to piss Israel off. But I'm not blogging about Gaza--sorry.

Yeppers, Obama is moving into the White House; yes, it is a big deal--I hope Bush's reflexes fail him when the door slams on his behind. Eight years--good riddance to bad rubbish. But I'm not writing about Obama--sorry.

So what's up in the Cruel Virgin's memory banks? Well, I'm thinking about something I learned over the weekend from the Yoga Sutras. It goes like this: The causes of man's sufferings are ignorance, egoism, attachment, aversion and the desire to cling to life.

What is ignorance? Some may call it a lack of knowledge. I will go further to say that it is a determination to ignore knowledge and I don't mean books; I mean truth. And what is truth? The minute we ask that, we cease to be ignorant.

Egoism? Well, we all care about ourselves and yet we don't. We think in terms of our immediate needs, yet we self sabotage our happiness through hatred of who we are. We don't like ourselves, yet we always promote our great accomplishments, which generally are not much at all. So how does one stop with egoism? Self-acceptance, perhaps. When we come to terms with who we are, then it becomes easier to forgive others for what they are not.

Attachment: if your house suddenly went ablaze, what would you grab before jumping out the window? Would you search for your Ipod? Would you heave your laptop and flash drives? Would you take that new outfit you bought because you really needed it? I imagine that the thing or person or animal you take is the real source of your attachment. Is that bad? Well, what happens when you lose it? Think of all those billionaires who have either committed suicide or are planning it because of the economy. We know their treasure. What is yours? What makes life endurable for you? Can you get rid of it and still consider going on? Tough one.

Aversion: could that be stuff we just don't like? I think of when I was pregnant: I couldn't deal with chicken. I don't just mean eating it; I couldn't bear to look at it. All I saw was naked flesh, flayed and unnatural. I vomited at the sight of chicken. I was told that I had developed an aversion. So what do you hate? What makes you sick? Could you turn around and embrace it? See--this is why seeking truth is such a bitch.

The desire to cling to life--isn't that a good thing? We are prone to survive. Why should we seek death? There are hospitals and drugs for people who confess to suicide ideation. But what if death isn't so bad? We live for the time allotted to us and then when death comes, we just move on. We cling to life because it is all we know. How many people stay in jobs with Darth Vader bosses because they fear they may get something worse when they leave? How many stay with a shit spouse because it is better than being alone? How many of us can't accept that we are going to die? It makes me think of giving birth--I couldn't believe when I was pregnant that I would have to endure labor. Ah man, can't I skip that part? It hurts! But when it happened, it happened. It wasn't pleasant; I don't recommend it for recreation, but my fear was far worse than the actual experience.

Anyway, I had better get back to Grant's questions. Toodles!

I Haven't Been Writing Blogs

2009-01-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

Bad me! I do apologize for my lack of response to comments here--I've restricted myself to commenting at other pages, not as much as I would like, but enough to let people know I care about what they think.

Since the ground invasion of Gaza, I haven't been able to write. I have already written one blog expressing my views on the war. I don't wish to repeat myself. But I now am faced with factors that make the situation almost beyond rational comprehension, and I wish to watch and observe before saying more.

I will say this: this war scares me. It is not a conflict isolated in the Mid-East; it calls for the world to make a stand, be it in support of Israel's choice, solidarity with civilians in Gaza, rejection of Hamas or even identification with Hamas. It also makes me wonder how bad it will get. Palestinians may loathe Hamas, but they will not see the Israeli army as saviors. Egypt has behaved despicably, refusing to help innocent civilians because they fear Hamas will influence fundamental Islam in their country. Hamas painted itself in a corner with rhetoric and rockets. And now Lebanon is firing rockets from God knows what source. What is next?

I have my work to do and my family to care for, but all I see is Gaza--the death, the hospitals overrun, the lack of comforts I take for granted--heat, shelter, quiet. I think of Israeli soldiers doing the bidding of an angry government: some do it with intention, others as obligation, but it doesn't change the fact that Israel's decision has disrupted lives--I fear for any soldier that is caught by Hamas. Israel is not America; the soldiers are drafted--they do not choose to serve. Yet they are hardly victims as they have weapons that no other nation in the Mid-East possesses, and they are using them on people who cannot fight on equal terms. But soldiers don't choose war, just as the Palestinian people did not choose for Hamas to ruin their lives--Hamas won because the Palestinians wanted a better way, and it was denied them. Governments make decisions and it is the inconsequential citizens that bear the brunt of their errors.

In Gaza, we see a failure of government, but it doesn't make me feel more secure about mine. We Americans have been betrayed more than once--the bailout only made it obvious, and now Obama wants to stimulate the economy--with what? Where is he going to get the trillions of dollars to get us out of this oncoming DEPRESSION--fuck that word recession. How many of you feel like handing the government more of your money?

So this is where I am at. I will be around, but I shall not write blogs until Israel and Gaza find an accord. I just can't.

2008: A Pause to Reflect on Another Great Year

2009-01-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am stealing this from K9. Grant, I must pause in our interview to hand out the Cruel Virgin awards of 2008. K9 and I don't always agree, but we share the same heart.

One Fine CD: Beck--Modern Guilt

Movie of the Year: The Dark Knight.

Big Disappointment: Quantam of Solace (stupid name too)

Who Gives a Shit?: Madonna, A-Rod and Guy what's his name.

Hurry Up and End--The Elections. RIP.

Hateful Politician that You Cannot Help but Admire for Sheer Balls: Blago

Why Blago is Becoming a Badass: He picked Roland Burris for the Senate seat.

Chump Award: Roland Burris for agreeing to Blago's request. How much did it cost him?

I'm Really Tired of this Person: Jennifer Aniston

I'm Really Tired of this Couple: Bragelina

Spare me: Britney Spear's comeback.

Good Song: "Green Light" by John Legend

Mainstream Porn: Lindsay Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson. How many guys have found secret videos online?

I GIVE UP!: Trying to discuss the Gaza crisis with anyone. If we can't even talk about it, I can't even imagine Hamas and Israel agreeing to share chocolate cake.

Don't Get Your Hopes Up: President-elect Obama

Kiss Me When I am Getting F*&^ed: The Bailout

Biggest Non-Issue to Keep Us Away from the Important Stuff: Gay Marriage

Most Endangered Species: Children

Badass: Gregory House

King of all Badasses: The Journalist who threw a size 10 pair at Bush

Queen of all Badasses: Eartha Kitt

Speaking of Pairs, Who needs to Go Shopping for One--Congress

One Unsupported Group: American Soldiers

You Scare Me: American Parents, Honorable Mention (inspired by Grant's comment:) Those who know THE TRUTH and shove it down our throats without a tequila chaser

What We Needed to Do in 2008: Secede from the United States

Greatness: The Philadelphia Phillies

A Great Loss: Paul Newman

Another Great Loss: Heath Ledger

Don't Let the Door Hit Your Better Half: Alan Greenspan

Idiot: John Edwards

Good TV Show that now sucks: Lost
Cool Actor that needs to move on: Matthew Fox of Lost--He could become the next George Clooney

Gone and No One Noticed: A Decent College Education

From Difficult to Impossible: Paying for that College Education

Necessary Knowledge for 2009, based on 2008: Martial Arts

You Make Me Sick: People who call this a recession because they can't afford their second home in Maui.

The Only Place to Get Away from the Sarah Palin Hype: Antartica

Ruling Emotion of 2008: Anger. Runner up: Disgust.

The Emotion That Bit the Dust: Compassion

Something That Really Pissed Me Off: Changing the Harry Potter movie debut from 2008 to July 2009.

Most Empowered Dark Lord: Satan, runner-up: George Lucas

Let's See If They Are Right: Those Who Believe the Apocalypse is at our Doorstep

The Habit I Didn't Quit in 2008: Blogging

Lesson from 2008: Don't Trust Any Government that Pretends it Cares about You

Question 2: Who Belongs In Jail--A Look at the Crisis in Gaza

2008-12-28T17:44:00.000-08:00

If God gave me a get of of jail card, what would I do with it? Grant wants to know. Good question as I am surprised I've never been arrested: I've done some crazy stuff--aside from my drugging days, I've thrown myself on a car because the driver made a left that grazed my son (our light was green), I screamed toe to toe at an ex-landlord who refused to heat our apartment and I ended up catching pneumonia, I've been to countless political protests--I barely missed arrest this summer (that one I have to keep quiet,) but I did break the law and told the police that I would cooperate. God knows why they decided to let me go.

So God can give that card to someone else as I don't fear jail, even though I would never want to go there. Yet I would rather face imprisonment for doing something that is morally right than legally obedient. This brings me to a political situation that I cannot ignore.

Israel is in the process of bombing Gaza into oblivion. Do they have the legal right? Hamas has been shelling these homemade sad-ass rockets into Israel over a period of weeks--at least one person was killed and another wounded. Israel cries that it has the right to defend its country. Yet in two days, Israel's retaliation has resulted in 255 deaths and approximately 667 wounded. Buildings have been reduced to rubble, and Gaza was already struggling with poverty and shelter problems. Gaza's hospitals are overrun. Israel had cut power so there was no electricity and no heat. Ironically they opened the borders that had blockaded Gaza from Israel right before they chose to bomb. Such humanity deserves a get out of jail free card for the Israeli who opened the door--perhaps.

Is this self defense? I don't think so. Israel and Hamas both refuse to recognize each other. As much as Hamas has provoked Israel with poorly constructed bombs and incendiary rhetoric, they pose no military threat to this nuclear power government. Israel has not fought a war against a legitimate nation state for 35 years. Instead their military has been trained to occupy territories, ranging from Southern Lebanon to the Palestinian territories. Soldiers are prepared to handle checkpoint problems as Palestinians go into Israel to work jobs that no one else would touch. But Israel has forgotten how to fight a war as the latest engagement with Hezbollah showed the world. Too much time has been wasted on fighting non-state actors, from the PLO to Hamas. Israel was embarrassed. The soldiers need to prove themselves once again.

The world, minus the United States, has largely condemned this bombing and probable invasion. Syria cut off all peace talks. The UN has called for a halt to this violence. The EU implores both sides to talk. Even the Vatican has said that Hamas has faith in hate, while Israel has faith in force to counteract hate. Neither shall win. Now Israel is struggling with a publicity campaign to justify its actions. It is hoping to count on the powerful Israeli lobby in Washington. Jews in America are divided. Some believe that Israel must defend itself at all costs. Others are shocked at this blatant aggression against poor people who live a level above the animals. Some say that Israel made all the concessions: they gave the Palestinians Gaza, they authorized the Palestinian Authority, they promoted free elections. And what have the Palestinians done? They became divisive; they proved themselves unworthy of government; they murdered other Palestinians in a quest for dominance. In short, they don't deserve what Israel gave them.

However, there is a problem with this argument. Since when do people deserve to govern? Hamas was democratically elected in free elections. Both the US and Israel were flabbergasted; they immediately made moves to close Hamas out. Even Hamas didn't expect to win; they just hoped for a decent showing in the PA parliamentary system. I remember asking: "Well, has anyone bothered to ask the Palestinians why they elected Hamas, a group known for terror, instead of Fatah, an organization that is politically corrupt?" The answer was obvious: Palestinians were sick of Fatah who no longer even pretended to serve their interests. For all the horrors that Hamas has committed against innocent Israelis, it has one advantage that Fatah does not: Hamas is dedicated to the betterment of the Palestinian people. This was rewarded in the elections. Now Hamas has hurt the Palestinian cause internationally, but in Gaza, they are still committed to feeding children and maintaining hospitals. It is hard to do this when borders are shut and the world has been ordered to ignore the needs of starving people.

Anti-Semitic Americans now have their ammo to show how much they resent Jews. I am hearing again about the Jewish/Zionist conspiracy to take over the world. I read words like "Jew motherfucker". Does anyone remember the Holocaust? Didn't Jews feel that a civilized country like Germany could never attack them? Are Jews here thinking that Americans are better than angry Germans who were surviving a depression? In their dogged insistence of defense, Israel is forgetting that American Jews support them both monetarily and ideologically. The American people pay taxes that go straight into the Israeli military and economy. Has Israel become so xenophobic that they forget what others have done to keep them thriving?

Agree or disagree: here are my thoughts. Israel will invade Gaza, and the Bush regime will do nothing to stop them. Obama is in a bad position, but I cannot see him going against Israel; however, he will not give them carte blanche as Bush did. Israel doesn't care about self-defense; it could have stopped those pesky rockets with ease, but chose an invasion in territories that are already playing the rules of occupation. Why? Easy. Israel wants Gaza back. They have the military power to do just that. Israel can easily wipe out Hamas. Will they let everyone else live? Maybe. (I think a lot of male Palestinian children are in danger. For those who know The Iliad, think what happened to Hector's son.)But those people are doomed to three choices: agree to Israeli policies, leave or suffer. However, by destroying Hamas and retaking Gaza, Israel will not gain peace. But they may emerge victorious, even as it spawns more hate against them. I see no resolution to this nightmare in the Mideast. If Israel stops the bombing, they can have my get out of jail card.

Please Write Congress

Update: I added a poll on my sidebar. Feel free to vote.