Searching for Sophie

Pity Party

2009-11-14T16:46:00.000-08:00

Last week Joe went on two job interviews. I was so hopeful he would get one of them.

So. Hopeful.

Last night when Joe came to pick me up from work he told me that they had called. He didn't get the jobs.

I was so disappointed.

So. Disappointed.

There were tears. Lots of tears.

And a general feeling of gloom and doom that carried into this morning.

A total pity party ensued. There was moping involved.

Later in the day Joe decided I needed to stop moping around and he dragged me to the Mall with him where they were having a job fair.

It was a total bust. There were supposed to be 30 prospective employers there. There were about half that. Three different booths that Joe approached weren't even hiring.

Ummmmmmm............excuse me but what are you DOING here then? Isn't the whole point of a job fair for businesses in need of employees to find people to hire? Perhaps I am mistaken.

Anyway.

After we went to the job fair we walked around the Mall. While we were there we saw Santa. Times must have been slow for him because he was standing outside his house and not sitting on his throne.

Upon seeing him I said(possibly shouted):

SANT-AAAAA!!! IT'S SANTA! I KNOW HIM!

Sorry for the poor quality. Cell phone pic.

You know. From the movie Elf. When I turned to say something to Joe, he was totally walking ahead of me, looking the other way, pretending not to know me. Heh.

If you can't embarrass your spouse in public, then who can you?

I have since snapped out of my funk. I'm done having my pity party. A pretzel and some sour jelly bellys may or may not have had something to do with it.

I have to believe that he will find a job. I can't give up hope.

Here's the scene I was acting out, in case you have no idea what I'm talking about. This movie cracks me up!

Thank You

2009-11-11T12:13:00.000-08:00

My husband was in the Navy when we met.

He only served two and a half years and he was never deployed so he said is doesn't count.

I say it does count.

My Dad was also in the military.

Today I want to say thank you to all those who have served and are serving our country.

Thank you.

I have already picked up a couple of boxes of Christmas cards for the Holiday Mail for Heroes program.

Won't you join me? You have until December 7th to send the cards in.

2009-11-03T21:10:00.000-08:00

My friend and co-worker DeAnn took some pictures of us for our Christmas cards at the beach this weekend.

She did a wonderful job. Here's a few.

She even got a couple really good shots of just Joe and believe me, that is no easy feat! :)

This is one of my very favorites:

Here's a shot of the photographer herself:

Thank you so much DeAnn! We are so very happy with how they turned out.

Now I must decide on which one to use!

Halloween Pumpkin

2009-11-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

This was from one of those "Pumpkin Masters" kits.

The pattern was listed as "easy".

It was not.

It took me over an hour to trace and cut out. But I'm happy with the way it turned out.

We were supposed to go to the movies last night. Joe said he wasn't in the mood to give out candy to the cute little kids in costume this year.

That was fine by me but I ended up not feeling well so we stayed home again.

I feel fine today. That actually worries me a little. That used to happen to me all the time before my kidney disease went into remission(feel awful, be sure I was coming down with something, and then feel totally fine the next day. It is actually one of the warning signs of the type of kidney disease that I have).

Luckily I am having some blood work done next week so I won't have to wait too long to find out the results. I'm trying not to think(worry) about it.

In the end we didn't have to worry about any cute little kids in costumes because we only had about 3 groups of trick or treaters come by and they were all around 8th grade and above.
Not cute at all :)

Today we are going to the beach to have our Christmas Card photos taken. I'm trying to get a head start on the holiday madness. That doesn't mean I won't wait until the week before Christmas to mail them out ;)

And the Winners Are............

2009-10-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

O.K. I put all of your names into Random.Org and they chose the winners of my giveaway.
(For those of you who got 2 entries I put your names in twice).

And the Winners Are..........

First Prize-----Kayce

Woo Hoo!! Congrats Kayce I've already texted you to let you know that you won and I know your address so I'll try and get it in the mail on Monday.

The second prize winner is...............

Laura

Congrats Laura! I'll be e-mailing you to get your information so I can get your prize in the mail.

I love doing these. They are so fun! Maybe I should just post giveaways on the blog from now on :)

Thanks for playing along!

Last Chance to Enter my Giveaway

2009-10-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Today is your last chance to enter the giveaway below. I'll be drawing the winners tomorrow!

Giveaway!!

2009-10-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

In honor of our 3 year LID I'm giving away some cool stuff. It's my way of saying thank you to the people who have been following along on our journey this far.

Here's the goods:

This acrylic scrapbook that I made last year at the Scrapbook Expo.

It's an acrylic album.

Half the pages are covered in regular scrapbook paper.

And the other half are acrylic:

It has 12 pages(counting the fronts and backs of each page) to hold pictures.

I think it's really cute! :)

This time around I'll even draw a second place winner and up for grabs is this weekly planner:

I just love the design on the front. Joe bought it for me but it's too large. I need a small one that I can carry in my purse so he said I could take it back if I wanted.

Of course I am far too lazy to do that :) Don't worry, I found another one online that will work better for me. It starts in June 2009 and goes through December 2010, so you can start using it right away.

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this post! (I will count comments left on FB too).

If you want one extra entry, become a follower of my blog. Or if you already are a follower, leave me a second comment letting me know. So 2 entries per person if you do both of those things.

I'll leave this up until Friday and choose the winners on Saturday.

Good Luck!

And thanks for following along :)

36 Months

2009-10-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

*****We don't actually hit 36 months until tomorrow but this post has been in the queue for awhile and I'm ready for it to be gone. Plus I wanted to post a giveaway on the actual date. So stay tuned tomorrow for that!*********

94, 608,000 seconds.

1,576,800 minutes.

26,280 hours.

1,095 days.

36 months.

3 Years.

That's how long we have been waiting for our daughter. Add another 6 years that we tried to get pregnant and that puts us at 9 years trying to become parents.

That's a long damn time.

I don't know how much longer we have to wait. At this point I feel very far removed from this adoption and I'm trying to hang onto the adage "It will happen when it happens."

It did somehow seem appropriate to honor this month in some way. It is a milestone of sorts that have we made it this far. I have wanted to give up many many times along the way.

There are people before us who have waited longer and there will be people after us who will wait even longer than we will.

I am going to try and make an effort not to dwell on the negative aspects of this waiting process anymore. I really am. It is what it is. For reasons I will never understand, we are not meant to be parents yet.

I'm not sure how much longer I will keep this blog going. What started out as a journal and a place for me to vent and get my feelings out has turned into a place that I find myself editing what I write and constantly second guessing myself. I have started an online journal elsewhere.

I may keep the blog open just to post pictures. That's all I have been doing lately anyway.

I have made some wonderful friends in real life through this blog and and "met" some great people online too through blogging. I don't know where I would be without this online community and your support. I will be forever grateful for it.

Hopefully one day I will post a picture of us holding our daughter in our arms.

Until then, we have to live our lives.

Thanks for following along on the ride. What a ride it has been.

36 Months from Michelle on Vimeo.

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
Any fool can do it
There ain't nothing to it
Nobody knows how we got to
The top of the hill
But since we're on our way down
We might as well enjoy the ride

The secret of love is in opening up your heart
Its okay to feel afraid
But don't let that stand in your way
'Cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since we're only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride

Now the thing about time is that time
Isn't really real
It's just your point of view
How does it feel for you
Einstein said he could never understand it all
Planets spinning through space
The smile upon your face
Welcome to the human race

Some kind of lovely ride
I'll be sliding down
I'll be gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
Its just a lovely ride

Now the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time

James Taylor

Joe's Birthday and Kooza

2009-10-19T19:48:00.000-07:00

Joe at the entrance to Disneyland with his birthday button(that I made him wear :)

His free birthday ticket, which we traded up for a pass

We went to lunch with Lisa and Family before they headed to the airport to go home
The other picture with the four of us Gracie had her eyes closed:

That night we went to go see Kooza at the Santa Monica Pier. It was amazing.

The “Grand Chapiteau” (That’s what Cirque du Soliel calls their circus tent)

Inside the “Grand Chapiteau”

They had a bunch of masks and hats for sale

So of course we had to try them on

I think this one is my favorite on Joe

Although this one is nice too. The horns suit him :)

When we came out after the show, the fog had rolled in. It was eerie.

Since his actual birthday was such a busy day we had cake the next day.

I forgot candles so we used what we could find. First we tried wooden skewers but they started smoking too much and we were afraid the smoke detector was going to go off. Heh.

Joe said it was one of the best birthdays he ever had. :)

And we decided to save our fancy dinner until next weekend so we get to celebrate two weekends in a row. Woohoo!

DIsney with The Smith and the Teague Families

2009-10-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

The Smith and Teague families planned a short vacay to So. CA to do Disney last week. You know I had to be a part of that!

I didn't take that many pictures, which is a sure sign that I had a great time. Having too much fun to stop for photo taking!

Family picture. Cameron was deliberately trying to ruin the picture. He succeeded. Heh. And Grace is acting silly. Shocker.

Thunder Mountain

Karen and Kailee joined us for a couple of rides and some lunch. SO fun to see them again!

Grace and Kailee on the "Winnie the Pooh" ride.

Treats, Disney style

These were called "Tigger Tails". Which is kind of gross if you really think about it. :)

We all met up at this really cool Mongolian BBQ restaurant in "The Garden Walk" shopping center for dinner on Thursday night. It was yummy.

Grace and Ryleigh in front of the billboard at the shopping center.

Waiting for our food to cook. I don't know why Stacey isn't looking and/or smiling. I guess she didn't hear me say "Hey everyone, look over here!" :)

Our food cooking. It was sooooo good.

They had $11.00 pitchers of margaritas. No, I did not drink the whole thing!

Such a great time was had.

It was crowded and much too hot for my taste and I have to say I'm a little Disneyed-out. I'm not sure if we'll be back before the holidays. We were able to trade in Joe's free birthday ticket for the basic annual pass so you know we'll be back, probably sooner rather than later ;)

Happy Birthday Joe!

2009-10-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today is my wonderful husband's birthday.

Last night we went to the Cheesecake Factory with Lisa and family and today we're headed to Downtown Disney to have lunch before they head to the airport(sob!).

Tonight we're going to see Kooza and tomorrow we're going to that fancy restaurant in Newport Beach for dinner.

A busy and fun filled weekend!

Happy Birthday Joe.

I love you more than you know :)

13 Years

2009-10-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been 13 years.

I know I say that every year. But I really can't believe it's been that long.

I don't have much more today except this:

I miss you Mom.

I can't believe you've been gone so long.

I can't believe you will never see your grandchild.

I can't believe I still miss you so much even after all this time.

I'm not dwelling on sadness today. Two of my favorite families are visiting and we are spending the day at Disneyland. I think that's a pretty good way to spend what otherwise might be a sad day. I just feel the need to mark this day somehow, as it was one of the worst days of my entire life 13 years ago and I miss my Mom especially on this day.

Catch Up

2009-10-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

I'm playing catch up here and posting some pictures of things in the last couple of weeks. I can't believe it is October 11th already and that Halloween is only 3 weeks away. We just got my Fall decorations out of storage yesterday. Usually I have them up before the first of October.

I have been having fun making these banners lately. Today I’m working on some Thanksgiving and Christmas ones.

A week or so ago I came home to find these clouds outside our balcony. Are they not stunning? I sat out there and watched for a half an hour, and then they were gone. This was taken with my purse camera. I can’t imagine how much better they would look if I had a “nice” camera.

I’m finally getting around to posting some of our Disney pics too. From the pictures it looks like we had a great time but the only thing I remember about that trip is how sick I got. I get to do Disney again this week so hopefully I can replace those memories with some better ones.

The rest of the Disney pics are below:

More Disney

2009-10-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

He always humors me :)

They dressed Maggie the cow up for Halloween. Oh the indiginity!

Love this picture of me and Goofy

They had some awesome pumpkin carvers there:

This one was my favorite:

“Dug” from the movie “Up”. And he’s wearing the cone of shame. Ha!

Jack and Sally from “Nightmare Before Christmas”

And then we got to “meet” them in person. I didn’t want to stand in line for this. I was feeling rotten at this point and we had already planned to leave but we got into the line anyway. Turns out they closed the line right after us and wouldn’t let anyone else wait. People were all kinds of pissed. This one guy was almost yelling at the cast member standing behind us closing off the line, telling her that they had been trying for 6 days to get a picture with these two and it wasn’t fair and couldn’t she just let them in and they were going home tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. I wanted to turn around and say “You know they aren’t REAL, right? Just two people dressed in a costume”. If he wasn’t such a jerk I would have given them my place in line because at that point I had started sitting on the ground I was feeling so badly.

Lucky Me

2009-10-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

There are a few departments in my life where I feel I am extremely unlucky.

I have been unlucky in the trying-to-become-a-Mom department.

I have been unlucky in the health department. Seriously. Do you know anyone who has more health issues(or gets sicks as much) as I do?

I have been very unlucky in the my-husband-needs-to-find-a-job department(It has been 9 long months since my husband lost his job)

But there are other ways in which tend to be lucky. Mostly with giveaways or contests. Especially on the radio, but also with blog giveaways lately.

5 or 6 years ago I won a trip for 2 to Hawaii.

I have won concert tickets at least 5 times.

I won $100 cash once.

Last month I won 4 tickets to see "Cirque du Soliel's" Kooza show. We love Cirque and used to go every year but due to finances haven't been in probably 4 years or so. It starts this month and we cannot wait to go see it.

All of those by simply being the right number caller on the radio. Well the last one I was the 20th texter, not caller. But you get the idea.

I have won quite a few items on blogs over the last couple of months too.

Last year I won this banner:

I won this on a blog giveaway a couple of months ago:

Love it.

And this:

It's a beautiful maple handmade skillet rack. (No, those aren't my skillets. I wish!)
They make them here, but I won mine on this website.

Then just this morning(on the radio again)I won a hundred dollar gift card for a fancy restaurant down by the beach (keep in mind that anything above Wendy's is fancy for us)and qualified for another trip to Hawaii. The gift card comes at a great time because I was just lamenting to my husband that there was no way we were going to be able to go out to dinner for his birthday later this month. But now we can. And to a place we never could have afforded on our own!

All of this free stuff for very little effort. For the blog giveaways all I had to do was leave a comment! Free stuff for something I would have done anyway.

The radio contests take a little more effort. Usually calling in at the right time, when you hear a cue or the song of the day. The key to those is perseverance.

I listen to several radio stations in the car. Last month one of them was doing the trip-a-day to Hawaii giveaway. I called in every single(weekday), 3 times a day trying to qualify-on my way to work, on my lunch break, and on my way home. No dice.

Then the radio station we listen to at work started having the same promotion. Today was the first day of their contest. I heard the audio cue at around 10:00, called in and viola! $100 restaurant gift card. Free money!

Even though I wasn't able to get through last month I kept at it.

It turns out I didn't win the Hawaii trip today. And that's O.K. My name is still in the drawing so I have 15 more chances to win this month. But if I don't that's fine too. At least I tried.

And now my husband and I get to go out and celebrate his birthday at a nice restaurant. And later in the month we get to go to a really cool show.

But the real reasons I am lucky is because I have a husband who loves me and a family that is healthy and a job that is secure. All this other stuff is just the icing on top.

Lucky indeed.

3 Word Sunday

2009-10-04T04:43:00.001-07:00

I am still feeling rotten. Yesterday evening I started to feel better and tried to eat some real food.

It was too soon. I've been up since 2:30 a.m. because of it. Thank goodness for the anti-nausea meds the doc gave me.

I so hope to be feeling better by this afternoon.

I have been stuck at home for almost 5 days(with the exception of work on Friday) and I'm becoming restless.

We're supposed to go to a party for my Dragon Boat team later and I really really want to go. I just wish I felt better.

Surely this will run its course and be gone soon. Right?

Today Started Out Pretty Good.........

2009-09-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

And then things started going downhill fast.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning so I had to get up early.

I got up, showered, dressed and got ready to go. I came out of the bedroom and Joe said "Your doctor's office just called. Dr. so-and-so had to go deliver a baby so they need to reschedule your appointment".

Well darn. I already had to reschedule it twice because of my own issues so this is the third time it has been put off. I'll never get my annual exam done at this rate.

Since we were up early we decided to head on over to Disneyland to check out all of the Fall decorations. We haven't been since June and we love their Fall setup. Plus my annual pass is going to expire in a few weeks and it is unlikely that we will be able to renew it. Sadness.

I wasn't feeling that great. I actually haven't been feeling well for almost a week now. I didn't mention to anyone because Dude, there is always something wrong with me and I don't want to be a complainer. Even though I totally am most of the time. This? I didn't want to complain about. I don't know why :)

Well, come to think of it, I told my Dad when I saw him on Saturday that I hadn't been eating because I had been feeling nauseous and my co-worker DeAnn knows I have been having some stomach issues because we work side by side and it's kind of hard to hide something like that :) So it's not like I didn't tell anyone. This will be a plot point later.

But I will admit that I didn't tell Joe at all. He knows I have had some issues with nausea over the last few days and I haven't been eating much but that's about it.

Because I am trying not to be so much of a complainer.

So off we went to Disneyland. It was a little hotter than I thought it was going to be and I started feeling kind of yucky. We thought it was because I was too hot(with the kidney disease I have found I don't tolerate heat well at all).

I drank some Gatorade and we took lots of breaks and I was feeling O.K. Not great. But O.K.

We went on a couple of rides and saw quite a few characters. Took lots of pictures.

Suddenly I started feeling extremely nauseous. Out of nowhere. It was bad. I went into the bathroom for a long time.

I was sitting on the bathroom floor in the stall vomiting and I couldn't stop. Have you ever sat on the bathroom floor at D-Land? I don't recommend it. It's gross.

Joe got worried and sent someone in there to check on me( a complete stranger no less). I could not stop throwing up. I don't even know why, because I haven't even been eating anything due to the nausea. A lot of dry heaving. But I couldn't stop.

Finally I was able to leave the bathroom and of course we left right then. I couldn't even get all the way to the car. Joe had to leave me on a bench and go get the car and come pick me up.

It just got worse from there. Severe stomach cramps, dry heaving and nausea.

Joe called my kidney doctor from the car. He told us to go to either the E.R. or the urgent care immediately.

I hate the E.R. with a passion, and the urgent care was on our way home so we stopped there. I was a mess by then. I was in so much pain(abdominal) and feeling so nauseous.

It turns out I have an intestinal infection and am extremely dehydrated. So much so that the doctor said if I had waited even one more day I would have had to have I.V. fluids.

He sent me away with 6 prescriptions meds(1 pain med, 2 antibiotics, an anti nausea, and 1 anti-diarrheal) and a firm promise that I would drink lots and lots of fluids.

Lots. Of. Fluids. Like I may float away after I drink all of the fluids he made me promise to drink.

So now I am in bed and feeling yucky. And tired.

Also? Apparently when you have a compromised immune system telling your husband or a doctor, or even the internets that you have been feeling crummy for almost a week is not complaining.

It's called taking care of yourself.

Who knew?

I took a TON of pictures today but I'll post them tomorrow because I am so tired right now.

3 Word Sunday

2009-09-27T09:09:00.001-07:00

For an explanation of 3 Word Sunday and to watch the video, go here.

35 Months

2009-09-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

This sums up how I've been feeling about this journey lately. A little beaten and scarred.

Oh well. 35 done.

Next month I am going to have a huge celebration for our 3 year mark. Put it on your calendars!!!

Can you sense the sarcasm here?

But seriously, I am planning on giving something away next month. Because anyone who has followed along on this journey for 36 months deserves a prize :)

Thankful Thursday

2009-09-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time with this one today.

It has been a tough week.

Here goes anyway:

I am thankful for my sister. She sent me the most beautiful necklace in the mail and it came yesterday at a time when I was at the lowest point I have been in a very long time.

I am thankful for our couple's counselor. We(I) had a rough start with her but over time we have found our groove and I honestly don't know where we would be without her.

I am thankful for friends that I can send e-mails to pouring out all of my fears and frustrations and they respond in a kind, caring manner with no judgements. You know who you are. Thank you.

That's all I got right now.

Here is a quote I found that helped me out of a dark place yesterday:

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

~Harriet Beecher Stowe

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Three Word Sunday

2009-09-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

For an explanation of 3 word Sunday or to watch the weekly video, go here.

I have two pictures this week. The first one was pretty easy. Of course the highlight of my week was seeing James Taylor in concert. What a great time we had.

Here are my other three words for the week:

I have been feeling utterly exhausted all week long. Emotionally and physically drained. It doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping. Even with the A m b i e n. I am only getting about 4-5 hours a night.

Thankful Thursday

2009-09-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

--I am thankful we got to spend the weekend with my niece and nephew.

--I am thankful that my sister's puppy is O.K.. He became very sick on Monday and they suspected he might have Parvo. That can be deadly for puppies. Turned out to be something he ate(which is not surprising, since he eats everything, whether it is food or not)

--I am thankful no on was hurt in the accident I got into with Lisa's car.

--I am thankful we got to go see James Taylor in concert Tuesday and it was fabulous. It was one of the best concerts he has done(and we have seen 12!) Love him.

--I am thankful that today is Thursday, which means tomorrow is Friday. I have been extra tired this week.

What are you thankful for?

Three Word Sunday

2009-09-13T14:27:00.001-07:00

This has been a jam packed weekend so I have three pictures this week. The good, the bad and the ugly. Let's start with the good, shall we?

The Good:

Saturday I got to go out to dinner with M3 and Kayce. Good food, good conversation and great fun. 4 hours flew by in the blink of an eye. I am so lucky to know these wonderful women. Thanks for much for a great evening! Kayce is very very close to her referral and I am so excited for her!

More Good:

Of course if I had dinner with those two it means we spent the weekend in Northern CA. Joe and I watched the kids while Lisa and Scott got away for the weekend. Joe watched them on Saturday night so I could go out with my friends. The man is a saint.

Here's The Bad and the Ugly:

Unfortunately I was in a minor car accident with my sister's minivan. I'm too tired to go into in now but nobody was hurt and Lisa's car got the brunt of the damage. I feel so dumb and embarrassed about it. I haven't been in any kind of car accident(or even a fender bender) in over 15 years. Joe said I was about due. :(

Edited: Of course I realized after I posted the last 3 word pic about the car said "wrecked my sister's minivan", and of course I can count and realized it was actually four words and not three. That's just the kind of day I have had. All fixed now (Duh)*********

9/11

2009-09-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

MySpace Graphics

CommentBuddy

We are getting on a airplane today. We have never flown on 9/11 before. Somehow it seems disrespectful almost, like no planes should be flying on this horrible day.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous.

But I'm sure it will be fine.

Hug your loved ones today. There are many many people who can't because of this day 8 years ago.