Aleks - Anarcho-Syndicalist

2007-07-24T16:45:00.000+10:00

THE ENGINEER OF HUMAN SOULS

Apologies to Josef Skorevcky.

I went back up to Sydney on the weekend for my mother's birthday. I got to see my little 3 week old nephew, who I did get to see for 2 days before I moved. I don't think there is anything more beautiful than a baby, and nothing more relaxing than nursing a sleeping baby. He has spends more and more time awake, no doubt trying to make out exactly what this world he now lives in is like.

In Australia we will be having a federal election before the year is out. What fear will Howard play on? What do I mean? Well in 1996 he played on the fear of native title and of people losing their homes to Aboriginal land claims (even though people losing their homes in such a way could never happen). In 1998 he didn't need to play up any fear, because his majority was so large - still he did lose a lot of seats, so he knew he would have to go back to playing on people's fears. In 2001 it was the fear of asylum seekers and refugess being terrorists. In 2004 it was interest rates. In 2007? Well it seems to be Islam and the loss of jobs and economic prosperity (at least for the wealthy minority - the number of people living in poverty is inceasing in these "prosperous times) if Workchoices is overturned.

Faced with this, we have the alternative of a Kevin Rudd led ALP government. The lesser of two evils. The only problem with this is that you are still voting for an evil. Where has the ALP been on the issue of Indigenous rights since 1996? MIA. On refugess? Well they support the government's attacks on asylum seekers (Kevin Rudd particularly) because, well, they introduced the policy. Interest rates? Well they don't want to abolish one of the major causes of high house prices (which makes interest rates such an issue), negative gearing. Islamaphobia? Morris Iemma matches Howard and co on this any day. Hell, they won't even undo all of the Workchoices legislation, let alone the WRA 1996. Oh Peter Garrett, he's a right-to-lifer, a Christian Fundamentalist - as it appears is Rudd. The ALP, a good alternative? What a sick joke. Yet sadly this is what most people will think are the only alternatives, ALP and Liberal, Howard or Rudd.

What has happened to us? Why are we so selfish, so xenophobic, so bigoted that we have become this way, so full of fear, that we not only ignore human suffering, or encourage it, but actively engage in the activities that cause it? Why and who has engineered our soul in such a way?

2007-07-06T16:54:00.000+10:00

EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED

Apologies to Jonathan Saffran Foer. For 5 days now I have resided in Victoria - truth be told there is little difference between it and NSW. Well, unless you are talking about football.

I got to see my new little Nephew for 2 days, and more than anything else I miss being able to see him. Prior to leaving I went through and visited some places that I used to hang around in, but hadn't been in for a while. Memories came flooding back. Similarly I spent a while in my grandparents home, knowing full well it would soon be sold, and it made me sad. Not because it was the loss of a physical house, but because of the way the house triggered memories of my grandparents. It's the same for songs or movies - at one time or another we have had a song or movie become a favourite because of the connection between the music/movie and someone special - which will then cause us to fell hurt when that relationship ends.

In Everything is Illuminated (watch the film first, then read the book) a man goes to look for the village in Ukraine that his Jewish grandfather had escaped from and to look for the woman who had helped save him. After much searching he finds a woman who indicates that he has found the village - inside her rural, isolated house are the physical possessions of the Jewish families that the Nazis had destroyed. The village and it's people were still alive so long as their possesions were there and she remembered the people. I am worried now that the selling of their house will result in some of my memories of them fade as I don't have the house there anymore to remind me.

2007-06-25T17:26:00.000+10:00

THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING

Apologies to Mr Milan Kundera. In a few days I will be moving to Melbourne. As far as moving places goes the mov isn't a big one. However as someone who doesn't go on holidays, the longest I have been out of Sydney (unless you count being out of my mind as out of Sydney) is about a week.

I'm really looking forward to the move, but there are things I will miss. Obviously my friends and family (particularly my nieces and nephews). But some of them are small things like going to get me lunch when I am at work, and everyone there knowing me and knowing what I order. The group of 13 very Large crows who live near my place who I will often just sit and look at on the weekend. The buildings and trees that I see on my way to work from the train. Even the trains that rattle past my window every 5 minutes. Why will I miss them? Because they are reassuring, things that I can count on that provide some sense of stability in my life. But sometimes we need to take risks and move from that stability. Besides, I will inevitably create that stability in my new environment anyway.

In my last job, I was told to keep track of the thank emails I received from members to use in performance reviews. Invariably you would build up 6 to 10 of them. I decicided to do the same with this job. After almst 3 years I have over 300. It's nice to know that you have made a difference. It is also nice to know that you will be missed by those members, which seems to be the case given the responses I have received. Similarly it was nice when at my last Greens meeting most people came to the pub for a farewell drink.

Oh well, bye Sydney, hello Melbourne.

2007-06-20T17:50:00.000+10:00

Harry Houdini

I'm like Harry Houdini - I disappear. For weeks or months on end. I cut myself off for months not just from my online friends, but from friends who I have known since school. Why? I just don't want to have to deal with people on a personal level. So I find things I can lost in for hours on end, things that will keep my mind occupied for long periods of time.

In many ways work is my salvation - it keeps me occupied and provides me with a sense of self worth that I don't find anywhere else. But too many things happened over the last year and I needed to get away from my present life, put myself in a new environment. So I found a new job, another union job, and will be leaving Sydney in less than 2 weeks to move down to start a job in Melbourne. My apprehensions have all but disappeared and I am looking forward to this, hoping that a new start will help me. There is another little thing too.

Last year, my sister had 2 miscarriages, and both were devastating to the family, a major loss because nothing is more beautiful or cherished than a new baby. But any day now my sister will give birth to another baby which will hopefully makes things better, while still not taking away all the pain. I will miss not being able to see my nieces and nephews as often as I have been, and not being able to see my new little nephew or niece as often as I would like too.

On Sunday I, inadvertantly at first, watched an episode of a program called Joan of Arcadia, which deals with a girl who thinks she can speak to god (like Joan of Arc), and her faily and friends. Normally I would have changed the channel and steered way clear or even thrown something at the TV, but a discussion amongst the characters about god, where some of them said that how could god exist in the world today, how could he/she let horrible things happen made me watch, and I was very surprised.

Besides the ongoing plotline of Joan "speaking" to God there were 3 other plots that ran through the episode. The first involves Joan's brother, who has been a paraplegic since a car he was in driven by his best friend, who was drunk at the time, crashed. Yet it is his friend that is suing Joan's brother. Why? Because he knew his friend was drunk but still let him drive instead of stopping him. It's a scenario most of us will have been in - a friend who wants to drive while drunk. How many of us stop them?

The second plot revolved around a friend of Joan's who drinks too much and almost dies of alcohol poisoning. Again Joan realises that she should have stopped her friend from drinking so much but she didn't - again, sound familiar? Both of these plots say the same thing - sometimes it's not what you do that is the problem, it is what you don't do. It's easy to blame others for what they have done to us, when the reality is we are to blame as well for allowing that to happen, instead of trying to stop it happening. I can definately see that I do this all too easily.

The last plot reveolved around Joan's father, who is a police investigator. A young boy is killed in a drive-by shooting by some gansters. Even though the people in the community know who did it, they wouldn't tell for they fear the consequences. However eventually a woman does come forward and identify the killers, but not long after she is killed and her house burnt. The moral? In a perfect world those who did what was right would be would not have to face any negative consequences. But the world isn't a prefect place, and sometimes those who do do what is right suffer as a result. I think I will try to continue watching the show.

Lastly my friends, and thank you to all of you with your messages of support, I would like to share a a poem from you by Czeslaw Milosz, the Polish/Lithuanian nobel prize winning poet:

NOT MINE

All my life to pretend this world of their is mine
And to know such pretending is disgraceful.
But what can I do? Suppose I suddenly screamed
And started to prophesy. No one would hear me.
Their screens and microphones are not for that.
Others like me wander the streets
And talk to themselves. Sleep on benches in parks,
Or on pavements in alleys. For there aren't enough prisons
To lock up all the poor. I smile and keep Quiet
They won't get me now.
To feast with the chosen - that I do well

2007-02-05T17:15:00.000+11:00

THE SPECTRE OF DEATH

My Grandmother passed away on Saturday night. She is the last of our family members who lived through and suffered that most damning indictment of humanity, World War 2. I wish I could say that her death was peaceful and serene, but it wasn't. I'm an athiest,for me it is impossible to see god when you see someone you love fade away in front of you with so little dignity. I similarly can't see god in the deaths of babies - for me there is no no stronger person than a woman who has had a child grow inside her for 9 months, only to lose them soon after birth. I cannot think of anything more painful.

My grandmother's death has opened up that abyss for me. I had started to regain control of myself, but that is now shot to pieces, and I'm back at the point where I can't help breaking down and crying, even in public. I think about what my grandparents went through, and I feel so pathetic because I can't seem to cope with a life that most people in the world would cherish. I wish I could just go to sleep and either never wake up, or wake up without this cowardice and stupidity.

2007-01-29T16:34:00.000+11:00

TIME AND TIME AGAIN

Time flies by way too quickly, yet it simultaneously drifts oh so slowly.

Things have improved for me, and I am spending time looking inwards it isn't nice. I see a person that likes to implode, that is so self-destructive. I turn my back on my good friends, for people who spit me out when they have used me for what I am worth, forsake a woman he was oh so beautiful in all senses of the word, in order to have a fling with someone for whom I was nothing but a play thing. Why? It seems to be a case of self-fulfiling prophicies - I look for people who will turn their back on me, while I turn my back on those people who do care about me, so that in my screwy head I can say to myself that nobody wants me.

In Douglas Copeland's book, Life after God, he says:

And then I felt sad because I realised that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.

And I wonder if that is me - have I become broken to the point where I cannot be fixed? I continue to look to see if this is the case....

2006-11-25T18:48:00.000+11:00

BACK AGAIN

Well, I'm back in psych hospital again - out on supervised leave at present, I went back in on Tuesday after cutting my wrists on monday night. I also used a coke can to cut them on Wednesday night in hospital which didn't go down to well. I was on 24 hour watch (level 1) - now am back to level 2 (checked upon every 30 minutes). Last time I cut my wrists it was a release and from that point on I improved. These 2 times however there has been no release. I want nothing more than to end this charade. As Radiohead say in "true love waits" - I'm not living, I'm just killing time. Even my little nephews can't cheer me up.

You know that life is pointless when you place all you hope in one person somehow magically giving life meaning - and when that person doesn't, then everything becomes so much worse. Again I have been fooled by sweet talk, that she liked me because of who I am, that I was sweet, sensitive, intelligent, thoughtful and believed in things, and I so wanted to believe that, because of all the self-doubt and self-loathing. So much so that I let my common sense abandon me. Now, even phone calls are a major effort on her part, even though she knows I am in hospital. And it all comes flooding back - how could anybody like you for who you are. What is there to like? Why is it that so many woman don't even think about me in "that way" - and it is obvious - because I am horrid and repulsive. And I want so much to hate her, but I can't, because I care about her, so that hate is directed at myself instead. And so my lack of a will to live at least now has a purpose.

Last weekend down in Melbourne I spent most of my time with a friend, a very beautiful woman and more importantly a very beautiful person. I found myself attracted to her, though she may be right in saying that is because of our close proximity during the weekend and my trying to tear away from the other. Then again how could I not be attracted to her in some way given both her inner and physical beauty (even though she denies she is beautiful). The moments where we were sitting watching TV, or even doing nothing, and where I had my arm around her or where she was resting her head on me were so beautiful and tranquil. Sunday morning when she came into my bed and just lay there napping was heaven to me - my arm around her and vice versa, and just watching her breathe, looking at her long black eyelashes, her pale white skin and curly brown hair. I wish that moment could be frozen in time, because this is all I want, this is what I have been so missing and what the weekend reminded me about, that sense of contentment just being with another person can bring - and what seems impossible for me.

2006-11-15T13:31:00.000+11:00

DROWNING

Two posts in as many days after so long without posting. But I feel like I'm drowning and having difficulty doing much at the moment, so I'm trying to let things out.

I have severe bi-polar and depression. Both fall into the category of mental illnesses, and both have some similarities, yet both have to be treated in their own way. Dealing with one is bad when they are playing up, but when both are playing up (for want of a better term) life becomes unbearable, as it has been for the last few months. When I was in hospital, all the doctors were amazed that I was able to hold down a full-time job and live independently, as there were many people there with bi-polar less serious than mine on a disability pension. But that is why I'm keeping the full extent of how bad I am at the moment from the doctor and most people - I would be off to hospital for a prolonged period of time and my life as I know it would collapse. Given that fact, death seems preferable.

As I mentioned yesterday, I've become involved with someone whi is engaged. She was the one who pushed things - given my state I was trying to block any such feelings that could make things worse. But she broke that down, and my feelings for her came out. Things seemed good for a while, but then she started to feel guilty, and has distanced herself from me saying she needs to "think things through". And I'm left feeling worse than I was before, because I care about her so much, and she seemed to care about me. Yet now she doesn't, and the only conclusion I can come to is that it is something about me. And it is destroying me, because I care about her and want to be with her, but I know this probably won't happen. And each day, the reason to go gets smaller and smaller.

When life seems pointless, when there is nothing to look forward to, having someone com along wanting you seems to change things. You want someone to like you for who you are, someone who likes what they see, physically and mentally, you want someone to be sexually attracted to you, because when you look in the mirror in the morning you hate what you see and who you are. And when that someone goes away, it just confirms everything you have thought, that there is nothing there for someone to like, and life becomes even more unbearable. In one of lifes little curiosities, I have always had more female friends than male friends (One said the other day that in many ways I am more like a chick than a bloke, and that she meant this in a good way) but when they tell you that you are such a great guy that you deserve someone good, it seems not only hollow, but sickening, even though I know they are coming at it from a good place.

I'm so tired.

2006-11-14T11:44:00.000+11:00

MY HOW TIME FLIES!

So, I'm wondering if I have set a world record between blog entries? If not, I'll have to set it with me next one.

So much has happened - very little of it good.

The year started out with some serious depression issues - with medication having little use. Things started spiralling down and little has changed, but back to that later.

One of the high points was doing an interview on Channel 7 just prior to the Easter protests at Villawood - still have it on DVD. At the said protests I was also quoted in almost every online newspaper website in Australia, criticising how unchristian the government's policies were at such a holy time for Christians. I also got arrested at the protests for calling a police officer "fascist scum" - after 4 months, the judge finally dismissed the offensive language charges.

The weeks and months went by as my mental health went from bad to worse. My bi-polar really started giving me major problems. At whcih point a "woman" entered my life who decided she liked the power she had over my life and decided to play with it, regardless of the consequences. Unable to cope I slit my wrist. Thankfully (or unthankfully I often think) I didn't kill myself. I spent 6 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. The news of my sister's second miscarriage in a year didn't help.

Eventually I came out, and slowly started to recover, and for a while there things seemed to pick up. Then two months ago things came crashing down again. The frequent and severe mood swings that are my bi-polar have been getting worse and worse. Of course, things don't help when you get involved with someone who is engaged. She was the one who initiated things (No excuse I know) and who I have really come to care about - only for her now to be starting to distance herself as the guilt sets in, all the while you are hoping that she will break off her engagement to be with you, even though you know she won't. I mean, when you don't even like yourself, and single women won't go out with you for any period of time, why would someone break off their engagement for you?

So, here I am. Life becoming so unbearable again, that death seems like a release - an incident with sleeping tablets last week reflecting this. Sorry for those peple out there who had been regular readers, people who had given me support online for not posting - I just wasn't up to it. I'm sure most, if not all of you have forgotten me by now. I decided to post in case any of you hadn't. Take care.

Oh, in one of those strange coincidences, most of my the people who used to regularly read my blog reside in Melbourne. I'm coming down there on Thursday to spend some time with a friend - we are acting as support mechanisms for one another. However she is working Sunday during the day, so if anyone wants to meet and say hi (you know to see how bad things could be) then or some other time let me know and I will put my email address in your blog

2005-12-22T17:31:00.000+11:00

TIME

I notice that it has been a moth since I last posted; it seems a lot longer than that, and eternity.

I’ve been snowed under with work and coupled with the fact that I haven’t been feeling well (not in a particularly good mental state) means that I haven’t had the time or the compulsion to post. I do however really appreciate those of you that have stopped by and inquired as to how I was.

In terms of the woman, I have spent some time with her, and I am starting to realise through my conversations with her and her actions that she isn’t the person I thought. She is still physically very beautiful, but I‘m not too sure whether she is a beautiful person inside any more, which means her physical beauty is meaningless.

What has happened in the last month? We have seen the barbaric execution of an Australian in Singapore and the piss-weak efforts of our government to stop this. We’ve seen the draconian IR, voluntary student Unionism and anti-"terror" legislation passed by the government. We’ve scene racial violence on mass in Sydney. Isn’t Australia a great fucking place to live?

Recently I have begun re-reading Douglas Coupland’s books again. I discovered him when I was looking at the linear notes for the Ataris song "My Hotel Year", which they said was inspired by his Book "Life After God". I read this, and I was hooked.

Though many of his books have a religious elements to them, which I as an atheist disagree with, I agree with the main assertion of all his literature; That there is something fundamentally wrong with modern Western Capitalist society. It promises so much, yet delivers so little, and what it delivers is so hollow. He essentially says (which I agree with) is that modern Western Capitalist society and it’s push to work longer hours so we can consume more crap we don’t need is destroying people’s humanity and turning them into selfish, uncaring individuals. In many ways he shares similar beliefs to my favourite Western Author, Kurt Vonnegut.

Here are some examples of what Douglas Coupland says in some of his Books.

LIFE AFTER GOD:

" Sometimes I want to go to sleep and merge with the foggy world of dreams and not return to this, our real world. Sometimes I look back on my life and I am surprised at the lack of kind things I have done. Sometimes I just feel that there must be another road that can be walked – away from this person I became – either against my will or by default."

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I question the person I have become and wonder whether it is/was possible to become somebody else.

MICROSERFS:

"It starts out young – you try not to be different just to survive – you try to be just like everyone else – anonymity becomes reflexive – and then one day you wake up and you’ve become all those other people – the others – the something you aren’t. And you wonder if you can ever be what it is you really are. Or you wonder if it’s too late to find out."

Don’t we all do our best, at least at some point in our lives, to "fit" into this fucked up society; to not be different, to be one of the crowd?

GIRLFRIEND IN A COMA:

"Nobody knew we had a second of free time remaining. All of it was frittered away on being productive, advancing our careers and being all-round productive. Each new advance made by "progress" created it’s own accelerating warping effect that made your lives here on earth feel even smaller and shorter and more crazed."

"I said we gave no evidence of an interior life. Acts of kindness, evidence of contemplation, devotion, sacrifice. All these things that indicate a world inside us"

Isn’t it true? We spend so much time worrying about our jobs and how much money we earn, and not enough time worrying about the sort of person we are?

GENERATION X:

"Now Denial: To tell oneself that the only time worth living in is the past and that the only time that may ever be interesting again is the future."

How often do we really appreciate the here and now, instead of reminiscing about how good the past was or how good the future may be.

And lastly, also from GENERATION X:

"I want you to tell me something first; after you’re dead and buried and floating around in whatever place we go to, what’s going to be your best memory of earth?" "What one moment for you defines what it’s like to be alive on this planet. What’s your takeaway?" "I want to hear some small moment from your life that proves you’re really alive?"

And this dear readers, is where you come in. What’s your takeway? What one moment defines for you what it is like to be alive on this planet, that really proves you are really alive?

Let me know by leaving a comment. If you want, you can post something similar so you can find out what the moment is for the readers of your blog.

However I will first tell you mine. It was Christmas Eve last year. My Nephew was 8 days old and asleep in adjoining room, when he started to cry. I picked him up and as soon as I did he stopped crying. For a couple of minutes he struggled to open his eyes and look at me, then he fell asleep in my arms. And that’s where he stayed for the next 2 hours. And I was perfectly content to sit there holding him and looking at him; there was nothing else in the world I would rather have been doing; there was no now denial, because the now was so perfect; the fact that I had been dumped 10 days earlier was forgotten. This was the one moment that defines for me what it is like to be alive on this planet, that really proves I am really alive.

2005-11-22T10:09:00.000+11:00

POLITICS AND OTHER THINGS PART 2

I am no good at coming up with headings. Even when it comes to email headings I am terrible. Thus reusing the heading from my last post. When it comes to rambling on however, that comes easy. Thus this is another ridiculously long post.

(Bad joke coming). I’m not a doctor. Thus I don’t have any patience (bickity bam!). Thus I called (90 minutes on the phone) the woman who has been on my mind constantly recently to ask her out to the premier of a series of interrelated short plays that I had tickets to. She said yes, and we went out again on Friday night. I took her to a very nice (and very expensive; $150 for dinner for two!) Indian restaurant overlooking the water at Woolloomooloo at 6pm. We went to the play, and after that finished at 10:30pm it was her that suggested we go have a drink or two. We bar hopped after the first bar we went to closed for the night, and subsequent ones we went to were too noisy to talk. This went on until 2am Saturday morning at which point we got shared a cab home.

Between 10:30pm and 2am there were a number of developments. We had a number of very personal conversations, and, being fortified with alcohol, I decided to lay my cards on the table. I told her that I really liked her, not just for the obvious reason that she was very beautiful and had especially beautiful eyes, but because she was such a nice, intelligent woman. I said how much I admired her for changing her career (from marketing/market research which she had studied at university), gone back to study sociology at Uni part time and gone to work at a charity, even though it meant working anoyher job part time. I then indicated that I’d really like to spend more time with her and continue to get to know her.

She didn’t seemed phased by this, but thanked me and said how much she admired what I do and that she enjoyed spending time with me and would also like to continue to get to know me more. We continued to talk and she really opened up to me; she told me how her father had questioned what she has done and became upset. I reassured her that I admired her for what she has done and indicated that the only person who has the right to question what she has chosen to do is herself. I reached over the table and tried to comfort her by rubbing her arm; I don’t know if it did any good, but it definitely didn’t do any harm.

At the end of the night when she got out of the cab I reiterated that I really liked her and that I would like to spend more time to get to know her. She said that she really enjoyed herself and that she would definitely make time for this over Christmas. We kissed each other on the cheek (given what had happened earlier I didn’t think it appropriate to try for anything more intimate, though I think she may have been, I’m not too sure) and hugged, and the evening was over.

So people, these were all good signs weren’t they?

Given my lack of patience, I really want to see her again soon. Thus I sent her roses this morning. She SMSed thanking me, saying how beautiful they were and what a pleasant surprise they were and that we would speak soon. The question is do I wait for her to call me, or is it fine for me to call her? People?

Now onto politics. Firstly to answer some things from my pervious post.

Clokeeeey, the role of an anarcho-syndicalist is to educate the workers, not to lead them. Having a leader/leaders means that you are imposing you view upon others, instead of educating them about the way to change things; these changes are then implemented for the common good of all as determined by everybody, not as determined by the few. As for each era building upon the other, my feeling is that each era is about the elite trying to maintain the socio-economic status quo in increasingly sophisticated ways.

AOF, Yes the Greens participate in the Parliamentary system. However they believe in power coming from below. Policy is determined by the entire membership, not imposed from above. That is why, as far as parliamentary parties go, they have much in common with Anacho-syndicalism.

Larry, for the most part I agree with you on the Liberals being a proxy for business. However even given this some Liberal MPs are still better than ALP MPs

Guru, Socialist Alliance still believes in the need for a "revolutionary vanguard", an elite who will concentrate power in their own hands. For this reason I still don’t like them.

Chixilub, I’m not too sure what you are trying to say.

Justine, I don’t have anything more against Al-Queda then any other fundamentalist religious group that uses obscure passages in scriptures to justify bigotry and hatred, like Family First.

Now last Tuesday, like some (hopefully many) of you I participated in the IR rally. It was great to see the number of people there and great to see Bob Brown receive a larger and longer round of applause from the crowd, even the real blue-collar types, then Kim "Fucking useless, spineless bastard" Beazley.

However as I indicated to some of you already I was so disappointed when the ACTU showed the statements from "religious leaders" but didn't have any Islamic leaders. The ACTU should be trying to bring together all people being attacked by the Government and encouraging people to defend those other people under attack. This was the perfect opportunity to do this, but they chose not to. It really disappointed me.

However speaking of Bob Brown, I actually got to meet him on Thursday. My Union has been heavily involved in trying to get the sedition provisions of the anti-freedom bill (officially called the anti-terrorism bill)removed. On our behalf and on behalf of other organisations, two people were appearing before the senate hearing on the bill. I went along and sat in the audience for moral support. Afterwards when we all came together, Bob came up and talked to one of the people who appeared before the hearing and I was introduced to him and briefly talked to him. I have now met the two greatest living Australians; Jack Mundey and Bob Brown.

In terms of the sedition provisions removed, we have the support of the Greens, Democrats and a growing number of Liberal Backbenchers. The ALP? That don’t seem to give a fuck about it. Useless bastards they are.

Currently I am reading a book called "The Emerging Police State" a series of speeches given by a Jewish American lawyer who ought for a free, open and just society.

In a speech given in 1971 he says things that are so relevant to Australia today given the bills the government is trying to pass:

"You have no claim – and when I say you I mean all of us – have no claim that we are better or more righteous people than any other people on earth. That we have better instincts, that we’re finer human being, we’re all the same. When the fright’s grown and you permit it to grow, you too will tolerate any indecency, if you are afraid enough….

I think that this issue of violence on your part or the part of the other groups or individuals I mentioned is being used politically and ethically to destroy; to bring about a situation in which all governmental policies, all of the system’s excesses, will pass without opposition, first subtly, and then not so subtly. And there is a chance that at some time, somewhere in the future, we will suddenly wake up one sad and tragic morning and hear those same boots at the door that the Germans began to hear after 1934, and say to ourselves "My God, did it happen? Where did we go wrong? Why can’t we fight back?" By then it’s much too late, and then it’s all gone and you and I may have to live out another nightmare until it comes right again. That should not happen to human being….

You have to ask yourselves without becoming overly frightened or overly hysterical – if it can happen there, it can happen here. If one nation can go mad, so can another. But it doesn’t come overnight. It is not a sudden climatic epidemic sickness. It is the accumulation of the loss of bits of freedom everywhere that suddenly bring that strange and tragic morning I referred to."

He also says something else that I truly believe:

" I guess what I am trying to say, with as much earnestness as I can muster, is that the only life worth living is one which is devoted to the welfare of others. Everything else – the earning of daily bread, the satisfaction of individual ego, the attainment of personal goals – must remain avocation rather than vocation. Only then can the lasting nature of human interdependence be understood and affirmed."

I really do believe this and have for over 10 years now. Who knows, as I get older, or if I develop family responsibilities this may change. However (and here is where I will tie in the two strains of this post) with the woman referred to earlier in the post I don’t think this will happen, because she seems to share the same belief. And this is why in such a short period of time she has got me hook, line and sinker.

2005-11-14T20:07:00.000+11:00

POLITICS AND OTHER THINGS

After working three straight days of at least 12 hours (12 on Wednesday, 14 on Thursday, 13 on Friday) and having to get up early on Saturday to go to and speak at a protest outside Villawood Detention centre, I was, for want of a better expression, totally fucked by Saturday afternoon. So much so that I went to sleep at 5pm Saturday afternoon and didn’t get up until after 9am Sunday morning. However on Sunday morning I woke up feeling very refreshed and ready to face the world again.

Now in a previous post Mr : Watermelon said:

"How exactly did this blog go from harsh political commentary to soapie?"

and you know what? He has a point. Thus while I was going to do a post in response to a tag this lady I will put this off again and will take this opportunity to explain to this lady what Anarcho-Syndicalism is , while starting off with my analysis of the political parties in Australia I used to comment on this lady’s blog.

However before going onto this a few house-keeping matters:

* The woman (you should all know which one) sent me a text message on Friday apologising for not replying sooner and indicating she still wants to "catch up". Is she still interested? Who knows (or who cares some of you may be thinking). We will see. I think I’ll leave the ball in her court now.

*AOF and Guru, I have to be down in Melbourne definitely for Friday the 25th of November. I have a few other things to do in Melbourne, but I’m not too sure if they will be before or after Friday. Once I’ve decided I will let you and everybody else know; if you want to be regaled with my stories of run-ins with the police and right-wing arseholes for political activities people, let me know.

*Justine, yes I have seen the Dinner Game. In fact it was one of the first movies I brought on DVD. However the ultimate anti-wine movie for me is "Sideways". I’m sorry, I find it hard to feel sorry for the main character given he is a major wine drinker. If it wasn’t for his love of wine I would feel so sorry for him; as it is I feel like tipping the bottles of wine over his head.

* Susanne, to me "Donnie Darko" (DD) and "Edward Scissorhands" (ES) both deal with Teenage alienation; the idea that as a teenager you feel that you hurt the ones you love. In ES Edward literally hurts those people he "touches", people he cares about. In DD, Donnie feels responsible for the death of his girlfriend, because it is he who dragged her to where she was run over. As he says to his mother "how does it feel having a fuck-up for a son?". They also both deal with something that can result from this alienation; teenage suicide. In ES, Edward "disappears" forever to escape the world that he feels (in some ways rightly) hates him. In DD, Donnie "sacrifices" himself for the good of his loved ones. Another thing both movies have in common is their belief in the bigotry that lies beneath the surface of white middle America. In ES, the dull, mindless, white middle class neighbourhood harbours a reservation to Edward and quickly turn on him when a problem arises because he is not one of them. In DD, Donnie’s Parents openly support George Bush (Senior) even though his election campaign was out and out racist, playing on the fear that African-Americans in White middle class America.

Now, my lead in to what Anarch-syndicalism is about is an analysis of the political parties in Australia.

The Liberals; They are pure evil. Their main philosophies are to steal from the poor to give to the rich and that the rich not only have the right to exploit the poor, but that it is the duty of the government to help them do this. They also believe that unless you are a rich, white, Anglo with Fascist leanings, then you are an inferior being whose life is expendable.

The Nationals: They are pure evil too and essentially believe the same thing as the Liberals, except when it comes to farmers. They view farmers as the most noble people on earth, no matter in-bred or how many sheep they have molested. In fact they believe you are not a real farmer unless you are in-bred and molest sheep.

The Australian Labor Party; A strange creature. Most of the parliamentary party and secretariat believe the same things as the Liberals, but the rank and file (ordinary members) and some of the parliamentary party believe the exact opposite. Thus they are a conflicted party that spend more time fighting one another than attacking the government.

One Nation, Australian Against Further Immigration etc: Pure stupidity AND pure evil. They hate Asians and "Ethnics" even though they have never come across any of them. Similarly they hate books and cans of deodorant. They also hold similar views on farmers as the Nationals.

Family First/Christian Democrats: These are religious fundamentalist parties like Al-Queda, except they are Christian fundamentalists. Like Al-Queda they choose obscure lines from the scriptures to justify their bigotry and hate, while ignoring the other 99% of the scriptures that preach love and tolerance of all people. However they are worse than Al-Queda because they also worship at the altar of the almighty dollar and thus support the Liberals economic policy.

Democrats: They often make up their policies as they go. They like to consider themselves socially progressive while being "fiscally responsible"; that is tight arsed economic rationalists. What they fail to realise (or ignore) is that economic rationalism causes social problems, and as such can’t be separated. Thus at times they can appear good; opposing mandatory detention of asylum seekers, and the anti-freedom, I mean anti-terrorism bill. At other times they mimic the Liberals economic policy, eg the GST and the Workplace relations act.

The Greens: A party committed to the equality of all people, regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, religion, social origin etc. Their economic policies are based on the humane ideal that nobody should have more than they need when others are living in poverty.

Anarcho-sydnicalists: They are not actually a party, because they believe the state is the ultimate evil, and as such they cannot participate in it. They hold the same ideals as the Greens, but they believe that this can only be achieved by direct action from working people. All anarcho-syndicalysts are extremely noble and intelligent people.

As the good old Wikipedia says:

Anarcho-syndicalism is a branch of anarchism which focuses on the labor movement, hence the "syndicalism" qualification. Anarcho-syndicalists view labor unions as a potential force for revolutionary social change, replacing capitalism and the state with a new society democratically self-managed by workers. Anarcho-syndicalists seek to abolish the wage system and most forms of private property, which leads to class divisions. The basic principles of anarcho-syndicalism are:

1. Workers’ solidarity
2. Direct Action
3. Worker’s Self management.

However Wikipedia then says:

Some Anarcho-Syndicalists believe that only direct action — that is, action concentrated on directly attaining a goal, as opposed to indirect action, such as electing a representative to a government position — will allow workers to liberate themselves.

In reality, all true Anarcho-Syndicalists believe that only direct action will allow worker’s to liberate themselves. This is what separates them from Marxists/Communists with whom they share some similar views.

Marxists/Communists believe in the need for a "revolutionary vanguard", a political party that will lead the revolution and participate on some level in the political process. For Anarcho-syndicalists this is a heresy; by having an established political party you become part of the state you are trying to overthrow, and by having a party structure, you have a hierarchy which is supposed to be eliminated in a classless society. Thus this is contradictory to, and an impediment to eliminating the state.

The other main area of difference is the arrangement after a revolution. For Marxists/Communists there is the need for the state to be maintained initially via a "dictatorship of the proletariat", which will eventually cause the state to wither away. For Anarcho-Syndicalists, the state must be abolished immediately, otherwise the "dictatorship" will become entrenched and never relinquish power.

YGWIN you referred to me as a "Pinko", though in a nice way. The term "Pinko" was initially used to refer to somebody with Marxist/Communist "sympathies", a "watered down" version of red, the colour traditionally associated with Communists/Marxists. However I don’t have Marxist/Communist sympathies; I have Anarcho-Syndicalist sympathies, whose "political colours" are red and black. Thus you should refer to me as the Grey Pinko, YGWIN.

Well, I think that’s all for now. For those of you who made it to the end, Well done!

2005-11-09T20:48:00.000+11:00

THE SHAPE OF THINGS

People, I owe you an apology. I know I should have posted earlier, but unfortunately I didn’t feel up to it, and I am snowed under with work and refugee work.

Well, late on Thursday afternoon, I received an SMS from her asking if I could come over another day. If someone had of punched me in the stomach or kicked me in the groin then I could not have felt worse. I SMS’d her back saying to let me know whenever is good for her. So far she hasn’t. On Monday I SMS’d her asking how the assignment was going; I’ve received no response.

I realise she is probably very busy with her assignment, but it doesn’t look good. Which leads me to ask; what is wrong with me? I mean, we seem to have so much in common, and she seems like such a thoroughly nice and decent person. Am I that hideous, because that is the only conclusion I can reach. Who knows maybe she will contact me soon, but I am not holding my breath. I like the woman, but I don’t feel up to contacting her again and being made to feel like shit.

On top of that, I am snowed under with work (8;30pm and still at work), much of which revolves around opposing the sedition provisions of the Anti-terrorism bill, and the draconian IR legislation, as well my usual things demanding humane treatment of refugees outside of work. What a great fucking world, country and society we live in.

In one of those strange coincidences, of those few people who read this blog, most of you are from Melbourne. After 6 months of putting it off, I will be down in Melbourne for work; people look out for the sad, hideous figure, who seems to have lost the last vestige of his sanity; that will be me.

2005-11-03T10:07:00.000+11:00

LOVE LIFE UPDATE

Thank you all, ladies and gentleman for the advice and encouragement. I should say that I am more of a reader than a writer; thus please don’t feel snubbed if I don’t respond to your comments immediately; it may take a few days (I have responded to your comments on my last post).

Taking on the advice from some of you, I put into action a fourth plan. Talking last Friday, I found out that she has recently begun to like I band that I also like and have a number of CDs of. Thus I decided I would burn copies of them, call her up and ask her if she would like me to drop it off at her place.

After 3 hours of trying to pick up the phone and call her, I finally settled the butterflies in my stomach and called her. I told her I burned the CDs for her and asked her if she would like to drop them around her place in the next day or two. She said she would like that.

We then proceeded to talk for the next hour on her job, my job and the general state of society. This is a good sign isn’t it? I Should also mention that in our conversations, 60% of the time it is her talking, 40% of the time it is me talking; ask anybody who knows me, this is unheard of, me letting someone else dominate the conversation. She also apologised in advance for the state of her apartment and her own state given she is focusing on her assessment. Again, this is a good sign isn’t it?

Well, tonight I go around to her place to drop the CDs off. Here’s to hoping it goes well.

2005-10-31T16:18:00.000+11:00

WHERE TO FROM HERE?

I’m sure that you have all been faced with the situation where you have built up somebody so much in your mind, that when you actually see them you can’t help but feel a little disappointed.

Well that’s what happened on Friday night. Upon seeing my date I couldn’t help but feel that "This is the person who has been on my mind constantly for the last week?" However by the end of the night, this feeling had totally evaporated and I was even more captivated by her. It just goes to show that looks aren’t what is important, but a person’s intelligence and personality. That’s not to say that she is "physically" unattractive; I wouldn’t change a thing about the way she looks. It’s just that this is secondary to personality and intelligence.

Due to few different things (mainly women getting ready issues) things started a bit late, and as a result we ended up missing the play we were going to see. However I’m actually really glad this happened, because it meant we spent more time talking. After we had dinner we went and had a few drinks, where we talked, essentially for about 5 straight hours. Only once at the end of the evening was there one of those awkward silences, but this only lasted for about 15 to 20 seconds. I was just really enjoying myself listening to her and looking into her beautiful blue eyes. The more she talked, the more I learnt about her and the more I liked (loved?) her. Eventually it ended, as she was tired (she works 2 jobs and studies part time, so I can totally understand) and had an assignment to do the next day, and I had to get up early for a protest outside Villawood detention centre.

However the end of the night came, and it wasn’t until she was about to get out of the car that I indicated, in a very pissweak way it must be said (you’d think things would get easier as you got older) how much I enjoyed spending time with her and asked if after she would like to actually go see the play we had missed in two weekends time when she had finished her assessments.

Now this is where the problems begin. She said that yes, after she had finished her assessments she would like to "catch up" with me. Now maybe I am I am totally wrong, but "catch up" seems to be something you do with friends, not somebody you are romantically interested in. However she then said to me that after assignments were over and she was less tired and stressed she wouldn’t be as boring and would be more "fun". Now again, this may be wrong, but this seems to be more like something you would say to somebody you may be romantically interested in.

Thus I am at a loss. Three other potentially relevant pieces of information; Firstly she said she cancelled a get together with a friend on Friday to "go out" with me. Secondly after I we missed the play I suggested we go to a movie, but she said she would prefer to go and have a few drinks instead, because she was tired and afraid she would fall asleep in it. Thirdly I SMSd her on Saturday saying how much I enjoyed her company; she SMSd me back saying she also had a good time.

Now analysing the events (I am always told that I over analyse things) there are a number of different possibilities:

1. She thought I had initially asked her out as a friend thing, more than on a date, and thinks that I have also asked her out as a friend again.
2. She thought I had initially asked her out as a friend thing, more than on a date but now realises I asked her out on a date and doesn’t feel that way about me.
3. She thought I had initially asked her out as a friend thing, more than on a date, but now realises I asked her out on a date and isn’t sure how she feels about me.
4. She thought I had initially asked her out as a friend thing, more than on a date, but now realises I asked her out on a date and thinks she may also like me in that way.
5. She knows I asked her out on a date, but now realises she doesn’t feel attracted to me.
6. She knows I asked her out on a date, but still isn’t sure how she feels about me.
7. She knows I asked her out on a date, and is attracted to me.

Now as I said, I really like (love?) this woman. As I see it I have three options:

1. Wait until she finishes her assessments in two weeks time then arrange to go out with her again. This would seem to make the most sense. However these next two weeks will be hell; the last three days alone have dragged on unbearably; I find it difficult to enjoy the taste of chaos concert on Saturday because I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even worse is if we go out and she tells me she isn’t interested in me in romantic way; to see her and talk to he again would just make this so much more painful, even though it will be painful regardless.

2. Let her know how I feel about her prior to this by sending her roses. This would seem to be the best way of finding out where things stand quickly, and it may even help her to make up her mind if it is undecided, though this could be in either direction; she may find it romantic or she may find it too quick too soon.

3. Get in contact with our common friend to see if she can find out anything. This would involve the least embarrassment to me if she wasn’t attracted to me, though it is also extremely adolescent to do this. It should also be noted that our common friend is in England at the moment, and even when in Australia she is not very reliable.

So that is where I am at. Where to from here? Please people, your thoughts; which is the most likely scenario (I suppose this is more directed to you ladies) in terms of her feelings given the above and which of the above three should I do? I am so conflicted here.

2005-10-25T18:15:00.000+10:00

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Well, my talk on Saturday went well, and the Refugee conference as whole went well; we were expecting 50 people, thought 100 would be phenomenal, and as such we were pleased with the 80 to 90 people who turned up.

As for the other matter on Saturday, throughout the morning I looked out for the woman who I had met at the Ashfield Carnival of Cultures. I especially hoped she would come to my session so I could show off in front of her, you know, like a teenage boy (I readily admit I still act like a child). However wishing didn’t make it so.

I went out to Lunch, and upon returning I noticed she had turned up. I went up to her we talked a little bit. I followed her to the sessions she went to and sat down next to her, without acting like too much of a stalker. We talked a bit more, and guess what? We seemed to (for want of a better expression) "hit it off". We went to a refugee art collection opening after the conference, talked for a few hours together and seemed to share a fair bit in common. At the end of the night, we shared a cab home, and even before I could ask her out, she offered me her number, then realised I had it, and asked for my number, which I gave to her. We are likely going to see a play this Friday night. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.

Things I have learnt about her already that I really like:

1. She is of Slavic Background – A mixture of Eastern and Western Slavic
2. She really cares about the refugee issue in Australia
3. She doesn’t own a car
4. She grew up in the same area as me, a very working class area
5. She now lives in the same area as me, which is very ethnically diverse
6. She is a bit of a movie buff
7. She is doing a Masters Degree in Sociology at my old University
8. One of her old school friends who she still keeps in contact with is an old work friend of mine who I still keep in contact with, and who I really trust and like.
9. She seems very pro-union and pro-workers rights
Oh and
10. She has the most beautiful blue eyes, which are highlighted be her long dark hair.

On the negative side, she does drink wine, but given all of the above, I am ready to not let this be an issue.

To top off a great weekend, I spent a few hours with my ten month old Nephew on Sunday. He gets more adorable every time I see him. He loves it when I lift him up as high as possible and then lower his face right down to my face, but strangely he doesn’t seem to enjoy it when other people do it. He has also started giving people hugs, predominantly my little Nieces, and his Mother and Father, though he did give me two as well; It is such a great feeling.

Why can’t all weekends be like this?

2005-10-20T18:27:00.000+10:00

REFUGEES

On Monday night the refugee group I am a member of got word that a man was about to be deported "home" to Bangladesh, even though he had lived in Australia for 13 years. Recently there have been other 300 acts of violence by Islamic fundamentalists in Bangladesh (not that we here about it in the news; hey these people are dark-skinned, there lives aren’t worth as much as a white peoples) who want Sharia law introduced. As someone opposed to this fundamentalism the man did not want go back to such a situation. Our government didn’t care and wanted to deport him.

Thus some of us went out to the airport. We knew we wouldn’t be able to directly stop his deportation as he wouldn’t be going through the main lounge and we weren’t too sure what flight he was on. However we hoped to let people who would be on his flight know about this so that they would protest, refuse to get seated and thus stop the flight from taking off until he was removed from the plane (this had happened before). Thus we went to the departure gate and held up signs, my one saying "Is someone handcuffed and guarded on your flight? Protest and don’t let it take of!".

Surprisingly the federal police and airport security didn’t kick us out like they have previously because we were just standing there silently, though they did monitor us very heavily. When one of our group approached people to talk about it she was warned that is she continued this she would be kicked out. Most people read our signs silently, some made derogatory comments, some made positive comments. From what we understand the man was deported. At times like these I am so ashamed to be Australian and despise the absolute majority of my fellow Australians who vote for parties that support such policies. There is a part of me that almost wishes that there were terrorist (whatever that means) attacks on Australian soil so that people would understand the sort of terror refugees are fleeing from.

This Saturday at UTS in Sydney there is a refugee rights conference on "Where to now for the refugee Movement". As some of our more qualified speakers (people with PHDs) have had to pull out for a number of reasons, I have agreed to be on the "History of Australian response to immigrants and refugees" panel. Even though I know a fair bit about this, I have a bit of reading to do in the next few days so I don’t make an ass of myself. Well so I at least don’t make a major ass of myself. It’s difficult for me not make at least a bit of an ass of myself generally

I’m really hoping that the Slavic girl with the gorgeous eyes I talked to on the issue at the Ashfield Carnival of Cultures turns up. It will brighten up what has been a very depressing week since Monday night.

2005-10-14T18:00:00.000+10:00

20 THINGS ABOUT ME

Well I’ve been tagged by
Justine so here are 20 facts about me:

1. I hate my middle name: John. So boring and conservative. I dream about changing it to Krzysztof.

2. After a really heavy, and I mean REALLY heavy, night of drinking I have been taken in an ambulance to hospital and had my stomach pumped.

3. I love Punk/Emo/Hardcore music and despise Dance, Techno, House, R’n’B, Hip Hop, Rap and Heavy Metal.

4. I suffer from severe bi-polar disorder (my posts don’t give it away do they?)

5. I have one big bourgeois extravagance; I am a huge movie buff, and have over 600 DVDs and 200 Videos. However I hate your typical Hollywood Blockbuster; give me European Cinema any day.

6. I have lived one of my dreams; I got to go up to John Howard one day and abuse him.

7. I was raised as a devout Roman Catholic, but I am now a die hard atheist.

8. I don’t have a driver’s license, or obviously, a car. I have made a conscience decision to never own a car; they are so destructive to the environment and people can do without them.

9. Rather than go into the legal profession after I left university I worked as a storeman. Seriously.

10. At the age of 29 nothing makes me more nervous than asking a woman out. I have no problem standing up to give a speech in front of hundreds of people I don’t know on 5 minutes notice (I have done this on a number of occasions) but asking a woman out still scares the living daylights out of me.

11. The love of my life at the moment is my ten month old Nephew: I look forward to seeing, nursing and kissing him more than anything else in the world.

12. I usually read 2 or 3 books a week.

13. I can play the saxophone.

14. Some of my ancestors were members of Genghis Khan’s army that settled in what is modern day Ukraine.

15. The first band I ever saw perform live was Roxette. What the hell was I thinking?

16. I know how to swear in Arabic.

17. In case you don’t know, I love watching the Simpsons. I will never tire of this show.

18. My entire "professional life" (you know those jobs that require a degree, even though you rarely, if ever, use it) has been spent working for Unions.

19. I haven’t had a holiday in 5 years, and in the same time I have only had one sick day.

20. Um, my eyes are a mixture of Blue and Green. When the light is dark they look very green, when the light is bright they look very blue.

So who do I tag. Well firstly, despite her lies, AOF . Hmmm, then how about
woman with a patch fetish
Oh and then the lady with the
Luscious Lips
Lastly there is the
Russian Princess
Oh, why not one more the
Emo Girl

2005-10-10T20:53:00.000+10:00

ETHICAL DILEMMA

Sunday was the Ashfield Carnival of Cultures, a celebration of the ethnic diversity of the Ashfield Council area, arguably the most ethnically diverse council area in the Inner West of Sydney (Marrickville would be the only other council area that may be more diverse).

The refugee rights group I am a member of went along to hand out flyers on the mandatory detention of Asylum Seekers, particularly the Chinese (the largest group in detention at the moment; about 200 people). Given the large Chinese Australian population in Ashfield we had the flyer translated into Mandarin, which was very well received, as was our presence as whole; the positive comments far outweighed the negative ones.

We also had a sign up list for our email group. While at our little stall (essentially a card table with info) a woman came up, who was obviously interested in the issue. We talked for a while about the issue, which she seemed to have quite a good knowledge of. At the end she signed up to our email and SMS list.

Given her interest in the refugee issues and her intelligence, and the fact that she had extremely beautiful eyes, I had to say I found her very attractive. Looking at her name and realising she was Slavic made her even more so. As I have her phone number and our list, the big ethical dilemma is do I get her phone number off the list to call her and ask her out?

In the previous union I worked for there was a member I really liked, but I didn't think it appropriate to ask her out until I was leaving the job. I didn't think it was right to do this as it may have presented an obstacle to her contacting me for advice as a member if she said found my asking her out awkward.

I am thus confronted by a similar dilemma. Hopefully she will turn up to an event of ours soon and become active in the group. After a short while, I would ask her out so that she would then be comfortable with the group as a whole and thus wouldn’t be scared away if she found my actions awkward. However if she doesn't, is it right for me to ask her out and possibly risk forming a barrier to her becoming involved at a later time? People, guidance?

2005-10-02T11:37:00.000+10:00

HOPE AND SACRIFICE?

2 Weekends ago there was the Marrickville by-election in Sydney for the NSW Parliament. The Evil fuckwits (aka the Liberals) decided not to run a candidate, so essentially the contest was between the other evil, though not as evil as the Liberals, fuckwits (aka the ALP) and The Greens. Despite the fact that the seat was a safe ALP seat, the ALP was worried. Putting up a homophobic candidate in Carmel Tebutt, the wife of ALP "left" (yeah right, ALP parliamentarians being left) powerbroker Mr Anthony "I can’t keep my dick in my pants for two minutes" Albanese, in an electorate with a large Gay and Lesbian population doesn’t help, but does show the arrogance of the ALP.

On election day there was a sense that an upset may be possible, and the booth I was working at more people took Greens flyers exclusively from me than took ALP flyers exclusively from the ALP volunteers. In the end the ALP got about 49% of the primary vote, the Greens 38% (though the booth I was working was won by the Greens). Obviously there was a sense of disappointment that the Greens didn’t win, but at the same time the fact that they got 38% of the primary vote is something to be positive and optimistic about. Slowly, but surely, The Greens vote is increasing. Is there hope for society after all?

I also recently got to meet and talk to the greatest living Australian: Jack Mundey. For those of you who don’t know who Jack Mundey was, he was the General Secretary of the NSW Building Labourers’ Federation (BLF). Under Jack and his cohorts Bob Pringle and Joe Owens, the NSW BLF was noted for the implementation of Green Bans that stopped the destruction of The Rocks, The State Theatre, the Regent Theatre to name a few and protected numerous parks and pieces of bush from being developed. They also protected low income housing in parts of Sydney from being developed into office blocks and luxury apartments. While this in itself would have made Jack, Bob and Joe great, they also lead the NSW BLF on greater social justice campaigns; equal rights for woman, homosexuals and Aboriginals, they fought against teams from Apartheid South Africa playing in Australia, and fought for prisoners rights. On top of that they also greatly improved the working conditions and wages of their largely unskilled members in the building industry. In the end they were destroyed by business interests, established political parties and their own federal leadership based in Victoria (bloody Victorians).

What contributes to them being so great was their commitment to democracy; the ideals weren’t imposed on the NSW BLF membership; all these actions were voted for and supported by the members of the NSW BLF. These people were largely unskilled, uneducated labourers, who were willing to sacrifice their wages for the greater good of all of society. But then again so was their leadership; when the members went on strike, the NSW BLF leadership agreed that they should not be paid also, and all elected positions were for limited tenure.

It was a remarkable time, and Jack was, and still is, a remarkable person. He showed that it was possible to appeal to the decency in people. I think about this as I sit at work on Sunday waiting to give a talk at a Free China rally this afternoon, after having to get up nice and early to give a talk for work. Maybe there is hope that through the sacrifice of some people, that a just, equal and fair society will emerge.

2005-09-22T11:51:00.000+10:00

THE CHOICES WE MAKE . . . . .AND MUSIC (Part 2)

In response to my last post, the lovely Justine said: "men in suits don't get roots". Now I don’t know about that, but in my own personal experience I know that men with principles get dumped.

The strange thing is that if I was purely after getting "roots" this aspect of life would be tolerable (though not good). That is not to say that I have many women throwing themselves at me, but every once in a while a woman (sometimes who purely on looks alone seem to be way out of my league) seems willing to sleep with me after I have only just met them. Once in particular I was confounded by a woman, who most of the men at the BBQ I was at had been hitting on, after talking with her, asked me if I wanted to come back to her place that night. My response was "I don’t think I can, I have to get up early for work tomorrow" There was a part of me that regretted that (and part of me still does, again purely on looks she was a stunner).

However I believe that sex is an intimate act between two people that should not occur willy-nilly. Now I’m not a Christian, so I don’t believes that you should save yourself for marriage, I just think sex is too intimate to have with someone you just met; for me it is an indication that I have particular feelings for a person. If sex isn’t an intimate act, but something that is just done purely just for fun and not an indication of any feelings for that person, why would you get upset if you partner "cheated" on you with another person? If it isn’t an indication of greater feelings, why shouldn’t your partner be able to sleep with another person?

But that’s off the point. What I have encountered in woman who I have gone out with, and who I have had feelings for but have dumped me, are two main reasons for why they have dumped me. These reasons are based on the choices I have made; my career choices and my political/social activism (Even though I hate the word activism; does anybody have a better name for it?). I tend to get dumped by woman who I care about because I am too serious, or not serious enough.

When I get dumped because I am too serious, it not because they disagree with my career choice, but because I believe in fighting for what I believe. It is also because I don’t believe in going out and getting pissed/stoned/coked off my face etc. as often as possible and "dancing" too shithouse R’n’B, hip-hop, techno, dance and other such crap while pissed/stoned etc. I’m sorry, this does nothing for me and seems a perfect example of Western decadence, which I so hate. I would much rather watch an intelligent movie (which rules out anything shown at Greater Union/Hoyts), go watch soe theatre or see a band play live or engage in an intellectual discussion.

When I get dumped because I am not serious enough, it is not because they disagree with how I choose to spend my leisure time, but because I don’t take my career seriously enough. According to them I should be doing a job that will provide for my future, which would allow me to buy a house and car, instead of doing a job that reeks of "teen rebellion" against society. As I said in my previous post, I made a career choice to do what I believe in, and for better or worse I won’t (or can’t because of my personal convictions) change.

Now you may say that obviously if these woman feel this way, why would you want to go out with them. I have gone out once or twice with a woman who quite frankly is a bimbo, and as such things have quickly ended. However normally I am very choosy with who I go out with when it comes to their politics and personality (if they vote Liberal, I will not go out with them full stop). As such the few women I do go out with are decent, nice people for the most part. So what does this say about me? Besides if they aren’t "right" for me, where are the woman who are, because I’ve yet to come across one.

Which brings me again to my love of Punk/Hardcore/Emo music. Nothing quite expresses the anger and anguish I feel over the failure of my personal relationships quite like Punk/Hardcore/Music. Thus when feeling down about this, I listening to this help me. Below are some of my favourite lyrics that really express my anger and anguish.

Bayside - "Just Enough To Love You"

Push me out from the darkness
To a sky that's coloured blue
Somewhere someone's finding happiness
While I'm still here so hung up on you

Nothing is real
And I want you to know
That I'm not alright
When you tear open my chest
I'll try not to flinch
I won't make promises
I won't make promises
You taught me that.
I'm still losing what's left of my self esteem
And I'm still watching the slow fading of all my daydreams

The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most
So I'll bite my tongue til it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know
The easiest things to fake are feelings to fool someone else
And I've been tricked for so long by you that I spent these last few months in my own hell

A failed apology
A day too late but now I see
That all you really want's to see me dangle neck first from a tree
But what would you need me for
You've got friends galore
And all you've ever been to me is a waste of time and nothing more

Nothing is real (Nothing is real)
and I want you to know (and I want you to know)
That I'm not alright (That I'm not alright)
When you tear (tear open my chest) open my chest
(I'll try not to flinch) I'll try not to flinch
(I won't make promises) I won't make promises
(I won't make promises) You taught me that

I hate myself
For loving you like this
And I hate myself for hating myself
Just enough to love you
Just enough to love you

Anberlin – "Naïve Orleans"

Hearts now severed
Difference of forever
And I am lost there

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around

Silverstein – "Smashed Into Pieces"

Never Again.
I'll slit my throat with the knife I pulled out of my spine.
Maybe when you find out that I'm dead,
you'll realise what you did to me.

[Chorus]
And if my lungs still let me breathe,
would you be there for me.
If I can make myself believe,
I'll give you back what you took away.

No, I won't let it go.
Douse myself in gasoline.
So don't save me when you come into the fire.
I'd rather die than have to see your smile.

Hawthorne Heights – "Ohio is for Lovers"

And I can't make it on my own.
(And I can't make it on my own.)
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

Senses Fail – "One Eight Seven"

It's so nice sitting very still, in a room where no one else can feel the pain that breaks my heart each day, I'm not ok.
Sunlight shining through my window, let's me know that I'm still alive
Why did I ever let you inside my heart? I'm such a fool.
Paint my face in shades of blood and grey and take a seat right next to me
Well I should've known that you were a killer.
But now I'm dead.

A gaping hole, shot through my heart
A lost connection from your poison dart
Shot from your tongue to end my life.
You're blowing at the fire to light your strife.

You'll never know.
The hardest thing about dying is, knowing you'll never see the light of day.

A gaping hole shot...(shot through my heart)
A lost connection from your poison dart.
My head now spins and my ears bleed gold.
I try so fucking hard, but I can't fit your mould.

You ripped my heart out, you tore my eyes out, now you're gonna pay
I'll stab you one time.
I'll eat your heart out so you feel my pain.
Don't you know that I always see you in all of my dreams?
I wanna kill you, but now I'm insane

Motion City Soundtrack – "When "You’re" Around"

The rumors start to rise
Did truly do the things that "you've" described?
They must hate me, every single one
It just sickens them what I consider fun

But all I could do was close my eyes
And cross my arms and hope to die
Cause "you" don't fucking listen when I'm around
The least "you" could do is take it back;
All the vicious remarks and verbal attacks
Cause I can't fucking stand it
When "you're" around

2005-09-15T20:27:00.000+10:00

THE CHOICES WE MAKE . . . . .AND MUSIC

A few years ago now (it seems like an eternity) I had a decision to make. I would be graduating from Uni with a Law degree (and an Arts degree) and had been asked to apply for a job with a medium sized law firm and been offered a job by a local solicitor to work with him. I could also have applied for one of the big law firms. Sure, in all three cases the jobs would be boring, but in a few years I could be raking in the money.

There was just one problem. My conscience. Such work seemed frivolous, or even downright evil (corporate law? Conveyancing? Ugh). Thus I had a decision to make. Take a job that would pay me potentially great money, but that I knew wasn’t right? Or choose to do something else more in line with my beliefs even though it wouldn’t likely pay well?

I chose the second option; I went to work in the Union movement, and while the pay isn’t horrible, it isn’t great either; I try to avoid people I went to uni with because I don’t want to hear about how much they earn. And for the most part I don’t have regrets about my decision; I enjoy my work and find it rewarding.

However there are times when things get to me and I wonder about my decision; I look at the world and see how little difference I am making and think "Why should I give a shit when nobody else does? Maybe I should see if I can start a career in corporate law and earn shitloads of money; I mean I have had more than a few lawyers tell me I am smart enough to do it." As a big movie buff, I see wide-screen Plasma Televisions and wish I could buy one, but it isn’t going to happen on my salary. Or, in an extremely rare moment for me, I saw a multi-coloured blazer the other day that looked great (because it, and anybody wearing I,t would stand out as being different, and not a sheep), but it cost $380 and I can’t afford a $380 blazer. This causes me even more consternation, and even a sense of regret.

Melbourne punk Band Blueline Medic (watch them live if you get the chance, so much energy) sum things up nicely in their song "Making the Nouvea Riche" :

You say I have to get a real life
But I'm not sure how that in making someone or other rich
Is any more real than making
A niche for yourself
I’m without a zack, a truth, a coin, a kopeck,
Or an elusive brass razoo
But my dear rationalist
Don't dream I couldn't care
I too grow quickly bored
Of the clothes I wear
So maybe I should go and get a real life
Real life scrapping a deposit together

I made my choice, full well knowing what it would entail. I could change my decision now, but it would destroy who I am and the things about me that I like.

Inevitably the feelings of regret pass, mainly with the help of Punk/Hardcore/Emo music, often while doing some weights to get all the aggression out of me.

The politics and emotion punk, and it’s off-shoots Hardcore and Emo, often reflect my politics, and my feelings of anger and despair. It’s also good to know that there are others out there that feel the same as me. That is why these are my favourite types of music, music that, surprisingly to most people, helps me relax.

Thus, even though it will make this post ridiculously long, I am going to include some my favourite political punk/emo/hardcore lyrics (not all the song, just my favourite parts). I recommend you listen to these songs.

PROPAGANDHI - "The Only Good Fascist Is A Very Dead Fascist"

Swastikas and Klan-robes. Sexist, racist, homophobes.
Aryan-Nations and Hammerskins: you can wear my nuts on your nazi chins!
God, I love a man in uniform!
(But, uh, before we get too intimate here, big fella):
what exactly are the great historical accomplishments of "your" race that make you proud to be white?
Capitalism? Slavery? Genocide? Sitcoms? Guns? War? Pollution? Addiction? NAFTA? Thigh-Master?
This is your fucking white-history, my "friend".
So why don't we start making a history worth being proud of and start fighting the real fucking enemy:
the white male capitalist supremacist.

RISE AGAINST – "Blood Red, White and Blue"

would God bless a murder of the innocents?
would God bless a war based on pride?
would God bless a money-hungry government? no

would God bless our ineffective court system?
God bless the sweatshops we run.
would God bless America?
God bless America

ALKALINE TRIO – "We’ve had enough"

In the darkness where the angels cry
Give us water, give us back our eyes
Our bed's this concrete floor, and it's all we have left to live for
A day we'll never face
We're only second-handed, sick, and lonely
Fighting back the tears and every urge to Van Gogh both our ears….

That said, we've had enough
Please turn that fucking radio off
Ain't nothing on the air waving the despair we feel
That said, we've had enough
Put "Walk Among Us" on and turn it up
Ain't nothing on the air waving the hatred we feel

BAD RELIGION – "Sorrow"
father, can you hear me?
How have i let you down?
I curse the day that i was born,
And all the sorrow in the world...
Let me take you to the herding ground,
Where all good men are trampled down,
Just to settle a bet that could not be won,
Between a prideful father and his son.
Well you guard me now for i can't see,
A reason for this suffering and this long misery.

ANTI-FLAG – "Turncoat"

States lies dressed up as evening news
We're tired of lies we want the truth
Broadcast by corpses courting you
We're tired of lies we want the truth
Most people they will never know
We're tired of lies we want the truth
With your or against you?

Then I am against you because you're a...
TURNCOAT! KILLER! LIAR! THIEF!
Criminal with protection of the law
TURNCOAT! KILLER! LIAR! THIEF!

Criminal with protection of the law
In your corner
Makes me wanna
Douse myself in gasoline!
Civil servants fall in line for you
Too brainwashed to see the truth
You use anyone you can!

NOFX – "Franco Un-American"

I never looked around, never second-guessed
Then I read some Howard Zinn now I'm always depressed
And now I can't sleep from years of apathy
All because I read a little Noam Chomsky

I'm eating vegetation, 'cause of Fast Food Nation
I'm wearing uncomfortable shoes 'cause of globalization
I'm watching Michael Moore expose the awful truth
I'm listening to Public Enemy and Reagan Youth

I see no world peace 'cause of zealous armed forces
I eat no breath-mints 'cause they're from de-hoofed horses

2005-09-08T16:05:00.000+10:00

HUMAN CONDUCT AND SOCIETY

People, I will warn you that this post isn’t a particularly happy one (are any of my posts?); in fact it is quite pessimistic and fatalistic (again). Sorry, but that is my feelings about the world at present.

Currently I am re-reading "This was for the Gas, Ladies and Gentlemen" by Tadeusz Borowski.

Taduesz was a Polish writer who was sent to Auschwitz-Birkenau during World War 2. He was lucky in that three weeks prior to his arrival it was decided that, with a few special exceptions, only Jews were to be gassed to death (Auschwitz was originally built by the Germans as a concentration camp for Poles, and the first people to be gassed to death there were Soviet prisoners of war and Poles). As a Polish "Aryan" he was no longer certain to be gassed to death, though he was liable to be killed in a number of other ways, including execution, being beaten to death, through starvation or disease, or just being killed for the fun of it.

However he was lucky enough to survive (as was his girlfriend who was also in Auschwitz) and at the end of the war found himself in the allied occupied part of Germany, then Paris. However instead of staying in the West, he decided to go back to Communist Poland, because he found the West too greedy, selfish and materialistic. Upon returning to Poland he threw himself in with the Communist authorities in trying to rebuild a new Poland. However he soon realised the hypocrisy of Poland’s Communist leaders, and realising that human nature is the same the world over, regardless of the political system, he killed himself in 1951; he gassed himself to death.

"This way for the Gas, Ladies and Gentlemen" is a series of semi-autobiographical stories 'written' by one of the inmates of Auschwitz-Birkenau recounting his experiences. What separates his work from traditional holocaust/WW2 literature is that in his work there are no victims and persecutors, innocent and guilty; everybody is guilty. Those who survived did so at the expense of others; sometimes at the expense of their family and friends. Those that were gassed were gassed because they didn’t resist, they went without putting up a struggle in the hope that salvation would come at the last moment. As such there was nothing noble about those that survived or died, or about the human race generally. In the book he says:

"We said that there is no crime that a man will not commit in order to save himself. And having saved himself, he will commit crimes for increasingly trivial reasons; he will commit them first out of duty, then out of habit and finally – for pleasure.

We told them with much relish all about our difficult, patient, concentration-camp existence which had taught us that the whole world is really like the concentration camp; the weak work for the strong, and if they have no strength or the will to work – then let them steal, or let them die.

The world is ruled by neither justice nor morality; crime is not punished nor virtue rewarded, one is forgotten as quickly as the other. The world is ruled by power and power is obtained with money. To work is senseless, because money cannot be obtained through work but through exploitation of others. And if we cannot exploit as much as we wish, at least let as work as little as we can. Moral duty? We believe neither in the morality of man, nor in the morality of systems. In German cities the store windows are filled with books and religious objects, but the smoke from the crematoria still hover above the forests…

…Responsibility for the world? But can a man living in a world such as our be responsible even for himself? It is not our fault that the world is bad, and we do not want to die changing it. We want to live – that is all."

Which brings us to another thing that separated him from other Holocaust writers. For most Holocaust writers, and people in general, the Holocaust and WW2 were an aberration in human history, perpetrated by a group of people who were unique in history because of how evil they were. For Tadeusz this was nonsense; all human being are capable of such evil, and in fact such evil has been perpetrated throughout history; what WW2 did was take this evil to it’s next logical step; in an industrialised society it used industrial machinery and techniques to kill people. He says:

"We are laying the foundation for some new, monstrous civilisation. Only now do I realise what price was paid for building ancient civilisations. The Egyptian pyramids, the temples and Greek Statutes – what a hideous crime they were! How much blood must have poured on to the Roman roads, the bulwarks, and the city walls. Antiquity – tremendous concentration camp where the slave was branded on the forehead by his master, and crucified for trying to escape! Antiquity – the conspiracy of free men against slaves!

You know how much I used to like Plato. Today I realise he lied. For the things of this world are not a reflection of the ideal, but a product of human sweat, blood and hard labour. It is we who built the pyramids, hewed the marble for the temples and the rocks for the imperial roads, we who pulled the oars in the galleys and dragged wooden ploughs, while they wrote dialogues and dramas, rationalised their intrigues by appeals in the name of the Fatherland, made wars over boundaries and democracies. We were filthy and died real deaths. They were ‘aesthetic’ and carried on subtle debates.

There can be no beauty if it is paid for by human injustice, nor truth that passes over injustice in silence, nor moral virtue that condones it.

What does ancient history say about us? It knows the crafty slave from Terence and Plautus, it knows the people’s tribunes, the brothers Gracchi and the name of one slave – Spartacus.

They are the ones who have made history, yet the murderer – Scipio – the lawmakers – Cicero or Demosthenes – are the men remembered today. We rave over the extermination of the Etruscans, the destruction of Carthage, over treason, deceit, plunder. Roman law! Yes, today too there is law.

If the Germans win the war, what will the world know about us? They will erect huge buildings, highways, factories, soaring monuments. Our hands will be placed under every brick, and our backs will carry the steel rails and slabs of concrete. They will kill off our families, our sick, our aged. They will murder our children.

And we shall be forgotten, drowned out by the voices of the poets, the jurists, the philosophers, the priests. They will produce their own beauty, virtue and truth. They will produce religion."

However one does not have to go back to ancient history to see 'Great Civilisations' built on suffering and death.

The British Empire came about through the invasion of other people’s lands and the slaughter of the native inhabitants, and was fuelled by an industrial revolution built on the backs and deaths of hundreds of thousands of working men, women and children.

The USA, the world’s only remaining superpower, was built on the slaughter of the indigenous inhabitants of North America and fuelled by the enslavement and murder of Africans.

Even Australia was built on the invasion of Aboriginal land and slaughter of the Aboriginal people and was fuelled by forced deportation of Pacific Islanders to Australia and the "convicts" deported to Australia for such crimes as stealing bread to feed the their families.

But the British Empire, the USA and Australia are looked upon favourably, just like Ancient Rome, Greece and Egypt, as opposed to Nazi Germany which is looked down upon.

The question is, will societies look upon Nazi Germany one day favourably, like Ancient Greece, Rome and Egypt or the USA, the British Empire, and Australia are looked upon favourably? Will society one day marvel at the industrial and technological advancements of Nazi Germany just as the industrial and technological advancements of the USA and Britain are marvelled at? Will one day groups of tourists visit the concentration camp at Auschwitz and admire it, in the same way tourists visit the Egyptian pyramids and admire it?

2005-09-01T18:50:00.000+10:00

TIME

No I’m not dead (unfortunately in some ways) I just haven’t posted for a while. Thank you those of you that stopped by and inquired as to how I was going and what I was doing.

I haven’t been feeling the best both mentally and physically recently. On top of that something I helped organise recently drained me emotionally. All of which made me feel, despite the fact that I got to speak to the sexiest woman alive the other day (Kerry Nettle), like “The world is fucked and I hate the human race”. You know, my usual thing. However I decided to spare you from listening to this. Well until now.

A few days ago I almost got hit by a van. You know, one of those things were the van screeches to a halt a few centimetres away from you (the driver wasn’t looking where he was going). It started me thinking, if the van would have hit and killed me what would have happened? Would the world have been worse off without me, or would it have been better off without me?

Now if I died, obviously (well I hope) my family and friends would have been upset. But would my death have made the world a worse place to live? And thinking about it, I couldn’t see how my death would make the world worse.

However given the fact that I live in a first world country and consume way too much crap I don’t need, which adds to the scarcity of the world’s resources and increases pollution, the reality is that the world in some small way would have been better off if I had died, which quite frankly isn’t a great thing to realise.

Some people may say “cheer up, things could be worse” which always pisses me off. How is thinking things could be worse meant to cheer me up? Firstly it makes me feel guilty about the privileged position I have as someone in the developed world, and secondly it makes me feel terrible thinking that things may end up getting worse for me.

Well enough of my depressing ranting.

In Polish poetry, with it’s Slavic melancholy, I find a reflection of my own feelings, as well as a measure of comfort. The three poems below are examples.

DEDICATION

You whom I could not save
Listen to me.
Try to understand this simple speech as I would be ashamed of another
I swear, there is no wizadry of words.
I speak to you with silence like a cloud or a tree

What strengthened me, for you was lethal.
You mixed up farewell to an epoch with the beginning of a new one,
Inspiration of hatred with lyrical beauty,
Blind force with accomplished shape.

Here is the valley of shallow Polish rivers. And an immense bridge
Going into white fog. Here is a broken city,
And the wind throws scream of gulls on your grave
When I am talking with you.

What is poetry which does not save
Nations or people?
A connivance with official lies,
A song of drunkards whose throats will be cut in a moment,
Readings for sophomore girls.
That I wanted good poetry without knowing it,
That I discovered, late, its salutary aim,
In this ad only this I find salvation.

They used to poor on graves millet or poppy seeds
To feed the dead who would come disguised as birds.
I put this book here for you, who once lived
So that you should visit us no more.

By Czeslaw Milosz

FREEDOM

What is freedom? Ask the philosophers.
I, too, wonder; at one time I maintain
That it means guaranteed liberty
In the face of the power of the state, or else
I emphasise that it is the strength of convictions,
The sovereignty of spirit
And the loyalty to one’s own conviction.
But even when I am at a loss to define
The essence of freedom
I know full well the meaning
Of captivity.

By Adam Zagajewski

MY LONELINESS

My loneliness finished Valedictorians School.
It’s punctual and hardworking.
It’s been given orders and awards.

My loneliness
Is peopled.
Several Thousand readers walk across it.
It’s been written down.
Crossed out.

It’s tired of ruling
Like Frederick the Great.

It’s starting to have it’s disciples.
Its timid slaves.

My loneliness is public.
It lies at the bottom of the cage
With its silent flight feathers
Plucked out.

By Ewa Lipska

2005-08-22T16:31:00.000+10:00

FROM THE LIVES OF THINGS

The perfect skin of things is stretched across them
as snugly as a circus tent,
Evening nears,
Welcome, darkness.
Farewell, daylight.
We're like eyelids, assert things,
we tough eyes, hair, darkness,
light, India, Europe.

Suddenly I find myself asking: "Things
do you know suffering?
Have you cried? Do you know fear,
shame? Have you learned jealousy, envy,
small sins, not of commission,
but not cured by absolution either?
Have you loved, and dies,
at night, wind opening the windows, absorbing the cool heart? Have you tasted
age, time, bereavement?"
Silence.
On the wall, the needle of a barometer dances.

Adam Zagajewski