The World According To Adaure

DREAM/THINK BIG, START SMALL, GROW FAST

2009-02-10T12:42:00.003-05:00

New Motto for 2009

My good citizens of blogville, It is good to see you in this very interesting year. Many good things have happened in 2009 and I hear there are bad things happening alongside. What I do know is that 2009 is going to be a defining year in the lives of many people. With all the job losses going on and 'insecurities' that exist (one day you are middle class and the next you are below the poverty index belt) many individuals are finally looking on the inside to tap some heat from the fire that burns in them. Yup! When you make that fall from the top of that income pyramid, the ground at the bottom can be very cold. No doubt you'll need all the heat you can get. That's why I always go back to the proverb about stars climbing in the night sky (you know...when a star is rising it always takes other stars with it so that when it falls, those stars above will shine upon it). But...leave that aside (lol...inside joke).

Everyday I get the opportunity to meet people on the job. Many of them inspiring, others not so much. One individual I met who falls in the former category is Fela Durotoye, who considers himself a social entrepreneur. Basically he is in the business of inspiring and motivating people. I am sure he also does a lot more so that description doesn't do him justice and only happens to be the hat he wore on the day I met him. You can google him if you'ld like to learn more. Fela has such a great command of conversational oratory (I make that distinction because there are some who are great in that pulpit, podium and chalk board way but are not conversational). I don't particularly remember what he came to talk about on the show but all I remember is the phrase he left behind, "Dream BIG, Start SMALL, Grow FAST".

I have heard many variations of this concept (mostly from Oprah, but I guess cos there are so many Oprahisms in my head, this one got lost in the pile) but hearing it again and put in the context of finding new opportunities in the 'Global Economic Meltdown' was like slapping it in my brain with EVOSTICK or super glue. The phrase doesn't need to be broken down further, it is what it is. Dream Big, Start Small, Grow Fast!

But to help you out just a bit, if you are trying to take control of your financial life, that in itself is a dream. To get to that point of control, you have to take that small step. That leap of faith. The word leap can confuse people but a leap need not be like jumping off a cliff. Let's say you have a spending problem, a leap can be taking a simple step like cutting up all your credit cards and spending cash only when you need something. It could be creating and living on a budget and making wise spending choices. By taking that small step you can reach your goal of controlling your finances and watch your savings grow. That little change along leaves you with available funds to invest or start a business with and watch your financial life grow. That's the simplest way I can describe this. And you can apply it to anything in life really. Starting a business, excelling at the work place, new projects, spiritual life, family life etc.

Anyways that's my little dose of inspiration for ya'll. Not as profoundly conveyed but who cares about semantics as long as you get the point. Sharing is caring they say, so go out there and create or re-create your own destiny. So stick this phrase on top of your bathroom mirror so you see it every time you brush your teeth, shave or put your make up on. Dream BIG, Start SMALL, Grow FAST!!

( By the way- I don't know about you but in 2008 we rejected Poverty...casting and binding it to the bottomless pit, as my mother would always say whenever she prays. In 2009 we don't know how to SPELL...povty.... povari...pofti...pohvahtee....LOL. You get my point. AMEN SOMBORI!!!)

CRUNCHED AND CRUMBLED CHRISTMAS

2008-12-19T05:28:00.002-05:00

2ND YEAR IN NIGERIA

The time of the year to take stock has come again and I am still in Nigeria. By this time 2006 when I was packing all my baggage and leaving America, I was sure I would be doing the opposite this year. This especially with the prospects of having a black president. Not that that would have changed too much of anything. Oh well I am still here and that in itself is giving me sleepless nights added to the fact that the stock options acquired for the year 2008 weren't as impressive as I'd hoped. Literally and metaphorically speaking. Anyway, one of these days I will pause and give you a summary of my 2 years in Nigeria. We might just visit subjects I rarely talk about. Who knows. That aside, the euphoria of Christmas has been crunched and crumbled down thanks to bad 'stock' market, that I hardly recognize where I am. I don't know what it looks like where you are. These days I am jaded about everything and completely clueless as to where this 'transition' is going to land me. So I have a new mantra and that's letting life happen. As 2009 heads in, I'm just gonna let life happen and stop trying to be so calculated. Sometimes you just need to allow the square peg own the round hole and that's just what I am gonna be doing. So here's to square pegs in round holes. All the best everyone as we usher in a new year. Thanks for sticking around for as long as you have to read up on my exploits. Do come back in 09.

MY VOTE FINALLY COUNTED....

2008-11-05T10:07:00.002-05:00

Now I'm One Step Away From Being More Than I Can Be......

WE DID IT AMERICA!!!

NOW ALL WE NEED IS A FEMALE PRESIDENT IN 2016!!!

CAST YOUR VOTES IN HONOR OF....

2008-11-04T08:31:00.005-05:00

If Not For Anything Else....

AND ALL THE OTHERS WHO FOUGHT FOR A DAY LIKE THIS IN AMERICAS HISTORY AND WILL PROBABLY BE WISHING THE WERE ALIVE TO SEE THIS DAY. THEY ARE WITH THE MOVEMENT IN SPIRIT AND ARE CASTING THEIR VOTES TOO....

THE CHANGE IS COMING....ARE YA'LL READY...CAN YOU HANDLE IT!!!

(YES I AM OFFICIALLY AND UNASHAMEDLY PUBLICLY DECLARING MY SIDE IN THIS WHOLE GAME. I AM BLACK AND PROUD TO ALSO BE AN AMERICAN FROM AFRICA. NIGERIAN LEADERS NEED TO TAKE A LEAF FROM ALL THIS AND STOP SHORT CHANGING US -- LITERARILY )

THE FACE OFF: OBAMA OR MCCAIN

2008-11-04T07:32:00.002-05:00

Day 2 and 3

It has been a roller coaster ride leading up to today. The d-day. The polls have opened and I am down with allergies, The benedryl is shutting me out. The fact that I am the camera man is also 'not cute'. BUt hey...doing what I have to do. On Sunday one crew went off on a 5 hour drive to Ohio while I stayed in the city to attend a church service at the historic Quinn Chapel AME church in downtown Chicago where there was a very moving sermon. This church played a huge role in the underground railroad days when black slaves treid to make their way up to Canada to gain their freedom. Leaders like Ida B Wells and Martin Luther also stopped their to make speeches. Even Susan B Anthony of the women's suffrage movement. Then later on we sat with the Young Republicans of Chicago as they set up the final touches of their election night party. They agree they are the underdog but are fighting to the finish. After dealing with a few 'house keeping' with the entire crew, we set off to speak with the cook county elections clerk recorder and then guess who showed up in the hood. ASIWAJU!!! The former governor of Lagos State Bola Tinubu Uh hmh. I envisage some of ya'll scratching your head. Apparently he is in town as an election observer. He set us up with some of his contacts. Alderman Carrie Austin and Congressman Danny K Davis. We had been trying to get tickets to the Grant Park event for months but that didn't pan out and neither did getting press accreditation. However, the congressman got us tickets and his office is working on the press passes. As per 'West AFrican Media Corp.' Today we are checking out of Elk Grove and heading to a hotel downtown. We'll be going to some polling precincts and checking out what's happening as polls open up in 26 states. I had to hire a freelance cameraman for $400 to cover for me as I feel like a cat whose head is stuck in a jar.

THE FACE OFF: OBAMA OR MCCAIN

2008-11-02T03:42:00.003-05:00

Covering the US Elections: Day 1 (JUST REALIZED I NEVER POSTED THIS)

It's 4.45 AM Chicago time, which is 10.45 AM Nigerian time and I cannot sleep as we head into the second full day of our bid to cover the US elections. Basically our 'guerrilla' crew of Nigerian journalists arrived Chicago late Friday night aboard Delta Airlines. That flight was not funny at all. Not only was it just too long, it was a bit too scary as we had some serious turbulence in the middle of the Atlantic. As in come and see people firing prayers like we were in some Mountain of Fire Prayer and Deliverance service. In my head I started going over the sins I had committed before embarking on the trip and started asking God for forgiveness. I mean if it was my time, that's the least I could do to make the passage through 'the golden gates' less stressful since we can't tip the 'winged bouncers'. I shall comment some other time on the turbulence matter. But back to the 'guerrilla news crew' made up of Silverbird TV, Channels and a lone guy from the Punch Newspaper. MBI is supposed to be joining us today and I imagine the folks from 'This Day' are living large in some of the key cities and states. If they can spend all that money on concerts and spiffed up satellite technology they better give me LIVE VIDEO on the pages of their newspaper. Yes o. As a reader of their newspaper, that's the least they owe me. Dunno about ya'll. I am sure NTA and AIT are equally capable to the task so if you want a Nigerian style reporting on the election (mostly phone-ins and commentary) make sure you tune in to STV. It is not like we will 'do pass' CNN or 'BBC' but 'we dey try the wan wey we fit'.

We've settled for a Days Inn near the airport as opposed to downtown just because we figured we would need transportation for our equipment and road travel to neighboring towns. It was wiser to spend the money on transportation rather than comfort. Unfortunately I am the only person in the crew who has been to America or been here more than a week so naturally I have to play mother hen. We practically spent the whole day securing all the things we needed (finding a hotel down town only to discover that because we are cash customers we would have to pay walk in rate of twice the online listing as the only available and acceptable credit card, mine, could not hold the entire amount), establishing contacts, renting a van and Nigerian driver/guide (this worked out as he rented the van added me as second driver and we just reimbursed him). Now all this may not have been the case if I was rolling solo and I am sure the other guys would have 'sorted' themselves out eventually but by golly I would be a cold heartless bitch if I decided to pull the 'competition' card and not send anybody. That's the 'nice girl' in me talking and as I write this I can see one of my new self help manuals "NICE GIRLS DON'T GET RICH by Lois Frankel" saying "don't do it gurl, don't do it, don't be nice, not now..." (I'm now placing a pillow over it...I will pull it out when I get on the plane. Ya'll ladies need to read that and NICE GIRLS DON'T GET THE CORNER OFFICE by the same author. I'll blog about these books soon).

So right now we are all squared off and ready to start working on some stories. I haven't been very lucky with many of my US media industry contacts as it seems everybody is busy and bogged down trying to get their own election scoops and all that drama that plays out. Oh the fun of election coverage. How I miss that. I used to hate it in the past when I had to be the one collecting and collating the election data back at WTVD. Paying my dues. Now I can't wait for the elections to come. It needs to come like every two years or may be there should be a 'popularity or favorability' election two years before the general election so that junkies like me can get our fix.

Yes the coverage unfortunately cannot be wholesome as the interest of our viewership is because Obama is in the race (The theory of 'Obama's to win and his to lose'). I know how that sounds in general as a cynical and highly sarcstic Nigerian myself who can easily kill someones excitement and enthusiasm about something with a wave of my hand, a hiss and an "abeg, abeg'.

THE STORY OF THE MYSTERY GUCCI RING

2008-10-09T12:40:00.002-04:00

Paranormal Activity or Just plain Paranoia?

Word Up my people. Hope you are keeping hope alive, not just waiting for change but being part of the force that will create that change. So many things have been happening. First of all I must be congratulated on taking a bold step and owning real property of my own in Lagos. A mattress. Yes, indeed I finally own something. It is an achievement considering the high cost of living in this city. I was coasting in my hermit status until a certain wind blew my way and I had to find another place of shelter. Sadly. I was enjoying the hotel/dormitory life of 'the guest house'. No responsibilities, no obligations, constant electricity but nearly deafened from the generator. The food was good but occasionally the cook messed up and I had to pay for it. But all of that has now changed. I have to do housework, cook and clean and worst of all pay bills and additional salary. Living with my parents never looked more enticing. So if you are tight handed and frugal like I am and you are about to move from your parents home. DON'T!! If your concern is that they will kill your mojo and prevent you from tripping, just give them a nice 'working late', 'company retreat' excuse or just buddy up with a friend in your favorite 'play' destination and chip in grocery every now and then to cover for your food. I also now have a better appreciation for Criagslist and those friendly neighborhood yard sales. Can you imagine I went to one of those fancy and well decorated furniture showrooms and the price tag for a couch (may be it was the set) read "N650,000". An equivalent of just about $6000. For GINI? Oche!?! chair...a variation of a stool...a log and two stumps of a tree trunk...one cinder block. Please how much is it at 'Rooms-To-Go'? I didn't wait for anyone to tell me to go to the carpenter under the tree at the Chevron Round-About. At least I know the man is excited to be making furniture for a 'VIP client' who will at least recommend him to other members of the 'VIP caucus'. Then I have to find a cook if I want to keep this little weight that I have gained. That or I begin to cook. I tried it last night. Indomie noodles, microwaved heinz baked beans with chopped avocado and cucumbers on the side. It was indeed a daunting task but I ended up with a nice platter. I will try cooking again tonight. Same delicacy might just throw in some canned sardines and corned beef. Sadly. Will probably end up getting pounded yam and egusi from Tantalizer or Moi-Moi from Chicken Republic. Oh the misery.

Anyways to the real story I wanted to share. About something very strange. I am not sure if I am just being paranoid or I should be really concerned. The other day I picked out a hand bag to go out with my sister. The bag was empty when I picked it out and I put in all the stuff that I needed. Money, lip gloss, sunglasses, powder, a pen and my book. We visited a number of people, had lunch with a client, went to the tailor and ran a few errands at the market. Later that night I went out with a friend and had the same purse. Fortunately, being that this is Lagos, I didn't spend any money so I had exactly the same amount I started with. The next day I went to my friend's mother's 10 year remembrance at Unilag Chapel. Unfortunately for me they have two services simutenously, one catholic and one anglican. Yours truly went to the catholic service and was wondering to herself, "this certainly does not look like an anglican set up". I then went up to the attendant and was directed to the other service which was just rounding up. Suffice to say, the spirit has been calling me and decided to allow me publicly embarrass myself. Anyway after hanging with her family I went home and set out to clean my purse and transfer things to my work bag. Then I made an odd discovery. A silver men's ring with the word Gucci 'perforated' into it on two sides. A very tacky and N.C., for 'no class' ring. Automatically I assumed it belonged to my driver so I thought nothing of it and waited for him to come to work the next day. I asked him and he said it was not his. I asked a few of the folks in my office thinking may be it fell into my bag. No one took ownership. Then I started getting interested in finding who owned this ring. I decided to call my family members. Although I knew they would never own such I still had to satisfy my curiosity. I called everybody I knew who could possibly have fingers that large. I was afraid they would say they didn't own it because it was a rather tacky ring. This got me very concerned, especially when I looked in my bag and the money I had there was SHORT. I tried to retrace my expenditure but could not account for a huge chunk of money. Then I thought to myself, could the missing money be related to the discovery of the ring? And then to add to my paranoia, I have been getting 'proposals' from strange people. Some who have been persistent I have had to shout down and others I have turned down nicely. HOWEVER...nigerian men don't give up and are known to try 'spiritual' means. Now the first thing my sister told me to do was as long as I had the ring with me I needed to put it in a bible. Another suggested that may be I had come in contact with some of these crooked money changing mallams who do abracadabra for you and disappear with your money. Then someone said to me that I have been contracted in a 'spiritual engagement' and of course my answer was "Olounmaje... God Forbid'. I have covered myself with the B.O.J (Blood of Jesus) and since thrown the ring away though and will go to church on my own volition on Sunday for the first time since I moved back to Nigeria nearly 2 years ago (not because of this but because I have been meaning to do so and the spirit pushing me towards a particular church has been nudging me harder). So back to the mysterious ring. My question now is how did it get into my bag, who owns it and where did my money go to? Do I have reason to be concerned or is this one of those funny things that happen in life that you just can't explain? Has this or something similar ever happened to you? Holla and MAKE SURE YOU VOTE IF YOU CAN.

ADVICE TO BRIGHT EYED YOUNGSTERS AND UPWARDLY MOBILE PROFESSIONALS........

2008-09-09T08:35:00.003-04:00

From your neighborhood bi-cultural 'ELDER'...

Odd title. But it fits the mood I am in right now. I have not written a blog entry in a while. It's like I am sitting silent as our world changes by the second. The political landscape has turned into a potential landslide and much to my chagrin, I have not churned out anything sensible. This writer's bloc is taking too long or may be life is truly beginning to take over. That aside, today I was just thinking about so many things and the one that stuck out for me is the fact that I am not fluent in another UN WORKING LANGUAGE.

In this day and age of global convergence, this fact is depressing. I actually tried to learn French but I am sure I have told you that story. F9. JSS 3 WAEC. I remember the whoopings I got from my late french teacher Mr Oyetunji, and Mrs Ojo just because I could not conjugate verbs in French. But my rebellion towards 'another man's' language (except for the English language) started in Primary 5 when I walked to my then headmistress's office with my Yoruba Exam paper filled with Zeros ( badly draw sad smiley faces) and several red markings, crying that I would not place in the top 15 of the class (my apologies for being one of the regular kids who knew their place was definitely not top 5 and never wasted time agonizing over that) and would she consider offering IGBO language so we could choose. I think in that year's end of term exam I may have influenced my friends to leave their exam papers blank in protest. I am not sure who else did but I know my fellow rebel, Enuka left her paper blank, my dad petitioned and the next semester there was an option to be exempted from Yoruba (really only because it was our final year and Yoruba was not offered in common entrance). I would use this form of protest (blank exam paper) later on after several attempts at trying to learn maths. But unfortunately for me, I paid for it later on in life. If not for the Holy Spirit that intervened and softened my dean's heart to my numerical learning challenges. I swear mathematics was like greek. Impossible to learn. But I digress.

My mother speaks Hausa fluently because she grew up in the North until the Civil War sent them packing. We used to marvel at the way she would engage the meat selling mallams at Sabo Market, our may-guard 'Ali the Kasali' (Kasali was a gate-man character from an NTA TV show) or even the Abokis who change dollars. Not one of us cared to learn it because back then we were like, 'whatever, that's the language of the oppressive ethnic group and the corrupt leaders in government, we'ld never need it cos we'ld never go to the north anyways'. So we brushed it aside. Big mistake. When I went along on that Sahara trip, my dumb ass discovered that Hausa is the most widely spoken language in West Africa. All the way into Mali. If someone had told me way back when I was still rocking 'Kotina' that I would go on that expedition, may be I would have made an effort to know more than just counting 1 to 10 in Hausa. Even that I don't even remember. But my new goal while I am still here in Nigeria (as you might recall my deadline is meant to be up this December but I have extended it to a 'yet-to-be-determined' date o. LOL. Please don't ask me why but it has a lot to do with my portion of the National Cake for which I am still mixing the flour and egg) I would try to get working knowledge or the Hausa language, improve my Yoruba and get better at my french.

Which brings us back to UN WORKING LANGUAGES, which include ARABIC, FRENCH, SPANISH, CHINESE/MANDARIN, ENGLISH and RUSSIAN. PORTUGUESE, ITALIAN, FARSI, URDU, SWAHILI are not but these are widely spoken languages in certain regions that having working knowledge of or ability to carry conversations in them can be useful. The BBC is one of a few international organizations that actually lists HAUSA as one of it's major broadcast language. Read more about the Top Ten languages HERE

So that I don't waste your time with gibberish. Let me go straight to my advice. Along with the language of your Father/mother (if you don't have one, for the purpose of driving my point home borrow your favorite neighbor's or friend's. A language that is, but I guess 'renting-a-parent' might work too). If your father/mother speaks only one language, trace your lineage until you hit a foreign language. Except you are from England or you just happen to be able to read this because you are 'exposed' or are one of the many whose ancestors relocated or were forced to the New World, chances are you will hit a Foreign language. Trust me, if you learn it, It could be the JACK POT in your life somewhere down the road. If you are a parent and you have young impressionable children, don't just teach them their own native tongue, teach them 2 more languages. Start them off in an ALL French/Spanish speaking creche or nursery school. Send them to language camp or summer school. If yo are an adult, attend language classes. There won't be any more pressure now that your grades don't depend on it. I think IF grades were not an issue I would KNOW french by now. Today's world is one where if you can't speak more than one language, preferably a UN WORKING LANGUAGE, you are under qualified. It's NO LONGER just enough to speak just IGBO or just YORUBA or your own native tongue. So now that you are armed with this little advice that I have been burdened with get out there and get MULTI-LINGUAL. It's never too late to start. WORD UP!!

Incase I am not convincing enough or you are one of those hard head who said 'pssh..what am I gonna do with a foreign language?" HERE is a list of opportunities you might be preventing yourself from taking advantage of (notice how my field is listed as #1. i'M SCREWED!! Where was google in my freshman year. LOL.)

WHERE IS THE KOKO?

2008-08-06T16:14:00.005-04:00

A narration of my D'Banj 'super fanatic' moment

Disclaimer: This write up is purely fiction. A fabricated series of events created by a subconscious being (meaning I had no control or imput) that exists only in my imagination (meaning it is not a real event). Just so you don't get confused, I'd suggest you look up the word 'fiction' in Webster. Some of the 'situations' described all happened while I was in lala land (meaning I was in a state that fits into the following verbs and adjectives: comatose, dormant, drowsy, hypnotic, latent, lethargic, oscitant, phlegmatic, quiescent, sleeping, sleepy, somnifacient, somniferous, somnolent, soporiferous, soporific, yawning...meaning it never really happened even though it seems like it did). I must also add that I don't know D'banj on a personal level, have had physical contact with him only 3 times, all work related, and have never made an attempt to stalk him by showing up at events where he's performing. I happen to just happen to BE there also...for work you know. Even with the 'workfactor' I consciously stay away from 'too much D'Banj sightings' because I don't want to be 'desensitized'. I mean I'ld like to walk into the grocery store and see D'banj, hold my breathe and faint because I've blocked oxygen from my brain. The worst thing that could happen is for me to see D'banj and just be like 'hey dude, wassup'. As the African Michael Jackson, I kinda want him to be scarce so that I can get a high and go gaga when I do run into him. I mean would you really wanna see MJ all the time. No. While I will not hold D'banj in such high esteem as I accord John Legend, I'ld say he's pretty high up there you know. Remember how I bonded with John Legend and sobbed as he sang to me and we made a heart to heart connection and how he lifted me out of the rut of a broken heart? Err well D'banj is not that kind of 'rebound' guy. He's like the 'bad boy rocker dude' that you run off with just to make your ex-boyfriend jealous for breaking up with you. EAT THAT S.O.B!! (aaaagain...I must re-iterate that this is aaallll fiction and this statement is only a metaphor to better describe the image I am conjuring. It's in no way refering to any 'EXs'...work with me guys)Which brings me to the story of the 'Missing Koko'....here goes

One certain weekend, not too long ago, I was going through the blues, locked up in my hole of a room, watching pirated DVD's of 'Army Wives' and 'Girlfriends'. It was also raining cats and dogs and the whole of VI looked like the Atlantic Ocean had taken over. Suffice to say no cats or dogs drowned during the course of the day. Through out the month I had been inaundated with radio hypes, tv promos and an overkill of songs from the Mohits crew and D'banj's new album, The Entertainer. I set my ringtone to 'I'm Hot and u're not...mogbono filly filly..and i had hot amala for dinner." Ya'll know the song.The highlight of all this 'Dbanjmania' was to culminate in a big album lauch weekend at the Eko Hotel Expo Center on July 26th. As fate would unfortunately have it, this would be the same weekend that I was scheduled to be in Chicago for the UNITY conference to get my dose of 'OBAMAQUINE'. Now that just seems like a really tough choice to make. Stay back to see the 'koko wielding musician' or the 'koko stimulating american politician' (the original sense of the word as it were when I was growing up, as in your brain. E.g 'your koko is not correct') but I had to make the choice nonetheless and d'Bama won over the kokomaster (sorry honey). As a super fanatic of the kokomaster and an official kokolette, as chirstianed by a scintiallting stage dance duet, this prospect was rather unsettling for me. I had been looking forward to the new album and seeing another performance of that new hit 'IGWE'. That song sends a frenzy of goosebumps all over my body. I have heard that beat before but only in the very old school of all old school highlife music and here we are in 2008 and it's being rebirthed in a hit by D'banj. I was shocked speechless when I was privy to a sample of the song. Anyways I was going through a very traumatic period and I guess my mental state could not handle it. I was so distraught that I chose not to attend two events where D'banj was going to be present just so that I could 'deal' with 'my issues' and my D'banj seperation anxiety. To make matters even worse, D'banj agreed to be on the morning show the day after I'd already left for Chicago. It doesn't get worse than that does it. So my spirit just could not take the bashing any longer. So I went to sleep a depressed D'banj fanatic. The following just happen to reveal how intense this feeling of disappointed was and a continuation of my 'D'banj misfortunes'. And when I say misfortunes, I mean life cannot get any crueler than this....

Lights, Camera, Action!!! I found myself in the middle of so much commotion. Fans and frenzied photographers clicking away and screaming on the otherside of the red velvet rope. I couldn't make out what they were saying but they were screaming and to my shock and dismay I was on the red carpet in the middle of all the chaos. If you know me you'll know how much I dread those 'pseudo-celebrity' things and you can imagine the fear that engulfed me as I stood there blinded by the lights and not sure where to go or what to do. Then all of a sudden here comes D'banj dressed in a very sharp designer pinstripe suit, looking like he just stepped out of GQ or may be MODE or is it MADE? Ofcourse he had his sunglasses on and this time for some reason, Don Jazzy who's always with him, had a gold 'PIMP CUP' instead of his walking stick. Hmh...odd. So there I was standing in the middle of the wolves and D'banj, like a knight in shining armor heroicly holds my hand and briskly whisks me away from all the paparazzi nonsense into what seemed like a white Bentley ( 9ce are you sure it ain't yours). Then just like Princes Di and Dodi, Brad and Angelina, we were chased down by the paparazzi as Don Jazzy who was in the driver's seat tried to avoid them all (I have to say I have been watching too many movies and music videos). Throughout all of this I could sense a big cloud of fear and danger. Then some how we were able to cut off the paparazzi and found ourselves having dinner at a nice fancy ritzy restaurant. Now it looked like it was Jade Palace with a nicer News Cafe like front (Paris/ Hollywood restaurant style setting with a clear glass screen so you could look in). Apparently we were on a date. Yes indeed we were and we were having red wine and pasta alfredo, my favorite, but thinking about it, it could have just been indomie noodles. Sadly our dumb asses decided to sit right infront of the glass screen (as if we had any control over that really). Then the worst happened. We were spotted and the paparazzi frenzy continued. We had to scurry out of the restaurant, again with our huge dark black sunglasses. For some reason the huge dark sunglasses were very important. This time D'banj gave me his jacket to cover my face. By this time it was clear and there was no doubt that we were dating and were trying to avoid the paparazzi. This idea being highly laughable. Not saying that either of us is unworthy in any way (actually I should shame the devil and admit that I am because his celebritiness is like about to cause a mechanical malfunction on the super-star size-o-meter), but seriously, the picture deserves a great big ROTF&LMAO. Anyways the next scene was infront of what looked like a beach, may be Ocean View or Eko Hotel or something but there was an ocean in the picture. It was at night and it seemed like there was a party and friends, family and the Mohits Crew were all over the place. But you just can't believe that this was apparently a wedding, between me and Dbanj. Indeed it was and again I had no control over this and even though I am not making this up myself, my brain actually was. When I told my friend about this he was like if I had this dream in Chapel Hill it would be something to have a good laugh over but considering that I had it in Nigeria AND infront of an ocean (lol) I needed to be concerned that it was not a spiritual attack. You know, that Papa Wata had taken the form of D'banj to marry me...some bullshit like that. Even though I don't believe in all that I still prayed and covered myself and my home in the blood of Jesus. But back to the story o. So D'banj and I exchanged nuptials and proceeded to walk down the aisle on a red carpet to the flashing paparazzi. All the tabloids including 'People Magazine' (all the way in Americas grocery stores) had a picture of us on the cover. The one in People magazine was the 'classic' wedding picture. D'banj with one leg out the car door like he was about to come out and then me in a demur chantilly lace cathedral style wedding dress in the back, both of us, again, with the huge black hollywood specs and confetti all over the place. The caption 'DBANJURE HITCHED'. This 'psychoness' does not end here. I know I am putting my rep on the spot and you may never see me that same way again and I may never look at another D'banj video the same way again. I may never even 'SEE' D'banj again and might even get a restraininng order against me but this stuff is too freaking funny to pass up blogging about and keeping to myself. I swear I tried but I have been bursting by ribs just holding it all in. I have told all my family members and close friends and they got a great laugh as I dramatized this to them so ya'll can also have this good laugh on me...it's ok.

So the magazine stands were filled with the 'DBANJURE' People magazine cover in Baby Blue and Pink. Access Hollywood, The Insider and Entertainment Tonight (tabloid magazine shows on american tv) all had the 'DBANJURE' wedding as their cover story. Nacy O'dell, Billy Bush and co were reporting the story. It was all happening like a flash. All of this before we had even gotten to the hotel to begin our honeymoon and consumate the marriage. Get ready for it...

So that night it was time to 'do the do'. Apparently we had not gotten to 3rd base in our relationship (because apparently we both believed in waiting till the wedding night). I use apparently alot because there's supposed to be a number of underlying moral lessons in this whole thing. So we found ourselves in some bollywood style luxury hotel suite. When I say Bollywood I mean it was straight up decorated with red and yellow carnation and garlands. By now we were dressed in Indian wedding garb while in the room. Dbanj sat across from me holding my hands and professing his love as we stared lovingly into each others eyes like rabbits. Our hearts going 'duh dum duh dum'. We were both nervous and waiting for someone to make the first move. I mean this is the Kokomaster himslef and I am getting married to him. He is about to whip out the 'anaconda' that he's been singing about all this while and because he was on the absitinence tip it was a special 'unveiling' of the koko. All this while though I had been wondering why he wasn't making the first move now, considering he's the sexiest super star in Nigeria oozing of all kinds of sex appeal. So I decided to take charge, taking off his shirt and revealing his ripped and chiseled abs. Then he lay on the bed with his hands under his head and a sinister grin on his face that told me I was in for a BIG SURPRISE. Indeed I was as I reached down for the jewels, the almighty Koko. At that point I might have had a heart attack and just didn't realize it (duh you were sleeping through it) as I made a shocking discovery. There I was with the sexiest nigerian entertainer alive who sold his sexuality along with his music, gyrating on stage, threatening to come through with his 'anaconda' and creating all sorts of sexual innuendos. Just the thought of him made girls go gaga and here I was in my subconscious where even though I had no control, my inhibitions could have taken over and created the newest and hottest edition of 'Mills and Boons: Jungle Series' with me and Dbanj as the star characters. The title, 'Anaconda' perhaps. But no that's not what happened as I reached down to touch the koko. I felt something hard alright but at the same time I felt NOTHING, NADDA, ZILCH. I looked up at Dbanj, perplexxed. He still had that sinister grin accross his face. By now I am scared to death and I turn on the lights and tear his pants off to see if what I felt was real. It was real alright, REAL PLASTIC. As in a Ken Doll. There was no KOKO. Dbanj was a eunuch and by now his abs also seemed so plastic that it dawned on me that I was with a life size Mattel version of D'banj, complete with a goatie, shiny black hair and white pants (An Idea for Dbanj, you have to get your own 'KokoMaster DOLL' seriously dude...and no one should steal this idea EXCEPT D'banj). Then all of a sudden this lifesize D'banj doll gets up and starts to sing one of his hits 'Where is the Koko, Pass the Koko, I need the Koko". OMG!!! I was so tormented and scared to death that just as he broke into the part of that song where he goes 'Kokolette 1,2 in my room 3.4" I woke up from my sleep soaked in sweat and heavy eyed because apparently I had been crying in my sleep because I had been BAMBOOZLED into marrying D'banj. I was all panicky for a bit not sure why I felt strange when I woke up. It wasn't until late that evening as I was renarrating to my sister's friend, after telling my sisters, this wierd dream that I had that I really recalled the whole story and started laughing my head off. Boy is this bizzare or what. I know there are some of you dream readers and interpreters out there who can shed light on this silliness. But for the purpose of entertainment and 'self improvement' analysis, is there something else going on that I should be paying attention to. There's so much going on here and I just think Dbanj was just the closest thing my subconscience could latch unto, even though I think this is really all stemming from the Dbanj album launch overkill. I mean seriously there was just a bit too much hype about the album and it is indeed fabulous, but it drove me nuts as evidenced by this write up. Then I also think with a number of weddings coming up, people getting engaged and the fact that I do try to keep to myself, staying inconspicuous when I can help it, my brain must have jumbled a few facts and created this hilarity of a dream. Anyways was this as funny or just plain wacko? Your thoughts...

Enjoy this selection of Dbanj Hits and see why we're all crazy about him...

LADIES, WHAT'S IN YOUR PURSE?

2008-06-16T14:35:00.011-04:00

Bag Lady, You Gon' Hurt Ur Back

So I just got my July edition of True Love magazine. There's an interesting article in it that I thought was brilliant in its simplicity. It's basically taking a look into women's purses and exposing what they carry in it. It's so interesting how the content of ones purse can tell ones personality or be totally different from it. Well I was so intrigued by the concept of finding out what's in women's purses that I decided to do a knock-off of the article. This time I ambushed unsuspecting ladies at STV and even volunteered myself randomly. No time to pull out the Sunday best designer bag here. LOL. So let's check out what interesting things you can find...(I think you should all try this with your friends and family members, if not out of curiosity, then do it out of boredom.) You are welcome to analyze the victims below based on the content of their purses.

THE PURSE PATROL VICTIMS

Amanda Akpan, Production AssistantAmanda's bag shows a different side to her. Amanda is a go getter who can be 'stern' and 'aggressive' with work but the girly color coded appearance (mostly pink) and self help books showed a softer side.

The Content:

Diva Principle by Michelle Mckinney Hammond, Street University by Helen Sosu, a pink journal and organizer labelled Bad Girl, Just for U magazine, pink nail polish in different shades, medication and a pair of sunglasses

Victoria Pepple, Production Assistant and Presenter (411 on J.A.J's Top 10 Countdown):

Victoria's bag was highly pathetic, well except for the fact that it's a real Coach bag so she got a cool 'babe point' there (lol...do you know how much that costs in Naira). The experiment made her realize the content of her bag which was mostly make-up made her look like an air head (her own words), which she is so not.

Content:

Always (for when Aunty Flo crashes the party), Mac Powder, Mary Kay powder, a jumbo powder brush, Estee Lauder Lip Gloss, 3 lip liner pencils, a comb, a pen, a Nokia phone, a christian novel, The Oath, and a pair of real Ferragamo sunglasses (another babe point..had to fish for something for her now)

Vivian Akinyosoye, news anchor and business reporter Vivian is a working reporter 24/7 and that reflects in the content of her bag. She's been hanging around a lot of younger people just by being at STV and confesses that she needs help converting to our side of hippness.

The Content:

A Sony camcorder and charger, a box of mini dv tapes and some extras, a Starcomms and Nokia phone, pens, a number of well worn out organizers and diaries, 3 check books, a shaving stick, a yellow toothbrush, a range of matching Mary Kay products ranging from brush to powder and eye shadows Estee Lauder lip gloss, the wine floral scarf, hand cream and an empty bottle of perfume. She also had some chocolate cake wrapped in tissue which she is munching on in the picture. (lol)

Abigail, Production and Programming Assistant Abigail is very quiet and soft spoken. I am not sure her purse said much, except for how important her religion is to her.

Content:

The Holy Bible, A Word For Today booklet, her glasses, a black wallet, make up pouch, a compact foundation (Revlon, I think) A strawberry lip balm, a hair brush, a yellow compact mirror, some q-tips, a bangle, a can of Nixoderm (don't act like ya'll don't remember that one for the pimples) and a tube of Bleaching Cream (for the black raccoon ring around her eyes from wearing glasses)

Layole Oyatogun, Entertainment Reporter and Segment Producer ('Page 3')

Layole's purse was majorly dry. Even she admits it. There wasn't much in it.

The Content:

2 combs, a lip liner, a toothbrush for her hairline 'bunions', a pair of sunglasses (she confesses they are GSB --Go Slow Bones -- the ones the hawkers sell in traffic jams), a floral make up pouch, hand cream, clear nail polish, white powder, Glow By J-LO hand cream, a black Pashmina, a compact mirror in silver case and a set of keys with a girly key chain.

AND TO THE MOTHER OF ALL BAGS -- MY BAG!!

Ok I have always been a serious BAG LADY. I carry 3 bags to work. A back pack with all my computing and interneting gadgets, a medium 'kwanangida' type bag with my changing clothes and tennis shoes and my BLUE ALL WEATHER bag that Aldo will probably reject when they hear what I put in it. Interestingly I'd just reduced the content when I had changed purses over the weekend and forgot to put things back. Ya'll know about me so let's get straight to the nitty gritty

THE CONTENT:

a black journal that serves as my reporter's note book, a dvd documentary on Ethiopia -LALIBELA, a camera, a Nokia communicator, a hair brush, one comb, 2 pairs of sunglasses Diesel and Liz Clairborne (I keep the GSB in the car), MAC C8 powder, 1 pink black radiance lip gloss, pink shimmer lip gloss by Tara Orekelewa, Candy Pink lip gloss by Sleek and generic lip glosses in brown and clear (trying to achieve Angelina Jolie lips with all that puckering up), my check book, a tampon, Fashion Fair hand cream, PK chewing gum from the Mallam at La Casa, some generic Eye drop for smog/dust irritation, Dr. Miracle Hair Gro for my receding hairline, camcorder battery and pack (never got around to taking it out with the camcorder), blue bead and gold chain necklace I got from the Franklin Street Thrift store in Chapel Hill, A Flag of Nigeria lapel Pin,

A CD of MAY7EVEN's single, a powder brush, breathe mints in a blue case, Bvulgari perfume just because the bottle is cute and people always ask for perfume but I hardly wear it cos perfs gimme a head ache, different earrings and necklaces and the most interesting of all, carry overs from the Sahara trip, Flagil and Imodium because you never know when the food you eat won't augur well with your system. You best never leave home without 'em.

My sister's I-pod which I borrowed (I don't won one yet), 3 mini DV tapes, an adaptor plug for my random travels, a sewing kit, my company ID, my wallet, a MY LAST CARD -- few Naira, dollar and Ghana cedi notes (as you can see I'm broke)

Here's what I took out; My mosquito repellent spray, my sleeping eye mask for the doggone traffic and a tub of balm for mosquito and sand fly bites

That's all the crap I carry in my bag, what's in yours and good luck trying to figure me out with this one. Lol. You know whose bag I really wanna take a peek at...My mother's. I can't just imagine what I'll find now. Back then she would carry all sorts, from sweets and biscuits to 'guguru and epa' (Nigerian style sugared popcorn and peanuts). She would not tell you she brought something home from work but would send you on an errand to go and bring her bag. That's when you'll se the Ben Johnson's of the Achumba Family, racing to get the bag first to win the prize of 'Guguru and Epa'. Gone are those simple days. Now all everyone wants is Debonair's Pizza and Cactus Forest Cake...unhealthy junk food. C'mon lets eat more nuts people (uh uuh... not that kinda nuts... get your mind out the gutta and into some bleach...lol). Anyways check out the July Edition of True Love West Africa for more cool stuff.

NIGER DELTA PICTURES

2008-06-16T13:31:00.003-04:00

FINALLY!!

Here are the pictures of my trip to the NIger Delta from last spring. I hadn't been able to upload i because of poor internet bandwidth. Then Kodak gallery started messing up so I had to switch to shutterfly which I am not too familiar with. So it's taken me forever to put this up. Anyways better late than never, the situation in these areas rarely changes in the space of a year. If you didn't catch the post on the trip you can always check them out below. Let me know if you have trouble viewing the pictures and I'll figure something out. I've about given up trying to get video onto this blog, it's such a challenge. Anyways here's to trying to blog more often but thanks for understanding why that's can't happen as often as I would like.

NIGER DELTA PICTURES
NIGER DELTA TRIP PART 1
NIGER DELTA TRIP PART 2
NIGERI DELTA TRIP PART 3

Looking For Addy?

2008-05-09T02:40:00.003-04:00

LIFE, WORK and shamefully FACEBOOK have taken over. However I have just sorted out myself with high speed internet. I'll be back with all the details of the Sahara Expedition. Thanks for your patience and understanding. Do check up on me soon. Cheers and Peace.

Addy

SAHARA EXPEDITION

2008-03-17T20:09:00.003-04:00

DAY 8

We finally made it to Bamako in Mali this afternoon after hours of driving. The fact that we had camped out in the desert on the outskirts of Mopti didn't help. We were all in need of a bath, sleep, food and air conditioning. It's ridiculously hot that I have begun to have a greater sense of appreciation for my humid tropical region of Nigeria with its pelting raindrops, sinking islands and encroaching ocean. I'll take that any day so long as I have a raft for dooms day. But let me back track a bit here. We left Accra for Kumasi and spent two days there talking and meeting with members of the Nigerian community. Some of them were from the northern region, which as you know is affected by desert encroachment. However there were also a lot of the from Ogbomosho. We visited the Asante Kingdom Palace museum and met with some professors and the dean of environmental sciences at the Kwame Nkrumah University of Technology. Friday was my birthday and I must say I consider this trip is the best birthday gift yet. I say yet because I have not gone round for collection and I am hoping my potential gift givers read this to know they have their work cut out for them. Meanwhile, I got a pleasant surprise from Papa Jibs and the crew when they presented me with a signed card and a birthday cake. The cake has now been smashed and will serve as peace meal when we run into Touregs in the desert. I hope they like vanilla.

From Kumasi we drove up into Burkina Faso. That also took hours. Thank goodness I am not driving since I don't have an international drivers license. Although I kinda feel bad that I can't help in that department. We spent the early morning talking with local farmers and doing some on air hypes and interviews in pidgin-french (bad french) on the community farmers radio. And for the very first time the Burkinabes had the pleasure of hearing TY Bello's Greenland over their airwaves. I wonder if there'll be a french version (hint, hint). Anyways, Bamako is so hot that the motel stewards are putting us in a 3rd room, where hopefully, the AC would actually work and cool the room. I know I cannot be a diva by any means but considering that I had to sleep inside the car with one eye closed and the other opened and sat in a car for over 8 hours in full view of the desert sun (translation: the AC may have been on full blast but it was not reaching me), the least I can get is a cool room to sleep in. Think about it...it's about 85 F degrees now at midnight. You can imagine how hot it was today. Let me help you 110 F degrees or there about. Well we head for Senegal on Tuesday. Plans might change because the plan was to drive up to Timbouktu and Gao in Central Mali. As I see it, I secretly cannot wait to get to Dakar so I can fly back to Lagos. Not just to get away from the heat but because I am in a wedding. Lol. After this trip I swear I shall never complain about Lagos being hot.

SAHARA EXPEDITION

2008-03-12T04:32:00.003-04:00

DAY 4

Hello guys
Sorry to leave you out of the loop on this one. So I am in Ghana right now borrowing someone's laptop since I left mine in Lagos. Didn't think I'll have any need for it considering that not all of Africa has wireless internet and the fact that I was trying to be light. Oh well I thought wrong. Anyways no fears, you can still keep track of the expedition, read Ebun's Reports and see all the cool photos that Kelechi and all of us are taking at WWW.FADEAFRICA.ORG/GREENDESERT. The route changed so it looks like I will be dropping of in Dakar Senegal with just a taste of the Sahara's edge. I am shooting video ofcourse and the view from the lens/lcd is only getting better and better as we go further. Well I am not sure when next I'll get online but as I said you can keep track of the crew on that website. There's also a cool map to show you the distance we have covered and where we are (look for the blinking dot...lol) That's all for now folks. Peace

FIGHT AGAINST DESERT ENCROACHMENT

2008-02-29T13:06:00.016-05:00

Newton Jibunoh's Green Desert Expedition

Have you met this 70 year old man who has conquered the Sahara desert twice and is gunning for a third? When some nigerians hear about his love for this suicide mission, they think this man must be crazy, bored and must have nothing else to do with time and money. But Newton Jibunoh is far from that description. He is just a simple man who is passionate about the fight against desert encroachment, global warming and the environment. Chief as he is fondly called went on his first lone expedition across the Sahara when he was just 27. Then at 62 he tried again for the second time. No one went with him on that one and it seemed like no one was getting it. Perhaps it's because he did not document those first two trips to show what his fight is all about. Now at 70 he's taking a cue from fellow environmentalist, Al Gore and is going to do just that. Put it in pictures so that WE CAN ALL GET IT. This time he is not alone. Some people have gotten the message and have volunteered to join Nigeria's very own desert warrior as he makes history. It's sort of like a reality show in the making but for a good cause. The cast includes Ebun Olatoye a journalist, from True Love West Africa, ace photographer Kelechi Amadi-Obi, filmmaker Titi Laoye, Afam Ugah an IT specialist and, Joseph (?) a mechanic. The crew will be going through the coast of West Africa to Accra and access the route to the desert through Northern Ghana. That's where I'll be getting off, in Tamale and wishing the expedition team the best of luck. Unfortunately I can't go all the way. I second guessed myself and didn't sum up the courage to ask for myself to go on the trip. Lesson learned--NEVER HESITATE UNLESS YOUR GUT SAYS SO!! Anyways Silverbird TV is a media partner on this expedition along with NTA and CNN. I am looking forward to this trip and hoping to get cool video material. I have taken a few tablets of GESTID to also make sure I don't have any emergency along the way. Well visit the FADE website at fadeafrica.org and read some of these articles below to get the full scope of things.

Adventure of a lifetime at 70
Attempting the Impossible
Combatting Desert Encroachment in Nigeria

You can also read his book, Me, My Desert and I where he chronicles his second trip across teh Sahara. There's a wealth of articles on the subject via google, so enjoy the read and share your views. Here are some pictures from the official flag off with the Lagos State Government

Newton Jibunoh and some newspaper reporters

Silverbird TV's environment correspondent Vivian Irikefe interviewing Ebun Olatoye
Kelechi Amadi-Obi with his 'baby' striking a pose
' FADE-SUZE 1' -- One of the 3 desert mobiles -- This is 'JIBS' mobile with his bed attached above
' Papa Jibs the Desert Ranger', Addy and the 'FADE SUZE 4'

THE SEARCH FOR MBGN 2008

2008-02-21T07:42:00.005-05:00

Silverbird's Most Beautiful Girl In Nigeria

The search for Silverbird's Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria 2008 is on and for the first time there will be a screening in London. Folks in the London area who are interetsed in participating in the pageant have the opportunity to audition on March 1st at the Holiday Inn Express in Stratford on 196 High Street, London. The final screening will hold on March 5th 2008 at Eko Hotel and Suites. There are 5 crowns up for grabs. MBGN World, MBGN Universe, MBGN Ecowas, MBGN Tourism and MBGN Model. This year, the total prize money has been increased to 5 Million Naira, a brand new car and one contestant gets the opportunity to be the face of La Casera, as Miss Lacasera 20o8 with a salary of One million Naira for the year. Participants must be Nigerian Citizens (parentage) between the ages of 18 and 25, have at least a high school degree and 5ft 7in and above in height. The pageant is scheduled to hold on March 28th 2008

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PS: Part of my new year resolution this year was to visit at least four countries in Africa that I have never been to. Fortunately it's happening sooner and it's free too. Lol. I am off to Congo Brazzaville with MBGN 2007 for the Ms Congo Pageant. I have no clue what to expect and it is not funny that I cannot find my french dictionary. Anyways I'll let you know how it goes

ONARIETA THE KID PAINTER

2008-02-12T13:01:00.000-05:00

Nigeria's Youngest Painter "This is my Happy Face." Onarieta's most recent painting, of herself.

"My sad Face?"

"My Funny Face..."

Carrying her lunch box and dressed in her signature look - tiny head scarf covering her beaded, braided hair, a contemporary top and a long african print skirt to match her scarf - it's hard not to notice how artsy this cute little girl is. I'd first heard about Onarieta Aminisisi sometime last year as she was preparing for her first exhibition in December (I could have sworn I'd heard about her at the end of last summer). I'd been meaning to blog about her but I didn't have much on her other than this article on ONARIETA from the DAILY SUN. Fortunately for me I got to meet her on saturday while recording the 100th episode of Today on STV (the breakfast show). I was so enamored by her and since I was interviewing her I had to bond with her. We did bond but she was a little shy and soft spoken so I couldn't get much out of her. She's a 3 year old introvert, so there's not much I could get her to talk about in public. But she did understand the word ice-cream so we shared that and a few soda drinks. Whne time came for the interview I had to play it off with a few laughs and cheesey comments but how about in the middle of the interview with her dad doing most of the talking, little Onarieta decides to interupt. Guess what she said...Daddy I want to wee-wee. Kids do say the darndest things. That was a good time for Aunty Addy to call for a break and make a run to the little girls room. Let me not even start on little madam Jemi 'jem-jem' Doyle (in red, she's my co-anchor, Ireti's daughter) who is an old woman in a 3 year old's body.

This girl can rival Oprah when it comes to talking. The fruit they say doesn't fall far from the tree and with talent running in the family, it's expected. So ya'll better watch out for 'jem-jem' in a few years when she'll be ruling the screen. Their cuteness melts ma heart...can we skip the 9 months, the terrible twos and go straight to 3 with mini-addy when she comes around. Seriously!

ON THE VALENTINES DAY TIP

For those of you who celebrate Valentine. HAPPY VALENTINE O. But since we are all on teh topic of love, let me extend some love to all you readers out there. If you don't get anything for vals day, at least you are getting a hug from me. You can't feel it? Hmh...ok put you right hand across your body and towards your back... to the left... yeah... that's it...do the same with the left hand...good... good..ah ah... you are flexible o..have you been doing yoga...ok squeeze your self...don't choke o...ehen...now try to use your hands to rub your back...there you go..a world class hug from Addy...you too much jo!!!! Lol. Anyways since I am not getting a PRADO JEEP anytime soon, I decided to treat myself to a late xmas/new year/compensatory vals/ early birthday gift by replacing my phone and finally getting the Nokia E90 Communicator. Yes I had to take half a year to psyche and convince myself that I needed that phone. I suffered abuses because of the 55 something dail-n-recieve phoning machine that I was using. A phone with no keyboard or browsing capacity and no ability to download tunes or ringtones. Anyways my new tool is all the gifts of the year rolled into one so it's justified. Lol. Come Thursday night I shall be in my room snoring away while the rest of Lagos is dooking it out in traffic, trying to get to the restaurants. It's a do or die affair on Vals day in Lagos but please 'takirizy' out there. Dare to be different this year in spreading your love.

THE WINNER OF THE EVENING WITH PSQUARE TIX GIVE AWAY

2008-02-12T07:53:00.000-05:00

The winners are Bunmi (from the Agogo post) randomly selected AND UZO from the Eve with post. He/she had the closest answer with BASKET MOUTH being the second installment and the yella fella was Ifeanyichukwu aka I'm From LA MEN....SHIIIIEEEEE!!!! (he said his name in the promo).

SEND ME AN EMAIL WITH YOUR PHONE NUMBERS SO THAT WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHERE AND WHEN YOU CAN PICK UP YOUR TICS!!

GHANA 2 -NIGERIA 1

2008-02-03T14:29:00.000-05:00

WHERE DO I APPLY FOR GHANAIAN CITIZENSHIP

Did you guys watch that game between the Black Stars of Ghana and the team formerly known as SUPER EAGLES and now known as SUPER CHICKENS? That game was hot with some drama. I have shouted myself into a headache. It's a sad shame that we lost that match but ENOUGH about the game and on to the MEAT of the matter. For the ladies (and may be some of the guys...who may have been hating)who were watching, is it just me or is JUNIOR AGOGO not a BEEF of a HUNK. WHAT!!!! DID YOU SEE HIS CHEST when he tok off his jersey after that MAGNIFICENT GOAL. MY DAYS!!!!! Like my mother would say, HE IS AN ADONIS!!! I have decided to dump Osaze Odemwingie and dream about JUNIOR. I now wish to be knwn as Adaure Junior Agogo. We shall solemnize the union when I go to Ghana on Friday by the grace of God. Anyways ya'll how was the game for you? I am trying to wait up for Super Bowl but seeing as I have to wake up early to put red lipstick on a co-anchor who bet that ghana will win, that might be difficult. Meanwhile as per the P-SQUARE question which you all have failed, I am changing it to something as simple as 'what is their birthday'. The correct answers randomly selected will get th tix to An Evening With P-SQUARE. OK I am off to call my girls so that I can gossip about Junior Agogo's MAJORLY HOT BOD.

AN EVENING WITH P-SQUARE

2008-01-22T11:32:00.000-05:00

February 16th at EKO Hotel, Lagos

It's back again and this time the feature presentation will be 'doing you'. Yes! The first 'EVENING WITH' of 2008 will be taking place at EKO Hotel on the 16th of February. The stars of the night will be Peter and Paul Okoyo popularly known as P-SQUARE alias 'Do Me, Do Me' (a rather annoying song that DJ's insist on playing over and over again....argh). It's the third installment of the show brought to you by Silverbird Entertainment and Flytime Productions (produced by Cecil Hammond). Tickets will be on sale at the Silverbird Galleria and EKO Hotel. As usual, Addy has your back with some free tickets, but you have to work for it. Two lucky readers will get tickets to the event only if they can tell me who the 2nd star featured in 'EVENING WITH' is and the name of the yellow americana boy that had Lagos laughing with the radio and tv spots featuring his accent. (warning: Nnenne, her friends or anyone on their Facebook friends list do not qualify for this promo)
The readers with the closest answer and randomly selected will get the tickets. If you plan to go with a boyfriend or girlfriend, please plan to buy that ticket, it is only N5000. Make sure you get your tickets fast because they will go fast. See you at the event and get ready to be 'DONE' by P-SQUARE.

(location and date still subject to change)

THE SILVERBIRD MAN OF THE YEAR 2007

2008-01-16T18:03:00.000-05:00

Looks like we made it into the year 2008. Thank God for his mercies. I am sure many of you had a blast this holiday. Unfortunately for me I was working the entire time. Can you believe that I did not go anywhere except attend 'weddings'. The one time that I did go out, I went to some new club and upon getting there it just dawned on my that after a while Lagos gets officially wack and thus one must find creative ways of maintaining sanity. Hence I have been helping the business of piracy flourish in Lagos by buying 20-in-1 DVD's of 'Super Black American Niggazz Movies' and the likes for less than $2. By the way has anyone been watching the series 4400, Numbers and Heroes. I had no idea how hooked I could get on shows from the likes of the defunct WB and UPN. Oh what a sad existence. Anyways lets try and ensure that blogville stays livelier in 08 for those of us who will end up wallowing in the realization of our loneliness, especially as the next commercially recognizable day trots along. SHHHHH...nobody mention the 'V' word. Alright people, that was my poor attempt at a comedic monologue. Let's get down to business so I can start fulfilling all my promises from 2007 and blogging more often. Here's my first blog entry of 2008. It more like a press release but I have jazzed it up some...read on an find out.

*******************
NUHU RIBADU

Former boss of Nigeria's Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuhu_Ribadu ) is the Silverbird Man of the Year 2007. Ribadu along with 8 other notable Nigerians and the Supreme court were shortlisted for the award. These individuals have been perceived as having affected the lives of Nigerians, positively, in one way or the other, in the last one year,

Nominations were sent in by the public (viewers of Silverbird Television and listeners of Rhythm 93.7 both in Lekki, Lagos) through text messages. The award ceremony will hold at the Silverbird Galleria on January 29th 2008 with across section of dignitaries and news makers present. NAFDAC boss Prof. Dora Akunyili won the maiden edition in 2005, while Nasir El-Rufai, former FCT minister won the 2006. Nuhu Ribadu was nominated Man of the Year for giving the greatest impetus to the current anti-corruption drive, that's sweeping teh nation. He's also known to have brought an uncommon commitment, passion, energy and courage to the war on corruption. Ribadu clinched the award just as his removal from the EFCC and subsequent assignment to the National Institute of Policy and Strategic Studies in Kuru, Plateau State, started making headlines and causing controversy. TheIronically, the tables have been turned, and now he too is now a subject of corruption investigation, which some say could possibly cooked up retaliation and a witch hunt because of Ribadu's corruption war, that's been focusing on corrupt ex-governors. The following are the nominees of the 2007 Silverbird Man of the Year Award.

Prof. Chinua Achebe ; novelist and poet best known for his first book titled Things Fall Apart. He is the winner of this year’s Booker International Prize for Fiction. (Some how he reminds me of Nelson Mandela.)

Chimamanda Adichie; whose epic novel Half of A Yellow Sun got her this year’s prestigious Orange Broadband Prize for Fiction. Adichie is also the winner of Nigeria's Person of the Year at the just concluded 2008 Future Awards. (I am ofcourse her certified biggest fan and was really rooting for her to clinch this one.)

The Supreme Court; the highest court in the land established after Nigeria became a republic. The court has the civil authority and jurisdiction to entertain appeals on court of appeal. The Supreme Court decided courageously on certain landmark ruling in recent times. (In lay man terms, they grew some ballz.)

Chief Anthony Enahoro; now in his early 80’s played a prominent role in Nigeria’s politics from pre-independence days to date. This elder statesman is still clamoring for the congregation of the national conference.

Dr. Ngozi Okonjo Okweala; former finance and foreign affairs minister. The first woman to be appointed as the managing director for World Bank. (This is another woman I respect so much. Go Ngo!!!)

Olusegun Obansanjo; retired general and two time head of state. Well known for introducing several economic and other reforms and war against corruption. (And Addy coughs.)

Dr. Ernest Ndukwe; the executive vice chairman of Nigerian Communications Commission has continuously driven telephony penetration from less than one percent in 2001 to 27 percent December 2007. (Err not so fast here...I still have to spend N2000 for barely an hour of pillow prattle. I've even twisted my anle climbing a tree just to get better reception only for the credit to finish when I got to the top. What's up with that? Until Nitel and co give me free night time and weekends, no hero award for this dude from me)

Chukuma Soludo; A professor of economics and Central Bank governor. He's unarguably the arrow head of the revolutionary reforms in the banking sector. (True, true but ths homie still has his work cut ut for him. Just don't mess with the stocks and shares just yet dude, my graduate school tuition and my childrens school fees are depending on that)

And the Late Yemi Tella; chief coach of the under 17 national football team that won the FIFA under 17 championship in Korea in the summer of 2007. Tella unfortunately died after few weeks after the victory.

What do you think of the winner and the nominees?
Are there some names up there that make you go 'AH HA!!!', 'HMH!?!' OR 'WTF!?!'

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2007-12-25T01:51:00.000-05:00

HERE'S TO WISHING ALL OF YOU MY FAITHFUL READERS A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. HOPE THE HOLIDAY SEASON HAS BEEN KIND TO YOU. 2007 HAS BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR. HERE'S TO WISHING THAT 2008 WILL BE AN AWESOME YEAR OF REAPING ALL THAT YOU HAVE SOWN. MY BROWSER IS HAVING ISSUES WITH BLOGGER BUT IT WIL BE WELL WITH THIS BLOG SOON. CHEERS!!!

MISS WORLD AND PIX FROM ADDY'S TRIP TO CHINA

2007-12-10T10:47:00.000-05:00

MISS WORLD
As you all know by now Miss China was crowned Miss World 2007.

The event was full of glamour, pomp and as expected pageantry. Miss Angola came in Second, Miss Mexico came in Third, Trinidad and Tobago and Sweden rounded up the top five. Here are THE PICTURES most of which are from the Coronation Ball.
You can find all the details and the break down of winners for each category HERE
There are also more pictures from the event on VIEW IMAGES website

I found the comment below about the pageant on THIS BLOG. What do you say to this? I say "Is someone hating on the '3rd world' or does he or she have a point?"

"pakikaki, on December 4th, 2007 at 1:34 am Said:
The event is held in China and Miss China is chosen as Miss World… coincidence ?, I think NOT. This is just as unfair to the really pretty and talented girls, as when they started handing out those “pity-titles” to African and Indian contestants. This is Political Correctness and Affirmative Action –at it’s worst. I commiserate with all those girls who rightly feel wronged upon seeing Miss China advancing ahead of them, without being able to say their peace. Miss China didn’t even belong in the semi, let alone get into the top 5. To be crowned, was a crime. A shameless, brazen miscarriage of justice. I feel sorry for Miss Angola and Trinidad & Tobago. To come so close and then be superseeded. I wouldn’t be surprised, if in the years to come, the girls from the west refuse to participate in these sham ’selections’ and tell the rest of the world to put the tiara up it’s third-world-a55.
Laura1318: In life, there are losers and winners. In another place , another time , different rules. That is life."

THE GREAT WALL CLIMB etc

After leaving Sanya we went to Beijing to do the tourist leg of the trip. The highlight for me was climbing the Great Wall. Unfortunately it was way too cold. We also visited the Ming Tombs, Forbidden City and the notorious Tien An Men Square. I tried shopping at the Silk Street market, a famous tourist shopping spot. Please avoid that place if you don’t want to get a heart attack. Aside from the fact that the only plus side is that you can entertain yourself to good quality ‘imitation’, the fear of being duped into paying too much and the pushy sales women will drive you nuts. As in if I can say that I’m more comfortable shopping at Tejuosho with its griminess and annoying igbo traders proposing marriage to you, then you know something is wrong. Bottom line, I came back with an empty second suitcase. Anyways these are MY GREATWALL PICTURES. Enjoy.

THE MOVE BACK CLUB

2007-11-30T21:33:00.000-05:00

Tips on Moving Back To Nigeria from a Dude Called Godson Offoaro (not Kwesi Freeman)

I can't believe it, It will be a year on December 4th since I got on that flight back to Nigeria. Bold and risky, but one that I needed to make and get over with quickly and while I still had some youth left in me (SHIIIEEEETTT...I'll be 28 in 3 months and that's dead in 'spring chick' years...literally). Anyways I got this email (I'm sure many of you have read it already) and it fits right smack ino what my December 4th post was going to be about. I dunno who this dude, the writer is or what and how he qualifies to give this advice as he doesn't mention it in his write up (not that he needs to) but he is right on the money on many things in this essay (Reader Ada sent in info on the writer, check it out at this link http://nigeriaworld.com/columnist/offoaro/bio.html. The original post is at this link http://nigeriaworld.com/columnist/offoaro/112707.html)
December is usually the influx month when many folks move back, take the festive month to relax and have fun and then in January, we know the ones who stayed when you see them at a hang out (eg. Six Degrees, News Cafe) the weekend after New Year's Weekend is over. You no longer greet them with 'Awww when did you get back?' but rather 'Awwww so how long are you staying?'. Those of us who are still in denial will say 'One year, two years, I'm just in transit' and those that don't ever want to see the borders of another country (more like University because 'bukuru' showed them 'shege') will be very colorful. Kwesi Freeman's post is below. It makes for a great read. I will be back next week with 'ADDY'S PERSPECTIVE'. How am I doing? Is it really as great as it appears? The pros and the cons as I see it and what would I have done differently etc and a few other things that might have you better armed and better informed if you are planning to move to Nigeria. I know I am hardly an expert with only one year under my belt, but it's always good to hear the part of the green because their account is stil fresh andnot watered down by survival tactics. It help's you avoid the mistakes they've made. Again enjoy the article and PLEASE let's discuss it. If you have any 'MOVE BACK' tips and experiences please do share with everyone. I'll be back with more from Ms World later on today (kai!!! free high speed internet sweet o...ahh ahh...the thing is just going fast...pishaun pishaun..anyhow...just too bad.. they are trying in China sha...lol)

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101 Things You Need To Know To Relocate To Nigeria
By Godson Offoaro

============ ========= ========= =======
First, the down side of Nigeria. Its economy has predominant characteristics of a third world's. It is No. 35th on Transparency International's rating on the list of the world's most corrupt nations. It used to be No. 1. Thanks to the EFCC and ICPC. NITEL has now completely collapsed. Where NITEL failed, mediocre local independent telephone operators dominated by Indians are carting billions to the banks and their banks in India. NEPA is tottering.

The road networks are in a very, very dilapidated condition. The transportation system in Nigeria is in a big mess. Travel by road in Nigeria has seized to be a thing of joy. By air is expensive and froth with danger of air crash due to the preponderance of molue aircraft in the air. Still, it is expensive. A forty-five-minute flight to Abuja from Lagos costs between twelve and fifteen thousand Naira, ($90-$130) depending on the airline.
Crime is climbing because of joblessness, particularly among young school leavers. Politically motivated pen robbery is still with us. Economically induced robberies are on the rise too. Banks are now robbed in broad day light. You cannot open your favorite daily any morning without reading about a robbery incident here and there. Because it is not an election season, assassinations are on the wane - it looks like.

In spite of all, this is the best time to start thinking of relocating to Nigeria. Nigeria is changing. This is very fast. You begin to notice this at the airports - your first points of entry. The air cooling systems now work most of the time. The conveyor belts work too, most of the times that I have seen. Power systems at the airports fail intermittently but not as they used to do.

The people you meet either at departure lounges or on arrival halls are beginning to imbibe the culture of courtesy. Trolleys, though for hire are now available for the jaded traveler to cart away his luggage. Even the toilets are manned by professionals who say hi to you before use and after. (Some times they hide the tissue papers and make you pay for service.) Inside the airports, touting has been kept at bay. There are banks with ATM machines competing for the business of the Nigerian traveler, at most Nigerian airports now. Modern communications gadgets are on display at every nook and cranny displaying wares, arrival and departure times.

Before you relocate, make sure you have the wherewithal to get back to where you are relocating from - just in case. The reasons are too many. But the first you would notice is how far high on the economic ladder your mates have climbed. And as you know, economic progress has a twin brother climbing the same ladder - social mobility. Your contemporaries have moved and they did so slowly but sure-footedly while you were gone. Your mates dine at the most expensive restaurants and drive the latest model cars - not on credit.

Your mates have bought up properties in the choicest areas of the land. Your mates are to be found in, Wuse II, Asokoro and Maitama areas of Abuja. Your mates have occupied the choicest areas of Lagos, particularly the picturesque sites of Lekki, Victoria Garden City - fancifully called the VGC. Of course, your mates now use their Ikoyi and VI previous homes as offices. It is no more fanciful to say I live in Ikoyi or VI. There are new places of abode in the land - from Kaduna to Port Harcourt and from Enugu to Maiduguri, and your mates have taken them up while you were gone.

If you left over ten to twenty years ago and you are planning to be back, know that you have become unemployable. You have to be self-employed for a long while. Be sure you have enough resources to keep you going through the period it would take you to re-acquaint yourself with your "former" home. Things have really changed - changed for good for those who did not jet out and somehow changed for bad for those of us who took the next plane and left the country.

In Nigeria, your mates in the public and private sectors of the economy, particularly the banking and oil industry, have become highly placed. Most earn the equivalent of between 200,000 and 300,000 dollars a year plus other incentives to wit. There was an advert recently placed in one of the papers for a job opening which warned those not earning twenty million Naira and above, per annum, in their present job not to apply. Most have built their own houses in Nigeria. Most have more than two cars in their drive way. Most live in homes that smack of opulence, with every modern gadget ranging from large sized Plasma TVs to Microwaves.

Most have genuinely saved enough to send their children to some of the best educational institutions over seas, including to the Ivy Leagues. Most are share holders in most of the emerging markets that have been liberalized during the eight boom years (and counting) which we that left, have missed. Most of them have savings in liquid cash that run into tens of millions. Most have invested in the now, very lucrative Nigeria stock market. You would marvel when you have a snippet of what amount of shares your mates now hold. You would shiver in self pity.

If your mates joined politics, they have occupied the choicest of political positions in the land and made new friends that will be hard to dislodge. If you happen to have showed off to them in your hey days of "returning" from America, be rest assured they have not forgotten. They call us mercenaries in politics. It is now their turn to show you, that you can't have it both ways. They have built a barricade and insulated themselves from out side interests - you the returnee being an outside interest that must be dreaded. If you have real or passing interest in politics, you must show it with extreme caution. They would like to invite you to political meetings and discussion only to put you to size.

While not accepting everything they say, when making your presentations, or contributions avoid using phonetics. Avoid such phrases as "if it were in America or Europe." They do not like to hear that. One of them surely will remind you "this is Nigeria" to the embarrassing applause of others, there present. They see Nigeria now as a trophy. They labored for Nigeria while you were gone. They suffered the June 12 crises together while you were gone. They suffered the Abacha era while you were gone. While you were gone, you probably had returned on one or two occasions only to scurry out soon after complaining of incessant heat, erratic power supply and mosquito bites. At the airport, you must have been caught criticizing everything in sight. They have not forgotten your new borrowed accent and the phonetics that do not rhyme.

That you need a shelter to live in Nigeria if you planned relocating to Nigeria is an understatement. There are many ways to do this. It's either that you have managed to build something for yourself in the city you would want to relocate or you could find an affordable apartment. With the kind of money we make overseas from genuine everyday livelihood, it is almost next to impossibility that you could build yourself an abode commensurate to what you are used to. If you find yourself in this position, don't worry, if you endured the pains and worked hard and kept a low profile in order not antagonize your former friends, within five years your will build your self, your dream home.

You need to feed well. This too is an understatement. Avoid going to the supermarkets to get your food - raw, processed or cooked. Buy from the local sellers at the nearest mammy market. Go to the supermarkets and shops to buy the essentials. At the malls, you will find that while you spend a miserable amount to buy your essential needs, Nigerians who are not been tos, buy up anything in site both the ones they need and those they do not need.

This people have so much money. How they make it, you will find out if you endured. Closely related to this is your phone habit. It is very expensive to use the telephones in Nigeria. As you know, telephone calls in the western world are taken for granted. Here, while it's beginning to happen as if it is for granted, it is very, very expensive. To Nigerians who are not used to such freedom of expression, they are spending millions everyday to make phone calls - to satisfy their newly found phone freedom. If you are not mindful, telephone bills may cut into your feeding pattern. If this happens, before long, you will become an object of gossip. You will lose your complexion and weight and they will notice.

You need clothing to cover the body you have labored to nurture while you lived abroad. This also, is an understatement. Nigerians pay too much attention to dressing. Your dress mode can shut the door at you or open the door for you. Avoid casual dressing, particularly when you are going to meet with the Nigerian big man. He knows the stuff you're wearing and could place you based on that. Be simple but neat if need be occasionally be flamboyant. Express yourself. Speak good English, where there is a need, do not use slang such as I wana or I gonna….

Do not lend money. Give out only that which you could afford to lose. Beware of relatives and the extended family system. If you manage to set up a small business, never employ those closely related to you. They will ruin you.

You would need to dry clean. Dry cleaning here is too expensive. You pay as much 300 naira (about $2) to dry clean an inner vest. Think then of what it would cost to do a bunch of laundry. Think seriously of having a washer and a drier installed - wherever you may decide to live.

You must have at least two good cars. That car of yours, which you price so much, is not fashionable in Nigeria. Here some people drive the next year's model before they become common in Europe or the Americas. How they make such money to pay upfront is still the mystery I am struggling to unravel. The roads are so bad and the drivers so ill-trained that if you drove yourself, and not being used to their adversarial/ confrontational pattern of driving, your car and you would, in a very short while be a sorry sight. They hit you and beg you. They hit you because you are conscious of driving rules and apply it. They, who do not apply simple driving rules, rule the highway in Nigeria. In a society not used to insurance, and where vehicular laws are not implemented, begging has replaced insurance coverage. Even passer bys would chip in to ask the offending reckless driver to beg you and get on with his life. If they beg you, you must accept. That's your only recourse.

To this end, you must have a good mechanic as a friend. He will introduce to you, a good panel beater (your (n) used car will always need to be panel beaten back to form after constantly being bashed by ill-trained Nigerian road users. Most Nigeria drivers, I hear, buy their drivers license) who will in turn introduce you to a vulcanizer and an auto electrician, here, fancifully called a rewire. You need a vulcanizer because the roads are bad. Flat tires occur very often here than usual. Of all the auto-related experts you will work with, the rewire should be the one you must dread. He is not well trained in the operation of modern day computer induced auto cars. His method of rewiring has set many late model computerized cars ablaze.

Eve of Miss World

2007-11-30T14:04:00.000-05:00

Ni Hao (xie xie @anon, that means thanks) from Sanya China. I have to say that this place is beautiful. I am still suffering from jet lag that's why I am online at 2am China time. That flight was no joke at all. A whole 36 hours. At least I can say that I have been to Frankfurt Germany as well considering we had to be there for 16 hours and took a bus ride into town. Now that's conquering two countries with one bird..get it? Bird...plane..ha ha..DRY! Ok without further ado, here are some pictures from the Crown Plaza Hotel where the Miss World contestants are lodged. The buzz is that Ms Dominican Republic and Ms China are top on the betting list of who'ld be the winner. Both have been favorites at the preliminary part of the event. I saw many of the contestants from Africa. The cinderella story is Ms Sierra Leone who is making a first ever appearance at the pageant after years of war. Truth be told, she is still a hot mess (for obvious reasons) but her story is a feel good story that we need to hear at these events. I just wish the organizers had taken her up as a charity case. That or her fairy god mother needs to be sacked. Our girl Munachi was excited to see us. Unfortunately because of the strict visa rules imposed on Nigerian passport holders, her mother could not get a visa to attend. She was clearly tired, home sick and stressed but a little pep talk, hugs and kisses from Guy, Garth and myself raised her spirits up a notch. But for real these pageants are BANANAS and majorly gangsta. It's like the UNITED NATIONS but only this time, instead of brutish men in charge of WMD, you have beautiful young ladies high on hair spray, armed with a hair dryers, curling irons and ready to knock each other off their stilletos. Ok so it's not exactly like that, but you get my point. Plenty international politics at play. I mean when the Chinese government can buy out an entire prelim show to support their home girl, especially on the shows 4th and final year in the country (for now) it means you must deliver and concede at least a top 5 spot to China. ANd it goes on.

Anyways no too much talk dey the tin, we sabi say e go hard before Nigeria and co Africans go get the crown again so make una pam small and enjoy all the foto wey i don snap. True true I suppose go become 'onye-foto'HERE ARE THE PICTURES (uncaptioned cos I have to go sleep). Enjoy and ignore my multiple photos.