New Year's Resolutions

Who Cares the Most

2008-09-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

I saw the headline 83-Year Old Deaf Woman Defeats Mugger and suddenly I understood. How could an 83-Year Old woman have beaten a young man? Because it mattered more, much more, to her, than it did to him. He stood only to gain a small amount of money. She wanted to keep her money, but more than that, she was NOT going to pushed around and victimized. And it REALLY mattered to her.

The book, Think and Grow Rich states that instead of telling you how to Think and Grow Rich, that the author, Napolean Hill, wants you to figure out the lessons that the following stories illustrate. One of the stories is about a small black girl getting money from a powerful, rich white man who has already told her to stop pestering him or she will be sorry. The question is asked, how could she have won out over him and gotten what she wanted? And, at the risk, of appearing dumb, while I had a vague notion, I'd never had a succinct answer, until today.

That little girl and this 83-year-old defeated much more powerful men, because IT MATTERED MORE TO THEM.

When you look at your goals, ask yourself, how much does it matter to you? Because THAT exactly represents your chances of reaching your goal.

NOT an abandoned Blog

2008-09-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

I know this looks like I've completely abandoned this blog and probably my New Year's Resolutions with them. It's really not the case.

I'm still working hard on those goals and creating the work habits and attitudes that I need to reach those goals. I've just been swamped with my day job and haven't taken the time to write.

I'm making an exception today because I want to use writing to reinforce something that just continues to sink in. I complain way too much. It's funny because I always considered myself a non-complainer. My mom used to say I was 'easy to have around', 'easy to please'. And in many ways I am. I think compared to the national average, I probably complain less than average and am a more optimistic and upbeat person than average.

BUT..... I still complain WAY too much. I complain about the complainers. I complain about someone sending me a note that makes no sense. I often complain only in my mind, but that is still mental cycles being spent in a negative way.

One of the audio books that I've been listening to, and I can't remember which one to give them credit, makes the point that a complaint is focusing on what you don't like, but what you should focus on is what you do want, which is your preference. Now, it's easy to think that restating a complaint as a preference might go like this.

Complaint: Martin sent me this note, but he forgot to give me the URL where he received this error.
Possible Restatement: I'd prefer to work with smart people, not morons.

Ha ha.... okay, that's a little extreme, but you get my point that, you can pretend to state something as a preference and still be complaining.

But the real preference would be -- I wish the notes between Martin and me were more useful. The thing is as soon as I state it that way and accept poor Martin (not his real name) as he is, then I begin to focus on -- is there something I can do to make our communication more effective.

I need to get back to work, but I'm really working hard to reduce complaints and to state what my preference would be instead.

Wishing everyone well with their resolutions.

Seeing Yourself in the Best Light

2008-07-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

Almost everyone agrees that confidence and positive self-esteem are important for getting things done and reaching your goals. Well here is a new twist on a way to build your self-esteem.

This came from the book, The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz. The idea was basically to make a commercial or ad for yourself. Either something that you put in writing, or even do it as a Powerpoint presentation or create a short video. So mine might go something like this:

Diana Wright -- a year ago she was just another debt-ridden woman fighting middle-age spread, but today she is trim, vivacicious and creating success after success for herself. A soon-to-be lakefront homeowner, Diana Wright is an example of how hard-work, positive mental images and success-coaching can transform your life from the mundane to the mind-boggling fantastic.

Now you can take this as far as you want. You can simply write these words or something similar (hey, the presidential candidates have all kinds of different commercials, I see no reason to stop at one. I'll write several and see which has the most positive effect). Anyway you can write words like this on a card and read it once or twice a day. Or put it on your computer to some kind of theme music. What the hell, I guess you could make up your own personal jingle. Actually I always liked the theme from Mary Tyler Moore

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to fake it.
You can have the town, why don't you take it.
You're gonna make it after all

At any rate the idea is to sell you on yourself, so that you can greet each day just exuding confidence and energy.

As one more aside to simply promote enthusiasm and it's effect. My husband was coaching a baseball team this weekend and one kid stood out in terms of his enthusiasm. The team was losing and it wasn't that this kid was killing himself to win, he just had positive energy pouring out of him. He gave some war whoops and knocked a couple kids helmets and mostly just made people smile and get UP!!! It was priceless, contagious and definitely helpful to get kids starting to hit again.

Still Making Strides

2008-07-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

Well I'm literally still making strides toward my goals. In particular my goal of fitting into all the clothing in my closet kind of stalled out in late June when

The weather turned hot, too hot to run at lunchtime certainly.

I no longer dropped my son off at school putting me right at the start of a good running route twice a week.

So I joined a gym at a summertime special rate and I go there once or twice a week and now this last week my son and I have been going down to the track and running repeated 200 meter intervals.

They say that short, but not too short at least 30 seconds, high-intensity bursts of exercise are ideal for losing weight. I've read the science of why this is and... well, I'll be honest, I don't really get it.

One thing I DO understand, is that the muscles I've been using going for 2, 3, 4 mile runs.... they are not an exact match for the muscles I use sprinting down the track. Oh, my..... I discovered some seriously underused muscles. In fact, when I went to sprint, I discovered I barely remembered the form involved in running fast. I used to be a GOOD high school track athlete. Okay, yes that was back in 19.., a long time ago. Well the important thing is we found this good workout, that both my son and I saw our times improve simply in doing it two times AND... we enjoy doing it together. Hell, any activity that a 46-year-old mom and her 16-year-old son can go do together and really enjoy... well it doesn't get any sweeter than that.

Wow! Lake House Dream!

2008-07-03T18:07:00.001-07:00

Funny how different people have different triggers -- things that spark them to either rage or joy, hard-work or depression, but sparks that can completely alter their course (different direction or speed).

For me that just happened, I picked up a local paper and in the classifieds, saw a listing: ADIRONDACK 152 Acres, State Land, Utilities $129,900.

Or Adirondack 5 acres 200' on lake $59,900 -- another Wow. I am cutting these out, because I can see it in my minds eye and it triggers great hopes, dreams and ambitions in me.

And no, the picture wasn't with the ad, but it will give you some idea of what I saw as THE dream, part of MY dream. I grabbed it from morguefile.com, which is one of several sites that has free graphics. I learned about on this webpage about free graphics for websites.

Wow! Lake House Dream!

2008-07-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

Visualizing Success

2008-06-26T18:14:00.000-07:00

When I'm getting dressed in the morning, my stomach muscles are actually starting to rise to the surface and have some definition. The wonderful thing about this is that I can envision on myself exactly the stomach and body that I want to have. I can squint or simply focus on what is good and blur away the chubby excesses that have still to fade away.

This makes exercising all much more exciting, because I have a clear mental image of the body I want, the body I am recreating. I actually don't mind doing the abdominal bicycling exercise beccause when I am doing them, I am picturing the sculptured body that I am obtaining.

I don't know if I am quite as far evolved in picturing my financial success taking shape, but I am making progress there as well.

Selling Dreams

2008-06-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a sales expert talk this morning and he commented that what you are really selling with any product is a dream. This was a lightbulb moment for me. Whether it is the dream of being thin (weight-loss product), having more energy (health-related products), a great relationship (online dating services), etc. We are really selling the dream. He commented that's why some people become seminar-junkies, going off to learn about making money online or in real estate and not actually taking action. They purchase the dream, the product that helps them see themselves with the life they want.

People need to have hope for a better life. It is said that you can endure almost any horrid condition if you have a reasonable hope of your life improving. But people with better conditions, but a life they are disatisfied with and no hope of anything changing, those people are usually depressed.

And in America, is it no wonder we have such avid consumers, when you think of products representing dreams. Don't we talk about 'the American dream?' as though part of being a citizen of the country is that we of course expect (generally through hard-work and ingenuity) to have an ever-increasing standard of living -- the dream of a better future.

Where's Diana?

2008-06-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been posting much. I often THINK blog posts, but I don't seem to be near the computer when I think them. Am I still committed to my goals even though I'm not writing about them every day?

Yes, absolutely.

P.S. You might say this isn't much of a blog post, but I felt the longer I waited to post, the more significant a post I had to write. I was running the risk of getting in a vicious cycle and falling out of my habit of writing at least a few times each week.

But now with this silly, simple post, I'm back to writing again.

I Act Even When I Don't Feel Like It

2008-05-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

Well all the self-help guru's talk about making affirmations and stating them out loud. Anything from the simple,

I like myself.

or

I can handle it.

to the more specific traits and goals you want to embody:

I am a runner.

I am paying off my debts this year. All of my debts.

I run or walk 15 miles each week, every week.

The one affirmation that I've heard in all of the books, that most works and rings true to me, is:

I act even when I don't feel like it.

It came from.... can you guess?? The Millionaire Mindset by T. Harv Eker. What is funny is that I actually think of this affirmation at least as often in terms of exercising as I do in terms of earning money.

So what affirmations, or self-talk, do you use the most?? Or do you make these sort of statements to yourself at all?

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

2008-05-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of time to myself this weekend. Solitary time is generally a rare treat for me. But somehow today and even yesterday I found myself a bit melancholy. Sure I never get as much done as I hoped, but there was more to my sadness. Loneliness? No, that wasn't it (or all of it) either.

Ah, I was worried that how I had spent my time wasn't worthwhile. After all, wasn't I supposed to be off at a family reunion or at the beach or... something of more of a traditional Memorial Day activity. I had finished writing a children's story, that I feel starts strong, but fizzles a bit.

And I sorted my MANY papers and bills to be paid and all my to-do's in my office and yet.... a couple of items that were missing never did turn up as I thought they would. And I have to accept that with all I do, I sometimes misplace items, even somewhat important items.

So I was thinking of this and I was remembering a line from a Zig Ziglar tape where he says we all have a dialog going on in our heads all day long, second-guessing ourselves and it's our choice whether we are going to cheer our own efforts, greet our best efforts with silence or worse groan every time we try and have less than complete success.

I for one am going places and so I'm hear to say that I'm proud of having
- finished a story and gotten it ready to submit to an editor
- faced cleaning my office which had gotten to be an overwhelming chore. It is at least for the moment under control again.
- run a total of 12 miles and walked another 1+
- made inroads in my backlog of to-be-read, discarding some, reading some and letting some go for another day

Now I still have a few more tasks that I'm going to tackle before the weekend ends. Hope everyone had a nice Memorial Day weekend whether you spent it with friends and family or, like I did, in more solitary pursuits.

Take care,
Diana

Interim Goals

2008-05-21T03:39:00.000-07:00

Interim goals -- daily or weekly along the way can be a huge value. I've noticed that Barack Obama's well-run campaign (whether you support him or not, his campaign has been incredibly well-run) uses interim goals. When they had over 800,000 contributors, they set a goal of getting over 1 million by a particular date. A few weeks later, they set a goal of getting 1.5 million by another date. In the couple weeks that led up to North Carolina and Indiana which was a critical night for Obama, they set a goal of 1 million phone calls made before the end of polls for those primaries.

The one interim goal that I've had the most success with is -- 15 miles per week -- walked or run. The weight is coming off, though very slowly, and my fitness level is increasing much faster. Now, I often jog upstairs. I certainly have more spring in my step whether I'm running or walking.

But I'd like to find one more boost on the weight loss side. Occasionally I'll set a daily goal for flights of stairs. I work on the first floor of a 3-story building and I'll set a modest goal of climbing 6 flights of stairs during the work-day. But some days I work at home and other days I'm off, so I'm still thinking of a more substantial regular goal that will add to my progress. Stairs are great because they raise my heartrate very quickly. Hmm.....

I'm going to ponder this. Readers, I'd love to hear what daily or weekly goals you are using to reach a much longer-term goal.

Diana

People Didn't Understand My Last Post

2008-05-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

I ran the ideas of my last post by a few of my friends and they didn't get it. The one friend said, "Well the only goal that I could even pretend my life depends upon is that I want to start exercising more and lose some weight."

But my idea wasn't to try and convince yourself how your life might depend on your goals. My idea was to act as if your life depended on achieving your goals and to ask yourself, so what would I do to make this (your goal or a step towards it) happen? Yes, you know that your life doesn't depend on that goal, but take the time to pretend for one moment that it does.

My one friend wants to open a sewing/knitting/craft store. Sort of like Michaels only a lot more personal. She has lots of ideas for promotions and lessons and clubs and she works at a small sewing store. She and one of the other employees have tossed around the idea of trying to buy that business from the elderly owner or to open their own. But it requires start up capital. They had agreed that having a three-way ownership might be the best situation. Decisions would be voted on. Majority would always rule. But they don't have a third person. The other potential owner was supposed to ask a friend, then a sister and.... nothing happens. My friend commented with a sigh that, "it just doesn't seem to be coming together."

I tried to make her see that if she HAD to open a store. IF her life depended on it (of course it doesn't, but just pretend) what would she do? Would she revisit the idea of needing a third owner? Would she advertise for the business opportunity? Would she go to a conference or trade show and network? I can bet that she wouldn't just wait to see if things 'come together.' So why not do those things now?

Your life may not depend upon it in the sense of life-and-death, but certainly the quality of your life does depend on acting with great urgency, "as if your life depended on it."

Your Life Depends Upon It

2008-05-02T05:46:00.000-07:00

I bought a copy of Mind Control Marketing. One of the themes of the book is looking at marketing and affecting people's decisions in manners similar to war. One story involves a situation where men were dying because Vietnamese tactics were different from what they had dealt with before and the weapons they had on hand weren't effective. The leader responded by modifying the weapons to make them work shorter range.

The thought that struck me was that the leader had inadequate equipment for the situation but he came up with a creative solution because people's lives depended on it.

How Much Differently Do We Act When Our Lives Depend on Something?

One of my favorite scenes from the movie, Apollo 13 is the one where they realize carbon dioxide is building up in the capsule and that if they don't do anything about it, that the astronauts will all die. They march a bunch of NASA dudes into a room with a complete list and copy of the items onboard the space capsule -- everything from plastic-enclosed instructions, food, waste disposal containers, everything they have on the ship. And from that they HAVE to invent an air filter to remove the carbon dioxide from the air. They have to. Lives depend on it. And, while at first they worry that they can't do it, ultimately they did.

How many of our life excuses would we drop, if we thought lives depended on our coming up with a solution?

"I can't go back to school. I don't have the time." -- Think about it for a minute. If your life depended on you completing an education course, you would find a way to do it. You'd find someone to swap babysitting duties with or maybe you'd drop some other commitment that you have. I mean if you HAD to (or you would die), think of the things that you could do. And then recognize that you really do have the power to change your life.

Sure not every decision or problem is life and death, but what's worth thinking about is: What would you do differently if it was? And while you may not think your life depends upon it, it does. Because... having your life turn out the way you want, does in fact depend on you coming up with creative solutions.

So the next time you think, I can't because.... ask yourself, if a medical doctor told you you MUST do this or you will die. What would you do?

Giving It All You've Got

2008-04-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

The other morning I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I went for a longer run than I had in, gosh, at least a year, maybe more. The day before I had watched my son run in a track meet. He had done fine, but it looked like he could have pushed himself more. In fact he later admitted that he finds it hard to push too much when it is clear that he isn't going to move up or down in terms of position. Namely when the next runner ahead of him has an insurmountable lead.

As I ran along Wednesday morning, I thought of this not in terms of my running, but all of my activities, including... making phone calls in support of Barack Obama. I don't like to phone strangers for any reason. But I believe that Barack Obama is a genuine man who still believes that the government should serve people and I find him inspirational and want to be part of people working together to change government. So I've combined that with a couple of books that I've read recently which talk about how it is good to move outside one's comfort zone. So, my way of moving outside my comfort zone has been to make a few calls in support of Obama.

It is in fact uncomfortable and the temptation is strong to quit and think of other ways, better ways??, to spend my time. But, as I ran along (the other issue came to mind as I passed an Obama 08 lawn sign), I heard in my mind those words that I had wanted to say to my son after his run, "It looked like you had a little more left to give. It looked like you could have pushed a little harder." Do I want anyone to make that comment about my life? I don't think so. And therefore, I'm going to try to continue to push my envelope.

Success Guaranteed!

2008-04-19T16:57:00.000-07:00

Isn't that what we all want? Success Guaranteed? How many make-money-online or investment advice products have been sold guaranteeing that they will make good on some pretty outrageous promises.

The trick is to consider your own success guaranteed not by someone else's know-how, but by your determination and vision.

In one of his books, Brian Tracy asks how much energy would you put into making sales, if you were given a list and told that 90% of the people on the list would buy the product you offered. Quite a lot, obviously.

We need to feel that energy, that certainty of the final destination, the final prize. We need that jolt to get up when we've set the alarm clock extra early or when we get discouraging news. Only you can guarantee your success.

I've been focusing on some longer term goals, having seen enough flimsy get-rich-quick schemes. In doing things the 'right way', I do feel that my success is guaranteed. I know I will make it, because I'm doing all the right things and what doesn't work, I'll try alternatives.

To your success. May you also claim, success guaranteed!

Good News/Bad News

2008-04-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well I fell off the no complaint wagon this weekend, big time. Going to have to make another run at that one.

But the good news is that I reclaimed one pair of pants from the does-not-fit pile. I have zero breathing room, but even small steps in the right direction count.

And I already have 7.5 miles of this week's 15-miles-per-week goal. I think I'll look myself in the eyes and forgive my mistakes and pat myself on the back for the successes.

Marketing, Self-Promotion, Advertising

2008-04-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been told to look at what attitudes I may have about marketing and advertising. My mother HATED telephone sales people and resented them interrupting her activities. She further resented that often when she tried to say, “No thanks,” to salespeople, they didn’t take no for an answer, but instead continued to badger her. I remember her hanging up the phone and muttering about what a nuisance they were and that next time she was going to say, “Sorry my baby just fell in the toilet, gotta go!” Clearly no one who called on the phone to sell something had anything useful to offer.

And of course what did we call the advertisements that arrived in the mail? “JUNK mail.”

Similarly the door-to-door salesman were also quite unwelcome at our house. My mother would say she already had enough of such-and-such thank you and that she really preferred to buy at a store. Don’t call us, we’ll call you, or a variation of that theme, was pretty much a guaranteed response.

So it still stands out in my mind that one day when I was in late elementary school (I’m going to date myself here), I answered the door and found a stranger in a suit who asked if my father or mother was home. I was old enough to know that the suit, the fact that I’d never seen the guy and that I was supposed to fetch a parent without knowing why, all spelled S-A-L-E-S-M-A-N. I trotted off to find my father, smug with the knowledge that the salesman was doomed. My dad could dismiss salespeople without breaking a sweat, as opposed to my mother who always seemed to be put into a bad mood by the experience.

You can imagine my shock, when I heard the salesman say that he had something he wanted to offer my father AND MY FATHER INVITED HIM IN!!! This had NEVER happened before.

What I later learned was that particular door-to-door salesman was selling cable service in our neighborhood where cable had never been available before. He actually had a service to offer that my father was interested in and that my father could not get anywhere else. Wow.

While I remember that one exception, the overriding attitude of salesmen = pest, is engrained in my mental makeup and I know that it’s an attitude that holds me back. I once had a college professor who I greatly admired who had a poster of a horse’s backside. The tail was lifted and the pile of horse manure getting deposited on the ground was labeled advertising. The professor made many references in lecture to our material wants and even what we consider material “needs” are created by the world of advertisement. Damn those New York advertisers for convincing us that we need stuff that we don’t and making us forget that the best things in life are free. Advertisers produced shit, as the poster made clear.

Okay, those are my thoughts for the day. My task was to identify attitudes that we know we have that hold us back. So there is mine. Task done for the day. Tomorrow I’m supposed to think of a more useful mental model.

No Complaints – Day 2

2008-04-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

So I had a less-than-great afternoon at work. I was in a meeting and an idea I had proposed was deemed insignificant and not worth going forward with. The person making the comment wasn’t rude about it, but it hurt. I was just about to demonize the guy in my mind. I had adjectives such as “condescending” and “belittling” on hot stand-by when I remembered my vow to go one week without complaining, either out loud or in my mind.

So instead I limited myself to simply stating how I felt, “not good” and “like it wasn’t worth trying,” “discouraged,” and “embarrassed.” I realized that this is the sort of switch that therapists and social workers recommend we make during verbal arguments. It’s recommended that instead of stating, “You humiliated me,” that you would say, “I was embarrassed.” I have never heard any psychologist suggest that you stay away from, “you humiliated me,” in your own mind. But really, why not? I mean isn’t the way we phrase thoughts to ourselves just as important. Sure the other person can’t hear those thoughts, so they don’t get defensive. BUT.... what about us? By stating those negative feelings as a complaint and blaming the other person involved, don’t we confuse the real issue?

After this reflection, I took a walk in the beautiful spring air, then packed up to head home. On the ride I listened some more to The Millionaire Mindset. Ol’ Harv was talking about how to grow and become more successful, one MUST go outside your comfort zone. Going outside your comfort zone means being Uncomfortable. But we should remember
1) no one ever died from being uncomfortable and
2) if we are uncomfortable, this means we ARE pushing ourselves and we should pat ourselves on the back.

Well, yippee, I felt like crap today. Congratulations, Diana! Way to move outside one’s comfort zone. Of course I did it somewhat unintentionally as I did not expect this reaction I guess to truly move beyond my comfort zone, I would have to make a counter proposal to the same guy who dismissed my first idea. I’ll consider it.

My Latest Personal Challenge

2008-04-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

This morning as I drove to work, I was listening to the audio version of, The Millionaire Mindset and an "action item" caught my attention. The to-do? The challenge?

Go one week without complaining, either out loud or in your head.

I thought, well I'm a positive person, I can do that. Until I remembered that 30 minutes earlier I had been complaining. Granted I had ended the complaint by saying, "well at least they.... and that's a good thing." BUT..... it was still a complaint. So I vowed to give it a try, from this Monday morning commute till next Monday morning commute, I will not complain, either out loud or in my head.

So whereas last Monday I complained about the weather a lot, today I am celebrating that spring is arriving and the air is gentle once again. Every day gets a little longer. My jeans are a bit looser and so my step must be a bit lighter.

Any day now the daffodils will be in bloom. I LOVE daffodils

Twenty-one Minutes

2008-04-02T16:14:00.000-07:00

According to my laptop battery I have 21 minutes left before... I like the fact that the battery indicator doesn't actually complete the thought. It simply says: Total battery power remaining 26%, total time remaining, oops now 18 minutes. As though the world will end when my laptop dies.

Still being short on time is a big issue for me. I'm trying very much to focus on the small amount of effort that gets the majority of results. I've heard of the 20/80 rule, that 20% of the people, get 80% of the pay. Or that 20% of your efforts get 80% of results. I know for a fact that this applies to my hair, though the ratio is probably more 5-10% effort gives 90% results. I can style my bangs and that makes the biggest difference, making sure they aren't sticking out at ridiculous angles. The rest of my hair takes forever to dry and I've had times that I did nothing to it where it looked better than when I spent a half-hour trying to control what happened.

I just wish all of my tasks were so easy to see where the big payoff comes from. I guess I'm think the baby carrots and cut celery and apples can probably boost my family's daily fruit and vegetable intake with only a tiny effort. But when it comes to learning?... How do you know which books, speakers, websites are going to return the biggest investment?

I guess you can't know ahead of time, but only can evaluate it periodically. I have been trying and I think now, upon reflection, that I'll step up the policy, of unsubscribing to newsletters and promotional notices. Processing email, just takes too darn long. I've also discovered that simply by hitting "This is Spam" button for Nortan AntiSpam in Microsoft Office is helping. I tried it in desperation as more and more emails were offensive and disgusting, not to mention a waste of my time and I will say that I'm now getting less trash.

11 minutes remaining... Oops after spellcheck, 9 minutes remaining.

I think I'll close with an affirmation. One good way to be efficient is to remain calm and I have found that simply stating, 'I can handle it. I'll find time. I can handle it,' can actually help me remain calm in nerve-wracking, stressful meltdown moments.

Gotta go, battery is threatening shutdown. I can handle it.

How to Handle Negative People and Naysayers

2008-03-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

I've heard many of the success gurus discuss how to handle negative people and naysayers. Here are some of the suggestions.

- Don't tell negative people about your hopes, plans, resolutions.
- Avoid negative people. If they are your friends, then perhaps you need to find some more positive friends. If they are your family, perhaps you want to spend a bit less time with them, particularly as you try to make a change in your life.

But, what about the situations where you have to deal with negative people? This often happens either with co-workers where the overall work situation is good or with family members where you are both part of a family and therefore will both be present at family get togethers. Certainly there are people that regularly leave you disheartened, angry, sad, doubting yourself, feeling hopeless.... if they are family members, their words can cut to the core.

So far I've found two methods that have helped me. If they help you great, if not, keep working on your own solution, as I know you can do it.

First I consider negativity like static on the radio. If I really want to listen to a particular song and it is playing and suddenly I start to get a lot of static, I can lock onto the song portion, the melody, beat, words.... and ignore the static.

But.... sometimes negativity is so strong that it blots out whatever positive activity or thought you might have been focused on. What then? In the Harry Potter books, I love the phrase that is used to describe the Dementors. Someone says, "I felt like I would never be happy again." Do you have a dementor in your life? I do. And the advice from both friends and professionals tends to be to try and learn somehow to not let this person bother you. What I've found, is slightly different than that.

Yes, I try to recognize that a dementor's words are usually more fiction than fact, but this is not enough to completely protect me. A truly negative encounter is a bit of poison and what I need when I run into it, is an antidote. I have certain songs, mostly classical, that restore peace and harmony to my mind. I also have a route or two that I like to walk, a river to look at, a breeze through the trees. It's a bit like the actual solution in the Harry Potter books. For to get rid of Dementors one must conjure up a patronus, which is done by thinking of an overwhelmingly happy thought. So whether you go to your dog and get a big face-licking, tail-wagging greeting, or turn on your CD player, or look at an old photo, find your happy thoughts.

Puppies Behind Bars

2008-03-27T06:52:00.001-07:00

Scratch what I had planned on writing about today. I just wandered down for coffee and read in the newspaper about a program that is one of the most true WIN/WIN situations that I can imagine. Puppies Behind Bars is a program that assigns puppies to qualified prisoners in several New York prisons to be trained as guide dogs, dogs for the disabled and explosive-sniffing dogs.

This program is not a win/win, it's a win/win/win/win/win/win. Here's why:

Every prisoner battles low self-esteem and putting the past behind them. A dog offers unconditional love with complete ignorance of one's past and the program offers a prisoner the opportunity for accomplishment.
The prisoners are taught a useful skill and could after leaving prison work in this field. They are offered additional information on possibly working as a veterinary assistant.
Prisoners are giving back to society.
The dogs are getting trained for a lower cost than if there were trained by professionals.
More dogs get trained than would be possible relying on volunteers.
With disabled veterans returning from Iraq, the need for dogs to aid the disabled is increasing.

"Are we raising guide dogs? Yes. Is that the first and foremost thing we are doing? Yes, however, these are people who are being given an opportunity to learn important basic life lessons, and they're learning via these dogs." - Gloria Gilbert Stoga, Puppies Behind Bars founder

I urge you to stop by the full Puppies Behind Bars website to make a donation and receive further inspiration and positive feelings for the day!

Sex and Food, Rated R

2008-03-26T12:21:00.000-07:00

My blog post today focuses on the resolution that I'm definitely having success with -- losing weight. I know that it is helpful to change one's attitude towards food. At some point I started to think of eating in terms of sex.

Is sex about cramming in as much as you can? (All women, and some men, know the answer to this). No, sex is not about quantity. And neither is food and the pleasure of eating. Eating, like sex, should be one part anticipation, two parts of savoring the experience, the moment of satiation (easier to recognize when you are slowly enjoying every morsel) and then the relief of no longer being hungry.

Consider this model when you eat. Eat slowly and enjoy all the sensations of the food -- the taste, texture, smell. Make love to your food and then simply recognize when you are past your peak pleasure and stop trying to add anything more to the experience at that point. Again, think of sex. Continuing past the peak moment can only detract from the experience, it is impossible to add more at that point.

The advantage of this model is that you stop eating because you WANT to stop, not because you must follow a set of rules that someone else made up for you. It does wonders for allowing me to feel both in control and yet sinful at the same time.

Okay, well those are my R-rated thoughts for the day.

I'm Back

2008-03-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I'm back and feeling reenergized by the time away. I continue to improve my physical condition which I know will translate into gradual weight loss. And while I came up with a great idea for a product to sell, as always I'm still struggling with time issues.

I've been spending a lot of time reading about the Democratic Presidential race. I believe strongly that Barack Obama is both a politician and a genuinely sincere person, which I don't think I have seen before. I also think he is highly intelligent and able to provide compromises and inspiration until people will join behind him. At least enough people to get things done. The tremendous volunteer effort of his campaign and the number of donations is the first proof of this fact.

So I spent quite a bit of time in the last week, despite feeling that I didn't have much to spare, evaluating Rev. Wright and the inflammatory sermons. It does not take long of reading a fuller transcript or hearing the full 9/11 sermon to realize that the man and the church has been done a disservice with only select portions being played. Most people do not even realize that when Wright is listing the things that the United States has done which made 9/11 more likely, that he is paraphrasing (though I don't know how accurately) Ambassador Peck who had appeared on Fox News a few nights earlier. This reference takes place about 15 seconds before the portion that is broadcast over and over again.

It's important to me, as I consider taking a more active role in supporting Obama, to feel sure of my belief in the man. Do I really have the time to spare on this? This is where I go back to my primary resolution. I am doing the Lord's work. When I pray, when I listen, I hear that this election is a pivotal moment in our history and that we have a chance to make a very important decision.

I support Barack Obama and I do not regret the time I spend reading about all of the presidential candidates because how can one support a candidate without understanding the choices fully.

I promise to not turn this blog into a political blog. I did reference believing in John Edwards in a previous post and I do indeed feel that he would make an excellent president. However he is not one of our current options and I see now the unifying power and inspiration that Obama brings and am confident in his leadership.