The Half-Assed Knitter

2009-02-21T12:50:00.003-06:00

Ok. Fuck it, I'm obviously tired of blogging and it's time to put this bitch to rest. I'm on twitter and ravelry for all your stalking needs.

2009-01-25T14:45:00.000-06:00

What the fuck lunatic ever thought up picking up and purling stitches?

I Can't Quit You

2009-01-24T23:18:00.009-06:00

2009 Knitting Goals!

Don't laugh. This year it's totally realistic

1. Focus on one yarn per month. Choose yarn at beginning of month and figure out something to do with the yarn.

I think it's a good idea. This month my yarn was Knitpicks Panache and I've already finished my neckwarmer.

2. Control the Stash!

yeah. whatever. I'm just over 100. I remember when I thought 17 was bad

3. Knit a hat

why have I never knit a hat? that I didn't turn into a felted bowl?

4. ~~Entrelac~~

Done!

5. Cables

I actually think most cabled stuff is ass ugly. But whatever, it seems like the thing to do

6. Toe-up Socks

I'm still not sure why

7. Short Row Heel

Because heel flaps are getting old

8. Colorwork (even if just mosaic)

eh. Most colorwork is ugly

9. Finish Mitered Square Blanket

oh do i make myself laugh

10. Destash undesirable yarns

Good idea!

11. Knit a garment for myself

Notice I said garment. Not sweater

12. Knit something for the cousin's upcoming babies

Babies!! Twin babies! I don't usually like to knit for babies but for this I make an exception

13. Two socks at a time

I'm not sure that I understand the point

14. Spinning Wheel!

Maybe.

15. Decrease sock yarn stash by half.

but I love my sock yarn stash. Can't we find another way to work this out?

2008 Goals: Full of Fail

2009-01-23T01:11:00.000-06:00

1. Consider knitting a sweater/cardigan, for real this time.

I've considered it. I have the yarn and the pattern picked out for two shells. That counts

2. Continue to use up stash rather than buy new

Well.. Sock yarn has become a ~~problem~~ concern. Other yarn I'm doing ok. Fuck it, there is no reason to lie. I failed hard at this goal this year. Hard. I have sock yarn in the stash for nearly 30 pairs of socks. That is a lot of yarn. But I love every last bit of it. It makes me so happy. So that's something.

3. Toe Up Socks

I'm not even sure why I made this a goal

4. Always have a pair of socks on the needles

I did up until recently when I've had some deadline knitting to do.

5. More dyeing (w/ real dye, not wiltons)

I only did more wiltons dyeing

6. Spinning, either figure it out or give up completely and sell off my shit.

sigh.

7. Finish Mitered Square blanket (incl. seaming)

hahaha

8. Get all old projects that I have pix for on ravelry

I did!

9. Make something cabley

Nope.

10. Consider writing down and perhaps even going forward with the plan in my head for the first ever Half-Assed Knitter Original Half-Assed Pattern (good heavens!)

I forgot what the plan in my head was. Was it the penis socks? No! It was the 4 seasons shawl. Ooh. I should do that

Sea and Shells

2008-12-05T09:52:00.004-06:00

For months she sat sadly in the closet while I worked on other projects. I knit socks, blankets, even whored it up with other lace. But a trip to the Caribbean needs a blue shawl. So just in time (at almost the last minute) she's finally finished.

I was really worried about the length when it became apparent I did not have enough yarn to make this the length I want. A very nice math wiz on Ravelry calculated that I could expect approx 51'' in length pre-blocking. I ended up w/ 52 inches, and with the magic of blocking (and probably due in some part to my loose ass knitting) the finished stole measures almost 8 feet. Oops. I probably could have blocked more severely and gotten 9 feet but my blockings mats are only 8 feet in length, so 8 feet it is.

This is my second lace project w/ no lifelines. I feel certain I am tempting the knitting fates and am due for a kick in the ass momentarily.

This pattern (found here)is based on Eunny Jang's Print o the Wave stole. Except I think it's a whole lot easier without that knitted on edging. Because I'm half-assed. And the half-assed will always look for the way out of a knitted on edging. Plus the shell border is nice. The pattern isn't charted so I used my anal-retentiveness to create a very nice excel chart. Color coded, mind you. I'm not always half-assed.

I dyed this yarn (Knitpicks Bare) quite a while ago with Wiltons. I like the color and the way it's dyed very much but as it was a accident I have no idea how to recreate it with real dyes. Damn

It smelled like ass when it got wet. Is that to do with the wiltons? Or the mildly crappy yarn? Hrm. ( though it's fine now that it's dry)

I still knit...

2008-11-11T20:05:00.004-06:00

Recently finished:

Mandala (originally the Goddess Knits Anniversary Mystery Shawl)

Handpaintedyarn.com's laceweight in "hot chocolate"

So so so glad it's finished. I love it

Silk Purse (made up the pattern) w/ Artyarn's Silk Ribbon. A very pain-in-the-fucking-ass yarn that tangles if you breathe on it wrong. But I love it all the same. I totally did not know what i was doing w/ the round flat bottom and the picot bind-off, but somehow it worked anyway.

Also

2008-11-11T10:14:00.001-06:00

I fucking hate i-cord

A long overdue Rant

2008-11-09T18:46:00.003-06:00

I hate text messaging. I can see the need for it on occasion, when you just cannot make a phone call. If you're not working, fine. Go nuts with your constant text messaging. You're a douche, but whatever.

However, I am tired of going somewhere and seeing people who should be working instead on their phone with their fingers flying. I am very quite sick of walking around my department and seeing coworkers playing with their phones instead of text messaging. If it didn't affect me I wouldn't care as much. But I have to pick up their slack at work. I have to wait longer in lines because of it. And I'm tired of it.

I'm also sick of trying to pee in a public bathroom and hearing someone in another stall chatting on their phone. I don't really want some stranger on the other end of the phone listening to me pee. Also--eww. You're getting particles of ass on your phone. That's disgusting.

Here's the thing. You aren't that important. Your life will probably not be in ruins if you don't get to send that message/make that phone call at that moment. If it will, then you should excuse yourself and go somewhere else to do it. I don't understand people who spend their entire lives strapped to their cell phones. If they aren't talking or texting, they are obsessively checking for messages. At the dinner table, at restaurants, on the toilet, at work, etc. I don't mean to eavesdrop (Ok I do) but the conversation is nearly always inane bullshit.

I don't give two shits if you talk on your phone while driving. But when you are supposed to be working? Hang up the fucking phone and do your shit. I'm not your manager so I can't say something. And my manager is on her phone constantly so I don't think she's going to say anything.

When I rule the world (and you know I should) I will shove cell phones up people's asses when they annoy me

Yay!Yay!Yay!Yay!

2008-11-07T21:32:00.006-06:00

Sometimes there are knitting projects that are so epic and all-consuming that when they are done I feel like screaming and holding it up in the air in triumph. So I did. My co-workers think I'm weird (not that they didn't think I was weird before)

Big damn lace shawl and not one lifeline. I can't believe it.

Blocking tomorrow! I want to block it now now now but my husband would rather use the bed for sleeping than for blocking. Asshole.

Fuck Yes

2008-11-04T22:45:00.001-06:00

that is all.

Fuckity Fuckity Fuck

2008-11-02T22:12:00.004-06:00

These are the things I want to knit before we leave for our vacation on December 6 (a bulleted list because I can)

Finish the Goddess Knits Mystery Shawl (no picture--oops. it does exist I promise)-- I am nearly done. Halfway through the edging. Except I have been 'halfway through the edging' for a few days now. I really thought it would only take me a couple of days. But it's 576 stitches for fucks sake.
Finish my Sea and Shells stole. Yeah I'm still not done. I expected to be finished w/ the above by November 1 which would give me a complete month to finish this. I still think this is doable (hear that? That is the universe laughing)
Some kind of mesh bag. Bagstopper or something similar. I think I can do this in a day if not a weekend. Not a big deal really
Silk evening bag. Again, can do it up in a day. I don't really have a pattern but figure I can wing it.

It's getting to be the time of year that most people are beginning to fret over their gift knitting. However, I am a selfish knitter and am fretting over my own shit. I'll worry about the holidays after we get back. But I'm sure no one will be getting socks this year. It was a good plan. Maybe next year

Everything seems doable but I fully expect that something will have to be missed.

Goodness!

2008-11-01T11:54:00.003-06:00

So I may do this blog thing again. Something inside me just wants to bitch and ramble on. And what better place to bitch and ramble on than my very own piece of free internet. I'm sure noone comes here anymore (not that many people ever did). That means I can write lots of embarassing shit and there will be no one around to hear it. Win!

I just turned 32. That's such a boring age. So boring in fact, that I really just have no thoughts about it. There will be no getting introspective this year. 32--who gives a shit?

It's been a good birthday really:

3 days off from work!
Cake!
Fajitas! (daniel made them. better than any restaurant anywhere)
gift card for my yarn store!
flowers from my parents!
3 lb block of chocolate from the daniel!
got laid!
went to see Janis Ian in concert and met her afterwards (I love her so)!
mom's fried chicken tomorrow and reportedly more cake!

I've also decided to save for a spinning wheel. Some would say I should perfect my drop spindle before deciding to purchase a wheel. But I really think that my problem w/ spinning so far has been nearly entirely related to my problems with the drop spindle. I can spin. I'm not that bad at it. But holding that fucking drop spindle up and the constant winding is just too clumsy for me. It doesn't work out. I think a wheel would suit me better. I may figure out a way to take a class before buying just in case. But I have promised the universe that if I buy a wheel and don't learn to use it and spin actual yarn within a year I will sell it. Anyhoo expect long rambling entries wherein I debate the features of whatever wheel I am obessed with at the time. I am changing my mind quite a bit.

I have big plans for next year, which I will write about shortly. I have to stretch out this blogging thing so I will have something to write about. Plus it's only November and way too soon to reveal 2009 plans.

I've got to find my 2008 goals list and get on it. I'm running out of time and I fear I have done poorly

Holy Fuck

2008-04-30T21:45:00.005-05:00

Is this thing still around?

Clearly I can't be bothered with blogging. Come find me on Ravelry if you wish to stalk me futher. If you aren't on Ravelry, sorry chump.

That Dork Ass Farm Girl

2008-04-20T22:10:00.001-05:00

The garden is finished!

Tomatoes:

2 Cherokee Purple

4 Roma

3 Better Boy

3 Fantastic

1 Black Cherry

2 Sweet 100 Cherry

Peppers:

3 Bell

better bell

california wonder

something else, i forget

2 jalapeno

2 anaheim

Zucchini

8! I am so fucked but I couldn't find individual zucchini plants until I had already bought a pack of 9

Herbs/Other

Cilantro

Basil

Thyme

Dill

Garlic Chive (i've had the garlic chive for 4 years now. I was thinking I had some sort of devil chive until I learned that they are perinneal.)

Mesclun

Bleh

2008-04-14T10:40:00.004-05:00

I'm home sick. In between vomiting I thought I'd update the shameful blog. Aren't you happy?

So I'm ready (I think) to discuss something. I've been debating in my head the last few days but I think it'll be ok.

My ugly ass new project:

Ain't it great? It's (going to be) a blanket made from Yarn of the Month Club samples and assorted other leftovers. It's going to be ugly, vaguely scratchy, and possibly misshapen. It will be awesome.

I'm not using all my samples. Not all the weird-ass Habu (stainless steel yarn is not very blankety, and the others are just too strange for my taste).

All garter stitch, because something this perfect doesn't need fancy stitchwork.

Do you like my whoreish new knitting bag?

2008-04-08T06:25:00.002-05:00

I guess I should clarify the last post by mentioning that it has been brought to you by a coworker who is tired of some of us talking (while working our asses off) and who recently complained that no one likes her. hmph.

A Little Out of Touch, A Little Insane

2008-04-07T20:12:00.002-05:00

I am renewing my committment to antisocialness. Is that a word? It is now, bitches.

I am tired of pretending to like people that I can't fucking stand. I'm tired of pretending to laugh at lame jokes, pretending to care about their inane bullshit, and I'm really quite tired of feigning interest when they speak.

I hate most people, there's just no point in pretending anymore.

Not you of course. You are lovely.

Day Off!!

2008-03-31T13:40:00.003-06:00

I have today off and I had every intention of cleaning. What have I done instead?

Ate Hot Pockets (not pictured) and watched The Facts of Life (Season 3!) on Netflix

I'm getting annoyed by this show. Every episode so far has been preachy (rape, drinking, cancer). I don't remember it being this lame

Also:

Worked on Sea and Shells

(why, yes, it is the same size as a month ago when I last took a picture)

and the Bamboo Wrap

I am so bored--perhaps I should have gone to work?

2008-03-22T21:46:00.002-06:00

I have been adding old FOs to Ravelry and came upon an old post in which I'm concerned because my stash is up to 17! Oh my god! Tara! You are out of control! Get a handle on your yarn buying! 17! Oh Jesus! Shame! Shame! Shame!

Things I should Get Paid to Do

2008-03-20T18:47:00.003-06:00

Instead of the stressfilled wonder that is my job

1. Untangle yarn.
The Untangle gene was passed on to me by my mom, who spent many nights untangling both my hair and my necklaces

2. Pick up dropped stitches
I am really quite good

3. Find ways to justify stupid purchases
It's a gift

4. Help people throw away shit they don't need and organize the shit they do.
Which may sound like it conflicts w/ # 3 but would really just bring me more business.

5. Make snarky comments and hatch elaborate revenge plans
Indeed.

Any takers?

2008-03-16T20:25:00.002-06:00

This weekend:

Sewed 3 new cushions for the boat (Only a fuckload more to go)

Cut up an old sweater and made pillows for my desk at work (yay no more hurty ass and back)

Made cinnamon rolls, sorta (they didn't rise, threw them away)

Made little fried pies (yum!)

Made half-assed apple cobbler with the leftover apples and dough (fucking awesome)

No knitting, not a stitch. fuck it.

2008-03-10T17:55:00.003-06:00

This weekend I decided to really committ to working on the Sea and Shells shawl. So naturally, after completing only one repeat, I thought of all that Bamboo Tape in my stash.

Since I got it I've had an idea in my head of what to do w/ it but haven't found a pattern. I finally checked ravelry, and quite a long time later (there are a LOT of shawls on ravelry) I found one.

It isn't very wide, but I am counting on all the Bamboo Tape reviews that mention all the stretching this yarn does. It will be hella long. I have 10 balls of the yarn and this picture is one ball's worth.

This camera phone pic from my office is shitty but you get the idea. I am in love.

Charts

2008-03-07T20:37:00.004-06:00

I had handwritten a makeshift chart for the Sea and Shells stole*. It was fine. But for some reason today I got a wild hair and made a fancy Excel chart.

It is color-coded and glorious.

It was also a pain in the ass.

That's all I've got this week. Sorry

*i'm starting to think possibly fuck any lace pattern that isn't charted. If I wanted to go to this much trouble I'd design my own goddamned pattern.

2008-02-26T15:45:00.002-06:00

I realized I never put my finished Waving Lace socks up here. I don't think it matters really but goddamnit I had trouble uploading the picture so you're gonna look at it.

Um. let's see if I remember the particulars.. Waving Lace socks from Favorite Socks, using Zen Yarn Garden Art Walk Sock yarn, Toreador (August 07), on a size 0 needle. Am I a loose ass knitter or what? One sock leg is a smidge longer than the other. Because with me, half-assed isn't just a blog title.

In other news, I am currently drinking 32oz of water and am Forbidden to pee. I have an ultrasound at 5 and I am oh-so-very-excited (no, this isn't a baby-looking ultrasound, it's a cyst-looking ultrasound. I'm not breeding, don't worry. aren't you glad you asked?)

I am also organizing my shit. What do yall do with all your knitting magazines? I can't throw them away. I just can't. I thought about only saving the patterns I thought I might knit but who knows what I might want to knit in a year? Bah.

Question

2008-02-21T21:28:00.003-06:00

Do yall throw away yarn? If it sucks and you know you aren't going to use it and it's a partial skein that will do no one any good anyway?

I just threw away my leftover Lorna's Laces sock yarn in that godawful Sweetie. I can't imagine ever using it and it's taking up valuable real estate. So I chucked it.

I've thrown away yarn before--hopelessly tangled or otherwise unusable. But I still feel bad about it. Yarn (even the ugly shit) is innately valuable, yes?