I am Cutris

Cutris had Previous Run-in with Garbage Frog

2009-11-13T06:45:00.011-06:00

Cutris had Previous Run-in with Garbage Frog
UnAssociated Press
November 13, 2009

This picture obtained by the UnAssociated Press, clearly shows Cutris running like a girl--from the garbage frog that attacked him earlier this week. This photo was carbon dated, and appears to have been taken in early September of this year. This could explain why the garbage frog was so quick to attack.

This photo clearly shows Cutris running like a girl from the garbage frog.

While unpredictable, garbage frogs often prefer to blend into their surroundings to avoid confrontation. They are, however, predatory, and will try to eat anything they can swallow. "Cutris may have resembled a large cricket," said University of High Tuition, entomologist Bugs Malone. "Or, it may have just been a case of protecting its territory."

When asked to comment, Cutris flashed reporters an obscene gesture and ran away.

Cutris Battles Garbage Frog

2009-11-11T06:49:00.009-06:00

Cutris Battles Garbage Frog
UnAssociated Press
November 11, 2009

The UnAssociated Press has obtained photos of Cutris fighting with a giant, garbage frog. The situation apparently got out-of-hand, when Cutris approached the garbage frog, and it suddenly attacked!

A bystander apparently snapped these photos before running to safety. Cutris would not comment on the incident, except to say that garbage frogs are "unpredictable," and that both he and the frog were alright after the altercation.

Cutris is shown pointing at the garbage frog.

Cutris takes on a defensive stance.

Cutris uses his fighting skills to protect himself.

Click on photos to enlarge.

Veteran's Day!

2009-11-11T06:48:00.003-06:00

Today we acknowledge the United States of America Veterans.

Ann Taylor: No Men's Couch???

2009-11-10T06:47:00.013-06:00

I've previously blogged about my experience at Ann Taylor, waiting for my wife while she looks at clothes. Recently, I found myself being led back into this place that is so strange for any heterosexual man.

Instantly, we were asked by one of the female employees (Note* I have never seen a man working there--which is further proof that this is no place for men), if "we" needed any help finding something. I answered that I wasn't actually looking for anything. When the next employee (Note* There were about two employees for every one customer) asked if "we" had any questions, I said that I did not.

As my wife continued looking, I began to read to her aloud, the "what we believe" sign, that was hanging on the wall. What propaganda/drivel! Then, I went to find the "men's couch," that has been my refuge several times before on these expeditions. It is usually "outfitted" with some kind of magazine (one, maybe two) that would have some appeal for a man. But... alas... there was no couch!!!

Suddenly, I did have a question!!!
"What happened to the men's couch???" I asked the nearest sales woman.
She said that it had been moved into the office in the back of the store.
"I have to go back there???" I asked, (fearing what might be hidden in the depths of the Ann Taylor store--unseen by the general public).

She told me I couldn't go back there. Relieved, I said, "You need to bring the couch back!" She told me that she would let the manager know.

As my petite wife led me back out of this strange and frightening place, I shivered at the thought that the last refuge for men had been removed from Ann Taylor. It was truly, no place for men.

News Headlines You'll Never See

2009-11-09T19:22:00.008-06:00

For your enjoyment, Cutris has compiled a brief list of news headlines that you are probably never going to see.

1. Young Urban Males Decide to Wear Pants that Fit

2. Man Admits, That as a Child He Molested Priests

3. Hero Cat Saves the Day!

4. Paris Hilton Graduates

5. Cheney Admits Guilt

6. Government Center Condemned to make Room for New Lake

7. Woman to Lead Taliban

8. Phone Company Pays Customers to End Contract Early

9. Al Sharpton Makes Sense

10. Vikings Win Super Bowl!

Lighting

2009-11-09T06:37:00.005-06:00

Saturday we spent some time at the Tamarack Nature Center, in the beautiful, 60 degree Fahrenheit, November weather.

The afternoon Sun made for spectacular lighting for photography. I usually don't put my best pictures on my blog (just in case I ever want to publish a photography book), but here is a sample.

Ten-Year-Old Bus Drivers

2009-11-06T06:50:00.005-06:00

Since I first met him, I've been asking my nephew (now age 9) about his car. I'll ask him if I can see his car or his driver's license, and he always reminds me that he is still a kid. I usually seem puzzled by this, and ask how he can drive without a license? Then he tells me he doesn't drive, and then I ask him how he gets to school??? Recently we went through this, and he told me that he rides the bus to school. I exclaimed, "You drive a bus???" He said, "No! I take the bus!" Then I said, "Oh… you shouldn't take the bus if it doesn’t belong to you…"

Soon his four-year-old sister got into the conversation. She is a pretty opinionated four-year-old, so she put her hands on her hips and told me, "He doesn't drive the bus, he isn't old enough!" So, I asked her how old a person has to be before they can drive a bus. She thought for a minute, and replied, "You have to be at least ten!"

KJC

Coin-Operated Johnson Controls - Advertisement

2009-11-03T06:49:00.015-06:00

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You can’t afford expensive doctors. You’ve even tried restrictive underwear!
Now you can find relief!
For just 25 cents per application, Coin-operated Johnson Controls is there for you.
For only a quarter, you can keep your Johnson in check from now on.

Coin-operated Johnson Controls are not for everyone. Side effects include nausea, vomiting, and the possibility of "Detached Johnson Syndrome."

Available at fine drug stores everywhere.

Migizi Flies Closest to the Creator

2009-11-02T06:43:00.003-06:00

An eagle flew over me as I left work Tuesday (just before my wife and I endured something very difficult). I took it as a sign that God had not abandoned us. My Ojibwe brother Joe says that Migizi flies closest to the Creator.

Tears

2009-10-30T10:29:00.001-05:00

The rain reflects my feelings,
Subtle tears falling for a child whose steps will not be heard.
I know it is for the best,
But I cannot help but to feel sad on this rainy day.

I turn toward the future,
But my wife and I will never forget the past few days.
I love her more than ever.
Our lives are changed forever by the child who never was.

-Kevin J. Curtis

The many uses of Tape

2009-10-27T06:47:00.012-05:00

Here are just a few of my favorite kinds of tape.

Invisible Tape, for taping invisible things.

Masking Tape, to make masks out of.

"Duck" Tape, in case your duck breaks.

Mounting Tape, To keep the dog from falling off.

Cutris Becomes Extremely Animated

2009-10-26T06:41:00.010-05:00

Cutris Becomes Extremely Animated
UnAssociated Press
October 26, 2009

Cutris became extremely animated today, when he was asked to give a brief history of mounting tape. His talk went on for about five minutes, and was very entertaining.

Mounting Tape

Cutris becomes animated.

Be Cool Stay in School!

2009-10-26T06:37:00.004-05:00

My brother-in-law Kou, graduated with his BS in Digital Arts on Friday.
I made this PSA for staying in school that evening.

"Be Kou, Stay in Schoo'"

Email Scammer: Dumber than a Sack of Hammers

2009-10-23T06:52:00.005-05:00

Here is the latest correspondence between me (top in blue), and "Mr. Lawson Jean," Internet scammer "extraordinaire" (below).
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Dumb Ass,

I can hardly believe how dumb you are. Your dumbness transcends normal dumbness, and transforms it into an innate, ridiculously dumb realm that is usually reserved for cartoon characters. Despite that, I'm going to type some bogus numbers that could resemble a bank account in some really dumb place, such as where you must be from.

First Bank of my Butt: 123-UR-S0-Dum-456

I look forward to to this transaction that "is very proctecd with you." Yada yada, buttface, indigo.

Insincerely yours,

Superman's Grandma

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:32:24 -0700
From: lawsonjean2@yahoo.com
Subject: REPLY.
To: my email

Dear Superman ,

im very happy to read from you to today to know whom you are i must let you know that it realy give me the full mind and trust to work with you in this transaction as one brother hence as matter of fact this transaction is very proctecd with you.

However i want you to confirm to me about the bank account so that i will send you the application letter to enable you be incontact with the bank here for claimof the funds to your country.

Thanks and waiting your urgent reply.
Yours partner
MR LAWSON JEAN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-

"Lawless Genes," expurrt email scammer

2009-10-22T06:49:00.005-05:00

This reply from the email scammer came today. My new reply is above it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear brother, Mr. Lawless Genes,

Thank you for not reading my email and for supplying me with this bunch of crap about the 100% risky transaction. Rest assured, that I have not told anyone except the FBI and Interpol. I look forward to meeting you face to face, so I can kick you in the gnads, if you have any.

Here is the information that you have requested,

NAME: SUPERMAN - You must have missed this when you didn't read the previous email.
AGE:116 - But I workout
ADDRESS: 1122 Boogey-Boogey Avenue
COUNTRY: Krypton - I guess you missed this part too...
PROFESSION: Special Agent, in charge of Internet Scams
TEL: 555-555-1234
FAX: 555-555-5678

I look forward to closing this deal, blazay, factoid, Nebuchadrezzar.

Your friend and partner,

Cutris... I mean "Superman"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:14:07 -0700
From: lawsonjean2@yahoo.com
Subject: Thanks for mail.
To: my email

Dear Partner,

Thank you very much for your response. First I want to let you know that Togo is in West Africa country and Lome is the capital city and that I am a chistian. I want to let you know that I have carefully reseach and plan for the execution of this transaction. All the necessary arrangement to make it a legal and successful transaction have been meant and I need you to just put a finishing touches on this for the consummation.

and i want you to know that this transaction is %100 free riske and for that you have noting to worry about hence i am with you here on any area you may not understand by the bank. i will suplly you evry inforamtions to make suer the fund transfer to your account in your country savetly. and i must let you know that this transaction need both of us to work together as one family hence we are going to meet our selfe face to face when we progress with it in your country. So please my good partner fee free for there is noting to worry about this transaction is going to be of benefit to both of us at the end we will see goodness of it when it is done. and i want you to know that i contcated you for this transaction to be my partner and brother .

I will direct you on what to do and you have to follow the instruction carefully to apply to the Bank where they we approved and transfer the fund to your designated account. You may need to open a new account without any fund on for the transfer of this fund. if You don't have to mixed your private fund with this money to avoid confusion at the end of the transfer and also for security reasons..

I will like to have the following information from you to anable me prepared
other important documents in your name to prepared you to submit application of claim to the Bank for the approval and transfer of the fund to your account and as soon as you do that the Bank will not delay to transafer the funds into tour account over ther in your country and when you infom me of that i will be coming to your country for my onw shere and you will have your own 40% of the total fundsfor your kind assist. and also we can do some investmen in your country together in any area that you know it will be good for a business investment overe there .. so plesae my Dear partner i realy want you to take me as your realy blood brother hence i beleive as soon as we progress with this transaction we shall meet our selfe face to face as one family.

Things needed from you now are bellow so that we can move foarward with this transaction.
YOUR NAME:
AGE:
ADDRESS:
COUNTRY:
PROFESSION:
TEL:
FAX ANY:

I will need to talk with you to let you know more of what you have to do to
get this transaction successfully completed. You can let me have you private phone number and the best time to call you to discuss this very sensitive transaction..
Finally I will want you to assure me that you will keep this transaction strictly know to yourself alown. It is very important to keep this transaction confidential to avoid it been jeopardise.

I will wait for you to get back to me with the information.
Thanks once again and God bless.
Mr LAWSON JEAN.
You can call me
on my private number
+228-989-75-88

-

"Urgent Please" email scams

2009-10-21T06:48:00.007-05:00

Here's my reply to the latest email scam I got. My answer is above the original.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Friend (who I've never met),

I'm "Superman!" I come from a planet called Krypton! I can help you!

I was intrigued by your email (that was sent to someone else). I understand that many people in Africa have millions of dollars that they want to share with poor Americans.

You probably want my bank information, but I have a better idea. I am in need of a goat. My lawn is covered by leaves from the trees as fall sets in. A goat could eat these leaves and then I wouldn't have to rake!

Please send all of your goats to Minnesota, "Attention, Superman."

Thanks Mr. Lawson Jean!

Cutris

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 05:23:47 -0700
From: ecobank_ltogo@yahoo.com
Subject: URGENT PLEASE
To: dotbum@hotmail.com

URGENT PLEASE

Dear Friend,

I m Mr LAWSON JEAN.. From lome Togo West Africa Country..Please i need your urgent assistance to transfer the sum of $11.3million immediately to your country. i will await your urgent responds so that i will give you evry details about this transaction for you to
follow it up immediately.

Thanks and your urgent responds is needed if you are intrested please.

Mr LAWSON JEAN .
Phone Contact +228-989-75-88

-

Road Trip

2009-10-16T20:47:00.018-05:00

We took a short road trip today through Prescott, Wisconsin, Redwing, Minnesota and then stopped by the Watt Munisotaram, Buddhist Temple between Farmington and Hampton, Minnesota.

The Wisconsin side of the Mississippi River.

Watt Munisotaram Buddhist Temple

M & M Cleaners

2009-10-14T12:27:00.004-05:00

In case your M & M's get dirty!

West Wilkie Hike

2009-10-13T17:24:00.013-05:00

Today I hiked in the west end of the Wilkie Unit in the Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge. Here are a few pictures that I took.

Early Snow!

2009-10-13T17:16:00.005-05:00

The early snow barely gave me time to dig out my carrots, beets and potatoes!

But isn't it beautiful? Especially when the cardinal shows up!

Widespread Outages Blamed on Cutris

2009-10-09T06:43:00.005-05:00

Widespread Outages Blamed on Cutris
UnAssociated Press
October 9, 2009

Cutris has allegedly unplugged the vinculum. Whether or not he will plug it back in is unknown at this time. A vinculum expert has been summoned from Bangladesh, to Washington D.C. to try to prevent further vinculum-related disasters. Cutris' whereabouts are currently unknown. He is presumed to be out hiking in the woods.

Video

Cutris Threatens to Unplug Vinculum

2009-10-08T16:44:00.005-05:00

Cutris Threatens to Unplug Vinculum
UnAssociated Press
October 8, 2009

This picture shows Cutris about to unplug the vinculum. Looking defiantly at the camera, he is only seconds from causing chaos.

Cutris Testifies Before Senate Subcommittee

2009-10-07T15:38:00.009-05:00

Cutris Testifies Before Senate Subcommittee
UnAssociated Press
October 7, 2009

Cutris testified before a senate subcommittee today, detailing how people employed in technology are not valued, or respected as much as the so-called, “professionals” employed by the same organizations that they work at.

“I am not allowed to voice my displeasure when someone ruins an installation or causes problems by blatantly disregarding basic technology guidelines!” He continued by saying, “There is a ‘culture’ in the workplace that technology work is not as important as what the ‘professionals’ do. Recently, I contributed to a report and everyone’s name was listed in the credits except mine—even though they used my contribution, line-for-line verbatim!”

The senators seemed unconvinced by Cutris’ argument, leading to this outburst,
“What if I unplugged the vinculum? Would you senators know what to do???”
Cutris was then censored and escorted by security out of the senate chambers.

"Fun Size" Candy Bars

2009-10-06T06:49:00.005-05:00

Whoever thought of "Fun Size" candy bars?
Wouldn't they be more fun if they were a lot bigger?
I mean... why is a tiny, bite-size candy bar so much fun?
I think it would be more fun to have a candy bar that was 4' long, 2' wide and about 6" thick!

More Abbreviated Fast Food

2009-10-05T06:51:00.007-05:00

Now wait a minute... isn't that where "By's" used to be? I think it was an Arby's before that! Now it is apparently called, "is." I just can't keep track of it anymore!