Hold the Milk

Shvitzin

2008-07-01T09:33:00.002-04:00

If you want to run while it's still cool out down here in South Florida, you need to wake up very early.

Early February to be specific. After that you are in for a experience different from any other.

I was up at 6:30 this morning. I have non-Seinfeldian parents who keep the house quite cold. Not "cool" but "cold". To give you an idea, the ice cream I accidently left out last night will need to warm in the freezer for a few days to be scoopable.

After a quick snack and some stretching I was ready to head out. My parents go in and out through the garage exclusively. I thought it was simply a matter of convenience. I decided to use the front door since I didn't want to leave the garage open. It was difficult to open the door (Florida doors generally open out) and the reason was the immense water pressure outside. Still I was able to squeeze out.

Once outside, a thick film enveloped me as water condensed on my ice cold skin. Instantly, I was 10 pounds heavier. I started to run, or more correctly, dog paddle.

Now I'm sweating profusely and decide to turn right out of my parent's twenty foot long driveway. I'm wearing one of those "wicking" T-shirts but it seems to be working in reverse. I'd take my shirt off but there are a lot of people out walking and they probably just ate.

After about 200m I realize that my pace is only slightly slower than record freestyle swimming pace set just the other day. Maybe I should run in one of those Speedo Laser suits?

Four Florida miles later (that's 28 normal miles) I pack it in and head back to the freezer. Smoke pours off me like a cheesy Sci-Fi movie laboratory experiment or a 4-chord song.

In tribute to a few movies I've seen recently, I'll end here, right in the middle of my story.

Florida Without Old Is Only Fair

2008-06-29T21:17:00.004-04:00

Nothing like a trip to Florida to provide a little blog fodder.

Waiting for the plane to board, an old guy sat a couple seats down from me. There were also some other people further down the row. When they started calling rows, an old couple came down the row and said, "Excuse me," to the old guy nearby. I turned and looked.

The wife repeated, "Excuse me!" Then, "Can we get by?" This was pretty loud. The guy nearby did not move. I tried to watch his chest to see if he was breathing. Frankly, the guy appeared dead.

Until the wife tapped him, restarting his heart, saving his life and getting him to stop blocking the aisle--all in one move.

We had a full plane. The last few people were loading and among them was a woman and her three young children (4, 6 and 8 years old, I'd guess). They did not have their seats together. One middle seat here, a window seat there and a window/middle pair right in front of me. The woman instructed what appeared to be the oldest to go sit in the lone middle seat and the middle child to take the single window. Now she was ready to sit with her youngest ahead of me. There was an old guy sitting in the aisle seat.

She pointed at the open seats and said that those were her seats. The guy did not move.

She again explained that those were her seats and could he please let them in.

After a pause he shouted, "That's my wife up there!" pointing several rows ahead. "Can you switch so I can sit with her?"

"I'm sorry, I need to sit with my four year old," was the reply.

"Can you switch so I can sit with her?" he repeated. Meanwhile, the aisle is blocked. The few people that need to sit are this woman and her kid and a couple of people stuck behind her.

I'm thinking two things. First is an explicative. Second is "What is this guy deaf and blind? Let her sit with her kid you self-centered jackass."

He pointed again at his wife. This time using a folded white cane with a red tip. The guy sitting next to his wife offered to switch and after a lengthy delay, the old guy got up. When he did I could see his hearing aids.

But just because he was actually deaf and blind doesn't mean he wasn't a jackass, too.

Next to me was an old Italian couple. When the meal service came by they both got their little plastic tray/bowls with a micro-turkey sandwich, Fritos and Heresy Bar (it's heresy to call that "chocolate"). The woman moved her meal to her husband's tray-table, closed her own and then retrieved her giant handbag from under the seat.

She then took both meals and crammed them into her bag, muttering something in Italian.

As we were landing, the woman held her giant anti-vampire cross, murmured a bit (I assume in prayer) and then applauded when we landed. I looked over at her and she showed me the cross and pointed upward. I thought, "Are you saying that God let the plane land safely so you could eat the food hidden in your handbag?"

Today we played golf in 90 degree, 90+% humidity weather and then went to dinner at 5:20. The hostess asked if we had a reservation. I thought, "At 5:20?!" Lucky for us, they squeezed us in.

Now, it's 10pm and my mom has been asleep for 2 hours. I feel like I have jet-lag and I haven't even switched time zones.

Mother Truckers

2008-06-27T17:38:00.003-04:00

Here's another hypermiling update. (Original story and first update.)

In addition to my normal driving I did some highway driving recently. According to Google Maps, the trip was about 112 miles each way, almost all highway. During this highway trip I tried to follow big semis, generally keeping back about 2 seconds. Speeds varied from low 60's to low 70's. On the return part of the trip, on downhill sections, I put my transmission into neutral.

I just filled up. 9.86 gallons for 348 miles which is in 35 mpg range.

224 (112*2) miles was highway, leaving 348-224=124 for my regular driving. Assuming I still got about 25.3 mpg for that then I used 124/25.3=4.9 gallons for my usual driving. That leaves 9.86-4.9=4.94 gallons for the 224 mile trip.

That's 224/4.94 = 45 mpg! Are you kidding me? Can someone have their 5th grader check my math?

BRB LOL WTF?

2008-06-25T11:17:00.004-04:00

I drove into the city yesterday. I took the GWB to the CBE to the HRD to the FDR to the UES.

There's some major construction going on on 2nd Avenue (for the new subway line) and there are 2 or 3 lanes closed in a few spots. I was driving through one of these spots, directly behind a Post Office truck. We were in the left most lane that was open, right against the construction barriers.

Ahead, there was a forklift moving some construction material around. As the P.O. truck was going by him, he backed out of the construction zone. BAM! He smashed right into the side of the truck. The trucked then stopped in the middle of 2nd Ave. with me stuck behind him.

Balancing out this horrible tragedy, I was able to find a parking spot on 76th Street.

Karma.

Going home, I left the UES via the FDR which I took to the HRD and on to the CBE across the GWB and yada, yada, yada.

Heat Post To 160 Degrees Before Reading

2008-06-07T14:16:00.004-04:00

I would consider myself a healthy eater. However, everything in moderation.

And so, today, I bring you a story. A story about setting goals, taking risks, overcoming the naysayers. A story, friends, about looking death in the face and saying, "Is that all you got?"

Well, maybe that's overstating things a tad. It's really a story about eating the World's Cheapest Hot Dogs. How cheap? How about 7.375 cents each! And where does one get such hot diggity dogs? Aldi's House of Cheap Stuff (Most Of Which Can Pass For Food)!

Here's the receipt showing the price of $0.59 (newly reduced from an outrageous $0.65) for 8. You can also see that you need to be "bananas" to buy them.

Below is the package. Notice that these are not beef franks (those babies will run you $1.99 for 8, but they are 2 oz. franks). I'm not sure if the brand is B*Bar or Babar. If you feed these to a child, don't tell them that they are Babar wieners or they won't eat them (also they won't cry when Child Protective Services take you away for feeding them this crap).

You'll note that these dogs are "made with chicken, pork & beef". That wording is between "made from chicken pork & beef" and "made by chicken, pork & beef". Based on the rules of advertising, that means that these dogs at least have chicken, pork and beef nearby when they are made. It's like the other day. I had a friend over and made dinner with her. No part of her was actually eaten. {rim shot}

Note that the label trumpets that these furters are "Fully Cooked" and yet the must be heated thoroughly to 160 degrees. Normally, you heat stuff to that temperature to kill anything that might be living but what could live on these things?

Moving on. Here's the ironically named "Nutrition Facts" label. For every wiener you shove down your hole you can look forward to a rush of nearly 400mg of salt and the energy punch of 10g of fat; perfect post-marathon food.

The first ingredient is "mechanically separated chicken" Did you ever get a double yolk egg? Well, if that egg had been fertilized there's a good chance that Siamese chickens would have hatched from it. Farmers hate this because when they slaughter one chicken the other runs around with a chicken with its head cut off; the craziest site you've ever seen. So the farmers use a high precision mechanical separator called an "ax" to fix what God has eff'ed up.

Next is "meat ingredients" not to be confused with "meat". "Meat" is always some identifiable part like lips, hooves or eye lashes. "Meat ingredients" can not be identified by the finest veterinarians.

Then we have water (another great post-marathon ingredient!) and some other stuff until we reach "potassium lactate". There can't be very much of that though because it is very expensive (do you know how hard it is to milk a potassium?)

A bit further we find good old ascorbic acid which gives these dogs more Vitamin C than a glass of orange juice.

A very small glass.

So ends the preliminaries. Now to answer the big question: "Can you survive if you eat them?"

Obviously yes...but do you want to? I decided to heat mine in a skillet. I had two. One with just mustard then the other with what I thought it needed to taste good.

The mustard one was not very exciting. Somewhat similar to a warm but uncooked soft pretzel. Mushy, salty, nothing to write home about.

To fix things, my second (salty) dog had (salty) mustard, (salty) ketchup and (salty) cheese. This one was much better because, frankly, I put way too much cheese on it.

Get it? Frankly?

Overall, I think these would be great for a cookout for people you don't particularly like, relatives who have over-stayed their welcome and kids' birthday parties before they develop a more refined palate and insist on the 24.875 cent franks.

Also, Self-Cleaning Oven

2008-06-01T22:16:00.004-04:00

After many months/years of looking for both, I find there are many parallels between what I look for in an apartment and what I look for in a woman. Let's go to the tale of the tape:

Apartment	Woman
Post-war but not new construction	not too old or too young
high floor	tall
1 bedroom	no kids
Outdoor space	likes outdoors
Walk to Central Park	fit
Separate fridge to keep wine at optimum temperature	not too whiny
low maintenance	low maintenance
nice view	nice to view
Blinds	sees
Brazilian hardwood	Brazilian wax
Plenty of space for my junk	Not too much space for my junk

A Hulihee? Are You Kidding Me?

2008-05-30T22:49:00.003-04:00

Here's the thing about 6 billion people. Every time you think of an idea, even a bad idea, someone else is already doing it to the nth degree.

This Is My Pudding

2008-05-30T17:26:00.003-04:00

Four weeks ago I posted this about hypermiling. For a short time I tried the non-powered gliding (auto-stop) but that just seemed f*cking crazy. Lately, I'll just turn off my car at a long red light. I assume my tires are still near 40psi. My driving has been nearly identical otherwise (where I go, how often, speed and whatnot).

Today I filled up. 13.1 gallons. 332 miles. That equates to 25.3 mpg. Compare that to the 22.7 I had in my previous post. An increase of over 11%.

And please, no more discussion about traction unless you have a degree in Physics.

Using More Than Just His $0.05's

2008-05-28T08:08:00.002-04:00

Sometimes when you open a bank account online, you can verify things instantly by entering a current bank account and allowing the new bank to make a couple "micro-deposits" (<$1) into it. You enter the amount of these deposits and you're verified.

Did you ever wonder just how much money you could make this way? Well, wonder no more.

Is That A Banana On Your Pop-Tart Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

2008-05-27T18:23:00.006-04:00

This whole thing started when a friend stated at lunch that he used to eat Pop-Tarts with butter on them and, of course, I had to try it out. (I'm still working on finding a Chelada and by "work" I mean if I happen to see that crap, I'll buy it.) But I couldn't just stop at butter, oh, no. That would not do. So, without further ado, here they are.

Eight Toppings for an Unfrosted Strawberry Pop-Tart

Butter - Unexciting. Tastes exactly as you'd think; a buttery Pop-Tart. At best it gives it a more "homemade" quality.
Peanut Butter - This would seem to have a huge potential but there just isn't enough filling to counter balance the peanut butter.
Cream Cheese - Based on the peanut butter results, I went with a shmear of cream cheese and that worked out quite nicely. They actually make a similar Tart.
Maple Syrup - I thought this would be horrible and overly sweet. Well, it was pretty sweet but not horrible. I had one with a couple scrambled eggs...kind of like a pancake. Here's a tip: put the Pop-Tart upside-down so it will hold the syrup better.
Ham - If you are wondering, "Ham?! WTF are you thinking?!" then you've probably never had or even seen a Monte Cristo sandwich which is normally a ham, turkey and cheese sandwich, fried and served with jam (at least at Bennigan's). Maybe I used the wrong kind of ham or maybe because I didn't have cheese or turkey but this was boring. I couldn't even taste the ham. Oh, well.
Banana - Winner! This was fantastic. It wasn't easy keeping the banana on the the Tart but otherwise this gets the big thumbs up.
PB&J - Another winner! Now I'm on a roll. A Pop-Tart roll! Ugh. The extra jam countered my glob-o-peanut butter. Why don't they make a PB&J Pop-Tart?
Cereal - I broke up a Tart and layered it on top of this morning's bowl-o-goodness featuring Quaker Shredded Oats, Life and Raisin Bran. Not bad (it didn't make me vomit) but nothing to write a blog post about. Oops.

I Like Big Bus And I Can Not Lie

2008-05-21T19:57:00.002-04:00

This woman is by far my favorite bus driver. It is only on her bus that you get peace and quiet. Give a listen to her "start of ride" announcement and you'll understand why.

Sorry about the sound quality...it is recorded on a bus after all.

Do It Live!

2008-05-16T15:39:00.002-04:00

If you haven't seen it yet, here is Bill O'Reilly's Inside Edition Freakout (language not safe for work)

And here is the Steven Colbert response.

Lossed My Footing

2008-05-16T14:07:00.005-04:00

A few months ago I warned my readers not to cut off their legs in order to gain an advantage in running races.

Now, I must look like a fool because the Court of Arbitration for Sport has ruled the IAAF are a bunch of idiots for determining that the non-legged had an advantage over the legged. (My own appeal to the CAS to create a Tallympics Games was sadly denied.)

So, if you want to get a leg up on the competition, stick your toe into this burgeoning field or sell your sole and stop worshiping the golden calf.

No, No, You Are A Snake

2008-05-15T10:06:00.003-04:00

I checked my email this morning to find a message from...[drum roll, please]...

my ex's attorney! WTF?! JHC! LMTFA!

Subject: An Invitation from Douche B. Lawyer

I've changed his name for his protection. If you're reading this, DBL, you're welcome!

Upon opening the email, I was almost disappointed to find it was just SPAM for a website (which I'll not name since I wish to give them no exposure but it had the word "pimp" in it). His computer probably has some virus/trojan/malware that sent this crap to every person in his address book.

What a putz.

Myth: If It's On CNN It Must Be Correct

2008-05-13T15:52:00.004-04:00

This article is entitled 6 Gas Saving Myths. I'll give kudos to the author for correcting some popular misconceptions but some of what he says is just wrong. Let's take a look.

#1. Fill your tank in the morning

Yep, this one is pure crap. The idea is that gas is colder in the morning and therefore more dense so you get more for your money which would be true if the temperature in the underground tank actually varied more than insignificantly during the day.

The best you can do is avoid filling up on hot days while or just after a tanker has unloaded it warm fuel.

#2. Change your air filter

I agree. On modern cars this is total crap.

#3. Use premium fuel

Again, agreed. If you car will run on regular, your just wasting money with premium.

#4. Pump up your tires

Uhm, let me come back to this one.

#5. To A/C or not A/C

Really the question is A/C vs. open windows. As he even states himself, turning of the A/C but not opening the windows will save you gas. It's just a question of comfort. (I'll take comfort, thanks.)

#6. Bolt-ons and pour-ins

Very good explanation here. These are all bull. The only alternative is a conspiracy of all gas and/or car producers. Anyone that believes that should have their tires slashed with Occam's Razor.

So, back to #4. Here's what the author says:

According to on-the-road driving tests by both Consumer Reports and auto information site Edmunds.com, underinflated tires reduce fuel economy, so proper inflation is key.

But you should never over-inflate your tires. They'll get you slightly better fuel economy because there will be less tread touching the road, reducing friction. But that means less grip for braking and turning. The added risk of a crash isn't worth the extra mile a gallon you might gain.

My first issue is that he is clearly stating (correctly) that increasing your tire pressure will improve mileage even though the "myth" is that pumping up your tires won't increase your mileage. WTF?

But let's say that his point is simply that it's not worth the risk because you have less traction. That would be a great point if it wasn't wrong.

Pumping up your tires decrease the rolling friction of your tires, not the gripping friction (traction). Here's the introductory physics that show this. Suppose your car weighs 3600# and your tires are inflated to 30psi. For simplicity, assume ideal tires. you therefore have 3600/30 (pounds/pounds/inch^2) = 120 inch^2 of tire contacting the road. Each square inch supports 30 lbs.

If you pump the tires up to 40psi then you'd now have only 3600/40 = 90 inch^2 of tire contacting the road but each square inch supports 40 lbs! Your overall amount of traction remains the same!

OK. Physics lesson over. The downsides to pumping up your tires are: harder ride, louder ride. If you pump them over the safe limit then you have safety issues. Don't do that! Also, underinflated tires increase rolling friction which could overheat your tires causing them to fail. Don't do that either!

I was hoping to have some data on my experiment with higher tire pressures but I want to wait until I get down to half a tank before filling back up and that is taking much longer than usual.

And For Your Hair Stylist - Barberella!

2008-05-09T22:01:00.004-04:00

It rained all day today. All I could think about was, "If I had to go outside, how would I solve the inversion problem of a regular umbrella?" I'm sure you think the same.

Well think no more! This company has turned around the concept (and letters) of the umbrella to create the nubrella!

Oh, wait, that would be mubrella. But that sounds like it would be useful only for the bovine.

When you watch the video on the company website, you'll probably wonder, "Why are people wearing this thing when it isn't raining?" or "Why don't the pictures match the announcer's description?" or "Did Jay make this video?" [I assure I did not.]

I can't figure out if the inspiration for this came from Maxwell Smart's 'Cone of Silence' or perhaps the Sontaran helmet.

Don't be left behind. Give yourself the freedom you deserve.
Join the next generation!

If You Like P*nis Cheladas

2008-05-08T10:17:00.003-04:00

Way back when, I posted about the horrific Budweiser Chelada. One reader (of about three) was ~~dumb~~ nice enough to go out and get some and smart enough to pawn it off on someone else. Here, dear readers, is her story:

DeborahSmith said...

There was no way I could ever bring myself to consume such liquid but my Dad had been saying that the young guys he worked with would drink anything. So... I gave it to my Dad and said the only catch was I wanted to hear what they thought of it. They told my Dad that he better never do anything like that to them again. They couldn't believe how terrible it tasted. It met all their criteria too because it was alcohol and on top of that it was free.

"Those guys" criteria for drinkin':

alcohol - check!
free - check!

Similarly, "those guys" criteria for sexin':

boobs - check!
free - check!

That works for them most of the time, until they have their own, personal Crying Game. Then it's:

free - check!
no penis* - check!

These are the kind of guys that long for a simpler time.

Around 15,000 BC.

* - or substitute a dress or boobs and lots of alcohol

I Bet She Wears A Digital Watch

2008-05-04T20:47:00.002-04:00

Don't they have fact checkers who could Google odd stuff like this? Even my nephews know better than this. Even Todd has heard of Odd Steven.

Drive Me Crazy

2008-05-02T09:08:00.003-04:00

Since none of my readers had ever heard of "Rickrolling" before, I'm going to assume that you've also never heard of "hypermiling". Let me explain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Basically hypermiling is a group of semi-sane, insane and "stick-your-Johnson-in-a-jar-of-Planter's" (f*cking nuts) ideas for drastically increasing your cars mileage. Can anybody explain why this is suddenly becoming popular?

Yes. You there in the first row with the pile of cashews in your lap. What do you think? High gas prices? Yes, very good. I would have also accepted, "Bush is an idiot."

Just two days ago I filled my tank and averaged 22.7 mpg. I'll be doing pretty much the same kind of driving for the next tank so we can see if there's a difference.

The Plan

Pretty much all my driving is city driving so my options are limited. First, I pumped up my tires. My tires say the max is 44 psi. I decided to go to 40 psi but only because the pump I have at home is very slow and it would defeat the whole purpose if I drove somewhere else to pump them up. I'd consider 44 semi-sane. 40 is totally sane (and semi-lazy).

I also started implementing the "auto-stop". This definitely fits in the filbert-fornication category. There are two to four places (depending on the direction) I can do this during my commute. On the way home yesterday I tried it three times.

The first was on the exit hill from work. With no other cars around, that went pretty well.

The second was at the always backed up "T" intersection. Even though there were cars, this is completely straight and worked well (and by "well" I mean I didn't rear end anybody).

The third was the long Garp-like coast to my garage. This is curvy and requires a left hand turn. Without the engine running, the power steering quickly goes away and steering is a difficult two-hand job but I made it to the garage entrance. Unfortunately, my opener is too slow and/or my remote doesn't work from far enough away so I had to restart my engine to actually get inside the garage.

You also lose your power brakes (so stomp the sh*t out of them). Given the danger, you'd have to be a complete idiot to do this kind of thing...ever.

So, I'll see how it goes for a tank.

We Should Just Be Ranked By Height

2008-04-29T08:57:00.003-04:00

Contrary to the popular belief that your company is interested in your development, the only reason any company has a performance review system is for when the get sued after firing you.

My company's system is a 3-level system. The levels are (from best to worst) Perfect (P), Adept (A) and Satisfactory (S).

The managers write all the workers' names on little slips of paper and then drop them in one of three buckets (or holes) classifying each worker as a P-hole, A-hole or S-hole.

Most people are classified by the managers as S-holes. You're a P-hole if your manager is trying to get you promoted. A-holes are in a sh*tty position of not being rated high enough to be promoted but too high to hang around with all the S-holes. Because of this many A-holes leave the technical track and become managers where they can hang out with all the other A-holes.

Floridian Tells Senator, "Git Yur Hands Off My Nuts!"

2008-04-28T08:53:00.004-04:00

Oh, yes. A Florida State Senator wants to rip your nuts off...your truck. This won't go over well with Clem in Palatka (and everybody in Palatka is named Clem...even the women).

Here's what truck nuts look like (actually there are many brands of truck nuts, the following are bullsballs brand, iffin ya wanna git ya a par):

And here's how you use them:

Thanks Clem!

A newly formed group, Clems Of United Palatka DEtermined To Allow Testicles (COUPDETAT) planned a march on Tallahassee but it was canceled because their pick-ups were full of quarry material that needed to be unloaded.

In other words, they were hanging around waiting to get their rocks off...

their trucks!

Also, please note that I did not send this story around via email.

Email Envy

2008-04-24T21:40:00.003-04:00

It's not often I send a link to an article via email (usually I'll put it on my blog) but for some reason, I did today. I sent an email with the Subject: Hot rods! to a few friends. It contained only a http link.

What I forgot was that today was Take Your Child To Work Day. My friend, who brought his kids to work, assumed it was something to do with cars. I think you can figure out the rest of the story for yourself.

Yes, kids, this is what Dad does all day. Click on links in emails.

Computer Alzheimer's

2008-04-24T09:39:00.004-04:00

As of a few weeks ago, my work laptop had 512MB of memory. After innumerable Microsoft security updates and a new virus scanner, just running Outlook and a browser used up all my memory. I looked online and found an upgrade to 1GB would cost about $50. What follows is a description of what it takes to get a $50 memory upgrade at my company.

Person 1 (me) asks Person 2 (my manager) if an upgrade can be procured. Person 2 okays it. Person 1 calls the help desk and speaks to Person 3 who takes the information (i.e. User needs more memory) and creates a ticket. The ticket is sent to Person 4 (PC support) and Person 4 does something that generates a "request for approval" from Person 2.

After Person 2 approves, Person 4 calls Person 1 to determine computer type (and hence memory type), current memory and new memory. After discussion, Person 4 determines that two 512MB modules will need to be ordered. Person 4 indicates to Person 1 that this generally takes two days. Person 4 places an order with some company for the memory. Person 4 closes the ticket, indicating a new ticket (for installation) will be opened when the memory arrives.

Patient Person 1, after 1 week, sends email to Person 4 asking what is going on. Apparently, this is a violation of the prime directive. No response is received but the following day another person in PC support (person 5) creates a ticket stating that Person 1's department has already been charged for memory and nothing else. As a side note, the correct procedure is for Person 1 to call the Help Desk (now Person 6 but had Person 1 done this Person 6 would be Person 5 and Person 5 would be Person 6) and have them open a ticket.

Almost another week passes and patience-wearing-thin Person 1 is kicking himself for not ordering the memory and installing it himself. Even paying for it out of his own pocket seems reasonable at this point. But out of the dungeon of PC support comes a phone call. It is Person 5. "Person 1," he says, "we have your memory."

Glory be and hallelujah! The Messiah, in the form of two 512MB SO-DIMMs, has come.

"Just bring your laptop down and we'll install it."

But person 1 is working. And person 5 is a minute walk away. Plus person 1 needs to close all his programs and shutdown his computer. Ideally, person 1 would do this just before lunch, dropping off the laptop at PC Support (which is right by the cafeteria) and picking it back up after lunch saving countless minutes.

But PC Support is closed during lunch, probably to play Dungeons and Dragons.

So Person 1 spends 5 minutes shutting things down and another 5 walking to the dungeon. Person 5 takes the laptop, installs the new memory and boots it back up to ensure all is well.

"Your laptop doesn't seem to like the memory," says non-anti-statically grounded Person 5.

Person 1 is wonders how he can write his letter of resignation without his laptop while Person 5 applies Computer Fix #1.

Remove and re-install.

As usual, Computer Fix #1 works and Person 5 returns laptop to Person 1 who walks 5 minutes back to his office, boots it up and contemplates how a company can survive when a $50 memory upgrade requires $1000 of labor.

White Girl Rapes Black Man

2008-04-23T07:34:00.003-04:00

Non-news event of the day: Clinton wins PA! Who saw that coming?????

While waiting for polls to close so they could announce this, I got to see some of the worst and most ridiculous crap that was being passed off as news ever.

Foremost was Jack Cafferty making the incorrect and self-unsupporting statement along the lines of "the current administration has run up more debt than all previous administrations combined; the debt was 5 trillion when Bush entered office and it's 9 trillion now." C'mon! That's first grade math.

Then there's all the "analysis" (emphasis on "anal") which is by Clinton and Obama supporters who continuously ignore all facts to plug the message du jour.

But maybe my favorite is people talking about the delegates and whether the super-delegates will thwart the will of the people. What the f*ck are they talking about? If you are a Democrat, do you not understand how they pick their Presidential nominee? I assume that a Democrat is either willing to live with the rules as they are or an idiot.

Last, here's my prediction. Obama wins the nomination, makes nicey-nice with Clinton and the Dems end up with "the Dream Ticket" Obama/Clinton which appeals to both blacks and women.

McCain then pick Condoleeza Rice as running mate and the Republicans win in November and I have to listen to Alan complain about McCain for the next 4 years.

That's How We Roll

2008-04-17T07:48:00.002-04:00

Another video? So soon?

You betcha! This one is from my college days. It's not long so I didn't bother editing it down. Enjoy!