Faggots on the Third Floor

Thanks

2008-07-08T20:13:00.002-04:00

I would not have thought of the chaplain.

I do not want to refold it myself. There is no way to do it without it touching the ground (although it has touched the ground before, or course, but if I'm starting fresh, might as well do it right), and I want it done right. It's a soldier's flag, it should be folded by a soldier.

Once I make the decision to do something, I'll have it refolded. I need to be at the right emotional frame of mind, and I'm not really there yet. I want it to be... not just something utilitarian and mechanical. I want it to be meaningful. I was too young to care the first time it was folded, I want the final time to be something I remember in a meaningful and happy way. I'm not a fan of the military at this point in time (or really, ever), but it was important to her, and I owe it to her to make a point to do it right, in the right time.

Flag question

2008-07-07T23:20:00.002-04:00

My mother has been dead 23 years next month. All I have of her is a cedar chest with the remainder of her worldly belongings. Her discharge (air force) paperwork, her HS diploma, cards from her long hospitalization, her AF medals, funeral program, condolence cards... and the flag. The one from her funeral.

It's MY flag. Mine to do with whatever I want. I've done nothing with it, because I can't decide what to do with it.

It's been folded and thrown in a chest for a quarter of a century. It's been moved, retucked, and not really taken care of. It's still folded, but not really tight and neat like it should be. This is why I don't know what to do with it.

I want to put it in a shadow box. I want to display it, it is important to me, regardless of what my years of 'neglect' may seem to attest.

My question... should I leave it as is, or have it refolded?

It was folded at her funeral, as her honor, and presented to my father. This in itself is special and makes me feel like I should leave it as is. But, it doesn't do her, or the flag, the honor it deserves in its current state. Which makes me think I should have it refolded.

We have an air force base nearby. I guess I can call and have someone refold it for me. Of course, I might be completely off base and this thing not be possible. I don't know, I've never really researched it.

What do you think? And CAN it be refolded? What would I do? Just call the AFB and tell whoever answers what I want done, and bounce around till I find the right contact?

The life cycle of a Really Dumb Invention

2008-07-06T10:18:00.002-04:00

Sooo... we've all seen RDIs before. We've looked at them and wondered how the heck someone a) came up with it, b) thought others would want it, and c) convinced someone to sell it.

Not surprisingly, I've noticed most RDIs start with moms. Moms who, with good intentions, think that everyone needs exactly what they just 'created' for their child.

It goes like this-

Kid has a problem

Mom notices problem

Kid won't stop screaming

Mom considers boarding school

Mom pulls all hair out

Mom decides to "try this"

"This" works

Mom tells friends about it

Friends nod politely

Mom thinks EVERYONE needs it and makes more to give to unsuspecting victims

Friends are too nice to admit they gave it to the dog as a chew toy and claim to love it

Mom figures that, since all friends love it, she should make more

Mom contacts someone to "make it a reality"

Contact one tells her she's nuts

Contact two tells her she's got "great ideas" but they don't "see a market" for "this type of product"

Contact three tells her to come back when she's got a more solid plan

Mom takes out a mortgage on the house to finance her "dream" herself

Mom tries to get stores to carry her product

No one wants to carry it because it's the creepiest thing they've ever seen

Mom decides to start a website and sell her product online

And this, my friends, is how you end up with a pacifier stuck in a monkey's head.

You'll get what you deserve

2008-06-22T21:19:00.000-04:00

Vote Republican.

I stole it from Sharla

2008-06-11T21:35:00.002-04:00

Sometimes... she makes sense.

I, for one, am kinda happy with gas prices. It's finally making people open their eyes. And why I feel a bit of compassion for the single mom in the Escort... I'm just tickled over the Hummers and Expeditions...

FYI, people- Public transit is not the devil. Maybe now those "big ticket" rail systems people were pushing make sense, eh?

From Sharla-

Please take the time to read this, and repost it!
As gas prices contiue
to rise many people are asking themselves, "exactly how high can prices get" and
"what can we do to keep them from getting higher?" Here are a few things to
consider. The government has said that we are not in a "gasoline crisis" and
that there is not a plan in the near future to utilize the 224.7 million barrels
we have in our stockpile. I have to wonder what exactly qualifies as a crisis.
Gas prices are expectet to rise to at or above $5 per gallon by the end of the
summer. With the National minimum wage at $5.85/hr The average American working
a minimum wage job will be able to put one gallon of gas in thier car for every
hour worked. How many people will be able to afford to keep a job? How many
employers will be able to stay open once they have lost employess who can no
longer afford to drive to work? Does this qualify as a crisis? What does? Who is
to blame for the current state of affairs? Even the U.S. Congress is
scrutinizing oil company profits and refinery production in light of the supply
and demand issues that seem apparent in the oil industry. Americans often want
to point their fingers at the same culprits. As much as the oil companies, a
growing global economy and wars are to blame for the oil price increases,
consumer consumption of plastic products is also a culprit in keeping oil prices
high and environment issues shaky... so don't be so quick to point the finger at
big oil. When asking "who is responsible?" An unfortunate truth to who is
helping the price levels stay high could be looking back at you in the
mirror.America has a love affair with plastic. We use everything from plastic
spoons and plates, plastic/paper disposeable diapers, the ever-present plastic
bag, and plasitc bottles. America's love affair with water bottles at 31.2
billion liters of water in 2006. Due to negative press on the possible health
effects of the use, most people are aware water bottles are sold in polyethylene
terephthalate (PET) bottles. In order to manufacture these bottles over 900,000
tons of plastic is needed. The mainstream manufacturing process that produces
PET bottles requires a combination of natural gas and petroleum. The petroleum
requirement is where the statistics show that America's obsession could be
hurting their wallets at the gas pump. Bottom line, the production of 31.2
billion liters of water for the U.S. bottled water market took roughly 17.6
million barrels of oil. The simple break down is 3.4 megajoules of energy to
produce a water bottle, cap and packaging with a barrel of oil producing about 6
thousand megajoules. Taking those numbers into account you arrive at 17.6
million barrels of oil, enough oil to run 1.5 million cars on U.S. roadways for
an entire year. Americans are not alone in their addiction to bottled water.
Although America is the number one consumer, other large consumers are Mexico,
China, Brazil, Italy, Germany, France, Indonesia, Spain and India.With a total
worldwide consumption in 2004 of 154.3 billion liters. Just for worldwide
consumption of bottled water in 2004 alone it took roughly 87.4 million barrels
of oil. You can imagine that with statistics for 2008, we have arrived at a
figure in the hundreds of millions of barrels of oil being used just to produce
bottled water. At 87.4 million barrels of oil, that's enough to run 7.5 million
cars on U.S. roadways for an entire year. And that's just for water bottles, not
to mention all the other things that come in plastic bottles or jars including
saoft drinks, condiments, and snack foods. But the world's addiction to plastic
doesn't end there. Plastic bags have become commonplace all over the world for
their ease of production, cheapness compared to paper bags at 2 cents a plastic
bag and 4 to 6 cents for paper bags. The plastic bags are also light weight for
transporting. Plastic bags take oil, just like plastic bottles to produce. The
United States currently comsumes more than 100 billion plastic shopping bags per
year, and worldwide consumption is estimated to be from 500 billion to 1
trillion plastic bags a year. That is roughly 1 million plastic bags a minute
being consumed and less than 1% is recycled. The oil cost? With the 100 billion
bags consumed in America it takes 12 million barrels of oil a year. Taking that
figure and applying it to worldwide consumption you come up with a figure around
60 million - 120 million barrels of oil a year to produce plastic bags.The
solutions are tough to swallow sometimes, especially when it could mean
completely removing common and convenient plastic products out of our lives.
However, even major retail outlets are trying to make it easier, many major
retailers including Wal-mart, Publix, and Target now offer reuseable bags for
only $1.00. Grabbing 5 - 10 of these bags can drastically change your impact on
the environment by remembering to use a reusable and washable bag when shopping.
The water bottle market is a little harder to deal with, especially in countries
like Mexico where the public drinking water truly isn't safe in some parts of
the country. Home purification and refrigerator filtering systems can make sure
people in America get better quality water. Looking at recently released
reports, purifying your own water is probably more beneficial than the bottled
water industry's water anyway. Some reports claim that bottled water is
sometimes nothing more than glorified city tap water. If you decide to take a
step on your own to cut down on plastic water bottle usage, you could always get
a reusable water bottle made by companies like Sigg or Kleen Kanteen, and most
are not very expensive. Especially not wnet you consider how much you spend on
bottled water in a year, and that these will last for years to come. America and
the world's dirty little oil secret seems to be that while we are unhappy with
the rise in oil prices, we really can make a difference if we all take action.
It's hard to change the comforts that the modern world has brought us, but you
can do it in smalls steps and still have conveniences you're use to with a
little change. In just America alone, we are using 29.6 million barrels of oil a
year to have the convenience of plastic bags and plastic water bottles. This
could literally provide enough oil to fuel 2 - 3 million cars in the U.S. every
single year. If you look at world figures we are using 147.4 - 207.4 million
barrels of oil to use plastic bags and plastic bottles worldwide. That alone is
more than OPEC pumps in a simgle day at 32.22 million. By seeing these number
hopefully you will realize that you can make a difference in our oil costs, the
environment and live a greener life all around... and when you go to Target, or
wherever and purchase those reuseable bags, and the cashier puts them in a
plastic bag for you to take them home in be sure to give her the plastic bag
back give her a dirty look, and tell her that you don't want to be personally
responsible for the gas crisis.

For the record... I LOVE Reusable Bags.

The "final decision"

2008-05-23T23:12:00.002-04:00

I got an email today from the director of HR. It was, in the words of my dear friend Vicky, "...some of the best circle talking I have ever seen" and really, it was. The email ended with her saying that she would be getting with my manager later today to schedule a meeting.

So, shortly after lunch, my manager is standing behind me. I signaled to her that I would be with her when I was done with the call I was on, when I noticed the director out of the corner of my eye. Standing there, waiting. Annoying.

So... the VP of personnel, the CEO, and the corporate counsel all met together. And came up with what I assume is a new policy. They decided that, in the future, an employee with this situation will be given a two week personal leave (to be used concurrent with any and all PTO. All PTO must be exhausted, and the rest will be unpaid). That's all well and good, but does nothing for me since I'll have damn close to two weeks of PTO at that time anyway. My original request was PTO+2=X. I got PTO+X=2. Not the same, but...

I was "asked" not to use any PTO for any vacation and/or personal leave. I made it clear that I intend to take a short vacation before the birth... she told me (the director) to email her with the details next week and she'll review it. Later my boss said she wished I had just shut up because she would have approved whatever I asked for. When I mentioned that that would get us both in trouble, she said she would have talked her way out of it. But she did say to use any PTO I needed for illness, appointments, whatever. She's got my back. I LOVE this chick!

After I left, they again talked. My boss made it clear to director lady that she was NOT going to let me leave over this, that I am too good to be lost for something so stupid.

I was told to immediately call if I needed more time for something serious (baby in hospital, AJ not recovering well, whatever). My manager thinks they would approve it. She has full faith in the director of HR to get things done... and I have full faith in her.

Apparently the VP of personnel didn't even want to touch it without the CEO and counsel involved. Good thing, I suppose.

Soooo.... it still doesn't really benefit me all that much, but apparently it will be official. As in, they will have a policy for this going forward. At least that's my understanding. So next time (oh, there will be a next time... there always is) someone won't have to go through the wringer like I did.

I just want to point out that I do think that two weeks of unpaid time is adequate. I just wish it was IN ADDITION to PTO, not concurrent with. So it's not two weeks of unpaid, it's two weeks period.

New signs today on the lunch room tables... "It's takes less time to do it right than explain why you did it wrong to begin with." I have had two meeting with corporate counsel, one with HR manager, 2 with HR director, 2 with my director, 2 with this manager, one with my last manager, and countless emails and phone calls... yes, it would have taken far less time to do it right from the beginning. Especially since, in the end, all I got was permission to use my PTO. Yay. (Of course, if I don't have enough, then I've gained something).

Now... I just want to see that policy. I'll believe it when I read it.

I quit on Wednesday. I really did. I was so over that place... it was all said and done in my head. And then my manager asked me something, and I realized how extremely fond I am of her, and how bosses like her are hard to come by, and that I couldn't be that lucky again, right...? So... I changed my mind. But she could tell how over it I was on Wednesday, and she made it clear to me today that I am NOT leaving. She might tie me to my chair, ya know.

"Federal law is open to interpretation"

2008-05-19T19:27:00.002-04:00

That is exactly what I was told by the corporate counsel today when I asked about FMLA.

Now, this may be (and probably is) the case. It was just odd to hear it said. So what is the point of a law, then?

"Company fill in the blank has opted to take a different interpretation of FMLA." is what I was told. When I asked why, she said she didn't think she needed to tell me that (she doesn't, of course, I was just asking). Company fill in the blank in the past has only offered FMLA to married couples. That's nice.

She also told me that HR's job is to apply policies consistenly. This is all well and good, but I AM the consistency. It's not a common thing, I am it. I am the first employee to take it this far (to the best of my knowledge, the ones before me have quit), I AM it. Consistency means has happened before and will happen again and each time it was handled in the same manner. This is not the case, so what with the consistency BS?

She then asked if I was uncomfortable dealing with the first HR person. Hell yeah. I told her that I in no way felt fairly treated or that she handled it in an unbiased manner. Counsel stated she would call the director of HR and request that the director meet with my manager and myself and iron this all out.

She did say, however, that she does not think they can forbid me from using PTO. She's not sure, but she doesn't *think* they can. Ooookay.

So, back to square one, it seems.

Oh, and she asked me why I gave so much notice. THIS IS WHY!! Because if they had told me SIX MONTHS AGO (!!!) when I first started asking about it, then I could have found another job. I could have pursued other option. Instead, they kept me strung along for SIX MONTHS (!!!) to the point where I CAN'T leave. If I find another job now, there is no hope of me having enough PTO or standing in the company to take this time. Grrrr...

So, my wonderful boss, fabulous lady that she is, came to my desk and we yakked about it. She rocks, completely. At least I have one friendly face.

And the lawyer was nice, she was. Doesn't sit well with me why they "interpret" federal law in the narrowest manner possible, but i can't change that. She could, of course... oh well.

Divorce question

2008-05-18T21:52:00.002-04:00

Since apparently this is a "legal advice needed" blog now.

My uncle is going to get divorced... eventually. I didn't even know he was married! Apparently they *did* get married in 1990 (they lived together forever before that).

The only thing he owns is a few acres (15, maybe?) of undeveloped land with no house on it. He loves it, and wants to live there forever. His problem right now is with property taxes. He can't afford them, he's losing his homestead exemption because there is no house on it.

He lives on social security of $750/month, and every five years he gets a $15,000 disability settlement from the company he worked for when he fell through the roof and ripped his arm off. That continues until he is 65 (he is currently 59) and then he gets nothing but SS.

He owns the property outright, in his name only. He bought it after they got married (they were married nine years when he bought it).

What he wanted to do was just quick claim it to my dad, and have my dad pay the property taxes (which he would absolutely do, with no complaints... it would only be a few grand a year). However, the marriage thing comes into play then. He talked to his soon to be ex, and she agreed that if he put her daughter's name on the deed, she would not fight him in the divorce. Her daughter is *probably* his daughter biologically, and IS his daughter in the ways that matter. The property would go to her upon his death anyway. His deal with her was going to be that her family lives on the property, with him, and they pay all the taxes. In return, it's hers upon his death.
The problem with that is a) it's only Candy's word that he has to fall back on, and b) he has to share his property (he likes/needs his solitude). And c... which just came to me... what happens if his daughter gets divorced (she got married the day after her 18th birthday, when she was 6 months pregnant, soo.... it's not unlikely. Though they have been together 7 years now, so, maybe...). If K gets divorced, is HER husband now entitled to this property?

Does anyone know what legal claim she would have to this property? And can he dispose of it without her consent while they are married? This is in Florida, which is not a community property state, and the land is in his name only.

Also, can she lay claim to any of his disability payments? My father is working on getting him veteran's disability for PTSD from Vietnam (he is seriously messed up from this... he has just quit drinking and quit doing drugs for the first time in 30 years... it was a good thind to quit, but now there is nothing drowning out the memories, including of shooting his friend in the head) which would amount to about a grand a month. I just don't know if she can get that... and does it matter if it starts before or after the divorce? He is seriously damaged... there is a reason there is no house on the property.... he lives in a tree. Yes, a tree. It would be humorous if it wasn't so depressing.

I'm trying to figure out what he can do to keep his property and still get divorced. She's been gone now about 2 years. They were married in 1990 and he bought the property in 1999.

Anyone know anything?

In case you don't read comments

2008-05-16T07:26:00.002-04:00

THANK YOU!! Mom and Two Boys!

29 CFR 825.113 - What do ``spouse,'' ``parent,'' and ``son or daughter'' mean for purposes of an employee qualifying to take FMLA leave?

Section Number: 825.113
Section Name: What do ``spouse,'' ``parent,'' and ``son or daughter'' mean for purposes of an employee qualifying to take FMLA leave?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(a) Spouse means a husband or wife as defined or recognized under
State law for purposes of marriage in the State where the employee
resides, including common law marriage in States where it is recognized.
(b) Parent means a biological parent or an individual who stands or
stood in loco parentis to an employee when the employee was a son or
daughter as defined in (c) below. This term does not include parents
``in law''.
(c) Son or daughter means a biological, adopted, or foster child, a
stepchild, a legal ward, or a child of a person standing in loco
parentis, who is either under age 18, or age 18 or older and ``incapable
of self-care because of a mental or physical disability.''
(1) ``Incapable of self-care'' means that the individual requires
active assistance or supervision to provide daily self-care in three or
more of the ``activities of daily living'' (ADLs) or ``instrumental
activities of daily living'' (IADLs). Activities of daily living include
adaptive activities such as caring appropriately for one's grooming and
hygiene, bathing, dressing and eating. Instrumental activities of daily
living include cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking public
transportation, paying bills, maintaining a residence, using telephones
and directories, using a post office, etc.
(2) ``Physical or mental disability'' means a physical or mental
impairment that substantially limits one or more of the major life
activities of an individual. Regulations at 29 CFR Sec. 1630.2(h), (i),
and (j), issued by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission under the
Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), 42 U.S.C. 12101 et seq., define
these terms.
(3) Persons who are ``in loco parentis'' include those with day-to-
day responsibilities to care for and financially support a child or, in
the case of an employee, who had such responsibility for the employee
when the employee was a child. A biological or legal relationship is not
necessary.
(d) For purposes of confirmation of family relationship, the
employer may require the employee giving notice of the need for leave to
provide reasonable documentation or statement of family relationship.
This documentation may take the form of a simple statement from the
employee, or a child's birth certificate, a court document, etc. The
employer is entitled to examine documentation such as a birth
certificate, etc., but the employee is entitled to the return of the
official document submitted for this purpose.

Soooo..... would this apply to the non bio parent in a same sex relationship? Huh? Someone with a legal mind, tell me that it does.

Work... issue

2008-05-14T21:36:00.003-04:00

I'm reluctant to blog something about my job, but I know I have never once mentioned the name and I feel pretty certain I have never given any information substantial enough to identify my place of employment.

I first asked HR for some time off back in December, giving nearly a year notice. As you see, DECEMBER. As in, before she was even pregnant. But because my company DOES NOT like to give unpaid time off, and because I am not eligible for FMLA, I inquired about time away. I quoted a company policy which states that unpaid time away will be granted for significant life circumstances and/or personal/family reasons in which FMLA does not apply. So, I applied.

And it was denied. Reason being, no baby yet. And, "other reasons." I was told to "touch base" when the time is closer.

So, new manager (my old manager was totally on board) and I meet last week. I brief her on the situation, she already knew. Manager is on board, director is on board. I apply, they sign the paperwork. First I'm told to prove I've adopted the child (that, legally, does not exist). When I make it clear that that can't happen, I am told to come over ON MY OWN TIME to the HR office (in another building) to meet with them. This annoyed me, because NO ONE that I know has EVER clocked out for a meeting in HR, for any reason.

So, I clock out, I go over there. The manager is meeting with her boss, and I am told that two weeks unpaid time is hunky dory. I was leary, as I had nothing in writing. I told her to send an email. I was told, in this meeting, that I should save my PTO. That was all that was said about PTO. Well, duh. Of course I am going to save it. I was also chastised for giving "too much" notice, even though the policy states to give as much notice as possible for a foreseeable event. But apparently I took the policy "too literally."

So I get an email yesterday, stating, among other things, that I am FORBIDDEN to use ANY PTO before the baby is born. HUH? So, I speak to my manager and director, and I am told to email to clarify, since that was NEVER mentioned, and is unreasonable at best. So I mention that a) I am still under a doctor's care for surgery, and going to twice weekly physical therapy, and b) I or my child might still fall ill. I won't be taking any planned vacations, but telling me I cannot take any time off for any reason?

This morning, I get an email back. Stating that she SPECIFICALLY mentioned that I cannot take ANY PTO because I need to save it for the two week leave that is apparently no longer unpaid. She also states that she checked my schedule and all my schedule history and since I have never been sick before, it's safe to assume I will not be sick again. And since I go in at ten three days a week, there is no reason that I can't go to physical therapy or any other appointment before work. But the FINAL... the final straw...

"As far as sickness for your child, you were told to contact me and discuss it then. No unpaid time off will be given for any child care as technically THIS CHILD IS NOT YOURS."

First off, I was talking about CHARLIE. And it is none of her business what my relationship, legal or otherwise, is to MY son.

I got up, called my manager to tell her I was LEAVING my desk, she didn't answer. I passed someone on the way out the door and told her to tell the boss I was leaving for a few moments. I then watched from the cafeteria because I knew, eventually, the boss would be coming in. Sure enough, she did. She basically just told me to follow her outside. She read the email, found it unreasonable/uncalled for/inappropriate/et cetera. She talked to the director, who immediately went to talk to the VP, who (at last I was told) would review with the personnel officer for something that was obviously NOT right to say. I told my manager and director I would NOT deal with this particular HR manager in the future. It is obvious by that statement alone that she has an issue with me. She said something to me yesterday that was very out of line that I tried to brush off... but with this, I realize it was probably just as mean spirited as it sounded. The manager also asked me to print all the emails I had with this particular person and she was going to take it to the company lawyer (as when the lawyer spoke to her, she told the lawyer that I never requested a personal leave and was just asking about FMLA but that that was many months ago).

I... don't even know, really. I LIKE my job. I am a good employee, well liked by most people. This place has an insane turnover due to very procrustean politics, but I have been there for a year at this point and do my job well. But if this is how I am to be treated... it's not worth it.

My manager is amazing, the director is pretty darn awesome as well. But they can't force HR to let me take time off.... I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure it's worth my time and energy anymore to fight it. And if this company is going to be so anti-family... do I really want to be there? I don't know.

Any ideas?

We have heartbeat

2008-05-10T15:07:00.003-04:00

So, she is just shy of 13 weeks pregnant, and the heartbeat visit was yesterday. Ornery little shit that thing is, took the midwife forever to find it, she was getting concerned that she wouldn't! But it's good and strong, just a VERY low lying baby that is still making camp behind the pubic bone.
Charlie insists it's a girl. He talks about his baby sister all the time. I do hope he'll not be too crushed if it's a boy. He'll probably still call it his baby sister, knowing Charlie.

And to answer Roberta's question... nope, I'm not into the little things this time around. I don't notice them even. I can't recall how pregnant she is without asking her or doing math. I could tell you down to the day with Charlie. She says she feels its little flutterings. With Charlie, I wanted all the time to feel him move when he started. With this baby, the thought of feeling it move creeps me out. I've bought it almost nothing (though, to be fair, we have everything it needs) but I have ogled some new diapers that weren't around when Charlie was in them (oh, by the way, a month solid now with no diapers except overnight and naptime). Today at the market I did buy it something.... a little orangey brown hemp tee shirt with little brown baby feet on it that read "Play in the dirt." I got Charlie a matching one, though his has baby hands instead of baby feet.

I want it to be born on 13 November (EDD is 18). Charlie has my dad's name, the next on should have his birthday, right?

Heh, my boss read my blog

2008-05-10T09:15:00.002-04:00

So I was having a meeting with my boss the other day (she's new to the department, and she rocks! I was quite fond of the one she replaced, but I really like her!) about how the company steadfastly refuses to let me take any time off when the baby is born (post for another day...) and we got to talking about Charlie's health (she asked if the new baby had the same father, I said no and explained why). She said she'd love to read some of the stories, so I told her to Google my name. I knew that my name wouldn't bring her to my blog, but that the donor number would. I considered this, briefly, but decided it was no big deal. I really didn't think she would google the donor number.

I was wrong. She told me the next day that she had googled me, and found the stories and found... my blog. And my Flickr account. Thank goodness I took down those naked Batman pics of myself!!

So, I've been found. No more grousing about work (have I ever really done that) or anything like that. Oh well.

So, boss lady... if you're reading this... can I have next week off?

Cute Charlie story

2008-05-01T22:42:00.001-04:00

I feel like I have let my blog die. I HAVE let my blog die. But... life, you know.

Anyway, this is just too cute not to share.

Our dad complete redid our yard (I love retirement!) and is pretty much done. New sod, new mulch, landscape timbers, topsoil everywhere, et cetera.

So last week he was dumping the topsoil (he bought a truck, don't ask) and Charlie was yelling at him and supervising. I had to be to work at ten, so I left Charlie outside on his swingset to watch dad, and went inside to get dressed.

At some point, Charlie had to pee. My dad told him what to do.

So I go back outside about 15 minutes later. Charlie is naked, covered in dirt, and yells at me "Mama! I go pee pee on grass! It's what boys do!"

Thanks dad.

Wow...

2008-04-10T19:19:00.002-04:00

Notices are handy... but this one is baffling.. and hilarious.

**THE FOOD ALLERGY & ANAPHYLAXIS NETWORK SPECIAL FOOD ALLERGY ALERT NOTICE**

PEANUT and ALMOND ALLERGY ALERT

APRIL 10, 2008

Cracker Barrel Old Country Store, Inc., is recalling “Chocolate Covered
Almonds” due to undeclared peanuts and “Chocolate Double-Dipped Peanuts”due to
undeclared almonds.

These products were available at all Cracker Barrel Old Country Store
locations in 41 states.

These products were packaged in a clear, 5-oz. bag with a red-and-white
diamond pattern on the label.

Consumers may return the product to the place of purchase for a full
refund. Consumers with questions may call (800) 333-9566.

I can walk!

2008-04-08T23:17:00.002-04:00

I got my cast changed today. He wasn't thrilled about me walking, but I told him that my elbow was about to defect and join the Soviet Union (reforming just for this occasion) and that I was walking anyway because I listen to my body more than a doctor. Walking didn't hurt, the crutches made me blind with pain in the elbow. I went with walking.

So, he put on a super duper mega cast, tight as all get out, and a boot, and told me to give it a try. Well, it's like walking with one platform shoe and one flip flop, but other than that it's okay. I can manage. WAY better than the crutches.

I carried my baby today for the first time in two weeks. I liked that part.

Amey cleaned our house and my dad raked the front yard (we told him we'd pay for his cruise if he did all our yard work. We were looking at about $1000 for a pro, so he agreed to give it a go), so I don't feel like complete white trash anymore.

And I think my baby might have gone and potty trained himself. He hasn't pooped in a diaper in over a week, and he only pees in his diaper when we're out. If we're home, he hits the toilet. Wahhh!!!! He can't grow up yet!!

What's in there?

2008-04-05T17:51:00.001-04:00

DSC07989
Originally uploaded by splashandwally.

Charlie did this to every single one of those lights. All. Of. Them. Every fifteen feet. On both sides of the boat. Every. Single. Light. With mama following behind in her 1965 wheelchair battling a headwind.

I hate everything

2008-04-04T23:20:00.003-04:00

Our whole household is falling apart.

I got to work today, and laid my head on the table in the breakroom and cried. And I sat there for half an hour, a huge no no.

I went back to my desk and alternatively cried and laughed like a druggie for the next two hours.

I hurt everywhere. My back, arms, ankle, hips, feet.... everywhere. I can't take care of my baby. I can't carry him or pack his bag or anything. I can't even get around my own damn house. My house was built in 1913... there was no such thing as handicapped. They just let you die.

AJ is so sick, she can barely move. It was the same way with Charlie... she just doesn't do pregnant well. She's tired all the time, and inhaling makes her nauseous. All she's eaten in days is half a bagel and some dried apricots.

The house is so messy. We haven't done laundry in a week, it's not even fitting in the hamper. The dishes are everywhere. I washed diapers this morning because we were OUT. Which is really bad considering he's been using the toilet regularly. My dad keeps promising to come over and rake the yard but nothing yet. We need to vacuum, mop, laundry... it's horrible.

Neither of us expected this. We knew I'd be relatively helpless (though the surgery ended up being more complex than originally thought, which means I can't walk like I was told I could), but didn't expect her to be as well. It's just... bad.

It's so bad she called Amey and asked her to come over and clean. We've never done that. But we can't keep up right now. Work, school, house, sick, broken.... Charlie is mad at me because I can't play with him, I can'tcarry him... I hate this.

It was a mistake. I wish I hadn't done this. I'd go back and take it back just to not have my life this out of control.

I call myself all the time

2008-04-01T19:42:00.002-04:00

I couldn't find my cell phone this morning (it was on the charger... imagine that) and called it. While calling, I thought about the stupid "I never call myself" excuse people use for not knowing their phone number.

It's always annoyed me and made me think the person is just a lazy idiot. You don't know your own phone number? Because you "never call" yourself? HUH?!

I never throw myself a surprise birthday party. I knowmy birthday.

I have never stolen my own identity. I know my social security number.

I don't mail myself Christmas cards. I know my address.

What the hell kind of cop out is "I never call myself?"

For the record, I sometimes pause when asked for my phone number. Not because I don't know it, but because I'm trying to decide which one to use. My cell? AJ's cell? Home? Work? Home 2? Email? But I assure you that I know ALL of them. As well as the numbers for most of my family and friends. Even if I rarely call them.

Rant over.

Surgery went well

2008-03-26T20:34:00.002-04:00

All is well. Moderate discomfort, no real pain. Mostly just awkwardness. He gave me another Rx for more vicodin... that now gives me 100. Holy too many narcotics!

Cast goes to my knee, gets removed in two weeks and then another one put on. Fought over the pregnancy test, again. Idiocy.

Charlie's not happy about my "ouchie" and is mad that it won't come off. But he is beyond thrilled that he is going on the big boat with papa tomorrow.

Hopefully there is little pain and no complications and we have a blast on our cruise! Thanks for all the well wishes!

Surgery, cruise ships, and all that jazz

2008-03-24T21:17:00.002-04:00

Well, after years of chronic pain and constant falling down and ankle spraining, I decided to have it fixed.

There may be hardware involved.

Yay.

Wednesday I go under the knife for my second orthopaedic surgery (first was my knee, about 8 years ago). I am far too young for this.

Thursday I leave for a cruise.

Crazy? Probably.

Charlie, AJ, my dad (!!!!), and I will leave Ft. Lauderdale for the a Caribbean cruise that, uh, goes to the Bahamas. Something seems off about that. Then we'll spend a day in Key West before coming home on Monday. Great. I'll be in the lesbian capital of the world. With my 2 year old. And my pregnant wife. And my dad. On crutches. I can't wait. I here people there have a lot of disposable income... anyone know the street value of vicodin?

So that's that. Probably an insane thing to do, but vacation time is hard to come by these days. And really, all I need to do is lay in bed and eat. I think I can manage that. The pain shouldn't be *too* bad, and I hate salt water anyway, so not being able to swim doesn't faze me.

Still pregnant. She's already named it, too. Eek.

It's a human

2008-03-15T14:38:00.002-04:00

We saw the midwife last night. Another pregnancy test, two more lines.

Yep, she's pregnant.

This is a new midwife, and a new birth center, and I am SO much more comfortable there than I ever was at the one Charlie was to be born at. The midwife is gruff, and a bit schoolmarmish, but I've no doubt she's great at what she does and tender when she needs to be.

The birthing cottage is adorable. The midwife lives on premises, and it's so homy. Swingset out front, lots of toys and movies for the little ones. I really liked it. Apparently AJ did, too, because she forked over his insurance cards, pissed in a cup, and filled out more paperwork than is required for a college loan application.

So, it's really happening. 18 November is the EDD, not 16 like I wrote in a previous post. My dad's birthday is the 13th... what a great present for him, eh? I planned on telling them tonight, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow. AJ's already told her family. Way to hold on the that secret, babe.

I still don't know how I feel. It's there, it's growing, the second fucking pink line keeps appearing. Most of you guys know I was not completely on board with this. But, it was so important to her, I agreed to three cycles. Guess which cycle took?

So, I will soon be a mother of two. Perhaps I already am, depending on when life and family truly begins. I've dubbed it The Fraggle. Yes, I was (am, as I have them on DVD) a fan of Fraggle Rock. But I also thought it was a cute name and sounded good with Chuzzle.

I think it's a boy. I don't know why, I just do. I don't even care this time. A friend of mine pulled the "as long as it's healthy" card on me, and I laughed. Hell, given what we've been through with Charlie, even healthy doesn't seem that important anymore (of course I want this child to be healthy, and of course we'll love it if it's not).

I think still that my most lingering doubt/fear/discomfort is the fact that they have different fathers. I know that there was really no ethical way around that, but it still bothers me. It hurts me. No one understands why it matters so much, but it does.

I'm excited. Babies are exciting. Happy, well... I am happy, too. Happy in a convoluted mixed up upside down murky kinda way. But I suppose happiness is an emotion with varying degrees and dimensions. I'm happy in my own happy. I love my little Fraggle... even if I didn't really want it.

It's here, now. I need to at least by a gracious host.

Well I should have expected it

2008-03-09T14:44:00.003-04:00

I should have known that I would eventually get caught.

Warning-

Shooting human sperm at a vagina will, eventually, make a squawking thing come out of said vagina.

Yay

(BTW- EDD 11-16-08)

Surgery

2008-03-07T19:41:00.002-05:00

Finally! I'm gonna fix this ankle.

It wasn't until the surgeon was reading off the MRI to me that I realized how bad it was.

Two torn ligaments, shredded cartilage, bone spurs, and chronic subluxation severe enough to wear down the natural groove of the joint. Delightful.

One month in a cast, two months in a brace with twice weekly PT. Color me thrilled.

I dunno when I am going to do it. Probably sometime in April.

Is it gonna hurt?

Is there life after futon?

2008-03-07T19:37:00.002-05:00

So, we moved out on to the back porch. We rearranged the house so that our bed, Charlie's bed, and a lot of his toys are in the sunroom. We moved the train table into his bedroom, and decided to turn our old bedroom into a den/TV room and toy overflow.

And we bought a futon.

It's so comfy, it really is. And Charlie loves it, and it fits our needs for that room perfectly.

But holy humping christ DIRECTIONS people!

The directions on this were SO BAD that we COMPLETELY assembled, DISassembled, and REassembled it FOUR TIMES! Example- Attach S1 to K4. Fine. Except there were TEN S1s and they were ALL different! The directions were... horrid.

Approximately 7 hours of my life were lost to this. Charlie was such a little trooper, helping us lose the screws at every opportunity.

Put together, take apart, put together, take apart. It was horrible. But... a bonding experience.

And Charlie is pissed that it doesn't bounce.

Madam squirrel and her bitches

2008-02-24T10:27:00.003-05:00

Our house is the neighborhood mammal love shack. We've got cats going at it in our crawl space and back yard, and a squirrel brothel in our attic. We tried locking them out, they came back.

I used to imagine they have little poofy beds and beaded curtains and Madam cracking the whip to get it done with. Up until last week, I thought every freaking squirrel in a ten mile radius comes to fuck in our attic.

We have to have the house tented for termites next week (I love Florida!), so the squirrels have gotta go. The Orkin people were out here on Thursday to go up in the attic and spray the beams and seal any openings for animals to get in and, hopefully, get madam squirrel and her bitches OUT of my attic. That was the plan, at least.

But, as it turns out. Madam squirrel and her bitches aren't squirrels at all.

They're rats.

I hate Florida.