Kiwi Chronicles

Nocturnal Hymns

2008-08-27T09:42:00.005+12:00

I lay awake last night. It wasn't excess energy keeping me awake though. I was tired, yesterday seemed endless and fairly depressing: I was feeling low because of a headache and facing up to the fact that I'm out of action for another 8 weeks at least; Ines was also struggling with a migrane and our middle son had finally driven his primary school to the point of excluding him for two days, NOT the best day in our history as a family.

I wasn't worried even, in the last hour before bed several friends had texted with encouraging words, some of who knew about the tough day and others who didn't...

"...CF is unbelievable. Ppl asking/wrestling w hard questions n really searching. C___ has gone home 2 korea 2 find a church, J___ (another korean) has decided 2 follow Jesus through his contact wiv us.. The bible is opened week after week and more more Ppl are coming back.It's thrilling. It's to die for..."

As I lay awake the words from a hymn imposed themselves on my thoughts. We don't really sing hymns in the church we attend and it's years since I've sung it. Another case of something helpful 'falling out' of my memory.

O Love that wilt not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee;

I give thee back the life I owe,

That in thine ocean depths its flow

May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,

I yield my flickering torch to thee;

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day

May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee;

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

And feel the promise is not vain,

That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from thee;

I lay in dust life’s glory dead,

And from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be.

This hymn was written by the Church of Scotland minister George Matheson in June 1882. He said of it:

"I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the night of my sister’s marriage, and the rest of the family were staying overnight in Glasgow. Something happened to me, which was known only to myself, and which caused me the most severe mental suffering. The hymn was the fruit of that suffering."

A hymn which sprang out of Matheson's suffering was a comfort, a challenge and a reminder to me in the middle of a sleepless night. It brough peace enough to remember the grace of God to me, to us as a family and to all who would turn to Jesus.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Historically Moved

2008-08-25T09:50:00.008+12:00

I watched Amazing Grace yesterday, following William Wilberforce's leading part in the movement to abolish the African/trans-atlantic slave trade.

It is a well made film and the story is told with compelling drive. Wilberforce was a driven man and only a small part of his remarkable acheivements were mentioned in the film. There is little in British society (and therefore on beyond into the world through 'The Empire') that was untouched by his singular vision for social reform.

What the film records well is his love of Jesus and the debt of love he owed to John Newton, his one time pastor. At a crucial point in Wilberforce's life, where he was considering abandoning politics for the sake of pursuing Christ, Newton encouraged him to 'serve God where he was'.

There are many who, today, would want to drive a wedge between a love of Christ and a passion for social reform as though they were strange partners. That, in some way, a passion for Jesus results in a dispassion for 'secular concerns'. Or that a concern for societal change is weakened or sullied by a passion for God.

My heart was stirred last night. I love Jesus - there are not words that give true weight to the love I have for Him, and even then the love I have for Him is but a wisp, a fragment, a trifle in comparison to the weight of Love He has shown for me, and every sinner like me. I am passionate too about injustice; the exploitation of the weak and disadvantaged, the skewed scales of comfort and privilege enjoyed by the wealthy built upon the foundations of misery and enslaved disadvantaged of the poor.

Would Wilberforce be encouraged by the state of the world today? Would he think 'job done'? I don't know, it's impossible to say. he would have to admit though slavery is not at an end: it's foul stench wreaks from sweat shops to sex shops, in large and small ways. We do not have to look very hard or travel very far to see the offence of men and women perched atop a pile of misery and being thankful for their own comfort whilst dismissing the degrading of other human beings as an unfortunate economic reality that does not require any response from them.

“Hear this word, you cows of Bashan,who are on the mountain of Samaria, who oppress the poor, who crush the needy,who say to your husbands, ‘Bring, that we may drink!’ The Lord God has sworn by his holiness that, behold, the days are coming upon you, when they shall take you away with hooks,even the last of you with fishhooks. And you shall go out through the breaches, each one straight ahead; and you shall be cast out into Harmon,”declares the Lord." Amos 4.1-3

God's holiness is offended in the comfort of the few built on the discomfort of the many. God has not changed, the death and resurrection of Jesus provides a way for sinners to be reconciled with God and safely delivered from the kingdom of darkness into the Kingdom of Light. But Jesus' death and resurrection has not closed God's eyes to the offence of injustice. Those who have citizenship in the Kingdom of Light are to live as Children of Light. We cannot close our eyes and pretend that we are not part of a world where men, women and children are kept in misery so that we may live in comfort.

Where were the clothes your wearing made?

Where the workers who harvested the coffee, tea and cocoa beans (which have kept you on the go) paid a fair wage?

Are the magazines you read and the TV programmes you watch respect the humanity of all?

Do you even care?

But what can I do? What can you do? Should we retreat from the world, weave our own cloth, decline a coffee, abstain from chocolate? Do we establish a new ascetic monastacism; shunning the world and all it's pleasures? Do we retreat into a world of our own making like the Amish? We would do well to listen to John Newton's advice to a Wilberforce in crisis.

Serve God where you are.

The poor of India, Africa, Asia and Latin America won't notice immediately. The underprivileged and disadvantaged in your own nation won't applaud or cry liberty just yet. Your neighbour might notice. Your colleagues might see. The drug addicted, emotionally complex, socially inadequate person you encounter in the street as they beg from you for money might see something of Christ in you.

Amazing Grace has moved me, provoked me even. Maybe something of youthful passions has been unearthed in the recovery of my brain. I am not sad that this particular aspect of my passions has been uncovered and recovered. Not sure where this thinking is going but I know it is in working it out that the real challenge comes.

For Wilberforce it was taking a 20 year path that involved ridicule, repeated defeat, alienation from friends and a loss of his physical wealth. I am no Wilberforce but the cause and glory of Christ holds no less a hold over me and my passions that it did over him,

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

that saved a wretch like me,

I once was lost but now am found

Was blind but now I see.

2 Corinthians 5:14-6.1

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no-one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. As God's fellow-workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain.

Jack the Dipper

2008-08-20T16:02:00.010+12:00

In my second year at University we had a series of Biblical Studies lectures on the New Testament. I'd recently made a clear and conscious move away from my liberal convictions on the authority of Scripture. The first year lectures had brought me to a crisis and a decision. Would I 'trust myself' and my ideas about what it meant to follow Jesus (which is largely what the liberal position on the authority of Scripture presupposes) or would I 'entrust myself to revelation' (a crude statement of the evangelical position on Scripture's authority). I decided to entrust myself to revelation - I could see little else that had a consistent and reasonably defensible approach to Scripture.

Early on in the my second year a guest lecturer arrived - Bob Webb. He taught us Romans and John's gospel. He was rigorous, humorous and evangelical. His position was confidently and unapologeticly evangelical, tackling liberal scholars front on and cogently argued for the reliability and authority of the Biblical record. I learned a lot from him about the need for intellectual rigour in a confident walk under Scripture's authority.

One of the things that sticks with me still is more from his humour than his exegesis (and Bob, if ever you read this - I'm sorry). Tackling the prologue of John's Gospel he spoke of John the Baptist, but called him "Jack the Dipper" it made me laugh then and makes me smile still today. Bob had done his PhD on "Jack" - "hey," he said, "you don't spend every day of three years with someone and not have a nickname for them."

I started reading Mark's gospel again this week; Jesus' encounter with Jack the Dipper in Mark 1 is intriguing. John is the last of the prophets of the Old Testament - he gets the honour of seeing the beginning of the fulfillment of the ages: Jesus. He meets him, touches him, speaks with him. The prophets of old spoke of Christ, and may even have glimpsed visions of him, but John has the privilege of 'handing over' to him.

John is all Old Testament and yet, he is remarkable in that he is similar to, but not like, the others of Old Testament prophets. Born to a priestly family, he dresses funny, eats weirdly and peaks boldly to religious and political leaders alike. He declares a coming judgement and calls the people to return to the Lord. In these things he fits the bill. But there are no 'signs and wonders' around John's ministry - not like Moses, Elijah or Elisha - the country is troubled but the people are not exiled and have not recently returned, he is not in a privileged position.

He speaks of the Messiah coming soon - he is a herald ahead of The King, calling people to repentance - and letting them know that, as the Herald, he is not the real deal. John's Gospel** captures the brilliance and the tragedy of John the Baptist in John 3.27-30

"John replied, "A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, `I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.' The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less."

It is brilliance because for all who truly come to Christ we know the joy and the pain of that last sentence: denying self and exalting Christ Jesus. It is tragedy because, unlike us, John did not get to see the end of the story because his own story ends in a prison cell, chained, dragged out at the whim of a weak but curious king and eventually executed because of his faithfulness offending the sensibilities and vanities of those who held power.

We are to be like John the Baptist - just a little bit. Not in fashion sense, nor in dietary practice, but in our concern for presenting Jesus for who he is. I want to be more like John - his greatest concern was to do what God had given him to do, disregarding the patterns and standards of his day, speaking the Word of God so that people might see Jesus clearly. He lived and died faithfully and faith-filled.

I'm glad for those lectures years ago and Bob Webb, if you ever get to read this blog - thank you for unknowingly teaching me about confidence in the Word of God as the authoritative and truthful self-revelation of the One and Only God. In those lectures Bob did more than communicate a nickname for John the Baptist, he helped me to see that living proclaiming Jesus as the fulfillment of all of God's promises is something worth doing. Bob lived a bit like Jack the Dipper - he helped me to see Jesus more clearly.

**John the Baptist didn't write John's Gospel. He died in prison early on in the ministry of Jesus around 30-31AD. John's Gospel was written as late as 60 years later.

where do you go to my lovely?

2008-08-18T14:17:00.004+12:00

One of the outcomes of the injury to my brain is that things have been 'falling out' of my memory, the other day a song I've not heard for 20 years was buzzing around my head - clear, vivid and I knew all the words. It was amazing especially as I'm struggling with short term memory stuff - ask me what I did this time last week and I can't tell you, but the words of this song, well (the chorus at least):

"Where do you go to my lovely,
When you're alone in your bed,
Tell me the thoughts that surround you
I want to get inside your head"

Its a song that speaks of identity and truth, questions the acretions of time passing and hints that who 'you' are is who you were - the somebody who was lost in leaving childhood behind, as the cares, priorities and experiences that maturity bring, is the true you.

"look into my face... and remember just who you are"

With the song came a whole heap of memories flooding back, some great times with friends and some less than happy ones. "Remember just who you are".

Since the days that those memories were formed I came to know Jesus Christ in a way that I did not growing up. He moved from a 'religious category' in my life to the relationship category. I moved from being religious - fearful, guilt ridden and aware that I couldn't and wouldn't be good enough for God. Coming to know Jesus changed all of that.

"Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty... All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away." John's Gospel 6:35,37

"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no-one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"2 Cor 5.14-17

And all of that over 20 years ago. It came afresh to me as I thought about the words of that song and the memories it brough back.

This brain injury malarky has had some rough and low points but it has also lead to a greater and refreshed understanding that I am loved by God in Christ, by grace I'm saved through faith. I have done nothing to deserve it and a lot that should deny it but He who loved me knew my sin in all its fullness as He died for me when I was still far off from Him, and He loves me still.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!" Romans 5.1-10

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3:For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3.1-3

If there were nothing else good from the last 3 months (and there has been!) then this realisation in itself means the time has yielded a greater wealth in my life than can currently be counted. And now an older and better song is buzzing in my head, and that too is newly refreshed...

eye sea watt ewe mien!

2008-08-15T08:50:00.004+12:00

Not blogged for a while. No real news other than I'm slowly heading back to health. The slowly being the operative part. Currently seeing a Physio and an Occupational Therapist each week. The physio is helping to deal with persistent dizziness through a series of exercises and 'manipulating my head'. The outcome is that I feel worse after she visits but it will help in the long run... it seems long run is appropriate which is a bit frustrating and the OT is helping me plan toward an eventual return to 'normal' life, but there are things along the way that are encouraging.

Friends here have been really great. The men's bible study group that I'm a part of have been coming here most weeks for 30 minutes on a Monday evening before heading onto meet and study together. They come, share a drink, pray for me and then leave. It is a major inconvenience to them but they are faithful and persistent in prayer and encouragement. I value them a great deal.

The Olympic coverage has been a great distraction and in suitably short bursts of attention. I'm finding myself passionately supporting Kiwi athletes, one of whom I know from church.

Reports of how student ministy is going are encouraging. The latest TSCF annual report makes great reading and I'm really encouraged to hear that here in Auckland there is growing health and strength in the groups around the region.

I've also been thinking about how language can be a slippery thing to grasp. It's very easy to get frustrated when others can't express themselves well. It's frustrating for me as I head back to health to be straining for words, at times not able to say what I mean. But it's good to be able to laugh at myself too and to see that others find it hard to say what they mean.

A Higher Place of Safety...

2008-07-23T11:22:00.003+12:00

Psalm 61 raised my gaze upward the other day. Here it is in full.

Psalm 61
For the director of music. With stringed instruments. Of David.

[a]1 Hear my cry, O God;

listen to my prayer.
2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

3 For you have been my refuge,

a strong tower against the foe.
4 I long to dwell in your tent forever

and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.[b]
5 For you, God, have heard my vows;

you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.

.
6 Increase the days of the king's life,

his years for many generations.
7 May he be enthroned in God's presence forever;

appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.

8 Then I will ever sing in praise of your name

and fulfill my vows day after day.

Footnotes:
Psalm 61:1 61:1-8 is numbered 61:2-9 in Hebrew texts.
Psalm 61:4 The Hebrew has Selah (a word of uncertain meaning) here.

David mixed his metaphors and his poetry of praise in prayer is all the more rich for it.

Three things hit me and encouraged me:

'from the ends of the earth' (vs2). Living in NZ having been born in Liverpool, UK does very much feel like the ends of the earth. Looking up to the heavens from NZ means looking at the polar opposite direction from the 'looking up' I did for the best part of my life. Stars, moon and sun are all experienced differently here. David's cry (1) speaks of the smallness he feels: remote and alone. In reality 'the ends of the earth' are about personal experience more than geographical placement on the globe. It does not have to be self-pity, but it does indicate self-awareness. There is nothing grand in us that requires God's attention, nothing special in geographical or historical placement that demands his extraordinary presence, nothing peculiar in our personal details that summons him. We live 'at the ends of the earth' for in all places and times and circumstances God is unchanging and we are not.

'lead me to the rock that is higher than I' (vs2). David is aware of his vulnerability. Anyone higher has the strategic advantage. As he cries out, he calls on God to lead him to safety. Not ANY old safe place but THE place of safety. David could have asked to be hidden from danger. He could have requested to be removed from the battle. He could have longed for the comfort of palatial rest. BUT he asks to be delivered to THE rock that provides TRUE safety. The circumstances of the last few months have had me longing to be well again, to be back at work, to not be weakened, to be cereberally all there. As I read the psalm I realised that my ambitions are FAR TOO SMALL. My longing from the 'ends of the earth' need to be realigned. My longing needs to be for Jesus, above health, productivity and normality. Anything less is less that the best. All of life is for Him, to His glory, at His behest and in His service. Lead me to Jesus! Set my affections on Jesus! Locate my ambitions in Jesus! Rest my hope in Jesus! Anchor my dreams in Jesus! He is The Rock who is above all things. JESUS is THE rock that is higher than I.

"you have been my refuge... strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings" (vs3-4). Refuge... strong tower... tent... wings. A place to flea. A place of rescue. A place of rest. A place of comfort. The promise of God made truest in Jesus is a place in which those who hope in ('fear' vs 5) find eternal life. The war against sin in a sinful world can leave the most valiant of God's people worn down. David indeed hopes because God HAS been all of this and more to him. It is God's faithfulness that moves and awards David the confidence of his praise and prayer. It is the greater faithfulness of God in fulfilling all of the Law and the Prophets in Jesus His Son and now indwelling those who hope in Him by His Holy Spirit, which moves and awards us a confidence even greater than King David of old. For we see now with retrospective certainty that which he foresaw in hopeful obedience. We see Jesus. Jesus our refuge - the once bruised and buried Saviour now Risen and Ascended Lord. Jesus our strong tower - the One who holds the keys of death and hell, who speaks grace to those who will listen and obey. We see Jesus - God's very prescence living among us, knowing our frailty and showing no shame to call us His own people. We see Jesus - the Son who has gathered us to Himself to present to the Father in the power of the Spirit without spot or blemish.

This works out in David's life as a call to be anchored to THE place of safety whilst living in an unsafe world, knowing that there will be a great outcome...

"Then I will ever sing in praise of your Name and fulfill my vows day after day."

Amen!

meanwhile, life counts...

2008-07-08T16:35:00.005+12:00

One of the frustrations of being off work due to being ill is that the national student conference was around the corner from my house. It finished last Wednesday and I'd heard 'good things' from staff and students via email, text and a couple of visitors. It was good to be able to pray from a distance. Two reports (with photo's) from the conference are available from Tim Hodge and Ben Carswell.

Yesterday (Monday) visitors arrived, Emma and Ollie Balch are passing through NZ from Latin America on their way to India. With them came Seth - their 3 month old son. They're now touring the North Island for a few days before heading onto India for the next few months.

It was great to see Emma and Ollie. Emma and I worked together on a number of things back in the UK, and were both on UCCF staff at the same time. It was great to see the gospel at the heart of how Emma and Ollie live as they pursue their careers as interior designer and journalist/writer respectively. Refreshing to see them and great to share some time with them and to have Seth in the house.

Life in Jesus counts. It all adds up to his glory. Hearing stories of the TSCF conference challenging staff and students to consider Jesus as worthy of their whole lives. Seeing Emma and Ollie work out what it is for life to count as followers in Jesus, missionaries outside of the 'missionary' category. I'm challenged and reminded that life counts - it is not what we are doing that matters, it is who we are living for.

Draw on it!

2008-07-03T12:32:00.003+12:00

"If you were in a plaster cast, people would see that you are injured but you look healthy. The problem is you have a brain injury. You can't put a cast on that and draw on it to cheer yourself up. It'll take some time, but you will recover." James (neuropsychologist)

I met James on Tuesday. He talked about brain injury and the impact it has. He spoke about the need to see how much the injury has affected my 'normal functioning'. The tests show that I'm 'way below' normal functioning.

He also spoke about faith, ('it doesn't really matter what you believe') making a difference in recovery. 'You need to drawn on your faith in order to get well'.

His input was really helpful but his perspective on faith wasn't great. He spoke like faith is something from within. An effort, a task, an acheivement even. He is great on brain injury. He has misunderstood what it is to be a Christian.

Faith is not something from within - not a 'belief', not a feeling, not even an experience (though all 3 arise from faith). Faith - when speaking of faith in Jesus - is an act of trust, a surrender of self and a following after Jesus: most importantly it is a gift from God.

We need to draw on faith - not to embellish it, but in establishing it as the foundatoin of our lives. Whether visibly well or noticeably ill there is only life by living through faith, by faith and in faith in relationship with God the Father through Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The doctor signed me off work today for another 8 weeks. It will be September before that question is revisited in a significant way. Drawing on faith? You bet I am. Faith that Jesus is Lord. Lord in and through every aspect of life. The only one worth living for. The one who is Sovereign enough to sustain me and you in quiet rest as he does in activity.

This is faith - to live for Him, according to His promise, enabled by His strength and looking to Him and for Him in the midst of everyday living.

A time to embrace?

2008-06-17T08:56:00.003+12:00

Yesterday I went to see the doctor again as it was the end of the period in which he had signed me off for work. I knew I wasn't quite ready to go back and thought maybe next week.

He looked at me, said I wasn't at all ready and said he wanted the concussion clinic to make the decision about when and how quickly I return to work.

He signed me off for 3 more weeks. I was gutted. Up to now, in 15 years of work, I doubt I've totalled 4 weeks off sick. By the end of this 3 week period I'll have topped 7 consecutive weeks.

I expressed my dismay to work colleagues and friends - their response has been encouraging and realistic. "Embrace" this time and "make the most of".

My thoughts are mostly about what would God have me do in this time. Rest is clear - I need to rest to recover. But is there more to this rest? What more is there? Ps 23 comes to me again and has me thinking a lot (in a restful way though).

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

15 minute musings #4... belive, speak, live

2008-06-12T08:10:00.003+12:00

Reading 2Corinthians 4 this morning I was struck by the pattern that Paul outlines for his work and life - not just as an explanation of what he was doing but as THE pattern for how Christians should/must work out their relationship with God.

13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With
that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Believing in Jesus.

Speaking of Jesus.

Living for Jesus.

Belief is not a nebulous idea, and inexpressible or incomprehensible experience. Belief is in Jesus. The rock solid, life and death and rising from death (never to die again) man of flesh and blood who was also the eternal, never created, never ceasing, One and Only Son of God. Belief is the 'throwing in your lot', the total 'resting of your weight', entrusting your hopes, fears, ambitions and dreams in Jesus. It is an active surrender to Him. Anything less is not 'belief in' but a knowing about even an 'interest in' or 'investigation in' Jesus but do not amount to 'belief in'. Only 'belief in' Jesus amounts to life transforming relationship toward the destination of eternal life.

Belief in inevitably leads to 'speaking of' - a life transformed is a life full of WORDS about Jesus. You don't need to be an extrovert to believe in Jesus, but to believe in Him means that this belief will be expressed in words. Jesus believers don't just say anything but almost anything they do say speaks of Him - directly or indirectly. Their words won't be crafty (seeking to trick people) but they will be crafted - pointing to who Jesus is and what he is like, putting Him in plain sight. Much has been said of using words only when necessary - here, God's Word says speaking of Jesus is always necessary but only if you believe in him. I wonder if the former, in this context, is evidence of the latter.

Believing in and speaking of Jesus happen in the context of Living for Him. Living for in the sense of 'toward'. We who belive in Jesus are living toward a New Day. We are heading toward Him - and our words, our lives, are to ring with this truth. A time is coming when we will not live by a hope of seeing Him, but we will see Him who is our Hope. So we live FOR that day - there is an eternity to come, but right now we are living for that Day - when the beginning of the unfolding of God's great plan for all eternity will be embraced by all who now await on it's threshold; straining on tip toes, as though in a great crowd, eagerly anticipating it's arrival. Living FOR Jesus in this way is no easy ride - it is painful, a loss of much that the world's cultures treasure, abandoning the pretence of self-determination and the 'rights' of the age. Living for Jesus often feels like an outward wasting away, a death to self, a loss of the things that were once valued. Those who do not know Jesus reject Him as offering a life of dullness But IT IS LIFE IN ALL ITS FULLNESS.

The surprise in 2 Cor 4 is that

believing in Jesus,

speaking of Jesus

and living for Jesus

is most clearly expressed

in speaking to others

and living for others

who do not believe in Jesus.

Auckland 1st, 5th, 10th (15 minute musings...#3)

2008-06-11T11:27:00.004+12:00

Auckland has just come in as the best place to live in the Southern Hemisphere. It is the fifth best city in the world (behind Zurich, Vienna, Geneva and Vancouver) and comes in at joint 10th (with Wellington) in the stakes of safe places to live.

It is, despite some pretty fierce internal NZ prejudice, a brilliant city to live in. I love living in Auckland - L O V E it!

But Auckland as a city has some deep poverty issues. There are large sections of South Auckland where families struggle to make ends meet. There are sections of the city where safety is a real issue. The biggest and least obvious poverty is spiritual need. It is striking on the campuses of the city.

Where there is 'spiritual' stuff happening it is most often self-centred and self-seeking; idolatrous and shallow but for the most part students are apathetic, disinterested, scornful and mocking of spiritual life.

It does not suprise me that Auckland is 1st, 5th and 10th in scales of all that our contemporary western world values and treasures. It doesn't suprise me because where riches abound spiritual poverty is most obvious...

21"One thing you lack," [Jesus] said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." 22At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. 23Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"
24 The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! 25It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for the rich to enter the kingdom of God." 26The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?"
27Jesus looked at them and said, "With human beings this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
28Then Peter spoke up, "We have left everything to follow you!"
29"Truly I tell you," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel 30will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. Mark 10.21-30

15 Minute Musings… 2

2008-06-06T08:54:00.002+12:00

Adam has spent the last 3 years working in Lithuania (about which he has a very interesting blog); his time there is drawing to an end. There is much that I could write which would embarrass Adam, not only high jinx but high praise. So let me write a little and hope that his embarrassment will not be too great. His first trip to Lithuania was my last one before heading to NZ. That trip had been set up before the decision to come to work with TSCF was even on the horizon; I'd been exploring the possibility of going to work with LKSB in Lithuania. Adam came along for the ride with 2 other Relay Workers. Working in Lithuania was not on his horizon at that point.

That weekend in Lithuania I saw Adam work extraordinarily well with the students and staff of LKSB. In the final couple of days, with the encouragement of the the LKSB staff, I asked Adam if he would consider Lithuania as a possibility for the next step of life and ministry. I knew full well he was considering working in an 'hard to access' nation in Asia. He took the invite to consider seriously and eventually took it up as a formal application under the UCCF Relay Homestart programme.

Adam has done a stunning job, bearing well the lows and thriving in the highs of Lithuanian life and ministry. He has so got to grips with a difficult language that he can preach in it and, as he moves back to the UK, will find a Lithuanian mission field on his doorstep – he is even speaking at a Christian holiday made up mostly of Lithuanians in October. I rate Adam highly. He wrote this week and spoke of what God has done in and through him. It made me intensely proud to have been a small part of Adam's life and work in Lithuania – I'm excited to see how and where God will use Adam as he returns to the UK.

One of the things that Adam makes mention of in his recent letter is some financial hardship for the staff in Lithuania. If you are reading this, why not take the opportunity to invest in a small part of God's work in Northern Europe and give – either a one off gift or for the next 12 months, 2 years or longer… you never know what a small investment can grow into until you venture out try… You can give to the work in Lithuania (and elsewhere around the world) HERE

15 Minute Musings…1*

2008-06-03T16:36:00.002+12:00

Brain Injury Awareness week…

Until recently concussion hadn't ever struck me (pardon the pun) as something too serious. This was largely due to ignorance (and inexperience). Concussion is serious business. "We can fix most parts of the body, but the brain we can't repair" said the consultant who saw me in hospital.

The small bruise in the subcortical white matter of the left frontal lobe is the cause/result of my current injury. The brain being incredibly complex produces acutely vague or bizzare answers from medics. "white matter looks like fresh yoghurt rather than the mouldy yoghurt appearance of grey matter"!!!

They're doing their best but there is so much that is unknown at the moment about brain structure and function. This is why brain injury is so frustrating and perplexing. How do you rest a brain? Someone suggest I think boring thoughts! How do you let your brain recuperate when you can't immobilize it or give it crutches?

Last night we noticed on the news that it is soon to be Brain Injury Awareness week – so I'm doing my bit. As someone who is currently brain injured I'm inviting you to be aware (and therefore cautious) and be thankful for your functioning brain!

*I'm allowed to use the computer for 15 minutes at a time at the moment. Blogging gives me something to do to keep my bruised brain active!

health update…

2008-05-30T11:11:00.001+12:00

I promise not to be posting updates on my health every couple of days – which would be too boring for words! Just wanted to let you know that I saw the doctor yesterday and he has signed me off work for a further two weeks. (I'm currently due to return on June 16^th – no promises though!)

I can't pretend this isn't anything but frustrating, discouraging and yet necessary for recovery. The doctor has limited my computer time (15 minutes ever few hours) and the time I can be watching TV (no more than 60 minutes at a time). Reading still isn't possible for more than 5 minutes at a time and I can't follow audio talks or radio stuff at the moment. Conversations and visitors are limited too – no more than 30mins in length.

I'd really appreciate your continued prayers for my recovery. Do be praying too that in the midst of this I would be drawing closer to Christ and more ever more confident of His presence and the Hope of Heaven. Pray too for Ines and all those in TSCF and at church who have to pick up extra stuff while I'm out of action.

I'll be in touch in a couple of weeks to let you know how things are going. Thanks so much for your friendship, love and prayers.

changing season

2008-05-28T09:00:00.000+12:00

Last Friday when I posted the prayer request I was pretty down. The doctor had said that at worst things could take 6 weeks to 6 months to get better and I'd felt no improvement at all in the symptoms around the concussion.

Since asking people to pray there has been a gradual and steady 'getting better'. If you prayed thank you! Thanks though, rightly and truly, goes to God.

I'm thankful for:

REST - I've slept huge amounts over this last two weeks. I feel like I've done little more than sleep. Tiredness is part of the deal with concussion - sleep doesn't always accompany it; disturbed sleep is also often a feature. These last two weeks I've slept better than I normally do and I am HUGELY grateful for that.

INES AND THE KIDS - my family have been amazing, especially as Ines has done a lot of the stuff that I'd normally help out with and then had a heap of extra things to make sure I'm OK too. Last Wednesday was especially tiring as I was in the hospital, the dog was at the vets, there was after-school sports and the regular Bible Study meeting in our home on Wed nights. The kids have also had to put up with me not being well, having to be a bit quieter than usual and they've done it brilliantly.

FRIENDS - people have been concerned and kind from afar as well as close by. I didn't make it to church on Sunday morning but Ines took an extra 45 minutes to get out of the church doors due to people asking about how things were going. Friendship has been shown in texts, phone messages, people popping around briefly and not being offended when I've fallen asleep on them.

THE MANY HOURS OF DVD EXTRAS ON 'THE LORD OF THE RINGS' - as I've been bored out of my head and unable to read, listen to radio or concentrate on anything much I've had the LOTRs DVD extra's playing in the background as I've snoozed and rested. Fascinating stuff and not at all intense!

THE TREE OUTSIDE THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW - I've stared at it a lot and with changing light and the slow move of the season heading into winter it is an constant source of change and shift and also of great beauty.

I'm slowly getting back into a normal pattern, I've still to see go back to the concussion clinic and still have a way to go before I'm back to normal (my normal anyway). Please do continue to pray and know that your prayers have and are making a real difference.

prayer request...

2008-05-23T13:21:00.001+12:00

This is a brief prayer request. A week ago Tue I came off my bicycle. At the time it was sore but didn’t really have any big consequences – I was even able to blog about it here.

Since then things have progressed and I spent most of Wednesday in hospital waiting for a CT brain scan to see what’s been happening. The scan has detected a small bruise on the brain and I’ve been signed off work until Monday.

Things aren’t improving very quickly – please pray that I will recover speedily and well, that the medics who are looking after me will have wisdom, for Ines as she runs home and family life without any help (and a considerable amount of extra work because of me), and for the ongoing exciting student work that I’d much rather be telling you about!

Can I be really bold and ask you not to ring to get updates? I’m not up to phone calls and Ines is too busy to take them. Sorry, this sounds really ungrateful – it’s the opposite of that, we appreciate the concern and love and will keep you up to date via the blog.

All the leaves are brown?

2008-05-18T16:42:00.000+12:00

A stunning sunny afternoon. A restful Sunday afternoon. Friends turn up with a great apple crumble for a suprise afternoon tea. Autumn at its best.

It takes a while to get the fact that seasons are the polar opposite (literally) from where I grew up. But now, I LOVE the seasonal pace of NZ life. May is feijoas, falling leaves, the smell of wood fires in the evenings and the warmth of the sun in the midafternoon offsetting the cold awakenings and breakfasts huddled at the table (drawing heat as well as caffeen from the morning coffee).

Exercise is potentially lethal

2008-05-13T11:14:00.002+12:00

This morning Ruben left the house for school but left his backpack behind. I'm not sure how, it's large and weighty – he must have felt very free cycling without it. Ines suggested that I take the bag up to the school (with all of his books, lunch and sports gear in it). The school isn't far and I was going to drive up but my wife in her commitment to increasing my physical activity reminded me that someone has just given me a bike to ride and I should break it in on a glorious autumnal morning.

It is a glorious day. I realised very quickly that I hadn't noticed that we live toward the bottom of a steady incline and my decrepit self was going to struggle. I was right. The school is about 2.5k at the top of the incline. I made it to the school, handed the bag in, trying not to pant like a dog on a hot summers day and looked forward to cycling (fee wheeling) back down the steady incline all the way home.

About half way home I picked up some speed, the cars were pretty close and I was feeling a bit hassled but I was trying to enjoy the sun and autumn colours when disaster struck. The front wheel of the bike went into a drain hole, the bike stopped suddenly. I stopped less suddenly and gained 'air time'. I stopped suddenly when my face acted as my landing gear on the road, my specs landed a little further off and the thought went through my head "I'm about to be run over and I wonder if the house insurance will cover my glasses if they are broken". No one ran me over and no one stopped and my specs are fine. I picked myself up; thankful for life, that I wasn't run over and the leather jacket I had on to protect me from the autumn wind had taken the worst of the scrapes.

The front tyre was flat and I was in no state to ride anyway. I hobbled home: in shock and shaken but still under the anaesthetic of adrenalin. Life is fragile – things could have been very different this morning. But here, on a glorious day, with a body just beginning to let me know how jarred and battered it was and a great start of an impressive black eye, I'm refreshed in my thankfulness for life and life more importantly in Jesus Christ.

Over the next few days I hope to be meeting with church leaders in the surrounding area. The black eye will no doubt give a good opener to conversations and won't leave a bad first impression! Over the next few days I'm determined to be thankful – even for the aches and pains of getting over the accident. Over the next few days I'll probably make the most of Ines feeling awful at suggesting the bike ride and Ruben feeling terrible about me getting injured in the pursuit of being his father. Over the next few days I will do no more exercise and will undoubtedly be healthier for it!

A wedding and a funeral: Loving Jesus

2008-05-09T15:16:00.004+12:00

I observed a wedding reception last night. This morning I was at a memorial service for those killed in the mangetepopo river disaster. Both made me love Jesus more.

The wedding reception was a Biblical one. John 2. The party at Cana. Somethings I noted for the first time. The wedding party must have already worked their way through the best wine on offer and emptied the supply of the lesser quality stuff on offer - given when the guests are least aware of issues taste as their senses have been pre-dulled. The mother of Jesus (who goes unnamed in the passage) draws Jesus attention to it. He asks the question what it has to do with him as this was not his 'hour'. This was not why he came. But the answer to what connected him to the incident was that when God's promised one comes he would bring the feast to end all feasts - the best of foods and the finest of wines. Jesus' mother instructs the servants to do as Jesus tells them and disappears from the story.

Jesus does indeed have instructions for the servants. Fill the (now empty) jars that had held the water used to make the guests ceremonially clean for the celebrating of the feast. That's about 450 litres. That would have taken some time. They are servants. They do it because they have been told to. They do it because, I guess, they are not busy serving wine to the slightly snozzled guests.

They come to Jesus. He tells them to serve the master of the feast with the water they have just drawn. The master of the feast is maybe the one other guest, apart from Jesus and his mother, who hasn't helped to empty the supplies. He is astounded. The wine (all 450 litres of it - 600 bottles by todays' standard) is the VERY best quality.

The first of Jesus' signs - in the midst of the ordinary and everyday. It's like a glimpse, a hint, a peek of his brilliance. John says 'his glory'. In the Bible study at AUT last night someone asked 'what does Glory mean'. Someone else, straining to capture all she knew of Jesus and of God's self revelation inthe Bible said - 'it's God's righteous shining-ness'. I laughed - it is a brilliant way of describing God's glory.

As we studied. As the students of AUT 'got' what was going on in a study brilliantly led by Sarah Kwok, I felt like I loved Jesus for the first time - all over again.

This morning the memorial service happened at a large arena/stadium a 15 minute drive from where we lived. There was much about it that moved me but overall it was not a sad testimony of loss (though there was that in a compelling and at times overwhelming) rather a proclamation of hope.

The sister of Floyd read a poem she had written which spoke of missing her big brother who, now living somewhere else, is too far away to come and play.

The parents of Natasha speaking of their faith in the midst of loss:
"you may have asked where God was in the midst of all of this: God was Sovereign before the 15th April, he was Sovereign on the 15th April and he is Sovereign today and tomorrow..."

The call to turn to God in Hope. Hope in His promise, not in our selves. Hope in His justice, mercy and in the gift of Jesus. Hope.

I loved Jesus even more - for the power of the resurrection over death. I loved him all the more for the Hope of eternity without loss, death and sin. I loved Him for bringing me and the family to this land at this time.

I loved Him all the more in the Bible study and at the memorial. I love Him all the more right now. I love Him for Himself. What more is there?

Healthy Doctors

2008-05-03T07:25:00.004+12:00

The student leaned in, "I'm not sure you did the right thing at the end of the talk this morning." He wasn't angry or rude - he wanted to really engage in this discussion. "I felt like there was an impossible standard - something I couldn't do - being laid before us. You had me up to that point, but then you lost me." We talked long into the night, others joined the conversation - we spoke about God's Sovereignty, surrendering our hopes, plans and dreams before him, the nature of The Trinity, the reality of Heaven and Hell, the justice of God's judgement and many other things.

I'm at the Christian Medical Fellowship conference in Rotorua. I'm here to speak to the Medical Students on mission and also to lead a seminar on Sexuality and Scripture. The first 24 hours of the conference was student doctors only and Fri night the graduate doctors arrived. It is exciting to be here (least of all because some of the talk illustrations have made me feel dizzy and nauseous in their medical detail!). Exciting to see men and women asking questions about how their faith connects with their profession and how their profession might be a means of witness in a dying world.

I apologised to the student if I'd led him to a sense that God could not or would not work in Him but that, he admitted, was not the issue. The issue was that in the face of much privilege it is hard to surrender rights, hoped for freedoms and the prospects of 'self-determination' under the Lordship of Jesus. It wasn't that this young man was disobedient or unchristian: he is facing up to the call to do that which the world sees as impossible, that which is heart and will are struggling to do, to bow the knee to Jesus in every aspect of life. He is facing up to the cost of discipleship. It was a real privilege to talk with him and his friends. We prayed together as we headed to our beds - it was late but I was invigorated - what an amazing thing, true joy, to be given the privilege to be with people in these key intersections of their lives.

I was reminded again of Howard Guiness - the British medical graduate, who forsook the potential of riches and comfort for a life of service and sacrifice. I've posted this quote from his little booklet Sacrifice of 1936 (hence the non-PC language) before, but it is worth repeating almost as often as it comes to mind. Pray that in this generation there will be men and women who answer the call to lives of sacrifice.

Where are the young men and women of this generation who will hold their lives cheap and be faithful even unto death? Where are those who will lose their lives for Christ’s sake – flinging them away for love of Him? Where are those who will live dangerously, and be reckless in His service? Where are his lovers – those who will love Him and the souls of men more than their own reputations or comfort or very life?

Where are the men who say “no” to self, who take up Christ’s Cross to bear it after Him; who are willing to be nailed to it in college or office, home or mission field; who are willing, if need be, to bleed, to suffer and die on it?

Where are the men of vision today? Where are the men of enduring vision? Where are the men who have seen the King in His beauty, by whom from henceforth all else is counted but refuse that they may win Christ? Where are the adventurers, the explorers, the buccaneers for God who count one human soul of far greater value than the rise or fall of an Empire? Where are the men who glory in God-sent loneliness, difficulties, persecutions, misunderstandings, discipline, sacrifice, death?

Where are the men who are willing to pay the price of vision?

Where are the men of prayer? Where are the men who, like the Psalmist of old, count God’s Word of more importance to them than their daily food? Where are the men who, like Moses of old, commune with God face to face as a man speaks with his friend and unmistakably bear with them the fragrance of the meeting though the day?

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12.1-2

Mangatepopo River Disaster

2008-04-17T19:05:00.006+12:00

Elim Christian College is at the end of the road we live on. We drive past often, the church the school is a part of has a very positive relationship with the church we go to.

Earlier this week six students and a teacher lost their lives on an school outdoor adventure trip. The weather turned suddenly and dramatically and the school party were caught in a river bed as the water swelled to 4 times its normal flow.

This is a personal nightmare for the families and school and a major local and national tragedy. I'm sure the questions of loss and grief will be asked and already the school principal and the parents of some of those lost have been speaking openly of God's presence in a time of real loss. The school principal as he addressed the school assembly said,

If our faith means anything
it must mean everything now

Please do pray for the parents and families of those lost, for the children at the school and for the community in which we live.

Pray too for New Zealand - that this secular nation might find in this tragedy the heart to hear the testimony of God goodness in the midst of real pain.

For news stories and video interviews click HERE for Nigel Pollock's reflections click HERE

Looking not Seeing

2008-04-08T08:51:00.003+12:00

Watch the video - click play: it lasts 67 seconds.

It is easy to miss the obvious when your are looking for something specific. It is easy to overlook what God is doing when you look at the details of strategy, organisation, administration and the practical outworkings of 'ministry'.

Last night I was asked how work is and I answered 'busy'. What a pathetic response - but I picked myself up on it immediately. How is work?

Next week I'm heading down to Wellington to meet with the new Staff who have joined TSCF this year. Other national staff will be joining us for a week of training and development. The joy of having 4 new full time staff and 3 associates working with us is amazing - God is raising up new peoople to work on the campuses of New Zealand.

The following weekend the students and staff from the Auckland region will gather at Ngaruawahia for the first combined camp/weekend away for a long time. Paul Windsor will be speaking and TSCF staff will be cooking and together we are looking for real growth in the students (more spiritual than physical).

Students are beign encouraged, discipled and reached with the life giving truth about Jesus on a daily basis. Things are sometimes discouraging in their detail and how they impact emotionally (students dismissing 'TSCF' because they don't 'get it'). There are times that TSCF staff and students "drop the pass" because we don't see it, don't make the extra effort to reach it or are too occupied catching something else. But most of the time there is huge commitment, extreme effort and outstanding performance from sinners under grace in the hands of a loving and amazing God.

How's the work? It is a privilege to be invovled. It is humbling to be part of something so great. It is a joy to be working alongside such quality people, staff and the students, who love Jesus. It is painful to work on campus when so many don't know Jesus and don't care. It is refreshing to study Scripture with others and see eyes light up and hearts begin to 'flame'. It is sobering to see some understand the truth and walk away. It is satisfying to know that in the midst of activity, and even busyness, that God is present and that our labour here is not in vain - because of His work in and through our lives.

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that in the Lord your labour is not in vain. 1Cor15.57-58

Happy 8th Birthday Steve

2008-02-29T18:16:00.000+13:00

I first met Steve Palframan at a CU houseparty in 1994. He asked me an awkward question before he even said hello. He's always been a bit awkward - insisting on well thought through answers, encouraging people to live for Jesus rather than themselves. It was a pleasure being Steve's staff worker when he was a student. It feels a privilege to still call him a friend.

Steve is a leap day kid. Maybe this accounts for his awkwardness. I once asked him when he celebrates his birthday in a non-leap year. "I hate that question, whenever I want I suppose" was his answer. Well this year he celebrates when he should - the date of his birth!

HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY!!!!

News updates...

2008-02-13T23:33:00.007+13:00

I'm currently in Wellington for the TSCF new staff orientation conference. Things are going well and we've had fun as well as been thinking about culture, the gospel and the student world. I'll write more on this when I have a photo to share too!

In the meantime wanted to share some news links with you; living here brings sharp contrasts and significant challenges - as well as one or two curiosities.

NZ's oldest immigrant arrives

One child recounts another child's sad end to life

A geeky hobby causes standstill in Auckland

Another youth dies

Kiwi Braves Baltic Justice

and our near neighbour makes an internationally significant apology.

Oh, and finally - I heard from Denis (see below) speaking of how he felt encouraged to know people are praying for him and that he has been strengthened in the midst of a tense situation.

Pray for Dennis, Pray for Africa!

2008-01-30T07:56:00.000+13:00

This morning I received the email below from an IFES colleague in Uganda. His name is Dennis, he's 22 and caught up in the troubles spilling over from Kenya. His email says it all. Please pray for him. Please pray for Africa!

"Dear Andy,

Our school is within Nairobi 21 kilometers today the situation has reached so far its highest…We are stranded at the school no one is allowed to get out. The roads are blocked and people in Kibera slum are slaugthering each other.

We are warned not to go any where, have a small bag packed with ure passport and some money.Any time anywhere things can happen.

We get security briefs but it is all terrible. Andy,this is not the Kenya that I know!
Pray for us we IN CONFUSION

Dennis