Smoke Alarm

Campaign to Amend Smoking Ban

2009-07-08T02:16:00.013+01:00

If you've not done so already, please sign up in support of this important campaign and help save our dying community-hubs. Nulabor politicians aren't listening, as they live in their own little bubble where "it's the recession" [which started in America] wot dunnit and, anyway, it's All For Our Own Good. Well, no, it wasn't and no it isn't. For anyone still not savvy to the disgusting methodology used by the publicly and pharmaceutically-funded antismoking zealots, I recommend you to the "Smoking Guns" links section in the sidebar. But, I warn you: the antismoking people really are low and once you've accepted the passive-smoking fraud as the blood-libel it is, you may well wish to support measures rather stronger than just amending this repugnant piece of fascistic legislation.

But remember: if you wanna defeat your enemy, you gotta sing his song. So I name that tune A Next Logical Step.

UK Pub closures [British Beer and Pub Association figures]

2005: 102
2006: 216
2007: 1,409

Evidence of Bias on BBC 1's Question Time?

2009-07-05T15:16:00.002+01:00

My suspicions were aroused when, during Iain Duncan-Smith's response to the National Debt question, Harriet Harperson was seen giving a quiet signal to David Dimbleby, who then cut IDS off mid-flow. Was Dimbleby obeying orders?

As the yawnsome formulaic exchanges rolled on, besides being struck by how often I found myself agreeing with and feeling motivated by Peter Hitchens whilst despairing at the dreary IDS and wondering who the Ginger Party's David Laws reminded me of, I noticed what an easy ride Harperson was getting; both from QT's selected-audience and from Dimbleby. His interjections consisted of patsy-questions and helpful clarifications, plus one little joke at her expense which she managed to shrug off with a charming smile and that was that.

A repeat-play was called for; this time with a stopwatch. I timed the three politicians and how long they were given in response on each question and to Dimbleby's interjections [my timings do not include these, just the responses].

Q1 National Debt:

Harperson: 3m20s
Duncan-Smith 2m57s
Ginger Party: 2m53s

Q2 Should Biggs be freed?

Harperson: 2m5s
Duncan-Smith 1m15s
Ginger Party: 1m27s

Q3 Teecha-Testing Targets?

Harperson: 2m11s
Duncan-Smith 1m13s
Ginger Party: 1m15s

Q4 Rail Re-Nationalisation?

Harperson: 1m53s*
Duncan-Smith 1m22s
Ginger Party: 1m58s

*Dimbleby drawing her out for more, but she ran out of puff. Not her area of interest, as cannot be prefixed by the word "Womens'".

Q5 Apparent u-turn on ID Cards:

Harperson: 1m47s
Duncan-Smith 4s
Ginger Party: 20s

Total talk-times given to:

Harriet Harperson: 11 minutes 16 seconds. [676s]
The Ginger Party: 7 minutes 53 seconds [473s]
Iain Duncan-Smith 6 minutes 51 seconds [411s]

In this edition then, the Tory spokesman was given [411/676] x 100% = 60.8% of the speaking-time taken by the nulabor spokesperson.

One qualifier:

As a former party-leader, IDS is well-schooled in the soundbite-answer. Where Harperson waffles and repeats her various mantras with increasing volume until forcibly quietened, IDS prefers to talk well-structured straightforward bollocks for a minute flat.

Harperson never did come back to David Laws with the reinterpretation she'd offered of the debt-figures in her little red book. Dimbleby didn't press her for it.

No, I'm Not At Bloody Glastonbury

2009-06-28T20:11:00.016+01:00

The Pilton Pops has failed to draw me for another year. Here's why:

1/ Paying £175 for the privilege of being allowed to pitch one's tent in a field full of Guardian readers and their face-painted kids. These responsible citizens are all over you should you drop a sweet-wrapper but later won't see anything at all when your tent gets robbed.

2/ Being accosted repeatedly and performed-at by jugglers, street-theatricals, crystal therapists, pseudo-tribal drummers and new-agers in wacky costumes. A polite "fuck off out of my face you dreadful hippy" is likely to be interpreted as a sure sign that you're a philistine in league with the forces of conservatism and you may be burned as a heretic.

3/ "This one goes out to..."

Usually reserved for victims of oppression/war/famine/disaster somewhere in the world the plebs hadn't heard of before being educated by a millionaire coke-addict but, this year, the next song goes out to a freshly-dead pop-star*. The appeal is designed to do two things; first and most importantly, it is to win cheap applause, making the performer feel good and expanding their self-image from being a mere transient pop-tart into being "spokesman for a generation". Secondly, it is to assert the performer's aura of superiority over their audience, as the appeal will usually be designed to invoke a sense of guilt and collective-responsibilty. It's in your hands, people!

4/ "Making a difference".

Having paid the £175 penance for your realworld subscription to the evils of capitalism; once inside the 10 foot high security-fence and having been fitted with your bar-coded wristband, you are now part of "the experience" and elevated to a position of moral-worth one rung beyond that achievable by those who don't queue up for overpriced pop gigs staged in muddy fields. Inside the security-fence, any kind of "negativity" must be cast aside, along with any decadent western expectations regarding running-water, decent food, electricity and sanitation. By queuing two hours to do a shit in a shit-filled bucket swarming with flies then saving water/"the planet" by not washing your shitty hands, you are empathising with the day-to-day poverty of those in faraway lands, so to look down your nose at the opportunity would be to stick two fingers up at the world's poorest. The festival site is littered with bossy patronising petty-minded signage, reminding campers of their many and continuing responsibilities to the collective. Should you forget any of the salient points and, you know, accidentally light a fag in a corner of the Family Field, a pointless streak of middle-class piss wearing Lennon specs and a small beard will soon be over to explain why he's a better person than you.

5/ "We're all in this together"

Ah, the torches swaying aloft during the power-ballad, the star beaming out their non gender-specific love to the mass of punters below, the feeling that by singing this one together we'll all be celebrating a oneness of such magnitude that the poles will be united, poverty and injustice will be no more, that world peace will be inevitable and all the Bad Stuff will be defeated. The mass of by-now rain-soaked mud-streaked sunburned sleep-deprived half-starved dehydrated and fleeced-dry punterati applaud with all they've got left as the multi-millionaire headline act tosses off their one memorable song ahead of retiring to the air-conditioned backstage limo-reception area; there to enjoy cocaine, champagne and miniature bread whilst checking their half-million quid appearance fee is safely banked before fucking off home through the special traffic-free VIP exit.

6/
7/ Despite low audiences for their festival-coverage, the BBC are there en-masse. 407 of 'em, at the last count. Well they would be, wouldn't they? It's right up their street. All on tellytax-funded expenses, naturally.

8/ The price of recreational drugs. With police on overtime doing stop n' search at all but the VIP entrances, the only people able to ship in the much-needed soma supplies are well-connected gangsters able to charge a hefty premium in this closed-market.

9/ The collective conceit among festival punters that it is all somehow more than just a big gig that costs too much and goes on too long. That Glastonbury 2009, with its high fences, security guards, bossiness and smug hierarchy has anything at all in common with the spontaneous free festivals of yore.

10/ Festival-bores who go on about how much better were the spontaneous free festivals of yore.

*Rumour has it that the King Of Pop [© the Queen Of Pop] is to be recycled. Into something white, plastic and a danger to da kiddies innit.

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Poison Pumps

2009-06-07T03:58:00.004+01:00

Have just returned from a birthday party gig. As it is so obviously the government's job to keep me from temptation, I hereby issue the following something must be done!.

Is it right and proper, in this day and age, for the paid-performer to be subject to the various pressures that come from seeing alcohol imbibed at such a function? The people who selfishly get intoxicated... and give every appearance of having "fun" whilst so doing, pose a great risk to the sober and healthy employee. The peer-pressure to "join in" is often intolerable and, sadly, tonight I let my guard down. Consequently I am now fully expecting my life to fall apart, to lose my moral compass, to forget all about getting my 5-a-day and to die a long slow lingering death from something or other that's someone else's fault.

This would never have happened had there been some sensible laws in place to protect me. The link between alcohol-consumption and what the hopeless addicts like to call "enjoyment" is clearly established and the negative-stereotype is only reinforced by allowing the open sale and consumption of intoxicants in public places. Indeed, the poison-pumps are allowed to bear ADVERTISING for their respective brewers and all with NO HEALTH WARNINGS and NO pictures of diseased pigs livers, human-roadkill or octogenarian dentistry with which to facilitate making an informed decision at the point of purchase. OUTRAGEOUS! Furthermore, as the evening drew on, I noticed hitherto plain-looking womenfolk assuming auras of almost irresistible charm and loveliness, to the point where I felt like that reprehensible Sid James character from those xenophobic "Carry On" films so beloved of unacceptable persons.

Alcohol Concern obviously need an urgent increase in government-funding with which to lobby the government for more government-funding. And I'm sure 78% of responsible citizens will agree.

Flint Finally Fucks Off

2009-06-05T19:34:00.006+01:00

Morticia's gone; refusing her new job and giving Gordon a big bitchslap on the way. Apparently, this Minister for Europe who had never read the Lisbon Treaty considers Gordo to be anti-wimmins, as she felt sidelined by da bigga boyz in the Clown Cabinet. Aww. And absolutely nothing to do with diverting attention away from her serial incompetence and this ex-housing minister charging her own stamp-duty and legal-fees to the taxpayer. And so says the rest of the sisterhood.

Not going terribly well, is it?

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Gordon's Bunkershuffle - Draft List Leaked

2009-06-05T05:00:00.004+01:00

In a last-ditch bid to prove he's a serious superhero for serious times unlike that vacuous image-obsessed populist upstart Dave Flashman, Gordon Brown has been working studiously through the night, assembling the dream cabinet that will really turn things around this time YES THEY FUCKING WILL SO SHUT UP. One surprise is the splitting of the Wimmins Ministry into two departments; my source suggests this may have been down to the necessary horse-trading surrounding the appointment of Alistair Darling's successor. Several new peerages have had to be gifted so as to facilitate Gordon's re-engagement with The People and, in what the bunkerteam insist on calling Government 3.0, some old departments such as Transport and Environment have been absorbed into a new "super-ministry", headed by Caroline Flint.

Lord Ant n' Dec to be Joint Minista 4 da Granny-Vote

Lady Susan Boyle to be Minista 4 da Skills an Talintz an that

Sion Slimon promoted to Minista 4 da Werk n Giros an that

Arise Lord Sir Alan Sugar to be Minista 4 Lookin Betta on da Tele

Caroline Flint to be Minista 4 Don't Do This Don't Do That

Tom Watson to be da new official unofficial Derek Draper

Ed Balls to be Chancellor [no really, I'm serious]

Harriet Fucking Harperson to be Minista 4 Heathrow Expansion

Lord Mandlefondle slides over to Minista 4 da Childrens

Kerry Mc Carthy-Blogspot promoted to Minista 4 da Multitasking and Patronising Men

Margaret Becket to be new Minista 4 da Ugly Wimmins

Arise Lady M'am Sir JK Rowling to be da Minista 4 Trooth

Dominos Fall - Purnell Resigns from Guvvermint of da Talintz

2009-06-04T22:15:00.019+01:00

Oh dear. Oh deary deary me. The polls have closed and the Times have just reported the resignation of careerist Bliarite chancer James Purnell. Oops. The dominos are falling and the Right Laughable Gordon Brown is about to be flushed like a big angry turd, taking the whole stinking party with him. Nulabor is in chaos; banging at the walls of its padded cell, the directionless power now turned in on itself; looking for answers, looking for scapegoats, enemies-within searching in vain for that easy fix. Blears in hiding, Brown in his bunker trying to reshuffle from a dwindling deck of Jokers.

The nulabor Project is dead. Done. Finished. Now I'd like my characterful tolerant imperfect old country back please. And we haven't even started with the nulabor cockroaches' criminal prosecutions yet. That's when my schadenfreude will really hit the fan. Deary deary deary me. How the scum that has risen shall be purged. Collected and neutralised. Couldn't be happening to a nicer bunch of delusional fucking machine-brained psychopaths.

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Off With Them

2009-06-02T20:32:00.003+01:00

Patricia Fucking Hewitt, the purse-lipped waggy-fingered hectoring puritanical nulabor wimmins for antismoking and generally Knowing Best has decided to retire as a useless venal troughing parasite MP in order to spend more time with her Pharmaceutical directorships. Scum Hewitt has been named n' shamed by the Telegraph for her various abuses of parliamentary allowances, but wants to stay in her trough-seat long enough to steal her Golden Goodbye from us ungrateful proles. If you are one of Thief Hewitt's unfortunate Leicester West constituents, may I suggest you let her know in some small way that she lacks the moral-authority to represent your interests in parliament for another day and that she deserves not a single penny more from the system she's been allowed to abuse for so many years.

Appalling fembot Jacqboot Smith's resignation, coming about two years too late, is leaked ahead of Gordon's reshuffle. Intends to fight for her seat though. Well, she would, wouldn't she? Without an all-wimmins shortlist to bank on, her employment prospects in any real-world situation cannot be good. Seeing as the snorting snooper's likely to need police-protection for a wee old while yet, I expect nulab's fixers are doing deals to get her onto the undemocratic EU Commission, where she'll be able to boss everyone around to her little heart's content, whilst hubby flicks himself off over some of her next victims.

Tubby Tommy Watson, petty-thief and wielder of the knife that entered warmongering mass-murderer Toady Bliar's back thus paving the way for the odious Gordon, has also acknowledged that the game's up and is disassociating himself from his position until his party are a bit more popular.

Beverley Hughes' snorting on her £164,000 a year "expenses" + ministerial salary will also end with the General Election. Hughes, who denies her resignation has anyfink at all to do wiv doin a spoiler against any Telegraph revelations yet to come out, but who has claimed the maximum Additional Costs Allowance for years whilst, as Minister 4 da Chiiiiildrens, presiding over record levels of measured "child-poverty", is perhaps best-remembered for condemning as "unbelievably sick" a TV programme she'd never seen and for being "not knowingly misleading" with her lies about immigration loopholes in 2004. With such impressive form, little wonder she was promoted to the Cabinet in Bogeyman's guvvurmunt of da talintz. Is it cuz she's a wimmins?

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The Rt.Hon. Bitchface Trufflesnort MP

2009-05-28T05:50:00.006+01:00

A pertinent reminder as we count our piggies:

My local council, Vale of White Horse DC, a pseudo-democratic front-group for a collection of robo-drones, themselves wholly-owned by nulabor-donating government contractor Crapita, is today boasting on it's front-page about how it has secured a suspended prison-term for someone who had been in arrears on his council-tax. "Prison Sentence for Council-Tax Evader" is their headline; we have to get nearly to the end of their sub-Pravda gloating before we learn it's only a suspended sentence. The appeals to a collective righteous-indignation at this man's alleged Theft From The People are clear enough, but clearer still is the threat. Gladly give to The Party or be smited with the fury of the proletariat and forever shamed.

And then we remember how the state treats those over whom it has most power, such as those who are unemployed or living on such low wages they need help to pay market-rents. The penalties for claiming a measly pound over one's entitlement are severe. At every stage of the application and during the claim, one is humiliated, threatened, deliberately inconvenienced and bullied into useless timewasting "courses" by a watchful and petty bureaucracy intent only on meeting their provide a pool of cheap labour for Tesco targets.

What then about the old people who've paid direct-taxes for maybe fifty years and indirect taxes all their lives; the generation now in their final years who saw their friends and sweethearts die to save this country from National Socialism, who have worked hard to achieve financial-independence; after a lifetime of toil finally owning their own homes, only to have them taken away by our caring state should they need non-medical care at the end of their lives?

What of disabled people, now being pushed into unsuitable employments because nulabor want to ensure that government is seen to be undiscriminating in the provision of awfulness? The propaganda-tone is different to that used against the undeserving poor, but the result is just as dehumanising. Effectively, were Professor Hawking able to trade his fancy speaking-machine for a pair of functioning legs, our caring peecee overlords would have him pushing Tesco trolleys.

Bear all these in mind then as we move back to that fucking outrageous offence to fucking creation; troughing oink oink snort snuffle snort quota-filling nulabor wimmins-effort Margaret fucking Moran and the parasitic political-class she represents. The screw-faced oinksnort piece of weasel-shit.

Elected from an illegal all-wimmins shortlist in the rotten borough of Luton South, this troughing parasitic whore has claimed ten times more in housing-allowances than her neighbouring Luton MP Kelvin Hopkins, who lives in the same street as the Luton branch of Moran's public-funded property-empire.

Moran has set about earning the reespeck of her constituents in a way neatly illustrated by the piece below; reproduced from the Luton local press.

Madam - I note the exchange of views in your letters pages on how the MP for Luton South interacts with her constituents with interest.

Unfortunately her reputation for not replying to correspondence and her failure to turn up to diary commitments is the stuff of local legend.

There are numerous local organisations who have extended invitations to their MP and to have her simply fail to turn up is a matter for which she should be deeply ashamed.

As a county councillor who has an overlapping electoral area with the parliamentary seat of Luton South I have corresponded with the MP's office since 1997 on issues concerning our shared constituents.

I rarely receive any response, unless the subject is of immediate interest to the MP and it offers the chance of press coverage. I find this regrettable and compare her modus operandi with colleagues in adjacent constituencies who are without fail polite and diligent in responding.

I no longer bother passing on issues that we pay her to deal with as a parliamentarian, because it is simply a waste of my time.

Richard Stay
County Councillor for South East Bedfordshire

In return for such sterling service to those parts of her brief she cares to fulfill, which generally start with the word "Women's", here's a quick rundown of a few trough-privileges Bitchface Trufflesnort thinks she's entitled to claim on top of her whopping salary:

Oink! Travel-expenses for driving 26,000 miles a year: over 400 round-trips between her constituency and Westminster, the only allowable travel-claim. But she also claims the train-fare for these journeys.

Oink! £4,000 to pay off an employment-tribunal brought against her by an ex-employee.

Squeeeeal! £900 legal-bill to Carter Ruck, once they'd seen the Mail on Sunday evidence contradicting her shrill denials about intimidating the locals around her Spanish holiday-home, illegally using HoC notepaper to bolster her illegal obstruction of a public right of way. She gets caught lying so charges the bill for her malicious libel-action to the public purse.

Oink! Renovating three homes at taxpayers' expense; flipping the designation of her main-home continually, so as to screw the absolute maximum from the system.

Snort! Sending out political propaganda as unsolicited mail to her constituents, some containing deliberate lies about political opponents, then claiming the cost from parliamentary-allowances.

Oink! Improper use of parliamentary-resources to promote her husband's business. Moran denies this but the FT have seen the evidence.

Trufflesnort oinking on the Daily Politics:

Andrew Sinclair: "But why should the taxpayer pay for your home in Southampton when clearly you are not using it for work?"
Trufflesnort: "Well, I... I... I...you could argue that I use it to be able to sustain my work..."

Update! 2PM: Truffles has oinked that she won't contest her trough-seat at the next election. Not enough. She should be made to resign her seat immediately, thus forcing a by-election. She should also be facing criminal-charges for her various crimes and should not be allowed to keep any of her ill-gotten profits. Let her be treated as her laws would treat one of us.

Update! Some time later:

Awwwww. Poor diddums thinks everyone should feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves for saying all these howwid howwid things about her, so now she's spinning that she's not feeling very well. Dark hints of some underlying serious medical-condition. But, upon investigation... err, no. She's "stressed" by all the ridicule and loss of reespeck and feeling a bit down in the dumps. The "stress" is underlying though... she's felt this curious not getting what you want feeling before. Not very often, mind. I expect there's some tax-funded counseling helping there.

The Scrubs will restore your sense of perfuckingspective, dearie. They're gonna really love you in there.

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An Oink a Day Keeps the Voters Away

2009-05-24T18:09:00.006+01:00

Now I resent being part of any majority, but here I’m perfectly in accord with Aggrieved of Alton. The juiciest issue on the MP expenses-scandal is, for me, that of hypocrisy.

First Labour and the LibDems. These are the people who favour high taxation on the understanding that this will be spent on the greater good. As a naïve young man, I supported this. But who is defining the greater good? None other than the cheating lying venal parasitic whores who have used leftist politics to feather their own nests, bolster their egos and legislate on the back of vested interests and personal prejudices. Those who have preached sacrifice from the pulpits of wealth, those who have given us mass-surveillance and the micro-monitoring of our private communications, now to be heard squealing like writ-throwing pigs because their little racket’s been rumbled.

The Tories: I have, in recent years, given half-hearted support to the Conservatives. I am under no illusion about them adequately representing my interests… I am still some way to the liberal-left of them on many matters but they are, for the most part, a little more liberal-minded than nulabor and are, importantly, able to replace them. My own MP, Ed Vaizey, has given prompt and satisfactory answers whenever I’ve communicated with him. But the Conservative Party are all about low taxation and a smaller state. Prudent management of public resources and elimination of waste are their mantras. So when a sizeable rump of wealthy Tory MPs are found to have been exploiting every loophole in order to screw the maximum wedge from us ordinaries, we have heard some outrageous attempts at justification. Steen, for example; accusing his accusers of being motivated by jealousy of the big house that we’re paying for. “What right have the public got…” etc. What an utter and complete dickhead. Thinks he’s Prince fucking Philip.

What I have yet to see… and I’d like to see… is a sweepstake on who’s gonna be the first exposed-parasite to top themself. My punt would be on Labour’s Elliot Morley, as he sounds like he might have a conscience somewhere and may now find it hard to look his constituents and friends in the eye. The wimmins… can’t see any of them doing the decent thing somehow, for the puritan is always more dangerous than the charlatan. My own experience of Labour wimmins is that they really do believe themselves worth more than people without a political education [which is how they justify employing Czech nannies at below minimum-wage], so they will feel perfectly okay about using us to fund their little property-empires. These’ll somehow be presented as enabling-devices for which we should all be grateful.

Lights of a Town

2009-05-10T02:06:00.006+01:00

Yeh, I know, it's been ages. Events at Trough Central worthy of top outrage, but I haven't found the inclination... I mean, I'd be spending hours drawing snouts on all the nulabor piggy-pix. And, anyway, I'm thinking about bringing in some more personal stuff to the blog, rather than it continuing as the semi-anonymous ranting-ground it's become. It's not as if I'm in a perpetual state of nark, but that's the impression this blog must be giving.

Seasoned-observers, both of them, will realise there's some self-promotion coming.

I won't beat about the hedge. I just picked up a bargain 12-string and I'm slightly drunk. This happened about an hour ago.

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Tommy Tubby

2009-04-19T01:43:00.006+01:00

Little Tommy Watson
Ate a piggy pie
And then he pinched another
Oh, but little Tommy lied.

Tommy puffed and Tommy squealed
He called in Carter Ruck
But even Sion’s answerphone
Now says off please, Tommy, fuck

Poor tubby Tommy Watson
As bloated as can be
The pin there poised, himself to prick
Made Tommy do a wee

Gordon's Letter

2009-04-15T05:11:00.005+01:00

10 Downing Street
From the office of His Eminence the Prime Mentalist

Deer Ms Dorris Woman

As u can see ive sent a letter to Gus O’ Donnell setting out new turms 4 advisers. The adviser concerned has left so whats yor problem. This innocent prank had nothing to do with me and Downing Street arnt involved so shut up. I deaply rigret etc etc any inconvenience this has caused and all the damidge its don to politicians of all parties not just Labour but even u shuld be able to see im on the case.

Sinceerly

Gordon

Lower Than Vermin

2009-04-13T01:29:00.009+01:00

The timing has been beautiful. Balletic. Guido Fawkes, previously smeared as a waysist! by Mr. Subprime's tax-funded spinner-confidante Damian "Wanker" Mc Bride, has hit back with style, scalping one of nulabor's dirtiest and the brain behind Derek Draper MA. On the very weekend the nulabor scum* have given themselves the right to monitor our private correspondence, Guido has posited Mc Wanker's plans for a tawdry smear-campaign of lies about opposition leaders with the News of the World, who've published.

I needn't repeat the details, but this one's still unfolding and Mc Wanker's head ain't gonna be the last to roll. Co-conspirator Dirty Dolly's playing the victim all over the meedja, complaining about a breach of privacy [oh, the karma] whilst wheedling that "I wasn't lying on purpose". No it wuz an accident innit. Bigga boyz made mi do it. And, like, what damian said.

As the calibre of those promoted to top-office by Calamity Brown is made known, we proles are rightly horrified. This is the day when, I think, any lingering doubt about the outcome of the next election [provided there is one] has been nullified. Nulabor are now despised and ridiculed from left, right and, most importantly, centre. Not just on the blogs, but at work, in the streets and pubs, in the queue at the chip-shop. The game's up. The people have not been sufficiently [ahem] "... shielded from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie."

* Not a word I use lightly. An ugly word I've never liked seeing applied to benefit-cheats etc. There's a world of difference between the down-at-heel skanker and these venal thieving control-freak parasites. The nulabor-problem not only cost fifty times more per head, they cause ten-thousand times the damage and, worst of all, display a sickeningly smug sense of collective entitlement. That, if they still assert themselves as People's Champions whilst bossing us about and robbing us, we stupid punters will uphold their collective conceit and agree that at least they're better than those howwid Tories.

Not any more, komrades. Not any more.

For the nulabor Project has sunk the Labour Party to depths that make them, truly, the Nasty Party. Lower than vermin.

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Because I'm Worth It

2009-03-30T20:40:00.002+01:00

It's been quite a week for the thieving nulabor parasites getting found out, has it not? After the revelations about Tony Mc Numpty's fiddles, Mr. Jacqboot and his tax-funded wanking sessions, Nigel Griffiths being caught lying about the S&M naughties in his office on Remembrance Sunday, then Harry fucking Cohen's monstrous expenses-scam and his staggering claim to be somehow "more professional" than Winston Churchill, the meedja have gone a little quiet about nulabor whip Mzz Dawn Butler...

Troughing nulabor wimmins effort Dawn Petula Butler [her who wrote her own Obama endorsement]; in response to being questioned by the Evening Standard about her taxpayer-funded second home:

"I totally resent you coming to my private home. Have some respect. How dare you."

Okay pet. You'll get all the reespeck you deserve from me and that is one down from the reespeck I show the shit on my shoe. How dare the press question you? You're appropriating my money to fund your blinged-up existence; the least you could do is show some fucking humility in the face of perfectly reasonable enquiries into why you need us to pay for a second London home that is actually further away from Trough Central than your existing London home. This vain hubristic nulabot, elected in 2005 and promoted to Junior Whip in the guvvurmunt-of-talintz, gets a £90,000 per annum wedge as basic pay, on top of which she claimed a further £151,326 in "expenses" last year. Butler milked us for a quarter of a million quid in 2008 and for what? For fucking what? Who... and what... does this parasite represent beyond her own narcissistic self-interest and the interests of a corrupt and morally-bankrupt political elite?

Voted very strongly for introducing a smoking ban.
Voted strongly for introducing ID cards.
Voted very strongly for Labour's anti-terrorism laws.
Voted very strongly against an investigation into the Iraq war.

Butler is very happy about suppressing our freedoms; watching, monitoring and controlling the sheeples' every e-mail telephone call and movement, but demands we ordinarys show due deference to the people's champ: to reespeck her grandiose sense of entitlement whilst affording it all the privacy we can buy her.

A Plate of Piggy Pie

2009-03-30T04:05:00.002+01:00

Telegaff
Screws of the Nues
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Mad as a March Harpy

2009-03-20T18:07:00.003Z

Ah and spring has sprung; the newborn lambs now lambscampering across green sunlit pastures and we remember that nulabor's reign of misery must end soon. One way or another. On a day such as this, all is not so wrong in the world.

Now, some have reported the Helen Clark [ex nulabor MP "Blair [errr...] "Babe"" quota-filler wimmins-effort] story with a negative spin. And, true, it's difficult to imagine an Ordinary without nulabor contacts getting off the drunk n' disorderly charge with video-evidence such as this available. But the nasty old nulab slapper has been convicted of Threatening Behaviour by Peterborough Magistrates Court and given a Conditional Discharge for [racially] abusing a Portugese bar-worker who obviously didn't know who, or how very important was the potty-mouthed old drunk demanding more booze in the middle of the afternoon then shrieking and stamping like a toddler when she didn't get her own way. Yes dear. You've been humiliated. Now it's time to take responsibility for your actions.

With such a balmy evening to look forward to, I shall take further pleasure from this thought: you venal nulabor traitors should treat this clip as a crystal fucking ball, for here's you after the next election; shrieking and screaming because the idiots won't obey you any longer, your support-networks have collapsed and the tit of power has just stopped giving. Now, what was it the Judge said?

"A preoccupation with self and self-image".

Rejoice.

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Gordon Silenced by The One

2009-03-07T15:17:00.001Z

Nulabor Challenge Voters to a Scrap

2009-03-03T00:25:00.007Z

The beeblebots have it branded already: The Summer of Rage. Roll up, roll up. Coming soon to a metropolis near you and timetabled to kick off at the G20 doo-dah in April. Fed-up now you know all those appeals to Godwin's Law were a bluff? Suffering cognitive fucking dissonance at nulabor's charming inability to accept responsibility for the shit they've created, the cash they've stolen, the cultural vandalism, the bungling mismanagement [who wrote the fucking bankers' contracts?], the bans, the bullying, the hectoring, the war, the list of promises they've broken, the brazen fucking hypocrisy of these troughing pigs? Like to Have Your Say to the most venal narcissistic mendacious traitorous scum ever to infest our parliament?

Me too. Fucking hell, I hate them. Properly, it's hate. As far as I am concerned, nulabor are the enemy. My father fought their sort in WW2. I cannot bring myself even to capitalise their name unless that dear kindly old Uncle Grammar absolutely insists.

But I shall resist the call-to-arms. Instead I shall take Leg-Iron's advice:

"If we don't riot, Labour are likely to be obliterated in a general election.

If we riot, there won't be one. "

For fascist nulabor have their own Enabling Act in place and they're planning to use it. The snivelling slimy authoritarian fucking fucks know they're beyond the fucking pale, that half the population want their heads on fucking sticks and that they've blown any chance of getting re-elected. It is in the nature of socialism that it's adherents cannot bear to lose in any fair contest.

So, as reported by PJC Journal:

"In a stunning conversation with a friend, who is a serving member of the Armed Forces, over the weekend, it was revealed that transfers to regiments and other units in the UK on home duties are being undertaken by the MOD based upon whether an individual was prepared to 'open fire' on UK citizens during civil disturbances.

I found this long and extracted conversation to be both bizarre and frightening. I will state at this point that he is someone that I have known for years, and trust implicitly. The fact that service personnel are actually being asked in special briefing sessions whether they would fire on their own nationals indicates that the rumours about the Army being put on standby are indeed very true.

As if to add weight to this, it was reported yesterday as a tag on a posting about UKIP by Richard North on EUReferendum that plans for Army involvement were well advanced:

Recently, from a confidential source, I received information that the MoD was buying up unusually large quantities of tear gas and other riot equipment. Clearly, it has no intention of being caught out, as it was at the beginning of the Troubles, having to ration tear gas and riot shields. Maybe they might even find a use for all those Snatch Land Rovers, when they are returned from Iraq. ..."

Oh shit and bum and crikey.

They really do hate us as much as we hate them. And they've got the tanks.

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Fucking Hell, it's a UFO!

2009-02-24T04:08:00.005Z

[click to bear witness]

Feeling blue? Stats not reflecting a reasoned and balanced assessment of own importance? Well, help is at hand, courtesy of the eccentrically clever young chap behind alphainventions.com. Input your blog-addy then try and control your excitement as those quality pageloads ratchet up. Even more if you post about alphainventions.com, apparently. Shame it doesn't work for Myspace, innit.
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Teenagers Unacceptable, says Jacqui Smith

2009-02-22T06:42:00.006Z

Expenses-fiddling I-can’t-believe-she’s-really-the Home Secretary Jacqboot Snout shows her voter-friendly school-ma’m side today by starring in Pravda’s advert for a recent nulabor policy-wheeze. Operation Staysafe is aimed at denormalising working-class teenagers caught after dark walking on the cracks of the pavement and setting them up with under-employed social workers. Nice of Pravda to help with Jacqboot’s rehabilitation from the troughing overpromoted quota-filler she’s been unfairly labelled as by the forces of conservatism, who are probably all just horrid racists.

From Pravda:

In one area of the north-west, seven girls were taken to safety during Friday's operation. They included:

Two girls aged 16 and 17 who were found under railway arches said to be "intoxicated and vulnerable". They had been approached by males who, it was later discovered, had offered them drugs.
A 17-year-old girl who had consumed half a bottle of vodka.
Two girls aged 14 and 15 who were "found in an inebriated state".
Two 16-year-old girls found drunk and in the company of a 19-year-old man.

My God! Approached by… males! No… surely not. Teenage girls approached by nasty menfolk and offered… drugs? In England? Drugs! Something must be done! Presumably cannabis, as anything properly naughty would have been flagged up, like the “half-bottle of vodka” the 17 year-old boasted about having consumed in the next example. I’m so glad these poor children were all “taken to safety” as, fuck knows, I could’ve really done with being arrested at seventeen and given a criminal record for being drunk in charge of a half-smoked spliff whilst fumbling at Tracy Tucker’s bra-strap. That would've set me on a nice safe track alright. With social workers and probation officers to impress instead of just boring old college tutors and employers, who knows what wonderful life of villainous possibilities could’ve been opened up?

The following extracts are from an article on Pravda Youth’s “Newsbeat”:

“Newsbeat's spent a night out on a Staysafe patrol to see how they work.

One 14-year-old girl isn't getting arrested - but a confrontation with two uniformed police officers has left her sobbing.

At 10 o'clock on a Saturday night, she's been picked up as she walks through the local park in Preston's St Matthews area with a boyfriend.

She's one of dozens of young people approached in the area by police as part of Operation Staysafe.

PC Graham Metcalfe asks: "Do your mum and dad know where you are?"

She's still sobbing as she answers, "Yeah. I'm allowed out until half past 10, and then I've got to go in."

But PC Metcalfe isn't convinced by her story, so he decides to escort her home. …”

“… Back at her house, PC Metcalfe and his partner explain to her parents what's going on.

As they do so, the minibus drives off to bring back social worker Caroline Wallace.

By the time Caroline arrives it's 11 o'clock at night. …“

I mean. Really. Quelle the fuck? An innocent walk through the park, like fucking hundreds I enjoyed at that age, interrupted by under-employed rozzers bowling over to interrogate the pair, causing the girl gratuitous stress, adding to this by escorting her home in a riot-van to face by-now anxious parents and then allocating her a fucking social worker?

For a 10PM walk in the park with a boyfriend?

Note to bubble-bound Jacqui:

"Vulnerable" working-class kids would like to push the boundaries and be a bit naughty just like the nice middle-class kids who won't be benefiting from Operation Curfew's tender embrace. They drink booze. They smoke fags. They buy cannabis and ecstasy. Who are you to deny them these equalities? They don't need or want your "protection". They’re not always in bed by 9PM after having completed their homework and eaten the final instalment of their 5-a-day; it is in the nature of yoof to indulge thrill-seeking behaviour. I did. You did. Illegality and perceived-naughtiness factors are powerful motivators. You know this, of course you do, because the real agenda here is to encourage fear of crime so you can reap the desired electoral-bounty of being seen to “get tough” on the “problem” you’ve helped create.

Now, to me, that’s fucking “unacceptable”.
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Do ASH really employ smokers?

2009-02-18T15:48:00.004Z

...is the question posed by Simon Clark on Taking Liberties.

Advancing Smoker Hate. Staff Rulebook, page 54.

As you will no doubt be aware, the primary purpose for which our organisation receives public funding is to campaign against the scourge of tobacco and to help enable people make the correct choices about their health. It is our ultimate aim to STAMP OUT SMOKING STAMP IT OUT THERE WILL BE NO MORE SMOKING! I HATE IT I HATE IT! NO SMOKING! NO SMOKING! But we recognise how deeply-engrained the vile repulsive and completely unnecessary habit is in our society, so we operate a policy of “next logical steps” towards this aim. We are presently unable to exclude active smokers from our staff, as we wish to be seen attacking the behaviour and not the person. However, we do make the following recommendations for active smokers, which all employees are expected to adhere to.

1/ There will be no smoking at any time during the working day, including at lunchtime. The nuisance of stale smoke lingering on clothing can tip some of our more fragile-minded employees over the edge. Also please make a distinction between work-clothing and what you wear in your leisure time.

2/ If you really must smoke outside working hours, please wear gloves so as to prevent the appearance of tobacco-stained fingers the next morning. You will spend much of the working day rebutting tobacco-industry stooges on internet forums, so be conscious of those who may have to use a computer-keyboard after you.

3/ Please refrain from smoking on your journey to work. Any employee arriving at work smelling of evil will be sent home. Extra Strong Mints will not help you here, as our Debbie has a nose like a whippet and can detect a Rothmans-butt in a stagnant sewer. The correct smell for exhaled-breath is that of a leaking gas-main. To achieve correctness it may help you to chew garlic, and independent peer-reviewed studies have proved this to be an effective countermeasure against wickedness.

4/ In accordance with current legal requirements, all public-sector employees are entitled to join a final-salary pension scheme. As we expect and require active smokers not to live beyond retirement-age, these monies may be paid into an offshore trust fund made out in our name.

5/ We will, at the very least, terminate the employment of anyone bringing the organisation into disrepute. Therefore active smokers are required to wear a yellow badge during working hours and to make every effort to look less healthy than our senior officers. Smokers are required to bow their heads at fifteen minute intervals and cough into a tissue whilst reciting the willpower-mantra [see appendix 22]. Skin should give the appearance of premature wrinkling, eyes should look yellowed and breath should be laboured to the point of wheeziness. This may sound difficult to achieve, but we have found the overuse of chemical air-fresheners in our offices to be most effective at bringing on the required symptoms.

6/ We have negotiated a discount on NRT with our partner-providers at GSK and will be pleased to help any employee rid themselves of yellow-badge status. Affected employees refusing to take up this offer may be terminated at our discretion and without warning. You may be surprised at just how many smoking-related fatal diseases there are, not least smoking-related arsenic poisoning and smoking-related sudden loss of brake-fluid in your car.

David Mills Bound For Chokey

2009-02-17T17:53:00.007Z

Teflon Tessa Jowell's estrangement-of-convenience hubby David Mills has been sentenced to four years' rotting in an Italian jail for corruption.

At this time, it is not known whether Mzz Jowell, the nulabor Minister for Olympic Puff, will be claiming his cell as primary-residence.
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Dolly Duck

2009-02-12T19:57:00.006Z

""Clinical" Psychotherapist" Derek Draper receiving his MA from the University of Ebay last month, before going on to launch his very successful interesting and provocative LabourLost website. LabourLost features independent-minded articles from luminaries such as David Lammy and Wee Dougie, but in order to comment there you first need to give Donald your e-mail addy, mother's maiden name, DNA certificate and postcode.

Derek Draper: from Machiavelli to Donald Duck in one short month.

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Shitstorm

2009-02-08T18:09:00.003Z

Corrupt

venal

nulabor

shits
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prepare for total control