The Pop Eye

As The World Waits With Bated Breath, I Finally Give My Reaction To Adam Lambert's AMA Performance

2009-11-24T17:38:00.005-05:00

Ugh.

Okay, okay, so I have more to say than that.

Before you go thinking I'm ugh-ing over the general display of trisexuality, stop for a minute and remember who I am — a hetero with an ever-growing lesbian list and a healthy appreciation for hot gay dudes. I'm not bothered by a little guy-on-guy action or odes to bondage. What does bother me is bad singing and contrived bullshit. And that's all I got out of that performance.

I hated "For Your Entertainment" at first listen but I thought maybe it would sound better live, without all the studio effects. I was wrong. It was like Adam dumbed his voice down to sound like every other generic popstar. His idea of setting himself apart was to just shriek loudly. Even though I've always enjoyed the Glambert glory notes, these ones were mad pitchy, dawg. He really did sound like he was engaging in some wild S&M up on that stage at a few points. And I don't think that was intended.

As for the performance, I wasn't shocked by its "graphic" nature (seriously, ABC has shown more graphic sex scenes on Grey's Anatomy); I was shocked by how uninteresting is was, and how desperate and phony it all seemed. Adam might as well have come out onstage and said, "Okay, now I'm gonna prove how edgy I am. I'm not the typical American Idol contestant! I'm here, I'm queer, now deal with it! You watching, Aaron Hicklin? 'Scuse me while I fake blow this guy!" Honestly, for a man who strategically played coy about his sexuality until his big Rolling Stone cover story and claimed that he didn't want to be the poster boy for gay rights and issues, he sure seemed hell bent on getting people to sit up and take notice of his sexuality. And now that the inevitable shit storm has started blowing around him, he's able to give a million interviews in which he calls America out on their homophobic, discriminatory, double standard-having ways.

Adam claims that the kiss he planted on his keyboard player was not rehearsed, but was "in the moment." While I believe that it wasn't rehearsed (because Dick Clark's people would have pulled the plug on that), I don't believe that it was purely spontaneous. Adam knew he was gonna do it. The keyboardist knew he was gonna do it. And if he didn't...well, that opens a whole other can of worms. First of all, it's always nice to make sure the ice has been cleared before starting a game of tonsil hockey. That's just common courtesy. Secondly, the keyboardist is apparently straight, and a lot of straight dudes don't take kindly to being tongue-raped by other dudes. I don't care if the guy does "believe in the spirit of rock 'n' roll." That doesn't mean he believes in letting that spirit inside his mouth. Not saying that straight guys, especially rockers, can't enjoy a good snog from their fellow man every now and then. Bruce Springsteen and Clarence Clemons have swapped spit a bunch of times. Anthony Kiedis will kiss any man that moves. Damon Albarn and Graham Coxon have been known to lock lips. (Give me a minute to just reflect on that one, please. Oh my. Very nice.) Um, what was I saying? Oh yes, the point is that those were all consensual kisses. And that keyboardist didn't react like a guy who had just been unexpectedly saliva-bombed.

So, long story short (too late), I didn't like the performance. But I haven't liked much of anything Adam's done since that Rolling Stone interview. It's really sad to say, but that stupid 2012 ballad is probably the best thing to come out of his post-Idol career so far. And I don't even know what's happening with his looks. He used to be so hot, but lately he just kind of looks like Liza Minnelli on the fourth morning after a three-day bender. (Or, as Liza calls it, Sunday.)

Of course, many of Adam's loyal fans are all over the Internet defending the performance, but these people have clearly just invested so much time and effort in the guy, that they just can't admit to themselves that he was a big ol' overcooked Thanksgiving turkey up on that stage. Come on, even Entertainment Weekly's eternal fanboy, Michael Slezak, had to admit that Adam shit the bed. He summed the whole thing up perfectly: "Adam could’ve had tongues wagging just from his vocals alone. Instead, that golden voice took a backseat tonight at the AMAs, and I’m not sure exactly who was occupying the driver’s seat."

I don't know either, but Adam clearly had his hand on the gear shift.

Whatever, I'm over it. I've moved on to Lady Gaga. She's fulfilling all of my needs for showy glam-pop. And the rumor that she might have some boy parts makes it all that much more exciting.

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 3

2009-11-22T23:57:00.007-05:00

The B-side project rolls along this week with five more great tracks. And the Brits are still dominating!

Next week will be the last installment in this theme, and I'm running out of ideas! So, please email me with any suggestions and requests.

(Click any link, arrow, or tab on left side of page to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "1963," New Order - And though he was ashamed that he had took a life/Johnny came home with another wife/And he often remembered how it used to be/Before that special occasion, 1963/There was too many ways that you could kill someone/Like in a love affair, when the love is gone

This was the b-side to my favorite New Order song, "True Faith," and I think it still qualifies for this list despite the fact that it was released as a single eight years later. Apparently, it's an imagined Jackie/JFK/Marilyn bizarre love triangle/murder plot conspiracy theory that has been described by producer Stephen Hague as "the only song about domestic violence you can dance to." Hmm. Well, I bet if we give Chris Brown time, he'll come up with another one.

2. "Casa Dega," Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers - Oh baby, now I think I'm starting to believe the things that I've heard/'Cause tonight in Casa Dega I hang on every word/That she said to me as she holds my hand/And reads the lines of a stranger/Yeah, and she knows my name/Yeah, she knows my plan/In the past in the present and for the future

Relegated to the back side of "Don't Do Me Like That," I can't figure out how this one never made it on to Damn The Torpedoes. There are only nine tracks on that album. Surely, Tom and the gang could have added it to the slightly weaker second side. The song is a nod to Cassadaga, Florida, "The Psychic Capital of the World." I wonder if Miss Cleo retired there?

3. "Halo," The Cure - I never felt like this with anyone before/You only have to smile and I'm dizzy/You make the world go 'round a thousand times an hour/Just touch my head and send me spinning

Ah, The Cure. They've always been one of those bands that I've never put in my "favorites" list, yet I love 90% of their songs. Unlike The Smiths and Morrissey, somehow Robert Smith manages to evoke dreariness without sounding like a whiny little bitch. As for his love songs, they always have an ethereally beautiful quality to them. And this one, the b-side to the great "Friday I'm In Love," is no exception.

4. "Janey Don't You Lose Heart," Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band - Well, you say you got no new dreams to touch/You feel like a stranger, babe, who knows too much/Well, you come home late and get undressed/You lie in bed, feel this emptiness

It's really strange that this tune never made it on to Born In The USA, because it's SO Bruce and Janey would have been a nice little friend for Bobby Jean. It's hard to think of changing anything about that iconic album, but I think Bruce could have easily dumped "Cover Me" in favor of this one.

5. "Raw Ramp," T.Rex - Woman, I love your chests/Ooh baby, I'm crazy 'bout your breasts/Woman, you think you're a champ but girl you ain't nothin' but a raw ramp

As many glam rock songs tend to do, this one cracks me up. That's why I love glam so much - it's so good and so ridiculous at the same time. And Marc Bolan was just fabulous. I have great appreciation for any man who can rhyme "chests" with "breasts." This was the flip side to the huge hit, "Bang A Gong (Get It On)," of which I've never been a huge fan. It's kind of a fun, rockin' ode to a sexy lady for the first two minutes, and then for about the last two, it morphs into a raunchy riff eerily similar to "Bang A Gong" but that somehow sounds much better. I'm not exactly sure what "raw ramp" means. Of course, I assumed it was a dirty term for a certain lady part, but I found a few references online to "ramp" being another name for "onion," and that to call a woman a "raw onion" would basically mean that she's hot but too much of a bitch to bother with. Makes sense, I suppose.

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Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

2009-11-20T15:38:00.002-05:00

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "The D.E.N.N.I.S. System"

Although this week's Sunny didn't have quite the number of laughs as it did last week, when we discovered that Dennis is helpless without Mac, the episode was a nice little showcase for Glenn Howerton to remind us of the Dennis we all know and love, er, loathe.

After receiving an angry voicemail message from yet another of his sexual victims, Dennis attempts to prove to the gang that the girl is actually still crazy about him by explaining The D.E.N.N.I.S. System, his "fool-proof system for getting any chick's undying love."

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System sure did sound familiar, and I'm certain there are plenty of men out there using it. The basic steps to the system are:

Demonstrate value
Engage physically
Nurture dependence
Neglect emotionally
Inspire hope
Separate entirely

Of course, as with anything these guys do, it's not quite as simple as it seems...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

The Project Runway Season 6 Winner Is Revealed!

Ding-dong, the witch done won. Irina Shabayeva was named this year's Project Runway winner last night.

Let me just say first that I don't disagree with the judges' choice. Irina clearly put a lot of work into her collection. But her intolerable bitchiness made it much too difficult to root for her.

With her win and Jeffrey Sebelia's a few seasons ago, Project Runway seems to be sending the message that you have to be a selfish, inconsiderate A-hole to make it in the fashion industry. (And maybe you do, but the industry shouldn't want to wear that like a badge of honor.) Even Christian Siriano and Santino Rice, two designers I loved for their trademark snarkiness, were probably a little cattier than they needed to be and certainly rubbed a lot of people the wrong way...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

2009-11-19T10:51:00.002-05:00

It's time once again for everyone's favorite game, "Is That Song Really That Old?" This week's guest is Nada Surf, with their 13-year-old hit, "Popular."

This has to be the best song ever written about the ridiculousness that is high school. The lyrics are just hilarious. I can't hear that line, "Tell him you liked his article in the newspaaaa-pp-eeeerrrrrr!" without cracking up.

I always wrote Nada Surf off as a (novelty) one-hit wonder because they seemed to drop off the face of the earth after this song's popularity died down. (Turns out they were dropped by their record label back in 1999, followed by a self-imposed three-year break.) Then I was surprised to discover that they were behind one of my favorite songs of 2006, "Always Love," from The Weight is a Gift. That album and its 2008 follow-up, Lucky, are both really nice, solid pop records.

Eye Boogers

2009-11-18T12:12:00.004-05:00

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Channel Surfing in That Big Barcalounger in the Sky - Ken Ober, host of the late '80s - early '90s MTV game show Remote Control, died on Sunday at the age of 52. And there goes another very important piece of my adolescent years. I wrote about Ken a few years ago, wondering where he had disappeared to, and now this. *sigh* The cause of death has yet to be determined, but apparently Ken had complained of a headache and flu-like symptoms the night before he died. I wonder if it could have been an aneurysm?

Paris Hilton Likes the Rough Stuff - Cops responded to a call about "drunk people fighting" early this morning. (It wasn't me this time. I went to bed early last night, so there.) Turns out it was Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. Doug was about to flee the scene, but Paris ran out to the driveway and loudly begged him not to go. So, they shoved each other around a bit and headed back into the house, where Doug probably choked her again. Cops showed up, but left after questioning Paris. Perhaps the police are hoping for a good old fashioned murder/suicide, which requires less paperwork than assault and battery.

Johnny Depp Named Sexiest Man Alive - This is Johnny's second Sexiest Man title, putting him in a very small club of "two-timers," with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Not that I disagree with Johnny's timeless sexiness, but come on, People magazine! Are you really that lazy? Way to just phone it in with an obvious "go-to guy." Johnny hasn't even really done anything this year. How about giving some deserving new guys a shot? Jon Hamm, Paul Rudd, Joel McHale, Mark Salling, Bradley Cooper...the list goes on and on. I'd even be fine with Gerard Butler, who I'm incredibly sick of but can't deny his hotness. And, HOW HAS EWAN MCGREGOR NEVER WON THIS DAMN THING? Seriously. That's just wrong.

Exhibits A-Z on Why Kids Should Stay Off the Crack: Lindsay Lohan - So, last month, LiLo "borrowed" some jewelry from a Paris showroom and just last week, she tried to con Kellan Lutz into footing her liquor bill at Crown Bar. Most recently, the littlest Firecrotch threw a tantrum when staff at Hollywood boutique Kitson wouldn't let her help herself to $15k worth of clothes and accessories. Linz was being paid to appear at the launch of a new watch line by Jermaine Dupri and jewelry designer Pascal Mouawad. As an added perk, Mouawad also gave her $1000 to spend at Kitson. However, Little Miss Crazy acted like it was Supermarket Sweep up in that piece, grabbing 15 times more than her little toothpick arms could carry. When the staff would only agree to let Lindsay take $2000 worth of merch, she stormed out, probably shouting obscenities and "Do you know who I ams." Either all of Lindsay's money has disappeared up her nose and into her veins, or she's just an entitled little bitch who gets off on seeing how much shit she can get away with. That cute little girl from The Parent Trap has morphed into some hideous Winona Ryder/Joan Crawford/Courtney Love hybrid creature.

Miley Cyrus Hates Twilight, Likes Saying 'Like' - Assuming that anyone gives a shit about her opinion on anything, and in another desperate attempt to seem edgy and cool (see: older boyfriends, pole dancing, pretending to be a Radiohead fan), Miley speaks out against the Twilight phenomenon, dissing vampires and dismissing Twi-hards as "a cult." (Unlike the brain-dead tweens who cry until their parents shell out the big bucks for every piece of Hannah Montana merchandise available.) She explains, "And like, it's just, I feel it's like, seriously, it's like people get like really into it. And maybe it's 'cause I'm like people always like fall in love with the characters, I don't know. It makes me not like, I don't know. I'm not into it." OK then. Like, I've never seen Twilight either and, like, I've never been, like, interested in it, but I don't know, now that, like, Miley is so against it like I feel like I might want to, like, see it now. Like.

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 2

2009-11-15T23:08:00.006-05:00

The B-side project rolls along this week, with five more great tracks. Remember, folks, my list still isn't complete so you are more than welcome to email me with suggestions and requests.

(Click any link, arrow, or tab on left side of page to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "Acquiesce," Oasis - I don't know what it is that makes me feel alive/I don't know how to wake the things that sleep inside/I only wanna see the light that shines behind your eyes

I've never been a huge fan of Oasis, partly because I've always seen them as over-confident Beatles imitators and partly because of my desire to punch Liam Gallagher's teeth down his throat. But I can overlook those things occasionally because Noel Gallagher does know how to write some extremely catchy songs. I guess the main problem is that too many of those songs sound alike. I kind of feel like the world only needs about 10-12 Oasis tunes, which would make up one really terrific album. You would expect a band like this to not have anything to offer in the way of b-sides, but "Acquiesce" is actually much better than the single it backed (the nice-but-nasally "Some Might Say") and, in my opinion, better than just about all of their singles except "Don't Go Away." It's also one of only a few tunes that features both Gallagher brothers' vocals and, despite their hatred for each other (Noel has made it clear that this song is about friendship, not brotherly love), their on-record chemistry really makes the tune something special.

2. "How Can You Be Sure?," Radiohead - Seen all good things and bad, running down the hill/All so battered and brought to the ground/I am hungry again/I am drunk again/With all the money I owe to my friends

Radiohead have a ton of b-sides and, as a casual-to-moderate fan, I really don't have the patience to sift through them all. I knew I would probably include one of theirs in this mix, but how could I be sure which one? (Har har...see what I did there?) I had only heard a handful of their b-sides, so I asked Barbara of Bad Tempered Zombie for some recommendations. But since she's a true Radiohead geek, I thought it might be easier to do some "general public" polling. After asking a few other friends and doing some online research, it seemed like the two huge "fan favorites" were "Talk Show Host" and "A Reminder"— both of which I knew and disliked. So, just as I was getting ready to name "Fog" Radiohead's best b-side (one of Barbara's recommendations), I happened upon "How Can You Be Sure?" and loved it immediately. No surprise, considering that it was a b-side from The Bends, my favorite Radiohead album, but which had actually been recorded back before Pablo Honey. I've always preferred the less "artsy" Radiohead that this song features. I just love when they stick to simple songs with plantive vocals sung over beautiful melodies. Call me crazy.

3. "Maidstone," Squeeze - The shopping precinct's closed, it's like a graveyard/The chain falls through the spokes as I unlock my bike/I cycle to the pub where I meet with my friends/And I know that it's love as she pours me my pint

Speaking of fan favorites, this is THE lost Squeeze track. According to Glenn Tilbrook, it's the band's most requested b-side, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's one of their most requested songs, period. (Who among us can resist the charms of the mandolin?) As if relegating this to back-of-the-single status wasn't bad enough, it backed "Sunday Street," a cloyingly cheesy song.

4. "Rain," The Beatles - I can show you that when it starts to rain, everything's the same/I can show you, I can show you/Rain, I don't mind/Shine, the world looks fine

My roommate argued with me about including this track since it was the b-side to "Paperback Writer," a non-album single. But I rarely listen to him. I mean, so what if the single didn't come from an album? It was still released as a single. Am I right? I'm right. Anyway, this song deserves to be on the list because it's beautiful and uplifting and it has backwards lyrics that don't summon the devil. They might bring Kachina dolls to life though, so be careful.

5. "U," Pearl Jam - Thought it was easy to fall in love but you, you, you/You're different this much I know yeah you, you, you/It might be your guile, it could be your mind/It might be the way you take your time/Oh, you, you, you

Finally, here is a song by not only my favorite band, but also an American band. It's about time someone broke up the monopoly the Brits had on this post. This is one of my favorite PJ songs (I know I probably say that about nearly all of them) because it's just so damn happy. It's probably the happiest PJ song ever, and was fittingly the b-side to one of their other most cheerful tunes, "Wishlist." Although I do appreciate how well Eddie Vedder does heartbreak, it's nice to catch him in such a good mood.

I actually posted this once before (on Eddie's birthday), but I was pissed that it was the Lost Dogs version and not the original. I was finally able to rip the original to my computer, so now you can all finally hear the proper version. As I mentioned back then, there aren't that many differences between the two versions, but there is an undefinable sweetness to the original that somehow gets lost in the re-recording. The charm was sucked out. It's the same thing that happened to U2's "Sweetest Thing," which I posted last week.

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Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

2009-11-13T18:24:00.002-05:00

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "Mac and Dennis Break Up"

Last week's episode of Sunny, with its dick towels and "frame bangs" (a euphemistic Dennis-ism for late night rapes performed for blackmailing purposes, his casual use of which still makes me cringe), started to make me worry that the show might be headed down the wrong path - being raunchy just for raunchiness' sake. While I enjoy a good teabag joke as much as anyone else, crude does not automatically equal funny. (Are you listening,Sarah Silverman?) So, I was relieved to find that this week's episode managed to be one of the funniest this season, while keeping things as close to PG-13 as these guys are ever going to (or should) get. And Dennis didn't threaten to rape anyone, so that's a plus.

Although on the surface, the plot might seem simple and trite, leave it to Sunny to resuscitate the stale "bromantic comedy" theme (which peaked and went out in a blaze of glory with the brilliant I Love You, Man) with a breath of fresh absurdity. Left up to the writers of any other sitcom, the "man breakup" would have probably fallen flat, but here it really works because of the actors' chemistry and because these "men" are like no others on TV…or in the world, for that matter...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Project Runway Finale Part I: Top 3 Designers Ready Their Collections For Bryant Park

Last night's Project Runway focused on the Final 3 - Althea, Carol Hannah and Irina - as they prepared for New York Fashion Week.

Before the designers take off, Heidi greets them one last time on the runway to let them know that they will each receive $9,000 to create a 12-piece collection.

Cut to a few months later, and Tim Gunn visits each of the finalists in their respective homes.

First up is Carol Hannah, who's moved from Charleston, SC to Huntington, NY. Tim visits on a very snowy day to have a look at her mostly eveningwear collection. While she may be worried that the judges will think her gown-heavy line is not risky enough, C.H. is smart enough to know what she does best and strong enough to stick to her guns and keep her point of view. She does have a few separates in her collection and even - gasp - pants, to which she extends the classy, evening wear theme...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

AARP All Night

2009-11-12T23:56:00.004-05:00

Today, I'm giving a birthday shout-out to Rhonda Shear, who turns 55.

Although the former host of USA Up All Night probably goes to bed around 8:30 these days, I can say I knew that bimbo when she used to rock 'n' roll. And she'll always have a special place in my heart for, you see, it was on her show that I first discovered the glory that is Fraternity Vacation, still one of my all-time favorite movies.

So, here's to you, Rhonda. If not for you, I might have never known the joy that a young, pink Chuck Taylor-wearing Tim Robbins can bring.

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

2009-11-11T23:01:00.007-05:00

Hey, even if your name isn't Leroy, you should check out this week's vid: "I Wish I Had A Girl" by the Lord of Mullets, Henry Lee Summer.

I've always had quite an affection for this song, which kind of makes me feel like a bumpkin. Although it was fairly popular back when it came out in 1987, probably the only place you'd hear this tune now is blaring out of this guy's truck window. -->

Oh, and on my blog, of course.

I actually wanted to post this vid a couple of years ago, but apparently there wasn't an embeddable version on YouTube then. Finally, this wrong has been righted. And right before Thanksgiving, too.

You know, this song reminds me...I always wished I had a guy who walked like George Jefferson.

Happy Mid-Life Crisis, Sesame Street.

2009-11-10T23:42:00.007-05:00

Many of our favorite Sesame Street characters are celebrating 40 years in the neighborhood, but a few have no intentions of aging gracefully. Also, the fame might finally be getting to their heads. Observe:

Oscar the Grouch has suddenly decided that he's very concerned about the environment and has traded in his trash can for a recycle bin outside the Starbucks over on Third Avenue. In exchange for shaming people into recycling with caustic remarks, Starbucks gives Oscar all the coffee, bran muffins and adult contemporary CDs he wants. His new "crunchy granola" attitude may be causing a rift between him and girlfriend Grundgetta, who still loves regular old trash and is also a tea drinker.

Grover is taking full advantage of his still-boyish looks that are the envy of every other Sesame Street resident. He's recently invested in a John Mayer-inspired hairpiece and taken the bare minimum of guitar lessons needed to master Mayer's brand of soulless, inoffensive music that somehow makes the girls go wild. And it seems to be working, as word on the street is that he's been romancing a bevy of babes. In the past month alone, he's been linked to Betty Lou, Rosita, Prairie Dawn, Jennifer Aniston and even the Count's estranged lady friend, Countess Dahling von Dahling (more on that below).

It's kind of surprising that the ageless Count von Count would care much about the passage of time, but perhaps he's just wishing he were in swingin' Transylvania and rebelling against his pleasant, suburban, family-friendly surroundings. After dumping his long-time partner, he replaced his trademark monocle with some designer shades, had some dental work done, and copped not only Robert Pattinson's hairdo, but also his chick. Yes, The Count has been seen squiring Kristen Stewart all over town, most recently to Chrissy and The Alphabeats' private, star-studded CD release party. Although "Countsten" refuses to comment on their status, town gossip Big Bird claims to have seen the pair snogging outside Mr. Hooper's store.

The most shocking news of all was Ernie's sudden decision to split with Bert, his partner of fortysomething years. In a recent interview, Ernie told Sesame Street News Flash's Kermit the Frog that he'd just had enough of Bert's mental and emotional abuse, and revealed that his former flame was into some "disturbing paper clip fetishes" and suffered a crippling addiction to pigeon porn. Bert took to Twitter to deny Ernie's allegations while hurling some of his own—namely, that Ernie physically assaulted him once with his rubber ducky and that he had carried on a secret affair with Guy Smiley for years. Ernie has denied Bert's claims, calling his ex a "monobrowed moron."

Then, mere days after revealing to Kermit that he had no plans to date any time soon (stating that he needed to "work on himself"), Ernie showed up to the 40th Anniversary party on the arm of newly-single Adam Lambert, 13 years his junior! Ernie didn't hide his affection for the young singer, which launched Bert into another Twitter tirade, plastering the dirty details of his and Ernie's dysfunctional relationship and breakup online.

More on these stories as they develop...

Sonic Sunday: B-Side Bonanza Vol. 1

2009-11-08T23:52:00.013-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the many small but meaningful ways in which the "digital age" has changed music as we (old folks) know it. The blank stares of the younger generation used to only come when you mentioned 8-tracks or 78s, but those vacant expressions are becoming increasingly more common during any discussion of cassettes, 45s, and albums. That's depressing.

I've fully embraced digital music now, but it took me longer than most. One of the big reasons for that is that I've always been a liner notes gal. So it saddens me to think that, in a few years, the term "liner notes" will also be met with those horrible blank stares.

But liner notes aren't the only casualty of this new musical era. That wonderful treat known as the B-side will soon be (if it hasn't already) rendered obsolete. And that's probably the biggest tragedy, because B-sides were — to borrow a line from Mama Gump — like a box of chocolates; you never knew what you were gonna get. Often, they were just throwaway recordings, but sometimes they were incredible songs that made you gasp in amazement that they were never included on studio albums. And, of course, knowing about your favorite artists' b-sides always gave you that warm, fuzzy feeling of being a "true fan."

This Sonic Sunday post is dedicated to those Bs that should've been As — and because I haven't quite finished compiling my list of favorites (oh, the anguish of picking only one Pearl Jam song), this theme is going to continue throughout November. I'm even open to requests, so if you know of a real gem you want me to consider for a future installment, shoot me an email.

(No turntable required to hear the music. Click any link or arrow to launch the media player; CTRL-click to download.)

1. "17 Days," Prince and The Revolution - So here I sit in my lonely room lookin' for my sunshine/But all I've got is two cigarettes and this broken heart of mine/So let the rain come down, the rain come down/Let the rain come down, down

Despite the fact that he managed to fill up a disc full of them, Prince has never been known for having a wealth of fabulous B-sides. And of all of them, "Erotic City" is usually the one that gets all the attention. While I like that one well enough, it's just kind of like, "oh, Prince is being dirty again," so it's no big whoop. I much prefer this one, which was the B-side to "When Doves Cry." I can't think of a song that could've been bumped from the Purple Rain soundtrack, but I guess I might have bumped "Take Me With U" for the clearly superior "17 Days." I guess its problem was not fitting well enough into that movie's complex storyline. Heh.

2. "All Your Life," Blur - I need someone to tell me everything'll be alright/I need someone who'll hold me when the day turns to night/I need someone who loves me more than you do/Oh we say that's not true/And you and me in line as double bill/Surrogate heroes on TV and films

Pearl Jam wasn't the only band to give me problems during this project. Blur has a ton of B-sides: many crap, many good, and at least three that I love enough to nearly get a nosebleed when trying to decide among them. Ultimately, I settled on this flip side to "Beetlebum," because I felt like their self-titled album was the one that could have been most improved by bumping something else in favor of it. "All Your Life" is a better song than at least five of the album tracks, including Blur's only true American hit, "Song 2." But do yourselves a favor and look up "Young and Lovely," a gorgeous track that was inexplicably left off of the nearly perfect Modern Life is Rubbish, and "Money Makes Me Crazy," a wonderfully peppy pop song that might have seemed a bit out of place on the experimental Think Tank.

3. "Hey Hey What Can I Do," Led Zeppelin - I got a woman, wanna ball all day/I got a woman, she won't be true, no/I got a woman, stay drunk all the time/I said I got a little woman and she won't be true

Not only is this one of the best-known B-sides in rock history (backing the "Immigrant Song" single), but it's also one of the best songs ever written about a total sluuuut! I believe this is Led Zeppelin's only B-side, which is as it should be. They knew how brilliant they were. Why would they have left anything off of their records? (Although I will admit to a fierce hatred of "The Crunge.")

4. "How Soon Is Now," The Smiths - There's a club, if you'd like to go/You could meet somebody who really loves you/So you go, and you stand on your own/And you leave on your own/And you go home and you cry and you want to die

When I found out that this song was originally a B-side (later included on compilation album Hatful of Hollow and certain editions of Meat Is Murder), I couldn't believe it. No, actually I could. Because Morrissey is an idiot. But as it turns out, this oversight wasn't Morrissey's fault, but the record label's. (This doesn't leave Morrissey off the hook, though. He's still an idiot.) TPTB didn't think that the song was "representative of the band's sound," and chose not to release it as a single. Well, I'll agree with that because I'm definitely NOT a Smiths fan, but I love this song. Normally, I hate Morrissey's constant whining, but anyone of "clubbing age" can related to the above lyrics. And anyone of any age, race, creed, or sexual orientation can relate to the hook, "I am Human and I need to be loved/Just like everybody else does."

5. "Sweetest Thing," U2 - My love she throws me like a rubber ball/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/She won't catch me or break my fall/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing/Baby’s got blue skies up ahead/But in this I'm a rain cloud/You know she wants a dry kind of love/Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

This is one of only two B-sides on this list that I actually owned on 45, the other being "Hey Hey What Can I Do." It was the flip side to "Where The Streets Have No Name," and, for me, paled in comparison. (I was really pissed when U2 re-recorded this for their greatest hits compilation. The new version is much too slick and lacks most of the original's charm.) While The Joshua Tree was pretty flawless, I would have swapped out "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for "Sweetest Thing" in a heartbeat. I'm sure most of you think I'm crazy, but I never quite understood the popularity of the former. It's long and plodding and just plain boring. This song, on the other hand, is pure joy. I played the shit out of it, even after we lost our turntable's little 45 doo-hickey. I just weighed it down with pennies. Sometimes it sounded a little distorted, but a distorted "Sweetest Thing" was better than no "Sweetest Thing" at all.

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Caption Crotch-test Contest #28

2009-11-08T20:22:00.002-05:00

It feeds itself, then it rubs the lotion all over its body.

I don't know, that caption is just the one that made me laugh the most. Candy must know that I can't resist the juxtaposition of unrelated pop culture references, and for that, I reward her with a flaming crotch. Congrats, Candy! I hope your first time isn't too uncomfortable.

I guess this really wasn't a highly captionable picture, so I tip my hat to all of you who made a valiant effort. But there is only one runner-up this month, 徵信, who came from out of nowhere with this hilarious gem:
"花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 花蓮民宿, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信公司, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 離婚, 離婚, 離婚, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 尋人, 尋人, 尋人, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 徵信社, 感情挽回, 感情挽回."

The only reason that didn't take top honors is because a) the joke got a bit repetitive, and b) calling a Hualian person a "firecrotch" is a sign of much disrespect, and an offense that is punishable by death. Makes me wonder why 徵信 even bothered to enter the contest.

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

2009-11-06T23:55:00.001-05:00

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens"

Last night's episode of Sunny was one that I had been looking forward to since the Season 5 promos started running. And although it didn't quite live up to my expectations, it still provided some laughs, as well as a few brilliant merchandising ideas.

Things started with Charlie's self-made infomercial for Kitten Mittens (misspelled Mittons, of course), much of which was featured in one of the aforementioned promos that I watched no less than 50 times on YouTube, laughing hysterically every time. I love animals, but I also enjoy seeing a snobby cat get put in its place once in a while. So, watching a mittened meower clumsily navigate its way across Charlie's coffee table only to take a header off the edge (who says cats always land on their feet?) was quite a treat...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Project Runway Picks The Final 3

Last night's Project Runway featured the last challenge before the Final 3 head to Bryant Park.

The top of the episode showed Althea wimping out from saying anything to Irina, who tried her hardest to throw Althea under the bus last week. Meanwhile, Irina lounged in bed, wearing an expression that says, "I secretly replaced all the designers' coffee with cyanide crystals," and talked about how honest and real she is. She claimed that she would never say anything behind anyone's back that she wouldn't say to their faces. Hmm. If this challenge had been to design a dress of lies, Irina would have had it all sewn up...Continue on to Starpulse for the full recap!

Forgotten Classic Video of the Week

2009-11-05T23:57:00.001-05:00

It comes as a shock to me that I haven't posted this week's vid before, because it's one of my favorite songs of the '80s and, maddeningly, one that a lot of people don't seem to remember despite how popular it was back in 1985. Turn your speakers up to 11, go tell 'em Scotland's free, and immerse yourself in the epic fabulousness of Simple Minds' "Alive and Kicking." Don't you forget about this song.

Eye Boogers

2009-11-04T17:47:00.005-05:00

Like the goop that's always accumulating in the corners of our eyes, the following items are curiously fascinating:

Adam Lambert, Single: Yay! Adam Lambert's Single: Boo! - In this week's Idol-related news, Madame "I'm Not Bisexual But I Play One in the Fan Mags" Glambert recently broke up with his BF Drake LaBry, setting the stage for many "conversion" attempts by misguided, obsessed female fans. And last weekend, his new single, "For Your Entertainment" dropped like a sparkly dingleberry from a unicorn's bum, making quite a splash on radio and the Internet. The bigger splash came from my bitter, disappointed tears upon hearing the bondage fantasy song, a horribly overproduced mish-mash of Britneyesque clichés. Soon after, I came upon Lady GaGa's original demo for the totally fab song she gave Adam, "Fever," and felt a surge of hope. So, I checked out the 30-second samples of every song on the record and went back to feeling meh. And maybe "meh" is being generous. It sounds like all of the original charm has been sucked out of the Lady GaGa song and most of the other tunes are just the same old, generic radio gaga. The Pink song ("Whataya Want From Me") sounds like Pink (whom I normally like), the Ryan Tedder song ("Sleepwalker") sounds like everything else he writes, the Kara DioGuardi tracks ("Strut," "If I Had You") sound like shit (go figure), "Soaked" is like a bad off-off Broadway number, "Sure Fire Winners" is just plain ridonk, and nothing else is even worth mentioning. The only ones I kind of like based on the brief snippets are "Aftermath," even if it is somewhat generic in a combined Kelly Clarkson/David Cook sort of way, and the lead-off track, "Music Again," ONLY because it's essentially a hilarious '80s metal parody, which isn't surprising considering that it was written by The Darkness' Justin Hawkins. Hopefully though, my ability to judge songs on cursory half-minute listens isn't as good as I think it is, and this album will actually have the power to cure hunger and create permanent rainbows, as I originally thought.

Chris Brown Fights Adam Lambert For "Gayest Album Cover Ever" Crown - The cover art for Woman Beater's new record, Graffiti, debuted online on Monday to mixed fan reviews. I'm not really sure what there is to feel "mixed" about, as the cover is just about the dumbest looking thing I've ever seen, next to P. Diddly's face. Chris wasn't too happy about some of the online comments, and is about ready to punch the next person to mock the outer-spacey cover art or question his sexuality (as long as that person is a girl under 5'7"). He's since taken down his Twitter response, "WHO CARES IF MY PANTS R FITTED...IT'S CALLED FASHION," probably because his publicist told him he sounded like a damn fool and/or Kanye threatened to sue for caps-lock messaging infringement. But really, who does care about his pants when he's holding a guitar in the picture? That's what I care about...it's called false advertising.

Rihanna Breaks Her Silence About Chris Brown's Abuse - Ten months after getting beaten up by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna finally talks about it in the December issue of Glamour, as well as in an interview with Diane Sawyer, set to air on tomorrow's GMA and Friday's 20/20. She told Glamour that the positive thing to come out of the incident is that she can now be the voice of battered women everywhere. I suppose that's all very nice, but it seems a bit shady that she's deciding to talk about this now, when she's gearing up to promote her new record. I mean, it's not like anyone expected her to start talking about it the next day, but if she really wanted to help victims of abuse, why would she have kept quiet for nearly a whole year? I don't want to be too cynical, but it's hard not to when the Glamour interviewer follows up one of Rihanna's responses about her "message to women" with this question: "I think that’s a great message. What about your new album? What’s it like?" Niiiiice segue.

Steve Martin And Alec Baldwin Sign On To Host Oscars - I'm all for this pairing and I'm sure it will be great. They're both funny guys. But I can't quite celebrate this news yet. I just need a week or two to get over the fact that Hugh "Best Host Ever" Jackman won't be returning. I suppose that means the Craigslist Dancers won't be back either. *sniff*

Can You Tell Me How To Get To That 40th Anniversary Party? - Hugh Jackman (and Paul Rudd!) will be appearing on Sesame Street this season, as the show celebrates 40 years on TV. The anniversary show, guest-starring Michelle Obama, will air next Tuesday. In honor of this milestone, please enjoy my favorite Sesame Street video ever, the classic "Born to Add" by Bruce Stringbean and the S Street Band. (I mentioned it and my general love of Sesame Street once before in this ancient post.)

And Cookie Monster sez...

"C is for caption contest. Don't forget to enter this month's! Me want funny captions!!"

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

2009-10-30T20:51:00.006-04:00

Look, people. When you don't read and comment on my Starpulse recaps, you shame me. And I don't take kindly to shaming. So, you know, either take a few minutes to check out my write-ups, or spend the next few days having your soul tortured and then eventually get dragged to hell. Your choice.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Recap: "The Gang Wrestles For The Troops"

Project Runway Episode 11 Recap: Eyes On Your Own Designs, Kids!

Breasts Were An Odd Choice

2009-10-30T16:48:00.003-04:00

Really, Amy Winehouse? New boobs were the priority? Couldn't think of anything else that needed fixing?

Forgotten Classic Video(s) of the Week

2009-10-29T13:37:00.001-04:00

Since I forgot to post last week's forgotten classic (oh, the irony), I'm doubling up this week, once again breaking pop cultural rules by offering a two-fer on a Thursday instead of Tuesday. Relax. The fabric of the universe is NOT unraveling.

I was actually worried I wouldn't have one vid to post this week, let alone two, because I realized I pretty much burned all the Halloween-themed videos in years past and, after doing this every week for the past three years, opening the old vault is proving much more difficult. Luckily, a friend on Facebook mentioned Sheena Easton and I rejoiced. Sheena was one of my childhood idols, right up there with ONJ. So, today I'm featuring two clips from very different periods in her career.

This first one is "The Lover in Me," which sticks out in my mind because of that awesome red dress she wore, not to mention the slutty opera gloves and totally '80s half updo. This is from her "sexy vixen" period, after Prince had gotten his hands on her and dirtied her all up. If you're wondering why I didn't post, say, "Sugar Walls," there is a simple answer for that: it is probably one of the dumbest songs I've ever heard in my life. Oooh, it's about her vagina! Whoop-dee-doo. I'm sure it was meant to be risqué, but it's just ridönk.

Up next is a song from Sheena's "girl-next-door" period, 1983's "Telefone (Long Distance Love Affair)." I chose this one for two reasons: 1) I used to sing the shit out of it when I was little, and 2) The video features some classic movie monsters, which makes it Halloween-appropriate.

By the way, you might notice that both vids come from Dailymotion instead of YouTube. The growing trend of disabling the embedding feature on YouTube is really starting to piss me off. You know, it's not like people are downloading these vids or passing them off as their own. I can't understand why record labels would want to keep people from posting videos on their blogs and websites. I guess the free publicity that it generates for their artists is really annoying.

A Place Where Adam Lambert Dared To Go: It's Called A Xanadon't

2009-10-28T02:10:00.006-04:00

So, Glambert unveiled his utterly ridonk album cover yesterday. I can't quite form a coherent critique of it, but many things run through my mind when I look at it. Things like...

Holy shit. I had no idea that Glamour Shots was still in business.
Was it "Bring Your Child To Work Day" at the graphic design studio? And do the graphic designers interpret that as "Let Your Child Do Your Work Day?"
Can you buy retinal brushes over the counter?
Daddy, why is he so much prettier than me?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *sigh* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I guess people will stop asking if he's gay now. Because that's gayer than the Village People having an orgy with a bunch of Cher impersonators on a pink float driven by Liza Minelli.

Putting The "Tricks" Back in Tricks and Treats

2009-10-27T13:00:00.001-04:00

My love for Halloween has been on somewhat of a steady decline ever since it devolved into Night of the Living Whorebags. I've still managed to get some enjoyment out of this pagan holiday by elbowing my way through the sea of sluts that flood the streets, but things are starting to get way out of hand. It's one thing for college-aged sluts to masquerade as, well, other sluts, but it's quite another for the kiddies to get in on the act.

If you look to the left, you'll see Miley Cyrus's nine-year-old sister, Noah, and friend at a recent Halloween party dressed as...I don't know...a zombie dominatrix and every parent's own private hell?

I suppose we shouldn't be surprised that Billy Ray Cyrus lets his kid walk out of the house looking like that, considering that he defended Miley's stripper pole routine and is nuthin' but proud of her increasingly racy magazine photos. And celebrities have a skewed view of the world in general, so if it were just famous people's kids using Halloween as an excuse to tramp it up, I could probably let it go. But it's not, so I can't.

The New York Post ran a story earlier this month about parents' concerns over the proliferation of trashy kids' costumes on sale. Party City was singled out as a store that happily sells outfits for tweens and younger with names like "High Seas Hottie" and "Convict Cutie." Unsurprisingly, a Party City manager kicked out the reporter who went in to ask about the jailbait gear.

Seriously, check out the kids' section of the Party City online catalog. If there is any question that the intention of these costumes is to sexualize young girls, the Jon Benet-esque makeup on the models will erase all doubt.

And if there are any ladies out there who want to tell me that I'm overreacting or being a prude, and you feel perfectly fine about letting your kids slut it up for Halloween because it's "just one night," you go right ahead. And then let me know what it's like to be a grandmother at 40.

Sonic Sunday: The Halloween Mixx

2009-10-25T23:48:00.006-04:00

The "Halloween-ish" edition of Sonic Sunday was merely to get you in a proper autumnal mood, but with Halloween nearly here, it's time for the real deal. Whether you're a fan of the campy or creepy, there's something in this mix for everyone.

Tales From the Crypt Theme, Danny Elfman

"Monster Mash," Bobby "Boris" Pickett - I was working in the lab late one night/When my eyes beheld an eerie sight/For my monster from his slab began to rise/And suddenly to my surprise/He did the mash/He did the monster mash

"The Time Warp," Richard O'Brien - With a bit of a mind flip/You're into the time slip/And nothing can ever be the same/You're spaced out on sensation/Like you're under sedation/Let's do the Time Warp again

"Pet Sematary," The Ramones - Under the arc of weather-stained boards/Ancient goblins, and warlords/Come out the ground, not making a sound/The smell of death is all around/And the night when the cold wind blows/No one cares, nobody knows

"Furnace Room Lullaby," Neko Case - I'm wrapped in the depths of these deeds that have made me/I can't bring a sound from my head though I try/I can't seem to find my way up from the basement/A demon holds my place on earth 'til I die

"Ave Santini" (The Omen Theme), Jerry Goldsmith

"Cry Little Sister," Gerard McMann - A last fire will rise behind those eyes/Black house will rock, blind boys don't lie/Immortal fear, that voice so clear/Through broken walls, that scream I hear

"Dream Warriors," Dokken - I lie awake and dread the lonely nights/I'm not alone/I wonder if these heavy eyes can face the unknown

"Devil Woman," Cliff Muthahumpin' Richard - Crystal ball on the table/Showing the future, the past/Same cat with them evil eyes/You'd better get out of there fast

"Werewolves of London," Warren Zevon - If you hear him howling around your kitchen door/Better not let him in/Little old lady got mutilated late last night/Werewolves of London again

The Munsters Theme, Los Straitjackets

"Fright Night," J. Geils Band - Fright Night (Fright Night)/Who's it gonna be tonight?/Lock your doors and windows tight/Soon you'll all believe I'm right/We're all in for a most frightening night

"I Was A Teenage Werewolf," The Cramps - A Midwest monster of the highest grade/All my teachers thought it was growing pains/Oh, no, no/Somebody stop this pain

"Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)," Concrete Blonde - There's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on the bed/Oh, you were a vampire and baby I'm the walking dead

Halloween Theme, John Carpenter

"Halloween," The Misfits - Candy apples and razor blades/Little dead are soon in graves/I remember Halloween/This day anything goes/Burning bodies hanging from poles/I remember Halloween

"Bela Lugosi's Dead," Bauhaus - The bats have left the bell tower/The victims have been bled/Red velvet lines the black box/Bela Lugosi's dead

The Twilight Zone Theme, Marius Constant

"(Everday Is) Halloween," Ministry - Well any time, any place, anywhere that I go/All the people seem to stop and stare/They say 'Why are you dressed like it's Halloween?/You look so absurd, you look so obscene'

"Thriller," Michael Jackson - It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark/Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart/You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it/You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes/You're paralyzed

All of this great music can be purchased at Amazon:

Recaps! Get Yer Recaps Heeee-ah!

2009-10-24T23:12:00.002-04:00

This is the part where I nicely ask you to go leave me comments over on my Starpulse TV recaps, and then you chuckle warmly and mutter "screw that" under your breath. You really don't have to mutter, you know. I can't hear you through the computer.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Recap: "The World Series Defense"

Project Runway Episode 10 Recap: Globe-Trotting in Style

Things I Want Thursday

2009-10-22T19:20:00.004-04:00

So, I've finally decided to play along with this feature, hosted by Sass at Are You Sassified? I'm not sure if I will play along every week, but seeing as how I'm feeling a little uninspired these days, a bit of fill-in-the-blanks blogging sounds like a good plan. And this is a much easier theme to bend to my format than the very popular "TMI Thursday." (Sorry for all of you who were hoping to finally learn about my inopportune bouts of projectile vomiting or hilarious menstrual mishaps.)

So, here we go. This week, I want:

1. Pearl Jam to announce some NYC tour dates. Seriously. What the hell is going on? This is still the center of the universe, right?

2. That "Kittens Inspired By Kittens" girl to be my daughter. (Here she is being awesome again, explaining WWII. Someone should make her version into a movie.) She would be the best kind of daughter, because she's cute, already has a well-developed sense of humor, and I wouldn't have to push her out of my vagina. Would anyone like to help me kidnap her? Or, if that's too extreme, are there any lawyers out there who could somehow talk her real mom into striking me a deal where I at least get to have her on weekends and holidays?

3. Rock Band. Are you listening, family? Christmas is coming!!

4. To clarify that last statement. By "Rock Band," I mean the regular Rock Band, not LEGO Rock Band. What on earth is that? Why did anyone think that the world needed a Rock Band starring LEGO versions of musicians?

5. A LEGO Damon Albarn. If they make the actual LEGO figures, and they're not just avatars for the Rock Band game, I wouldn't mind having one to, you know, play with. The LEGO Damon doesn't do the real one justice, but I guess I can't expect much from a LEGO. But I do expect some accuracy. I mean, whatever EA schlub created Damon's likeness must be color blind because he doesn't have green eyes. I suppose sometimes they do look green, but they're blue. Beautiful, beautiful blue. The Dave Rowntree and Alex James LEGOs are pretty dead on, but Graham Coxon just kind of looks like Harry Potter. (As far as the non-Blur LEGOs go, Iggy Pop looks pretty damn awesome, David Bowie looks more like Peter Noone - except for the mismatched eyes, and Freddie Mercury is a weird cross between Tony Orlando and one of the Mario Brothers.)

6. Someone to nominate me for What Not to Wear. Damn, I need new clothes.

Negelecting Y'All Like I'm Britney Spears And Yer My Young'uns

2009-10-21T10:54:00.004-04:00

I realize that my blog claims to serve up useless stuff DAILY, yet I haven't posted since Sunday (and that was kind of a half-assed video post). I'm sorry, people. And I'm sorry that I haven't been around to many of your blogs lately either. I miss you all dearly. But I think I'm suffering from some rare form of Epstein Barr that only affects my energy level when faced with the prospect of writing about pop culture nonsense.

I had a small existential crisis last week. As part of my new gig with Celeb Love, I had to write about a certain reality TV (ex) duo that I promised myself I would never cover. (I still won't mention them on my own blog, but their names rhyme with Yawn and Hate.) But I guess that's what happens when someone's paying you to write - you can't always write what you want. But if you try sometimes, you'll find you get what you need. Like, today I got to do a funny post about Jennifer Aniston supposedly drunk dialing Brad Pitt. And tomorrow - well, tomorrow I get to write about Adam Lambert. So, yeah...what was I bitching about before?

The new gig has been fun, but between that and my Starpulse duties, I guess I've been experiencing a bit of entertainment overload. That must be why I've been slacking on my own blog.

No, no, that can't be it. I could never get tired of this pop culture rubbish. It's gotta be the dreaded day job. I need to find a way to get rid of that without going completely broke.

Anyway, just wanted to pop in to let everyone know I'm still alive and that I'm sorry I've been a bad blogger. To make it up to you, here is a great vid that was passed on to me by the blogger formerly known as Falwless. This little girl is amazing. I think I would like to have kids, but only if they're this cool and hilarious. (And let's be honest, with my genes, that's pretty damn likely.)

In Lieu of Sonic Sunday...

2009-10-18T23:49:00.002-04:00

Here is a video that my brother, J-Fred, requested to pay tribute to Captain Lou Albano, who died last week.